August 11, 2023 • 41 mins
What impact does emotional intelligence have on success? This week, Kristelle and Jace delve into the often overlooked "human side" of professional mastery. You may not see it on the front page of Forbes, but the road to success is paved with tears. But fear not, it's not as heavy as it may seem. Tears come in all forms, and together we'll explore another secret weapon of success - the power of crying! Through personal tales of tears, we'll uncover the strength of embracing emotions in both our personal and professional lives.
We are pulling back the curtain on the hidden emotional journey that often accompanies the pursuit to success. Join us as we navigate the highs and lows, striving and crying, on our quest for fulfilling lives!
A Siarza Production
Hosted by Kristelle Siarza Moon & Jace Downey
Executive Producer: Kristelle Siarza Moon
Producer: Jace Downey
Video/Editing: Justin Otsuka
Watch episodes at siarza.com/siarza-podcast
Follow us on FB, IG, TT, YT and TW @siarzatheagency
Follow Kristelle @kristellesiarza
www.misskristelle.com
Follow Jace @jacedowneyofficial
www.jacedowney.com
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Kristelle (00:00):
Tears.
How did we come up with thistopic?
Do you remember?
Jace (00:04):
You sent it kind of later at night one night and here's
like late night idea Tears and Iwas like, oh, I'm gonna have to
check in with her tomorrowmorning.
Perhaps she is currently cryingright now, I don't know.
I don't know.
Kristelle (00:18):
We have a fun topic for today's conversation, about
tears.
I like how every single so I'vebeen listening back to the
different podcasts and how we'vestarted each podcast.
Yes, and I giggle because it'sjust constant laughter for like
a good minute.
Have you like listened back atyeah, uh-huh, this is a constant
(00:40):
laughter.
I don't think we'll ever havelike a slated start to the show
like scripted Right like thisweek on stories, success and
stuff.
Yeah, that's probably not how itgoes.
My name is Gwen Eiffel.
Jace (00:52):
No, none of that.
Okay, sounds good.
Maybe we'll mix it up sometime.
We'll see.
Kristelle (00:57):
And you know this is an interesting topic for us to
talk about today, specificallybecause we have a guest in the
room.
We have to mention we havethree guests in the room.
We have three guests in the room.
And talking about this topic.
At first you're like oh, isthis depressing.
That person asked oh, is thisdepressing?
I have to give a shout out toSophia, our intern here at CRSA,
(01:17):
who is behind me.
I can look, I can't see her,and she goes oh, is this a
depressing topic?
And I'm like no.
Jace (01:28):
I don't think so, which actually brings up a fantastic
point that I'll circle backaround to.
Kristelle (01:33):
Because you have to make sure we introduce the two
other guests in the room too,Right?
You can't see?
Jace (01:37):
them, but you might hear them.
If you hear really weirdbreathing or panting, it's not
us.
We have no, there's no weirdoin the room, but my dogs,
charlie and Indiana, are kickingit with us today.
You can meet them on our teampage at CRSAcom If you wanna
know who they are.
They're around the office quitea bit, and if either Crystal or
(02:01):
I have weird faces going on,it's because there's a lot of
dog fart happening as well andit's not great, I thought it was
me, it could be okay.
well, I was gonna.
I just wanna reach over and petthem, I know.
Kristelle (02:14):
So the topic today is tears.
So we've had some really funtopics like squad Fun.
It's all fun yeah, that wasn't.
I mean the fun episode was thefunnest for sure.
But this one I said you know wewait.
So how do we prepare for theshow?
Right, we say okay, so what arewe talking about today?
We have a list of 20 topics andwe kinda see what are we
(02:35):
feeling today, what are wevibing on today, and this one, I
think, hit it's a for realtopic.
You know, we talk about whatpeople have told us like oh, you
know, there's no shiny pictureof success in entrepreneurs,
being an entrepreneur, being inbusiness, everybody thinks it's
all peachy and you have to grindit out, et cetera.
(02:56):
But people forget about thehuman part of being human, and
so this is definitely one ofthose topics, I think Tears.
How did we come up with thistopic?
Do you remember?
Jace (03:08):
You sent it kind of later at night one night and here's
like late night idea Tears and Iwas like, oh, I'm gonna have to
check in with her tomorrowmorning.
Perhaps she is currently cryingright now, I don't know.
Kristelle (03:19):
I wasn't Okay, Because but I think I remember
what prompted me to write thatlate night Slack message.
I think either I had cried thenight before or I was at the
brink of it and I said, oh, thisis going really good.
Jace (03:43):
I'm gonna tell this story at some point soon, yeah.
Kristelle (03:47):
So if there was somebody that could probably
remember the amount of timesthat I've cried about the
business and we have teammembers here that have been here
for a year, like you, threeyears, four years, seven years,
seven to eight I would saythere's only one person who's
not even on payroll that'sprobably heard me cry about the
company the most, and that's mybetter half, spencer, and I
(04:10):
think we were going.
I think that's what it hadprompted me to write that late
night Slack message, but I had,I was crying while I was, and it
would have been okay if youwere yeah, and I think so, you
know if we were to walk awayabout that conversation of tears
.
When you see the perception ofa C level or a business owner,
what do you think?
When they're not talking abouttears, sadness, stress et cetera
(04:36):
, like what is your perceptionof a business owner?
Jace (04:40):
As soon as you started talking and I was picturing that
my heart just got so heavy withcompassion.
Running something is hard.
It just it's a ton of work.
There's a lot that goes into it.
It's a lot of hats.
One must wear a lot of things tokeep in mind all the time, a
lot of pressure, and thenthere's such an aloneness to it
no one can carry it with you.
(05:00):
You can have a settler team andeveryone can be in their role
in a really impressive way,which is how this company is run
.
I was just talking about itwith someone else on the team.
They're like how is this?
How is everybody so wellpositioned?
And I'm like that's what greatleadership does.
So all of that can be true.
No one will join you at the top.
They can't.
There's never gonna be the sameamount of pressure, and so
(05:22):
there's just so much that existsat the top level that's done
alone, and we're not meant to dothings alone.
And so there are those latenight cry sashes or screaming in
the car.
There's a really unpleasantpart of success that we don't
(05:44):
honor often with words.
Yeah, and it's this one.
It's tears, it's crying.
There's so much crying.
Kristelle (05:51):
Well, so it was so much crying and success.
It was so funny because Iremember.
So, if you haven't been to theCRS offices here in Albuquerque,
we have different rooms, right,we have our conference room,
which is our collaboration room,we have my office, we have the
business office.
Everybody our accountexecutives or directors have
their own private spaces, butour supply room it was so pissed
(06:13):
.
It was so pissed.
So our supply room beautifullyorganized If you want a snack,
if you want the waters, if youwant staples, even though we're
mostly a digital company.
But we have staples in there.
Jace (06:23):
We got to say if you need them, we got them.
I mean not for you, like youcan't come get staples from our
office, but if we need them, wehave them.
Kristelle (06:29):
So originally I wrote it as the quiet room because
there actually is a table therewith a refrigerator, so if
somebody's nursing, somebodyneeds some private time,
somebody needs to take a phonecall that you know you don't
want anybody to hear.
Somebody calls it the cry roomand I about died.
I was like, well, that's fuckedup, and yet we still joke about
(06:51):
it as the cry room and Ithought it was funny.
But I said, well, I didn't wantto create that kind of culture
where people needed to cry.
Jace (07:00):
But it's not okay.
You could create that whereyou're making people cry because
of this being unpleasant, andthen there's just the reality of
life and a job and clients anddemands and deadlines.
That then sometimes comes outthrough your face Like that's
just part of it as well.
(07:20):
Like I walked in on someone whowas I checked in cause I knew
she was having a tough time,shift, tough client and so I'm
like hey, girl, how's it going?
And she just like right away,was like nope and crying started
.
And she was so embarrassed andI'm like nope, no, no, no, no,
absolutely not.
It's such a healthy thing, it'sa natural thing.
Kristelle (07:38):
And I told her honey.
Jace (07:40):
I cry in my office kind of regularly, like you'll.
I don't even go to the cry room.
I've spent so much money andtherapy to be able to cry that
wherever it's happening, it'shappening and everyone can just
deal with it and it's okay, likewhether it's work stuff or you
know, I've got an aging doggyand that's the.
It's a very new experience forme and that brings up a lot, or
(08:02):
just life or whatever, andsometimes it comes out, it just
comes out.
Liquity through.
I don't know my face and itneeds to happen and it's okay.
And I, you know I was like youdon't have to be embarrassed.
Crying is not embarrassingCrying is not embarrassing.
Having emotions is notembarrassing.
Feeling your feelings is notembarrassing.
There's nothing strong aboutarmoring up Like you.
Tell me, if you were on thebattlefield and you saw someone
(08:25):
come in like a big, you knowmachine robot thing, it'd be
like, okay, that'll probably dosome damage.
Then you see someone come out,butt naked, no shoes on no
clothes, with just a sword.
Who is the stronger person?
Who's the scarier person?
Who are you not gonna mess with?
Kristelle (08:39):
I feel like that was a comedian who had mentioned
that specific story recently.
Jace (08:43):
Really.
Yeah, no but they're taking mymaterial.
Kristelle (08:46):
Yeah, no, I'm trying to remember who that comedian
was, but it's true, Was it me?
No, it was not.
I'm sorry, it was something onNetflix, I think, but you know,
think about it, right.
So when somebody in the officeis at the brink of tears, are
they crying because of theenvironment that they're in or
(09:06):
the situation, right?
And so at what point did we asa society have to feel like we
have to apologize for that?
That's my question.
Right, and I remember one ofour, you know, talking about
(09:26):
human resources, like in thisparticular position, human
resources we had a team memberthat when they leave, when they
were leaving, we do an exitinterview.
Right, it was the.
We had a human resource directorin the room and she was there
and she said this was thesaddest, happiest exit interview
(09:52):
I've ever set in on.
And I said what do you mean?
She said she didn't want toleave.
You could tell every emotionshe felt was a raw emotion.
She did not, but she knew shehad to do what's in the best
interest of her and you guyssupported that.
Fast forward, fast forward tothe fact that she said it was
(10:15):
the saddest exit interview thatwe ever did, because everybody
was crying, we all were cryingbecause, like, that's human
emotion, absolutely humanemotion.
Jace (10:25):
And I think that even thinking about leaving this
company and sitting in that roomwith y'all like I'm gonna cry.
Kristelle (10:32):
I'm just even thinking about it.
Jace (10:35):
Surely the day will come, yeah, even a point in life, yeah
, and I'm like oh it hurts, it'sgonna hurt my heart, yeah.
Kristelle (10:42):
And that's the thing it's like.
When, at what point did humanresources or human resource
departments and companies notallow crying or not allow tears?
I don't.
I think every single time I'veleft an organization before CRSA
I was weeping.
Yeah, and it hurt when somebodyelse didn't feel that same raw
(11:06):
emotion as I did.
Jace (11:08):
They're just weirdly like yes, your severance package will
be on your desk, Please get out.
Kristelle (11:13):
Yeah, no, this one was.
I remember when I left oneparticular part and the
individual said.
The individual said well,you'll still be here in the city
, won't you?
I said no, I've never come tobe anywhere.
Fine, that's not relevant.
You have no fucking emotion too.
(11:33):
I'm so pissed.
I will never forget that one,okay.
So if a leader don't put me inthis scenario, okay, if a leader
is in tears about a businesssituation not a human resource
situation like a businesssituation, no matter what
(11:56):
industry that might be andwhether it be public relations,
marketing, retail, construction,if you were a team member,
being maybe a middle managementperson or an individual line
worker, and you saw the boss cry, what would be your?
Jace (12:14):
thought have I just happened upon them crying?
Or they're giving apresentation and crying Like
they're giving a presentationand they're crying Context?
It depends what they're cryingabout, but to me I would trust
that person more.
I would have more respect forthat person.
I would feel more connected tothem.
I've given up a long time agothat crying is weakness or any
(12:37):
human emotion aside from anger.
I don't know why we've letanger slip through like that.
That's an okay emotion.
Let's write that down as atopic for another podcast Anger
yeah, that's a good one.
I had such an embarrassingsituation with anger yesterday.
Anywho, yeah, to me I wouldappreciate that component Now if
(12:57):
they were crying all the time.
A new conversation needs tohappen.
Yep, oh, yeah, that's.
Kristelle (13:03):
That's a very valid thing to do, I think.
I think companies shouldpotentially not reward, but
consider do you need to take awalk outside?
Or changing the wording abouttaking a break Is it?
Do I need to take a walkoutside?
Do I need to take a smoke break?
Do I need to take a coffeebreak?
(13:25):
Why can't we say do you need aminute to cry?
Jace (13:29):
Right, do you need a minute to breathe.
I support this, but not to askthat they leave to do it, oh
yeah it's a great point yeah.
Because that's like oh, this isabout to be uncomfortable for
the rest of us.
Please exile yourself away fromour presence so we don't have
to feel slightly uncomfortablefor a short amount of time.
It's amazing how much we do toavoid feeling slightly
(13:50):
uncomfortable for a short amountof time.
We'll go to weird lengths tonot feel that.
But yeah, if it was like youknow, if an athlete gets hurt,
what does everybody do?
They worry, no, they take aknee.
I mean like in that moment,right, you go down and you.
Kristelle (14:03):
Yeah, they're worrying while they're taking a
knee.
Yeah, you take a, you pause andyou Can you tell them I'm not
an athlete, I'm like you're thesports one I thought this was.
I was like she'll know For sureshe's doing the football and
the things they take, a kneethey take a knee, they honor it.
Jace (14:15):
They go whoa.
Let's all pause down.
Let's take a moment, let's bequiet, let's get down to their
level, let's honor this momentand let them do what needs to be
done.
Why couldn't we just do thatwith crying?
Kristelle (14:29):
So a perfect example, I think, of that when the tears
genuinely flowed was when DamarHamlin had gotten to cardiac
arrest in the middle of the gamein the first second quarter of
the Cincinnati.
I know now I'm sounding like asports podcaster, but hear me
(14:49):
out.
Jace (14:49):
No, no, no, no, no.
Now I'm like more context, morecounter who this is football
player or Cincinnati Got it?
Kristelle (14:54):
So, since he was a Buffalo Bills player playing
against the Cincinnati Bengals,he had the unfortunate situation
where he was just elbowed by aplayer a very good defensive
player and he had the ball andall of a sudden a defensive
offensive player and all of asudden he just got hit in the
chest with his shoulder.
(15:15):
It was the wrong time to be hitin the chest by milliseconds,
because that's what put him intocardiac arrest, because all of
a sudden and I see it veryvividly in my head at this
moment he just collapsed on thefield and so everybody around
him, everybody around him took aknee.
(15:36):
But it wasn't until the tearsstarted to flow, where people
said something's not right here,and all of the broadcasters and
everybody froze.
And that was the most humanmoment in the NFL and its entire
history, because they havepeople talking, pr people giving
(15:58):
about the stories of theplayers, or the journalists
trying to make sure they'rehumanizing this player.
No, no, no.
That was the most human I'veever seen the NFL, because they
took a knee and grown ass menwere weeping in fear because
they thought he had died on thefield, right, and so those
(16:18):
moments are.
I think it's unfortunate thatit has to be a tear to humanize
a person, especially inleadership.
Jace (16:27):
But it happens Except except, yes, and we see grown
men crying, we go, whoa, this isa momentous situation that's
happening.
Let's all pause down If wethink about, with no names, a
female political figure whocried publicly oh, she's
emotional.
(16:47):
Oh, she has no control of herfeelings, oh, she's erratic.
So it's different, right, Verymuch so how tears are seen, and
so it makes sense that there'ssome tactic that goes into like,
oh, better not show this.
And all these things like howdid I would like to know.
Like I'm sure this wasn'torchestrated.
But at some point we decidedlike, oh, we're gonna have no
emotions, except like,everything's fine.
(17:08):
Oh, just, we're all great allthe time and I've got this
fake-ass smile on and we're fine, right, like, and then we
thought this is gonna work out.
Well, let's shove everythingelse aside.
We'll compartmentalize all ofour existence where we spend the
most of our waking time, at ourjob, and we're gonna turn out
as a super productive, healthy,functioning, happy society and
(17:33):
we're gonna have no backlash tothis at all.
Oh, and, by the way, let'sstart it with boys at about
three years old.
I'm sure that won't show up inaggression and violence later.
Like, what was the thinking withthis?
We have all of the things for areason.
Stuff is built in for a purpose.
Laughter, tears, anger,shivering Like it all comes
(17:54):
built standard for our optimalhealth and happiness.
And tears are a really big partof that of actually moving the
energy and releasing the energythat's being stored up, that
otherwise turns into dis-ease,and all of this stuff in our
bodies because we're supposed torelease it.
And guess what one way is to dothat?
And it's super healthy it'scrying you better believe it.
Kristelle (18:15):
So what is the?
What do scientists say?
That the?
This is the moment where Isound like a dumbass.
What is the dopamine serotonin?
When you laugh, it releases.
Jace (18:26):
All of those things endorphins, oxytocin, all of
those things, yeah, we like that.
Kristelle (18:30):
That's the medical term.
Okay, so laughter All of thethings.
Yeah, laughter lets out all ofthe things.
Tears let out all of the thingsthey do.
Laughter and tears Best casescenario.
Jace (18:42):
Best case scenario.
Right yeah, kind of like alongthe lines of what you're saying.
So yeah, Feel all of the things.
There's nothing weak about that.
I grew up where to haveemotions was seen as a weakness.
You never wanted to seemvulnerable.
I come from back back, back,back back back back of just
trauma, trauma, trauma, trauma.
Both sides of my family, like alot of families, that
generational trauma.
And so to be vulnerable isdangerous and to have emotions
(19:07):
and to show them put you in thatspace of vulnerability which
meant you could be in danger,and so it just wasn't acceptable
and it was never spokendirectly, like never feel
feelings, but it was exemplified.
You watched it each time andman did.
That lead to some issues in mylife and we're trying to break
(19:29):
that, my sisters and I in ourgeneration, to feel the feels,
to do it as a family, to do ittogether, to watch the
resolution happen together.
We do it with the girls my nieceis like we're trying to switch
it up, Cause now the world isstarting to see oh, that wasn't
a great plan.
Not feeling the thingshappening was not a great plan.
I think we're trying to breakout of that.
And then, how do you do thatand still stay professional and
(19:52):
still have it be a workplacelike this and still be seen to
have that trust and credibilityas a leader, but also be human?
I'm not going to be one to saythat we're in an easy time.
I think we're in a messy timewhere we're starting to figure
like, how do we do all of this?
How do you do it as the leaderof this company?
Kristelle (20:10):
So I think about.
So I spend a lot of time makingsure that I'm whole myself,
right?
Because you have said this.
We referenced this a long timeor recently, where you had said
it's important for the leader totake care of themselves so that
(20:31):
way the staff can see thatleadership and it reflects upon
each other.
And I've noticed, when I'memotional or when I have
bullshit that I'm dealing with,and it reflects among and I've
shared it among the company, orif the company is at a pressure
point as a whole, it does verymuch ripple throughout the
entire organization.
So if you're asking me, like,how do I deal with the bullshit
(20:53):
of stress, I think I have totell the team when I'm out, and
I have to tell them why I'm out,not because I don't want to be
self-conscious about the factthat we were at a golf
tournament for a client I'm notgoing to feel guilty about that
necessarily.
I want them to know that thereis a way to have fun and there
(21:16):
is a way to take time foryourself, even through a
five-day work week.
Right, it was work-related, butit was definitely fun, right?
So I also think about havingconversations like this, right?
You know it's a fantastic topicto talk about right in front of
(21:36):
Sophia as an intern, because Iwant her to know that I have
panic attacks, right.
I have panic attacks where Isit in the corner of my closet
at home and I can't breathe, butthere's just short breaths and
tears coming out and maybe I canfeel I definitely can feel my
(21:57):
heartbeat, but maybe there's melike sitting in the fetal
position.
I want her to know that that'svery normal for a C-level to do
and my home is a safe spacewhere I can do that, where I can
let myself go.
I can let myself cry it out,bitch it out, scream it out,
(22:19):
huff it out, whatever that mightbe.
I mean dance it out, dance itout, whatever you gotta do.
Yeah, and I think you know howdo I deal with the tears and the
stress of tears.
While I can try to focus on thehappy tears, I find myself
happy crying more than sadcrying, and a perfect example.
(22:39):
Circle back to that here in aminute, but I definitely think
that a perfect example.
The Counselors Academy is asection in PRSA, public
Relations Society we weretalking about at the conference.
What do we want to talk about?
Who do we want to talk about?
What type of guest speaker?
And I raised my hand veryquickly and I said we need to
(23:01):
talk about the mental health ofa business owner.
We need to talk about themental health as agency owners,
with the liability of otherpeople at our expense.
Like, we are responsible for alot of things and I think it's
very important that we talkabout it.
Sit down, and so they got aperson who has a mental health
background that is also anaccredited public relations
(23:24):
person, and we're like, pleasetalk about the importance of
being whole as an individual orbeing okay of it not being whole
as a business owner, as anagency owner, because we need to
start talking about thosethings more often than not.
Jace (23:40):
Absolutely, because otherwise we're trying to do it
alone and we think there'ssomething wrong with me.
Because I'm looking at theseother owners or people in my
position, or peers or whoever,and they seem like they're
handling it totally effortlessly.
No issues, no problem.
Kristelle (23:54):
But since when are we all made?
Jace (23:56):
the same and we aren't.
But just knowing, like you weresaying, were you exemplified
where you might say I'm workingfrom home today because I'm
dealing with this, this and thisright.
Then, when this, this and thiscomes up for me which it's going
to because I too am a human inthe world I go.
You know what I know?
It's okay to be in thisexperience and maybe my 100%
today isn't beast mode like itwas two days ago.
(24:18):
But that's okay too, becausewe're going to be in this
through a long term scenario andwe get to have all stages of
humanity be part of that andbenefit it.
Like we.
We work with the people, wedeal in people, and to separate
ourselves from the peopleexperience doesn't actually help
us do our job.
Kristelle (24:40):
To pivot a little bit .
I talked about I'm mostly happycrying than anything Like I
think about you know, our, ouroffices, our headquarters, if
you will.
And when it was, I'll neverforget the moment where
sometimes crying for me is notabout not just about sadness,
not just about happiness, it'salso a sense of relief.
(25:03):
Yes, so I walked into our newoffice after it was totally done
.
We were doing a Catholicblessing in the office and the
priest was walking around.
It was when he, I know we didthis.
Jace (25:15):
I'm just thinking was it an exorcism?
No, no, no it's a, that's whatwe do.
Kristelle (25:19):
You throw the holy water and you bless the office
for good juju, good aqua.
Jace (25:23):
Yeah, we'd smudge, it, yeah, yeah.
Kristelle (25:25):
So the priest was walking around and it was when I
shit, you're not.
It was when the holy waterstarted spraying all over the
walls.
I was just like oh, like thetears like came out and I was so
relieved.
I was relieved that this officeconstruction was done.
(25:46):
I was happy that the staff washere and it made it feel like
family.
I was definitely like so gladthat we're fucking done right,
and I remember that feeling oflike unexpected tears in front
of the team.
Jace (26:05):
That was a moment of relief, yeah right, and
accomplishment too.
I would imagine Like you havean office that you fill with
people and you pay all of us todo jobs.
Like that's pretty friggingcool.
And it had just grown andexpanded.
And now you have like physicalspace and I know you're not big
on like status things andwhatnot, but like that is a cool
moment, you've got a freakingcool thing.
Kristelle (26:27):
Yeah, like you know.
Jace (26:28):
So there's that sense too, like holy smokes.
All of the work and the blood,sweat and tears that go into
Finally came to fruition.
Kristelle (26:34):
And here it is.
Jace (26:35):
So like that's absolutely true, mentioning a flex.
Kristelle (26:40):
This got me into happy tears.
You haven't read it yet.
I have no idea what is about tohappen.
In a previous conversation thatwe had, we talked about Ed, our
business manager.
Love it Dress is like a bumsometimes.
Surfer Beach bum yeah, beachbum Different.
So Ed wrote to both of us todayand Justin, our producer the
(27:05):
reason why we're all here andwith a great video hasn't heard
this either.
Ed said last night I watchedone of the podcasts where
Crystal asked Jayce to explainto people.
Explain me to people thatdidn't know me.
You were explaining who Ed wasright.
Sure, he said.
(27:25):
I know that I'm a success nowbecause the smile on both of
your faces meant that my titlehere as ambassador of happiness,
which is the most importantthing that I do at this company
Nope, here it comes.
Yep, no matter what titleanyone gives me, is the title
(27:47):
that I take the most pride inand the one that I try to do my
best to do.
The kind words that Jayce saidabout me only made me feel
honored to work for ourorganization, and the only thing
I regret the only thing Iregret is that my mom isn't
around so I can show her I livedmy life exactly the way she
(28:09):
taught me, and that I'm truly asuccess in every aspect of the
word.
Why?
Because I make people smile,which is my only goal in life
that I try to achieve every day.
And then he has these stupidemojis.
But it's so.
Of course he does, oh God.
Jace (28:25):
Well, and here is him in action.
Had such a tough morning middleof the night cleaning up
explosive diarrhea, again in themorning breaking up two
dogfights, like it just was arough morning.
I'm like all cut up, scratchedup.
My life includes way more poopthan I ever would have.
Kristelle (28:47):
I got really confused when you started talking about
explosive diarrhea Not from me,I guess.
Jace (28:52):
I should specify Aging doggy nerve issues, gi issues.
We're trying everything, we'reworking on it, but his new food
had an unfortunate reaction so Iwas grumpy.
I'm watching my sister's play,so I'm coming in from the
mountains, and it was late,whatever tough morning, so I
walk in.
I got all my shit.
(29:12):
It's like I'm just you gottapass on All the china shop.
Kristelle (29:15):
that's what I call it .
Jace (29:16):
Get the dog stuff and my work stuff and my lunch stuff
and the podcast stuff and it'sjust like, and he's like good
morning.
Kristelle (29:23):
Cause he's at it and I just glared at him and I'm
like morning.
Just really.
Jace (29:27):
And he's like what is happening and I said I'm sorry,
I'm grumpy, I'm having, I'mpretty grumpy man and he just
goes nope, come here, Come here.
And he gives me the biggest hug.
And he's like you're good, jace.
It's all good, you're good.
And I just, like he'd like,tried to let go and I was like,
nope, we're still hugging and Iso needed it.
(29:47):
I so needed it.
That's awesome, he always comesthrough, yeah.
Kristelle (29:51):
Oh, and I think it's when that's an example of like
the happy tears that oftenhappen in this office, in any,
in any case, scenario.
I think trying to think ofanother time where, all of a
sudden, the tears oh, perfect,perfect example where I didn't
(30:12):
expect the tears to happen, butall it took was a look.
So I was at the state, newMexico state legislature.
It was this historic jointsession for the New Mexico's
Asian Asian day, api and HDA.
It's something that's foreverin statute now, but they
(30:33):
originally I was the backup tothe backup to the backup speaker
, the back.
The original intention of ajoint session, which is really
rare, was to actually have aspecially elected individual
come into town, and she didn'tmake it so fast forward.
This is my ABC hat, right.
(30:53):
They said, hey, we would likefor you and your colleague
Saachi, what does say?
Saachi is the executivedirector of the Asian Family
Center and we'd like the two ofyou to speak at the joint
session.
We're like, well, this is a bigdeal, okay, so Saachi prepares
a speech, we go over it, we talkabout it, Great, she crushes
(31:15):
the speech and then, all of asudden, I get up there and I
start talking about AsianAmerican day, api and HDA is
founded by my aunt.
I get always get incrediblyemotional about talking about
her she I talked about her inthe mentor episode.
The only way that I won't getemotional is if time continues
(31:36):
to pass longer.
And I was talking about howthis was a mission of hers and
this was one of the first thingsher, she, had done.
And then all of a sudden I lookat her friend.
The last time I saw her friendwas when we were at her funeral
and I see her friend and I say Isay her name, I say her
(32:00):
friend's name who isrepresentative Patricia Roybal
Caballero.
And I look at her and I saidliterally it's on the record.
I say representative Caballero,please don't make me cry.
And we just had a moment infront of 500 to 750 fucking
people in the roundhouse andwe're just like crying about the
(32:21):
fact we missed somebody, welost somebody.
Grief, the grief that weequally shared about my mentor.
I just remember that was one ofthose ones where it's like
where did that come from?
Like it's in there, right, itwas one of the most surreal
moments and it was one of themost, if I could say that there
were moments where I rememberlike did I make history?
(32:43):
That was a historic moment andI cried during it too.
Jace (32:47):
Which sounds appropriate to me.
It's a milestone, very much so,absolutely.
Yeah.
Like where does it come from?
And grief is different.
Grief is not linear by anymeans.
It lives in us and we havethese milestones where then, all
of a sudden, what once was okayin the day to day all it's like
oh, now this person isn't hereto witness this, like Ed's mama
or your mentor.
And then it's back again.
(33:08):
Right, because it's very there.
But oftentimes things come upbecause we haven't actually
processed them.
So I like to talk aboutprocessing in the present.
So if you see me in the Dallasairport with tears and snot in
my hair because I'm crying truestory I'm processing in the
present.
Yeah, because I don't wannastore all of that stuff and then
(33:30):
have it come out sideways, haveit come out through anger or an
explosion or addictive behavioror whatever it is, because I
just haven't processed it.
So, as I was telling mycolleague, like no, I just cry
sitting at my desk, I'll just beworking, quietly, crying, and
just keep at it, because there'sstuff that's gotta be done and
it's just happening.
Right.
Then I know, or a pause, Iabsolutely will, especially as
(33:50):
I've been doing the greetingprocess.
Kristelle (33:51):
I really encourage you to pause, because I do.
I feel guilty.
No, I do.
Jace (33:56):
And sometimes I work from home because I'm just really
struggling.
I have a grief counselor now ananticipatory bereavement
counselor to deal with Charliestuff.
But I will all like pause downand just cry it out and then
it's all good and just allowingthat space.
But sometimes it's just they'rejust coming, there's nothing to
be done about it, it just kindof keep in motion and that
(34:16):
that's okay too, like there'snothing wrong with that.
But yeah, processing in thepresent is so important and so
many of us fear that because wedon't know what to do with it.
I used to think if I startcrying I'll never stop.
So I didn't even wanna start.
I had so many years of cryingto do that.
I was afraid to open thefloodgate.
Like I thought, well then I'lljust never stop crying because I
was holding so much sadness, somuch pain every day.
(34:42):
I lived in emotional pain everysingle day from childhood,
abused stuff that just didn'tget dealt with until I was an
adult and like I was so afraidof even side eyeing it.
Like well, if you look at it atall, it's never gonna stop.
Kristelle (34:58):
I remember along the same lines.
We were talking about childhood.
I remember having and I livedwith a lot of mom guilt.
I didn't have custody of my sonuntil he was eight years old
and I had to leave him behind sothat way because of a terrible
non-compete.
And I remember one moment whereI was with Kido and I still
(35:22):
feel very guilty that I said itto him because I don't know if
it came out the way that Iintended it to.
Long story short is that hewanted something and he just
started crying about it and itwas something very erroneous,
like a toy, a book, a show, etcetera.
He just started to cry.
And I feel bad and I still askmyself was this the right thing
(35:46):
for me to say?
I said there are appropriatetimes to cry, kido, there are
appropriate times to cry.
There are appropriate times tocry, like when you get hurt, or
somebody makes you mad andyou're frustrated, or you're
upset at me for something thatyou said, or you get hit in the
(36:10):
face or something like that,like pain, like actual pain,
like it's okay to cry.
It's not okay to cry when it'ssomething that you don't get
your way from or you wantsomething, but we're not seeing
eye to eye about it and it'svery materialistic or something
like that.
I remember telling him that Iwas like, please stop crying,
(36:34):
only for the things that reallydon't matter, but if it's things
that are very important or theyare emotional, like, it's okay
to cry.
I don't know if I should havesaid that to him or not.
Jace (36:47):
I'm not asking at the same time.
Kristelle (36:49):
I have some thoughts on that, but no, I'd love to
hear your thoughts.
But I'm not asking forforgiveness from him on that
front.
I just wanted him to know thatthere's a right way to express
your emotion of it, but I alsodidn't want him to be the boy
that's like.
Well, my mom told me never tocry and that was ultimately what
I was trying to prevent, right?
(37:10):
So I don't know.
That's my thoughts on that.
Jace (37:15):
I think disappointment is one of the things we do not
teach kids or even adults how todeal with.
That's what's happening, right,like I want it.
I want what I want when I wantit and I want it.
And when it doesn't happen, youdon't have to deal with that.
If you don't, we do, because weall.
I want what I want when I wantit, and sometimes the universe
doesn't see eye to eye or myemployer or my you know whoever
(37:38):
in my life.
We disappointment is somethingthat comes with us through our
life and people that just go aspart of life suck it up.
That's our instructions fordisappointment.
We don't really talk about howto process that and we use the
tools we have right.
And when we're kids like I, cango oh, I'm experiencing
disappointment, I wanted a thingand that thing didn't happen
and I can self-soothe andwhatever right, like thanks,
(38:00):
therapy, I've done my stuff.
But kids, they use the toolsthey have and tears are one of
them, and then we cut them offfrom their tool.
Kristelle (38:08):
Oh yeah, no, this was when he was like 10.
That's a kid.
Jace (38:12):
Yeah.
Kristelle (38:13):
Yeah.
Jace (38:14):
And a kid get like even.
I know adult people, grown up,adult people who don't go.
Oh, I had wanted this thing andthen that didn't happen.
And for these reasons and nowI'm processing this, but no,
they just scream or they yell orthey lose their shit or they're
unkind, like because we don'tlearn about how to deal with
disappointment.
And crying actually is a greatrelease because when we are
(38:35):
disappointed, we're in a victimstate.
I wanted something and itdidn't happen.
This happened.
You know, something was takenfrom me or whatever, and if we
can just cry and let it out,then it's gone.
Then we don't store it Likeanimals don't have the same
disease issues we do, becausethey process immediately.
Kristelle (38:50):
They process immediately.
Jace (38:51):
No one has told them to stop doing that.
Yeah Right, it's veryinteresting.
Kristelle (38:56):
The free will or the conscious aspect of an animal.
Jace (38:58):
Yeah, no, that makes sense .
We have to have a wholeconversation on free will.
Kristelle (39:02):
Yeah.
Jace (39:03):
Cause I have many thoughts on that, but the just being in
it and, like you, you talkedabout your closet as your panic
room in a way.
Yeah, what is the kitchen floor?
Even when I was a little kid,this like rags rug, you know,
and they like take a bunch ofmaterials and then they weave it
together as a rug.
I remember it very well andanytime I was upset it was the
kitchen floor.
As an adult, to this day, I'mon the kitchen floor crying,
(39:27):
yeah.
When I'm really upset, that's Idon't know why.
That's my go to spot and Ican't tell you, either when it
was running my own business orany of the endeavors how often I
was on the floor crying.
And no, I'm not weak and no,I'm not like.
Every little thing bothers me.
I'm a tough SOB and I'm a humanand stuff sucks and it's hard
(39:47):
and there's pressure andsomething didn't turn out the
way I wanted, or it workedreally hard and then it just
didn't happen, or I'm broke ormy feelings got hurt or whatever
.
Right and to be like suck it upand we just have to deal with
it.
No, I spent much time on thekitchen floor.
Less and less as I've gone on,yeah, but that is part of
(40:08):
success.
Whether it's a closet or yourcar or the kitchen floor or
whatever, crying is absolutelyan essential ingredient for
success.
Yep.
Kristelle (40:19):
Yep, 100%.
We are running out of time, sowe definitely want to make sure
I thought I keep talking.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry, I know this is sucha heavy topic, but we're running
out of time and it's not yeah.
It's both.
Yeah, it's all of it.
So we're running out of timeand wanted to say one of the
most important things that Ialways like to end on is I
(40:40):
always thank you for sharingwhat you share, especially from
the level of vulnerability thatyou have about it, and I don't
want to leave and just say, okay, we're done Like.
It's very important that weacknowledge the fact that you've
said what you've said, becausesomebody can very much relate to
the kitchen floor or, in mycase, a business owner that
(41:02):
might not want to feel like theworkspace is their safe space,
but their closet might be.
There's somebody that's got tobe out there.
Jace (41:11):
They're crying, right now they're crying right now.
Yeah, see, the thing is,because you always close us, I
never get to thank you.
You, too, share your life andyou share things that a lot of
people in your position wouldn't.
I wish they would, I know.
Kristelle (41:24):
Do it.
I really wish that they wouldTalk about it.
Jace (41:26):
Come on, Show us, us here when do you cry or how do you
process your emotions or how hasthat shown up in your life.
If y'all are always verywelcome to respond in the
comments or hit us up info atCRZnet rwecom for that email
address net net.
Kristelle (41:39):
That's all, and don't forget to follow us on your
favorite streaming channel.
But thanks, as always, this istoday's episode.
Tears of Story, success andStuff.
Tears.
How did we come up with thistopic?
Do you remember?
Jace (00:04):
You sent it kind of later at night one night and here's
like late night idea Tears and Iwas like, oh, I'm gonna have to
check in with her tomorrowmorning.
Perhaps she is currently cryingright now, I don't know.
I don't know.
Kristelle (00:18):
We have a fun topic for today's conversation, about
tears.
I like how every single so I'vebeen listening back to the
different podcasts and how we'vestarted each podcast.
Yes, and I giggle because it'sjust constant laughter for like
a good minute.
Have you like listened back atyeah, uh-huh, this is a constant
(00:40):
laughter.
I don't think we'll ever havelike a slated start to the show
like scripted Right like thisweek on stories, success and
stuff.
Yeah, that's probably not how itgoes.
My name is Gwen Eiffel.
Jace (00:52):
No, none of that.
Okay, sounds good.
Maybe we'll mix it up sometime.
We'll see.
Kristelle (00:57):
And you know this is an interesting topic for us to
talk about today, specificallybecause we have a guest in the
room.
We have to mention we havethree guests in the room.
We have three guests in the room.
And talking about this topic.
At first you're like oh, isthis depressing.
That person asked oh, is thisdepressing?
I have to give a shout out toSophia, our intern here at CRSA,
(01:17):
who is behind me.
I can look, I can't see her,and she goes oh, is this a
depressing topic?
And I'm like no.
Jace (01:28):
I don't think so, which actually brings up a fantastic
point that I'll circle backaround to.
Kristelle (01:33):
Because you have to make sure we introduce the two
other guests in the room too,Right?
You can't see?
Jace (01:37):
them, but you might hear them.
If you hear really weirdbreathing or panting, it's not
us.
We have no, there's no weirdoin the room, but my dogs,
charlie and Indiana, are kickingit with us today.
You can meet them on our teampage at CRSAcom If you wanna
know who they are.
They're around the office quitea bit, and if either Crystal or
(02:01):
I have weird faces going on,it's because there's a lot of
dog fart happening as well andit's not great, I thought it was
me, it could be okay.
well, I was gonna.
I just wanna reach over and petthem, I know.
Kristelle (02:14):
So the topic today is tears.
So we've had some really funtopics like squad Fun.
It's all fun yeah, that wasn't.
I mean the fun episode was thefunnest for sure.
But this one I said you know wewait.
So how do we prepare for theshow?
Right, we say okay, so what arewe talking about today?
We have a list of 20 topics andwe kinda see what are we
(02:35):
feeling today, what are wevibing on today, and this one, I
think, hit it's a for realtopic.
You know, we talk about whatpeople have told us like oh, you
know, there's no shiny pictureof success in entrepreneurs,
being an entrepreneur, being inbusiness, everybody thinks it's
all peachy and you have to grindit out, et cetera.
(02:56):
But people forget about thehuman part of being human, and
so this is definitely one ofthose topics, I think Tears.
How did we come up with thistopic?
Do you remember?
Jace (03:08):
You sent it kind of later at night one night and here's
like late night idea Tears and Iwas like, oh, I'm gonna have to
check in with her tomorrowmorning.
Perhaps she is currently cryingright now, I don't know.
Kristelle (03:19):
I wasn't Okay, Because but I think I remember
what prompted me to write thatlate night Slack message.
I think either I had cried thenight before or I was at the
brink of it and I said, oh, thisis going really good.
Jace (03:43):
I'm gonna tell this story at some point soon, yeah.
Kristelle (03:47):
So if there was somebody that could probably
remember the amount of timesthat I've cried about the
business and we have teammembers here that have been here
for a year, like you, threeyears, four years, seven years,
seven to eight I would saythere's only one person who's
not even on payroll that'sprobably heard me cry about the
company the most, and that's mybetter half, spencer, and I
(04:10):
think we were going.
I think that's what it hadprompted me to write that late
night Slack message, but I had,I was crying while I was, and it
would have been okay if youwere yeah, and I think so, you
know if we were to walk awayabout that conversation of tears
.
When you see the perception ofa C level or a business owner,
what do you think?
When they're not talking abouttears, sadness, stress et cetera
(04:36):
, like what is your perceptionof a business owner?
Jace (04:40):
As soon as you started talking and I was picturing that
my heart just got so heavy withcompassion.
Running something is hard.
It just it's a ton of work.
There's a lot that goes into it.
It's a lot of hats.
One must wear a lot of things tokeep in mind all the time, a
lot of pressure, and thenthere's such an aloneness to it
no one can carry it with you.
(05:00):
You can have a settler team andeveryone can be in their role
in a really impressive way,which is how this company is run
.
I was just talking about itwith someone else on the team.
They're like how is this?
How is everybody so wellpositioned?
And I'm like that's what greatleadership does.
So all of that can be true.
No one will join you at the top.
They can't.
There's never gonna be the sameamount of pressure, and so
(05:22):
there's just so much that existsat the top level that's done
alone, and we're not meant to dothings alone.
And so there are those latenight cry sashes or screaming in
the car.
There's a really unpleasantpart of success that we don't
(05:44):
honor often with words.
Yeah, and it's this one.
It's tears, it's crying.
There's so much crying.
Kristelle (05:51):
Well, so it was so much crying and success.
It was so funny because Iremember.
So, if you haven't been to theCRS offices here in Albuquerque,
we have different rooms, right,we have our conference room,
which is our collaboration room,we have my office, we have the
business office.
Everybody our accountexecutives or directors have
their own private spaces, butour supply room it was so pissed
(06:13):
.
It was so pissed.
So our supply room beautifullyorganized If you want a snack,
if you want the waters, if youwant staples, even though we're
mostly a digital company.
But we have staples in there.
Jace (06:23):
We got to say if you need them, we got them.
I mean not for you, like youcan't come get staples from our
office, but if we need them, wehave them.
Kristelle (06:29):
So originally I wrote it as the quiet room because
there actually is a table therewith a refrigerator, so if
somebody's nursing, somebodyneeds some private time,
somebody needs to take a phonecall that you know you don't
want anybody to hear.
Somebody calls it the cry roomand I about died.
I was like, well, that's fuckedup, and yet we still joke about
(06:51):
it as the cry room and Ithought it was funny.
But I said, well, I didn't wantto create that kind of culture
where people needed to cry.
Jace (07:00):
But it's not okay.
You could create that whereyou're making people cry because
of this being unpleasant, andthen there's just the reality of
life and a job and clients anddemands and deadlines.
That then sometimes comes outthrough your face Like that's
just part of it as well.
(07:20):
Like I walked in on someone whowas I checked in cause I knew
she was having a tough time,shift, tough client and so I'm
like hey, girl, how's it going?
And she just like right away,was like nope and crying started
.
And she was so embarrassed andI'm like nope, no, no, no, no,
absolutely not.
It's such a healthy thing, it'sa natural thing.
Kristelle (07:38):
And I told her honey.
Jace (07:40):
I cry in my office kind of regularly, like you'll.
I don't even go to the cry room.
I've spent so much money andtherapy to be able to cry that
wherever it's happening, it'shappening and everyone can just
deal with it and it's okay, likewhether it's work stuff or you
know, I've got an aging doggyand that's the.
It's a very new experience forme and that brings up a lot, or
(08:02):
just life or whatever, andsometimes it comes out, it just
comes out.
Liquity through.
I don't know my face and itneeds to happen and it's okay.
And I, you know I was like youdon't have to be embarrassed.
Crying is not embarrassingCrying is not embarrassing.
Having emotions is notembarrassing.
Feeling your feelings is notembarrassing.
There's nothing strong aboutarmoring up Like you.
Tell me, if you were on thebattlefield and you saw someone
(08:25):
come in like a big, you knowmachine robot thing, it'd be
like, okay, that'll probably dosome damage.
Then you see someone come out,butt naked, no shoes on no
clothes, with just a sword.
Who is the stronger person?
Who's the scarier person?
Who are you not gonna mess with?
Kristelle (08:39):
I feel like that was a comedian who had mentioned
that specific story recently.
Jace (08:43):
Really.
Yeah, no but they're taking mymaterial.
Kristelle (08:46):
Yeah, no, I'm trying to remember who that comedian
was, but it's true, Was it me?
No, it was not.
I'm sorry, it was something onNetflix, I think, but you know,
think about it, right.
So when somebody in the officeis at the brink of tears, are
they crying because of theenvironment that they're in or
(09:06):
the situation, right?
And so at what point did we asa society have to feel like we
have to apologize for that?
That's my question.
Right, and I remember one ofour, you know, talking about
(09:26):
human resources, like in thisparticular position, human
resources we had a team memberthat when they leave, when they
were leaving, we do an exitinterview.
Right, it was the.
We had a human resource directorin the room and she was there
and she said this was thesaddest, happiest exit interview
(09:52):
I've ever set in on.
And I said what do you mean?
She said she didn't want toleave.
You could tell every emotionshe felt was a raw emotion.
She did not, but she knew shehad to do what's in the best
interest of her and you guyssupported that.
Fast forward, fast forward tothe fact that she said it was
(10:15):
the saddest exit interview thatwe ever did, because everybody
was crying, we all were cryingbecause, like, that's human
emotion, absolutely humanemotion.
Jace (10:25):
And I think that even thinking about leaving this
company and sitting in that roomwith y'all like I'm gonna cry.
Kristelle (10:32):
I'm just even thinking about it.
Jace (10:35):
Surely the day will come, yeah, even a point in life, yeah
, and I'm like oh it hurts, it'sgonna hurt my heart, yeah.
Kristelle (10:42):
And that's the thing it's like.
When, at what point did humanresources or human resource
departments and companies notallow crying or not allow tears?
I don't.
I think every single time I'veleft an organization before CRSA
I was weeping.
Yeah, and it hurt when somebodyelse didn't feel that same raw
(11:06):
emotion as I did.
Jace (11:08):
They're just weirdly like yes, your severance package will
be on your desk, Please get out.
Kristelle (11:13):
Yeah, no, this one was.
I remember when I left oneparticular part and the
individual said.
The individual said well,you'll still be here in the city
, won't you?
I said no, I've never come tobe anywhere.
Fine, that's not relevant.
You have no fucking emotion too.
(11:33):
I'm so pissed.
I will never forget that one,okay.
So if a leader don't put me inthis scenario, okay, if a leader
is in tears about a businesssituation not a human resource
situation like a businesssituation, no matter what
(11:56):
industry that might be andwhether it be public relations,
marketing, retail, construction,if you were a team member,
being maybe a middle managementperson or an individual line
worker, and you saw the boss cry, what would be your?
Jace (12:14):
thought have I just happened upon them crying?
Or they're giving apresentation and crying Like
they're giving a presentationand they're crying Context?
It depends what they're cryingabout, but to me I would trust
that person more.
I would have more respect forthat person.
I would feel more connected tothem.
I've given up a long time agothat crying is weakness or any
(12:37):
human emotion aside from anger.
I don't know why we've letanger slip through like that.
That's an okay emotion.
Let's write that down as atopic for another podcast Anger
yeah, that's a good one.
I had such an embarrassingsituation with anger yesterday.
Anywho, yeah, to me I wouldappreciate that component Now if
(12:57):
they were crying all the time.
A new conversation needs tohappen.
Yep, oh, yeah, that's.
Kristelle (13:03):
That's a very valid thing to do, I think.
I think companies shouldpotentially not reward, but
consider do you need to take awalk outside?
Or changing the wording abouttaking a break Is it?
Do I need to take a walkoutside?
Do I need to take a smoke break?
Do I need to take a coffeebreak?
(13:25):
Why can't we say do you need aminute to cry?
Jace (13:29):
Right, do you need a minute to breathe.
I support this, but not to askthat they leave to do it, oh
yeah it's a great point yeah.
Because that's like oh, this isabout to be uncomfortable for
the rest of us.
Please exile yourself away fromour presence so we don't have
to feel slightly uncomfortablefor a short amount of time.
It's amazing how much we do toavoid feeling slightly
(13:50):
uncomfortable for a short amountof time.
We'll go to weird lengths tonot feel that.
But yeah, if it was like youknow, if an athlete gets hurt,
what does everybody do?
They worry, no, they take aknee.
I mean like in that moment,right, you go down and you.
Kristelle (14:03):
Yeah, they're worrying while they're taking a
knee.
Yeah, you take a, you pause andyou Can you tell them I'm not
an athlete, I'm like you're thesports one I thought this was.
I was like she'll know For sureshe's doing the football and
the things they take, a kneethey take a knee, they honor it.
Jace (14:15):
They go whoa.
Let's all pause down.
Let's take a moment, let's bequiet, let's get down to their
level, let's honor this momentand let them do what needs to be
done.
Why couldn't we just do thatwith crying?
Kristelle (14:29):
So a perfect example, I think, of that when the tears
genuinely flowed was when DamarHamlin had gotten to cardiac
arrest in the middle of the gamein the first second quarter of
the Cincinnati.
I know now I'm sounding like asports podcaster, but hear me
(14:49):
out.
Jace (14:49):
No, no, no, no, no.
Now I'm like more context, morecounter who this is football
player or Cincinnati Got it?
Kristelle (14:54):
So, since he was a Buffalo Bills player playing
against the Cincinnati Bengals,he had the unfortunate situation
where he was just elbowed by aplayer a very good defensive
player and he had the ball andall of a sudden a defensive
offensive player and all of asudden he just got hit in the
chest with his shoulder.
(15:15):
It was the wrong time to be hitin the chest by milliseconds,
because that's what put him intocardiac arrest, because all of
a sudden and I see it veryvividly in my head at this
moment he just collapsed on thefield and so everybody around
him, everybody around him took aknee.
(15:36):
But it wasn't until the tearsstarted to flow, where people
said something's not right here,and all of the broadcasters and
everybody froze.
And that was the most humanmoment in the NFL and its entire
history, because they havepeople talking, pr people giving
(15:58):
about the stories of theplayers, or the journalists
trying to make sure they'rehumanizing this player.
No, no, no.
That was the most human I'veever seen the NFL, because they
took a knee and grown ass menwere weeping in fear because
they thought he had died on thefield, right, and so those
(16:18):
moments are.
I think it's unfortunate thatit has to be a tear to humanize
a person, especially inleadership.
Jace (16:27):
But it happens Except except, yes, and we see grown
men crying, we go, whoa, this isa momentous situation that's
happening.
Let's all pause down If wethink about, with no names, a
female political figure whocried publicly oh, she's
emotional.
(16:47):
Oh, she has no control of herfeelings, oh, she's erratic.
So it's different, right, Verymuch so how tears are seen, and
so it makes sense that there'ssome tactic that goes into like,
oh, better not show this.
And all these things like howdid I would like to know.
Like I'm sure this wasn'torchestrated.
But at some point we decidedlike, oh, we're gonna have no
emotions, except like,everything's fine.
(17:08):
Oh, just, we're all great allthe time and I've got this
fake-ass smile on and we're fine, right, like, and then we
thought this is gonna work out.
Well, let's shove everythingelse aside.
We'll compartmentalize all ofour existence where we spend the
most of our waking time, at ourjob, and we're gonna turn out
as a super productive, healthy,functioning, happy society and
(17:33):
we're gonna have no backlash tothis at all.
Oh, and, by the way, let'sstart it with boys at about
three years old.
I'm sure that won't show up inaggression and violence later.
Like, what was the thinking withthis?
We have all of the things for areason.
Stuff is built in for a purpose.
Laughter, tears, anger,shivering Like it all comes
(17:54):
built standard for our optimalhealth and happiness.
And tears are a really big partof that of actually moving the
energy and releasing the energythat's being stored up, that
otherwise turns into dis-ease,and all of this stuff in our
bodies because we're supposed torelease it.
And guess what one way is to dothat?
And it's super healthy it'scrying you better believe it.
Kristelle (18:15):
So what is the?
What do scientists say?
That the?
This is the moment where Isound like a dumbass.
What is the dopamine serotonin?
When you laugh, it releases.
Jace (18:26):
All of those things endorphins, oxytocin, all of
those things, yeah, we like that.
Kristelle (18:30):
That's the medical term.
Okay, so laughter All of thethings.
Yeah, laughter lets out all ofthe things.
Tears let out all of the thingsthey do.
Laughter and tears Best casescenario.
Jace (18:42):
Best case scenario.
Right yeah, kind of like alongthe lines of what you're saying.
So yeah, Feel all of the things.
There's nothing weak about that.
I grew up where to haveemotions was seen as a weakness.
You never wanted to seemvulnerable.
I come from back back, back,back back back back of just
trauma, trauma, trauma, trauma.
Both sides of my family, like alot of families, that
generational trauma.
And so to be vulnerable isdangerous and to have emotions
(19:07):
and to show them put you in thatspace of vulnerability which
meant you could be in danger,and so it just wasn't acceptable
and it was never spokendirectly, like never feel
feelings, but it was exemplified.
You watched it each time andman did.
That lead to some issues in mylife and we're trying to break
(19:29):
that, my sisters and I in ourgeneration, to feel the feels,
to do it as a family, to do ittogether, to watch the
resolution happen together.
We do it with the girls my nieceis like we're trying to switch
it up, Cause now the world isstarting to see oh, that wasn't
a great plan.
Not feeling the thingshappening was not a great plan.
I think we're trying to breakout of that.
And then, how do you do thatand still stay professional and
(19:52):
still have it be a workplacelike this and still be seen to
have that trust and credibilityas a leader, but also be human?
I'm not going to be one to saythat we're in an easy time.
I think we're in a messy timewhere we're starting to figure
like, how do we do all of this?
How do you do it as the leaderof this company?
Kristelle (20:10):
So I think about.
So I spend a lot of time makingsure that I'm whole myself,
right?
Because you have said this.
We referenced this a long timeor recently, where you had said
it's important for the leader totake care of themselves so that
(20:31):
way the staff can see thatleadership and it reflects upon
each other.
And I've noticed, when I'memotional or when I have
bullshit that I'm dealing with,and it reflects among and I've
shared it among the company, orif the company is at a pressure
point as a whole, it does verymuch ripple throughout the
entire organization.
So if you're asking me, like,how do I deal with the bullshit
(20:53):
of stress, I think I have totell the team when I'm out, and
I have to tell them why I'm out,not because I don't want to be
self-conscious about the factthat we were at a golf
tournament for a client I'm notgoing to feel guilty about that
necessarily.
I want them to know that thereis a way to have fun and there
(21:16):
is a way to take time foryourself, even through a
five-day work week.
Right, it was work-related, butit was definitely fun, right?
So I also think about havingconversations like this, right?
You know it's a fantastic topicto talk about right in front of
(21:36):
Sophia as an intern, because Iwant her to know that I have
panic attacks, right.
I have panic attacks where Isit in the corner of my closet
at home and I can't breathe, butthere's just short breaths and
tears coming out and maybe I canfeel I definitely can feel my
(21:57):
heartbeat, but maybe there's melike sitting in the fetal
position.
I want her to know that that'svery normal for a C-level to do
and my home is a safe spacewhere I can do that, where I can
let myself go.
I can let myself cry it out,bitch it out, scream it out,
(22:19):
huff it out, whatever that mightbe.
I mean dance it out, dance itout, whatever you gotta do.
Yeah, and I think you know howdo I deal with the tears and the
stress of tears.
While I can try to focus on thehappy tears, I find myself
happy crying more than sadcrying, and a perfect example.
(22:39):
Circle back to that here in aminute, but I definitely think
that a perfect example.
The Counselors Academy is asection in PRSA, public
Relations Society we weretalking about at the conference.
What do we want to talk about?
Who do we want to talk about?
What type of guest speaker?
And I raised my hand veryquickly and I said we need to
(23:01):
talk about the mental health ofa business owner.
We need to talk about themental health as agency owners,
with the liability of otherpeople at our expense.
Like, we are responsible for alot of things and I think it's
very important that we talkabout it.
Sit down, and so they got aperson who has a mental health
background that is also anaccredited public relations
(23:24):
person, and we're like, pleasetalk about the importance of
being whole as an individual orbeing okay of it not being whole
as a business owner, as anagency owner, because we need to
start talking about thosethings more often than not.
Jace (23:40):
Absolutely, because otherwise we're trying to do it
alone and we think there'ssomething wrong with me.
Because I'm looking at theseother owners or people in my
position, or peers or whoever,and they seem like they're
handling it totally effortlessly.
No issues, no problem.
Kristelle (23:54):
But since when are we all made?
Jace (23:56):
the same and we aren't.
But just knowing, like you weresaying, were you exemplified
where you might say I'm workingfrom home today because I'm
dealing with this, this and thisright.
Then, when this, this and thiscomes up for me which it's going
to because I too am a human inthe world I go.
You know what I know?
It's okay to be in thisexperience and maybe my 100%
today isn't beast mode like itwas two days ago.
(24:18):
But that's okay too, becausewe're going to be in this
through a long term scenario andwe get to have all stages of
humanity be part of that andbenefit it.
Like we.
We work with the people, wedeal in people, and to separate
ourselves from the peopleexperience doesn't actually help
us do our job.
Kristelle (24:40):
To pivot a little bit .
I talked about I'm mostly happycrying than anything Like I
think about you know, our, ouroffices, our headquarters, if
you will.
And when it was, I'll neverforget the moment where
sometimes crying for me is notabout not just about sadness,
not just about happiness, it'salso a sense of relief.
(25:03):
Yes, so I walked into our newoffice after it was totally done
.
We were doing a Catholicblessing in the office and the
priest was walking around.
It was when he, I know we didthis.
Jace (25:15):
I'm just thinking was it an exorcism?
No, no, no it's a, that's whatwe do.
Kristelle (25:19):
You throw the holy water and you bless the office
for good juju, good aqua.
Jace (25:23):
Yeah, we'd smudge, it, yeah, yeah.
Kristelle (25:25):
So the priest was walking around and it was when I
shit, you're not.
It was when the holy waterstarted spraying all over the
walls.
I was just like oh, like thetears like came out and I was so
relieved.
I was relieved that this officeconstruction was done.
(25:46):
I was happy that the staff washere and it made it feel like
family.
I was definitely like so gladthat we're fucking done right,
and I remember that feeling oflike unexpected tears in front
of the team.
Jace (26:05):
That was a moment of relief, yeah right, and
accomplishment too.
I would imagine Like you havean office that you fill with
people and you pay all of us todo jobs.
Like that's pretty friggingcool.
And it had just grown andexpanded.
And now you have like physicalspace and I know you're not big
on like status things andwhatnot, but like that is a cool
moment, you've got a freakingcool thing.
Kristelle (26:27):
Yeah, like you know.
Jace (26:28):
So there's that sense too, like holy smokes.
All of the work and the blood,sweat and tears that go into
Finally came to fruition.
Kristelle (26:34):
And here it is.
Jace (26:35):
So like that's absolutely true, mentioning a flex.
Kristelle (26:40):
This got me into happy tears.
You haven't read it yet.
I have no idea what is about tohappen.
In a previous conversation thatwe had, we talked about Ed, our
business manager.
Love it Dress is like a bumsometimes.
Surfer Beach bum yeah, beachbum Different.
So Ed wrote to both of us todayand Justin, our producer the
(27:05):
reason why we're all here andwith a great video hasn't heard
this either.
Ed said last night I watchedone of the podcasts where
Crystal asked Jayce to explainto people.
Explain me to people thatdidn't know me.
You were explaining who Ed wasright.
Sure, he said.
(27:25):
I know that I'm a success nowbecause the smile on both of
your faces meant that my titlehere as ambassador of happiness,
which is the most importantthing that I do at this company
Nope, here it comes.
Yep, no matter what titleanyone gives me, is the title
(27:47):
that I take the most pride inand the one that I try to do my
best to do.
The kind words that Jayce saidabout me only made me feel
honored to work for ourorganization, and the only thing
I regret the only thing Iregret is that my mom isn't
around so I can show her I livedmy life exactly the way she
(28:09):
taught me, and that I'm truly asuccess in every aspect of the
word.
Why?
Because I make people smile,which is my only goal in life
that I try to achieve every day.
And then he has these stupidemojis.
But it's so.
Of course he does, oh God.
Jace (28:25):
Well, and here is him in action.
Had such a tough morning middleof the night cleaning up
explosive diarrhea, again in themorning breaking up two
dogfights, like it just was arough morning.
I'm like all cut up, scratchedup.
My life includes way more poopthan I ever would have.
Kristelle (28:47):
I got really confused when you started talking about
explosive diarrhea Not from me,I guess.
Jace (28:52):
I should specify Aging doggy nerve issues, gi issues.
We're trying everything, we'reworking on it, but his new food
had an unfortunate reaction so Iwas grumpy.
I'm watching my sister's play,so I'm coming in from the
mountains, and it was late,whatever tough morning, so I
walk in.
I got all my shit.
(29:12):
It's like I'm just you gottapass on All the china shop.
Kristelle (29:15):
that's what I call it .
Jace (29:16):
Get the dog stuff and my work stuff and my lunch stuff
and the podcast stuff and it'sjust like, and he's like good
morning.
Kristelle (29:23):
Cause he's at it and I just glared at him and I'm
like morning.
Just really.
Jace (29:27):
And he's like what is happening and I said I'm sorry,
I'm grumpy, I'm having, I'mpretty grumpy man and he just
goes nope, come here, Come here.
And he gives me the biggest hug.
And he's like you're good, jace.
It's all good, you're good.
And I just, like he'd like,tried to let go and I was like,
nope, we're still hugging and Iso needed it.
(29:47):
I so needed it.
That's awesome, he always comesthrough, yeah.
Kristelle (29:51):
Oh, and I think it's when that's an example of like
the happy tears that oftenhappen in this office, in any,
in any case, scenario.
I think trying to think ofanother time where, all of a
sudden, the tears oh, perfect,perfect example where I didn't
(30:12):
expect the tears to happen, butall it took was a look.
So I was at the state, newMexico state legislature.
It was this historic jointsession for the New Mexico's
Asian Asian day, api and HDA.
It's something that's foreverin statute now, but they
(30:33):
originally I was the backup tothe backup to the backup speaker
, the back.
The original intention of ajoint session, which is really
rare, was to actually have aspecially elected individual
come into town, and she didn'tmake it so fast forward.
This is my ABC hat, right.
(30:53):
They said, hey, we would likefor you and your colleague
Saachi, what does say?
Saachi is the executivedirector of the Asian Family
Center and we'd like the two ofyou to speak at the joint
session.
We're like, well, this is a bigdeal, okay, so Saachi prepares
a speech, we go over it, we talkabout it, Great, she crushes
(31:15):
the speech and then, all of asudden, I get up there and I
start talking about AsianAmerican day, api and HDA is
founded by my aunt.
I get always get incrediblyemotional about talking about
her she I talked about her inthe mentor episode.
The only way that I won't getemotional is if time continues
(31:36):
to pass longer.
And I was talking about howthis was a mission of hers and
this was one of the first thingsher, she, had done.
And then all of a sudden I lookat her friend.
The last time I saw her friendwas when we were at her funeral
and I see her friend and I say Isay her name, I say her
(32:00):
friend's name who isrepresentative Patricia Roybal
Caballero.
And I look at her and I saidliterally it's on the record.
I say representative Caballero,please don't make me cry.
And we just had a moment infront of 500 to 750 fucking
people in the roundhouse andwe're just like crying about the
(32:21):
fact we missed somebody, welost somebody.
Grief, the grief that weequally shared about my mentor.
I just remember that was one ofthose ones where it's like
where did that come from?
Like it's in there, right, itwas one of the most surreal
moments and it was one of themost, if I could say that there
were moments where I rememberlike did I make history?
(32:43):
That was a historic moment andI cried during it too.
Jace (32:47):
Which sounds appropriate to me.
It's a milestone, very much so,absolutely.
Yeah.
Like where does it come from?
And grief is different.
Grief is not linear by anymeans.
It lives in us and we havethese milestones where then, all
of a sudden, what once was okayin the day to day all it's like
oh, now this person isn't hereto witness this, like Ed's mama
or your mentor.
And then it's back again.
(33:08):
Right, because it's very there.
But oftentimes things come upbecause we haven't actually
processed them.
So I like to talk aboutprocessing in the present.
So if you see me in the Dallasairport with tears and snot in
my hair because I'm crying truestory I'm processing in the
present.
Yeah, because I don't wannastore all of that stuff and then
(33:30):
have it come out sideways, haveit come out through anger or an
explosion or addictive behavioror whatever it is, because I
just haven't processed it.
So, as I was telling mycolleague, like no, I just cry
sitting at my desk, I'll just beworking, quietly, crying, and
just keep at it, because there'sstuff that's gotta be done and
it's just happening.
Right.
Then I know, or a pause, Iabsolutely will, especially as
(33:50):
I've been doing the greetingprocess.
Kristelle (33:51):
I really encourage you to pause, because I do.
I feel guilty.
No, I do.
Jace (33:56):
And sometimes I work from home because I'm just really
struggling.
I have a grief counselor now ananticipatory bereavement
counselor to deal with Charliestuff.
But I will all like pause downand just cry it out and then
it's all good and just allowingthat space.
But sometimes it's just they'rejust coming, there's nothing to
be done about it, it just kindof keep in motion and that
(34:16):
that's okay too, like there'snothing wrong with that.
But yeah, processing in thepresent is so important and so
many of us fear that because wedon't know what to do with it.
I used to think if I startcrying I'll never stop.
So I didn't even wanna start.
I had so many years of cryingto do that.
I was afraid to open thefloodgate.
Like I thought, well then I'lljust never stop crying because I
was holding so much sadness, somuch pain every day.
(34:42):
I lived in emotional pain everysingle day from childhood,
abused stuff that just didn'tget dealt with until I was an
adult and like I was so afraidof even side eyeing it.
Like well, if you look at it atall, it's never gonna stop.
Kristelle (34:58):
I remember along the same lines.
We were talking about childhood.
I remember having and I livedwith a lot of mom guilt.
I didn't have custody of my sonuntil he was eight years old
and I had to leave him behind sothat way because of a terrible
non-compete.
And I remember one moment whereI was with Kido and I still
(35:22):
feel very guilty that I said itto him because I don't know if
it came out the way that Iintended it to.
Long story short is that hewanted something and he just
started crying about it and itwas something very erroneous,
like a toy, a book, a show, etcetera.
He just started to cry.
And I feel bad and I still askmyself was this the right thing
(35:46):
for me to say?
I said there are appropriatetimes to cry, kido, there are
appropriate times to cry.
There are appropriate times tocry, like when you get hurt, or
somebody makes you mad andyou're frustrated, or you're
upset at me for something thatyou said, or you get hit in the
(36:10):
face or something like that,like pain, like actual pain,
like it's okay to cry.
It's not okay to cry when it'ssomething that you don't get
your way from or you wantsomething, but we're not seeing
eye to eye about it and it'svery materialistic or something
like that.
I remember telling him that Iwas like, please stop crying,
(36:34):
only for the things that reallydon't matter, but if it's things
that are very important or theyare emotional, like, it's okay
to cry.
I don't know if I should havesaid that to him or not.
Jace (36:47):
I'm not asking at the same time.
Kristelle (36:49):
I have some thoughts on that, but no, I'd love to
hear your thoughts.
But I'm not asking forforgiveness from him on that
front.
I just wanted him to know thatthere's a right way to express
your emotion of it, but I alsodidn't want him to be the boy
that's like.
Well, my mom told me never tocry and that was ultimately what
I was trying to prevent, right?
(37:10):
So I don't know.
That's my thoughts on that.
Jace (37:15):
I think disappointment is one of the things we do not
teach kids or even adults how todeal with.
That's what's happening, right,like I want it.
I want what I want when I wantit and I want it.
And when it doesn't happen, youdon't have to deal with that.
If you don't, we do, because weall.
I want what I want when I wantit, and sometimes the universe
doesn't see eye to eye or myemployer or my you know whoever
(37:38):
in my life.
We disappointment is somethingthat comes with us through our
life and people that just go aspart of life suck it up.
That's our instructions fordisappointment.
We don't really talk about howto process that and we use the
tools we have right.
And when we're kids like I, cango oh, I'm experiencing
disappointment, I wanted a thingand that thing didn't happen
and I can self-soothe andwhatever right, like thanks,
(38:00):
therapy, I've done my stuff.
But kids, they use the toolsthey have and tears are one of
them, and then we cut them offfrom their tool.
Kristelle (38:08):
Oh yeah, no, this was when he was like 10.
That's a kid.
Jace (38:12):
Yeah.
Kristelle (38:13):
Yeah.
Jace (38:14):
And a kid get like even.
I know adult people, grown up,adult people who don't go.
Oh, I had wanted this thing andthen that didn't happen.
And for these reasons and nowI'm processing this, but no,
they just scream or they yell orthey lose their shit or they're
unkind, like because we don'tlearn about how to deal with
disappointment.
And crying actually is a greatrelease because when we are
(38:35):
disappointed, we're in a victimstate.
I wanted something and itdidn't happen.
This happened.
You know, something was takenfrom me or whatever, and if we
can just cry and let it out,then it's gone.
Then we don't store it Likeanimals don't have the same
disease issues we do, becausethey process immediately.
Kristelle (38:50):
They process immediately.
Jace (38:51):
No one has told them to stop doing that.
Yeah Right, it's veryinteresting.
Kristelle (38:56):
The free will or the conscious aspect of an animal.
Jace (38:58):
Yeah, no, that makes sense .
We have to have a wholeconversation on free will.
Kristelle (39:02):
Yeah.
Jace (39:03):
Cause I have many thoughts on that, but the just being in
it and, like you, you talkedabout your closet as your panic
room in a way.
Yeah, what is the kitchen floor?
Even when I was a little kid,this like rags rug, you know,
and they like take a bunch ofmaterials and then they weave it
together as a rug.
I remember it very well andanytime I was upset it was the
kitchen floor.
As an adult, to this day, I'mon the kitchen floor crying,
(39:27):
yeah.
When I'm really upset, that's Idon't know why.
That's my go to spot and Ican't tell you, either when it
was running my own business orany of the endeavors how often I
was on the floor crying.
And no, I'm not weak and no,I'm not like.
Every little thing bothers me.
I'm a tough SOB and I'm a humanand stuff sucks and it's hard
(39:47):
and there's pressure andsomething didn't turn out the
way I wanted, or it workedreally hard and then it just
didn't happen, or I'm broke ormy feelings got hurt or whatever
.
Right and to be like suck it upand we just have to deal with
it.
No, I spent much time on thekitchen floor.
Less and less as I've gone on,yeah, but that is part of
(40:08):
success.
Whether it's a closet or yourcar or the kitchen floor or
whatever, crying is absolutelyan essential ingredient for
success.
Yep.
Kristelle (40:19):
Yep, 100%.
We are running out of time, sowe definitely want to make sure
I thought I keep talking.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry, I know this is sucha heavy topic, but we're running
out of time and it's not yeah.
It's both.
Yeah, it's all of it.
So we're running out of timeand wanted to say one of the
most important things that Ialways like to end on is I
(40:40):
always thank you for sharingwhat you share, especially from
the level of vulnerability thatyou have about it, and I don't
want to leave and just say, okay, we're done Like.
It's very important that weacknowledge the fact that you've
said what you've said, becausesomebody can very much relate to
the kitchen floor or, in mycase, a business owner that
(41:02):
might not want to feel like theworkspace is their safe space,
but their closet might be.
There's somebody that's got tobe out there.
Jace (41:11):
They're crying, right now they're crying right now.
Yeah, see, the thing is,because you always close us, I
never get to thank you.
You, too, share your life andyou share things that a lot of
people in your position wouldn't.
I wish they would, I know.
Kristelle (41:24):
Do it.
I really wish that they wouldTalk about it.
Jace (41:26):
Come on, Show us, us here when do you cry or how do you
process your emotions or how hasthat shown up in your life.
If y'all are always verywelcome to respond in the
comments or hit us up info atCRZnet rwecom for that email
address net net.
Kristelle (41:39):
That's all, and don't forget to follow us on your
favorite streaming channel.
But thanks, as always, this istoday's episode.
Tears of Story, success andStuff.
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