111. Setting up the Summer for More Joy and Less Battles

Have you been looking into the summer with worry that you will be losing your patience DAILY?!  

Are you afraid it will leave you ready to get those kids back to school within days?!

By the time you finish listening today, you will know:

• What to do when you reach the end of your rope.

• How to solve the five most common trouble spots: toys, technology, treats, morning routines, and evening routines.

• The single most important phrase to stop saying.

• The best-kept-secret that unlocks more joy and ease - the SHORTER rope!

Join us for a workshop on June 11th, 12-1pm MST, with 30 minutes of teaching and 30 minutes of Q&A. 

Registration is here: https://sustainableparenting.com/workshop-4/ 

✨Want more?

1) Use this link for a FREE 20 min clarity call with Sustainable Parenting.

2) Download the FREE pdf. on getting kids to listen.

3) Buy a 3 session Coaching Bundle (saving you $100) - for THREE 30-min sessions 1:1 with ME, where we get right to the heart of your challenges, and give you small, powerful shifts that make a huge difference fast.

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:02):
Okay, friends, today is real talk about surviving
summer.
If you've been going into thesemonths of June, july, august
thinking I want to have fun, Iwant to be excited, but there's
also this like pit in my stomach, tightness in my chest,
thinking that I'm likely goinginto more battles and power
struggles and sibling fights allday long, then this is the

(00:25):
episode for you.
There is one top phrase that Ialways hear parents say about
summer, and you are going toknow by the end of this episode
why it is going to totallychange things to not focus on
that word and the phrase.
Instead, that gives you astrategy forward into more joy
and ease.
Hello and welcome to theSustainable Parenting Podcast.

(00:51):
Let me tell you, friend, thisplace is different.
We fill that gap between gentleparenting and harsh discipline
that's really missing, to parentwith kindness and firmness at
the same time and give you theexact steps to be able to parent
in ways that are more realisticand effective and, for that
reason, finally feel sustainable.

(01:13):
Welcome.
I just got off a clarity calltoday with a client who is going
to start working with me at theend of the week and said her
main desire of reaching out wasstress about summer she said

(01:35):
Flora, I just can't even picturemy eight and six-year-old
getting through summer withoutconstant battles and already
here, just when we have theweekends together, I am losing
it by three quarters of the waythrough the day.
And if my husband comes home onweekdays he often finds me just
throwing my hands up, superfrustrated, and then when he

(01:58):
steps in and he's more of aauthoritarian parent, I get mad
at him because I'm like I'vebeen patient all day.
Why aren't you more patient?
And here's the thing I unlockedfor her, the same phrase that I
want to unlock for you.
That is the gateway to a wholelot more joy and ease, less

(02:18):
battles, less power struggles,less sibling fights.
But first I want to talk aboutthe word that I don't want to
hear you say this summer, andthat is the B word.
No, maybe not the B word thatfirst came to mind, although I
will say side note.
I just watched the new moviecalled Night Bitch and I 1000%

(02:40):
recommend it to anyone who hashad struggles in becoming a
mother, a sense of confusion inwho you are, a sense of both
overwhelm and underwhelm.
That motherhood was bothoverwhelming in so many tasks,
so many decisions to make, somuch unknown and yet also very

(03:02):
underwhelming in the monotony ofthe day-to-day food preparation
, diaper changing, feeding.
If that has been overwhelmingto you, I definitely recommend
watching the movie Night Bitch.
It's phenomenal.
I cried.
I reached out to my kids andheld their hands afterwards,
just in this deep connection forall that we've been through in

(03:25):
getting through those earlyyears.
Side note on that.
But that's not the B word thatI want to give to you today.
The B word I want to invite youto not say this summer is busy.
Do you find this like?
People meet up at the park orthe pool or wherever, and it's

(03:45):
so easy when someone says, hey,how's summer going, that you
respond with oh, it's so busy.
And I have made this a pact ofmine, with packed with myself
and actually just with mybrother I was just visiting him
and we were talking about thisto never use the B word.
But especially in summer it'sso tempting when people ask

(04:07):
how's the summer, to say it'sbusy.
And, friends, what's the valuein busy?
It's just doing, it's stuff,it's words on a calendar.
To me, that's what busyrepresents.
Calendar to me, that's whatbusy represents and I don't want

(04:28):
to end my summer days or weeksor months saying we were so busy
.
No, friend, it's not aboutstuff, it's about quality time
and connection and buildingmemories.
I want, when someone asks howsummer going, to say, okay,
we've been really making somespecial memories or it's been
really full of some quality timewith each other or having

(04:51):
experiences we don't usually getto have during the year.
So my first invitation to youis to drop the word busy.
Try to let go of the B word andreplace it with something that
has more value.
Why does this matter, friends?
Not because I'm trying to benitpicky or overly Pollyanna,
but because our words affect ouremotions and our emotions and

(05:14):
our thoughts affect our actions.
So if we are just constantlyresponding to people about
busyness, then we are just goingthrough the slog of stuff and
events and words on a calendarwithout stepping back to really
create it to be what we want theexperience to be.
So then, that phrase that Ipromised you, friend, that I

(05:37):
want to invite you to, to giveyou more joy and ease in these
memories you're making andevents that you're getting to go
to or activities that you don'thave the chance to do in the
school year, the phrase I wantto give you is this that if you
keep getting to the end of yourrope, what you really need is

(05:59):
not more patience, but a shorterrope.
If you keep getting to the endof your rope, you actually need
a shorter rope, not a longer one.
I see this time and again.
Parents come to me and they sayI'm just losing it with my kid.
I am gentle all day, I ampatient, and then they're just
not listening and they'refighting with each other.

(06:20):
They're asking me for apopsicle for the 57th time.
They are bickering again,begging for technology, and I
just hit my limit and I explode.
Maybe send them to their rooms,say I'm canceling everything
and I hate it, but, gosh, theyjust won't stop.

(06:41):
Here's exactly what's happeningin that story, friends.
That mom is losing her kindness, not because she needs more
patience, but because she's losther firmness.
It is this teeter-totter.
I wish you could see my handsholding like a balance.
I'm showing you know thatteeter-totter sort of effect

(07:03):
that they really do balance eachother out.
If we are losing our firmness,it causes us to also lose our
kindness.
We need both together to feelkind and firm and have more joy
and ease.
That is the gateway, friend, ifyou've been losing your
kindness, it's because you havebeen losing your firmness to

(07:25):
have, yeah, the space where youwon't get to the end of your
rope.
We got to shorten that rope.
What does that look like?
I am going to be super concretehere, going into the summer.
First of all, let's clarifysome things in advance and in my
episode episode 63, we divedeep into this of how do we

(07:48):
clarify the expectations fortoys tech treats.
Of how do we clarify theexpectations for toys tech
treats and our morning andevening routine.
Friend, those are the five mostcommon trouble spots in the day
, and especially true in oursummer.
If we do not have clarity onwhen they can get a Popsicle or

(08:09):
how much technology, or if we'rebuying stuff all day long at
the amusement park, we are goingto have battles over it.
So, to have more fun thissummer, have those discussions
in advance about toys techtreats, morning and evening, and
if you want guidance on that,check out episode 63 of this
podcast.
Also, if you were like, how onearth do we have less battles

(08:33):
between siblings?
I just don't want themconstantly at each other's
throat.
Have a shorter rope.
Have clarity on the solutionsof how else they can solve
problems together and then haveboundaries on if they are
choosing to use the not so greatmethods that they are going to

(08:55):
have consequences losttechnology time, lost freedoms
of playing with friends orwhatever the thing may be.
That makes sense If you're at aswimming pool with a bunch of
other kids and you're justsaying, please get along, please
get along, and they keep notgetting along, not getting along
, please get along, please getalong, and they keep not getting
along, not getting along.
That shorter rope looks like.

(09:18):
Let me be clear when you'regetting along in this way, like
you either choose to swimtogether or you like, find other
things to do with other peoplein the pool, then you get to
stay in the pool and when youdon't, you don't, and then you
follow through that shorter ropemy friends of maybe removing
one or both of them, sayinglet's just sit down and take a
break for five minutes and seeif we can try again.

(09:39):
Man, does that have the powerto change how?
Pool time is way better thanpatients, patients, patients
blow up.
So from this summer, if you wanta more enjoyable summer, I
invite you to two things Dropthe B word, no more busy, and

(10:01):
instead focus on the valueyou're looking for.
And when you find yourselfdreading going into summer and
you want more tools, think ofhow can I have a shorter rope so
I don't get to the end of myrope.
And, fred, if you need helpwith that, I am both offering a

(10:21):
workshop June 11th, 12 to 1 pmonline Montana Standard Time,
where you get to come, have 30minutes of teaching from me and
30 minutes Q&A, and thatregistration is in the show
notes below this episode.
And if you'd like to dive evendeeper for more personalized
solutions, always there's aclarity call link so we can do

(10:44):
that.
Friend, I hope this empowers youto have a more enjoyable summer
ahead, so that you're parentingwith kindness and firmness at
the same time and it feelsfinally sustainable to be a mom
or dad or caretaker.
Join me next week as we'regoing to talk about technology

(11:06):
over the summer and how we cancurb those daily questions, that
desire for more and more techtime, and why it matters, why
it's important and the option ofhow to turn towards more
independence building instead,and why that is going to equip
your child for a better schoolyear after the summer.

(11:29):
See you then.