September 3, 2025 • 60 mins
Curious about butt stuff but don’t know where to start? You’re not alone. In this beginner-friendly guide, I sit down with Tim Lagman, certified sex educator and host of Sex Ed With Tim, to break down how to make backdoor play fun, safe, and yes—seriously pleasurable.
Together we cover:
✅ How to warm up the right way
✅ What lube + toys make it easy and enjoyable
✅ Tips to keep things sexy (not awkward)
✅ How to let go of shame and actually enjoy it
This isn’t about porn myths—it’s about real pleasure, confidence, and connection. Whether you’re curious or ready to dive in, you’ll leave knowing exactly how to do it right.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 2 (00:19):
Do the sex pleasure and desire Around here.
Nothing's off limits.
These are the kinds ofconversations we save for our
boldest group chats, our mosttrusted friends and, of course,
the women's locker room.
Think raw, honest and sometimesunapologetically raunchy.
If you've been here from thebeginning, thank you, and if
(00:40):
you're new, welcome to mypodcast.
Where desire meets disruptionand pleasure becomes power.
Now let's talk about sex Cheers.
Today's Talk Sex with Annettetopic is let's talk about butts
why the stigma around anal sexstill fucks us all.
(01:01):
Let's be honest If there's onepart of the body that still
freaks people out in bed, it'sthe butt Anal sex.
It's joked about, stigmatized,fetishized and still somehow
treated like a dirty littlesecret.
And even in sex positivecircles there's this weird
hesitation.
Like you can be kinky, but nottoo kinky.
(01:22):
Like we're still tiptoeingaround something that's actually
incredibly common, incrediblypleasurable and incredibly
misunderstood.
So today we're going there, andby there I mean straight into
the cultural and emotionalminefield that is the stigma
around anal sex, around anal sex.
Joining me is the brilliant,hilarious and deeply insightful
(01:45):
Tim Lagman, a sex educator, hostof Sex Ed with Tim podcast and
a powerhouse voice in thepleasure positive movement.
He teaches workshops and hasbuilt a platform focused on
busting taboos with humor,honesty and just the right
amount of lube.
Three of my favorite thingswe're unpacking why this one sex
(02:08):
act still carries so muchcultural baggage, how that shame
shows up in our everyday lives,and how reclaiming anal
pleasure isn't just about sex.
It's about freedom, safety andself-acceptance.
So whether you're curious,kinky or still carrying some of
that inherited discomfort, thisepisode is for you.
But before we dive in and Iintroduce my wonderful guest, I
(02:31):
want to remind you I'm over onOnlyFans, where I am sharing my
sex and intimacy, how-tos,demonstrations and audio-guided
self-pleasure meditations and somuch more, in an effort to help
you reclaim your pleasure andstart having better sex.
Tonight you can find me thereand on the sub stack with the
(02:52):
handle at TalkSexWithAnette.
But for now, tim, I would loveit if you could tell my
listeners a little bit moreabout you.
Speaker 1 (02:59):
Hi, annette, thank you so much for having me on
your show, and to all of yourwonderful, lovely listeners,
hello, hello, hello.
My name is Tim Lagman.
I am the host of the Sex Edwith Tim podcast recently
awarded a Canadian Podcast Award.
Speaker 2 (03:14):
I love that.
Congratulations.
Speaker 1 (03:16):
Thank you very much.
Centered around all things sexand pleasure, mainly with a
focus on LGBTQIA plus sexuality,HIV AIDS awareness and I just
love talking everything anal.
Speaker 2 (03:34):
I feel very honored to have you here to talk about
it and to help my listeners havea better understanding and
maybe start enjoying some analfor themselves as well.
Hey guys, as always, you'regonna wanna stay to the end
because, look, as a cis womanwho was bisexual, pansexual and
has dated many cis men, I knowyour secret.
(03:55):
I know your dirty little secret.
Sometimes you ask about my assbefore you ask about my vagina.
That's just the truth.
So I know you're out therelistening.
You know maybe in the closetabout it right now, but you want
to go there.
And so by the end of thisepisode, whether you're someone
like me who's trying to figureout how to maybe encourage their
(04:17):
partner to, you know, play withthe back door, or you're
somebody who's like, oh, I wantto try it, but I'm scared for
all of these reasons, by the endof this episode, we're going to
give you like a little grab bagof like tricks, tips for going
there sooner rather than later.
So I'm ready about this.
(04:38):
Are you ready to talk aboutbutt stuff?
I'm so ready.
All right, let's talk aboutanal sex.
Cheers, cheers.
We're going to talk about thestigma, right.
So I'd like for you to help mekind of explore why anal sex is
still the ultimate taboo in somany people's mind.
(05:00):
So why do you think anal sexcontinues to be treated like
this secret shame, even thoughso many people are doing it and
so many people of all gendersand sexual orientations?
Speaker 1 (05:13):
Well, for one thing, anal sex is seen as
quote-unquote, unnatural andunclean, which is simply not
true, because what is natural,what is?
you know normal right.
And there's this wholeconversation around anal sex
(05:35):
being like, oh, because itdoesn't lead to reproductive
ends, that means it should beforbidden.
So there's a lot of shame thatsurrounds anal sex because of
all these, like you know, socialstigmas and religious scripts
that surround anal sex.
And there's even, like this,fear that, say, a straight man
(06:02):
is interested in anal sex, thenthey're like, oh, I must be gay
or I must be feminine, butthat's simply not true.
Like you can still be straightand engage in anal sex because
guess what straight guys You'restill having sex with a woman.
Guess what?
(06:23):
That's straight Mind-blowing.
And there's also thisfundamental lack of anal sex
within sex education because weas a society are so focused on
reproduction, heterosexualityand abstinence-only sex, or even
(06:45):
, like the STIs around sex, wedon't actually talk about
pleasure.
So we really need to do a lotof work to change that.
Anal is fun.
Speaker 2 (06:54):
Right, it's fun and your sexual orientation is not
affected by where you feelpleasure.
Right For the cis men out therewho are heterosexual and feel
the fear that by enjoying feelpleasure.
Right For the cis men out therewho are heterosexual and feel
the fear that by enjoying analpleasure it means something
where you feel pleasure.
It does not define your sexualorientation, who you are
(07:16):
attracted to and want to be.
So how much of the stigma doyou think is rooted in
homophobia as well and genderroles?
Speaker 1 (07:24):
Again with anal, anal sex.
There's this perceived notionthat if a guy is into anal then
he's taking on like thesubmissive role, and submission
means feminine and what's theworst thing for a guy to be then
feminine?
Right, just total bullshit.
So when they want to even likeplay around with the idea of
(07:51):
anal, they're thinking am I lessof a man?
I may not necessarily be gay,but I don't think I'm masculine
anymore because I'm asking to bein a submissive, receptive role
in sex.
And it perpetuates more shameand it perpetuates this lack of
(08:12):
sexual exploration and basicallyleads to just a linear thinking
of sex should be this.
Sex should be that and nothingmore.
It cannot enter the back doorand I should just be the
penetrative partner, speaking aslike a straight cis man, that I
should only be as a penetrativepartner and that's so limiting.
Speaker 2 (08:37):
Exactly, and I think with there are so many,
especially in the heterosexualcommunity.
There are so many couples thatare dissatisfied with intimacy
and sex because it gets boring,right, it gets boring when
you're doing one thing or you'renot willing to explore bodies
and pleasure zones, and so thatis something we should talk
(09:00):
about.
Why, what is the motivation forexploring anal sex?
Obviously, there are pleasurezones on both bodies that are
stimulated through anal sex, butlet's sell it.
Let's sell it to people who arelike, why would I want to do
that?
Or curious, but they're like,why wouldn't I just stick it in
the, you know, in the vag or inthe mouth, which?
(09:24):
Let's go back to your commentabout it, the stigma, because it
doesn't lead to reproduction.
I mean, every guy wants ablowjob.
You're not complaining aboutthat then I guarantee you, when
the seed goes in the mouth, noone's getting knocked up.
Speaker 1 (09:38):
So with anal sex.
It's pleasurable for so manydifferent reasons, right, it's
pleasurable for so manydifferent reasons, right?
Well, for one thing, when youlook at the anus all of these
like nerve endings right at theentry hole it is just so
sensitive and so receptive toeven the lightest touch that it
(09:58):
can send shocks and waves ofpleasure through your body just
by a little tiny touch.
And when we also think aboutanal, we shouldn't also be
thinking just the whole.
We can also look at anal andbutt stuff as the glutes and the
cheeks, because there's so muchto do with that.
Like, I love a good buttmassage.
(10:20):
I love when my ass is kneaded.
It is like percussivelymassaged.
I love when my butt is slapped.
I like it when it's pinched.
There's just so much sensationsthat you can play around with.
Let's not forget that if you'rea guy listening to this, your
prostate, the ultimate pleasurespot, can be accessed through
(10:44):
the butt.
So I think we're going to getinto that a little bit, but yes,
yeah, absolutely I love thatidea.
Speaker 2 (10:51):
I guess when I came into this conversation I didn't
think about the, you know, justreally thinking about anal play
and anal sex in this holisticway, of course, you know,
including the butt cheeks, and Ilove a good spanking.
I love a good spanking.
I love a good spanking whenI've got a butt plug in.
Speaker 1 (11:08):
Come on a cute little butt plug and someone's
spanking me oh my god, the bestI love when I have like a little
tail and then I'm like gettingslapped and he's like bad boy,
like I'm a dog no, it's pet play.
Speaker 2 (11:27):
I have not done, I have not done a podcast on that
yet I'm gonna cue that one up.
So listeners stay tuned.
It's a thing.
It's a thing because it's allplay, right, it's fun.
I'd like to like point outwe're talking about anal sex and
I'm sure the first thing thatcomes to a lot of people's mind
is penis and butt or dildo andbutt, but anal sex, as I, I'm
sure the first thing that comesto a lot of people's mind is
penis and butt or dildo and butt, but anal sex, as I talk about
(11:49):
on this show all the time, sexisn't just about the P and the V
or the dildo and it's not justabout the thing in the hole.
Obviously there's fingering,there's licking, there's again
just having a butt plug in whilesomeone's you know, having sex
with you in other ways.
That's all anal.
(12:11):
It's all part of the sexualexperience, right?
Speaker 1 (12:16):
Absolutely, because we want to think of sex as
inherently penetrative, when inreality, sex can be whatever you
want it to be.
Sex is for your own making.
You and your partner orpartners are making this space
(12:37):
and molding it however you wantit to, and if that includes the
butt, then so be be it.
Speaker 2 (12:44):
Then so be it.
If it doesn't, you shouldconsider it right.
Speaker 1 (12:49):
Absolutely.
Speaker 2 (12:50):
So we've talked a little bit about physically what
people are missing out on byexperiencing shame around anal
sex and avoiding it, but I wantto talk about what people are
actually missing out on becauseof the anal stigma.
Beyond just the sex, let's talkemotionally and
(13:13):
relationship-wise.
Speaker 1 (13:16):
When people are not vocalizing what their needs and
wants are.
If you are struggling to tellyour partner what you are
wanting to explore, that's goingto build and snowball into more
(13:42):
relationship problems.
It's going to impede intimacy,you're going to be unable to
live authentically and you'renot going to be as vocal about
your other needs beyond sex.
You know what, if you'reactually like okay, it starts
(14:03):
with okay, I'm not going to tellyou that I want anal sex.
What else should I not tell you?
Maybe I don't want to tell youthat I want to go out on a date.
Maybe that means I don't wantto tell you I want cuddles, or
maybe that I just want to tellyou I don't want to have sex and
I just want you know personalspace.
(14:23):
And I just want you knowpersonal space when we are so
hesitant to tell our partnerabout our needs and our wants.
Speaker 2 (14:43):
We become more hesitant to live as our true
selves in the relationship andthat always accumulates in a way
that is harmful to arelationship and eventually
shuts down sex.
I have so many men,specifically on my YouTube
channel at TalkSexWithAnette,who leave comments or send me
comments or email me and talkabout because I'm always saying
(15:06):
women want more sex than y'allthink and they're just like no,
they don't.
And part of the thing thatleads to women saying they don't
want to have sex is thisinability to communicate or
feeling shamed for wantingsomething.
And this is a great example,like when you have shame around
something or someone acts likeit's like crazy and weird, like
(15:29):
butt stuff.
It shuts down the communicationand then people don't want to
have sex.
Because who wants to have sexif they're going to feel ashamed
about everything they want todo, right yeah?
Or scared to communicate it?
Speaker 1 (15:42):
And if you're scared to communicate, how am I going
to know what you want?
I'm not a mind reader, I'msorry, but you need to tell me.
And what's the worst that canhappen?
When you tell me what you wantand I just don't seem to be into
it, I say no, that we move onto other things, that we move on
(16:07):
to other things.
It's not like I'm going to, youknow, send you to the public
stocks where you're publiclyshamed and like you know the
game of thrones shame, shame.
I'm not gonna do that, not amonster.
And that seems to be theprevalent fear is when we say
our innermost desires and we're.
We fear judgment, we fearrejection and we fear loss.
(16:29):
And we need to communicatethese so that we and our
partners can work togetherthrough that fear, so that we're
able to communicate our needs alot more authentically.
Speaker 2 (16:55):
Right.
So anal sex can bring youtogether is what we're saying.
I mean it teaches you how tocommunicate shaming and
rejecting, which means, even ifyou don't move forward with anal
sex, you've discussed it in ahealthy way and you're closer
for it.
But I would say, when you toucheach other's butts you're going
(17:22):
to get closer.
Speaker 1 (17:22):
Honestly, if the world just was more open to anal
, we'd end world war, we wouldend hunger.
We'd end poverty.
Speaker 2 (17:35):
I mean, you believe in it, maybe a little bit more
than I do.
Spread the love, got it, got it, got it, yeah.
So shame doesn't just blockpleasure, it also blocks
connection and trust and healthyrelationships.
And so I guarantee you, in mostcouples there's one person
(17:57):
who's thinking about a littlebutt stuff.
So tonight you need to go home,sit down with your partner and
say, hey, I just need to know,are you thinking about my ass?
Speaker 1 (18:12):
Are you thinking about smelling it, about tasting
it, about just looking at it?
I just want to know is my assthat attractive to you?
Speaker 2 (18:21):
If it's not.
I don't want to know, I mean,there are so many times like
when I'm in 69, which is one ofmy favorite, one of my favorite
positions, but I'm like dang,they're like, they're get that's
, that's, that's most of whatthey're going to be seeing,
right, if their mouth is on myvulva, then my asshole is right
there.
Speaker 1 (18:42):
I mean, that's all you're looking at, Just the next
bridge over, Isn't it Right,Right there.
Speaker 2 (18:47):
And I will say this I've noticed even the men who
are like I'm not into butt stuff.
They start spreading and I'mlike there is only one thing
you're trying to look at more,and that is my asshole.
Yeah, that's right so we cannottalk about anal sex and anal
play without talking about poopand the idea of cleanliness and
all of that stuff.
(19:07):
So let's dive in to poop.
Speaker 1 (19:12):
When it comes to anal , and cleanliness and hygiene is
something you're worried about.
That's totally normal.
It's fine.
However, you should alsoremember that it's a totally
natural thing to happen.
You know, I've had it happen tome before where the guy was
fucking me and then he pulledout and there's just a little
(19:35):
bit of shit on his dick and oops, guess what?
we're just going to take ashower or baby wipes and then
we're going to move right on wejust keep going I understand
that it can be a little of aturnoff for someone who is just
starting out and you know it'sfine to freak out.
(19:55):
However, the key to that iswhen the partner is the.
The partner who is freaking outstarts to like show anxiety.
Another partner needs to likemaintain the neutrality of the
situation, say, hey, guess what,it's normal, it's fine, because
anxiety just compounds moreanxiety.
(20:16):
So one partner has to be likehey, babe, it's fine.
We're good, it's totally normal.
If you do want to reduce anysort of poop incidents, I have a
few suggestions.
One is your diet.
So that means eating more likebulky fibrous vegetables, so
your leafy green, take there ifyou have some sort of allergies
(20:38):
or anything.
Uh, other substitutes can belike fiber supplements.
Uh, that can really help bulkup your stool so that when
you're eating something that'sallergies or anything, other
substitutes can be like fibersupplements that can really help
bulk up your stool so that whenyou do have a bowel movement
it's as little residue aspossible.
(21:00):
And a lot of the time we thinkabout anal as like, yeah, it is
diet, but it's all.
It is also gut health.
So, making sure that your gutbiome, your flora, is in check.
So you know, check with yourdoctor to see how your gut is
doing.
Try not to eat right away orright before sex, because that
(21:22):
means, uh, your body's alreadydigesting and then, who knows,
within the hour, hour like, youmight have a bowel movement
during anal sex.
You know, just like, just likeswimming, you don't.
You don't eat an hour beforeyou dive deep into the water,
just like an anal.
You don't eat an hour beforeyou start having anal sex.
(21:45):
And then there's also thequestion of like, rinsing out or
douching.
I am very much like well, whatis your comfort level?
Some people like to douche,some people don't.
Really, there is noquote-unquote need for douching,
(22:07):
because if your gut health andyour diet are all in check, you
should be fine.
However, for that extra littlebit of peace of mind, definitely
invest in a douche.
These are also known as enemas.
They come in little waterballoon-shaped devices with a
(22:30):
nozzle that you can insert andyou can rinse out.
You don't need so much water tofill up your entire rectum, you
only need a little bit of like.
Maybe this much water like forthose of you that are listening
like two, three inches in yourrectal cavity at them.
You should be fine.
Rinse out until there's no morefeces that are coming out.
(22:54):
And for those of you that are alittle more adventurous, there
is something called a showershot, which is a douche that
connects directly to your showerhead.
If you are going to do, pleaseuse lube.
You don't want to go and dry.
Or even if you're justtryingube, you don't want to go
and dry.
Or even if you're just tryinganal, you don't want to go and
dry.
I'm personally a fan of PureP-J-U-R.
(23:15):
They have a certain lube calledBackdoor, so already designed
for anal or anything that'ssupposed to go up the butt.
And, last but not least, breathe.
It is so important for you torelax during anal because if you
are tense, your whole is goingto reflect that you are going to
(23:39):
tighten up.
Nothing is coming in, nothingis coming out.
It is termetically sealed.
It is like a bank vault.
If you are tense, so breathe,let your body relax and if you
are the receptive partner inanal sex, make sure to vocalize
to the penetrating partner.
This is what I'm feeling rightnow.
I need you to go slow.
(23:59):
I need you or it's okay for youto go a little faster, because
you are the master of yourbutthole.
They're not going to know whatyour butthole is feeling what
your hole is.
Is it too big, is it too wide,too deep?
You have to tell that.
So just a few things to keep inmind.
Speaker 2 (24:18):
So I'm going to go back to the prep.
You gave some great tips.
My question is this We'll talkabout when I prep, because I'm
like I know this person is goingto and we'll talk about this
later.
You know, with the unexpectedfingers up the ass.
I don't know if this happens toall genders and sexualities,
(24:40):
but I know that cis women whoare banging cis heterosexual men
, like, always get.
We always complain about thesurprise finger up the ass
because they all really want toget to the ass but they don't
want to talk about it.
So here we are, you know,having great oral sex and the
next thing we know it's like youknow.
So if I think that might happen, I like to do a little prep.
(25:02):
You talked about the douche isso.
Typically what I've done isjust use one of those bottles
lube on the tip and use warmwater and just rinsed out, sort
of that you know, just the.
What did you say?
Like an inch, two inches in.
Is that appropriate, or isthere some sort of solution that
(25:26):
you suggest?
Speaker 1 (25:30):
appropriate or is there some sort of solution that
you suggest?
Water is fine, like mostlybecause it's neutral.
You don't want anything withany added solutions to it.
A common solution that I'veheard people use is fleet.
However, I believe it's got alittle bit of salinity to it.
I've never used fleet, so ifyou are going to use fleet at
your drugstore, make sure toempty up the contents.
Speaker 2 (25:53):
Regular water is fine I'm right yeah because I think
fleet like, if you use what's init, then you're you're gonna
make things worse, meaning likeyou think that you're cleaning
yourself out and what you'redoing is cleaning your whole
body out all night long andthat's going to suck for you and
your date.
(26:13):
So just plain water, right, andthen rinse until the water is
clear.
If that's what you want to dofor comfort, it's pretty easy to
do.
It's pretty easy to do.
But the caveat here is thateven with that, there is the
possibility that poop willhappen, at least to some extent,
and adults should understandthat Also.
(26:37):
my advice is think of it interms of like.
Sometimes you're having sex Ifyou're heterosexual or bisexual
man.
You, if you're having sex withsomeone with a vagina, you know
blood comes out of that.
I mean body fluids happen insex.
Sex is messy and messy is sexy.
Speaker 1 (26:56):
Exactly, just get over it.
Make like a bridge and get overit.
Speaker 2 (27:01):
There you go.
I like it.
So I mean, let's actually talkabout that now.
For people who want to diptheir toe in the water, first of
all, let's talk about how thatcan happen.
If you're a beginner, youbrought up lube.
What should someone look forbefore you go sticking anything
(27:22):
into a butt?
Butts don't self-lubricate,right.
So you need, you need lube andyou need a lot of it.
Can you talk about what to lookfor in a lube?
Speaker 1 (27:34):
So I am a personal fan of any lube that is
silicone-based, mostly becausethat is longer lasting.
Lasting because with silicone Iin my experience at least I
didn't need to reapply as much,whereas if it is water-based the
(27:55):
lube will be absorbed by theskin, so you will need to keep
reapplying.
So, personally, go for silicone, but avoid silicone toys if
you're going to be usingsilicone.
If you are just using a toy,water-based is totally fine.
Hybrid lubes are also good.
(28:16):
If you are using an oil-basedlube, don't use that with
condoms, because the oil willbreak down the condom.
Also, look out for any sort offunky chemicals in lube.
I always struggle to say thisPhthalate, phthalate, yeah,
because a lot of lubes have allthese harmful chemicals that
(28:40):
should not be going in the body.
Some have glycerin, which isbasically what is used in rocket
fuel.
So we want to look out for forchemicals and ingredients that
we're not familiar with.
I'm personally not a fan offlavored lube.
When it comes to anal mostlybecause I find that it gets
(29:02):
sticky.
So if you are going to be usingflavored lube, try to keep it
external and nothing inserting.
And if you do use silicone,it's great for the shower
because you don't have to keepreapplying.
So if you if mess is anotherthing and they're like you know
(29:22):
what, uh, I'm feeling likesomething could come out use
silicone lube, have anal in theshower and if there is poop,
guess what?
You got running water and thenyou're ready to go again right.
Speaker 2 (29:34):
So maybe that's a good idea for someone who wants
to try it the first time andthey're kind of freaked out by
the quote messiness of it isdoing it.
Speaker 1 (29:48):
I mean, I'm personally a fan of lying down
during sex me too.
So if you got a, a big showerwhere you can lie down on the
floor, power to you.
But yes, uh, having sex in theshower.
Uh, using silicone lube insteadof water-based lube, so that
the lube lasts a lot longer,because silicone will not be
(30:10):
easily washed away, which isanother caveat I want to give to
people.
If you are using silicone lube,be ready to, like, do laundry
for hours on end, because it ishard to get off your sheets,
that's a good, that's a goodwarning right.
So if you are going to be usingsilicone in your sex, lay down
(30:34):
some sheets that you don't mindgetting messy or invest in a
waterproof sheet.
There are sex stores out therethat have sheets that are
designed for the messiness thatis anal and silicone mess.
Speaker 2 (30:49):
Right, right, and I know this shouldn't need to be
said, but I'm going to say itbecause I know that it does need
to be said.
Spit is not enough.
Speaker 1 (31:03):
No, it's not.
It dries up, and your skin willabsorb it.
I mean, like water-based is isgreat.
So there are like water-basedlubes that will mimic certain
bodily fluids, if you're intothat.
Speaker 2 (31:26):
There you go, you heard it here Find those.
So how should one go abouthaving their first relationship,
penetrative experience?
I mean, a lot of people are,you know, afraid of the pain.
They're, like my butthole's,too small for that.
Can we talk about working up topenetrative experiences to take
(31:51):
away?
Because I think there is also,along with shame we've talked
about shame there's fear, fearof the messiness, but also the
experience, fear of themessiness, but also the
experience.
Speaker 1 (32:02):
The fear of pain is another thing and, again,
totally normal.
So you've had the conversationthat you and your partner are
ready to have anal sex, what'sthe first thing that you do?
Go low and go slow.
So that means don't ram it allin right away.
(32:22):
That is super, not fun, notsafe.
You want to start from theoutside, going in.
So, like I said earlier, buttmassages are great.
They're great because wheneveryone loves a good massage,
right.
It allows for blood circulation,and that blood circulation
(32:44):
allows you to relax, promotesall these fun relaxing hormones
and chemicals in your body tocirculate, and then, when you're
relaxed, you can start to workyour way towards the hole, but
not insert right away.
I'm a big fan of the doorbellmethod, where it's just like
(33:05):
pressing on the hole and thenreleasing Literally.
Just that feels really reallygood.
Another way to play with thehole is to play around the edge
of it with your finger, so a lotof like drawing a flower around
your bowl is a really fun waywith your finger or your tongue,
(33:26):
however you want.
When you're ready to penetrate,though, it's important for the
receptive partner to breathe andrelax, because, as I said
before, when you are tense, yourwhole will feel that.
So it is important for you tobreathe deep, slow breaths, and
(33:50):
you, as the receptive partner,need to guide the penetrating
partner to say how deep and howfast.
Do not have the like you know,the audacity to be like, go all
the way, and I want all of youas much as hard as that is if
you are just starting out startwith just the tip.
(34:12):
I know we as a society jokewith just the tip, but it is
actually.
Speaker 2 (34:17):
It's amazing.
I mean whatever, whatever,wherever you're putting just the
tip, it's always.
It's always.
Let's say I mean whatever,whatever, wherever you're
putting just the tip, it'salways.
It's always.
Speaker 1 (34:24):
Chef's kiss right, exactly, and it's just the tip.
And even that can feel a littleoverwhelming for first-time
anal sex habbers, because thesensation is akin to feeling
like you're going to shit.
So if you've done all of theprep and you've done all of the
(34:46):
diet and have the baby wipes onhand, it is still going to feel
like you're going to shit.
That's okay, that's totallynormal.
Just stay, still Tell yourpartner to not go in any deeper
and just stay right there,breathe and let your body and
(35:06):
your whole get acclimated towhatever is being inserted,
whether it's a penis or a dildo.
Just stay right there andyou're going to stay right there
for as long as it needs.
It can be five seconds, it canfive minutes.
You are the master of your bodyand you are responsible for
(35:29):
telling your partner.
My body is responding in a veryspecific way.
This is what I need right now,so you can either tell them to
pull out or they can start tocome in.
Only then, when you feelrelaxed, can you actually start
to go deeper and then you canstart to explore more nascu, you
(35:50):
and I definitely have differentbodies, different equipment.
Speaker 2 (35:53):
I know, for me, uh, what I really love to do when
I'm having anal sex is like tostimulate my clit while they're
going in and that like increasesmy experience of pleasure and
makes it my, you know, then mywhole body is opening up more.
How does that so for peoplewith penises?
(36:18):
Is it sort of the samemechanism at hand?
Can like playing with theirpenis happen while penetration
is happening, or is it adifferent scenario?
Speaker 1 (36:31):
again, even if I am a cis man, different bodies will
respond differently.
I cannot speak for all cis menin regards to their anal
experience.
However, in my personalexperience, when my dick is
played with, I'm a lot morerelaxed.
I feel a lot more receptive toanal sex because I'm feeling
(36:52):
that I'm safe and I'm feelingthat my pleasure is prioritized.
And when all of that is in play, then my body starts to be more
relaxed and open.
So, whether it's playing withthe cock and balls or any other
part of the body, a big thingwhen it comes to being the
(37:15):
receptive partner and anal isrelaxation and your state of
mind.
Am I tense, am I relaxed?
Relaxed, am I safe?
Am I in danger?
Speaker 2 (37:24):
take into account all these things, because your
whole will respond accordinglyalso I get dirtier, my mind gets
dirtier when exactly thereality is like when I'm like
starting to stimulate my clitand I'm getting horny and I'm
like, oh yeah then.
Then I'm suddenly like yeah weneed to put something in my ass.
Call me good girl and putsomething in my ass.
(37:46):
Yes, exactly.
So that for me it helps to havethat sort of get myself into
that erotic state of mind whenI'm going into that, because it
takes longer for me to feel thesort of pleasure from the anus,
whereas like my clit it just youknow the way I'm built that I
(38:08):
feel it instantly.
And then it's like button Aunlocks door B Right.
Speaker 1 (38:16):
Exactly.
That's how your body is mappedand for anyone listening, listen
to how your body feels,masturbate, see what actually
are your own personal erogenouszones, so that your hole can
also open.
Because for me I open up whenmy neck and my ear are licked
(38:40):
that is the fastest way for meto open up and when my nipple is
pinched, specifically my rightnipple.
I don't know why I don't get myleft nipple as much, but when
my right nipple is pinched andtwisted, I'm like the floodgates
have opened right.
Speaker 2 (38:56):
I think that's something I haven't talked about
a lot yet on this podcast.
But so many of us think it'sjust our genitalia that excites
us when it's touched.
But you can actually wake upyour genitalia by figuring out
(39:17):
where on your body are yourerogenous and erotic zones, and
sometimes it will surprise you.
I have one person I'm coachingthat it's like their arm If they
tickle their arm like this,like suddenly their body lights
up.
So that exploration, like yousaid, masturbation, having your
own masturbation practice and Ido talk about that a lot is so
(39:40):
important you should be yourbest lover.
On that note, would you suggestfor someone who's interested in
dipping their toe in the watersof anal play and anal sex to
first do it on themselves duringmasturbation, maybe with a
small plug?
(40:00):
Is that something they could doif they're too nervous to start
with a partner?
Speaker 1 (40:05):
Yes, absolutely.
Try it all with yourself first,because you are your own lover.
You should be your own bestlover.
How else are you going to knowhow to vocalize to your other
lovers if you don't know whatyou're looking for and what you,
what you like and what you feel?
So when you're masturbatingwith yourself, you don't have to
(40:26):
go out and get a toy.
However you can, your finger isjust as fine.
I have a lot of anal toys that Ilike to explore with.
Like, I have a dragon taildildo.
So, however, I'm speaking froma person who has like decades of
(40:47):
experience of anal.
Honestly, most of the time Iprefer to have anal with myself
because it's I'm readilyavailable.
So, yeah, make butt explorationan essential part of your
masturbation regimen because youcan start to work up to bigger
(41:09):
objects, more advanced moves,and once you're comfortable with
how you have anal with yourself, you can start to be more
comfortable with having analwith other people trying out
different positions.
With having in with otherpeople trying out different
positions.
I am now more comfortable in Iforgot what the name is, but
it's basically like doggy, butwe're standing, so it's kind of
like standing spoons.
So, yeah, I I was nevercomfortable with that until I
(41:33):
started to like explore how mybody should bend in a certain
way.
Speaker 2 (41:38):
So yeah, just as an example for anyone listening and
does your butthole eventuallybecome able to take larger
objects?
Does it act?
Speaker 1 (41:50):
so your body adapts to it yeah, eventually it is
like a muscle that needs aworkout and you can slowly start
to, you know, accommodate alarger.
Speaker 2 (42:04):
For those listening, I have my hands very far apart
yeah, the whole he that hiswhole example is like a giant
it's the size of a head I'm likejesus, a traffic cone, yeah,
but.
Speaker 1 (42:19):
But yes, you can start to like accommodate bigger
um objects and bigger dicks.
There is a fear that what if mybutthole never snaps back into
place?
It will.
Okay, this is fine.
It is elastic.
It is able to retain its shape.
You think that you might beincontinent?
(42:39):
There have been rare caseswhere that happens, so consult
with your medical professional.
If incontinence is a result ofanal play, however, for the most
part, that's not really a worry.
Your butthole is so resilientthat it can retain its shape.
Speaker 2 (42:59):
Right, right, so we can't pass up talking about the
anatomy of it.
Why is it even pleasurable?
You talked about the nerveendings on the outside, which is
something that actually, I feellike has gotten less attention
over the years, but there are somany nerve endings for all
genders on the outside, the rimaround the hole.
(43:23):
But let's talk about theinternal structures and why, if
you never experience analpleasure, you're missing out on
so much pleasure that'saccessible to you.
Speaker 1 (43:35):
So with anal sex we have two different sphincters
your external anal sphincter,which is something that you can
actually do, like Kegelexercises, and that's completely
voluntary, that you can squeezeand practice wherever you want,
whether you're sitting intraffic or sitting in the office
(43:56):
right now, you can totallysqueeze that.
And then there's the internalsphincter, which is the
involuntary one, which is alittle deeper, known as, like,
the sigmoid junction, so likebasically I'm trying to explain
it with audio for the audiolisteners imagine your hole and
then you've got maybe like two,three inches of your actual
(44:20):
rectum before it turns into a J,going into the lower intestine
and your colon and everythingelse.
You only need to worry aboutthat vertical part of your
rectum.
That's all you need.
Anything deeper than thatthat's going to require deep
cleaning, that's going torequire a lot more experience
(44:41):
and a lot more lube.
But really, for anyone startingoff, it's really just that
initial part of your rectum thatyou can concern yourself about,
and it is very delicate tissueinside of your anus, tissue
(45:07):
inside of your anus.
So be very careful when itcomes to fingering, because if
you have sharp nails you couldtear the very fragile tissue in
there.
Be very cognizant about yournails or any toys that you put
up in there.
Wear gloves, put on a condom,anything to kind of soften the
ridges of whatever it is thatyou're inserting.
Speaker 2 (45:25):
And you should be fine, should be a-okay right and
up inside each of our body, formen and um, let's talk about
the, the prostate, the prostate.
Speaker 1 (45:38):
let's talk about, let's talk about it.
Speaker 2 (45:39):
Let's talk about the prostate.
Speaker 1 (45:41):
So for anyone with a prostate to access your prostate
through your anus, you're goingto insert your finger, with
your finger pointing and kind oflike a come here motion, come
(46:05):
here motion To feel the prostate.
It's not so far in that it'slike you need to insert your
entire hand, but like yourfinger or your middle finger,
whatever it is, you want to curlyour finger up towards the
navel and then you're going tofeel a very sort of rough not
rough, but like a firm that isthe adjective a firm sensation
that feels like a walnut.
That's going to be yourprostate.
If you don't want to accessyour prostate through your anus,
(46:29):
you can actually access itthrough your perineum with a
really vigorous massage.
So your perineum is your taintbecause it taint the ball, then
it taint the anus.
Is your taint because it taintthe ball, then it taint the anus
.
So the the fun skin bridge youcan massage just underneath the
cock and balls to really get tothe prostate.
(46:51):
But if you do access theprostate through the anus,
you're going to feel thatwalnutty sensation.
It can feel like you're goingto pee.
So if you plan on playing withyour prostate, make sure to pee,
because it is going to feellike it's kind of making contact
with your bladder.
So that's another fun partabout anal sex.
Speaker 2 (47:11):
Prostate access Right and it is considered like the
G-spot for men P-spot or perus,yeah, yeah.
Right right Now for women andpeople with vulvas.
The thing that's really coolabout anal sex is that it
accesses the internal clitorisand structures or the G-spot as
(47:35):
well.
So what feels really greatoftentimes for us is to have a
butt plug in or something in ourass while we're also having
vaginal sex, because itstimulates, it increases the
pressure and stimulation ofthose organs, and it is I will
say this I have had some of mybest orgasms during anal sex
(48:00):
yeah.
Speaker 1 (48:01):
It's like I don't know what's happening, but
that's awesome yeah, I have hadan anal orgasm and I have had,
uh, an anal orgasm that'sseparate from the genital orgasm
, from really yeah, I have notyeah it's great and, like you
know, for me I would describe itas a very like full-body orgasm
(48:25):
, because there's just so muchlike sexual tension that builds
up from anal that, like myentire body, starts to like
convulse, as opposed to like apenis orgasm, where it's just my
pelvic area Feels really,really good.
Speaker 2 (48:44):
Is an analgasm something that can happen for
any gender?
Speaker 1 (48:50):
Absolutely.
Your entire body is orgasmic.
The concept of an orgasm beingjust in the pelvic region is a
little old school.
Pelvic region is a little oldschool, but when you think about
it, your entire body,everything that you can access,
is capable of an orgasm.
Speaker 2 (49:08):
I think that accessing that kind of orgasm
really requires being fullyembodied and practice Right,
right.
So here's my last question foryou, because I just need to know
how do you feel about?
Let's talk about coming in abutt Now, obviously, safe sex
(49:29):
with people who you haven't doneyour STI testing or you have
not made the agreement we arehaving unprotected sex.
But let's say you're there withsomeone.
Let's talk about cum in thebutt yes, no, what's?
Speaker 1 (49:43):
the result.
It's a yay for me.
All right, let's talk about it,it's a yay for me.
I mean, yeah, it may not be foreveryone.
I feel that sort of intimacy,while not for everyone, totally
understand.
And as long as you have yourSTI screening and you're all
negative, you shouldn't haveanything to worry about because
it's just going to leave yourbody in your next bowel movement
(50:06):
or your next douche.
Speaker 2 (50:07):
So yeah, totally fine .
So are there any after effectspeople should know about?
Speaker 1 (50:12):
You don't have to worry about getting pregnant.
Speaker 2 (50:16):
You don't have that concern, but you probably have
the after drip.
This is something I have neverexperienced, so I'm asking from
a truly ignorant perspective,right, sure?
Sure, um, uh, totally fine Iknow, like, as you know, someone
who has a vagina, that there'sthe drip that goes on forever
afterwards.
(50:36):
You know uh what is?
Give me the equivalent is it?
Speaker 1 (50:41):
mean that also depends on how much he's coming
inside of you, right?
Speaker 2 (50:45):
Right.
Speaker 1 (50:45):
Some guys will come only like a little bit of
teaspoon.
Some guys will come like theNiagara.
Speaker 2 (50:49):
Falls.
Speaker 1 (50:51):
Come on.
So if a drift is something thatyou're worried about, you
should always be going to thebathroom anyway after sex.
So you can kind of likesimulate, like a bowel movement,
so like a little bit of a pushor like a little bit of a douche
, uh, if there is a little bitof drip afterwards I mean
chances are.
It's like a tiny littleteaspoon.
(51:13):
It's gonna stain your underwear, so just wash it.
Speaker 2 (51:17):
It's totally fine, yeah all right, there you go.
All right, let's give themtheir little.
Give them maybe three thingsthey can do starting tonight to
either initiate the conversationor to start dipping their toe
in the water of butt stuff.
Speaker 1 (51:35):
Tip number one masturbate.
Tip number two ask your partnerhow they feel about anal.
Tip number two ask your partnerhow they feel about anal.
Tip number three start toexplore anal with your partner
by going slow Massage the butt.
You don't have to go to thehole right away, you can just
(51:56):
play around with the cheeks,play around with the glutes and
see where it goes from there.
Speaker 2 (52:02):
That's it okay.
When it comes to theconversation, though, how do
they initiate that conversationwith their partner without like
burning down the bedroom?
Speaker 1 (52:09):
you know what I?
Speaker 2 (52:10):
mean, without like totally freaking them out, how
can they initiate thisconversation in a way that's
gonna give it the best shot atgoing in a good direction?
Speaker 1 (52:21):
Sure, so I like to tell my partner whenever there's
something new I want to try.
I let them know what I'mfeeling in that moment, so that
there's complete vulnerability.
So, for example, I'd say I havesomething to tell you and I'm
scared that if I tell you you'regoing to be disgusted, you're
(52:45):
going to freak out, you're goingto leave me, you're going to
reject me.
So it's taking a lot for me tosay this.
I hope you don't see me anydifferently, but I would like to
try and see how they respond.
Try and see how they respond.
At the very least, you'relaying all your cards on the
table.
You're showing completevulnerability and in that you're
(53:07):
actually being very brave.
So the worst they can do is saynot for me.
Maybe we can try another time,maybe we can explore this new
sexual act at a different time,but it's at least the
conversation is there and it's.
You left it in the air and it'sthere and you can address it
(53:28):
for the future.
Right and if they react byshaming you, then maybe you need
to reconsider your partnership.
They shame you.
Is that really someone you?
Speaker 2 (53:40):
want to have sex with Right.
Seriously, why 100%?
All right.
If anal sex still feels like adirty word to you after this
conversation, it's not becauseyou're wrong.
It's because we've beenconditioned to fear our own
bodies and our own pleasure.
But here's the truth.
Your butt is not a battlefield,it is not a punchline.
It's a source of sensation,exploration and power and
(54:01):
letting go of shame surroundinganal sex.
That's not just sexy, it'srevolutionary, in my opinion and
Tim's, I'm going to assume.
Tim, can you please tell mylisteners where they can find
you if they want to watch orlisten to your podcast or
connect with you and find outmore about what you have to
(54:21):
offer?
Speaker 1 (54:21):
Yeah, well, first of all, thank you so much, Annette,
for having me on your show, andto all of you wonderful
listeners, thank you forpowering through this very dirty
conversation around anal.
If you want to hear more aboutme, you can find me on
sexedwithtimcom.
My podcast is available on allplatforms.
Sexedwithtim and my Instagram,my Blue Sky, my Facebook page
(54:46):
are all sexedwithtim.
Speaker 2 (54:49):
Go check it out and learn.
I mean, what could be, whatcould be more fun than spending
your audio time listening to youknow someone who can educate
you in depth?
See what I did there In depth.
On all things, but and moreGoing deep.
I think I'm so funny.
Speaker 1 (55:12):
Or going deep, or going deep.
Speaker 2 (55:15):
All right listeners.
Thank you for sticking with usand listening.
I hope you have a good timewith your ask tonight.
If you have any questions orcomments after you listen to
this, if you are on my YouTubechannel at Talk Sex with Annette
, you can drop a comment in thecomments section.
I will try to get back to youthere or reach out to Tim and
(55:35):
see if you can get me theanswers you need.
You can also send me a messageat Annette at
TalkSexWithAnnettecom.
You can scroll down to thenotes below and you can find my
speak pipe and there you cansend me a sweet little voice
note with your question as well.
Thank you again for joining me.
I really appreciate it, tim.
Speaker 1 (55:56):
Thank you so much, Annette.
Speaker 2 (55:58):
And to my listeners until next time I'll see you in
the locker room.
Cheers.
Do the sex pleasure and desire Around here.
Nothing's off limits.
These are the kinds ofconversations we save for our
boldest group chats, our mosttrusted friends and, of course,
the women's locker room.
Think raw, honest and sometimesunapologetically raunchy.
If you've been here from thebeginning, thank you, and if
(00:40):
you're new, welcome to mypodcast.
Where desire meets disruptionand pleasure becomes power.
Now let's talk about sex Cheers.
Today's Talk Sex with Annettetopic is let's talk about butts
why the stigma around anal sexstill fucks us all.
(01:01):
Let's be honest If there's onepart of the body that still
freaks people out in bed, it'sthe butt Anal sex.
It's joked about, stigmatized,fetishized and still somehow
treated like a dirty littlesecret.
And even in sex positivecircles there's this weird
hesitation.
Like you can be kinky, but nottoo kinky.
(01:22):
Like we're still tiptoeingaround something that's actually
incredibly common, incrediblypleasurable and incredibly
misunderstood.
So today we're going there, andby there I mean straight into
the cultural and emotionalminefield that is the stigma
around anal sex, around anal sex.
Joining me is the brilliant,hilarious and deeply insightful
(01:45):
Tim Lagman, a sex educator, hostof Sex Ed with Tim podcast and
a powerhouse voice in thepleasure positive movement.
He teaches workshops and hasbuilt a platform focused on
busting taboos with humor,honesty and just the right
amount of lube.
Three of my favorite thingswe're unpacking why this one sex
(02:08):
act still carries so muchcultural baggage, how that shame
shows up in our everyday lives,and how reclaiming anal
pleasure isn't just about sex.
It's about freedom, safety andself-acceptance.
So whether you're curious,kinky or still carrying some of
that inherited discomfort, thisepisode is for you.
But before we dive in and Iintroduce my wonderful guest, I
(02:31):
want to remind you I'm over onOnlyFans, where I am sharing my
sex and intimacy, how-tos,demonstrations and audio-guided
self-pleasure meditations and somuch more, in an effort to help
you reclaim your pleasure andstart having better sex.
Tonight you can find me thereand on the sub stack with the
(02:52):
handle at TalkSexWithAnette.
But for now, tim, I would loveit if you could tell my
listeners a little bit moreabout you.
Speaker 1 (02:59):
Hi, annette, thank you so much for having me on
your show, and to all of yourwonderful, lovely listeners,
hello, hello, hello.
My name is Tim Lagman.
I am the host of the Sex Edwith Tim podcast recently
awarded a Canadian Podcast Award.
Speaker 2 (03:14):
I love that.
Congratulations.
Speaker 1 (03:16):
Thank you very much.
Centered around all things sexand pleasure, mainly with a
focus on LGBTQIA plus sexuality,HIV AIDS awareness and I just
love talking everything anal.
Speaker 2 (03:34):
I feel very honored to have you here to talk about
it and to help my listeners havea better understanding and
maybe start enjoying some analfor themselves as well.
Hey guys, as always, you'regonna wanna stay to the end
because, look, as a cis womanwho was bisexual, pansexual and
has dated many cis men, I knowyour secret.
(03:55):
I know your dirty little secret.
Sometimes you ask about my assbefore you ask about my vagina.
That's just the truth.
So I know you're out therelistening.
You know maybe in the closetabout it right now, but you want
to go there.
And so by the end of thisepisode, whether you're someone
like me who's trying to figureout how to maybe encourage their
(04:17):
partner to, you know, play withthe back door, or you're
somebody who's like, oh, I wantto try it, but I'm scared for
all of these reasons, by the endof this episode, we're going to
give you like a little grab bagof like tricks, tips for going
there sooner rather than later.
So I'm ready about this.
(04:38):
Are you ready to talk aboutbutt stuff?
I'm so ready.
All right, let's talk aboutanal sex.
Cheers, cheers.
We're going to talk about thestigma, right.
So I'd like for you to help mekind of explore why anal sex is
still the ultimate taboo in somany people's mind.
(05:00):
So why do you think anal sexcontinues to be treated like
this secret shame, even thoughso many people are doing it and
so many people of all gendersand sexual orientations?
Speaker 1 (05:13):
Well, for one thing, anal sex is seen as
quote-unquote, unnatural andunclean, which is simply not
true, because what is natural,what is?
you know normal right.
And there's this wholeconversation around anal sex
(05:35):
being like, oh, because itdoesn't lead to reproductive
ends, that means it should beforbidden.
So there's a lot of shame thatsurrounds anal sex because of
all these, like you know, socialstigmas and religious scripts
that surround anal sex.
And there's even, like this,fear that, say, a straight man
(06:02):
is interested in anal sex, thenthey're like, oh, I must be gay
or I must be feminine, butthat's simply not true.
Like you can still be straightand engage in anal sex because
guess what straight guys You'restill having sex with a woman.
Guess what?
(06:23):
That's straight Mind-blowing.
And there's also thisfundamental lack of anal sex
within sex education because weas a society are so focused on
reproduction, heterosexualityand abstinence-only sex, or even
(06:45):
, like the STIs around sex, wedon't actually talk about
pleasure.
So we really need to do a lotof work to change that.
Anal is fun.
Speaker 2 (06:54):
Right, it's fun and your sexual orientation is not
affected by where you feelpleasure.
Right For the cis men out therewho are heterosexual and feel
the fear that by enjoying feelpleasure.
Right For the cis men out therewho are heterosexual and feel
the fear that by enjoying analpleasure it means something
where you feel pleasure.
It does not define your sexualorientation, who you are
(07:16):
attracted to and want to be.
So how much of the stigma doyou think is rooted in
homophobia as well and genderroles?
Speaker 1 (07:24):
Again with anal, anal sex.
There's this perceived notionthat if a guy is into anal then
he's taking on like thesubmissive role, and submission
means feminine and what's theworst thing for a guy to be then
feminine?
Right, just total bullshit.
So when they want to even likeplay around with the idea of
(07:51):
anal, they're thinking am I lessof a man?
I may not necessarily be gay,but I don't think I'm masculine
anymore because I'm asking to bein a submissive, receptive role
in sex.
And it perpetuates more shameand it perpetuates this lack of
(08:12):
sexual exploration and basicallyleads to just a linear thinking
of sex should be this.
Sex should be that and nothingmore.
It cannot enter the back doorand I should just be the
penetrative partner, speaking aslike a straight cis man, that I
should only be as a penetrativepartner and that's so limiting.
Speaker 2 (08:37):
Exactly, and I think with there are so many,
especially in the heterosexualcommunity.
There are so many couples thatare dissatisfied with intimacy
and sex because it gets boring,right, it gets boring when
you're doing one thing or you'renot willing to explore bodies
and pleasure zones, and so thatis something we should talk
(09:00):
about.
Why, what is the motivation forexploring anal sex?
Obviously, there are pleasurezones on both bodies that are
stimulated through anal sex, butlet's sell it.
Let's sell it to people who arelike, why would I want to do
that?
Or curious, but they're like,why wouldn't I just stick it in
the, you know, in the vag or inthe mouth, which?
(09:24):
Let's go back to your commentabout it, the stigma, because it
doesn't lead to reproduction.
I mean, every guy wants ablowjob.
You're not complaining aboutthat then I guarantee you, when
the seed goes in the mouth, noone's getting knocked up.
Speaker 1 (09:38):
So with anal sex.
It's pleasurable for so manydifferent reasons, right, it's
pleasurable for so manydifferent reasons, right?
Well, for one thing, when youlook at the anus all of these
like nerve endings right at theentry hole it is just so
sensitive and so receptive toeven the lightest touch that it
(09:58):
can send shocks and waves ofpleasure through your body just
by a little tiny touch.
And when we also think aboutanal, we shouldn't also be
thinking just the whole.
We can also look at anal andbutt stuff as the glutes and the
cheeks, because there's so muchto do with that.
Like, I love a good buttmassage.
(10:20):
I love when my ass is kneaded.
It is like percussivelymassaged.
I love when my butt is slapped.
I like it when it's pinched.
There's just so much sensationsthat you can play around with.
Let's not forget that if you'rea guy listening to this, your
prostate, the ultimate pleasurespot, can be accessed through
(10:44):
the butt.
So I think we're going to getinto that a little bit, but yes,
yeah, absolutely I love thatidea.
Speaker 2 (10:51):
I guess when I came into this conversation I didn't
think about the, you know, justreally thinking about anal play
and anal sex in this holisticway, of course, you know,
including the butt cheeks, and Ilove a good spanking.
I love a good spanking.
I love a good spanking whenI've got a butt plug in.
Speaker 1 (11:08):
Come on a cute little butt plug and someone's
spanking me oh my god, the bestI love when I have like a little
tail and then I'm like gettingslapped and he's like bad boy,
like I'm a dog no, it's pet play.
Speaker 2 (11:27):
I have not done, I have not done a podcast on that
yet I'm gonna cue that one up.
So listeners stay tuned.
It's a thing.
It's a thing because it's allplay, right, it's fun.
I'd like to like point outwe're talking about anal sex and
I'm sure the first thing thatcomes to a lot of people's mind
is penis and butt or dildo andbutt, but anal sex, as I, I'm
sure the first thing that comesto a lot of people's mind is
penis and butt or dildo and butt, but anal sex, as I talk about
(11:49):
on this show all the time, sexisn't just about the P and the V
or the dildo and it's not justabout the thing in the hole.
Obviously there's fingering,there's licking, there's again
just having a butt plug in whilesomeone's you know, having sex
with you in other ways.
That's all anal.
(12:11):
It's all part of the sexualexperience, right?
Speaker 1 (12:16):
Absolutely, because we want to think of sex as
inherently penetrative, when inreality, sex can be whatever you
want it to be.
Sex is for your own making.
You and your partner orpartners are making this space
(12:37):
and molding it however you wantit to, and if that includes the
butt, then so be be it.
Speaker 2 (12:44):
Then so be it.
If it doesn't, you shouldconsider it right.
Speaker 1 (12:49):
Absolutely.
Speaker 2 (12:50):
So we've talked a little bit about physically what
people are missing out on byexperiencing shame around anal
sex and avoiding it, but I wantto talk about what people are
actually missing out on becauseof the anal stigma.
Beyond just the sex, let's talkemotionally and
(13:13):
relationship-wise.
Speaker 1 (13:16):
When people are not vocalizing what their needs and
wants are.
If you are struggling to tellyour partner what you are
wanting to explore, that's goingto build and snowball into more
(13:42):
relationship problems.
It's going to impede intimacy,you're going to be unable to
live authentically and you'renot going to be as vocal about
your other needs beyond sex.
You know what, if you'reactually like okay, it starts
(14:03):
with okay, I'm not going to tellyou that I want anal sex.
What else should I not tell you?
Maybe I don't want to tell youthat I want to go out on a date.
Maybe that means I don't wantto tell you I want cuddles, or
maybe that I just want to tellyou I don't want to have sex and
I just want you know personalspace.
(14:23):
And I just want you knowpersonal space when we are so
hesitant to tell our partnerabout our needs and our wants.
Speaker 2 (14:43):
We become more hesitant to live as our true
selves in the relationship andthat always accumulates in a way
that is harmful to arelationship and eventually
shuts down sex.
I have so many men,specifically on my YouTube
channel at TalkSexWithAnette,who leave comments or send me
comments or email me and talkabout because I'm always saying
(15:06):
women want more sex than y'allthink and they're just like no,
they don't.
And part of the thing thatleads to women saying they don't
want to have sex is thisinability to communicate or
feeling shamed for wantingsomething.
And this is a great example,like when you have shame around
something or someone acts likeit's like crazy and weird, like
(15:29):
butt stuff.
It shuts down the communicationand then people don't want to
have sex.
Because who wants to have sexif they're going to feel ashamed
about everything they want todo, right yeah?
Or scared to communicate it?
Speaker 1 (15:42):
And if you're scared to communicate, how am I going
to know what you want?
I'm not a mind reader, I'msorry, but you need to tell me.
And what's the worst that canhappen?
When you tell me what you wantand I just don't seem to be into
it, I say no, that we move onto other things, that we move on
(16:07):
to other things.
It's not like I'm going to, youknow, send you to the public
stocks where you're publiclyshamed and like you know the
game of thrones shame, shame.
I'm not gonna do that, not amonster.
And that seems to be theprevalent fear is when we say
our innermost desires and we're.
We fear judgment, we fearrejection and we fear loss.
(16:29):
And we need to communicatethese so that we and our
partners can work togetherthrough that fear, so that we're
able to communicate our needs alot more authentically.
Speaker 2 (16:55):
Right.
So anal sex can bring youtogether is what we're saying.
I mean it teaches you how tocommunicate shaming and
rejecting, which means, even ifyou don't move forward with anal
sex, you've discussed it in ahealthy way and you're closer
for it.
But I would say, when you toucheach other's butts you're going
(17:22):
to get closer.
Speaker 1 (17:22):
Honestly, if the world just was more open to anal
, we'd end world war, we wouldend hunger.
We'd end poverty.
Speaker 2 (17:35):
I mean, you believe in it, maybe a little bit more
than I do.
Spread the love, got it, got it, got it, yeah.
So shame doesn't just blockpleasure, it also blocks
connection and trust and healthyrelationships.
And so I guarantee you, in mostcouples there's one person
(17:57):
who's thinking about a littlebutt stuff.
So tonight you need to go home,sit down with your partner and
say, hey, I just need to know,are you thinking about my ass?
Speaker 1 (18:12):
Are you thinking about smelling it, about tasting
it, about just looking at it?
I just want to know is my assthat attractive to you?
Speaker 2 (18:21):
If it's not.
I don't want to know, I mean,there are so many times like
when I'm in 69, which is one ofmy favorite, one of my favorite
positions, but I'm like dang,they're like, they're get that's
, that's, that's most of whatthey're going to be seeing,
right, if their mouth is on myvulva, then my asshole is right
there.
Speaker 1 (18:42):
I mean, that's all you're looking at, Just the next
bridge over, Isn't it Right,Right there.
Speaker 2 (18:47):
And I will say this I've noticed even the men who
are like I'm not into butt stuff.
They start spreading and I'mlike there is only one thing
you're trying to look at more,and that is my asshole.
Yeah, that's right so we cannottalk about anal sex and anal
play without talking about poopand the idea of cleanliness and
all of that stuff.
(19:07):
So let's dive in to poop.
Speaker 1 (19:12):
When it comes to anal , and cleanliness and hygiene is
something you're worried about.
That's totally normal.
It's fine.
However, you should alsoremember that it's a totally
natural thing to happen.
You know, I've had it happen tome before where the guy was
fucking me and then he pulledout and there's just a little
(19:35):
bit of shit on his dick and oops, guess what?
we're just going to take ashower or baby wipes and then
we're going to move right on wejust keep going I understand
that it can be a little of aturnoff for someone who is just
starting out and you know it'sfine to freak out.
(19:55):
However, the key to that iswhen the partner is the.
The partner who is freaking outstarts to like show anxiety.
Another partner needs to likemaintain the neutrality of the
situation, say, hey, guess what,it's normal, it's fine, because
anxiety just compounds moreanxiety.
(20:16):
So one partner has to be likehey, babe, it's fine.
We're good, it's totally normal.
If you do want to reduce anysort of poop incidents, I have a
few suggestions.
One is your diet.
So that means eating more likebulky fibrous vegetables, so
your leafy green, take there ifyou have some sort of allergies
(20:38):
or anything.
Uh, other substitutes can belike fiber supplements.
Uh, that can really help bulkup your stool so that when
you're eating something that'sallergies or anything, other
substitutes can be like fibersupplements that can really help
bulk up your stool so that whenyou do have a bowel movement
it's as little residue aspossible.
(21:00):
And a lot of the time we thinkabout anal as like, yeah, it is
diet, but it's all.
It is also gut health.
So, making sure that your gutbiome, your flora, is in check.
So you know, check with yourdoctor to see how your gut is
doing.
Try not to eat right away orright before sex, because that
(21:22):
means, uh, your body's alreadydigesting and then, who knows,
within the hour, hour like, youmight have a bowel movement
during anal sex.
You know, just like, just likeswimming, you don't.
You don't eat an hour beforeyou dive deep into the water,
just like an anal.
You don't eat an hour beforeyou start having anal sex.
(21:45):
And then there's also thequestion of like, rinsing out or
douching.
I am very much like well, whatis your comfort level?
Some people like to douche,some people don't.
Really, there is noquote-unquote need for douching,
(22:07):
because if your gut health andyour diet are all in check, you
should be fine.
However, for that extra littlebit of peace of mind, definitely
invest in a douche.
These are also known as enemas.
They come in little waterballoon-shaped devices with a
(22:30):
nozzle that you can insert andyou can rinse out.
You don't need so much water tofill up your entire rectum, you
only need a little bit of like.
Maybe this much water like forthose of you that are listening
like two, three inches in yourrectal cavity at them.
You should be fine.
Rinse out until there's no morefeces that are coming out.
(22:54):
And for those of you that are alittle more adventurous, there
is something called a showershot, which is a douche that
connects directly to your showerhead.
If you are going to do, pleaseuse lube.
You don't want to go and dry.
Or even if you're justtryingube, you don't want to go
and dry.
Or even if you're just tryinganal, you don't want to go and
dry.
I'm personally a fan of PureP-J-U-R.
(23:15):
They have a certain lube calledBackdoor, so already designed
for anal or anything that'ssupposed to go up the butt.
And, last but not least, breathe.
It is so important for you torelax during anal because if you
are tense, your whole is goingto reflect that you are going to
(23:39):
tighten up.
Nothing is coming in, nothingis coming out.
It is termetically sealed.
It is like a bank vault.
If you are tense, so breathe,let your body relax and if you
are the receptive partner inanal sex, make sure to vocalize
to the penetrating partner.
This is what I'm feeling rightnow.
I need you to go slow.
(23:59):
I need you or it's okay for youto go a little faster, because
you are the master of yourbutthole.
They're not going to know whatyour butthole is feeling what
your hole is.
Is it too big, is it too wide,too deep?
You have to tell that.
So just a few things to keep inmind.
Speaker 2 (24:18):
So I'm going to go back to the prep.
You gave some great tips.
My question is this We'll talkabout when I prep, because I'm
like I know this person is goingto and we'll talk about this
later.
You know, with the unexpectedfingers up the ass.
I don't know if this happens toall genders and sexualities,
(24:40):
but I know that cis women whoare banging cis heterosexual men
, like, always get.
We always complain about thesurprise finger up the ass
because they all really want toget to the ass but they don't
want to talk about it.
So here we are, you know,having great oral sex and the
next thing we know it's like youknow.
So if I think that might happen, I like to do a little prep.
(25:02):
You talked about the douche isso.
Typically what I've done isjust use one of those bottles
lube on the tip and use warmwater and just rinsed out, sort
of that you know, just the.
What did you say?
Like an inch, two inches in.
Is that appropriate, or isthere some sort of solution that
(25:26):
you suggest?
Speaker 1 (25:30):
appropriate or is there some sort of solution that
you suggest?
Water is fine, like mostlybecause it's neutral.
You don't want anything withany added solutions to it.
A common solution that I'veheard people use is fleet.
However, I believe it's got alittle bit of salinity to it.
I've never used fleet, so ifyou are going to use fleet at
your drugstore, make sure toempty up the contents.
Speaker 2 (25:53):
Regular water is fine I'm right yeah because I think
fleet like, if you use what's init, then you're you're gonna
make things worse, meaning likeyou think that you're cleaning
yourself out and what you'redoing is cleaning your whole
body out all night long andthat's going to suck for you and
your date.
(26:13):
So just plain water, right, andthen rinse until the water is
clear.
If that's what you want to dofor comfort, it's pretty easy to
do.
It's pretty easy to do.
But the caveat here is thateven with that, there is the
possibility that poop willhappen, at least to some extent,
and adults should understandthat Also.
(26:37):
my advice is think of it interms of like.
Sometimes you're having sex Ifyou're heterosexual or bisexual
man.
You, if you're having sex withsomeone with a vagina, you know
blood comes out of that.
I mean body fluids happen insex.
Sex is messy and messy is sexy.
Speaker 1 (26:56):
Exactly, just get over it.
Make like a bridge and get overit.
Speaker 2 (27:01):
There you go.
I like it.
So I mean, let's actually talkabout that now.
For people who want to diptheir toe in the water, first of
all, let's talk about how thatcan happen.
If you're a beginner, youbrought up lube.
What should someone look forbefore you go sticking anything
(27:22):
into a butt?
Butts don't self-lubricate,right.
So you need, you need lube andyou need a lot of it.
Can you talk about what to lookfor in a lube?
Speaker 1 (27:34):
So I am a personal fan of any lube that is
silicone-based, mostly becausethat is longer lasting.
Lasting because with silicone Iin my experience at least I
didn't need to reapply as much,whereas if it is water-based the
(27:55):
lube will be absorbed by theskin, so you will need to keep
reapplying.
So, personally, go for silicone, but avoid silicone toys if
you're going to be usingsilicone.
If you are just using a toy,water-based is totally fine.
Hybrid lubes are also good.
(28:16):
If you are using an oil-basedlube, don't use that with
condoms, because the oil willbreak down the condom.
Also, look out for any sort offunky chemicals in lube.
I always struggle to say thisPhthalate, phthalate, yeah,
because a lot of lubes have allthese harmful chemicals that
(28:40):
should not be going in the body.
Some have glycerin, which isbasically what is used in rocket
fuel.
So we want to look out for forchemicals and ingredients that
we're not familiar with.
I'm personally not a fan offlavored lube.
When it comes to anal mostlybecause I find that it gets
(29:02):
sticky.
So if you are going to be usingflavored lube, try to keep it
external and nothing inserting.
And if you do use silicone,it's great for the shower
because you don't have to keepreapplying.
So if you if mess is anotherthing and they're like you know
(29:22):
what, uh, I'm feeling likesomething could come out use
silicone lube, have anal in theshower and if there is poop,
guess what?
You got running water and thenyou're ready to go again right.
Speaker 2 (29:34):
So maybe that's a good idea for someone who wants
to try it the first time andthey're kind of freaked out by
the quote messiness of it isdoing it.
Speaker 1 (29:48):
I mean, I'm personally a fan of lying down
during sex me too.
So if you got a, a big showerwhere you can lie down on the
floor, power to you.
But yes, uh, having sex in theshower.
Uh, using silicone lube insteadof water-based lube, so that
the lube lasts a lot longer,because silicone will not be
(30:10):
easily washed away, which isanother caveat I want to give to
people.
If you are using silicone lube,be ready to, like, do laundry
for hours on end, because it ishard to get off your sheets,
that's a good, that's a goodwarning right.
So if you are going to be usingsilicone in your sex, lay down
(30:34):
some sheets that you don't mindgetting messy or invest in a
waterproof sheet.
There are sex stores out therethat have sheets that are
designed for the messiness thatis anal and silicone mess.
Speaker 2 (30:49):
Right, right, and I know this shouldn't need to be
said, but I'm going to say itbecause I know that it does need
to be said.
Spit is not enough.
Speaker 1 (31:03):
No, it's not.
It dries up, and your skin willabsorb it.
I mean, like water-based is isgreat.
So there are like water-basedlubes that will mimic certain
bodily fluids, if you're intothat.
Speaker 2 (31:26):
There you go, you heard it here Find those.
So how should one go abouthaving their first relationship,
penetrative experience?
I mean, a lot of people are,you know, afraid of the pain.
They're, like my butthole's,too small for that.
Can we talk about working up topenetrative experiences to take
(31:51):
away?
Because I think there is also,along with shame we've talked
about shame there's fear, fearof the messiness, but also the
experience, fear of themessiness, but also the
experience.
Speaker 1 (32:02):
The fear of pain is another thing and, again,
totally normal.
So you've had the conversationthat you and your partner are
ready to have anal sex, what'sthe first thing that you do?
Go low and go slow.
So that means don't ram it allin right away.
(32:22):
That is super, not fun, notsafe.
You want to start from theoutside, going in.
So, like I said earlier, buttmassages are great.
They're great because wheneveryone loves a good massage,
right.
It allows for blood circulation,and that blood circulation
(32:44):
allows you to relax, promotesall these fun relaxing hormones
and chemicals in your body tocirculate, and then, when you're
relaxed, you can start to workyour way towards the hole, but
not insert right away.
I'm a big fan of the doorbellmethod, where it's just like
(33:05):
pressing on the hole and thenreleasing Literally.
Just that feels really reallygood.
Another way to play with thehole is to play around the edge
of it with your finger, so a lotof like drawing a flower around
your bowl is a really fun waywith your finger or your tongue,
(33:26):
however you want.
When you're ready to penetrate,though, it's important for the
receptive partner to breathe andrelax, because, as I said
before, when you are tense, yourwhole will feel that.
So it is important for you tobreathe deep, slow breaths, and
(33:50):
you, as the receptive partner,need to guide the penetrating
partner to say how deep and howfast.
Do not have the like you know,the audacity to be like, go all
the way, and I want all of youas much as hard as that is if
you are just starting out startwith just the tip.
(34:12):
I know we as a society jokewith just the tip, but it is
actually.
Speaker 2 (34:17):
It's amazing.
I mean whatever, whatever,wherever you're putting just the
tip, it's always.
It's always.
Let's say I mean whatever,whatever, wherever you're
putting just the tip, it'salways.
It's always.
Speaker 1 (34:24):
Chef's kiss right, exactly, and it's just the tip.
And even that can feel a littleoverwhelming for first-time
anal sex habbers, because thesensation is akin to feeling
like you're going to shit.
So if you've done all of theprep and you've done all of the
(34:46):
diet and have the baby wipes onhand, it is still going to feel
like you're going to shit.
That's okay, that's totallynormal.
Just stay, still Tell yourpartner to not go in any deeper
and just stay right there,breathe and let your body and
(35:06):
your whole get acclimated towhatever is being inserted,
whether it's a penis or a dildo.
Just stay right there andyou're going to stay right there
for as long as it needs.
It can be five seconds, it canfive minutes.
You are the master of your bodyand you are responsible for
(35:29):
telling your partner.
My body is responding in a veryspecific way.
This is what I need right now,so you can either tell them to
pull out or they can start tocome in.
Only then, when you feelrelaxed, can you actually start
to go deeper and then you canstart to explore more nascu, you
(35:50):
and I definitely have differentbodies, different equipment.
Speaker 2 (35:53):
I know, for me, uh, what I really love to do when
I'm having anal sex is like tostimulate my clit while they're
going in and that like increasesmy experience of pleasure and
makes it my, you know, then mywhole body is opening up more.
How does that so for peoplewith penises?
(36:18):
Is it sort of the samemechanism at hand?
Can like playing with theirpenis happen while penetration
is happening, or is it adifferent scenario?
Speaker 1 (36:31):
again, even if I am a cis man, different bodies will
respond differently.
I cannot speak for all cis menin regards to their anal
experience.
However, in my personalexperience, when my dick is
played with, I'm a lot morerelaxed.
I feel a lot more receptive toanal sex because I'm feeling
(36:52):
that I'm safe and I'm feelingthat my pleasure is prioritized.
And when all of that is in play, then my body starts to be more
relaxed and open.
So, whether it's playing withthe cock and balls or any other
part of the body, a big thingwhen it comes to being the
(37:15):
receptive partner and anal isrelaxation and your state of
mind.
Am I tense, am I relaxed?
Relaxed, am I safe?
Am I in danger?
Speaker 2 (37:24):
take into account all these things, because your
whole will respond accordinglyalso I get dirtier, my mind gets
dirtier when exactly thereality is like when I'm like
starting to stimulate my clitand I'm getting horny and I'm
like, oh yeah then.
Then I'm suddenly like yeah weneed to put something in my ass.
Call me good girl and putsomething in my ass.
(37:46):
Yes, exactly.
So that for me it helps to havethat sort of get myself into
that erotic state of mind whenI'm going into that, because it
takes longer for me to feel thesort of pleasure from the anus,
whereas like my clit it just youknow the way I'm built that I
(38:08):
feel it instantly.
And then it's like button Aunlocks door B Right.
Speaker 1 (38:16):
Exactly.
That's how your body is mappedand for anyone listening, listen
to how your body feels,masturbate, see what actually
are your own personal erogenouszones, so that your hole can
also open.
Because for me I open up whenmy neck and my ear are licked
(38:40):
that is the fastest way for meto open up and when my nipple is
pinched, specifically my rightnipple.
I don't know why I don't get myleft nipple as much, but when
my right nipple is pinched andtwisted, I'm like the floodgates
have opened right.
Speaker 2 (38:56):
I think that's something I haven't talked about
a lot yet on this podcast.
But so many of us think it'sjust our genitalia that excites
us when it's touched.
But you can actually wake upyour genitalia by figuring out
(39:17):
where on your body are yourerogenous and erotic zones, and
sometimes it will surprise you.
I have one person I'm coachingthat it's like their arm If they
tickle their arm like this,like suddenly their body lights
up.
So that exploration, like yousaid, masturbation, having your
own masturbation practice and Ido talk about that a lot is so
(39:40):
important you should be yourbest lover.
On that note, would you suggestfor someone who's interested in
dipping their toe in the watersof anal play and anal sex to
first do it on themselves duringmasturbation, maybe with a
small plug?
(40:00):
Is that something they could doif they're too nervous to start
with a partner?
Speaker 1 (40:05):
Yes, absolutely.
Try it all with yourself first,because you are your own lover.
You should be your own bestlover.
How else are you going to knowhow to vocalize to your other
lovers if you don't know whatyou're looking for and what you,
what you like and what you feel?
So when you're masturbatingwith yourself, you don't have to
(40:26):
go out and get a toy.
However you can, your finger isjust as fine.
I have a lot of anal toys that Ilike to explore with.
Like, I have a dragon taildildo.
So, however, I'm speaking froma person who has like decades of
(40:47):
experience of anal.
Honestly, most of the time Iprefer to have anal with myself
because it's I'm readilyavailable.
So, yeah, make butt explorationan essential part of your
masturbation regimen because youcan start to work up to bigger
(41:09):
objects, more advanced moves,and once you're comfortable with
how you have anal with yourself, you can start to be more
comfortable with having analwith other people trying out
different positions.
With having in with otherpeople trying out different
positions.
I am now more comfortable in Iforgot what the name is, but
it's basically like doggy, butwe're standing, so it's kind of
like standing spoons.
So, yeah, I I was nevercomfortable with that until I
(41:33):
started to like explore how mybody should bend in a certain
way.
Speaker 2 (41:38):
So yeah, just as an example for anyone listening and
does your butthole eventuallybecome able to take larger
objects?
Does it act?
Speaker 1 (41:50):
so your body adapts to it yeah, eventually it is
like a muscle that needs aworkout and you can slowly start
to, you know, accommodate alarger.
Speaker 2 (42:04):
For those listening, I have my hands very far apart
yeah, the whole he that hiswhole example is like a giant
it's the size of a head I'm likejesus, a traffic cone, yeah,
but.
Speaker 1 (42:19):
But yes, you can start to like accommodate bigger
um objects and bigger dicks.
There is a fear that what if mybutthole never snaps back into
place?
It will.
Okay, this is fine.
It is elastic.
It is able to retain its shape.
You think that you might beincontinent?
(42:39):
There have been rare caseswhere that happens, so consult
with your medical professional.
If incontinence is a result ofanal play, however, for the most
part, that's not really a worry.
Your butthole is so resilientthat it can retain its shape.
Speaker 2 (42:59):
Right, right, so we can't pass up talking about the
anatomy of it.
Why is it even pleasurable?
You talked about the nerveendings on the outside, which is
something that actually, I feellike has gotten less attention
over the years, but there are somany nerve endings for all
genders on the outside, the rimaround the hole.
(43:23):
But let's talk about theinternal structures and why, if
you never experience analpleasure, you're missing out on
so much pleasure that'saccessible to you.
Speaker 1 (43:35):
So with anal sex we have two different sphincters
your external anal sphincter,which is something that you can
actually do, like Kegelexercises, and that's completely
voluntary, that you can squeezeand practice wherever you want,
whether you're sitting intraffic or sitting in the office
(43:56):
right now, you can totallysqueeze that.
And then there's the internalsphincter, which is the
involuntary one, which is alittle deeper, known as, like,
the sigmoid junction, so likebasically I'm trying to explain
it with audio for the audiolisteners imagine your hole and
then you've got maybe like two,three inches of your actual
(44:20):
rectum before it turns into a J,going into the lower intestine
and your colon and everythingelse.
You only need to worry aboutthat vertical part of your
rectum.
That's all you need.
Anything deeper than thatthat's going to require deep
cleaning, that's going torequire a lot more experience
(44:41):
and a lot more lube.
But really, for anyone startingoff, it's really just that
initial part of your rectum thatyou can concern yourself about,
and it is very delicate tissueinside of your anus, tissue
(45:07):
inside of your anus.
So be very careful when itcomes to fingering, because if
you have sharp nails you couldtear the very fragile tissue in
there.
Be very cognizant about yournails or any toys that you put
up in there.
Wear gloves, put on a condom,anything to kind of soften the
ridges of whatever it is thatyou're inserting.
Speaker 2 (45:25):
And you should be fine, should be a-okay right and
up inside each of our body, formen and um, let's talk about
the, the prostate, the prostate.
Speaker 1 (45:38):
let's talk about, let's talk about it.
Speaker 2 (45:39):
Let's talk about the prostate.
Speaker 1 (45:41):
So for anyone with a prostate to access your prostate
through your anus, you're goingto insert your finger, with
your finger pointing and kind oflike a come here motion, come
(46:05):
here motion To feel the prostate.
It's not so far in that it'slike you need to insert your
entire hand, but like yourfinger or your middle finger,
whatever it is, you want to curlyour finger up towards the
navel and then you're going tofeel a very sort of rough not
rough, but like a firm that isthe adjective a firm sensation
that feels like a walnut.
That's going to be yourprostate.
If you don't want to accessyour prostate through your anus,
(46:29):
you can actually access itthrough your perineum with a
really vigorous massage.
So your perineum is your taintbecause it taint the ball, then
it taint the anus.
Is your taint because it taintthe ball, then it taint the anus
.
So the the fun skin bridge youcan massage just underneath the
cock and balls to really get tothe prostate.
(46:51):
But if you do access theprostate through the anus,
you're going to feel thatwalnutty sensation.
It can feel like you're goingto pee.
So if you plan on playing withyour prostate, make sure to pee,
because it is going to feellike it's kind of making contact
with your bladder.
So that's another fun partabout anal sex.
Speaker 2 (47:11):
Prostate access Right and it is considered like the
G-spot for men P-spot or perus,yeah, yeah.
Right right Now for women andpeople with vulvas.
The thing that's really coolabout anal sex is that it
accesses the internal clitorisand structures or the G-spot as
(47:35):
well.
So what feels really greatoftentimes for us is to have a
butt plug in or something in ourass while we're also having
vaginal sex, because itstimulates, it increases the
pressure and stimulation ofthose organs, and it is I will
say this I have had some of mybest orgasms during anal sex
(48:00):
yeah.
Speaker 1 (48:01):
It's like I don't know what's happening, but
that's awesome yeah, I have hadan anal orgasm and I have had,
uh, an anal orgasm that'sseparate from the genital orgasm
, from really yeah, I have notyeah it's great and, like you
know, for me I would describe itas a very like full-body orgasm
(48:25):
, because there's just so muchlike sexual tension that builds
up from anal that, like myentire body, starts to like
convulse, as opposed to like apenis orgasm, where it's just my
pelvic area Feels really,really good.
Speaker 2 (48:44):
Is an analgasm something that can happen for
any gender?
Speaker 1 (48:50):
Absolutely.
Your entire body is orgasmic.
The concept of an orgasm beingjust in the pelvic region is a
little old school.
Pelvic region is a little oldschool, but when you think about
it, your entire body,everything that you can access,
is capable of an orgasm.
Speaker 2 (49:08):
I think that accessing that kind of orgasm
really requires being fullyembodied and practice Right,
right.
So here's my last question foryou, because I just need to know
how do you feel about?
Let's talk about coming in abutt Now, obviously, safe sex
(49:29):
with people who you haven't doneyour STI testing or you have
not made the agreement we arehaving unprotected sex.
But let's say you're there withsomeone.
Let's talk about cum in thebutt yes, no, what's?
Speaker 1 (49:43):
the result.
It's a yay for me.
All right, let's talk about it,it's a yay for me.
I mean, yeah, it may not be foreveryone.
I feel that sort of intimacy,while not for everyone, totally
understand.
And as long as you have yourSTI screening and you're all
negative, you shouldn't haveanything to worry about because
it's just going to leave yourbody in your next bowel movement
(50:06):
or your next douche.
Speaker 2 (50:07):
So yeah, totally fine .
So are there any after effectspeople should know about?
Speaker 1 (50:12):
You don't have to worry about getting pregnant.
Speaker 2 (50:16):
You don't have that concern, but you probably have
the after drip.
This is something I have neverexperienced, so I'm asking from
a truly ignorant perspective,right, sure?
Sure, um, uh, totally fine Iknow, like, as you know, someone
who has a vagina, that there'sthe drip that goes on forever
afterwards.
(50:36):
You know uh what is?
Give me the equivalent is it?
Speaker 1 (50:41):
mean that also depends on how much he's coming
inside of you, right?
Speaker 2 (50:45):
Right.
Speaker 1 (50:45):
Some guys will come only like a little bit of
teaspoon.
Some guys will come like theNiagara.
Speaker 2 (50:49):
Falls.
Speaker 1 (50:51):
Come on.
So if a drift is something thatyou're worried about, you
should always be going to thebathroom anyway after sex.
So you can kind of likesimulate, like a bowel movement,
so like a little bit of a pushor like a little bit of a douche
, uh, if there is a little bitof drip afterwards I mean
chances are.
It's like a tiny littleteaspoon.
(51:13):
It's gonna stain your underwear, so just wash it.
Speaker 2 (51:17):
It's totally fine, yeah all right, there you go.
All right, let's give themtheir little.
Give them maybe three thingsthey can do starting tonight to
either initiate the conversationor to start dipping their toe
in the water of butt stuff.
Speaker 1 (51:35):
Tip number one masturbate.
Tip number two ask your partnerhow they feel about anal.
Tip number two ask your partnerhow they feel about anal.
Tip number three start toexplore anal with your partner
by going slow Massage the butt.
You don't have to go to thehole right away, you can just
(51:56):
play around with the cheeks,play around with the glutes and
see where it goes from there.
Speaker 2 (52:02):
That's it okay.
When it comes to theconversation, though, how do
they initiate that conversationwith their partner without like
burning down the bedroom?
Speaker 1 (52:09):
you know what I?
Speaker 2 (52:10):
mean, without like totally freaking them out, how
can they initiate thisconversation in a way that's
gonna give it the best shot atgoing in a good direction?
Speaker 1 (52:21):
Sure, so I like to tell my partner whenever there's
something new I want to try.
I let them know what I'mfeeling in that moment, so that
there's complete vulnerability.
So, for example, I'd say I havesomething to tell you and I'm
scared that if I tell you you'regoing to be disgusted, you're
(52:45):
going to freak out, you're goingto leave me, you're going to
reject me.
So it's taking a lot for me tosay this.
I hope you don't see me anydifferently, but I would like to
try and see how they respond.
Try and see how they respond.
At the very least, you'relaying all your cards on the
table.
You're showing completevulnerability and in that you're
(53:07):
actually being very brave.
So the worst they can do is saynot for me.
Maybe we can try another time,maybe we can explore this new
sexual act at a different time,but it's at least the
conversation is there and it's.
You left it in the air and it'sthere and you can address it
(53:28):
for the future.
Right and if they react byshaming you, then maybe you need
to reconsider your partnership.
They shame you.
Is that really someone you?
Speaker 2 (53:40):
want to have sex with Right.
Seriously, why 100%?
All right.
If anal sex still feels like adirty word to you after this
conversation, it's not becauseyou're wrong.
It's because we've beenconditioned to fear our own
bodies and our own pleasure.
But here's the truth.
Your butt is not a battlefield,it is not a punchline.
It's a source of sensation,exploration and power and
(54:01):
letting go of shame surroundinganal sex.
That's not just sexy, it'srevolutionary, in my opinion and
Tim's, I'm going to assume.
Tim, can you please tell mylisteners where they can find
you if they want to watch orlisten to your podcast or
connect with you and find outmore about what you have to
(54:21):
offer?
Speaker 1 (54:21):
Yeah, well, first of all, thank you so much, Annette,
for having me on your show, andto all of you wonderful
listeners, thank you forpowering through this very dirty
conversation around anal.
If you want to hear more aboutme, you can find me on
sexedwithtimcom.
My podcast is available on allplatforms.
Sexedwithtim and my Instagram,my Blue Sky, my Facebook page
(54:46):
are all sexedwithtim.
Speaker 2 (54:49):
Go check it out and learn.
I mean, what could be, whatcould be more fun than spending
your audio time listening to youknow someone who can educate
you in depth?
See what I did there In depth.
On all things, but and moreGoing deep.
I think I'm so funny.
Speaker 1 (55:12):
Or going deep, or going deep.
Speaker 2 (55:15):
All right listeners.
Thank you for sticking with usand listening.
I hope you have a good timewith your ask tonight.
If you have any questions orcomments after you listen to
this, if you are on my YouTubechannel at Talk Sex with Annette
, you can drop a comment in thecomments section.
I will try to get back to youthere or reach out to Tim and
(55:35):
see if you can get me theanswers you need.
You can also send me a messageat Annette at
TalkSexWithAnnettecom.
You can scroll down to thenotes below and you can find my
speak pipe and there you cansend me a sweet little voice
note with your question as well.
Thank you again for joining me.
I really appreciate it, tim.
Speaker 1 (55:56):
Thank you so much, Annette.
Speaker 2 (55:58):
And to my listeners until next time I'll see you in
the locker room.
Cheers.
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