How to Plan a Threesome (Without Making It Weird or Wrecking Your Relationship)

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Ever fantasized about a threesome—but worried it might get… complicated?
In this episode, I break down exactly how to plan a threesome without turning it into an emotional mess. From red and green flags when choosing a third to the real reasons you shouldn’t go there, we’re covering the stuff most people skip.

✅ Why your reason for having a threesome matters
 🚩 Signs the third might be a bad fit
 💬 The conversations you must have before anything happens
🔥 And how to set boundaries that keep things hot and healthy

Whether you’re just curious or seriously planning one, this guide will help you avoid the drama and do it right.

💌 Want a part two on how to actually execute a threesome without wrecking your relationship? Leave a comment with the word “THREE.”

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:19):
Do the sex pleasure and desire Around here.
Nothing's off limits.
These are the kinds ofconversations we save for our
boldest group chats, our mosttrusted friends and, of course,
the women's locker room.
Think raw, honest and sometimesunapologetically raunchy.
If you've been here from thebeginning, thank you, and if

(00:40):
you're new, welcome to mypodcast.
Where desire meets disruptionand pleasure becomes power.
Now let's talk about sex Cheers.
Today's Talk Sex with Annettetopic is how to plan a threesome
without making it weird orwrecking your relationship.

(01:02):
Weird or wrecking yourrelationship.
Did you know that some researchsuggests that threesomes can
potentially enhance intimacy andcommunication within a
relationship, but only if theyare approached with careful
consideration and preparation.
Let's be real.
The idea of a threesome it'shot, it's taboo and if you're
watching this, it's probablycrossed your mind more than once

(01:24):
.
But here's the part no onetalks about.
Planning a threesome is waysexier in theory than in
practice, unless you actuallyknow what you're doing.
Because if you don't, you'renot just risking one awkward
night, you're gambling withtrust, jealousy and emotional
fallout that can wreck yourrelationship jealousy and

(01:47):
emotional fallout that can wreckyour relationship.
So in this episode, I'm walkingyou through exactly how to plan
a threesome without turning itinto a disaster or a therapist's
full-time job.
We're talking green flags, redflags and good reasons to have
threesomes, terrible ones, andhow to pick a third who's more
than just a warm body and canmake it incredible instead of

(02:09):
tearing your relationship apart.
But before we dive in, I wantto remind you that I'm over on
OnlyFans and there I'm sharingmy intimacy, how-tos and
audio-guided self-pleasuremeditations all designed to help
you start having betterintimacy tonight, and you can
find me in both places by myhandle at TalkSexWithAnette.

(02:30):
Of course, you can scroll downto the notes in this section and
you're going to find linkseverywhere you want to find me
below.
But for now, let's dive in andtalk about how to plan your
dream threesome Cheers.
Let's start here Fantasy versusreality.

(02:50):
95% of men and 87% of womenreported having fantasies about
intimacy with multiple partnersand, according to some polls, as
many as 24% of men and 8% ofwomen had already had threesomes
and that's being conservative.
So know that you're definitelynot alone.
But fantasizing about athreesome and actually

(03:13):
navigating one in the real world, well, there are two different
planets.
In fantasy, no one catchesfeelings, no one gets jealous,
and everyone comes at the sametime.
In reality, the moment yourpartner makes more eye contact
with a third than you, you'respiraling.
Or worse, you're realizinghalfway through that no one

(03:34):
actually asked the third whatthey wanted.
So if you want to avoid awkwardsilence, the next day regrets
or the classic we thought it'dbring us closer breakup, keep
listening.
Here's a bonus stat A 2020study in the archives of sexual
behavior found that while mostpeople who had threesomes

(03:54):
reported them as positiveexperiences, those who skipped
the clear boundaries and theemotional prep were far more
likely to regret it.
So let's make sure that doesn'thappen to you.
Let's move on to why are youdoing this?
The good reasons versus the badreasons.
Let's get brutally honest.
Your reason for wanting athreesome matters.

(04:15):
Here are some good reasons.
One you're both curious andcraving shared adventures.
Two, you've talked about it fora while and you want to explore
something new together.
Three, you're both secure inyour relationship and know how
to communicate about jealousy,boundaries and emotions.
So now let's talk about the badreasons.

(04:36):
One you think it will fix yoursex life.
This might be the worst reasonof all.
This is a hard no, don't do it.
Two, one of you is trying tokeep the other one from cheating
.
Three you haven't actuallytalked about what happens if
someone gets triggered, left outor unexpectedly emotional.

(04:57):
If the threesome is alast-ditch band-aid or one
partner is pushing the other whofeels pressured pause, you're
not ready yet, and that's notjudgment, that's just protection
.
Okay, let's move on to red flagsand green flags for finding a
third.
You've decided you're ready.
How do you avoid picking theworst possible person for the

(05:23):
experience?
This is key.
Here are some red flags theyonly want to play with one of
you and are ignoring the other.
Two they're flaky, drunk orlooking for drama.
Three they've never heard theword boundary and they say
things like I'm just down forwhatever.
Four, they're a friend who oneof you secretly has unresolved

(05:44):
feelings, for this is not amovie, don't do it.
Here are some green flags in athird.
One, they ask what you want,what your boundaries are and if
there's anything they shouldknow to help you feel safe.
Two they're experienced or atleast educated.
Three they're attracted to bothof you and interested in

(06:07):
connecting with your dynamic,not just getting off.
They prioritize communicationand consent period.
That is incredibly important.
A study from Sexuality andCultural Journal found that
couples who report highsatisfaction after threesomes
had one thing in common.
Thirds, who respected thecouple's dynamic and honored all

(06:31):
discussions and boundaries.
And for something moresurprising, there's growing
research around a type ofattraction called
symbiosexuality, where someoneis turned on by the couple
dynamic itself.
These people aren't trying tojoin or disrupt.
They're drawn to your sharedenergy.
If you want a little shortcut,finding the ideal, third, apps

(06:54):
like Field and Open are builtfor ethical non-monogamy and can
make it easier to findlike-minded folks.
And if you meet someone at aparty or a play event, don't
skip the post-flirt debrief.
Just because you can doesn'tmean you should.
Speaking of debriefs, let'stalk about boundaries, rules and

(07:16):
the debrief that savesrelationships.
Before anything happens, youneed to sit down and have a talk
, and I don't mean the awkward.
Here's what to cover what's onthe menu and what's off limits.
Is kissing okay?
Is penetration who touches who?

(07:37):
What happens if one of youwants to stop mid-scene?
So pro tip always have a safeword, even in non-kink
situations.
Additional things to discusswhile you stay the night
together, while the third leaveafterward?
Yes, this matters.
How will you reconnectafterward?

(07:59):
Some couples plan a privatemoment after to debrief
emotionally and physically.
It can help prevent what justhappened.
Whiplash and don't skip thenext day check-in.
You might think you're fine inthe moment, only to realize
later that something didn't sitright.
And that's not failure, that'sjust feedback.

(08:19):
If you're still with me, thatmeans you're not just curious,
you're thoughtful, intentionaland maybe even ready to do this
right away.
But here's the thing Planning isjust the beginning.
Planning is just the beginning.
What happens during thethreesome is a whole other
conversation, because that'swhen the real emotions,
unexpected turns and hot as hellsurprises show up.

(08:39):
So if you want me to break downexactly how to execute a
threesome without wrecking yourrelationship or feeling like a
deer caught in the headlights,drop the word or number three in
the comments or DM me three andI will create another video to
walk you through what to do onceyou are in the sack with your
third.
And if you've had a threesomeand you think I've missed

(09:01):
something or you want to sharehow it went the good, the bad,
the completely crazy I'm herefor it.
Drop your comment below.
If you are watching orlistening to this on YouTube, if
you're my audio listener, youcan always head over to YouTube
or you can scroll down to thenotes section below.
Send me a speak pipe or send mean email at Annette at
TalkSexWithAnnettecom.

(09:21):
If you are a couple and you arewanting to plan a threesome and
you want someone to help you,you want, let's say, a woman, a
cheerleader or a guide.
My intimacy coaching books areopen.
Feel free to email me to net attalksexwithanettecom.

(09:42):
I would be thrilled to help you.
You can also find out moreabout my coaching at
talksexwithanettecom.
Head on over there.
Find out all about what I haveto offer you as a coach.
So until next time, folks, I'llsee you in the locker room.
Cheers.