April 23, 2025 • 16 mins
Are you tired of your kids fighting with each other constantly?
And do you find it especially frustrating because having your kids be friends is one of your TOP parenting goals?
Friend, in today's episode we will give you new tools and perspectives to have more calm in your home and:
• Avoid being the constant judge & jury of sibling fights.
• Empower kids to express feelings and solve problems with one another.
• Create a tangible tools for conflict resolution.
• Build healthy relationships between your children.
If you haven't yet, be sure to subscribe so you don't miss future episodes helping you parent in ways that are kind and firm at the same time.
You can also leave feedback by going to the bottom of the episode descriptors, clicking on the fifth star, and leaving a comment.
✨Want more?
1) Use this link for a FREE 20 min clarity call with Sustainable Parenting.
2) Download the FREE pdf. on getting kids to listen.
3) Buy a 3 session Coaching Bundle (saving you $100) - for THREE 30-min sessions 1:1 with ME, where we get right to the heart of your challenges, and give you small, powerful shifts that make a huge difference fast.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
You're listening to Episode 106 of the Sustainable
Parenting Podcast the 5 F-Wordsof Siblings Without Screaming
and we are going to talk aboutthe science behind why kids'
siblings tend to fight, andwe're going to talk about what
are the key ways to improvethings.
There are a few common mythsabout siblings that I often talk
(00:23):
to parents about in my coaching, and so I want to debunk those
for you today and help you havethese five F words guiding you
in the right direction.
Hello and welcome to theSustainable Parenting Podcast.
Let me tell you, friend, thisplace is different.
We fill that gap between gentleparenting and harsh discipline
(00:44):
that's really missing to parentwith kindness and firmness at
the same time, and give you theexact steps to be able to parent
in ways that are more realisticand effective and, for that
reason, finally feel sustainable.
Welcome, okay.
(01:11):
So first let's talk about whysiblings fight.
You know it has commonly beenunderstood, or believed, that
siblings just don't like eachother.
They're in competition for oneanother.
The oldest is often dethronedand upset when a younger child
is born, but actually thescience out there shows that
(01:32):
that's not accurate, that indeedmost kids feel overly positive
about their siblings coming intothis world and in general they
have positive feelings towardseach other.
One study by Brenda Vohling, apsychologist that studies
sibling relationships atUniversity of Michigan, said,
(01:53):
though, that two thirds of booksabout siblings expect older
kids to be jealous, when theirresearch did not really support
that and they found instead whattended to affect their being.
More negative relationshipswere, first of all, parents
overreacting when siblingsmisbehave towards each other,
(02:13):
assuming and labeling that it'sabout malcontent, discontent,
when really it's just aboutemotional growth and about
learning how to understandconflict and manage conflict.
So one thing that we can do istry to be aware of that error of
mislabeling it and instead justknowing this is normal life
(02:36):
development for them to haveconflict with one another.
And secondly, we also see inbooks that there are often many
examples portraying thatsiblings don't like each other,
and that can project thatnegative assumption.
One study done also in theUniversity of Michigan saw that
(02:56):
of 250 children books reviewed,barely any showed positive
sibling relationships orsiblings positively resolving
their problems.
Isn't that fascinating?
And I know there are bajillionbooks out there, so I would love
to know what books exactly theywere looking at.
But it's something to take noteof.
You know, we do subconsciouslytake in the wording or examples
(03:23):
around us, and if we're seeingparents say, oh, of course you
did that because you're mad atyour brother all the time, or
they're reading a book andthey're constantly seeing
siblings picking on each other,they start to absorb that maybe
that's how it's supposed to be.
Another reason that siblingsfight is they respond to titles
or comparisons we're going totalk more about that in a minute
(03:46):
.
And secondly, sometimes it'sbecause it's working.
So please know that we're goingto address all of these in our
five F words then of what to doinstead.
So, of the five F words, I wantyou to think about fault, fun
first, fairness and familymeetings.
(04:07):
Fault, fun first, fairness,family meetings.
Here we go.
Fault is that one of the biggestthings we can do that feeds
sibling problems.
That we don't want to do islooking at who's at fault.
If we are coming in, andregularly, you know, when
there's a conflict, say tryingto find who was the victim and
who was the aggressor, we aregoing to feed unfair feelings in
(04:33):
the kids.
So you know, we got to remember, even if one tends to be the
louder screamer or hitter orscratcher, that other one may be
egging things on from behindthe scenes.
So if you do not see it, youhear a scream from upstairs and
you come up there.
The best advice from positivediscipline, is to put them in
(04:55):
the same boat.
Wow, I do not know what washappening here, but I know that
this is not working out.
We both need to take a break.
If you hear a fight going onupstairs or in another area, we
can try to intervene before itgets really to a full blown
place and say guys, come on, howcan we solve this?
And we can have a basic mantrathat I love from one of my past
(05:18):
clients who is also a schoolcounselor, who said she would
say to her daughter herdaughters, listen, girls, we're
going to get along or move along.
So rather than finding faultokay, wait, who was the good guy
, who was the bad guy she wouldjust say we're going to solve it
and move forward.
We're going to get along orwe're going to move along,
meaning you both can take alittle space from one another,
(05:39):
maybe both in separate rooms fora little bit, certainly both
away from whatever toy theymight be arguing over, and I
have heard this family afterfamily just giving them like
three to five minutes to play ina separate area and saying
let's see how that goes, andthen we can try again.
Saying let's see how that goes,and then we can try again,
works wonders, and don't get mewrong, sometimes in that taking
(06:00):
space they might just choose toplay for a long time by
themselves.
Well then we've unlockedsomething.
Maybe one of the kids is anintrovert personality who needs
that space sometimes and thefights are coming up because
they've hit the end of theirextroverted space and just
needing a little time tothemselves.
(06:21):
So then we can start learninghow to help them understand that
get along or move along.
The move along doesn't alwayshave to mean you're in trouble.
It can mean you can just sayyou know what, I think I need a
little break and I'd like toplay by myself for a bit, and
that's okay.
You know, I do find it.
This leads us into our next F,which is we often can have an
(06:43):
error of telling kids they justneed to find a way to have fun
together, like, come on, can'tyou just get along?
Can't you just play with yoursister?
She wants to play with you, andthat's often to serve our own
need for getting a break orsomething right.
I get that, I've totally beenthere but on the other hand, it
also can be unfairly expectingour kids to constantly be living
(07:08):
an extroverted life of play,play, play with each other, and
also it's expecting that theyshould always feel positive
towards one another, and that'sjust not the case for any
relationship between two people.
I mean, if you're married oryou're partnered in any way, you
know that as much as you loveyour partner, there are times
you don't want to be around them.
(07:28):
There are times where you wouldlike some space or you are
frustrated with them.
So, to get the F word righthere, instead of fun we want to
be focusing on empowering ourkids at how to express their
dislike or how to take spacefrom one another, and then
certainly, how to solve problemswith one another when they're
(07:49):
not getting along.
So rather than just find a wayto have fun, let's really
empower them that they can takespace or they can express
dislike.
The how to Talk so Kids WillListen book shows you can
empower them to draw a pictureof how angry they are at what
their sibling did.
They can write a letter.
They can learn to say it inwords like bugs and wishes.
(08:11):
It bugs me when this and I wishthat this can empower them with
those scripts, bugs and wishes.
Or we can empower them withways to solve problems
effectively, like a wheel ofchoice that says, hey, let's
solve the problem by getting outa wheel, a circle, tracing a
plate or something to make acircle, drawing lines that make
(08:34):
it be little pies or littlesections of a pie, and then
let's label those with when youguys aren't getting along, what
you can do.
And, boy, when I finally didthis when my daughter was five,
it transformed things for me.
I mean, constantly I would becoming up, hearing her and the
who's, like a sister to her,start fighting over something
(08:58):
and their main way to solve itbecame I'm not going to be your
friend anymore, I'm going home.
That was like so annoying tohear, that frustrating.
But every time I'd come in andsay girls, girls, girls, let's
see if we can solve it.
Do you want to try this, do youwant to try that?
Often it would be just no, no,no, we don't want to do any of
your ideas.
So, importantly, we didsomething different.
(09:21):
We took time outside of theupset to sit down and come up
with some ideas, put them onthis circle, this wheel of
choices, and I kid you notwithin one day, their bickering
was better and it was foreverbetter.
They would find ways instead,when they would start to get
disagreeing with each other tolike one or the other would say
(09:43):
well, let's look at our wheel,what is our choice from the
wheel?
They'd still be a little bossyabout it, but it was adorable.
They actually used the toolbecause they came up with the
ideas and they came up with themoutside of the upset moment, so
it became this lovely agreementin advance.
So, instead of it forcing thekids to have fun whether that's
(10:06):
with a neighbor, that's like asibling or actual siblings
empower them how they can takespace, express bugs and wishes
and be able to solve things witha wheel of choice.
Third key F word is first, let'snot have competitions where
we're like who's going to be thefirst one upstairs, who's going
to be the first one to the car?
(10:27):
That really feedscompetitiveness and we just know
this phrase.
Comparison is the thief of joy.
It's true in our own lives, howwe compare ourselves and
Instagram families and theadorable family photos and all
the things.
It's true between our kids, too, if we're comparing them and
(10:49):
making one be first or last, orsaying why can't you be more
outgoing like your brother?
Why can't you be morecooperative like your sister?
That really steals away theirjoy and confidence.
And when their confidence isstolen, guess what?
It's real easy to then lash outat that sibling you're being
(11:10):
compared to and have more fightsor even deliberate ways of
trying to cause harm by sayingnasty things or doing hurtful
things.
Harm by saying nasty things ordoing hurtful things.
So let's not have firsts, let'snot compare them.
Let's instead compliment.
If we like what they're doing,say wow, that was so generous,
(11:31):
that was so kind.
If they're not doing what wewant, you know that is not
generous or kind.
But let's not compare them toeach other.
And if at all possible, you'retrying to use timers to get out
the door, get up to bedtime.
Just have a timer.
Be what they're competingagainst.
Let's all see what our recordcan be.
Can we beat the family recordof two minutes and 37 seconds?
(11:51):
Or do you think you both canget there before the timer goes
off?
But it's not against each other, all right.
Fourth key F word is fairness,and I could just go deep into
this, but the short I want tosay of it is kids do want
fairness.
If we just say life isn't fair,move on.
(12:12):
We're missing a deep human needthat just is innate.
However, I also want you toknow it does not help to just
make things always equal If weare saying, okay, okay, I'll you
know if you're jealous that I'mholding sister, I will hold her
for five minutes.
I'm setting my timer as soon asI put her down, then I'll pick
(12:33):
you up.
I'll never forget an amazing momI'll call Amy, who had two
daughters and she knew she wasgoing to get pregnant with a
third.
She was like I don't know howI'm going to manage a third,
flora, because already the twoare constantly fighting over me.
If I'm holding one, the otherwants to be held.
If one's in my lap, the otherwants my lap.
I just feel like I amconstantly, literally physically
(12:56):
being pulled to one or theother and they're competing with
each other all day and I try todo it equal.
You know I'm like, okay, okay,three minutes, three minutes.
And guess what, guys, thatfeeds it continuing.
And it was so fun to support Amyin making this one change.
It was just validating for herand helping her understand that
(13:17):
the opposite is actually moreeffective in solving this.
Which is to say it may notalways be equal, but it will be
fair, meaning I love you bothand I will tend to you in the
ways that I know you needsomething, but it may not always
be equal.
So if I'm holding sister andyou're wanting to be held, there
(13:39):
will be another time in thefuture that I'm holding you.
I'm not going to promise it'sright now.
I'm not going to promise it'sexactly three minutes because
I'm holding sister for threeminutes, but there will be a
time my friend there will.
Okay, that makes a hugedifference.
And and as Amy implemented thisand started to not have it be
(14:00):
about equal, but about fairness,she's like Flora.
I finally have like my bodyback.
I finally they're not fightingover me.
All I had to do was suffer witha purpose.
For a few weeks I talked toparents a lot about that phrase.
Let's suffer with a purpose sowe can stop suffering in circles
.
Suffer with a purpose so we canstop suffering in circles.
(14:24):
So suffer with a purpose inthis case with siblings meant
there were times that her onechild would have a tantrum
because she was saying I'mholding sister and I'm not going
to be able to hold you rightnow, but I will at another time
and that one had a littletantrum because in the past she
would have done it differently.
So the toddler had a littletantrum because in the past she
would have done it differently.
So the toddler had a littletantrum to see if that could
(14:44):
change things.
But then a couple of moments ofthat, a couple of times, and it
dissipated and things gotbetter.
And if you want to know moreabout this, I suggest you go to
episode 96, where I dive moreinto siblings fighting over
fairness, where I dive more intosiblings fighting over fairness
.
That is explained in depth inepisode 96.
(15:06):
All right, our very last F wordis family meetings.
And, friend, if you are notdoing family meetings, it's one
of my top recommendations to youand it was a top recommendation
when I interviewed Jane Nelson,the founder of Positive
Discipline, along with Lynn Lott, and she has been teaching
parenting for, you know, 40 plusyears.
(15:28):
She is a grandmother, she is amom of seven, I believe, and she
just it was so amazing in ourthree-part series that you can
check out in episodes 57, 58,and 59.
She just, again and again wastalking about how important
family meetings are, especiallyin episode 58.
(15:49):
So I'm not going to spoil it,I'm going to let you go there
and hear all about it, butfamily meetings are huge for
improving sibling fights.
All right, friends, so great tohave you here with me today and
join me next week.
And join me in the next episode, where we're going to be
talking about our true deepchallenges of guilt and
overwhelm and the solutions thatare not just bubble baths and
(16:12):
juice cleanses that can restoreyour sense of joy and ease.
So join me next episode as well.
Sense of joy and ease.
So join me next episode as well.
And, friend, if you haven't yet, be sure that you subscribe so
you don't miss future episodes,to be able to help you parent in
ways that are kind and firm atthe same time, helping parenting
to finally feel sustainable.
(16:34):
You also can leave me feedbackby going to the bottom of the
episode descriptors, clicking onthe fifth star and leaving a
comment.
Thanks, friend, can't wait tosee you.
Of the episode descriptors,clicking on the fifth star and
leaving a comment.
Thanks, friend, can't wait tosee you again next episode.
You're listening to Episode 106 of the Sustainable
Parenting Podcast the 5 F-Wordsof Siblings Without Screaming
and we are going to talk aboutthe science behind why kids'
siblings tend to fight, andwe're going to talk about what
are the key ways to improvethings.
There are a few common mythsabout siblings that I often talk
(00:23):
to parents about in my coaching, and so I want to debunk those
for you today and help you havethese five F words guiding you
in the right direction.
Hello and welcome to theSustainable Parenting Podcast.
Let me tell you, friend, thisplace is different.
We fill that gap between gentleparenting and harsh discipline
(00:44):
that's really missing to parentwith kindness and firmness at
the same time, and give you theexact steps to be able to parent
in ways that are more realisticand effective and, for that
reason, finally feel sustainable.
Welcome, okay.
(01:11):
So first let's talk about whysiblings fight.
You know it has commonly beenunderstood, or believed, that
siblings just don't like eachother.
They're in competition for oneanother.
The oldest is often dethronedand upset when a younger child
is born, but actually thescience out there shows that
(01:32):
that's not accurate, that indeedmost kids feel overly positive
about their siblings coming intothis world and in general they
have positive feelings towardseach other.
One study by Brenda Vohling, apsychologist that studies
sibling relationships atUniversity of Michigan, said,
(01:53):
though, that two thirds of booksabout siblings expect older
kids to be jealous, when theirresearch did not really support
that and they found instead whattended to affect their being.
More negative relationshipswere, first of all, parents
overreacting when siblingsmisbehave towards each other,
(02:13):
assuming and labeling that it'sabout malcontent, discontent,
when really it's just aboutemotional growth and about
learning how to understandconflict and manage conflict.
So one thing that we can do istry to be aware of that error of
mislabeling it and instead justknowing this is normal life
(02:36):
development for them to haveconflict with one another.
And secondly, we also see inbooks that there are often many
examples portraying thatsiblings don't like each other,
and that can project thatnegative assumption.
One study done also in theUniversity of Michigan saw that
(02:56):
of 250 children books reviewed,barely any showed positive
sibling relationships orsiblings positively resolving
their problems.
Isn't that fascinating?
And I know there are bajillionbooks out there, so I would love
to know what books exactly theywere looking at.
But it's something to take noteof.
You know, we do subconsciouslytake in the wording or examples
(03:23):
around us, and if we're seeingparents say, oh, of course you
did that because you're mad atyour brother all the time, or
they're reading a book andthey're constantly seeing
siblings picking on each other,they start to absorb that maybe
that's how it's supposed to be.
Another reason that siblingsfight is they respond to titles
or comparisons we're going totalk more about that in a minute
(03:46):
.
And secondly, sometimes it'sbecause it's working.
So please know that we're goingto address all of these in our
five F words then of what to doinstead.
So, of the five F words, I wantyou to think about fault, fun
first, fairness and familymeetings.
(04:07):
Fault, fun first, fairness,family meetings.
Here we go.
Fault is that one of the biggestthings we can do that feeds
sibling problems.
That we don't want to do islooking at who's at fault.
If we are coming in, andregularly, you know, when
there's a conflict, say tryingto find who was the victim and
who was the aggressor, we aregoing to feed unfair feelings in
(04:33):
the kids.
So you know, we got to remember, even if one tends to be the
louder screamer or hitter orscratcher, that other one may be
egging things on from behindthe scenes.
So if you do not see it, youhear a scream from upstairs and
you come up there.
The best advice from positivediscipline, is to put them in
(04:55):
the same boat.
Wow, I do not know what washappening here, but I know that
this is not working out.
We both need to take a break.
If you hear a fight going onupstairs or in another area, we
can try to intervene before itgets really to a full blown
place and say guys, come on, howcan we solve this?
And we can have a basic mantrathat I love from one of my past
(05:18):
clients who is also a schoolcounselor, who said she would
say to her daughter herdaughters, listen, girls, we're
going to get along or move along.
So rather than finding faultokay, wait, who was the good guy
, who was the bad guy she wouldjust say we're going to solve it
and move forward.
We're going to get along orwe're going to move along,
meaning you both can take alittle space from one another,
(05:39):
maybe both in separate rooms fora little bit, certainly both
away from whatever toy theymight be arguing over, and I
have heard this family afterfamily just giving them like
three to five minutes to play ina separate area and saying
let's see how that goes, andthen we can try again.
Saying let's see how that goes,and then we can try again,
works wonders, and don't get mewrong, sometimes in that taking
(06:00):
space they might just choose toplay for a long time by
themselves.
Well then we've unlockedsomething.
Maybe one of the kids is anintrovert personality who needs
that space sometimes and thefights are coming up because
they've hit the end of theirextroverted space and just
needing a little time tothemselves.
(06:21):
So then we can start learninghow to help them understand that
get along or move along.
The move along doesn't alwayshave to mean you're in trouble.
It can mean you can just sayyou know what, I think I need a
little break and I'd like toplay by myself for a bit, and
that's okay.
You know, I do find it.
This leads us into our next F,which is we often can have an
(06:43):
error of telling kids they justneed to find a way to have fun
together, like, come on, can'tyou just get along?
Can't you just play with yoursister?
She wants to play with you, andthat's often to serve our own
need for getting a break orsomething right.
I get that, I've totally beenthere but on the other hand, it
also can be unfairly expectingour kids to constantly be living
(07:08):
an extroverted life of play,play, play with each other, and
also it's expecting that theyshould always feel positive
towards one another, and that'sjust not the case for any
relationship between two people.
I mean, if you're married oryou're partnered in any way, you
know that as much as you loveyour partner, there are times
you don't want to be around them.
(07:28):
There are times where you wouldlike some space or you are
frustrated with them.
So, to get the F word righthere, instead of fun we want to
be focusing on empowering ourkids at how to express their
dislike or how to take spacefrom one another, and then
certainly, how to solve problemswith one another when they're
(07:49):
not getting along.
So rather than just find a wayto have fun, let's really
empower them that they can takespace or they can express
dislike.
The how to Talk so Kids WillListen book shows you can
empower them to draw a pictureof how angry they are at what
their sibling did.
They can write a letter.
They can learn to say it inwords like bugs and wishes.
(08:11):
It bugs me when this and I wishthat this can empower them with
those scripts, bugs and wishes.
Or we can empower them withways to solve problems
effectively, like a wheel ofchoice that says, hey, let's
solve the problem by getting outa wheel, a circle, tracing a
plate or something to make acircle, drawing lines that make
(08:34):
it be little pies or littlesections of a pie, and then
let's label those with when youguys aren't getting along, what
you can do.
And, boy, when I finally didthis when my daughter was five,
it transformed things for me.
I mean, constantly I would becoming up, hearing her and the
who's, like a sister to her,start fighting over something
(08:58):
and their main way to solve itbecame I'm not going to be your
friend anymore, I'm going home.
That was like so annoying tohear, that frustrating.
But every time I'd come in andsay girls, girls, girls, let's
see if we can solve it.
Do you want to try this, do youwant to try that?
Often it would be just no, no,no, we don't want to do any of
your ideas.
So, importantly, we didsomething different.
(09:21):
We took time outside of theupset to sit down and come up
with some ideas, put them onthis circle, this wheel of
choices, and I kid you notwithin one day, their bickering
was better and it was foreverbetter.
They would find ways instead,when they would start to get
disagreeing with each other tolike one or the other would say
(09:43):
well, let's look at our wheel,what is our choice from the
wheel?
They'd still be a little bossyabout it, but it was adorable.
They actually used the toolbecause they came up with the
ideas and they came up with themoutside of the upset moment, so
it became this lovely agreementin advance.
So, instead of it forcing thekids to have fun whether that's
(10:06):
with a neighbor, that's like asibling or actual siblings
empower them how they can takespace, express bugs and wishes
and be able to solve things witha wheel of choice.
Third key F word is first, let'snot have competitions where
we're like who's going to be thefirst one upstairs, who's going
to be the first one to the car?
(10:27):
That really feedscompetitiveness and we just know
this phrase.
Comparison is the thief of joy.
It's true in our own lives, howwe compare ourselves and
Instagram families and theadorable family photos and all
the things.
It's true between our kids, too, if we're comparing them and
(10:49):
making one be first or last, orsaying why can't you be more
outgoing like your brother?
Why can't you be morecooperative like your sister?
That really steals away theirjoy and confidence.
And when their confidence isstolen, guess what?
It's real easy to then lash outat that sibling you're being
(11:10):
compared to and have more fightsor even deliberate ways of
trying to cause harm by sayingnasty things or doing hurtful
things.
Harm by saying nasty things ordoing hurtful things.
So let's not have firsts, let'snot compare them.
Let's instead compliment.
If we like what they're doing,say wow, that was so generous,
(11:31):
that was so kind.
If they're not doing what wewant, you know that is not
generous or kind.
But let's not compare them toeach other.
And if at all possible, you'retrying to use timers to get out
the door, get up to bedtime.
Just have a timer.
Be what they're competingagainst.
Let's all see what our recordcan be.
Can we beat the family recordof two minutes and 37 seconds?
(11:51):
Or do you think you both canget there before the timer goes
off?
But it's not against each other, all right.
Fourth key F word is fairness,and I could just go deep into
this, but the short I want tosay of it is kids do want
fairness.
If we just say life isn't fair,move on.
(12:12):
We're missing a deep human needthat just is innate.
However, I also want you toknow it does not help to just
make things always equal If weare saying, okay, okay, I'll you
know if you're jealous that I'mholding sister, I will hold her
for five minutes.
I'm setting my timer as soon asI put her down, then I'll pick
(12:33):
you up.
I'll never forget an amazing momI'll call Amy, who had two
daughters and she knew she wasgoing to get pregnant with a
third.
She was like I don't know howI'm going to manage a third,
flora, because already the twoare constantly fighting over me.
If I'm holding one, the otherwants to be held.
If one's in my lap, the otherwants my lap.
I just feel like I amconstantly, literally physically
(12:56):
being pulled to one or theother and they're competing with
each other all day and I try todo it equal.
You know I'm like, okay, okay,three minutes, three minutes.
And guess what, guys, thatfeeds it continuing.
And it was so fun to support Amyin making this one change.
It was just validating for herand helping her understand that
(13:17):
the opposite is actually moreeffective in solving this.
Which is to say it may notalways be equal, but it will be
fair, meaning I love you bothand I will tend to you in the
ways that I know you needsomething, but it may not always
be equal.
So if I'm holding sister andyou're wanting to be held, there
(13:39):
will be another time in thefuture that I'm holding you.
I'm not going to promise it'sright now.
I'm not going to promise it'sexactly three minutes because
I'm holding sister for threeminutes, but there will be a
time my friend there will.
Okay, that makes a hugedifference.
And and as Amy implemented thisand started to not have it be
(14:00):
about equal, but about fairness,she's like Flora.
I finally have like my bodyback.
I finally they're not fightingover me.
All I had to do was suffer witha purpose.
For a few weeks I talked toparents a lot about that phrase.
Let's suffer with a purpose sowe can stop suffering in circles
.
Suffer with a purpose so we canstop suffering in circles.
(14:24):
So suffer with a purpose inthis case with siblings meant
there were times that her onechild would have a tantrum
because she was saying I'mholding sister and I'm not going
to be able to hold you rightnow, but I will at another time
and that one had a littletantrum because in the past she
would have done it differently.
So the toddler had a littletantrum because in the past she
would have done it differently.
So the toddler had a littletantrum to see if that could
(14:44):
change things.
But then a couple of moments ofthat, a couple of times, and it
dissipated and things gotbetter.
And if you want to know moreabout this, I suggest you go to
episode 96, where I dive moreinto siblings fighting over
fairness, where I dive more intosiblings fighting over fairness
.
That is explained in depth inepisode 96.
(15:06):
All right, our very last F wordis family meetings.
And, friend, if you are notdoing family meetings, it's one
of my top recommendations to youand it was a top recommendation
when I interviewed Jane Nelson,the founder of Positive
Discipline, along with Lynn Lott, and she has been teaching
parenting for, you know, 40 plusyears.
(15:28):
She is a grandmother, she is amom of seven, I believe, and she
just it was so amazing in ourthree-part series that you can
check out in episodes 57, 58,and 59.
She just, again and again wastalking about how important
family meetings are, especiallyin episode 58.
(15:49):
So I'm not going to spoil it,I'm going to let you go there
and hear all about it, butfamily meetings are huge for
improving sibling fights.
All right, friends, so great tohave you here with me today and
join me next week.
And join me in the next episode, where we're going to be
talking about our true deepchallenges of guilt and
overwhelm and the solutions thatare not just bubble baths and
(16:12):
juice cleanses that can restoreyour sense of joy and ease.
So join me next episode as well.
Sense of joy and ease.
So join me next episode as well.
And, friend, if you haven't yet, be sure that you subscribe so
you don't miss future episodes,to be able to help you parent in
ways that are kind and firm atthe same time, helping parenting
to finally feel sustainable.
(16:34):
You also can leave me feedbackby going to the bottom of the
episode descriptors, clicking onthe fifth star and leaving a
comment.
Thanks, friend, can't wait tosee you.
Of the episode descriptors,clicking on the fifth star and
leaving a comment.
Thanks, friend, can't wait tosee you again next episode.
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