Knowing Your Worth

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How do you see yourself? The real you, not the things you do for others or the you that you think others see.

This conversation has been coming up in my salon and at home. When was the last time you really took a look and owned who you really are? Including the good, the bad, the ugly.  Do you ever boast on your accomplishments? Why or why not?

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Music credit: LA Nightlife by Full Frontal Audio
A Subito Media production

Episode Transcript

Patrice B (00:41):
Welcome back.
I hope all is well with you.
I'm so happy to be back with youguys today.
I wanted to share something thatI've had to talk to someone.
I've been in this conversationwith some of my clients and
also, well, like my kids.

(01:02):
And it's just really making methink about like, when we're in
this space of where we, wherewe're coming from and where
we're going to.
And I just wanted to share thatwith you guys.
So what I'm finding is, is that,Um, How do we view ourselves?
Now, mind you, this viewpointcan be crazy as hell, might be

(01:24):
truthful, maybe not, but how doyou view yourself?
like, for real, if you ask me,I'm tall as hell, like I am
tall.
And anybody who argues with me,you go ahead and be great.
But I know me, right?
Even though I'm not very tall,I'm told in personality and in
life.
So I feel taller than I am.

(01:44):
But it's been in that space of Iwant people to really love and
know themselves.
And I try to really encouragethe women that I style in the
salon to like, really like, Heygirl, what up?
Because the style I can see iskind of based on what they view
themselves as.

(02:05):
but it was interesting because Iasked my son this question.
We went out to dinner and I waslike, Hey son, and I'm always
random.
And at this point, the kids knowlike mama is random as hell.
But I had to pose it to my 13year old to say, Hey son, how do
you view yourself?
And in this moment, man, helooked at me like, what?

(02:29):
But he was taken back by like,how does he answer?
I'm like, yeah, how do you viewyourself?
he was struggling with theanswer.
It's like, he looked like he hadsome thoughts, but he didn't
know quite how to answer it.
Like what answer is she lookingfor?

(02:49):
And I say to him like, look,this is your time to boast.
Whatever you feel aboutyourself, let me know.
I just want to know how do youview yourself?
I said, do you consider yourselftall or handsome?
And he goes, that's subjective.
And I was like, I didn't say howsomebody else viewed you.
I'm talking about how you viewyou.
And I gave him the example ofhow tall I am.

(03:10):
And I'm going to tell y'all, helooked at me like I was that
shit crazy.
But you know what?
While he stands taller than meright now, I'm great.
Can't nobody tell me otherwise,right?
but he was struggling with thisanswer and I felt like it was
just things that he reallywanted to say that he didn't.
But I have one in this, at thesame conversation with one of my

(03:30):
good, good girlfriends and heranswer immediately went into her
titles of a mom, a survivor.
And I had to say to her, like,how do you view yourself outside
of that?
We're talking about you, notyour, your accolades.
But just how you view you.
And she had to take a momentbecause she immediately answered

(03:51):
with the things that she doesfor others.
And in both situations, it madethem think.
And it's at this point in life.
It's like, how do we viewourselves?
Cause that's how we show up forus and the way I had broken it
down to my son, my mother.
Always, always, always as a kidsaid, be a leader, not a

(04:13):
follower, be a leader, not afollower.
And I was like, Oh, like, I getit.
Right.
Don't do as others do.
But in this journey of life,healing, learning, loving what I
realized.
And I'm so glad I was able toarticulate, be a leader, not a

(04:34):
follower to my son in adifferent way was that if you do
not know you, you will spendyour life trying to find who you
are through others.
And it's then how they view youas what we take on.
And I ain't even gonna lie.
And I'm sure I'm not the onlyone out here that has met

(04:56):
somebody with the most taintedview of the world.
Some people who have a taintedview of themselves, how can they
really tell you or notnecessarily tell you, but if you
went on their view, you can befucked up out here.
because you don't know you foryou.
Now my son views me as he waslike confident and, and I was

(05:19):
like, well, I own that.
I am confident in me.
I'm confident in my good, my badand the ugly.
Cause I'm gonna tell y'all, likeI told y'all before, I got them
sides, penitentiary, petty andpositive and the passionate
side.
You pick one and you know whoyou get, but they all are still
me.
And I'm aware of me, but in lifewe don't even boast at all.

(05:42):
We don't really, you know whatI'm saying?
We can go to a job interview andwe are talking about the things
that we can do for them, but howawesome we really are.
Sometimes we minimize boasting.
Um, those who might have severaldegrees, doctorates, besides the
title behind your name in someconversations, we choose not to
talk about ourselves in a matterof how we view ourselves in

(06:04):
appreciation.
And I want you guys to sit withthat.
Like why not?
Why not tell someone who thefuck you are?
So they get a feel for who youare, because I feel like if we
don't, we end up inrelationships where we're
allowing a relationship todefine us.

(06:26):
Well, what is it that they want?
What is it that they need?
And I will become that.
And in this conversation, I justwanted my son to know because I
had to break it down to him withthe conversation of being a
leader, not a follower, is that.
Son, your friendships, yourconnections will begin to mirror

(06:47):
how you are viewing yourself.
And I want you to know you foryou own it, boast, live in it
and be your best self.
Be your most confident self.
And at this stage, I mean.
And life in the space that weare.
You have so many people puttingout things that they want others

(07:09):
to see.
We see it on our timelines,right?
What's real, what's fake.
And a lot of it is fake becausewe look for the outside
accolades.
But sometimes you, I got tellingyou guys before, this is a new
level of owning your shit onyou.
And your past traumas, hurts, ormistakes does not define you or
make you a bad person.

(07:32):
It's a person who made severalmistakes or maybe at a moment in
their life did not know theirvalue or their worth or knew who
they were.
And we got to take those momentsto own and know ourselves.
I want you to.
I hope that you do because wehave some very amazing people
but then on the flip side youhave those who could be shitty

(07:55):
as hell and think they're greator they may have some good
qualities but own your good yourbad and your ugly but know you
for you Know when, yeah, I couldprobably be a little bit more
sensitive.
But yet I love hard, however,that may be, but know who you

(08:17):
are and know your worth.
Because once my son reallythought about his answers, it
really hit him to be very clearabout who he was and how he
viewed himself and describedhimself.
I was like, yes.
I love it.
Cause he said I'm very smart.
I'm creative.

(08:38):
He said he was handsome.
I was like, thank you cause youare cute.
You are your mama's child.
But, He was like, I can't beindecisive.
He's like, sometimes I can'teven choose what we going to
have for dinner when you ask.
And I was like, I know the factthat he even choosing dinner is
also crazy, but don't judge me.
But sometimes I can't quitefigure it out either.
So we in the same boat.

(09:00):
I hope that you listening knowwho you are, value you and know
your worth.
And that's my spiel for thisweek.
And you know what, as alwaysy'all, I swear I'm so grateful.
I'm so grateful.

(09:21):
That you had options and youtook your time to listen to me
until next time Let's see yourepeat