Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:19):
Do the sex pleasure
and desire Around here.
Nothing's off limits.
These are the kinds ofconversations we save for our
boldest group chats, our mosttrusted friends and, of course,
the women's locker room.
Think raw, honest and sometimesunapologetically raunchy.
If you've been here from thebeginning, thank you, and if
(00:40):
you're new, welcome to mypodcast.
Where desire meets disruptionand pleasure becomes power.
Now let's talk about sex CheersIn honor of National Handjob
Day.
Today's topic is the ultimatehandjob guide.
Let's get real.
(01:00):
When was the last time ahandjob actually blew someone's
mind?
Most people treat them like awarm-up act, a stopgap, a lazy
alternative to penetration ororal, and that's exactly why
they're often forgettable orflat-out bad.
But done right, a handjob canbe more intimate, dominant and
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orgasmic than any other kind oftouch.
It's direct, it's visual, itputs you in control.
And here's the kicker yourhands can give someone a kind of
pleasure your genitals can'trecreate, not with penetration
and not with toys.
And yet most people are doingthe same tired motions they
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learned at 17.
So today, on National HandjobDay, we are giving hand sex the
respect it deserves, becausewhether you're stroking a penis,
massaging a vulva or exploringa non-binary lover's pleasure
map, your hands can be the mosterotic, versatile tool you own.
And here's the science to backit up A 2013 study from the
(02:07):
Archives of Sexual Behaviorfound that manual stimulation is
directly associated with higherorgasm rates and better
communication between partners,especially when people feel
confident in doing it.
That is what this episode isabout Not just getting them off,
but giving them somethingthey'll crave again tomorrow.
(02:28):
But before we dive in, I wantto remind you that I am over on
OnlyFans and there I am sharingmy sex and intimacy how-tos and
demonstrations, along withaudio-guided self pleasure
meditations all designed to helpyou start having better sex
tonight and more pleasure.
You can find me over onSubstack doing a whole lot of
the same and I'm in both placesunder the same handle at TalkSex
(02:51):
with Annette.
Now you can also scroll down tothe description of this episode
and you're going to find a linkto all of the places you want
to find me there.
All right, let's get ready totalk about hand sex Cheers.
So we're going to start bysetting the scene.
We're going to turn your handsinto erotic instruments.
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Let's start with the basicsyour hands Before you touch
anything, they need to feel warm.
Cold is a buzz kill.
They need to feel smooth.
Clip your and moisturize.
Remove calluses.
Clits are very, very sensitive.
Lube is not an option.
It's the magic.
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Lube reduces friction,increases sensation and makes
your partner feel relaxed, safeand turned on.
For penises, silicone or hybridlube is the best.
It's long lasting and itcreates a wonderful glide For
vulvas.
Water-based or pH safe lube.
It's gentle, it's compatiblewith everything and that's going
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to be best for our people withvulvas.
So next we're going to set themood.
Don't rush in like you'rerewiring a light switch, light a
candle, play a dirty playlist.
Look them in the eye and saydon't move.
I'm going to make you feeleverything.
Now we're ready.
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So we're going to start withpenises, from the tease to the
technique.
Giving a good handjob to man isnot just about up and down.
This is an orchestration.
Here's your five-step handjobtechnique map.
We're going to start with yourgrip game.
Start with loose fingers andlots of lube.
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Grip too tight and they'll feelpressure, not pleasure.
Instead, build the squeezegradually as arousal arises.
Think gentle at the tip, firmernear the base.
Use your non-dominant hand toanchor the base and tease the
underside.
And here's a bonus move Useyour palm to twist slightly at
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the top.
Think salt grinder, but sexier.
Second, use both hands.
One hand strokes, the otherhand.
It gets to explore.
You're going to explore theballs, cup and tug gently.
You're going to want to askyour partner what feels good
when it comes to their balls.
Don't just go in aggressive.
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Then explore the perineum.
It is a nerve-rich and supersensitive area.
You can press just behind theballs and really light them up.
Then you can also explore theinner thighs firm strokes while
you tease the head of the penis.
The more places you activate,the faster and deeper the orgasm
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.
Next, mix up the rhythm.
Here's where most people messup.
They find one speed and theystick to it Instead.
Think of it like dancing.
You start with a slow tease,then you move into a medium
rhythm, then there's a briefstop, slow again and then a fast
twist right at the end.
Varying rhythm keeps the brainon alert and research shows that
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surprise increases dopamine.
And research shows thatsurprise increases dopamine,
which fuels arousal and climax.
And don't forget to talk dirtywith your hands.
Add vocal layering.
Say things like your cock looksso good in my hands, or don't
you dare come yet, or tell mewhen you're about to lose it.
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Language turns a handjob intodomination.
You're not just touching them,you're owning them.
And finally, when you're at thefinish line, you've got two
options Let them come in yourhands, make eye contact, stroke
through the orgasm, whispersomething filthy.
Or, number two, stop rightbefore and edge them into
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madness.
Either way, stay present.
Don't treat the orgasm like aperiod on a sentence.
Hold them, praise them, make itfeel earned.
All right, let's talk aboutvulva magic hand techniques that
actually work.
Now I've already createdseveral how-to episodes on how
to touch a clit, how to give ayoni massage.
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I'm going to tag them below, somake sure to go and watch those
videos for a very in-depthhow-to on how to pleasure
someone who has a vulva.
But we're going to go over somebasics right now.
Let's be clear the vulva is nota dial you twist until
something happens.
This is orchestration meetspatience, meets sensory
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intelligence.
And here's how to make her bodymelt.
Number one warm up everything.
Start nowhere near the genitals.
You can start with the innerthighs, the belly, the breast,
the neck, the lower back.
This activates her full arousalnetwork, which is essential
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because women require longerarousal buildup for deep,
pleasurable orgasms.
Here's a fact According to theKinsey Institute, it takes most
women 20 minutes of foreplay toreach peak arousal.
So if you're skipping the step,you're sabotaging the whole
thing.
So now let's talk about thevulva massage.
(08:14):
Now here's a quick basic vulvamassage that you can use when
you're giving a woman a hand job.
Start with your flat palm,adding pressure over the vulva
mound.
Then move to using two fingersto trace the outer lips slowly
and softly.
Include some exploration, getto know her body.
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You can add in some gentletugging on the inner lips Not
painful, we're just teasing here.
Use more lube than you think.
This isn't about being fast,it's about being thorough.
Remember the clit isn't ajoystick.
Treat it like a jewel.
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When you're ready to headtowards the clit, here are three
techniques that will earn youan A in bed.
First, try the spiral.
Use a slick fingertip to tracetiny circles around the clit,
never directly on it.
Then try the tap and drag.
Include some light tapping onthe clit, mixed with soft
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downward pulls.
And for women and people withvulvas who are especially
sensitive, try the hood pull.
This is a layering type ofapproach.
You're going to gently tug onthe clitoral hood up and down.
It's sensitive and protective.
So if your partner has aparticularly sensitive clit,
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they will get pleasure out ofthis, but they won't get
overstimulated or experiencepain.
So here's a bonus tip Whisperwhat you are doing, say, tell me
if this is too much or notenough Psychologically, giving
her agency equals, faster, moresatisfying orgasms.
And finally, use penetration asan optional add-on.
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If she is ready, slowly insertone or two looped fingers, palm
up, use a very subtle come heremotion.
It's more like a gentle tug tostroke the G spot while your
other hand stays on her clit.
Sink your rhythm and if shemoans louder or moves towards
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you, you've struck gold.
If not, back off, go slow again, tease her into begging.
So next let's go beyond thebinary and talk about handjobs
for all bodies and all people.
Not everyone's parts look thesame, but pleasure maps exist
for all bodies and here's howyou can adapt.
(10:50):
Ask what words feel right.
So penis might feel okay forsomeone, clit, the other some
people like front hole, cock,etc.
Make sure you're honoring whatfeels best to your partner.
Next, check in about pressureand lube.
Some bodies get reallyoverstimulated.
Focus on nerve ridges, zones,inner thighs, nipples, perineum,
(11:15):
shaft-like areas, anus, neck,and use a flat palms and rhythm,
not just fingertips, especiallyfor dysphoric days.
Remember, it's not abouttechnique.
It's about presence, permissionand power.
This is where it's reallyimportant to be good at
communication and to be able totalk to people about what feels
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best in their body.
You might be surprised at howdifferent all bodies are,
regardless of identity, and agood handjob it can bring
pleasure to all bodies.
So here's your National HandjobDay Challenge Tonight give a
handjob like it's a fucking artform, not a favor, not a
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placeholder, a fully embodiederotic gift, whether it's a
penis or a vulva or a bit ofboth.
Use your hands to worship, totease, to own and to awaken.
Start with lube, add intentionand watch what happens.
When someone realizes you canbring them to the edge with
nothing but your fingers and alook that says I know exactly
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what I'm doing.
After you've tried one of mytechniques, tell me what you did
and how it worked.
Or did I miss a tip that'sreally important for my
listeners to know about?
Drop it below Now.
If you are looking for a wingwoman, a cheerleader or perhaps
a sex and intimacy coach acheerleader or perhaps a sex and
(12:45):
intimacy coach I'm your girl.
I have my books open forcoaching now, and if you want to
find out more about that andhow I can help you in your own
pleasure journey, just head toTalkSexWithAnettecom and check
out my information there.
You can also always email me toAnnette at TalkSexWithAnettecom
, or you can head to thedescription below this episode
and click on my speak pipe linkand send me a voice note and I
(13:07):
will get back to you as soon aspossible.
Until next time, I'll see youin the locker room.
Cheers.