July 22, 2025 • 13 mins
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You know what I'm talking about. Do you keep finding yourself in the same kind of situationships with people that you thought had so much potential, but they never delivered? Do you find that you're pouring yourself into this person, just trying to help them be what you believe they can be, only to end up feeling depleted?
Those aren't partners - they're projects. Some people just don't have the capacity to give what you deserve in a relationship. You can't manifest a whole partner while entertaining half built people. Don't confuse someone's potential with compatibility!
I offer 1-to-1 training to help you find the systems, train the people, make it work and provide the best customer service in your salon. Send me a DM on Instagram to learn more! https://www.instagram.com/patricestar
Find out more about Patrice's courses and faves on her website https://www.thedesignstudiomd.com/
Music credit: LA Nightlife by Full Frontal Audio
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Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Patrice B (00:41):
Welcome back to tacos, tequila therapy and the
tea with your girl Patrice B.
You know where it's like yourgroup chat with a little bit
more healing and less judgment.
We back again now y'all don'tjudge me.
'cause I told y'all I took alittle break, but I told y'all
last time that I was back withthe shit.
I had some things that was on mymind that I had been wanting to
share.
(01:02):
I've really been like, you know,it's just something I be patric
in.
I sit, I think, and I process.
Woo Child.
Let's talk about this one todaybecause this one hasn't been a
thought of mine for a minute,and it's why do we keep a track
of projects instead of partners?
I know I can't be the only oneout here asking these questions,
(01:22):
and I hope when you ask thatquestion that you are not the
partner.
You are really the partner.
I hope that's you, sis, sir,whoever, because we don't even
realize that we are trapped init.
You know what I mean?
Like, and it's gotta be likethose people who need fixing,
you gotta build, you gotta fixthem, or you gotta pray for
(01:42):
their damn potential.
You gotta pray them into thepotential of what you see.
Meanwhile, you sitting theredrained, confused, and ghosted
just depleted.
cause you done pulled so muchinto someone who needed fixing
and hopefully today, maybe Icould give you some of this
Patrice Beef's perspective, butI hope that we end this in 2025
(02:04):
if it's you and just figuringout what's really going on when
you keep choosing people whodon't show up fully for you and
how to stop entertaining them.
Ships, dynamics, whatever youwanna call it.
With folks who need a parentsnot a partner, because we
probably can reflect back whenwe've been like, oh, I dated
(02:26):
such and such.
Or you've seen that in someone.
We might even know a friendwho's dated someone who would,
was more like, uh, they weretheir parents, but they weren't
a partner.
And hey.
Sometimes it could just be us inthat moment, and we don't really
realize this.
If your goals and your prayersdon't match your actions, you're
(02:49):
gonna keep getting the samelesson.
Now, I'm that friend, not to bea messed up.
I'm telling you I had me alittle fuck up, excuse the
language, but I do.
I learned the lesson, and then Imove forward.
I learn, especially when thelesson hurts me.
I definitely am one.
Like, Ooh, don't do that again,but I will do is go make a whole
(03:11):
new mistake and gotta figure mylife out.
But then you've been sittingthere asking God for someone who
sees you, loves you, and matchesyour energy.
'cause somebody famous forsaying, I want somebody match my
energy.
But they don't always checktheir energy first.
Don't let that be you.
'cause we, we, we take itaccountability.
Let's not forget that we aretalking about these other people
that we encountered, but some ofthat should be us.
(03:33):
But you keep picking people evenwith these prayers who need fix
it.
And then when that shit all fallapart, they ghost you.
You blame yourself.
And that cycle starts againbecause did we really learn the
lesson?
Did we get it?
What were we supposed to getfrom this connection with this
person?
(03:53):
And it might not have been yourfuture, but the truth is, is
that your healing and yourstandards have to catch up with
your prayers.
You can't manifest a wholepartner while entertaining half
built people before this one,and I may have told you guys
this before.
I was listening to something andyou know how a video pops up.
(04:14):
I don't even watch tv.
Jakes on a regular, but this onething has always stuck out to
me, and it was, and how he said,you can't expect a gallon outta
a pint.
And it's like, if that person'spotential, how they are.
Their capacity is only a pintand you are a gallon.
You cannot expect a gallon outof someone who their capacity is
(04:37):
only a pint.
They're given their a hundredpercent.
While your a hundred percent maylook like a gallon, theirs is
given a pint, and you can'texpect more from people who
can't give you any more thanwhat they have.
Yet we are trying to push them,do more, be more, and that's all
(04:57):
that they have to give.
But I, but you gotta think like,why, why the hell do we even do
that?
Why do we keep doing it?
Because, you know what?
I realize that sometimes beingneeded feels, feels good.
Oh, don't be the strong one.
Being strong is familiar.
(05:19):
I've always been known to belike the person who is strong
and get it done.
I'm out here trying to be superSabo ho sometimes, and we gotta
bring it on back because I wouldattract people who need a parent
and because sometimes we canconfuse people's potential with
Compatibility When you think ofI'm, I'm definitely the miss
(05:41):
rosy colored glasses.
I see people's potential a mileaway.
I'll be like, oh, you could dothis.
But what I realized is that Isaw the potential of who they
could be alongside me and myhealing journey and growth.
So I gave them, I was giving outpayday loan type of money off
one paycheck.
You could be great.
(06:03):
You got the money to pay backthis loan.
I'm giving you all types ofcredit where credit wasn't even
due.
They did not deserve that muchcredit'cause they was giving pay
energy and I was trying to makethem a gallon'cause of where I
saw it going.
I saw where they could be withme.
the reality is potential don'tpay no damn emotional bills.
(06:24):
But it all boils down to it whenyou drained.
Depressed, tired, wondering whythings are not going right.
It's because you are trying topour into someone's future
potential that they do notpossess at this moment or nor do
they desire it.
But then we get to that level ofwhat we gonna do to stop shit,
(06:45):
right?
how do we pause on attractingthese people?
And sometimes I do believe wehave to realize where we are in
life get clear about what thefuck we actually want, what you
deserve, and know that it's notyour wants and your desires.
They are valid.
It's okay, but you gotta beclear about what you want.
(07:08):
Because what happens is that youend up settling for some whole
other shit that you do notdeserve because you don't even
know what you want or what youdesire really.
And those damn red flags thatpeople show you, and I believe
this, people will tell you whothe hell they are.
A lot of people be like, oh,that representative showed up.
(07:30):
Damn representative.
You see how they are with otherpeople.
You can see when a relationshipends and you see that you have
someone who has children thatthey do not take care of, aren't
adults.
If you got a child, if you'redating someone, this is male or
female.
(07:50):
'cause I've seen it on bothends.
I've had a friend who was datinga female and this female had a
whole bunch of time to spendwith them.
Like time.
And I was like, where did sheget all this time?
But I mean, I, this point I justthought she was a just, she
didn't have any children.
She was single.
She was living her best life.
They were attached to doingthings and she's over there.
(08:12):
Time this, this woman had likefour kids and some I'm talking
about reach out and touch'emthat needed to go to school.
Needed to be picked up.
Ah, she up your ass and shedon't have her kids.
Will you think that that's goingred flag?
If you are dating a man and hehas children that are in an area
(08:33):
that's close to him and hehasn't seen them, he don't pick
them up from school, he ain'tdropping nobody off.
He ain't at a game, he ain't ata dance recital.
You haven't seen them, but hejust with you this, that might
be a problem.
That is a red flag.
I don't care how well hesupposedly treats you.
(08:54):
That's still a red flag.
Where do you think that thatrelationship's going?
If he can negate hisresponsibilities, and that's
just talking about children.
There's so many other things,how they treat their parents,
how do they treat people whenthey go out?
All of those things give you asign of who are we dealing with?
Do they really move towards thegoals that they say that they
(09:15):
want for themselves?
Sometimes you gotta really sitand pay attention.
All you gotta do is listen.
Because if a representativedoesn't really show up, give
people time.
They show you exactly who theyare Now, stop making excuses
when you see that shit.
Don't, don't sugarcoat it.
Don't go for the potential.
Realize they are where they areright there.
(09:36):
And if that's something that youwanna deal with.
And you gotta trust that theright person won't need you to
shrink or sacrifice yourself tofeel loved.
I definitely had an experiencewhere they were much better.
As long as I wasn't shining,more I shined, the more
uncomfortable they became.
(09:57):
Which is so unfortunate, likewhy is it that way?
Why are you that way?
And I was asking these things,but whatever they could do to
dim that light made them feelbetter about themselves.
And when they realized theycouldn't dim the light, they
were uncomfortable as hell.
And I realized, gotta get outtathis because,'cause this isn't
(10:18):
healthy.
Sir, ma'am, we gotta understandthat we have to realize our
value, what we actually want.
Don't make excuses for thesecrazy people out here.
Be aware.
Listen conversations.
Don't be dreaming of thepossibilities.
Deal with the people right nowfor who they, who they are.
(10:43):
Let's do this.
I know I want you to repeatafter me'cause maybe we can talk
ourselves into the better shitgoing forward, better attitudes,
understanding potential repeatafter me.
I am not a rehab center.
(11:04):
I am not a construction site.
I am not a project manager.
Not in my relationship, maybe atwork, but definitely not in your
relationship.
And so this was just my way ofrealizing like we, we are out
here gonna live our best livesand in this healing journey, you
(11:26):
going to have some bumps in theroad.
Some people are gonna make youdiscover things about yourself.
But I hope in the process.
You are not attracting peoplewho are draining you, who don't
deserve you, who are leeches onyour, your healing journey, your
growth and your potential ofwhere you're going.
(11:48):
I hope you don't try to createsome new projects and try to
make somebody better to get, getthem to somewhere that they
don't even wanna be.
You want them to be, but theydon't even wanna be there this
week.
How about doing something likewrite down three non-negotiables
And that's, we ain't talkingabout height women.
(12:10):
I know you want somebody sixfeet, but write down some other
non-negotiables.
I wanna hear somebody say, y'allwant somebody to go to the gym
and you don't even go to thegym.
Some real non-negotiables.
Behavior that you're just nolonger willing to accept.
Because most of the time, like Itold you guys before, when I
write down something and I seeit for what it is, really being
(12:33):
clear on what I want, and it'salways come to fruition for me.
I try it.
So let's get clear so we canstop attracting these God
projects and get us some realpartners out here.
We gonna keep struggling unlessalways y'all.
Thank you for spending time withme and sharing your energy.
I literally, I swear I don'ttake it lightly.
(12:56):
for letting me pour to you justfor a little while, and I hope
you pull back into yourself thisweek and until next time, stay.
Welcome back to tacos, tequila therapy and the
tea with your girl Patrice B.
You know where it's like yourgroup chat with a little bit
more healing and less judgment.
We back again now y'all don'tjudge me.
'cause I told y'all I took alittle break, but I told y'all
last time that I was back withthe shit.
I had some things that was on mymind that I had been wanting to
share.
(01:02):
I've really been like, you know,it's just something I be patric
in.
I sit, I think, and I process.
Woo Child.
Let's talk about this one todaybecause this one hasn't been a
thought of mine for a minute,and it's why do we keep a track
of projects instead of partners?
I know I can't be the only oneout here asking these questions,
(01:22):
and I hope when you ask thatquestion that you are not the
partner.
You are really the partner.
I hope that's you, sis, sir,whoever, because we don't even
realize that we are trapped init.
You know what I mean?
Like, and it's gotta be likethose people who need fixing,
you gotta build, you gotta fixthem, or you gotta pray for
(01:42):
their damn potential.
You gotta pray them into thepotential of what you see.
Meanwhile, you sitting theredrained, confused, and ghosted
just depleted.
cause you done pulled so muchinto someone who needed fixing
and hopefully today, maybe Icould give you some of this
Patrice Beef's perspective, butI hope that we end this in 2025
(02:04):
if it's you and just figuringout what's really going on when
you keep choosing people whodon't show up fully for you and
how to stop entertaining them.
Ships, dynamics, whatever youwanna call it.
With folks who need a parentsnot a partner, because we
probably can reflect back whenwe've been like, oh, I dated
(02:26):
such and such.
Or you've seen that in someone.
We might even know a friendwho's dated someone who would,
was more like, uh, they weretheir parents, but they weren't
a partner.
And hey.
Sometimes it could just be us inthat moment, and we don't really
realize this.
If your goals and your prayersdon't match your actions, you're
(02:49):
gonna keep getting the samelesson.
Now, I'm that friend, not to bea messed up.
I'm telling you I had me alittle fuck up, excuse the
language, but I do.
I learned the lesson, and then Imove forward.
I learn, especially when thelesson hurts me.
I definitely am one.
Like, Ooh, don't do that again,but I will do is go make a whole
(03:11):
new mistake and gotta figure mylife out.
But then you've been sittingthere asking God for someone who
sees you, loves you, and matchesyour energy.
'cause somebody famous forsaying, I want somebody match my
energy.
But they don't always checktheir energy first.
Don't let that be you.
'cause we, we, we take itaccountability.
Let's not forget that we aretalking about these other people
that we encountered, but some ofthat should be us.
(03:33):
But you keep picking people evenwith these prayers who need fix
it.
And then when that shit all fallapart, they ghost you.
You blame yourself.
And that cycle starts againbecause did we really learn the
lesson?
Did we get it?
What were we supposed to getfrom this connection with this
person?
(03:53):
And it might not have been yourfuture, but the truth is, is
that your healing and yourstandards have to catch up with
your prayers.
You can't manifest a wholepartner while entertaining half
built people before this one,and I may have told you guys
this before.
I was listening to something andyou know how a video pops up.
(04:14):
I don't even watch tv.
Jakes on a regular, but this onething has always stuck out to
me, and it was, and how he said,you can't expect a gallon outta
a pint.
And it's like, if that person'spotential, how they are.
Their capacity is only a pintand you are a gallon.
You cannot expect a gallon outof someone who their capacity is
(04:37):
only a pint.
They're given their a hundredpercent.
While your a hundred percent maylook like a gallon, theirs is
given a pint, and you can'texpect more from people who
can't give you any more thanwhat they have.
Yet we are trying to push them,do more, be more, and that's all
(04:57):
that they have to give.
But I, but you gotta think like,why, why the hell do we even do
that?
Why do we keep doing it?
Because, you know what?
I realize that sometimes beingneeded feels, feels good.
Oh, don't be the strong one.
Being strong is familiar.
(05:19):
I've always been known to belike the person who is strong
and get it done.
I'm out here trying to be superSabo ho sometimes, and we gotta
bring it on back because I wouldattract people who need a parent
and because sometimes we canconfuse people's potential with
Compatibility When you think ofI'm, I'm definitely the miss
(05:41):
rosy colored glasses.
I see people's potential a mileaway.
I'll be like, oh, you could dothis.
But what I realized is that Isaw the potential of who they
could be alongside me and myhealing journey and growth.
So I gave them, I was giving outpayday loan type of money off
one paycheck.
You could be great.
(06:03):
You got the money to pay backthis loan.
I'm giving you all types ofcredit where credit wasn't even
due.
They did not deserve that muchcredit'cause they was giving pay
energy and I was trying to makethem a gallon'cause of where I
saw it going.
I saw where they could be withme.
the reality is potential don'tpay no damn emotional bills.
(06:24):
But it all boils down to it whenyou drained.
Depressed, tired, wondering whythings are not going right.
It's because you are trying topour into someone's future
potential that they do notpossess at this moment or nor do
they desire it.
But then we get to that level ofwhat we gonna do to stop shit,
(06:45):
right?
how do we pause on attractingthese people?
And sometimes I do believe wehave to realize where we are in
life get clear about what thefuck we actually want, what you
deserve, and know that it's notyour wants and your desires.
They are valid.
It's okay, but you gotta beclear about what you want.
(07:08):
Because what happens is that youend up settling for some whole
other shit that you do notdeserve because you don't even
know what you want or what youdesire really.
And those damn red flags thatpeople show you, and I believe
this, people will tell you whothe hell they are.
A lot of people be like, oh,that representative showed up.
(07:30):
Damn representative.
You see how they are with otherpeople.
You can see when a relationshipends and you see that you have
someone who has children thatthey do not take care of, aren't
adults.
If you got a child, if you'redating someone, this is male or
female.
(07:50):
'cause I've seen it on bothends.
I've had a friend who was datinga female and this female had a
whole bunch of time to spendwith them.
Like time.
And I was like, where did sheget all this time?
But I mean, I, this point I justthought she was a just, she
didn't have any children.
She was single.
She was living her best life.
They were attached to doingthings and she's over there.
(08:12):
Time this, this woman had likefour kids and some I'm talking
about reach out and touch'emthat needed to go to school.
Needed to be picked up.
Ah, she up your ass and shedon't have her kids.
Will you think that that's goingred flag?
If you are dating a man and hehas children that are in an area
(08:33):
that's close to him and hehasn't seen them, he don't pick
them up from school, he ain'tdropping nobody off.
He ain't at a game, he ain't ata dance recital.
You haven't seen them, but hejust with you this, that might
be a problem.
That is a red flag.
I don't care how well hesupposedly treats you.
(08:54):
That's still a red flag.
Where do you think that thatrelationship's going?
If he can negate hisresponsibilities, and that's
just talking about children.
There's so many other things,how they treat their parents,
how do they treat people whenthey go out?
All of those things give you asign of who are we dealing with?
Do they really move towards thegoals that they say that they
(09:15):
want for themselves?
Sometimes you gotta really sitand pay attention.
All you gotta do is listen.
Because if a representativedoesn't really show up, give
people time.
They show you exactly who theyare Now, stop making excuses
when you see that shit.
Don't, don't sugarcoat it.
Don't go for the potential.
Realize they are where they areright there.
(09:36):
And if that's something that youwanna deal with.
And you gotta trust that theright person won't need you to
shrink or sacrifice yourself tofeel loved.
I definitely had an experiencewhere they were much better.
As long as I wasn't shining,more I shined, the more
uncomfortable they became.
(09:57):
Which is so unfortunate, likewhy is it that way?
Why are you that way?
And I was asking these things,but whatever they could do to
dim that light made them feelbetter about themselves.
And when they realized theycouldn't dim the light, they
were uncomfortable as hell.
And I realized, gotta get outtathis because,'cause this isn't
(10:18):
healthy.
Sir, ma'am, we gotta understandthat we have to realize our
value, what we actually want.
Don't make excuses for thesecrazy people out here.
Be aware.
Listen conversations.
Don't be dreaming of thepossibilities.
Deal with the people right nowfor who they, who they are.
(10:43):
Let's do this.
I know I want you to repeatafter me'cause maybe we can talk
ourselves into the better shitgoing forward, better attitudes,
understanding potential repeatafter me.
I am not a rehab center.
(11:04):
I am not a construction site.
I am not a project manager.
Not in my relationship, maybe atwork, but definitely not in your
relationship.
And so this was just my way ofrealizing like we, we are out
here gonna live our best livesand in this healing journey, you
(11:26):
going to have some bumps in theroad.
Some people are gonna make youdiscover things about yourself.
But I hope in the process.
You are not attracting peoplewho are draining you, who don't
deserve you, who are leeches onyour, your healing journey, your
growth and your potential ofwhere you're going.
(11:48):
I hope you don't try to createsome new projects and try to
make somebody better to get, getthem to somewhere that they
don't even wanna be.
You want them to be, but theydon't even wanna be there this
week.
How about doing something likewrite down three non-negotiables
And that's, we ain't talkingabout height women.
(12:10):
I know you want somebody sixfeet, but write down some other
non-negotiables.
I wanna hear somebody say, y'allwant somebody to go to the gym
and you don't even go to thegym.
Some real non-negotiables.
Behavior that you're just nolonger willing to accept.
Because most of the time, like Itold you guys before, when I
write down something and I seeit for what it is, really being
(12:33):
clear on what I want, and it'salways come to fruition for me.
I try it.
So let's get clear so we canstop attracting these God
projects and get us some realpartners out here.
We gonna keep struggling unlessalways y'all.
Thank you for spending time withme and sharing your energy.
I literally, I swear I don'ttake it lightly.
(12:56):
for letting me pour to you justfor a little while, and I hope
you pull back into yourself thisweek and until next time, stay.
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