June 4, 2025 • 26 mins
You don’t have to quit drinking to start changing your relationship with alcohol. In this episode, I share why the process might already be working in your favor—even if it doesn’t look like it yet. I talk about what’s been helping me lately: from gut health and hormone shifts to the supplement that’s actually making a difference. Plus, the one mindset shift that changes everything: asking yourself what you’re really reaching for before the drink.
Takeaways:
- Why mindset is only half the story
- How physical support (like healing your gut and regulating hormones) can reduce cravings
- The supplement that helped stabilize my moods
- How to shift from black-and-white thinking to real progress
- The question that puts you back in control—without needing to be “perfect”
Give your body a chance to balance and optimize your efforts:
Check out Amare! This is the exact "happy juice" I was on in this episode! LOL. Get $10 your first order, applied directly at check out. Apply code happcup at check out, for a free Happy Juice Glass!
Remember is a monthly live women’s circle held close to the full moon in honor of our fullest expression and wholeness. Hosted live on zoom the first Thursday of each month at 5pm PST. It's completely free and yes, you belong. Register Here for the link to join.
DISCLAIMER: This podcast and its contents are not a substitute for rehabilitation, medical treatment or advice. It is for educational and inspirational purposes. I am not a therapist or doctor. The views here are expressed a personal opinion and based on first hand experience. Please consult a doctor if your mental or physical health is at risk.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Mary Wagstaff (00:02):
Foreign Welcome to stop drinking and start
living the feminine way. I'myour hostess. Mary Wagstaff,
holistic alcohol coach andfeminine embodiment guide here
to help you effortlessly releasealcohol by reclaiming your
feminine essence. Sobriety isn'tjust about quitting drinking,
it's about removing thedistortions that keep you
(00:25):
disconnected, overwhelmed andstuck in cycles of numbing. Each
week, I'll share powerful tools,new perspectives that transform
and deeply relatable stories tohelp you step into the power
pleasure and purpose that it isto be a woman. This is your next
evolution of awakenedempowerment. Welcome to the
(00:47):
feminine way. Welcome back tothe show, my beautiful
listeners, wherever you are inthe world and whatever is going
on for you, and no matter howmuch maybe confusion or pain you
might be experiencing in life. Iwant you to know that you still
have available to you theopportunity to be in gratitude,
(01:12):
to be in possibility, because ifyou've made it here this far,
that is a sign that things haveworked out in your favor. I want
you to sit and think about thatfor a minute. If you have made
it here, things have worked outin your favor. If you can get up
and go for a walk, things areworking out in your favor. If
you can listen to this and wehave freedom of speech, things
(01:36):
are working out in our favor. Ihave been in a state where I
have almost, you know, it's likethe paradox of choice. This
abundance of possibility, right?
Is confusion about our purposein life is really a privileged
problem, you know? So we get totake a step back and ask, What
would bring me the most joy?
(01:59):
What would bring me, ultimatelythe most freedom, and then we
can take action from that place,I recently started taking a
product from a company calledAmari, a m, A R, E, and it is
this product called happy juice.
It's actually the combination ofa gut health product, which I've
been working on my entire life.
(02:22):
So it's a prebiotic, a probioticand a phytobiotic, and then
there's also a nootropic. Andyou mix them together, it's this
delicious morning drink. And Ican't tell you, I have been
looking for a supplementcompany, and I have a couple
months back, I had been sharingwith you magic mind. And it just
(02:43):
wasn't cutting it. It felt moreof like a novelty, kind of it
was great, but it felt moreinstead of it being an actual
Mental Health Wellnesssupplement, it, it felt like,
um, like I said, kind of anovelty or not, something that I
(03:04):
wanted to have as part of myneeded, as part of my daily
regimen. And so I've been in thewellness industry for over 20
years, mental health, physicalhealth, and I have always been
on the tip of you know whatpeople are trying different
tools, different modalities. Andit really hasn't only been until
(03:25):
the last few years that I'vebeen really working on my gut
health, and especially afterremoving alcohol. You know, our
every system of our body iscompletely impacted by this and
so, but in the last 18 months,especially, I've noticed my own
cycle. I just turned 44 thisyear, in 2025 and because
(03:48):
cyclical tracking is a was ahuge part of my sobriety
journey. It's something that Iteach inside of the sobriety
starter kit, and it's somethingI work with my one on one
clients very, very closely on ischarting our cycle. Well, I've
been doing that diligently forthe last six years, my whole
cycle, right? It's not just thedays we're bleeding. So as I
have stepped into some hormonalshifting, I've really been able
(04:14):
to notice it kind of from aneutral place, and trying to
have some sort of understandingcyclically, of like, what can I
expect? So, for example, theluteal phase, which is the last
part of our phase, where ourhormones really shift before we
start bleeding, when we'regetting prepared to shed our
uterine lining. That used tohappen for me, you know, day 22
(04:37):
I would start to really kind ofsee it, and then by the time I
was bleeding, I was feeling morebalanced. Well, now it's much
earlier. It's pike day, 1617, Iget really tired. I get angry.
If I'm if I'm triggered, I getangry. And what I have to know
is that it's okay for me to takea break. It's okay for me to
even take a quick nap in themiddle of the day, if I have the
(04:59):
availability. That, and I caneven schedule it in now that I
know, but because we're sobombarded with so much
information all the time, weagain, we start off with this
paradox of choice. We have somany things we can do,
possibilities of who we can be,right. We have to be the keepers
of our priorities, the keepersof our values and why things are
(05:23):
important to us. And know well,we don't need one more thing to
get there. We actually just needto prioritize and really honor
the commitments that we make toourselves in order to achieve
and align with that value.
Again, something I teach insideof my programs. So but we also
have our human we have a body wework with, and that's why I talk
about holistic alcohol coaching,because we can try to change our
(05:45):
mindset all we want, but if ourbody is changing and shifting,
and we're not attending to thatas far as nutrition or even just
observing it, and this is amindset thing, but observing it
from, you know, more of acompassionate, curious
perspective about like, Hey,what's going on here? Instead of
like, oh my gosh, I'm just soexhausted. I have brain fog,
(06:05):
making it a problem, making itanother complaint, right? That
then feels like it's out of ourcontrol. Well, we want to figure
out how we can support that. Andso something I think that can
happen so many of my clients,and if you're listening to this,
are wellness advocates forthemselves. They're very
interested in optimizing theirhealth, and they've lived very
healthy lifestyles. It's likealcohol is the one thing that's
(06:28):
not in alignment with this,right? I like to move. I like to
eat. Well, a lot. I work with alot of yogis. I work with a lot
of meditation people, a lot ofpeople that are already know
about mindset, and if you don't,that's okay too. But most people
want to be healthy, want tooptimize their efforts. And so
the one thing that I alwayslacked in a little bit was
(06:50):
understanding nutrition andsupplements, and it's such a
wide wild west out there when itcomes to information that you
can just get so overwhelmed. Andwhen I had a really big gut
issue last summer where,basically, I, like, was
constipated for months. I mean,it was awful. There was a
supplement I took. I got theinformation on the internet,
(07:12):
right. And I do believe inconsulting with a physician or
consulting with, you know, ahealthcare professional for sure
about these things. But we alsohave to tune into our own bodies
and what works for us, because alot of times it's like, take an
antibiotic. Well, I knew thatwasn't the issue for me, and I
actually did a lot of emotionalintimacy work, a lot of inner
child work that really did healthis. I was holding a lot of
(07:34):
emotional things. Part of it wasbusy, you know, part of it was
the actual supplement that Itook slowed down my digestion to
a crawl, because it was aparasite, like a dewormer.
That's a whole other podcast. SoI've been on this journey to to
really work with figure out thesupplements that I don't have to
(07:56):
take 100 a day, but take whatreally are optimizing my
efforts? Because if I don't knowif you know this about me, but I
am very active. I have had, Ihave been in the fitness and
movement industry for over 25years, really, since I was eight
years old. My mom used to takeme to the gym with her. I grow
my own food. I optimize myhealth. I eat really cleanly as
much as possible. But I'm notrestrictive.
Unknown (08:20):
You know, I have a piece of pizza when I want it,
but
Mary Wagstaff (08:24):
I sleep is important, and so when I'm when
I'm not, when I'm my digestionis off, and I'm like, Wow, I
feel really uncomfortable myclothes, and here I'm walking
and going to the gym and doingall these things, and yet I feel
gross, like, that sucks, Right?
And that's just a physicalsensation, especially if I'm not
going to the bathroom. Also, youknow, not healthy. So anyway,
(08:44):
fast forward the podcast that Ishared with you all. That was
the interview that I wasinterviewed on the truth about
mental wellness with AndreaClark. She didn't even approach
me, but I knew she had beeninvolved with this company
called Amari, and I startedseeing it on the internet, this
(09:05):
drink called happy juice. Soit's a combination of a
nootropic for mental clarity,and then the gut, the gut, brain
health, these two powders thatyou combine into this delicious
drink and, holy crap. And soI've been really working on my
sleep, making sure I'm gettingat least access to seven hours
of sleep, if not eight. This isreally optimal, because I am
(09:28):
working out most mornings. Butlast night, I happened to be up
late and I woke up early. I didlay back down, and just like
listened to some body relaxationmeditations, which is also a
really good tip, if you can't goback to sleep, at least, just
stay relaxed. Stay out of yourhead. I took my happy juice this
morning. This is only day two. Iwent to the gym, and I was like,
(09:51):
I'm having you know, I'm workingon a lot of things in my life.
As you know, I just crushed myfirst DJ set that was live, you
know, a big, my big, my firstbig, out public event that
wasn't just my own. We have thefarm. We're opening a farm
(10:11):
stand. I'm coaching, I'mcreating content. I've got the
podcast. I'm a mom to a nineyear old who I love to be with.
And you know, there I'm teachingyoga, there's a lot going on, so
I have to stay organized. Andsometimes I get overwhelmed and
I get confused, and I'm like, doI want to just throw it all
away? Right? No, of course not.
(10:34):
And I believe, with mypersonality type, that I can, I
can hand do all of these things,and again, that's about honoring
my priorities and making surethat the dishes in the sink
aren't a problem, or whatever itis, is not a problem. I just got
off of a coaching call formyself today. I just want you
(10:55):
guys to know I have had a coach,if not multiple coaches. It is
the best investment you couldever have. Everyone always needs
access to a coach to help yousee your mind, to help you see
where you can make a little bitof a tweak. It's I don't even
know what I would do. And wewent in, and she helped me make
a plan, and it was just wasn't aproblem. And at the same time, I
(11:17):
also got to pull out all of thethings that I have been doing
well all of the changes I havemade, and give myself props,
right? So we really look atwhat's working, what's not
working, and what we want to dodifferently. And that's the
beauty of coaching too. Isalways like, how is it already
working for you? And that's whyI started the show, saying, if
you've made it here, life isworking out in your favor. It
(11:38):
really is. And you have to bewilling to take that mindset and
say, Yeah, life is working outin my favor. I've got food on
the table tonight, so how can Ido it different tomorrow, so
that I can step into alignmentwith who I want to
Unknown (11:52):
be? So I wasn't tired.
I also changed
Mary Wagstaff (11:56):
the way I'm working out a little bit too,
where I'm not doing these crazy,long workouts, and I think I'm
actually getting better resultsbecause of it, because I was
working with a personal trainer,and I'm working on my own now.
So anyway, the personal trainerwas great. I learned so much,
but my my goals are a little bitdifferent. Now. I'm not I'm not
working out to build as much tocompete. So anyway, but my mood,
(12:23):
my outlook, I was like, yeah,there's still some decisions I
want to make about some of thestuff I'm doing. But man, look
at where I'm at. Like, I get toget get up, go for this
beautiful walk. I take thislittle coffee walk. I park my
car at the gym, and then I go onthis 30 minute walk. There's a
little hill. I always see deer.
We have all of these beautifulplateaus around us in the
Columbia Gorge. Then I get to gowork out in this safe
(12:45):
environment where I feel reallycomfortable being in the weight
room, like the people are sonice there. And then I get to go
home and coach my clients andhave a meeting with Matthew and
get coached myself. Like, whatam I complaining about what a
terrible problem to have thatI'm confused about. The next
offering that I want to offeryou guys, right? Like it's
(13:05):
perspective, but this, there wassomething about this happy juice
that really felt like it kickedin. And I'm also taking a
hormone product, so it's ahormone for her, and it is
helping me regulate, you know,these hormones, but it's also
like an in the mood thing. And Ihave Matthews taking the one for
him, and he more. So we're doinga 30 day happy juice challenge,
(13:26):
and he's also taking the otherhormone balance, and we're just
going to check in every day andshare some of it in our stories
about, you know, what's goingon. So if you want to know more
about Amari, follow my stories,and I do have a link that will
give you $10 off your firstorder. I say, jump in and buy
the happy juice pack and try itfor yourself, because right
(13:48):
away, my desire for coffee inthe morning was less. I woke up
much quicker, which I do get uppretty easily in the mornings
anyway. But I'm just tellingyou, I feel freaking amazing.
And what I like about it isit's, it is a mental wellness
company, right? So their focusis, how can we use supplements
(14:08):
that support the mind? Right?
Because there is such a mind. Weknow there's a mind body
connection, and theirtestimonials are out insane.
They're amazing for all thepeople that are, you know,
continuous customers. And I feelso glad to have found something,
(14:33):
and I'm, you know, who knows howit'll all pan out, but I right
now, I feel freaking amazing,and I just like the idea of a
company that has a system thatis all in one place. They even
have hair care products and allsorts of stuff. They partner
with some other brands, and thena person that I can talk to
about the products as well if Ineed something else. They also
(14:54):
have kid products for kids thatmaybe have some attention stuff.
And it's, you know. It's allnatural. These aren't drugs.
They are supplements that areworking with the gut and with
the mind to help rebalance ourhormones, to help our systems
and our nervous systems workmore effectively. And that just
feels like I'm taking controlwhere I can. And so my point is,
(15:18):
too, is that when we're needingit's hard to create, sometimes,
a mindset shift when we havebrain fog, when our hormones are
out of whack, when we can't getthe sleep that we need. So we
have to take care of our basicneeds first. And I think finding
something that's a trustedsupplement, that's your
consistent way, that you canstick to one thing that you can
(15:40):
actually say, How does thisreally work? Maybe it's just a
probiotic, right? Because weknow how much our gut health
affects our brain health, andthat's why, you know, we can,
like, if I eat a bowl of icecream before bed, I will wake up
feeling like I'm hungover, in areally bad mood, right? And that
is because of, you know, it'snot saying I'll never have ice
(16:01):
cream, but especially if I do itright before bed, I will feel
like crap the next day, 100% andthis is why this podcast episode
is about taking your last sipisn't the First step how we can
actually begin our sober journeywhile we're drinking. I just got
(16:25):
off the call with a client. Wastalking about all the awareness
that she was generate,generating from learning how to
be in the witness, learning howto take the compassionate
curiosity approach and alsousing her values in alignment
with how she's looking at hersober journey, right? That it
(16:46):
doesn't have to be cold turkey,because what happens? And this
does. There's a lot of peoplethat come here and they stop
drinking, and they have enoughevidence that they're like, Oh
my God, thank God, I never haveto drink again. They're they
know, right? But a lot of timeswhen you quit drinking, even
when you're learning about it,it's like, there's this elusive
delusion that's still overthere. And it's like, Well, is
(17:06):
it that, right? But when youstart to drink less, and you
apply the tools, and we'retalking about it all the time,
and you're engaging with thecontent all the time, you're
like, oh, wow, right? You seethe reality. You see the
validity of your thoughts andhow they're not actually true.
You start to really tune intothe sensations in your body. In
(17:27):
the last week's episode, youstart to really look at desire
versus attachment. It's like, Idon't even want to drink right
now, but it's just what I do.
It's just how I've identified.
And so what I'm going to talkabout on next week's episode is,
are you really bored, or are youresisting pleasure? Right?
Because that is the biggestthing, and this is the part of
(17:48):
the feminine way of how, aswomen, we've really chalked our
worth up to productivity, todoing, and how alcohol actually
gives us permission to relax,right? So you can start this
journey today in the sobrietystarter kit, but you can also
(18:09):
start it with one question ofcuriosity and just simply
asking, what is this drink goingto do for me? Why? Why is this
important to me? Why do I wantthat? And you and then you want
to keep asking, Why, right? Andthis is and when you when you
(18:29):
don't become abstinent whileyou're beginning your sobriety
journey, and you become curious,and you start to take a
different approach, and you slowdown the process, and you take a
step back to become an observerof the habit, right, instead of
it just being habitual, and thisknee jerk reaction, these other
(18:50):
things that I'm talking aboutwith noticing what your body
needs, noticing your cyclicalnature, asking, What does my
body really need right now? Andactually tuning into the
sensations, you can start tosee, oh, it's not the drink,
right? I know it wasn't ever thedrink that I that I needed. It
wasn't even the drink thatcreated the hangover, right? It
(19:13):
was my resistance to relaxation.
It was my inability to givemyself permission. It was
needing external validation,whatever it is, I was thirsty, I
was dehydrated, right? And thenif you do add on some, some sort
of protocol that can kind ofhelp expedite that, right now,
(19:33):
if you're drinking the thingsaren't going to work as well,
right? So say you take aprobiotic, it's not going to
work as well, but you can startwith one thing like, what's the
one thing I know? If I changewould change everything? And for
so many people, that's alcohol,and that's why you're here. But
maybe you add on an extra hourof sleep, right? Maybe you drink
(19:54):
two glasses of water in themorning before you have your
coffee. Maybe you put. Phoneaway an hour before you go to
bed, and you get away from theblue light and you write your
gratitudes for the day. That's areally powerful practice.
So this is all of the reasonsall of that leading up to this
(20:16):
was to say we are holisticbeings. There is not a
separation between just ourmind, just our body, just our
spirit, just our heart. It allworks together and when we're
drinking and those systems areoff. Yes, they are much easier
to get back into balance. Butwhat I have witnessed firsthand,
for myself and for my clients isthat we can use supplementation
(20:37):
or other lifestyle habits tohelp support the process,
because we have to have clarityof mind, right? I remember
working with someone who was soanxious that she was like, I
don't even know what my valuesare like. I don't even know how
to start looking at that. Sowe're all starting from a
different place, and that'swhere we have to take a step
(20:58):
back and to be able to work withwhere we're at, instead of it
being this, like a to zprotocol, right? And there's
still awareness, right? There'sawareness of anxiety. Okay,
well, when does the anxietyhappen more frequently? Like,
what's happening in yoursituation? And then we can talk
about the thoughts about that,and it's like, Okay, what's one
way we can start to, you know,take a step back from this
(21:22):
anxiety. What are some of thepractical solutions we can take
because if you're not gettingsalt right, electrolytes to your
brain, it's not going to workright if you're completely
dehydrated. So water is a firststep, water and sleep like our
basic needs, and this is allgoing to help you in the
process. So this is why mypractice is holistic alcohol
(21:45):
coaching, because I consider thewhole woman, and most
importantly, who you are today,different from who you were when
you started drinking, differentfrom who you were when it wasn't
a problem, right? Not that youhave a problem, but even the you
have probably getting, beengetting the same results of that
from alcohol since you've beendrinking. I know I was getting I
(22:05):
was hungover when I was 22 and Iwas hungover when I was 32
right? None of that changed, butthe impact of it had was a
bigger impact because of whatmatters to me now, what's
important to me now, what mygoals are now, who I am now, and
we have to give ourselvespermission to change and take
that step back. So I want you toremind yourself, and this isn't
(22:27):
permission to like moderatenecessarily. It's permission to
and there's no rules aroundthat, right, maybe moderation
for you becomes more easeful. Idon't coach on moderation
because I think in the end,we're still using alcohol to
solve a problem you can solve onyour own, right, but I'm not
going to say that it's wrong,right? If, if there's something
(22:49):
a way that you figure figurethat out, so you can
circumstantially have embodiedevidence that you that you are
in a circumstance where youwould normally drink, and then
you don't, right? And then thenext time gets easier. And
that's why I don't believe incounting days, and that's why I
don't believe you have to gocold turkey or abstinence to
start this journey, especiallyif you're incorporating coaching
(23:12):
around it, because you're goingto get that weekly evaluation to
really look at what worked andwhat didn't, and what do I want
to do different, and how you'rereally examining your thoughts.
And that is the impact ofcoaching, where we get to
celebrate every single week.
Because without that, I don'tknow if I would celebrate
myself. Now, I know how to do aself evaluation, and I am. I
have incorporated the habitright of self coaching, of
(23:37):
looking at what's working oflooking at okay, if I made it
this far, things are working outin my favor. This is, you know,
your new thought for the week,and then okay, but from this
place now of feeling groundedand nothing's gone wrong, and
not that I'm in an emergencystate. Now, how do I want to
move forward with choice, withcontrol, with clarity, and
(23:59):
ultimately, with love, have anamazing week, and check the link
for the show notes for Amari ifyou want to go check it out. And
also get on a one on one callwith me where we can talk about
where you're at specifically, soI can help you see the next best
step for you, and maybe one onone coaching is that I'll talk
(24:20):
to you soon. The days of whiteknuckling your way through an
urge are over. No moredistracting yourself, no more
avoiding alcohol, no moreresisting. And I am not
exaggerating when I say thatdoing this one thing for five
minutes will change not only howsuccessful you are in drinking
less, but how much you will loveyour alcohol free life. You are
(24:42):
going to feel so good. So comeon over to my website or follow
the link right here in the shownotes to grab the free urge
guide that gives you the exactcheat codes to use to find
relief without a drink. And thebest part is no debor.
Motivation, no missing outrequired. I'll see you over.
Mary Wagstaff, coach.com you.
Foreign Welcome to stop drinking and start
living the feminine way. I'myour hostess. Mary Wagstaff,
holistic alcohol coach andfeminine embodiment guide here
to help you effortlessly releasealcohol by reclaiming your
feminine essence. Sobriety isn'tjust about quitting drinking,
it's about removing thedistortions that keep you
(00:25):
disconnected, overwhelmed andstuck in cycles of numbing. Each
week, I'll share powerful tools,new perspectives that transform
and deeply relatable stories tohelp you step into the power
pleasure and purpose that it isto be a woman. This is your next
evolution of awakenedempowerment. Welcome to the
(00:47):
feminine way. Welcome back tothe show, my beautiful
listeners, wherever you are inthe world and whatever is going
on for you, and no matter howmuch maybe confusion or pain you
might be experiencing in life. Iwant you to know that you still
have available to you theopportunity to be in gratitude,
(01:12):
to be in possibility, because ifyou've made it here this far,
that is a sign that things haveworked out in your favor. I want
you to sit and think about thatfor a minute. If you have made
it here, things have worked outin your favor. If you can get up
and go for a walk, things areworking out in your favor. If
you can listen to this and wehave freedom of speech, things
(01:36):
are working out in our favor. Ihave been in a state where I
have almost, you know, it's likethe paradox of choice. This
abundance of possibility, right?
Is confusion about our purposein life is really a privileged
problem, you know? So we get totake a step back and ask, What
would bring me the most joy?
(01:59):
What would bring me, ultimatelythe most freedom, and then we
can take action from that place,I recently started taking a
product from a company calledAmari, a m, A R, E, and it is
this product called happy juice.
It's actually the combination ofa gut health product, which I've
been working on my entire life.
(02:22):
So it's a prebiotic, a probioticand a phytobiotic, and then
there's also a nootropic. Andyou mix them together, it's this
delicious morning drink. And Ican't tell you, I have been
looking for a supplementcompany, and I have a couple
months back, I had been sharingwith you magic mind. And it just
(02:43):
wasn't cutting it. It felt moreof like a novelty, kind of it
was great, but it felt moreinstead of it being an actual
Mental Health Wellnesssupplement, it, it felt like,
um, like I said, kind of anovelty or not, something that I
(03:04):
wanted to have as part of myneeded, as part of my daily
regimen. And so I've been in thewellness industry for over 20
years, mental health, physicalhealth, and I have always been
on the tip of you know whatpeople are trying different
tools, different modalities. Andit really hasn't only been until
(03:25):
the last few years that I'vebeen really working on my gut
health, and especially afterremoving alcohol. You know, our
every system of our body iscompletely impacted by this and
so, but in the last 18 months,especially, I've noticed my own
cycle. I just turned 44 thisyear, in 2025 and because
(03:48):
cyclical tracking is a was ahuge part of my sobriety
journey. It's something that Iteach inside of the sobriety
starter kit, and it's somethingI work with my one on one
clients very, very closely on ischarting our cycle. Well, I've
been doing that diligently forthe last six years, my whole
cycle, right? It's not just thedays we're bleeding. So as I
have stepped into some hormonalshifting, I've really been able
(04:14):
to notice it kind of from aneutral place, and trying to
have some sort of understandingcyclically, of like, what can I
expect? So, for example, theluteal phase, which is the last
part of our phase, where ourhormones really shift before we
start bleeding, when we'regetting prepared to shed our
uterine lining. That used tohappen for me, you know, day 22
(04:37):
I would start to really kind ofsee it, and then by the time I
was bleeding, I was feeling morebalanced. Well, now it's much
earlier. It's pike day, 1617, Iget really tired. I get angry.
If I'm if I'm triggered, I getangry. And what I have to know
is that it's okay for me to takea break. It's okay for me to
even take a quick nap in themiddle of the day, if I have the
(04:59):
availability. That, and I caneven schedule it in now that I
know, but because we're sobombarded with so much
information all the time, weagain, we start off with this
paradox of choice. We have somany things we can do,
possibilities of who we can be,right. We have to be the keepers
of our priorities, the keepersof our values and why things are
(05:23):
important to us. And know well,we don't need one more thing to
get there. We actually just needto prioritize and really honor
the commitments that we make toourselves in order to achieve
and align with that value.
Again, something I teach insideof my programs. So but we also
have our human we have a body wework with, and that's why I talk
about holistic alcohol coaching,because we can try to change our
(05:45):
mindset all we want, but if ourbody is changing and shifting,
and we're not attending to thatas far as nutrition or even just
observing it, and this is amindset thing, but observing it
from, you know, more of acompassionate, curious
perspective about like, Hey,what's going on here? Instead of
like, oh my gosh, I'm just soexhausted. I have brain fog,
(06:05):
making it a problem, making itanother complaint, right? That
then feels like it's out of ourcontrol. Well, we want to figure
out how we can support that. Andso something I think that can
happen so many of my clients,and if you're listening to this,
are wellness advocates forthemselves. They're very
interested in optimizing theirhealth, and they've lived very
healthy lifestyles. It's likealcohol is the one thing that's
(06:28):
not in alignment with this,right? I like to move. I like to
eat. Well, a lot. I work with alot of yogis. I work with a lot
of meditation people, a lot ofpeople that are already know
about mindset, and if you don't,that's okay too. But most people
want to be healthy, want tooptimize their efforts. And so
the one thing that I alwayslacked in a little bit was
(06:50):
understanding nutrition andsupplements, and it's such a
wide wild west out there when itcomes to information that you
can just get so overwhelmed. Andwhen I had a really big gut
issue last summer where,basically, I, like, was
constipated for months. I mean,it was awful. There was a
supplement I took. I got theinformation on the internet,
(07:12):
right. And I do believe inconsulting with a physician or
consulting with, you know, ahealthcare professional for sure
about these things. But we alsohave to tune into our own bodies
and what works for us, because alot of times it's like, take an
antibiotic. Well, I knew thatwasn't the issue for me, and I
actually did a lot of emotionalintimacy work, a lot of inner
child work that really did healthis. I was holding a lot of
(07:34):
emotional things. Part of it wasbusy, you know, part of it was
the actual supplement that Itook slowed down my digestion to
a crawl, because it was aparasite, like a dewormer.
That's a whole other podcast. SoI've been on this journey to to
really work with figure out thesupplements that I don't have to
(07:56):
take 100 a day, but take whatreally are optimizing my
efforts? Because if I don't knowif you know this about me, but I
am very active. I have had, Ihave been in the fitness and
movement industry for over 25years, really, since I was eight
years old. My mom used to takeme to the gym with her. I grow
my own food. I optimize myhealth. I eat really cleanly as
much as possible. But I'm notrestrictive.
Unknown (08:20):
You know, I have a piece of pizza when I want it,
but
Mary Wagstaff (08:24):
I sleep is important, and so when I'm when
I'm not, when I'm my digestionis off, and I'm like, Wow, I
feel really uncomfortable myclothes, and here I'm walking
and going to the gym and doingall these things, and yet I feel
gross, like, that sucks, Right?
And that's just a physicalsensation, especially if I'm not
going to the bathroom. Also, youknow, not healthy. So anyway,
(08:44):
fast forward the podcast that Ishared with you all. That was
the interview that I wasinterviewed on the truth about
mental wellness with AndreaClark. She didn't even approach
me, but I knew she had beeninvolved with this company
called Amari, and I startedseeing it on the internet, this
(09:05):
drink called happy juice. Soit's a combination of a
nootropic for mental clarity,and then the gut, the gut, brain
health, these two powders thatyou combine into this delicious
drink and, holy crap. And soI've been really working on my
sleep, making sure I'm gettingat least access to seven hours
of sleep, if not eight. This isreally optimal, because I am
(09:28):
working out most mornings. Butlast night, I happened to be up
late and I woke up early. I didlay back down, and just like
listened to some body relaxationmeditations, which is also a
really good tip, if you can't goback to sleep, at least, just
stay relaxed. Stay out of yourhead. I took my happy juice this
morning. This is only day two. Iwent to the gym, and I was like,
(09:51):
I'm having you know, I'm workingon a lot of things in my life.
As you know, I just crushed myfirst DJ set that was live, you
know, a big, my big, my firstbig, out public event that
wasn't just my own. We have thefarm. We're opening a farm
(10:11):
stand. I'm coaching, I'mcreating content. I've got the
podcast. I'm a mom to a nineyear old who I love to be with.
And you know, there I'm teachingyoga, there's a lot going on, so
I have to stay organized. Andsometimes I get overwhelmed and
I get confused, and I'm like, doI want to just throw it all
away? Right? No, of course not.
(10:34):
And I believe, with mypersonality type, that I can, I
can hand do all of these things,and again, that's about honoring
my priorities and making surethat the dishes in the sink
aren't a problem, or whatever itis, is not a problem. I just got
off of a coaching call formyself today. I just want you
(10:55):
guys to know I have had a coach,if not multiple coaches. It is
the best investment you couldever have. Everyone always needs
access to a coach to help yousee your mind, to help you see
where you can make a little bitof a tweak. It's I don't even
know what I would do. And wewent in, and she helped me make
a plan, and it was just wasn't aproblem. And at the same time, I
(11:17):
also got to pull out all of thethings that I have been doing
well all of the changes I havemade, and give myself props,
right? So we really look atwhat's working, what's not
working, and what we want to dodifferently. And that's the
beauty of coaching too. Isalways like, how is it already
working for you? And that's whyI started the show, saying, if
you've made it here, life isworking out in your favor. It
(11:38):
really is. And you have to bewilling to take that mindset and
say, Yeah, life is working outin my favor. I've got food on
the table tonight, so how can Ido it different tomorrow, so
that I can step into alignmentwith who I want to
Unknown (11:52):
be? So I wasn't tired.
I also changed
Mary Wagstaff (11:56):
the way I'm working out a little bit too,
where I'm not doing these crazy,long workouts, and I think I'm
actually getting better resultsbecause of it, because I was
working with a personal trainer,and I'm working on my own now.
So anyway, the personal trainerwas great. I learned so much,
but my my goals are a little bitdifferent. Now. I'm not I'm not
working out to build as much tocompete. So anyway, but my mood,
(12:23):
my outlook, I was like, yeah,there's still some decisions I
want to make about some of thestuff I'm doing. But man, look
at where I'm at. Like, I get toget get up, go for this
beautiful walk. I take thislittle coffee walk. I park my
car at the gym, and then I go onthis 30 minute walk. There's a
little hill. I always see deer.
We have all of these beautifulplateaus around us in the
Columbia Gorge. Then I get to gowork out in this safe
(12:45):
environment where I feel reallycomfortable being in the weight
room, like the people are sonice there. And then I get to go
home and coach my clients andhave a meeting with Matthew and
get coached myself. Like, whatam I complaining about what a
terrible problem to have thatI'm confused about. The next
offering that I want to offeryou guys, right? Like it's
(13:05):
perspective, but this, there wassomething about this happy juice
that really felt like it kickedin. And I'm also taking a
hormone product, so it's ahormone for her, and it is
helping me regulate, you know,these hormones, but it's also
like an in the mood thing. And Ihave Matthews taking the one for
him, and he more. So we're doinga 30 day happy juice challenge,
(13:26):
and he's also taking the otherhormone balance, and we're just
going to check in every day andshare some of it in our stories
about, you know, what's goingon. So if you want to know more
about Amari, follow my stories,and I do have a link that will
give you $10 off your firstorder. I say, jump in and buy
the happy juice pack and try itfor yourself, because right
(13:48):
away, my desire for coffee inthe morning was less. I woke up
much quicker, which I do get uppretty easily in the mornings
anyway. But I'm just tellingyou, I feel freaking amazing.
And what I like about it isit's, it is a mental wellness
company, right? So their focusis, how can we use supplements
(14:08):
that support the mind? Right?
Because there is such a mind. Weknow there's a mind body
connection, and theirtestimonials are out insane.
They're amazing for all thepeople that are, you know,
continuous customers. And I feelso glad to have found something,
(14:33):
and I'm, you know, who knows howit'll all pan out, but I right
now, I feel freaking amazing,and I just like the idea of a
company that has a system thatis all in one place. They even
have hair care products and allsorts of stuff. They partner
with some other brands, and thena person that I can talk to
about the products as well if Ineed something else. They also
(14:54):
have kid products for kids thatmaybe have some attention stuff.
And it's, you know. It's allnatural. These aren't drugs.
They are supplements that areworking with the gut and with
the mind to help rebalance ourhormones, to help our systems
and our nervous systems workmore effectively. And that just
feels like I'm taking controlwhere I can. And so my point is,
(15:18):
too, is that when we're needingit's hard to create, sometimes,
a mindset shift when we havebrain fog, when our hormones are
out of whack, when we can't getthe sleep that we need. So we
have to take care of our basicneeds first. And I think finding
something that's a trustedsupplement, that's your
consistent way, that you canstick to one thing that you can
(15:40):
actually say, How does thisreally work? Maybe it's just a
probiotic, right? Because weknow how much our gut health
affects our brain health, andthat's why, you know, we can,
like, if I eat a bowl of icecream before bed, I will wake up
feeling like I'm hungover, in areally bad mood, right? And that
is because of, you know, it'snot saying I'll never have ice
(16:01):
cream, but especially if I do itright before bed, I will feel
like crap the next day, 100% andthis is why this podcast episode
is about taking your last sipisn't the First step how we can
actually begin our sober journeywhile we're drinking. I just got
(16:25):
off the call with a client. Wastalking about all the awareness
that she was generate,generating from learning how to
be in the witness, learning howto take the compassionate
curiosity approach and alsousing her values in alignment
with how she's looking at hersober journey, right? That it
(16:46):
doesn't have to be cold turkey,because what happens? And this
does. There's a lot of peoplethat come here and they stop
drinking, and they have enoughevidence that they're like, Oh
my God, thank God, I never haveto drink again. They're they
know, right? But a lot of timeswhen you quit drinking, even
when you're learning about it,it's like, there's this elusive
delusion that's still overthere. And it's like, Well, is
(17:06):
it that, right? But when youstart to drink less, and you
apply the tools, and we'retalking about it all the time,
and you're engaging with thecontent all the time, you're
like, oh, wow, right? You seethe reality. You see the
validity of your thoughts andhow they're not actually true.
You start to really tune intothe sensations in your body. In
(17:27):
the last week's episode, youstart to really look at desire
versus attachment. It's like, Idon't even want to drink right
now, but it's just what I do.
It's just how I've identified.
And so what I'm going to talkabout on next week's episode is,
are you really bored, or are youresisting pleasure? Right?
Because that is the biggestthing, and this is the part of
(17:48):
the feminine way of how, aswomen, we've really chalked our
worth up to productivity, todoing, and how alcohol actually
gives us permission to relax,right? So you can start this
journey today in the sobrietystarter kit, but you can also
(18:09):
start it with one question ofcuriosity and just simply
asking, what is this drink goingto do for me? Why? Why is this
important to me? Why do I wantthat? And you and then you want
to keep asking, Why, right? Andthis is and when you when you
(18:29):
don't become abstinent whileyou're beginning your sobriety
journey, and you become curious,and you start to take a
different approach, and you slowdown the process, and you take a
step back to become an observerof the habit, right, instead of
it just being habitual, and thisknee jerk reaction, these other
(18:50):
things that I'm talking aboutwith noticing what your body
needs, noticing your cyclicalnature, asking, What does my
body really need right now? Andactually tuning into the
sensations, you can start tosee, oh, it's not the drink,
right? I know it wasn't ever thedrink that I that I needed. It
wasn't even the drink thatcreated the hangover, right? It
(19:13):
was my resistance to relaxation.
It was my inability to givemyself permission. It was
needing external validation,whatever it is, I was thirsty, I
was dehydrated, right? And thenif you do add on some, some sort
of protocol that can kind ofhelp expedite that, right now,
(19:33):
if you're drinking the thingsaren't going to work as well,
right? So say you take aprobiotic, it's not going to
work as well, but you can startwith one thing like, what's the
one thing I know? If I changewould change everything? And for
so many people, that's alcohol,and that's why you're here. But
maybe you add on an extra hourof sleep, right? Maybe you drink
(19:54):
two glasses of water in themorning before you have your
coffee. Maybe you put. Phoneaway an hour before you go to
bed, and you get away from theblue light and you write your
gratitudes for the day. That's areally powerful practice.
So this is all of the reasonsall of that leading up to this
(20:16):
was to say we are holisticbeings. There is not a
separation between just ourmind, just our body, just our
spirit, just our heart. It allworks together and when we're
drinking and those systems areoff. Yes, they are much easier
to get back into balance. Butwhat I have witnessed firsthand,
for myself and for my clients isthat we can use supplementation
(20:37):
or other lifestyle habits tohelp support the process,
because we have to have clarityof mind, right? I remember
working with someone who was soanxious that she was like, I
don't even know what my valuesare like. I don't even know how
to start looking at that. Sowe're all starting from a
different place, and that'swhere we have to take a step
(20:58):
back and to be able to work withwhere we're at, instead of it
being this, like a to zprotocol, right? And there's
still awareness, right? There'sawareness of anxiety. Okay,
well, when does the anxietyhappen more frequently? Like,
what's happening in yoursituation? And then we can talk
about the thoughts about that,and it's like, Okay, what's one
way we can start to, you know,take a step back from this
(21:22):
anxiety. What are some of thepractical solutions we can take
because if you're not gettingsalt right, electrolytes to your
brain, it's not going to workright if you're completely
dehydrated. So water is a firststep, water and sleep like our
basic needs, and this is allgoing to help you in the
process. So this is why mypractice is holistic alcohol
(21:45):
coaching, because I consider thewhole woman, and most
importantly, who you are today,different from who you were when
you started drinking, differentfrom who you were when it wasn't
a problem, right? Not that youhave a problem, but even the you
have probably getting, beengetting the same results of that
from alcohol since you've beendrinking. I know I was getting I
(22:05):
was hungover when I was 22 and Iwas hungover when I was 32
right? None of that changed, butthe impact of it had was a
bigger impact because of whatmatters to me now, what's
important to me now, what mygoals are now, who I am now, and
we have to give ourselvespermission to change and take
that step back. So I want you toremind yourself, and this isn't
(22:27):
permission to like moderatenecessarily. It's permission to
and there's no rules aroundthat, right, maybe moderation
for you becomes more easeful. Idon't coach on moderation
because I think in the end,we're still using alcohol to
solve a problem you can solve onyour own, right, but I'm not
going to say that it's wrong,right? If, if there's something
(22:49):
a way that you figure figurethat out, so you can
circumstantially have embodiedevidence that you that you are
in a circumstance where youwould normally drink, and then
you don't, right? And then thenext time gets easier. And
that's why I don't believe incounting days, and that's why I
don't believe you have to gocold turkey or abstinence to
start this journey, especiallyif you're incorporating coaching
(23:12):
around it, because you're goingto get that weekly evaluation to
really look at what worked andwhat didn't, and what do I want
to do different, and how you'rereally examining your thoughts.
And that is the impact ofcoaching, where we get to
celebrate every single week.
Because without that, I don'tknow if I would celebrate
myself. Now, I know how to do aself evaluation, and I am. I
have incorporated the habitright of self coaching, of
(23:37):
looking at what's working oflooking at okay, if I made it
this far, things are working outin my favor. This is, you know,
your new thought for the week,and then okay, but from this
place now of feeling groundedand nothing's gone wrong, and
not that I'm in an emergencystate. Now, how do I want to
move forward with choice, withcontrol, with clarity, and
(23:59):
ultimately, with love, have anamazing week, and check the link
for the show notes for Amari ifyou want to go check it out. And
also get on a one on one callwith me where we can talk about
where you're at specifically, soI can help you see the next best
step for you, and maybe one onone coaching is that I'll talk
(24:20):
to you soon. The days of whiteknuckling your way through an
urge are over. No moredistracting yourself, no more
avoiding alcohol, no moreresisting. And I am not
exaggerating when I say thatdoing this one thing for five
minutes will change not only howsuccessful you are in drinking
less, but how much you will loveyour alcohol free life. You are
(24:42):
going to feel so good. So comeon over to my website or follow
the link right here in the shownotes to grab the free urge
guide that gives you the exactcheat codes to use to find
relief without a drink. And thebest part is no debor.
Motivation, no missing outrequired. I'll see you over.
Mary Wagstaff, coach.com you.
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