January 13, 2025 • 35 mins
Can you achieve an unoffendable state of mind, or is it just an idealistic dream? GentheBuilder and Kory tackle this thought-provoking question by examining how staying connected to our emotions is vital in a world of challenges. We share our insights on balancing the need to stay informed about current events with pursuing personal goals, ensuring we remain engaged without becoming detached or inadvertently offending others.
Through candid stories, we reveal how false positivity can overshadow serious problems, particularly within the healthcare sector. We spotlight the emotional hurdles nurses face, emphasizing the need for empathy and high emotional intelligence when dealing with patients who may unintentionally offend. The conversation extends to the misuse of power, advocating for improved training for those in authority to prevent abuse and create a more supportive environment.
Truth, apologies, and forgiveness are discussed as powerful tools for personal growth and conflict resolution.
Look up and elevate!
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:15):
Hey, it's Jen the Builder and Corey and you are
listening to Take the Elevator.
Yeah, there you go.
Speaker 2 (00:22):
That's what you're listening to.
Speaker 1 (00:23):
What a good time this is going to be.
're so glad you're here.
Yes, so before we get started,by the way, today's topic is on
offense being unoffendable, um,not offending, so forth, and so
on and we think that's a prettybig deal, especially right now
and at the beginning of the year.
(00:43):
But before we go any further,corey, we do want to speak of
things that are happening in LA.
A lot of our friends and familylive and we want to talk about
that.
Speaker 2 (00:57):
Yeah.
So you know, jen and I like tokeep our pulse, our finger on
the pulse, checking thetemperature and making sure that
we're not being attuned towhat's happening in the world
around us.
And so right now, there is asituation in LA with fires, and
so we just want to extend ournot apologies, but just our
(01:22):
understanding to you if you'regoing through something with the
fires burning houses andbusinesses and stuff like that.
Our prayers and thoughts arewith you and anything you're
going through, and I hope thatyou're reaching out and getting
the resources that you need sothat you can begin to put your
life back together.
Speaker 1 (01:43):
Yeah, and what really spoke to me over this whole
thing was being kind andcompassionate and coming
together as a community, aspeople are having to rebuild
literally from the ground up.
Speaker 2 (01:55):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (01:56):
And just keeping them , like you said, in your prayers
.
Your thoughts reach out to themand, yeah, yeah, it's a sad
situation.
It is Now, with that being said,because of that this is why
we're talking about offense,because if you follow my social
media, some of you may know thatsheriff's linky snake, which
was the first book I'veco-written on or written on
(02:18):
period, was, I'm supposed to beavailable on january 11th.
We believe that, because ofeverything that's going on right
now, amazon had to delay it, sothey've delayed it to the 17th
right.
So I have to tell you I felteven funny just posting that on
(02:38):
social media at such a time asthis.
And, corey, you do so well withprompting me in the mornings on
things I need to get done forgenco and the fuzzy furry forest
, and that morning you saiddon't forget to talk about the
release which is tomorrow, and Igave this long pause.
It was silent yeah and I said Ijust don't know that this is a
(03:03):
good time with everything goingon.
I feel like it shows us asdisconnected as, not in touch
with what's happening.
I don't want to offend anyone,I don't want to hurt anyone by
saying oh, by the way, you know,we've got a new book coming out
tomorrow.
Speaker 2 (03:19):
Right.
Speaker 1 (03:21):
And your response to me.
Speaker 2 (03:23):
Yeah, I just I didn't want, Jen to feel like life was
going to have to stop becauseof, you know, some things that's
happening in the world and soyou know we'd be stopping life
all the time if we do that, andto not feel like I need to do
this made me feel like our workwas going to be in vain.
(03:48):
But you see how sometimesthings work out for the
betterment anyway, because as wetried to release on the 11th,
there was something that came upand now we're pushed back to
the 17th, so I guess the timewill be more appropriate and
things just have a way ofworking themselves out.
Speaker 1 (04:05):
Yeah, yeah, so we're going to call this episode to
offend, to not offend, to not beoffended.
Speaker 2 (04:15):
Right.
Speaker 1 (04:15):
Right, Big, big call to duty at such a time as this.
So my first question, Corey isit realistic or idealistic to
strive for this state in today'sworld and what's happening?
Speaker 2 (04:31):
An unoffendable state of mind.
Is that what you're asking?
Yeah, I think it's achievable,but I don't think it's
beneficial.
Okay, say more beneficial.
Okay, say more.
I'll say it like this when youget to an unoffendable state of
mind, basically you've numbedyourself to a point to where not
(04:56):
much bothers you.
Yeah, you thicken your skin toa point to where you're not open
to some of the things that youprobably should be open to.
The receptors aren't firing iton all cylinders.
Nerve damage yeah, yeah you justdon't want to have to deal with
anything or anybody oranybody's stuff, not even
someone that you should bewanting to deal with right,
(05:17):
right.
Speaker 1 (05:18):
So if we were to define unoffendable um, it would
be the ability to maintainpeace internally right, or maybe
maintain our emotional responseto anything that activates or
triggers us emotionally how Iwould say maintain an emotional
response.
Speaker 2 (05:41):
Okay, yeah, and I chuckle with that, because I
know people that can turn offtheir emotions completely and
they just say I don't want to bebothered right now.
And sometimes it's a good thingto say that need us to be able
to feel and be able to, you know, have that emotional
(06:04):
intelligence to respond in theaccurate way and not turn off
the volume and people just aremute.
You want to be able to hearpeople, you want to be able to
check the pulse and see if theheartbeat is still going at a
rate that it's supposed to.
And let me segue Jen real quick, just so that you know I can
give, you know, our listeners, alittle bit of peace of mind.
(06:25):
I may come off as if I know awhole bunch of things, or I've
been through some things, or Ihave some expertise in this.
It's not that I think I know itall five years and I had to
deal with personality types andbehavior disorders and
(06:45):
populations the SH population,which is severely handicapped,
to ADHD to ADD population, fromnot kindergarten but elementary
to 22 years old.
So I took a lot of courses andclasses and trainings that you
know prepared me for that, thatgrueling job.
It's a tough job.
(07:05):
I would not recommend you toget into that.
If you're not prepared for whatyou're about to get into, so do
your research.
But that's what gives me someof the fuel and some of the
answers that I have aboutattitudes and behavioral
dysfunctions and even functionsthat are proper.
Speaker 1 (07:24):
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So great experience ineducation on your part, what I'm
bringing to the elevator todayas far as offenses, my life
experiences, absolutely.
And also being a nurse, becauseit's very important
relationship building not justwith the medical team you work
(07:45):
with, but with the patients thatyou care for, and then for
leadership development.
Man, there could be offensesall day long.
I mean, you could be assensitive, or I can be as
sensitive as well.
Wow, they reached out to me.
I extended an olive branch andnow that I need them to get on
board with a program that we'vebuilt for them, I'm not hearing
(08:07):
anything.
I'm offended.
Yeah, right, so those are thethings that are really on my
heart about the damage that wedo to ourselves when we create
an offense that may not even bethere.
You know that kind of way.
Yeah, so I've discovered thatone of the top killers of my
happiness is because of anoffense.
(08:29):
I've had moments where oneoffense can ruin my day, my week
, my month and even into my life, and so I'll share an offense
and, corey, please feel free toshare yours.
What's one big offense thatyou've had in life?
Well, man, I can name a few,but right now I'm just going to
keep it very simple to what mostof you may already know about
(08:52):
me being Filipino, and you knowI love.
I love my country and my people, and with any culture, you've
got such beautiful parts andthen you have parts that you're
just like man.
I wish we could learn from that.
So one of the things that Iwish we could learn from is the
focus that we have with ourfamily on weight.
(09:13):
Um, the Asian community periodis very about, um, weight loss,
being thin, and it was toughgrowing up as a chubby girl,
plus size woman in the Filipinoculture, because every time it's
(09:33):
about oh, did you gain someweight?
Is everything okay?
Or oh, you know, you look sobeautiful, you lost weight, huh,
wow, so, imagine, day in, dayout, and my offense grew bigger
and wider and more expansive.
(09:55):
And, uh, today, though and it Ididn't make this decision today,
quite a while ago, I said youknow, I'm gonna let go of that
offense, remembering that thisis part of the culture, right,
wrong or indifferent.
Again, I said I wish it couldchange.
Um, but sometimes people don'tmean to cause offense, and I'm
not saying create an out or anexcuse for things that are
(10:20):
harmful or hurtful.
You know what I mean.
Yeah, but for me to heal andhave peace, I had to reframe
that as in this is what theculture is.
It would take so muchintentionality and I've seen it
in my family because I voiced myopinions on this.
(10:40):
I've said this is how it harmsme, this is how it hurts my
children, so we need to changethat narrative Right.
So that's been great to be apart of that growth in my family
.
But, yeah, that was an offenseI carried for a long time.
Speaker 2 (10:56):
And I'm sorry that you had to carry that.
I think the world altogetherfocuses on weight a little bit
too much, and there's just somany other things we could
really be dialing in on.
Opposed to whether someone'sovereating or not, or under
eating or not eating at all,it's just a whole lot.
Speaker 1 (11:14):
Yes, it is, and you know I yeah, I'm going to say
one more thing.
I did have a moment in my lifetoo, and I haven't talked about
it on on the elevator much and Ican't wait to jump into that
space.
But I had a moment where I wason drugs and it was when I say a
moment is about six, about six,seven months, but it was pretty
(11:36):
extensive and with that I losta lot of weight.
You know how much falsepositive like just celebration I
received from family for thatkind of weight loss.
And inside I'm thinking, man,if you only knew that right now
I'm about to do a line and I'maddicted terribly to something
(12:01):
that's making me lose thisweight.
But yet it satisfied me to havethat kind of attention from my
family.
That's a hard thing, to youknow, to confess to.
Speaker 2 (12:13):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (12:14):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (12:15):
So proud of you on that.
Speaker 1 (12:17):
Thanks.
Speaker 2 (12:17):
Congratulations.
No, I know how it is to freesome of these things that we've
been held bondage and captive tofor so long, and when you
finally are able to voice it andsay it out loud and let people
hear and know this is what youstruggled with, or that you're
dealing with it.
Just it turns you into a wholenother being.
(12:38):
So I'm very grateful that youwere able to release that just
all over the world, right here,right now, today.
Thank you from the bottom of myheart.
So, one of the offenses that Iand let me address this because
you're a nurse- yeah.
And I'm sure there's a bunch ofnurses listening you guys have
(13:02):
the position of offense andbeing offended the most I've
ever seen in any otherprofession Because you're
dealing with people that aresick, hurting, going through
something.
Yes, so they're not trying tooffend, but they're trying to
get a point across, and so, andthey're trying to get a point
across and they're desperate,right, and they're desperate,
yeah.
Sometimes it's life and death.
(13:23):
So they're trying to get yourattention any way possible, and
sometimes it's offensive the waythat they're trying to get your
attention.
And then there's the nursewho's trying to help, but they
need to let the individual knowin order for me to help you, I
have to be able to do a, b or Cand so that may come off
(13:45):
offensive and the people ofservice that have to walk that
fine line of offending and notoffending on a regular basis,
every single day.
You're walking this line.
I don't walk that line veryoften because I am in the
(14:06):
service department, but I don'tdeal with people in that way.
So I just wanted to throw thatout there for all you wonderful
nurses all you wonderful nurses.
Speaker 1 (14:17):
Yeah, and Gray, what you did was such a beautiful
demonstration of something thatI've added to moments of
reflection.
For me is on why the offense?
So if I find myself beingoffended, I asked myself what's
triggered it, and let's solve itat the underlying issue.
In a situation like that, toyour point exactly.
And you're working with sickpeople, you're working with
(14:37):
people who have received a gravediagnosis for the first time,
or they're caring for a familymember and they're tired, and
that's when I say there's noroom for offense here.
It has no place here, becausewhat happens there takes away
the power to heal and theability to bring peace in a very
confusing mind, right?
So I think, as nurses orwhatever public servant you are,
(15:01):
that's what we're supposed tobring forward, is just that
ambassador of peace and safetyand protection.
Speaker 2 (15:10):
So that's such a good point and again, it's important
at that moment to not numbyourself, turn those receptors
off, because, as a nurse, ifsomeone is saying something to
you that's cutting you orhurting you or making you feel
some kind of way, you have tothen go into that high emotional
intelligence and say why wouldthey say that?
Speaker 1 (15:31):
What are they?
Speaker 2 (15:31):
really trying to say yes, and what do I need to give
them or share with them to, toright, mitigate this particular
situation?
So it's, it's all.
Speaker 1 (15:42):
It's a really uh fine dance that you're you're
performing right there really,it truly is, and I think that's
what our point is is to what yousaid earlier, cory, is don't
yourself, but take the time tofigure out what's making me feel
offended right now.
Right and is it really a thing,because sometimes we even get
(16:04):
offended when someone doesn'tsay anything.
I don't know if you've had thatexperience, have you?
Speaker 2 (16:09):
Or someone's not saying something and they should
.
Oh yeah.
And that's a part of my story.
Oh yeah, and that's a part ofwhat's my story.
Ok, what's been the mantra in mylife is, when someone that has
power has the gross abuse I saidgross abuse of power when
(16:32):
you've already been granted theposition of power, there's
absolutely, in my opinion, noreason for you to abuse that
power by being offensive.
Yeah, and that's what I'vedealt with in my life and I
really that's the one that Ijust don't understand, I don't
get and it puts you in a verydark space.
(16:53):
When people have that kind ofpower and when I say power like
three, four levels up above,whatever your job title is, and
they're implementing some kindof abusive power and offense
towards you, it has never madesense to me and it still doesn't
(17:14):
.
It has never made sense to meand it still doesn't.
But I wish that there were morepeople out there that could
train and help that person ofpower to understand you're not
moving the needle, you're notchanging things, you're making
it worse, and especially ifyou're doing it to someone who
works for you, because then it'sreally dangerous.
Speaker 1 (17:34):
I like to say say yeah, you're not moving the
needle, you're actually stabbing.
Yeah with the needle, yeahright.
So how do you get through thosemoments where you're
experiencing that?
Speaker 2 (17:45):
well, um, I was fortunate enough to at, during
my my stint, of this particularsituation.
I was was fortunate to be givenallies, and the allies
recognize almost immediatelythere's something wrong here and
(18:06):
someone has to do something.
And so, at that moment that theallies stepped in and begin to
help change the situation, itmade me see that you need people
as allies.
You need individuals in yourlife that will recognize the
(18:28):
dangers that are around you.
And again, it's one of thosefine dances that you got to
perform because you know you saythe wrong thing to a person of
power, you won't be employed.
Or you say the wrong thing andyou know you're getting
write-ups, or you know, everyoneknows all the different things
(18:51):
that can happen.
But the bottom line here is theanswer was and and still is
allies.
You know, and when you getallies that are willing to go
that extra mile to help you out,that's when you know okay, I'm
in a good space, I can, you know, now act accordingly, because I
had turned to that numb personthat I spoke about because I
(19:13):
just didn't know what else to do.
Speaker 1 (19:14):
So I just felt like yeah, it was starting to make
you bitter.
Speaker 2 (19:17):
I didn't even know who I was.
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (19:21):
I remember, I remember.
So, since you've brought usthere, I'm going to flip it a
little bit here.
So if you're that person whohas been given the privilege of
power, and with that privilegecomes a whole lot of
responsibility, right?
Um, I think it's reallyimportant that we seek out and
(19:45):
we we've talked about this theability to handle the truth.
So imagine that you are cory'sleader and he had he's saying
this about you, right?
What do you do with that?
Now, the leader in turn, canchoose to be offended and say
that's not my intention.
Um, he sounds pretty entitled,you know.
(20:08):
You know, you can just imaginesome of the things that a leader
might say, the things that aleader might say.
But what I say in that case isseek out the truth.
And I hate to use this becauseit's from the good book, the
Bible, so I don't mean to abuseit or take away from it, but the
(20:30):
truth will set you free, iswhat I want to say here.
So, when someone is speakingthe truth, especially when in
love, right man, have respectfor that and it's okay.
We, we who here hasn't offendedanyone, that's the thing.
Like that's what trips me out.
When someone says you'veoffended me, and then I in turn
(20:52):
get offended.
There is not one person I don'tbelieve who's not offended, and
what I mean is unintentionallytoo right.
A lot of people offend eachother without even knowing they
did, so that's where I'm alittle bit different.
Speaker 2 (21:05):
Okay so, and I have to wrap up the last story, but
I'll start right here because,um, typically when someone is
overtly offensive, um, there'sjust a lot of abuse receiving
and taking.
But when I turned into thatnumb individual, I began to
(21:28):
allow the, the abuse and offenseto be a sounding board, so I
just gave it right back at.
You know, you reciprocatedalmost immediately and and what
that turned into was of, justlike I said, I didn't even know
who I was at points in time inthat process, because I'm acting
the same way that I'm beingtreated.
(21:52):
So I did know that there weremoments when I was being
offensive to my grossly abusiveoffensive leader, and I guess I
did it on purpose.
I guess I did.
But let me tell you whathappened, because this is going
to blow everybody's mind Like Inever would have thought this
(22:14):
would have happened in a millionyears.
I'm going through this process.
The allies come in and it'smultiple allies, it's allies on
a higher level, it's allies on ahigher level, it's allies on
the same level and they begin towork with not only myself but
the leader as well.
Turns out, the leaderapproached me, and not because
(22:40):
he was told to and said I havegrossly abused my authority and
I have offended you.
He said I wish I could go backand change this, but I can't, so
all I can do is offer myapology.
Will you accept it?
Yes, and that has neverhappened to me in that kind of
(23:04):
way, the power of a heartfeltapology right.
Yeah, so I no longer feltoffended.
Speaker 1 (23:12):
Right, the release and that's what we're hoping for
is just the beginning of havingthese conversations, so you can
experience the freedom and thepeace from letting it go Now,
had he not apologized.
See, I'm always going to goworst case scenario because not
everyone feels compelled or isopen to what has happened and
(23:35):
vulnerable enough to apologize,right?
So what does one do when thatapology never happens?
Now here's me, and, yes, thisis positivity to the max and I'm
not going to apologize for it,because it's how I've learned to
work through these things.
At the end of the day, when theperson who is offended does not
(23:56):
apologize, I have a choice toeither have that hold me back or
to just go ahead and release itand forgive anyways, so I can
move on.
Speaker 2 (24:06):
Yeah so you're not carrying that burden?
Yeah, but I tell you what,though, Jen?
What's interesting is that theallies did something for me far
greater than anybody ever elsecould.
They allowed me to realize thatI'm not crazy.
I was crying this entire time.
I mean literally pleadingplease someone hear what I'm
(24:28):
saying, Listen to me, I'm notcrazy.
And then at the end it's am Icrazy?
Am I the one?
Is it me?
Speaker 1 (24:34):
Yeah, right, like I'm misinterpreting this Right.
Speaker 2 (24:38):
And then I even heard other people say you know, oh,
he's a problem, he's this, he'sthat even heard other people say
you know, oh, he's a problem,he's, he's this, he's that.
Uh, he may pose a bit of aproblem, you know, he's not, you
know the guy that?
And I was like, wow, I'm thatguy now.
But when the allies came, what?
What happened?
Was the instant relief to forsomeone to say that no, you're
(24:58):
not crazy, you're, you're not,you've been done wrong.
There's something here thatneeds to be addressed.
Speaker 1 (25:05):
And at that moment I began to regain who I was yeah,
it's a beautiful bounce backstory, I mean for both people
involved.
That very rarely happens, andwhen it does, it's a big deal
it's a huge deal and I'm hopingthat this leader, one of the
things that I'd hope because youknow I'm always about what I
learned from this what can Itake with me is that, um,
(25:28):
receiving honest feedbackusually is done best when it's
by invitation, right, you know?
Because then your mindset'sthere, you're, you're wanting to
pursue growth and you're saying, hey, what's some of my blind
spots?
and we all have them, right,they're called blind for a
reason for a reason, yeah yeah,one another thing, um that I'd
(25:51):
like to bring up and again, thisis going to be a two-parter, so
let's not rush through this,because it's such a good topic
is the critic that we all havein each other.
And, corey, I think I'm muchmore of a critic than you are I
will say If someone said, if wewere playing the newlywed game
(26:12):
although we're not newlywedwho's the biggest critic between
Corey and Jen?
It would be Jen Any day.
Speaker 2 (26:21):
Why do you say that, Jen?
Speaker 1 (26:23):
Oh, just because I am , I think.
Think you know.
Uh, there's a few reasons, andI love this part too.
Gory is when you realize thatyou have a certain
characteristic.
It's so cool to discover why itis that you are the way.
You are right, like what'shappened in your life that has
made you such a critic of otherpeople.
Um.
So I've identified those thingsand I've worked through it.
(26:46):
Now being non-critical is aneveryday goal for me, because
sometimes she shows up.
I'm like oh, who are you like?
Why are you here?
That is not cool right, right,so I just, it's just simple.
I always remember that I'vecaused a lot of offense to known
(27:10):
and unknown, especially as aleader.
Hearing you speak about aleader and I I believe that
there are times when a leaderdoes something not chronically
but you know, on occasion and itjust it upsets and it offends
and you have no clue because ofthe space that you were in or
(27:30):
you didn't mean anything by it.
Speaker 2 (27:32):
Right.
Speaker 1 (27:32):
Right, and so Wow.
Speaker 2 (27:35):
You just reminded me of something I'm sorry, no, it's
okay, for those of youlistening, I'm sure you're
probably trying to figure outhow that dynamic works, how this
dynamic works.
And Jen's my wife.
She's a leader, I'm her husband.
Speaker 1 (27:52):
And you're my leader.
Speaker 2 (27:54):
Well, there's that part, but I'm not a leader in in
the in management in theworkplace.
Yes, and so a lot of times, ourpoints of views are so night and
day, because you're seeing itfrom a management point of view,
I'm seeing it from an employerpoint of view, yeah, or employee
(28:15):
point of view, and so your,your mindset is typically to
defend the company at all costs.
Where mine is, I, I don't mindyou defending them, but it's
some stuff that's not right andso and I'm not talking about
just where we work, I'm talkingabout any work environment and
(28:36):
so I find myself having to againthat delicate fine dance,
because I'm not trying to offendyou and you're not trying to
offend me, so it's just a lot ofdelicate dances that we have to
perform in life.
Speaker 1 (28:51):
Yeah, it's tough, right, you're so right Because I
give you the perspective ofthat leader and my hope is
believe it or not, to comfortyou and say say, hey, there
might be something there thatthey.
My hope is they're not doingthis intentionally.
So I try to go there like, isthat a possibility?
Let me say no, no, no, no,because here's why.
(29:12):
And where I really want to go,of course, is your wife, and
when it comes to work, I, Idon't know.
I just give you that otherperspective.
But here's what I've learnedabout someone who's critical or
hypercritical, however you wantto look at that, it's a defense
mechanism, usually, for I'llspeak on my behalf, not for the
(29:33):
other people, because it'd belike I'm offended.
That's not why I do that, it'sbecause of your own shortcomings
, right?
Typically they say when someoneis hypercritical, there's some
internal work that needs tohappen there, being more
gracious, coming from a place ofcuriosity.
(29:56):
Instead of oh, I know, this iswhat they did and I can, I used
to say, oh, it's because I'm acase manager, and that's just
how we process.
It has to be quick.
We look at the signs andsymptoms and we do the thing
right.
Well, as I grew up, I realizedno, I'm actually a great case
(30:17):
manager because I already havethe characteristics to just
summarize and get straight tothe point and figure something
out, instead of spend more timein the discovery phase.
You know what I mean.
So how have I grown in this?
Whenever the critic comes up inme, same thing when is this
(30:38):
coming from?
What is this really about?
And man, it's tough, corey.
When you grow up being offendedand you get into adulthood and
the smallest thing can offendyou and you can start to develop
habits of just wanting to cutpeople off, like, oh no, I'm
setting a boundary, I don't, Idon't have room for that person
(31:01):
in life.
And that's where that beautiful, delicate balance is.
You set boundaries, but to whatextent Is there grace, even in
your friendships and yourrelationships?
You know what I mean.
Speaker 2 (31:11):
Well, I found out that there is not very much
grace, there's not muchextension of that boundary.
I mean, well, the boundary isway out there now, so you can't
get close to them.
But that's neither here northere at the end of the day.
At the end of the day, whatwe're working on is trying to
figure out how to do that dance.
Speaker 1 (31:33):
Yeah, and that'll be for the next episode, because we
I mean you could go into beingable to handle the truth right,
so you seek out the truth andthen we can grow into that.
Spaces of can I handle this?
We can go into looking atsocial media, for example.
If anyone found offense in thefact that we posted on the book
(31:58):
in the middle of crisis, that'ssomething for you to look at,
right.
Like we can be hypercritical,especially on social media,
because what do they call it?
Keyboard courage?
Right, we have all sorts ofthings to say, because we're not
actually facing that person ortalking to them and we will just
butcher and come againsteverything that they're sharing,
(32:20):
and so it can.
I think that environment reallybreeds for offense, and so I
think what we're seeing at theend of the day is our challenges
already start to be in thesespaces where, even this week,
you're looking at.
Okay, I just felt offended.
Let's figure out why.
Is this something that I canrespond to, over react to, you
(32:48):
know, and what is this reallyabout?
What's the underlying issuehere?
And keep it moving.
There's a lot more to this, butI think that's a good start is
just to notice the things thatare offending you.
Speaker 2 (33:00):
Absolutely what else, Corey?
I think if we go any further,we may end up in another 30 to
45 minute conversation.
Speaker 1 (33:10):
Yeah, and we've got so many different things.
I want to end with this, coreya couple episodes, if not the
last episode you had talkedabout manifesting, and I'm going
to couple that with justaffirmation during this time, as
we grow, as we find peace andfreedom from the things that
have held us because we hold onto the offense is simply this
(33:33):
this is my affirmation statementis that I choose peace over
offense.
That's my focus this week.
Like, how can I invite peaceover offense?
Yeah, okay, I'm with that.
Yeah, it's a bit deep today,guys, but you know, corey,
(33:54):
you've always told me, workingwith youth when we were younger,
you can't continue to give thembaby food.
At some point we've got to growin our nutrition as our
digestive systems mature and wehope after four years there's
been some maturation.
How do you say that word?
Speaker 2 (34:15):
maturity, let's do that one maturity of our
digestive system.
Speaker 1 (34:20):
You are so funny.
I know I'm like way excitedover this.
Anyhow, um don't forget,sheriff's league snake comes out
, hopefully, hopefully, guys, onthe 17th omg.
Um super excited about it, soit would be great if you could
help me reach my goal.
(34:40):
I'm trying to sell a hundredbooks on the first day of um.
We need momentum, we need abuild-up and I I'm excited about
that book, but I have to tellyou the next one coming up which
is supposed to come out onmother's day, that one near and
dear to our my goodness that one, though.
(35:02):
Um, I believe we were supposedto play a song for today.
If y'all are looking forward toit, I think we missed the bar
on that one We'll do it nextweek?
Yep, all right.
Well, you know us to take theelevator.
We say look up, and let'selevate Every day, elevate Every
(35:25):
day, elevate Every day, elevateEvery day, elevate Every day.
Hey, it's Jen the Builder and Corey and you are
listening to Take the Elevator.
Yeah, there you go.
Speaker 2 (00:22):
That's what you're listening to.
Speaker 1 (00:23):
What a good time this is going to be.
're so glad you're here.
Yes, so before we get started,by the way, today's topic is on
offense being unoffendable, um,not offending, so forth, and so
on and we think that's a prettybig deal, especially right now
and at the beginning of the year.
(00:43):
But before we go any further,corey, we do want to speak of
things that are happening in LA.
A lot of our friends and familylive and we want to talk about
that.
Speaker 2 (00:57):
Yeah.
So you know, jen and I like tokeep our pulse, our finger on
the pulse, checking thetemperature and making sure that
we're not being attuned towhat's happening in the world
around us.
And so right now, there is asituation in LA with fires, and
so we just want to extend ournot apologies, but just our
(01:22):
understanding to you if you'regoing through something with the
fires burning houses andbusinesses and stuff like that.
Our prayers and thoughts arewith you and anything you're
going through, and I hope thatyou're reaching out and getting
the resources that you need sothat you can begin to put your
life back together.
Speaker 1 (01:43):
Yeah, and what really spoke to me over this whole
thing was being kind andcompassionate and coming
together as a community, aspeople are having to rebuild
literally from the ground up.
Speaker 2 (01:55):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (01:56):
And just keeping them , like you said, in your prayers
.
Your thoughts reach out to themand, yeah, yeah, it's a sad
situation.
It is Now, with that being said,because of that this is why
we're talking about offense,because if you follow my social
media, some of you may know thatsheriff's linky snake, which
was the first book I'veco-written on or written on
(02:18):
period, was, I'm supposed to beavailable on january 11th.
We believe that, because ofeverything that's going on right
now, amazon had to delay it, sothey've delayed it to the 17th
right.
So I have to tell you I felteven funny just posting that on
(02:38):
social media at such a time asthis.
And, corey, you do so well withprompting me in the mornings on
things I need to get done forgenco and the fuzzy furry forest
, and that morning you saiddon't forget to talk about the
release which is tomorrow, and Igave this long pause.
It was silent yeah and I said Ijust don't know that this is a
(03:03):
good time with everything goingon.
I feel like it shows us asdisconnected as, not in touch
with what's happening.
I don't want to offend anyone,I don't want to hurt anyone by
saying oh, by the way, you know,we've got a new book coming out
tomorrow.
Speaker 2 (03:19):
Right.
Speaker 1 (03:21):
And your response to me.
Speaker 2 (03:23):
Yeah, I just I didn't want, Jen to feel like life was
going to have to stop becauseof, you know, some things that's
happening in the world and soyou know we'd be stopping life
all the time if we do that, andto not feel like I need to do
this made me feel like our workwas going to be in vain.
(03:48):
But you see how sometimesthings work out for the
betterment anyway, because as wetried to release on the 11th,
there was something that came upand now we're pushed back to
the 17th, so I guess the timewill be more appropriate and
things just have a way ofworking themselves out.
Speaker 1 (04:05):
Yeah, yeah, so we're going to call this episode to
offend, to not offend, to not beoffended.
Speaker 2 (04:15):
Right.
Speaker 1 (04:15):
Right, Big, big call to duty at such a time as this.
So my first question, Corey isit realistic or idealistic to
strive for this state in today'sworld and what's happening?
Speaker 2 (04:31):
An unoffendable state of mind.
Is that what you're asking?
Yeah, I think it's achievable,but I don't think it's
beneficial.
Okay, say more beneficial.
Okay, say more.
I'll say it like this when youget to an unoffendable state of
mind, basically you've numbedyourself to a point to where not
(04:56):
much bothers you.
Yeah, you thicken your skin toa point to where you're not open
to some of the things that youprobably should be open to.
The receptors aren't firing iton all cylinders.
Nerve damage yeah, yeah you justdon't want to have to deal with
anything or anybody oranybody's stuff, not even
someone that you should bewanting to deal with right,
(05:17):
right.
Speaker 1 (05:18):
So if we were to define unoffendable um, it would
be the ability to maintainpeace internally right, or maybe
maintain our emotional responseto anything that activates or
triggers us emotionally how Iwould say maintain an emotional
response.
Speaker 2 (05:41):
Okay, yeah, and I chuckle with that, because I
know people that can turn offtheir emotions completely and
they just say I don't want to bebothered right now.
And sometimes it's a good thingto say that need us to be able
to feel and be able to, you know, have that emotional
(06:04):
intelligence to respond in theaccurate way and not turn off
the volume and people just aremute.
You want to be able to hearpeople, you want to be able to
check the pulse and see if theheartbeat is still going at a
rate that it's supposed to.
And let me segue Jen real quick, just so that you know I can
give, you know, our listeners, alittle bit of peace of mind.
(06:25):
I may come off as if I know awhole bunch of things, or I've
been through some things, or Ihave some expertise in this.
It's not that I think I know itall five years and I had to
deal with personality types andbehavior disorders and
(06:45):
populations the SH population,which is severely handicapped,
to ADHD to ADD population, fromnot kindergarten but elementary
to 22 years old.
So I took a lot of courses andclasses and trainings that you
know prepared me for that, thatgrueling job.
It's a tough job.
(07:05):
I would not recommend you toget into that.
If you're not prepared for whatyou're about to get into, so do
your research.
But that's what gives me someof the fuel and some of the
answers that I have aboutattitudes and behavioral
dysfunctions and even functionsthat are proper.
Speaker 1 (07:24):
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So great experience ineducation on your part, what I'm
bringing to the elevator todayas far as offenses, my life
experiences, absolutely.
And also being a nurse, becauseit's very important
relationship building not justwith the medical team you work
(07:45):
with, but with the patients thatyou care for, and then for
leadership development.
Man, there could be offensesall day long.
I mean, you could be assensitive, or I can be as
sensitive as well.
Wow, they reached out to me.
I extended an olive branch andnow that I need them to get on
board with a program that we'vebuilt for them, I'm not hearing
(08:07):
anything.
I'm offended.
Yeah, right, so those are thethings that are really on my
heart about the damage that wedo to ourselves when we create
an offense that may not even bethere.
You know that kind of way.
Yeah, so I've discovered thatone of the top killers of my
happiness is because of anoffense.
(08:29):
I've had moments where oneoffense can ruin my day, my week
, my month and even into my life, and so I'll share an offense
and, corey, please feel free toshare yours.
What's one big offense thatyou've had in life?
Well, man, I can name a few,but right now I'm just going to
keep it very simple to what mostof you may already know about
(08:52):
me being Filipino, and you knowI love.
I love my country and my people, and with any culture, you've
got such beautiful parts andthen you have parts that you're
just like man.
I wish we could learn from that.
So one of the things that Iwish we could learn from is the
focus that we have with ourfamily on weight.
(09:13):
Um, the Asian community periodis very about, um, weight loss,
being thin, and it was toughgrowing up as a chubby girl,
plus size woman in the Filipinoculture, because every time it's
(09:33):
about oh, did you gain someweight?
Is everything okay?
Or oh, you know, you look sobeautiful, you lost weight, huh,
wow, so, imagine, day in, dayout, and my offense grew bigger
and wider and more expansive.
(09:55):
And, uh, today, though and it Ididn't make this decision today,
quite a while ago, I said youknow, I'm gonna let go of that
offense, remembering that thisis part of the culture, right,
wrong or indifferent.
Again, I said I wish it couldchange.
Um, but sometimes people don'tmean to cause offense, and I'm
not saying create an out or anexcuse for things that are
(10:20):
harmful or hurtful.
You know what I mean.
Yeah, but for me to heal andhave peace, I had to reframe
that as in this is what theculture is.
It would take so muchintentionality and I've seen it
in my family because I voiced myopinions on this.
(10:40):
I've said this is how it harmsme, this is how it hurts my
children, so we need to changethat narrative Right.
So that's been great to be apart of that growth in my family
.
But, yeah, that was an offenseI carried for a long time.
Speaker 2 (10:56):
And I'm sorry that you had to carry that.
I think the world altogetherfocuses on weight a little bit
too much, and there's just somany other things we could
really be dialing in on.
Opposed to whether someone'sovereating or not, or under
eating or not eating at all,it's just a whole lot.
Speaker 1 (11:14):
Yes, it is, and you know I yeah, I'm going to say
one more thing.
I did have a moment in my lifetoo, and I haven't talked about
it on on the elevator much and Ican't wait to jump into that
space.
But I had a moment where I wason drugs and it was when I say a
moment is about six, about six,seven months, but it was pretty
(11:36):
extensive and with that I losta lot of weight.
You know how much falsepositive like just celebration I
received from family for thatkind of weight loss.
And inside I'm thinking, man,if you only knew that right now
I'm about to do a line and I'maddicted terribly to something
(12:01):
that's making me lose thisweight.
But yet it satisfied me to havethat kind of attention from my
family.
That's a hard thing, to youknow, to confess to.
Speaker 2 (12:13):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (12:14):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (12:15):
So proud of you on that.
Speaker 1 (12:17):
Thanks.
Speaker 2 (12:17):
Congratulations.
No, I know how it is to freesome of these things that we've
been held bondage and captive tofor so long, and when you
finally are able to voice it andsay it out loud and let people
hear and know this is what youstruggled with, or that you're
dealing with it.
Just it turns you into a wholenother being.
(12:38):
So I'm very grateful that youwere able to release that just
all over the world, right here,right now, today.
Thank you from the bottom of myheart.
So, one of the offenses that Iand let me address this because
you're a nurse- yeah.
And I'm sure there's a bunch ofnurses listening you guys have
(13:02):
the position of offense andbeing offended the most I've
ever seen in any otherprofession Because you're
dealing with people that aresick, hurting, going through
something.
Yes, so they're not trying tooffend, but they're trying to
get a point across, and so, andthey're trying to get a point
across and they're desperate,right, and they're desperate,
yeah.
Sometimes it's life and death.
(13:23):
So they're trying to get yourattention any way possible, and
sometimes it's offensive the waythat they're trying to get your
attention.
And then there's the nursewho's trying to help, but they
need to let the individual knowin order for me to help you, I
have to be able to do a, b or Cand so that may come off
(13:45):
offensive and the people ofservice that have to walk that
fine line of offending and notoffending on a regular basis,
every single day.
You're walking this line.
I don't walk that line veryoften because I am in the
(14:06):
service department, but I don'tdeal with people in that way.
So I just wanted to throw thatout there for all you wonderful
nurses all you wonderful nurses.
Speaker 1 (14:17):
Yeah, and Gray, what you did was such a beautiful
demonstration of something thatI've added to moments of
reflection.
For me is on why the offense?
So if I find myself beingoffended, I asked myself what's
triggered it, and let's solve itat the underlying issue.
In a situation like that, toyour point exactly.
And you're working with sickpeople, you're working with
(14:37):
people who have received a gravediagnosis for the first time,
or they're caring for a familymember and they're tired, and
that's when I say there's noroom for offense here.
It has no place here, becausewhat happens there takes away
the power to heal and theability to bring peace in a very
confusing mind, right?
So I think, as nurses orwhatever public servant you are,
(15:01):
that's what we're supposed tobring forward, is just that
ambassador of peace and safetyand protection.
Speaker 2 (15:10):
So that's such a good point and again, it's important
at that moment to not numbyourself, turn those receptors
off, because, as a nurse, ifsomeone is saying something to
you that's cutting you orhurting you or making you feel
some kind of way, you have tothen go into that high emotional
intelligence and say why wouldthey say that?
Speaker 1 (15:31):
What are they?
Speaker 2 (15:31):
really trying to say yes, and what do I need to give
them or share with them to, toright, mitigate this particular
situation?
So it's, it's all.
Speaker 1 (15:42):
It's a really uh fine dance that you're you're
performing right there really,it truly is, and I think that's
what our point is is to what yousaid earlier, cory, is don't
yourself, but take the time tofigure out what's making me feel
offended right now.
Right and is it really a thing,because sometimes we even get
(16:04):
offended when someone doesn'tsay anything.
I don't know if you've had thatexperience, have you?
Speaker 2 (16:09):
Or someone's not saying something and they should
.
Oh yeah.
And that's a part of my story.
Oh yeah, and that's a part ofwhat's my story.
Ok, what's been the mantra in mylife is, when someone that has
power has the gross abuse I saidgross abuse of power when
(16:32):
you've already been granted theposition of power, there's
absolutely, in my opinion, noreason for you to abuse that
power by being offensive.
Yeah, and that's what I'vedealt with in my life and I
really that's the one that Ijust don't understand, I don't
get and it puts you in a verydark space.
(16:53):
When people have that kind ofpower and when I say power like
three, four levels up above,whatever your job title is, and
they're implementing some kindof abusive power and offense
towards you, it has never madesense to me and it still doesn't
(17:14):
.
It has never made sense to meand it still doesn't.
But I wish that there were morepeople out there that could
train and help that person ofpower to understand you're not
moving the needle, you're notchanging things, you're making
it worse, and especially ifyou're doing it to someone who
works for you, because then it'sreally dangerous.
Speaker 1 (17:34):
I like to say say yeah, you're not moving the
needle, you're actually stabbing.
Yeah with the needle, yeahright.
So how do you get through thosemoments where you're
experiencing that?
Speaker 2 (17:45):
well, um, I was fortunate enough to at, during
my my stint, of this particularsituation.
I was was fortunate to be givenallies, and the allies
recognize almost immediatelythere's something wrong here and
(18:06):
someone has to do something.
And so, at that moment that theallies stepped in and begin to
help change the situation, itmade me see that you need people
as allies.
You need individuals in yourlife that will recognize the
(18:28):
dangers that are around you.
And again, it's one of thosefine dances that you got to
perform because you know you saythe wrong thing to a person of
power, you won't be employed.
Or you say the wrong thing andyou know you're getting
write-ups, or you know, everyoneknows all the different things
(18:51):
that can happen.
But the bottom line here is theanswer was and and still is
allies.
You know, and when you getallies that are willing to go
that extra mile to help you out,that's when you know okay, I'm
in a good space, I can, you know, now act accordingly, because I
had turned to that numb personthat I spoke about because I
(19:13):
just didn't know what else to do.
Speaker 1 (19:14):
So I just felt like yeah, it was starting to make
you bitter.
Speaker 2 (19:17):
I didn't even know who I was.
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (19:21):
I remember, I remember.
So, since you've brought usthere, I'm going to flip it a
little bit here.
So if you're that person whohas been given the privilege of
power, and with that privilegecomes a whole lot of
responsibility, right?
Um, I think it's reallyimportant that we seek out and
(19:45):
we we've talked about this theability to handle the truth.
So imagine that you are cory'sleader and he had he's saying
this about you, right?
What do you do with that?
Now, the leader in turn, canchoose to be offended and say
that's not my intention.
Um, he sounds pretty entitled,you know.
(20:08):
You know, you can just imaginesome of the things that a leader
might say, the things that aleader might say.
But what I say in that case isseek out the truth.
And I hate to use this becauseit's from the good book, the
Bible, so I don't mean to abuseit or take away from it, but the
(20:30):
truth will set you free, iswhat I want to say here.
So, when someone is speakingthe truth, especially when in
love, right man, have respectfor that and it's okay.
We, we who here hasn't offendedanyone, that's the thing.
Like that's what trips me out.
When someone says you'veoffended me, and then I in turn
(20:52):
get offended.
There is not one person I don'tbelieve who's not offended, and
what I mean is unintentionallytoo right.
A lot of people offend eachother without even knowing they
did, so that's where I'm alittle bit different.
Speaker 2 (21:05):
Okay so, and I have to wrap up the last story, but
I'll start right here because,um, typically when someone is
overtly offensive, um, there'sjust a lot of abuse receiving
and taking.
But when I turned into thatnumb individual, I began to
(21:28):
allow the, the abuse and offenseto be a sounding board, so I
just gave it right back at.
You know, you reciprocatedalmost immediately and and what
that turned into was of, justlike I said, I didn't even know
who I was at points in time inthat process, because I'm acting
the same way that I'm beingtreated.
(21:52):
So I did know that there weremoments when I was being
offensive to my grossly abusiveoffensive leader, and I guess I
did it on purpose.
I guess I did.
But let me tell you whathappened, because this is going
to blow everybody's mind Like Inever would have thought this
(22:14):
would have happened in a millionyears.
I'm going through this process.
The allies come in and it'smultiple allies, it's allies on
a higher level, it's allies on ahigher level, it's allies on
the same level and they begin towork with not only myself but
the leader as well.
Turns out, the leaderapproached me, and not because
(22:40):
he was told to and said I havegrossly abused my authority and
I have offended you.
He said I wish I could go backand change this, but I can't, so
all I can do is offer myapology.
Will you accept it?
Yes, and that has neverhappened to me in that kind of
(23:04):
way, the power of a heartfeltapology right.
Yeah, so I no longer feltoffended.
Speaker 1 (23:12):
Right, the release and that's what we're hoping for
is just the beginning of havingthese conversations, so you can
experience the freedom and thepeace from letting it go Now,
had he not apologized.
See, I'm always going to goworst case scenario because not
everyone feels compelled or isopen to what has happened and
(23:35):
vulnerable enough to apologize,right?
So what does one do when thatapology never happens?
Now here's me, and, yes, thisis positivity to the max and I'm
not going to apologize for it,because it's how I've learned to
work through these things.
At the end of the day, when theperson who is offended does not
(23:56):
apologize, I have a choice toeither have that hold me back or
to just go ahead and release itand forgive anyways, so I can
move on.
Speaker 2 (24:06):
Yeah so you're not carrying that burden?
Yeah, but I tell you what,though, Jen?
What's interesting is that theallies did something for me far
greater than anybody ever elsecould.
They allowed me to realize thatI'm not crazy.
I was crying this entire time.
I mean literally pleadingplease someone hear what I'm
(24:28):
saying, Listen to me, I'm notcrazy.
And then at the end it's am Icrazy?
Am I the one?
Is it me?
Speaker 1 (24:34):
Yeah, right, like I'm misinterpreting this Right.
Speaker 2 (24:38):
And then I even heard other people say you know, oh,
he's a problem, he's this, he'sthat even heard other people say
you know, oh, he's a problem,he's, he's this, he's that.
Uh, he may pose a bit of aproblem, you know, he's not, you
know the guy that?
And I was like, wow, I'm thatguy now.
But when the allies came, what?
What happened?
Was the instant relief to forsomeone to say that no, you're
(24:58):
not crazy, you're, you're not,you've been done wrong.
There's something here thatneeds to be addressed.
Speaker 1 (25:05):
And at that moment I began to regain who I was yeah,
it's a beautiful bounce backstory, I mean for both people
involved.
That very rarely happens, andwhen it does, it's a big deal
it's a huge deal and I'm hopingthat this leader, one of the
things that I'd hope because youknow I'm always about what I
learned from this what can Itake with me is that, um,
(25:28):
receiving honest feedbackusually is done best when it's
by invitation, right, you know?
Because then your mindset'sthere, you're, you're wanting to
pursue growth and you're saying, hey, what's some of my blind
spots?
and we all have them, right,they're called blind for a
reason for a reason, yeah yeah,one another thing, um that I'd
(25:51):
like to bring up and again, thisis going to be a two-parter, so
let's not rush through this,because it's such a good topic
is the critic that we all havein each other.
And, corey, I think I'm muchmore of a critic than you are I
will say If someone said, if wewere playing the newlywed game
(26:12):
although we're not newlywedwho's the biggest critic between
Corey and Jen?
It would be Jen Any day.
Speaker 2 (26:21):
Why do you say that, Jen?
Speaker 1 (26:23):
Oh, just because I am , I think.
Think you know.
Uh, there's a few reasons, andI love this part too.
Gory is when you realize thatyou have a certain
characteristic.
It's so cool to discover why itis that you are the way.
You are right, like what'shappened in your life that has
made you such a critic of otherpeople.
Um.
So I've identified those thingsand I've worked through it.
(26:46):
Now being non-critical is aneveryday goal for me, because
sometimes she shows up.
I'm like oh, who are you like?
Why are you here?
That is not cool right, right,so I just, it's just simple.
I always remember that I'vecaused a lot of offense to known
(27:10):
and unknown, especially as aleader.
Hearing you speak about aleader and I I believe that
there are times when a leaderdoes something not chronically
but you know, on occasion and itjust it upsets and it offends
and you have no clue because ofthe space that you were in or
(27:30):
you didn't mean anything by it.
Speaker 2 (27:32):
Right.
Speaker 1 (27:32):
Right, and so Wow.
Speaker 2 (27:35):
You just reminded me of something I'm sorry, no, it's
okay, for those of youlistening, I'm sure you're
probably trying to figure outhow that dynamic works, how this
dynamic works.
And Jen's my wife.
She's a leader, I'm her husband.
Speaker 1 (27:52):
And you're my leader.
Speaker 2 (27:54):
Well, there's that part, but I'm not a leader in in
the in management in theworkplace.
Yes, and so a lot of times, ourpoints of views are so night and
day, because you're seeing itfrom a management point of view,
I'm seeing it from an employerpoint of view, yeah, or employee
(28:15):
point of view, and so your,your mindset is typically to
defend the company at all costs.
Where mine is, I, I don't mindyou defending them, but it's
some stuff that's not right andso and I'm not talking about
just where we work, I'm talkingabout any work environment and
(28:36):
so I find myself having to againthat delicate fine dance,
because I'm not trying to offendyou and you're not trying to
offend me, so it's just a lot ofdelicate dances that we have to
perform in life.
Speaker 1 (28:51):
Yeah, it's tough, right, you're so right Because I
give you the perspective ofthat leader and my hope is
believe it or not, to comfortyou and say say, hey, there
might be something there thatthey.
My hope is they're not doingthis intentionally.
So I try to go there like, isthat a possibility?
Let me say no, no, no, no,because here's why.
(29:12):
And where I really want to go,of course, is your wife, and
when it comes to work, I, Idon't know.
I just give you that otherperspective.
But here's what I've learnedabout someone who's critical or
hypercritical, however you wantto look at that, it's a defense
mechanism, usually, for I'llspeak on my behalf, not for the
(29:33):
other people, because it'd belike I'm offended.
That's not why I do that, it'sbecause of your own shortcomings
, right?
Typically they say when someoneis hypercritical, there's some
internal work that needs tohappen there, being more
gracious, coming from a place ofcuriosity.
(29:56):
Instead of oh, I know, this iswhat they did and I can, I used
to say, oh, it's because I'm acase manager, and that's just
how we process.
It has to be quick.
We look at the signs andsymptoms and we do the thing
right.
Well, as I grew up, I realizedno, I'm actually a great case
(30:17):
manager because I already havethe characteristics to just
summarize and get straight tothe point and figure something
out, instead of spend more timein the discovery phase.
You know what I mean.
So how have I grown in this?
Whenever the critic comes up inme, same thing when is this
(30:38):
coming from?
What is this really about?
And man, it's tough, corey.
When you grow up being offendedand you get into adulthood and
the smallest thing can offendyou and you can start to develop
habits of just wanting to cutpeople off, like, oh no, I'm
setting a boundary, I don't, Idon't have room for that person
(31:01):
in life.
And that's where that beautiful, delicate balance is.
You set boundaries, but to whatextent Is there grace, even in
your friendships and yourrelationships?
You know what I mean.
Speaker 2 (31:11):
Well, I found out that there is not very much
grace, there's not muchextension of that boundary.
I mean, well, the boundary isway out there now, so you can't
get close to them.
But that's neither here northere at the end of the day.
At the end of the day, whatwe're working on is trying to
figure out how to do that dance.
Speaker 1 (31:33):
Yeah, and that'll be for the next episode, because we
I mean you could go into beingable to handle the truth right,
so you seek out the truth andthen we can grow into that.
Spaces of can I handle this?
We can go into looking atsocial media, for example.
If anyone found offense in thefact that we posted on the book
(31:58):
in the middle of crisis, that'ssomething for you to look at,
right.
Like we can be hypercritical,especially on social media,
because what do they call it?
Keyboard courage?
Right, we have all sorts ofthings to say, because we're not
actually facing that person ortalking to them and we will just
butcher and come againsteverything that they're sharing,
(32:20):
and so it can.
I think that environment reallybreeds for offense, and so I
think what we're seeing at theend of the day is our challenges
already start to be in thesespaces where, even this week,
you're looking at.
Okay, I just felt offended.
Let's figure out why.
Is this something that I canrespond to, over react to, you
(32:48):
know, and what is this reallyabout?
What's the underlying issuehere?
And keep it moving.
There's a lot more to this, butI think that's a good start is
just to notice the things thatare offending you.
Speaker 2 (33:00):
Absolutely what else, Corey?
I think if we go any further,we may end up in another 30 to
45 minute conversation.
Speaker 1 (33:10):
Yeah, and we've got so many different things.
I want to end with this, coreya couple episodes, if not the
last episode you had talkedabout manifesting, and I'm going
to couple that with justaffirmation during this time, as
we grow, as we find peace andfreedom from the things that
have held us because we hold onto the offense is simply this
(33:33):
this is my affirmation statementis that I choose peace over
offense.
That's my focus this week.
Like, how can I invite peaceover offense?
Yeah, okay, I'm with that.
Yeah, it's a bit deep today,guys, but you know, corey,
(33:54):
you've always told me, workingwith youth when we were younger,
you can't continue to give thembaby food.
At some point we've got to growin our nutrition as our
digestive systems mature and wehope after four years there's
been some maturation.
How do you say that word?
Speaker 2 (34:15):
maturity, let's do that one maturity of our
digestive system.
Speaker 1 (34:20):
You are so funny.
I know I'm like way excitedover this.
Anyhow, um don't forget,sheriff's league snake comes out
, hopefully, hopefully, guys, onthe 17th omg.
Um super excited about it, soit would be great if you could
help me reach my goal.
(34:40):
I'm trying to sell a hundredbooks on the first day of um.
We need momentum, we need abuild-up and I I'm excited about
that book, but I have to tellyou the next one coming up which
is supposed to come out onmother's day, that one near and
dear to our my goodness that one, though.
(35:02):
Um, I believe we were supposedto play a song for today.
If y'all are looking forward toit, I think we missed the bar
on that one We'll do it nextweek?
Yep, all right.
Well, you know us to take theelevator.
We say look up, and let'selevate Every day, elevate Every
(35:25):
day, elevate Every day, elevateEvery day, elevate Every day.
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