Episode Transcript
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Speaker 2 (00:19):
Do the sex pleasure
and desire Around here.
Nothing's off limits.
These are the kinds ofconversations we save for our
boldest group chats, our mosttrusted friends and, of course,
the women's locker room.
Think raw, honest and sometimesunapologetically raunchy.
If you've been here from thebeginning, thank you, and if
(00:40):
you're new, welcome to mypodcast.
Where desire meets disruptionand pleasure becomes power.
Now let's talk about sex Cheers.
Today's topic is what reallyhappens at high-end sex parties
luxury, consent and women takingthe lead.
(01:01):
If you've ever wondered whatreally goes down at a high-end
sex party the kind where theatmosphere is as luxurious as
the guests buckle up.
Because today's episode isabout to pull back the curtain,
my guest today is Shannon Wong,a powerhouse with a diverse
background in performance, kinkand advocacy.
Shannon has taken her journeyfrom the modeling world to
(01:23):
becoming an official suicidegirl in 2019.
From there, shannon moved toPortland, where I am now, where
she supported her education,working in gentlemen's clubs,
exploring burlesque and poledancing and advocating for
marginalized communities.
With a degree in communicationsand a passion for performance,
(01:55):
she shifted to Los Angeles tobroaden her horizons and has
become deeply involved in thekink community, specifically
focusing on ethical non-monogamy.
These days, shannon's focusedon working with female-owned
sex-positive spaces, whilecontinuing her advocacy and
education efforts.
While continuing her advocacyand education efforts, she's
also starred in Soulmate, a playcelebrating alternative
lifestyles and offering a safespace for those often left on
the fringes.
And if that weren't impressiveenough, she's also been featured
(02:17):
in Boudoir magazine in 2024.
I am going to introduce Shannonto you in just one moment, but
before we dive in folks, I wantto remind you that I'm over on
OnlyFans, where I am sharing myintimacy and sex how-tos and
demonstrations, along with audioguided self-pleasure
meditations and so much more,all in an effort to help you
(02:39):
improve your intimate life.
You can also find me onSubstack, where I am doing the
same.
You can find me in both placesunder my handle.
At TalkSexWithAnnette, ofcourse, you can scroll down,
where you will find all thelinks to the places where you
want to find me.
But for now, welcome Shannon.
I would love to give you anopportunity to introduce
(03:01):
yourself to my listeners.
Speaker 1 (03:03):
Hey, sure, thank you,
Annette.
My name is Shannon and my stagename is Tatana Jade.
That is my Suicide Girl name,as well as usually my dancer
name when I moonlight orfrequent gentlemen's clubs.
Yes, and actually I moved toPortland in 2011 and kind of
began my career there dancingbefore I became a Suicide Girl.
(03:26):
Being a Suicide Girl wasactually always like my dream
During MySpace days.
I saw their site and I was justso empowered by like wow, there
are these alternative women whojust look so different and
they're so beautiful and theydon't feel shy about their
bodies.
I think that really stems frommy culture and where I came from
(03:49):
, it kind of feels like it's avery you know, chinese culture.
It's just such an old cultureof like just roots and roots of
history and in that it can bevery male dominating.
There's, there are theseunspoken truths about being born
a woman that you're born andyou must listen and serve your
(04:13):
father, and then you must listenand serve your husband and when
your husband passes away, youmust listen and serve your
eldest son.
So, being born into a culturethat is in that way and being
born American, I reallystruggled with my identity
(04:33):
because I would go back to China, sometimes with my parents, and
I would feel like an outsider.
But I was born in Hawaii and Ididn't really feel Hawaiian
necessarily, but culturallythat's what I connected most
with.
And then coming out to Portland,oregon, or into the mainland
United States, I wasn't, youknow, I wasn't white.
So what could I be Like?
(04:54):
What could I identify with?
And what I found that I reallyidentified with was just
alternative spaces, people whoare different.
That's how I felt and that'swhat I stuck with.
I think that led me into reallydigging in school, like I was
going to school forcommunications.
But my favorite classes atPortland State University were
(05:16):
the class on sex industry, thefeminist classes and like family
communication and learning allthose things like that.
I feel really empowered by thethings that I'm learning here.
I feel really empowered to ownmy body and to feel that it is
mine.
And I want to pursue dancingand just see how it goes.
And here I am, 12 years later,not really dancing anymore but
(05:39):
doing some other stuff, andactually I'm making my way back
around performing.
So I'm excited to share more.
Speaker 2 (05:44):
Welcome and thank you
for sharing that.
Yeah, it is a journey for womenin general to start to feel
empowered in their own sexuality.
I talk about that a lot here,but specifically you're you know
you have a unique journey herethat encompasses like a
different culture and thendealing with you know not being
white in America, which maybe weneed to start listening to
(06:08):
women about their experienceswith that in America.
So I appreciate you being opento sharing that unique journey
with me and my listeners, andI'm excited to hear about your
inside view into the high-endsex parties and sex spaces that
are led by women.
(06:29):
So, listeners, I know a lot ofyou are curious about sex
parties.
What's it all about?
There are a whole bunch of mythsand today you are going to
learn what it's really all aboutand by the end of this podcast,
maybe you'll know what to do ifyou want to check them out
yourselves Like you want to dipyour toe in the water.
Maybe put it on one of your NewYear's fuck it lists, right?
(06:53):
So stay tuned.
By the end of this we're goingto have it mapped out for you.
So, yeah, let's dive in andlet's talk about luxury sex
parties.
All right, cheers, cheers.
What is a sex party, and howdoes a high-end, luxury sex
(07:13):
party differ from maybe youraverage sex party?
I'm sure a lot of my listenershave been to neither, so if you
could just give us that baselineinfo?
Speaker 1 (07:27):
I'd appreciate it.
Yeah, sure, I've been to so manydifferent kinds of sex parties
recently, especially recently,but I would say the thing that
might really differ is reallythe atmosphere and
performance-based arts that takeplace in a high-end sex party.
So I work with Elena Crail.
(07:49):
She is a wonderful woman fromUkraine and she is married to
somebody who owns a hedge fund,and so this is kind of where my
journey began with these likeluxury parties is, with her and
the business that she wanted tostart.
So I guess that would be reallythe main difference is, like,
(08:13):
exactly you know, the type ofvenue that it's at, as well as,
like, the types of performancesthat are taking place or the
types of atmosphere models thatwe hire to make this space a
beautiful space, as well as thetype of production.
The level of production is likesomething that is very
different at high-end sexparties.
Like we would hire people whodid lighting at Disney to light
(08:35):
our entire mansion and we wouldhire, like, synchronized
swimmers to like open the act,like it's like Great Gatsby, and
so that's really reallydifferent from, you know, people
wanting to throw a sex party intheir home with their friends
or with their community, right?
Speaker 2 (08:55):
So let's talk about,
just like, sex parties in
general.
There's an idea that you walkinto a sex party and there's
just sex happening everywhereimmediately.
I mean, I think that that'skind of the vision that some
people who have watched porn andonly seen sex parties there.
So can you talk about what asex party really looks like?
(09:18):
Talking about a next level sexparty where it's an event with
performances that are takingplace and where things are
carefully curated to create avery specific experience?
But let's start with the basicsex party experience.
Speaker 1 (09:39):
Yeah.
So my friends, I have a lot offriends in the lifestyle
Lifestyle is the word we use,the lifestyle community and yeah
, normally I mean if it's asmall group of people usually it
could sometimes be a dinner thewhole walking into a room and
everyone's having sex, like,unless you're walking in at 3am,
(09:59):
it's completely a myth.
Nobody starts a sex party thatway.
I mean, it doesn't usuallystart that way.
It's usually like a small party, a small group having dinner
together, getting to know eachother, and then it's like it's
open-ended to know that the sexwill happen.
It's not always this way, butsometimes it's a two-story home,
(10:19):
so it's like the downstairspart is like where you begin,
the upstairs is like wherepeople are having sex and that
way there's separate spaces sothat people feel safe and
comfortable with what they'redoing.
This is how they shouldorganize it or that's how they
would best organize it.
Speaker 2 (10:34):
So that there's a
separation in space for people
who are having sex versus peoplewho don't necessarily want to
get involved in it.
It's like sometimes people havelike a cuddle room, a cuddle
tent something set up like thatIs sex expected when you go to a
sex party, meaning if you aregoing?
Is there an expectation thatyou will put out so to speak
(10:57):
Right.
Speaker 1 (10:57):
So no, I don't
believe so.
I mean, I think that it'sassumed that everybody wants to
have sex, but it's not anexpectation ever of anyone.
It's really important duringsex parties at least for people
who have been organizing it fora while.
They all know that peopleshould all arrive at the same
(11:18):
time.
That's usually very important,and the reason for that is
because there should be aconsent talk, where a consent
speech, where you know thepeople who are organizing it or
the people in the house aresharing the rules about how you
know what can be done here, orbasically the consent rules that
(11:41):
are expected for the peoplethat are in the home to be
behaving under.
Speaker 2 (11:46):
I love that because,
listeners, this is important for
you to know Should you decideto dip your toe in the water of
going to a sex party.
There are some red flags youcan look for.
Right, if you show up to aparty and some of these things
aren't in place, one where therewas no consent talk at the
beginning, where there wasn'tthe expectation of showing up
(12:09):
everybody at the same time, andthen the opposite experience and
I think that you're right, theparties that were held by the
person who was not doing thosekind of basic things and, I
think, winging it versus theperson who had all of that in
place, the feeling was verydifferent right, feeling safe,
(12:29):
feeling welcome, feeling likeyour.
No, was an okay thing to throwout there.
In fact, I went to one wherethey played a consent game to
kick it off.
It was kind of fun, but sopeople could like just kind of
get into it and understand, like, look, this is See, that's good
and important.
Speaker 1 (12:47):
It's like if the sex
party is starting with a
workshop.
That's good, smart, right,that's like a B+.
Speaker 2 (12:53):
I didn't feel like I
had to have sex and in
situations I didn't have sex Ijust kind of.
There are spaces to hang outand watch again performances,
like you say peopledemonstrating impact play or
demonstrating any number ofsensation type experiences and
you could just be there andlearn or you could go into the
(13:14):
room.
Understands the importance ofconsent and how things happen,
that you don't have peoplewalking in in the middle of a
sex party, where people arealready in the middle of
(13:34):
intimacy and have new peoplecoming in.
Speaker 1 (13:39):
Yeah, but yes, at
most high-end places I've
experienced that there is A aconsent toss, b security or just
people that are really that'stheir job is to make sure that
if they see something that'shappening or if they sense that
someone's uncomfortable, toreally help guide a person out
(13:59):
of that Right or help guide aperson to a situation you know
that other people are lookingfor.
It's like hostesses that arethere to connect.
Speaker 2 (14:11):
Right, right, can we
talk about safety?
What is the role that thatplays in at a sex party?
Speaker 1 (14:18):
So there's, I mean at
many different sex parties.
So there's, I mean at manydifferent sex parties.
There are different rules abouttesting.
Usually in LA the ones that Ifrequent they can accept
sometimes a two-week test,sometimes a one-week test.
The result doesn't usually getto you until either 24 hours to
(14:41):
three to seven days sometimes.
So it depends on which sexparty you're attending.
But the sex parties that we werethrowing we really wanted
people to be getting their testswithin five days.
So you got your test and thenyou got your results and then
it's like a three day windowwhere you can come in with that
(15:02):
result of like this is when thelab gave you the result and then
you can enter the sex party.
And that's not to say that youcan't enter, it's just that you
would normally get a wristbandthat says that you've been
tested clean.
That's like a tested cleanwristband or it's like a certain
color wristband, but that's howyou would differentiate that as
well, as usually in sex partiesor people who throw lifestyle
(15:24):
parties, they know to keepcondoms and lube and all sorts
of toys and things like that inevery room.
Speaker 2 (15:30):
So there are safety
protocols and, more importantly,
there's protection that can beused regardless, because you
know people may want to useprotection regardless of testing
, just for their own safety.
Speaker 1 (15:43):
And as well, it's
like you normally have staffing.
Like I said, you'd havesecurity or hostesses for safety
in that level as well, in caseanyone were to.
I mean, we never want this, butin case anyone were to be
forceful or violent usually at ahigh-end sex party where you
have 100 people you're going toneed some security.
Speaker 2 (16:04):
Right.
So what would the anticipationlook like at a sort of average
sex party versus a high-end sexparty?
What are the numbers thattypically would show up and be
invited?
Speaker 1 (16:17):
Yeah, totally depends
.
So like in a house in Bel Air,usually 150 to 200.
In a house in Beverly Hills,also usually over $100.
It really depends on thelocation.
But normally if you arethrowing a very high-end,
upscale event like that, youwant as many ticket purchases
(16:38):
that you can get and of coursethere should be a level of
protection and safety whereevery single person that is
joining for that event had tohave been interviewed before.
Speaker 2 (16:51):
What would you say
the difference between the kind
of people you see showing up at,let's say, a dinner party here
in Portland that's a sex partyversus a high-end sex party?
As far as the guest list, whatdoes that look like?
Speaker 1 (17:10):
Yes.
So when you're throwing a highin sex party price tag is high.
The very first party that Iworked for, our ticket price was
$5,000.
Pretty high price.
Now what that does is itcreates a wall of you can't
afford it here, you can't come,we don't want everyone here.
And what that tells an audience, if you're in the right circle
(17:35):
or around the right community,is that like okay, this is a
place for people who don't wantto be known that they're doing
this.
Celebrities, ceos, vps ofwhatever company, vps of
(17:56):
whatever company so that's thetype of crowd that would be
attending a luxury, high-end sexparty.
The people that are organizingit are really just inviting
people they want to have sexwith.
Speaker 2 (18:01):
I actually like that
differentiation because, again,
I have definitely experienceddifferent types and I think the
experience where that you aregoing into a sex party where the
hosts are sort of looking outfor their own needs and like
what they want to experience,versus being in a space where
(18:22):
the host is trying to curatesomething that's there for
everybody, everybody right,there's not this hierarchy
situation.
It's more like we are providinga space so that the people that
we invite can all find andexperience what they need and
want to.
I think the level of safetymeaning whether safety is
(18:46):
physical safety or sexual safetyor identity safety is going to
be a lot different when thatprice tag goes up right.
I mean one thing I experiencedat one of the spaces I walked
into that I found strange and Ifound within specifically this
lifestyle group to be strangeand I'd love to hear you speak
(19:08):
to it because it is somethingthat made me nervous about sex
parties.
A lot of people in that groupwere randomly taking out their
phone and taking pictures ofpeople.
Can we talk about?
That was very quick to like,call it out and I was like why
are you, why are you all doingthat Like?
Why are you all videoing andyou know without like a
conversation up front, so canyou speak to that?
Speaker 1 (19:28):
Yeah.
So I mean, I would say theprotection of identity is like
100%, a very serious thing to betaken very seriously.
So at a luxury sex party youwalk in and the first thing that
happens is your phone goes intoa safety deposit case that's
locked up, so you get like aticket number and if you lose a
ticket number it's okay, becauseyour name is on that ticket as
(19:50):
well.
And then the person should havetheir wallet somewhere, because
they can't enter the partywithout proving you're over 21
and that your name is actuallyon this party list.
So they should have their ID onthem and their phone tag will
also have their name.
Speaker 2 (20:04):
Right.
So there is no concern aboutsomeone pulling out their phone,
whether on the down low or, insome cases, overtly.
And look, for me it's also likemaybe I don't mind taking some
nudes to send to whoever I wantto, but I like to choose when
and how that happens.
I like to know where any photoof whatever I decide to do is
(20:29):
going.
So I love that protocol that'sin place.
So again for my listeners, evenif you can't go to a sex party
where you can afford a $5,000price tag which I know a lot of
people can't these are stillprotocols that you should be
asking if they're in place atwhatever party you're going to
(20:54):
right, what is your policy onhaving phones and images and
stuff like that?
How are you making sure myidentity is so I can relax and
do what?
I want to.
Speaker 1 (21:06):
It's hard to relax if
you're worried about somebody
being creepy and bringing orjust like taking a photo of you
and then suddenly it's on this.
Speaker 2 (21:16):
Can we talk about the
entertainment At the high-end
parties?
There may or may not be anexpectation of the time of
arrival correct?
Speaker 1 (21:24):
Yes, so normally
there is an expectation of time
of arrival.
It's like you get here 9 to 10,doors close at 10, you will not
be welcome in past that time.
And that's because the consentand workshop like the consent
speech and workshops are just soimportant.
So it's not okay.
(21:44):
It's not okay for new people tojust start rolling in.
Right, there are many differenttypes.
There are parties where it's alot looser, and that's, of
course, because maybe the personwho's hosting it really trusts
the conversation that they hadin their interview with each
member or person, and so theywon't always take away phones,
(22:06):
but they'll mention it in theconsent speech like, hey, no,
phones are allowed.
If you want to take a selfie,there's a selfie corner.
You all can go over there anddo that there and there's a
designated space for that.
Because, of course, people whoare throwing these events do
want people to know that they'rehaving this event.
They do want the members toshare that.
It's not always so strict, butit just really depends on who's
(22:30):
organizing.
Speaker 2 (22:31):
Right, right.
And then there's entertainment.
So you've got your workshopsand let's talk about
entertainment and food andbeverage, correct?
Yes?
Speaker 1 (22:41):
Yes, so at Upscale
Sex Party and it depends on
which type which one it is In LAwe have a few, so let me just
name them.
The one that I was a part of,and it was really the only one
that I was really organizing, Iwas the facilitator in
operations for this whole thing.
It was called Elysian House.
We are no longer doing events.
We have switched over towanting to do educational events
(23:06):
, but right now we're just on alittle pause.
My boss recently gave birth, soshe's just very busy in her
personal life.
That leaves some really goodfemale-operated spaces.
Sophia Domina is a verywonderful pioneer in the
female-operated space.
She makes sure that the gueststhat attend her events really
(23:27):
respect women.
They're the workshops aboutharnessing your inner goddess
and to ask for what you want forwomen and then for men they're
being taught a workshop toalways respect women.
Treat women with respect, askthem in different ways to
approach women, because I thinkthat's a really important thing,
especially at sex parties, thatpeople don't really understand
(23:47):
either, that consent and thatintimacy.
It really comes from being ableto be intimate with someone, to
look someone in the eyes andask them, because someone can
say yes, but they really mean no, and if you're not looking at
them, you won't know that, andthen a person can get really
hurt, or they can.
You know your mind changesabout something like.
(24:09):
Things like that happen all thetime.
So these are some things thatare really important to be
taught in a consent speech or ina workshop that goes before the
sex party begins, right.
So there's that.
There's Lovely.
Fate is another party.
Kismet is another party.
There's so many parties KinkyRabbit, so there's a lot of like
(24:30):
high-end, upscale, luxury sexparties in LA right now.
Speaker 2 (24:35):
Right, and so they
start with these workshops and
then they go into theentertainment.
Or is the entertainment is justthere to set the tone?
Speaker 1 (24:49):
Yes, it's.
The entertainment is there toeither set the tone or it just
it depends.
Like some, some of it is like astory, some of it is a theme in
general, like for ours, wewould always have a story.
So it's like you're guidedthrough an experience.
You walk in the doors this iswhat you see.
It's like the garden of eden.
(25:11):
There's a big snake in thegarden and then there's all
these little stories, likeyou're at a festival and you're
doing all these different sidequests and then at a certain
time the lights turn red.
And when the lights turn red,that means everyone can have sex
now.
So it's like a guided thingwhere we expect that the
audience will start to connectand make connections and talk to
(25:31):
each other and find out whattheir kinks are before the
lights turn red, before thingsare going to happen.
And then other parties it's alittle bit different where
they'll provide really like sexyatmospheric events, like a
tarot, like a topless tarotreader, like a very sexy
burlesque fire dancer, and thensometimes they'll have like a
(25:53):
performance sex, like a sex actperformance.
That will happen as well to setthe tone or other events.
There's other things.
There's kissing booths,sometimes, like I've been to.
Yeah, I've been to so many.
I forgot to mention.
There's another party called theplay as well, and they do very
fantastic events that soundsamazing, that's awesome and it's
lifestyle and like knowing,like, ok, you know, these are
(26:16):
the different parties that dothis and that to get a different
experience.
Speaker 2 (26:20):
I think there is an
idea also that these spaces are
dominated by horny men who wantto get fucked, but you mentioned
that the reality is there aresome of these spaces are
actually created by powerfulwomen.
So I would love for you tospeak to the reality and the
difference between a spacethat's created by a guy or led
(26:46):
by a guy, and these spaces thatare now being created by women
that are now being created bywomen.
Speaker 1 (26:53):
So I think that in
the world of sex work in general
, there's always the creepy dudethat just wants to be around
all these beautiful women, likealways I mean every gentleman's
club that I've worked at so far.
And then there's that, with thesex clubs too, the difference,
(27:17):
I mean it feels starklydifferent.
Like to feel respected, youknow, with your wands, to feel
really safe, is so important forus women.
If the women aren't feelingsafe, like it's just not really
a vibe, so it's not a good vibe,and so I think that that's yeah
(27:38):
, it's just very starklydifferent.
Like sometimes the way that usas performers, we get spoken to
about the expectations it's,it's feel really, really
different.
And I'm not saying that that'sfor all really different, and
I'm not saying that that's forall spaces, Like I'm not saying
all men who run sex clubs arethis way, but in general there
(27:58):
is a huge difference.
Like when it's run and operatedby a woman, that person really
cares about the safety and thefeelings that each of the women
in the party are having.
Speaker 2 (28:11):
In the woman-owned
and run and created spaces,
there's a deeper understandingof what women need to feel safe
and sexy.
If you want to get us in themood, we have to feel safe.
Speaker 1 (28:23):
That is key.
Like I would say that the typeof entertainment normally if
it's female-operated burlesque,it's very beautiful, like very
respecting and praising thegoddess, women, and sometimes in
the male operated spaces it'svery just like.
(28:45):
This is the performance there'sa girl, she's getting eiffel
towered by these two dudes andit's not necessarily empowering.
Speaker 2 (29:01):
But yeah, it's
overtly just like sex, sex, sex
instead of seduction.
And I think that that makessense to me because, as a sex
coach and an intimacy coach, oneof the things I talk about a
lot is, you know, oftentimes menare just more sexual, like
they're turned on by immediate,like visualizing the most
graphic sexual thing Women liketo be seduced, like to be in
(29:23):
this orgasmic seductive state.
That's what gets us turned onand keeps us turned on and opens
us up to turned on and keeps usturned on and opens us up to
sexual experiences, right, so itmakes sense to me that a man
throwing a sex party would belike just have her get pounded
on stage, whereas a woman wouldbe like I want to see beautiful,
(29:44):
like sensual performances andvisuals and sounds and stuff
like that.
Speaker 1 (29:52):
Speaking on that too,
I want to mention that I've
been retired from dancing forthe past two years.
Of course, I've been in Lent,which is maybe once a year where
I'll do like a little.
I'll do a ton of data isgetting on the polls.
But I'm here in New York andI'm going to be working in a
female-operated space and I'mreally excited about that.
(30:15):
So I just want to share,because this is the first time
that I've found a space that isfeeling so safe for me.
So I do want to share that.
That is a thing.
It's called the RosewoodTheater and it's the theater.
It's the venue where theyfilmed Anora, so it's
technically a lap dance party,but there are performers and I'm
(30:36):
hoping that I can be aperformer there and I'm excited
to come out of my retirement andjust do the thing again.
Do the whole spinning on thepole, do the performance.
I feel really, really safe inthat and empowered I would
imagine, yeah, yeah, definitely.
Speaker 2 (30:51):
I think that sexually
, truly sexually empowered women
want to empower other women,want to share that like
knowledge and experience andgift with other women, because
we know that when women aresexually empowered that they're
safer.
But also, sexually empoweredwomen tend to be girls, right
(31:13):
Meaning we have each other'sback.
We aren't competing against eachother, we're competing for each
other.
Right, and we know that themore women that are kind of in
the same mind frame and powerfulenergy that we are, then the
more that becomes accessible toother women and the more power
(31:34):
we have as a collective.
So I could imagine being in asexual space that is run by a
sexually empowered, strong womanis going to feel a lot better
to the women who are working hervenue.
Speaker 1 (31:51):
I was speaking with
some of the dancers and
performers there and they weretelling me yes, I left Sapphire
where I was working in New York,and I just feel so much better
here.
It's like really safe.
I don't feel disrespected bythe people in management.
I don't feel disrespected bythe men that come in here,
because when it is a dominantfemale energy that is operating
the space, it is a dominantfemale energy that is operating
(32:13):
the space.
It's like they're reallycareful of who they're letting
in as well.
Right?
So it's another point of likein these really really well
operated spaces, there's likesome type of interview process.
There's some type of trust inorderpoken, then that person is
removed.
Speaker 2 (32:36):
Right.
Speaker 1 (32:37):
So because some of
them are member-based correct.
Speaker 2 (32:39):
Yes, yes, yeah,
no-transcript.
There are some great guys outthere who are respectful and
they want to be in spaces thatempower women.
(33:01):
Most of the men in my lifedon't want to be the creepy guy
in the room, right, want tounderstand what makes women feel
safe and turned on right.
Nobody in my life of course Ivet from men who are friends to
men I've dated wants to be thecreepy dude in the room.
(33:22):
They appreciate going through aprocess to make sure that their
idea of how to interact isappropriate.
For my listeners who are hereright now and they're like okay,
sex party sounds fun, andthey're like I want that
experience.
How would one go about gettingon an invite list or getting to
(33:45):
go to a party like this?
Speaker 1 (33:47):
yeah.
So usually you know there'slike the if people are throwing
a, sometimes it's word of mouth,sometimes they're putting an ad
out there.
But if there's a website, youknow you just go to the sign up,
sign me up, and then there willbe like some type of form that
you fill out and then you'll geta phone call and you'll be
(34:09):
interviewed that way.
But I know Portland has Is itClub?
Is it Pravada, pravada.
Speaker 2 (34:16):
Pravada is.
So it's not definitely at thelevel of what you're talking
about and I've been to Pravadamany times but it is membership
based.
You can sign up for amembership, but you can also
just go and pay to get in for anight.
Speaker 1 (34:33):
So there's spaces
like that.
I think it's difficult to be inthe know, but once you find
those people like the lifestylecommunities, it gets easier.
Maybe a good site that peopleuse is like FetLife or something
you know to kind of find outlike where are these events
happening?
Like, what are these thesethings?
And FetLife is basically likethe Facebook of like kinky
(34:55):
people wanting to meet up withother people to have sex.
Speaker 2 (34:58):
Right.
So can you define lifestyle asyou are using it for my
listeners, because I know thatlifestyle can sometimes be used
to describe swingers, but it'snot just swingers, correct?
Speaker 1 (35:14):
It's more of an
umbrella term now at the moment,
just because all of this likeopen relationship thing it's
starting to blend and nowthere's just so many things, you
know, as we evolve, there'sjust more and more terms like
people are like okay, like firstthere was polyamory, like open
(35:35):
relationships, swingers, likewhat did all these things mean?
Now there's relationshipanarchy and like it's just like
okay, like there's relationshipanarchy and like it's just like
okay, like there's so many waysto identify ourselves these days
and it all kind of falls underlifestyle.
Like sometimes people inlifestyle are swingers, they're
married and they just want to dothat together as a couple.
Some people are solopolyamorous.
(35:58):
They are doing it themselves,but they do have partners.
They are doing it themselves,but they do have partners.
But in general, I think thatlifestyle is just encompassing,
like the people that areopen-minded.
Yeah, and it can be like sovanilla and then go like really
not vanilla.
I think that on the kink level,I definitely fall into vanilla,
(36:19):
like all of my lifestylefriends are like you're the most
vanilla person I know, fallinto vanilla.
Like all of my lifestylefriends are like you're the most
vanilla person I know.
And then all my civilianfriends are like you're just the
craziest person I know and I'mlike wait till you meet my
friend.
Speaker 2 (36:33):
Right, right, it's so
funny, it's perspective.
Right, it's perspective.
What seems kinky to you?
Like I know within the actualkink world, people who are super
kinky would consider me prettyvanilla.
You know, open, but like I'lldip my toe in the water of
certain things, but I would sayI still stay sort of on the
(36:59):
lower end of how far kink can go.
Right, yeah, because it's justthis massive world full of
options.
Speaker 1 (37:09):
So many options.
I went to Folsom Street Fair.
I've never attended that eventbefore, but I'm exploring kink
even more now.
Sex is fun and sex is great andwe all love it, but I just want
to make sex like the safestpossible for everyone.
If there was a place and a timeand, you know, like a way for
(37:30):
people to be educated on how toapproach so many situations like
this would all be so much morefun.
Sex would be just so much morefun.
Right, yeah, and I think thatcomes from like my own
experience too with like traumaand and in working in the space
well you know, and I've beenvery open on my podcast about my
(37:52):
own history with sexual assaultand rape.
Speaker 2 (37:54):
I bring it up a lot
and I think it's important
because what I'm seeing myselfis that a lot of the people, the
women who are in this spaceeducating others on sex and all
kinds of sex and creating sexpositive spaces, are women who
(38:16):
have experienced sexual assault.
There's sort of this idea thatif you've been sexually
assaulted then you never want tohave sex again and that you're
this quote broken person.
And I think what I would likepeople to see is that women are
resilient and powerful and thatour sexual energy is powerful
and in many ways in our cultureit's been taken away from us,
(38:37):
sometimes violently, but when weget it back we can build
beautiful things.
And sex is supposed to be abeautiful thing, right and a fun
thing and a pleasure-filledthing that nourishes your body
and your mind and your spirit.
And the people who I think areon the forefront of that and
bringing that back into,hopefully eventually, the norm
(39:00):
in our society are women andwomen who have experienced the
ugly side of sex when it'sweaponized and used against us.
So I agree with you 100% itwill be nice if there ever comes
a day when we can stop hearingstories of women being assaulted
.
And I think the other thing youbrought up this has again come
(39:22):
up as a theme in my podcast alot.
Sometimes a yes isn't a yes,and I love that you brought up
workshops to educate peoplearound that, because sometimes
men don't know that they get theyes and they think it's a yes
because they don't know how toread what's really going on, and
then women experience trauma byfollowing through with
something they didn't want to doin the first place.
(39:42):
So it's great to have womencreating spaces for sex parties
and sexual pleasure, but leadingthose with education to help
that be a better experience.
Speaker 1 (39:55):
I would like you to
tell my listeners what is the
age range on these parties asyoung as like 21 to sometimes
people even in their 60s, likein general it's a very wide
range of people that want tocome Like somehow, like some
really young women, just want toexperience all sorts of things.
(40:16):
So many people have so manydifferent kinks.
Speaker 2 (40:19):
And then some people
that attend are like married
couples that you know arelooking to swing with other
married couples right, so itreally spans the age range
people don't, don't countyourself out if you're in your
40s, 50s and 60s, I would sayhere in portland, provada it's,
(40:40):
I see mostly maybe mid 30s andup.
It does seem like, you know,probably different venues also
draw different people yeah,definitely.
Speaker 1 (40:51):
It just again always
depends on the people hosting it
and then what they're likeadvertising kind of is yeah.
Speaker 2 (41:00):
So for people who are
interested in the sex party
experience and maybe, like, thedream is to eventually end up at
one of these high-end sexparties, luxury sex parties can
you give them?
Can you leave my listeners withlike, where do they get started
?
Speaker 1 (41:19):
For a person that's
kind of dipping their toe into
sex parties it.
For a person that's kind ofdipping their toe into sex
parties like locally, I wouldsay that usually people would
post that they're throwingevents on the set life webs.
That's usually where you'deasily be able to find out like
is something going on?
And then from that you'll beable to really meet like the
(41:40):
organizers.
It's really important that youintroduce yourself to the
organizers because then you'llfind out about more of the
events that are going on.
And that's really how for me Istarted up on the very top like
the most expensive sex party youcan go to.
So now, always attending allthe free events and it does.
It does get more, more difficultlike to go to private events if
(42:03):
it's not you hosting it or yourfriends hosting it, because
it's like usually that type ofcrowd, it's like we're not
really selling tickets, we'rejust inviting who we want to
sleep with, right?
So I would say the best way tolook for that, if you're looking
for that, is to maybe see ifthere's anything going on on
(42:23):
FetLife.
Sometimes Reddit communitieswill you know, speak about like
this is a fun event and attendthose events.
So there's like the kinkyevents that they have in Seattle
and Portland.
They have like the really,really big ones Always like see
if there is some type of kinkyevent happening Trade shows,
things like that?
Speaker 2 (42:43):
What about starting
out at a sex club?
Speaker 1 (42:46):
Yes, I would say so,
that too.
So it's just like find yourlocal, like where it's happening
or what's going on, and thenyou'll be able to either get
invited to a party or you canask about if there's any events
happening.
But also, just speaking toorganizers of this space, and
they can always let you know.
You know, if you become friendswith them, they'll tell you
(43:06):
like, oh yeah, like so-and-so ishaving a dinner party, you know
like, and then have that kindof trade-off of like oh, I would
really like to go, like, youknow, can you get me in?
And it is all usually veryvetted, right.
So that's how you would start,as like a person who doesn't
know anything.
Speaker 2 (43:25):
And things to look
for in a good sex party
experience.
Maybe questions to ask beforedeciding to go so that you know
that you're going to an ethical,safe event.
Speaker 1 (43:36):
It's always good to
ask if they're requiring testing
.
That's a good place to start.
Are they requiring testing?
Are they providing?
Because at least you know ifthey're not providing condoms
and protection in that way thatyou can at least bring your own.
So that's always a good thingto be aware of.
I would definitely ask ifthere's a cell phone policy.
(43:59):
I'm worried about that.
Speaker 2 (44:02):
I mean, not
everyone's worried, Some people
are they want to do it Right, Imean anything that's important
to you, for you to relax andfeel safe and feel good.
Ask that information up front.
I think it's also a good signif they're giving a lot of that
information up front, becausetransparency is, you know, sexy.
Speaker 1 (44:22):
And you would know,
based on that initial
conversation before you attendthe event, you will know if
there is a consent speech or arequired check-in time, and
that's like a really huge thingto look for, like even at
festivals these days, likethere's like a consent thing in
the porter potty, like you know,if someone's too someone's too
(44:42):
fucked up, like you know, dothis or help them this way, and
it's like that's how you knowyou're at a safe event is like
you're in the bathroom and it'slike there's a sign, right,
right, like it's very upfront.
When it's like a safe space,like they're, they're usually
very upfront about it beingconsent based.
Speaker 2 (44:59):
So, on that note,
there's usually going to be
alcohol provided at these places, right?
Are there safety measures withthat so that you don't end up
with, like you know, trashedpeople being sloppy oh?
Speaker 1 (45:11):
yeah, yeah, I mean
typically sometimes they'll stop
serving drinks at a certaintime, and also normally, I would
say, at a high-end sex party,it's like the security is there
and will know like, because ifsomeone doesn't seem like
they're even able to giveconsent, then it's like it's not
potential, so then you're gonnareally have to sit out and have
(45:33):
like there should be like atimeout slash.
You know, that's why you havespaces where people aren't
having sex too right, because,well, in order for us to be
consensual, you need to be ableto give consent.
And if you're really fucked up,how are you going to do that?
Speaker 2 (45:47):
Right and I want to
reassert that.
You can go to these events andnot have sex.
You can go just to see whatit's like and to meet people and
you know you might lightly makeout if you want to.
I have been to the sex club somany times and never done
anything, you know, either justdanced or sat and visited with
(46:08):
people, watched whatever showthey were putting on.
That happens more often thanpeople realize.
Speaker 1 (46:14):
I don't usually have
sex at sex parties, but I
actually almost only attend sexparties, which is really funny,
and it's like all my friends arejust in the lifestyle, like I
just love to be surrounded, andthe reason for that is because
normally when you're attending asex party, the type of
environment that it's buildingif it's organized very well is a
(46:36):
space for people to leavebullshit at the door, like when
you know that you're going to benaked.
You're going to start offvulnerable.
You're going to start off withan open heart, you're going to
be a listener of the person thatyou're connecting with, and I
think that's why I love sexparties so much.
Went to LA and I thought, oh no, I'm going to meet all these
(46:57):
materialistic people, likeeverything you hear about LA,
like I'm so scared.
But I entered the lifestylecommunity there and I feel the
complete opposite.
Speaker 2 (47:07):
Right.
Speaker 1 (47:08):
Like at sex parties.
Those are the parties in LAwhere nobody's asking you what
is your job?
What can you get me?
What watch are you wearing?
You're not wearing a watch.
Speaker 2 (47:16):
I love that.
So I mean you heard it from ourguest.
She goes to the sex parties anddoesn't have sex most of the
time at least.
I do think that's more commonthan people realize.
It is the atmosphere that iscreated when you're in these
spaces that allows you just tobe more authentic.
It's hard because a lot ofpeople's concept comes again
(47:37):
from porn and porn sort ofdirties it up right.
But these places can be reallyagain luxurious, high-end, sexy,
kind, friendly and open.
It's a great experience.
If you're looking at being moreexpansive and being more
accepting and having a more rich, full sex life and a lot of
(47:59):
eroticism in your life, it'sworth dipping your toe in the
water.
Thank you for giving voice tothese women, created and led
spaces right.
This isn't just a bunch ofdirty guys bringing a whole
bunch of people in.
They want to fuck.
There are women leading inthese spaces and creating safe,
sexy spaces for all people,which is wonderful.
(48:21):
Can you tell my listeners wherethey can find you if they want
to know more about you or catchone of your shows, because I
know you have plays going on.
Speaker 1 (48:31):
Yes, yes, thank you
so much.
I love, love sharing.
So right now I am performing inNew York City.
Our opening night for my showSoulmate is on the 19th, that is
Saturday.
And yeah, so that's New YorkCity Saturdays at 8 pm.
Sundays at 2 pm matinee at theActors Temple, and I also will
(48:56):
be performing and working at theRosewood Theater.
And to find me, my tag oneverything is Instagram, is
LittleWanton or KatanaJTV.
Littlewanton is little andwanton, spelled all the way out,
and then KatanaJTVK-A-T-A-N-A-J-A-D-E-T-V.
(49:17):
And those are my tags forTwitter and TikTok.
Speaker 2 (49:30):
If any of you are
looking for a sex or intimacy
coach.
You want a cheerleader, a guide.
If you will and those are mytags for Twitter and TikTok
reach out to me and you canemail me at Annette at
TalkSexWithAnnettecom.
If you have questions forShannon and you are on my
YouTube channel, which is atTalkSexWithAnnette, you can
leave a comment in the commentsection and I will get in touch
(49:53):
with her and let her know whatyou have to say.
You can also email me atAnnette at TalkSexWithAnnette.
Thank you again for joining metoday.
Speaker 1 (50:01):
Thank you so much and
I just wanted to say, for those
of you who are in New York Cityand if you're interested in
dipping your toes a little bitabout this open lifestyle, that
is what our show is about.
It was written for me and kindof based on my life and my
business partner's life as well.
We're very, very open peopleand it's like a very nice
(50:24):
introduction to that openlifestyle.
It's a dating, modern dating,comedy and drama.
You can find information.
We have our podcast, it'sSoulmate Play, and our website
is soulmateofficialcom.
Speaker 2 (50:38):
Awesome.
Go check it out To my listeners.
Until next time, I'll see youin the locker room.
Cheers.