107. The Solution to Mom Guilt and Overwhelm

Mother's Day is the perfect time to address the overwhelming stress and guilt many moms experience when they feel like they're barely treading water in the repetitive cycle of parenting tasks. 

Let's stop believing the lie that you're somehow doing motherhood worse than everyone else and talk about practical tools to release guilt and reduce stress in the process.

By the time you finish listening, you will learn:

• The problem centers around one word: "should" - which adds weight and pressure to everything we do.

• How to give yourself back your power and agency.

• Ways to see guilt like an option on a sushi conveyor belt - we can observe it without selecting it.

• How to replace "but" with "and" in our self-talk, to eliminate the guilt cycle.

• The importance of deciding what truly matters to YOU, not what social media suggests.

• Permission to make personal choices about what's worth your energy and what isn't

Join us next episode where we'll tackle how to make a family mission statement to create more teamwork and cooperation in your family. Be sure to subscribe and leave a review so we can hear from you.

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
You're listening to episode 107 of the Sustainable
Parenting Podcast and, withMother's Day just around the
corner, I want to give you someideas around stress reduction
and tools to help with that momoverwhelm.
And let me just say to you, ifyou feel like you are barely
treading water your neck or yournose is barely above the water

(00:22):
and that you're very alone inthis process of motherhood, this
repetitive hamster wheel ofcleaning and wiping and busying
and entertaining and planningand scheduling and all the
things I see you, you are notcrazy, you are not somehow doing

(00:42):
this worse than everyone else,and I want to just really expose
that myth today and give ussome hope of what we can do to
feel more lightness and releasesome of that guilt and overwhelm
.
Hello and welcome to theSustainable Parenting Podcast.

(01:03):
Let me tell you, friend, thisplace is different.
We fill that gap between gentleparenting and harsh discipline
that's really missing, to parentwith kindness and firmness at
the same time, and give you theexact steps to be able to parent
in ways that are more realisticand effective and, for that
reason, finally feel sustainable.

(01:25):
Welcome, so, friend.
This really boils down to onekey word that has constantly
been the word that I find myselfis always there.

(01:46):
It's like that evil friend thatalways shows up and it's should
we should.
On ourselves, we say, oh, Ishould really be doing more with
my kids.
Oh, I should plan something forthis weekend.
I should be calling my mothermore often, I should be a better
friend, I should be in bettershape.

(02:07):
I should X, y, z, whatever thething is, doesn't it just feel
like every should I've justmentioned is like another brick
on your shoulders, feeling likethis giant wall that's weighing
you down?
Yeah, and it is so easy for usto get into these shoulds

(02:28):
because our culture is teachingthem to us.
We watch Instagram, we see allthese great ideas, and it's this
really tricky thing that theinternet and books and solutions
, even my podcast, could feellike a great resource to you and
yet, at the same time, feel alittle bit like something you

(02:49):
should do.
That causes you to then feeloverwhelmed if you're not doing
it and guilt if you're not doingit.
And so, friend, I want toinvite you today to shift from
should to choose.
The shift from should to chooselooks like this Everything I'm
about to say in my head thatcomes out as a should, which PS

(03:13):
can also sound like I think Ineed to.
That is like a little should indisguise.
I think I really do need toclean up the garage.
I think I really do need toclean up the garage.
And it's like well, wait aminute, I'm going to pause and
say I'm going to choose to.
And when I start the sentencethat way, immediately I'm like

(03:34):
I'm not choosing to clean up thegarage this weekend, I do not
have the time, that's not thetop priority, I'm not choosing
to clean the garage this weekend, so I'm not.
That feels good.
Or if I find myself about tosay, oh, I really need to start
exercising more, and I shift toa choose.
I'm like you know what more andI shift to a choose.

(03:57):
I'm like you know what I'mchoose to.
A should can be like I shouldreally play more with my kids.
A choose can sound like Ichoose to play for 15 minutes.
I can choose I'm going to dosomething and then I can choose
to go make dinner guilt-free,and then I can choose to go make
dinner guilt-free.

(04:17):
So here's where the guilt comesin is when we release that
should and we shift to a choose.
We can also pivot to do soguilt-free.
And here's a little trick Iwanna offer you.
Related to the guilt is a toolfrom Pooja Lakshman, who has
this great book about realself-care.

(04:38):
That's the name of her book andshe said in a recent public
speaking event that I heard herspeak in that guilt can be like
the little sushi boats that aregoing around at a restaurant
where you know they have like alittle nori, or you know these
different types of rolls thatare going around and you choose

(05:00):
which one you're going to eat,which one looks good to you,
which one you choose to put onyour plate.
And if we could see that guiltis just one option in all the
options of thoughts we couldchoose to grab onto here.
We could choose to grab onto athought that says, yeah, good
for you for setting clearboundaries, good for you for

(05:22):
playing for a while andconnecting with your child and
nourishing them and nourishingyourself with a healthy meal,
good for you.
We can focus on the thoughtthat is and instead of If the
thought is, oh, I like that I'mcooking dinner and that I don't
have to play anymore, I'mchoosing not to play anymore,

(05:43):
but I feel guilty, we could sayno, there doesn't need to be a
but I can just say and I playedwith him and now I'm cooking
dinner and those two things areokay.
I don't need to bounce back andforth in guilt with a but, and
those two things are okay.
I don't need to bounce back andforth in guilt with a butt.
So, from these are the twotools I give you today.

(06:05):
As we head into Mother's Day, weoften are so swamped with guilt
and overwhelm.
My first tip is shift fromshoulds to choose.
Be realistic about what that is.
Be unique and personal aboutwhat that is.
Be realistic about what that is.
Be unique and personal aboutwhat that is.
The Lazy Genius, one of myfavorite podcasts that I follow,
says the first thing to do whenyou're choosing something is

(06:25):
decide what matters, and thatgets to be exactly what matters
to you Not the most popularthing that matters to the most
amount of people, but just you,listening deep into your core.
Like I'm one of those moms thatloves to buy store-bought cakes
for my kids' birthday partiesand I choose not to do super

(06:47):
fancy gifts that go home to thefriends.
I choose not to do, you know, alot of like fancy things around
birthdays because I don't wantto be a crappy mom at the
birthday.
I want to just be connectingand loving and playful.
I do love doing more with gamesor activities, and so I get to

(07:07):
choose what matters to me.
I'm not saying that has to bewhat matters to you.
You might not be a game personand be all about decorations and
prizes to send home to theirfriends.
You get to choose, so decidewhat matters.
Choose, let go of the shouldsand then remember, if guilt pops

(07:28):
up, that you can see it likeone of the options on a floating
sushi boat going around amongstmany thought options you could
choose from and perhaps youdecide to choose a different one
.
Just notice that guilt thought,let it float on by and instead

(07:48):
choose the self-care thought.
It's like this is great thatyou're caring for yourself and
your child.
This is great that you'relearning healthy boundaries and
modeling those for your childand friend.
It is my deep, deep hope thatthis gives you some freedom and
some lightness as you go intoMother's Day weekend and join me

(08:10):
in the next episode, where wewill be tackling how to make a
family mission statement and whyit's important and how it can
give you a sense of moreteamwork and cooperation and
unity in your family system.
And, as always, friends, wewant to keep you in our
community, here among those thatare looking to change the world

(08:32):
by parenting with kindness andfirmness at the same time.
So be sure to subscribe andleave a review at the bottom, if
you haven't before, so we canhear from you.