December 8, 2023 • 33 mins
Hello listeners! Welcome to the Strength in Recovery podcast. Today Jaye sits down with RCA alum, Allison, to talk about her pursuit to recovery. Allison breaks down leaving her stressful job, the stigma around substance use disorder, and the importance of making changes to find happiness. It's one you don't want to miss! *The views and opinions expressed by the guests of this podcast should not be considered medical or treatment advice. Need treatment? Call 1-833-RCAALUM today. Looking for support? Visit www.rcaalumni.com.
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Episode Transcript
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(00:00):
Hello listeners, welcome to the Strength and Recovery podcast.
(00:20):
We are sitting down today with Allison.
Allison is an alum of our Bracebridge Hall in Earlville, Maryland facility.
And we are actually at Capital Region, which is closer to where she lives and where she
is an integral part of our Alumni Association.
And we're getting ready for alumni night.
(00:42):
It's Thursday night at Capital Region and every Thursday night our alums come back to
this facility and have an amazing meeting where they just check in with one another,
provide a lot of fellowship and support.
And so these support group meetings are a lifeline for our alums and especially during
(01:04):
early recovery.
And we're so grateful that Allison has been a part of this now for how long?
How long have you been?
I entered into Bracebridge on March 18th.
So March 19th of 22 is my sobriety date.
And then moved back home, which is closer to...
(01:24):
Came back home where my job and everything was.
And that's when I made contact with the local one here, Capital Region, and met L'Oreal
for an alumni outing.
We had gone to the Discovery Room over in Alexandria, the Escape Room.
(01:44):
So I joined them over there.
Me and actually my daughter went with me.
And that's when I got to know everybody here and just dove in here.
And those SOPER events are open to anyone in recovery?
Yes.
And just provide a sense of community.
And if you are looking for like-minded individuals, this is a great place to do it.
(02:08):
And so we're so grateful that you've been a part of that.
And you've been active ever since.
Yes, I have.
I've actually gone back up to Bracebridge a couple times and done events with them as
well.
Yeah.
It's fun to get together with people who you've met through the year.
You know, I'm coming up on 22 months of sobriety.
(02:30):
Congratulations.
And so it's fun to get back with people you've met throughout your journey, you know, and
see that they're still struggling and making it right alongside you.
A lot has happened in 22 months.
Yes.
And I think one of the things I've heard you speak about before and is really impactful
is the change you made in your job to be able to maintain sobriety.
(02:58):
You were a first responder, so to speak.
Yes.
And will you tell us a little bit about that?
I was a first responder here in Charles County for 27 years, responding day and night on
call all the time.
Just, you know, whatever the Sheriff's Office needed, we would go in and recover the animals
(03:21):
out of the places.
And scenes, you know, 27 years of rescue.
Yeah.
And you did animal rescue.
Animal rescue, yeah.
And people don't think of that as a first responder in the same way, but it very much
(03:43):
is.
Yes, yes.
You know, when they have any kind of a scene that they're dealing with, if there's an animal
present, they're animal controllers.
Crime scene, accident scenes.
Anything.
Suicide scenes, accident scenes, drunk drivers at night.
You know, we were all through the night coming out, you know, that you had a 45 minute response
(04:06):
time from the time of the wake-up call during the night.
And you were on call for a week at a time.
And how does that impact, just, I mean, your sleep?
Yes, sleep deprived very much.
Even on a normal day when you're not even on call, I mean, you're on your way home.
(04:26):
Four o'clock comes around, you're on your way home.
And there's either an aggressive dog or somebody being chased or somebody had an accident or
somebody hit an animal.
You don't go home one time.
Very rarely we got home one time.
It was always, you were always working, you know, and it just, people don't think of animal
(04:47):
control as that first responder.
You know, it just, it eventually played a toll on me.
And being a witness to that amount of trauma.
Yes, yes.
I did not know what damage I was doing until I reached out to get some counseling because
(05:10):
I didn't know what was going on, you know.
It was a normal thing that we would go home and have a drink to relax from the day.
And the only way I could describe it was I felt like I was going insane.
Wow.
You know, just day in and day out.
You come home, have a drink to relax, and one drink turned into another, and you know,
(05:33):
it eventually was spiraling out of hand.
And I didn't know how to go back or what to do or what was even wrong.
I didn't know until I reached out to a psychiatrist and she referred to my job as a dysfunctional
relationship as traumatic, as a traumatic job.
(05:55):
And you know that it, you know, I never thought of it like that.
And you're such, if I know anything about you, I mean we've, we've run into, I've heard
you speak, we've been involved in this alumni cessation.
You are an animal.
Yes.
Lover.
Yes, definitely.
And that was my job.
That was my life.
And so to see the rescue and, and re-home and, and adopt these animals back out, you know.
(06:22):
And so feeling like you have a job you're passionate about.
Right.
Right.
But then also on the other hand realizing I'm passionate about this, but it's also
taking a toll.
Definitely.
And that had to be a tough time.
And again, it's, you know, when it was brought to my attention I was like, wow.
Okay.
(06:43):
Maybe we're on to something here.
And then, you know, when she diagnosed me with the PTSD from the job I was like, wow.
Okay.
So then I started paying more attention to things that were going on.
And you know, finally that, that night in March my children actually came home.
(07:07):
And they asked me to go to rehab.
Wow.
So that was a night in March.
Were you intoxicated at that point?
I was.
There was a very large case which involved a deceased party.
And after I finished that case I proceeded to drink for the next four days.
(07:34):
And you know, when I finally, my kids finally, you know, had a talk with me and were like,
Mom, you know, your things have been getting out of control.
And we need, something needed to change.
There's definitely a wake up call that something really needed to change and I still didn't
know what.
You know.
And you were never relating this back to the job at that point?
(07:59):
No.
No.
Not at all.
And just, this is life?
Yeah.
And this was regular.
You dealt with it during the day and you tried to relax at night and you know, it just, it
gnawed on you all night long.
And for a while it worked?
Yeah, for a while.
For a long while it worked until it just wasn't working anymore.
(08:23):
And I didn't know what or how to fix it.
And so, are you even thinking at that point that the alcohol is a problem?
No.
No, not at all.
So what was your reaction then when they say, Mom, you need to go to rehab?
I mean.
I was like, how do you guys know about rehab?
(08:44):
You know?
You know, I don't even know where it came from.
Maybe I had said it at one point that, because you know, I started looking into it.
I was like, well, maybe I should cut back.
Maybe I should, you know, only drink this high.
And I was doing different things and trying different things and I, every time it just
(09:04):
led right back to my same pattern over and over every night.
And I mean, are you, are doctors noticing?
Are there any, are there the consequences?
No, I mean, it's just, you know, I was, I was talking to my doctor at the time.
I had just had a physical and we went over everything, my blood work and he, you know,
(09:30):
I've been waiting over the years for him to say something because I always had to have
a physical for the job.
And he never did.
And this time he did.
He was like, you know, how much are you actually drinking?
And I lied again, you know, and I knew that they probably didn't believe me.
(09:51):
But he showed me the blood work and showed me all the numbers that were leading to them
knowing the truth that I was drinking a lot.
You know, I was more than a pint a night.
It was, you know, it, what started out as a drink and having a few more drinks on the
weekends became a every night thing.
(10:14):
And it played a toll on my body.
I had developed with my feet the neuropathy, which was starting to affect my job.
And you know, things just, I was always at the same, like I was always at the doctor
sick.
You know, something's wrong, something's wrong.
You're crying out for help that whole time.
(10:35):
Just hoping somebody hoping that, you know, I kind of hope that the doctor would find
out.
Call in Nani.
Yeah.
Come to think of it, you know.
But yeah, he went over the blood work and he's like, you know, something needs to change.
And within a week, I remember that Friday morning on the 18th, I went in and I got to
(10:57):
be 12 shop because my body was so deficient and so many different vitamins.
They were treating me with, you know, all these different vitamins because I, my body
wasn't producing them anymore because I wasn't really eating.
I was drinking all my calories.
And I told him that I was leaving that afternoon.
(11:17):
And my doctor's actually, he used to be involved in the police department.
And he made the comment, you know, you're not the first officer that I sent to rehab
and you won't be the last.
And I, you know, I took that with a grain of salt and I left and headed up to Earlville.
(11:38):
Yeah.
And so it was your kids pretty much that said, mom.
Pretty much, yeah.
And that was the straw that broke the camel's back.
I mean.
And was there a confrontation?
Because it takes a lot.
No, it was kind of, it was actually through text messaging, you know.
Yeah.
There might be some family members listening and they're saying, mom's got a problem or
(12:01):
my kid has a problem.
And I'm not sure what they're going to say.
And I think what you uncovered here for me and for them is like, you're really hoping
someone is going to call you on this.
Yep.
Exactly.
I mean, it's, nobody, no.
(12:24):
And even now when I talk to people, nobody knew what I was drinking.
Nobody knew that I was drinking when I was drinking.
I mean, they had no clue how much.
They knew, had no clue that it was every day.
And I've talked to everybody.
I mean, even when I told my mom that I was leaving for rehab, she looked at me and she's
like, but Allison, you don't drink.
(12:46):
You know?
And I'm pretty close to my mom.
And you know, nobody knew.
And so it's not like you've got a string of DUIs.
No.
I had a lot of not-yettes.
Yeah.
A lot of them.
And when my kids said that to me, it's like my life flashed before my eyes.
You know, I'm a single mom.
(13:08):
They all live under my roof.
They're all adults now.
But you know, what if I lose my job?
Then I'm going to lose my house.
Then I'm going to lose everything.
And I just, I couldn't take that risk.
And now that my children are seeing, you know, something that I thought I wasn't affecting
(13:28):
anybody but myself was actually affecting other people.
So do you, how do you find RCA?
Or like, okay, they say, mom, you need to go to rehab.
What's the process like from that moment?
From that moment, I had a friend that used to hang out drinking with me.
And I hadn't seen her a couple years.
(13:50):
And I called her and I said, look, I think you've gone through this too, but I need
help.
And she told me to call.
She said, honey, call this number and let me know what happens and I'll drive you there.
And I said, okay.
And the power of an alum.
Yes.
(14:10):
Alumni.
Yes, yes.
Somebody who's been there.
It's the first, it's the only person.
I had nobody to call.
I didn't know about AA.
I didn't know about a 12 step program.
I do come from a long line of alcoholics, but it was never talked about in my family.
My parents didn't drink.
You know, till I was born, they were done with all of that.
(14:31):
And they had kind of gotten out of it.
Out of that, broke that cycle from their families.
And I'm the baby of three.
And it was all just the normal social drinking growing up.
And you know, till I reached out and asked her, and I mean, I didn't know about any of
(14:52):
these chains of let alone RCA.
And I just thank God that, you know, that's the phone call that I made.
You know, when I Googled rehab, that's what came up and that's what I got.
And when I made that phone call to them, they said, okay, you know, we've got a bed free.
Do you need a ride?
(15:12):
Or can you?
I said, no, I've got a friend who's going to take me.
And she said, okay, we'll see you tomorrow.
And I said, no, I can't do that.
Wait a minute.
No, we're pretty quick on the job.
We know that window.
Yes.
It's pretty narrow sometimes.
I was actually on call and I said, I can't until Friday.
(15:33):
You know, but then I, even then I told them that, you know, I could only come in for a
couple of days because I was thinking, okay, I get away from the alcohol for a couple of
days and then I'd be fine.
Yeah.
I just get it out of my system for a couple of days and come home and I will be fine.
And little did I know, you know, that the program that I was getting about to enter
(15:55):
into, you know, it just, it, and even, you know, I said, okay, okay.
And I finally agreed to like a couple of weeks.
I'm like, okay, fine.
But then I've got to get out because I'm taking my kids to Florida for a concert.
Yeah.
We're having a family reunion down in Florida.
I've got to get out of there.
And so many people think if I can just get the alcohol or the substance out of my body,
(16:17):
then I'm good.
I can get back to normal.
But that misses the whole picture of what's going on.
Exactly.
In the mind and then it's body, mind and spirit, right?
And so how it's affecting, getting it out of your system can just be the beginning.
(16:37):
Yep.
So you get to Bracebridge.
Is there a point when you go, okay, this was bigger than just.
No, I, you know, I kind of, I got in my room and I went to sleep and I woke up the next
morning and that's when it hit me.
(16:58):
I was kind of like, oh my gosh, what did I do?
I grabbed a journal out and started journaling and I wrote a couple of pages and I still
look back to those pages and it's, you know, what have you done?
How would you gonna do, you know, you're how many hours from home, you know, what are you
(17:19):
gonna do now?
And I was like, all right, let me go find some people.
So I came out and I was given a schedule and I saw an orientation meeting on the schedule.
And I said, okay, let me go to that and that way I can figure out where I am, what I'm
doing and what is expected of me.
(17:42):
So I went to that first alumni meeting and that's when I found out about the program
and what it wasn't gonna involve.
And that's actually when I found out how serious detox was because I didn't know.
I thought it was just a matter of, okay, now I need to drink some water and flush it out.
(18:03):
You know, and they explained to me that if I started feeling different ways and certain
ways to go to the nursing and that even with drawing from alcohol can be very dangerous
life threatening that evening.
I was in nursing.
Wow.
And yeah, I, I remember going in there and there was I was sitting in the chair and they
(18:26):
were doing a blush, but the other vitals and everything.
And there was a little, there was a girl there, I call her a little girl because I'm old and
she was only probably 17 and she just gave me a hug and welcomed me, you know.
And you know, I knew then that I was like, wow, there's such life in this girl, you
(18:51):
know.
And after that, you know, I went through the detox and got to meet all these people and
there was, you know, they weren't just dragging along step by step, you know, they were, so
I dove in.
I went to every single class, you know, I was like, okay, I got to find out what this
(19:15):
all is about because I have no clue what I'm getting into.
So yeah, I proceeded to, you know, from sun up to sundown after I got through the doc,
the detox and everything and I ran with it, you know, I was 52.
(19:37):
I needed to change something.
And so you spend your 30 days?
I did, I ended up staying.
My time was coming short, she said, you know, you said two weeks, you've been two weeks
and I was like, can I have a phone to change some appointments and talk to some people
(20:00):
and because I'd like to stay.
So I made a phone call and, you know, because I was getting ready to go to Florida, so I
had all these appointments, you know, hair and nails, you know, the things we got to
do and I remember calling my hairdresser and she answered the phone and I was like, hey,
I need to change my appointment.
(20:20):
She said, well, I'm in the middle of Safeway, I'll call you back and I'm like, no, no,
no, you can't call me back.
So I told her where I was and she completely flipped out like what?
You know, because nobody knew.
Yeah.
Nobody had any clue.
And so at that moment she changed my appointment.
How free is that just to be honest and to say, I got a problem and I'm going to go get
(20:42):
it taken care of it.
I'm in rehab, she's like, what?
So yeah, that was, and when I did see her, that was an interesting conversation.
Yeah.
So I changed all my appointments and I did stay there for 30 days.
And it wasn't, and it's not that big of a deal.
No, it's not.
Everybody knows somebody.
It's not at all.
And I think that's the freeing part is just to say and to watch people have compassion
(21:08):
and watch people have empathy for you.
Right, right.
I think we're expecting judgment.
We expect the worst.
Yeah.
You do.
And sometimes it's a hug.
You know, you expect that stigmatism and, you know, it's only there if you're going
to keep it there.
And you know, my kids picked me up.
I left Easter morning last year and my kids picked me up and they're hunting.
(21:34):
They were in two years ago, Easter, like 22 months.
Yes, they're hunting.
They like to hunt and Earlville's open field.
Yes.
And they just fell in love with the area.
That's gorgeous out there.
And we ended up stop making a couple stops on the way home.
And you know, I was like, I don't care.
I'm out.
(21:54):
I'm breathing free air and I'm headed home to start this new journey.
And you know, they took me home and we started from there.
You know, we went on our trip and came back and I still hadn't drank.
So that's when I decided to put some apps on my phone that they had told me about and
(22:18):
figure out if there was any meetings.
So they're like meeting finder.
Yeah, the meeting guide.
Yeah.
And you discovered this whole community.
Yes.
Yeah, there was like meeting after meeting.
I was like, holy cow.
Didn't know this existed.
No clue.
No clue.
Yeah.
And how long you start getting into your recovery.
Can you make the connection that you go back to work at that point?
(22:44):
I think I remember meeting you.
After my vacation, I did go back to work.
I feel like I remember meeting you when you were not quite back to work yet.
Probably.
Probably.
And you were a little struggling about whether you were going to go back.
Yes.
I was questioning it.
And then, yeah, I did go back to work because that's all I really knew.
You know, I had to pay the bills.
(23:06):
So I did go back to work.
I did, at that point, find some meetings.
And I did the intensive outpatient and then the general outpatient here.
How important was GOP, IOP?
I hated it.
And I didn't want to do it because that was three days a week.
(23:27):
I was like, that's three nights.
How am I going to make time for making dinner and work?
And you know, it's just, I'm not going to make time for this.
You hated the idea of it.
I hated the idea of it.
And then I said, you know, I've gone this far.
I've got to do it.
So I did it.
And thank God I did.
Thank God I had the open mind and the willingness to just try it.
(23:50):
Just follow, I mean, I was following the suggestions at that point.
Why not continue?
And when you look back three nights a week, you probably would have been drinking and
not functional anyway.
Yes, exactly.
Exactly.
And it gave you something to do.
You know, I was able to go see people and talk about similar problems.
You know.
(24:11):
But I did make it to an outside meeting and that outside meeting became my home group.
And at that point, meeting the people in the community who were there and the women around
here, that's when I started, you know, seeing the other meetings.
But I did get back to work during that time and I was going to meetings on my off time.
(24:35):
And I ended up getting injured in September, you know, six or seven months into my sobriety.
So I was sober when I got injured.
And I was out for about 30 days from work related injuries.
And I was able to go to more meetings while I was recovering and I was able to take my
(24:58):
mom on a trip.
They just needed a driver.
So I did.
I drove them and had a great time with them.
You know, my mom and my aunt and my uncle.
And you know, it was funny because they were all visiting family and friends and I was driving
(25:19):
them around.
And I found myself like sightseeing, you know.
And my mind kept wandering.
I don't know, I just took it all in.
And I was able to remember it.
(25:41):
You were able.
I was able to enjoy it and I was present in just the beauty of the countryside.
You know.
And you start realizing there was a time that you weren't able to do that.
No, not at all.
You know, it was always a, okay, we got to get back to work.
That's why I get a drink.
You know, that was always on my mind.
You know, we got to get back.
(26:02):
I got a time this right.
You know, I got to maybe take a miniature with me to get through it.
You know, anything like that.
But yeah, I was able to take it all in.
And I had a great time, you know.
And then we got back and I went back to work.
And that was the first of October.
And then in November, I had another accident, two dogs took me down.
(26:29):
And I was still sober.
Thank gosh for that.
So I knew that injury.
And it's funny because I refer to that second injury as, I've always been hardheaded.
But it took me.
And don't listen.
And basically God was doing for me what I wasn't going to do for myself.
(26:50):
Yeah.
And, you know, it took two injuries, but God finally said enough's enough.
And did for me what I wasn't able to do.
And I got through the surgeries.
I had my knee reconstructed and my wrist reconstructed.
And I retired February 1st of this year.
Congratulations.
(27:11):
Yeah, thank you.
And to realize that something you love, something you're passionate about, may not be the right
passion.
I mean, it was for a while.
But after a while and it's, you know, I knowing when to call it quits, when to call it quits.
(27:36):
Yeah.
And now, you know, I'm seeing more and more where like I did, they put me in one class
before I even left there, the compassion fatigue.
And you know, they're starting to see that these.
We're getting better, right?
Yeah.
These first responders really need classes and counseling and, you know, people who understand
(27:58):
and need get it out.
And just the weight of carrying all that trauma.
Yes, carrying it on their backs and you need to get it out.
And they're seeing that now.
Yeah.
So.
And now you have a new job.
Yes.
And you still get to work.
I do.
I do.
I actually called to get a copy of a report for my accident and they informed me of a job
(28:26):
that was going to be opening up and that I would be perfect for.
Wow.
And I put in for it and I interviewed and I got the job.
And now I am, I'm the rabies coordinator for the county.
Still working in the world of animals.
Still working in the world of animals.
Helping others.
Helping others.
Doing investigations.
Go out in the field every now and then.
(28:50):
Still working with animal control very closely.
You know, I see them all the time.
You know, it just, my chief just retired not long ago too.
I think, oh, I asked you before we started.
Is there anything you're passionate about in recovery?
(29:10):
And you said service.
Yes.
And service work.
Yes.
I think your whole life has been about service.
It has.
And so that's not surprising.
But what is that meant in recovery?
In recovery, you know, I have a home group.
I have a service position in that home group.
(29:31):
You were here tonight setting up chairs.
I'm here tonight, the alumni meetings.
I still come back every Thursday and, you know, help set up, help Gloria with anything
she needs done.
I do the H&I every fourth Saturday inpatient here.
I speak at meetings any time I'm asked.
(29:51):
I went down to the pyramid.
Yeah.
St. Mary's.
I went down there the other night.
And speaking in front of a crowd, it's not your thing, right?
It's not my thing.
Like, how did you get over that?
And somebody listening to this going.
I haven't really had it yet.
It's just, you know.
You just don't say no.
I just, you don't say no.
You know, I was taught you don't say no.
(30:12):
And like I said, I've followed everything everybody's suggested so far and it's working.
So I'm not about to stop following the smart decisions, you know.
20.
Within reason.
22 months.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You know, I was able to, I just bought my first car in 22 years.
(30:33):
And, you know, the things that just the miracles keep happening.
It's just, it's amazing to me what I've seen so far.
And if anything's going to compare to what I've seen so far and come in the future, I'm
going to work for it every day.
So beautiful.
(30:54):
We usually end with favorite recovery quote.
Do you have one?
My big one is.
And I had to do a lot of this is nothing changes if nothing changes.
I don't like change.
I never have and I've always been upset, you know, all these computers coming out and when
(31:17):
we got computers in our trucks, I hated it.
And but I've learned that you have to change things.
It's really beautiful and your story's inspiring.
Thanks for sharing it here.
Thanks for all the work you do with the Alumni Association.
And it's always good to see you.
(31:39):
Good to see you when you come down here.
Thanks so much, Allison.
Thank you.
Listeners, thank you for joining us today for the Strength and Recovery podcast.
If you or someone you know needs help, please call 1-833-RCA-ALUMN.
The Alumni Association is open to anyone pursuing recovery, whether they're affiliated
(32:03):
with RCA or not.
So come and join us for a meeting.
Join us for a recovery event.
We'd love to have you and provide that sense of fellowship, community and support that
is so important in finding and sustaining recovery.
All the best.
(32:46):
The RCA Alumni Team aims to provide a safe, supportive environment for those in the recovery
community regardless of their affiliation with RCA.
We host a full calendar of virtual and in-person meetings seven days a week, 365 days a year,
as well as free SOPA events every month.
(33:07):
To learn more about what we do, find us at rcaalumni.com.
Remember, if you or a loved one is struggling with addiction, pick up the phone and dial
1-833-RCA-ALUMN.
Help is available 24-7.
Join us next time for the Strength and Recovery Podcast.
Hello listeners, welcome to the Strength and Recovery podcast.
(00:20):
We are sitting down today with Allison.
Allison is an alum of our Bracebridge Hall in Earlville, Maryland facility.
And we are actually at Capital Region, which is closer to where she lives and where she
is an integral part of our Alumni Association.
And we're getting ready for alumni night.
(00:42):
It's Thursday night at Capital Region and every Thursday night our alums come back to
this facility and have an amazing meeting where they just check in with one another,
provide a lot of fellowship and support.
And so these support group meetings are a lifeline for our alums and especially during
(01:04):
early recovery.
And we're so grateful that Allison has been a part of this now for how long?
How long have you been?
I entered into Bracebridge on March 18th.
So March 19th of 22 is my sobriety date.
And then moved back home, which is closer to...
(01:24):
Came back home where my job and everything was.
And that's when I made contact with the local one here, Capital Region, and met L'Oreal
for an alumni outing.
We had gone to the Discovery Room over in Alexandria, the Escape Room.
(01:44):
So I joined them over there.
Me and actually my daughter went with me.
And that's when I got to know everybody here and just dove in here.
And those SOPER events are open to anyone in recovery?
Yes.
And just provide a sense of community.
And if you are looking for like-minded individuals, this is a great place to do it.
(02:08):
And so we're so grateful that you've been a part of that.
And you've been active ever since.
Yes, I have.
I've actually gone back up to Bracebridge a couple times and done events with them as
well.
Yeah.
It's fun to get together with people who you've met through the year.
You know, I'm coming up on 22 months of sobriety.
(02:30):
Congratulations.
And so it's fun to get back with people you've met throughout your journey, you know, and
see that they're still struggling and making it right alongside you.
A lot has happened in 22 months.
Yes.
And I think one of the things I've heard you speak about before and is really impactful
is the change you made in your job to be able to maintain sobriety.
(02:58):
You were a first responder, so to speak.
Yes.
And will you tell us a little bit about that?
I was a first responder here in Charles County for 27 years, responding day and night on
call all the time.
Just, you know, whatever the Sheriff's Office needed, we would go in and recover the animals
(03:21):
out of the places.
And scenes, you know, 27 years of rescue.
Yeah.
And you did animal rescue.
Animal rescue, yeah.
And people don't think of that as a first responder in the same way, but it very much
(03:43):
is.
Yes, yes.
You know, when they have any kind of a scene that they're dealing with, if there's an animal
present, they're animal controllers.
Crime scene, accident scenes.
Anything.
Suicide scenes, accident scenes, drunk drivers at night.
You know, we were all through the night coming out, you know, that you had a 45 minute response
(04:06):
time from the time of the wake-up call during the night.
And you were on call for a week at a time.
And how does that impact, just, I mean, your sleep?
Yes, sleep deprived very much.
Even on a normal day when you're not even on call, I mean, you're on your way home.
(04:26):
Four o'clock comes around, you're on your way home.
And there's either an aggressive dog or somebody being chased or somebody had an accident or
somebody hit an animal.
You don't go home one time.
Very rarely we got home one time.
It was always, you were always working, you know, and it just, people don't think of animal
(04:47):
control as that first responder.
You know, it just, it eventually played a toll on me.
And being a witness to that amount of trauma.
Yes, yes.
I did not know what damage I was doing until I reached out to get some counseling because
(05:10):
I didn't know what was going on, you know.
It was a normal thing that we would go home and have a drink to relax from the day.
And the only way I could describe it was I felt like I was going insane.
Wow.
You know, just day in and day out.
You come home, have a drink to relax, and one drink turned into another, and you know,
(05:33):
it eventually was spiraling out of hand.
And I didn't know how to go back or what to do or what was even wrong.
I didn't know until I reached out to a psychiatrist and she referred to my job as a dysfunctional
relationship as traumatic, as a traumatic job.
(05:55):
And you know that it, you know, I never thought of it like that.
And you're such, if I know anything about you, I mean we've, we've run into, I've heard
you speak, we've been involved in this alumni cessation.
You are an animal.
Yes.
Lover.
Yes, definitely.
And that was my job.
That was my life.
And so to see the rescue and, and re-home and, and adopt these animals back out, you know.
(06:22):
And so feeling like you have a job you're passionate about.
Right.
Right.
But then also on the other hand realizing I'm passionate about this, but it's also
taking a toll.
Definitely.
And that had to be a tough time.
And again, it's, you know, when it was brought to my attention I was like, wow.
Okay.
(06:43):
Maybe we're on to something here.
And then, you know, when she diagnosed me with the PTSD from the job I was like, wow.
Okay.
So then I started paying more attention to things that were going on.
And you know, finally that, that night in March my children actually came home.
(07:07):
And they asked me to go to rehab.
Wow.
So that was a night in March.
Were you intoxicated at that point?
I was.
There was a very large case which involved a deceased party.
And after I finished that case I proceeded to drink for the next four days.
(07:34):
And you know, when I finally, my kids finally, you know, had a talk with me and were like,
Mom, you know, your things have been getting out of control.
And we need, something needed to change.
There's definitely a wake up call that something really needed to change and I still didn't
know what.
You know.
And you were never relating this back to the job at that point?
(07:59):
No.
No.
Not at all.
And just, this is life?
Yeah.
And this was regular.
You dealt with it during the day and you tried to relax at night and you know, it just, it
gnawed on you all night long.
And for a while it worked?
Yeah, for a while.
For a long while it worked until it just wasn't working anymore.
(08:23):
And I didn't know what or how to fix it.
And so, are you even thinking at that point that the alcohol is a problem?
No.
No, not at all.
So what was your reaction then when they say, Mom, you need to go to rehab?
I mean.
I was like, how do you guys know about rehab?
(08:44):
You know?
You know, I don't even know where it came from.
Maybe I had said it at one point that, because you know, I started looking into it.
I was like, well, maybe I should cut back.
Maybe I should, you know, only drink this high.
And I was doing different things and trying different things and I, every time it just
(09:04):
led right back to my same pattern over and over every night.
And I mean, are you, are doctors noticing?
Are there any, are there the consequences?
No, I mean, it's just, you know, I was, I was talking to my doctor at the time.
I had just had a physical and we went over everything, my blood work and he, you know,
(09:30):
I've been waiting over the years for him to say something because I always had to have
a physical for the job.
And he never did.
And this time he did.
He was like, you know, how much are you actually drinking?
And I lied again, you know, and I knew that they probably didn't believe me.
(09:51):
But he showed me the blood work and showed me all the numbers that were leading to them
knowing the truth that I was drinking a lot.
You know, I was more than a pint a night.
It was, you know, it, what started out as a drink and having a few more drinks on the
weekends became a every night thing.
(10:14):
And it played a toll on my body.
I had developed with my feet the neuropathy, which was starting to affect my job.
And you know, things just, I was always at the same, like I was always at the doctor
sick.
You know, something's wrong, something's wrong.
You're crying out for help that whole time.
(10:35):
Just hoping somebody hoping that, you know, I kind of hope that the doctor would find
out.
Call in Nani.
Yeah.
Come to think of it, you know.
But yeah, he went over the blood work and he's like, you know, something needs to change.
And within a week, I remember that Friday morning on the 18th, I went in and I got to
(10:57):
be 12 shop because my body was so deficient and so many different vitamins.
They were treating me with, you know, all these different vitamins because I, my body
wasn't producing them anymore because I wasn't really eating.
I was drinking all my calories.
And I told him that I was leaving that afternoon.
(11:17):
And my doctor's actually, he used to be involved in the police department.
And he made the comment, you know, you're not the first officer that I sent to rehab
and you won't be the last.
And I, you know, I took that with a grain of salt and I left and headed up to Earlville.
(11:38):
Yeah.
And so it was your kids pretty much that said, mom.
Pretty much, yeah.
And that was the straw that broke the camel's back.
I mean.
And was there a confrontation?
Because it takes a lot.
No, it was kind of, it was actually through text messaging, you know.
Yeah.
There might be some family members listening and they're saying, mom's got a problem or
(12:01):
my kid has a problem.
And I'm not sure what they're going to say.
And I think what you uncovered here for me and for them is like, you're really hoping
someone is going to call you on this.
Yep.
Exactly.
I mean, it's, nobody, no.
(12:24):
And even now when I talk to people, nobody knew what I was drinking.
Nobody knew that I was drinking when I was drinking.
I mean, they had no clue how much.
They knew, had no clue that it was every day.
And I've talked to everybody.
I mean, even when I told my mom that I was leaving for rehab, she looked at me and she's
like, but Allison, you don't drink.
(12:46):
You know?
And I'm pretty close to my mom.
And you know, nobody knew.
And so it's not like you've got a string of DUIs.
No.
I had a lot of not-yettes.
Yeah.
A lot of them.
And when my kids said that to me, it's like my life flashed before my eyes.
You know, I'm a single mom.
(13:08):
They all live under my roof.
They're all adults now.
But you know, what if I lose my job?
Then I'm going to lose my house.
Then I'm going to lose everything.
And I just, I couldn't take that risk.
And now that my children are seeing, you know, something that I thought I wasn't affecting
(13:28):
anybody but myself was actually affecting other people.
So do you, how do you find RCA?
Or like, okay, they say, mom, you need to go to rehab.
What's the process like from that moment?
From that moment, I had a friend that used to hang out drinking with me.
And I hadn't seen her a couple years.
(13:50):
And I called her and I said, look, I think you've gone through this too, but I need
help.
And she told me to call.
She said, honey, call this number and let me know what happens and I'll drive you there.
And I said, okay.
And the power of an alum.
Yes.
(14:10):
Alumni.
Yes, yes.
Somebody who's been there.
It's the first, it's the only person.
I had nobody to call.
I didn't know about AA.
I didn't know about a 12 step program.
I do come from a long line of alcoholics, but it was never talked about in my family.
My parents didn't drink.
You know, till I was born, they were done with all of that.
(14:31):
And they had kind of gotten out of it.
Out of that, broke that cycle from their families.
And I'm the baby of three.
And it was all just the normal social drinking growing up.
And you know, till I reached out and asked her, and I mean, I didn't know about any of
(14:52):
these chains of let alone RCA.
And I just thank God that, you know, that's the phone call that I made.
You know, when I Googled rehab, that's what came up and that's what I got.
And when I made that phone call to them, they said, okay, you know, we've got a bed free.
Do you need a ride?
(15:12):
Or can you?
I said, no, I've got a friend who's going to take me.
And she said, okay, we'll see you tomorrow.
And I said, no, I can't do that.
Wait a minute.
No, we're pretty quick on the job.
We know that window.
Yes.
It's pretty narrow sometimes.
I was actually on call and I said, I can't until Friday.
(15:33):
You know, but then I, even then I told them that, you know, I could only come in for a
couple of days because I was thinking, okay, I get away from the alcohol for a couple of
days and then I'd be fine.
Yeah.
I just get it out of my system for a couple of days and come home and I will be fine.
And little did I know, you know, that the program that I was getting about to enter
(15:55):
into, you know, it just, it, and even, you know, I said, okay, okay.
And I finally agreed to like a couple of weeks.
I'm like, okay, fine.
But then I've got to get out because I'm taking my kids to Florida for a concert.
Yeah.
We're having a family reunion down in Florida.
I've got to get out of there.
And so many people think if I can just get the alcohol or the substance out of my body,
(16:17):
then I'm good.
I can get back to normal.
But that misses the whole picture of what's going on.
Exactly.
In the mind and then it's body, mind and spirit, right?
And so how it's affecting, getting it out of your system can just be the beginning.
(16:37):
Yep.
So you get to Bracebridge.
Is there a point when you go, okay, this was bigger than just.
No, I, you know, I kind of, I got in my room and I went to sleep and I woke up the next
morning and that's when it hit me.
(16:58):
I was kind of like, oh my gosh, what did I do?
I grabbed a journal out and started journaling and I wrote a couple of pages and I still
look back to those pages and it's, you know, what have you done?
How would you gonna do, you know, you're how many hours from home, you know, what are you
(17:19):
gonna do now?
And I was like, all right, let me go find some people.
So I came out and I was given a schedule and I saw an orientation meeting on the schedule.
And I said, okay, let me go to that and that way I can figure out where I am, what I'm
doing and what is expected of me.
(17:42):
So I went to that first alumni meeting and that's when I found out about the program
and what it wasn't gonna involve.
And that's actually when I found out how serious detox was because I didn't know.
I thought it was just a matter of, okay, now I need to drink some water and flush it out.
(18:03):
You know, and they explained to me that if I started feeling different ways and certain
ways to go to the nursing and that even with drawing from alcohol can be very dangerous
life threatening that evening.
I was in nursing.
Wow.
And yeah, I, I remember going in there and there was I was sitting in the chair and they
(18:26):
were doing a blush, but the other vitals and everything.
And there was a little, there was a girl there, I call her a little girl because I'm old and
she was only probably 17 and she just gave me a hug and welcomed me, you know.
And you know, I knew then that I was like, wow, there's such life in this girl, you
(18:51):
know.
And after that, you know, I went through the detox and got to meet all these people and
there was, you know, they weren't just dragging along step by step, you know, they were, so
I dove in.
I went to every single class, you know, I was like, okay, I got to find out what this
(19:15):
all is about because I have no clue what I'm getting into.
So yeah, I proceeded to, you know, from sun up to sundown after I got through the doc,
the detox and everything and I ran with it, you know, I was 52.
(19:37):
I needed to change something.
And so you spend your 30 days?
I did, I ended up staying.
My time was coming short, she said, you know, you said two weeks, you've been two weeks
and I was like, can I have a phone to change some appointments and talk to some people
(20:00):
and because I'd like to stay.
So I made a phone call and, you know, because I was getting ready to go to Florida, so I
had all these appointments, you know, hair and nails, you know, the things we got to
do and I remember calling my hairdresser and she answered the phone and I was like, hey,
I need to change my appointment.
(20:20):
She said, well, I'm in the middle of Safeway, I'll call you back and I'm like, no, no,
no, you can't call me back.
So I told her where I was and she completely flipped out like what?
You know, because nobody knew.
Yeah.
Nobody had any clue.
And so at that moment she changed my appointment.
How free is that just to be honest and to say, I got a problem and I'm going to go get
(20:42):
it taken care of it.
I'm in rehab, she's like, what?
So yeah, that was, and when I did see her, that was an interesting conversation.
Yeah.
So I changed all my appointments and I did stay there for 30 days.
And it wasn't, and it's not that big of a deal.
No, it's not.
Everybody knows somebody.
It's not at all.
And I think that's the freeing part is just to say and to watch people have compassion
(21:08):
and watch people have empathy for you.
Right, right.
I think we're expecting judgment.
We expect the worst.
Yeah.
You do.
And sometimes it's a hug.
You know, you expect that stigmatism and, you know, it's only there if you're going
to keep it there.
And you know, my kids picked me up.
I left Easter morning last year and my kids picked me up and they're hunting.
(21:34):
They were in two years ago, Easter, like 22 months.
Yes, they're hunting.
They like to hunt and Earlville's open field.
Yes.
And they just fell in love with the area.
That's gorgeous out there.
And we ended up stop making a couple stops on the way home.
And you know, I was like, I don't care.
I'm out.
(21:54):
I'm breathing free air and I'm headed home to start this new journey.
And you know, they took me home and we started from there.
You know, we went on our trip and came back and I still hadn't drank.
So that's when I decided to put some apps on my phone that they had told me about and
(22:18):
figure out if there was any meetings.
So they're like meeting finder.
Yeah, the meeting guide.
Yeah.
And you discovered this whole community.
Yes.
Yeah, there was like meeting after meeting.
I was like, holy cow.
Didn't know this existed.
No clue.
No clue.
Yeah.
And how long you start getting into your recovery.
Can you make the connection that you go back to work at that point?
(22:44):
I think I remember meeting you.
After my vacation, I did go back to work.
I feel like I remember meeting you when you were not quite back to work yet.
Probably.
Probably.
And you were a little struggling about whether you were going to go back.
Yes.
I was questioning it.
And then, yeah, I did go back to work because that's all I really knew.
You know, I had to pay the bills.
(23:06):
So I did go back to work.
I did, at that point, find some meetings.
And I did the intensive outpatient and then the general outpatient here.
How important was GOP, IOP?
I hated it.
And I didn't want to do it because that was three days a week.
(23:27):
I was like, that's three nights.
How am I going to make time for making dinner and work?
And you know, it's just, I'm not going to make time for this.
You hated the idea of it.
I hated the idea of it.
And then I said, you know, I've gone this far.
I've got to do it.
So I did it.
And thank God I did.
Thank God I had the open mind and the willingness to just try it.
(23:50):
Just follow, I mean, I was following the suggestions at that point.
Why not continue?
And when you look back three nights a week, you probably would have been drinking and
not functional anyway.
Yes, exactly.
Exactly.
And it gave you something to do.
You know, I was able to go see people and talk about similar problems.
You know.
(24:11):
But I did make it to an outside meeting and that outside meeting became my home group.
And at that point, meeting the people in the community who were there and the women around
here, that's when I started, you know, seeing the other meetings.
But I did get back to work during that time and I was going to meetings on my off time.
(24:35):
And I ended up getting injured in September, you know, six or seven months into my sobriety.
So I was sober when I got injured.
And I was out for about 30 days from work related injuries.
And I was able to go to more meetings while I was recovering and I was able to take my
(24:58):
mom on a trip.
They just needed a driver.
So I did.
I drove them and had a great time with them.
You know, my mom and my aunt and my uncle.
And you know, it was funny because they were all visiting family and friends and I was driving
(25:19):
them around.
And I found myself like sightseeing, you know.
And my mind kept wandering.
I don't know, I just took it all in.
And I was able to remember it.
(25:41):
You were able.
I was able to enjoy it and I was present in just the beauty of the countryside.
You know.
And you start realizing there was a time that you weren't able to do that.
No, not at all.
You know, it was always a, okay, we got to get back to work.
That's why I get a drink.
You know, that was always on my mind.
You know, we got to get back.
(26:02):
I got a time this right.
You know, I got to maybe take a miniature with me to get through it.
You know, anything like that.
But yeah, I was able to take it all in.
And I had a great time, you know.
And then we got back and I went back to work.
And that was the first of October.
And then in November, I had another accident, two dogs took me down.
(26:29):
And I was still sober.
Thank gosh for that.
So I knew that injury.
And it's funny because I refer to that second injury as, I've always been hardheaded.
But it took me.
And don't listen.
And basically God was doing for me what I wasn't going to do for myself.
(26:50):
Yeah.
And, you know, it took two injuries, but God finally said enough's enough.
And did for me what I wasn't able to do.
And I got through the surgeries.
I had my knee reconstructed and my wrist reconstructed.
And I retired February 1st of this year.
Congratulations.
(27:11):
Yeah, thank you.
And to realize that something you love, something you're passionate about, may not be the right
passion.
I mean, it was for a while.
But after a while and it's, you know, I knowing when to call it quits, when to call it quits.
(27:36):
Yeah.
And now, you know, I'm seeing more and more where like I did, they put me in one class
before I even left there, the compassion fatigue.
And you know, they're starting to see that these.
We're getting better, right?
Yeah.
These first responders really need classes and counseling and, you know, people who understand
(27:58):
and need get it out.
And just the weight of carrying all that trauma.
Yes, carrying it on their backs and you need to get it out.
And they're seeing that now.
Yeah.
So.
And now you have a new job.
Yes.
And you still get to work.
I do.
I do.
I actually called to get a copy of a report for my accident and they informed me of a job
(28:26):
that was going to be opening up and that I would be perfect for.
Wow.
And I put in for it and I interviewed and I got the job.
And now I am, I'm the rabies coordinator for the county.
Still working in the world of animals.
Still working in the world of animals.
Helping others.
Helping others.
Doing investigations.
Go out in the field every now and then.
(28:50):
Still working with animal control very closely.
You know, I see them all the time.
You know, it just, my chief just retired not long ago too.
I think, oh, I asked you before we started.
Is there anything you're passionate about in recovery?
(29:10):
And you said service.
Yes.
And service work.
Yes.
I think your whole life has been about service.
It has.
And so that's not surprising.
But what is that meant in recovery?
In recovery, you know, I have a home group.
I have a service position in that home group.
(29:31):
You were here tonight setting up chairs.
I'm here tonight, the alumni meetings.
I still come back every Thursday and, you know, help set up, help Gloria with anything
she needs done.
I do the H&I every fourth Saturday inpatient here.
I speak at meetings any time I'm asked.
(29:51):
I went down to the pyramid.
Yeah.
St. Mary's.
I went down there the other night.
And speaking in front of a crowd, it's not your thing, right?
It's not my thing.
Like, how did you get over that?
And somebody listening to this going.
I haven't really had it yet.
It's just, you know.
You just don't say no.
I just, you don't say no.
You know, I was taught you don't say no.
(30:12):
And like I said, I've followed everything everybody's suggested so far and it's working.
So I'm not about to stop following the smart decisions, you know.
20.
Within reason.
22 months.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You know, I was able to, I just bought my first car in 22 years.
(30:33):
And, you know, the things that just the miracles keep happening.
It's just, it's amazing to me what I've seen so far.
And if anything's going to compare to what I've seen so far and come in the future, I'm
going to work for it every day.
So beautiful.
(30:54):
We usually end with favorite recovery quote.
Do you have one?
My big one is.
And I had to do a lot of this is nothing changes if nothing changes.
I don't like change.
I never have and I've always been upset, you know, all these computers coming out and when
(31:17):
we got computers in our trucks, I hated it.
And but I've learned that you have to change things.
It's really beautiful and your story's inspiring.
Thanks for sharing it here.
Thanks for all the work you do with the Alumni Association.
And it's always good to see you.
(31:39):
Good to see you when you come down here.
Thanks so much, Allison.
Thank you.
Listeners, thank you for joining us today for the Strength and Recovery podcast.
If you or someone you know needs help, please call 1-833-RCA-ALUMN.
The Alumni Association is open to anyone pursuing recovery, whether they're affiliated
(32:03):
with RCA or not.
So come and join us for a meeting.
Join us for a recovery event.
We'd love to have you and provide that sense of fellowship, community and support that
is so important in finding and sustaining recovery.
All the best.
(32:46):
The RCA Alumni Team aims to provide a safe, supportive environment for those in the recovery
community regardless of their affiliation with RCA.
We host a full calendar of virtual and in-person meetings seven days a week, 365 days a year,
as well as free SOPA events every month.
(33:07):
To learn more about what we do, find us at rcaalumni.com.
Remember, if you or a loved one is struggling with addiction, pick up the phone and dial
1-833-RCA-ALUMN.
Help is available 24-7.
Join us next time for the Strength and Recovery Podcast.
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