112. Tech Time Battles: A Summer Survival Guide

Friend, if you're tired of constant tech battles with your kids, especially with summer approaching, this episode provides practical strategies to reduce screen dependency and encourage creative alternatives.

By the time you’re finished listening, you’ll know:

• 3 key habits to stop and 3 key habits to start.  

• How to grow your child’s boredom "struggle muscles."

• Tangible ways to regulate tech time. 

• how to strategically use tech time to your advantage: linking desired behaviors with technology rewards

• Provide age-appropriate freedoms that satisfy their need for independence and excitement (outside of tech). 

Check out Episode 111. Summer Survival, for more detailed guidance on creating technology agreements with your children.

✨Want more?

1) Use this link for a FREE 20 min clarity call with Sustainable Parenting.

2) Download the FREE pdf. on getting kids to listen.

3) Buy a 3 session Coaching Bundle (saving you $100) - for THREE 30-min sessions 1:1 with ME, where we get right to the heart of your challenges, and give you small, powerful shifts that make a huge difference fast.

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:03):
Friend, if you are frustrated with tech battles
with your kids and especiallyloathing going into summer
because of the thoughts aroundhow they will be constantly
asking for more time on theiriPads or tablets, this is the
episode for you.
We're going to dive into how wecan curb those tech time battles
and what we can encourage ourkids to do instead.

(00:23):
Hello and welcome to theSustainable Parenting Podcast.
Let me tell you, friend, thisplace is different.
We fill that gap between gentleparenting and harsh discipline
that's really missing to parentwith kindness and firmness at
the same time and give you theexact steps to be able to parent

(00:44):
in ways that are more realisticand effective and, for that
reason, finally feel sustainable.
Welcome.
So let's split what we want tostop doing into three sections

(01:04):
and then what we want to startdoing into three sections, and
first I would want to share astory.
I get super frustrated when mykids are constantly begging for
technology.
I mean, I think it's one of thethings that just like grates on
my soul, like nails on achalkboard, because of a
multitude of things.
Right, I was raised in the 80s.

(01:25):
Many of you listening probablywere as well, and we don't
understand this constant beggingfor more TV time, when outside
it's beautiful and there's lotsof fun to be had, and we're like
where is this desire comingfrom?
Don't you want to playbasketball?
Don't you want to build a fort?
I are coming from.
Don't you want to playbasketball?

(01:45):
Don't you want to build a fort?
And then when they seem to benot interested in doing anything
else, it can be really easy towant to give up the fight
because it feels so hard andjust be like fine, okay, I just
don't have it in me to battlewith you anymore.
I totally relate to that and Iwant to say I notice in myself
and in others that we can createour own worst enemy, meaning we

(02:11):
can be frustrated that our kidsare begging us so much and
unable to self-entertain in waysoutside of technology.
But if we don't give them spaceto learn how to entertain
outside of technology, then theydon't have the muscles to do so
.
So the first thing I want usall.
It's like let's put our handsup, let's make a pledge.

(02:32):
First key thing that we want tostop doing is assuming that tech
is the default, only way for achild to feel entertained or
happy during downtime.
We don't need to believe thatwe can know that the more they
have, the more they crave it,but also, the less they have,

(02:54):
then, the less they will craveit and they can build muscles of
how to entertain other ways.
We just have to often pushthrough a little bit of that
transition, like a detox, justlike any other drug.
So let's make a pledge that weare not going to have it be the
default option to fill boredom,and instead we're going to look

(03:19):
for ways to let them grow theirstruggle muscles.
What does that mean?
Well, the second thing that wewant to make sure we're not
doing is always seeking to havethem be entertained.
We can give them space to say,yeah, you might be bored and I
can't wait to see what you dowith that.
When we remove tech time as ourdefault, yes, it does mean

(03:44):
we're also going to remove thisbelief that we have to keep them
constantly entertained, goingto remove this belief that we
have to keep them constantlyentertained, and when we do that
, though, again, that's whatcreates this void, where they
get an opportunity to grow themuscles they have not otherwise
grown.
So, friend, let's make thatpledge to not have it be that
default way to fill boredom istechnology, and that we're not

(04:08):
going to feel like we have tokeep them constantly entertained
.
The third thing that I want usto stop doing is to think that
our kids are somehow entitled totheir technology.
Now, whether you've purchased atablet for them and called it
their tablet like this is yours,this is brothers or they have

(04:29):
even purchased an item on theirown while they are in your home,
it is still something that youare entitled to have regulations
around.
Now it's harder to do that ifyou haven't set it up and ahead
of time, but you still can windthings back at any point, and so
if you're considering themgetting an Xbox for the summer,

(04:52):
or they already have it eitherway, I recommend you set out an
agreement to be like let's talkabout summer.
This is a place in time where Iwant to be clear if you are
doing these kinds of chores,that you're responsible for this
amount of outside time, thenthis is the amount that you have
access to this tech item.
It's not just a default thingthat they are entitled to.

(05:15):
It is a privilege and it issomething that is still in your
ownership overall.
You're paying for the internetthat it's connected to.
You're paying the power billthat's charging it.
You still have a right to haveregulations, whether you've
called it their tablet or theyhave even purchased the item
like a laptop or somethingthemselves.

(05:36):
So the three things that we'regoing to stop doing is thinking
that it's our default to fillboredom to use technology.
We are going to stop thinkingwe have to keep them entertained
and we are going to stopthinking that they are entitled
to this item just because we'venamed it as theirs, or even if
they purchased it.
Now here's what we want to doinstead.

(05:59):
Instead, friends, let's makeagreements in advance with our
kids that you screenstrategically.
Let's make a plan that, say, xnumber of pages get read from
your summer reading contest, orX number of chores get done in
the morning, then you get thisamount of technology time.

(06:21):
Or after we have spent timewith family members and been
helpful with our cousins duringthe weekend, then we will have X
amount of tech time on Tuesdaythrough Thursday.
Use it to your advantage,strategically, for that
appropriate behavior to get donefirst and the technology to be

(06:41):
the cherry on top, the dessert,if you will, that thing that
they are doing what they don'twant to do or are less
interested in doing so that theycan work towards that thing
they really want.
Second key thing is, if we'relooking to spur some creativity
for our kids about how they canhave fun out off of technology,
let's look for ways to give themage appropriate freedoms and

(07:06):
ideas around, ways to make moneyor build something or something
that just feels like big anddifferent and interesting.
So age appropriate freedomsthat can be really awesome to
lean into are the ability forkids five to seven to play out
in the yard or your cul-de-sacarea without you.
Eight to 10 could be walkingthe dogs, riding their bikes

(07:30):
with a friend within a mileradius, or visiting neighbors
that are a block or two away.
11 through 12, being able toride their bikes a few miles
away to a grocery store or a gasstation to buy candy.
My son is obsessed with doingthat with the neighbors in our
community.
Look for ways that they getsome freedom that is interesting

(07:54):
and that will likely spur themto want to do those things.
Like they're looking forsomething that kind of is
exciting and we can create thatthrough freedom and we can
create that in ways that theyhave freedom so they don't have
to go to technology for thatbuzz of adrenaline.
Another idea is do itit-yourselfprojects.

(08:15):
Things like giving them actualhammer nails, wood art supplies,
cardboard, tape depending ontheir age a glue stick and glue
guns, things to be able to buildforts, paper airplanes, build
unique, you know, sitting areas.
What would be interesting to beable to empower them to have

(08:38):
some building in do-it-yourselfways this summer.
The next thing that we can doto help them have something else
to do is just to encourage allthe areas of creativity that can
happen without being adult led.
I think in summer we oftenthink that it's our job to

(09:00):
enroll them in a camp orsomething specific.
And don't get me wrong, if youhave to work and they need to be
in camp so that they're beingsupervised while you're at your
place of work, absolutely.
But if you're at home andthinking you need to enroll them
in camps so that they'reentertained, perhaps look for
some opportunities to just havematerials and ideas on hands and

(09:23):
just holding the space for themto see what they do with it.
I mean, I can remember a time,just two and a half years ago,
where my son was gosh.
He would have been around nineat that time and he just sat in
the chair spinning and spinningand spinning in the living room

(09:44):
because I had said I wasn'tgoing to solve his boredom
problem that day and I couldn'twait to see what he came up with
.
And he was just like slumpedover on this chair, like almost
on the edge of crying, handsliterally on his face, for about
15 minutes like totallydevastated, unsure what to do

(10:05):
with himself.
But I held tight.
I did what I often callsuffering with a purpose, so you
can stop suffering in circles.
Like it was so painful, Iwanted to solve it so badly.
I wanted to make a bunch ofsuggestions, I wanted to get him
engaged in something.
And it was so painful, I wantedto solve it so badly.
I wanted to make a bunch ofsuggestions, I wanted to get him
engaged in something, and but Ididn't.
And I held tight and guess what?
He found something to do Himand the neighbors ended up

(10:30):
coming up with this randomcreation where they took his
sister's gymnastics mat and putlike soap and water on it and
sort of made their own DIY waterslip and slide and then they
had fun with it for like an hourI think.
And then they went on to bikesand then they went on to
basketball and, like it, justkept having this cumulative

(10:53):
effect where, without thinking Iwas going to solve it for him,
he found the next thing to doand the next thing to do.
So the things that we do canreally accumulate.
If we're always solving thingsfor them, we're always
defaulting to tech when they'rebored, they're going to want
that more and more.
If we don't solve it and wegive them opportunities for

(11:13):
freedom and creativity, they aregoing to adjust to that more
and more as well.
And final thing, friend, is Ireally encourage you to make
agreements in advance with yourchildren about technology, and
if you want to know more aboutwhat that looks like, please
check out the last episode wherewe talked about how to survive

(11:35):
summer.
All right, friends, as always.
I hope this equips you to beable to parent with kindness and
firmness at the same time, soparenting finally feels
sustainable.