April 20, 2025 • 33 mins
What happens when a Black man and a Filipino woman fall in love and build a life together for nearly two decades? Kory and Gen pull back the curtain on their interracial relationship, revealing the beautiful and challenging reality they've navigated since meeting at an unexpected place.
Their story transcends typical discussions about race by delving into the personal experiences that shaped their worldviews before they met. Kory shares how growing up Black meant dealing with overt racism where "people either treated you very well or very bad," while Gen describes navigating the unique challenges of being Filipino-American, often facing "invisibility and stereotypes" in spaces that failed to acknowledge Asian identities.
Family acceptance didn't come instantly. These growing pains eventually transformed into genuine love and acceptance across family lines.
Perhaps most revealing are their candid discussions about navigating public spaces as an interracial couple. Rather than becoming bitter, they've protected their peace and developed empathy.
Their relationship stands on a foundation of shared values and mutual cultural immersion. As Kory says, "You marry someone, you marry into the culture and the history." The journey has taught them patience, forgiveness, and the wisdom to choose their battles. Their powerful message for listeners? In the fight against racism, "the more love you pour on this fire, the quicker it's going to go out."
Connect with us and join a conversation that brings understanding, not assumptions. Look up, and let's elevate!
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:15):
Hey, it's Jen, the Builder, and Corey.
Welcome everyone to Take theElevator where we rise together,
one conversation at a time.
Speaker 2 (00:25):
Indeed.
Speaker 1 (00:26):
Corey.
Before we get into it, by theway, let's talk about what our
topic is.
Sure, this one is prettypersonal to us and it may be
titled something like Love Raceand the Reality in Between.
Speaker 2 (00:43):
I like that.
Yeah, love race and the realityin between.
Speaker 1 (00:44):
I like that, yeah.
So before we get into it,you've got an important date
coming up this weekend.
Speaker 2 (00:51):
I got a couple of important dates coming up.
We're going to be in Redlandson the 26th of April and we're
going to be performing at JRiley's, which is going to be a
hoot and a blast.
I can't wait for that nightbecause we haven't been there in
over a year and some verysentimental reasons that it
(01:12):
brings back to me to want to bethere.
Also, we're looking forward toour fourth installment of our
children's book series, which isKelly Kanga.
I'll let you take that away.
Speaker 1 (01:26):
Oh yeah.
So, as you mentioned, it is ourfourth book and she is the
first one that we're writing ona female character.
And, ladies, gentlemen, kids,this one's for you, kelly Kanga,
is about a mom.
This one's for you, kelly Kanga, is about a mom and a parent
relationship with their child,especially as their children
(01:49):
grow up, and we know how toughthat can be.
This one's near and dear to myheart.
I love that it's coming out inMay, which is Mother's Day month
, and in time for Father's Day.
And, as if the story in thebook was not enough in itself,
(02:09):
the soundtrack, the song thatgoes with it, is so beautiful.
And, corey, I'm wondering howwe can get this song in the
hands of our forest friends.
I know we still have to talkabout that, but I think this is
like it's got to be.
A package is just how I feel.
Speaker 2 (02:23):
Absolutely.
Speaker 1 (02:24):
We'll work on that this is like it's got to be.
A package is just how I feel.
Absolutely, we'll work on that.
I love it all right, so pleasecome out this weekend, love to
party with you at jay riley'sgreat live music from the
shameless band I, by the way Ineed to put this out there I
really enjoyed the playlist thatthe bands put together and I
love how flexible the band'sbecome.
(02:46):
Like not one set is the same asthe other, right, and I know
that's recently changing cory.
Y'all are doing such a greatjob bringing those songs forward
thank you.
Speaker 2 (02:56):
Thank you, we do our best right.
Speaker 1 (02:59):
so let's talk about today.
So we're opening up aboutsomething super close to our
hearts and we're talking aboutrace, racism and being in an
interracial relationship.
For those who don't know, Coreyis a black man and I am proud
to be a Filipino-American woman.
(03:21):
So for years now, Corey, we'realmost celebrating an
anniversary.
I believe it's our 19th yearthat's coming up in August.
So I love when you brought thisepisode and the topic up,
because for years we've walkedside by side and that's been
through love, laughter, culture,clashes which we have not
(03:43):
talked about, and we've had somereal conversations about
identity, privilege and pain.
So I think, although there'sbeen some moments where it hurt,
there have been some amazinghealing moments as well, being
an interracial couple.
So we want to bring thoseforward today.
Speaker 2 (04:00):
Yeah, and so if you're listening to this and
saying, okay, what value do Iget from this couple being in an
interrelation, interrelationinterracial relationship?
Speaker 1 (04:10):
Excuse me yeah.
Speaker 2 (04:13):
There's more to it than just being interracial.
There there is the race part,which I'm going to break down my
point of view, my POV, andJen's going to break down hers,
and I'm quite sure you'll beable to pull some things from
both of our experiences and ourpoints of views yeah, so brief
history of our relationship.
Speaker 1 (04:34):
This one is how we met.
Oh boy, yeah, and I think we'vetouched on it a few times
throughout all the episodes.
Uh, Corey and I met at a cluband it was during a time where I
was just not wanting to be in arelationship.
I was like done you know?
Um, and so I went to a clubwhere no one really knew me.
(04:59):
Uh, the music was great at thetime.
I thought the atmosphere wasfun and there was definitely no
way I was going to meet someonethat could possibly come into my
life and I start a relationshipwith them.
Like, I thought this was thefurthest place away from that
(05:21):
happening.
Speaker 2 (05:21):
Right and I was working at the club as a bouncer
.
And this club it was a gay cluband I'm just going to put that
out there so anyone and everyonecan not have to wonder and
guess.
And so I was in a reallystrange place in my life because
I hadn't had a job a nine tofive job in years, a nine to
(05:50):
five job in years and so thiswas my first uh, nine to five
outside of music recording andand all this good stuff, and I
really didn't know what I wantedto do.
And I come out of, uh, aprivate school setting and it
really burned me bad because Ijust seen things being done to
children that I just didn'tagree with.
So I wanted to get as far awayfrom that atmosphere as possible
, but also didn't want to gettoo far away from the music club
(06:14):
party scene, just wasn'texpecting to be in a gay club.
But that's where I ended up andthat's how I was making my
money at the time bouncing at agay club yeah.
Speaker 1 (06:24):
So I mean, I had a great time and it was really
funny how we met.
Um, I was drunk out of my mindI really was, and a girl that I
had met there, um, and that wasthe thing about this place,
everyone was just super friendly, yeah.
And so she looked over at you.
I looked over at you andthought, hmm, that's interesting
(06:46):
.
And of course, a question thatcame up and always did in a
setting like that is I wonder ifhe's gay or straight.
So, anyways, she asked if Iwanted to meet you and corey.
I swear she acted like she knewyou she did not, she she made it
seem, or at least I thought noshe was like a friend of yours.
Speaker 2 (07:07):
She really did, and when she came up to me she even
asked me what's your name again,cory?
Speaker 1 (07:13):
and uh, she said I want you to meet someone and
wait, did you think she wascoming up to you for herself?
I did, ah, oh, I hope I didn'tdisappoint.
No, absolutely not so, yeah,she introduced um, and it was
funny because I asked cory.
The first question I asked corywas, of course, are you gay or
(07:35):
are you straight?
And uh, you answered and wejust started a little
conversation.
But anyways, that's how we met.
What I love about our story isthat we were both running from
something and some things somethings, yes, and our universes
were so parallel we didn't evenknow it no
(07:55):
we didn't even know it and ittook us by surprise.
Uh, we had some ups and downsand so here we are, and the
reason why I think we share thisstory about being interracial
is it's important, because noteveryone has an interracial
relationship.
But what I want to emphasize isthat there's so much beauty in
(08:18):
differences, but it really callsfor us to be in it and to
really understand and want to bea part Of the other culture, or
, you know?
I think it's really helped usbe creative with how we continue
to live this life.
Speaker 2 (08:37):
Absolutely, no doubt, in wanting to know about other
cultures and wanting to knowabout other backgrounds and how
these practices and celebrationsand all these things have
evolved over the course of years, because you have a very rich
history being from thephilippines, uh, yeah, and it's
(08:59):
very interesting and intriguingand I can tell well, I could
tell when I first met you, um,that there was more to it than
just, oh, I'm filipina, you knowright, right, uh, yeah.
Speaker 1 (09:14):
So there is quite a bit of pride and pain in my
heritage, more pride thananything, absolutely and I love
that you said filipino.
A lot of people don't know this, like I had a person come up to
me and say hey, should we sayfilipine x?
We say Philippine X becauseFilipino is so male.
(09:35):
The interesting thing aboutFilipino culture our language
doesn't have a female maleversion.
There's no he, she, it's justthe same which is something I'm
very proud of in my culture isthat there's not the
differentiation when we talk.
So you can call me Filipinothere's no offense in that and
you can also call me filipina.
(09:57):
You know it's, it's the same.
Yeah, so when we first gottogether, one of the questions
is is well, you live in southerncalifornia, you're brown, he's
black.
How many issues can really behappening here?
Speaker 2 (10:16):
Oh, you have no idea.
Speaker 1 (10:18):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (10:19):
There's always issues when people don't look exactly
the same.
And you know what?
Actually, there's even issueswhen you do look the same,
because people are constantlytrying to figure out how to
separate you one way or another,out how to separate you one way
(10:41):
or another For one reasonpeople like to have power over
things that are different, andeven if you look like them, it's
something that people reallywant to try to do is separate by
power having one up, having thelast word or oh yeah, I did
this to demean or break downthis person.
So there's always somethingthat's going to come up in any
relationship, whether you lookalike, you don't look alike, but
(11:04):
even more so when you don't.
People love to bring up thosethings that may be challenges.
Speaker 1 (11:10):
Absolutely so.
What I love about this part ofwhat we're going to talk about,
Corey, is that our story is notcolorblind.
Color has been an issue for us,amongst other things.
So let's talk about you beingblack.
Can you share a little bitabout how that shaped your view
of safety, trust and freedomright here in America?
(11:32):
What's that been like?
Speaker 2 (11:33):
Well, when I was younger, I was able to navigate
that a little bit easier,because if people didn't like
you, they just pretty much toldyou straight up, you know.
And so there was no feelings ofwell, I don't know how they
feel or I'm confused on how I'mbeing treated.
(11:53):
You were either treated verywell or treated very bad, based
on what people thought about you, and most of the time they
wanted to get it out and justsay something about your color,
your uh, where you come from,where they want you to go back
to what you've never been, um,all those wonderful things and,
uh, and.
And, by the way, there's a goodamount of people that identify
(12:18):
as Negro or Black, that havenever been to Africa or don't
have any heritage or roots inAfrica.
So when they would tell you, goback to Africa, it was very
foreign, because that justwasn't something we had a clue
about.
That molded a lot of how Inavigate life as a child and
(12:42):
growing up.
Again, this wasn't all bad.
There was a lot of really goodparts, because there's a lot of
really good people out therethat don't do these negative
things or have these negativebehaviors that don't do these
negative things or have thesenegative behaviors.
As I became more into myteenage, young adult years, I
(13:03):
just kind of always had a verydiverse group of friends that I
hung out with.
Nobody was one way or another,it just really depended on the
season pretty much, you know.
So I had friends in everyethnic background and it just
was a blast because everybodywas open to hanging out and
(13:25):
having a good time yeah.
Speaker 1 (13:27):
So that's interesting because while you were living
in a world pretty much wherepeople either liked you or
didn't like, you told you um, myworld being filipino, is a
little different.
I had to navigate in spaces ofinvisibility and stereotypes.
So us asians usually just kindof fall to the back right, we
(13:54):
don't say anything, we're aquiet group.
We're known to be the smart,nerdy ones.
Um, I've even heard things likeoh, you know, asians smell like
garlic or it's just things likethat, but it's very invisible
and I think that's a big part ofour culture.
You know, we just respect peopleto the utmost, or at least we
(14:17):
portray to respect people to theutmost by being very agreeable,
not really having any pushbackor fight back.
We've been a very resilientculture that has stood a lot of
things as far as bullying andtakeovers and violence, you know
, in the Philippines.
(14:37):
And then there's been this hopethat has been sustained to get
out of it, and a lot of hopefrom Filipinos to come to
America and they believe in theAmerican dream.
So I was raised in a, in a homewhere we were very grateful to
be here, and so you didn't takeanything for granted, you just
kind of took what America gaveyou.
Speaker 2 (14:59):
You know that kind of way.
Speaker 1 (15:00):
So now we're talking about these two cultures
clashing and being broughttogether, and I'm going to say
something, and it's not tooffend my family.
I love my family to death.
But, man, is it important tohave these experiences because
you can see the growing edgesthat need to happen in your
(15:21):
family?
In my Filipino family, a lot ofus don't have the typical
straight Asian hair.
Ours is very curly, frizzy,right, and my family loves to
(15:44):
play ball, we love to dance, welove to sing.
I just saw so much similaritiesbetween Filipinos and Blacks.
That's just how I'd always seenit, so it felt very natural for
me to be dating you, a blackman.
I was shocked when I hadcertain family members that
weren't as accepting and theydidn't say it straight out in
(16:07):
the beginning, but inconversation I heard it and it
was I don't know what the termis cory, but wasn't blatant
racism?
It was really a lack ofknowledge and so it became
racist.
Is how I translate it you know,what I mean.
Oh yeah, and I remember I wasjust ready to separate from that
(16:31):
.
I was disappointed, I was hurtand I was going to defend my man
, like because it was aninjustice.
Speaker 2 (16:39):
I felt like you don't even know him, you're judging
him based on color and you justtook a whole nother approach
yeah, um, it's important, veryimportant to know history, very
important to know history,culture and understand where all
this stems from, where it comesfrom.
Colorism is a big thing in allnationalities.
Speaker 1 (17:03):
Colorism.
Speaker 2 (17:04):
Yeah, it seems that there's this big push to be a
lighter hue so that you can fitin Western society better.
The misnomer is that, no matterhow light you are, wherever
you're from is where you're from.
Speaker 1 (17:21):
Asians do that too.
I know Like bleaching of theskin.
Yeah, yeah, it's intense.
Speaker 2 (17:27):
It's very intense and this was something that was
going on really broad back in,you know.
I would just say back in theday, because it's still
happening, but it was moreprevalent long ago to be as
fair-skinned as possible so thatyou would be able to be
accepted by Western society.
(17:49):
But again, if you know thisculture and you know this
environment well, as I do, itdoesn't matter how fair your
skin is.
Wherever you're from is whereyou're from and you're going to
catch all the hell that comesalong with being from there.
Speaker 1 (18:08):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (18:09):
There's no easy way to do this.
Speaker 1 (18:11):
Right.
So let's talk about a littlebit more, because I want to give
our friends some more insightto us being interracial,
absolutely um.
So long story short.
My family came around and theyjust fell in love with cory and
I'm just so happy about that.
I'm happy we stuck it through.
I'm so glad, cory, that youreminded me like hey, jen, I
(18:32):
prayed for a wife who has a bigfamily and this is what I've
been given and I refuse to haveyou mess that up.
Speaker 2 (18:41):
Like you know, let's give your family a chance well,
it was giving them a chance forus, but more so giving them a
chance for you, because it isyour family, right, and I refuse
to let a little bit ofignorance stop Break up family.
Speaker 1 (18:59):
Yeah, stop and break up family.
Yeah, because family is a valueof ours for sure.
Absolutely and so we started.
I love that because in ourinterracial relationship, we
really started to identify thevalues that we have that are the
same and those were the thingsthat kept us grounded, so family
(19:19):
definitely being one of them.
Speaking of family, I rememberwhen I first met your mom and
she's a sassy woman you know,she's spunky and she's going to
let it be known what she'sthinking.
And when I met her, very niceinteraction, but I remember her
looking me up and down and itwas a slow up and down and she
(19:40):
said, corey, you always did likethe women with the long hair.
And, uh, I don't know if Itranslated it wrong, but I know
that typically, um, for blackwomen, you know they have
shorter hair and if they grow itit takes a lot of care and
nurturing and you know all thatstuff.
(20:01):
And I just I didn't know itdidn't feel right, it didn't
feel like a compliment, that'sfor sure.
Um, and I get it Like she's ablack woman and she loves her
son and she loves who she is.
So I started to see things fromher point of view, where I'm
sure, growing up, her wish forher son was to marry a beautiful
(20:22):
black woman like her, you know,and.
But the relationship is amazing.
I consider your mom like my ownmom.
She even introduces me.
She's like this is my daughter.
She's not my daughter-in-law,she's my daughter, um, but we
had some growing pains in that.
Speaker 2 (20:39):
Absolutely, and I'll say this I've always been the
kind of person, kind of man,that I want what I want and I'm
not concerned about whateverybody wants for me.
Sometimes people do know what'sbetter for you, but in most
occasions I'm a really gooddeterminer of what's going to be
(21:00):
good for me.
And at the moment that I metyou where I was and where you
were, and what we were lookingfor, what our backgrounds
presented, the children that wehad already acquired prior to
one another I knew you weregoing to be the best thing for
me.
Speaker 1 (21:21):
Thank you.
Speaker 2 (21:22):
You're welcome.
Speaker 1 (21:23):
I'm so glad that you saw that.
So the last bit of hard ordifficult moments being
interracial, for me especiallyis and it still happens to this
day there have been stares fromblack women when I'm with you,
to you, at me.
(21:43):
There's been comments about youbeing a sellout because you're
not with a black woman.
So therefore, how really proudof you, how really proud of
being black, are you when yourwife's not black, and I just
want to hand it over to you andgive you some time to talk about
(22:05):
that.
Speaker 2 (22:06):
so my pride does not exist in who I'm married to, my
honor and my care does not existin who I'm married to, um, that
has to come from me and only me.
And if I'm not proud of me forbeing who I am and what my mom
(22:28):
and dad brought into this world,and I've already started on the
wrong track and I'm pretty muchlost at that point, and so
that's never been a?
Um a thing that I've struggledwith.
As far as who I am, and whenpeople say, again, ignorant
things, I try not to be offended.
(22:48):
There's very I have very thickskin.
There's very little thatpenetrates me, and the reason
why is because I grew up in asociety well, not in a society,
but in a neighborhood like whereI grew up, there were plenty of
bullies and me being one of thesmaller children on the block
(23:09):
and didn't have any brothers andevery kid had three or four
brothers I had to endure andtake up for myself and fight
some battles that I wasn'tprepared to fight.
So this stuff is petty to me.
It doesn't really move theneedle that much.
Speaker 1 (23:25):
Yeah, and I think it's just been a beautiful
bridge that we've been able tobuild over time, because, even
though I'd like to say I'm toughskinned, it just would really
aggravate me, honestly, like Ijust thought it was super
ignorant and I was like what'sthe big deal?
(23:47):
So when Corey and I are out inpublic, one of my favorite
things is Corey, you pick up onthat when women look at me and
look at you and the hand holdingbecomes a little more intense
or I'm holding on to you just alittle bit tighter pull her a
little closer.
Speaker 2 (24:06):
And again, it's not to be offensive of it to anyone
um, this is who I'm married to,this is my wife, so I should be
doing those things.
It's more, to say your stare isnot going to stop me from doing
what I'm doing.
Your um non approval Look,won't change what's happening
(24:30):
over here.
And in so many words, shame onyou.
Yeah, as if I will.
Speaker 1 (24:36):
If I wasn't with you, I would be with them who are?
Speaker 2 (24:37):
in so many words.
Shame on you, yeah, as if Iwill.
If I wasn't with you, I wouldbe with them.
Who are, who are giving thelooks or the stares, and guys,
those of you listening.
I have no malice in my heartfor anyone that may come across,
Jan and I, what it is is simplythis um, you have to stand up
(25:04):
and protect what is yours.
Period, full stop yes,beautifully said.
Speaker 1 (25:10):
Um, that's romantic.
I mean I'm just going to say so, yeah, so there's that piece.
So has racism been real in ourrelationship?
Yeah, oh yeah, and it's beenpersonal.
Go into a store, even in our50s right, go into a store, and
(25:35):
I'm very aware of when securitystarts following us and it is
now we can.
I can joke about it before.
It would just frustrate me andI wanted to do like a turnaround
and be like what the heck iswrong with you?
Could you be any more obvious,and how wrong are you for
(25:56):
following us this way?
right and I remember you said,jen, it's not even worth it.
It's the world we live in andI'm not trying to get into any
arguments today over theirignorance or you know them
feeling that this their job.
So what it's taught me ispatience.
(26:17):
It actually has given meempathy and understanding
towards people like that,because I don't know what is in
their experiences, what theirbackground is, and it's just sad
that it is what it is Right.
So I don't really blame themfor it.
Speaker 2 (26:38):
I just kind of wonder , man, I wonder what has
happened that makes you act thisway right, yeah, yeah, I have
nothing to say about that, andyou know I could go on and on
and on, but again, that's justwasted time, effort and energy
(26:58):
trying to explain something thatshould not be anyway.
Speaker 1 (27:01):
Yeah, because at the end of the day, you choose to
speak up or you just choose toprotect your peace, right?
I mean, we use our voice inmany different things, but I
don't want to be that voice thathas to speak up in every
instance.
Speaker 2 (27:17):
No, there's plenty of dragons to slay, and that's
just not one of them, that'smore like a worm, so I'm going
to leave that one to the wormslayers.
Speaker 1 (27:25):
Yeah, so Corey, break it down for us.
What has intersectionalitytaught us as a couple?
Speaker 2 (27:33):
Well, it's taught us, as you said, patience.
It's taught us kindness.
It's taught us somelong-suffering, a lot of what
the definition of love in theBible is.
It's taught us that because youhave to have those things,
regardless of if you're in ainterracial relationship or not
(28:02):
please forgive that tongue-tyingphrase you have to navigate
that whether you're in arelationship like this or not.
But it's even more key to carrysome of those traits because
you just have to learn how toforgive people and move on again
.
You talked, you said it best.
Are you willing to protect yourpeace or you're willing to try
(28:24):
to fight every battle on thishill that's going to be here for
the rest of your life?
Speaker 1 (28:30):
definitely, definitely.
I think one of the things thatit's taught me and what I've
loved to see is you just totallyimmerse in the Filipino culture
.
When I see you, I'm likeCorey's part Filipino, Like you
know, you even pick up on thelanguage.
Speaker 2 (28:52):
Well, that's a part of it.
You know, you marry someone,you marry into the culture and
the history and you want to pickup on all things that they are,
as you have done the same thingwith me.
You know I lead a lot of blackhistory, black culture type
(29:12):
events and you're right there bymy side learning about the
things that black culture haspresented for many, many years,
and you know I'm an advocate ofteaching people things that are
not the mainstream or not thenorm.
So again, you're able to followalong and I love that You're
(29:32):
just showing you what I'm doingand watching how intrigued you
are.
Speaker 1 (29:38):
Yeah, what's been the best has been learning from you
and your culture and the pridethat you have in the history and
the things that you bring forthfor everybody else to learn
about.
I love how different it is andit really puts me in that seat
of student and you're theteacher and there's so much
(29:59):
beauty in it and I think that'swhat's important with people,
with our cultural differences.
We need to have thoseconversations and we just need
to share and be curious abouteach other and our culture.
It's so beautiful when we takethe time to do that, especially
when you get to see it foryourself.
Speaker 2 (30:20):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (30:20):
Yeah, so I think we answered what keeps us grounded.
I love that you brought up whatthe Bible says about love.
For sure, for those who want toknow what scripture that is,
it's 1 Corinthians 13, 4 through7.
It's a beautiful verse aboutlove, and I think our hope for
(30:43):
the world is really one ofcourage and compassion today,
that there is healing on bothsides of this conversation.
Speaker 2 (30:54):
Absolutely.
Speaker 1 (30:55):
Yeah.
So, kermit, I'm going to askyou you a question, because I
feel like I've been talking alot in this.
I think we've both been talkingyou think so?
Yeah, um, but what's somethingthat you really feel that you
need to say in this episode thatmaybe you haven't said already?
Speaker 2 (31:10):
well, I'm gonna go here and this is not going to be
a popular place to go, but Ifeel compelled to talk about it.
We hear a lot about race,racism and how people are being
treated.
I think honestly, if we justbegin to focus on love, we could
(31:34):
overcome so much more on thattopic than to be worried about
race, color and who's doing whatand wrong to everyone.
Is it important?
Absolutely.
I would never put a weight onwhat's more important or not
important, but I woulddefinitely say, in your plight
(31:57):
to extinguish racism, the morelove you pour on this fire, the
quicker it's going to go outperfectly said, perfectly said.
Speaker 1 (32:13):
I was going to end with some.
I'm'm going to add one thing,sure, so you know, we're about
elevating, and I just know thatwe don't rise by avoiding hard
conversations, but rather werise by having them.
And I was going to call outhonesty, honor and heart and
(32:34):
love yeah.
We forget about how powerfulthat force is, yeah, beautiful.
So hopefully, today, our callto action to you, as our friends
and elevators, is just have aconversation today that brings
understanding, not assumptions,and love one another.
Yeah, yeah, and you know us atTake the Elevator, we say look
(32:57):
up and let's elevate, elevateEvery day, elevate Every day.
Speaker 2 (33:10):
Elevate Every day, elevate Every day, elevate Every
day.
Hey, it's Jen, the Builder, and Corey.
Welcome everyone to Take theElevator where we rise together,
one conversation at a time.
Speaker 2 (00:25):
Indeed.
Speaker 1 (00:26):
Corey.
Before we get into it, by theway, let's talk about what our
topic is.
Sure, this one is prettypersonal to us and it may be
titled something like Love Raceand the Reality in Between.
Speaker 2 (00:43):
I like that.
Yeah, love race and the realityin between.
Speaker 1 (00:44):
I like that, yeah.
So before we get into it,you've got an important date
coming up this weekend.
Speaker 2 (00:51):
I got a couple of important dates coming up.
We're going to be in Redlandson the 26th of April and we're
going to be performing at JRiley's, which is going to be a
hoot and a blast.
I can't wait for that nightbecause we haven't been there in
over a year and some verysentimental reasons that it
(01:12):
brings back to me to want to bethere.
Also, we're looking forward toour fourth installment of our
children's book series, which isKelly Kanga.
I'll let you take that away.
Speaker 1 (01:26):
Oh yeah.
So, as you mentioned, it is ourfourth book and she is the
first one that we're writing ona female character.
And, ladies, gentlemen, kids,this one's for you, kelly Kanga,
is about a mom.
This one's for you, kelly Kanga, is about a mom and a parent
relationship with their child,especially as their children
(01:49):
grow up, and we know how toughthat can be.
This one's near and dear to myheart.
I love that it's coming out inMay, which is Mother's Day month
, and in time for Father's Day.
And, as if the story in thebook was not enough in itself,
(02:09):
the soundtrack, the song thatgoes with it, is so beautiful.
And, corey, I'm wondering howwe can get this song in the
hands of our forest friends.
I know we still have to talkabout that, but I think this is
like it's got to be.
A package is just how I feel.
Speaker 2 (02:23):
Absolutely.
Speaker 1 (02:24):
We'll work on that this is like it's got to be.
A package is just how I feel.
Absolutely, we'll work on that.
I love it all right, so pleasecome out this weekend, love to
party with you at jay riley'sgreat live music from the
shameless band I, by the way Ineed to put this out there I
really enjoyed the playlist thatthe bands put together and I
love how flexible the band'sbecome.
(02:46):
Like not one set is the same asthe other, right, and I know
that's recently changing cory.
Y'all are doing such a greatjob bringing those songs forward
thank you.
Speaker 2 (02:56):
Thank you, we do our best right.
Speaker 1 (02:59):
so let's talk about today.
So we're opening up aboutsomething super close to our
hearts and we're talking aboutrace, racism and being in an
interracial relationship.
For those who don't know, Coreyis a black man and I am proud
to be a Filipino-American woman.
(03:21):
So for years now, Corey, we'realmost celebrating an
anniversary.
I believe it's our 19th yearthat's coming up in August.
So I love when you brought thisepisode and the topic up,
because for years we've walkedside by side and that's been
through love, laughter, culture,clashes which we have not
(03:43):
talked about, and we've had somereal conversations about
identity, privilege and pain.
So I think, although there'sbeen some moments where it hurt,
there have been some amazinghealing moments as well, being
an interracial couple.
So we want to bring thoseforward today.
Speaker 2 (04:00):
Yeah, and so if you're listening to this and
saying, okay, what value do Iget from this couple being in an
interrelation, interrelationinterracial relationship?
Speaker 1 (04:10):
Excuse me yeah.
Speaker 2 (04:13):
There's more to it than just being interracial.
There there is the race part,which I'm going to break down my
point of view, my POV, andJen's going to break down hers,
and I'm quite sure you'll beable to pull some things from
both of our experiences and ourpoints of views yeah, so brief
history of our relationship.
Speaker 1 (04:34):
This one is how we met.
Oh boy, yeah, and I think we'vetouched on it a few times
throughout all the episodes.
Uh, Corey and I met at a cluband it was during a time where I
was just not wanting to be in arelationship.
I was like done you know?
Um, and so I went to a clubwhere no one really knew me.
(04:59):
Uh, the music was great at thetime.
I thought the atmosphere wasfun and there was definitely no
way I was going to meet someonethat could possibly come into my
life and I start a relationshipwith them.
Like, I thought this was thefurthest place away from that
(05:21):
happening.
Speaker 2 (05:21):
Right and I was working at the club as a bouncer
.
And this club it was a gay cluband I'm just going to put that
out there so anyone and everyonecan not have to wonder and
guess.
And so I was in a reallystrange place in my life because
I hadn't had a job a nine tofive job in years, a nine to
(05:50):
five job in years and so thiswas my first uh, nine to five
outside of music recording andand all this good stuff, and I
really didn't know what I wantedto do.
And I come out of, uh, aprivate school setting and it
really burned me bad because Ijust seen things being done to
children that I just didn'tagree with.
So I wanted to get as far awayfrom that atmosphere as possible
, but also didn't want to gettoo far away from the music club
(06:14):
party scene, just wasn'texpecting to be in a gay club.
But that's where I ended up andthat's how I was making my
money at the time bouncing at agay club yeah.
Speaker 1 (06:24):
So I mean, I had a great time and it was really
funny how we met.
Um, I was drunk out of my mindI really was, and a girl that I
had met there, um, and that wasthe thing about this place,
everyone was just super friendly, yeah.
And so she looked over at you.
I looked over at you andthought, hmm, that's interesting
(06:46):
.
And of course, a question thatcame up and always did in a
setting like that is I wonder ifhe's gay or straight.
So, anyways, she asked if Iwanted to meet you and corey.
I swear she acted like she knewyou she did not, she she made it
seem, or at least I thought noshe was like a friend of yours.
Speaker 2 (07:07):
She really did, and when she came up to me she even
asked me what's your name again,cory?
Speaker 1 (07:13):
and uh, she said I want you to meet someone and
wait, did you think she wascoming up to you for herself?
I did, ah, oh, I hope I didn'tdisappoint.
No, absolutely not so, yeah,she introduced um, and it was
funny because I asked cory.
The first question I asked corywas, of course, are you gay or
(07:35):
are you straight?
And uh, you answered and wejust started a little
conversation.
But anyways, that's how we met.
What I love about our story isthat we were both running from
something and some things somethings, yes, and our universes
were so parallel we didn't evenknow it no
(07:55):
we didn't even know it and ittook us by surprise.
Uh, we had some ups and downsand so here we are, and the
reason why I think we share thisstory about being interracial
is it's important, because noteveryone has an interracial
relationship.
But what I want to emphasize isthat there's so much beauty in
(08:18):
differences, but it really callsfor us to be in it and to
really understand and want to bea part Of the other culture, or
, you know?
I think it's really helped usbe creative with how we continue
to live this life.
Speaker 2 (08:37):
Absolutely, no doubt, in wanting to know about other
cultures and wanting to knowabout other backgrounds and how
these practices and celebrationsand all these things have
evolved over the course of years, because you have a very rich
history being from thephilippines, uh, yeah, and it's
(08:59):
very interesting and intriguingand I can tell well, I could
tell when I first met you, um,that there was more to it than
just, oh, I'm filipina, you knowright, right, uh, yeah.
Speaker 1 (09:14):
So there is quite a bit of pride and pain in my
heritage, more pride thananything, absolutely and I love
that you said filipino.
A lot of people don't know this, like I had a person come up to
me and say hey, should we sayfilipine x?
We say Philippine X becauseFilipino is so male.
(09:35):
The interesting thing aboutFilipino culture our language
doesn't have a female maleversion.
There's no he, she, it's justthe same which is something I'm
very proud of in my culture isthat there's not the
differentiation when we talk.
So you can call me Filipinothere's no offense in that and
you can also call me filipina.
(09:57):
You know it's, it's the same.
Yeah, so when we first gottogether, one of the questions
is is well, you live in southerncalifornia, you're brown, he's
black.
How many issues can really behappening here?
Speaker 2 (10:16):
Oh, you have no idea.
Speaker 1 (10:18):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (10:19):
There's always issues when people don't look exactly
the same.
And you know what?
Actually, there's even issueswhen you do look the same,
because people are constantlytrying to figure out how to
separate you one way or another,out how to separate you one way
(10:41):
or another For one reasonpeople like to have power over
things that are different, andeven if you look like them, it's
something that people reallywant to try to do is separate by
power having one up, having thelast word or oh yeah, I did
this to demean or break downthis person.
So there's always somethingthat's going to come up in any
relationship, whether you lookalike, you don't look alike, but
(11:04):
even more so when you don't.
People love to bring up thosethings that may be challenges.
Speaker 1 (11:10):
Absolutely so.
What I love about this part ofwhat we're going to talk about,
Corey, is that our story is notcolorblind.
Color has been an issue for us,amongst other things.
So let's talk about you beingblack.
Can you share a little bitabout how that shaped your view
of safety, trust and freedomright here in America?
(11:32):
What's that been like?
Speaker 2 (11:33):
Well, when I was younger, I was able to navigate
that a little bit easier,because if people didn't like
you, they just pretty much toldyou straight up, you know.
And so there was no feelings ofwell, I don't know how they
feel or I'm confused on how I'mbeing treated.
(11:53):
You were either treated verywell or treated very bad, based
on what people thought about you, and most of the time they
wanted to get it out and justsay something about your color,
your uh, where you come from,where they want you to go back
to what you've never been, um,all those wonderful things and,
uh, and.
And, by the way, there's a goodamount of people that identify
(12:18):
as Negro or Black, that havenever been to Africa or don't
have any heritage or roots inAfrica.
So when they would tell you, goback to Africa, it was very
foreign, because that justwasn't something we had a clue
about.
That molded a lot of how Inavigate life as a child and
(12:42):
growing up.
Again, this wasn't all bad.
There was a lot of really goodparts, because there's a lot of
really good people out therethat don't do these negative
things or have these negativebehaviors that don't do these
negative things or have thesenegative behaviors.
As I became more into myteenage, young adult years, I
(13:03):
just kind of always had a verydiverse group of friends that I
hung out with.
Nobody was one way or another,it just really depended on the
season pretty much, you know.
So I had friends in everyethnic background and it just
was a blast because everybodywas open to hanging out and
(13:25):
having a good time yeah.
Speaker 1 (13:27):
So that's interesting because while you were living
in a world pretty much wherepeople either liked you or
didn't like, you told you um, myworld being filipino, is a
little different.
I had to navigate in spaces ofinvisibility and stereotypes.
So us asians usually just kindof fall to the back right, we
(13:54):
don't say anything, we're aquiet group.
We're known to be the smart,nerdy ones.
Um, I've even heard things likeoh, you know, asians smell like
garlic or it's just things likethat, but it's very invisible
and I think that's a big part ofour culture.
You know, we just respect peopleto the utmost, or at least we
(14:17):
portray to respect people to theutmost by being very agreeable,
not really having any pushbackor fight back.
We've been a very resilientculture that has stood a lot of
things as far as bullying andtakeovers and violence, you know
, in the Philippines.
(14:37):
And then there's been this hopethat has been sustained to get
out of it, and a lot of hopefrom Filipinos to come to
America and they believe in theAmerican dream.
So I was raised in a, in a homewhere we were very grateful to
be here, and so you didn't takeanything for granted, you just
kind of took what America gaveyou.
Speaker 2 (14:59):
You know that kind of way.
Speaker 1 (15:00):
So now we're talking about these two cultures
clashing and being broughttogether, and I'm going to say
something, and it's not tooffend my family.
I love my family to death.
But, man, is it important tohave these experiences because
you can see the growing edgesthat need to happen in your
(15:21):
family?
In my Filipino family, a lot ofus don't have the typical
straight Asian hair.
Ours is very curly, frizzy,right, and my family loves to
(15:44):
play ball, we love to dance, welove to sing.
I just saw so much similaritiesbetween Filipinos and Blacks.
That's just how I'd always seenit, so it felt very natural for
me to be dating you, a blackman.
I was shocked when I hadcertain family members that
weren't as accepting and theydidn't say it straight out in
(16:07):
the beginning, but inconversation I heard it and it
was I don't know what the termis cory, but wasn't blatant
racism?
It was really a lack ofknowledge and so it became
racist.
Is how I translate it you know,what I mean.
Oh yeah, and I remember I wasjust ready to separate from that
(16:31):
.
I was disappointed, I was hurtand I was going to defend my man
, like because it was aninjustice.
Speaker 2 (16:39):
I felt like you don't even know him, you're judging
him based on color and you justtook a whole nother approach
yeah, um, it's important, veryimportant to know history, very
important to know history,culture and understand where all
this stems from, where it comesfrom.
Colorism is a big thing in allnationalities.
Speaker 1 (17:03):
Colorism.
Speaker 2 (17:04):
Yeah, it seems that there's this big push to be a
lighter hue so that you can fitin Western society better.
The misnomer is that, no matterhow light you are, wherever
you're from is where you're from.
Speaker 1 (17:21):
Asians do that too.
I know Like bleaching of theskin.
Yeah, yeah, it's intense.
Speaker 2 (17:27):
It's very intense and this was something that was
going on really broad back in,you know.
I would just say back in theday, because it's still
happening, but it was moreprevalent long ago to be as
fair-skinned as possible so thatyou would be able to be
accepted by Western society.
(17:49):
But again, if you know thisculture and you know this
environment well, as I do, itdoesn't matter how fair your
skin is.
Wherever you're from is whereyou're from and you're going to
catch all the hell that comesalong with being from there.
Speaker 1 (18:08):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (18:09):
There's no easy way to do this.
Speaker 1 (18:11):
Right.
So let's talk about a littlebit more, because I want to give
our friends some more insightto us being interracial,
absolutely um.
So long story short.
My family came around and theyjust fell in love with cory and
I'm just so happy about that.
I'm happy we stuck it through.
I'm so glad, cory, that youreminded me like hey, jen, I
(18:32):
prayed for a wife who has a bigfamily and this is what I've
been given and I refuse to haveyou mess that up.
Speaker 2 (18:41):
Like you know, let's give your family a chance well,
it was giving them a chance forus, but more so giving them a
chance for you, because it isyour family, right, and I refuse
to let a little bit ofignorance stop Break up family.
Speaker 1 (18:59):
Yeah, stop and break up family.
Yeah, because family is a valueof ours for sure.
Absolutely and so we started.
I love that because in ourinterracial relationship, we
really started to identify thevalues that we have that are the
same and those were the thingsthat kept us grounded, so family
(19:19):
definitely being one of them.
Speaking of family, I rememberwhen I first met your mom and
she's a sassy woman you know,she's spunky and she's going to
let it be known what she'sthinking.
And when I met her, very niceinteraction, but I remember her
looking me up and down and itwas a slow up and down and she
(19:40):
said, corey, you always did likethe women with the long hair.
And, uh, I don't know if Itranslated it wrong, but I know
that typically, um, for blackwomen, you know they have
shorter hair and if they grow itit takes a lot of care and
nurturing and you know all thatstuff.
(20:01):
And I just I didn't know itdidn't feel right, it didn't
feel like a compliment, that'sfor sure.
Um, and I get it Like she's ablack woman and she loves her
son and she loves who she is.
So I started to see things fromher point of view, where I'm
sure, growing up, her wish forher son was to marry a beautiful
(20:22):
black woman like her, you know,and.
But the relationship is amazing.
I consider your mom like my ownmom.
She even introduces me.
She's like this is my daughter.
She's not my daughter-in-law,she's my daughter, um, but we
had some growing pains in that.
Speaker 2 (20:39):
Absolutely, and I'll say this I've always been the
kind of person, kind of man,that I want what I want and I'm
not concerned about whateverybody wants for me.
Sometimes people do know what'sbetter for you, but in most
occasions I'm a really gooddeterminer of what's going to be
(21:00):
good for me.
And at the moment that I metyou where I was and where you
were, and what we were lookingfor, what our backgrounds
presented, the children that wehad already acquired prior to
one another I knew you weregoing to be the best thing for
me.
Speaker 1 (21:21):
Thank you.
Speaker 2 (21:22):
You're welcome.
Speaker 1 (21:23):
I'm so glad that you saw that.
So the last bit of hard ordifficult moments being
interracial, for me especiallyis and it still happens to this
day there have been stares fromblack women when I'm with you,
to you, at me.
(21:43):
There's been comments about youbeing a sellout because you're
not with a black woman.
So therefore, how really proudof you, how really proud of
being black, are you when yourwife's not black, and I just
want to hand it over to you andgive you some time to talk about
(22:05):
that.
Speaker 2 (22:06):
so my pride does not exist in who I'm married to, my
honor and my care does not existin who I'm married to, um, that
has to come from me and only me.
And if I'm not proud of me forbeing who I am and what my mom
(22:28):
and dad brought into this world,and I've already started on the
wrong track and I'm pretty muchlost at that point, and so
that's never been a?
Um a thing that I've struggledwith.
As far as who I am, and whenpeople say, again, ignorant
things, I try not to be offended.
(22:48):
There's very I have very thickskin.
There's very little thatpenetrates me, and the reason
why is because I grew up in asociety well, not in a society,
but in a neighborhood like whereI grew up, there were plenty of
bullies and me being one of thesmaller children on the block
(23:09):
and didn't have any brothers andevery kid had three or four
brothers I had to endure andtake up for myself and fight
some battles that I wasn'tprepared to fight.
So this stuff is petty to me.
It doesn't really move theneedle that much.
Speaker 1 (23:25):
Yeah, and I think it's just been a beautiful
bridge that we've been able tobuild over time, because, even
though I'd like to say I'm toughskinned, it just would really
aggravate me, honestly, like Ijust thought it was super
ignorant and I was like what'sthe big deal?
(23:47):
So when Corey and I are out inpublic, one of my favorite
things is Corey, you pick up onthat when women look at me and
look at you and the hand holdingbecomes a little more intense
or I'm holding on to you just alittle bit tighter pull her a
little closer.
Speaker 2 (24:06):
And again, it's not to be offensive of it to anyone
um, this is who I'm married to,this is my wife, so I should be
doing those things.
It's more, to say your stare isnot going to stop me from doing
what I'm doing.
Your um non approval Look,won't change what's happening
(24:30):
over here.
And in so many words, shame onyou.
Yeah, as if I will.
Speaker 1 (24:36):
If I wasn't with you, I would be with them who are?
Speaker 2 (24:37):
in so many words.
Shame on you, yeah, as if Iwill.
If I wasn't with you, I wouldbe with them.
Who are, who are giving thelooks or the stares, and guys,
those of you listening.
I have no malice in my heartfor anyone that may come across,
Jan and I, what it is is simplythis um, you have to stand up
(25:04):
and protect what is yours.
Period, full stop yes,beautifully said.
Speaker 1 (25:10):
Um, that's romantic.
I mean I'm just going to say so, yeah, so there's that piece.
So has racism been real in ourrelationship?
Yeah, oh yeah, and it's beenpersonal.
Go into a store, even in our50s right, go into a store, and
(25:35):
I'm very aware of when securitystarts following us and it is
now we can.
I can joke about it before.
It would just frustrate me andI wanted to do like a turnaround
and be like what the heck iswrong with you?
Could you be any more obvious,and how wrong are you for
(25:56):
following us this way?
right and I remember you said,jen, it's not even worth it.
It's the world we live in andI'm not trying to get into any
arguments today over theirignorance or you know them
feeling that this their job.
So what it's taught me ispatience.
(26:17):
It actually has given meempathy and understanding
towards people like that,because I don't know what is in
their experiences, what theirbackground is, and it's just sad
that it is what it is Right.
So I don't really blame themfor it.
Speaker 2 (26:38):
I just kind of wonder , man, I wonder what has
happened that makes you act thisway right, yeah, yeah, I have
nothing to say about that, andyou know I could go on and on
and on, but again, that's justwasted time, effort and energy
(26:58):
trying to explain something thatshould not be anyway.
Speaker 1 (27:01):
Yeah, because at the end of the day, you choose to
speak up or you just choose toprotect your peace, right?
I mean, we use our voice inmany different things, but I
don't want to be that voice thathas to speak up in every
instance.
Speaker 2 (27:17):
No, there's plenty of dragons to slay, and that's
just not one of them, that'smore like a worm, so I'm going
to leave that one to the wormslayers.
Speaker 1 (27:25):
Yeah, so Corey, break it down for us.
What has intersectionalitytaught us as a couple?
Speaker 2 (27:33):
Well, it's taught us, as you said, patience.
It's taught us kindness.
It's taught us somelong-suffering, a lot of what
the definition of love in theBible is.
It's taught us that because youhave to have those things,
regardless of if you're in ainterracial relationship or not
(28:02):
please forgive that tongue-tyingphrase you have to navigate
that whether you're in arelationship like this or not.
But it's even more key to carrysome of those traits because
you just have to learn how toforgive people and move on again
.
You talked, you said it best.
Are you willing to protect yourpeace or you're willing to try
(28:24):
to fight every battle on thishill that's going to be here for
the rest of your life?
Speaker 1 (28:30):
definitely, definitely.
I think one of the things thatit's taught me and what I've
loved to see is you just totallyimmerse in the Filipino culture
.
When I see you, I'm likeCorey's part Filipino, Like you
know, you even pick up on thelanguage.
Speaker 2 (28:52):
Well, that's a part of it.
You know, you marry someone,you marry into the culture and
the history and you want to pickup on all things that they are,
as you have done the same thingwith me.
You know I lead a lot of blackhistory, black culture type
(29:12):
events and you're right there bymy side learning about the
things that black culture haspresented for many, many years,
and you know I'm an advocate ofteaching people things that are
not the mainstream or not thenorm.
So again, you're able to followalong and I love that You're
(29:32):
just showing you what I'm doingand watching how intrigued you
are.
Speaker 1 (29:38):
Yeah, what's been the best has been learning from you
and your culture and the pridethat you have in the history and
the things that you bring forthfor everybody else to learn
about.
I love how different it is andit really puts me in that seat
of student and you're theteacher and there's so much
(29:59):
beauty in it and I think that'swhat's important with people,
with our cultural differences.
We need to have thoseconversations and we just need
to share and be curious abouteach other and our culture.
It's so beautiful when we takethe time to do that, especially
when you get to see it foryourself.
Speaker 2 (30:20):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (30:20):
Yeah, so I think we answered what keeps us grounded.
I love that you brought up whatthe Bible says about love.
For sure, for those who want toknow what scripture that is,
it's 1 Corinthians 13, 4 through7.
It's a beautiful verse aboutlove, and I think our hope for
(30:43):
the world is really one ofcourage and compassion today,
that there is healing on bothsides of this conversation.
Speaker 2 (30:54):
Absolutely.
Speaker 1 (30:55):
Yeah.
So, kermit, I'm going to askyou you a question, because I
feel like I've been talking alot in this.
I think we've both been talkingyou think so?
Yeah, um, but what's somethingthat you really feel that you
need to say in this episode thatmaybe you haven't said already?
Speaker 2 (31:10):
well, I'm gonna go here and this is not going to be
a popular place to go, but Ifeel compelled to talk about it.
We hear a lot about race,racism and how people are being
treated.
I think honestly, if we justbegin to focus on love, we could
(31:34):
overcome so much more on thattopic than to be worried about
race, color and who's doing whatand wrong to everyone.
Is it important?
Absolutely.
I would never put a weight onwhat's more important or not
important, but I woulddefinitely say, in your plight
(31:57):
to extinguish racism, the morelove you pour on this fire, the
quicker it's going to go outperfectly said, perfectly said.
Speaker 1 (32:13):
I was going to end with some.
I'm'm going to add one thing,sure, so you know, we're about
elevating, and I just know thatwe don't rise by avoiding hard
conversations, but rather werise by having them.
And I was going to call outhonesty, honor and heart and
(32:34):
love yeah.
We forget about how powerfulthat force is, yeah, beautiful.
So hopefully, today, our callto action to you, as our friends
and elevators, is just have aconversation today that brings
understanding, not assumptions,and love one another.
Yeah, yeah, and you know us atTake the Elevator, we say look
(32:57):
up and let's elevate, elevateEvery day, elevate Every day.
Speaker 2 (33:10):
Elevate Every day, elevate Every day, elevate Every
day.
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