We Were Never Meant to See Our Own Faces

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What if the way you see yourself isn’t the way you’re meant to know yourself? For most of human history, people lived their entire lives without ever truly seeing their own face ,  their identity was shaped by how they felt and how they impacted others, not by a constant reflection staring back at them.

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Episode Transcript

(00:00):
Welcome back to Strength inNumbers.
This is Katie, and today we'regonna talk about something that
completely stopped me in mytracks for the first time.
When I heard it, we were nevermeant to see our own faces.
Think about that for a second.
For most of human history, theonly way someone knew what we

(00:22):
look like was from the faintreflection in still water.
Or from the way someone elsedescribed them in a
conversation.
Maybe there were no mirrors inevery room, no front facing
cameras, no selfies constantly,no internet to constantly
question our question ourself.

(00:44):
No endless photos, no endlessvideos.
Your identity was built almostentirely on how you moved
through the world.
Not how you looked while you didit.
Now we live in a time where ourown faces stare back at us
constantly, whether that be inmirrors, selfies, social media,

(01:08):
zoom calls, even on the blockscreen of our phone.
And it's changed us.
I think we've shifted fromliving in ourselves to living
outside of ourselves, alwaysaware of what you know, we might
look like to someone else.
And while there's nothinginherently wrong with knowing

(01:29):
your appearance, it's worth,worth, it is worth asking.
What has that done to us?
So the truth is, for thousandsof years, human beings didn't
build self-worth on constantvisuals.
It was never, you know, saw yourown face.
You had to rely on how you feltor how people treated you and

(01:52):
the impact you left on others.
So your self-image wasn'tliteral.
It was like almost moreemotional.
And that's something I thinkwe've almost lost completely.
We've replaced, how do I feelwith, how do I look?
We've replaced what I'm capableof with what others will think

(02:15):
when they see this.
When you're training, especiallyif you're building, you know,
muscle strength, you knowbuilding muscle, this shows up
in a big way.
You can feel strong, powerful,unstoppable, and then you catch
yourself in the mirror from thewrong angle.
Maybe that bad lighting thathits us, maybe mid rep.

(02:37):
Suddenly you're questioningeverything.
Have I been there?
Have, have I, you know, theworkouts where I felt invincible
until I caught a reflection andthought I am not making any
progress.
But here's the thing, progressis not always visible right

(02:58):
away.
In strength training, thevictories, you can't see, you
know, that extra rep, thatheavier weight, that stability
in your form.
Nothing feels better when theform clicks.
I can speak from so muchexperience on that is failure.
You need to fail fast becausethen that's how we learn, you

(03:23):
know, the, those, the oftenchanges come from, The inside
before it's even visiblechanges.
If you're constantly checkingthe mirror and you're grading
yourself on the delay, you aregrading yourself on the delay.
You are not gonna get thatimmediate satisfaction.

(03:45):
You are missing the real timewins.
That's why I talk about mirrorPRS versus performance prs, you
know, mirror prs about how youlook.
Performance prs are more aboutwhat you can do, and the truth
is the performance ones are theones that last forever.

(04:06):
If we were never meant to seeour own faces, maybe we were
meant to trust the reflection.
Others give us.
Not in a glass, but in words andactions.
I think about moments whensomeone has described me in a
way that completely caught,caught me off guard.

(04:26):
You know, a friend telling me,you're the strongest woman I
know.
You know?
And my daughter, the way shelooks at me and says, you just
never quit.
You know, maybe somebody else,you know, you made me believe
that I could do more.
Those reflections, those onesfrom the people who truly see
you are so much more valuablethan anything a mirror could

(04:49):
ever show you.
So imagine if you imagine if younever saw yourself again, how
would you know who you are?
You'd have to feel it, right?
You'd have to trust it.
You'd have to pay attention moreto life that you're living and
not imagine, not so worriedabout the image you're

(05:11):
projecting.
So here's a challenge that Igave for myself when I wrote,
wrote this down in my journal.
I said, how about we trainwithout mirrors for a week?
Feel your form.
You know, spend more timejournaling how you felt during

(05:31):
your workout.
Instead of how you looked, asksomeone you trust to describe
how they see you.
When you're in your element,when you're laughing, when
you're lifting, when you'refocused, you might totally be
surprised at how much moreaccurate that is than your own

(05:51):
reflection that you see.
We were never meant to see ourown faces.
Maybe that was a gift.
Maybe it's still one we can giveourselves if we're, if we're
willing to step away from theglass every now and then, it is,

(06:11):
it is their one thing that ifthere's just one thing that you
could take away from today, letit be this.
The mirror is not the finaljudge of your worth.
For most of human history,people lived loved without ever
truly knowing what they lookedlike.
And they were free to focus onwho they were.

(06:36):
We can choose that too.
So next time, if you catchyourself in the reflection,
pause and ask, is this how Ireally feel?
Or is this just a surfaceversion of me?
Sometimes we just have to take astep back as fast as the world

(06:57):
is moving sometimes.
We just need to take a moment.
Being genuine is so far gonethese days.
People do things for clout.
Um, you know, whetherrelationships, friendships are
true, true friendships, youknow, how how much can a

(07:22):
friendship or relationships gothrough?
To whether or not you figure outthis is the real deal because
there's so much projecting.
Projecting.
I know I have gone through somany changes in life from being
a mom, wife.
You know, I lost my way multipletimes and I've looked myself in

(07:44):
the mirror and questioned who Iwas, you know?
And going through the skincancer has made me realize how
much.
Genuine people in your lifematter.
When you go through the hardestparts of your life, you want the

(08:04):
people that are gonna come inswinging for you.
Not because you have somethingto offer them, but because they
wanna see, they wanna see youget better.
They, they care.
So I truly appreciate you guystaking this moment to, you know,
listen to these podcasts again.
Um, I know there's so manyexciting things, um, happening

(08:27):
on Tonal.
Um, this week.
Uh, we have Joe's live class onSaturday at 11:00 AM Eastern for
his 12 weeks to Jack.
Um, so I will be there and alsoI will have my giveaway that is
on my Instagram.
So make sure you are a part ofthat and, um, I'm possibly gonna

(08:47):
be out for two weeks for anotherskin cancer surgery, but we will
see, just waiting to confirm thedate.
Um, so we'll see when that isscheduled.
Um, I may be able to put it offlonger or I maybe come sooner
than I had thought, but we willsee.
So thank you so much forspending time with me.

(09:09):
You know, on the Strength InNumbers podcast.
So go live your, go live in yourbody today and let the mirrors
just be glass again.
I'll see you guys next week.