June 25, 2025 • 8 mins
Today we are unlocking why yelling seems to work with our kids and how to find the balance between kindness and firmness that creates sustainable, effective parenting.
Some key aspects we will cover today include:
- When children push boundaries, they're actually seeking clarity and predictability, not testing our patience.
- Children are wired to test boundaries to see what happens when they do.
- Yelling "works" only because kids finally know you mean it, not because of the volume.
- When we're overly gentle without clearly set boundaries, we set ourselves up to yell. Why? Well, it's kinda like the universe maintains a balance between kindness and firmness—falling too far into permissiveness leads to explosive firmness.
- Today I'll teach you the CEO approach to replace yelling at your kids, with a new way to be kind and firm at the SAME time.
- Replacing yelling requires learning how to mean what you say and say what you mean
If you want to understand the CEO approach and get beginning tools for better communication, check out Episode 71: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/71-3-steps-that-get-kids-to-listen/id1682538739?i=1000665256022.
Join me next week where we'll be talking about how to control your anger as a parent without yelling.
✨Want more?
1) Use this link for a FREE 20 min clarity call with Sustainable Parenting.
2) Download the FREE pdf. on getting kids to listen.
3) Buy a 3 session Coaching Bundle (saving you $100) - for THREE 30-min sessions 1:1 with ME, where we get right to the heart of your challenges, and give you small, powerful shifts that make a huge difference fast.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:37):
Thank you.
Test test testing.
Test test testing, test testtesting.
All right, let's get this allwhere we need it, all right.
(01:28):
Do you ever find yourselfthinking I have you found
yourself in a difficult rock, ina hard place kind of conundrum,
where you don't want to yell atyour kids and yet you feel like
they only listen if you yell?
Or maybe your partner has saidthat too, as you've invited them
(01:51):
to have more gentle parenting,they're like but they don't
listen unless I'm yelling Friend.
Today's episode is for you.
I'm Flora McCormick, licensedclinical professional counselor
and parenting coach, as well asearly childhood mental health
consultant, here to help youunlock why yelling works until
it doesn't.
(02:11):
Okay, so let's talk aboutyelling, why it works until it
doesn't and, friend, by the timeyou finish this episode, you
are going to understand howyou've easily been duped into
(02:34):
thinking this is one of youronly options or your partner has
been duped into that and why itworks until it doesn't, and
what you can do instead thatwill consistently be more
effective, in a way that's kindand firm at the same time.
So I think of a story, of oneof the one of the main reasons
(03:06):
that yelling works until itdoesn't is a simple fact that
many parents are missing, andI'm going to get into that in
just a moment.
First, I want to ask if you'vegotten in this habit over time.
Is it because you have triedmany strategies and somehow it
(03:27):
seems like when you try all thethings quote unquote and it
doesn't work, you end upresorting to yelling?
This is what I hear from manyof the clients that work out.
This is what I hear from manyof the parents who reach out to
me for parent coaching, knowingthere must be something they're
missing.
(03:47):
Like they often say, I've triedeverything and then, when
nothing works, I end up yelling.
And to me that is a total,clear sign that the things
you're trying are not balancedwith kindness and firmness at
the same time.
Because there's thisequilibrium in the world that if
(04:07):
you find yourself falling intoextreme firmness of yelling,
that means you have been over onthe side of extreme kindness,
perhaps overly gentle or whatcan look like permissive
parenting, gentle parenting in away that is attachment focused
and loving.
(04:28):
We want to have attachmentfocus and loving parenting
Absolutely, but we don't want tofall too far into overly gentle
parenting or this equilibriumbetween kind and firm will sort
itself out by us exploding,because when we don't have
firmness, things don't work, ourkids don't respect us, and when
(04:50):
they don't respect us, we getfrustrated and we explode.
So, friend, the single thingthat many parents are missing
here is that yelling worksbecause our kids like boundaries
.
Our kids actually enjoy feelingthis boundary edge that says,
(05:13):
oh, that's the edge to which Ican go to.
In fact, it's their job to testrules and boundaries to see
what happens when they do.
I saw that on a hospitalwebsite once and was like oh,
that is so true.
And as it's their job to pushboundaries to see what happens
when they do, it's our job tohold those boundaries.
(05:33):
Clearly Now, for many of us, ifwe did not experience how kind
and firm boundaries can be held,we are striving to do parenting
well, but missing the mark.
And when you miss the mark, thatoften looks like just
validating feelings, talking for30 minutes to an hour when
(05:56):
they're emotional or meltingdown.
We're overly making sure thatwe're not upsetting them and we
might be on eggshells throughoutthe day hoping we're not going
to push that button and then,friend, when it does explode,
we're gonna end up going okay,now I have to hold a boundary
Like that's it, you're losingthis and that and I cannot help
(06:18):
you with one more thing.
I'm over it.
They want to know where thatedge is and they want us to
provide it in a kind and firmway.
So, friend, the moral of thestory is that the main reason
parents often are missing themark is that they are forgetting
(06:42):
it's their job to hold kind andfirm boundaries.
They're thinking it's my job tojust explain things and talk
them through feelings and try tojust name it and explain what's
going to solve the problem.
But then, when the person'sstill pushing, pushing, pushing,
(07:04):
I don't want to have to holdthat boundary and so I'm
exploding.
Kids need boundaries.
They want boundaries.
They feel safe with boundaries.
In fact, predictability is oneof the most underrated aspects
(07:27):
of healthy attachmentPredictability that you are not
going to bounce between overlygentle and overly firm with this
like permissive and thenexploding and yelling.
They need from you consistency,that they see you kind and firm
at the same time.
When we're in that middle place, we don't have to bounce back
and forth.
It's the steady middle balanceplace we can keep moving forward
(07:49):
steadily on.
So why does yelling work?
Until it doesn't?
It's because the child isstriving to get you to be firm.
It's the child's way of askingyou would you please be more
clear about where your boundaryis?
And they push and push until oh, that's where it clearly is.
(08:14):
So it's not that they'reresponding because you're
yelling, it's actually just thatthey're responding because they
know you finally mean it.
You mean what you're saying and, friend, here's the beauty.
The replacement is we can teachyou how to mean it, how to be
(08:35):
seen as an authority, notauthoritarian, which is that top
down, you'll do it because Isaid so but an authority, which
is someone that I do respect andI know that they are my leader
in terms of teaching me andguiding me in life, while also
bringing out the most in me asan individual.
(08:56):
That's what a real authorityleader is doing, and our kids
are able to see that in us if weare parenting with kindness and
firmness.
At the same time, we can learnthe right tools and phrases and
moments where we utilizeconsequences or conversations.
(09:18):
We figure out the difference sothat we can be parenting in a
way that is sustainable, so thatwe can be parenting in a way
that is sustainable.
So, friend, yelling worksbecause they know you finally
mean it, and if you are justhungry, for how else your kids
(09:40):
can know you mean it in a waythat's not mean?
Let's talk.
I used to really want to write abook.
If I ever do write a book, thetitle I was always been on my
mind is to say taking the meanout of saying what we mean.
I would love this.
One of the biggest things thatI love to help parents with is
learning the language of how wecan take the mean out of friend.
(10:14):
If you found yourself in adifficult conundrum where you
don't want to yell at yourchildren and yet it feels like
once you finally have exhaustedevery other parenting tool and
end up yelling, it's the onlymoment they finally listen.
Or maybe your partner has saidthat to you.
I'm trying all these gentleparenting things, but then they
(10:35):
just don't listen, so I have toyell.
Friend, if that is you, thisepisode for you.
Friend, if that is you, this isthe episode.
Friend, if you can relate, thenthis is the episode for you
where we're going to unlock themajor reason that kids respond
(10:57):
to yelling and why it worksuntil it doesn't.
Today we're going to give.
Today we're going to answer thequestion of why yelling works
and how you can take action in adifferent way to get the thing
(11:28):
about yelling.
Yelling my friend is typically,so I can't wait to tell you the
number one replacement foryelling that is equally
effective, and we're going toget to that in just a moment.
But first let's unlock whyyelling works, and we're going
to get to that in just a moment.
(11:48):
But first let's unlock whyyelling works.
The reason that yelling workscomes down to one super simple
thing, and I think you'll hearit in this story.
So there was a time with my sonwhere I was so frustrated that
I had to keep repeating myself,repeating myself and then
finally yelling to get hisattention to do the things that
(12:11):
needed to be done to get out thedoor.
I would be telling him come on,we have to get your shoes on.
You still haven't packed yourlunch.
Oh, my gosh, we are going to belate.
Why aren't your shoes on yet?
And where's your coat?
And then we get into the car.
It's like we didn't get yourcoat.
Oh gosh, dude, and I'm like agrowler.
That's my oh, that's like agrunt, that's my frustration
(12:35):
place.
And then I'd be like dude, youare making this so hard.
I'd say things like that Ireally didn't want, that's not
how I want to end my morningafter I send him off to school,
and yet it would feel likethat's the only thing that would
finally get his attention.
Come on, we have to go, andthen he would start moving.
(12:56):
But guess what?
And something changed when Imade a tiny shift, and it was
this I said to him here's thedeal I'm going to be getting in
the car at 7.55.
If you're ready, I'm happy todrive you.
(13:18):
If you're not, you can walk orride your bike.
We live close enough to theschool that that is possible.
And when the moment came thathe was not ready and I just said
sounds like you're riding yourbike, he huffed, he was upset,
he got himself to school, camehome, guess what, next morning,
(13:42):
morning after morning, aftersuch a different kid.
So I thought to myself this isexactly that thing that I work
with so many parents on.
It is not that it's the yellingthat was working.
What was working was that heknew I meant it.
(14:05):
Our kids are wired to push theboundaries, you guys I mean.
One time I saw on a hospitalwebsite a kid's job is to test
rules and boundaries to see whathappens when they do.
Oh, it's so brutal and painful.
I wish that didn't have to betheir job, because guess what
that means?
My job as the mom is to holdthe clear boundaries when
(14:28):
they're pushing up and trying tofind where they exist.
That's our job to hold kind andfirm boundaries.
So why does yelling work?
Why yelling works is becausethey know you finally mean it.
And for many people, what Ifind when they reach out to me
(14:49):
is that they are in this cycleof yelling because they're using
a lot of other tools that donot have the structure enough
that shows they mean what theysay and they say what they mean.
So if we're always just like,please, honey, can we do this,
how about if we try it this way?
We're always just focused onthem being happy enough through
(15:11):
the process or them beingagreeable.
Through the process of trying toget out the door or moving
through the upset of them notliking what's going on, friend,
we set ourselves up to end uphaving to yell.
And it's because there's thisbalance there is a constant, I
swear, a universe balancebetween kindness and firmness,
(15:31):
if you are overly kind in termsof not holding boundaries and
being wishy-washy about when youhave a certain consequence or
not, or wishy-washy about whenyou're going to remind 17 times
and when you're going to beupset after two.
If that is not clear, theuniverse says I guess we have to
(15:51):
go to the other end and finallyput you in a place where you're
going to be super firm and wantto yell and control the
situation.
There just is an equilibrium.
It's not your fault, it's notanything that means that you are
a bad mom or dad.
(16:12):
It's just, I swear, theuniverse's balance.
And so, friend, if you want tochange that cycle and the other
key thing that happens here is,then we end up in a guilt spiral
back and forth, where, becausewe've blown up, we feel guilty
and we might overly compensate.
(16:34):
This also can happen in thatbalance where if someone's
overly harsh and only yellingevery time to get a child's
attention, they feel bad andthen do things like just try to
buy them an extra toy when theycame home from a work trip or
let them have more tech timethan you really agreed to,
thinking somehow that's going tobalance out and have a more
(16:57):
positive relationship with yourchild.
But it's not Neither end ofthat spectrum and bouncing back
and forth builds a respectful,responsible child who turns into
a respectful, responsible adult.
So the reason yelling works isthey know you mean it.
They are seeking boundaries,they're seeking to know the edge
(17:20):
, and the truth is they like,once they finally feel clear on
where your boundary is, there'ssome amount of them.
That's like okay.
And do you know what that is?
That's because it's a piece ofattachment.
An underrated aspect ofattachment is predictability,
clarity that we know where thatboundary is.
(17:42):
So, friends, let's figure outthe better way to give them the
clarity that we mean what we sayand the clarity of
predictability, and that is tohave healthy, kind and firm ways
to mean what you say and saywhat you mean.
(18:02):
And, friend, that's what Iteach in my signature CEO.
Template of sustainableparenting is we can end what I
call the cuckoo cycle.
Just commands and consequences.
Cuckoo commands, consequences.
Or another parent added infloor.
I think you need to add thethird C is control.
(18:23):
It's all about we're trying tohave commands, consequences and
control be what changes theirbehavior.
That's what yelling is oftenabout.
And instead we move into CEO,which is an acronym for the
three main steps that, when yougo through those steps, it
drastically changes your childfeeling like they understand
(18:45):
where the boundary is in a kindand firm way.
So, friend, if you want to learnmore about this, I have a link
down below in my clarity call.
I have a link down below thatconnects you with me or one of
my associates to be able to havea clarity call or session to
(19:07):
start moving you forward so thatyou can replace yelling with
something else that means youmean it.
We take the mean out of sayingwhat you mean so you can parent
with kindness and firmness atthe same time.
Thank you, and if you want ashort intro into what that
(20:17):
system looks like, episode 110has a great summary of some
aspects of CEO.
That's from May 20.
And if you want some more tip,if you, if you want to
understand this CEO piece, thisCEO acronym, and get some
(20:38):
beginning tools with around that, please check out episode 110,
which is why kids don't listen,and three simple solutions for
better communication.
And if you want to dive deeper,let's connect, because that's
what I do, one-on-one, in apersonalized way with families
through parent coaching.
Myself or one of my associateswould be happy to meet with you
(21:00):
to quickly get you into a betterplace, where you are parenting
with kindness and firmness atthe same time and parenting
finally feels sustainable.
And, friend, don't forget tocome back next week as we're
going to talk about and friendjoin me next week.
(21:21):
And and friend join me nextweek.
And and friend join me for mynext episode, where we'll be
talking about how to controlyour anger as a parent without
yelling, because, let's behonest, there are a lot of
pieces that lead us to get angryand I want to help you to
(21:44):
unlock your most calm, confidentself as a mom or dad.
See you then.
Thank you.
Test test testing.
Test test testing, test testtesting.
All right, let's get this allwhere we need it, all right.
(01:28):
Do you ever find yourselfthinking I have you found
yourself in a difficult rock, ina hard place kind of conundrum,
where you don't want to yell atyour kids and yet you feel like
they only listen if you yell?
Or maybe your partner has saidthat too, as you've invited them
(01:51):
to have more gentle parenting,they're like but they don't
listen unless I'm yelling Friend.
Today's episode is for you.
I'm Flora McCormick, licensedclinical professional counselor
and parenting coach, as well asearly childhood mental health
consultant, here to help youunlock why yelling works until
it doesn't.
(02:11):
Okay, so let's talk aboutyelling, why it works until it
doesn't and, friend, by the timeyou finish this episode, you
are going to understand howyou've easily been duped into
(02:34):
thinking this is one of youronly options or your partner has
been duped into that and why itworks until it doesn't, and
what you can do instead thatwill consistently be more
effective, in a way that's kindand firm at the same time.
So I think of a story, of oneof the one of the main reasons
(03:06):
that yelling works until itdoesn't is a simple fact that
many parents are missing, andI'm going to get into that in
just a moment.
First, I want to ask if you'vegotten in this habit over time.
Is it because you have triedmany strategies and somehow it
(03:27):
seems like when you try all thethings quote unquote and it
doesn't work, you end upresorting to yelling?
This is what I hear from manyof the clients that work out.
This is what I hear from manyof the parents who reach out to
me for parent coaching, knowingthere must be something they're
missing.
(03:47):
Like they often say, I've triedeverything and then, when
nothing works, I end up yelling.
And to me that is a total,clear sign that the things
you're trying are not balancedwith kindness and firmness at
the same time.
Because there's thisequilibrium in the world that if
(04:07):
you find yourself falling intoextreme firmness of yelling,
that means you have been over onthe side of extreme kindness,
perhaps overly gentle or whatcan look like permissive
parenting, gentle parenting in away that is attachment focused
and loving.
(04:28):
We want to have attachmentfocus and loving parenting
Absolutely, but we don't want tofall too far into overly gentle
parenting or this equilibriumbetween kind and firm will sort
itself out by us exploding,because when we don't have
firmness, things don't work, ourkids don't respect us, and when
(04:50):
they don't respect us, we getfrustrated and we explode.
So, friend, the single thingthat many parents are missing
here is that yelling worksbecause our kids like boundaries
.
Our kids actually enjoy feelingthis boundary edge that says,
(05:13):
oh, that's the edge to which Ican go to.
In fact, it's their job to testrules and boundaries to see
what happens when they do.
I saw that on a hospitalwebsite once and was like oh,
that is so true.
And as it's their job to pushboundaries to see what happens
when they do, it's our job tohold those boundaries.
(05:33):
Clearly Now, for many of us, ifwe did not experience how kind
and firm boundaries can be held,we are striving to do parenting
well, but missing the mark.
And when you miss the mark, thatoften looks like just
validating feelings, talking for30 minutes to an hour when
(05:56):
they're emotional or meltingdown.
We're overly making sure thatwe're not upsetting them and we
might be on eggshells throughoutthe day hoping we're not going
to push that button and then,friend, when it does explode,
we're gonna end up going okay,now I have to hold a boundary
Like that's it, you're losingthis and that and I cannot help
(06:18):
you with one more thing.
I'm over it.
They want to know where thatedge is and they want us to
provide it in a kind and firmway.
So, friend, the moral of thestory is that the main reason
parents often are missing themark is that they are forgetting
(06:42):
it's their job to hold kind andfirm boundaries.
They're thinking it's my job tojust explain things and talk
them through feelings and try tojust name it and explain what's
going to solve the problem.
But then, when the person'sstill pushing, pushing, pushing,
(07:04):
I don't want to have to holdthat boundary and so I'm
exploding.
Kids need boundaries.
They want boundaries.
They feel safe with boundaries.
In fact, predictability is oneof the most underrated aspects
(07:27):
of healthy attachmentPredictability that you are not
going to bounce between overlygentle and overly firm with this
like permissive and thenexploding and yelling.
They need from you consistency,that they see you kind and firm
at the same time.
When we're in that middle place, we don't have to bounce back
and forth.
It's the steady middle balanceplace we can keep moving forward
(07:49):
steadily on.
So why does yelling work?
Until it doesn't?
It's because the child isstriving to get you to be firm.
It's the child's way of askingyou would you please be more
clear about where your boundaryis?
And they push and push until oh, that's where it clearly is.
(08:14):
So it's not that they'reresponding because you're
yelling, it's actually just thatthey're responding because they
know you finally mean it.
You mean what you're saying and, friend, here's the beauty.
The replacement is we can teachyou how to mean it, how to be
(08:35):
seen as an authority, notauthoritarian, which is that top
down, you'll do it because Isaid so but an authority, which
is someone that I do respect andI know that they are my leader
in terms of teaching me andguiding me in life, while also
bringing out the most in me asan individual.
(08:56):
That's what a real authorityleader is doing, and our kids
are able to see that in us if weare parenting with kindness and
firmness.
At the same time, we can learnthe right tools and phrases and
moments where we utilizeconsequences or conversations.
(09:18):
We figure out the difference sothat we can be parenting in a
way that is sustainable, so thatwe can be parenting in a way
that is sustainable.
So, friend, yelling worksbecause they know you finally
mean it, and if you are justhungry, for how else your kids
(09:40):
can know you mean it in a waythat's not mean?
Let's talk.
I used to really want to write abook.
If I ever do write a book, thetitle I was always been on my
mind is to say taking the meanout of saying what we mean.
I would love this.
One of the biggest things thatI love to help parents with is
learning the language of how wecan take the mean out of friend.
(10:14):
If you found yourself in adifficult conundrum where you
don't want to yell at yourchildren and yet it feels like
once you finally have exhaustedevery other parenting tool and
end up yelling, it's the onlymoment they finally listen.
Or maybe your partner has saidthat to you.
I'm trying all these gentleparenting things, but then they
(10:35):
just don't listen, so I have toyell.
Friend, if that is you, thisepisode for you.
Friend, if that is you, this isthe episode.
Friend, if you can relate, thenthis is the episode for you
where we're going to unlock themajor reason that kids respond
(10:57):
to yelling and why it worksuntil it doesn't.
Today we're going to give.
Today we're going to answer thequestion of why yelling works
and how you can take action in adifferent way to get the thing
(11:28):
about yelling.
Yelling my friend is typically,so I can't wait to tell you the
number one replacement foryelling that is equally
effective, and we're going toget to that in just a moment.
But first let's unlock whyyelling works, and we're going
to get to that in just a moment.
(11:48):
But first let's unlock whyyelling works.
The reason that yelling workscomes down to one super simple
thing, and I think you'll hearit in this story.
So there was a time with my sonwhere I was so frustrated that
I had to keep repeating myself,repeating myself and then
finally yelling to get hisattention to do the things that
(12:11):
needed to be done to get out thedoor.
I would be telling him come on,we have to get your shoes on.
You still haven't packed yourlunch.
Oh, my gosh, we are going to belate.
Why aren't your shoes on yet?
And where's your coat?
And then we get into the car.
It's like we didn't get yourcoat.
Oh gosh, dude, and I'm like agrowler.
That's my oh, that's like agrunt, that's my frustration
(12:35):
place.
And then I'd be like dude, youare making this so hard.
I'd say things like that Ireally didn't want, that's not
how I want to end my morningafter I send him off to school,
and yet it would feel likethat's the only thing that would
finally get his attention.
Come on, we have to go, andthen he would start moving.
(12:56):
But guess what?
And something changed when Imade a tiny shift, and it was
this I said to him here's thedeal I'm going to be getting in
the car at 7.55.
If you're ready, I'm happy todrive you.
(13:18):
If you're not, you can walk orride your bike.
We live close enough to theschool that that is possible.
And when the moment came thathe was not ready and I just said
sounds like you're riding yourbike, he huffed, he was upset,
he got himself to school, camehome, guess what, next morning,
(13:42):
morning after morning, aftersuch a different kid.
So I thought to myself this isexactly that thing that I work
with so many parents on.
It is not that it's the yellingthat was working.
What was working was that heknew I meant it.
(14:05):
Our kids are wired to push theboundaries, you guys I mean.
One time I saw on a hospitalwebsite a kid's job is to test
rules and boundaries to see whathappens when they do.
Oh, it's so brutal and painful.
I wish that didn't have to betheir job, because guess what
that means?
My job as the mom is to holdthe clear boundaries when
(14:28):
they're pushing up and trying tofind where they exist.
That's our job to hold kind andfirm boundaries.
So why does yelling work?
Why yelling works is becausethey know you finally mean it.
And for many people, what Ifind when they reach out to me
(14:49):
is that they are in this cycleof yelling because they're using
a lot of other tools that donot have the structure enough
that shows they mean what theysay and they say what they mean.
So if we're always just like,please, honey, can we do this,
how about if we try it this way?
We're always just focused onthem being happy enough through
(15:11):
the process or them beingagreeable.
Through the process of trying toget out the door or moving
through the upset of them notliking what's going on, friend,
we set ourselves up to end uphaving to yell.
And it's because there's thisbalance there is a constant, I
swear, a universe balancebetween kindness and firmness,
(15:31):
if you are overly kind in termsof not holding boundaries and
being wishy-washy about when youhave a certain consequence or
not, or wishy-washy about whenyou're going to remind 17 times
and when you're going to beupset after two.
If that is not clear, theuniverse says I guess we have to
(15:51):
go to the other end and finallyput you in a place where you're
going to be super firm and wantto yell and control the
situation.
There just is an equilibrium.
It's not your fault, it's notanything that means that you are
a bad mom or dad.
(16:12):
It's just, I swear, theuniverse's balance.
And so, friend, if you want tochange that cycle and the other
key thing that happens here is,then we end up in a guilt spiral
back and forth, where, becausewe've blown up, we feel guilty
and we might overly compensate.
(16:34):
This also can happen in thatbalance where if someone's
overly harsh and only yellingevery time to get a child's
attention, they feel bad andthen do things like just try to
buy them an extra toy when theycame home from a work trip or
let them have more tech timethan you really agreed to,
thinking somehow that's going tobalance out and have a more
(16:57):
positive relationship with yourchild.
But it's not Neither end ofthat spectrum and bouncing back
and forth builds a respectful,responsible child who turns into
a respectful, responsible adult.
So the reason yelling works isthey know you mean it.
They are seeking boundaries,they're seeking to know the edge
(17:20):
, and the truth is they like,once they finally feel clear on
where your boundary is, there'ssome amount of them.
That's like okay.
And do you know what that is?
That's because it's a piece ofattachment.
An underrated aspect ofattachment is predictability,
clarity that we know where thatboundary is.
(17:42):
So, friends, let's figure outthe better way to give them the
clarity that we mean what we sayand the clarity of
predictability, and that is tohave healthy, kind and firm ways
to mean what you say and saywhat you mean.
(18:02):
And, friend, that's what Iteach in my signature CEO.
Template of sustainableparenting is we can end what I
call the cuckoo cycle.
Just commands and consequences.
Cuckoo commands, consequences.
Or another parent added infloor.
I think you need to add thethird C is control.
(18:23):
It's all about we're trying tohave commands, consequences and
control be what changes theirbehavior.
That's what yelling is oftenabout.
And instead we move into CEO,which is an acronym for the
three main steps that, when yougo through those steps, it
drastically changes your childfeeling like they understand
(18:45):
where the boundary is in a kindand firm way.
So, friend, if you want to learnmore about this, I have a link
down below in my clarity call.
I have a link down below thatconnects you with me or one of
my associates to be able to havea clarity call or session to
(19:07):
start moving you forward so thatyou can replace yelling with
something else that means youmean it.
We take the mean out of sayingwhat you mean so you can parent
with kindness and firmness atthe same time.
Thank you, and if you want ashort intro into what that
(20:17):
system looks like, episode 110has a great summary of some
aspects of CEO.
That's from May 20.
And if you want some more tip,if you, if you want to
understand this CEO piece, thisCEO acronym, and get some
(20:38):
beginning tools with around that, please check out episode 110,
which is why kids don't listen,and three simple solutions for
better communication.
And if you want to dive deeper,let's connect, because that's
what I do, one-on-one, in apersonalized way with families
through parent coaching.
Myself or one of my associateswould be happy to meet with you
(21:00):
to quickly get you into a betterplace, where you are parenting
with kindness and firmness atthe same time and parenting
finally feels sustainable.
And, friend, don't forget tocome back next week as we're
going to talk about and friendjoin me next week.
(21:21):
And and friend join me nextweek.
And and friend join me for mynext episode, where we'll be
talking about how to controlyour anger as a parent without
yelling, because, let's behonest, there are a lot of
pieces that lead us to get angryand I want to help you to
(21:44):
unlock your most calm, confidentself as a mom or dad.
See you then.
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