When you hate your neighbour

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This episode for you is for you if you really really can’t stand your neighbor.

Is there someone who you just can’t stand right now? 

Well listen here to hear my favourite story from Ajahn Brahm and his awesome book "Don’t worry be grumpy." Check out his book. I love love love his book. 

Listen to what happened to me after I read the story to my twins and what happened with my friend. This will help you get along with the person who’s driving you crazy.

Jackie from Intermittent Fasting Foodie has inspired me to try OMAD or eating one meal a day and i am loving it so far!

Gin Stephens is the other awesome lady who inspired both of us, check out her book Delay, Don't Deny and her other book Jackie from Intermittent Fasting Foodie inspired me to try OMAD (one meal a day), and I’m loving it!

Gin Stephens also inspired us, check out her book Delay, Don't Deny and Fast Feast Repeat

Episode Transcript

SPEAKER_00 (00:00):
Hey guys, how are you doing?
I'm excited to tell you abouttoday's topic.
And it started out first with mereading a book to my twins at
bedtime.
And I actually love this book.
It's called Don't Worry, BeGrumpy.
And it's by my favorite monk,which you already know about,
Ajahn Brahm.

(00:20):
Of course, I'll link it in thenotes.
And I'm reading this to my twinsat bed.
It's short stories and Iabsolutely love it.
I've read it before and I can'tget enough.
So I read the story to themfirst.
Then I implemented what Ilearned from that story that
night, which blew me away.
And then the next day...

(00:40):
I met with a friend who wasstruggling with something that's
related to the story.
And so I just was reallyinspired to share this with you.
So in case you have someone inyour life who you're really
struggling with, whether it's abad neighbor, whether you can't
stand someone in your life,whether your kids are driving

(01:01):
you crazy, whatever it is, thisstory, Hopefully helps, okay?
So I'm going to read you part ofthe story from the book, and
then I'll tell you whathappened, okay?
So this is how it goes.
A young Buddhist wife could notget along with her husband's
mom, even though she tried.
No matter what thedaughter-in-law said or did, it

(01:23):
was never, ever good enough.
The mother-in-law would alwaysfind fault with her.
It was driving the young wifecrazy.
The daughter-in-law triedmeditating.
That didn't work.
Then she tried spreading lovingkindness to her mother-in-law
every morning and evening.
That did not work.
Next, she tried Buddhistchanting, but to no avail.

(01:46):
The mother-in-law was just ascritical of her as ever.
Being a Mahayana Buddhist, theyoung wife would often pray to
the goddess of mercy, Queen Yin.
I'm not sure how to pronouncethat.
So early one morning, she triedpraying.
She must have been exhaustedfrom all the worry about her
mother-in-law because she fellasleep while praying and dreamed

(02:09):
of Quinyin.
There was the goddess of mercyin her flowing white robe
holding the vessel of kindness,but when she looked at Quinyin's
face, she was shocked.
The face was not the usual onethat she has seen on all statues
of Quinyin in the temple.
Instead, Queen Yan had hermother-in-law's face.

(02:32):
It was a sign.
From that time on, the youngwife regarded her difficult
mother-in-law as an embodimentof the goddess of mercy.
With such a fundamental changein her attitude toward her
mother-in-law, she received lessnegativity.
The mother-in-law began to likeher daughter-in-law, and they
soon became the best of friends.

(02:55):
How you regard others will behow others regard you.
That is how to kiss an ugly frogand remove the wicked spell.
Because the story is called the,how to, what is the story
called?
It's called Kissing the UglyFrog.
Basically, how do you makeyourself like the ugly frog?
And in this story, he made themother-in-law the ugly frog.

(03:18):
So I read that story to my twinsat bedtime.
And I felt frustrated thatevening.
Nothing was going my way.
And I think even before thatstory, I told my husband, I feel
frustrated because I feel likeeveryone's being an idiot.
And I'm not proud of it, butthat's what happened.

(03:40):
So then I read that story, and Ithought, okay, if I want my kids
to be thoughtful...
then maybe I can start thinkingthat they're thoughtful, right?
Because whatever you think ofthe other person is how the
other person is going to thinkof you.
And better yet, you're going tofeel better.
This is what I was reallylooking for.

(04:01):
When you think everyone's beingan idiot, you feel terrible,
right?
It makes you angry.
So I thought, okay, I could justtry this.
If I want my kids, if I want tofeel like my kids are
thoughtful...
then maybe I could startthinking of them as thoughtful.
And you would not believethat...

(04:23):
Well, I was done with the twins,and I put them to bed.
Then I moved on to my big boys,and you would not believe, which
I...
Well, you will believe.
But as I was putting the bigboys to bed, one of the big boys
said, Thank you, Mama, you're sothoughtful.
And I laughed out loud becausethat worked so quickly that...

(04:45):
Literally five minutes later, assoon as I thought, you know,
they're thoughtful, then I wasacting thoughtful and my boys
commented.
They said, Mama, you're being sothoughtful.
So that, you know, you've alwaysprobably heard of they say, you
know, do unto others as you wantothers to do unto you.
And if you want others to benice to you, be nice to them.

(05:06):
But this is a little bit of adifferent approach, right?
If you want others to love you,or whatever you want others to
think of you, start thinkingthat of them first.
Which can be really hard whenyou start out thinking the exact
opposite, right?
When you really think, like, youknow, I was thinking my kids

(05:30):
were not thoughtful, right?
When they're not thinking ofeach other.
And that's totallyunderstandable, by the way.
I think as the kids are growingup, they're learning.
How to be thoughtful, how tothink of others, etc.
But of course, it was stilldriving me crazy when I would
think, well, you should alreadyknow this, right?
So that's what happened thatnight.

(05:53):
And then, so I laughed out loudand I said, thank you.
And I was really happy that Icould achieve that.
And the next day, I met up witha friend who, poor woman, is
really upset with her neighbor.
And really, there's fights goingon.
They're struggling.
She really hates her neighbor.

(06:14):
The neighbor hates her.
And on and on and on, you know,she was really upset.
She was telling me about all thethings.
And so I could not help butthink I need to share this with
everyone because this is aperfect example when we want to
think something of our neighborlike wow they're such a great

(06:34):
neighbor but we can't we'restuck in the opposite spectrum
we're thinking oh my god this isthe worst neighbor ever this is
a perfect opportunity for us topractice what this um buddhist
guy is teaching us and um Ofcourse, I didn't tell her that
because I was just being a goodfriend and I was listening and I

(06:56):
was kind of commiserating andsaying, you know what, better
off moving on and not thinkingabout the neighbors much.
But I think and like me, youknow, we all have that in our
life.
So I'm not saying I'm betterthan that.
And she, you know, she could dobetter.
I'm saying that we all have thatin our life and how we deal with

(07:19):
it will make a difference forus.
So.
That's why I'm really sharingthis with you here because I
think when we practice this,when we start thinking the
thoughts, we want those guys tothink about us and feel, right?
If we want our neighbor to benice to us and love us and be
thoughtful and respectful andpolite, then what must they be

(07:43):
thinking about us?
You know, oh, you know, I wantto be a good neighbor.
I'm going to do this, right?
So whatever those thoughts arethat they should be thinking,
that's what we need to startthinking first.
Of course, it's easier said thandone.
But even me, who was not in agood mood on that night, I was

(08:07):
nowhere near open to feelinglike super loving and being like
a Buddhist monk.
And I tried it on, on myself,and I just like sat in the space
and paused and kind of observed.
Even I was able to achieve that.
So you don't have to be perfectat it.

(08:28):
You don't have to be happy orreally good at it.
You don't even have to feel allthat love and kindness.
You just have to start imaginingwhat would that be like.
And watch it transform.
So I found it really interestinghow that unfolded.
And I just want to bethoughtful.

(08:51):
I want my kids to be thoughtful.
And I'm sure my friend, shereally wants her neighbor to be
thoughtful of her as a neighbor.
And I think I have made...
No, I haven't.
I actually told my list to makeanother episode about how
whatever we think of the otherperson is how we're actually

(09:12):
showing up, which is kind oflike what this is saying, this
message, right?
Whatever we're thinking aboutthe other person, well, that's
how we're acting towards them.
So let's just hope I was notbeing too big of an idiot to my
kids when I was thinkingeveryone's being an idiot.

(09:32):
So that's what I have for youguys today.
check out that book i love lovelove that book i actually could
reread that book once in a whilebecause you kind of forget and i
love his sense of humor he's abritish guy who became a monk
and moved to thailand and thensettled down in australia and he
is extremely popular on youtubeand everywhere and he's just

(09:54):
wonderful his um His humor is sodelightful and also the Buddhist
teachings are awesome.
So check it out.
I love you all.
Have a great day and I'll seeyou soon.

UNKNOWN (10:06):
Bye.