August 11, 2023 • 50 mins
Hello listeners! Welcome Back to the Strength In Recovery podcast. In August, we're sitting down with our RCA Raritan Bay Alumni Team, Rahi Patel and Marguerite Warner. Rahi is one of our newer Alumni Coordinators and even had Marguerite as a mentor on his path to recovery. They talk with Jaye about the importance of taking suggestions while finding sobriety, remaining patient with yourself, and the blessing of family and friends as one navigates their journey. It's one you won't want to miss! *The views and opinions expressed by the guests of this podcast are their own and not necessarily those of RCA. These interviews are personal testimonials of recovery and should not be considered medical or treatment advice.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Hello listeners, welcome to the Strength and Recovery podcast.
(00:21):
I'm your host Jay Rodenbush sitting down today with Rahi Patel and Marguerite Warner.
They are our alumni program for Raritan Bay.
This is, how far are we from New York City?
20 miles.
And Marguerite is our senior alumni coordinator.
(00:43):
She was the first coordinator I got to hire in my role and she's just done an outstanding
job, very beloved at this facility.
And Rahi is one of the newer coordinators.
They've just built an amazing team here.
Last night we had the alumni meeting.
I don't know how many you had.
It was almost standing room only for that alumni meeting.
(01:06):
And just for someone who doesn't know, like what does it mean for the alums to just come
back into our facilities, both on their part and then for you both?
I think for us it's the reward in seeing them sober, clean, excited, wanting to meet
(01:28):
that peer connection.
They're so excited about seeing the people that they were in treatment with, so excited
about meeting new people in the alumni program, the alumni association.
But for me, it's a little bit different.
I just get that excitement and that joy in my heart.
(01:48):
For them to get a day clean and sober is such an incredible miracle that to see them wanting
to, we're doing something right to see them want to come back to the facility that they
were in treatment at, that they spent their time here for their treatment, to see them
want to come back and see myself, see Rahi, see their peers.
See the nurses come by and just everybody lights up.
(02:09):
Just this, it's like a reunion every single week.
So that's it.
That's just a gift.
Each and every one of them that walks in is a gift.
It's a miracle.
What I really like about your group too is it's all ages.
The guy who spoke last night, what is he in his 20s?
Just a young adult and really in the beginnings of his career, just a talented individual and
(02:35):
to hear his story.
And then the last time I was here, it was a younger guy too, but I've been here before
when it's somebody, maybe a senior or somebody in their retirement years.
When they all come together and form this really.
There's no gap.
There really isn't.
The 20 year olds are hugging the seniors.
(02:58):
But when you were saying that, what was coming to my mind was we have the newer alums that
have their 30 days, 60 days, 90 days.
And then we have the alums that have been around a while that have a couple years or
17 months or 18 months.
And everybody's on the same platform when you walk in that door.
Everybody's on the same level.
(03:19):
It's pretty amazing.
And what's the passage in the big book that talks about people who otherwise wouldn't
have met?
We're like passengers on the great steamliner.
It's kind of a reference to the Titanic.
We are people that would not normally mix or wouldn't ordinarily mix, right?
But there's this camaraderie between us that they say that even after we're rescued and
(03:43):
we're well on our way, most people that had experienced a traumatic experience in their
life would be often going in their individual ways.
Not us.
We have another tie that binds us together, you know?
Raheem has been so generous to say that he would tell us a little bit about himself and
his journey in recovery.
No, yeah, of course.
(04:05):
Obviously, I can't compare to Marguerite when it comes to the knowledge on the big book.
Like, you know, doing some self-reflection.
What's crazy is I go back like nine, 10 years, and the previous treatment center I was at,
Marguerite, was the recovery coach.
So to come full circle and to, you know, work alongside her in something I greatly believe
(04:30):
in, like the Alumni Association, and help out in any, like, facet, like, any way I can,
is literally a 180 for me, you know?
It's a new lease on life.
Like, you know, I get a joy seeing all the alums come by, and it's really, it's really
like they're finally taking suggestions, and it didn't get better for me until I started
(04:54):
taking suggestions or even having that open mind to want to listen to someone who's been
through it and let go of all those old ideas and, you know, negativities that kept bringing
me back into treatment and relapses.
So when they come in, that puts us all in my face, because it's like, wow, finally, they're
taking the suggestions that are just laid out so simply for everyone.
(05:16):
It wasn't until I had to, you know, lose X, Y, and Z, I finally, you know, got to that
point where I wanted to surrender and actually listen to someone who's been through it.
So to see someone who's, you know, in that younger age group actually come and listen
and take the suggestions and not have to lose X, Y, and Z, go to jails and institutions
and do that, you know, that whole silliness of addiction and alcoholism, it's beautiful.
(05:42):
So that's like my sole purpose is to show like another addict or alcoholic, regardless
of age, that they don't have to go through all the pain and suffering to, you know, have
that new lease on life to live happy, joyous, and free.
And it's really just, it's one day at a time, you know, one foot after the other and just
(06:02):
being a part of something bigger than yourself.
And that's something amazing that the Alumni Association has to offer where Marguerite's
right, like everyone comes in and there's no, there's no clickiness, there's no bias,
like every, we all get along, you know, all on the same footing, you know, coming from
the same treatment center.
(06:23):
And you know, when we see a newcomer there, they really are the spotlight, especially
at a meeting, at our Thursday night meeting.
So it's something beautiful.
Well, you take us back to when you realized this is a problem.
In my own.
Yeah, in your own life.
(06:44):
All right.
Well, I'd have to go back early on.
So fourth and fifth grade is when I started noticing I had that addictive tendency, like
we had that dare program in fifth grade and they would come in and show these different
drugs on pamphlets and to not do them.
(07:06):
And what's crazy is I remember looking at those pamphlets so intrigued, like, wow, you
know, looking like at the actual substances, the pictures of the substances and being so
intrigued for some reason, and I couldn't grasp that until I got older.
Sorry.
But really, it was like the addictive tendencies were out there.
(07:29):
I would be doing silly stuff like going to Rite Aid or Walgreens and stealing Pokemon
cards just because I wanted to catch them all literally like little things like that.
And then fast forward into middle school.
That's when marijuana and drinking was big and I easily fell into that trap.
(07:52):
Do you remember your first use?
Yeah.
So my first drink, I was 11 and that warmth I got, like that feeling was irreplaceable,
but it didn't, it opened up the doors to like, you know, seek that adventuring thrill at
(08:12):
the time, which was, you know, trying something, being rebellious.
And from that, you know, it was a slow downward spiral.
So whenever I had the opportunity, I would always, you know, bring alcohol out with,
you know, my friend group, always start pushing that.
And you know, fast, I have to fast forward a little bit, but it was around ninth grade
(08:38):
when Perkis said, sorry, blues were a big thing.
And I already had that experimental mindset where, you know, I'm already smoking and drinking.
So I'm like, what else, you know, I wanted to, I was the type of person where, you know,
I had to experience it myself and I couldn't take others experiences and listen to that.
(09:02):
Like I had to try everything myself to see if it was really bad or good.
So with that mindset, you know, I'm literally trying anything and everything.
Fast forward into 10th grade.
That's when I sniffed my first bag of heroin at the time it was heroin.
There was a clear distinction between heroin and fentanyl.
That wasn't even there then.
(09:23):
And this is over 12 years ago.
So, you know, that introduction happened a little bit later, which I'll share about,
but so 10th grade, I sniffed my first bag of heroin and it was love at first sight.
You know, I got caught in that trap, which I didn't spiral out of control right away.
(09:45):
Like high school was still manageable because, you know, the two households I'm from, my
parents are divorced, but they both make a decent income.
So each household had money.
But, you know, I remember the first time I ever got sick.
I was literally the internet thinking I had a common cold, not realizing it was actually
(10:07):
opioid withdrawal.
This is 10th grade at the time.
So figuring out that, you know, you can get withdrawals from heroin.
You know what I mean?
I had no idea or conception of what I was doing, but I'm already at the point where
I'm too far in.
So fast forward to junior year.
(10:28):
That's the introduction of needles for me.
You know, so then I started, I became a full on IV drug user and that's a junior in high
school, you know?
And I'm for anyone noticing at this point.
No, surprisingly, no, did nobody's notice in it.
When everyone noticed it, it was when I was 18 and I started getting in trouble with the
(10:52):
law like my first arrest ever.
That's when, you know, both parents realized, you know, that they got their introduction
through Al-Anon and Nar-Anon.
But prior to that, it was just, you know, each house had money I could pawn, whatever
I could find for my dad's house or my mother's house to continue my habit.
(11:13):
And the sad part about it is, it's, you know, when you're unknowingly doing something like
that, you're influencing the others around you.
So there was a countless, there was countless number of people in high school that also
got into it on my basis as well as other influences.
So that was big, you know, the opioid epidemic, especially growing up for me was prevalent.
(11:36):
And can I add, my turn, like what, when did you graduate high school?
What year was that?
2012.
2012.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So you were in the height of the, of all of that and the access was easy.
How were you able to get prescription bills and definitely, um, there was Section 8 house
in two blocks away from my house.
(11:56):
So literally walking distance, I could go and buy drugs.
So it was, it was there.
It was prevalent.
And, you know, it was just a lot of negativity spread during that time.
And I could share on that later because, you know, what's crazy is I'm, I'm so big into
recovery because I have 11 friends who were also, you know, addicted to heroin at the
(12:20):
time and only four of them are still here.
The rest of them overdosed and that, and that was through the introduction of fentanyl.
When people started overdosed and more, you know, more often and between us for, I'm
clean and sober for, you know, I'm almost going to hit my four year mark.
(12:43):
This other girl is also clean and sober.
She's doing well, celebrating two years.
The third friend is serving 12 years in prison and then the fourth one moved out of the country.
So that's seven overdosed and died where four of us are still here.
(13:05):
That's a crazy statistic when you think about it.
So to be in my position where I'm at now, it's, I'm like, I'm grateful to be alive
first and foremost, but I'm also grateful to be in a position where I can help someone
change their life.
And you do every single day.
(13:25):
It's really beautiful.
What's this bringing up for you, Marguerite?
It's, you know, my addiction didn't start until later in life.
So to hear, you know, you mean 11 years old and in junior high, you know, how you got
caught up in that vicious cycle.
(13:48):
It's just incredibly amazing that you're sitting beside me today.
You know what I mean?
It really truly is.
And it just, it's nice to know that what I'm kind of thinking is that no matter who
walks in that door or who walks in a room no matter where we are, you know, like we're
able to help at different levels, different perspectives, but all the same disease, you
(14:11):
know what I mean?
So it's just, it's amazing.
You are an incredible gift.
You really truly are.
And it's an honor to work with you.
It really truly is and a privilege, you know?
And I'm just really proud of you.
So how did you get from your, you're starting to have consequences, your 18, it's adult
(14:32):
consequences now because it had become scary.
It was, but you know, 18 to 23, that family support was still there, you know?
So those consequences weren't really consequences when, you know, you had to love and supportive
parents that would throw money at any problem.
(14:54):
So fast forward down the line, you know, you've continued, I continue doing, you know, I'm
still in that drug addiction that I'm in.
Those family consequences go out the, sorry, though that family support finally goes out
the window regardless of like what support system you have.
You push them away through your addiction, alcoholism.
(15:17):
That's what ended up happening to me, you know?
So it's crazy, but I'm actually sitting in jail.
I'm 23 years old.
My bail is $1,200.
Couldn't find the soul to bail me out.
All drug possession charges, right?
(15:39):
So I call my father and mind you, so the cycle's been already started.
I'm in X number treatment by now, probably my seven treatment center.
So I call my dad with the alligator tears.
I'm like, dad, I promise I'll go into long-term treatment if you could bail me out, yada,
yada, yada.
And then he starts laughing on the phone.
I'm like, I'm like, why is he laughing?
(16:01):
This is new.
Yeah.
This is like the first time.
And then he goes, he goes long-term treatment.
You're in long-term treatment.
So that basically meant like, okay, now I'm on my own.
I got to deal with my problems myself.
So from that, that opened up the consequences to my addiction and alcoholism.
Like, okay, now I'm actually dealing with consequences.
(16:24):
So that was kind of the pushing stone to actually realize what destruction I'm doing.
So from there, the family support is gone.
I get out of jail, get put on probation, and I show up to my father's house and he tells
me to go away.
He goes, I can't have you here like this.
(16:45):
Go to my mom's house, same exact thing.
So like they did a little, you know, for once in their life, they agreed on something and
that was to, you know, cut me off and let me live my life.
And talk to a parent right now who might have to make that decision.
It's tough, but especially in this day and age where overdoses a whole lot more likely,
(17:09):
it's tough.
You're your child going through that, but that was really the pushing, the catalyst
as to me learning what my consequences really are.
Did you have a moment like that where the support, you were on your own?
Yeah, it was either go to treatment or you can't live here anymore.
(17:31):
Basically, yeah, I went to treatment, kicking and screaming and negotiated seven days at
a time.
Yeah.
And what was that moment like when you knew, okay, this, I've pushed them to the end?
(17:54):
I don't, I don't even, honestly, I don't, I didn't take them that seriously.
I really truly didn't.
I was just so caught up in and doing what I was doing.
And, you know, I just got to the point where I was like, well, I've never been homeless
in my entire life and I plan on doing it at 39 years old.
So I was like, okay, I'll do this thing.
(18:15):
We'll do it seven days at a time.
We'll see how it works.
You know, like I said, kicking and screaming, fought it to the nail.
My poor family, you know, my husband had said at the time, he's like, if you don't go, I'm
going just to have a break.
He said, because I can't live like this anymore.
He said, I really can't live like this anymore.
And you know, like I said, every, you know, every seven days when we talked on the phone
(18:36):
or they came to visit each time it got, you know, I became a little more willing to actually
stay in treatment.
And the ironic thing about it is the day that I discharged out of treatment, I was absolutely
terrified to leave.
So was that what worked for me?
No, but it helped.
It aided in the recovery process.
(18:57):
You know, I still needed to go out and do a little more experimenting because absolutely
everything that was suggested to me, you know, go to a meeting, get a sponsor, work the steps,
get a home group, all these suggestions, I did a third of what was suggested and thought
that I was okay, you know, and for a while I felt okay for about four and a half months,
(19:18):
you know, but when you, when you hear addiction references, cunning, baffling and powerful,
they are the best three words to describe it, you know, because it was not a blessed
thing going on in my life.
And the thing that I like to share with people and especially newcomers is, you know, nothing
(19:39):
has to happen in your life to pick up.
I had an excuse, well, this happened in my youth, well, this didn't happen in my youth,
well, this relationship ended this job ended this person passed away.
There were always excuses.
All the negatives, but then also all the positives.
Yeah.
And there, like they were always excuses for me to drink or to use.
(20:05):
But then it's like, okay, so and so is getting married or, you know, I got a promotion or
everything became a reason to drink or use.
And what I didn't realize, and this was my final bottom, this was my final awakening,
my final surrender, first step experience of powerlessness.
(20:27):
I was four and a half months sober driving home from work going home to a beautiful
home and a loving husband, a wonderful 10 year old boy doing well in my career.
It was a sunny, gorgeous day and the thought crossed my mind in my own voice.
It's been four and a half months since you had a drink, you're not really an alcoholic,
you can have a glass of wine.
And I didn't fight it.
(20:49):
I went to the liquor store and I bought a bottle and I drank a glass of wine.
My goal was to drink a glass of wine like a lady and if I'm perfectly honest, I never
drank anything like a lady ever.
So when I chugged that goblet full of wine, I finished the rest off from the bottom and
went back to the liquor store for three days in a vicious cycle of tequila and whiskey.
(21:11):
And you know, until I was on the floor and couldn't get up.
That's what that looks like in your life, you know, that.
So the reality in that is those suggestions that they made, I know that they were important
and it would have been wonderful if I followed them.
But apparently I had approved to myself the necessity to follow those suggestions.
(21:35):
After that experience, I was willing to do whatever anybody suggested to me, told me
to do.
I was just like, okay, I'll do it.
But that happened on a perfectly beautiful day with not a single problem in my life,
nothing going on, you know, so.
But the amazing part of that is five years into my sobriety after taking the suggestions
and getting a sponsor, getting a home group, going to meetings, going through the steps,
(21:59):
sponsoring other women.
After doing all those things that they suggested at five years sober, my career crashed, I
lost a parent, marriage troubles, the last thing on my mind was a drink or a drug.
I stepped up, I showed up, you know, as a significant part of my brother's life, my
son's life, you know, each person that needed a supporting role.
(22:22):
And I also allow people to support me through it.
It just drastically changes your life.
It really does in the most incredible way.
So you're walking away Rahi from the door, your mom's, you go your dad's first, then
mom's.
Right.
What's, what's going on in your head?
What's going on in my head is okay.
This is a little serious, but at the time my judgment's clouded because I still have
(22:45):
that desire to want to use.
So my sole focus is to find the place to live, which at the time was my ex-girlfriends.
So that was the focus.
And you know, this timeline of mine still has a little bit more pain and suffering to
go through, but you know, there are some positives and joys sobriety that I do want to mention
(23:09):
and you know, unfortunately, it's just like Marguerite, I wasn't willing to take the suggestions.
It wasn't willing to listen to any of them.
I still had to experiment.
I still had to figure out whether, you know, drugs were the problem.
If I could still drink, you know, how, how I could try to be normal, you know, to really
(23:33):
just figure out what this was about until I finally realized like, okay, no, I'm also
an alcoholic too.
I just suffer from addiction period.
It doesn't matter what the substance is.
Right.
Okay.
So with that, obviously the same repetitive cycle of treatment, out of treatment, treatment,
(23:53):
out of treatment, you know, and thankfully, thankfully I still have a decent insurance,
you know, still have that luxury.
But then it got to the point where I no longer had insurance.
And you know, I'm completely defeated at that point.
And it's crazy.
(24:14):
But you know, when I share, I hate bringing up all the negatives and all the, you know,
all like the, you know, that whole experience part, because there is a lot of strength and
hope in my story too.
So I'm just going to try to summarize most of the pain, you know.
(24:36):
So fast forward, still going through, you know, another institution for me.
Yeah.
Back to the institution, you know, in and out, in and out.
And then finally I get to the point where I finally get some sort of sobriety.
And that's my first stint at long-term sobriety.
It was eight months.
(24:57):
Wow.
Yeah.
And still one foot in the door and one foot out, not listening to every suggestion provided
to me, you know, a lot of the simple suggestions like don't, don't get in a relationship in
your first year of treatment.
I'm not listening to that.
So that was the cause of my relapse there.
You know, I'm getting into these toxic relationships and my feelings and my emotions are not, you
(25:23):
know, at a place where they need to be like, there's no growth as far as like step work.
It's just attending a meeting and that's it, you know, no, no character improvements
whatsoever.
So from that eight months, I end up relapsing again.
And I am still going through the cycle, but that eight months, you know, repaired a little
(25:45):
bit of my own relationship with my own family at the time.
So I'm able to, um, at least go to my father's house because that relationship got a little
bit better, you know, right?
So this was, if I go back in, this was around 2016.
I'm in my father's house using, I'm back to where I'm at, but I'm still trying to manage
(26:13):
and go day by day without them noticing.
And I actually overdosed for the first time and the person who saved me was my younger
brother who's 16 months younger than me.
So we were close in age and I'm passed out in my computer desk in my room and he obviously
(26:34):
calls 911, they Narcan me, I wake up, no recollection of what's going on.
And what's crazy is that obviously didn't do anything.
So I overdosed again within the next, I think it was a five day period.
So two overdoses within five days.
(26:54):
Same exact scenario.
My brother comes, sees me in my room, but this time they take me to the hospital, you know,
and what's crazy is up until that point, I didn't even think it was possible to overdose
from heroin.
You know, I didn't think that was possible, but that was me not knowing, you know, it's
no longer heroin, it's fentanyl.
And then at the same time, it finally makes sense now because that's during the time period
(27:19):
where Facebook was just filled with resting peace posts.
Everyone was overdosed and passed away.
So I finally, like I said, you know, I have to touch the hot stove myself.
I have to experience it myself.
So I'm in the hospital and then I, you know, they're sending recovery coach after recovery
(27:41):
coach or I think we call them certified peer recovery specialists in our area.
So I go to my last treatment center, which was sunrise house in 2018, November 2nd of
2018.
And that, that was my last treatment center.
(28:02):
And then I finally, you know, was willing to take the suggestions of others where go
to a meeting, find the sponsor, get home, but up until that point, it was complete surrender.
You know, I was actually willing to try something different.
So I left that treatment center with, you know, full motivation to finally want to be
(28:23):
better, went to a meeting, raised my hand simple.
You know, obviously I waited till the end because I was nervous, but from sharing that
I learned like, you know, the importance of the newcomer because people flocked to me
and I finally saw, you know, what the fellowship AA was actually about.
And from that, you know, obviously I'm dealing with that mental obsession because that's
(28:46):
what held me back for the longest.
It's that mental part where I do want to do better, but that mind won't shut off, that
obsession wouldn't lift.
I finally am able to get through that, you know, so I remember it clearly.
It was like 95 days in because back then I'm counting every single day.
(29:10):
And I'm able to, I woke up and I went to bed without the thought of wanting to use.
And I thought that to me that was the biggest spiritual experience ever because that was
at the forefront, you know, that thought was so strong every single time.
And it would go away here and there, but that it would only go away while I'm in an institution
(29:32):
on the outside, it would be right at the forefront.
So to actually experience a whole day without that thought was huge, you know, that was huge.
And it was just actually following every advice that my sponsor was giving me, you know, and
I was open and honest with them.
I'm like, I'm like, look, I can't, I don't know how you guys do this, but that voice
(29:54):
in my head won't stop.
And his simple suggestion was, look, before you go to bed, pray at night, get on your
hands and knees and pray that the next day be easier.
And I was actually at that point where I would do that every night.
And 95 days in, I went the whole day without that thought.
I called my sponsor.
(30:15):
I'm like, wow, you know, like I was able to get through the whole day without any thought
of wanting to use or get high.
And he goes, he goes there.
I forget what he said at the time, but he goes, that's good.
You're well on your way.
And then, you know, from that, it's been easier, you know, but from that day in particular,
(30:36):
it's been easier to, you know, obviously add more days, celebrate milestones.
But with that, you know, sobriety comes with its ups and downs of life.
That's something we deal with all the time.
So, you know, this August 13, 2020, around, I have some time at this point, but, and I'm
(31:04):
fully, you know, invested in the program, but it was that night, I'm finally in my father's
house, you know, the room next door is my younger brother who's 16 months apart from
me and he ends up passing away around 2am that night.
And what's crazy is we find out, you know, the reason for him passing away was because
(31:31):
he had this heart condition called short QT, which is, you know, which is mind blowing
because this whole time I'm playing with all different types of drugs, which are obviously
not good for your heart.
Meanwhile, he passes away learning from my mistakes and never does anything, you know,
and I mean, so that was a huge moment in my life where I was, you know, I lost a loved
(31:56):
one like that.
But you know, the one positive thing I was able to get from that was, you know, the support
I had, like I had a sponsor and a support network that showed up for me, you know, at
a time where I needed him the most and someone in my network was able to, you know, break
(32:16):
it down for me how I needed it at the time.
He was like, look, you can either get past this the right way and mourn the loss of your
brother properly, or you can, you know, just go use and get over it temporarily.
But then guess what you're going to do in return?
You're going to make it so much harder for your family.
(32:37):
You know, and, and then a month in, you know, he's like, he's like, congratulations.
I'm like, what do you mean?
He goes, you're part of this club.
I'm like, what club?
He goes to the no matter what club.
I'm like, wow, no matter what, I will not use or drink regardless of the situation or
scenario I'm dealt with.
So I haven't gone through that.
(32:58):
Like, you know, as sad as it is, it, it is a benefit because if I'm able to go through
that and now in turn work in a position where I can show someone that they can go through
that without having a cope with the drink or drug, that's, you know, that that's the
beauty of what I'm doing now.
(33:19):
And it's beautiful.
It's really a powerful story.
I think so many times, you know, when we cover up grief, it's not grief lessened.
It's grief delayed, right?
No, we might not feel it right then if, if someone chooses to Medicaid or through that
(33:44):
process or drink through that process.
But it just means we still have the stuff right, we're just covering it up.
So thank you for doing the work and showing people that it's possible.
Because I think when you get to those life, those life moments that seem impossible to
(34:07):
deal with sober, I mean, to deal with at all, let alone for someone who's you were just
getting out of treatment, right?
Yeah.
It's crazy.
It's crazy to think that you're able to go through life where, you know, something in
(34:29):
the past I would, how to use over anything, you know, so.
And you were a strength to your family.
Yeah.
Like Marguerite said, I was able to be there for my family.
What's, what's that feel like?
Just for the first time.
Overwhelming, but in a good way.
Yeah.
Talk about it.
(34:50):
Well, one of the most difficult times I feel was the passing of my mother.
You know, my son was 11 years old.
And that first person in his life that he had ever lost.
First time in my life I had lost anyone that I loved so deeply, you know, so to be able
(35:14):
to recognize and identify your own feelings, but no in that moment that you need to step
up and be there for another human being because that was never my mindset.
That was never my thought.
It was always I needed to be there for me, you know, and the rest of the world could
kind of go in the back burner or put a pause on, you know, but to be able to sit there
(35:35):
and comfort him through that and kind of should give him an example of what a healthy morning
process looks like.
What do we do?
You know, how do we handle this, you know, and it was really amazing because not only
did he get to experience that through me, he also got to experience that through my network.
(35:56):
And a network is a group of people that you become close with in your recovery because
I opened my door and 10 of them were standing on the steps and they all came in.
One had a tray of hoagies, another had beverages, another had pizzas, like they just come in
and your entire family is there and they just come in and they serve you to the best of
(36:20):
their ability, you know.
So to have him have that experience, not just for mom showing up for him for, you know,
first time in a very long time, very long time mom showed up, you know, there were days
when I didn't show up at school to pick him up.
So for me to show up when he lost his grandmother, you know, a very significant role in his life
and to see how that it's okay for a parent to cry, it's okay for a parent to hurt, you
(36:43):
know, that these things are normal and natural, you know, and then be able to be there to
comfort him through it.
It was just, honestly, it was an extremely rewarding experience.
It was the first time I think in a long time I felt good about myself.
How did it feel for you to be there for your family?
Monumental, because all the pain and suffering I've caused up until that point, you know,
(37:09):
that grief and, you know, and it's crazy as I'm sure they anticipated it because it's
just my past history.
But to do it and stay clean and sober and be supportive for my youngest brother, like,
it's monumental and I'm glad I can say that that was the case as opposed to something
(37:30):
else.
And that wasn't without, you know, finding, taking those suggestions, finding that fellowship,
building that network and, you know, getting connected with like-minded individuals who've
been through the same or similar, you know, situations but have that experience and guidance
(37:51):
they can provide.
I think that's really great.
Your stories are both so powerful and so moving.
I think before we started this podcast we were just talking about expectations and the
fact that like you get sober, you go through this, you know, life-altering situation with
(38:16):
your family and you do it and you conquer it, so to speak, or at least for that time
and you know, you're doing all the things and now life is supposed to be perfect, right?
But it's still life.
So what is that?
How was that?
(38:38):
That was what we were talking about before starting the podcast and that I don't know
why that came to mind but that was the case.
A year and a half, two years in, I'm like, all right, you know, I defeated this thing
that's been on my back since I was little, you know, I overcame drug addiction.
I've done all the things.
So where's my six-figure salary job?
(39:03):
Where's my beautiful girlfriend?
Where's my house?
Where's all these positives since I did that?
Now, where's my rewards?
But it's like, wake up and not go ahead.
Up until this point, you haven't developed any skills.
You've been in...
Oh, wow.
You don't have a college education up until this point.
(39:25):
You've been lying, cheating, stealing for your next life.
Like, wake up.
It was a news flash.
And I love what you said earlier to you about like, there's character development that has
to come with recovery.
That that's a significant portion is working on those character flaws that we have.
I think that's so cool.
Yeah, it's funny.
(39:47):
My sponsor has like a funny saying, I could be in flames and he would be like, you're
right where God wants you to be.
You know, like, he'll try to redirect and recenter me that I'm in the right place as
long as I keep doing the next right thing.
So it's a little bit of gratitude, not a little bit, a lot of gratitude, because that's something
(40:09):
I used to redirect me even to this day.
Like I'll get worked up in certain situations because I obviously want to strive and accomplish
more now that I'm, you know, cleaning sober and doing everything.
The same way I used to chase that drug I chase, you know, wanting to grow and build in my
life.
But it's, you know, that gratitude like, look, you're in a position where many others aren't,
(40:32):
you know, that don't, they don't have the opportunity.
They don't have that seat in the chair anymore because of, you know, overdosing or, you know,
whatever untragic tragic event that they've gone through.
So, you know, be humble, show some humility and I think you said earlier, easy does it.
Yeah.
What does that mean to you?
(40:53):
Easy does it is what I have to live by when I work myself up into something like that.
You know, like easy does it.
Stay in the moment.
We have those, some of the alumni t-shirts say life beyond your wildest dreams.
(41:15):
And I think sometimes if you look at that as an outsider, you know, you see somebody
pulling up at a car.
Maybe they paid for it themselves, but it's not a fancy car and you see somebody coming,
getting their life back, getting their first apartment, not a fancy apartment, but they
(41:37):
did it without drugs and alcohol and without selling drugs maybe for the first time and
did it on honest money.
And so this life beyond your wildest dreams has a new meaning in a certain sort of way.
Talk a little bit about that.
Definitely.
What's crazy is I do some reflection on my own and I realize like how bad it was and
(42:07):
where I'm at now, you know, that that's a whole motivating thing where, you know, I'm
slowly achieving and accomplishing these different goals that I had no idea I could have in the
past.
I'm living a beautiful life in recovery that I couldn't even imagine back then.
(42:27):
And your priorities are just completely different, right?
You know, having actual relationships with people, having the ability to actually, you
know, be there for someone, to be a positive member of society and to, you know, in this
(42:48):
role, being a part of like RCA in general and the position I'm offered now as like an
alumni coordinator to work with the best there is.
You know, it's really, it's gratifying in many ways.
Like it's something I never envisioned myself doing, but it's something I want to do and
(43:16):
I need to do because it's definitely meaningful to me to just be able to show that experience
to someone else who's actively going through it.
What did that phrase mean to you?
Life beyond your wall of strings.
Yes.
But yeah, when you were saying, it was just like, my brain was exploding.
It took me to being six months sober was the first time I'll never forget it.
(43:40):
You know, people say they never forget the first time they picked up for me, I'll never
forget the first time I laid my head on the pillow and my head was quiet.
That to me was life beyond my wildest dreams.
Now, had you asked me in my addiction what life beyond my wildest dreams look like, it
would be a yacht load with lots of alcohol and drugs and you know what I mean, a wild,
crazy music party going.
(44:03):
So different.
I actually, there were two times that they're just so, you know, in the forefront of my
mind that was one of them when I woke up in the morning and I was like, wow, I slept
up a full night and I laid my head on the pillow and it wasn't racing thoughts.
And there was another time shortly after that I was out spending the day with a friend and
(44:23):
I got so overwhelmed by the feeling of joy that it terrified me.
It scared me to feel that happy inside and to be experiencing fun naturally.
It was a foreign feeling that I called my sponsor and I said, I just don't know what
to do with this feeling.
I mean, she said, just embrace and enjoy it because it will pass.
(44:45):
You know, just like everything else.
She said, so just roll with it and enjoy it and have fun with it.
And I love that like this whole thing for us, and you know, I think I can speak for
the both of us.
It's about our perception of life.
It really is.
Ours was, you know, one way and instant gratification.
I want rewards immediately.
You know, there was no earning process.
(45:07):
I never wanted to do anything to earn anything.
I just wanted to receive it.
And we spent, I spent a great deal of my life receiving it and not having to do anything
to earn it, you know.
So today, like these milestones that we've reached, small things to others, but huge
to us, you know, like going to school, going to college, you know, getting a position where
(45:30):
you feel like you can help other human beings.
Those things, that's our life beyond our wildest dreams.
Because never for a minute, and there are times when people will pay us compliments or
make a comment about us, and we're literally looking behind us to see who they're talking
about, still to this day, you know, because we're still not fully there believing that
(45:51):
we are, you know, this person that you're looking at.
And, you know, thank you so much.
What you said helped me so much.
It's like, who, yeah, I want to thank them too.
And you've realized that that person's talking to you.
And it just like, I mean, it's so overwhelming sometimes it reduces you to tears, but not
sad tears, just like so grateful, you know, that God did this for us, you know what I
(46:13):
mean?
And I love that, you know, constant references from sponsors and people in the program, we
are the chosen few.
We really truly are, you know.
And, you know, my belief is like, you know, he didn't come and pick the people that were
on top of the world doing great things.
He picked the people that were struggling, turned their life around so that they can
(46:33):
go out there and help others and show them how to turn their life around.
So we have a responsibility and obligation to do that today.
That's where it takes me.
So if you're going to give somebody like me that responsibility to help another human
being change their life, that's huge.
That's life beyond my wildest dreams.
That's awesome.
Yeah.
Thank you so much for being with us.
(46:55):
And the listeners for tuning in, these stories are so powerful and really speak to so many.
So thanks for sharing, Rahi.
Inspiring, truly.
You did a great job.
We typically end with favorite recovery quote.
Favorite recovery quote?
We're going to stick with easy does it.
(47:16):
Yeah.
But do it.
I'm going to put that on a T-shirt.
I think that's really good.
Rahi, easy does it, but do it.
You have to do it.
Yeah.
Oh, that's good.
Well done.
Margaret, do you have one?
I have so many.
You know that, Jay, I think today.
(47:36):
Pick one today.
Yeah, I'll pick one today.
You know, when we're talking about Abby, Bill's description of Abby, when he first saw him
sober, he references him as his roots grasped new soil.
And that's exactly what I see today.
And that's exactly where my mind is today.
Our roots are in new soil, so let's grow, flourish, and plant some new seeds.
(48:02):
Yeah.
Perfect way to end.
Thank you.
Listeners, if you or someone you know needs help, please reach out to us, 1-833-RCA-ALUMN.
Call Margaret, call Rahi.
Our emails are available.
Cell phone numbers are available.
We often say we are your recovery resource, and that doesn't mean that we're going to
(48:26):
have everything, you know, right there at our fingertips, but we can link you to the
resources that you need.
So take advantage of that.
There are coordinators at each and every one of our locations, but they're happy to help
anyone who needs support and recovery.
So you don't have to have an affiliation to RCA necessarily to just reach out and make
(48:48):
use of the recovery resource that is the Alumni and Family Association.
So thank you so much and have a great day.
Thank you for listening to the Strength and Recovery Podcast.
If you enjoyed this episode, please tap the subscribe button and leave us a review.
(49:09):
We love hearing from our listeners and hope to reach more of you out there as we continue
to share these incredible stories of recovery.
The RCA Alumni Team aims to provide a safe, supportive environment for those in the recovery
community regardless of their affiliation with RCA.
We host a full calendar of virtual and in-person meetings seven days a week, 365 days a year,
(49:36):
as well as free SOPA events every month.
To learn more about what we do, find us at rcaalumni.com.
Remember, if you or a loved one is struggling with addiction, pick up the phone and dial
1-833-RCA-ALUMN.
Help is available 24-7.
(49:58):
Listen to another episode now or join us next time for the Strength and Recovery Podcast.
Hello listeners, welcome to the Strength and Recovery podcast.
(00:21):
I'm your host Jay Rodenbush sitting down today with Rahi Patel and Marguerite Warner.
They are our alumni program for Raritan Bay.
This is, how far are we from New York City?
20 miles.
And Marguerite is our senior alumni coordinator.
(00:43):
She was the first coordinator I got to hire in my role and she's just done an outstanding
job, very beloved at this facility.
And Rahi is one of the newer coordinators.
They've just built an amazing team here.
Last night we had the alumni meeting.
I don't know how many you had.
It was almost standing room only for that alumni meeting.
(01:06):
And just for someone who doesn't know, like what does it mean for the alums to just come
back into our facilities, both on their part and then for you both?
I think for us it's the reward in seeing them sober, clean, excited, wanting to meet
(01:28):
that peer connection.
They're so excited about seeing the people that they were in treatment with, so excited
about meeting new people in the alumni program, the alumni association.
But for me, it's a little bit different.
I just get that excitement and that joy in my heart.
(01:48):
For them to get a day clean and sober is such an incredible miracle that to see them wanting
to, we're doing something right to see them want to come back to the facility that they
were in treatment at, that they spent their time here for their treatment, to see them
want to come back and see myself, see Rahi, see their peers.
See the nurses come by and just everybody lights up.
(02:09):
Just this, it's like a reunion every single week.
So that's it.
That's just a gift.
Each and every one of them that walks in is a gift.
It's a miracle.
What I really like about your group too is it's all ages.
The guy who spoke last night, what is he in his 20s?
Just a young adult and really in the beginnings of his career, just a talented individual and
(02:35):
to hear his story.
And then the last time I was here, it was a younger guy too, but I've been here before
when it's somebody, maybe a senior or somebody in their retirement years.
When they all come together and form this really.
There's no gap.
There really isn't.
The 20 year olds are hugging the seniors.
(02:58):
But when you were saying that, what was coming to my mind was we have the newer alums that
have their 30 days, 60 days, 90 days.
And then we have the alums that have been around a while that have a couple years or
17 months or 18 months.
And everybody's on the same platform when you walk in that door.
Everybody's on the same level.
(03:19):
It's pretty amazing.
And what's the passage in the big book that talks about people who otherwise wouldn't
have met?
We're like passengers on the great steamliner.
It's kind of a reference to the Titanic.
We are people that would not normally mix or wouldn't ordinarily mix, right?
But there's this camaraderie between us that they say that even after we're rescued and
(03:43):
we're well on our way, most people that had experienced a traumatic experience in their
life would be often going in their individual ways.
Not us.
We have another tie that binds us together, you know?
Raheem has been so generous to say that he would tell us a little bit about himself and
his journey in recovery.
No, yeah, of course.
(04:05):
Obviously, I can't compare to Marguerite when it comes to the knowledge on the big book.
Like, you know, doing some self-reflection.
What's crazy is I go back like nine, 10 years, and the previous treatment center I was at,
Marguerite, was the recovery coach.
So to come full circle and to, you know, work alongside her in something I greatly believe
(04:30):
in, like the Alumni Association, and help out in any, like, facet, like, any way I can,
is literally a 180 for me, you know?
It's a new lease on life.
Like, you know, I get a joy seeing all the alums come by, and it's really, it's really
like they're finally taking suggestions, and it didn't get better for me until I started
(04:54):
taking suggestions or even having that open mind to want to listen to someone who's been
through it and let go of all those old ideas and, you know, negativities that kept bringing
me back into treatment and relapses.
So when they come in, that puts us all in my face, because it's like, wow, finally, they're
taking the suggestions that are just laid out so simply for everyone.
(05:16):
It wasn't until I had to, you know, lose X, Y, and Z, I finally, you know, got to that
point where I wanted to surrender and actually listen to someone who's been through it.
So to see someone who's, you know, in that younger age group actually come and listen
and take the suggestions and not have to lose X, Y, and Z, go to jails and institutions
and do that, you know, that whole silliness of addiction and alcoholism, it's beautiful.
(05:42):
So that's like my sole purpose is to show like another addict or alcoholic, regardless
of age, that they don't have to go through all the pain and suffering to, you know, have
that new lease on life to live happy, joyous, and free.
And it's really just, it's one day at a time, you know, one foot after the other and just
(06:02):
being a part of something bigger than yourself.
And that's something amazing that the Alumni Association has to offer where Marguerite's
right, like everyone comes in and there's no, there's no clickiness, there's no bias,
like every, we all get along, you know, all on the same footing, you know, coming from
the same treatment center.
(06:23):
And you know, when we see a newcomer there, they really are the spotlight, especially
at a meeting, at our Thursday night meeting.
So it's something beautiful.
Well, you take us back to when you realized this is a problem.
In my own.
Yeah, in your own life.
(06:44):
All right.
Well, I'd have to go back early on.
So fourth and fifth grade is when I started noticing I had that addictive tendency, like
we had that dare program in fifth grade and they would come in and show these different
drugs on pamphlets and to not do them.
(07:06):
And what's crazy is I remember looking at those pamphlets so intrigued, like, wow, you
know, looking like at the actual substances, the pictures of the substances and being so
intrigued for some reason, and I couldn't grasp that until I got older.
Sorry.
But really, it was like the addictive tendencies were out there.
(07:29):
I would be doing silly stuff like going to Rite Aid or Walgreens and stealing Pokemon
cards just because I wanted to catch them all literally like little things like that.
And then fast forward into middle school.
That's when marijuana and drinking was big and I easily fell into that trap.
(07:52):
Do you remember your first use?
Yeah.
So my first drink, I was 11 and that warmth I got, like that feeling was irreplaceable,
but it didn't, it opened up the doors to like, you know, seek that adventuring thrill at
(08:12):
the time, which was, you know, trying something, being rebellious.
And from that, you know, it was a slow downward spiral.
So whenever I had the opportunity, I would always, you know, bring alcohol out with,
you know, my friend group, always start pushing that.
And you know, fast, I have to fast forward a little bit, but it was around ninth grade
(08:38):
when Perkis said, sorry, blues were a big thing.
And I already had that experimental mindset where, you know, I'm already smoking and drinking.
So I'm like, what else, you know, I wanted to, I was the type of person where, you know,
I had to experience it myself and I couldn't take others experiences and listen to that.
(09:02):
Like I had to try everything myself to see if it was really bad or good.
So with that mindset, you know, I'm literally trying anything and everything.
Fast forward into 10th grade.
That's when I sniffed my first bag of heroin at the time it was heroin.
There was a clear distinction between heroin and fentanyl.
That wasn't even there then.
(09:23):
And this is over 12 years ago.
So, you know, that introduction happened a little bit later, which I'll share about,
but so 10th grade, I sniffed my first bag of heroin and it was love at first sight.
You know, I got caught in that trap, which I didn't spiral out of control right away.
(09:45):
Like high school was still manageable because, you know, the two households I'm from, my
parents are divorced, but they both make a decent income.
So each household had money.
But, you know, I remember the first time I ever got sick.
I was literally the internet thinking I had a common cold, not realizing it was actually
(10:07):
opioid withdrawal.
This is 10th grade at the time.
So figuring out that, you know, you can get withdrawals from heroin.
You know what I mean?
I had no idea or conception of what I was doing, but I'm already at the point where
I'm too far in.
So fast forward to junior year.
(10:28):
That's the introduction of needles for me.
You know, so then I started, I became a full on IV drug user and that's a junior in high
school, you know?
And I'm for anyone noticing at this point.
No, surprisingly, no, did nobody's notice in it.
When everyone noticed it, it was when I was 18 and I started getting in trouble with the
(10:52):
law like my first arrest ever.
That's when, you know, both parents realized, you know, that they got their introduction
through Al-Anon and Nar-Anon.
But prior to that, it was just, you know, each house had money I could pawn, whatever
I could find for my dad's house or my mother's house to continue my habit.
(11:13):
And the sad part about it is, it's, you know, when you're unknowingly doing something like
that, you're influencing the others around you.
So there was a countless, there was countless number of people in high school that also
got into it on my basis as well as other influences.
So that was big, you know, the opioid epidemic, especially growing up for me was prevalent.
(11:36):
And can I add, my turn, like what, when did you graduate high school?
What year was that?
2012.
2012.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So you were in the height of the, of all of that and the access was easy.
How were you able to get prescription bills and definitely, um, there was Section 8 house
in two blocks away from my house.
(11:56):
So literally walking distance, I could go and buy drugs.
So it was, it was there.
It was prevalent.
And, you know, it was just a lot of negativity spread during that time.
And I could share on that later because, you know, what's crazy is I'm, I'm so big into
recovery because I have 11 friends who were also, you know, addicted to heroin at the
(12:20):
time and only four of them are still here.
The rest of them overdosed and that, and that was through the introduction of fentanyl.
When people started overdosed and more, you know, more often and between us for, I'm
clean and sober for, you know, I'm almost going to hit my four year mark.
(12:43):
This other girl is also clean and sober.
She's doing well, celebrating two years.
The third friend is serving 12 years in prison and then the fourth one moved out of the country.
So that's seven overdosed and died where four of us are still here.
(13:05):
That's a crazy statistic when you think about it.
So to be in my position where I'm at now, it's, I'm like, I'm grateful to be alive
first and foremost, but I'm also grateful to be in a position where I can help someone
change their life.
And you do every single day.
(13:25):
It's really beautiful.
What's this bringing up for you, Marguerite?
It's, you know, my addiction didn't start until later in life.
So to hear, you know, you mean 11 years old and in junior high, you know, how you got
caught up in that vicious cycle.
(13:48):
It's just incredibly amazing that you're sitting beside me today.
You know what I mean?
It really truly is.
And it just, it's nice to know that what I'm kind of thinking is that no matter who
walks in that door or who walks in a room no matter where we are, you know, like we're
able to help at different levels, different perspectives, but all the same disease, you
(14:11):
know what I mean?
So it's just, it's amazing.
You are an incredible gift.
You really truly are.
And it's an honor to work with you.
It really truly is and a privilege, you know?
And I'm just really proud of you.
So how did you get from your, you're starting to have consequences, your 18, it's adult
(14:32):
consequences now because it had become scary.
It was, but you know, 18 to 23, that family support was still there, you know?
So those consequences weren't really consequences when, you know, you had to love and supportive
parents that would throw money at any problem.
(14:54):
So fast forward down the line, you know, you've continued, I continue doing, you know, I'm
still in that drug addiction that I'm in.
Those family consequences go out the, sorry, though that family support finally goes out
the window regardless of like what support system you have.
You push them away through your addiction, alcoholism.
(15:17):
That's what ended up happening to me, you know?
So it's crazy, but I'm actually sitting in jail.
I'm 23 years old.
My bail is $1,200.
Couldn't find the soul to bail me out.
All drug possession charges, right?
(15:39):
So I call my father and mind you, so the cycle's been already started.
I'm in X number treatment by now, probably my seven treatment center.
So I call my dad with the alligator tears.
I'm like, dad, I promise I'll go into long-term treatment if you could bail me out, yada,
yada, yada.
And then he starts laughing on the phone.
I'm like, I'm like, why is he laughing?
(16:01):
This is new.
Yeah.
This is like the first time.
And then he goes, he goes long-term treatment.
You're in long-term treatment.
So that basically meant like, okay, now I'm on my own.
I got to deal with my problems myself.
So from that, that opened up the consequences to my addiction and alcoholism.
Like, okay, now I'm actually dealing with consequences.
(16:24):
So that was kind of the pushing stone to actually realize what destruction I'm doing.
So from there, the family support is gone.
I get out of jail, get put on probation, and I show up to my father's house and he tells
me to go away.
He goes, I can't have you here like this.
(16:45):
Go to my mom's house, same exact thing.
So like they did a little, you know, for once in their life, they agreed on something and
that was to, you know, cut me off and let me live my life.
And talk to a parent right now who might have to make that decision.
It's tough, but especially in this day and age where overdoses a whole lot more likely,
(17:09):
it's tough.
You're your child going through that, but that was really the pushing, the catalyst
as to me learning what my consequences really are.
Did you have a moment like that where the support, you were on your own?
Yeah, it was either go to treatment or you can't live here anymore.
(17:31):
Basically, yeah, I went to treatment, kicking and screaming and negotiated seven days at
a time.
Yeah.
And what was that moment like when you knew, okay, this, I've pushed them to the end?
(17:54):
I don't, I don't even, honestly, I don't, I didn't take them that seriously.
I really truly didn't.
I was just so caught up in and doing what I was doing.
And, you know, I just got to the point where I was like, well, I've never been homeless
in my entire life and I plan on doing it at 39 years old.
So I was like, okay, I'll do this thing.
(18:15):
We'll do it seven days at a time.
We'll see how it works.
You know, like I said, kicking and screaming, fought it to the nail.
My poor family, you know, my husband had said at the time, he's like, if you don't go, I'm
going just to have a break.
He said, because I can't live like this anymore.
He said, I really can't live like this anymore.
And you know, like I said, every, you know, every seven days when we talked on the phone
(18:36):
or they came to visit each time it got, you know, I became a little more willing to actually
stay in treatment.
And the ironic thing about it is the day that I discharged out of treatment, I was absolutely
terrified to leave.
So was that what worked for me?
No, but it helped.
It aided in the recovery process.
(18:57):
You know, I still needed to go out and do a little more experimenting because absolutely
everything that was suggested to me, you know, go to a meeting, get a sponsor, work the steps,
get a home group, all these suggestions, I did a third of what was suggested and thought
that I was okay, you know, and for a while I felt okay for about four and a half months,
(19:18):
you know, but when you, when you hear addiction references, cunning, baffling and powerful,
they are the best three words to describe it, you know, because it was not a blessed
thing going on in my life.
And the thing that I like to share with people and especially newcomers is, you know, nothing
(19:39):
has to happen in your life to pick up.
I had an excuse, well, this happened in my youth, well, this didn't happen in my youth,
well, this relationship ended this job ended this person passed away.
There were always excuses.
All the negatives, but then also all the positives.
Yeah.
And there, like they were always excuses for me to drink or to use.
(20:05):
But then it's like, okay, so and so is getting married or, you know, I got a promotion or
everything became a reason to drink or use.
And what I didn't realize, and this was my final bottom, this was my final awakening,
my final surrender, first step experience of powerlessness.
(20:27):
I was four and a half months sober driving home from work going home to a beautiful
home and a loving husband, a wonderful 10 year old boy doing well in my career.
It was a sunny, gorgeous day and the thought crossed my mind in my own voice.
It's been four and a half months since you had a drink, you're not really an alcoholic,
you can have a glass of wine.
And I didn't fight it.
(20:49):
I went to the liquor store and I bought a bottle and I drank a glass of wine.
My goal was to drink a glass of wine like a lady and if I'm perfectly honest, I never
drank anything like a lady ever.
So when I chugged that goblet full of wine, I finished the rest off from the bottom and
went back to the liquor store for three days in a vicious cycle of tequila and whiskey.
(21:11):
And you know, until I was on the floor and couldn't get up.
That's what that looks like in your life, you know, that.
So the reality in that is those suggestions that they made, I know that they were important
and it would have been wonderful if I followed them.
But apparently I had approved to myself the necessity to follow those suggestions.
(21:35):
After that experience, I was willing to do whatever anybody suggested to me, told me
to do.
I was just like, okay, I'll do it.
But that happened on a perfectly beautiful day with not a single problem in my life,
nothing going on, you know, so.
But the amazing part of that is five years into my sobriety after taking the suggestions
and getting a sponsor, getting a home group, going to meetings, going through the steps,
(21:59):
sponsoring other women.
After doing all those things that they suggested at five years sober, my career crashed, I
lost a parent, marriage troubles, the last thing on my mind was a drink or a drug.
I stepped up, I showed up, you know, as a significant part of my brother's life, my
son's life, you know, each person that needed a supporting role.
(22:22):
And I also allow people to support me through it.
It just drastically changes your life.
It really does in the most incredible way.
So you're walking away Rahi from the door, your mom's, you go your dad's first, then
mom's.
Right.
What's, what's going on in your head?
What's going on in my head is okay.
This is a little serious, but at the time my judgment's clouded because I still have
(22:45):
that desire to want to use.
So my sole focus is to find the place to live, which at the time was my ex-girlfriends.
So that was the focus.
And you know, this timeline of mine still has a little bit more pain and suffering to
go through, but you know, there are some positives and joys sobriety that I do want to mention
(23:09):
and you know, unfortunately, it's just like Marguerite, I wasn't willing to take the suggestions.
It wasn't willing to listen to any of them.
I still had to experiment.
I still had to figure out whether, you know, drugs were the problem.
If I could still drink, you know, how, how I could try to be normal, you know, to really
(23:33):
just figure out what this was about until I finally realized like, okay, no, I'm also
an alcoholic too.
I just suffer from addiction period.
It doesn't matter what the substance is.
Right.
Okay.
So with that, obviously the same repetitive cycle of treatment, out of treatment, treatment,
(23:53):
out of treatment, you know, and thankfully, thankfully I still have a decent insurance,
you know, still have that luxury.
But then it got to the point where I no longer had insurance.
And you know, I'm completely defeated at that point.
And it's crazy.
(24:14):
But you know, when I share, I hate bringing up all the negatives and all the, you know,
all like the, you know, that whole experience part, because there is a lot of strength and
hope in my story too.
So I'm just going to try to summarize most of the pain, you know.
(24:36):
So fast forward, still going through, you know, another institution for me.
Yeah.
Back to the institution, you know, in and out, in and out.
And then finally I get to the point where I finally get some sort of sobriety.
And that's my first stint at long-term sobriety.
It was eight months.
(24:57):
Wow.
Yeah.
And still one foot in the door and one foot out, not listening to every suggestion provided
to me, you know, a lot of the simple suggestions like don't, don't get in a relationship in
your first year of treatment.
I'm not listening to that.
So that was the cause of my relapse there.
You know, I'm getting into these toxic relationships and my feelings and my emotions are not, you
(25:23):
know, at a place where they need to be like, there's no growth as far as like step work.
It's just attending a meeting and that's it, you know, no, no character improvements
whatsoever.
So from that eight months, I end up relapsing again.
And I am still going through the cycle, but that eight months, you know, repaired a little
(25:45):
bit of my own relationship with my own family at the time.
So I'm able to, um, at least go to my father's house because that relationship got a little
bit better, you know, right?
So this was, if I go back in, this was around 2016.
I'm in my father's house using, I'm back to where I'm at, but I'm still trying to manage
(26:13):
and go day by day without them noticing.
And I actually overdosed for the first time and the person who saved me was my younger
brother who's 16 months younger than me.
So we were close in age and I'm passed out in my computer desk in my room and he obviously
(26:34):
calls 911, they Narcan me, I wake up, no recollection of what's going on.
And what's crazy is that obviously didn't do anything.
So I overdosed again within the next, I think it was a five day period.
So two overdoses within five days.
(26:54):
Same exact scenario.
My brother comes, sees me in my room, but this time they take me to the hospital, you know,
and what's crazy is up until that point, I didn't even think it was possible to overdose
from heroin.
You know, I didn't think that was possible, but that was me not knowing, you know, it's
no longer heroin, it's fentanyl.
And then at the same time, it finally makes sense now because that's during the time period
(27:19):
where Facebook was just filled with resting peace posts.
Everyone was overdosed and passed away.
So I finally, like I said, you know, I have to touch the hot stove myself.
I have to experience it myself.
So I'm in the hospital and then I, you know, they're sending recovery coach after recovery
(27:41):
coach or I think we call them certified peer recovery specialists in our area.
So I go to my last treatment center, which was sunrise house in 2018, November 2nd of
2018.
And that, that was my last treatment center.
(28:02):
And then I finally, you know, was willing to take the suggestions of others where go
to a meeting, find the sponsor, get home, but up until that point, it was complete surrender.
You know, I was actually willing to try something different.
So I left that treatment center with, you know, full motivation to finally want to be
(28:23):
better, went to a meeting, raised my hand simple.
You know, obviously I waited till the end because I was nervous, but from sharing that
I learned like, you know, the importance of the newcomer because people flocked to me
and I finally saw, you know, what the fellowship AA was actually about.
And from that, you know, obviously I'm dealing with that mental obsession because that's
(28:46):
what held me back for the longest.
It's that mental part where I do want to do better, but that mind won't shut off, that
obsession wouldn't lift.
I finally am able to get through that, you know, so I remember it clearly.
It was like 95 days in because back then I'm counting every single day.
(29:10):
And I'm able to, I woke up and I went to bed without the thought of wanting to use.
And I thought that to me that was the biggest spiritual experience ever because that was
at the forefront, you know, that thought was so strong every single time.
And it would go away here and there, but that it would only go away while I'm in an institution
(29:32):
on the outside, it would be right at the forefront.
So to actually experience a whole day without that thought was huge, you know, that was huge.
And it was just actually following every advice that my sponsor was giving me, you know, and
I was open and honest with them.
I'm like, I'm like, look, I can't, I don't know how you guys do this, but that voice
(29:54):
in my head won't stop.
And his simple suggestion was, look, before you go to bed, pray at night, get on your
hands and knees and pray that the next day be easier.
And I was actually at that point where I would do that every night.
And 95 days in, I went the whole day without that thought.
I called my sponsor.
(30:15):
I'm like, wow, you know, like I was able to get through the whole day without any thought
of wanting to use or get high.
And he goes, he goes there.
I forget what he said at the time, but he goes, that's good.
You're well on your way.
And then, you know, from that, it's been easier, you know, but from that day in particular,
(30:36):
it's been easier to, you know, obviously add more days, celebrate milestones.
But with that, you know, sobriety comes with its ups and downs of life.
That's something we deal with all the time.
So, you know, this August 13, 2020, around, I have some time at this point, but, and I'm
(31:04):
fully, you know, invested in the program, but it was that night, I'm finally in my father's
house, you know, the room next door is my younger brother who's 16 months apart from
me and he ends up passing away around 2am that night.
And what's crazy is we find out, you know, the reason for him passing away was because
(31:31):
he had this heart condition called short QT, which is, you know, which is mind blowing
because this whole time I'm playing with all different types of drugs, which are obviously
not good for your heart.
Meanwhile, he passes away learning from my mistakes and never does anything, you know,
and I mean, so that was a huge moment in my life where I was, you know, I lost a loved
(31:56):
one like that.
But you know, the one positive thing I was able to get from that was, you know, the support
I had, like I had a sponsor and a support network that showed up for me, you know, at
a time where I needed him the most and someone in my network was able to, you know, break
(32:16):
it down for me how I needed it at the time.
He was like, look, you can either get past this the right way and mourn the loss of your
brother properly, or you can, you know, just go use and get over it temporarily.
But then guess what you're going to do in return?
You're going to make it so much harder for your family.
(32:37):
You know, and, and then a month in, you know, he's like, he's like, congratulations.
I'm like, what do you mean?
He goes, you're part of this club.
I'm like, what club?
He goes to the no matter what club.
I'm like, wow, no matter what, I will not use or drink regardless of the situation or
scenario I'm dealt with.
So I haven't gone through that.
(32:58):
Like, you know, as sad as it is, it, it is a benefit because if I'm able to go through
that and now in turn work in a position where I can show someone that they can go through
that without having a cope with the drink or drug, that's, you know, that that's the
beauty of what I'm doing now.
(33:19):
And it's beautiful.
It's really a powerful story.
I think so many times, you know, when we cover up grief, it's not grief lessened.
It's grief delayed, right?
No, we might not feel it right then if, if someone chooses to Medicaid or through that
(33:44):
process or drink through that process.
But it just means we still have the stuff right, we're just covering it up.
So thank you for doing the work and showing people that it's possible.
Because I think when you get to those life, those life moments that seem impossible to
(34:07):
deal with sober, I mean, to deal with at all, let alone for someone who's you were just
getting out of treatment, right?
Yeah.
It's crazy.
It's crazy to think that you're able to go through life where, you know, something in
(34:29):
the past I would, how to use over anything, you know, so.
And you were a strength to your family.
Yeah.
Like Marguerite said, I was able to be there for my family.
What's, what's that feel like?
Just for the first time.
Overwhelming, but in a good way.
Yeah.
Talk about it.
(34:50):
Well, one of the most difficult times I feel was the passing of my mother.
You know, my son was 11 years old.
And that first person in his life that he had ever lost.
First time in my life I had lost anyone that I loved so deeply, you know, so to be able
(35:14):
to recognize and identify your own feelings, but no in that moment that you need to step
up and be there for another human being because that was never my mindset.
That was never my thought.
It was always I needed to be there for me, you know, and the rest of the world could
kind of go in the back burner or put a pause on, you know, but to be able to sit there
(35:35):
and comfort him through that and kind of should give him an example of what a healthy morning
process looks like.
What do we do?
You know, how do we handle this, you know, and it was really amazing because not only
did he get to experience that through me, he also got to experience that through my network.
(35:56):
And a network is a group of people that you become close with in your recovery because
I opened my door and 10 of them were standing on the steps and they all came in.
One had a tray of hoagies, another had beverages, another had pizzas, like they just come in
and your entire family is there and they just come in and they serve you to the best of
(36:20):
their ability, you know.
So to have him have that experience, not just for mom showing up for him for, you know,
first time in a very long time, very long time mom showed up, you know, there were days
when I didn't show up at school to pick him up.
So for me to show up when he lost his grandmother, you know, a very significant role in his life
and to see how that it's okay for a parent to cry, it's okay for a parent to hurt, you
(36:43):
know, that these things are normal and natural, you know, and then be able to be there to
comfort him through it.
It was just, honestly, it was an extremely rewarding experience.
It was the first time I think in a long time I felt good about myself.
How did it feel for you to be there for your family?
Monumental, because all the pain and suffering I've caused up until that point, you know,
(37:09):
that grief and, you know, and it's crazy as I'm sure they anticipated it because it's
just my past history.
But to do it and stay clean and sober and be supportive for my youngest brother, like,
it's monumental and I'm glad I can say that that was the case as opposed to something
(37:30):
else.
And that wasn't without, you know, finding, taking those suggestions, finding that fellowship,
building that network and, you know, getting connected with like-minded individuals who've
been through the same or similar, you know, situations but have that experience and guidance
(37:51):
they can provide.
I think that's really great.
Your stories are both so powerful and so moving.
I think before we started this podcast we were just talking about expectations and the
fact that like you get sober, you go through this, you know, life-altering situation with
(38:16):
your family and you do it and you conquer it, so to speak, or at least for that time
and you know, you're doing all the things and now life is supposed to be perfect, right?
But it's still life.
So what is that?
How was that?
(38:38):
That was what we were talking about before starting the podcast and that I don't know
why that came to mind but that was the case.
A year and a half, two years in, I'm like, all right, you know, I defeated this thing
that's been on my back since I was little, you know, I overcame drug addiction.
I've done all the things.
So where's my six-figure salary job?
(39:03):
Where's my beautiful girlfriend?
Where's my house?
Where's all these positives since I did that?
Now, where's my rewards?
But it's like, wake up and not go ahead.
Up until this point, you haven't developed any skills.
You've been in...
Oh, wow.
You don't have a college education up until this point.
(39:25):
You've been lying, cheating, stealing for your next life.
Like, wake up.
It was a news flash.
And I love what you said earlier to you about like, there's character development that has
to come with recovery.
That that's a significant portion is working on those character flaws that we have.
I think that's so cool.
Yeah, it's funny.
(39:47):
My sponsor has like a funny saying, I could be in flames and he would be like, you're
right where God wants you to be.
You know, like, he'll try to redirect and recenter me that I'm in the right place as
long as I keep doing the next right thing.
So it's a little bit of gratitude, not a little bit, a lot of gratitude, because that's something
(40:09):
I used to redirect me even to this day.
Like I'll get worked up in certain situations because I obviously want to strive and accomplish
more now that I'm, you know, cleaning sober and doing everything.
The same way I used to chase that drug I chase, you know, wanting to grow and build in my
life.
But it's, you know, that gratitude like, look, you're in a position where many others aren't,
(40:32):
you know, that don't, they don't have the opportunity.
They don't have that seat in the chair anymore because of, you know, overdosing or, you know,
whatever untragic tragic event that they've gone through.
So, you know, be humble, show some humility and I think you said earlier, easy does it.
Yeah.
What does that mean to you?
(40:53):
Easy does it is what I have to live by when I work myself up into something like that.
You know, like easy does it.
Stay in the moment.
We have those, some of the alumni t-shirts say life beyond your wildest dreams.
(41:15):
And I think sometimes if you look at that as an outsider, you know, you see somebody
pulling up at a car.
Maybe they paid for it themselves, but it's not a fancy car and you see somebody coming,
getting their life back, getting their first apartment, not a fancy apartment, but they
(41:37):
did it without drugs and alcohol and without selling drugs maybe for the first time and
did it on honest money.
And so this life beyond your wildest dreams has a new meaning in a certain sort of way.
Talk a little bit about that.
Definitely.
What's crazy is I do some reflection on my own and I realize like how bad it was and
(42:07):
where I'm at now, you know, that that's a whole motivating thing where, you know, I'm
slowly achieving and accomplishing these different goals that I had no idea I could have in the
past.
I'm living a beautiful life in recovery that I couldn't even imagine back then.
(42:27):
And your priorities are just completely different, right?
You know, having actual relationships with people, having the ability to actually, you
know, be there for someone, to be a positive member of society and to, you know, in this
(42:48):
role, being a part of like RCA in general and the position I'm offered now as like an
alumni coordinator to work with the best there is.
You know, it's really, it's gratifying in many ways.
Like it's something I never envisioned myself doing, but it's something I want to do and
(43:16):
I need to do because it's definitely meaningful to me to just be able to show that experience
to someone else who's actively going through it.
What did that phrase mean to you?
Life beyond your wall of strings.
Yes.
But yeah, when you were saying, it was just like, my brain was exploding.
It took me to being six months sober was the first time I'll never forget it.
(43:40):
You know, people say they never forget the first time they picked up for me, I'll never
forget the first time I laid my head on the pillow and my head was quiet.
That to me was life beyond my wildest dreams.
Now, had you asked me in my addiction what life beyond my wildest dreams look like, it
would be a yacht load with lots of alcohol and drugs and you know what I mean, a wild,
crazy music party going.
(44:03):
So different.
I actually, there were two times that they're just so, you know, in the forefront of my
mind that was one of them when I woke up in the morning and I was like, wow, I slept
up a full night and I laid my head on the pillow and it wasn't racing thoughts.
And there was another time shortly after that I was out spending the day with a friend and
(44:23):
I got so overwhelmed by the feeling of joy that it terrified me.
It scared me to feel that happy inside and to be experiencing fun naturally.
It was a foreign feeling that I called my sponsor and I said, I just don't know what
to do with this feeling.
I mean, she said, just embrace and enjoy it because it will pass.
(44:45):
You know, just like everything else.
She said, so just roll with it and enjoy it and have fun with it.
And I love that like this whole thing for us, and you know, I think I can speak for
the both of us.
It's about our perception of life.
It really is.
Ours was, you know, one way and instant gratification.
I want rewards immediately.
You know, there was no earning process.
(45:07):
I never wanted to do anything to earn anything.
I just wanted to receive it.
And we spent, I spent a great deal of my life receiving it and not having to do anything
to earn it, you know.
So today, like these milestones that we've reached, small things to others, but huge
to us, you know, like going to school, going to college, you know, getting a position where
(45:30):
you feel like you can help other human beings.
Those things, that's our life beyond our wildest dreams.
Because never for a minute, and there are times when people will pay us compliments or
make a comment about us, and we're literally looking behind us to see who they're talking
about, still to this day, you know, because we're still not fully there believing that
(45:51):
we are, you know, this person that you're looking at.
And, you know, thank you so much.
What you said helped me so much.
It's like, who, yeah, I want to thank them too.
And you've realized that that person's talking to you.
And it just like, I mean, it's so overwhelming sometimes it reduces you to tears, but not
sad tears, just like so grateful, you know, that God did this for us, you know what I
(46:13):
mean?
And I love that, you know, constant references from sponsors and people in the program, we
are the chosen few.
We really truly are, you know.
And, you know, my belief is like, you know, he didn't come and pick the people that were
on top of the world doing great things.
He picked the people that were struggling, turned their life around so that they can
(46:33):
go out there and help others and show them how to turn their life around.
So we have a responsibility and obligation to do that today.
That's where it takes me.
So if you're going to give somebody like me that responsibility to help another human
being change their life, that's huge.
That's life beyond my wildest dreams.
That's awesome.
Yeah.
Thank you so much for being with us.
(46:55):
And the listeners for tuning in, these stories are so powerful and really speak to so many.
So thanks for sharing, Rahi.
Inspiring, truly.
You did a great job.
We typically end with favorite recovery quote.
Favorite recovery quote?
We're going to stick with easy does it.
(47:16):
Yeah.
But do it.
I'm going to put that on a T-shirt.
I think that's really good.
Rahi, easy does it, but do it.
You have to do it.
Yeah.
Oh, that's good.
Well done.
Margaret, do you have one?
I have so many.
You know that, Jay, I think today.
(47:36):
Pick one today.
Yeah, I'll pick one today.
You know, when we're talking about Abby, Bill's description of Abby, when he first saw him
sober, he references him as his roots grasped new soil.
And that's exactly what I see today.
And that's exactly where my mind is today.
Our roots are in new soil, so let's grow, flourish, and plant some new seeds.
(48:02):
Yeah.
Perfect way to end.
Thank you.
Listeners, if you or someone you know needs help, please reach out to us, 1-833-RCA-ALUMN.
Call Margaret, call Rahi.
Our emails are available.
Cell phone numbers are available.
We often say we are your recovery resource, and that doesn't mean that we're going to
(48:26):
have everything, you know, right there at our fingertips, but we can link you to the
resources that you need.
So take advantage of that.
There are coordinators at each and every one of our locations, but they're happy to help
anyone who needs support and recovery.
So you don't have to have an affiliation to RCA necessarily to just reach out and make
(48:48):
use of the recovery resource that is the Alumni and Family Association.
So thank you so much and have a great day.
Thank you for listening to the Strength and Recovery Podcast.
If you enjoyed this episode, please tap the subscribe button and leave us a review.
(49:09):
We love hearing from our listeners and hope to reach more of you out there as we continue
to share these incredible stories of recovery.
The RCA Alumni Team aims to provide a safe, supportive environment for those in the recovery
community regardless of their affiliation with RCA.
We host a full calendar of virtual and in-person meetings seven days a week, 365 days a year,
(49:36):
as well as free SOPA events every month.
To learn more about what we do, find us at rcaalumni.com.
Remember, if you or a loved one is struggling with addiction, pick up the phone and dial
1-833-RCA-ALUMN.
Help is available 24-7.
(49:58):
Listen to another episode now or join us next time for the Strength and Recovery Podcast.
Popular Podcasts
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com
24/7 News: The Latest
The latest news in 4 minutes updated every hour, every day.
Therapy Gecko
An unlicensed lizard psychologist travels the universe talking to strangers about absolutely nothing. TO CALL THE GECKO: follow me on https://www.twitch.tv/lyleforever to get a notification for when I am taking calls. I am usually live Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays but lately a lot of other times too. I am a gecko.