April 7, 2025 • 27 mins
The world can feel overwhelming with political tensions, employment uncertainties, and relational challenges bombarding us daily. But what if the key to thriving isn't controlling your circumstances, but mastering your response to them?
"You may not choose what shows up at your door, but you do choose whether it gets invited in." This powerful insight forms the foundation of our conversation about reclaiming personal agency in chaotic times. We share personal breakthroughs that emerged from seemingly impossible situations, demonstrating how life's interruptions often contain hidden opportunities.
Building effective mental filters is essential for protecting your peace. Just as different substances require specific filtration methods, various life areas demand unique boundaries. Work stress doesn't belong at home. Political anxiety shouldn't infiltrate your workplace. By becoming intentional about what you allow in, you prevent unnecessary negativity from contaminating your entire life.
We explore the concept of being "the thermostat, not the thermometer" in your environment. While thermometers merely reflect surrounding conditions, thermostats actively set and regulate temperature. Similarly, you can dictate the emotional climate of your life rather than simply reacting to external pressures.
Perhaps most importantly, we discuss preventing outside chaos from becoming your inner soundtrack. In a world where even music can be engineered to create specific emotional responses, consciously choosing what influences your thoughts and feelings becomes an act of empowerment.
This episode isn't about denial or toxic positivity—it's about intentionality and choice. By asking better questions like "What story am I telling myself about this situation, and what else could be true?" you open pathways to greater understanding and peace.
Ready to transform how you respond to life's challenges? Listen now, and remember: "Today, I choose to respond. I release what's not mine. I protect my peace. I decide what gets in."
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:14):
hey, it's jen the builder, and cory and hello
everybody and hello april yes,here we are.
My goodness, it's april.
Some people might know this asthe month of Nissan.
If you didn't know that, it'spretty cool because, corey, you
taught me years ago.
You said, jen, did you knowthat the new year actually
(00:36):
started like in March and theyadded January and February?
And it's true.
Some people celebrate New Yearin March.
I think it's March 30th to beexact.
Speaker 2 (00:48):
Yeah, yeah, these are all facts, fun facts, yeah, and
.
I'm a little taken abackbecause I didn't expect for you
to randomly throw that out, andeven more so to remember that
you know we have thosediscussions.
Speaker 1 (01:03):
But that's cool, yeah , even more so to remember that
we had those discussions, butthat's cool, yeah, so this
episode today is circled aroundthe word happening and so we've
talked to quite a few people and, because of the climate of the
world we live in, a lot of ourfriends, family, people we run
into are feeling defeated,people we run into are feeling
(01:25):
defeated and we really wantedthis episode to have you feeling
empowered and elevated andtaking a shift.
But before we get into what'shappening and how to keep what's
happening around us from what'shappening to us, that's
powerful.
So I'm really excited to jumpin there.
But, corey, you've got someupdates you want to share with
(01:47):
our friends.
Speaker 2 (01:48):
I have one really big , wonderful update.
And that's that, kelly Kanga,our fourth installment of books
is coming out on May 1st.
It's just been confirmed and Iwould like to be one of those
people who have months andmonths in advance of knowing my
(02:08):
stuff is going to be released.
But you know, in this day andage you just don't have that
luxury like that.
So it will be out May 1st andplease look for it on all
platforms.
I'm working on getting intosome stores as well, physical
stores like Sprouts and targetand walmart.
So, just you know, throw thepositive thoughts my way so that
(02:29):
can happen we need those things.
Speaker 1 (02:31):
Throw it our way because, ladies and gentlemen,
I'm very excited about kellykinga because, like cory said, I
think in a couple episodes,kelly king is our first female
uh of the Fuzzy Furry Forestthat's coming out, and it's very
special to me because it's themother and child relationship
(02:54):
and so appropriately coming outin May, which is Mother's Day
month.
So I just think this one's goingto be a big deal, a bit of a
heart warmer as well, it'sbeautiful and the song that goes
with it, because, if you didn'tknow, we have a soundtrack, and
so you know I get all tearyeyed when I hear it.
(03:16):
All right, so let's talk abouttoday's episode how to keep
what's happening from happeningto you.
So what we're hoping to dotoday is have conversation to
help us and you recognize ourpower.
Yes, we have power in shapinghow we respond to life's
(03:37):
challenges.
We like to call them sometimesas interruptions.
Right, you have a plan, andhere comes an interruption speed
bump, roadblock, hurdles right,yeah, all that good stuff, yeah
detour, road closed, all thatstuff and, honestly, negativity.
Right, yeah, it's all around usand we want to talk about
(03:58):
turning these obstacles intoopportunities and this I love
and reclaiming personal agency.
So it's not us giving up thepower, but us taking it back and
being in control of our umresponses either taking it back
or holding on to it, becauseit's yours to hold on to anyway
(04:20):
yeah, exactly, soori.
You stay pretty attuned towhat's happening.
So define what's happeningright now in the world like what
we're experiencing.
Speaker 2 (04:31):
Well, there's a political happening in the world
right now, but that stuff isout of our hands, because I'm
all about changing what I canchange and putting up the best
front and fight for what I can'tchange.
(04:51):
But that that I can't changeI'm not going to worry about or
take time and spend energy on,because it's just so much more
things to do.
As a matter of fact, I'm justgoing to jump right here.
If you see what we're seeing,with people being upset and
making strange decisions, thisis the best time to take the
(05:12):
bull by the horns, so to speak,and do what it is that you've
been called to do, and so I'mgoing to focus more on that.
There are employment thingshappening, there's family and
relational things happening, butwe're more focused on the
political environment and thingsof that such Right, and I love
(05:35):
that, and we definitely want tobe real and acknowledge that
life doesn't stop happening.
Speaker 1 (05:40):
right?
We're not saying, oh, ignorethis stuff, that's happening.
No, what we're actually sayingis let's talk about how we
process, because I think that'severything in a world that's
giving us interruptions yes, I'mshaking my head profusely
because I agree.
Speaker 2 (05:57):
Yeah, that's it.
Speaker 1 (05:58):
so let me put in an elevator insight, cory, that we
agreed to at this point is thatyou may not choose what shows up
at your door, but you do choosewhether it gets invited in,
absolutely.
Speaker 2 (06:10):
How does that resonate with you?
Oh, that lands like a ton ofbricks.
You know there's a lot ofthings that knock at my door on
a daily basis and I'm just nothaving it.
I don't want to talk about it,I don't want to be a part of it,
and a lot of people that Iinteract with look at me strange
when I say hey, thanks, but nothanks, or I'm not in that space
(06:31):
right now.
You know it's hard to do apodcast, be in a band, write
books, be in an active,functioning marital relationship
, have children, havenine-to-five employment and then
deal with someone else's drama,and that's just not something
I'm open to doing.
So when that drama knocks onthe door, wrong, wrong number.
Speaker 1 (06:56):
that's right, that's right.
And so when I think of thingsat the door, I also think
sometimes it feels like they'retrying to knock that door down,
right?
Oh yeah, it's something thatyou can't ignore.
It's like the person at thedoor that just obnoxiously bangs
on it and keeps ringing thedoorbell.
Yeah, and so I love where wewent this weekend and we talked
(07:21):
to some special people in ourlives and the word breakthrough
came up.
So I just had an image wherethings are trying to break in.
We say breakthrough right,because those are the things
sometimes that happens in yourlife.
That says man, I wasn'texpecting that, and here's,
here's how it worked out.
So my question to you, corey,is if you could share with me
(07:45):
and the listeners what's thesituation where you turned a
happening into a personalbreakthrough.
Speaker 2 (07:52):
I think life is always attempting to happen to
us, but I'm just a student oftaking charge Again.
There are some things you justcan't change.
You know we all have anappointment with death.
That's inevitable.
You can't change that.
We don't know when it's coming.
(08:12):
Excuse me, but we can determinehow we go about living until
that day comes.
So I don't really have aspecific, but I'd love to hear
something If you have a specificthat you'd love to hear
something if you have a specificthat you want to lean into yeah
, I think after wow, excuse me,I've got a frog in my throat
(08:33):
literally right now, oh my gosh,but I think, over 350 episodes.
Speaker 1 (08:39):
I have to pause and think, like, what stories have I
shared?
Because I know there's beensome repeat and I feel like a
lot of my life has beenbreakthrough moments off the
unexpected.
Oh yeah, right.
So, um, let me share a storythat's pretty personal.
Um, speaking of moms, we talkedabout kelly kinga coming out.
(09:03):
Um, man, it is hard to admit asa parent that you haven't done
everything the way that youshould have.
And there's the power ofhindsight and at the time you're
going through things, you don'thave that right because it's
like real time right.
And so I went through achallenge as a.
I was separated from my kidsfor a few years because their
(09:29):
father and I had divorced.
And Corey, when I tell you, Ijust thought, man, this
relationship's going to bedamaged and it's going to be
hard to bounce back, and I justcouldn't see it happening
because I was so stuck in mydespair and just woe is me.
And what am I doing?
(09:50):
And and when the kids and Ireunited, there was immediate
breakthrough just from beingtogether again, and then how
everything happened.
So that's what I have to sayabout that.
There are many times where Ithought this is a shut door,
(10:11):
like I can't see the light inthis, but it was in those
moments that the breakthroughhappened.
Speaker 2 (10:17):
Yeah, I appreciate that story only because not only
because, but one of the mainreasons because I was in your
life before the kids came backand then I made an exit and then
I came back after they had, uh,and I knew I needed to make an
exit because they were comingback and your life was getting
(10:38):
back on track, and so it justmade it more reaffirming and
reassuring that I did the rightthing and you did the right
thing, and so that's how we know.
Life wasn't happening to us,but we were allowed to dictate
the narrative in that way.
Speaker 1 (10:57):
That's such a big part of that story.
Yeah, we could have let lifehappen to us, but instead we
made things happen above thecircumstances that we were
currently in.
And I love that story, corey,because, yeah, we had broke up
for a little bit and you calledme unexpectedly and when we
(11:20):
talked you said how are youdoing?
You know what's new, what'shappening.
And I think within the firstcouple of sentences I said I got
my kids back, yeah, and Iremember you telling me the
story like okay, she's ready,yeah, we're ready.
Well, I checked out a fewthings.
I said is this person stillaround?
Speaker 2 (11:41):
and you said, yeah, no, and, and then the kid thing
came up and I'm like okay yeah,she's ready, yeah, we're both
settled and in our right stateof minds and we're able to deal
with this.
So it made me feel morecomfortable and, again, at this
point, life's not just happening.
So it's like what just happenedto me.
It's like, oh, I'm gonnacontrol this I'm gonna make this
(12:03):
happen yeah.
Speaker 1 (12:04):
So I think there's a couple of things here.
There are things, decisionsthat we make in life that aren't
necessarily the best decisions,and those can still work out.
And then there's the part wherebeing at the center of your
story doesn't mean you controlthe plot twist, right?
We watched a show today.
We're like, oh, that's the plottwist, but it means that you do
(12:27):
decide the next move, right.
And that's I think what's reallyspeaking in my heart that I
hope lands on everyone listening, is that you get to decide what
the next move is or what itisn't.
Yes, absolutely so, cory.
Help us out here when we'regoing through these things and
(12:49):
my voice is going away becauseI'm so excited right now is how
do you build a mental filter forall these things that are
coming at us.
Speaker 2 (13:00):
Well, there's different filters for different
things.
So of course there's an airfilter for the flow of air and
then there's a water filter forthe flow of water, and so in the
same way there's filters forpeople in different
relationships and situations.
So you have to filter yourpersonal relationships, like
(13:22):
family and wife and husband,differently than you do your
friends, obviously.
But some people don't and theymix the two and you have an
overflow of emotions or whateveris happening to you.
And then you have anotherfilter for your job and some
people mix that filter up and soyou bring work stuff home and
(13:45):
it really creates a big problem.
But that's when you're allowinglife to happen to you.
But if you apply the properfilter to a political scene,
that's happening, and then whenyou go to work, that doesn't
leak over.
So you're not talking aboutpolitical things at work, which
is a big no-no anyway, but we dothat from time to time.
(14:06):
Or if there's something verystressful or difficult to deal
with at work, you don't let thatbleed over into the personal
life.
You deal with it accordinglyand if it's not going to affect
you, you probably shouldn't evendabble your fingers into that.
(14:27):
That's the way I typicallyapproach it.
Speaker 1 (14:29):
Yeah, that's really good advice.
And when I think of a filter,too, I think what tools do you
have to filter any negativity,right?
So if it's still in the talksand something hasn't happened, I
wouldn't carry that Like it'snot happened and it hasn't
(14:50):
definitely hasn't happened toyou.
So let's not add extra stressand anxiety by carrying
something number one thatdoesn't belong to us.
Number two, something thathasn't happened yet.
Right, right and just.
I love staying in the spaces ofgratitude and just reframing
(15:11):
the things that are coming to mymind.
That's part of my filter.
It has to be right, because Ican get very emotional and
feeling about things, right, andso I have to really be present
and reframe and deal with thereality and not my vivid
imagination of, oh my God, thisis going to happen.
So, jen.
Speaker 2 (15:29):
I got a question for you because I've experienced
this on quite a regular basis.
People in this day and age arevery prone to making it all
about them yeah, and whatever ishappening, it's going to happen
to me.
Yes, and they're literallygetting themselves sick from
worry, or they're gettingthemselves into trouble by
(15:50):
speaking too soon, thinking oh,let me address this before it
does happen.
Yeah, and it's not even goingto happen to them.
So how does one avoid that verystrange situation?
Speaker 1 (16:06):
That's a loaded question, yeah, I know.
So one of the things that comesto my mind is something you
brought up within that questionis really differentiate between
what's yours and what's notyours, and understand the power
of timing.
Just be again.
We're emphasizing respondingversus reacting, and there's
(16:26):
empowerment in that when yourespond in a responsible, wise
manner, instead of that firstknee-jerk reaction, saying
something that would be reallyhard to take back and something
(16:47):
you regret.
You know what I mean.
So that would be mine and justsetting protecting your peace.
How about that?
Because one reaction begetsanother one and if, at the end
of the day, it doesn't protectmy peace, that's where I know
I'm not gonna go there.
There's a better way to saythis.
There's an audience for this,and maybe this is not that
(17:10):
moment right, right.
Speaker 2 (17:12):
One more question before you go on.
Is there ever a time when youshould just say absolutely
nothing?
You should just be yes,absolutely I.
Speaker 1 (17:22):
In fact, that's a lot of the spaces I'm in now.
Okay, because it it is.
It is chaotic, there's so manydifferent things flying at us
and I just kind of move my headto the side to dodge it and,
just in silent, takingeverything in do you ever feel
(17:44):
powerless or more powerful whenyou do this?
I feel powerful, okay, becauseI'm not being reactive, because
I'm in control and I'mregulating right now.
Am I like that a hundredpercent?
No, that would be a big fat lie.
But I'm going to say about 90%of what I'm processing, and it's
(18:04):
things that are happening fast,I mean, and when, when I'm with
people I work with or people inmy family or my friendships,
I'm very grateful that I get tosay can we just take a time out
and allow some processing timeon this?
Speaker 2 (18:22):
Right.
Speaker 1 (18:23):
And yes, we'll get back to it, but you don't need a
response from me in like aminute.
Give me time to catch up.
Speaker 2 (18:31):
Right right.
Speaker 1 (18:31):
Right, so I really love that.
Speaker 2 (18:44):
But as musicians Corey I love this insight is not
letting the chaos outsidebecome a part of our inner
soundtrack Love.
That Did you come up with that?
Oh, that's beautiful.
Yeah, I like that a lot.
Speaker 1 (18:53):
Yeah, and I think that's so important because it's
our rhythm, it's our flow and,yeah, chaos is not a part of
what we do.
Speaker 2 (19:02):
No, it's not.
It shouldn't be anyway.
And if you're living by thatsoundtrack of chaos, then you're
probably going to recognizethat you're lost in a bunch of
blah all the time, and that'swhen you know I've let the chaos
become the soundtrack of mylife instead of the actual music
(19:22):
, which should be peaceful andmelodic and carrying you through
the day.
Speaker 1 (19:28):
Yeah, there is a reason and this is my preference
and this is why that quotespeaks to me.
There is music I don't touchbecause it literally frustrates
me and it gives me just achyfeelings, like I can't do
headbanging music, I can't dohardcore rap, it just messes
(19:50):
with my feng shui, if you will.
Oh wow, so yeah, how much morefor chaos in my inner soundtrack
.
Speaker 2 (19:57):
You know what I'm saying, absolutely I'm gonna
drop something and I challengeanyone listening to check me on
this.
In fact, check me on this one.
They are tuning the drums inrap music to vibrate against our
very being, and so if you havethis happening, you're pretty
(20:21):
much inviting the chaos.
And I've been a musician for along time, but I would have
never thought the day would cometo where they're using the
vibrations of drumming andvibrations of sound to penetrate
and create certain feelings ina negative manner, to cause harm
(20:42):
.
Yes, it's just rude.
Speaker 1 (20:45):
To cause harm.
Yes, it's just rude.
Speaker 2 (20:45):
It's wild.
Speaker 1 (20:46):
Yeah.
So that led me to think likewhat am I attracting or allowing
right in my environment oratmosphere?
And I think, studying thingslike that, like you, would never
think people are like oh, JenCoreyory, you're too much.
But people act with intentionon all fronts, and this is what
(21:12):
I say respond with intentionbecause that's what's coming at
us.
People intentionally want tocause chaos and harm, bring
confusion, give you something tobe distracted with because
they're working on another thing, Another agenda.
Speaker 2 (21:30):
Yes.
And so you may ask well, corey,why would you bring that to the
forefront?
What purpose would that serve?
Well, this is how you can beginto stop things from happening
to you.
If you're aware of them, ifyou're looking into them, and if
you look into that and you findout, hey, there's some truth to
what he said, then you'll dig alittle bit deeper and say you
(21:51):
know what?
There are some things I'm goingto begin to turn out of my life
, turn down in my life, pushaway from my life so I can get
rid of some of this chaos.
Speaker 1 (22:02):
Yeah, so just making room for what you actually want
by stopping what you've beentolerating like knocking off.
Yeah, these things don't haveto happen to you.
We don't have to allow that.
I love this is this is not mine.
I read it somewhere Protectyour atmosphere.
You're the thermostat, not thethermometer.
Speaker 2 (22:25):
Ooh Again, say it again A real good one.
Speaker 1 (22:29):
That's beautiful.
So you're the thermostat, notthe thermometer.
You control that temperature.
Yeah, you say up, you say down.
You say I want it on auto ornot.
You know that's beautiful.
Want it on auto or not, youknow that's beautiful.
(22:49):
So, cory, as we're sitting here, is there anything?
Speaker 2 (22:51):
that strikes you that you definitely want to share.
I just want to be a constantreminder to anyone listening
that being that controller ofyour environment is so powerful.
It has so much behind it.
Because you dictate who gets toenter your space, who does not
(23:12):
get to enter your space you get.
You also get to dictate whatyou're allowing yourself to be
open to and not open to.
So take control of that and beproud of it.
Be bold about it.
Enjoy that.
When you see that negativitycoming, don't welcome it in.
Let it know.
Hey, not today.
I'm going a whole nother way.
Speaker 1 (23:35):
Yeah, that's really important, right, corey?
Because we teach and we hearabout empathy and you can be
empathetic without being asponge.
I think that's really importanttoo, because not only are
things happening around us,people come to maybe you
directly and are saying, hey, Iwant to offload right hear me
(23:58):
right, help me carry this okay,okay.
Speaker 2 (24:00):
so I gotta pause you right there for a second,
because what you did was thereis some coach or motivator that
is listening, elevator listening, and they're saying to
themselves Jen, how do we, aselevators, motivators and
speakers, not take on thatnegativity, how do we not take
(24:24):
on that offload?
So how do you navigate thosewaters?
Speaker 1 (24:28):
well, I think as a speaker, right which is another
role um, you're really on thatstage for a moment.
You have most things plannednot scripted, I hope, because
that keeps you flexible, rightand you're giving the energy and
this is just best tips foranyone speaking.
You can find your focal pointsin the audience by who's
(24:51):
engaging with you and keep thatas your life-giving energy in
that moment.
Speaker 2 (24:57):
Right right.
Speaker 1 (24:58):
As a coach, I think there's some really good
questions we even need to askourselves, along with our
clients.
When we're talking about umempowerment, it's um questions
like what keeps happening to methat I need to stop allowing
right.
The great reflection question,or where my life am I absorbing
(25:19):
what doesn't belong to me?
Right and and then my lastquestion and this is a very
famous question, and with goodreason it's what story am I
telling myself about thissituation and what else could be
true?
Speaker 2 (25:35):
What else could be true?
I love that question most ofall and more than anything else,
because, even to talking to you, I've told myself this story
and I've convinced myself thisis what it is.
And so, instead of me saying,corey, before you open mouth,
(25:57):
insert foot, what else can betrue?
Yes, and that has saved my lifeon several occasions.
I can say so.
I'm very grateful for that tobe presented to me at some point
in time, and I just ask myselfthat all the time, every time I
have an opportunity toAbsolutely Well.
Speaker 1 (26:17):
Corey, I just want to thank you for really listening
to and paying attention towhat's going around us and
making such a good suggestionfor today's episode.
You know our hearts are allabout the people that plug into
this podcast and they're in ourlives, so for that we're
(26:38):
grateful, and I just want toleave this episode with a
practical affirmation or astatement or something to think
about.
Where you say something likeToday, I choose to respond, I
release what's not mine, Iprotect my peace and I decide
(26:58):
what gets in.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
So let that one just settle and, um, think about that one
marinate, marinate, yeah andelevate because you know as to
take the elevator.
we say look up and let's elevateEvery day, elevate Every day,
(27:27):
elevate Every day, elevate Everyday.
hey, it's jen the builder, and cory and hello
everybody and hello april yes,here we are.
My goodness, it's april.
Some people might know this asthe month of Nissan.
If you didn't know that, it'spretty cool because, corey, you
taught me years ago.
You said, jen, did you knowthat the new year actually
(00:36):
started like in March and theyadded January and February?
And it's true.
Some people celebrate New Yearin March.
I think it's March 30th to beexact.
Speaker 2 (00:48):
Yeah, yeah, these are all facts, fun facts, yeah, and
.
I'm a little taken abackbecause I didn't expect for you
to randomly throw that out, andeven more so to remember that
you know we have thosediscussions.
Speaker 1 (01:03):
But that's cool, yeah , even more so to remember that
we had those discussions, butthat's cool, yeah, so this
episode today is circled aroundthe word happening and so we've
talked to quite a few people and, because of the climate of the
world we live in, a lot of ourfriends, family, people we run
into are feeling defeated,people we run into are feeling
(01:25):
defeated and we really wantedthis episode to have you feeling
empowered and elevated andtaking a shift.
But before we get into what'shappening and how to keep what's
happening around us from what'shappening to us, that's
powerful.
So I'm really excited to jumpin there.
But, corey, you've got someupdates you want to share with
(01:47):
our friends.
Speaker 2 (01:48):
I have one really big , wonderful update.
And that's that, kelly Kanga,our fourth installment of books
is coming out on May 1st.
It's just been confirmed and Iwould like to be one of those
people who have months andmonths in advance of knowing my
(02:08):
stuff is going to be released.
But you know, in this day andage you just don't have that
luxury like that.
So it will be out May 1st andplease look for it on all
platforms.
I'm working on getting intosome stores as well, physical
stores like Sprouts and targetand walmart.
So, just you know, throw thepositive thoughts my way so that
(02:29):
can happen we need those things.
Speaker 1 (02:31):
Throw it our way because, ladies and gentlemen,
I'm very excited about kellykinga because, like cory said, I
think in a couple episodes,kelly king is our first female
uh of the Fuzzy Furry Forestthat's coming out, and it's very
special to me because it's themother and child relationship
(02:54):
and so appropriately coming outin May, which is Mother's Day
month.
So I just think this one's goingto be a big deal, a bit of a
heart warmer as well, it'sbeautiful and the song that goes
with it, because, if you didn'tknow, we have a soundtrack, and
so you know I get all tearyeyed when I hear it.
(03:16):
All right, so let's talk abouttoday's episode how to keep
what's happening from happeningto you.
So what we're hoping to dotoday is have conversation to
help us and you recognize ourpower.
Yes, we have power in shapinghow we respond to life's
(03:37):
challenges.
We like to call them sometimesas interruptions.
Right, you have a plan, andhere comes an interruption speed
bump, roadblock, hurdles right,yeah, all that good stuff, yeah
detour, road closed, all thatstuff and, honestly, negativity.
Right, yeah, it's all around usand we want to talk about
(03:58):
turning these obstacles intoopportunities and this I love
and reclaiming personal agency.
So it's not us giving up thepower, but us taking it back and
being in control of our umresponses either taking it back
or holding on to it, becauseit's yours to hold on to anyway
(04:20):
yeah, exactly, soori.
You stay pretty attuned towhat's happening.
So define what's happeningright now in the world like what
we're experiencing.
Speaker 2 (04:31):
Well, there's a political happening in the world
right now, but that stuff isout of our hands, because I'm
all about changing what I canchange and putting up the best
front and fight for what I can'tchange.
(04:51):
But that that I can't changeI'm not going to worry about or
take time and spend energy on,because it's just so much more
things to do.
As a matter of fact, I'm justgoing to jump right here.
If you see what we're seeing,with people being upset and
making strange decisions, thisis the best time to take the
(05:12):
bull by the horns, so to speak,and do what it is that you've
been called to do, and so I'mgoing to focus more on that.
There are employment thingshappening, there's family and
relational things happening, butwe're more focused on the
political environment and thingsof that such Right, and I love
(05:35):
that, and we definitely want tobe real and acknowledge that
life doesn't stop happening.
Speaker 1 (05:40):
right?
We're not saying, oh, ignorethis stuff, that's happening.
No, what we're actually sayingis let's talk about how we
process, because I think that'severything in a world that's
giving us interruptions yes, I'mshaking my head profusely
because I agree.
Speaker 2 (05:57):
Yeah, that's it.
Speaker 1 (05:58):
so let me put in an elevator insight, cory, that we
agreed to at this point is thatyou may not choose what shows up
at your door, but you do choosewhether it gets invited in,
absolutely.
Speaker 2 (06:10):
How does that resonate with you?
Oh, that lands like a ton ofbricks.
You know there's a lot ofthings that knock at my door on
a daily basis and I'm just nothaving it.
I don't want to talk about it,I don't want to be a part of it,
and a lot of people that Iinteract with look at me strange
when I say hey, thanks, but nothanks, or I'm not in that space
(06:31):
right now.
You know it's hard to do apodcast, be in a band, write
books, be in an active,functioning marital relationship
, have children, havenine-to-five employment and then
deal with someone else's drama,and that's just not something
I'm open to doing.
So when that drama knocks onthe door, wrong, wrong number.
Speaker 1 (06:56):
that's right, that's right.
And so when I think of thingsat the door, I also think
sometimes it feels like they'retrying to knock that door down,
right?
Oh yeah, it's something thatyou can't ignore.
It's like the person at thedoor that just obnoxiously bangs
on it and keeps ringing thedoorbell.
Yeah, and so I love where wewent this weekend and we talked
(07:21):
to some special people in ourlives and the word breakthrough
came up.
So I just had an image wherethings are trying to break in.
We say breakthrough right,because those are the things
sometimes that happens in yourlife.
That says man, I wasn'texpecting that, and here's,
here's how it worked out.
So my question to you, corey,is if you could share with me
(07:45):
and the listeners what's thesituation where you turned a
happening into a personalbreakthrough.
Speaker 2 (07:52):
I think life is always attempting to happen to
us, but I'm just a student oftaking charge Again.
There are some things you justcan't change.
You know we all have anappointment with death.
That's inevitable.
You can't change that.
We don't know when it's coming.
(08:12):
Excuse me, but we can determinehow we go about living until
that day comes.
So I don't really have aspecific, but I'd love to hear
something If you have a specificthat you'd love to hear
something if you have a specificthat you want to lean into yeah
, I think after wow, excuse me,I've got a frog in my throat
(08:33):
literally right now, oh my gosh,but I think, over 350 episodes.
Speaker 1 (08:39):
I have to pause and think, like, what stories have I
shared?
Because I know there's beensome repeat and I feel like a
lot of my life has beenbreakthrough moments off the
unexpected.
Oh yeah, right.
So, um, let me share a storythat's pretty personal.
Um, speaking of moms, we talkedabout kelly kinga coming out.
(09:03):
Um, man, it is hard to admit asa parent that you haven't done
everything the way that youshould have.
And there's the power ofhindsight and at the time you're
going through things, you don'thave that right because it's
like real time right.
And so I went through achallenge as a.
I was separated from my kidsfor a few years because their
(09:29):
father and I had divorced.
And Corey, when I tell you, Ijust thought, man, this
relationship's going to bedamaged and it's going to be
hard to bounce back, and I justcouldn't see it happening
because I was so stuck in mydespair and just woe is me.
And what am I doing?
(09:50):
And and when the kids and Ireunited, there was immediate
breakthrough just from beingtogether again, and then how
everything happened.
So that's what I have to sayabout that.
There are many times where Ithought this is a shut door,
(10:11):
like I can't see the light inthis, but it was in those
moments that the breakthroughhappened.
Speaker 2 (10:17):
Yeah, I appreciate that story only because not only
because, but one of the mainreasons because I was in your
life before the kids came backand then I made an exit and then
I came back after they had, uh,and I knew I needed to make an
exit because they were comingback and your life was getting
(10:38):
back on track, and so it justmade it more reaffirming and
reassuring that I did the rightthing and you did the right
thing, and so that's how we know.
Life wasn't happening to us,but we were allowed to dictate
the narrative in that way.
Speaker 1 (10:57):
That's such a big part of that story.
Yeah, we could have let lifehappen to us, but instead we
made things happen above thecircumstances that we were
currently in.
And I love that story, corey,because, yeah, we had broke up
for a little bit and you calledme unexpectedly and when we
(11:20):
talked you said how are youdoing?
You know what's new, what'shappening.
And I think within the firstcouple of sentences I said I got
my kids back, yeah, and Iremember you telling me the
story like okay, she's ready,yeah, we're ready.
Well, I checked out a fewthings.
I said is this person stillaround?
Speaker 2 (11:41):
and you said, yeah, no, and, and then the kid thing
came up and I'm like okay yeah,she's ready, yeah, we're both
settled and in our right stateof minds and we're able to deal
with this.
So it made me feel morecomfortable and, again, at this
point, life's not just happening.
So it's like what just happenedto me.
It's like, oh, I'm gonnacontrol this I'm gonna make this
(12:03):
happen yeah.
Speaker 1 (12:04):
So I think there's a couple of things here.
There are things, decisionsthat we make in life that aren't
necessarily the best decisions,and those can still work out.
And then there's the part wherebeing at the center of your
story doesn't mean you controlthe plot twist, right?
We watched a show today.
We're like, oh, that's the plottwist, but it means that you do
(12:27):
decide the next move, right.
And that's I think what's reallyspeaking in my heart that I
hope lands on everyone listening, is that you get to decide what
the next move is or what itisn't.
Yes, absolutely so, cory.
Help us out here when we'regoing through these things and
(12:49):
my voice is going away becauseI'm so excited right now is how
do you build a mental filter forall these things that are
coming at us.
Speaker 2 (13:00):
Well, there's different filters for different
things.
So of course there's an airfilter for the flow of air and
then there's a water filter forthe flow of water, and so in the
same way there's filters forpeople in different
relationships and situations.
So you have to filter yourpersonal relationships, like
(13:22):
family and wife and husband,differently than you do your
friends, obviously.
But some people don't and theymix the two and you have an
overflow of emotions or whateveris happening to you.
And then you have anotherfilter for your job and some
people mix that filter up and soyou bring work stuff home and
(13:45):
it really creates a big problem.
But that's when you're allowinglife to happen to you.
But if you apply the properfilter to a political scene,
that's happening, and then whenyou go to work, that doesn't
leak over.
So you're not talking aboutpolitical things at work, which
is a big no-no anyway, but we dothat from time to time.
(14:06):
Or if there's something verystressful or difficult to deal
with at work, you don't let thatbleed over into the personal
life.
You deal with it accordinglyand if it's not going to affect
you, you probably shouldn't evendabble your fingers into that.
(14:27):
That's the way I typicallyapproach it.
Speaker 1 (14:29):
Yeah, that's really good advice.
And when I think of a filter,too, I think what tools do you
have to filter any negativity,right?
So if it's still in the talksand something hasn't happened, I
wouldn't carry that Like it'snot happened and it hasn't
(14:50):
definitely hasn't happened toyou.
So let's not add extra stressand anxiety by carrying
something number one thatdoesn't belong to us.
Number two, something thathasn't happened yet.
Right, right and just.
I love staying in the spaces ofgratitude and just reframing
(15:11):
the things that are coming to mymind.
That's part of my filter.
It has to be right, because Ican get very emotional and
feeling about things, right, andso I have to really be present
and reframe and deal with thereality and not my vivid
imagination of, oh my God, thisis going to happen.
So, jen.
Speaker 2 (15:29):
I got a question for you because I've experienced
this on quite a regular basis.
People in this day and age arevery prone to making it all
about them yeah, and whatever ishappening, it's going to happen
to me.
Yes, and they're literallygetting themselves sick from
worry, or they're gettingthemselves into trouble by
(15:50):
speaking too soon, thinking oh,let me address this before it
does happen.
Yeah, and it's not even goingto happen to them.
So how does one avoid that verystrange situation?
Speaker 1 (16:06):
That's a loaded question, yeah, I know.
So one of the things that comesto my mind is something you
brought up within that questionis really differentiate between
what's yours and what's notyours, and understand the power
of timing.
Just be again.
We're emphasizing respondingversus reacting, and there's
(16:26):
empowerment in that when yourespond in a responsible, wise
manner, instead of that firstknee-jerk reaction, saying
something that would be reallyhard to take back and something
(16:47):
you regret.
You know what I mean.
So that would be mine and justsetting protecting your peace.
How about that?
Because one reaction begetsanother one and if, at the end
of the day, it doesn't protectmy peace, that's where I know
I'm not gonna go there.
There's a better way to saythis.
There's an audience for this,and maybe this is not that
(17:10):
moment right, right.
Speaker 2 (17:12):
One more question before you go on.
Is there ever a time when youshould just say absolutely
nothing?
You should just be yes,absolutely I.
Speaker 1 (17:22):
In fact, that's a lot of the spaces I'm in now.
Okay, because it it is.
It is chaotic, there's so manydifferent things flying at us
and I just kind of move my headto the side to dodge it and,
just in silent, takingeverything in do you ever feel
(17:44):
powerless or more powerful whenyou do this?
I feel powerful, okay, becauseI'm not being reactive, because
I'm in control and I'mregulating right now.
Am I like that a hundredpercent?
No, that would be a big fat lie.
But I'm going to say about 90%of what I'm processing, and it's
(18:04):
things that are happening fast,I mean, and when, when I'm with
people I work with or people inmy family or my friendships,
I'm very grateful that I get tosay can we just take a time out
and allow some processing timeon this?
Speaker 2 (18:22):
Right.
Speaker 1 (18:23):
And yes, we'll get back to it, but you don't need a
response from me in like aminute.
Give me time to catch up.
Speaker 2 (18:31):
Right right.
Speaker 1 (18:31):
Right, so I really love that.
Speaker 2 (18:44):
But as musicians Corey I love this insight is not
letting the chaos outsidebecome a part of our inner
soundtrack Love.
That Did you come up with that?
Oh, that's beautiful.
Yeah, I like that a lot.
Speaker 1 (18:53):
Yeah, and I think that's so important because it's
our rhythm, it's our flow and,yeah, chaos is not a part of
what we do.
Speaker 2 (19:02):
No, it's not.
It shouldn't be anyway.
And if you're living by thatsoundtrack of chaos, then you're
probably going to recognizethat you're lost in a bunch of
blah all the time, and that'swhen you know I've let the chaos
become the soundtrack of mylife instead of the actual music
(19:22):
, which should be peaceful andmelodic and carrying you through
the day.
Speaker 1 (19:28):
Yeah, there is a reason and this is my preference
and this is why that quotespeaks to me.
There is music I don't touchbecause it literally frustrates
me and it gives me just achyfeelings, like I can't do
headbanging music, I can't dohardcore rap, it just messes
(19:50):
with my feng shui, if you will.
Oh wow, so yeah, how much morefor chaos in my inner soundtrack
.
Speaker 2 (19:57):
You know what I'm saying, absolutely I'm gonna
drop something and I challengeanyone listening to check me on
this.
In fact, check me on this one.
They are tuning the drums inrap music to vibrate against our
very being, and so if you havethis happening, you're pretty
(20:21):
much inviting the chaos.
And I've been a musician for along time, but I would have
never thought the day would cometo where they're using the
vibrations of drumming andvibrations of sound to penetrate
and create certain feelings ina negative manner, to cause harm
(20:42):
.
Yes, it's just rude.
Speaker 1 (20:45):
To cause harm.
Yes, it's just rude.
Speaker 2 (20:45):
It's wild.
Speaker 1 (20:46):
Yeah.
So that led me to think likewhat am I attracting or allowing
right in my environment oratmosphere?
And I think, studying thingslike that, like you, would never
think people are like oh, JenCoreyory, you're too much.
But people act with intentionon all fronts, and this is what
(21:12):
I say respond with intentionbecause that's what's coming at
us.
People intentionally want tocause chaos and harm, bring
confusion, give you something tobe distracted with because
they're working on another thing, Another agenda.
Speaker 2 (21:30):
Yes.
And so you may ask well, corey,why would you bring that to the
forefront?
What purpose would that serve?
Well, this is how you can beginto stop things from happening
to you.
If you're aware of them, ifyou're looking into them, and if
you look into that and you findout, hey, there's some truth to
what he said, then you'll dig alittle bit deeper and say you
(21:51):
know what?
There are some things I'm goingto begin to turn out of my life
, turn down in my life, pushaway from my life so I can get
rid of some of this chaos.
Speaker 1 (22:02):
Yeah, so just making room for what you actually want
by stopping what you've beentolerating like knocking off.
Yeah, these things don't haveto happen to you.
We don't have to allow that.
I love this is this is not mine.
I read it somewhere Protectyour atmosphere.
You're the thermostat, not thethermometer.
Speaker 2 (22:25):
Ooh Again, say it again A real good one.
Speaker 1 (22:29):
That's beautiful.
So you're the thermostat, notthe thermometer.
You control that temperature.
Yeah, you say up, you say down.
You say I want it on auto ornot.
You know that's beautiful.
Want it on auto or not, youknow that's beautiful.
(22:49):
So, cory, as we're sitting here, is there anything?
Speaker 2 (22:51):
that strikes you that you definitely want to share.
I just want to be a constantreminder to anyone listening
that being that controller ofyour environment is so powerful.
It has so much behind it.
Because you dictate who gets toenter your space, who does not
(23:12):
get to enter your space you get.
You also get to dictate whatyou're allowing yourself to be
open to and not open to.
So take control of that and beproud of it.
Be bold about it.
Enjoy that.
When you see that negativitycoming, don't welcome it in.
Let it know.
Hey, not today.
I'm going a whole nother way.
Speaker 1 (23:35):
Yeah, that's really important, right, corey?
Because we teach and we hearabout empathy and you can be
empathetic without being asponge.
I think that's really importanttoo, because not only are
things happening around us,people come to maybe you
directly and are saying, hey, Iwant to offload right hear me
(23:58):
right, help me carry this okay,okay.
Speaker 2 (24:00):
so I gotta pause you right there for a second,
because what you did was thereis some coach or motivator that
is listening, elevator listening, and they're saying to
themselves Jen, how do we, aselevators, motivators and
speakers, not take on thatnegativity, how do we not take
(24:24):
on that offload?
So how do you navigate thosewaters?
Speaker 1 (24:28):
well, I think as a speaker, right which is another
role um, you're really on thatstage for a moment.
You have most things plannednot scripted, I hope, because
that keeps you flexible, rightand you're giving the energy and
this is just best tips foranyone speaking.
You can find your focal pointsin the audience by who's
(24:51):
engaging with you and keep thatas your life-giving energy in
that moment.
Speaker 2 (24:57):
Right right.
Speaker 1 (24:58):
As a coach, I think there's some really good
questions we even need to askourselves, along with our
clients.
When we're talking about umempowerment, it's um questions
like what keeps happening to methat I need to stop allowing
right.
The great reflection question,or where my life am I absorbing
(25:19):
what doesn't belong to me?
Right and and then my lastquestion and this is a very
famous question, and with goodreason it's what story am I
telling myself about thissituation and what else could be
true?
Speaker 2 (25:35):
What else could be true?
I love that question most ofall and more than anything else,
because, even to talking to you, I've told myself this story
and I've convinced myself thisis what it is.
And so, instead of me saying,corey, before you open mouth,
(25:57):
insert foot, what else can betrue?
Yes, and that has saved my lifeon several occasions.
I can say so.
I'm very grateful for that tobe presented to me at some point
in time, and I just ask myselfthat all the time, every time I
have an opportunity toAbsolutely Well.
Speaker 1 (26:17):
Corey, I just want to thank you for really listening
to and paying attention towhat's going around us and
making such a good suggestionfor today's episode.
You know our hearts are allabout the people that plug into
this podcast and they're in ourlives, so for that we're
(26:38):
grateful, and I just want toleave this episode with a
practical affirmation or astatement or something to think
about.
Where you say something likeToday, I choose to respond, I
release what's not mine, Iprotect my peace and I decide
(26:58):
what gets in.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
So let that one just settle and, um, think about that one
marinate, marinate, yeah andelevate because you know as to
take the elevator.
we say look up and let's elevateEvery day, elevate Every day,
(27:27):
elevate Every day, elevate Everyday.
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