August 9, 2023 • 41 mins
Ever feel like you're simply surviving, not thriving? Health consultant Tanesa Shears, who specializes in helping entrepreneurs, has a powerful answer to this predicament - biohacking for optimal performance. Our intimate chat unpacks how using wearable technology to fine-tune our brains & bodies can lead to improvements in our sleep, diet, and overall resilience to stress. Tanesa's mantra, progressing 1% at a time, emphasizes the power of small, consistent changes and how they can significantly modify our lives, both professionally and personally.
We then shift gears to discuss the ever-present challenge of balancing work and leisure. Tanesa shares her unique journey, from launching her business in 2014 to becoming a new mom in 2020, and how she creates boundaries to safeguard her own mental health. We examine how systems and optimization are crucial in managing mental load, particularly in business and marketing. Are constant notifications draining your energy? We tackle this common issue head-on and explore methods of creating a middle ground that respects your need for downtime.
Finally, we dive headfirst into the topic of combating self-doubt and limiting beliefs. Our conversation covers the power of language in decision-making, the necessity of carving out guilt-free time for ourselves, and how small decisions can have major ramifications. Ready for a shock? Tanesa's personal commitment to a daily cold shower for 10 days makes a compelling case for how minor habits can drastically improve our lives. Join our conversation to not just learn about, but truly understand how to optimize your life for maximum performance.
CONNECT WITH ME MORE AT:
http://www.stopshoulding.me
https://www.instagram.com/minessa.konecky/
🎵 Thank you to Karacter for allowing me to use Telepathy (2005) in my intro.
This is one of my favorite albums of all time.
👉 Check it out: https://karacter.bandcamp.com/album/karacter
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:04):
First, I want to welcome you and let everybody
know who you are.
So, tanesa Shears.
In fact, before we even do that, let's just get this out of the
way, right.
Your name Tanesa, my nameManessa.
Let's talk.
How did you get your?
Speaker 2 (00:17):
name.
You know what's funny?
My aunt named me and that'sabout.
Yeah, I was unnamed for threeweeks and the default was going
to be Sarah after, after, ifthey didn't come up with
anything.
But my, my aunt was like whatabout Tanesa?
And it stuck.
Because, let's be real, mymom's name is Karen.
My dad's name is Lynn.
They were trying for Carolyn.
Speaker 1 (00:39):
Oh my gosh, I think you won out on that one that
you'd like.
It's.
Good night, cara, lynn andCarolyn.
I mean, you know, at a certainage it would be great, but, like
the childhood years, would nothave been fun at all.
Speaker 2 (00:51):
Yeah, no, I'm thrilled that they went with
Tanesa.
Speaker 1 (00:54):
Yeah, no, it's great, I love it.
And there's so many.
And you know what's funny?
I know one other Tanesa and shespells a T-Y-N-E-S-S-A.
Her name is Tanesa Franks andshe's also going to be on the
podcast.
So when she comes on thepodcast, I feel like we might
need to do one with like all ofus together.
You know, just like at all ofthe strange variations of I
don't even Vanessa.
I was like what's the actualname of it?
(01:14):
We need a Genessa too.
Speaker 2 (01:17):
Do you know a Genessa ?
I don't, but we should know one.
Speaker 1 (01:19):
We'll find one.
I'll go online and startGoogling it.
Just find all the people whohave, like the, the, the, the
Anessa.
So I, I would love to know, youknow, aside from the, aside
from the, the Anessa to Tanesapart you are, you biohack your
body.
That's what you talk about andthat is like my, all, my, like
my.
Everything I train on,everything I teach, is all about
(01:40):
how do you hack the systemswithin you to make your life
easier rather than fighting them.
I don't talk anything abouthealth or any of that, because,
let's face it, that's not reallymy number, that's not my number
one space that I live in, butI'm fascinated by it, absolutely
fascinated.
So tell me a little bit aboutwhat it is that you do?
Speaker 2 (01:59):
Yeah, so I work as a health consultant for
entrepreneurs specifically, butwhat I do is I use wearable
technology so like if you everhave, like your Fitbits or your
Oro rings or stuff like that andI use them to help optimize how
our brains and our bodies work,because, if we think about it,
our brain is our best asset.
So if I can get the capacities,if I can get this working a
(02:19):
little clearer, little focused,more focused, if I can make
decisions faster, if I can boostmy energy, I'm going to be a
better business owner, a bettermom, a better wife.
There are so many things, waysthat this infiltrates my life,
and the way I love to do this isI love talking about how can we
optimize our sleep, how can weeat better food, how can we move
a bit more, how can we be moreresilient to the stressors that
(02:39):
naturally come with a full life?
Right, and so that's my thingis I just love getting in there
and figuring out how we can bejust 1% better at a time.
Speaker 1 (02:50):
Oh, I love that you said 1% better at a time,
Because I think that, like youknow, we find so often that
people are like oh you know what, I'm feeling shitty about
something right?
So I'm waking up, feelingshitty and I'm going to now
revamp my whole life.
I'm going to this is my newschedule, that I'm going to do,
but that never works, Tell talka little bit about that, Like
why do you?
why 1% at a time, instead ofsaying hey, oh, my God, your
(03:10):
life is a mess.
This is your new schedule, andtelling people how to do that.
Speaker 2 (03:14):
Because I find that, like 98% of the people I work
with, struggle withperfectionism, which is just
like, if it's not perfect,what's the point?
Of course, I've always beenlike this and we have these
conversations, but once we canrecognize that we're in this
cycle, so what you said, youknow, that perfect plan, that
schedule, that every so we makethis beautiful plan and we get
this little high off at thedopamine, high of like, yeah,
(03:35):
this is the time everything'sgoing to change.
And then we go out into thefield and we do the things, but
we realize we never planned forthe fact that, like, oh, you
know, our kids have all thestuff to do after school, or we
actually can't do this at thistime, or we didn't account for
all these other things and theplan falls apart and we either
just quit and tell ourselvesthere's something wrong with us
or we beat ourselves up.
That feels terrible.
(03:56):
And what do we do to get out offeeling terrible?
We create a really good newplan and we get that good
feeling.
Speaker 1 (04:02):
I love that dopamine hit.
Look, the plan is all.
Once I've done the plan, it'salmost too much work to actually
do the thing Right.
Speaker 2 (04:09):
Yeah, so one of the things I love introducing is
like this idea of like where'syour minimum baseline?
Here, yeah, meaning like whatare the things that you know
that you can do no matter what?
And like coming back to your 1%point like one of the things
I'm working on with a clientright now is like no, I just
want you to get three 10 minutewalks a week.
And he says that's not enough.
How is that possibly going tomake a difference?
I was like because if this issomething that you can feel
(04:32):
comfortable sticking to for sixmonths to a year, you're going
to have built integrity withyourself, that you do what you
say you're going to do and thatyou build on that when
incorporating new habits,knowing that you're the type of
person that like, oh, when I sayI do this, when I say these
things, I do them, and even ifit starts out small but I think
it's really breaking that it hasto be this huge, elaborate plan
(04:54):
for it to be worth it.
Speaker 1 (04:56):
It almost has to be because, like you know a lot of
people this is a new thing thatI'm on right now is you know,
people love to say they likechange and my answer is always
no, you don't.
Nobody likes change.
So we are human beings bydefault.
When change happens, we think,oh my God, I'm about to die, so
you have, it's what happensafter that, right.
So, like you get through that,oh my God, I'm about to die.
(05:17):
And then it's like no, I'm not,it's okay.
Let's talk about how we canmake change more palatable and
sort of migrate whatever thisthing is into my system.
But like if you bring in 30 newthings at once, your brain
literally feels like you'restabbing yourself through the
eyes, so like it's not pleasantand so like I feel like we
almost break down under thepressure of this plan, like the
(05:37):
plan itself.
Speaker 2 (05:38):
Oh, totally.
And then you pair that with thefact that sometimes our
expectations are off, like I dida consultation a couple of
weeks ago and she said Teneza,you know it would be great.
Like you know, when you're likeelbows deep in a bag of chips,
are you eating the cookies?
And it just you really, it's soenjoyable.
I want to transfer that to asalad and I was like I get that,
but a salad is never going togive you that dopamine rush that
(06:02):
you're expecting.
On a salad, you've already setyourself up because you're never
going to get that from a salad.
You're going to get subtlewell-being from a salad, but
you're never going to get theintensity.
And so I think it's likepairing that, like reason, like
that plan that you know that youcan do with expectations that
are based in science and alsoreality, right.
Speaker 1 (06:23):
You know, as you were talking and maybe think about
sorry, there's a giant boatoutside right now.
I'm like, oh, giant boat.
It made me think about my ideason relationships when I was
growing up.
So, like for many years I'mgoing to tell you.
I was probably in my 30s, early30s.
Oh yeah, that's how I met mywife.
(06:43):
I had this idea that like lovewas that intensity, you know
that, like passion that you seein the notebook right
no-transcript.
John Hughes is an asshole fordoing this to us all.
That whole series of thesepatterns you think to yourself,
that's what love actually is.
And so when that portion of itsort of dissipated, for me I was
like it's not staying, whichmeans it's obviously isn't like
(07:06):
real love, right, and so I wentthrough many, many, many, many,
many many relationships, many,many to sort of get to.
And then when I met my wife, itactually took us a few years.
But now we talk all the timeabout how the subtle piece that
comes from just trusting yourpartner and having a deep
relationship, that they know youso well and your routines are
(07:28):
together that is really wherewellbeing comes from.
It doesn't come from that.
Yeah, that passion is fun, it'sdelicious and it's great, but
it doesn't fulfill you the sameway that the relationship would
that's actually based onmeaningful connection.
Speaker 2 (07:45):
Oh, I love that.
Did you do Alex Formosius?
Have you heard of him?
No, he's an entrepreneur.
He has some opinions onrelationships and stuff, but one
of the things that he said thathas always stuck with me is, he
said, relationships that have ashared life mission, that are
supported by similar values, andthen, with the last important
thing being, overlappinginterests, are the ones that
(08:06):
last.
Because when that initialpassion, that fire that you were
talking about, fades, then youstill have that.
You are on the same missionwith the same values.
Because if you're only in therefor common interests or that
fire, that spark, when that goesaway, if you don't have a
shared life mission or you'renot on the same path together,
then you're like, what are wedoing?
Speaker 1 (08:25):
And so that was right , that is good, that's some good
stuff right there.
I like because you know what,because that's actually one of
the things that we talk about.
We often were like what is?
And it's the shared mission,that really, because, like,
their interests diverge, thingshappen.
You have times when you'recloser, times when you're not,
but you know, and I think thatthat kind of does lead back.
Let's go back to the healththing that we're talking about,
(08:47):
because when you have, you saidthat your client asked about so
what if I only do it 10 minutesthree times a week?
Right, my sister lost 50 poundsdoing that exact thing because
she was just consistent andconsistent.
And my wife and I joke a lotabout oh, my gosh, like, what's
the answer to this problem?
And it's like, oh, it'sconsistent efforts.
Fuck, like, why is the solutionto everything always fucking
(09:08):
consistent efforts.
Speaker 2 (09:09):
It's never the.
What right the?
What do I do?
Is it broccoli or the quinoa?
It's never that.
It's never that it's like.
Why can't we continue eatingthe thing Exactly?
Speaker 1 (09:21):
You can exercise right, so I'm careful.
We have jumped in like I haveso many, like actually I have
all these questions and Irealize I haven't even gotten to
one, because I'm so excitedabout the things that we're
talking about, so I've actuallyall right.
Let's talk a little bit aboutsomething.
Actually, because in your emailthe first email, so guys sign
up for her freebie, which youcan get on her website, which
will be in the show notes.
You send out the email with thelist of things and do you
(09:45):
follow the Huberman Lab?
Are you familiar with them?
I do.
Yes, I saw him years ago and Ican't remember what he said, but
I was like oh man, you're agenius and I really like their
social media game.
Speaker 2 (09:56):
So anyway, he starts talking about he's a little
extra for me a little extra, butI still love him.
Speaker 1 (10:01):
But he talks about cold plunges and I'm like fuck
off.
And then my business coach,rebecca Tracy, goes to fricking
like Iceland or something anddoes these plunges.
I'm like fuck off.
And then I see you in therebeing like cold plunges.
I'm literally like fuck off.
But I want you to know I don't.
My bathroom is like the size ofa porta potty, so we don't like
(10:22):
have a tub, so I will take myshower and I put it on really
cold at the very end, like I'vebeen working my way that way
it's for 10 days.
I've been doing this and theother shirt.
You're gonna find the hysterica.
I'm sitting at the counter andI'm like it's right after my
shower I'm eating and I'm likewhere am I feeling right now?
It's like I'm feeling sostrange.
I was like oh, it's alertness.
(10:43):
This is what alertness feelslike.
I thought that was so funnythat I was like I had forgotten.
I was like what a strangefeeling I'm having right now.
What is this?
That's amazing.
Speaker 2 (10:54):
Then I was like how much alertness.
Speaker 1 (10:55):
That's what that feels like.
Tell me about the cold plunges.
Speaker 2 (10:59):
How does that and is?
Speaker 1 (11:00):
the shower.
Enough, does that work?
Speaker 2 (11:02):
Absolutely it does.
I always think of it as likedeliberate cold exposure,
because there's being cold andthen they're doing it to
yourself With deliberate coldexposure and, honestly, it can
be as simple as starting with 15seconds on the end of your
shower, working up to 30 orinching what you're doing,
inching your way colder.
But when that hits your body,your internal core is like a
(11:26):
thermostat.
It feels cold on the outsideand it's like ooh, this is cold,
let's turn up the temperature.
That increase in coretemperature signals to your
brain it's time to get up alert.
That's usually what our bodytemperature does in the morning.
It boosts alertness.
On top of that, it gives you abig hit of dopamine and a big
hit of adrenaline.
You feel clear, you feel morealert and you feel more focused.
(11:46):
Then, if you pair that at allwith caffeine, you're just like
let's go.
It's a hack that I use and it'snot something I do every day,
but it's like if I have a daywhere, like today is a day where
I have three interviewsscheduled, I need my brain super
sharp, I need to be clear and Ineed to be focused.
I hit the cold shower in themorning because I want to give
myself that little edge.
Speaker 1 (12:06):
That helps a lot, because when it hits you, you're
like there's that feeling which.
I'm trying to get to the spacewhere and it's actually now that
we're at 10 days I'm now at thecoldest and I can do it for
like 30 seconds to a minute.
It's nice, but there's thatfirst moment of get me away from
it.
That's the I'm trying to, thekilling your body thinks you're
(12:27):
trying to kill yourself.
Speaker 2 (12:28):
It's called the mammalian dive reflex.
It's a reflex.
Thank you, it's a reflex.
Speaker 1 (12:33):
It's a mammalian dive reflex.
What is it effectively tryingto do?
Does it think that I'msuffocating?
What is that breath?
What is triggering that?
Speaker 2 (12:45):
Yeah, it's the shock, right Another way of calming
your body down is like, okay,let's get some oxygen in here.
But one of the things you'reprobably noticing is cold
adaptation.
So for me, I used to be theperson that was like I wear two
pairs of socks in the winter.
Keep in mind I'm up inVancouver, Canada.
It doesn't get that cold, butit's colder than a lot of places
in the world.
But, like I, would be so coldall year long and when I started
(13:07):
doing these cold end of showers, I actually stopped feeling
cold all the time.
If anything, I run warm.
Now it is so interesting andyou begin to tolerate longer and
longer cold showers and thenyou can start to build up to the
point where I think I thinkactually, Andrew Huberman coined
that it was like 11 minutes ofcumulative cold exposure per
week is optimal for brainfunction.
Speaker 1 (13:26):
So that's a good thing to know.
So like I don't like just 11minutes a week is enough per
week and it can be divided up.
Speaker 2 (13:32):
It can be all at once , and that's kind of the nice
thing.
And I got to the point whereit's like, ok, I can do about a
five minute shower, so then Ireally only need to do it twice
a week if I need it there'shonestly, weeks.
I don't even hit that and Ikind of use it as like a buffet.
It's like oh, I think I willtake some alertness.
Today I will go cold shower.
Speaker 1 (13:49):
Oh, my God, I love that.
So I'm actually curious.
You mentioned earlier that youfocus on entrepreneurs mostly,
but so I left entrepreneurshipland a long time ago.
I was like less than a year, sonot that long but and I found
since going back into theworkforce that I mean like these
are helpful for anybody.
So I'm curious to know, becauseit is, and I know you're an
(14:11):
entrepreneur, so that's probablywhy you selected that but I am
curious to know why you meshdown into entrepreneurship,
especially because what you'reoffering is so ubiquitous with
the audience that it like burnedout, exhausted women, you know.
Speaker 2 (14:27):
Yeah, you know, what's interesting is I have had
clients over the last year.
I have one that was a teacher, Ihave one that was just doing a
side hustle as a coach and thereare all these different kind of
layers.
So your hands down and what yousaid, all of these things, I
mean science is science here,and that cold shower will work
for anybody.
It doesn't matter what you dofor work.
So, but the thing I found islike, for me it's like I'm an
(14:49):
entrepreneur, I knowentrepreneurs and I had a lot of
entrepreneurial clients, so Ifound that like, at least in the
online space, if I was able toshift a little bit of my
messaging, because I know thatthe reason I serve like usually
six or seven figureentrepreneurs is because these
are the people that are likeI've finally broken this
milestone.
I finally hired the team, I'vefinally outsourced some stuff.
(15:10):
I find and I haven't worked outin two years I haven't eaten a
dinner at my, you know, kitchentable yeah, like, and so that
just was a message that wasreally resonating and I found
that at least that audience,when they came across my content
, was able to be like, that isexactly me.
Speaker 1 (15:25):
But, having said, that I know, Of course, what you
want.
That's what you want, so Iwanted to actually tell you.
By the way, your marketing islike the whole, your whole
package, the process that you'veput together, the workflow,
everything.
It's some of the best I've everseen, Like I actually.
It is really really good.
Everything leads to somethingelse.
I was never lost.
(15:46):
It's always clear.
I never feel like there's toomuch.
It's so rare to see like aperfect example, but you are
like a perfect example of.
So did you do it yourself?
Did you hire people?
Speaker 2 (15:58):
Did you know?
That's all me.
It's just a lot of passion inthere and a love of Canva, but
thank you.
Speaker 1 (16:03):
It's really so.
It's and it's also like there'syou.
Naturally, I guess you musteither like you've developed, or
you also came with the innateskill as well of and it makes
sense because of the way thatyou think about biohacking.
So you're really good atlooking at systems, right, and
so you figured out the systemand you're just, you're running
with it.
It's like, it's very, it's veryimpressive to watch, like if I
(16:25):
was like holy shit, this isreally good.
Speaker 2 (16:27):
So I want to make sure they told you that.
Thank you, I think it was also.
The behind the scenes is like Iopen my business in 2014,.
Started diddling around onlinein 2015 is when it kind of
started.
So I mean there's been a lot oflike marketing, messaging,
changes, refining, figuring outwhat connected, and so I mean
we're in 2023 now, so we're inlike what, eight, nine years of
fiddling with it and perfectingit over by now, absolutely, and
(16:49):
I'm so glad that you said that,so glad so it took you about.
Speaker 1 (16:52):
When, would you say you probably hit the spot where
you were like okay because, likeI'm seeing you at your 10 year
mark right, like when would yousay you hit like this kind of
spot for yourself?
Speaker 2 (17:02):
Late 2020, I had my first baby in February of 2020.
And it was like right afterthat where I that was when I
kind of discovered like how muchoptimization you need when
you're sleep deprived, having anew baby.
Yes, I was like, oh, okay, no,this is the shift.
And I was right.
There is when my messaging justwent like super narrow.
I got really specific.
(17:22):
My content got very specific.
So 2020, I mean that's what?
Six years down the road of alot of you know, money spent on
ads that went nowhere, programsthat launched to zero, years
where I only made $500 in thatpart of the business, like the
online part.
So I mean it's, it's been alabor of love, but it's because
I love it that I'm still here.
Speaker 1 (17:42):
I'm so glad.
I'm so glad we got anopportunity to talk about that
part of it, just because youknow, having taught marketing
for so many years, like thebiggest challenge, I think is
that everybody looks at you, theovernight success.
Right, T'Nessa, you're such anovernight success, You're like
no that's.
I've literally been doing thisfor 10 years.
I've only overnight to youbecause you found me yesterday.
Speaker 2 (18:02):
My mom would say to me all the time she's like in
the early days, like you know,when the first made the first
500, the first year, and then10,000 the next year, she would
say to me like what keeps yougoing at this?
I mean, I'm not just saying I'mnot proud of you but, like it's
Kindly said, it's not working.
How are you still working at?
And I was like, oh my gosh, Ijust had such a belief that it
(18:22):
was going to work.
I mean, you can't possibly beat it 10 years and not have
figured something out.
Well, you clearly figured outquite a bit.
So you know there is that.
Speaker 1 (18:31):
Take that mom.
So OK, so here's the thing I'mtelling you.
This is the one email thatprobably blew you out of the
stratosphere.
This is the one I know thatmade you that overnight success
we were talking about.
So you sent an email the otherday and I was like holy shit,
this is for literally everybodythat I know and it said is this
you by the way, it is not me,just want you to know that that
do you have thousands of tabsopen on your, on your screen?
(18:54):
And the reason it's not me isnot because it's not what my
habit that was my habit foryears but in the way that you
and I both share this idea ofhacking your brain, and I know
the kind of impact that that has, and so over the years, I've
stopped doing it.
However, I would love the oneof the most chronic, aside from
the idea that we can multitaskone of the most chronic
(19:15):
fallacies I think that existedthat I need to have all these
tabs open because it makes memore productive.
I would love to hear a littlebit about tabs and then you're
like you know, you talked aboutyour mind tabs and then, like
your, your computer tabs Take itaway.
Speaker 2 (19:28):
Yeah, so I like to think of it like this.
Like, let's imagine you're onyour computer right now and
you've got your 15 tabs open.
There's an Amazon, a Facebook,an Instagram whatever it is
that's in your tabs.
So your brain is constantlyneeding to process all of those
tabs and think about it.
Then let's not even get startedabout how many icons and
screenshots are on your desktop.
Every time we look at that, youneed to be like should I clean
(19:50):
this up?
It's really messy.
Then you look at your desk.
I shouldn't even talk right now.
I've got three lip glosses andtwo cups on my desk right now.
But, having said that, yourbrain needs to process each one
of those things.
See it, think about it, see it,think about it.
Then, when you have all thesethings, it's switching back and
forth because my phone just wentoff.
Oh, is that a notification onInstagram?
I should probably check that.
(20:11):
Oh, I didn't check that message.
Oh, my gosh, look, an emailjust came in.
When you have all these thingsopen, your brain is constantly
having to processes.
Every single item you need toprocess increases the load your
brain is under.
I want you to think about itLiterally.
If you were to put your handout and everything weighed a
pound that you had open.
The load gets so heavy that itends up being really hard to
(20:34):
carry.
I always think we need to takesome time to literally detox or
do a cognitive load detox.
Look at your desktop.
Can we clear, honestly, even ifyou highlight all put in a
folder and say sort later I'vedone that sometimes just to
clear it visually.
Take two minutes, clear offyour desk.
Think about the load that isplaced by you needing to
(20:55):
visually identify everythingover and over all day.
How can you clear up some ofthat space so that your brain
can stay focused, because ittakes so much time to switch
between these tasks too.
Speaker 1 (21:09):
Absolutely.
I think that for many years Iwas like I'm a multitasker, this
is how I work, and so on and soforth.
I do have ADHD, so I do tend tobounce a lot, but the way that
I was thinking about it was thatthat was the only way that I
could bounce between things.
What I didn't recognize wasthat there's a way that you can
actually create a flow that isactually productive, that leans
into my ADHD brain, that is notdoing what you're talking about.
(21:31):
That doesn't have all thosetabs open.
So I'll tell you, actually Idon't have the tabs open, but I
wanted to confess because Ican't lie.
After I got your email aboutthat, I looked at my desktop and
I did exactly what you justsaid.
I've been looking at the samefucking desktop for the last I
don't even know how many monthsand I keep saying it's like
screenshots and save as and blah, blah, blah.
I'm like should I?
(21:51):
When you said that, I was like,oh my God, she's literally
living in my brain right now.
I was like should I?
Then yesterday I was like youknow what, or yeah, it was
yesterday.
I was like you know what.
I was like actually this is notgood.
So I did put it all on a folderand I just said I literally
called it deal with later.
Now everything is off.
So thank you for bringing thatup, because when I used to train
on that, I would call it like Iwould just liken it to having
(22:13):
the app on your phone, which iswhere you'd be like you have
your app and you charge yourphone, then it's fully charged,
you take it off and thensuddenly, 20 minutes later, it's
like 25 percent and you're likehow did that happen?
You look and you have all theseapps that are there that are
draining the battery, the tabsand the things on your desktop.
Those are the same things.
Those are just acting asbattery drainers and then we're
(22:37):
tired by two o'clock?
Speaker 2 (22:39):
Yes, Because you've processed so much and then you
probably got off off a funnysleep and all the things and the
perfect plan didn't go well andso it just goes downhill from
there.
But yeah, I totally agree withyou on that.
Speaker 1 (22:50):
Hold on, let me get to this.
Actually, this is so greatwe're actually literally leading
into my next question, which isbad.
You mentioned something aboutnotifications.
I have strong feelings aboutnotifications.
I'm really curious to know whatyour feelings are about
notificating, buzzingnotifications, outlook
notifications on the side.
Tell me how you feel aboutthose things.
Speaker 2 (23:13):
My parents, my whole family strongly detests my
experience with notifications.
My phone is on, silent, it'simpossible to get a hold of me.
People complain about it allthe time and I'm like but I want
to decide when to interrupt mythinking.
I want to decide when tointerrupt my day, so naturally I
have everything closed.
Nothing is allowed to getnotifications through, and
(23:34):
actually you know what I do.
I have two phones, one phonehere, so this is my personal
phone.
It has on there text message,whatsapp and I can call.
I think that maybe podcaststhat's all it has on it.
It is the most boring phone andthis is what I have.
This phone originally started.
You know, when you upgrade to anew phone but there was nothing
wrong with your old phone andit's kind of sitting around, you
(23:55):
feel bad, throwing it in thegarbage.
You don't know what to do withit.
I turned it into what I calledmy work phone Instagram,
facebook, google Drive, gmail,boxer all of the work stuff is
on this phone and it doesn'thave that on.
I can't call anybody on it, butthis phone is where I do all my
social media, anything likethat and so at the end of the
day, I power this down and itstays in my office and I don't
(24:17):
have access to any of that stuffbecause I don't want to be
interrupted by it, unless Ichoose to, at which point I can
walk back up to my office, fireup this phone, but the
inconvenience is usually solarge that I don't end up doing
it, and I find that's really howI'm able to disconnect from
what I think of as just likeconstant input from other
people's brains constant I lovethat so much.
Speaker 1 (24:36):
I love everything you just said because, like, I feel
like notificate, I did atraining once.
I don't know if you've done atraining like this, where you
talk about turning offnotifications or something like
that and people grab theirphones and they like hold on to
it almost as if you're taking itaway from them.
I mean like I'm not taking yourphone, but like people feel
some curious.
How do you deal with it when?
Because, like everybody says, Ihave to have my notifications
(24:59):
on right?
And like in some, cases likeyou're a doctor, you need to
have your notifications on, orlike you have small children or
what have you.
So how do you recommend?
How do you recommend, like thatmiddle ground where, like you
have that phone but like noteverybody can have a second
phone.
So if let's say somebody's likelook, I really have to be able
to hear from these three peoplewhenever I want them to be able
to interrupt me, or somethinglike well, what are your
(25:20):
recommendations for those whoare not quite ready to let go of
notifications just yet?
Speaker 2 (25:24):
Yeah, I'm pretty sure that you can actually have
breakthrough notifications.
Like you can actually set inlike this person is allowed to
break through, silent, or if youput on do not disturb, which
blocks all notifications, youcan select certain people that
are able to break through orcertain apps.
So, for example, let's just sayyou only have maybe you have
kids that are out and you wantthem to be able to contact you
(25:44):
for emergency or your doctorthis app is allowed
notifications and everythingelse is silent.
You only put people that youwant to break through on there,
right, and so that's a reallygood way.
That has helped me kind ofbridge the gap, because I, if my
husband is out with my kids, Iwould want him to be able to
reach me if you have a flat tireor if something's gone wrong.
So that's kind of where they'llbe able to get through, but
(26:05):
nobody else love that.
Speaker 1 (26:07):
Thank you, are you giving me, like, what's great
about this podcast?
I'm like, oh my God, I'mgetting amazing sound bites that
I could send to people, becausethere's, these are chronic
issues.
Like, what we're talking aboutis like I feel like what you do
is you work on the real shitthat is underneath all the stuff
that like, because you know,yes, you need to be more
effective at work, but doingsomething like this will make
you more effective at work andalso at home and also with
(26:27):
yourself, and you'll be happy.
Like it's like a, it's a two.
It helps in so many differentways.
So I'm curious, you know youmentioned that your family.
It drives your and mine too,because you can't get a hold of
me.
It's impossible.
If you want to get a hold of me, you have to call my wife, so
that's what I call my husband.
Speaker 2 (26:44):
They don't call me anymore Actually, they only call
him and I feel like I don'tlike this workaround anymore.
I don't either.
Speaker 1 (26:50):
Well, the other day I sent something.
I was in a chat and I sentsomething in the wrong chat and
my sister couldn't find me, andso she actually called, she
texted, she called she.
Finally she called my wife.
And when I see, when she saidyour sister's on the phone, I
was like oh my God, someone'sdead, but it is.
Speaker 2 (27:10):
It's really hard, so I'm actually curious, right?
Speaker 1 (27:12):
Because I think that you going back to what you said,
where you you put your phone inyour room and now, with people
working from home, so muchwhether you are an entrepreneur
or you're working for a company,you're working from home, and
then at some point you talkabout you talked about doing
that when you clock out and soone of the things that my
passion is helping to peoplepeople to actually clock out,
(27:34):
because so many people don'tbelieve that they can or should,
or there's too manyconversations to be had about
that but do you have boundariesset around the time that you
work and the time that you do?
Speaker 2 (27:45):
not work Very tight boundaries and it's like I can
even tell you to the hour onwhich I start and I stop when I
have breakfast with my kids andI, because of that, I work two
full days, two half days perweek and I'm very intentional
about that.
And so even in designing myprograms I was like, ok, I, if I
don't want to be on calls allday, every day, how am I going
to fit this in?
(28:06):
And so it's very much startingfrom like when do I want to be
doing this?
And then reverse engineeringeverything else to fit that.
Speaker 1 (28:13):
Yeah, that's so interesting because of so many
of us we actually say, if I wasgoing to schedule my day, so
many people will start with whatdo I need to do for work, Fill
that in and then fit everythingaround that.
You mentioned that even whenyou were talking about people's
plans that they make and thensuddenly they realize there's no
basis in reality.
Where does that come from?
(28:34):
We're obviously programmed toit, but how do you work with
your clients to decondition andsocialize in this other idea
where you're actuallyprioritizing yourself, your
health and your own longevityfirst, and using in that in and
of itself is like you doinggreat things for people in your
family.
Speaker 2 (28:52):
Yeah, it's two part.
First thing is we really haveto decondition productivity with
self-worth.
That's a huge conversation Ihave to have with them is like
no, answering that email at 11PM does not make you a more
valuable coach, entrepreneur,employee, whatever that is no,
responding within 10 minutesdoes not make you more valuable.
(29:12):
That is your conversation inyour head about what you're
telling yourself they arethinking if you don't respond.
Really having to break thatassociation, I think, is number
one, because otherwise we can'tever just let go, we can't ever
relax, we can't allow ourselvesto have guilt-free leisure time,
because the whole time andthat's actually one of the
(29:32):
podcast episodes I listened toof yours was like you feel
guilty about not enjoying itenough.
That really hit me and I waslike, yeah, that's what.
It's a double-edged sword.
I think it's really justlearning to tell yourself that
there is time that does not haveto be productive.
When I read fluffy fictionbooks, I'm not getting better,
(29:54):
my business is not growing, I'mnot a better parent, I'm never
going to do anything with thisbook once I close it and that's
okay.
I think that's part one.
Then, the thing that reallyshifted this do you know who Cal
Newport is have you ever readany of his books?
He has Deep Work and DigitalMinimalism.
He has in one of his books yeah, it's a great book.
Speaker 1 (30:12):
I've heard of that book, Digital Minimalism, and
now I'm going to go back and getit because the universe has put
in my path again.
Speaker 2 (30:20):
Right.
I think it might be Deep Work hetalks about this in, but he
talks about a day within a day.
Exactly what you said peoplescheduled their work and then
it's almost like an afterthoughtof what happens with the rest
of their day.
But he said if you want aleisure life that isn't like
papered over with tech use andjust this escapism, and you want
that intentional feeling of joyand stuff in your life, then
(30:41):
what we want to look at isactually thinking like I have my
day and then a day within a day, the day being the time outside
of work, and being asintentional with that time as
you are with your work time, andactually schedule them as if
they're two separate days, andnot that everything has to be
scheduled, but you can literallyjust schedule that time, not
for work, and that's asproductive as it ever has to be,
(31:01):
just being like during thisblock of time I can do whatever
I want with no outcome and it'sgreat.
And that like whether I walk,whether I exercise, spend time
with my kids or I do a load oflaundry.
It doesn't have to be with apodcast in my ear, I don't have
to grow because of it, it canjust be pointless and that's
okay.
That leisure time where you'renot connected to growth, to
(31:22):
being better, to responding,it's just.
It's a really just sense oflike restoration that you give
yourself.
Speaker 1 (31:29):
There's so much judgment, though, don't you
think when, like, when you cause, like, I subscribed to what
you're saying 100%, but when Ithink about it, I think to like,
but even as I hear the wordsare saying, I feel judgment
within myself, right Cause thoseare old, old stories that we
brought with us, and so I thinkthat like that is, like you said
(31:49):
, the hardest thing to overcome.
Have you read Laziness Does NotExist by Devon Price?
That is a really good book.
They are like my, they'reincredible, and the whole book
is about this divorcingproductivity from your value.
And especially if you'resocialized as a woman, there's
(32:11):
so much you're supposed toalways be looking outward, to
everybody else.
It really doesn't ever occur toyou to look inward and say am I
happy, am I okay?
So you hit 40, and then, at 40s, for some reason, I've noticed
all my 40 year old friends areall about.
This is the moment where,suddenly, I think we I guess we.
That's why people had quoteunquote midlife crisis in the
80s.
It wasn't a midlife crisis.
(32:32):
It's a realization and anunderstanding of how you have
been living your life to dateand like how do I want to live
my life, intentionally movingforward.
Speaker 2 (32:42):
Yeah, and I think one of the things that it was a
shift for me is going fromthinking that being selfish
sometimes was bad to beingnecessary, and we always, I
think, paint that word assomething that's very negative.
But when we paint self like andit's selfish in the terms of
like taking that time for you,if we stop painting it
(33:03):
negatively and think of like,well, what if I can be selfish
with half an hour, you know whatwould I want to do with that
time If I, you know, wasn'ttrying to make other people
happy, if I wasn't trying to beproductive, like what would I
want to do?
And I found that, like, when Itook the stigma off of that word
with the time that I haveallocated not to be productive,
I was like, okay, this is okay,this doesn't have to be a trait
(33:25):
that labels me as negative.
And for me, that was somethingI always struggled with was that
term, because when you takethat time for you and you don't
give it to your kids, you don'tgive it to your partner, you
don't give it to your partner.
Speaker 1 (33:35):
Oh my God, that's so selfish right.
Speaker 2 (33:37):
I right, and?
But then why would you evertake time for you if you're
going to be labeled as selfish?
Like it's a cognitivedissonance?
You can't hold those twosimultaneously, so you have to
almost make peace and acceptancewith the fact of like, well,
what if I've just given it thewrong label?
Like what if it's not a problem?
Why does this have to be aproblem?
That I want to take some timefor me Like, why is my brain
(33:59):
making it a problem?
What are the sentences that I'msaying that are making this a
problem?
Why do I want to choose tocontinue thinking them once I
can hear those?
Speaker 1 (34:11):
You just hit a nail on the head, super like.
So you said what are thesentences that I am saying?
Right, Can you tell me aboutthe value of the language that
we use in terms of making thesedecisions, because I love that
and clearly there's somethingthere.
So tell me about the words thatwe use.
Speaker 2 (34:28):
Yeah, this module in my program is called the
Limitless Mind, because I thinkthat the greatest power that as
humans, we can have is theability to direct our focus and
direct our thinking.
Because if you think anytimeyou've been spun out in an
anxiety spiral or you've beenoverwhelmed or stressed out or
you've been worried aboutsomething or any feeling that
(34:48):
you're not enjoying, checkwhat's going on in your
sentences in your head, like Ithink we are never taught to
actually hear what's going on inthere, and it's kind of like
one of those things that onceyou it's a Pandora's box.
Once you hear what's going onin there, it's ugly.
And I find that working throughthat with a lot of clients is
like I'm having to walk themthrough, like this is going to
(35:09):
get worse before it gets better.
Because if we go unconsciousour whole life and we don't
understand why we feel so badabout everything, and then we
hear it all and you're like whyam I so awful to myself?
And then the immediate thing youwant to do is the perfectionist
plan change it all, right, butinstead it's like what if I just
first heard it and then startquestioning like, okay, do I
(35:29):
want to continue thinking thisand recognizing that default
thought might not be optional,but everything that follows
after is and asking yourself whyare we going down the rabbit
hole every time?
If I can choose not to, notthat it's easy, but that has
been so freeing, knowing that,if I can like, if I can dictate
where my brain goes, despite thethoughts that it offers me the
(35:53):
negativity, the doubt, if I candictate like, okay, I hear you,
this is not something I want torun with.
What else is also true?
Yeah, going there.
Speaker 1 (36:03):
You know, Saira and I were talking about this
yesterday, because the otherthing is like we're so convinced
that what's in our brain, thatis the truth, Right.
And I said to Saira I can'tremember what she was you know,
we go through, you know ourwhole lives where we use each
other as our you know, hey, I'mhaving this problem or whatever.
But sometimes it's not a realproblem, Sometimes it's a
trigger moment, that's abeginning of a spiral, Right,
(36:24):
and we know each other wellenough to say, dude, yeah, do
you stop with that?
Right, and like, and so she Ican't remember what it was that
it was that she brought up, butI said, I said, Saira, you've
picked this one scenario, thisone thing, out of five million
options.
You've picked this one and thisis the one you're running with
and you've decided that this isthe truth.
You're not even looking thatthere's four million other
options out there.
But I'm but if, but you knowthat there are, and that in and
(36:49):
of itself is power, Because ifyou know, once you've figured,
once you have an awareness thatthis isn't the only direction.
But I think the hardest partthat I have, even with this
knowledge, is that it takes me awhile sometimes to remember
that I have my tools.
You know, so like, sometimesI'll be like it gets easier with
practice, but sometimes I'll be, you know, a little bit in.
My wife, fortunately, haslearned how to like pick up on
(37:10):
those things and she'll, shewill tell me about my tools.
But do you ever find yourselfin a situation where you'll
start going down and then you'll, you'll, you won't remember
your tools immediately and soyou'll actually get into a space
and then remember them later,or someone has to remind you.
Speaker 2 (37:23):
Absolutely, and it's always the same boring things
that my brain goes to it'salways the same, like there's no
variety.
No, I know, but that's thebeautiful thing and, I think,
one of the things that'swonderful about having someone
like your sister or like myhusband or someone that in a
coaching relationship, somethinglike that is like you have
someone that can see your brainfrom the outside, because
everything you think it'spresented as fact in your brain,
(37:47):
right?
So having someone else see yourthoughts from the outside and
question them, when you'vealways just decided they were
facts, right, you're like mylife is too busy and then you
have someone go.
Is it?
Or is that literally just howyou're thinking about your day,
or is that how you've decided toschedule your day?
Like you know what I mean, likehaving someone outside you to
(38:08):
question that, but 100% likeit's.
It's hard to see your brain'sown drama.
So, honestly, if you have noone in your life, that's like
that.
Grab a pen, grab a paper, writethose thoughts down and then
ask yourself why do I want tothink this?
What is the purpose?
Is this serving me and do Iwant to keep thinking this?
I love these questions.
Yeah, I love the doubt one.
(38:28):
Whenever I have doubt, thatcomes up.
Or like, for example, if I'mlaunching a program, my brain
loves to go.
No one is going to sign up forthis.
It's the end of the world.
The business is going to shutdown Right and you're going to
be homeless, don't forget that,and I got to the point one time
where I'm like I'm going to haveto sell the cat.
There's no way I'm going to buythe cat Like hold on hysteria.
I was like it was when I waslike 25.
Sell the cat, well, like you'rehomeless, like I want the cat
(38:50):
to go to a good home.
Well, I'm just curious who'sgoing to buy the cat Right Like
that's really Nobody would wantmy cat.
Let's be honest, like I don'teven want her half the time.
She only likes me half the time.
But but I mean, having saidthat, like you know it's it's.
It's tough sometimes and Ithink you have to really watch
your brain.
I'm being so true.
Speaker 1 (39:09):
Watch your brain, watch and also watch your
language.
I could talk to you forever,but we both have other meetings
and interviews after this.
So, as we wrap up, can you tellthe listeners that you're going
to be homeless the listenerswho are obviously in love with
you now how they can find you,what you, what you could, what
kind of help you can offer themand anything else you'd like to
(39:32):
share?
Speaker 2 (39:32):
Yeah, well, I think the you mentioned the 12 ways to
biohack your energy playbookthat I think you said you were
going to link, but the bestthing for that, specifically, is
it's full of 12 different hacksthat you can literally take one
, implement it, so that we'renot being perfectionists, we're
just like working on one thingat a time.
They link to podcast episodes.
If you want to dive deeper onthere, or you know, come hang
out with me on Instagram.
I love talking to people in mymessages, answering questions,
(39:56):
like digging into some stuff,nerding out about this.
So, honestly, my podcastbecoming limitless or the 12
ways to biohack your energy aregoing to be great ways into my
world.
Speaker 1 (40:05):
And they already work .
So I'm telling you all I'vedone from the list.
The only thing I've done okay,there might be a couple that
were already on there, but likethe one that I picked up that
was new was shower.
There's actually like at leastfive that I need to do, two that
I said, yeah, no, I'm not doingthose, but I will.
I just yeah, no, but the coldshower was the one I wanted to
do the least, so I did that andI'll tell you, it's all 10 days
(40:26):
changed my life.
So just do one thing.
And I know that some people arelike, if I do the one thing,
what kind of difference willthat make if I can't do all 12?
But really like that's thesecret.
The secret is you just need todo it.
Consistent efforts.
Speaker 2 (40:41):
And adjust your horizon for results.
Speaker 1 (40:44):
That is smart and adjust like your expectations,
really like for yourself.
It's like the high off thesalad it's not going to help.
Oh my gosh, I'm never gettinghigh off the salad.
I'm just telling you that rightnow Unless it made a weed then
maybe.
So thank you so much, so muchfor joining.
I mean today.
I'm actually thinking we mightwant to have you on for like
(41:06):
other things too, one episodepoint.
You're a great guest.
Clearly you've done a lot ofthese guys Go find Tanesa, not
just because she has a greatname, but also because she
literally will change your life.
I, for 30 seconds in themorning, I'm like I hate you, I
hate you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you.
So you know, thank you so muchfor your time today.
Thanks,
First, I want to welcome you and let everybody
know who you are.
So, tanesa Shears.
In fact, before we even do that, let's just get this out of the
way, right.
Your name Tanesa, my nameManessa.
Let's talk.
How did you get your?
Speaker 2 (00:17):
name.
You know what's funny?
My aunt named me and that'sabout.
Yeah, I was unnamed for threeweeks and the default was going
to be Sarah after, after, ifthey didn't come up with
anything.
But my, my aunt was like whatabout Tanesa?
And it stuck.
Because, let's be real, mymom's name is Karen.
My dad's name is Lynn.
They were trying for Carolyn.
Speaker 1 (00:39):
Oh my gosh, I think you won out on that one that
you'd like.
It's.
Good night, cara, lynn andCarolyn.
I mean, you know, at a certainage it would be great, but, like
the childhood years, would nothave been fun at all.
Speaker 2 (00:51):
Yeah, no, I'm thrilled that they went with
Tanesa.
Speaker 1 (00:54):
Yeah, no, it's great, I love it.
And there's so many.
And you know what's funny?
I know one other Tanesa and shespells a T-Y-N-E-S-S-A.
Her name is Tanesa Franks andshe's also going to be on the
podcast.
So when she comes on thepodcast, I feel like we might
need to do one with like all ofus together.
You know, just like at all ofthe strange variations of I
don't even Vanessa.
I was like what's the actualname of it?
(01:14):
We need a Genessa too.
Speaker 2 (01:17):
Do you know a Genessa ?
I don't, but we should know one.
Speaker 1 (01:19):
We'll find one.
I'll go online and startGoogling it.
Just find all the people whohave, like the, the, the, the
Anessa.
So I, I would love to know, youknow, aside from the, aside
from the, the Anessa to Tanesapart you are, you biohack your
body.
That's what you talk about andthat is like my, all, my, like
my.
Everything I train on,everything I teach, is all about
(01:40):
how do you hack the systemswithin you to make your life
easier rather than fighting them.
I don't talk anything abouthealth or any of that, because,
let's face it, that's not reallymy number, that's not my number
one space that I live in, butI'm fascinated by it, absolutely
fascinated.
So tell me a little bit aboutwhat it is that you do?
Speaker 2 (01:59):
Yeah, so I work as a health consultant for
entrepreneurs specifically, butwhat I do is I use wearable
technology so like if you everhave, like your Fitbits or your
Oro rings or stuff like that andI use them to help optimize how
our brains and our bodies work,because, if we think about it,
our brain is our best asset.
So if I can get the capacities,if I can get this working a
(02:19):
little clearer, little focused,more focused, if I can make
decisions faster, if I can boostmy energy, I'm going to be a
better business owner, a bettermom, a better wife.
There are so many things, waysthat this infiltrates my life,
and the way I love to do this isI love talking about how can we
optimize our sleep, how can weeat better food, how can we move
a bit more, how can we be moreresilient to the stressors that
(02:39):
naturally come with a full life?
Right, and so that's my thingis I just love getting in there
and figuring out how we can bejust 1% better at a time.
Speaker 1 (02:50):
Oh, I love that you said 1% better at a time,
Because I think that, like youknow, we find so often that
people are like oh you know what, I'm feeling shitty about
something right?
So I'm waking up, feelingshitty and I'm going to now
revamp my whole life.
I'm going to this is my newschedule, that I'm going to do,
but that never works, Tell talka little bit about that, Like
why do you?
why 1% at a time, instead ofsaying hey, oh, my God, your
(03:10):
life is a mess.
This is your new schedule, andtelling people how to do that.
Speaker 2 (03:14):
Because I find that, like 98% of the people I work
with, struggle withperfectionism, which is just
like, if it's not perfect,what's the point?
Of course, I've always beenlike this and we have these
conversations, but once we canrecognize that we're in this
cycle, so what you said, youknow, that perfect plan, that
schedule, that every so we makethis beautiful plan and we get
this little high off at thedopamine, high of like, yeah,
(03:35):
this is the time everything'sgoing to change.
And then we go out into thefield and we do the things, but
we realize we never planned forthe fact that, like, oh, you
know, our kids have all thestuff to do after school, or we
actually can't do this at thistime, or we didn't account for
all these other things and theplan falls apart and we either
just quit and tell ourselvesthere's something wrong with us
or we beat ourselves up.
That feels terrible.
(03:56):
And what do we do to get out offeeling terrible?
We create a really good newplan and we get that good
feeling.
Speaker 1 (04:02):
I love that dopamine hit.
Look, the plan is all.
Once I've done the plan, it'salmost too much work to actually
do the thing Right.
Speaker 2 (04:09):
Yeah, so one of the things I love introducing is
like this idea of like where'syour minimum baseline?
Here, yeah, meaning like whatare the things that you know
that you can do no matter what?
And like coming back to your 1%point like one of the things
I'm working on with a clientright now is like no, I just
want you to get three 10 minutewalks a week.
And he says that's not enough.
How is that possibly going tomake a difference?
I was like because if this issomething that you can feel
(04:32):
comfortable sticking to for sixmonths to a year, you're going
to have built integrity withyourself, that you do what you
say you're going to do and thatyou build on that when
incorporating new habits,knowing that you're the type of
person that like, oh, when I sayI do this, when I say these
things, I do them, and even ifit starts out small but I think
it's really breaking that it hasto be this huge, elaborate plan
(04:54):
for it to be worth it.
Speaker 1 (04:56):
It almost has to be because, like you know a lot of
people this is a new thing thatI'm on right now is you know,
people love to say they likechange and my answer is always
no, you don't.
Nobody likes change.
So we are human beings bydefault.
When change happens, we think,oh my God, I'm about to die, so
you have, it's what happensafter that, right.
So, like you get through that,oh my God, I'm about to die.
(05:17):
And then it's like no, I'm not,it's okay.
Let's talk about how we canmake change more palatable and
sort of migrate whatever thisthing is into my system.
But like if you bring in 30 newthings at once, your brain
literally feels like you'restabbing yourself through the
eyes, so like it's not pleasantand so like I feel like we
almost break down under thepressure of this plan, like the
(05:37):
plan itself.
Speaker 2 (05:38):
Oh, totally.
And then you pair that with thefact that sometimes our
expectations are off, like I dida consultation a couple of
weeks ago and she said Teneza,you know it would be great.
Like you know, when you're likeelbows deep in a bag of chips,
are you eating the cookies?
And it just you really, it's soenjoyable.
I want to transfer that to asalad and I was like I get that,
but a salad is never going togive you that dopamine rush that
(06:02):
you're expecting.
On a salad, you've already setyourself up because you're never
going to get that from a salad.
You're going to get subtlewell-being from a salad, but
you're never going to get theintensity.
And so I think it's likepairing that, like reason, like
that plan that you know that youcan do with expectations that
are based in science and alsoreality, right.
Speaker 1 (06:23):
You know, as you were talking and maybe think about
sorry, there's a giant boatoutside right now.
I'm like, oh, giant boat.
It made me think about my ideason relationships when I was
growing up.
So, like for many years I'mgoing to tell you.
I was probably in my 30s, early30s.
Oh yeah, that's how I met mywife.
(06:43):
I had this idea that like lovewas that intensity, you know
that, like passion that you seein the notebook right
no-transcript.
John Hughes is an asshole fordoing this to us all.
That whole series of thesepatterns you think to yourself,
that's what love actually is.
And so when that portion of itsort of dissipated, for me I was
like it's not staying, whichmeans it's obviously isn't like
(07:06):
real love, right, and so I wentthrough many, many, many, many,
many many relationships, many,many to sort of get to.
And then when I met my wife, itactually took us a few years.
But now we talk all the timeabout how the subtle piece that
comes from just trusting yourpartner and having a deep
relationship, that they know youso well and your routines are
(07:28):
together that is really wherewellbeing comes from.
It doesn't come from that.
Yeah, that passion is fun, it'sdelicious and it's great, but
it doesn't fulfill you the sameway that the relationship would
that's actually based onmeaningful connection.
Speaker 2 (07:45):
Oh, I love that.
Did you do Alex Formosius?
Have you heard of him?
No, he's an entrepreneur.
He has some opinions onrelationships and stuff, but one
of the things that he said thathas always stuck with me is, he
said, relationships that have ashared life mission, that are
supported by similar values, andthen, with the last important
thing being, overlappinginterests, are the ones that
(08:06):
last.
Because when that initialpassion, that fire that you were
talking about, fades, then youstill have that.
You are on the same missionwith the same values.
Because if you're only in therefor common interests or that
fire, that spark, when that goesaway, if you don't have a
shared life mission or you'renot on the same path together,
then you're like, what are wedoing?
Speaker 1 (08:25):
And so that was right , that is good, that's some good
stuff right there.
I like because you know what,because that's actually one of
the things that we talk about.
We often were like what is?
And it's the shared mission,that really, because, like,
their interests diverge, thingshappen.
You have times when you'recloser, times when you're not,
but you know, and I think thatthat kind of does lead back.
Let's go back to the healththing that we're talking about,
(08:47):
because when you have, you saidthat your client asked about so
what if I only do it 10 minutesthree times a week?
Right, my sister lost 50 poundsdoing that exact thing because
she was just consistent andconsistent.
And my wife and I joke a lotabout oh, my gosh, like, what's
the answer to this problem?
And it's like, oh, it'sconsistent efforts.
Fuck, like, why is the solutionto everything always fucking
(09:08):
consistent efforts.
Speaker 2 (09:09):
It's never the.
What right the?
What do I do?
Is it broccoli or the quinoa?
It's never that.
It's never that it's like.
Why can't we continue eatingthe thing Exactly?
Speaker 1 (09:21):
You can exercise right, so I'm careful.
We have jumped in like I haveso many, like actually I have
all these questions and Irealize I haven't even gotten to
one, because I'm so excitedabout the things that we're
talking about, so I've actuallyall right.
Let's talk a little bit aboutsomething.
Actually, because in your emailthe first email, so guys sign
up for her freebie, which youcan get on her website, which
will be in the show notes.
You send out the email with thelist of things and do you
(09:45):
follow the Huberman Lab?
Are you familiar with them?
I do.
Yes, I saw him years ago and Ican't remember what he said, but
I was like oh man, you're agenius and I really like their
social media game.
Speaker 2 (09:56):
So anyway, he starts talking about he's a little
extra for me a little extra, butI still love him.
Speaker 1 (10:01):
But he talks about cold plunges and I'm like fuck
off.
And then my business coach,rebecca Tracy, goes to fricking
like Iceland or something anddoes these plunges.
I'm like fuck off.
And then I see you in therebeing like cold plunges.
I'm literally like fuck off.
But I want you to know I don't.
My bathroom is like the size ofa porta potty, so we don't like
(10:22):
have a tub, so I will take myshower and I put it on really
cold at the very end, like I'vebeen working my way that way
it's for 10 days.
I've been doing this and theother shirt.
You're gonna find the hysterica.
I'm sitting at the counter andI'm like it's right after my
shower I'm eating and I'm likewhere am I feeling right now?
It's like I'm feeling sostrange.
I was like oh, it's alertness.
(10:43):
This is what alertness feelslike.
I thought that was so funnythat I was like I had forgotten.
I was like what a strangefeeling I'm having right now.
What is this?
That's amazing.
Speaker 2 (10:54):
Then I was like how much alertness.
Speaker 1 (10:55):
That's what that feels like.
Tell me about the cold plunges.
Speaker 2 (10:59):
How does that and is?
Speaker 1 (11:00):
the shower.
Enough, does that work?
Speaker 2 (11:02):
Absolutely it does.
I always think of it as likedeliberate cold exposure,
because there's being cold andthen they're doing it to
yourself With deliberate coldexposure and, honestly, it can
be as simple as starting with 15seconds on the end of your
shower, working up to 30 orinching what you're doing,
inching your way colder.
But when that hits your body,your internal core is like a
(11:26):
thermostat.
It feels cold on the outsideand it's like ooh, this is cold,
let's turn up the temperature.
That increase in coretemperature signals to your
brain it's time to get up alert.
That's usually what our bodytemperature does in the morning.
It boosts alertness.
On top of that, it gives you abig hit of dopamine and a big
hit of adrenaline.
You feel clear, you feel morealert and you feel more focused.
(11:46):
Then, if you pair that at allwith caffeine, you're just like
let's go.
It's a hack that I use and it'snot something I do every day,
but it's like if I have a daywhere, like today is a day where
I have three interviewsscheduled, I need my brain super
sharp, I need to be clear and Ineed to be focused.
I hit the cold shower in themorning because I want to give
myself that little edge.
Speaker 1 (12:06):
That helps a lot, because when it hits you, you're
like there's that feeling which.
I'm trying to get to the spacewhere and it's actually now that
we're at 10 days I'm now at thecoldest and I can do it for
like 30 seconds to a minute.
It's nice, but there's thatfirst moment of get me away from
it.
That's the I'm trying to, thekilling your body thinks you're
(12:27):
trying to kill yourself.
Speaker 2 (12:28):
It's called the mammalian dive reflex.
It's a reflex.
Thank you, it's a reflex.
Speaker 1 (12:33):
It's a mammalian dive reflex.
What is it effectively tryingto do?
Does it think that I'msuffocating?
What is that breath?
What is triggering that?
Speaker 2 (12:45):
Yeah, it's the shock, right Another way of calming
your body down is like, okay,let's get some oxygen in here.
But one of the things you'reprobably noticing is cold
adaptation.
So for me, I used to be theperson that was like I wear two
pairs of socks in the winter.
Keep in mind I'm up inVancouver, Canada.
It doesn't get that cold, butit's colder than a lot of places
in the world.
But, like I, would be so coldall year long and when I started
(13:07):
doing these cold end of showers, I actually stopped feeling
cold all the time.
If anything, I run warm.
Now it is so interesting andyou begin to tolerate longer and
longer cold showers and thenyou can start to build up to the
point where I think I thinkactually, Andrew Huberman coined
that it was like 11 minutes ofcumulative cold exposure per
week is optimal for brainfunction.
Speaker 1 (13:26):
So that's a good thing to know.
So like I don't like just 11minutes a week is enough per
week and it can be divided up.
Speaker 2 (13:32):
It can be all at once , and that's kind of the nice
thing.
And I got to the point whereit's like, ok, I can do about a
five minute shower, so then Ireally only need to do it twice
a week if I need it there'shonestly, weeks.
I don't even hit that and Ikind of use it as like a buffet.
It's like oh, I think I willtake some alertness.
Today I will go cold shower.
Speaker 1 (13:49):
Oh, my God, I love that.
So I'm actually curious.
You mentioned earlier that youfocus on entrepreneurs mostly,
but so I left entrepreneurshipland a long time ago.
I was like less than a year, sonot that long but and I found
since going back into theworkforce that I mean like these
are helpful for anybody.
So I'm curious to know, becauseit is, and I know you're an
(14:11):
entrepreneur, so that's probablywhy you selected that but I am
curious to know why you meshdown into entrepreneurship,
especially because what you'reoffering is so ubiquitous with
the audience that it like burnedout, exhausted women, you know.
Speaker 2 (14:27):
Yeah, you know, what's interesting is I have had
clients over the last year.
I have one that was a teacher, Ihave one that was just doing a
side hustle as a coach and thereare all these different kind of
layers.
So your hands down and what yousaid, all of these things, I
mean science is science here,and that cold shower will work
for anybody.
It doesn't matter what you dofor work.
So, but the thing I found islike, for me it's like I'm an
(14:49):
entrepreneur, I knowentrepreneurs and I had a lot of
entrepreneurial clients, so Ifound that like, at least in the
online space, if I was able toshift a little bit of my
messaging, because I know thatthe reason I serve like usually
six or seven figureentrepreneurs is because these
are the people that are likeI've finally broken this
milestone.
I finally hired the team, I'vefinally outsourced some stuff.
(15:10):
I find and I haven't worked outin two years I haven't eaten a
dinner at my, you know, kitchentable yeah, like, and so that
just was a message that wasreally resonating and I found
that at least that audience,when they came across my content
, was able to be like, that isexactly me.
Speaker 1 (15:25):
But, having said, that I know, Of course, what you
want.
That's what you want, so Iwanted to actually tell you.
By the way, your marketing islike the whole, your whole
package, the process that you'veput together, the workflow,
everything.
It's some of the best I've everseen, Like I actually.
It is really really good.
Everything leads to somethingelse.
I was never lost.
(15:46):
It's always clear.
I never feel like there's toomuch.
It's so rare to see like aperfect example, but you are
like a perfect example of.
So did you do it yourself?
Did you hire people?
Speaker 2 (15:58):
Did you know?
That's all me.
It's just a lot of passion inthere and a love of Canva, but
thank you.
Speaker 1 (16:03):
It's really so.
It's and it's also like there'syou.
Naturally, I guess you musteither like you've developed, or
you also came with the innateskill as well of and it makes
sense because of the way thatyou think about biohacking.
So you're really good atlooking at systems, right, and
so you figured out the systemand you're just, you're running
with it.
It's like, it's very, it's veryimpressive to watch, like if I
(16:25):
was like holy shit, this isreally good.
Speaker 2 (16:27):
So I want to make sure they told you that.
Thank you, I think it was also.
The behind the scenes is like Iopen my business in 2014,.
Started diddling around onlinein 2015 is when it kind of
started.
So I mean there's been a lot oflike marketing, messaging,
changes, refining, figuring outwhat connected, and so I mean
we're in 2023 now, so we're inlike what, eight, nine years of
fiddling with it and perfectingit over by now, absolutely, and
(16:49):
I'm so glad that you said that,so glad so it took you about.
Speaker 1 (16:52):
When, would you say you probably hit the spot where
you were like okay because, likeI'm seeing you at your 10 year
mark right, like when would yousay you hit like this kind of
spot for yourself?
Speaker 2 (17:02):
Late 2020, I had my first baby in February of 2020.
And it was like right afterthat where I that was when I
kind of discovered like how muchoptimization you need when
you're sleep deprived, having anew baby.
Yes, I was like, oh, okay, no,this is the shift.
And I was right.
There is when my messaging justwent like super narrow.
I got really specific.
(17:22):
My content got very specific.
So 2020, I mean that's what?
Six years down the road of alot of you know, money spent on
ads that went nowhere, programsthat launched to zero, years
where I only made $500 in thatpart of the business, like the
online part.
So I mean it's, it's been alabor of love, but it's because
I love it that I'm still here.
Speaker 1 (17:42):
I'm so glad.
I'm so glad we got anopportunity to talk about that
part of it, just because youknow, having taught marketing
for so many years, like thebiggest challenge, I think is
that everybody looks at you, theovernight success.
Right, T'Nessa, you're such anovernight success, You're like
no that's.
I've literally been doing thisfor 10 years.
I've only overnight to youbecause you found me yesterday.
Speaker 2 (18:02):
My mom would say to me all the time she's like in
the early days, like you know,when the first made the first
500, the first year, and then10,000 the next year, she would
say to me like what keeps yougoing at this?
I mean, I'm not just saying I'mnot proud of you but, like it's
Kindly said, it's not working.
How are you still working at?
And I was like, oh my gosh, Ijust had such a belief that it
(18:22):
was going to work.
I mean, you can't possibly beat it 10 years and not have
figured something out.
Well, you clearly figured outquite a bit.
So you know there is that.
Speaker 1 (18:31):
Take that mom.
So OK, so here's the thing I'mtelling you.
This is the one email thatprobably blew you out of the
stratosphere.
This is the one I know thatmade you that overnight success
we were talking about.
So you sent an email the otherday and I was like holy shit,
this is for literally everybodythat I know and it said is this
you by the way, it is not me,just want you to know that that
do you have thousands of tabsopen on your, on your screen?
(18:54):
And the reason it's not me isnot because it's not what my
habit that was my habit foryears but in the way that you
and I both share this idea ofhacking your brain, and I know
the kind of impact that that has, and so over the years, I've
stopped doing it.
However, I would love the oneof the most chronic, aside from
the idea that we can multitaskone of the most chronic
(19:15):
fallacies I think that existedthat I need to have all these
tabs open because it makes memore productive.
I would love to hear a littlebit about tabs and then you're
like you know, you talked aboutyour mind tabs and then, like
your, your computer tabs Take itaway.
Speaker 2 (19:28):
Yeah, so I like to think of it like this.
Like, let's imagine you're onyour computer right now and
you've got your 15 tabs open.
There's an Amazon, a Facebook,an Instagram whatever it is
that's in your tabs.
So your brain is constantlyneeding to process all of those
tabs and think about it.
Then let's not even get startedabout how many icons and
screenshots are on your desktop.
Every time we look at that, youneed to be like should I clean
(19:50):
this up?
It's really messy.
Then you look at your desk.
I shouldn't even talk right now.
I've got three lip glosses andtwo cups on my desk right now.
But, having said that, yourbrain needs to process each one
of those things.
See it, think about it, see it,think about it.
Then, when you have all thesethings, it's switching back and
forth because my phone just wentoff.
Oh, is that a notification onInstagram?
I should probably check that.
(20:11):
Oh, I didn't check that message.
Oh, my gosh, look, an emailjust came in.
When you have all these thingsopen, your brain is constantly
having to processes.
Every single item you need toprocess increases the load your
brain is under.
I want you to think about itLiterally.
If you were to put your handout and everything weighed a
pound that you had open.
The load gets so heavy that itends up being really hard to
(20:34):
carry.
I always think we need to takesome time to literally detox or
do a cognitive load detox.
Look at your desktop.
Can we clear, honestly, even ifyou highlight all put in a
folder and say sort later I'vedone that sometimes just to
clear it visually.
Take two minutes, clear offyour desk.
Think about the load that isplaced by you needing to
(20:55):
visually identify everythingover and over all day.
How can you clear up some ofthat space so that your brain
can stay focused, because ittakes so much time to switch
between these tasks too.
Speaker 1 (21:09):
Absolutely.
I think that for many years Iwas like I'm a multitasker, this
is how I work, and so on and soforth.
I do have ADHD, so I do tend tobounce a lot, but the way that
I was thinking about it was thatthat was the only way that I
could bounce between things.
What I didn't recognize wasthat there's a way that you can
actually create a flow that isactually productive, that leans
into my ADHD brain, that is notdoing what you're talking about.
(21:31):
That doesn't have all thosetabs open.
So I'll tell you, actually Idon't have the tabs open, but I
wanted to confess because Ican't lie.
After I got your email aboutthat, I looked at my desktop and
I did exactly what you justsaid.
I've been looking at the samefucking desktop for the last I
don't even know how many monthsand I keep saying it's like
screenshots and save as and blah, blah, blah.
I'm like should I?
(21:51):
When you said that, I was like,oh my God, she's literally
living in my brain right now.
I was like should I?
Then yesterday I was like youknow what, or yeah, it was
yesterday.
I was like you know what.
I was like actually this is notgood.
So I did put it all on a folderand I just said I literally
called it deal with later.
Now everything is off.
So thank you for bringing thatup, because when I used to train
on that, I would call it like Iwould just liken it to having
(22:13):
the app on your phone, which iswhere you'd be like you have
your app and you charge yourphone, then it's fully charged,
you take it off and thensuddenly, 20 minutes later, it's
like 25 percent and you're likehow did that happen?
You look and you have all theseapps that are there that are
draining the battery, the tabsand the things on your desktop.
Those are the same things.
Those are just acting asbattery drainers and then we're
(22:37):
tired by two o'clock?
Speaker 2 (22:39):
Yes, Because you've processed so much and then you
probably got off off a funnysleep and all the things and the
perfect plan didn't go well andso it just goes downhill from
there.
But yeah, I totally agree withyou on that.
Speaker 1 (22:50):
Hold on, let me get to this.
Actually, this is so greatwe're actually literally leading
into my next question, which isbad.
You mentioned something aboutnotifications.
I have strong feelings aboutnotifications.
I'm really curious to know whatyour feelings are about
notificating, buzzingnotifications, outlook
notifications on the side.
Tell me how you feel aboutthose things.
Speaker 2 (23:13):
My parents, my whole family strongly detests my
experience with notifications.
My phone is on, silent, it'simpossible to get a hold of me.
People complain about it allthe time and I'm like but I want
to decide when to interrupt mythinking.
I want to decide when tointerrupt my day, so naturally I
have everything closed.
Nothing is allowed to getnotifications through, and
(23:34):
actually you know what I do.
I have two phones, one phonehere, so this is my personal
phone.
It has on there text message,whatsapp and I can call.
I think that maybe podcaststhat's all it has on it.
It is the most boring phone andthis is what I have.
This phone originally started.
You know, when you upgrade to anew phone but there was nothing
wrong with your old phone andit's kind of sitting around, you
(23:55):
feel bad, throwing it in thegarbage.
You don't know what to do withit.
I turned it into what I calledmy work phone Instagram,
facebook, google Drive, gmail,boxer all of the work stuff is
on this phone and it doesn'thave that on.
I can't call anybody on it, butthis phone is where I do all my
social media, anything likethat and so at the end of the
day, I power this down and itstays in my office and I don't
(24:17):
have access to any of that stuffbecause I don't want to be
interrupted by it, unless Ichoose to, at which point I can
walk back up to my office, fireup this phone, but the
inconvenience is usually solarge that I don't end up doing
it, and I find that's really howI'm able to disconnect from
what I think of as just likeconstant input from other
people's brains constant I lovethat so much.
Speaker 1 (24:36):
I love everything you just said because, like, I feel
like notificate, I did atraining once.
I don't know if you've done atraining like this, where you
talk about turning offnotifications or something like
that and people grab theirphones and they like hold on to
it almost as if you're taking itaway from them.
I mean like I'm not taking yourphone, but like people feel
some curious.
How do you deal with it when?
Because, like everybody says, Ihave to have my notifications
(24:59):
on right?
And like in some, cases likeyou're a doctor, you need to
have your notifications on, orlike you have small children or
what have you.
So how do you recommend?
How do you recommend, like thatmiddle ground where, like you
have that phone but like noteverybody can have a second
phone.
So if let's say somebody's likelook, I really have to be able
to hear from these three peoplewhenever I want them to be able
to interrupt me, or somethinglike well, what are your
(25:20):
recommendations for those whoare not quite ready to let go of
notifications just yet?
Speaker 2 (25:24):
Yeah, I'm pretty sure that you can actually have
breakthrough notifications.
Like you can actually set inlike this person is allowed to
break through, silent, or if youput on do not disturb, which
blocks all notifications, youcan select certain people that
are able to break through orcertain apps.
So, for example, let's just sayyou only have maybe you have
kids that are out and you wantthem to be able to contact you
(25:44):
for emergency or your doctorthis app is allowed
notifications and everythingelse is silent.
You only put people that youwant to break through on there,
right, and so that's a reallygood way.
That has helped me kind ofbridge the gap, because I, if my
husband is out with my kids, Iwould want him to be able to
reach me if you have a flat tireor if something's gone wrong.
So that's kind of where they'llbe able to get through, but
(26:05):
nobody else love that.
Speaker 1 (26:07):
Thank you, are you giving me, like, what's great
about this podcast?
I'm like, oh my God, I'mgetting amazing sound bites that
I could send to people, becausethere's, these are chronic
issues.
Like, what we're talking aboutis like I feel like what you do
is you work on the real shitthat is underneath all the stuff
that like, because you know,yes, you need to be more
effective at work, but doingsomething like this will make
you more effective at work andalso at home and also with
(26:27):
yourself, and you'll be happy.
Like it's like a, it's a two.
It helps in so many differentways.
So I'm curious, you know youmentioned that your family.
It drives your and mine too,because you can't get a hold of
me.
It's impossible.
If you want to get a hold of me, you have to call my wife, so
that's what I call my husband.
Speaker 2 (26:44):
They don't call me anymore Actually, they only call
him and I feel like I don'tlike this workaround anymore.
I don't either.
Speaker 1 (26:50):
Well, the other day I sent something.
I was in a chat and I sentsomething in the wrong chat and
my sister couldn't find me, andso she actually called, she
texted, she called she.
Finally she called my wife.
And when I see, when she saidyour sister's on the phone, I
was like oh my God, someone'sdead, but it is.
Speaker 2 (27:10):
It's really hard, so I'm actually curious, right?
Speaker 1 (27:12):
Because I think that you going back to what you said,
where you you put your phone inyour room and now, with people
working from home, so muchwhether you are an entrepreneur
or you're working for a company,you're working from home, and
then at some point you talkabout you talked about doing
that when you clock out and soone of the things that my
passion is helping to peoplepeople to actually clock out,
(27:34):
because so many people don'tbelieve that they can or should,
or there's too manyconversations to be had about
that but do you have boundariesset around the time that you
work and the time that you do?
Speaker 2 (27:45):
not work Very tight boundaries and it's like I can
even tell you to the hour onwhich I start and I stop when I
have breakfast with my kids andI, because of that, I work two
full days, two half days perweek and I'm very intentional
about that.
And so even in designing myprograms I was like, ok, I, if I
don't want to be on calls allday, every day, how am I going
to fit this in?
(28:06):
And so it's very much startingfrom like when do I want to be
doing this?
And then reverse engineeringeverything else to fit that.
Speaker 1 (28:13):
Yeah, that's so interesting because of so many
of us we actually say, if I wasgoing to schedule my day, so
many people will start with whatdo I need to do for work, Fill
that in and then fit everythingaround that.
You mentioned that even whenyou were talking about people's
plans that they make and thensuddenly they realize there's no
basis in reality.
Where does that come from?
(28:34):
We're obviously programmed toit, but how do you work with
your clients to decondition andsocialize in this other idea
where you're actuallyprioritizing yourself, your
health and your own longevityfirst, and using in that in and
of itself is like you doinggreat things for people in your
family.
Speaker 2 (28:52):
Yeah, it's two part.
First thing is we really haveto decondition productivity with
self-worth.
That's a huge conversation Ihave to have with them is like
no, answering that email at 11PM does not make you a more
valuable coach, entrepreneur,employee, whatever that is no,
responding within 10 minutesdoes not make you more valuable.
(29:12):
That is your conversation inyour head about what you're
telling yourself they arethinking if you don't respond.
Really having to break thatassociation, I think, is number
one, because otherwise we can'tever just let go, we can't ever
relax, we can't allow ourselvesto have guilt-free leisure time,
because the whole time andthat's actually one of the
(29:32):
podcast episodes I listened toof yours was like you feel
guilty about not enjoying itenough.
That really hit me and I waslike, yeah, that's what.
It's a double-edged sword.
I think it's really justlearning to tell yourself that
there is time that does not haveto be productive.
When I read fluffy fictionbooks, I'm not getting better,
(29:54):
my business is not growing, I'mnot a better parent, I'm never
going to do anything with thisbook once I close it and that's
okay.
I think that's part one.
Then, the thing that reallyshifted this do you know who Cal
Newport is have you ever readany of his books?
He has Deep Work and DigitalMinimalism.
He has in one of his books yeah, it's a great book.
Speaker 1 (30:12):
I've heard of that book, Digital Minimalism, and
now I'm going to go back and getit because the universe has put
in my path again.
Speaker 2 (30:20):
Right.
I think it might be Deep Work hetalks about this in, but he
talks about a day within a day.
Exactly what you said peoplescheduled their work and then
it's almost like an afterthoughtof what happens with the rest
of their day.
But he said if you want aleisure life that isn't like
papered over with tech use andjust this escapism, and you want
that intentional feeling of joyand stuff in your life, then
(30:41):
what we want to look at isactually thinking like I have my
day and then a day within a day, the day being the time outside
of work, and being asintentional with that time as
you are with your work time, andactually schedule them as if
they're two separate days, andnot that everything has to be
scheduled, but you can literallyjust schedule that time, not
for work, and that's asproductive as it ever has to be,
(31:01):
just being like during thisblock of time I can do whatever
I want with no outcome and it'sgreat.
And that like whether I walk,whether I exercise, spend time
with my kids or I do a load oflaundry.
It doesn't have to be with apodcast in my ear, I don't have
to grow because of it, it canjust be pointless and that's
okay.
That leisure time where you'renot connected to growth, to
(31:22):
being better, to responding,it's just.
It's a really just sense oflike restoration that you give
yourself.
Speaker 1 (31:29):
There's so much judgment, though, don't you
think when, like, when you cause, like, I subscribed to what
you're saying 100%, but when Ithink about it, I think to like,
but even as I hear the wordsare saying, I feel judgment
within myself, right Cause thoseare old, old stories that we
brought with us, and so I thinkthat like that is, like you said
(31:49):
, the hardest thing to overcome.
Have you read Laziness Does NotExist by Devon Price?
That is a really good book.
They are like my, they'reincredible, and the whole book
is about this divorcingproductivity from your value.
And especially if you'resocialized as a woman, there's
(32:11):
so much you're supposed toalways be looking outward, to
everybody else.
It really doesn't ever occur toyou to look inward and say am I
happy, am I okay?
So you hit 40, and then, at 40s, for some reason, I've noticed
all my 40 year old friends areall about.
This is the moment where,suddenly, I think we I guess we.
That's why people had quoteunquote midlife crisis in the
80s.
It wasn't a midlife crisis.
(32:32):
It's a realization and anunderstanding of how you have
been living your life to dateand like how do I want to live
my life, intentionally movingforward.
Speaker 2 (32:42):
Yeah, and I think one of the things that it was a
shift for me is going fromthinking that being selfish
sometimes was bad to beingnecessary, and we always, I
think, paint that word assomething that's very negative.
But when we paint self like andit's selfish in the terms of
like taking that time for you,if we stop painting it
(33:03):
negatively and think of like,well, what if I can be selfish
with half an hour, you know whatwould I want to do with that
time If I, you know, wasn'ttrying to make other people
happy, if I wasn't trying to beproductive, like what would I
want to do?
And I found that, like, when Itook the stigma off of that word
with the time that I haveallocated not to be productive,
I was like, okay, this is okay,this doesn't have to be a trait
(33:25):
that labels me as negative.
And for me, that was somethingI always struggled with was that
term, because when you takethat time for you and you don't
give it to your kids, you don'tgive it to your partner, you
don't give it to your partner.
Speaker 1 (33:35):
Oh my God, that's so selfish right.
Speaker 2 (33:37):
I right, and?
But then why would you evertake time for you if you're
going to be labeled as selfish?
Like it's a cognitivedissonance?
You can't hold those twosimultaneously, so you have to
almost make peace and acceptancewith the fact of like, well,
what if I've just given it thewrong label?
Like what if it's not a problem?
Why does this have to be aproblem?
That I want to take some timefor me Like, why is my brain
(33:59):
making it a problem?
What are the sentences that I'msaying that are making this a
problem?
Why do I want to choose tocontinue thinking them once I
can hear those?
Speaker 1 (34:11):
You just hit a nail on the head, super like.
So you said what are thesentences that I am saying?
Right, Can you tell me aboutthe value of the language that
we use in terms of making thesedecisions, because I love that
and clearly there's somethingthere.
So tell me about the words thatwe use.
Speaker 2 (34:28):
Yeah, this module in my program is called the
Limitless Mind, because I thinkthat the greatest power that as
humans, we can have is theability to direct our focus and
direct our thinking.
Because if you think anytimeyou've been spun out in an
anxiety spiral or you've beenoverwhelmed or stressed out or
you've been worried aboutsomething or any feeling that
(34:48):
you're not enjoying, checkwhat's going on in your
sentences in your head, like Ithink we are never taught to
actually hear what's going on inthere, and it's kind of like
one of those things that onceyou it's a Pandora's box.
Once you hear what's going onin there, it's ugly.
And I find that working throughthat with a lot of clients is
like I'm having to walk themthrough, like this is going to
(35:09):
get worse before it gets better.
Because if we go unconsciousour whole life and we don't
understand why we feel so badabout everything, and then we
hear it all and you're like whyam I so awful to myself?
And then the immediate thing youwant to do is the perfectionist
plan change it all, right, butinstead it's like what if I just
first heard it and then startquestioning like, okay, do I
(35:29):
want to continue thinking thisand recognizing that default
thought might not be optional,but everything that follows
after is and asking yourself whyare we going down the rabbit
hole every time?
If I can choose not to, notthat it's easy, but that has
been so freeing, knowing that,if I can like, if I can dictate
where my brain goes, despite thethoughts that it offers me the
(35:53):
negativity, the doubt, if I candictate like, okay, I hear you,
this is not something I want torun with.
What else is also true?
Yeah, going there.
Speaker 1 (36:03):
You know, Saira and I were talking about this
yesterday, because the otherthing is like we're so convinced
that what's in our brain, thatis the truth, Right.
And I said to Saira I can'tremember what she was you know,
we go through, you know ourwhole lives where we use each
other as our you know, hey, I'mhaving this problem or whatever.
But sometimes it's not a realproblem, Sometimes it's a
trigger moment, that's abeginning of a spiral, Right,
(36:24):
and we know each other wellenough to say, dude, yeah, do
you stop with that?
Right, and like, and so she Ican't remember what it was that
it was that she brought up, butI said, I said, Saira, you've
picked this one scenario, thisone thing, out of five million
options.
You've picked this one and thisis the one you're running with
and you've decided that this isthe truth.
You're not even looking thatthere's four million other
options out there.
But I'm but if, but you knowthat there are, and that in and
(36:49):
of itself is power, Because ifyou know, once you've figured,
once you have an awareness thatthis isn't the only direction.
But I think the hardest partthat I have, even with this
knowledge, is that it takes me awhile sometimes to remember
that I have my tools.
You know, so like, sometimesI'll be like it gets easier with
practice, but sometimes I'll be, you know, a little bit in.
My wife, fortunately, haslearned how to like pick up on
(37:10):
those things and she'll, shewill tell me about my tools.
But do you ever find yourselfin a situation where you'll
start going down and then you'll, you'll, you won't remember
your tools immediately and soyou'll actually get into a space
and then remember them later,or someone has to remind you.
Speaker 2 (37:23):
Absolutely, and it's always the same boring things
that my brain goes to it'salways the same, like there's no
variety.
No, I know, but that's thebeautiful thing and, I think,
one of the things that'swonderful about having someone
like your sister or like myhusband or someone that in a
coaching relationship, somethinglike that is like you have
someone that can see your brainfrom the outside, because
everything you think it'spresented as fact in your brain,
(37:47):
right?
So having someone else see yourthoughts from the outside and
question them, when you'vealways just decided they were
facts, right, you're like mylife is too busy and then you
have someone go.
Is it?
Or is that literally just howyou're thinking about your day,
or is that how you've decided toschedule your day?
Like you know what I mean, likehaving someone outside you to
(38:08):
question that, but 100% likeit's.
It's hard to see your brain'sown drama.
So, honestly, if you have noone in your life, that's like
that.
Grab a pen, grab a paper, writethose thoughts down and then
ask yourself why do I want tothink this?
What is the purpose?
Is this serving me and do Iwant to keep thinking this?
I love these questions.
Yeah, I love the doubt one.
(38:28):
Whenever I have doubt, thatcomes up.
Or like, for example, if I'mlaunching a program, my brain
loves to go.
No one is going to sign up forthis.
It's the end of the world.
The business is going to shutdown Right and you're going to
be homeless, don't forget that,and I got to the point one time
where I'm like I'm going to haveto sell the cat.
There's no way I'm going to buythe cat Like hold on hysteria.
I was like it was when I waslike 25.
Sell the cat, well, like you'rehomeless, like I want the cat
(38:50):
to go to a good home.
Well, I'm just curious who'sgoing to buy the cat Right Like
that's really Nobody would wantmy cat.
Let's be honest, like I don'teven want her half the time.
She only likes me half the time.
But but I mean, having saidthat, like you know it's it's.
It's tough sometimes and Ithink you have to really watch
your brain.
I'm being so true.
Speaker 1 (39:09):
Watch your brain, watch and also watch your
language.
I could talk to you forever,but we both have other meetings
and interviews after this.
So, as we wrap up, can you tellthe listeners that you're going
to be homeless the listenerswho are obviously in love with
you now how they can find you,what you, what you could, what
kind of help you can offer themand anything else you'd like to
(39:32):
share?
Speaker 2 (39:32):
Yeah, well, I think the you mentioned the 12 ways to
biohack your energy playbookthat I think you said you were
going to link, but the bestthing for that, specifically, is
it's full of 12 different hacksthat you can literally take one
, implement it, so that we'renot being perfectionists, we're
just like working on one thingat a time.
They link to podcast episodes.
If you want to dive deeper onthere, or you know, come hang
out with me on Instagram.
I love talking to people in mymessages, answering questions,
(39:56):
like digging into some stuff,nerding out about this.
So, honestly, my podcastbecoming limitless or the 12
ways to biohack your energy aregoing to be great ways into my
world.
Speaker 1 (40:05):
And they already work .
So I'm telling you all I'vedone from the list.
The only thing I've done okay,there might be a couple that
were already on there, but likethe one that I picked up that
was new was shower.
There's actually like at leastfive that I need to do, two that
I said, yeah, no, I'm not doingthose, but I will.
I just yeah, no, but the coldshower was the one I wanted to
do the least, so I did that andI'll tell you, it's all 10 days
(40:26):
changed my life.
So just do one thing.
And I know that some people arelike, if I do the one thing,
what kind of difference willthat make if I can't do all 12?
But really like that's thesecret.
The secret is you just need todo it.
Consistent efforts.
Speaker 2 (40:41):
And adjust your horizon for results.
Speaker 1 (40:44):
That is smart and adjust like your expectations,
really like for yourself.
It's like the high off thesalad it's not going to help.
Oh my gosh, I'm never gettinghigh off the salad.
I'm just telling you that rightnow Unless it made a weed then
maybe.
So thank you so much, so muchfor joining.
I mean today.
I'm actually thinking we mightwant to have you on for like
(41:06):
other things too, one episodepoint.
You're a great guest.
Clearly you've done a lot ofthese guys Go find Tanesa, not
just because she has a greatname, but also because she
literally will change your life.
I, for 30 seconds in themorning, I'm like I hate you, I
hate you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you.
So you know, thank you so muchfor your time today.
Thanks,
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