August 31, 2023 • 43 mins
Hello listeners! We're coming at you on a Thursday because it's an important day in the recovery community: Overdose Awareness Day. This is a global event held every year on August 31st to help prevent drug overdoses by raising awareness, reducing stigma, and recognizing the grief of those who have lost loved ones to overdose. We're thrilled to bring you Sam Scheib as our guest today, an RCA Alumni Coordinator and alumnus. He talks his story, his fears, and how he went from non-believer to believer. Tune in today to honor those we've lost to overdose, and those who are fighting to break the stigma. *The views and opinions expressed by the guests of this podcast are their own and not necessarily those of RCA. These interviews are personal testimonials of recovery and should not be considered medical or treatment advice.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Hello listeners and welcome back to the Strength in Recovery podcast.
(00:07):
We're dropping this episode one day early on this very important Thursday in honor of
Overdose Awareness Day.
This is a global event held every year on August 31st.
It's the largest campaign of its kind and the purpose is to help prevent drug overdoses
by raising awareness, reducing stigma, and recognizing the grief of those who have lost
(00:33):
loved ones to overdose.
The RCA alumni team has lost many friends and family members to the disease of addiction.
This work is very personal to us and today can be a day filled of mixed emotions as we
honor the lives of those we've lost and we do our best to help those still suffering
(00:56):
from drug or alcohol abuse.
As we reflect today on those we've lost and as we head into September, which is National
Recovery Month, we want to emphasize the importance of connection during this time.
RCA's alumni team is hosting free sober events all throughout September that prioritize acts
(01:19):
of service as well as bring our communities together to celebrate those on the path of
recovery.
In addition, we host recovery meetings and educational webinars.
There's something going on every day of the week to encourage connection both in person
and virtually.
(01:39):
We encourage alumni, family, and friends to tap into these resources and learn more on
our website, rcaalumni.com.
If you or anyone you know is struggling, don't hesitate to give us a call at 1-833-RCA-ALUMN.
(02:00):
This disease is treatable and there is hope.
We thank all of you for listening and joining us on Overdose Awareness Day.
Please enjoy our episode with today's guest, Indianapolis Alumni Coordinator and Recovery
Centers of America alumnus, Sam Scheib.
(02:36):
Hello listeners, welcome to Strength and Recovery Podcast.
I'm your host, Jay Rodenbush, the director of alumni engagement for Recovery Centers
of America.
Today, we are at our Indianapolis facility and I'm sitting down with our alumni coordinator.
His name is Sam Scheib and just wanted to have a conversation and introduce him to our
(03:01):
alumni community with being on Strength and Recovery Podcast.
So welcome, Sam.
Thank you.
Tell us a little bit about what life is like as an alumni coordinator.
It's really exciting.
I honestly when I say this that I think I have the best job in the building and the ability
(03:24):
to be with people and individuals trying to start this journey of recovery and being a
part of the path from the very beginning as they walk in through the doors of RCA, as
they progress through the detox and into the residential stages and seeing kind of the
color return to their skin and light and their eyes kind of starting to glow.
(03:48):
And then following that journey and that process to once they discharge and being able to be
a connection, a point of contact, a resource, somebody to be with them, you know, not only
when they first start their journey but as they leave and start to put in the real work
in this new way of living.
Well, that's awesome.
(04:10):
And so everyone knows Sam is hosting our men's big book study.
That's on Monday nights.
What time?
At 7.
7.
Eastern.
Standard time.
And if you are someone looking for men's big book study, we are just getting amazing
(04:32):
feedback from that.
It's virtual.
People come from all of our facilities, so East Coast, Chicago, Indianapolis, and they
log on and just get a chance to be together and break that down, right?
Yeah, so I was not a fan of the big book originally.
It's a very tough pill.
It's a very tough book to swallow initially.
(04:54):
And I tried to break it down and read it myself.
And as I've learned, every time I try and do something myself, I usually, I'm not very
successful and when I finally had the courage to reach out for help and ask another individual
to walk me through that book and show me what it actually is saying, I learned a whole lot
(05:15):
more about this program and what recovery was and what life really looks like when I
start this new journey.
And I like to do the same thing for other people because I was taught, one of the most
selfish things I could do was not to pass along the gift that was so freely given to
me.
(05:35):
So breaking down that book and showing not only people early on, new to recovery, people
with some time, but really diving into what it actually says, what it says and what it
doesn't say and then having a conversation about it, getting your feedback, getting other
people's feedback so we can learn and grow from one another.
(05:55):
Tell us a little bit about, you said you weren't a fan of the big book, so you had a reaction.
What was it that was so, that turned you off so much?
Yeah, so I immediately, I didn't like the book and I never opened the front cover.
You had no experience with it?
(06:16):
Zero experience, I had already made up in my mind that it wasn't going to work for me
and it was based off my first experience kind of going into treatment.
I saw those steps up on the wall and there were certain steps and there were certain
words and that God word stood out to me and I had this preconceived notion going into things
that I was very angry with God and if this program told me I had to use that God to be
(06:42):
successful, then this program wasn't for me.
So I hadn't really spoke to anybody, I hadn't worked with any counselors or anything like
that.
I had already made up my mind prior to even asking any kind of questions or even opening
the book.
There's a passage in the book about that right?
Contempts?
(07:03):
So it's my favorite one, it's the Barg Install argument and it will keep a person in an everlasting
ignorance and it's contempt prior to investigation.
I made up my mind.
Say that again, slow down and say that, what does that mean to you?
Contempt to me, contempt prior to investigation.
I've already made up a mind based off, not based on fact or reason or experience.
(07:30):
I had no experience and I had no facts on it and that contempt prior to me actually
looking into what it meant to me, diving into what it meant to me personally, investigating
my own feelings and thoughts on it, I had used other people's conceptions and ideas
and thoughts of what this was to make up supposedly my own, which in reality hindered
(07:54):
me for many years.
That talks about the three, right before that contempt prior to investigation, that talks
about the three indispensable principles of the program, which is honesty, open-mindedness,
willingness.
It's the how of why it works.
How do I do this?
Well I stay honest, I stay open and I stay willing and that contempt prior to investigation,
(08:15):
I wasn't willing to be honest with myself or anyone else, I wasn't open to any new
ideas and there's no way I was going to do something unless it was my idea.
As I've learned and maybe many of you have learned that when it's my idea things usually
don't play out very well.
So take us back to what was life like before you opened that big book, before you did your
(08:38):
own investigation?
So life was just chaos actually, kind of running back, growing up through childhood and everything
like that.
I had experienced, I knew there was love in the house but it was just very different.
And childhood trauma, overweight, mental health issues as well along the way, a lot of depression,
(09:08):
not necessarily understanding what was going on.
I was a people pleaser, I needed you to tell me that I was doing well, so I needed external
factors to let me know internally I was doing well.
And I would do and I found myself doing things that went against my code, went against my
(09:29):
morals to make sure other people were pleased with me because I didn't really ever look
internally for any kind of self-worth or value, confidence, really kind of self-love.
And when I lost my mother at 18 years old, she was about the only coping skill that I
(09:49):
really knew in life.
She was the one person that I was allowed to go to to talk about my feelings and emotions
and I wasn't judged or punished because of it.
And when she passed away, it was literally a matter of days after her funeral that in
college my roommate was like, man, we're upset that you're upset, come out and have a good
(10:14):
time.
And I was introduced to alcohol for the first time.
And I drank alcoholically from the first time I picked up a bottle.
They handed me a bottle and I said, what do I do with this?
I was naive.
I really had no background on alcohol.
I wanted to find out, like my dad's side of the family, alcoholism runs deep.
(10:40):
I'm the oldest of four boys.
Three of us all have addiction issues, addiction to mental health issues.
I believe it's five out of my seven cousins or eight cousins on that side also have addiction
issues that we were never allowed to talk about and that we hid and covered everything
up.
I think it's unusual to hear, like somebody makes it to 18 and they have no experience
(11:02):
with alcohol.
Yep.
So how does that happen?
And what were you told about alcohol in your younger years that stands out?
So I was actually, I remember it was great, it's weird, right?
The dare program coming through when I was in school, which is hilarious.
(11:24):
But I was actually the kid that didn't, you know, I had a lot of friends that drank and
smoked pot in middle school and high school and I didn't disassociate with them.
I just, I was the one that was trying to be there to help them and support them, which
is looking back at it now, ironic.
But it was also at the time when I was at my lowest and I had no answer and I had given
(11:49):
up hope and I had lost hope and I was offered a bottle and when I drank that bottle, my
worries went away.
And what do you think the role of grief played?
Or yeah, I would say lack of being willing or, you know, I spent many years in the grief
(12:11):
process and the denial phase that it actually ever happened and I spent a lot in the anger
phase as well.
But alcohol prevented me from actually grieving and prevented me from grieving or from feeling
Delayed it.
Delayed it.
20 years delayed it.
Wow.
Before I actually did the work to process not only my mother's death, I had other family
(12:32):
members die as well that were close to me.
Yeah, you know, when I thought it was solving my problems, it was actually intensifying,
right?
When I thought I was treating my anxiety and depression with drugs and alcohol, I was actually
intensifying them.
I was making them worse and it's just, it's the most powerful disease.
(12:53):
It's the most powerful thing in my life that I've ever underestimated this much.
I underestimated its ability and what it was doing to me for so long because I think many
of us can relate that have an addiction issue.
I would be a liar if I sat here and told you at some point, like it worked.
It did for me what I could not do for myself until it didn't, until it stopped, until it
(13:19):
turned its back on me and I would wake up every morning hoping my best friend would
work again and then it didn't.
And I'd wake up the next day hoping my best friend would be there with me and it wasn't.
And when you say your best friend, you mean?
Drugs and alcohol.
It was my go-to.
It had become the answer to all my problems.
So how did that one drink, that one night, turn into drugs and alcohol?
(13:45):
A progression, at that point I did not.
So for many years prior to drugs and alcohol, I could not quiet my mind.
My mind constantly raced.
It was constantly in angst and worry and anger and fear.
(14:05):
I could never shut it down.
And the alcohol worked.
It quieted it.
And then as, and with, you didn't even have to tell me what I was taking at some, at one
point in my addiction, if you told me it was going to change or alter my state of mind,
I didn't know what it was, I didn't need to know what it was.
I was willing to do it because my thoughts were such a scary place to be in that if you
(14:32):
told me it was going to change the way I was thinking and I was feeling, anything had to
be better than the way I was feeling.
So I was willing to pretty much do anything.
If you put it in front of me and said it was going to work, I believed you.
So how did college go?
How did life start?
So in college, I went on a full ride to University of Indianapolis on academic and athletic scholarships.
(15:01):
I played baseball there.
I kind of had the world in front of me.
In the moment, drugs and alcohol were introduced.
All my hopes and dreams were thrown out the window.
I ended up quitting baseball because drugs and alcohol were more important.
(15:23):
I ended up dropping out of school because drugs and alcohol were more important.
I had a very, I had a girlfriend at the time that drugs and alcohol became more important.
And basically for the next seven to eight years, my life was centered around the consumption
and use of drugs and alcohol.
(15:45):
If I had an event, I needed to know how long it was going to be.
I needed to know where it was and I needed to know how much I needed to either consume
before, during, and after.
Every thought process I had was planned around the consumption of drugs and alcohol.
During this time, though, is my belief, like my God, my higher power, put people in my
(16:09):
life at that time.
Early in about three years into my addiction, I met a girl at a party that I wasn't planning
on going to.
I had no intention at all of finding any kind of relationship.
I had the only relationship I wanted with drugs and alcohol.
(16:31):
When I met a girl one night, who I'm now married to.
So I can look back and see even in the worst of times that there was something bigger in
my life acting, knowing that she was put into my life at that time because I don't think
I'd be here without her.
(16:52):
I know I wouldn't be here without her.
She has been my biggest support.
She's been by my side and she's seen the very worst of me.
I hope to continue to show her here recently what the very best looks like.
Also through that time, we've had two children.
(17:13):
I have a son and a daughter that are extremely important to me.
This program, this new way of living, life of recovery, has given me an opportunity not
only to be extremely active in their lives.
I'm now the head coach of my son's baseball team.
22 other parents, trust me with their 11 kids for two hours, three times a week.
(17:39):
Talk to me a little bit about parenting and recovery.
How do you talk to your kids?
We talked about your teller just briefly and what was the conversation about drugs and
alcohol growing up in your house and it sounds like there wasn't a whole lot.
(18:00):
Are you doing anything differently?
Yes.
The more I've opened up about my childhood, the more the immense process and my dad and
I's relationship growing, it's like I wasn't allowed to speak on it.
I grew up in a home that if there was a problem in the house, you put a smile on your face
(18:22):
and you didn't talk about it when you left and if you did, there was consequences which
came actually from my grandmother.
My dad has shared stories on his father and my dad did better than his dad and the goal
is that I will do better than give my son a better life than what I had.
(18:47):
My son is 11 and I have started conversations about what alcoholism and drug addiction is.
I have spoke to him about that I am an alcoholic and I've talked to him about that and what
that means.
It was a very emotional first conversation because I will never forget it.
I told my son that I was an alcoholic and he busted out in tears and said, no dad, please
(19:12):
don't let that be true.
It just shows the stigma, the misinterpretation of, yeah, I won't sit here and say I did a
lot of things that I am not happy or proud of but that doesn't have to be the end of
the story because of those things I am able to do things today that I never dreamt possible
(19:39):
and one is being able to be open with my son, to having these open conversations.
So how does he understand alcoholism today?
So if he said his first reaction was that can't be, how does he understand it now?
So I think we will go into deeper conversations the older he gets but it was more of an understanding
(20:05):
like don't judge a book by the cover and we've used it as far as like kids in his school
and not that you know, dad I don't know why he does this and it's like well we don't
know what's happening in that child's life right?
We don't understand what's going on with them and to be honest it usually has nothing
(20:25):
to do with you, it has everything to do with what's going on with them and trying to have
an open mind of like hey how can I best help rather than getting upset coming from a place
of understanding rather than a place of judgement.
And to understand that alcohol does something different to you and how it affects your brain
differently?
(20:45):
Yep, yep.
I told him it wasn't my intent.
We live in a society where alcohol is promoted, it's said to have a good time and when I first
started drinking I saw everybody else drinking, how did I know that that one drink would hit
(21:08):
me different than someone else and it would activate a chain reaction not only in my mind
and in my body that would cause me to pursue more, more, more.
When someone else has two to three, four drinks and they go this is getting out of control
I don't like the way I feel, when I take three to four drinks I go I'm in control, I'm now
(21:30):
able to do things that I wasn't able to do, I'm no longer shy, I can talk to people, I
know how to laugh and have fun, it did for me what I couldn't do for myself and that
instant gratification feeling of wanting that more and more and more and that drive of then
(21:50):
leading to me doing things I never dreamed I would do to make sure I could have those
drugs and alcohol, that progression where the kid right next to me at the same party
had the same amount that I did that night and he said no I don't know that's for me
or he was able to do it just for the weekend and then it doesn't disturb the rest of his
(22:12):
week or school or work or family or anything, how do I know that that was going to affect
me, this is not as a child what I looked at my life to be, I did not say I can't wait
to have that first drink and become an alcoholic and an addict and do all these things and
not only hurt myself but hurt other people, I don't think that's not, none of us grew
(22:35):
up calling this is exactly what I want, this is the path that I want my life to go now.
Did you, you said you knew almost instantaneously when you had that drink that this was something
different that this was an answer you said, was it similar when you tried drugs for the
first time?
(22:55):
Yes, yeah each, I remember the use, my first use of each drug very specifically and that
was the kind of that feeling of ecstasy, almost enlightenment, that rush, oh my gosh I love
(23:19):
it when Bill and his story in the big book says it's the I have arrived moment, that
moment where it's like I have found the answer to life, like I will now be good as with the
rest of my life as long as I have this substance, like this has now become my new solution and
I think as many of us know like that solution wears away and takes more and more to get
(23:43):
there and for me personally then I started combining and mixing and trying to come up
with different concoctions that was going to get me to that feeling again, it's that
in the book where it tells us, well Chase is to the gates of insanity or death, why
am I willing to go that far to chase it to the gates of insanity or death because it
(24:06):
did something for me that I never knew anything could do until I found this program and until
I found what true joy, what true happiness, what true help does, what true courage and
discipline and the perseverance and what we've battled and what we pushed through to earn
(24:32):
this, to earn where I'm at today, you know I was talking last night that I live today
like I live today, I am present today, when I am needed I am available, I am accountable
and people can rely on me, that gives me the deepest joy and happiness and satisfaction
(24:52):
that I never dreamt possible, I pursued happiness through drugs and alcohol and I never found
it, I did the work necessary internally on myself and the byproduct I found is joy and
happiness and it took a lot of courage and a lot of, I lived a fear based life majority
(25:13):
of my life, I was terrified and my biggest fear was that you would find out that I was
afraid so I would mask it with arrogance and pride and you know this fake confidence
in the different masks that we wear, the biggest thing is that I was more afraid, my insecurity
was that you would find out that I was just a scared little kid, that I was terrified
(25:36):
and when I placed my dependence upon something bigger than myself, when I placed my dependence
on something else other than myself, I found, I find and I tap into this inner resource
that I never knew was there and I become independent, my brain never registered that, that I would
become independent by placing my dependence upon something bigger than myself, that didn't
(26:02):
make sense to me, that concept was beyond my understanding, I never got to a place
now where I've been able to, I've never felt this before, I've never been in this position
before, I've been trying to, my first detox was in 2009, I was in 20 plus, 20 plus detoxes
(26:29):
I lost count between 2009 and 2015, I started my residential treatments after that, because
of the pursuit of drugs, the way I did, I had several mental health facilities days
as well, to be honest I don't know how many I went to and I've had some time before in
(26:52):
the past, I've had a year, I've had two years, I finally got in that time period, the question
I asked and the question I was always asked, well what's different this time and I hated
that question because I didn't know what the answer was, the answer for me this time is
that I understand that life does not change, I thought when I got sober that life was going
(27:13):
to change, that life was going to be rainbows and unicorns and everything was going to be
great, that was not my experience, especially in early recovery, life actually got a whole
lot harder, I still had consequences when I left treatment, I still had stuff I had
to face, I still had the wreckage of my past and the damage I had done to others, life
(27:36):
actually got harder when I went into early recovery, I think it's supposed to, because
when I put the work in and I recognize that life doesn't change, life actually will continue
to throw more and more curveballs at me, the difference is that I've changed now, that
(27:57):
I've recognized that the common denominator in all my problems was me and that my disease
lies in my mind and that my thinking is what needs to change, my thought process is what
needs to change, not the world, not the problems, not life, my approach, my perspective to these
(28:18):
things and how I perceive people in life is what needs to change because that was the
problem, it talks about getting to the causes and conditions of why I drank and used, drinking
and using was our solution, it was not the problem, it was what I used to solve all my
problems, so what are the causes and conditions, well my inability to handle my emotions, my
(28:39):
feelings, my anger, my anger as a secondary emotion stemming from all the fears that I
have, this is the stuff I needed to get down to the causes and conditions, this is the
thinking that needed to change and this is the work that I needed to have done, I really
love the program personally, I'm a 12 step of Alcoholics Anonymous because it teaches
(29:03):
me how to have relationships which is what life is about, it tells connection is recovery,
I didn't believe that for the longest time, I didn't want to connect to anybody, I wanted
to stay isolated and alone because it was comfortable, it was miserable but it was comfortable,
I knew exactly how my day was going to play out and I was good with being miserable.
(29:25):
Talk to me about what gave you the courage to walk in the front doors of RCA Indianapolis.
My wife gave me the greatest gift and she did it in such a way that I knew it was unconditional
(29:46):
love and she was protecting herself and our kids and she said, Sam I'm not coming to get
you, not coming to get you.
And I spent a majority of my life more afraid of living than dying and in that moment she
(30:08):
gave me the opportunity that I've never had, I felt helpless and I felt alone, I felt the
most alone in that moment and I'm extremely grateful for what she did and that once she
stood up for herself and two she gave me the opportunity to fight for my own life for the
first time in a long time if ever.
(30:29):
I don't know if I necessarily wanted to be sober when I walked through the doors but
I knew wholeheartedly deep down that it was the first time that I didn't want to die and
that's the groundwork that was the bedrock in which I was able to build the foundation
and grow off of.
(30:50):
RCA was there for me.
All other places had turned me down.
It was the only option to go to.
They were the only ones willing to accept me because of all of my past and they loved me
(31:12):
before I loved myself.
They were counselors.
Do you have any, you walk around this building, everyone greets you, everyone loves Sam.
Do you have any spots when you walk through this building that you say, okay there something
happened?
Yeah, so there's two of them.
(31:35):
So one is room 250.
I mean it was when I was here it was the Inspire group and it was a group that day led by one
of the group, or the PES, Matt.
(31:55):
And it was the first group that I came out of, or it was the first time, the first group
I'd went to then I came out of detox on.
He gave me hope that I hadn't had in a long time.
I told him how horrible I was doing.
(32:16):
And he said, yeah, me too.
Been there.
He didn't hype it up and make me feel different.
He'd freak out and make, you know, you need extra attention.
I was a human being in that moment.
(32:36):
And I felt love and I felt care that I was cared for.
Another, I was having a pain attack in the middle of the hallway.
And one of the nurse practitioners noticed and she called me to the side and she walked,
(32:58):
she helped me through the pain and the attack and the breathing, but also she took the time
to put together a playlist of music and sat with me and I couldn't speak at the time.
And she put together a playlist of about 27 songs that I couldn't even remember names
to.
(33:18):
I'm throwing out lyrics and she's Googling, you know, finding the whole, she took the
40 plus maybe an hour, you know, to sit with me and to play this music.
Again, it was probably the first panacea attack I've ever processed and made it through without
picking up over.
(33:39):
It gave me proof and evidence that I could do it, that there was hope that I didn't have
to turn to a substance to solve my problems.
You know, maybe the substance would have solved it in four minutes, right?
And then it would have reoccurred and we're back to the same insanity in that process,
that her solution, right, took more time, but the reward at the end of it was far greater
(34:04):
than any instant gratification I could ever get from a drug or a drink or a drug.
It showed me that although it was very uncomfortable, I didn't like how I felt.
It was not a fun process.
It was also one that I could do and it was also one that I could do with help and that
(34:25):
there were people that actually cared that when I asked for help, I told people I was
doing it wasn't going to be used against me and I wasn't going to be judged that I was
sat with and they're like, hey, we're going to get through this and we're going to get
through this together.
Somebody sitting here today, they're listening to this or they have a loved one listening
to this and they've got this contempt prior to investigation.
(34:49):
They've tried recovery before, they've tried treatment before.
I would encourage you to look internally at what these things really mean to you, not
to anybody else.
What do they mean to you?
Look inside, step into the fear, be courageous and honestly look internally and say, what
(35:14):
does this mean to me?
It wasn't until I did that that this stuff started grabbing, it started making more sense.
I love the analogy that three years I worked in my teens, 15, 16, 17, those summers, I
worked crazy, two jobs, saved the money.
(35:36):
At 18, I bought my first car and I'll tell you what, that car meant more to me than anything
because I had put in the blood, sweat and tears, I had put in the work, I had put in
the time and I took care of that car, the oil, the tires, the right gas and polishing
it up, vacuuming it out, whole nine yards, this recovery is the same thing.
(36:03):
It's one of the hardest things, if not the hardest thing I've ever done in my life and
it's been the most worthwhile because it did take time, it did take effort, it was hard,
it was uncomfortable and it's given me a life that I never dreamed possible.
The work pays off, the hope in...
(36:28):
There is hope.
There's hope, there's hope.
It is possible.
It is possible.
It's more than possible.
It's happening every day.
I was just always the one that said it wasn't going to happen to me and that was my disease
lying to me.
(36:48):
And so Sam, what's life like now?
I always like to be extremely honest, like life is life and it's amazing and it's painful
and it's up and it's down and the crazy thing is, is that I wake up every day extremely
excited to see what the day has to offer, knowing it could go better, it could go well.
(37:16):
Excited to wake up.
What does the day have in store for me?
What do I have in store to offer to life, to my day, to other people?
I was a take, a take, take, take.
Today is an opportunity to be there for somebody else because somebody was there for me.
And that's how the program works.
(37:39):
It's how this has a snowball effect in a positive direction is that when somebody did
it for me, I do it for somebody else and I have no idea to the end of how far this goes
and how far, you know, doing the next right thing does in another person's life and then
does it in another person's life and we get this chain reaction and this snowball effect
(38:03):
of positive energy and recovery that people do recover.
We do recover from a hopeless state of mind and body.
We lead meaningful, purposeful, purposeful lives.
That's absolutely beautiful.
(38:26):
Thank you so much for sharing your story.
I think it's full of hope.
I think you got a little fire in you, don't you?
You get passionate about this.
Absolutely.
Especially when something that I didn't believe in saved my life when I finally, again, got
rid of the contempt prior to investigation, wholeheartedly looked at what this stuff
(38:50):
meant to me and then I took the steps.
I have to be aware of the problem.
25%.
The most important part of the knowledge, the other 25%, the most important part, though,
is putting all that into practical application and taking the actions to do this.
It's an action program.
(39:11):
I can't think my way into right acting.
I can act my way, though, into right thinking.
I do these actions that I start to feel confident, more confident, self-confidence.
I get self-worth.
I get some self-love in me and it's like, well, when I start to be able to love myself,
I can receive and give love to others.
That was important for me.
When I have self-confidence, I do esteemable acts to gain self-esteem and when I have self-esteem
(39:38):
that I'm able to have that positive energy transmitted in my actions, in my words.
It's infectious.
It recoveries infectious.
I don't know about you guys, but when I went to my first meeting and I saw these old-timers
with multiple-year sobriety laughing and joking and having a good time, it didn't necessarily
(39:59):
make me happy.
It did make me curious, though.
They told my story.
They'd never met me before.
They told my story and they were smiling.
I needed to know how they got there.
That's why it's attraction rather than promotion.
They walk the walk.
Their feet match their mouth, right?
(40:21):
Their words match the actions they were taking.
Those are the people that I got close to.
I hung on to.
They said, stick with the winners.
Those people were the winners to me in my book.
The crazy thing is, I wanted to be a good father.
I hung out with men that were a good father.
I wanted to be a good employee.
(40:43):
I hung around the people that were doing the right thing at work.
I wanted to be a good husband.
I hung out around men that treated their wives properly and how I wanted to treat them.
The thing is, there's nothing to figure out in this program.
It's already been figured out for us.
I sat here trying to reinvent the wheel for years.
(41:04):
The wheel has already been created.
It works really well.
If I'm just willing to take my hands off the wheel, get out of my own way, and do what's
suggested of me.
It's amazing what will happen when I get out of my own way.
We typically end with favorite recovery quote.
(41:26):
I know you said contempt prior to investigation.
Any others?
Just from along, it's not for me though.
Never trust your fears.
They don't know your strengths.
Oh, I like that a lot.
(41:48):
Sam, thanks for sharing your story today.
Thank you.
I'm honored to chest.
Thank you listeners for tuning in.
We love having you.
If you need help, or you have a friend or family member who needs help, please give us
(42:08):
a call.
1-833-RCA-ALUM.
A-L-U-M-R-C-A-ALUM.
There are people standing by willing to help you to provide that hope that recovery is
possible.
Thank you.
Have a great day.
(42:37):
Thank you for listening to the Strength and Recovery podcast.
If you enjoyed this episode, please tap the subscribe button and leave us a review.
We love hearing from our listeners and hope to reach more of you out there as we continue
to share these incredible stories of recovery.
The RCA alumni team aims to provide a safe, supportive environment for those in the recovery
(43:01):
community regardless of their affiliation with RCA.
We host a full calendar of virtual and in-person meetings seven days a week, 365 days a year,
as well as free sober events every month.
To learn more about what we do, find us at rcaalumni.com.
(43:22):
Remember, if you or a loved one is struggling with addiction, pick up the phone and dial
1-833-RCA-ALUM.
Help is available 24-7.
Listen to another episode now or join us next time for the Strength and Recovery podcast.
Hello listeners and welcome back to the Strength in Recovery podcast.
(00:07):
We're dropping this episode one day early on this very important Thursday in honor of
Overdose Awareness Day.
This is a global event held every year on August 31st.
It's the largest campaign of its kind and the purpose is to help prevent drug overdoses
by raising awareness, reducing stigma, and recognizing the grief of those who have lost
(00:33):
loved ones to overdose.
The RCA alumni team has lost many friends and family members to the disease of addiction.
This work is very personal to us and today can be a day filled of mixed emotions as we
honor the lives of those we've lost and we do our best to help those still suffering
(00:56):
from drug or alcohol abuse.
As we reflect today on those we've lost and as we head into September, which is National
Recovery Month, we want to emphasize the importance of connection during this time.
RCA's alumni team is hosting free sober events all throughout September that prioritize acts
(01:19):
of service as well as bring our communities together to celebrate those on the path of
recovery.
In addition, we host recovery meetings and educational webinars.
There's something going on every day of the week to encourage connection both in person
and virtually.
(01:39):
We encourage alumni, family, and friends to tap into these resources and learn more on
our website, rcaalumni.com.
If you or anyone you know is struggling, don't hesitate to give us a call at 1-833-RCA-ALUMN.
(02:00):
This disease is treatable and there is hope.
We thank all of you for listening and joining us on Overdose Awareness Day.
Please enjoy our episode with today's guest, Indianapolis Alumni Coordinator and Recovery
Centers of America alumnus, Sam Scheib.
(02:36):
Hello listeners, welcome to Strength and Recovery Podcast.
I'm your host, Jay Rodenbush, the director of alumni engagement for Recovery Centers
of America.
Today, we are at our Indianapolis facility and I'm sitting down with our alumni coordinator.
His name is Sam Scheib and just wanted to have a conversation and introduce him to our
(03:01):
alumni community with being on Strength and Recovery Podcast.
So welcome, Sam.
Thank you.
Tell us a little bit about what life is like as an alumni coordinator.
It's really exciting.
I honestly when I say this that I think I have the best job in the building and the ability
(03:24):
to be with people and individuals trying to start this journey of recovery and being a
part of the path from the very beginning as they walk in through the doors of RCA, as
they progress through the detox and into the residential stages and seeing kind of the
color return to their skin and light and their eyes kind of starting to glow.
(03:48):
And then following that journey and that process to once they discharge and being able to be
a connection, a point of contact, a resource, somebody to be with them, you know, not only
when they first start their journey but as they leave and start to put in the real work
in this new way of living.
Well, that's awesome.
(04:10):
And so everyone knows Sam is hosting our men's big book study.
That's on Monday nights.
What time?
At 7.
7.
Eastern.
Standard time.
And if you are someone looking for men's big book study, we are just getting amazing
(04:32):
feedback from that.
It's virtual.
People come from all of our facilities, so East Coast, Chicago, Indianapolis, and they
log on and just get a chance to be together and break that down, right?
Yeah, so I was not a fan of the big book originally.
It's a very tough pill.
It's a very tough book to swallow initially.
(04:54):
And I tried to break it down and read it myself.
And as I've learned, every time I try and do something myself, I usually, I'm not very
successful and when I finally had the courage to reach out for help and ask another individual
to walk me through that book and show me what it actually is saying, I learned a whole lot
(05:15):
more about this program and what recovery was and what life really looks like when I
start this new journey.
And I like to do the same thing for other people because I was taught, one of the most
selfish things I could do was not to pass along the gift that was so freely given to
me.
(05:35):
So breaking down that book and showing not only people early on, new to recovery, people
with some time, but really diving into what it actually says, what it says and what it
doesn't say and then having a conversation about it, getting your feedback, getting other
people's feedback so we can learn and grow from one another.
(05:55):
Tell us a little bit about, you said you weren't a fan of the big book, so you had a reaction.
What was it that was so, that turned you off so much?
Yeah, so I immediately, I didn't like the book and I never opened the front cover.
You had no experience with it?
(06:16):
Zero experience, I had already made up in my mind that it wasn't going to work for me
and it was based off my first experience kind of going into treatment.
I saw those steps up on the wall and there were certain steps and there were certain
words and that God word stood out to me and I had this preconceived notion going into things
that I was very angry with God and if this program told me I had to use that God to be
(06:42):
successful, then this program wasn't for me.
So I hadn't really spoke to anybody, I hadn't worked with any counselors or anything like
that.
I had already made up my mind prior to even asking any kind of questions or even opening
the book.
There's a passage in the book about that right?
Contempts?
(07:03):
So it's my favorite one, it's the Barg Install argument and it will keep a person in an everlasting
ignorance and it's contempt prior to investigation.
I made up my mind.
Say that again, slow down and say that, what does that mean to you?
Contempt to me, contempt prior to investigation.
I've already made up a mind based off, not based on fact or reason or experience.
(07:30):
I had no experience and I had no facts on it and that contempt prior to me actually
looking into what it meant to me, diving into what it meant to me personally, investigating
my own feelings and thoughts on it, I had used other people's conceptions and ideas
and thoughts of what this was to make up supposedly my own, which in reality hindered
(07:54):
me for many years.
That talks about the three, right before that contempt prior to investigation, that talks
about the three indispensable principles of the program, which is honesty, open-mindedness,
willingness.
It's the how of why it works.
How do I do this?
Well I stay honest, I stay open and I stay willing and that contempt prior to investigation,
(08:15):
I wasn't willing to be honest with myself or anyone else, I wasn't open to any new
ideas and there's no way I was going to do something unless it was my idea.
As I've learned and maybe many of you have learned that when it's my idea things usually
don't play out very well.
So take us back to what was life like before you opened that big book, before you did your
(08:38):
own investigation?
So life was just chaos actually, kind of running back, growing up through childhood and everything
like that.
I had experienced, I knew there was love in the house but it was just very different.
And childhood trauma, overweight, mental health issues as well along the way, a lot of depression,
(09:08):
not necessarily understanding what was going on.
I was a people pleaser, I needed you to tell me that I was doing well, so I needed external
factors to let me know internally I was doing well.
And I would do and I found myself doing things that went against my code, went against my
(09:29):
morals to make sure other people were pleased with me because I didn't really ever look
internally for any kind of self-worth or value, confidence, really kind of self-love.
And when I lost my mother at 18 years old, she was about the only coping skill that I
(09:49):
really knew in life.
She was the one person that I was allowed to go to to talk about my feelings and emotions
and I wasn't judged or punished because of it.
And when she passed away, it was literally a matter of days after her funeral that in
college my roommate was like, man, we're upset that you're upset, come out and have a good
(10:14):
time.
And I was introduced to alcohol for the first time.
And I drank alcoholically from the first time I picked up a bottle.
They handed me a bottle and I said, what do I do with this?
I was naive.
I really had no background on alcohol.
I wanted to find out, like my dad's side of the family, alcoholism runs deep.
(10:40):
I'm the oldest of four boys.
Three of us all have addiction issues, addiction to mental health issues.
I believe it's five out of my seven cousins or eight cousins on that side also have addiction
issues that we were never allowed to talk about and that we hid and covered everything
up.
I think it's unusual to hear, like somebody makes it to 18 and they have no experience
(11:02):
with alcohol.
Yep.
So how does that happen?
And what were you told about alcohol in your younger years that stands out?
So I was actually, I remember it was great, it's weird, right?
The dare program coming through when I was in school, which is hilarious.
(11:24):
But I was actually the kid that didn't, you know, I had a lot of friends that drank and
smoked pot in middle school and high school and I didn't disassociate with them.
I just, I was the one that was trying to be there to help them and support them, which
is looking back at it now, ironic.
But it was also at the time when I was at my lowest and I had no answer and I had given
(11:49):
up hope and I had lost hope and I was offered a bottle and when I drank that bottle, my
worries went away.
And what do you think the role of grief played?
Or yeah, I would say lack of being willing or, you know, I spent many years in the grief
(12:11):
process and the denial phase that it actually ever happened and I spent a lot in the anger
phase as well.
But alcohol prevented me from actually grieving and prevented me from grieving or from feeling
Delayed it.
Delayed it.
20 years delayed it.
Wow.
Before I actually did the work to process not only my mother's death, I had other family
(12:32):
members die as well that were close to me.
Yeah, you know, when I thought it was solving my problems, it was actually intensifying,
right?
When I thought I was treating my anxiety and depression with drugs and alcohol, I was actually
intensifying them.
I was making them worse and it's just, it's the most powerful disease.
(12:53):
It's the most powerful thing in my life that I've ever underestimated this much.
I underestimated its ability and what it was doing to me for so long because I think many
of us can relate that have an addiction issue.
I would be a liar if I sat here and told you at some point, like it worked.
It did for me what I could not do for myself until it didn't, until it stopped, until it
(13:19):
turned its back on me and I would wake up every morning hoping my best friend would
work again and then it didn't.
And I'd wake up the next day hoping my best friend would be there with me and it wasn't.
And when you say your best friend, you mean?
Drugs and alcohol.
It was my go-to.
It had become the answer to all my problems.
So how did that one drink, that one night, turn into drugs and alcohol?
(13:45):
A progression, at that point I did not.
So for many years prior to drugs and alcohol, I could not quiet my mind.
My mind constantly raced.
It was constantly in angst and worry and anger and fear.
(14:05):
I could never shut it down.
And the alcohol worked.
It quieted it.
And then as, and with, you didn't even have to tell me what I was taking at some, at one
point in my addiction, if you told me it was going to change or alter my state of mind,
I didn't know what it was, I didn't need to know what it was.
I was willing to do it because my thoughts were such a scary place to be in that if you
(14:32):
told me it was going to change the way I was thinking and I was feeling, anything had to
be better than the way I was feeling.
So I was willing to pretty much do anything.
If you put it in front of me and said it was going to work, I believed you.
So how did college go?
How did life start?
So in college, I went on a full ride to University of Indianapolis on academic and athletic scholarships.
(15:01):
I played baseball there.
I kind of had the world in front of me.
In the moment, drugs and alcohol were introduced.
All my hopes and dreams were thrown out the window.
I ended up quitting baseball because drugs and alcohol were more important.
(15:23):
I ended up dropping out of school because drugs and alcohol were more important.
I had a very, I had a girlfriend at the time that drugs and alcohol became more important.
And basically for the next seven to eight years, my life was centered around the consumption
and use of drugs and alcohol.
(15:45):
If I had an event, I needed to know how long it was going to be.
I needed to know where it was and I needed to know how much I needed to either consume
before, during, and after.
Every thought process I had was planned around the consumption of drugs and alcohol.
During this time, though, is my belief, like my God, my higher power, put people in my
(16:09):
life at that time.
Early in about three years into my addiction, I met a girl at a party that I wasn't planning
on going to.
I had no intention at all of finding any kind of relationship.
I had the only relationship I wanted with drugs and alcohol.
(16:31):
When I met a girl one night, who I'm now married to.
So I can look back and see even in the worst of times that there was something bigger in
my life acting, knowing that she was put into my life at that time because I don't think
I'd be here without her.
(16:52):
I know I wouldn't be here without her.
She has been my biggest support.
She's been by my side and she's seen the very worst of me.
I hope to continue to show her here recently what the very best looks like.
Also through that time, we've had two children.
(17:13):
I have a son and a daughter that are extremely important to me.
This program, this new way of living, life of recovery, has given me an opportunity not
only to be extremely active in their lives.
I'm now the head coach of my son's baseball team.
22 other parents, trust me with their 11 kids for two hours, three times a week.
(17:39):
Talk to me a little bit about parenting and recovery.
How do you talk to your kids?
We talked about your teller just briefly and what was the conversation about drugs and
alcohol growing up in your house and it sounds like there wasn't a whole lot.
(18:00):
Are you doing anything differently?
Yes.
The more I've opened up about my childhood, the more the immense process and my dad and
I's relationship growing, it's like I wasn't allowed to speak on it.
I grew up in a home that if there was a problem in the house, you put a smile on your face
(18:22):
and you didn't talk about it when you left and if you did, there was consequences which
came actually from my grandmother.
My dad has shared stories on his father and my dad did better than his dad and the goal
is that I will do better than give my son a better life than what I had.
(18:47):
My son is 11 and I have started conversations about what alcoholism and drug addiction is.
I have spoke to him about that I am an alcoholic and I've talked to him about that and what
that means.
It was a very emotional first conversation because I will never forget it.
I told my son that I was an alcoholic and he busted out in tears and said, no dad, please
(19:12):
don't let that be true.
It just shows the stigma, the misinterpretation of, yeah, I won't sit here and say I did a
lot of things that I am not happy or proud of but that doesn't have to be the end of
the story because of those things I am able to do things today that I never dreamt possible
(19:39):
and one is being able to be open with my son, to having these open conversations.
So how does he understand alcoholism today?
So if he said his first reaction was that can't be, how does he understand it now?
So I think we will go into deeper conversations the older he gets but it was more of an understanding
(20:05):
like don't judge a book by the cover and we've used it as far as like kids in his school
and not that you know, dad I don't know why he does this and it's like well we don't
know what's happening in that child's life right?
We don't understand what's going on with them and to be honest it usually has nothing
(20:25):
to do with you, it has everything to do with what's going on with them and trying to have
an open mind of like hey how can I best help rather than getting upset coming from a place
of understanding rather than a place of judgement.
And to understand that alcohol does something different to you and how it affects your brain
differently?
(20:45):
Yep, yep.
I told him it wasn't my intent.
We live in a society where alcohol is promoted, it's said to have a good time and when I first
started drinking I saw everybody else drinking, how did I know that that one drink would hit
(21:08):
me different than someone else and it would activate a chain reaction not only in my mind
and in my body that would cause me to pursue more, more, more.
When someone else has two to three, four drinks and they go this is getting out of control
I don't like the way I feel, when I take three to four drinks I go I'm in control, I'm now
(21:30):
able to do things that I wasn't able to do, I'm no longer shy, I can talk to people, I
know how to laugh and have fun, it did for me what I couldn't do for myself and that
instant gratification feeling of wanting that more and more and more and that drive of then
(21:50):
leading to me doing things I never dreamed I would do to make sure I could have those
drugs and alcohol, that progression where the kid right next to me at the same party
had the same amount that I did that night and he said no I don't know that's for me
or he was able to do it just for the weekend and then it doesn't disturb the rest of his
(22:12):
week or school or work or family or anything, how do I know that that was going to affect
me, this is not as a child what I looked at my life to be, I did not say I can't wait
to have that first drink and become an alcoholic and an addict and do all these things and
not only hurt myself but hurt other people, I don't think that's not, none of us grew
(22:35):
up calling this is exactly what I want, this is the path that I want my life to go now.
Did you, you said you knew almost instantaneously when you had that drink that this was something
different that this was an answer you said, was it similar when you tried drugs for the
first time?
(22:55):
Yes, yeah each, I remember the use, my first use of each drug very specifically and that
was the kind of that feeling of ecstasy, almost enlightenment, that rush, oh my gosh I love
(23:19):
it when Bill and his story in the big book says it's the I have arrived moment, that
moment where it's like I have found the answer to life, like I will now be good as with the
rest of my life as long as I have this substance, like this has now become my new solution and
I think as many of us know like that solution wears away and takes more and more to get
(23:43):
there and for me personally then I started combining and mixing and trying to come up
with different concoctions that was going to get me to that feeling again, it's that
in the book where it tells us, well Chase is to the gates of insanity or death, why
am I willing to go that far to chase it to the gates of insanity or death because it
(24:06):
did something for me that I never knew anything could do until I found this program and until
I found what true joy, what true happiness, what true help does, what true courage and
discipline and the perseverance and what we've battled and what we pushed through to earn
(24:32):
this, to earn where I'm at today, you know I was talking last night that I live today
like I live today, I am present today, when I am needed I am available, I am accountable
and people can rely on me, that gives me the deepest joy and happiness and satisfaction
(24:52):
that I never dreamt possible, I pursued happiness through drugs and alcohol and I never found
it, I did the work necessary internally on myself and the byproduct I found is joy and
happiness and it took a lot of courage and a lot of, I lived a fear based life majority
(25:13):
of my life, I was terrified and my biggest fear was that you would find out that I was
afraid so I would mask it with arrogance and pride and you know this fake confidence
in the different masks that we wear, the biggest thing is that I was more afraid, my insecurity
was that you would find out that I was just a scared little kid, that I was terrified
(25:36):
and when I placed my dependence upon something bigger than myself, when I placed my dependence
on something else other than myself, I found, I find and I tap into this inner resource
that I never knew was there and I become independent, my brain never registered that, that I would
become independent by placing my dependence upon something bigger than myself, that didn't
(26:02):
make sense to me, that concept was beyond my understanding, I never got to a place
now where I've been able to, I've never felt this before, I've never been in this position
before, I've been trying to, my first detox was in 2009, I was in 20 plus, 20 plus detoxes
(26:29):
I lost count between 2009 and 2015, I started my residential treatments after that, because
of the pursuit of drugs, the way I did, I had several mental health facilities days
as well, to be honest I don't know how many I went to and I've had some time before in
(26:52):
the past, I've had a year, I've had two years, I finally got in that time period, the question
I asked and the question I was always asked, well what's different this time and I hated
that question because I didn't know what the answer was, the answer for me this time is
that I understand that life does not change, I thought when I got sober that life was going
(27:13):
to change, that life was going to be rainbows and unicorns and everything was going to be
great, that was not my experience, especially in early recovery, life actually got a whole
lot harder, I still had consequences when I left treatment, I still had stuff I had
to face, I still had the wreckage of my past and the damage I had done to others, life
(27:36):
actually got harder when I went into early recovery, I think it's supposed to, because
when I put the work in and I recognize that life doesn't change, life actually will continue
to throw more and more curveballs at me, the difference is that I've changed now, that
(27:57):
I've recognized that the common denominator in all my problems was me and that my disease
lies in my mind and that my thinking is what needs to change, my thought process is what
needs to change, not the world, not the problems, not life, my approach, my perspective to these
(28:18):
things and how I perceive people in life is what needs to change because that was the
problem, it talks about getting to the causes and conditions of why I drank and used, drinking
and using was our solution, it was not the problem, it was what I used to solve all my
problems, so what are the causes and conditions, well my inability to handle my emotions, my
(28:39):
feelings, my anger, my anger as a secondary emotion stemming from all the fears that I
have, this is the stuff I needed to get down to the causes and conditions, this is the
thinking that needed to change and this is the work that I needed to have done, I really
love the program personally, I'm a 12 step of Alcoholics Anonymous because it teaches
(29:03):
me how to have relationships which is what life is about, it tells connection is recovery,
I didn't believe that for the longest time, I didn't want to connect to anybody, I wanted
to stay isolated and alone because it was comfortable, it was miserable but it was comfortable,
I knew exactly how my day was going to play out and I was good with being miserable.
(29:25):
Talk to me about what gave you the courage to walk in the front doors of RCA Indianapolis.
My wife gave me the greatest gift and she did it in such a way that I knew it was unconditional
(29:46):
love and she was protecting herself and our kids and she said, Sam I'm not coming to get
you, not coming to get you.
And I spent a majority of my life more afraid of living than dying and in that moment she
(30:08):
gave me the opportunity that I've never had, I felt helpless and I felt alone, I felt the
most alone in that moment and I'm extremely grateful for what she did and that once she
stood up for herself and two she gave me the opportunity to fight for my own life for the
first time in a long time if ever.
(30:29):
I don't know if I necessarily wanted to be sober when I walked through the doors but
I knew wholeheartedly deep down that it was the first time that I didn't want to die and
that's the groundwork that was the bedrock in which I was able to build the foundation
and grow off of.
(30:50):
RCA was there for me.
All other places had turned me down.
It was the only option to go to.
They were the only ones willing to accept me because of all of my past and they loved me
(31:12):
before I loved myself.
They were counselors.
Do you have any, you walk around this building, everyone greets you, everyone loves Sam.
Do you have any spots when you walk through this building that you say, okay there something
happened?
Yeah, so there's two of them.
(31:35):
So one is room 250.
I mean it was when I was here it was the Inspire group and it was a group that day led by one
of the group, or the PES, Matt.
(31:55):
And it was the first group that I came out of, or it was the first time, the first group
I'd went to then I came out of detox on.
He gave me hope that I hadn't had in a long time.
I told him how horrible I was doing.
(32:16):
And he said, yeah, me too.
Been there.
He didn't hype it up and make me feel different.
He'd freak out and make, you know, you need extra attention.
I was a human being in that moment.
(32:36):
And I felt love and I felt care that I was cared for.
Another, I was having a pain attack in the middle of the hallway.
And one of the nurse practitioners noticed and she called me to the side and she walked,
(32:58):
she helped me through the pain and the attack and the breathing, but also she took the time
to put together a playlist of music and sat with me and I couldn't speak at the time.
And she put together a playlist of about 27 songs that I couldn't even remember names
to.
(33:18):
I'm throwing out lyrics and she's Googling, you know, finding the whole, she took the
40 plus maybe an hour, you know, to sit with me and to play this music.
Again, it was probably the first panacea attack I've ever processed and made it through without
picking up over.
(33:39):
It gave me proof and evidence that I could do it, that there was hope that I didn't have
to turn to a substance to solve my problems.
You know, maybe the substance would have solved it in four minutes, right?
And then it would have reoccurred and we're back to the same insanity in that process,
that her solution, right, took more time, but the reward at the end of it was far greater
(34:04):
than any instant gratification I could ever get from a drug or a drink or a drug.
It showed me that although it was very uncomfortable, I didn't like how I felt.
It was not a fun process.
It was also one that I could do and it was also one that I could do with help and that
(34:25):
there were people that actually cared that when I asked for help, I told people I was
doing it wasn't going to be used against me and I wasn't going to be judged that I was
sat with and they're like, hey, we're going to get through this and we're going to get
through this together.
Somebody sitting here today, they're listening to this or they have a loved one listening
to this and they've got this contempt prior to investigation.
(34:49):
They've tried recovery before, they've tried treatment before.
I would encourage you to look internally at what these things really mean to you, not
to anybody else.
What do they mean to you?
Look inside, step into the fear, be courageous and honestly look internally and say, what
(35:14):
does this mean to me?
It wasn't until I did that that this stuff started grabbing, it started making more sense.
I love the analogy that three years I worked in my teens, 15, 16, 17, those summers, I
worked crazy, two jobs, saved the money.
(35:36):
At 18, I bought my first car and I'll tell you what, that car meant more to me than anything
because I had put in the blood, sweat and tears, I had put in the work, I had put in
the time and I took care of that car, the oil, the tires, the right gas and polishing
it up, vacuuming it out, whole nine yards, this recovery is the same thing.
(36:03):
It's one of the hardest things, if not the hardest thing I've ever done in my life and
it's been the most worthwhile because it did take time, it did take effort, it was hard,
it was uncomfortable and it's given me a life that I never dreamed possible.
The work pays off, the hope in...
(36:28):
There is hope.
There's hope, there's hope.
It is possible.
It is possible.
It's more than possible.
It's happening every day.
I was just always the one that said it wasn't going to happen to me and that was my disease
lying to me.
(36:48):
And so Sam, what's life like now?
I always like to be extremely honest, like life is life and it's amazing and it's painful
and it's up and it's down and the crazy thing is, is that I wake up every day extremely
excited to see what the day has to offer, knowing it could go better, it could go well.
(37:16):
Excited to wake up.
What does the day have in store for me?
What do I have in store to offer to life, to my day, to other people?
I was a take, a take, take, take.
Today is an opportunity to be there for somebody else because somebody was there for me.
And that's how the program works.
(37:39):
It's how this has a snowball effect in a positive direction is that when somebody did
it for me, I do it for somebody else and I have no idea to the end of how far this goes
and how far, you know, doing the next right thing does in another person's life and then
does it in another person's life and we get this chain reaction and this snowball effect
(38:03):
of positive energy and recovery that people do recover.
We do recover from a hopeless state of mind and body.
We lead meaningful, purposeful, purposeful lives.
That's absolutely beautiful.
(38:26):
Thank you so much for sharing your story.
I think it's full of hope.
I think you got a little fire in you, don't you?
You get passionate about this.
Absolutely.
Especially when something that I didn't believe in saved my life when I finally, again, got
rid of the contempt prior to investigation, wholeheartedly looked at what this stuff
(38:50):
meant to me and then I took the steps.
I have to be aware of the problem.
25%.
The most important part of the knowledge, the other 25%, the most important part, though,
is putting all that into practical application and taking the actions to do this.
It's an action program.
(39:11):
I can't think my way into right acting.
I can act my way, though, into right thinking.
I do these actions that I start to feel confident, more confident, self-confidence.
I get self-worth.
I get some self-love in me and it's like, well, when I start to be able to love myself,
I can receive and give love to others.
That was important for me.
When I have self-confidence, I do esteemable acts to gain self-esteem and when I have self-esteem
(39:38):
that I'm able to have that positive energy transmitted in my actions, in my words.
It's infectious.
It recoveries infectious.
I don't know about you guys, but when I went to my first meeting and I saw these old-timers
with multiple-year sobriety laughing and joking and having a good time, it didn't necessarily
(39:59):
make me happy.
It did make me curious, though.
They told my story.
They'd never met me before.
They told my story and they were smiling.
I needed to know how they got there.
That's why it's attraction rather than promotion.
They walk the walk.
Their feet match their mouth, right?
(40:21):
Their words match the actions they were taking.
Those are the people that I got close to.
I hung on to.
They said, stick with the winners.
Those people were the winners to me in my book.
The crazy thing is, I wanted to be a good father.
I hung out with men that were a good father.
I wanted to be a good employee.
(40:43):
I hung around the people that were doing the right thing at work.
I wanted to be a good husband.
I hung out around men that treated their wives properly and how I wanted to treat them.
The thing is, there's nothing to figure out in this program.
It's already been figured out for us.
I sat here trying to reinvent the wheel for years.
(41:04):
The wheel has already been created.
It works really well.
If I'm just willing to take my hands off the wheel, get out of my own way, and do what's
suggested of me.
It's amazing what will happen when I get out of my own way.
We typically end with favorite recovery quote.
(41:26):
I know you said contempt prior to investigation.
Any others?
Just from along, it's not for me though.
Never trust your fears.
They don't know your strengths.
Oh, I like that a lot.
(41:48):
Sam, thanks for sharing your story today.
Thank you.
I'm honored to chest.
Thank you listeners for tuning in.
We love having you.
If you need help, or you have a friend or family member who needs help, please give us
(42:08):
a call.
1-833-RCA-ALUM.
A-L-U-M-R-C-A-ALUM.
There are people standing by willing to help you to provide that hope that recovery is
possible.
Thank you.
Have a great day.
(42:37):
Thank you for listening to the Strength and Recovery podcast.
If you enjoyed this episode, please tap the subscribe button and leave us a review.
We love hearing from our listeners and hope to reach more of you out there as we continue
to share these incredible stories of recovery.
The RCA alumni team aims to provide a safe, supportive environment for those in the recovery
(43:01):
community regardless of their affiliation with RCA.
We host a full calendar of virtual and in-person meetings seven days a week, 365 days a year,
as well as free sober events every month.
To learn more about what we do, find us at rcaalumni.com.
(43:22):
Remember, if you or a loved one is struggling with addiction, pick up the phone and dial
1-833-RCA-ALUM.
Help is available 24-7.
Listen to another episode now or join us next time for the Strength and Recovery podcast.
Popular Podcasts
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com
24/7 News: The Latest
The latest news in 4 minutes updated every hour, every day.
Therapy Gecko
An unlicensed lizard psychologist travels the universe talking to strangers about absolutely nothing. TO CALL THE GECKO: follow me on https://www.twitch.tv/lyleforever to get a notification for when I am taking calls. I am usually live Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays but lately a lot of other times too. I am a gecko.