Let the Ships Sail

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Happy Mother's Day to all who celebrate, including those with heavy, complex feelings around the holiday.

I'm talking a little about grief today - but not in a sad way! In our lives we'll have many ships - relationships, situationships, friendships, work relationships, you name it. As we go through life and learn and grow, some of those ships must sail. When you lose someone you care about, there will always be a period of grieving, and nobody but you knows how that will play out.

Sometimes, that person may pass away, a marriage may end, or a friendship may drift apart, but there's always something you can learn and take with you as you move forward with your life. What direction do you need to go?

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Music credit: LA Nightlife by Full Frontal Audio
A Subito Media production

Episode Transcript

Patrice B (00:41):
Hello guys.
Welcome back.
We are back again and thiswonderful season of spring and
coming up on our mother's day,depending on when you hear this
happy mother's day to all yourmothers out there.
I wanted to talk about thattoday.

(01:01):
I think I have told you guysbefore but I lost my mom when I
was 14.
Amazing, amazing woman she wasand still is to me.
She taught me so many thingsthat at that time I wasn't able,

(01:23):
I was like, hear you, I get it.
But there are things that shesaid to me then that I now can
apply in so many different ways.
And today I'm sipping on alittle tea and one of my
favorite cups that a friend ofmine had given me when She knew
I wanted to start the tea wouldbe Love her love her love her

(01:45):
Serena gave me this and it'slike blue and turquoise and
green and my favorite color isblue But it looks rather fancy
Even when I'm not But I wantedto talk about Grief.
Now, please don't get ittwisted.
This is not about no sad podcasttoday, because what I know is,

(02:09):
is that even though I lost mymom young, I'm going to tell
you, I had my time of sadness,but I'm in a season of
appreciation for the woman thatshe was and still is to me and
how her life lessons areprevailing in my life.
but I wanted to talk aboutgrief, grief of ships,

(02:30):
situationships, relationships,friendships, workships, grief,
and it comes in so manydifferent forms, right?
I'm finding now that in my life,I'm seeing friendships that have
been years.
You think they will be aroundforever.

(02:52):
and not just in a passing, butthe friendship changes, they
outgrow each other.
Something happens.
Relationships always like comeand go, right?
But when you think about justhaving the loss of someone who
has been in your life for solong, Or being at a job for so
long and you lose that job, youhad a sense of comfort.

(03:17):
And when you lose it, there is alittle bit of a grieving
process.
When I was doing and thinkingabout what it was for this
podcast, I thought about whatdoes Webster say in terms of
definition of a relationship?
And it was the way in which twoor more concepts, objects, or

(03:40):
people are connected or thestate of being connected.
And we're connected in so manyways.
And as of late, I'm realizingthat as I grow, I'm losing a lot
of ships, right?
Relationships are changing.
Relationships of actualconnections of love are

(04:02):
changing.
I've had adjustments in myfriendships and I know that
sometimes that comes with age,it comes with time, but it also
comes with growth.
And when I thought about griefand its definition of deep
sorrow, especially that causedby someone's death.

(04:26):
And it was like, Hmm, butsometimes people don't always
die.
They just, the relationshipdied.
The ship died.
And I'm like, Whoa, wait aminute.
And Am I in another grievingseason of, I miss my mom.
I love her dearly, but I'm justsaying, like, can you imagine

(04:51):
just like, as you grow and yourealize so many of your
relationships, like how many ofy'all really probably have gone
through relationships or havebeen married and divorced?
Shoot.
I was engaged and that didn'teven work out well.
I don't know if I had much of agrieving process with that.
Now that I think about it, butyou know, to each his own.

(05:12):
I've realized that it's hardeither way you look at it, but
could you imagine losing a ship,either as a situation ship or
relationship, or Husband andwife that was actually just
really good and it had to endjust because of maybe being on

(05:37):
different, planes.
We're in different bodies ofwater and we're going in
different directions and theships had to sail.
we think all of our ships end ingrief, sadness, sorrow, anguish.
They don't always look so bad.

(05:59):
Some ships are easy as hell toget out of, let's not even lie.
Some people get on your goddamnnerves, abusive, whatever, it's
time to go.
Please sail that ship.
But sometimes the grief that weexperience in those bad
situations is, is like, who thehell was I in that?
Like what in the world?
Why was I going through that?
How long did I stay?
But when you lose someone youcare for, It's hard.

(06:22):
Could you imagine having afriend of 20 plus years?
You talked often, that you hungout, you've been there for each
other, and that, that friendshipfizzles out.
that could be kind of like, it'sdifferent when someone has been
in your life for that long orhad that impact.

(06:44):
Right?
And certain people come intoyour life and they have an
impact and it could be a twoyear stint of amazingness
showing you possibilities andgrowth but it has to end because
they came into your life for areason, a season and everybody
is not meant for the lifetime.
Um, But it's how we are at thetime when those ships have

(07:07):
sailed.
What do we need to get from it?
So I have been looking at thoseconnections in my life that have
ended, changed, transitioned,and what was I supposed to get
from it?
Experiencing major loss in yourlife, I'm sure, is like, It's
very hard, right?
And when you come across someonewho you may feel is not as

(07:32):
significant in your life, likelosing a mom, you may not think
that it's that much of a bigdeal, but sometimes, you know,
it is.
But one of the lessons of myamazing mom that I'm applying to
this is my mother used to alwayslike, she had a short period of
time with me and she wouldalways, I mean, when my mom was
sick, I'm going to tell you likethose life lessons was coming

(07:55):
like every day.
She would like, you got to knowthis, you got to know that you
got to know that.
And at that point it wasoverwhelming, right?
But now in this season of.
being an adult and applying allof these things, my mom, she was
a person with good sense ofdirection to me.

(08:17):
So I lost my mom before I couldeven drive.
And if we took a road tripsomewhere, my mother was like,
always pay attention to thedirection that you're going.
If you are going North to adestination to get home, you can
go South, go South.
You'll get there.
If you go East, make sure you goback West.

(08:37):
Doesn't matter.
You'll get back home.
And she always said, when yousee the sign that say Washington
DC, you know, you can getanywhere, anywhere.
Cause you now know where youare.
And so I was like, Hmm, right.
Well, we go in one direction andwe have lost ourselves.
Sometimes we got to go theopposite way to get back to who

(08:59):
we are.
Another lesson that my mothertaught me with direction, this
applies even if y'all stillusing ways in Google.
She said that if you think youhave gone far enough, go a
little further.
Cause how many times have youguys turned too soon?
We just did it on a girl'sweekend and I'm going to tell
you we turned too soon and Iended up in a space where it

(09:21):
said private property triggerhappy rednecks ahead because we
probably should have went alittle further and in the
directions like all the girlswas we were this is a girl's
trip we're riding together andThey were so concerned because
it's like, Hey, it's sixchocolate chicks in this truck

(09:43):
are we in the right area?
Should we be here?
I don't know.
Where's this cabin?
It was complete like wait aminute Hold up and when we had
to go back and go back to thedirections the directions were
to go to the water You had to godown to the water and you had to
turn right on a street and Isaid look We, I do not think

(10:04):
that we have gone far enough.
I'm going back down and I wasdriving.
I'm going back down and we'regoing to go a little further.
We're not going to make thatshop right with trigger happy
rednecks with six chocolatechicks in a truck, but we're
going to go a little further.
And when we went further and wemade that right turn on the

(10:25):
right street, the place that welanded was absolutely beautiful.
It was beautiful.
It was comfortable.
It was cozy.
And in that moment, my mom'sdirections applied.
But I'm sharing with you thatthat same direction applies in

(10:45):
life when it comes to yourgrief.
When you think you have not gonefar enough, go a little further.
Meet a new friend.
Have a new relationship.
Marry again if that is for you.
Keep going.
Don't stop.

(11:06):
Sometimes we get off a littletoo soon.
But keep going.
I was dating someone who reallyat this one time.
And y'all know I'm random ashell.
So y'all know y'all on therandomest podcast ever, but I
was in this relationship whereWhen it ended and it seemed to

(11:26):
be this on again off againthing, right?
And we would end for like monthsor sometimes months sometimes
weeks, whatever But when it wasfor a period of time like months
I went through a grieving stageof like what am I doing?
What are we going to do leavingthat space open?
but as soon as I was ready toKeep going They would be back

(11:50):
again.
And we had, we had a connectionthat was like, Ooh, childhood
and rev up your spirits.
Right.
But they would always feel like,well, you've been out dating and
I was like, hell yeah.
Why the hell would you think I'mnot like your, your exit doesn't
mean that I should stop.
if you exit my life, thatdoesn't mean that that is the

(12:11):
end for me.
That means I must keep going.
You weren't my finaldestination.
I might've took a sharp turn tothe trigger happy redneck
territory, but right now it saysmy direction says go a little
further.
I had my time of grieving, butit was time to keep going.

(12:35):
And today.
I just want to share that withyou because my mom is absolutely
amazing and what she has givenme.
And I miss her and I love her.
But even when you are in yourgrieving stages, some days are
good, some days are bad, but yougot to keep going, in the right

(12:57):
direction.
And I just want you to know thatyou will land And the most
beautiful comfortable space thatis just for you.
Sometimes the death of thoseships is what you need to go
forward.
The job ended and you start anew one that is or start your

(13:18):
own business, which is a storyof mine.
I was comfortable in a space andthey became uncomfortable in my
work environments.
It happened to me twice.
And I ended up landing in aspace that was better than the
last.
But today I want y'all to keepgoing, go a little further.
Those ships gonna sail.

(13:40):
And so will you.
I appreciate you and I amgrateful and I know that you
could be anywhere else.
You got options and you chose metoday.
Thank you.
And until next time on arandomness podcast ever, enjoy
your day on purpose.