May 14, 2025 • 20 mins
One of the most surprising and empowering truths in the alcohol-free journey:
The best time to change your relationship with alcohol is when you’re already feeling good.
If that sounds counterintuitive, you’re not alone. Most of us only commit to change when we’ve hit a low—after a fight, a blackout, a painful moment of regret. But what if that’s why it hasn’t stuck?
Inside this episode:
- Why feeling good can be the most powerful time to quit drinking
- How your brain tricks you into thinking it’s “not that bad”
- Why waiting for a rock-bottom moment often backfires
- How to leverage joy, momentum, and natural alignment for lasting change
- What it means to build a life you don’t need to escape from
- Why “just feeling better” isn’t a reason to stop doing the work
- How I use dance, connection, and embodiment as part of my own alcohol-free lifestyle
You’ll also hear about my first-ever ecstatic dance DJ gig (dreams do come true!), and the kind of weekend that reminds me why I keep choosing this path, over and over again.
If you’re ready to stop outsourcing your joy and learn how to amplify your good feelings instead of dulling them, this episode is your invitation.
DISCLAIMER: This podcast and its contents are not a substitute for rehabilitation, medical treatment or advice. It is for educational and inspirational purposes. I am not a therapist or doctor. The views here are expressed a personal opinion and based on first hand experience. Please consult a doctor if your mental or physical health is at risk.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Mary Wagstaff (00:02):
Music. Welcome to stop drinking and start living
the feminine way. I'm yourhostess. Mary Wagstaff, holistic
alcohol coach and feminineembodiment guide here to help
you effortlessly release alcoholby reclaiming your feminine
essence. Sobriety isn't justabout quitting drinking, it's
about removing the distortionsthat keep you disconnected,
(00:26):
overwhelmed and stuck in cyclesof numbing. Each week, I'll
share powerful tools, newperspectives that transform and
deeply relatable stories to helpyou step into the power pleasure
and purpose that it is to be awoman. This is your next
evolution of awakenedempowerment. Welcome to the
(00:47):
feminine way the show, mybeautiful listeners, so last
week, I eluded a little bit tothe best time to quit drinking
is when you're feeling good andhow you can do it different this
(01:07):
time. And this is actuallyanother one of the ways that
this time could be different,because for most people, I would
including myself, you know, thisisn't your first rodeo. It's
like 99.9% of the time we'requitting drinking when making
the decision to drink less orstop drinking, when we feel like
(01:28):
crap, right, when the alcoholhas created a negative impact on
our life. And we're going totalk about this in another
episode about the spectrum ofrock bottom moments, like what
that actually means. Sometimesthere's a, you know, there is a
positive like cleanse, or you'regoing on vacation, or you're
getting, you don't want to getin shape, or going on a wedding,
(01:49):
or there's like, a dry Januarymoment, but most of the time,
the negative impact has createdthe mindset that is like, I'm,
you know, I'm done, I'm neverdrinking again. So so many, so
much of the time. It's like, ifwe're not at like, a full rock
bottom moment, then it's like,oh, after some time, we convince
(02:11):
ourselves that that things arefine. It's not that bad. You
know, nothing really that badhappened. And even if we're at a
rock bottom, quote, unquotemoment, right? Like that, we
need to, like, hit this wall, tomake this big, big change after
time after that kind of wearsout of the the impact of the
(02:32):
memory. We can go back todrinking again, kind of
forgetting about all of thethings that happened during that
time, because the brain and thereward system of learning is so,
so strong and so so powerful. Somost people wait until something
feels really terrible, untilthey take action. Most of the
(02:55):
time when people call me to signup for a consultation, it's
because they are exhausted.
They're just done. They'vegotten had a big blowout with a
partner. They, you know, orworse, things have happened.
They've just woke up hungoverone too many times. And this is
so fascinating that this happensif someone makes, say,
schedules, a consultation forlike, further than a week out.
(03:15):
I'm often curious if they'llcancel it. Sometimes, because I
know and this has happened wherethey start to feel better and
they're like, Oh no, no, no, Idon't need this. And then
inevitably, they'll scheduleanother consultation, right, or
two or three like that hashappened before. It doesn't
happen all that often, but ifthey put it too far in advance,
(03:36):
sometimes it there. Theyconvince themselves that they
feel better. They don't. Theycan do it on their own, that
kind of thing. So it's just aninteresting thing to watch your
brain, right? Like this is oneof the points of awareness,
right? To see that your brain istelling you again and again, oh,
(03:57):
it's not that big of a problem,although it's happened to you
repeatedly. You know, multipletimes a month, multiple times a
year, for many, many, manyyears, like alcohol has never
changed. You keep getting thesame results, and what's
happening is you're just focusedon the alcohol. You're just
(04:19):
focused on the impact of thealcohol, and not about the
bigger implications of the lifethat you want, who you want to
become. The other things thatalcohol is getting in the way of
the being able to manage youremotions and take personal
responsibility in yourrelationships, right, maybe
stepping into a new career path,creating safety in your life,
(04:42):
creating more resourcefulness inyour life, really uncovering
your passions, yourspirituality, your connections,
your health, your freedom, likethere's so many other layers
than just the negative impactsof alcohol. So the reason that
the best time to quit drinkingwhen you're feeling good, and
(05:04):
I've done many episodes aroundlike the holiday season, and
it's we're coming up tosummertime, and that's why I am
opening enrollment for a privatecoaching taking you from burnout
to bliss out for the summer,because there are so many
natural things in ourenvironment during a spring and
(05:27):
summer time, if you're here inthe northern hemisphere, that
are going to make you feel goodand are going to be resources
for you to create change thatyou haven't used to
intentionally tap into so wewant to tap into the gifts of
being in natural alignment,right? And if we only associate
(05:47):
sobriety with pain, discomfortdetox, then we're going to miss
the joy available on the otherside. But what's happened is
that you've associated feelinggood, and this is where there's
kind of this. What do I want tosay? Really big disconnect with
(06:10):
people, where they think ifthey're not, if they don't
drink, when they feel bad, andthey only drink when they feel
good, that it's not a problem.
But I think it's like theopposite, like it may I mean,
not really, but like it makessense, if you are going to drink
(06:32):
when you felt bad, right? Like,I need a drink. I can't handle
this, but we have to ask thequestion, if you feel great, why
are you drinking? Right? And Iknow what the answer to that is,
and that is what it is for youto uncover. We think it's
because we want to amplify that,but in the end, all you're doing
(06:54):
is dulling and numbing theexperience. There's this song
for this artist that I like, whohe just released. His name is
Griz, and it says, I've been sohigh I can't feel a thing right.
Like all you're feeling is thisunnatural flood of feel good
chemicals. And you're create,trying to create them on demand
(07:16):
that you diminish and depletethem. And so actually, a lot of
times the things that make youfeel naturally good are are
still kind of feeling dull, andit's not until you regain some
balance and homeostasis with anatural production of these feel
good chemicals that life startsto get really, really Good
(07:37):
again. So you have to quit whileyou're ahead and build a life
that you don't need to escape,but you have to do that by
practicing and throughobservation. So we create a plan
ahead of time by really lookingat not your expectations, but
(07:59):
what your intentions are, andthe things from your environment
that you can pull from that arealready there, right? Like,
again, this isn't about creatingpositive affirmations, but it's
you being in alignment andimbalance already. That's like,
oh yeah, I actually do feelreally good and tapping into
(08:21):
that where you're where you arealready more resourced, and
that's why I say the holidayseason is actually a really good
time to do this. Summer time isactually a really good time to
do this. Even your birthday,right? You're getting so many
well wishes. People are lovingon you right now. This isn't
always true for everyone, andI've talked about this too, that
(08:45):
the opposite could be true forthe holiday season as well. When
you're feeling good, you'reemotionally and physical,
physically able to anchor to anew identity. What is the
version of me like think aboutwhen you accomplish, you know, a
long week, it's the weekend.
What does that feel like? And wehave to practice feeling that.
(09:07):
We have to practice embodyingthe sensations of
accomplishment, of lightness, ofthe possibilities of a weekend
ahead where you don't have towork, and you can sleep in, and
maybe you go to yoga, maybe youtake a walk. I had the I
sometimes on the weekends,depending on what's going on. We
(09:29):
often have family, familyadventure weekends, but
sometimes we'll split up thedays if Matthew or I want to do
our own personal projects. AndOzzy, Matthew's older son was
visiting this weekend, so onSaturday, I was working on, I
don't think I even told you guysthis. This is so exciting. I'm
just going to say this. This isanother one of the things that I
(09:50):
stepped into for why this timewas different, was I started
doing ecstatic dance all thetime. I've always loved to
dance, but I started dancingsober, like in the morning. Was
on a Sunday, and it was amazing.
Well, I'm also a DJ and dreamsdo come true. You guys. If
you're in Portland, I don'tthink this will come out. It's
like gonna come out that day,but I'm gonna send an email out.
(10:12):
I am DJing my first everecstatic dance for Portland on
Wednesday night. I am soexcited. So in real time, this
is may 14, 2025 but hopefullythere'll be more events for you
to come to. So anyway, I waspracticing my set, getting my
set ready, so I feel superconfident. So Matthew and Emmett
did their project, and then onSunday, I planned this whole
(10:35):
like mommy and Emmett day,adventure date day. And I he had
been kind of struggling withwriting an essay for one of his
tests that he had to do inschool. So it was like, you
know, what I love to do is Ilove to go to a coffee shop or
the library and do my studyingand get out of the environment.
(10:58):
So I, like, took him on thiscoffee shop date, and we did his
homework, and I helped him writean essay, and I asked him a
bunch of questions, and we wentfor a bike ride, and we had a
picnic by the river, and then wewent and got plants, and we had
ice cream, and we blasted musicin the car and sang, and it was
really, really fun. And all ofthose feelings I got to
(11:19):
experience fully embodied, andthat would have overrode any
feeling that I had, any urge,any feeling of being
disconnected or even being down,right? So we have to
intentionally look at what'sworking in our lives. We have to
leverage good feelings into evengreater freedom. But right now,
(11:44):
the only thing that's happenedis they are the bridge between
how you're feeling that natural,like feel good, feeling of
accomplishment, and getting adrink, right so that that
sensate like the alcohol is thebridge right now. So we have to
create a new bridge, and we haveto understand, like, why are you
(12:05):
already feeling good? So whenyou're feeling good, you have to
understand why, so that you cantap in to that energy. It's
like, wow, I got a lot donetoday. It's sunny out. There's
flowers blooming. I'm gonna gospend the time with my family. I
don't have to work. I get tosleep in, like all of those
things that you think it's justabout a drink and a heightened
emotion, but it's really not.
(12:29):
And then you have to get curiousand ask yourself, well, how do I
want to feel? Do I want to keepthis going, or do I want to dull
this or numbness? Right? Becausewhen with the work that I do
with my clients, when we direct,have this directional experience
of an embodied emotion, you canactually amplify that so you can
(12:52):
really have a heightenedexperience, versus Having
dissociating from how you'refeeling and creating like the
synthetic experience thatactually just numbs how you're
feeling and dulls your sensesand dulls all of your
sensations, right? And dulls allof the experience that you're
(13:13):
really having. And you have topay attention to that and get
curious so you step into thesenew places that create that
intentionally, and those are thehabits, right? And it's not just
about replacing but it's aboutstarting to get curious and
(13:35):
proving to yourself that thisactually exists without
consequences in another way,right? Like by intentionally
spending a day with one of yourkids and going out on a date and
having a little picnic, takingyourself out on a date, and then
emotional mastery, soregulating. Oftentimes, we think
(13:56):
that we're just going to createthis heightened experience, but
we're what we're doing is we'reactually bypassing emotions we
don't want to experience. Soeven though you feel really
good, we'll just use the exampleof a Friday afternoon, what's
happening is, if you don'tdrink, because you're just used
to just drinking like that'skind of the activity that maybe
(14:19):
there's stress, maybe there'sboredom right on the other side
of that, that you actuallyhaven't learned to be with. You
haven't learned how to even bewith the emotions of celebration
without outsourcing it toalcohol. So we go back to a
couple weeks ago, when I wascelebrating my six years of
alcohol freedom, and thequestion that I invited you into
(14:42):
was to learn to do for yourselfwhat you think alcohol does for
you. And that's everything thatwe do in the private coaching
container and our SummerEnrollment series from burned
out to Bliss. Out. So you haveto learn nervous system
(15:03):
regulation. You have to learnhow to trust and create safety
in yourself, and how to createjoy and connection
intentionally. And we don't doit rushed, right? You had many,
many years of creating thisprocess that you have right now,
going from feeling good todrinking. So you have to give
(15:23):
yourself time and space. Butwhat happens is you notice these
little wins along the way thatkeep you going that you're not
recognizing on your own. And sowe have to evaluate, we have to
measure it. We have to planahead of time so you get to
celebrate the choice to dosomething different, and not
(15:45):
just the outcome, because everyday you are making an embodied
choice, right, like you don'thave to wait to have six years
of sobriety to feel really proudof yourself to start now, it's
all The little moments. It's allthe little wins of not of and I
can't say this enough, it's notabout just not drinking, but
(16:07):
about who you become in theprocess, right? It's the way
that you show up for yourself,give yourself permission, the
way that you take a sacred timeout instead of arguing back,
right? The way that you makethis new decisions. And when you
quit from a place of feelingjoyful and feeling really good,
and you're like, gosh, I want tokeep feeling like this, you
(16:30):
create a new baseline foryourself, right? You create a
new standard of living, allready? And then you start to
associate sobriety withempowerment, with feeling good,
with accepting yourself, notwaiting for other people to
accept you, and not aboutpunishment. It's not about
(16:53):
deprivation, right? You stopchasing the temporary highs, and
you start to create this balancewhere you're not on this
emotional roller coaster all thetime, and when you know we are
in cycles and rhythms,especially as women, because we
have this ever present flow ofemotions throughout a cycle and
(17:15):
throughout the rest of our life,we learn how to manage it in a
way that creates a steadiness,that it's not a problem. The
time in between, you know, amoment of being triggered by
something and dysregulateddoesn't have to last for days
and days, and we learn how toexpress it. We learn how to tell
(17:37):
our loved ones, we learn how totalk to and tell ourselves,
right and you end up realizingthat alcohol never gave you what
you were looking for. It justtemporarily numbed the thoughts
that were in the way of thatright, like alcohol just lowers
(17:58):
your inhibitions of the thoughtsthat you're thinking, instead of
creating a new belief structureof who you are. So my invitation
to you is, don't wait foranother time to convince
yourself, right, that you don't,that it's not that big of a
deal, right? And it's not abouthaving a quote, unquote problem.
(18:21):
That's not it, but that from aplace of empowered choice, I'm
going to make a new decisionright now to see what's possible
when I really get to knowmyself, when I really get to
unpack the story, when I canreally show up fully confident
in any social setting, andreally accept myself as an
alcohol free person, and notneed to make excuses and not
(18:43):
need to wait for anyone else tovalidate my experience. So the
way to start this is to jump ona one on one call with me, and
when we do that, I can reallylook at your specific situation
and see the belief that you havethat keeps coming up again and
again and again for you and helpyou create a new thought from
(19:07):
that place. The link is in theshow notes. I can't wait to meet
you and I'll talk to you soon.
The days of white knuckling yourway through an urge are over. No
more distracting yourself, nomore avoiding alcohol, no more
resisting. And I am notexaggerating when I say that
doing this one thing for fiveminutes will change not only how
(19:29):
successful you are in drinkingless, but how much you will love
your alcohol free life. You aregoing to feel so good. So come
on over to my website or followthe link right here in the show
notes to grab the free urgeguide that gives you the exact
cheat codes to use to findrelief without a drink. And the
(19:49):
best part is no deprivation, nomissing out, required. I'll see
you over. Marywagstaffcoach.com, you.
Music. Welcome to stop drinking and start living
the feminine way. I'm yourhostess. Mary Wagstaff, holistic
alcohol coach and feminineembodiment guide here to help
you effortlessly release alcoholby reclaiming your feminine
essence. Sobriety isn't justabout quitting drinking, it's
about removing the distortionsthat keep you disconnected,
(00:26):
overwhelmed and stuck in cyclesof numbing. Each week, I'll
share powerful tools, newperspectives that transform and
deeply relatable stories to helpyou step into the power pleasure
and purpose that it is to be awoman. This is your next
evolution of awakenedempowerment. Welcome to the
(00:47):
feminine way the show, mybeautiful listeners, so last
week, I eluded a little bit tothe best time to quit drinking
is when you're feeling good andhow you can do it different this
(01:07):
time. And this is actuallyanother one of the ways that
this time could be different,because for most people, I would
including myself, you know, thisisn't your first rodeo. It's
like 99.9% of the time we'requitting drinking when making
the decision to drink less orstop drinking, when we feel like
(01:28):
crap, right, when the alcoholhas created a negative impact on
our life. And we're going totalk about this in another
episode about the spectrum ofrock bottom moments, like what
that actually means. Sometimesthere's a, you know, there is a
positive like cleanse, or you'regoing on vacation, or you're
getting, you don't want to getin shape, or going on a wedding,
(01:49):
or there's like, a dry Januarymoment, but most of the time,
the negative impact has createdthe mindset that is like, I'm,
you know, I'm done, I'm neverdrinking again. So so many, so
much of the time. It's like, ifwe're not at like, a full rock
bottom moment, then it's like,oh, after some time, we convince
(02:11):
ourselves that that things arefine. It's not that bad. You
know, nothing really that badhappened. And even if we're at a
rock bottom, quote, unquotemoment, right? Like that, we
need to, like, hit this wall, tomake this big, big change after
time after that kind of wearsout of the the impact of the
(02:32):
memory. We can go back todrinking again, kind of
forgetting about all of thethings that happened during that
time, because the brain and thereward system of learning is so,
so strong and so so powerful. Somost people wait until something
feels really terrible, untilthey take action. Most of the
(02:55):
time when people call me to signup for a consultation, it's
because they are exhausted.
They're just done. They'vegotten had a big blowout with a
partner. They, you know, orworse, things have happened.
They've just woke up hungoverone too many times. And this is
so fascinating that this happensif someone makes, say,
schedules, a consultation forlike, further than a week out.
(03:15):
I'm often curious if they'llcancel it. Sometimes, because I
know and this has happened wherethey start to feel better and
they're like, Oh no, no, no, Idon't need this. And then
inevitably, they'll scheduleanother consultation, right, or
two or three like that hashappened before. It doesn't
happen all that often, but ifthey put it too far in advance,
(03:36):
sometimes it there. Theyconvince themselves that they
feel better. They don't. Theycan do it on their own, that
kind of thing. So it's just aninteresting thing to watch your
brain, right? Like this is oneof the points of awareness,
right? To see that your brain istelling you again and again, oh,
(03:57):
it's not that big of a problem,although it's happened to you
repeatedly. You know, multipletimes a month, multiple times a
year, for many, many, manyyears, like alcohol has never
changed. You keep getting thesame results, and what's
happening is you're just focusedon the alcohol. You're just
(04:19):
focused on the impact of thealcohol, and not about the
bigger implications of the lifethat you want, who you want to
become. The other things thatalcohol is getting in the way of
the being able to manage youremotions and take personal
responsibility in yourrelationships, right, maybe
stepping into a new career path,creating safety in your life,
(04:42):
creating more resourcefulness inyour life, really uncovering
your passions, yourspirituality, your connections,
your health, your freedom, likethere's so many other layers
than just the negative impactsof alcohol. So the reason that
the best time to quit drinkingwhen you're feeling good, and
(05:04):
I've done many episodes aroundlike the holiday season, and
it's we're coming up tosummertime, and that's why I am
opening enrollment for a privatecoaching taking you from burnout
to bliss out for the summer,because there are so many
natural things in ourenvironment during a spring and
(05:27):
summer time, if you're here inthe northern hemisphere, that
are going to make you feel goodand are going to be resources
for you to create change thatyou haven't used to
intentionally tap into so wewant to tap into the gifts of
being in natural alignment,right? And if we only associate
(05:47):
sobriety with pain, discomfortdetox, then we're going to miss
the joy available on the otherside. But what's happened is
that you've associated feelinggood, and this is where there's
kind of this. What do I want tosay? Really big disconnect with
(06:10):
people, where they think ifthey're not, if they don't
drink, when they feel bad, andthey only drink when they feel
good, that it's not a problem.
But I think it's like theopposite, like it may I mean,
not really, but like it makessense, if you are going to drink
(06:32):
when you felt bad, right? Like,I need a drink. I can't handle
this, but we have to ask thequestion, if you feel great, why
are you drinking? Right? And Iknow what the answer to that is,
and that is what it is for youto uncover. We think it's
because we want to amplify that,but in the end, all you're doing
(06:54):
is dulling and numbing theexperience. There's this song
for this artist that I like, whohe just released. His name is
Griz, and it says, I've been sohigh I can't feel a thing right.
Like all you're feeling is thisunnatural flood of feel good
chemicals. And you're create,trying to create them on demand
(07:16):
that you diminish and depletethem. And so actually, a lot of
times the things that make youfeel naturally good are are
still kind of feeling dull, andit's not until you regain some
balance and homeostasis with anatural production of these feel
good chemicals that life startsto get really, really Good
(07:37):
again. So you have to quit whileyou're ahead and build a life
that you don't need to escape,but you have to do that by
practicing and throughobservation. So we create a plan
ahead of time by really lookingat not your expectations, but
(07:59):
what your intentions are, andthe things from your environment
that you can pull from that arealready there, right? Like,
again, this isn't about creatingpositive affirmations, but it's
you being in alignment andimbalance already. That's like,
oh yeah, I actually do feelreally good and tapping into
(08:21):
that where you're where you arealready more resourced, and
that's why I say the holidayseason is actually a really good
time to do this. Summer time isactually a really good time to
do this. Even your birthday,right? You're getting so many
well wishes. People are lovingon you right now. This isn't
always true for everyone, andI've talked about this too, that
(08:45):
the opposite could be true forthe holiday season as well. When
you're feeling good, you'reemotionally and physical,
physically able to anchor to anew identity. What is the
version of me like think aboutwhen you accomplish, you know, a
long week, it's the weekend.
What does that feel like? And wehave to practice feeling that.
(09:07):
We have to practice embodyingthe sensations of
accomplishment, of lightness, ofthe possibilities of a weekend
ahead where you don't have towork, and you can sleep in, and
maybe you go to yoga, maybe youtake a walk. I had the I
sometimes on the weekends,depending on what's going on. We
(09:29):
often have family, familyadventure weekends, but
sometimes we'll split up thedays if Matthew or I want to do
our own personal projects. AndOzzy, Matthew's older son was
visiting this weekend, so onSaturday, I was working on, I
don't think I even told you guysthis. This is so exciting. I'm
just going to say this. This isanother one of the things that I
(09:50):
stepped into for why this timewas different, was I started
doing ecstatic dance all thetime. I've always loved to
dance, but I started dancingsober, like in the morning. Was
on a Sunday, and it was amazing.
Well, I'm also a DJ and dreamsdo come true. You guys. If
you're in Portland, I don'tthink this will come out. It's
like gonna come out that day,but I'm gonna send an email out.
(10:12):
I am DJing my first everecstatic dance for Portland on
Wednesday night. I am soexcited. So in real time, this
is may 14, 2025 but hopefullythere'll be more events for you
to come to. So anyway, I waspracticing my set, getting my
set ready, so I feel superconfident. So Matthew and Emmett
did their project, and then onSunday, I planned this whole
(10:35):
like mommy and Emmett day,adventure date day. And I he had
been kind of struggling withwriting an essay for one of his
tests that he had to do inschool. So it was like, you
know, what I love to do is Ilove to go to a coffee shop or
the library and do my studyingand get out of the environment.
(10:58):
So I, like, took him on thiscoffee shop date, and we did his
homework, and I helped him writean essay, and I asked him a
bunch of questions, and we wentfor a bike ride, and we had a
picnic by the river, and then wewent and got plants, and we had
ice cream, and we blasted musicin the car and sang, and it was
really, really fun. And all ofthose feelings I got to
(11:19):
experience fully embodied, andthat would have overrode any
feeling that I had, any urge,any feeling of being
disconnected or even being down,right? So we have to
intentionally look at what'sworking in our lives. We have to
leverage good feelings into evengreater freedom. But right now,
(11:44):
the only thing that's happenedis they are the bridge between
how you're feeling that natural,like feel good, feeling of
accomplishment, and getting adrink, right so that that
sensate like the alcohol is thebridge right now. So we have to
create a new bridge, and we haveto understand, like, why are you
(12:05):
already feeling good? So whenyou're feeling good, you have to
understand why, so that you cantap in to that energy. It's
like, wow, I got a lot donetoday. It's sunny out. There's
flowers blooming. I'm gonna gospend the time with my family. I
don't have to work. I get tosleep in, like all of those
things that you think it's justabout a drink and a heightened
emotion, but it's really not.
(12:29):
And then you have to get curiousand ask yourself, well, how do I
want to feel? Do I want to keepthis going, or do I want to dull
this or numbness? Right? Becausewhen with the work that I do
with my clients, when we direct,have this directional experience
of an embodied emotion, you canactually amplify that so you can
(12:52):
really have a heightenedexperience, versus Having
dissociating from how you'refeeling and creating like the
synthetic experience thatactually just numbs how you're
feeling and dulls your sensesand dulls all of your
sensations, right? And dulls allof the experience that you're
(13:13):
really having. And you have topay attention to that and get
curious so you step into thesenew places that create that
intentionally, and those are thehabits, right? And it's not just
about replacing but it's aboutstarting to get curious and
(13:35):
proving to yourself that thisactually exists without
consequences in another way,right? Like by intentionally
spending a day with one of yourkids and going out on a date and
having a little picnic, takingyourself out on a date, and then
emotional mastery, soregulating. Oftentimes, we think
(13:56):
that we're just going to createthis heightened experience, but
we're what we're doing is we'reactually bypassing emotions we
don't want to experience. Soeven though you feel really
good, we'll just use the exampleof a Friday afternoon, what's
happening is, if you don'tdrink, because you're just used
to just drinking like that'skind of the activity that maybe
(14:19):
there's stress, maybe there'sboredom right on the other side
of that, that you actuallyhaven't learned to be with. You
haven't learned how to even bewith the emotions of celebration
without outsourcing it toalcohol. So we go back to a
couple weeks ago, when I wascelebrating my six years of
alcohol freedom, and thequestion that I invited you into
(14:42):
was to learn to do for yourselfwhat you think alcohol does for
you. And that's everything thatwe do in the private coaching
container and our SummerEnrollment series from burned
out to Bliss. Out. So you haveto learn nervous system
(15:03):
regulation. You have to learnhow to trust and create safety
in yourself, and how to createjoy and connection
intentionally. And we don't doit rushed, right? You had many,
many years of creating thisprocess that you have right now,
going from feeling good todrinking. So you have to give
(15:23):
yourself time and space. Butwhat happens is you notice these
little wins along the way thatkeep you going that you're not
recognizing on your own. And sowe have to evaluate, we have to
measure it. We have to planahead of time so you get to
celebrate the choice to dosomething different, and not
(15:45):
just the outcome, because everyday you are making an embodied
choice, right, like you don'thave to wait to have six years
of sobriety to feel really proudof yourself to start now, it's
all The little moments. It's allthe little wins of not of and I
can't say this enough, it's notabout just not drinking, but
(16:07):
about who you become in theprocess, right? It's the way
that you show up for yourself,give yourself permission, the
way that you take a sacred timeout instead of arguing back,
right? The way that you makethis new decisions. And when you
quit from a place of feelingjoyful and feeling really good,
and you're like, gosh, I want tokeep feeling like this, you
(16:30):
create a new baseline foryourself, right? You create a
new standard of living, allready? And then you start to
associate sobriety withempowerment, with feeling good,
with accepting yourself, notwaiting for other people to
accept you, and not aboutpunishment. It's not about
(16:53):
deprivation, right? You stopchasing the temporary highs, and
you start to create this balancewhere you're not on this
emotional roller coaster all thetime, and when you know we are
in cycles and rhythms,especially as women, because we
have this ever present flow ofemotions throughout a cycle and
(17:15):
throughout the rest of our life,we learn how to manage it in a
way that creates a steadiness,that it's not a problem. The
time in between, you know, amoment of being triggered by
something and dysregulateddoesn't have to last for days
and days, and we learn how toexpress it. We learn how to tell
(17:37):
our loved ones, we learn how totalk to and tell ourselves,
right and you end up realizingthat alcohol never gave you what
you were looking for. It justtemporarily numbed the thoughts
that were in the way of thatright, like alcohol just lowers
(17:58):
your inhibitions of the thoughtsthat you're thinking, instead of
creating a new belief structureof who you are. So my invitation
to you is, don't wait foranother time to convince
yourself, right, that you don't,that it's not that big of a
deal, right? And it's not abouthaving a quote, unquote problem.
(18:21):
That's not it, but that from aplace of empowered choice, I'm
going to make a new decisionright now to see what's possible
when I really get to knowmyself, when I really get to
unpack the story, when I canreally show up fully confident
in any social setting, andreally accept myself as an
alcohol free person, and notneed to make excuses and not
(18:43):
need to wait for anyone else tovalidate my experience. So the
way to start this is to jump ona one on one call with me, and
when we do that, I can reallylook at your specific situation
and see the belief that you havethat keeps coming up again and
again and again for you and helpyou create a new thought from
(19:07):
that place. The link is in theshow notes. I can't wait to meet
you and I'll talk to you soon.
The days of white knuckling yourway through an urge are over. No
more distracting yourself, nomore avoiding alcohol, no more
resisting. And I am notexaggerating when I say that
doing this one thing for fiveminutes will change not only how
(19:29):
successful you are in drinkingless, but how much you will love
your alcohol free life. You aregoing to feel so good. So come
on over to my website or followthe link right here in the show
notes to grab the free urgeguide that gives you the exact
cheat codes to use to findrelief without a drink. And the
(19:49):
best part is no deprivation, nomissing out, required. I'll see
you over. Marywagstaffcoach.com, you.
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