Stronger Together: When Support Looks Different Than Expected

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In this heartfelt episode, Katie opens up about something rarely discussed in strength and wellness spaces: the value of welcoming men into the conversation around perimenopause, menopause, and muscle-building.

Sharing her personal journey—including what it was like to build muscle with a male coach after years of being let down by women—Katie challenges the idea that support must come from someone who looks like you to be meaningful.

This episode dives into:

💬 Why the basics of muscle-building still work—especially in perimenopause

💬 The emotional weight of feeling unsupported by other women

💬 Why letting men in doesn’t mean you’ve turned your back on your sisters

💬 What real support looks like—no matter where it comes from

It’s raw, real, and rooted in one message:

Strength has no gender—and healing often comes from unexpected places.

Whether you’re in the gym, in the thick of hormone changes, or just needing a reminder that you don’t have to do it alone—this one’s for you.

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Episode Transcript

(00:01):
Hello, and welcome back toanother episode of Strength in
Numbers.
I am your host, Katie.
How are you guys doing?
Hope you guys are liking theselittle quick, quick little chit
chats.
So today we're gonna talk aboutwhen support looks different
than we expected.
So this episode is one that I'vebeen holding close for a long
time.

(00:21):
Today we're gonna talk aboutsomething that maybe doesn't get
said out loud often enough.
Sometimes the support we need.
For us women going throughperimenopause and menopause and
muscle building, in our strengthjourneys might come from people
we don't expect.
Yes, I'm gonna say it, theopposite sex.

(00:41):
This episode is about why Ibelieve in keeping that door
open even when it feelsuncomfortable.
It's all about why buildingmuscle is still and always will
be about doing the basics andwhy?
Because being strong.
It isn't something we can doalone.
So let's talk aboutperimenopause muscle.

(01:02):
If you're here, you're probablysomewhere in the storm of it.
I am.
I'm in the storm of it.
Maybe you have a loved one, awife, a sister, a cousin, your
friends.
The hot flashes, the hormonalswings, the dizzy spells, the
fatigue, the moods, the moodshifts.
That feeling like someoneswapped your body in the middle

(01:24):
of the night.
Yes.
I'm living it.
And the only thing that keeps megrounded besides my
stubbornness, which my husbandwill say, was building muscle.
Building muscle is one of themost important, one of the most
important powerful medicines wehave.
It's the anchor, the steady, thecomeback.

(01:45):
And guess what?
The method isn't groundbreaking.
There is no magic pill.
You can't buy muscle.
I mean, you can have stuff helpyou, but.
You still have to do the work.
You can't cheat it.
It's the basics.
Done well, done often, and youknow what they are.

(02:05):
Lift, eat, rest, repeat, lift,eat, rest, repeat.
It's not always exciting, but itworks.
I have fallen in love withboredom.
I love boredom.
I can stay in boredom.
Just keep me in boredom and I'ma happy clam.
Especially when maybe your bodyis changing and your hormones

(02:27):
are throwing you curve balls,that makes it a hundred times
more or less exciting.
But what, what?
What if the support that we wantand we're trying to shut people
out at the same time, we wantsupport, but we wanna shut
people out.
I don't understand that.
We've been shut outta the healthconversation for a long time.

(02:49):
We've learned to stay quiet, butsometimes we're the ones
shutting people out.
We assume they won't get it.
We think this is just a womanthing, but we forget.
Like I said, they have wives,friends, moms, aunts, cousins.
They're surrounded by women.

(03:11):
But if we want real support, wehave to be, we have to let them
not understand to understand.
We have to let people in.
I've been training with mycoach.
Yes.
He's a, he's a, he's a man forfour years.
Has it been four years or threeyears?
I'm so confused on that matter.

(03:32):
You know what he, he isdefinitely not in a female body.
Has no, yeah, definitely not.
But you know what he does?
He listens and you know whatelse he does?
He knows how to build muscle.
He knows what it takes to getstronger.
When I said I can't, he was justlike, yes, you can just be

(03:55):
different.
And that has stuck with me.
My whole entire training is allI wanted to do is be different
and I want to inspire people,especially women like my coach
inspired me to take up space tonot shrink yourselves anymore.
You don't need to live in the.
Forever lane of being lean dumb.

(04:19):
Oh man, that muscle leannessdrives me crazy.
That just gonna add that littletidbit in there.
The kind of support that justdoes not come wrapped up in, you
know, looking like how we think,you know, like a woman.
It certainly didn't for me, butit just needs to be real.
It just needs to be genuine.

(04:39):
They just need to care.
They need to do it for all theright reasons.
Not for attention, not forclout, not for Instagram.
Clicks and likes and comments,but because they wanna do it.
Because they want you to feelbetter.
They wanna see you succeed.
They wanna see you get better.

(05:00):
And maybe I'm more open becausehonestly, I've been let down by
a lot of women in my life.
My mother wasn't the mother Ineeded my sister and I.
Yeah, that's uh, complicated.
And sometimes those mean girls,you just never forget it, and
that cuts deep.
The men in my life, mygrandfather, you know, my

(05:20):
husband, you know, and now mycoach and male friends that I've
had in my life, they were theones who saw me.
They showed up.
They didn't try to tell me Ineeded to shrink myself.
They didn't tell me, here's thenext best fix to snatch your
waist.
No.
They gave me the, the, they gaveme the space to be the best

(05:42):
version of myself that I wantedto build.
They gave me the space to beKatie.
I'm not the woman who surroundedme back then.
I'm the woman who was raised bythe men who just stayed and
showed up for me.
Letting men into our spacedoesn't mean we're turning our

(06:03):
backs on women.
Let me get that straight.
Men that are trying to educatethemselves and ask questions and
talk about it more are notmansplaining.
I hate that word.
I will forever show up forwomen.
This is why I do this podcast.
This is why I post all my stuffon Instagram, is because I want

(06:24):
women to take up space, bestronger, build muscle, but I
also believe the help we need.
Might not always look like us,and that has to be okay.
It's not about choosing sides,it's about choosing strength.
And sometimes strength is handedto you by someone you didn't
think would understand, but theydo.

(06:47):
Muscle is muscle and it's realand it changes you.
So let's bring it back to thetraining part of it.
Muscle just does not care genderof your coach.
It really doesn't.
Muscle is muscle.
It just cares about consistency.
Muscle is built on intentions,patients, food recovery and

(07:09):
showing up.
Consistency matters.
You know, maybe that programyou're following maybe needs
adjusting and you know what,that's fine.
I adjust my programs all thetime.
All the time.
But what matters is we keepshowing up.
Building strength duringperimenopause is not glamorous,

(07:32):
but you know what it is, it ispowerful and you are allowed to
do it with all the supportwherever it comes from.
So let's talk about, okay, whereI'm gonna leave you with this
one because I'm really trying tokeep these under 10 minutes,
these little quick chit chats.
So here's what I wanna leave youwith.

(07:52):
Stay open.
Healing doesn't always come fromwhere we expect it.
Support may show up wherein, youknow, maybe a different uniform
speaking, a different languagestand.
You know, maybe you're lookingat a screen and he is the size
of a linebacker.
I don't know that's whathappened to me.
But let them help you.

(08:13):
Let them in, let themunderstand, let them learn.
Welcoming men into thisconversation doesn't make us
less of women.
It doesn't mean we've betrayedwomen.
It just means we are wise enoughto know that strength has no
gender.
Compassion isn't confined to onecommunity, and growth often

(08:34):
comes from places we leastexpect it.
This is about lifting each otherwho, whoever each other ends up
being.
I'm gonna read that again.
This is about lifting eachother, whoever each other ends
up being.
So let's keep getting strongertogether.

(08:56):
Let's do it together becausenobody gets stronger alone.
I did not do this alone.
I am here to help.
I'm here to cheer on.
I'm here to encourage.
I am soaking up all theknowledge I can from men and
women, and that's where theconversation should be because
muscle is muscle.

(09:18):
Thank you so much for you guysjoining this quick little
podcast.
I really appreciate you guyslike sending me messages that
you guys like this kind ofstuff.
I'm gonna keep pumping these outevery Friday.
Guests are coming onto thepodcast.
I'm really working on gettingthose scheduled in.
So guys, keep lifting, keeptaking up space.
Don't shrink yourself.
Have a great day.