November 19, 2025 • 54 mins
Why are boyfriends suddenly embarrassing? A recent piece by Vogue titled “Is Having a Boyfriend Embarrassing Now?” sparked a global reaction, pointing out that some women are now hesitant to post their partners, claim relationships publicly, or even say “boyfriend” without flinching.
In this episode, I chat with sex + relationship coach Sienna Sinclair about what’s really behind this trend.
We explore:
- Why boyfriends may feel like a “brand risk” now
- The emotional labour and identity loss behind the trend
- What it says about visibility, desire & modern relationship expectations
- How to know if your hesitation is a red flag — or a signal for change
- And how real baddies post about their men
If you’ve ever thought “Why do I feel weird saying ‘boyfriend’ out loud?”, or you're a guy wondering why you haven't made her Gram — this episode is your answer.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
SPEAKER_01 (00:46):
I'm Annette Benedetti, host of the podcast
formerly known as Locker RoomTalk and Shots.
The show has a new name, TalkSex with Annette.
But at its core, this is stillyour locker room.
It's where we strip away shame,get curious, and speak the
unspoken about sex, kink,dating, pleasure, and desire.
Around here, nothing's offlimits.
(01:08):
These are the kinds ofconversations we save for our
boldest group chats, our mosttrusted friends, and of course,
the women's locker room.
Think raw, honest, and sometimesunapologetically raunchy.
If you've been here from thebeginning, thank you.
And if you're new, welcome to mypodcast where desire meets
disruption and pleasure becomespower.
(01:30):
Now, let's talk about sex.
Cheers.
Today's talk sex with a nettopic is Is having a boyfriend
embarrassing now?
The new dating trend no onewants to admit.
What if the newest dating trendwasn't a kink or a red flag, but
(01:51):
an embarrassment?
Because right now in 2025,simply having a boyfriend has
become its own kind of cringe.
Scroll TikTok and you'll see it.
Women muting creators the minutethey say, my boyfriend.
Vogue is publishing piecesasking if being partnered is now
embarrassing.
And every day online, you canfeel the collective groan when a
(02:16):
creator goes from fun, hot,independent woman to girlfriend
content.
But here's the real question noone wants to touch.
Are boyfriends embarrassing, orare women just tired of
shrinking the minute they getone?
Today we're cracking open thepsychology, the pressure, and
the quiet panic underneath thistrend.
(02:36):
The part where women feel likechoosing boyfriends means losing
a version of themselves.
They worked so hard to build.
And I couldn't think of anyonebetter to have this conversation
with than Catherine Dreisdell, aNew York-based dating and
intimacy expert, known online asthe woman with 72 O's.
(02:58):
She's been featured incosmopolitan Vice Men's Health
and speaks internationally onintimacy and connection.
We're diving into why beingpartnered with a man suddenly
feels risky and what theboyfriend ick actually signals
and how women can reclaimpartnership without disappearing
(03:18):
into it.
But before we dive in, I want toremind you that I'm over on
OnlyFans and there I'm sharingmy sex and intimacy, how-tos,
demos, and audio guidedself-pleasure meditations.
I'm also offering one-offquestions, a little taste of
coaching, if you will.
You can also find me on SIPSTACdoing a whole lot of the same,
minus the coaching and thedemos.
And you can find me in bothplaces under my handle at
(03:41):
TalkSex Withinit.
You can also scroll down to thenotes below and you can find
links to everywhere you need tofind me.
I can't wait to see you there.
But for now, Catherine, will youtake a moment to tell my
listeners more about you?
SPEAKER_00 (03:54):
Yeah.
Thank you for having me.
First of all, a little bit aboutme.
I've been working in this field.
My specialty really is onwomen's pleasure.
I've been doing this for aboutsix years.
And why I got into this field isI'm someone who experienced like
sexual trauma in college.
And I realized that, okay, if Iwas experiencing so much shame
(04:16):
and felt like pleasure wasn'tfor me after something happened
to me, why can't other peopleexperience that too?
And so in my own healingjourney, that's when I learned
that I could be multi-orgasmic.
And the more healing I did, themore I realized, wow, okay, I
can really help people withthis.
(04:37):
So I got a coachingcertification and I specialize
in neurolinguistic programming,EFC tapping, and hypnosis.
So we go deep in all of that.
And then I'm going to gradschool right now at Columbia for
clinical psychology.
So even deeper into psychologyof everything.
I I just really enjoy teachingso much.
I'm going to be teaching someworkshops on Temptation Crew
(05:00):
tomorrow, actually, for the weekof swimmer's crews.
So it'll be a lot of fun.
I like combining fun, sexy withlike the psychology and the
science behind why we do serverthing.
SPEAKER_01 (05:12):
Well, we have a lot in common, some similar origin
stories there.
And I really admire you forsharing that and turning what
happened to you into somethingthat was not only healing for
yourself, but will help otherpeople heal as well.
And so I feel very honored tohave you here for this
conversation.
Listeners, you're going to wantto stay to the end because if
(05:34):
you're a woman right now, youare going to get some good
insight into how do you managewhen you go from being empowered
and happy to having arelationship publicly?
How can you manage that foryourself?
And are your feelings validaround not wanting to be very
public about it?
Or is there a problem withwanting to post your boyfriend
(05:58):
all over the internet?
And if you're a guy, if you're adude, you're going to get some
good insight into how to handleit when she says, hmm, I don't
really want to post that pictureof you.
You can hold the camera, justmake me look pretty.
So stay to the end.
This is going to be aninsightful conversation for all
of us.
I am ready to talk aboutboyfriends being the new ick.
(06:20):
Cheers.
So, Catherine, I want to divein.
For those of you out there whohaven't read the headlines about
is having a boyfriendembarrassing?
Catherine, can you talk to mylisteners a little bit about
this new phenomena that's beingtalked about in the press?
SPEAKER_00 (06:39):
Yeah, so I know the Vogue article is sort of what
like fueled this.
I've seen quite a few Substacksand a lot of TikToks about it.
And essentially it boils down tothe fact that women are now in
this point in time, especiallylike I think millennial women,
this generation is the firstgeneration to really be able to
(07:02):
be who you want to be,prioritize other things in your
life.
And ultimately having aboyfriend or having a man or a
husband should be the leastinteresting thing about you.
And it really is getting a lotof cheat, I feel like, in some
circles, because it goescompletely opposite from what
(07:22):
we've been taught and what we'vebeen conditioned to since
childhood, right?
We were taught from thebeginning of time that we're
supposed to do everything in ourpower to make ourselves
attractive enough to find andkeep a man.
And now we're getting to thepoint, well, okay, I have all of
these things that are going onfor me.
Actually, like you're just aman.
(07:46):
So why, why, why is this thepinnacle that I'm supposed to
achieve?
So that's essentially what thediscourse is going on right now.
SPEAKER_01 (07:54):
Right.
I feel like the gist of it isbecause my my mother's
generation and before, youliterally had to find a man to
survive, right?
You couldn't get a job.
That wasn't something availableto women.
You couldn't even have your ownbank account.
So your job was to find a man,and then that was the thing you
(08:15):
bragged about.
Like, look at the man I have.
But now women can get a job, canget an education.
We are surpassing men in many ofthe work fields out there, and
we don't have to have one.
And like you said, it has noweven gotten to the point where
(08:38):
your boyfriend should be theleast interesting thing about
you.
At least I think that's asentiment.
Don't I I feel like when I havea woman who's a creator or a
public figure, and then suddenlyit's all about their partner,
their boyfriend, their man, Isuddenly am kind of like, eh.
(09:00):
It takes takes the excitementout of it.
SPEAKER_00 (09:05):
Yeah, I hear you.
And it's not that like I agree,I feel similarly.
I know I'm very lucky in myfriend groups that I've like
curated because we are alsopowerful women making it.
A lot of us are creators,entrepreneurs, stuff like that.
Like, I'd say half of my friendsare in long-term partnerships,
but we don't often talk aboutpartners at all because we have
(09:29):
so many other things that we'recelebrating for each other.
And it's not that we're nothappy when they have those
milestones or want to talk abouttheir partners, but that's just
not what we're here for.
We're here to lift each other upin other ways that are more
meaningful, like long term, thanjust a relationship.
SPEAKER_01 (09:50):
How much of this it being embarrassing to post a
boyfriend on your social mediaor to publicize your
partnership, how much of that doyou think comes from the fact
that women don't trust men tolast, relationships with men to
(10:12):
last?
So if you on your Instagram gridhave a whole bunch of pictures
of your guy and then he sleepswith your best friend, you've
got to go through and strip allof those pictures out.
Do you think there's an elementof that, that the longevity of
the relationship, the longevityof the relationship comes into
question?
SPEAKER_00 (10:32):
Yeah, I mean, I do think for some people that's
definitely a factor is maybethey've been burned in the past,
maybe they've experienced arelationship where they were
cheated on, or it just endedbadly and they don't want to
have to go through it again,like having to like completely
wipe out this person from theirfeed.
So there could be some elementsof that.
(10:52):
I think a more prevalent elementis that, and this is just what
I've been seeing across theboard is a lot of women are in
relationships with men who arepretty mid, and I think they're
kind of embarrassed by them,truly.
I don't know that it's so muchof like, I don't trust that
they're gonna not cheat on me.
(11:14):
I think it's like I actually, ifmy friends knew of who I
actually was seeing, they wouldtell me to dump him.
And I think that's more of whatit is, is that there's still
this, okay, like you want to bein a relationship, you want to
find love, you like partnership,companionship.
There's nothing wrong with that.
But if your friends knew whothis person actually was, they
(11:36):
would be like, girl, what thefuck?
So I think that's really more ofthe key of that.
And I think some of that, too,some of this fallout is more so
coming after the Trumppresidency, where there's been
an influx of people who aredivorcing their Trump supporting
MAGA husbands.
But there's a huge influx ofpeople realizing that, like,
(11:57):
okay, this was not the man Ithought I married, or I didn't
think it was this bad.
And I think given everything,given that a lot of men are
lying about politicalaffiliation on dating apps just
to get a date or just to getlaid, I think that's more of the
protection mechanism.
It's like they don't want to betied to someone publicly that
(12:18):
could discredit them in somesort of way and discredit their
feminist ideals that they'reliving out in every other aspect
of their lives.
SPEAKER_01 (12:27):
Right.
Because imagine you find outyou've posted this dude all over
the internet, and then he sayssomething horrific.
You know, his real personaslips, and it happens to be
incredibly sexist or racist orhomophobic, and now you're tied,
you cannot wipe it clean.
(12:49):
It has now affected yourreputation and how people see
you.
So, well, that makes me ask whydo you think so many women are
embarrassing themselves bydating men who are beneath them,
or at least who they think theirfriends would see as beneath
(13:11):
them?
SPEAKER_00 (13:12):
Yeah, well, I think like this goes back to the fear
of rejection, fear ofabandonment.
And what's also prevalent rightnow is like situationship
culture.
A lot of people are in theselike murky, not really defined
relationships, and that's partof why they're not posting on
their main feed too.
It's like they don't quite havethe clarity on where they stand
(13:33):
with this person.
So why are they gonna post themon their feed if like they're
dating, they hold hands inpublic, but they're not in a
relationship because no one'sdefined it.
And I have been like, I've hadpeople comment on my TikToks and
stuff saying that like they'vebeen in a situation ship for
four years.
And I'm like, girl, what are youdoing?
(13:54):
And like that's not to say thatlike friends with benefits or
fuck buddies can't work becauseI was a fuck girl back in the
day.
High school, college, I waschef's kiss.
I was a great fuck girl.
I booty called them.
If they booty called me, theywere kicked off the roster.
There was no pillow talk, therewas no cuddling.
I ran a tight ship, like it wasgreat.
But the expectation was it wasjust physical and that was it,
(14:18):
and that's why it worked.
Now it's like people want, andI'd I I see it more so in Gen Z
because of that deep fear ofrejection and abandonment, and
they're afraid to leave someonethat isn't quite giving them
what they want because they'reafraid nothing else is gonna
(14:38):
take its place.
And so that's why no one'shitting on people in public.
People aren't making moves.
There are a lot of people whoare still have never had sex
ever and still in their mid-20s,which nothing wrong with that,
but it's because a lot of peopleare so afraid of rejection that
they're afraid to put themselvesout there and they're afraid
that they're not gonna get metwith who actually needs them.
(15:04):
And so they're settling.
SPEAKER_01 (15:06):
Right.
So something that I also findinteresting thinking about this
because it does seemspecifically a heteronormative
issue.
So for instance, I don't feellike there's the same hesitation
or embarrassing feeling.
I'm a I'm a queer woman.
I date both men, women, I datepeople of all genders.
(15:29):
So men, women, trans folks, soon and so forth, non-binary
individuals.
And I don't feel like there isthe same embarrassment around
the idea of posting a girlfriendif I'm dating a woman.
Like, I definitely don't feellike, oh, I don't want anyone to
(15:49):
see me with her.
Like, that's not a thing.
In fact, there's on some level,it feels empowering to be able
to share that kind ofconnection.
SPEAKER_00 (16:00):
I think overall, just queer relationships and
being more, I don't know, publicwith them.
I think in just in the nature ofbeing involved in a queer
relationship, it's like that isrevolutionary, right?
Like that's already fighting thepatriarchy, that's already
fighting all of these systems ofoppression.
(16:22):
So that's more of like a I'mcelebrating this, celebrating
who I am, celebrating mypartner, celebrating our
relationship.
And often too, and not to saythat like all queer people are
liberal, but I'd say most arebecause they are within an
oppressed group.
(16:43):
And so when you have similarpolitical ideals and you're with
a partner that like cares aboutyou and believes certain things
and cares about human rights,that's not embarrassing because
you're aligned on so manythings.
Whereas in like heterosexualculture, it's a little different
because we're seeing the divide,especially by gender in in
(17:07):
beliefs and morals and ethics.
SPEAKER_01 (17:10):
Yeah.
And those things are for themost part political, right?
People want to say, oh, well, Idon't want to get political.
Well, you you don't have achoice because your whole
existence is governed bypolitics.
So here we are, you know.
What do you think about uh kindof what I mentioned at the
(17:33):
beginning that women risk losingtheir hard fought independence
and whatever they've built whenpartnering with a man?
Do you feel there is truth tothat?
And if so, why?
SPEAKER_00 (17:52):
Oh, a hundred percent.
And this is something that'sbeen proven in studies.
I wish I had the actual likesources to say I can look it up
and send it to you.
But there was a study that wasdone a few years ago that show
shows that women are thehappiest, single women are the
happiest, and married men arethe happiest.
(18:12):
And that's because when womenare single, and I guess in the
more like heterocentric, they'reable to pour all of that time,
attention, money, effort intothemselves, into their
communities, because we arecommunity-driven type people.
We have our friend networks, wego to group classes together, we
do all of these things.
So we're able to fuel and funnelall of that into ourselves and
(18:36):
have a much more fulfillinglife.
Versus when partnered with aman, unfortunately, we know that
like the division of labor,especially domestic labor, is
not quite equal.
And especially with the rise ofpartnerships wanting to go
50-50, it's like that's notequitable because most of the
(18:58):
time women are carrying probably80 or 90 percent of the
invisible labor that happens inthe home.
That's not just cooking andcleaning, it's like arranging
the kids' schedule, it's gettingthe gifts for birthday,
arranging stuff for Christmaswith the holidays with your
family and this and that.
And they're doing so much stuff.
So when they're singled, theydon't have all of those extra
(19:21):
burdens that are on their plate.
And I think this also feeds intothe pay gap, too, between women
and men.
A lot of men are able to succeedin their careers, are able to
get paid more money becausethere's oftentimes a woman
behind the scenes carrying allthe extra stuff that he clearly
(19:41):
is not doing in the home.
SPEAKER_01 (19:44):
The relationships aren't equitable, especially
like the whole paying 50-50 ondates when it's in a
heteronormative a man and awoman date.
Paying 50-50 on a date with aman is not equitable.
Not already.
(20:10):
When it's as easy for me toclimb the corporate ladder as it
is for them to climb thecorporate ladder, when their
expectation is to take care ofthe children as much as it is a
woman's.
Oh, then we can we we can talk50-50 then.
I think it's interesting becausewhen I look back on my last
relationship, which lasted justshort of three years with a man,
(20:36):
I rarely posted photos of him.
Like I was so careful of it.
And there were when I thinkabout the reasons that I did
that, the ones I admitted tomyself and the one and him, and
the ones that I didn't, it waslike a couple of things.
It was a yes, I felt like itwould devalue me as sort of a
(21:00):
feminist, like sexy, like I feltlike instantly I would be less
sexy because there's suddenlylike he owns me.
Like there's that that, oh, if awoman is with a man, there's
this ownership that happens, andyou can no longer shouldn't be
sexy.
You shouldn't be desirable toother uh people or presenting
(21:22):
yourself that way online.
I think the other thing waslike, well, what if this doesn't
last?
There's always that question,and for good reason, because
obviously it didn't, and nottrusting the longevity and what
that would look like then.
Then you've got to tell peopleyou're going through a breakup,
right?
Then your content becomesbreakup material like
(21:44):
inevitably, right?
And then there was also theaspect of feeling like I was
shrinking in that relationship.
It was harder for me to do myinterviews and speak as openly
as I do now.
I don't give a fuck what anyonehears me say when I'm not with a
man in a in a heteronormativerelationship.
(22:05):
I don't feel like even when I'mdating women, I don't feel like
they get all up in theirfeelings about the things I say
as much, you know?
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (22:17):
No, I feel you.
And I think like this has alsobeen very prevalent on social
media too.
Like I've been seeing a lot ofposts of like men who like a
baddie until they're dating one.
It's like if you can't handle abody, don't date a baddie.
Because if you liked how hot shedressed and all the things she
did and how she poured all thatinto herself when she was
(22:40):
single, she's gonna keep doingthat when you're in a
relationship.
And if you're so insecure thatyou don't like it, date someone
else.
You don't dim a baddie's shinebecause like that's probably the
reason why you're attracted inthe first place.
Yeah, I feel like there's justlike so I feel like there's just
so much to say here.
(23:01):
Demetrius.
SPEAKER_01 (23:03):
I think that's so true though.
I think that it is like men thatpursue baddies and then they get
them and they like want it wantto extinguish that light.
But the minute the light startsto dim, they lose interest.
Right?
Then they're like, got her.
Oh, now she like is crazy aboutme or really into me over it.
(23:23):
I want to find the next one toruin.
There is that cycle.
There are a lot of men that dothat.
Now I'm not saying all men.
So don't come at me with not allmen.
Not all men, but it is men.
But it is men.
Like we say men for a reasonbecause until it's no men, it is
all men because we don't knowwhich one of you is going to do
(23:44):
that, and because it's sofucking prevalent, it's so
prevalent.
I am curious about your take onthe age range of this.
Do you feel like younger men arepursuing what women differently?
Like that they understand sortof this dynamic of the
(24:06):
independent woman and not beingthe most important thing in her
life.
Are the generations changing asfar as like men and
relationships and how they oryou know, I older generations,
my parents' generation, my gen,I'm I'm Gen X, but like Gen X is
(24:28):
I'm sorry, Gen Xers, but I'm sodisappointed in us all.
I'm so fucking disappointed inus all.
Like we're still feeding intothe whole, you know, my man,
like we we haven't come a longway.
Millennials really, I think,kicked our ass and saying,
uh-uh, no more of this shit,right?
But so I am wondering younger,especially younger millennials
(24:50):
and Gen Zers, are the are theguys better than Gen X-Men?
Please tell me yes.
SPEAKER_00 (24:56):
Yes, yes and no.
I think it depends on theparticular man.
And like I will say, likehistorically, so I'm 32.
I'm very much a millennial.
And I'd say historically frombeginning when I started dating,
I was often dating older men,like even like older, older,
like men in their 40s and 60swhen I was in college.
Not quite age appropriate, but Ijust liked that.
(25:19):
But within that power dynamicalways came the control aspect,
which I didn't like.
And then more I got into mymid-20s, that's when I started
shifting more into my mommy dompersona to where I was powerful
badass, to where I saw all ofthe shots.
And just in that shift in myconfidence and how I communicate
(25:45):
and the partners that I attract,I started attracting more men
who actually, yeah, they likethe baddie than I am.
And six my dating is now skewingyounger and younger and younger
and younger.
And like I will say, I'd sayright now, the average age of
man that I go on dates with is28 and I'm 32.
(26:07):
And like that's across theboard.
And it's not even men in theirlike mid to late 20s, it's like
men in their early 20s.
And I think part of that, it'slike the power dynamic has
switched where they know that ifthey're dating an older woman
like the Cougar, she already hasher life figured out, she
already knows what she wants,she can communicate very
(26:27):
clearly, she asks for what sheneeds and she expects to get it.
And so they're really happy tobe that person to like deliver
that to you because most of themaren't established in their
career, but they give you theattention, they don't you a lot
of them have into therapy, sothey're emotionally aware.
There are still some fuckboys inthere, as in any generation.
(26:51):
Like, I'm not gonna say all GenZ men are better, but a lot of
them are a little bit moreemotionally in tune.
And I think part of that is likedue to how more normalized
conversations of like mentalhealth and social media is like
a cash money too.
In some ways it's beendetrimental, but in other ways
it's allowing us to be moreopen-minded and connect with
(27:12):
people on like a deeper level.
So I'd say Gen Z men, likethere's hope for them.
SPEAKER_01 (27:18):
Really quick before I go into my next question, you
dated older men, much older.
Yeah, this is much older.
Really do know the difference,and younger, not much younger,
but younger.
And so you do you do see thatgenerational difference in in
sort of wanting to dim the lightversus being proud of the light
(27:41):
and wanting to kind of bask init and let you be your badass
self.
You just see the generationalshift, yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (27:48):
And like I have dated as young as 21, and that
was too much of a difference forme.
I'm like, we don't have enoughin common there, and I want
someone that kind of knows whatthey're doing in life.
But I have noticed just in myown personal experiences with
dating and dating younger menmore recently, like the last few
years, more of that is likesupportive people who like
(28:10):
actually want to be a partnerversus men who are my age.
Sometimes there's this likeweird subconscious, maybe like
competition.
Like if they're they want to doslightly better than you or make
slightly more money than you.
And then for the really oldermen, some of them it's more of
like a control where they wantyou to be arm candy or they're
(28:33):
already retired and then they'rewilling to put in effort to like
help you grow your career.
But I'd say that's still likeweird power dynamics, and I
don't particularly like thatanymore.
SPEAKER_01 (28:45):
When you see women who are heavily posting their
partners, can we talk aboutthat?
This podcast is about it beingembarrassing now to have a
boyfriend.
When we say that, what we reallymean is to publicly have a
boyfriend that you are postingeverywhere and bragging about.
(29:06):
Now, there is a whole cohort ofwomen where every post is about
their hubby and how I hate thatfucking word, hubby.
The minute someone says that,I'm like, mm, side eye heavy
side eye.
But you know, there are thosewomen that make their
boyfriends, their husbands,their whole personality.
(29:29):
Talk to me about a why you thinkthey do that, and B, how does
the rest of the world view that?
SPEAKER_00 (29:39):
So I feel like there's like two lenses to look
at this.
I'd say lens number one is likethe everyday woman, like the
woman who isn't an influencer,just the regular average person
who just uses social media forfriends or whatever.
I'd say that kind of woman thatposts their husband usually, or
(30:00):
their boyfriend or partner,whatever, and that's their whole
identity.
There's probably a deep seatedlike insecurity that like
they're not good enough withouttheir partner.
And this is what makes them kindof give social capital, which is
part of why like marriageexisted to begin with, right?
Marriage was a businessarrangement, it was to help
women with social capital tomove up in the world, to have
(30:24):
more experiences, to have accessto money and houses and stuff
like that.
So I do think some of thosewomen are still stuck in some of
that archaic belief systems, andit's not their fault because
it's been engraned for so long.
And then I think the other setof women are the ones who are
the influencers where allthey're doing is couples'
content.
And again, I I engage.
(30:45):
I watch it.
There are a few couples' contentthat I like, but I'm also just
wow, is this really your wholepersonality?
And sometimes you keep doing itbecause it's like that's what's
paying the bills.
So it's like, how genuine is itactually?
You don't really know.
And then months later you findout there's a very public
breakup, but no one shares anydetail and you feel like you
know them because there's aparasocial relationship.
(31:08):
And that in some ways, somepeople who have broken up with
their partners who areinfluencers, who are very
public, like couples content,decides not to post their
(32:17):
relationships anymore goingforward because of that
experience.
So it's interesting to see likethat dynamic of sort of like
both ends of the spectrum.
SPEAKER_01 (32:28):
A phenomenon that I have noticed is when a woman
who's otherwise not posted a lotabout her partner, male partner,
or husband, suddenly startsposting a lot about how
wonderful he is.
I always clock it and I'm like,something's going down in that
relationship.
It is always an indicator that,and I can guess that there's a
(32:52):
couple of months until you seethe whatever, whatever it is
that's going on beneath is goingto come to the surface.
SPEAKER_00 (33:01):
Yeah, I feel like, yeah, no, I definitely I've
watched that too for sure.
I feel like in some ways maybeit's like uh insecurity
happening or conversations ordisagreements within the
relationship, like, okay, you'reashamed of me or embarrassed of
me, so post me more.
So usually there's somethingdeeper.
And also, if not fighting, it'smaybe like almost, I don't know,
(33:26):
the manifesting.
I don't know how into likespirituality, like TikTok you
are, like Dululu is the Solulu.
Like a lot of people, you know,they're trying to create a
manifestation that theirrelationship is better than it
actually is.
So they're like, okay, if I'mposting my partner that's so
amazing, like then maybe he'llstart showing up like that.
(33:48):
And it's funny, there is contentthat I've seen of like women
posting like things that arelike funny that their partners
do, and they're getting roastedin the comments.
And everyone's like, why wouldyou let this man do this to you?
Like, this is so embarrassing.
And I think that comes back tothe main point.
It's like, okay, it's not justtheir beliefs, it's like how
(34:08):
they treat you, it's how theyspeak to you.
Like, how do you allow this tohappen?
And like domestic violence,like, not all abuse is physical
abuse.
There's so many differentdynamics at play that we never
fully know what's going on in arelationship, but it's just
something to keep in mind thatthere's always something deeper.
SPEAKER_01 (34:28):
I've learned a lot from watching women post like
things they think are funny.
They're they're shitty thingsthat their male partners do to
them.
And they're like, oh, ha ha.
A good example was there wasthis trend where women were
videoing how their husbands orboyfriends walked way ahead of
them out in public when theywere going places, like they're
(34:49):
going into the restaurant andthe boyfriend's already up at
the door, walking, not holdingthe door open.
And I was like, and I was like,oh, this is what my, you know,
whoever I was dating at the timedoes does to me.
And then you go out to thecomments, and people are like,
why would you want to be with aman who won't even walk next to
you when you're out on a date orwhen you're traveling or
anything like that?
(35:09):
And so I think that there hasbeen this education that has
been going on on social media.
And I would argue that a lot ofwomen in my age range are being
schooled by younger women,seeing how younger women are
yucking and icking a lot of thethings men do that for my
(35:30):
generation and older were likestandard.
We just accepted this is how menare.
And now younger women are like,why the fuck would you let a man
do that to you?
And and women my age who startto go through divorces and and
breakups are like, oh, I don'thave to butt up with that.
That is embarrassing.
But the men are still doing thesame thing.
SPEAKER_00 (35:53):
And unfortunately, there probably will be a woman
who will tolerate that behavior.
But I do think having social inthis way with everyday people
posting their partners, I thinkthis is collectively helping all
women, regardless ofgenerations.
It's like we're all able toraise our standards and realize
(36:14):
that like being single is notthe worst thing in the world.
Like I'm very happily single.
I enjoy my singlehood.
Like the thought of being in arelationship right now kind of
makes me want to vomit.
And that's because I'm like ingrad school right now.
I'm working on my career, on mybusiness.
I have so many good friends,like I'm traveling the world,
(36:35):
I'm doing all of the things thatI wanted to do.
And right now, a relationshipwould like slow me down.
And I think having that power,that shift in power, like, okay,
being single at the end of thisis not the end of the world
because my life is already sofull.
And I think like that's reallywhat is shifting back to like
(36:56):
the whole point of this wholerelationship is like you don't
have to be in a relationship tobe fulfilled.
Like you can find that anywhere.
And oh no, you're gonna end up asingle cat lady.
Like, actually, that doesn'tsound so bad.
SPEAKER_01 (37:11):
Yeah, I think that that's kind of a collective
understanding now that you canhave a very fulfilled life and
all the things you want and morewithout having a boyfriend or a
husband.
You no longer need a man, itisn't a necessity to live, to
survive, to survive, much lessto acquire an incredible life.
(37:36):
And instead, you get to pick andchoose your partner and choose
people who are gonna add to yourlife and lift you up.
So I think we're at the point inthis conversation where what we
can do for our listeners is talkabout maybe we can do a
comparison, how a baddie wouldor would not showcase their
(37:58):
boyfriend, and how old schoolwomen would and showcase their
boyfriend.
So let's say the standard hasbeen you're going to a pumpkin
patch with your boyfriend,right?
And you want to showcase thatyou're going to have this
pumpkin patch experience.
In the past, it would have beenyou and your boyfriend holding
(38:21):
pumpkins together, like yourhead up with a or I don't know,
something like that, right?
Modern day baddie.
SPEAKER_00 (38:28):
A modern day baddie, if she posts him at all on the
main feed, it likely will beinside of a photo dump carousel,
where he definitely is not thefirst slide.
It's probably a solo shot ofher.
Maybe they also went withfriends.
So maybe there will be somememes in there, some fall
(38:49):
foliage, the pumpkins theyselected.
And then maybe he might bebetween like slides six and
eight, if his face is eventhere.
And if he's not, it could justbe like a side of his arm, the
back of his head.
Like it's more of like a softlaunch kind of situation.
It's not necessarily like fullpost.
(39:11):
And I have been seeing a rise ofeven like within my personal
friends, like not posting theirpartners much to their main feed
until they get engaged or untilthey get married.
That's when they hard launchbully because they're like,
okay, this is commitment andlike this is forever.
But yeah, most baddies won'tpost their man on their main
(39:33):
feed and definitely not on themain photo, depending on how
long they've been together for,but most probably won't.
SPEAKER_01 (39:39):
I love that.
So there you go, guys.
Look, ladies, listen to thisadvice.
First of all, you never have toput him on the on the main feed
photo.
We can talk about in a secondhow you can, but do it in a
photo dump.
Maybe it's a group of friends,you know, a little bit abstract.
(40:02):
And he doesn't even have to goon it at all, on your grid at
all, until you've got a realcommitment, a ring on the
finger, or you've already walkeddown the aisle, right?
That is an option.
He doesn't have to be there.
So now let's say you're engagedand you go out to romantic
(41:20):
dinner and it's beautiful, andyou want to like showcase this
romantic dinner.
Can you give some examples oflike how can you kind of show
that he's there with youwithout, you know, dimming your
light in photos?
SPEAKER_00 (41:34):
Yeah, so I feel like it depends on like whether or
not you want to show his actualface.
So I'd say if you're on aromantic dinner, maybe you just
got engaged, you have the ring.
A photo you could do is likewith your man in the background,
you taking a photo of the ringwith just you can see him in the
background, but it's like thering and this.
(41:55):
If you're sitting together, likein a more dimly lit kind of
boost situation, the lightinghas to be better on you, you're
slightly forward because that'speople want to see you and pay
attention to you.
Other like power dynamic kind ofstuff, even too, like if you
were like standing, likestanding slightly forward ways
(42:19):
that you're holding each other.
There's just ways to show thatthat it's like you're the one
that calls the shots, not thisman.
SPEAKER_01 (42:28):
I love that.
And how often would you say onceyou're in a really committed
relationship?
Well, let's say your dude caresabout this stuff.
Now, there are going to be menwho don't care, but I can
definitely tell you I got theside eye from my last long-term
male partner when he's like, Whyam I not showing up in your
photos?
Well, today I can tell you nowyou see why you weren't in my
photos.
(42:48):
But how often would you say thateven when you are in like a
committed married relationship,should your man show up in your
feed?
SPEAKER_00 (43:02):
I mean, I think this is gonna depend on like your
particular relationship.
I don't think there's like ablanket frequency that like
makes sense for everyone becauseit's just gonna depend.
I think it also depends on likehow much you're posting in
general.
So it's like if you're someonethat only posts around the
holidays or when you're going toa friend's wedding or like a
(43:22):
vacation, maybe you only postfour times a year.
So if you post them twice out ofthe four times, that's pretty
good odds.
But if you're someone who'sposting all the time, you're a
content creator posting everysingle day.
So maybe it wouldn't be thatoften.
Maybe it'd be once a month oronce a week or whatever.
Maybe it's all stories often,but not on your main feed.
(43:44):
If that's not how you'remonetizing your account is
through like couples' content.
So it's not to say that youcan't have your man front and
center, but that's something foryou to, I guess, like negotiate
with your partner on likewhether or not that's even
important to you.
SPEAKER_01 (44:02):
Also, if you post them too often, we're all gonna
assume something's going wrong,just telling you, or that you're
a little insecure.
I'm just being honest.
I'm just being honest.
I'll definitely be side-eyeingany woman that's like constantly
focusing on the guy.
It it feels like it demonstratesinsecurity to me.
(44:22):
And I tend to clock it correctlyabout nine out of ten times.
So there is that.
Does your guy have a right todemand to be in your feed?
What's your opinion on that?
SPEAKER_00 (44:38):
I don't think anyone has a right to demand anything,
period.
I think everything is adiscussion and a conversation,
however.
Same thing with like at thebeginning of a relationship,
like you should have aconversation on like what
cheating is because it'sdifferent for every person.
Like, some people think porn ischeating, some people think
subscribing to OnlyFans is Idon't.
(44:58):
I'm like, yeah, watch porn,let's watch it together.
Like that's fine.
You can like other Instagrambodies.
I don't care, I'm not insecure.
But for some people, like thatis a huge thing.
So I think having a conversationabout it, just like everything,
it's like each individualrelationship is a different
experience.
So what you did in onerelationship might not work for
(45:20):
the next one.
And that's why having that opendialogue with your partner is
important.
I think also, too, some of whymen want to be posted on the
main scene is that they wantit's more of like an ownership
thing of like they want othermen to like know that, like,
okay, she's taken, like, don'tcome in the DMs.
(45:42):
But are they posting on theirown account?
Are they someone that doesn'tuse social media at all?
So it seems kind of one-sidedand more of like an ego trend
than actually like we're in ahappy, healthy relationship, and
like I want to show off myrelationship because we are in
love and we're so happy.
So I think it's like themotivations of that, it's
important to figure out likewhat's actually behind it.
SPEAKER_01 (46:04):
I love that.
So, do you have any last adviceto send out to guys who are
reading about seeing theseheadlines saying it's
embarrassing to have aboyfriend?
I mean, they've gotta havefeelings about it.
So, what would you say to them?
SPEAKER_00 (46:24):
There's so many things to say, and I feel like
I've been on so many soapboxlately, too, about I don't know,
like the rise of incel culture.
And I will say, even thoughthere's so much discourse around
this, and even if it might seemlike this is pushing you further
and further away from having arelationship, that women are
opting out of this, that's notnecessarily the case.
(46:47):
The case is that unfortunatelyfor you, and fortunately for
everyone, is you have to rise tothe occasion to be worthy of
having that kind of partnership,that the way that you operated
in the past, the way that yourfathers, your grandfathers
operated in the past is nolonger acceptable.
And so if you do want a happy,healthy relationship with good
(47:09):
communication and great sex,that requires work that you got
to put in.
So maybe go see a therapist ifyou haven't already.
Maybe cultivate relationshipswith your bros, your friends,
and actually talk about deepshit, not just who's playing on
sports and like drinking beerson the weekend, like actually
(47:31):
have deep conversations, dothings that are fulfilling, do
things that are moving your lifeforward.
And then that's when you'reready to start putting yourself
out there and like building thattype of relationship, and also
know that just because you'redating someone doesn't mean they
have to put you number onepriority.
Because I I personally believeevery single person, you have to
(47:54):
be your own first prioritybecause no one else should do
it.
We have to put ourselves first,and a happy, healthy
relationship understands thatit's like we are both full
individuals on our own, and thepartnership is what allows it to
expand.
So, like, don't let thisdissuade you from thinking that
a relationship is possible andplease don't consume red
(48:18):
content.
I know it's being pushed attheir feed so hard, but just
know that like it's possible.
You just have to put in somemore work and time and care.
SPEAKER_01 (48:31):
Right.
And understanding that if youwant to have a really good
relationship with a baddie, youneed to also be aware of your
privilege in the situation andbe willing to use that to lift
her up and understand why youare a handicap if you are being
(48:53):
put out front in her life,right?
Understand the powerdifferential there.
Do what you can to help keep herempowered so she can keep being
the baddie that you want to bewith so badly.
You know?
It feels really good when youhave a partner regardless of
gender, but especially a man wholike is like, fuck yeah, you're
a badass.
(49:13):
Yeah, I'm gonna brag about you.
I'm gonna do what I can to makesure your shine keeps shining.
And and also it makes you lookreally hot when you're not
insecure or made insecure by awoman being a badass.
Like a man who can hold his ownin a woman's light, that's
fucking hot.
And they're definitely gettinglaid, that's for sure.
(49:36):
They're definitely getting laid.
Any last thoughts you want togive send out here on this
topic?
On the topic of is having aboyfriend embarrassing?
This is your opportunity to sendthe last message.
SPEAKER_00 (49:49):
Yeah, I mean, I guess just bringing it home.
It's like fundamentally having aboyfriend is not embarrassing,
but putting your relationship atthe forefront is only gonna
diminish your shine and preventyou from actually creating the
fulfilling life that you'recapable of and that you desire.
(50:10):
So, like, not bashingrelationships, just we need to
collectively kind ofdeprioritize romantic
relationships and put thateffort and energy into other
things that are lifting us up.
Right.
SPEAKER_01 (50:23):
And I love how you started this conversation saying
that your relationship should bethe least interesting thing
about you.
And in a way, that's the truthin your relationship too, right?
Like the thing that drew peopleto you or you to your other
person wasn't the relationship.
It was like all of the shit theywere doing.
And we should be supporting ourpartners and continuing all of
(50:46):
that, right?
And our partnership is just sortof the icing on the cake and the
cool thing to have that supportand get, you know, sex.
The sex is great, hopefully.
But I love, I love that that wasthe first thing you said because
I think that's so important forpeople to remember.
Well, thank you for joining mefor this conversation.
I really appreciate it.
(51:07):
Can you take a moment to tell mylisteners all the places they
can find you and get in touchwith you should they want to?
SPEAKER_00 (51:15):
Yeah, thank you for having me on.
My name is Katherine Drysdale.
You can find me.
I'm on TikTok and Instagram at Iam Catherine Drysdale.
That's where all my stuff is.
I have coaching, I haveworkshops, I have relationship
compatibility guide.
If your picker is a little off,that should help.
(51:35):
And all sorts of fun, relatablecontent online.
SPEAKER_01 (51:40):
So go and check her out.
I love the idea of arelationship compatibility.
Maybe I want to check that out.
SPEAKER_00 (51:46):
Yeah, I've sent it to a few friends, and they one
of them ended up leaving afour-year-long relationship
because she realized it wasn'tactually the partner for her
because that's well.
SPEAKER_01 (52:00):
Hey guys, are you really hesitant?
Are you posting your partner toomuch these days?
You might want to check out thatrelationship compatibility test.
SPEAKER_00 (52:09):
I'm not just ending relationships though.
I've had clients who end upmoving in with their partners
after working with me, but likeI very much will call you out on
your bullshit.
So if there's cracks, I'll findthem.
SPEAKER_01 (52:21):
I like that.
I like that.
All right, we'll check her out.
Of course, I'm gonna have a linkto where you can find Catherine
in the show notes below.
So head down there, then you canfind both of us after you listen
to this conversation.
Thank you again for joining metoday, Catherine.
I really appreciate it.
Thank you so much.
And to all my listeners, I'llsee you in the locker room.
(52:45):
Cheers.
I'm Annette Benedetti, host of the podcast
formerly known as Locker RoomTalk and Shots.
The show has a new name, TalkSex with Annette.
But at its core, this is stillyour locker room.
It's where we strip away shame,get curious, and speak the
unspoken about sex, kink,dating, pleasure, and desire.
Around here, nothing's offlimits.
(01:08):
These are the kinds ofconversations we save for our
boldest group chats, our mosttrusted friends, and of course,
the women's locker room.
Think raw, honest, and sometimesunapologetically raunchy.
If you've been here from thebeginning, thank you.
And if you're new, welcome to mypodcast where desire meets
disruption and pleasure becomespower.
(01:30):
Now, let's talk about sex.
Cheers.
Today's talk sex with a nettopic is Is having a boyfriend
embarrassing now?
The new dating trend no onewants to admit.
What if the newest dating trendwasn't a kink or a red flag, but
(01:51):
an embarrassment?
Because right now in 2025,simply having a boyfriend has
become its own kind of cringe.
Scroll TikTok and you'll see it.
Women muting creators the minutethey say, my boyfriend.
Vogue is publishing piecesasking if being partnered is now
embarrassing.
And every day online, you canfeel the collective groan when a
(02:16):
creator goes from fun, hot,independent woman to girlfriend
content.
But here's the real question noone wants to touch.
Are boyfriends embarrassing, orare women just tired of
shrinking the minute they getone?
Today we're cracking open thepsychology, the pressure, and
the quiet panic underneath thistrend.
(02:36):
The part where women feel likechoosing boyfriends means losing
a version of themselves.
They worked so hard to build.
And I couldn't think of anyonebetter to have this conversation
with than Catherine Dreisdell, aNew York-based dating and
intimacy expert, known online asthe woman with 72 O's.
(02:58):
She's been featured incosmopolitan Vice Men's Health
and speaks internationally onintimacy and connection.
We're diving into why beingpartnered with a man suddenly
feels risky and what theboyfriend ick actually signals
and how women can reclaimpartnership without disappearing
(03:18):
into it.
But before we dive in, I want toremind you that I'm over on
OnlyFans and there I'm sharingmy sex and intimacy, how-tos,
demos, and audio guidedself-pleasure meditations.
I'm also offering one-offquestions, a little taste of
coaching, if you will.
You can also find me on SIPSTACdoing a whole lot of the same,
minus the coaching and thedemos.
And you can find me in bothplaces under my handle at
(03:41):
TalkSex Withinit.
You can also scroll down to thenotes below and you can find
links to everywhere you need tofind me.
I can't wait to see you there.
But for now, Catherine, will youtake a moment to tell my
listeners more about you?
SPEAKER_00 (03:54):
Yeah.
Thank you for having me.
First of all, a little bit aboutme.
I've been working in this field.
My specialty really is onwomen's pleasure.
I've been doing this for aboutsix years.
And why I got into this field isI'm someone who experienced like
sexual trauma in college.
And I realized that, okay, if Iwas experiencing so much shame
(04:16):
and felt like pleasure wasn'tfor me after something happened
to me, why can't other peopleexperience that too?
And so in my own healingjourney, that's when I learned
that I could be multi-orgasmic.
And the more healing I did, themore I realized, wow, okay, I
can really help people withthis.
(04:37):
So I got a coachingcertification and I specialize
in neurolinguistic programming,EFC tapping, and hypnosis.
So we go deep in all of that.
And then I'm going to gradschool right now at Columbia for
clinical psychology.
So even deeper into psychologyof everything.
I I just really enjoy teachingso much.
I'm going to be teaching someworkshops on Temptation Crew
(05:00):
tomorrow, actually, for the weekof swimmer's crews.
So it'll be a lot of fun.
I like combining fun, sexy withlike the psychology and the
science behind why we do serverthing.
SPEAKER_01 (05:12):
Well, we have a lot in common, some similar origin
stories there.
And I really admire you forsharing that and turning what
happened to you into somethingthat was not only healing for
yourself, but will help otherpeople heal as well.
And so I feel very honored tohave you here for this
conversation.
Listeners, you're going to wantto stay to the end because if
(05:34):
you're a woman right now, youare going to get some good
insight into how do you managewhen you go from being empowered
and happy to having arelationship publicly?
How can you manage that foryourself?
And are your feelings validaround not wanting to be very
public about it?
Or is there a problem withwanting to post your boyfriend
(05:58):
all over the internet?
And if you're a guy, if you're adude, you're going to get some
good insight into how to handleit when she says, hmm, I don't
really want to post that pictureof you.
You can hold the camera, justmake me look pretty.
So stay to the end.
This is going to be aninsightful conversation for all
of us.
I am ready to talk aboutboyfriends being the new ick.
(06:20):
Cheers.
So, Catherine, I want to divein.
For those of you out there whohaven't read the headlines about
is having a boyfriendembarrassing?
Catherine, can you talk to mylisteners a little bit about
this new phenomena that's beingtalked about in the press?
SPEAKER_00 (06:39):
Yeah, so I know the Vogue article is sort of what
like fueled this.
I've seen quite a few Substacksand a lot of TikToks about it.
And essentially it boils down tothe fact that women are now in
this point in time, especiallylike I think millennial women,
this generation is the firstgeneration to really be able to
(07:02):
be who you want to be,prioritize other things in your
life.
And ultimately having aboyfriend or having a man or a
husband should be the leastinteresting thing about you.
And it really is getting a lotof cheat, I feel like, in some
circles, because it goescompletely opposite from what
(07:22):
we've been taught and what we'vebeen conditioned to since
childhood, right?
We were taught from thebeginning of time that we're
supposed to do everything in ourpower to make ourselves
attractive enough to find andkeep a man.
And now we're getting to thepoint, well, okay, I have all of
these things that are going onfor me.
Actually, like you're just aman.
(07:46):
So why, why, why is this thepinnacle that I'm supposed to
achieve?
So that's essentially what thediscourse is going on right now.
SPEAKER_01 (07:54):
Right.
I feel like the gist of it isbecause my my mother's
generation and before, youliterally had to find a man to
survive, right?
You couldn't get a job.
That wasn't something availableto women.
You couldn't even have your ownbank account.
So your job was to find a man,and then that was the thing you
(08:15):
bragged about.
Like, look at the man I have.
But now women can get a job, canget an education.
We are surpassing men in many ofthe work fields out there, and
we don't have to have one.
And like you said, it has noweven gotten to the point where
(08:38):
your boyfriend should be theleast interesting thing about
you.
At least I think that's asentiment.
Don't I I feel like when I havea woman who's a creator or a
public figure, and then suddenlyit's all about their partner,
their boyfriend, their man, Isuddenly am kind of like, eh.
(09:00):
It takes takes the excitementout of it.
SPEAKER_00 (09:05):
Yeah, I hear you.
And it's not that like I agree,I feel similarly.
I know I'm very lucky in myfriend groups that I've like
curated because we are alsopowerful women making it.
A lot of us are creators,entrepreneurs, stuff like that.
Like, I'd say half of my friendsare in long-term partnerships,
but we don't often talk aboutpartners at all because we have
(09:29):
so many other things that we'recelebrating for each other.
And it's not that we're nothappy when they have those
milestones or want to talk abouttheir partners, but that's just
not what we're here for.
We're here to lift each other upin other ways that are more
meaningful, like long term, thanjust a relationship.
SPEAKER_01 (09:50):
How much of this it being embarrassing to post a
boyfriend on your social mediaor to publicize your
partnership, how much of that doyou think comes from the fact
that women don't trust men tolast, relationships with men to
(10:12):
last?
So if you on your Instagram gridhave a whole bunch of pictures
of your guy and then he sleepswith your best friend, you've
got to go through and strip allof those pictures out.
Do you think there's an elementof that, that the longevity of
the relationship, the longevityof the relationship comes into
question?
SPEAKER_00 (10:32):
Yeah, I mean, I do think for some people that's
definitely a factor is maybethey've been burned in the past,
maybe they've experienced arelationship where they were
cheated on, or it just endedbadly and they don't want to
have to go through it again,like having to like completely
wipe out this person from theirfeed.
So there could be some elementsof that.
(10:52):
I think a more prevalent elementis that, and this is just what
I've been seeing across theboard is a lot of women are in
relationships with men who arepretty mid, and I think they're
kind of embarrassed by them,truly.
I don't know that it's so muchof like, I don't trust that
they're gonna not cheat on me.
(11:14):
I think it's like I actually, ifmy friends knew of who I
actually was seeing, they wouldtell me to dump him.
And I think that's more of whatit is, is that there's still
this, okay, like you want to bein a relationship, you want to
find love, you like partnership,companionship.
There's nothing wrong with that.
But if your friends knew whothis person actually was, they
(11:36):
would be like, girl, what thefuck?
So I think that's really more ofthe key of that.
And I think some of that, too,some of this fallout is more so
coming after the Trumppresidency, where there's been
an influx of people who aredivorcing their Trump supporting
MAGA husbands.
But there's a huge influx ofpeople realizing that, like,
(11:57):
okay, this was not the man Ithought I married, or I didn't
think it was this bad.
And I think given everything,given that a lot of men are
lying about politicalaffiliation on dating apps just
to get a date or just to getlaid, I think that's more of the
protection mechanism.
It's like they don't want to betied to someone publicly that
(12:18):
could discredit them in somesort of way and discredit their
feminist ideals that they'reliving out in every other aspect
of their lives.
SPEAKER_01 (12:27):
Right.
Because imagine you find outyou've posted this dude all over
the internet, and then he sayssomething horrific.
You know, his real personaslips, and it happens to be
incredibly sexist or racist orhomophobic, and now you're tied,
you cannot wipe it clean.
(12:49):
It has now affected yourreputation and how people see
you.
So, well, that makes me ask whydo you think so many women are
embarrassing themselves bydating men who are beneath them,
or at least who they think theirfriends would see as beneath
(13:11):
them?
SPEAKER_00 (13:12):
Yeah, well, I think like this goes back to the fear
of rejection, fear ofabandonment.
And what's also prevalent rightnow is like situationship
culture.
A lot of people are in theselike murky, not really defined
relationships, and that's partof why they're not posting on
their main feed too.
It's like they don't quite havethe clarity on where they stand
(13:33):
with this person.
So why are they gonna post themon their feed if like they're
dating, they hold hands inpublic, but they're not in a
relationship because no one'sdefined it.
And I have been like, I've hadpeople comment on my TikToks and
stuff saying that like they'vebeen in a situation ship for
four years.
And I'm like, girl, what are youdoing?
(13:54):
And like that's not to say thatlike friends with benefits or
fuck buddies can't work becauseI was a fuck girl back in the
day.
High school, college, I waschef's kiss.
I was a great fuck girl.
I booty called them.
If they booty called me, theywere kicked off the roster.
There was no pillow talk, therewas no cuddling.
I ran a tight ship, like it wasgreat.
But the expectation was it wasjust physical and that was it,
(14:18):
and that's why it worked.
Now it's like people want, andI'd I I see it more so in Gen Z
because of that deep fear ofrejection and abandonment, and
they're afraid to leave someonethat isn't quite giving them
what they want because they'reafraid nothing else is gonna
(14:38):
take its place.
And so that's why no one'shitting on people in public.
People aren't making moves.
There are a lot of people whoare still have never had sex
ever and still in their mid-20s,which nothing wrong with that,
but it's because a lot of peopleare so afraid of rejection that
they're afraid to put themselvesout there and they're afraid
that they're not gonna get metwith who actually needs them.
(15:04):
And so they're settling.
SPEAKER_01 (15:06):
Right.
So something that I also findinteresting thinking about this
because it does seemspecifically a heteronormative
issue.
So for instance, I don't feellike there's the same hesitation
or embarrassing feeling.
I'm a I'm a queer woman.
I date both men, women, I datepeople of all genders.
(15:29):
So men, women, trans folks, soon and so forth, non-binary
individuals.
And I don't feel like there isthe same embarrassment around
the idea of posting a girlfriendif I'm dating a woman.
Like, I definitely don't feellike, oh, I don't want anyone to
(15:49):
see me with her.
Like, that's not a thing.
In fact, there's on some level,it feels empowering to be able
to share that kind ofconnection.
SPEAKER_00 (16:00):
I think overall, just queer relationships and
being more, I don't know, publicwith them.
I think in just in the nature ofbeing involved in a queer
relationship, it's like that isrevolutionary, right?
Like that's already fighting thepatriarchy, that's already
fighting all of these systems ofoppression.
(16:22):
So that's more of like a I'mcelebrating this, celebrating
who I am, celebrating mypartner, celebrating our
relationship.
And often too, and not to saythat like all queer people are
liberal, but I'd say most arebecause they are within an
oppressed group.
(16:43):
And so when you have similarpolitical ideals and you're with
a partner that like cares aboutyou and believes certain things
and cares about human rights,that's not embarrassing because
you're aligned on so manythings.
Whereas in like heterosexualculture, it's a little different
because we're seeing the divide,especially by gender in in
(17:07):
beliefs and morals and ethics.
SPEAKER_01 (17:10):
Yeah.
And those things are for themost part political, right?
People want to say, oh, well, Idon't want to get political.
Well, you you don't have achoice because your whole
existence is governed bypolitics.
So here we are, you know.
What do you think about uh kindof what I mentioned at the
(17:33):
beginning that women risk losingtheir hard fought independence
and whatever they've built whenpartnering with a man?
Do you feel there is truth tothat?
And if so, why?
SPEAKER_00 (17:52):
Oh, a hundred percent.
And this is something that'sbeen proven in studies.
I wish I had the actual likesources to say I can look it up
and send it to you.
But there was a study that wasdone a few years ago that show
shows that women are thehappiest, single women are the
happiest, and married men arethe happiest.
(18:12):
And that's because when womenare single, and I guess in the
more like heterocentric, they'reable to pour all of that time,
attention, money, effort intothemselves, into their
communities, because we arecommunity-driven type people.
We have our friend networks, wego to group classes together, we
do all of these things.
So we're able to fuel and funnelall of that into ourselves and
(18:36):
have a much more fulfillinglife.
Versus when partnered with aman, unfortunately, we know that
like the division of labor,especially domestic labor, is
not quite equal.
And especially with the rise ofpartnerships wanting to go
50-50, it's like that's notequitable because most of the
(18:58):
time women are carrying probably80 or 90 percent of the
invisible labor that happens inthe home.
That's not just cooking andcleaning, it's like arranging
the kids' schedule, it's gettingthe gifts for birthday,
arranging stuff for Christmaswith the holidays with your
family and this and that.
And they're doing so much stuff.
So when they're singled, theydon't have all of those extra
(19:21):
burdens that are on their plate.
And I think this also feeds intothe pay gap, too, between women
and men.
A lot of men are able to succeedin their careers, are able to
get paid more money becausethere's oftentimes a woman
behind the scenes carrying allthe extra stuff that he clearly
(19:41):
is not doing in the home.
SPEAKER_01 (19:44):
The relationships aren't equitable, especially
like the whole paying 50-50 ondates when it's in a
heteronormative a man and awoman date.
Paying 50-50 on a date with aman is not equitable.
Not already.
(20:10):
When it's as easy for me toclimb the corporate ladder as it
is for them to climb thecorporate ladder, when their
expectation is to take care ofthe children as much as it is a
woman's.
Oh, then we can we we can talk50-50 then.
I think it's interesting becausewhen I look back on my last
relationship, which lasted justshort of three years with a man,
(20:36):
I rarely posted photos of him.
Like I was so careful of it.
And there were when I thinkabout the reasons that I did
that, the ones I admitted tomyself and the one and him, and
the ones that I didn't, it waslike a couple of things.
It was a yes, I felt like itwould devalue me as sort of a
(21:00):
feminist, like sexy, like I feltlike instantly I would be less
sexy because there's suddenlylike he owns me.
Like there's that that, oh, if awoman is with a man, there's
this ownership that happens, andyou can no longer shouldn't be
sexy.
You shouldn't be desirable toother uh people or presenting
(21:22):
yourself that way online.
I think the other thing waslike, well, what if this doesn't
last?
There's always that question,and for good reason, because
obviously it didn't, and nottrusting the longevity and what
that would look like then.
Then you've got to tell peopleyou're going through a breakup,
right?
Then your content becomesbreakup material like
(21:44):
inevitably, right?
And then there was also theaspect of feeling like I was
shrinking in that relationship.
It was harder for me to do myinterviews and speak as openly
as I do now.
I don't give a fuck what anyonehears me say when I'm not with a
man in a in a heteronormativerelationship.
(22:05):
I don't feel like even when I'mdating women, I don't feel like
they get all up in theirfeelings about the things I say
as much, you know?
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (22:17):
No, I feel you.
And I think like this has alsobeen very prevalent on social
media too.
Like I've been seeing a lot ofposts of like men who like a
baddie until they're dating one.
It's like if you can't handle abody, don't date a baddie.
Because if you liked how hot shedressed and all the things she
did and how she poured all thatinto herself when she was
(22:40):
single, she's gonna keep doingthat when you're in a
relationship.
And if you're so insecure thatyou don't like it, date someone
else.
You don't dim a baddie's shinebecause like that's probably the
reason why you're attracted inthe first place.
Yeah, I feel like there's justlike so I feel like there's just
so much to say here.
(23:01):
Demetrius.
SPEAKER_01 (23:03):
I think that's so true though.
I think that it is like men thatpursue baddies and then they get
them and they like want it wantto extinguish that light.
But the minute the light startsto dim, they lose interest.
Right?
Then they're like, got her.
Oh, now she like is crazy aboutme or really into me over it.
(23:23):
I want to find the next one toruin.
There is that cycle.
There are a lot of men that dothat.
Now I'm not saying all men.
So don't come at me with not allmen.
Not all men, but it is men.
But it is men.
Like we say men for a reasonbecause until it's no men, it is
all men because we don't knowwhich one of you is going to do
(23:44):
that, and because it's sofucking prevalent, it's so
prevalent.
I am curious about your take onthe age range of this.
Do you feel like younger men arepursuing what women differently?
Like that they understand sortof this dynamic of the
(24:06):
independent woman and not beingthe most important thing in her
life.
Are the generations changing asfar as like men and
relationships and how they oryou know, I older generations,
my parents' generation, my gen,I'm I'm Gen X, but like Gen X is
(24:28):
I'm sorry, Gen Xers, but I'm sodisappointed in us all.
I'm so fucking disappointed inus all.
Like we're still feeding intothe whole, you know, my man,
like we we haven't come a longway.
Millennials really, I think,kicked our ass and saying,
uh-uh, no more of this shit,right?
But so I am wondering younger,especially younger millennials
(24:50):
and Gen Zers, are the are theguys better than Gen X-Men?
Please tell me yes.
SPEAKER_00 (24:56):
Yes, yes and no.
I think it depends on theparticular man.
And like I will say, likehistorically, so I'm 32.
I'm very much a millennial.
And I'd say historically frombeginning when I started dating,
I was often dating older men,like even like older, older,
like men in their 40s and 60swhen I was in college.
Not quite age appropriate, but Ijust liked that.
(25:19):
But within that power dynamicalways came the control aspect,
which I didn't like.
And then more I got into mymid-20s, that's when I started
shifting more into my mommy dompersona to where I was powerful
badass, to where I saw all ofthe shots.
And just in that shift in myconfidence and how I communicate
(25:45):
and the partners that I attract,I started attracting more men
who actually, yeah, they likethe baddie than I am.
And six my dating is now skewingyounger and younger and younger
and younger.
And like I will say, I'd sayright now, the average age of
man that I go on dates with is28 and I'm 32.
(26:07):
And like that's across theboard.
And it's not even men in theirlike mid to late 20s, it's like
men in their early 20s.
And I think part of that, it'slike the power dynamic has
switched where they know that ifthey're dating an older woman
like the Cougar, she already hasher life figured out, she
already knows what she wants,she can communicate very
(26:27):
clearly, she asks for what sheneeds and she expects to get it.
And so they're really happy tobe that person to like deliver
that to you because most of themaren't established in their
career, but they give you theattention, they don't you a lot
of them have into therapy, sothey're emotionally aware.
There are still some fuckboys inthere, as in any generation.
(26:51):
Like, I'm not gonna say all GenZ men are better, but a lot of
them are a little bit moreemotionally in tune.
And I think part of that is likedue to how more normalized
conversations of like mentalhealth and social media is like
a cash money too.
In some ways it's beendetrimental, but in other ways
it's allowing us to be moreopen-minded and connect with
(27:12):
people on like a deeper level.
So I'd say Gen Z men, likethere's hope for them.
SPEAKER_01 (27:18):
Really quick before I go into my next question, you
dated older men, much older.
Yeah, this is much older.
Really do know the difference,and younger, not much younger,
but younger.
And so you do you do see thatgenerational difference in in
sort of wanting to dim the lightversus being proud of the light
(27:41):
and wanting to kind of bask init and let you be your badass
self.
You just see the generationalshift, yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (27:48):
And like I have dated as young as 21, and that
was too much of a difference forme.
I'm like, we don't have enoughin common there, and I want
someone that kind of knows whatthey're doing in life.
But I have noticed just in myown personal experiences with
dating and dating younger menmore recently, like the last few
years, more of that is likesupportive people who like
(28:10):
actually want to be a partnerversus men who are my age.
Sometimes there's this likeweird subconscious, maybe like
competition.
Like if they're they want to doslightly better than you or make
slightly more money than you.
And then for the really oldermen, some of them it's more of
like a control where they wantyou to be arm candy or they're
(28:33):
already retired and then they'rewilling to put in effort to like
help you grow your career.
But I'd say that's still likeweird power dynamics, and I
don't particularly like thatanymore.
SPEAKER_01 (28:45):
When you see women who are heavily posting their
partners, can we talk aboutthat?
This podcast is about it beingembarrassing now to have a
boyfriend.
When we say that, what we reallymean is to publicly have a
boyfriend that you are postingeverywhere and bragging about.
(29:06):
Now, there is a whole cohort ofwomen where every post is about
their hubby and how I hate thatfucking word, hubby.
The minute someone says that,I'm like, mm, side eye heavy
side eye.
But you know, there are thosewomen that make their
boyfriends, their husbands,their whole personality.
(29:29):
Talk to me about a why you thinkthey do that, and B, how does
the rest of the world view that?
SPEAKER_00 (29:39):
So I feel like there's like two lenses to look
at this.
I'd say lens number one is likethe everyday woman, like the
woman who isn't an influencer,just the regular average person
who just uses social media forfriends or whatever.
I'd say that kind of woman thatposts their husband usually, or
(30:00):
their boyfriend or partner,whatever, and that's their whole
identity.
There's probably a deep seatedlike insecurity that like
they're not good enough withouttheir partner.
And this is what makes them kindof give social capital, which is
part of why like marriageexisted to begin with, right?
Marriage was a businessarrangement, it was to help
women with social capital tomove up in the world, to have
(30:24):
more experiences, to have accessto money and houses and stuff
like that.
So I do think some of thosewomen are still stuck in some of
that archaic belief systems, andit's not their fault because
it's been engraned for so long.
And then I think the other setof women are the ones who are
the influencers where allthey're doing is couples'
content.
And again, I I engage.
(30:45):
I watch it.
There are a few couples' contentthat I like, but I'm also just
wow, is this really your wholepersonality?
And sometimes you keep doing itbecause it's like that's what's
paying the bills.
So it's like, how genuine is itactually?
You don't really know.
And then months later you findout there's a very public
breakup, but no one shares anydetail and you feel like you
know them because there's aparasocial relationship.
(31:08):
And that in some ways, somepeople who have broken up with
their partners who areinfluencers, who are very
public, like couples content,decides not to post their
(32:17):
relationships anymore goingforward because of that
experience.
So it's interesting to see likethat dynamic of sort of like
both ends of the spectrum.
SPEAKER_01 (32:28):
A phenomenon that I have noticed is when a woman
who's otherwise not posted a lotabout her partner, male partner,
or husband, suddenly startsposting a lot about how
wonderful he is.
I always clock it and I'm like,something's going down in that
relationship.
It is always an indicator that,and I can guess that there's a
(32:52):
couple of months until you seethe whatever, whatever it is
that's going on beneath is goingto come to the surface.
SPEAKER_00 (33:01):
Yeah, I feel like, yeah, no, I definitely I've
watched that too for sure.
I feel like in some ways maybeit's like uh insecurity
happening or conversations ordisagreements within the
relationship, like, okay, you'reashamed of me or embarrassed of
me, so post me more.
So usually there's somethingdeeper.
And also, if not fighting, it'smaybe like almost, I don't know,
(33:26):
the manifesting.
I don't know how into likespirituality, like TikTok you
are, like Dululu is the Solulu.
Like a lot of people, you know,they're trying to create a
manifestation that theirrelationship is better than it
actually is.
So they're like, okay, if I'mposting my partner that's so
amazing, like then maybe he'llstart showing up like that.
(33:48):
And it's funny, there is contentthat I've seen of like women
posting like things that arelike funny that their partners
do, and they're getting roastedin the comments.
And everyone's like, why wouldyou let this man do this to you?
Like, this is so embarrassing.
And I think that comes back tothe main point.
It's like, okay, it's not justtheir beliefs, it's like how
(34:08):
they treat you, it's how theyspeak to you.
Like, how do you allow this tohappen?
And like domestic violence,like, not all abuse is physical
abuse.
There's so many differentdynamics at play that we never
fully know what's going on in arelationship, but it's just
something to keep in mind thatthere's always something deeper.
SPEAKER_01 (34:28):
I've learned a lot from watching women post like
things they think are funny.
They're they're shitty thingsthat their male partners do to
them.
And they're like, oh, ha ha.
A good example was there wasthis trend where women were
videoing how their husbands orboyfriends walked way ahead of
them out in public when theywere going places, like they're
(34:49):
going into the restaurant andthe boyfriend's already up at
the door, walking, not holdingthe door open.
And I was like, and I was like,oh, this is what my, you know,
whoever I was dating at the timedoes does to me.
And then you go out to thecomments, and people are like,
why would you want to be with aman who won't even walk next to
you when you're out on a date orwhen you're traveling or
anything like that?
(35:09):
And so I think that there hasbeen this education that has
been going on on social media.
And I would argue that a lot ofwomen in my age range are being
schooled by younger women,seeing how younger women are
yucking and icking a lot of thethings men do that for my
(35:30):
generation and older were likestandard.
We just accepted this is how menare.
And now younger women are like,why the fuck would you let a man
do that to you?
And and women my age who startto go through divorces and and
breakups are like, oh, I don'thave to butt up with that.
That is embarrassing.
But the men are still doing thesame thing.
SPEAKER_00 (35:53):
And unfortunately, there probably will be a woman
who will tolerate that behavior.
But I do think having social inthis way with everyday people
posting their partners, I thinkthis is collectively helping all
women, regardless ofgenerations.
It's like we're all able toraise our standards and realize
(36:14):
that like being single is notthe worst thing in the world.
Like I'm very happily single.
I enjoy my singlehood.
Like the thought of being in arelationship right now kind of
makes me want to vomit.
And that's because I'm like ingrad school right now.
I'm working on my career, on mybusiness.
I have so many good friends,like I'm traveling the world,
(36:35):
I'm doing all of the things thatI wanted to do.
And right now, a relationshipwould like slow me down.
And I think having that power,that shift in power, like, okay,
being single at the end of thisis not the end of the world
because my life is already sofull.
And I think like that's reallywhat is shifting back to like
(36:56):
the whole point of this wholerelationship is like you don't
have to be in a relationship tobe fulfilled.
Like you can find that anywhere.
And oh no, you're gonna end up asingle cat lady.
Like, actually, that doesn'tsound so bad.
SPEAKER_01 (37:11):
Yeah, I think that that's kind of a collective
understanding now that you canhave a very fulfilled life and
all the things you want and morewithout having a boyfriend or a
husband.
You no longer need a man, itisn't a necessity to live, to
survive, to survive, much lessto acquire an incredible life.
(37:36):
And instead, you get to pick andchoose your partner and choose
people who are gonna add to yourlife and lift you up.
So I think we're at the point inthis conversation where what we
can do for our listeners is talkabout maybe we can do a
comparison, how a baddie wouldor would not showcase their
(37:58):
boyfriend, and how old schoolwomen would and showcase their
boyfriend.
So let's say the standard hasbeen you're going to a pumpkin
patch with your boyfriend,right?
And you want to showcase thatyou're going to have this
pumpkin patch experience.
In the past, it would have beenyou and your boyfriend holding
(38:21):
pumpkins together, like yourhead up with a or I don't know,
something like that, right?
Modern day baddie.
SPEAKER_00 (38:28):
A modern day baddie, if she posts him at all on the
main feed, it likely will beinside of a photo dump carousel,
where he definitely is not thefirst slide.
It's probably a solo shot ofher.
Maybe they also went withfriends.
So maybe there will be somememes in there, some fall
(38:49):
foliage, the pumpkins theyselected.
And then maybe he might bebetween like slides six and
eight, if his face is eventhere.
And if he's not, it could justbe like a side of his arm, the
back of his head.
Like it's more of like a softlaunch kind of situation.
It's not necessarily like fullpost.
(39:11):
And I have been seeing a rise ofeven like within my personal
friends, like not posting theirpartners much to their main feed
until they get engaged or untilthey get married.
That's when they hard launchbully because they're like,
okay, this is commitment andlike this is forever.
But yeah, most baddies won'tpost their man on their main
(39:33):
feed and definitely not on themain photo, depending on how
long they've been together for,but most probably won't.
SPEAKER_01 (39:39):
I love that.
So there you go, guys.
Look, ladies, listen to thisadvice.
First of all, you never have toput him on the on the main feed
photo.
We can talk about in a secondhow you can, but do it in a
photo dump.
Maybe it's a group of friends,you know, a little bit abstract.
(40:02):
And he doesn't even have to goon it at all, on your grid at
all, until you've got a realcommitment, a ring on the
finger, or you've already walkeddown the aisle, right?
That is an option.
He doesn't have to be there.
So now let's say you're engagedand you go out to romantic
(41:20):
dinner and it's beautiful, andyou want to like showcase this
romantic dinner.
Can you give some examples oflike how can you kind of show
that he's there with youwithout, you know, dimming your
light in photos?
SPEAKER_00 (41:34):
Yeah, so I feel like it depends on like whether or
not you want to show his actualface.
So I'd say if you're on aromantic dinner, maybe you just
got engaged, you have the ring.
A photo you could do is likewith your man in the background,
you taking a photo of the ringwith just you can see him in the
background, but it's like thering and this.
(41:55):
If you're sitting together, likein a more dimly lit kind of
boost situation, the lightinghas to be better on you, you're
slightly forward because that'speople want to see you and pay
attention to you.
Other like power dynamic kind ofstuff, even too, like if you
were like standing, likestanding slightly forward ways
(42:19):
that you're holding each other.
There's just ways to show thatthat it's like you're the one
that calls the shots, not thisman.
SPEAKER_01 (42:28):
I love that.
And how often would you say onceyou're in a really committed
relationship?
Well, let's say your dude caresabout this stuff.
Now, there are going to be menwho don't care, but I can
definitely tell you I got theside eye from my last long-term
male partner when he's like, Whyam I not showing up in your
photos?
Well, today I can tell you nowyou see why you weren't in my
photos.
(42:48):
But how often would you say thateven when you are in like a
committed married relationship,should your man show up in your
feed?
SPEAKER_00 (43:02):
I mean, I think this is gonna depend on like your
particular relationship.
I don't think there's like ablanket frequency that like
makes sense for everyone becauseit's just gonna depend.
I think it also depends on likehow much you're posting in
general.
So it's like if you're someonethat only posts around the
holidays or when you're going toa friend's wedding or like a
(43:22):
vacation, maybe you only postfour times a year.
So if you post them twice out ofthe four times, that's pretty
good odds.
But if you're someone who'sposting all the time, you're a
content creator posting everysingle day.
So maybe it wouldn't be thatoften.
Maybe it'd be once a month oronce a week or whatever.
Maybe it's all stories often,but not on your main feed.
(43:44):
If that's not how you'remonetizing your account is
through like couples' content.
So it's not to say that youcan't have your man front and
center, but that's something foryou to, I guess, like negotiate
with your partner on likewhether or not that's even
important to you.
SPEAKER_01 (44:02):
Also, if you post them too often, we're all gonna
assume something's going wrong,just telling you, or that you're
a little insecure.
I'm just being honest.
I'm just being honest.
I'll definitely be side-eyeingany woman that's like constantly
focusing on the guy.
It it feels like it demonstratesinsecurity to me.
(44:22):
And I tend to clock it correctlyabout nine out of ten times.
So there is that.
Does your guy have a right todemand to be in your feed?
What's your opinion on that?
SPEAKER_00 (44:38):
I don't think anyone has a right to demand anything,
period.
I think everything is adiscussion and a conversation,
however.
Same thing with like at thebeginning of a relationship,
like you should have aconversation on like what
cheating is because it'sdifferent for every person.
Like, some people think porn ischeating, some people think
subscribing to OnlyFans is Idon't.
(44:58):
I'm like, yeah, watch porn,let's watch it together.
Like that's fine.
You can like other Instagrambodies.
I don't care, I'm not insecure.
But for some people, like thatis a huge thing.
So I think having a conversationabout it, just like everything,
it's like each individualrelationship is a different
experience.
So what you did in onerelationship might not work for
(45:20):
the next one.
And that's why having that opendialogue with your partner is
important.
I think also, too, some of whymen want to be posted on the
main scene is that they wantit's more of like an ownership
thing of like they want othermen to like know that, like,
okay, she's taken, like, don'tcome in the DMs.
(45:42):
But are they posting on theirown account?
Are they someone that doesn'tuse social media at all?
So it seems kind of one-sidedand more of like an ego trend
than actually like we're in ahappy, healthy relationship, and
like I want to show off myrelationship because we are in
love and we're so happy.
So I think it's like themotivations of that, it's
important to figure out likewhat's actually behind it.
SPEAKER_01 (46:04):
I love that.
So, do you have any last adviceto send out to guys who are
reading about seeing theseheadlines saying it's
embarrassing to have aboyfriend?
I mean, they've gotta havefeelings about it.
So, what would you say to them?
SPEAKER_00 (46:24):
There's so many things to say, and I feel like
I've been on so many soapboxlately, too, about I don't know,
like the rise of incel culture.
And I will say, even thoughthere's so much discourse around
this, and even if it might seemlike this is pushing you further
and further away from having arelationship, that women are
opting out of this, that's notnecessarily the case.
(46:47):
The case is that unfortunatelyfor you, and fortunately for
everyone, is you have to rise tothe occasion to be worthy of
having that kind of partnership,that the way that you operated
in the past, the way that yourfathers, your grandfathers
operated in the past is nolonger acceptable.
And so if you do want a happy,healthy relationship with good
(47:09):
communication and great sex,that requires work that you got
to put in.
So maybe go see a therapist ifyou haven't already.
Maybe cultivate relationshipswith your bros, your friends,
and actually talk about deepshit, not just who's playing on
sports and like drinking beerson the weekend, like actually
(47:31):
have deep conversations, dothings that are fulfilling, do
things that are moving your lifeforward.
And then that's when you'reready to start putting yourself
out there and like building thattype of relationship, and also
know that just because you'redating someone doesn't mean they
have to put you number onepriority.
Because I I personally believeevery single person, you have to
(47:54):
be your own first prioritybecause no one else should do
it.
We have to put ourselves first,and a happy, healthy
relationship understands thatit's like we are both full
individuals on our own, and thepartnership is what allows it to
expand.
So, like, don't let thisdissuade you from thinking that
a relationship is possible andplease don't consume red
(48:18):
content.
I know it's being pushed attheir feed so hard, but just
know that like it's possible.
You just have to put in somemore work and time and care.
SPEAKER_01 (48:31):
Right.
And understanding that if youwant to have a really good
relationship with a baddie, youneed to also be aware of your
privilege in the situation andbe willing to use that to lift
her up and understand why youare a handicap if you are being
(48:53):
put out front in her life,right?
Understand the powerdifferential there.
Do what you can to help keep herempowered so she can keep being
the baddie that you want to bewith so badly.
You know?
It feels really good when youhave a partner regardless of
gender, but especially a man wholike is like, fuck yeah, you're
a badass.
(49:13):
Yeah, I'm gonna brag about you.
I'm gonna do what I can to makesure your shine keeps shining.
And and also it makes you lookreally hot when you're not
insecure or made insecure by awoman being a badass.
Like a man who can hold his ownin a woman's light, that's
fucking hot.
And they're definitely gettinglaid, that's for sure.
(49:36):
They're definitely getting laid.
Any last thoughts you want togive send out here on this
topic?
On the topic of is having aboyfriend embarrassing?
This is your opportunity to sendthe last message.
SPEAKER_00 (49:49):
Yeah, I mean, I guess just bringing it home.
It's like fundamentally having aboyfriend is not embarrassing,
but putting your relationship atthe forefront is only gonna
diminish your shine and preventyou from actually creating the
fulfilling life that you'recapable of and that you desire.
(50:10):
So, like, not bashingrelationships, just we need to
collectively kind ofdeprioritize romantic
relationships and put thateffort and energy into other
things that are lifting us up.
Right.
SPEAKER_01 (50:23):
And I love how you started this conversation saying
that your relationship should bethe least interesting thing
about you.
And in a way, that's the truthin your relationship too, right?
Like the thing that drew peopleto you or you to your other
person wasn't the relationship.
It was like all of the shit theywere doing.
And we should be supporting ourpartners and continuing all of
(50:46):
that, right?
And our partnership is just sortof the icing on the cake and the
cool thing to have that supportand get, you know, sex.
The sex is great, hopefully.
But I love, I love that that wasthe first thing you said because
I think that's so important forpeople to remember.
Well, thank you for joining mefor this conversation.
I really appreciate it.
(51:07):
Can you take a moment to tell mylisteners all the places they
can find you and get in touchwith you should they want to?
SPEAKER_00 (51:15):
Yeah, thank you for having me on.
My name is Katherine Drysdale.
You can find me.
I'm on TikTok and Instagram at Iam Catherine Drysdale.
That's where all my stuff is.
I have coaching, I haveworkshops, I have relationship
compatibility guide.
If your picker is a little off,that should help.
(51:35):
And all sorts of fun, relatablecontent online.
SPEAKER_01 (51:40):
So go and check her out.
I love the idea of arelationship compatibility.
Maybe I want to check that out.
SPEAKER_00 (51:46):
Yeah, I've sent it to a few friends, and they one
of them ended up leaving afour-year-long relationship
because she realized it wasn'tactually the partner for her
because that's well.
SPEAKER_01 (52:00):
Hey guys, are you really hesitant?
Are you posting your partner toomuch these days?
You might want to check out thatrelationship compatibility test.
SPEAKER_00 (52:09):
I'm not just ending relationships though.
I've had clients who end upmoving in with their partners
after working with me, but likeI very much will call you out on
your bullshit.
So if there's cracks, I'll findthem.
SPEAKER_01 (52:21):
I like that.
I like that.
All right, we'll check her out.
Of course, I'm gonna have a linkto where you can find Catherine
in the show notes below.
So head down there, then you canfind both of us after you listen
to this conversation.
Thank you again for joining metoday, Catherine.
I really appreciate it.
Thank you so much.
And to all my listeners, I'llsee you in the locker room.
(52:45):
Cheers.
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