Love Bombs & Broken Promises

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Is it really chemistry, or is it chaos disguised as a situationship starter pack? Love bombing is when someone comes in hot, throwing compliments, gifts, and romantic gestures. If it's too intense at the beginning, it's pretty obvious to see the red flags. The subtle kind gets trickier.

Don't confuse attention for connection. 

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Music credit: LA Nightlife by Full Frontal Audio
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Episode Transcript

Patrice B (00:43):
Hey, hey, hey.
Welcome back to Tacos, tequilaTherapy and the tea, the podcast
where we tell the truth.
Take the shots and do the damnwork.
I am your host Patrice B.
And today, baby, we are blowinga lid off.
One of the most confusing,emotionally chaotic

(01:06):
rollercoasters out there.
Love bombs, broken promises, andthe toxic tornado we keep
calling chemistry.
Now is it really chemistry or isit chaos disguised as a
situation Ship starter pack.
Let's talk about it.

(01:26):
Baby.
Buckle up because this one isabout to get spicy, personal and
also real.
It's coming with a side ofseller today.
I kept it light.
The topic was already hotenough.
So first, let's start out.
What is love bombing?
Let's break it down.

(01:47):
Love bombing is when someonecomes in hot compliments you,
gives you gifts, romanticgestures, all that.
I've never felt this way before.
Energy.
It's fast as hell.
It's intense.
It's dreamy, honey.
But behind the scenes it's notalways about love.

(02:11):
Sometimes it's about control.
Well, we always think about lovebombing in its extremes.
Extreme love bombing probablylooks like booking trips too
early, talking marriage aftertwo weeks, texting nonstop and
getting mad if you don't respondimmediately.

(02:31):
All mass as I'm just caring.
But the subtle kind, becausethere are some subtle ways that
love bombing happens that wedon't really think about.
And this is where it just gets alittle tricky because it's so
subtle.
I love how outspoken you are.

(02:51):
And then later there it don't,they say that's too much or they
don't like it.
You're independent until theystart guilt tripping you for
working too late or not needingthem.
Trauma dumping too soon tocreate fake intimacy.
Mirroring all your interests toperfectly.
And I'm gonna tell you, I had amotherfucker that was willing to

(03:13):
be like, Hey, what you doing?
And I'm telling you, when theyain't got no friends and they
trying to do all this you do,please go about your business
saying, I need you after threedates and guilting you for
needing space.
Baby, that's not romance.
That's a red flag wrapped in alove song.

(03:35):
Now me and my dating Chroniclesof being a professional dater,
this is self-proclaimed, by theway, self-proclaimed
professional dater.
I've met my fair share of love,balms and breadcrumbs.
And the ones who came on strong,only to step back later.

(03:57):
Sidebar, my not so midgetMidget, AKA.
My son says something hilariousin a conversation about
ghosting.
He says he's not a ghoster, he'sa step backer.
I mean, not this motherfuckerrebranding his toxic traits,
because, you know, people reallydo not like the negative
connotation put on things likeghosting or love bombing, so

(04:20):
they gotta reword it or mask itas something else.
But it was a real situation.
My son really felt like he was astep backer, but people love
bomb and then dip, and when youcall it what it is, they really
just don't like the label.
I have folks say that they lovemy boldness only to later dim

(04:41):
it.
They don't like the fuckinglight, which is crazy as hell.
They love my hustle and theycomplain about my damn schedule.
That's when you realize itwasn't really you.
They love.
It was the fantasy of who youcould be for them.
And that happens becauseinitially it looked good till I
get on that damn nerves.

(05:04):
But do some things like checkingin with yourself.
Let me say this loud andmotherfuck clear.
Please understand that intensitydoes not equal intimacy, and it
may be feeling good andpassionate and exciting in the

(05:25):
beginning.
Cons, consuming your time.
But sometimes we confuseattention for connection.
And when it really hits yourass, you are left wondering what
the hell?
Just it.
I find myself having to ask thatoften.
Like, what the fuck?
How do we get here?

(05:47):
I be looking around confused.
It's crazy as hell.
And then you have to sit aroundand you have to ask yourself, am
I being seen or idealized?
Is this a real damn connection?
Or am I reacting to how muchthey need me?

(06:09):
Do I feel flattered or do I feelsafe?
And that's a big one for mebecause I really need to feel
safe in the connection.
I get all the shits, oh, you'rebeautiful.
You're this, you're that.
But then they'll turn around anddo things that make you feel
unsafe in the connection.

(06:32):
And then, do you have space foryour boundaries?
Or are you fucking suffocating?
Are they consuming so much ofyou that you can't even think
straight?
And the reality is, is that youdeserve consistency, not
confusion.
You deserve to be chosen inpeace, not chased in chaos,

(06:53):
because we have to think abouthow it really comes to you like,
and those, those gay and lesbianconnections, honey, you got the
U-Haul.
They moving in, they moving out.
It happens so fast.
It's intense.
It's amazing.
They're married and divorcedwithin a year.
It starts out from this intenseconnection that really lacked

(07:19):
true intimacy.
So before you fall for thefantasy, pause and reflect when
it's real, it builds slowly andintentionally.
It won't rush or overwhelm you.
Love does not always.
It doesn't always have to comewrapped in fireworks to be real.

(07:44):
Shoot and baby butterfliessometimes that's just your damn
anxiety in the lace front.
Sit with that.
As always, thank you for lettingme sip and pour into you.
I do not take your time lightly,of course, and I hope you pour
back into yourself just as much.

(08:07):
Until next time, stay growing,stay real, and stay
unapologetic.