August 4, 2025 • 15 mins
Most people think the secret to the female orgasm is a technique.
But the truth? The biggest mistake is a mindset.
In this episode, I reveal the #1 reason she’s not finishing—and it’s probably not what you think.
You’ll learn:
- The real science behind female orgasm
- What turns her OFF (even when she loves you)
- How to use sound, breath, and feedback to get her deeply turned on
- 4 surprising ways to increase HER pleasure—and your own
This episode will help you become a more confident, connected lover—while getting way more turned on yourself.
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My spicy OF handle is @talksexwithannette
My free spicy handle is @annettetalkssex
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Cheers!
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
Do the sex.
I'm Annette Benedetti, host ofthe podcast formerly known as
Locker Room Talkin' Shots.
The show has a new name TalkSex with Annette, but at its
core, this is still your lockerroom.
It's where we strip away shame,get curious and speak the
unspoken about sex, kink, dating, pleasure and desire.
(00:21):
Around here, nothing's offlimits.
Pleasure and desire Around here, nothing's off limits.
These are the kinds ofconversations we save for our
boldest group chats, our mosttrusted friends and, of course,
the women's locker room.
Think raw, honest and sometimesunapologetically raunchy.
If you've been here from thebeginning, thank you, and if
you're new, welcome to mypodcast, where desire meets
(00:43):
disruption and pleasure becomespower.
Now let's talk about sex Cheers.
Today's Talk Sex with Annettetopic is in honor of National
Female Orgasm Day.
It is the number one mistakepeople make about female orgasm.
(01:03):
Let me ask you something haveyou ever been with a partner
doing everything you thought wasright Kissing, touching, going
down and she still doesn'tfinish?
You're not alone, and here'sthe truth.
Most people think they have tofigure her out to get her to
orgasm.
But the number one mistakeisn't a technique problem, it's
(01:26):
a mindset problem.
The female orgasm is a goal toachieve.
It's a state to expand.
And when you unlock that, sexbecomes hotter, more connected
and more deeply arousing forboth of you.
Because here's what sciencesays when women feel safe,
desired and unrestricted intheir pleasure, they show up
(01:47):
with more enthusiasm, moreconfidence and more erotic
energy.
That turns you on too.
Her arousal feeds yours.
It creates a feedback loop thatamplifies both of your
experiences.
So in today's episode, I'mbreaking down the biggest myth
(02:07):
about female pleasure and whyit's blocking your satisfaction.
What actually causes women toshut down, even when they love
you, and how to shift fromperforming to co-creating
something orgasmic andunforgettable.
This episode will change howyou think about sex, and I
promise it will make it way moreenjoyable, powerful and rousing
(02:31):
for you too.
But before we dive in, I wantto remind you that I'm over on
OnlyFans and there I'm sharingmy sex and intimacy, how-tos,
demonstrations and audio-guidedself-pleasure meditations.
You can find me there and onSubstack, doing a whole lot of
the same under my handle atTalkSexForTheNight.
You can also scroll down to theinformation in this episode and
(02:56):
find all of the links you needto find me wherever well you
want to find me.
So I'm looking forward toseeing you there.
But for now, let's dive intothe myth that's keeping you and
your partner from reaching theever-coveted female orgasm
(03:16):
Cheers.
So here's what most people getwrong about the female orgasm.
Let's talk about pressuretimeline, the unspoken
performance expectation.
In heterosex especially, orgasmis treated like finish line,
something to give her a checkboxthat confirms sex was good.
(03:37):
But that pressure it'severything that makes orgasms
less likely.
Makes orgasms less likely.
A 2017 study in the Journal ofSex Marital Therapy found that
women who felt pressure toorgasm reported lower
satisfaction and were lesslikely to climax at all.
Why?
(03:57):
Because pressure activates thestress response and stress
disconnects the body frompleasure.
It pulls her out of her bodyand into her head.
And get this.
A 2023 study in sexualityresearch and social policy found
that women are more likely tofake orgasms when they sense
(04:18):
their partner's ego is attachedto it.
So not only is the orgasm notlikely to happen, she might be
pretending it did just to makeyou feel better.
So let's call it what it isweaponized pressure disguised as
performance.
When you treat her climax likea test you have to pass, she
(04:41):
stops focusing on sensation andstarts focusing on managing you.
So here's a surprising takeawaythe more you try to make her
come, the more her body is goingto resist it.
But here's the good news whenyou take the pressure off orgasm
and focus on tuning in insteadof taking control, everything
gets hotter, she moansdifferently, she moves
(05:04):
differently.
She gives you access to themost turned on version of
herself.
So here's what helps womenactually climax.
Hint, it's not just technique.
Yes, the clitoris matters, butorgasm isn't just A 2020 review
(05:28):
in Sexual Medicine Reviews foundthat female orgasm is shaped by
psychological factors liketrust, emotional safety and body
image, the pace and environmentof the encounter and how
attuned a partner is to herfeedback, spoken and unspoken.
(05:49):
Another study in the Journal ofSexual Research found that women
ranked emotional connection anduninterrupted time as top
contributors to climax.
Here's something even deeperMany women don't know what fully
turns them on because they'vebeen conditioned to prioritize
(06:09):
your pleasure over their own.
So she may not climax untilshe's given the space, curiosity
and permission to explore whatarousal feels like to her.
So here's a surprising,actionable takeaway that can
change the way you experienceintimacy tonight Create a
(06:32):
no-pressure session with zeroagenda.
Let her show you what sheenjoys with her own hands.
Will you simply watch, affirmand learn, want to feel more
confident and powerful in bed.
This is where it startspowerful in bed.
(06:54):
This is where it starts.
So here's another takeaway Usenon-genital touch for at least
10 minutes before any genitalcontact.
This could be light massage,body worship, teasing with
breath or just holding her andsinking your breathing.
This helps her regulate hernervous system and actually feel
her arousal and, trust me,it'll turn you on too.
So here is a shift that's goingto change everything for you.
(07:19):
The move is this Stop trying toget her there and start trying
to turn her on.
Let her body lead.
Your job isn't to perform, it'sto ignite.
And here's the payoff for youshe gets turned on faster, she
stays turned on longer, opens upand gives you more feedback,
(07:41):
more confidence and more fire,because you're not chasing the
result.
You're creating a space and shefills it with desire.
Try this.
Spend 10 to 15 minutes justexploring arousal.
No goal, no rush.
Say things like take your time.
I love how your body responds.
(08:04):
Tell me what lights you up.
Mirror her breathing, match herrhythm.
Let her guide you.
So here's another actionabletakeaway that you can try
tonight Ask her for feedbackduring, not after.
Try.
Do you want more?
(08:25):
Do you want me to slow down ordoes this feel good?
Want me to slow down or doesthis feel good?
Is this turning you on Harder,softer?
Yes and no questions.
Keep it simple for her so shecan stay in her body and not get
in her head.
But she can guide you and letyou know if what you're doing is
(08:47):
moving her in the rightdirection.
Keep it simple, keep it sexyand you will move in a direction
that's going to please you both.
Remember communication duringsex doesn't break the mood.
It builds trust and it buildsarousal.
Here's a hot tip Use sound asforeplay.
(09:11):
Most people underestimate howerotic it is to hear pleasure,
not just feel it.
When you stay silent, she hasto guess what turns you on.
But when you let sound guidethe scene, you're amplifying the
erotic atmosphere.
Try this, you're amplifying theerotic atmosphere.
Try this Moan when somethingfeels good.
(09:33):
Don't hold it in.
Let her hear the effect she'shaving on you.
Breathe audibly.
When you're turned on, itcreates a rhythm she can sync
with Whisper what you see, feelor want.
I love the way you move.
Watching you touches somethingprimal in me.
(09:56):
Don't stop Just like that.
This kind of vocal presencecreates what researchers call a
feedback loop of arousal.
It's not just hot, it's bondingand, yes, it turns you on more
too.
Sound is more than sexy, it'sinstructional, it's affirming
(10:19):
and it's primal.
It gives her permission to getlouder, to let go and to meet
you at that intensity.
All right, here's my finalchallenge to you's be real.
These tips aren't just about herorgasm.
Yes, I have received all of themessage, especially from men
(10:40):
who ask well, why is it allabout her?
But it's not.
It's also about you.
These tips are about yourpleasure and your experience too
, because when you shift frompressure to presence, your own
arousal skyrockets, your orgasmsdeepen, your confidence expands
(11:02):
because you're no longerwondering if it's working, you
know it is.
You're no longer performing,you're co-creating, and the
pleasure it lasts longer, itfeels fuller and it keeps her
coming back for more.
So this week, don't ask.
Did she come?
Ask, did I feel more alive inthis moment?
(11:27):
Did I get turned on by her turnon?
Did I unlock a part of myself?
I didn't know was there?
If you want part two on how toclose the arousal gap, dm me
part two or drop part two in thecomment section of this video.
If you're on my YouTube channel.
You can drop it in the commentsection below the video.
(11:48):
If you're on my YouTube channel, you can drop it in the comment
section below the video.
If you are an audio listener,you can email me and I will make
sure to start building that outfor you so that you can take
your intimate life to the nextlevel and start having more
orgasmic intimacy with yourpartner.
(12:10):
If I have missed something here,if there's something you have
to say, if you have questions orcomments regarding the female
orgasm, this is the time for youto let me know.
It's the international holiday,so let's start talking about it
and let's talk about how herclimax equals more climaxes for
(12:32):
you and how it's not about oneperson's pleasure when it comes
to engaging in intimacy.
It's about everybody's pleasurebeing amplified more connection
and more satisfaction.
Connection and moresatisfaction.
And listen, if you are lookingfor a cheerleader, if you will,
a wing woman in your intimatelife, in your dating life, in
(12:56):
your breakup recovery life, ifyou are looking for a sex and
intimacy coach, my books areopen and I would love to work
with you and I would love tohelp you start having better
intimacy, starting tonight.
So if you want to know moreabout that.
You can go to my website,talksexwithannettecom and find
out more about it there.
(13:16):
You can email me at Annette atTalkSexWithAnnettecom and we can
see if we'll be a good fit andstart embarking improving your
intimate life.
And if there is a topic thatyou want me to cover, make sure
to let me know.
You can drop it.
In the comment section of anyvideo you can also scroll down
(13:37):
to where you're going to find alink to my speak pipe.
You can send me your voice noteand I will do my best to hop on
that for you so that you canstart having better, more
fulfilling intimacy startingtonight.
So until next time, listeners.
I'll see you in the locker room.
Cheers.
Do the sex.
I'm Annette Benedetti, host ofthe podcast formerly known as
Locker Room Talkin' Shots.
The show has a new name TalkSex with Annette, but at its
core, this is still your lockerroom.
It's where we strip away shame,get curious and speak the
unspoken about sex, kink, dating, pleasure and desire.
(00:21):
Around here, nothing's offlimits.
Pleasure and desire Around here, nothing's off limits.
These are the kinds ofconversations we save for our
boldest group chats, our mosttrusted friends and, of course,
the women's locker room.
Think raw, honest and sometimesunapologetically raunchy.
If you've been here from thebeginning, thank you, and if
you're new, welcome to mypodcast, where desire meets
(00:43):
disruption and pleasure becomespower.
Now let's talk about sex Cheers.
Today's Talk Sex with Annettetopic is in honor of National
Female Orgasm Day.
It is the number one mistakepeople make about female orgasm.
(01:03):
Let me ask you something haveyou ever been with a partner
doing everything you thought wasright Kissing, touching, going
down and she still doesn'tfinish?
You're not alone, and here'sthe truth.
Most people think they have tofigure her out to get her to
orgasm.
But the number one mistakeisn't a technique problem, it's
(01:26):
a mindset problem.
The female orgasm is a goal toachieve.
It's a state to expand.
And when you unlock that, sexbecomes hotter, more connected
and more deeply arousing forboth of you.
Because here's what sciencesays when women feel safe,
desired and unrestricted intheir pleasure, they show up
(01:47):
with more enthusiasm, moreconfidence and more erotic
energy.
That turns you on too.
Her arousal feeds yours.
It creates a feedback loop thatamplifies both of your
experiences.
So in today's episode, I'mbreaking down the biggest myth
(02:07):
about female pleasure and whyit's blocking your satisfaction.
What actually causes women toshut down, even when they love
you, and how to shift fromperforming to co-creating
something orgasmic andunforgettable.
This episode will change howyou think about sex, and I
promise it will make it way moreenjoyable, powerful and rousing
(02:31):
for you too.
But before we dive in, I wantto remind you that I'm over on
OnlyFans and there I'm sharingmy sex and intimacy, how-tos,
demonstrations and audio-guidedself-pleasure meditations.
You can find me there and onSubstack, doing a whole lot of
the same under my handle atTalkSexForTheNight.
You can also scroll down to theinformation in this episode and
(02:56):
find all of the links you needto find me wherever well you
want to find me.
So I'm looking forward toseeing you there.
But for now, let's dive intothe myth that's keeping you and
your partner from reaching theever-coveted female orgasm
(03:16):
Cheers.
So here's what most people getwrong about the female orgasm.
Let's talk about pressuretimeline, the unspoken
performance expectation.
In heterosex especially, orgasmis treated like finish line,
something to give her a checkboxthat confirms sex was good.
(03:37):
But that pressure it'severything that makes orgasms
less likely.
Makes orgasms less likely.
A 2017 study in the Journal ofSex Marital Therapy found that
women who felt pressure toorgasm reported lower
satisfaction and were lesslikely to climax at all.
Why?
(03:57):
Because pressure activates thestress response and stress
disconnects the body frompleasure.
It pulls her out of her bodyand into her head.
And get this.
A 2023 study in sexualityresearch and social policy found
that women are more likely tofake orgasms when they sense
(04:18):
their partner's ego is attachedto it.
So not only is the orgasm notlikely to happen, she might be
pretending it did just to makeyou feel better.
So let's call it what it isweaponized pressure disguised as
performance.
When you treat her climax likea test you have to pass, she
(04:41):
stops focusing on sensation andstarts focusing on managing you.
So here's a surprising takeawaythe more you try to make her
come, the more her body is goingto resist it.
But here's the good news whenyou take the pressure off orgasm
and focus on tuning in insteadof taking control, everything
gets hotter, she moansdifferently, she moves
(05:04):
differently.
She gives you access to themost turned on version of
herself.
So here's what helps womenactually climax.
Hint, it's not just technique.
Yes, the clitoris matters, butorgasm isn't just A 2020 review
(05:28):
in Sexual Medicine Reviews foundthat female orgasm is shaped by
psychological factors liketrust, emotional safety and body
image, the pace and environmentof the encounter and how
attuned a partner is to herfeedback, spoken and unspoken.
(05:49):
Another study in the Journal ofSexual Research found that women
ranked emotional connection anduninterrupted time as top
contributors to climax.
Here's something even deeperMany women don't know what fully
turns them on because they'vebeen conditioned to prioritize
(06:09):
your pleasure over their own.
So she may not climax untilshe's given the space, curiosity
and permission to explore whatarousal feels like to her.
So here's a surprising,actionable takeaway that can
change the way you experienceintimacy tonight Create a
(06:32):
no-pressure session with zeroagenda.
Let her show you what sheenjoys with her own hands.
Will you simply watch, affirmand learn, want to feel more
confident and powerful in bed.
This is where it startspowerful in bed.
(06:54):
This is where it starts.
So here's another takeaway Usenon-genital touch for at least
10 minutes before any genitalcontact.
This could be light massage,body worship, teasing with
breath or just holding her andsinking your breathing.
This helps her regulate hernervous system and actually feel
her arousal and, trust me,it'll turn you on too.
So here is a shift that's goingto change everything for you.
(07:19):
The move is this Stop trying toget her there and start trying
to turn her on.
Let her body lead.
Your job isn't to perform, it'sto ignite.
And here's the payoff for youshe gets turned on faster, she
stays turned on longer, opens upand gives you more feedback,
(07:41):
more confidence and more fire,because you're not chasing the
result.
You're creating a space and shefills it with desire.
Try this.
Spend 10 to 15 minutes justexploring arousal.
No goal, no rush.
Say things like take your time.
I love how your body responds.
(08:04):
Tell me what lights you up.
Mirror her breathing, match herrhythm.
Let her guide you.
So here's another actionabletakeaway that you can try
tonight Ask her for feedbackduring, not after.
Try.
Do you want more?
(08:25):
Do you want me to slow down ordoes this feel good?
Want me to slow down or doesthis feel good?
Is this turning you on Harder,softer?
Yes and no questions.
Keep it simple for her so shecan stay in her body and not get
in her head.
But she can guide you and letyou know if what you're doing is
(08:47):
moving her in the rightdirection.
Keep it simple, keep it sexyand you will move in a direction
that's going to please you both.
Remember communication duringsex doesn't break the mood.
It builds trust and it buildsarousal.
Here's a hot tip Use sound asforeplay.
(09:11):
Most people underestimate howerotic it is to hear pleasure,
not just feel it.
When you stay silent, she hasto guess what turns you on.
But when you let sound guidethe scene, you're amplifying the
erotic atmosphere.
Try this, you're amplifying theerotic atmosphere.
Try this Moan when somethingfeels good.
(09:33):
Don't hold it in.
Let her hear the effect she'shaving on you.
Breathe audibly.
When you're turned on, itcreates a rhythm she can sync
with Whisper what you see, feelor want.
I love the way you move.
Watching you touches somethingprimal in me.
(09:56):
Don't stop Just like that.
This kind of vocal presencecreates what researchers call a
feedback loop of arousal.
It's not just hot, it's bondingand, yes, it turns you on more
too.
Sound is more than sexy, it'sinstructional, it's affirming
(10:19):
and it's primal.
It gives her permission to getlouder, to let go and to meet
you at that intensity.
All right, here's my finalchallenge to you's be real.
These tips aren't just about herorgasm.
Yes, I have received all of themessage, especially from men
(10:40):
who ask well, why is it allabout her?
But it's not.
It's also about you.
These tips are about yourpleasure and your experience too
, because when you shift frompressure to presence, your own
arousal skyrockets, your orgasmsdeepen, your confidence expands
(11:02):
because you're no longerwondering if it's working, you
know it is.
You're no longer performing,you're co-creating, and the
pleasure it lasts longer, itfeels fuller and it keeps her
coming back for more.
So this week, don't ask.
Did she come?
Ask, did I feel more alive inthis moment?
(11:27):
Did I get turned on by her turnon?
Did I unlock a part of myself?
I didn't know was there?
If you want part two on how toclose the arousal gap, dm me
part two or drop part two in thecomment section of this video.
If you're on my YouTube channel.
You can drop it in the commentsection below the video.
(11:48):
If you're on my YouTube channel, you can drop it in the comment
section below the video.
If you are an audio listener,you can email me and I will make
sure to start building that outfor you so that you can take
your intimate life to the nextlevel and start having more
orgasmic intimacy with yourpartner.
(12:10):
If I have missed something here,if there's something you have
to say, if you have questions orcomments regarding the female
orgasm, this is the time for youto let me know.
It's the international holiday,so let's start talking about it
and let's talk about how herclimax equals more climaxes for
(12:32):
you and how it's not about oneperson's pleasure when it comes
to engaging in intimacy.
It's about everybody's pleasurebeing amplified more connection
and more satisfaction.
Connection and moresatisfaction.
And listen, if you are lookingfor a cheerleader, if you will,
a wing woman in your intimatelife, in your dating life, in
(12:56):
your breakup recovery life, ifyou are looking for a sex and
intimacy coach, my books areopen and I would love to work
with you and I would love tohelp you start having better
intimacy, starting tonight.
So if you want to know moreabout that.
You can go to my website,talksexwithannettecom and find
out more about it there.
(13:16):
You can email me at Annette atTalkSexWithAnnettecom and we can
see if we'll be a good fit andstart embarking improving your
intimate life.
And if there is a topic thatyou want me to cover, make sure
to let me know.
You can drop it.
In the comment section of anyvideo you can also scroll down
(13:37):
to where you're going to find alink to my speak pipe.
You can send me your voice noteand I will do my best to hop on
that for you so that you canstart having better, more
fulfilling intimacy startingtonight.
So until next time, listeners.
I'll see you in the locker room.
Cheers.
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