Still Playing House?

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Remember when you were a kid and everyone was playing house? Handing out roles like mom, dad, sister... Are you still doing that as a grownup?

Are you acting out roles like wife or department manager, before you actually have the part? Consider whether you're having permanent conversations with temporary people. Why would he deserve your "wife" status if he's not going to stick around? Why act as the manager before you're promoted?

More often than not, the person acting the role ultimately doesn't get the role. So, are you still playing house?

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Music credit: LA Nightlife by Full Frontal Audio
A Subito Media production

Episode Transcript

Patrice B (00:41):
Welcome back y'all.
We are back again with the mostrandomest podcast ever.
Now y'all know, like as I'vebeen talking to y'all on this
healed and healing journey, itlooks very different each week
I'm talking to y'all, right?
Like what that looks like.
Some weeks it's spicy.
Sometimes I'm coming throughwith a little message.

(01:02):
But something that I have beenlearning About over my years of
just dating And when I'm in mysingle girl era and I'm trying
to meet people And I do meetpeople and I meet some of the
most amazing people I do Andwhen I say amazing, right?
It's like I learned somethingfrom every connection that I

(01:25):
encounter I learned somethingevery time y'all I swear I do
And so I believe that they'reamazing.
Even if the situation is kind offoggy, I'm like, Oh, I learned
something.
And I appreciate them for theperson that they are and I'm
going on about my business.
But this lesson right now inthis day is that as a child, I
was very probably too damn oldfor my age was the way that I

(01:49):
would think, right.
And when I sit back and thinkabout things that I've thought
about as a child and how itresonates in my adulthood, I got
a crack up laughing.
I'd be like, Oh, who the hellwas I back then?
Like 10, nine, eight, 11, likethings that I think about that I
have said or done as a child.

(02:10):
And in my dating life now, I amthinking about what I did as a
child and how it resonates sothis message had to come with a
little wine, right?
Because this one is, this wineis a volette wine.
It's a red, it's bubbly, it'snot too sweet.
Um, I really enjoy it.
It's one I can enjoy at anytime.

(02:32):
one of my old lady friends putme on to this and I absolutely
have loved it every time I drinkit.
I share it with others.
Um, But I had to take a littlesip with this message because I
realized that as a child, Inever understood how to play
house.
I did not play house well.
I know some of y'all might belike, I can't believe that.

(02:53):
No, I'm good damn well.
I don't even seem like theperson I know how to play house.
I didn't.
People are like, I want to bethe mama.
You be the daddy.
Um, we going to be the kid.
You going to be the kid.
I did not want to be anybody.
I want to be the banker.
I want to be, I want to come tomy store and buy things.
That's what I would play.
Like I would make a cashregister out of anything.

(03:13):
I'm telling you, I would be theone back.
I'm going to have a store andyou could be the mom and daddy
and y'all got to come buy stufffor y'all kid at my store.
I don't get who it was.
Let that monopoly money comeout.
I will make a cash register outof anything.
And one of the things that Ithought about is that I didn't
even know how to play housethen.
I don't know how to play housenow.

(03:34):
I'm going to tell y'allsomething that I will not do in
my adulthood is have permanentconversations with temporary
people.
I'm not going to sit here and betalking about being husbands,
being wives, what we going to dowhen I know that your ass ain't
even going to be around.
I'm not even going to act like Iam going to be in a wife
position and I know that I don'twant to be there and that is not

(03:56):
the plan.
I ain't out here winning no damnOscars.
I'm not acting.
I'm not in an acting role.
And so it fascinates me whenpeople be like, Oh, well, she
started out one way and now heor she is different.
Well, because you wanted a damnactress, you wanted somebody to
play the role.
And in my dating life, I haveseen and encountered people who

(04:18):
believed that the people thatthey date or encountered should
already act as if they are awife.
Y'all can't hit it damn quick asI can.
Cause what makes you think thatI'm gonna sit here and play a
wife role to somebody I don'teven know is gonna be around?
I'ma show up, my damn name ain'tno Viola Davis, ain't no Taraji

(04:41):
P.
Henson, I am not an actress, Iain't winning no damn Oscars.
I'm not playing with you.
I am not going to show up inyour life as an acting wife
until you decide my value, ifthat's what I should be, because
if you don't see all thisgreatness right now, sir, or
ma'am, I won't be husband orwife to you.

(05:01):
That's the part that baffles me.
Like, some of these peoplereally think that they are the
catch.
And I mean, please understand,everybody should feel like they
are the catch.
And I say that in my mostsarcastic tone.
But when you are like, I'm theshit and you should act like you
the wife to be with me, it'scrazy.

(05:24):
It's crazy.
And I'm going to tell you eachand every time they have looked
at me crazy, but I'm like, I donot act.
I'm not playing with you.
Cause if you don't see thisgreatness now, you ain't never
gonna see it.
And you ain't my person.
Now over the years, like thatlooks very different, but I just

(05:45):
don't have permanentconversations with temporary
people.
and you know when you meetsomebody that they may not be
around for a long time, butthey're around for this time.
And I can talk about my future,but it ain't no we.
I don't turn French.
I will say I, until it is a we.
I don't get that.
And maybe some people do.

(06:07):
Do it, and it works for them.
But I believe that a hundredpercent people like, Oh, you got
to put in a hundred to get ahundred.
And if you want to be here, likewhat my a hundred percent looks
very different.
In different situations becauseI'm going to tell you if, if you
know what y'all already know, Igot full size to me.
I got passionate, positive,penitentiary and petty, right?

(06:31):
And if I'm penitentiary, I'mgoing a hundred percent in that
trust to believe me.
I mean it to a petty a hundredpercent in that too.
But if you want the passionateand positive, I'm a hundred
percent in there as well.
But that looks differentdepending on how I show up and
they are all me.
They're not different.
I'm not playing with you.
I'm going to stand 10 toes downand each of those people and how

(06:55):
they show up.
So in certain connections, I amstill a hundred.
I am still me, but who you getand how you get When you
encounter me, it's still ahundred percent.
Me is a hundred percent of me atthat moment.
And trust and believe when I'vegone further and I'm all in, you

(07:16):
still getting a hundred percentbecause I don't change me.
I don't show up as somebodyelse.
My current self leads me to myfuture self.
But even my current self is ahundred percent because that's,
that is who I am in this moment.
And until somebody makes you awife, how can you show up as a

(07:38):
wife?
You show up as an all ingirlfriend, but you ain't a wife
until you're a wife.
You're not a husband untilyou're a husband.
And it makes me think about thetime that TD Jake saying, you
know, we may talk about, youknow, he got a little stuff, a
little tricky in his life, butthe words that he may speak
sometimes resonates and I don'tlisten to him often.

(07:59):
And I came across one of hissermons one time and he was
talking about, you cannot expecta gallon out of a pint.
And, and it talked about howpeople show up and the 100
percent that they can give.
While you may be a person whowhen you give, it's like a
gallon and you're giving it, butthe other person, friend,

(08:24):
partner, whoever you're datingis a pint and they're giving you
their 100%.
At that time, that's all thatthey have to give.
But it's still a hundred.
Right.
And so we deem value based onour level of input sometimes.
And some people's a hundredpercent looks different.

(08:46):
And I believe that that is verytrue.
And I believe at some point,some people are a pint and
that's all that they can give atthat moment, but it doesn't mean
that they could not be a gallonlater.
On their healed and healingjourney and their growth that a
hundred percent is going to lookreal different.
Right.
And I believe that they might bea pint to some, because you know

(09:10):
how some people will get withsomebody and they have been with
them for a long time.
No future happens.
They played house.
Right.
For a while, they break up andyou see it all the time.
And then they go and get marriedlike six months later.
They gave you the a hundredpercent they could at that time,
but somebody else got adifferent hundred and that's a

(09:31):
new level to them.
And they're showing up in a waythat they did not show up for
you because it wasn't theirtime.
They gave you what they could atthe moment.
And if you want more or needmore, you have that discussion
of, I need more.
And if they are not able to dothat, then you move forward.
But I'm not the person to be inthe acting role.

(09:54):
That's like on your job.
Like, you know what I'm saying?
Those people that be actingmanager, be mad as hell.
Cause you ain't even gettingpaid for it.
You just acting.
They didn't, the Boston gotfired and they're like, Hey, you
the best one to fit.
Could you act in this role untilwe're ready to fill it?
And most of the time it onlywould come with the pay or the
benefits of that, that newlevel.

(10:16):
And y'all know every manager inthat position is not happy about
it.
They're doing double duty.
They're doing more work, notappreciate it, nor are they paid
for it.
You're now dealing with thingsand people that you don't even,
should not even be dealing with.
Cause that's not the level ofeven what your a hundred percent
was giving.
But because you gave a hundredpercent of the role, they felt

(10:38):
like, Oh, you should.
Possibly fill in his space andmore oftentimes than not, they
don't even really give it to theperson that's acting.
They go to an outside person,but y'all don't always hear me.
That same thing happens inrelationships that you will show
up every day to work and be yourbest at that position.

(10:59):
And when someone is fired in ahigher position, They want you
to act in that role until theydecide to fill that position.
And that position may not begiven to you.
A lot of people say I probablyshouldn't conduct relationships
like we conduct business, but Iblue believe it's like business.
It's like our workplaceenvironments.
It's where we spend a lot oftime, where we want to receive

(11:22):
benefit from, where we want thatnourishment.
But I want you guys to know thisdo not have permanent
conversations with temporarypeople You are not acting Don't
play house But note this at anypoint in your 100 percent of
giving you are worthy Your timeis coming.

(11:46):
Think about where you want to bein life and until next time,
thank you so much for spendingtime with me.
Until next time.