September 8, 2025 • 11 mins
FemDom doesn’t have to be scary, it can be soft, playful, and insanely hot.
In this episode of Talk Sex with Annette, I break down 5 simple steps to Gentle FemDom, so you can explore dominance without latex, whips, or dungeon vibes. Because real FemDom is about confidence, not costumes.
What you’ll learn:
- The body language shift that makes you instantly more commanding
- How to use your voice to turn requests into irresistible commands
- Simple touch and rituals that make your partner crave your lead
- Why praise and aftercare are the real secret weapons of dominance
If you’ve been curious about FemDom or just want to shake up your sex life, this episode gives you the tools to lead with confidence—and make your partner melt.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:23):
Do the sex Think fun, honest and feminist as fuck,
and always with the goal offighting the patriarchy.
One female orgasm at a time.
Welcome to the locker room.
Today's locker room talk Shotstopic is want to be a Femdom or
(00:47):
serve one?
Start here.
You guys have been asking forit, you've been asking for it
and I am delivering.
I have an expert here on thetopic of Femdom.
But before we dive in, I wantto remind you that my desire
diaries are live on my spicysite.
That's right, oh F.
(01:09):
This is an exclusive space whereI share my personal sexual
adventures and confessionserotic interviews, audio guided
self pleasure meditations that's, masturbation meditations, my
friends erotic story time Ialready have one of those up and
my own sensual photo and videoessays and so much more.
(01:31):
So head over there.
My handle is TalkSexWithAnette,like it is everywhere else.
You can also scroll down to thedescription of this episode and
you're going to find a linkthat's going to take you there.
So join me there for morepersonalized experience.
I'll be answering yourquestions.
So for those of you who keepsending me questions you want
(01:52):
answered by an intimacy coachand I haven't gotten back to you
because I haven't had the timeyou can go to there and ask
those questions and I will makesure to get you the answers you
want.
So that is Talk Sex withAnnette on OF.
I hope to see you there.
Who knows, maybe I will have afemdom experience this year and
I'll share it with you there.
But for now, we're going totalk to the expert who has been
(02:16):
doing this for many, many years.
My expert is Ms McKenzie.
She is a board certifiedsexologist, bdsm and intimacy
educator, qualified hypnotist,trauma informed relationship and
sexual wellness coach, kinklifestyle and professional
dominant mentor, owner ofElysium Dungeon, host of kink
(02:39):
intimacy and cannabis loungepodcast content creator and
author.
She does it all.
Basically, folks, all I wear,all the hats, all the hats.
She is also the founder of BDSMand Intimacy University, which
makes and sells beautiful one ofa kind BDSM toys and furniture,
as well as offers onlinecourses, spicy digital guides,
(03:03):
clothing, aftercare items andmore.
She has been involved in thekink lifestyle professionally
and personally for over 20 yearsand teaching for over 15.
So if you were ever questioningwhether or not I had an expert
here, you know I've really gotone now.
Welcome, ms McKenzie.
(03:24):
You are a highly anticipatedguest.
Could you tell my listeners.
A little bit more about you.
Speaker 2 (03:31):
Thank you so much for the introduction.
I'm so glad to be here.
Thank you so much.
I think you pretty much did myintroduction.
I know our talk today is aboutfemdom and that's definitely one
of my specialties.
I see a lot of couples, andparticularly female-identifying
(03:54):
people, that want to be dominant, so that's kind of my specialty
here.
So I'm really incrediblyexcited about this topic that
we're going to talk about and tomaybe give some spicy tips and
techniques for some of yourlisteners.
Speaker 1 (04:11):
I love it and I'm excited about this because I've
been dipping my toes in thewater.
I think I got it in me prettygood.
But so, listeners, you're goingto want to stay to the end
because this is going to be astarter pack, a one like a
complete starter pack for you.
Whether you are a woman who'swanting to try femdomming let's
(04:34):
say you're in a partnership andyou know you've been the sub for
a while and you guys arewanting to spice things up or
you think that your male partneris kind of wanting to flip the
script but doesn't know how tostart, we're going to get you
into it.
But also, if you are one of mymale listeners and you are like
I want to find a femdom, or howdo I ask my partner, we're going
(04:57):
to have it all for you heretoday and I'm really excited to
dive into it.
So it's actually morning.
Well, it's kind of morning forme, it's not for you.
I'm in my coffee stage thismorning and I'm ready.
Are you ready?
Let's talk about dominatingdick.
Speaker 2 (05:16):
I'm so ready Dominating dick right, right,
cheers.
Speaker 1 (05:22):
It's actually New Year's Eve, guys, so we're doing
this as we're heading in to2025.
Maybe that will be the themefor 2025 dominating dick, I like
, I like, yes, at least for me,uh so give you the the um, the
wonderful, exciting skills andfun information to have the best
(05:46):
dominating year.
I love it.
That's exactly what we're goingto do, and I, so let's just
dive right in.
Let's, can you tell me, firstof all, why do you think people
are drawn to the Femme Domdynamic, and what does that
dynamic really look like?
Speaker 2 (06:08):
So I think it really varies on how into they want to
be right, because there's somepeople that like, oh, they want
it every once in a while, orthey want it in the bedroom or,
you know, only in the bedroom,or maybe they want it for their
whole life.
There's tons of people that are24-7, tight, dominant,
submissive dynamics, and so Iguess it depends on that.
(06:29):
But I think some of the thingsthat people are attracted to is
that it kind of goes againstmisogynistic societal views that
men are supposed to be incharge.
Women are kind of seen as lessthan, and this is our chance to
kind of have that role reversal,taking back our power, which I
(06:52):
think is so wonderful andamazing.
It can also be a way for peopleto feel more balanced if they
take on a more submissive rolein their life, in their jobs.
A lot of women tend to havejobs that are subservient in
some way, you know, waitressing,secretarial, all these kind of
things, and so it's a way forthem to sort of balance that and
be in control in the otheraspect of their life.
(07:15):
I think also it could be fun tobe responsible for your
partner's pleasure, like you areresponsible for when your
partner receives pleasure.
There's an incredible amount ofpower that comes with that and
it's almost intoxicating, youknow, oh, like I'm the only one
(07:37):
who could provide that pleasurefor my partner.
It's like really sexy, I thinkanyway.
And then for some also, it maybe a way to heal from trauma,
right.
Maybe they had some sort ofsexual assault in the past or
any of those kind of things, andI think it's important that
this gives them a chance to callthe shots and write their own
narrative and be in control ofeverything that happens.
(08:00):
It can be really incrediblyhealing for a lot of people to
be in that role as well.
So those are just, I guess,some reasons of why someone
might be attracted to that, andthen someone on the other side
of it wanting their partner todo those things.
Maybe they're the CEO or incharge all the time, and it
feels nice to be out of controland to let your partner do the
(08:20):
things and you just have toaccept it.
It's very freeing in a way.
A lot of people talk about thatwhen they talk about bondage.
Surprisingly, that's freeing tobe bound.
You're not expected toreciprocate or things like that.
It's really cool, I think.
Speaker 1 (08:42):
Some people have a hard time understanding why
people would want to flip thescript to what is traditionally
conventionally thought of.
How, especially if we'retalking about a very gendered or
gender conventional society,women are supposed to be
submissive, to be sexy andfeminine, and men are supposed
(09:04):
to be dominant, to be supermasculine, but there is like
this extreme femininity,femininity and being a dominant
woman and um and so that I thinkhelps people to understand that
right, yeah, for sure, and I Iteach a lot of people about like
embracing their goddesspersonality, like that can be.
Speaker 2 (09:26):
Teach a lot of people about like embracing their
goddess personality, like thatcan be, because a lot of people
think like, oh well, I don'twant to be this like in charge
necessarily, but I love the ideaof being worshipped in this
dominating role and like adoredand all these things, and so I
think like encompassing and sortof trying to embody this
goddess personality really helpswith that for a lot of people.
Speaker 1 (09:48):
So what is the femdom dynamic really look like when
you're in it with a partner Froma kinky perspective to we've
for my listeners, if you're here, you probably also watched my
female led relationship podcastepisode and I will also include
that link and that reallyfocused more on the people who
(10:12):
want this in their overall sortof relationship lifestyle.
This conversation we're takingit to the bedroom or whatever
room dungeon wherever you'regoing to do it right, or
whatever room dungeon, whereveryou're going to do it right.
Yeah, so I want to talk moreabout what does femdom dynamic
in the sexy, kinky, fun senselook like?
Speaker 2 (10:31):
So there's typically a way to sort of set the scene.
So, making the mood and sort ofsetting the scene, you have
negotiations.
I talk about that a lot in mymentoring and teaching that I
think it's very important tohave thorough negotiations.
I talk about that a lot in, youknow, my mentoring and teaching
that I think it's veryimportant to have thorough
negotiations, not only to keepeverything consensual, but we
want to make sure that ourpartners are enjoying themselves
(10:53):
and that we'll enjoy ourselves.
If we're just doing it for themright and we're not getting any
enjoyment out of it and out ofdominating our partner, what's
the point?
It's supposed to be foreveryone, for everyone to find
some kind of enjoyment andfulfillment out of that.
And so talk about, you know,extensive negotiations to have
(11:14):
these experiences.
And then what I like to talkabout is like teasing.
How do you tease your partner?
And so I always talk about likebeforehand, not just in the
bedroom but what are you goingto do to anticipate this
experience, to build this up, toget your partner so hot and
(11:34):
heavy that they want to doanything?
You say I just love that, and soyou know that may include
sending videos to your partner.
That may include maybe sendinglike a task for them to do, or
you to take sexy pictures ofyourself and send, or I don't
(11:56):
know, an erotica you send toyour partner, things like that
that can sort of get the juicesflowing and get everything
already on this mode, that it'sgoing to be this ride that
you're going to take them on andthen getting into the bedroom,
the dungeon, wherever it is,that you're going to have those
activities, starting out withlike teasing and making things
(12:20):
very gentle in the beginning toget them into this you know mode
, this headspace that we'relooking to achieve.
Some people call it subspace,and so to get there you're
building these brain chemicalsand so that's kind of like,
whether that's wax play or fireplay or choking or pegging or
(12:52):
any of the things that we can doto dominate and have really fun
activities.
But I will say learning theskills is important, but I think
, more so, learning the skillsto mentally dominate someone is
more important than the skillsof physically dominating
somebody.
Once you can get into theirhead and create these floaty,
(13:18):
blissful feelings in yourpartner, like everything else
will follow, their body willfollow in submitting to you,
which I think is really sexy.
Speaker 1 (13:28):
Right.
So in the femdom dynamic you'vegot the woman who is the one in
control or dominating thesubmissive man.
The man is going to do what shewants Within limits.
So within limits with whateverthey've understood that they
want to do together, both ofthem meaning like it, like
(13:49):
whatever the guy wants, becauseoftentimes the man has specific
things in mind.
Some of them want humiliation,domination.
Some just want to be restrainedRight and like flogged or
sensory, whatever there'sthere's a number of things and
she has to be willing to do that.
(14:09):
But so you're saying it startsin the head like they've decided
they wanted to do this.
Maybe she's never done itbefore.
Speaker 2 (14:16):
And to start out by getting him like juiced up
mentally, yes, um, I think whata lot of people don't understand
is people aren't necessarilyautomatically aroused all of the
time.
Most people right.
You have to do some work to getthem feeling the arousal
feelings and excitement feelings.
And that includes men too.
(14:37):
Sometimes we assume men arealways ready and always hard,
and that's just not realistic.
They need to be romanced andsexified too.
Speaker 1 (14:50):
Well.
So I think here's aninteresting take that I haven't
heard approached very much.
That maybe we could do togetheris oftentimes, when we talk to
people about how, if you want totry femdoming, how to get the
woman in the mood to dominate,because oftentimes the women are
like, well, I'm supposed to befeminine.
(15:11):
But what we don't talk aboutright, timid, timid and
submissive, and that's whatmakes me sexy.
But what we don't talk aboutoften is how do we get men, how
do we help men who know theywant to be dominated, but like
there's so much shame aroundthat, for them right Like
letting go.
Speaker 2 (15:31):
As a society, for sure, right.
Speaker 1 (15:33):
How do we help them get into the subspace themselves
?
Individual to a woman.
What is your advice to them?
Speaker 2 (15:51):
So two parts you said first is how to get the woman
or the femdom into the mood.
First, I suggest you takeanything from this.
One of the things that reallyhelps get people into a mood is
creating a powerful list for you, a playlist that you resonate
with.
Right, like, I have a powerfulgoddess playlist, and so I
(16:14):
listened to that before to getmyself in the headspace, because
it's not realistic that we'realways going to be in the
headspace to dominate either.
That's just not realistic.
We're not robots and so, eventhough that's like all of my
life right, I'm still not allthe time like that, and so a
playlist really helps with that.
Also, doing affirmations likesaying in the mirror or saying
(16:38):
with your you touch your throatchakra and you say things like I
am powerful, I deserve to beworshipped, I'm going to give my
partner the most amazingexperience they've ever had,
whatever it looks like for youraffirmations, and saying that
beforehand in a really kind ofassertive tone to believe it,
(17:00):
you know.
And so those are a couplethings that I suggest to help
with the headspace and sort ofshifting that, because you know
we're in control, so we'resupposed to already be in the
dominating role to get them tobe in the submissive role,
because that kind of followswhen you're leading and then the
other side of it is gettingthem in the mood.
(17:20):
I think there's a couple things.
One is reassurance andaffirmation and so saying to
them oh man, I really loveseeing you submissive to me, oh,
you're such a good boy for me,or whatever that looks like in
(17:43):
saying that it's exciting you,this is turning me on.
You realize that this is makingme super wet.
You know that, right, thosekind of things.
Because a lot of the times,someone in a submissive role, if
they're not feeling like thedominant, is enjoying themselves
or getting turned on orwhatever that looks like for
that person.
They're not super into it,because they feel like, oh well,
(18:05):
I'm the only one into this, arethey just doing it to please me
, right?
And that's the opposite of whatwe're looking for here.
And so affirmations andreassurance can really help with
that.
And that's beforehand, that'sduring, that's after.
Especially, I call it a debrief.
So, after your experienceshaving conversations about what
(18:25):
worked, what didn't work in yourtime, if there was any limits,
that you just learned aboutyourself, how was the intensity
level for you?
Questions like that, right?
So we want to make it betterfor next time.
That's the whole purpose.
And so having thoseconversations but also adding in
reassurance during that time,like, oh man, I really loved
(18:48):
when you, you know, kissed myass, it really made me feel
powerful.
How did it make you feel thosekind of things, to really
reiterate how amazing them beingsubmissive was, so that they're
not feeling shame, guilt,embarrassment, all these things
that are natural reactions todoing alternative sexuality type
(19:12):
activities, because as asociety we're really kind of
censored with those kind ofthings and so we're taught that
that's not right and all thesethings.
So afterwards, really givingthis reassurance to assure that
it was hot, this is what Iwanted, I feel closer to you,
all of those kind of things is ahuge piece to that, because
(19:35):
then they're not questioning, oh, did I do things that were too
much?
Oh, did they really like that?
It's like you can very muchverbally give affirmation that
those were wonderful.
Speaker 1 (19:52):
Right, right.
And also for me, I know when,whatever role I'm going to be in
, I'm very switchy.
So I have times when I likewant to be super bossy and
dominating and I have times whenI want to be quite the opposite
.
And something that helps me alot as a woman is what I wear,
from how I wear my hair to likewhatever lingerie I'm wearing,
shoes, shoes Really I'm shorty,I'm like five foot tall and so
(20:18):
oftentimes people can't likeenvision me as being dominant,
but like I totally have likesmall man syndrome, so just so
wild because it doesn't matterwhat height you are.
You can dominate from any height, right?
If you need me to stand on likea fucking ladder and tell you
to like get down on your fuckingknees, I'll do it, but really
(20:38):
it's just my like who I am, butit does help.
Like it, it's like I do.
I have, like these greatstripper, like platform shoes
and, you know, corset.
That makes me feel verydominant.
So, for men, are there similartypes of outfits that would help
him get what are similar, maybephysically visual things that
(21:02):
will help a man go from you know, outside in the world where he
feels like he has to be supermasculine, like I'm imagining
like a big, I'm really into likebig men right now, like, but
then you bring him in, like howdo you undress him so that
maybe-.
Speaker 2 (21:23):
Part of it has to do with what we wear.
So talking to them about whatwe wear and how that would
initiate the power exchange,right.
So like, as an example, my malepartner that I have is very
(21:43):
bigger, much bigger than I am,and I'm six foot and he's much
bigger than I am, and so, lucky,lucky and so I am lucky, and so
coming up with, you know,things that made him feel
submissive, like like, forinstance, he calls me goddess
and so like I will adorn myselfin jewelry and that makes him
feel very like, subservient tome.
At that time I also payattention to.
(22:07):
I've said to him, like, youknow, what is there?
Certain colors that I wear thatmakes me feel, makes me look
more powerful, right, and so redis kind of my power color and
so I'd wear that.
He'd know I'm in Dom mode.
And then to put them insomething, there's a couple
(22:29):
things A you can have, likecuffs, have them wear cuffs on
their wrists, on their ankles, acollar A collar is definitely a
way to shift headspace.
You automatically put a collarand leash on someone.
There's no way they feeldominant.
Speaker 1 (22:45):
I love a collar and leash on a man especially if
there's like black leather andmetal and I'm holding it.
Speaker 2 (22:55):
I love the idea of like a beast chained up, like to
do what I want oh.
Speaker 1 (23:00):
God, I hadn't even thought of it that way.
All right guys.
So look if you want entry level.
God, I hadn't even thought ofit that way.
All right guys.
So look if you want entry levelthat doesn't turn on every
fucking person.
I know the idea of this.
Like goddess holding a chainand leash and this man just like
on it, leashed like, oh,leashed a beast.
(23:20):
I just got goosebumps thinkingabout it.
I did too.
All right, 2025 bucket list.
Bucket list right there, check.
I got to find my beast.
I got to find a beast.
Speaker 2 (23:33):
Also, the other thing is like, obviously you've done
the female led relationship typething and that's very clothed
woman, naked male, and so havingthem not wear anything and not
use furniture is a huge way tolike.
You're going to sit on yourknees, you're going to be on
your knees on the floor, you'renot sitting on the furniture
with me or, and like I said, andnaked.
(23:56):
There's no way that you'renaked on the ground, not feeling
submissive.
That's like almost impossible,unless you're really fighting it
, I guess.
Speaker 1 (24:07):
If you're nice, I'll give you a pillow to sit on.
Speaker 2 (24:11):
Exactly, yeah, for sure.
And it's all about positioningtoo.
Positioning is a really greatway to get people into headspace
.
Having them on all fours, doingthey call them sort of slave
training positions.
Have them on all fours, havethem just on their knees with
their hands out, ready to serveyou.
(24:31):
There's some really hotpositions that like it's very
hard to feel dominant or notsubmissive when you're crawling
for this person or begging.
Begging is so hot.
Speaker 1 (24:47):
Well, I love it when a man says please, oh my God.
Speaker 2 (24:51):
Yes, that's one.
Orgasm control is one of myfavorite things in the entire
world and having them likeplease can I come, and I said no
, no, you have to earn that Like.
You don't necessarily needskills to do that.
That's why I like that.
It's very you can play withthat in a way that's very
teasing and erotic.
(25:12):
That doesn't need a lot ofincredible skill physical skill
to do.
Speaker 1 (25:18):
Right, yeah, that this cut guys.
This is like making it as easyas possible for you.
So here's a question what aresome traits that make a good dom
?
Speaker 2 (25:29):
Being ethical, really being able to be a good
listener and pay attention towhat they like and don't like.
You know, a lot of people thinkthat it's yelling and being
bossy, and that's the exactopposite of what a dominant is.
A dominant is someone who caresabout their person and nurtures
them and supports them andwants to push them in really
(25:52):
healthy, positive ways to helpthem have, you know, a better
future, a better life, all thesethings for fulfillment.
And so being ethical, I think,is a huge piece to it.
And having empathy, becausesome of the things we do in the
kink and BDSM world can beincredibly painful mentally and
(26:14):
physically, whatever you'redoing activities, and so knowing
that you have empathy for yourpartner or your play partner,
whatever it is, and caring abouttheir journey and you know you
could be sadistic, but there'sstill supposed to be care and
empathy for your person andtaking care of them and
(26:35):
supporting them those are justsome things.
I think being creative isanother one, because I mean the
world of BDSM is vast and if youare on FetLife or any of those
kind of resources, there arelike 500,000 fetishes on there,
(26:58):
and so the idea that there's somany things that you could do
and if you open your mind up topossibilities, it's endless.
It's endless.
It's endless the things thatyou can do and experience with
your partner and elevate yourrelationship as a whole, not
just in the bedroom.
But BDSM has an incredibleamount of positive effects
(27:21):
mental health and anxiety andwork performance and closeness
and trust built andcommunication built in a
relationship.
There's an incredible amount ofbenefits to kink and
experiencing that with yourpartner and I think being open
to that, the possibilities andthat kind of stuff.
Speaker 1 (27:45):
Yeah, another big benefit is like the diversity to
your sex life.
It adds like things won't getboring.
You always have something kindof new to explore.
So I'm going to turn thatquestion around.
I'm going to turn that questionaround what are some traits
that make a really goodsubmissive in a femdom
relationship?
Speaker 2 (28:05):
So I'm definitely of the mindset that, like there
aren't certain things that makea submissive, you know a lot of
people will be like, well, am Isubmissive enough?
Or you know those kinds ofthings, and I think anybody
could be a submissive, anybody.
But I think there are somepositive qualities that I think
are important.
I think respectful, becausenobody wants to be in a
(28:26):
dominating position and beingdisrespected.
I think being guidable, likeyou're comfortable with, like
someone else guiding you.
Because if you're just going tobe fighting it the whole way I
call it topping from the bottomIf you're going to be doing that
the whole entire time, likeyou're not going to have the
experience that you expect andyou're not going to be out of
(28:49):
control and that's the wholepurpose.
So if you're fighting that thewhole way which my experience
has taught me, a lot of men liketo do that they like to be
almost forced into submission,and not that that's necessarily
a super bad thing.
But are you doing it like it's?
Like they want it, but theywant to be pushed to do it, and
(29:11):
I think it's more of a positive,you know trait to just be
open-minded to that and like I'mwilling to do what you want
within reason, obviously, yeah,being like open minded and and
and willing to go where yourpartner wants you to go.
(29:32):
If you're not willing to dothat, then you're not.
Speaker 1 (29:35):
You're not really doing what BDSM is meant to do
work on and question the sort ofingrained bullshit that society
has told you about who youshould be in the bedroom.
Speaker 2 (29:57):
because I call it breaking down the male ego,
right, you kind of have to dothat a little bit as a as a
femdom if you're looking to addthis into your life in some
capacity.
Speaker 1 (30:09):
What are some approaches to breaking down the
male ego in a femdom experience?
Speaker 2 (30:15):
I can give you some examples of things I've done.
Have them read feminist books,have them recite things.
So, as an example, depending onyour dynamic, right, like it
might be like now they have anaffirmation that's women are
superior and that's now theiraffirmation.
(30:36):
So you may have them say thatin the morning, right at night,
something like that.
Or having them pay attention tohow they react to women in life
, like in their job.
So now, paying more attentionto how they interact with women,
giving them more respect andreally being kind of on them
(30:57):
about that.
Putting them in positions thisis my sadistic side Putting them
in positions where now they'regoing to cry.
So you know, I'm a dacrophiliac, which means I love making
people cry consensually, and sosomething about male tears and
like really hitting that pointof like, oh wow, like I hit, you
(31:19):
know, because it's very hard tofeel this male ego when you're
crying.
It's very, very, very hard todo that, and so having someone
maybe on the ground, on theirknees, crying in some capacity,
really does do that.
If you don't want to go thatextreme, it could be more in
life, making you more dominantin life, so not just the bedroom
(31:41):
.
So that's definitely a way tobreak the ego so that they're
like oh well, it doesn't matter,I'm going to be male, I'm going
to be this alpha person outsideof the bedroom.
So they kind of still have thatpersonality.
And if you take some of thataway, it definitely breaks the
ego down a little bit more too,right?
Speaker 1 (31:59):
Makes it easier in the bedroom.
Yeah, I would imagine.
There you go, and I wouldimagine that I also think, when
any person is broken down tosort of the crying place, it
reduces.
It doesn't reduce you, itbrings you back to being a
person, not a gender or a genderrole.
Right, and because when weallow ourselves to be just the
(32:22):
gender role, it really can takesome of our humanity away from
us, and especially for men who,in our society, a patriarchal
society, what it means to be aman is very dangerous and
harmful and oppressive to everyother gender.
Right, so kind of bringing themdown to just their human ness
(32:44):
and allowing them to maybe seethe dynamic from a different
position, one where they'rebeing dominated one where
they're, you know, not nottaught dog, which which also can
create, I would imagine, morelove and appreciation and
connection to other humans,especially the human who's
(33:08):
dominating you.
Speaker 2 (33:09):
Absolutely Also supporting their vulnerable side
.
So really truly like taking inwhen they're vulnerable and
telling them how much youappreciate that.
That doesn't make you less thanthat makes you more Like I want
you more.
I'm more attracted to you whenyou're vulnerable, because I
(33:31):
think as a society we don'tsupport men being vulnerable at
all and so supporting them whenthey are struggling or in scene
and not in scene, you know,supporting their vulnerability
and really saying how much youappreciate it, I think can
really really help that too,because male ego has it
(33:55):
typically where vulnerability isnot a thing, that's a weakness,
not a strength.
Speaker 1 (34:01):
Right, and I have had a lot of male listeners write
into me and ask me, like how doI get my partner to be as
responsive during sex, or be asexcited, or like I feel like I'm
the only one trying to make ithappen, and so on and so forth.
So I do think that thatfeedback is so big for them,
(34:23):
like words of affirmation in abedroom setting, especially a
kink setting, is going to be abig piece to guiding them.
So how about now we talk aboutwhat are some dynamics, fem dom
dynamics.
There's not just one right,there are different sort of
(34:43):
types of dynamic.
I want to start with that andthen talk about some scenes
people could set up, as theygive it a shot.
Speaker 2 (34:52):
There's a lot of identifiers for femdoms.
I can just give a coupleexamples.
One is a mommy dom, so onethat's very caring and nurturing
and supportive and possiblycaregiver kind of ish.
A lot of women tend to havethat kind of type at least a
(35:15):
little bit of that in them, andso that's definitely a big one,
like the goddess type that'syour archetype that you go off
of.
There's things like a medicalmistress, someone who's very
into the aesthetic of the lookof BDSM, like it's not
necessarily about the activitiesbut about the look of it, and
(35:37):
the aesthetic is very arousingto them.
So there's that.
There's a switchy dom, so likesomeone who's not the kind of
like what you said you are, solike you can be dominant but you
also can be submissive, sothere's a level of understanding
of what the other person feelslike, and so that can be a
really cool connection anddynamic.
(35:58):
I don't know why I'm blankingright now.
There's just a few of them.
Speaker 1 (36:04):
So some femdom dynamics include impact play
right and topping by pegging,but not all of them do.
There's a variety of ways thiscan play out right.
Speaker 2 (36:20):
Absolutely.
You know there's tons ofactivities that I think there's
a typical thing that people seewhen they think of femdom right
In their mind, like maybe awoman holding a crop, or like
some tools and implements thatare very femdom-ish, like a
woman holding a cane oh, that'sanother one is authoritarian, so
(36:44):
someone who's very disciplinary, so there's that that's very
into the punishment anddiscipline aspect.
There's a lot of pieces to thatand then like so the tools that
they're holding or the scenethat they set up or things like
that can be very like the mommydom might be, like you're
holding a wooden spoon andyou're spanking them over your
(37:05):
knee or something in thatcapacity, or doing adult baby
type stuff, if that's what it is.
Or, you know, age regressiontype play that plays a lot in
the mommy dom realm.
Speaker 1 (37:18):
And I do have a whole podcast on that.
I had a woman on who was amommy dom and knows all about
the age regression and stuff.
I would say from I'm definitelynot a mommy Dom, like I don't
know.
And there's something about meyoung guys constantly are, you
know?
Reaching out to me, hey, do youwant a bad little boy?
(37:39):
And I'm like no, I'm like notmy thing, that's but I and it's
interesting, I haven't reallyplayed with the goddess thing,
but that appeals to me.
I am definitely more likeauthoritarian.
I love the idea of tellingpeople what to do and punishing
them and pleasuring them andpunishing them at the same time.
(38:01):
Like that is really hot.
There's also a pleasure, dom.
Speaker 2 (38:04):
There's also a pleasure dom that all they're
focused on is the person'spleasure.
They may torture them withpleasure, but it's all a
pleasure dom that all they'refocused on is the person's
pleasure.
They may torture them withpleasure, but it's all about
pleasure.
Yes, so that just think ofanother one I've definitely done
pleasure doming, which isexciting.
Speaker 1 (38:16):
Uh, that's interesting because I, you know,
I guess I didn't even have aword for it but yeah, pleasure
doming is something that I havedone and I really enjoy as well
where I do, and something maybeyou can speak to from the femdom
side of it, because a lot ofwomen may not have tapped into
this yet.
But there is like this surge oflike orgasmic pleasure you get,
(38:38):
without the physical orgasm,from topping someone else and
doming someone else and havingthem do what you want to do else
and having them do what youwant to do, especially in a
vulnerable sexual, exposed way,absolutely.
You know, and for me, initiallyI had only done that with women,
(38:59):
but as I've started to do itwith men, I'm like that little
surge of like, hmm.
Hmm, you know, yeah, men, I'mlike that little surge of it
like and it is a different typeof it's like an inner I would
it's like an energetic orgasmexperience you get from doing
(39:19):
that and I think and I wouldlove to hear your opinion on
this One thing that I talk abouton this podcast a lot is how
part of the patriarchy andcontrolling women men
controlling women over thecourse of time has been severing
our connection with oursexuality, because women, in my
opinion, my belief, people canargue it if they want we own the
(39:41):
sexual space in this world.
We literally are the keyholders to sex.
Speaker 2 (39:47):
We get pulled down, and pulled down because they
don't want us to have that power.
Speaker 1 (39:50):
That is our superpower and I don't think we
even know exactly what all wecan do with it yet, because I
think we're only starting to.
People like you, myself andmany of the other people, women
out in the space, are juststarting to rebuild those
connections Right Absolutely andtap into that.
Speaker 2 (40:08):
Right.
Speaker 1 (40:10):
And I think, in taking the femdom and you can
experience that power from anysubmissive.
But femdom really is aboutre-embracing that power, right?
And I think that when you havea male partner who's willing to
be open to experiencing that,it's going to be an incredible
(40:32):
high for both of you.
Right, absolutely.
You get to finally get to likereconnect with your sexual power
, which you know has beensevered and he gets to bask in
the glory of that, whatever thatlooks like.
Speaker 2 (40:49):
What a lucky boy.
Speaker 1 (40:50):
What a lucky good boy .
Speaker 2 (40:55):
So there's a really cool thing that I thought of
when you said that it's calledDOM space or top space, whatever
you want to call it, howeveryou identify.
But what happens in top spaceand DOM space is we go through
what's called a flow state, andso flow state is a thing that
kind of are.
We get very laser focused andreally in this sort of ebb and
(41:22):
flow and what I've noticed withdom space A, it's very addicting
, incredibly addicting.
People say it's like a drug,this power that they get, and
they're like.
Some people say they're likedrunk on this power kind of, and
it is, it's true, it is.
If you've ever experienced this,it is like this drunk power
that you get, and I thinksometimes you have to make sure
(41:44):
and keep that ego in check righta little bit.
But yeah, there's like thismajor, like rush and power that
comes with it.
That actually helps after theexperience.
So they've had studies shown onthis that people who have
experienced top space and goinginto this incredible headspace
that they go into when theydominate, they get this work
(42:08):
performance afterwards that'sout of this world, this energy,
this motivation andgoal-oriented that they didn't
get prior to that, and ithappens in bursts, it'll be like
, okay, I'll feel like that fora week afterwards or two weeks
afterwards.
Submissives can get that too,absolutely, but we're talking
(42:31):
about doms here.
Speaker 1 (42:31):
So yeah, that I mean that resonates.
That resonates to one thingthat I've noticed, and I'll tell
you what guys I can't like.
Youtube will yank my episodedown if I go into depth on this
experience, but I will say thisI was doming a gentleman and it
was the first time I reallyexperienced this, and I always
(42:54):
get the emotional rush, but itwasn't something where I
actually got touched much at all, like that wasn't really part
of it.
But this one day I decided,okay, I'm going to like allow
you to touch my lady bits.
And what shocked me because I'msomeone who it can take a while
to like work me up and like toan orgasmic state when touching
(43:16):
my lady bits, my pussy, but theminute his fingertips were
allowed to graze, I was like onfire.
I was like, oh my God, I thinkI'm going to come.
I have never had that happen inmy entire fucking life, never
before, and so it is somethingthat is sort of like a new thing
(43:40):
I'm interested in exploring.
And then also the highafterwards I don't need those
platforms.
I walk down the street and I'mjust like you're going to do
what I want, and so are you, andif I want that, so that's very
resonant, yeah, but so we getthis like these.
Speaker 2 (43:59):
The brush of brain chemicals is what gives us this
arousal feeling and kind oforgasmic, like you said.
You know, especially if you'redopamine deficient, normally
this ups your dopamine, youroxytocin, your adrenaline, all
these things that are euphoric.
(44:19):
They call it like a runner'shigh.
It feels like a runner's highand that in turn all of the
blood flow, all of those thingshappening for sure, gets arousal
going and our body juiced upand all of those things that we
want to happen.
But a lot of it is the rush ofbrain chemicals that happen when
(44:43):
we play.
Speaker 1 (44:44):
It isn't just for submissives it's for dominance
and tops too, which is funnybecause people don't talk about
dominance and tops too and orunderstanding what a lot of
(45:04):
times you don't see domsactually getting fucked like and
we think, oh, they aren'tgetting fucked, so are they
experiencing pleasure?
And there is a dom space wherethe pleasure is like it is just
different.
And on another level on anotherlevel and absolutely sexual, but
in a again, it's a differentway.
(45:27):
So I'm glad we've touched onthat here.
Can we, before we go, set upsome scenes, potential scenes
for people wanting to try it?
But they're like where do Istart?
What kinds of scenarios could Ibe comfortable with or could I
(45:50):
get into?
Now, we've already talked abouta couple that really, you know,
are good little brain teasers,like the goddess, like if you've
got a female partner that youwant to get into this and she
seems to be like hesitant.
She's like I like feelingfeminine, I want to feel like
the girly girl, like you've gotthis goddess scenario right.
(46:13):
She can be this goddess thatyou are worshiping and you know,
think about some of the hotmovies, like Helen of Troy,
maybe that I don't know.
You know where you've got thesewarrior men that come and fall
at the feet of.
Speaker 2 (46:29):
TV show Spartacus.
Oh, that's a good one.
Watch the show the goddesses,and they're like you know, they
call it she's like the domino ofthe house and they, the slaves
just like, adore her and brushher hair and bathe her and, you
know, you know, orally serve herand just all of these things
(46:52):
just very, very sexy.
That is it.
That is still.
You could be feminine andgentle and it doesn't matter,
it's just on another level.
Speaker 1 (47:02):
All right, all right.
That is on my 2025 fuck it listtoo.
I want, I want, I want thatexperience.
Speaker 2 (47:10):
I.
Speaker 1 (47:10):
I'll manifest that for you yeah, having like a man
or men, maybe a couple, oh yeah.
Speaker 2 (47:20):
Have you had that?
Yes, and it is.
Oh talk about a rush, talkabout a rush.
Speaker 1 (47:32):
Okay, so there's one one, there you go.
Let her know she can be agoddess Um.
Speaker 2 (47:39):
I was thinking of, uh , another one that I think could
be incredible for people.
That's like I guess it alsocould help you get into
headspace role play.
So I know it sounds very, youknow, elementary maybe I'll say,
but role play does so manythings for so many people.
(47:59):
It helps them not be themselvesfor a moment and so, as a
dominant that isn't used tobeing in this role, you are
somebody else, you are, youcreate.
Maybe you wear a wig, maybe youwear different makeup, you have
a different name, you dressdifferently, you act differently
, you might have an accent.
(48:20):
Just as an example, you do thiskind of headspace where you're
doing just I don't know.
Say, for instance, you met at abar and now you're going to,
you know, lure him back to your,to your, to your, you know,
humble abode and and, and youknow, tease him.
But but like having some kindof role play with creating that
(48:46):
you're a different person andpersona really really, really
helps people.
It helps submissives too.
I've noticed if they are thisboss, that's going to get it
turned around on them from theirsecretary.
Right, you've been really meanto the secretary.
Now she's going to turn aroundon you and punish you for it
Right.
There's a headspace that theygo in that isn't necessarily
(49:08):
themselves.
So I think it takes away fromsome shame, guilt, embarrassment
, all of those feelings that wemay feel because you know it was
you but it wasn't you.
And so there's there's a hugepiece to that and you can create
.
So I mean there are tons andtons and tons of role play ideas
to get people into Headspaceand then you really get into it.
(49:30):
Like you know, you can createbackground noise that kind of
solidifies your experience thatyou're having, or invite other
people or you know some of theactivities make it so it fits
with your role play scenario.
That's a really fun way to doit and also for a lot of people
(49:52):
feels very liberating to be ableto do what they want because
they're not themselves.
Speaker 1 (49:58):
Yeah, I like that.
I like the idea of make himyour secretary.
How fun.
Yeah, he is your secretary.
How fun.
Speaker 2 (50:06):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (50:06):
He is your secretary, oh my.
Speaker 2 (50:09):
God.
Speaker 1 (50:10):
That would be fun there's.
I liked what you mentioned inthe beginning you could be an
animal trainer, a beast tamer.
Speaker 2 (50:18):
Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
I like doing.
A lot of my role plays involvelike turning it around.
So you thought you were inpower and now I'm in power.
There's a lot, because itreally shows the power imbalance
that then happens.
You know I've done, oh, youwere sneaking, you were peeking
(50:39):
into my window while I wasgetting ready and now you're a
neighbor and you're going to bepunished for that, or I'm going
to tell everyone that you weredoing that.
There's like really fun ways toplay with role play and even if
you're not a good actor, you canstill do it.
It's not.
You don't need to be thisamazing actor to be able to role
play, and I think sometimeshaving outfits and accessories
(51:04):
and a setting can really helpyou stay into that headspace,
right?
A little tip if you're doingroleplay, create safe words and
gestures that relate to yourroleplay, so as an example, so
to not get people out ofheadspace.
So say, for example, you haveyour safe word as red right,
which is very common.
You don't want to necessarilysay that in the middle of a
(51:24):
roleplay.
If you want to go back as readright, which is very common.
You don't want to necessarilysay that in the middle of a role
play.
If you want to go back into it,right.
If you're stopping it and it'sdone, that's different.
But if you're doing it as apause, it kind of really breaks
headspace.
So saying something just as anexample say, you're doing a
teacher-student role play, right, you can say the safe word may
be oh, I hear the principalcoming down the hall.
(51:46):
So it's like that's a pause forus to go back to whatever and
then go back into it.
Speaker 1 (51:53):
I love that.
That's so smart, because Ialways have a little tip.
I like that, I like that.
So well then, I think a goodway to sum this podcast up,
because I mean, I feel like wecould talk about it forever,
like we get like this is just anendless topic.
But I think that we've giventhe listeners a lot of like
insights into why this might beinteresting to one person or the
(52:14):
other.
So if you're someone in like awoman and you're like I know my
dude is into this, but thatmakes me feel weird, now
(52:45):
no-transcript.
Speaker 2 (52:50):
Before going into this sorry I didn't mean to
interrupt but before going intothis, like having a good
understanding, going to classesand having an understanding of
these kind of things can giveyou the confidence to do these
things.
Like a lot of people like howdo you build the confidence to
do that?
Like I don't have theconfidence going to classes and
learning things.
(53:11):
So you have like a word to whatyou're thinking.
Right, you have an idea, youhave practical uses to what
you're thinking can really helpand build a lot of confidence
and help you embody a dominantpersona.
Speaker 1 (53:24):
Can really help and build a lot of confidence and
help you embody a dominantpersona.
Yeah, and then you can use thatdominance in other areas of
your life.
But yeah, so can we give peoplesome tips, your top tips for
getting started or getting intofemdom type sexy relationship.
Speaker 2 (53:45):
Join the kink community in some way, even if
you don't want to be publiclyout there playing right, because
a lot of people are veryprivate and that's okay.
Come up with maybe a differentname, a different kind of alias
for your kink name, and createand go to like online k King
community type things.
Fetlife is a really greatresource, not for dating it's
(54:14):
not really a good thing fordating but it is for finding
events and it is for findingmaybe potential friends that are
into the same things you'reinto.
But I think having otherfriends that are Dami as well or
can be Dami, is incrediblyhelpful, because now you can ask
them questions, you can learnfrom them and their experiences
what's worked, what hasn'tworked.
You can ask for advice and, ifyou have the money, get a mentor
(54:35):
, because it is life-changing.
What having someone who has theexperience can give you to help
you embody this role a littlebit more, because it is scary
You're doing things that couldpotentially really injure your
person.
Yeah, you need to know whatyou're doing.
(54:56):
Yeah, and not just physically.
You can injure, you know peoplecan be triggered.
There's a lot of things thatcan happen that can be a
roadblock for why people don'twant to do the things right,
because they're scared, and sothis can give you more
confidence and like thingshappen.
We're doing things that aren'tinherently safe and probably
aren't inherently sane andsometimes, and so having the
(55:22):
ability to know what to do incase something goes wrong can be
incredibly confident buildingtoo, and so having these things
being able to talk to peopledefinitely join the King
community, because also it canbe validating to know that
you're not alone, and youprobably have the same, you know
(55:53):
, fear of mistakes or thingslike that.
That can be really addressed ina way that can help you, you
know, for future.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So definitely like because itcan help you gain insights and
perspectives to talk to otherpeople that are in there that
know this.
Insights and perspectives totalk to other people that are in
there that know this.
And also it can be fun to havefriends that you can tell about
this, because in a vanillasociety, we can't exactly tell
everyone what we do on theweekends or in our bedroom or
(56:17):
our dungeon right.
It's people who you knowthere's shame and judgment in
the world, and so to have peoplethat you can talk about very
freely with is so helpful andjust it feels like you're a part
of something.
Speaker 1 (56:34):
Yeah, I know that it has certainly helped me to
create like a community aroundsort of alternative sexuality
sexual experiences, people whoare, you know, in the same world
as I am and see me as I am andnot like it's not like, oh,
(56:56):
that's weird.
Everyone's like, oh yeah,that's that, that's what some
people do, just another Tuesday,just another Tuesday.
And and hopefully those kindsof communities will grow and
grow so that eventually this isall encompassing and we all
understand that, that sex,sexuality, pleasure is vast and
(57:19):
multifaceted and it's all okayas long as there's consent right
.
Speaker 2 (57:24):
Absolutely.
Speaker 1 (57:25):
Yes, wonderful.
Well, so can you tell mylisteners where they can find
you if they want to find outmore about the Femdom experience
and learning about it?
Speaker 2 (57:37):
You can go to my website, ms McKenzie
M-I-S-S-M-A-C-K-E-N-Z-E-E.
I know it's spelled different,but here we are so you can visit
that.
I'm on a bunch of differentsocials.
I just started a YouTubechannel.
I know I'm late to the game,but realized that that's
(57:58):
important to be there.
You can view my podcast and Iteach classes at least twice a
week, so I'm always teachingvirtual classes that um get
recorded so you can watchwhenever you want.
At any time you can review them.
I teach anything from dominanceand power exchange and fem dom
(58:19):
stuff to bondage, to hypnosis,um, which is really freaking
sexy to do in doming situations.
I teach sex magic, anything inthe sexuality and kink realm and
possibly spirituality realm.
I probably have you and so,yeah, I also have BDSM and
Intimacy.
My Etsy store that has a bunchof.
I also have BDSM and Intimacy.
(58:41):
My Etsy store that has a bunchof guides and education type
stuff.
So, yeah, Wonderful.
Speaker 1 (58:51):
Well, check her out.
So there's a little bit ofsomething for everyone there.
Head over and check her out andmake sure to connect with me
and all the places as well.
You know, if you are listeningto this, you can see our
beautiful places on my YouTubechannel at TalkSexWithAnette.
If you are looking for anintimacy coach, you guys know I
(59:12):
have my books open and I'mhaving a great time working with
people.
You can find that atTalkSexWithAnettecom.
And if you want to hear aboutmy spicy doming experience in
detail, where I can't get introuble, head over to my spicy
site.
Again, you can go down to thelink.
(59:32):
I will have everything linkedin the notes of this podcast
episode and you can listen to mystories over there.
Thank you so much for joiningme today, ms McKenzie.
I really appreciate it.
Speaker 2 (59:47):
I know this has been a long time coming.
Speaker 1 (59:49):
Yes, and it's been worth it.
So until next time, folks.
I will see you in the lockerroom.
Cheers.
Do the sex Think fun, honest and feminist as fuck,
and always with the goal offighting the patriarchy.
One female orgasm at a time.
Welcome to the locker room.
Today's locker room talk Shotstopic is want to be a Femdom or
(00:47):
serve one?
Start here.
You guys have been asking forit, you've been asking for it
and I am delivering.
I have an expert here on thetopic of Femdom.
But before we dive in, I wantto remind you that my desire
diaries are live on my spicysite.
That's right, oh F.
(01:09):
This is an exclusive space whereI share my personal sexual
adventures and confessionserotic interviews, audio guided
self pleasure meditations that's, masturbation meditations, my
friends erotic story time Ialready have one of those up and
my own sensual photo and videoessays and so much more.
(01:31):
So head over there.
My handle is TalkSexWithAnette,like it is everywhere else.
You can also scroll down to thedescription of this episode and
you're going to find a linkthat's going to take you there.
So join me there for morepersonalized experience.
I'll be answering yourquestions.
So for those of you who keepsending me questions you want
(01:52):
answered by an intimacy coachand I haven't gotten back to you
because I haven't had the timeyou can go to there and ask
those questions and I will makesure to get you the answers you
want.
So that is Talk Sex withAnnette on OF.
I hope to see you there.
Who knows, maybe I will have afemdom experience this year and
I'll share it with you there.
But for now, we're going totalk to the expert who has been
(02:16):
doing this for many, many years.
My expert is Ms McKenzie.
She is a board certifiedsexologist, bdsm and intimacy
educator, qualified hypnotist,trauma informed relationship and
sexual wellness coach, kinklifestyle and professional
dominant mentor, owner ofElysium Dungeon, host of kink
(02:39):
intimacy and cannabis loungepodcast content creator and
author.
She does it all.
Basically, folks, all I wear,all the hats, all the hats.
She is also the founder of BDSMand Intimacy University, which
makes and sells beautiful one ofa kind BDSM toys and furniture,
as well as offers onlinecourses, spicy digital guides,
(03:03):
clothing, aftercare items andmore.
She has been involved in thekink lifestyle professionally
and personally for over 20 yearsand teaching for over 15.
So if you were ever questioningwhether or not I had an expert
here, you know I've really gotone now.
Welcome, ms McKenzie.
(03:24):
You are a highly anticipatedguest.
Could you tell my listeners.
A little bit more about you.
Speaker 2 (03:31):
Thank you so much for the introduction.
I'm so glad to be here.
Thank you so much.
I think you pretty much did myintroduction.
I know our talk today is aboutfemdom and that's definitely one
of my specialties.
I see a lot of couples, andparticularly female-identifying
(03:54):
people, that want to be dominant, so that's kind of my specialty
here.
So I'm really incrediblyexcited about this topic that
we're going to talk about and tomaybe give some spicy tips and
techniques for some of yourlisteners.
Speaker 1 (04:11):
I love it and I'm excited about this because I've
been dipping my toes in thewater.
I think I got it in me prettygood.
But so, listeners, you're goingto want to stay to the end
because this is going to be astarter pack, a one like a
complete starter pack for you.
Whether you are a woman who'swanting to try femdomming let's
(04:34):
say you're in a partnership andyou know you've been the sub for
a while and you guys arewanting to spice things up or
you think that your male partneris kind of wanting to flip the
script but doesn't know how tostart, we're going to get you
into it.
But also, if you are one of mymale listeners and you are like
I want to find a femdom, or howdo I ask my partner, we're going
(04:57):
to have it all for you heretoday and I'm really excited to
dive into it.
So it's actually morning.
Well, it's kind of morning forme, it's not for you.
I'm in my coffee stage thismorning and I'm ready.
Are you ready?
Let's talk about dominatingdick.
Speaker 2 (05:16):
I'm so ready Dominating dick right, right,
cheers.
Speaker 1 (05:22):
It's actually New Year's Eve, guys, so we're doing
this as we're heading in to2025.
Maybe that will be the themefor 2025 dominating dick, I like
, I like, yes, at least for me,uh so give you the the um, the
wonderful, exciting skills andfun information to have the best
(05:46):
dominating year.
I love it.
That's exactly what we're goingto do, and I, so let's just
dive right in.
Let's, can you tell me, firstof all, why do you think people
are drawn to the Femme Domdynamic, and what does that
dynamic really look like?
Speaker 2 (06:08):
So I think it really varies on how into they want to
be right, because there's somepeople that like, oh, they want
it every once in a while, orthey want it in the bedroom or,
you know, only in the bedroom,or maybe they want it for their
whole life.
There's tons of people that are24-7, tight, dominant,
submissive dynamics, and so Iguess it depends on that.
(06:29):
But I think some of the thingsthat people are attracted to is
that it kind of goes againstmisogynistic societal views that
men are supposed to be incharge.
Women are kind of seen as lessthan, and this is our chance to
kind of have that role reversal,taking back our power, which I
(06:52):
think is so wonderful andamazing.
It can also be a way for peopleto feel more balanced if they
take on a more submissive rolein their life, in their jobs.
A lot of women tend to havejobs that are subservient in
some way, you know, waitressing,secretarial, all these kind of
things, and so it's a way forthem to sort of balance that and
be in control in the otheraspect of their life.
(07:15):
I think also it could be fun tobe responsible for your
partner's pleasure, like you areresponsible for when your
partner receives pleasure.
There's an incredible amount ofpower that comes with that and
it's almost intoxicating, youknow, oh, like I'm the only one
(07:37):
who could provide that pleasurefor my partner.
It's like really sexy, I thinkanyway.
And then for some also, it maybe a way to heal from trauma,
right.
Maybe they had some sort ofsexual assault in the past or
any of those kind of things, andI think it's important that
this gives them a chance to callthe shots and write their own
narrative and be in control ofeverything that happens.
(08:00):
It can be really incrediblyhealing for a lot of people to
be in that role as well.
So those are just, I guess,some reasons of why someone
might be attracted to that, andthen someone on the other side
of it wanting their partner todo those things.
Maybe they're the CEO or incharge all the time, and it
feels nice to be out of controland to let your partner do the
(08:20):
things and you just have toaccept it.
It's very freeing in a way.
A lot of people talk about thatwhen they talk about bondage.
Surprisingly, that's freeing tobe bound.
You're not expected toreciprocate or things like that.
It's really cool, I think.
Speaker 1 (08:42):
Some people have a hard time understanding why
people would want to flip thescript to what is traditionally
conventionally thought of.
How, especially if we'retalking about a very gendered or
gender conventional society,women are supposed to be
submissive, to be sexy andfeminine, and men are supposed
(09:04):
to be dominant, to be supermasculine, but there is like
this extreme femininity,femininity and being a dominant
woman and um and so that I thinkhelps people to understand that
right, yeah, for sure, and I Iteach a lot of people about like
embracing their goddesspersonality, like that can be.
Speaker 2 (09:26):
Teach a lot of people about like embracing their
goddess personality, like thatcan be, because a lot of people
think like, oh well, I don'twant to be this like in charge
necessarily, but I love the ideaof being worshipped in this
dominating role and like adoredand all these things, and so I
think like encompassing and sortof trying to embody this
goddess personality really helpswith that for a lot of people.
Speaker 1 (09:48):
So what is the femdom dynamic really look like when
you're in it with a partner Froma kinky perspective to we've
for my listeners, if you're here, you probably also watched my
female led relationship podcastepisode and I will also include
that link and that reallyfocused more on the people who
(10:12):
want this in their overall sortof relationship lifestyle.
This conversation we're takingit to the bedroom or whatever
room dungeon wherever you'regoing to do it right, or
whatever room dungeon, whereveryou're going to do it right.
Yeah, so I want to talk moreabout what does femdom dynamic
in the sexy, kinky, fun senselook like?
Speaker 2 (10:31):
So there's typically a way to sort of set the scene.
So, making the mood and sort ofsetting the scene, you have
negotiations.
I talk about that a lot in mymentoring and teaching that I
think it's very important tohave thorough negotiations.
I talk about that a lot in, youknow, my mentoring and teaching
that I think it's veryimportant to have thorough
negotiations, not only to keepeverything consensual, but we
want to make sure that ourpartners are enjoying themselves
(10:53):
and that we'll enjoy ourselves.
If we're just doing it for themright and we're not getting any
enjoyment out of it and out ofdominating our partner, what's
the point?
It's supposed to be foreveryone, for everyone to find
some kind of enjoyment andfulfillment out of that.
And so talk about, you know,extensive negotiations to have
(11:14):
these experiences.
And then what I like to talkabout is like teasing.
How do you tease your partner?
And so I always talk about likebeforehand, not just in the
bedroom but what are you goingto do to anticipate this
experience, to build this up, toget your partner so hot and
(11:34):
heavy that they want to doanything?
You say I just love that, and soyou know that may include
sending videos to your partner.
That may include maybe sendinglike a task for them to do, or
you to take sexy pictures ofyourself and send, or I don't
(11:56):
know, an erotica you send toyour partner, things like that
that can sort of get the juicesflowing and get everything
already on this mode, that it'sgoing to be this ride that
you're going to take them on andthen getting into the bedroom,
the dungeon, wherever it is,that you're going to have those
activities, starting out withlike teasing and making things
(12:20):
very gentle in the beginning toget them into this you know mode
, this headspace that we'relooking to achieve.
Some people call it subspace,and so to get there you're
building these brain chemicalsand so that's kind of like,
whether that's wax play or fireplay or choking or pegging or
(12:52):
any of the things that we can doto dominate and have really fun
activities.
But I will say learning theskills is important, but I think
, more so, learning the skillsto mentally dominate someone is
more important than the skillsof physically dominating
somebody.
Once you can get into theirhead and create these floaty,
(13:18):
blissful feelings in yourpartner, like everything else
will follow, their body willfollow in submitting to you,
which I think is really sexy.
Speaker 1 (13:28):
Right.
So in the femdom dynamic you'vegot the woman who is the one in
control or dominating thesubmissive man.
The man is going to do what shewants Within limits.
So within limits with whateverthey've understood that they
want to do together, both ofthem meaning like it, like
(13:49):
whatever the guy wants, becauseoftentimes the man has specific
things in mind.
Some of them want humiliation,domination.
Some just want to be restrainedRight and like flogged or
sensory, whatever there'sthere's a number of things and
she has to be willing to do that.
(14:09):
But so you're saying it startsin the head like they've decided
they wanted to do this.
Maybe she's never done itbefore.
Speaker 2 (14:16):
And to start out by getting him like juiced up
mentally, yes, um, I think whata lot of people don't understand
is people aren't necessarilyautomatically aroused all of the
time.
Most people right.
You have to do some work to getthem feeling the arousal
feelings and excitement feelings.
And that includes men too.
(14:37):
Sometimes we assume men arealways ready and always hard,
and that's just not realistic.
They need to be romanced andsexified too.
Speaker 1 (14:50):
Well.
So I think here's aninteresting take that I haven't
heard approached very much.
That maybe we could do togetheris oftentimes, when we talk to
people about how, if you want totry femdoming, how to get the
woman in the mood to dominate,because oftentimes the women are
like, well, I'm supposed to befeminine.
(15:11):
But what we don't talk aboutright, timid, timid and
submissive, and that's whatmakes me sexy.
But what we don't talk aboutoften is how do we get men, how
do we help men who know theywant to be dominated, but like
there's so much shame aroundthat, for them right Like
letting go.
Speaker 2 (15:31):
As a society, for sure, right.
Speaker 1 (15:33):
How do we help them get into the subspace themselves
?
Individual to a woman.
What is your advice to them?
Speaker 2 (15:51):
So two parts you said first is how to get the woman
or the femdom into the mood.
First, I suggest you takeanything from this.
One of the things that reallyhelps get people into a mood is
creating a powerful list for you, a playlist that you resonate
with.
Right, like, I have a powerfulgoddess playlist, and so I
(16:14):
listened to that before to getmyself in the headspace, because
it's not realistic that we'realways going to be in the
headspace to dominate either.
That's just not realistic.
We're not robots and so, eventhough that's like all of my
life right, I'm still not allthe time like that, and so a
playlist really helps with that.
Also, doing affirmations likesaying in the mirror or saying
(16:38):
with your you touch your throatchakra and you say things like I
am powerful, I deserve to beworshipped, I'm going to give my
partner the most amazingexperience they've ever had,
whatever it looks like for youraffirmations, and saying that
beforehand in a really kind ofassertive tone to believe it,
(17:00):
you know.
And so those are a couplethings that I suggest to help
with the headspace and sort ofshifting that, because you know
we're in control, so we'resupposed to already be in the
dominating role to get them tobe in the submissive role,
because that kind of followswhen you're leading and then the
other side of it is gettingthem in the mood.
(17:20):
I think there's a couple things.
One is reassurance andaffirmation and so saying to
them oh man, I really loveseeing you submissive to me, oh,
you're such a good boy for me,or whatever that looks like in
(17:43):
saying that it's exciting you,this is turning me on.
You realize that this is makingme super wet.
You know that, right, thosekind of things.
Because a lot of the times,someone in a submissive role, if
they're not feeling like thedominant, is enjoying themselves
or getting turned on orwhatever that looks like for
that person.
They're not super into it,because they feel like, oh well,
(18:05):
I'm the only one into this, arethey just doing it to please me
, right?
And that's the opposite of whatwe're looking for here.
And so affirmations andreassurance can really help with
that.
And that's beforehand, that'sduring, that's after.
Especially, I call it a debrief.
So, after your experienceshaving conversations about what
(18:25):
worked, what didn't work in yourtime, if there was any limits,
that you just learned aboutyourself, how was the intensity
level for you?
Questions like that, right?
So we want to make it betterfor next time.
That's the whole purpose.
And so having thoseconversations but also adding in
reassurance during that time,like, oh man, I really loved
(18:48):
when you, you know, kissed myass, it really made me feel
powerful.
How did it make you feel thosekind of things, to really
reiterate how amazing them beingsubmissive was, so that they're
not feeling shame, guilt,embarrassment, all these things
that are natural reactions todoing alternative sexuality type
(19:12):
activities, because as asociety we're really kind of
censored with those kind ofthings and so we're taught that
that's not right and all thesethings.
So afterwards, really givingthis reassurance to assure that
it was hot, this is what Iwanted, I feel closer to you,
all of those kind of things is ahuge piece to that, because
(19:35):
then they're not questioning, oh, did I do things that were too
much?
Oh, did they really like that?
It's like you can very muchverbally give affirmation that
those were wonderful.
Speaker 1 (19:52):
Right, right.
And also for me, I know when,whatever role I'm going to be in
, I'm very switchy.
So I have times when I likewant to be super bossy and
dominating and I have times whenI want to be quite the opposite
.
And something that helps me alot as a woman is what I wear,
from how I wear my hair to likewhatever lingerie I'm wearing,
shoes, shoes Really I'm shorty,I'm like five foot tall and so
(20:18):
oftentimes people can't likeenvision me as being dominant,
but like I totally have likesmall man syndrome, so just so
wild because it doesn't matterwhat height you are.
You can dominate from any height, right?
If you need me to stand on likea fucking ladder and tell you
to like get down on your fuckingknees, I'll do it, but really
(20:38):
it's just my like who I am, butit does help.
Like it, it's like I do.
I have, like these greatstripper, like platform shoes
and, you know, corset.
That makes me feel verydominant.
So, for men, are there similartypes of outfits that would help
him get what are similar, maybephysically visual things that
(21:02):
will help a man go from you know, outside in the world where he
feels like he has to be supermasculine, like I'm imagining
like a big, I'm really into likebig men right now, like, but
then you bring him in, like howdo you undress him so that
maybe-.
Speaker 2 (21:23):
Part of it has to do with what we wear.
So talking to them about whatwe wear and how that would
initiate the power exchange,right.
So like, as an example, my malepartner that I have is very
(21:43):
bigger, much bigger than I am,and I'm six foot and he's much
bigger than I am, and so, lucky,lucky and so I am lucky, and so
coming up with, you know,things that made him feel
submissive, like like, forinstance, he calls me goddess
and so like I will adorn myselfin jewelry and that makes him
feel very like, subservient tome.
At that time I also payattention to.
(22:07):
I've said to him, like, youknow, what is there?
Certain colors that I wear thatmakes me feel, makes me look
more powerful, right, and so redis kind of my power color and
so I'd wear that.
He'd know I'm in Dom mode.
And then to put them insomething, there's a couple
(22:29):
things A you can have, likecuffs, have them wear cuffs on
their wrists, on their ankles, acollar A collar is definitely a
way to shift headspace.
You automatically put a collarand leash on someone.
There's no way they feeldominant.
Speaker 1 (22:45):
I love a collar and leash on a man especially if
there's like black leather andmetal and I'm holding it.
Speaker 2 (22:55):
I love the idea of like a beast chained up, like to
do what I want oh.
Speaker 1 (23:00):
God, I hadn't even thought of it that way.
All right guys.
So look if you want entry level.
God, I hadn't even thought ofit that way.
All right guys.
So look if you want entry levelthat doesn't turn on every
fucking person.
I know the idea of this.
Like goddess holding a chainand leash and this man just like
on it, leashed like, oh,leashed a beast.
(23:20):
I just got goosebumps thinkingabout it.
I did too.
All right, 2025 bucket list.
Bucket list right there, check.
I got to find my beast.
I got to find a beast.
Speaker 2 (23:33):
Also, the other thing is like, obviously you've done
the female led relationship typething and that's very clothed
woman, naked male, and so havingthem not wear anything and not
use furniture is a huge way tolike.
You're going to sit on yourknees, you're going to be on
your knees on the floor, you'renot sitting on the furniture
with me or, and like I said, andnaked.
(23:56):
There's no way that you'renaked on the ground, not feeling
submissive.
That's like almost impossible,unless you're really fighting it
, I guess.
Speaker 1 (24:07):
If you're nice, I'll give you a pillow to sit on.
Speaker 2 (24:11):
Exactly, yeah, for sure.
And it's all about positioningtoo.
Positioning is a really greatway to get people into headspace
.
Having them on all fours, doingthey call them sort of slave
training positions.
Have them on all fours, havethem just on their knees with
their hands out, ready to serveyou.
(24:31):
There's some really hotpositions that like it's very
hard to feel dominant or notsubmissive when you're crawling
for this person or begging.
Begging is so hot.
Speaker 1 (24:47):
Well, I love it when a man says please, oh my God.
Speaker 2 (24:51):
Yes, that's one.
Orgasm control is one of myfavorite things in the entire
world and having them likeplease can I come, and I said no
, no, you have to earn that Like.
You don't necessarily needskills to do that.
That's why I like that.
It's very you can play withthat in a way that's very
teasing and erotic.
(25:12):
That doesn't need a lot ofincredible skill physical skill
to do.
Speaker 1 (25:18):
Right, yeah, that this cut guys.
This is like making it as easyas possible for you.
So here's a question what aresome traits that make a good dom
?
Speaker 2 (25:29):
Being ethical, really being able to be a good
listener and pay attention towhat they like and don't like.
You know, a lot of people thinkthat it's yelling and being
bossy, and that's the exactopposite of what a dominant is.
A dominant is someone who caresabout their person and nurtures
them and supports them andwants to push them in really
(25:52):
healthy, positive ways to helpthem have, you know, a better
future, a better life, all thesethings for fulfillment.
And so being ethical, I think,is a huge piece to it.
And having empathy, becausesome of the things we do in the
kink and BDSM world can beincredibly painful mentally and
(26:14):
physically, whatever you'redoing activities, and so knowing
that you have empathy for yourpartner or your play partner,
whatever it is, and caring abouttheir journey and you know you
could be sadistic, but there'sstill supposed to be care and
empathy for your person andtaking care of them and
(26:35):
supporting them those are justsome things.
I think being creative isanother one, because I mean the
world of BDSM is vast and if youare on FetLife or any of those
kind of resources, there arelike 500,000 fetishes on there,
(26:58):
and so the idea that there's somany things that you could do
and if you open your mind up topossibilities, it's endless.
It's endless.
It's endless the things thatyou can do and experience with
your partner and elevate yourrelationship as a whole, not
just in the bedroom.
But BDSM has an incredibleamount of positive effects
(27:21):
mental health and anxiety andwork performance and closeness
and trust built andcommunication built in a
relationship.
There's an incredible amount ofbenefits to kink and
experiencing that with yourpartner and I think being open
to that, the possibilities andthat kind of stuff.
Speaker 1 (27:45):
Yeah, another big benefit is like the diversity to
your sex life.
It adds like things won't getboring.
You always have something kindof new to explore.
So I'm going to turn thatquestion around.
I'm going to turn that questionaround what are some traits
that make a really goodsubmissive in a femdom
relationship?
Speaker 2 (28:05):
So I'm definitely of the mindset that, like there
aren't certain things that makea submissive, you know a lot of
people will be like, well, am Isubmissive enough?
Or you know those kinds ofthings, and I think anybody
could be a submissive, anybody.
But I think there are somepositive qualities that I think
are important.
I think respectful, becausenobody wants to be in a
(28:26):
dominating position and beingdisrespected.
I think being guidable, likeyou're comfortable with, like
someone else guiding you.
Because if you're just going tobe fighting it the whole way I
call it topping from the bottomIf you're going to be doing that
the whole entire time, likeyou're not going to have the
experience that you expect andyou're not going to be out of
(28:49):
control and that's the wholepurpose.
So if you're fighting that thewhole way which my experience
has taught me, a lot of men liketo do that they like to be
almost forced into submission,and not that that's necessarily
a super bad thing.
But are you doing it like it's?
Like they want it, but theywant to be pushed to do it, and
(29:11):
I think it's more of a positive,you know trait to just be
open-minded to that and like I'mwilling to do what you want
within reason, obviously, yeah,being like open minded and and
and willing to go where yourpartner wants you to go.
(29:32):
If you're not willing to dothat, then you're not.
Speaker 1 (29:35):
You're not really doing what BDSM is meant to do
work on and question the sort ofingrained bullshit that society
has told you about who youshould be in the bedroom.
Speaker 2 (29:57):
because I call it breaking down the male ego,
right, you kind of have to dothat a little bit as a as a
femdom if you're looking to addthis into your life in some
capacity.
Speaker 1 (30:09):
What are some approaches to breaking down the
male ego in a femdom experience?
Speaker 2 (30:15):
I can give you some examples of things I've done.
Have them read feminist books,have them recite things.
So, as an example, depending onyour dynamic, right, like it
might be like now they have anaffirmation that's women are
superior and that's now theiraffirmation.
(30:36):
So you may have them say thatin the morning, right at night,
something like that.
Or having them pay attention tohow they react to women in life
, like in their job.
So now, paying more attentionto how they interact with women,
giving them more respect andreally being kind of on them
(30:57):
about that.
Putting them in positions thisis my sadistic side Putting them
in positions where now they'regoing to cry.
So you know, I'm a dacrophiliac, which means I love making
people cry consensually, and sosomething about male tears and
like really hitting that pointof like, oh wow, like I hit, you
(31:19):
know, because it's very hard tofeel this male ego when you're
crying.
It's very, very, very hard todo that, and so having someone
maybe on the ground, on theirknees, crying in some capacity,
really does do that.
If you don't want to go thatextreme, it could be more in
life, making you more dominantin life, so not just the bedroom
(31:41):
.
So that's definitely a way tobreak the ego so that they're
like oh well, it doesn't matter,I'm going to be male, I'm going
to be this alpha person outsideof the bedroom.
So they kind of still have thatpersonality.
And if you take some of thataway, it definitely breaks the
ego down a little bit more too,right?
Speaker 1 (31:59):
Makes it easier in the bedroom.
Yeah, I would imagine.
There you go, and I wouldimagine that I also think, when
any person is broken down tosort of the crying place, it
reduces.
It doesn't reduce you, itbrings you back to being a
person, not a gender or a genderrole.
Right, and because when weallow ourselves to be just the
(32:22):
gender role, it really can takesome of our humanity away from
us, and especially for men who,in our society, a patriarchal
society, what it means to be aman is very dangerous and
harmful and oppressive to everyother gender.
Right, so kind of bringing themdown to just their human ness
(32:44):
and allowing them to maybe seethe dynamic from a different
position, one where they'rebeing dominated one where
they're, you know, not nottaught dog, which which also can
create, I would imagine, morelove and appreciation and
connection to other humans,especially the human who's
(33:08):
dominating you.
Speaker 2 (33:09):
Absolutely Also supporting their vulnerable side
.
So really truly like taking inwhen they're vulnerable and
telling them how much youappreciate that.
That doesn't make you less thanthat makes you more Like I want
you more.
I'm more attracted to you whenyou're vulnerable, because I
(33:31):
think as a society we don'tsupport men being vulnerable at
all and so supporting them whenthey are struggling or in scene
and not in scene, you know,supporting their vulnerability
and really saying how much youappreciate it, I think can
really really help that too,because male ego has it
(33:55):
typically where vulnerability isnot a thing, that's a weakness,
not a strength.
Speaker 1 (34:01):
Right, and I have had a lot of male listeners write
into me and ask me, like how doI get my partner to be as
responsive during sex, or be asexcited, or like I feel like I'm
the only one trying to make ithappen, and so on and so forth.
So I do think that thatfeedback is so big for them,
(34:23):
like words of affirmation in abedroom setting, especially a
kink setting, is going to be abig piece to guiding them.
So how about now we talk aboutwhat are some dynamics, fem dom
dynamics.
There's not just one right,there are different sort of
(34:43):
types of dynamic.
I want to start with that andthen talk about some scenes
people could set up, as theygive it a shot.
Speaker 2 (34:52):
There's a lot of identifiers for femdoms.
I can just give a coupleexamples.
One is a mommy dom, so onethat's very caring and nurturing
and supportive and possiblycaregiver kind of ish.
A lot of women tend to havethat kind of type at least a
(35:15):
little bit of that in them, andso that's definitely a big one,
like the goddess type that'syour archetype that you go off
of.
There's things like a medicalmistress, someone who's very
into the aesthetic of the lookof BDSM, like it's not
necessarily about the activitiesbut about the look of it, and
(35:37):
the aesthetic is very arousingto them.
So there's that.
There's a switchy dom, so likesomeone who's not the kind of
like what you said you are, solike you can be dominant but you
also can be submissive, sothere's a level of understanding
of what the other person feelslike, and so that can be a
really cool connection anddynamic.
(35:58):
I don't know why I'm blankingright now.
There's just a few of them.
Speaker 1 (36:04):
So some femdom dynamics include impact play
right and topping by pegging,but not all of them do.
There's a variety of ways thiscan play out right.
Speaker 2 (36:20):
Absolutely.
You know there's tons ofactivities that I think there's
a typical thing that people seewhen they think of femdom right
In their mind, like maybe awoman holding a crop, or like
some tools and implements thatare very femdom-ish, like a
woman holding a cane oh, that'sanother one is authoritarian, so
(36:44):
someone who's very disciplinary, so there's that that's very
into the punishment anddiscipline aspect.
There's a lot of pieces to thatand then like so the tools that
they're holding or the scenethat they set up or things like
that can be very like the mommydom might be, like you're
holding a wooden spoon andyou're spanking them over your
(37:05):
knee or something in thatcapacity, or doing adult baby
type stuff, if that's what it is.
Or, you know, age regressiontype play that plays a lot in
the mommy dom realm.
Speaker 1 (37:18):
And I do have a whole podcast on that.
I had a woman on who was amommy dom and knows all about
the age regression and stuff.
I would say from I'm definitelynot a mommy Dom, like I don't
know.
And there's something about meyoung guys constantly are, you
know?
Reaching out to me, hey, do youwant a bad little boy?
(37:39):
And I'm like no, I'm like notmy thing, that's but I and it's
interesting, I haven't reallyplayed with the goddess thing,
but that appeals to me.
I am definitely more likeauthoritarian.
I love the idea of tellingpeople what to do and punishing
them and pleasuring them andpunishing them at the same time.
(38:01):
Like that is really hot.
There's also a pleasure, dom.
Speaker 2 (38:04):
There's also a pleasure dom that all they're
focused on is the person'spleasure.
They may torture them withpleasure, but it's all a
pleasure dom that all they'refocused on is the person's
pleasure.
They may torture them withpleasure, but it's all about
pleasure.
Yes, so that just think ofanother one I've definitely done
pleasure doming, which isexciting.
Speaker 1 (38:16):
Uh, that's interesting because I, you know,
I guess I didn't even have aword for it but yeah, pleasure
doming is something that I havedone and I really enjoy as well
where I do, and something maybeyou can speak to from the femdom
side of it, because a lot ofwomen may not have tapped into
this yet.
But there is like this surge oflike orgasmic pleasure you get,
(38:38):
without the physical orgasm,from topping someone else and
doming someone else and havingthem do what you want to do else
and having them do what youwant to do, especially in a
vulnerable sexual, exposed way,absolutely.
You know, and for me, initiallyI had only done that with women,
(38:59):
but as I've started to do itwith men, I'm like that little
surge of like, hmm.
Hmm, you know, yeah, men, I'mlike that little surge of it
like and it is a different typeof it's like an inner I would
it's like an energetic orgasmexperience you get from doing
(39:19):
that and I think and I wouldlove to hear your opinion on
this One thing that I talk abouton this podcast a lot is how
part of the patriarchy andcontrolling women men
controlling women over thecourse of time has been severing
our connection with oursexuality, because women, in my
opinion, my belief, people canargue it if they want we own the
(39:41):
sexual space in this world.
We literally are the keyholders to sex.
Speaker 2 (39:47):
We get pulled down, and pulled down because they
don't want us to have that power.
Speaker 1 (39:50):
That is our superpower and I don't think we
even know exactly what all wecan do with it yet, because I
think we're only starting to.
People like you, myself andmany of the other people, women
out in the space, are juststarting to rebuild those
connections Right Absolutely andtap into that.
Speaker 2 (40:08):
Right.
Speaker 1 (40:10):
And I think, in taking the femdom and you can
experience that power from anysubmissive.
But femdom really is aboutre-embracing that power, right?
And I think that when you havea male partner who's willing to
be open to experiencing that,it's going to be an incredible
(40:32):
high for both of you.
Right, absolutely.
You get to finally get to likereconnect with your sexual power
, which you know has beensevered and he gets to bask in
the glory of that, whatever thatlooks like.
Speaker 2 (40:49):
What a lucky boy.
Speaker 1 (40:50):
What a lucky good boy .
Speaker 2 (40:55):
So there's a really cool thing that I thought of
when you said that it's calledDOM space or top space, whatever
you want to call it, howeveryou identify.
But what happens in top spaceand DOM space is we go through
what's called a flow state, andso flow state is a thing that
kind of are.
We get very laser focused andreally in this sort of ebb and
(41:22):
flow and what I've noticed withdom space A, it's very addicting
, incredibly addicting.
People say it's like a drug,this power that they get, and
they're like.
Some people say they're likedrunk on this power kind of, and
it is, it's true, it is.
If you've ever experienced this,it is like this drunk power
that you get, and I thinksometimes you have to make sure
(41:44):
and keep that ego in check righta little bit.
But yeah, there's like thismajor, like rush and power that
comes with it.
That actually helps after theexperience.
So they've had studies shown onthis that people who have
experienced top space and goinginto this incredible headspace
that they go into when theydominate, they get this work
(42:08):
performance afterwards that'sout of this world, this energy,
this motivation andgoal-oriented that they didn't
get prior to that, and ithappens in bursts, it'll be like
, okay, I'll feel like that fora week afterwards or two weeks
afterwards.
Submissives can get that too,absolutely, but we're talking
(42:31):
about doms here.
Speaker 1 (42:31):
So yeah, that I mean that resonates.
That resonates to one thingthat I've noticed, and I'll tell
you what guys I can't like.
Youtube will yank my episodedown if I go into depth on this
experience, but I will say thisI was doming a gentleman and it
was the first time I reallyexperienced this, and I always
(42:54):
get the emotional rush, but itwasn't something where I
actually got touched much at all, like that wasn't really part
of it.
But this one day I decided,okay, I'm going to like allow
you to touch my lady bits.
And what shocked me because I'msomeone who it can take a while
to like work me up and like toan orgasmic state when touching
(43:16):
my lady bits, my pussy, but theminute his fingertips were
allowed to graze, I was like onfire.
I was like, oh my God, I thinkI'm going to come.
I have never had that happen inmy entire fucking life, never
before, and so it is somethingthat is sort of like a new thing
(43:40):
I'm interested in exploring.
And then also the highafterwards I don't need those
platforms.
I walk down the street and I'mjust like you're going to do
what I want, and so are you, andif I want that, so that's very
resonant, yeah, but so we getthis like these.
Speaker 2 (43:59):
The brush of brain chemicals is what gives us this
arousal feeling and kind oforgasmic, like you said.
You know, especially if you'redopamine deficient, normally
this ups your dopamine, youroxytocin, your adrenaline, all
these things that are euphoric.
(44:19):
They call it like a runner'shigh.
It feels like a runner's highand that in turn all of the
blood flow, all of those thingshappening for sure, gets arousal
going and our body juiced upand all of those things that we
want to happen.
But a lot of it is the rush ofbrain chemicals that happen when
(44:43):
we play.
Speaker 1 (44:44):
It isn't just for submissives it's for dominance
and tops too, which is funnybecause people don't talk about
dominance and tops too and orunderstanding what a lot of
(45:04):
times you don't see domsactually getting fucked like and
we think, oh, they aren'tgetting fucked, so are they
experiencing pleasure?
And there is a dom space wherethe pleasure is like it is just
different.
And on another level on anotherlevel and absolutely sexual, but
in a again, it's a differentway.
(45:27):
So I'm glad we've touched onthat here.
Can we, before we go, set upsome scenes, potential scenes
for people wanting to try it?
But they're like where do Istart?
What kinds of scenarios could Ibe comfortable with or could I
(45:50):
get into?
Now, we've already talked abouta couple that really, you know,
are good little brain teasers,like the goddess, like if you've
got a female partner that youwant to get into this and she
seems to be like hesitant.
She's like I like feelingfeminine, I want to feel like
the girly girl, like you've gotthis goddess scenario right.
(46:13):
She can be this goddess thatyou are worshiping and you know,
think about some of the hotmovies, like Helen of Troy,
maybe that I don't know.
You know where you've got thesewarrior men that come and fall
at the feet of.
Speaker 2 (46:29):
TV show Spartacus.
Oh, that's a good one.
Watch the show the goddesses,and they're like you know, they
call it she's like the domino ofthe house and they, the slaves
just like, adore her and brushher hair and bathe her and, you
know, you know, orally serve herand just all of these things
(46:52):
just very, very sexy.
That is it.
That is still.
You could be feminine andgentle and it doesn't matter,
it's just on another level.
Speaker 1 (47:02):
All right, all right.
That is on my 2025 fuck it listtoo.
I want, I want, I want thatexperience.
Speaker 2 (47:10):
I.
Speaker 1 (47:10):
I'll manifest that for you yeah, having like a man
or men, maybe a couple, oh yeah.
Speaker 2 (47:20):
Have you had that?
Yes, and it is.
Oh talk about a rush, talkabout a rush.
Speaker 1 (47:32):
Okay, so there's one one, there you go.
Let her know she can be agoddess Um.
Speaker 2 (47:39):
I was thinking of, uh , another one that I think could
be incredible for people.
That's like I guess it alsocould help you get into
headspace role play.
So I know it sounds very, youknow, elementary maybe I'll say,
but role play does so manythings for so many people.
(47:59):
It helps them not be themselvesfor a moment and so, as a
dominant that isn't used tobeing in this role, you are
somebody else, you are, youcreate.
Maybe you wear a wig, maybe youwear different makeup, you have
a different name, you dressdifferently, you act differently
, you might have an accent.
(48:20):
Just as an example, you do thiskind of headspace where you're
doing just I don't know.
Say, for instance, you met at abar and now you're going to,
you know, lure him back to your,to your, to your, you know,
humble abode and and, and youknow, tease him.
But but like having some kindof role play with creating that
(48:46):
you're a different person andpersona really really, really
helps people.
It helps submissives too.
I've noticed if they are thisboss, that's going to get it
turned around on them from theirsecretary.
Right, you've been really meanto the secretary.
Now she's going to turn aroundon you and punish you for it
Right.
There's a headspace that theygo in that isn't necessarily
(49:08):
themselves.
So I think it takes away fromsome shame, guilt, embarrassment
, all of those feelings that wemay feel because you know it was
you but it wasn't you.
And so there's there's a hugepiece to that and you can create
.
So I mean there are tons andtons and tons of role play ideas
to get people into Headspaceand then you really get into it.
(49:30):
Like you know, you can createbackground noise that kind of
solidifies your experience thatyou're having, or invite other
people or you know some of theactivities make it so it fits
with your role play scenario.
That's a really fun way to doit and also for a lot of people
(49:52):
feels very liberating to be ableto do what they want because
they're not themselves.
Speaker 1 (49:58):
Yeah, I like that.
I like the idea of make himyour secretary.
How fun.
Yeah, he is your secretary.
How fun.
Speaker 2 (50:06):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (50:06):
He is your secretary, oh my.
Speaker 2 (50:09):
God.
Speaker 1 (50:10):
That would be fun there's.
I liked what you mentioned inthe beginning you could be an
animal trainer, a beast tamer.
Speaker 2 (50:18):
Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
I like doing.
A lot of my role plays involvelike turning it around.
So you thought you were inpower and now I'm in power.
There's a lot, because itreally shows the power imbalance
that then happens.
You know I've done, oh, youwere sneaking, you were peeking
(50:39):
into my window while I wasgetting ready and now you're a
neighbor and you're going to bepunished for that, or I'm going
to tell everyone that you weredoing that.
There's like really fun ways toplay with role play and even if
you're not a good actor, you canstill do it.
It's not.
You don't need to be thisamazing actor to be able to role
play, and I think sometimeshaving outfits and accessories
(51:04):
and a setting can really helpyou stay into that headspace,
right?
A little tip if you're doingroleplay, create safe words and
gestures that relate to yourroleplay, so as an example, so
to not get people out ofheadspace.
So say, for example, you haveyour safe word as red right,
which is very common.
You don't want to necessarilysay that in the middle of a
(51:24):
roleplay.
If you want to go back as readright, which is very common.
You don't want to necessarilysay that in the middle of a role
play.
If you want to go back into it,right.
If you're stopping it and it'sdone, that's different.
But if you're doing it as apause, it kind of really breaks
headspace.
So saying something just as anexample say, you're doing a
teacher-student role play, right, you can say the safe word may
be oh, I hear the principalcoming down the hall.
(51:46):
So it's like that's a pause forus to go back to whatever and
then go back into it.
Speaker 1 (51:53):
I love that.
That's so smart, because Ialways have a little tip.
I like that, I like that.
So well then, I think a goodway to sum this podcast up,
because I mean, I feel like wecould talk about it forever,
like we get like this is just anendless topic.
But I think that we've giventhe listeners a lot of like
insights into why this might beinteresting to one person or the
(52:14):
other.
So if you're someone in like awoman and you're like I know my
dude is into this, but thatmakes me feel weird, now
(52:45):
no-transcript.
Speaker 2 (52:50):
Before going into this sorry I didn't mean to
interrupt but before going intothis, like having a good
understanding, going to classesand having an understanding of
these kind of things can giveyou the confidence to do these
things.
Like a lot of people like howdo you build the confidence to
do that?
Like I don't have theconfidence going to classes and
learning things.
(53:11):
So you have like a word to whatyou're thinking.
Right, you have an idea, youhave practical uses to what
you're thinking can really helpand build a lot of confidence
and help you embody a dominantpersona.
Speaker 1 (53:24):
Can really help and build a lot of confidence and
help you embody a dominantpersona.
Yeah, and then you can use thatdominance in other areas of
your life.
But yeah, so can we give peoplesome tips, your top tips for
getting started or getting intofemdom type sexy relationship.
Speaker 2 (53:45):
Join the kink community in some way, even if
you don't want to be publiclyout there playing right, because
a lot of people are veryprivate and that's okay.
Come up with maybe a differentname, a different kind of alias
for your kink name, and createand go to like online k King
community type things.
Fetlife is a really greatresource, not for dating it's
(54:14):
not really a good thing fordating but it is for finding
events and it is for findingmaybe potential friends that are
into the same things you'reinto.
But I think having otherfriends that are Dami as well or
can be Dami, is incrediblyhelpful, because now you can ask
them questions, you can learnfrom them and their experiences
what's worked, what hasn'tworked.
You can ask for advice and, ifyou have the money, get a mentor
(54:35):
, because it is life-changing.
What having someone who has theexperience can give you to help
you embody this role a littlebit more, because it is scary
You're doing things that couldpotentially really injure your
person.
Yeah, you need to know whatyou're doing.
(54:56):
Yeah, and not just physically.
You can injure, you know peoplecan be triggered.
There's a lot of things thatcan happen that can be a
roadblock for why people don'twant to do the things right,
because they're scared, and sothis can give you more
confidence and like thingshappen.
We're doing things that aren'tinherently safe and probably
aren't inherently sane andsometimes, and so having the
(55:22):
ability to know what to do incase something goes wrong can be
incredibly confident buildingtoo, and so having these things
being able to talk to peopledefinitely join the King
community, because also it canbe validating to know that
you're not alone, and youprobably have the same, you know
(55:53):
, fear of mistakes or thingslike that.
That can be really addressed ina way that can help you, you
know, for future.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So definitely like because itcan help you gain insights and
perspectives to talk to otherpeople that are in there that
know this.
Insights and perspectives totalk to other people that are in
there that know this.
And also it can be fun to havefriends that you can tell about
this, because in a vanillasociety, we can't exactly tell
everyone what we do on theweekends or in our bedroom or
(56:17):
our dungeon right.
It's people who you knowthere's shame and judgment in
the world, and so to have peoplethat you can talk about very
freely with is so helpful andjust it feels like you're a part
of something.
Speaker 1 (56:34):
Yeah, I know that it has certainly helped me to
create like a community aroundsort of alternative sexuality
sexual experiences, people whoare, you know, in the same world
as I am and see me as I am andnot like it's not like, oh,
(56:56):
that's weird.
Everyone's like, oh yeah,that's that, that's what some
people do, just another Tuesday,just another Tuesday.
And and hopefully those kindsof communities will grow and
grow so that eventually this isall encompassing and we all
understand that, that sex,sexuality, pleasure is vast and
(57:19):
multifaceted and it's all okayas long as there's consent right
.
Speaker 2 (57:24):
Absolutely.
Speaker 1 (57:25):
Yes, wonderful.
Well, so can you tell mylisteners where they can find
you if they want to find outmore about the Femdom experience
and learning about it?
Speaker 2 (57:37):
You can go to my website, ms McKenzie
M-I-S-S-M-A-C-K-E-N-Z-E-E.
I know it's spelled different,but here we are so you can visit
that.
I'm on a bunch of differentsocials.
I just started a YouTubechannel.
I know I'm late to the game,but realized that that's
(57:58):
important to be there.
You can view my podcast and Iteach classes at least twice a
week, so I'm always teachingvirtual classes that um get
recorded so you can watchwhenever you want.
At any time you can review them.
I teach anything from dominanceand power exchange and fem dom
(58:19):
stuff to bondage, to hypnosis,um, which is really freaking
sexy to do in doming situations.
I teach sex magic, anything inthe sexuality and kink realm and
possibly spirituality realm.
I probably have you and so,yeah, I also have BDSM and
Intimacy.
My Etsy store that has a bunchof.
I also have BDSM and Intimacy.
(58:41):
My Etsy store that has a bunchof guides and education type
stuff.
So, yeah, Wonderful.
Speaker 1 (58:51):
Well, check her out.
So there's a little bit ofsomething for everyone there.
Head over and check her out andmake sure to connect with me
and all the places as well.
You know, if you are listeningto this, you can see our
beautiful places on my YouTubechannel at TalkSexWithAnette.
If you are looking for anintimacy coach, you guys know I
(59:12):
have my books open and I'mhaving a great time working with
people.
You can find that atTalkSexWithAnettecom.
And if you want to hear aboutmy spicy doming experience in
detail, where I can't get introuble, head over to my spicy
site.
Again, you can go down to thelink.
(59:32):
I will have everything linkedin the notes of this podcast
episode and you can listen to mystories over there.
Thank you so much for joiningme today, ms McKenzie.
I really appreciate it.
Speaker 2 (59:47):
I know this has been a long time coming.
Speaker 1 (59:49):
Yes, and it's been worth it.
So until next time, folks.
I will see you in the lockerroom.
Cheers.
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