Andy Cohen

Andy Cohen (WWHL, The Daddy Diaries) joins Ego as her dad for the day to discuss life as a single parent, how The Real Housewives taught him to be more patient with his children, and why kids shouldn’t be attached to their phones. Later on, Andy offers Ego advice on whether or not she should get back into dating.

Guest: Andy Cohen

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:02):
This is a headgun podcast.

Speaker 2 (00:13):
Hi, Hi mega odem, and welcome to Thanks Dad. I
was raised by a single mom and don't have a
relationship with my dad and I really don't think I
ever will because he's actually dead. He's dead now, Yep,
he died, he died, He went and fucking died last year.
That bastard. Or I guess that would be me because
technically I'm the bastard, right Okay. On this podcast, I'm

(00:36):
sitting down with father figures who are old enough to
be my dad?

Speaker 1 (00:42):
That's the this podcast full stop your dad? Oh my god?

Speaker 2 (00:48):
Okay, so we left that part out when we reached
out to guests. We did se no, no, no, or
or who are just that dad's themselves? That too? Okay.

Speaker 1 (00:57):
I kind of want to know how old you are now?
Your age start with a.

Speaker 2 (01:01):
Two as far as Hollywood is concerned. Yeah, yes, exactly.
But I'll get to ask the questions I've always wanted
to ask a dad, like how do I know if
the guy I'm dating is right for me? Or what
should I look out for when buying a car? Can
you help me change the oil in the car once
I get the car?

Speaker 1 (01:21):
I think you're revealing that I'm a terrible dad.

Speaker 2 (01:25):
Today's guest is the author of Daddy Diaries, The Year
I Grew Up, the host of the Daddy Diaries podcast,
and watch What Happens Live. Please welcome My Dad for
the Day, Andy Cohen. Did you know you were going
to be my dad for the day? Did you know
that part?

Speaker 1 (01:40):
Well? You know?

Speaker 3 (01:41):
I am a My Housewives tagline is I am a
father of two.

Speaker 1 (01:46):
And a daddy to many. My God, there you go.
Sorry for my voice. I apologize you guys. I talk
a lot and sometimes it goes out.

Speaker 2 (01:54):
This happens, but it's kind of sexy. I shouldn't say
that about my dad. Can you say your dad? That's sexy?

Speaker 1 (02:01):
Yeah? Baby, already weird?

Speaker 2 (02:06):
I know, okay, but daddy too many. I like that,
but then I also feel less special. And your two
are really special, obviously the most special.

Speaker 1 (02:15):
Yes they are.

Speaker 2 (02:16):
You have a girl and a boy.

Speaker 1 (02:17):
I do well, ages five and two? Who's five?

Speaker 3 (02:22):
Ben?

Speaker 1 (02:22):
My solf?

Speaker 2 (02:22):
Ben is five? Okay? And what's your daughter's name?

Speaker 1 (02:25):
Lucy?

Speaker 2 (02:25):
Lucy beautiful name and she's two? Yes, okay? And your
your fake I see it in your eyes, dad, I
see it in your eyes when you talk about them.
It's very sweet. Yeah, yeah, okay, you love.

Speaker 1 (02:36):
Being a dad. I can't believe you.

Speaker 3 (02:38):
I mean, I was like mister bachelor forever. I didn't
have kids until I was fifty.

Speaker 2 (02:43):
Do you feel like it's better to wait in your experience?

Speaker 1 (02:46):
For me, it's great to wait.

Speaker 2 (02:48):
Why do you feel I froze my eggs? I'm glad
to hear that. Thank you.

Speaker 3 (02:53):
A bit of the things that I think is just
a tragedy is that women are faced this biological time clock,
and I think it's so unfair, especially as I think,
especially as women just how do I say this? I
just think it's totally unfair, And I think that women

(03:15):
should be able to build their lives however they want
to without being restrained. It can really wind up messing
with their careers, I know, or any dreams or aspirations
that they had. And for me, the ability to create
my life and my career was so important to me

(03:35):
and also through it all, I mean, I.

Speaker 1 (03:38):
Spent my forties as a that was.

Speaker 3 (03:41):
Kind of the decade that I was kind of famous,
and I was like, oh wow, this is really fun.
Let me take advantage of everything this has to offer.
And I kind of worked through that. But if I
had had children at that time, I would have been
home the whole time, and it would have been a totally.

Speaker 2 (03:57):
Different I feel like I might have even I don't
know if people resent their children. I don't know. I
don't know what they could.

Speaker 3 (04:02):
Sure absolutely, I just know that I was in a
place where I was ready to be present for them
and grateful for it. And if you're not in that place,
then God, I'm so sorry you have to listen to
my voice this way. Not in that place, then yeah,
I could wind up being a different experience.

Speaker 1 (04:21):
I also think having kids later in.

Speaker 3 (04:23):
Life it's given me the you know, I feel more
calm now than I've ever been, and calm is.

Speaker 1 (04:32):
Not a trait that I would associate.

Speaker 3 (04:34):
With parent who And certainly I can be a psycho
around my kids and I can scream and I do
everything and I'm overreactive, but I definitely feel like I'm
way better at choosing battles and figuring out when to fold.

Speaker 1 (04:50):
And what's important to me and what's not. So that's
been a gift too.

Speaker 2 (04:55):
Wow, that's incredible. Now I'm assuming that you have been
in relationship before.

Speaker 1 (05:02):
My relationship history is not incredible.

Speaker 2 (05:05):
Not incredible in that it hasn't worked out, or in
that there have been only a few.

Speaker 1 (05:08):
Do you have a few kind of three year deals?

Speaker 2 (05:10):
Okay? I mean you're doing better than I am. Dad.
I just want to say, you're doing way better. Thank
you so much. I imagine though, that you learned to some
patients in those relationships as well. But you're like, what's
going on with like having children in my home and
parenthood is blowing all of that out of the water.

Speaker 1 (05:29):
Okay, Okay, I mean it's not even comparable.

Speaker 2 (05:34):
Okay. And as you're raising your kids, are you looking
back at how you were raised in ways and saying
I want to emulate any of this or I really
want to avoid this.

Speaker 3 (05:46):
I had great parents, okay, and they're still alive. My
dad's ninety three, my mom's eighty seven, I think, and
they just had their sixty fifth anniversary. And they were amazing.
My mom was so reactive, and I used to love
to fuck with her, to be honest, and I just was.

(06:08):
I pulled so many pranks on her and I say
stuff just to get a reaction. And the other day
we were at our beach house and there there's this
glass partition and it looked like there was suntan oil
all over it.

Speaker 1 (06:22):
And I go, Ben, did you put suntan oil? I
was like, in a frame. He goes, that's yogurt. And
I said, why did you put.

Speaker 3 (06:31):
Yogurt all over the thing? And he said because I
knew it would make you mad?

Speaker 1 (06:36):
And I was like, oh, no, fucking.

Speaker 3 (06:41):
And so but then I real and then of course
I couldn't react because then I would be giving him
what he wanted. And I walked away and I was like, oh,
my God is in play. It is me and I
deserve this.

Speaker 2 (06:55):
So and you knew I was going to ask you,
are you not worried that you're children are going to
do what you did to your mom?

Speaker 1 (07:02):
To you?

Speaker 2 (07:03):
I am, And now you're seeing it, Ben has started.
I kind of love that, and I am sorry for you.
But you're right about karma. It does catch up to you. Really,
What was your dad like?

Speaker 3 (07:16):
My dad is super mellow, just super calm kind.

Speaker 1 (07:23):
My dad was a little bit like a TV dad.

Speaker 3 (07:27):
My dad would okay, would say the three dreaded words
after dinner to me that I never wanted to hear
want to play catch? And I was just you know,
that was not my jam at all, Right, but I
would occasionally and my mom would be like, please go
play catch with him, like adult your father.

Speaker 1 (07:46):
So my dad was great, and you know, my mom
was the My mom is a very opinionated Jewish mom.
Jewish moms wear the pants in the family.

Speaker 2 (08:02):
Okay, that's a major Okay, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 3 (08:06):
You talk to any Jewish boy that you have on
this show, yeah, you will start to understand the psychology
and a Jewish man. It's And by the way, I
do feel like, you know, Jewish women are very strong, Okay.
And I do feel like, just in terms of my
universe of the housewives, I feel like having a Jewish
mom kind of prepared me for being around these very strong, dynamic.

Speaker 2 (08:29):
Personalities every once in a while I'll meet. I feel
like Nigerian men are also Nigerian American. I feel like
Nigerian men are also used to having very strong women.

Speaker 3 (08:39):
Funny because the Nigerian I mean the Nigerian women that
I know, I mean, you do not want to fuck.

Speaker 1 (08:47):
With the Nigerian woman. You just really don't.

Speaker 3 (08:49):
You don't, Now do you want a Nigerian man? Is
that important to you?

Speaker 2 (08:54):
Not particularly No, is.

Speaker 1 (08:55):
It important to you to be with a man of color?

Speaker 2 (08:58):
This is a great question, and no, it's I would
like to. I think there are just some things inherently
that we would understand about one another in our experiences.
But it's not a deal break. Yes, Andy, some people
think I only date white guys. Yeah, do I look
like it? But I love that you're you're asking me
because I don't. I'm not giving she only dates white guys.

(09:20):
Some people assume I only date white It's rude. I
don't know, And I ask, what mean?

Speaker 1 (09:26):
Just when I think that I understand the culture?

Speaker 2 (09:29):
Yeah, and then I say something like this, It's truly insane.
I'm like, I have dated, I will date any kind
of I want any kind of man. I mean, my
track record would suggest any kind of man. But I mean,
in terms of race, I would date any kind of man. So,
your dad's super mellow. He's kind of like a TV dad.
Mom wears the pants in the household. Would you say,

(09:49):
your dad, if he heard that would be upset? Okay, Yeah,
that's a conversation. Okay, And he's like, yeah, was his
mom like that?

Speaker 3 (09:58):
Do you think I think his mom died when I
was like in when I was in elementary school, I think,
so I didn't know her that well, but I am
told that she was a very tough woman. Yes, yeah,
oh for sure. That was a dynamic among his parents.

Speaker 1 (10:17):
For sure.

Speaker 3 (10:18):
Among my parents, my grandfather was actually more, he was stronger.

Speaker 2 (10:24):
Really Okay, did you admire your dad when you were
growing up? Yeah?

Speaker 1 (10:30):
Yeah, oh big time?

Speaker 2 (10:31):
Still and you still do. Yeah, incredible. He's ninety three,
which I'm assuming he lives a very healthy lifestyle.

Speaker 1 (10:38):
Does Yeah, yeah he does.

Speaker 2 (10:40):
And do you emulate any of that yourself?

Speaker 3 (10:43):
Oh?

Speaker 1 (10:44):
How he lived.

Speaker 3 (10:45):
I have a lot more TC in my system than
he ever had, you know, I mean I don't think
my dad's ever done poppers.

Speaker 2 (10:53):
Oh yeah, so you know.

Speaker 1 (10:55):
I mean, I'm a gay guy. So we have different
things happening in the world.

Speaker 3 (11:00):
But yeah, yeah, but yeah, I mean listen, No, my
dad was a my dad is but really was in
his in his prime and athlete.

Speaker 1 (11:10):
I mean he played tennis several times a week. He
was a runner. I am none of that. Go to
the gym like every gay guy.

Speaker 2 (11:17):
You look good to comment? Okay, but you do? Why
do you what's your motivation? Is it? Prey?

Speaker 1 (11:23):
It's just health andy, Okay, yes, fair enough.

Speaker 2 (11:27):
It makes sense because honestly, working out is kind of.

Speaker 1 (11:30):
Gay people don't not work out. They people work out,
you know.

Speaker 2 (11:35):
And I don't know if I'm allowed to say this,
but I feel like gay people have some amazing bodies.

Speaker 3 (11:40):
Well I do to listen, go to a high school
reunion and you can pick out the game because straight, uh,
straight white guy's age very poorly.

Speaker 2 (11:50):
Especially, But do you think it's the beer, by the way,
And I think.

Speaker 1 (11:53):
It's the beer. I think it's the hubris.

Speaker 3 (11:58):
I think that there's I mean, you cannot. I think
Donald Trump thinks he has a good body. You know
what I mean?

Speaker 2 (12:05):
He's fat, you know what I mean?

Speaker 4 (12:07):
Like these men are walking around with these bellies. But
there if a tall man walks in with a belly,
people will be like, oh look how big you are
walks in with a belly. They're like, she's fat.

Speaker 1 (12:21):
Yeah, it's not it's not fair.

Speaker 2 (12:22):
It's not fair that even when people talk about a
dad bod and guys are allowed to have dad bods,
I think it's fine as a dadbod, but a woman
is supposed to be an hourglass. I'm like, that's not
that's not fair, not fair at all. So your dad
was an athlete in since that he loved running. He
loved playing catch with you. When you were like reticent

(12:42):
to play catch with him, did he express disappointment? I
know your mom was like, okay.

Speaker 1 (12:47):
Okay, he didn't.

Speaker 2 (12:48):
Okay, what was your dynamic like beyond playing catch?

Speaker 1 (12:51):
The two d yes really good. It was really good.
I mean, uh, he was.

Speaker 3 (12:58):
He took me to McDonalds every weekend to the tennis
club and with him and watch him play and like
color while he played. But then you know, that was
when I was like going in the locker room and
looking at dudes, and so that was he didn't realize, like,
I'm like, I'll go to the.

Speaker 2 (13:16):
Tennis club with you, but Andy likes tennis that the
locker room, well did What was it like coming out
to him?

Speaker 1 (13:28):
It was I first, my dad.

Speaker 3 (13:31):
I I had left a letter to a friend in
the den and my mom found it and she thinks
I totally left it out for her to find.

Speaker 1 (13:42):
And they did something they never do before dinner. This
was when I was in college.

Speaker 3 (13:47):
I was home for Christmas break, and that is they
went up to their room and closed the door and
they never did that. We just wasn't our, you know,
and there and I was like, oh, my mom said,
you left your letter and in the den and I
was like, oh shit, like this is and I'm like,
now they're talking about it. And so after dinner, my
dad went to play tennis. It was his tennis night.

Speaker 2 (14:08):
My mom came, you didn't you didn't in college at
that point.

Speaker 3 (14:14):
And uh, and I said, and she said, or you know,
we need to talk and I told her I was
gay and she said I probably.

Speaker 1 (14:21):
Would have hated your wife anyway, which is a great one.

Speaker 3 (14:25):
And then my dad came home from playing tennis and
he knew what I what my mom was going to
talk to me about. And there we were still in
my room where he left us two hours later earlier,
and he goes, I said, Dad, you better, I got
to talk to you. And he goes, I'm going to
go eat an orange.

Speaker 1 (14:42):
So he went, he ate his orange. My mom's like,
he's in denial already.

Speaker 3 (14:47):
And then he came up and I said, I'm gay
and he said, well, you know, i'm your father and
I love you no matter what you are, which was
an incredible thing to hear. And then he went through
kind of a little thing of if your friend Jeanie
walked in the room naked right now, would.

Speaker 1 (15:05):
You get excited. I'm like no. He's like, what about.

Speaker 2 (15:08):
Jackie got better, She's got a better body than Genie.

Speaker 3 (15:12):
I go, well, He's like not at all. I go, well,
maybe if she like rubbed up against me, and he's like, oh, well,
then I was trying to see is there any year
verse in which you can be straightened? And then he
took me to lunch a day or two later, and
he tried to have a talk with me about AIDS and.

Speaker 1 (15:30):
Being protective of myself.

Speaker 3 (15:33):
Because this was the late eighties, everybody was dying and
it was quite awkward but incredibly sweet that he did that.

Speaker 2 (15:41):
Did you recognize it as sweet at the time, Oh my.

Speaker 1 (15:43):
God, I was like, this is I could have cried.
I just thought it was amazing.

Speaker 3 (15:49):
Yeah, I was like wow, yeah, yeah, I just thought
it was amazing.

Speaker 2 (15:54):
Did you always feel safe with your parents?

Speaker 3 (15:56):
But I was scared to come out. She was very
scared to come out. I was scared they were not
going to accept me. But just because it was not
an age where anyone was getting accepted for being gay, so.

Speaker 5 (16:07):
Yeah, did you have siblings older sister did she feel close.

Speaker 2 (16:22):
To your dad as well?

Speaker 1 (16:23):
Yeah? Yeah, absolutely, Okay, and then in later years she
went to work for the family company, so she was
like working with him.

Speaker 2 (16:31):
And then you didn't work for the family I did not.
What was that?

Speaker 1 (16:34):
Like, that's fine, I'm trying to be in TV.

Speaker 3 (16:37):
And they were like, well, if you want to work
in the food business, you can stay here, but if
you want to work in TV, you're on your own.
We don't know anything about that. And so I just
made my own way doing that.

Speaker 2 (16:49):
Sure, did your dad take any curiosity or vested interest
in what you were doing doing?

Speaker 1 (16:55):
Oh? He was fascinated. They both have been. And it's
so funny. I mean, my dad, my dad is.

Speaker 3 (17:01):
A horn dog and he loves flirting with women.

Speaker 2 (17:04):
Yeah, Jackie, exactly.

Speaker 1 (17:07):
He loves it. And so.

Speaker 3 (17:12):
These last fifteen years, I'm sitting here with all these
housewives with big blooms and big blonde hair and tight dresses,
which of course is lost on me completely. You know,
my dad has met so many housewives and he, you know,
I think he really gets to chuckle out of it,
and they love talking to him.

Speaker 1 (17:34):
It's very sweet. I went on.

Speaker 3 (17:36):
I hosted a few beauty pageants like Miss Universe and
Miss USA.

Speaker 1 (17:41):
And I made My mom was like, I have no
I go you got every year. I was like, you
guys should come to Vegas. It's kind of a trip.
And it's like really a trip.

Speaker 3 (17:50):
Yeah, And my mom's like, I have no interest in
my dad. I was saying, well, well I would come
to it. And I was like, Mom, take come to Vegas.

Speaker 1 (17:58):
And so they came and it was just my dad
got to meet all the you know, I mean the States. Yeah,
hilarious and it's a little flirt.

Speaker 2 (18:06):
Yeah, the ladies kind of go for it.

Speaker 1 (18:08):
I love him. Super handsome guy he is.

Speaker 2 (18:12):
I'm going to ask to see your picture.

Speaker 3 (18:13):
After show you a picture of him. I posted one
on Instagram the other day so it's readily available.

Speaker 1 (18:20):
He's he's a he is a.

Speaker 2 (18:22):
Very Okay, I'm about to get to see a picture
of Andy's dad.

Speaker 1 (18:25):
Show him to you when he was younger.

Speaker 2 (18:27):
Okay, it's weird to be into your dad's dad.

Speaker 1 (18:32):
I know your dad's dad.

Speaker 2 (18:35):
Wow, No, exactly, he's handsome.

Speaker 1 (18:38):
He is handsome. Well here he is kind of today.

Speaker 2 (18:41):
Oh yeah, but I can tell him swagger.

Speaker 1 (18:43):
Looks like an ex president.

Speaker 2 (18:45):
He does. Because that first photo you showed me, I
felt like, looked like a young Joseph Robinette Biden, like
one of those young fellows I've seen of Joe Biden.
Oh wow, they would have been tearing it up as
young guys. Did he get married to your mom? Young?

Speaker 1 (18:59):
Young? Okay?

Speaker 2 (19:00):
Yeah, yeah yeah? And was he a good husband?

Speaker 1 (19:03):
Yes?

Speaker 2 (19:04):
Wow, really like a TV dad and every real.

Speaker 1 (19:06):
It's really true.

Speaker 2 (19:07):
That's kind of blessed and charmed, I know for you. Yeah, yeah,
that's very nice.

Speaker 1 (19:12):
I compare, you know, I mean, it was very.

Speaker 3 (19:16):
The t I grew up in a suburb outside of
Saint Louis. It was very I've had shrinks over the
years tried to mine my childhood for you know, trauma
and stuff, and it's pretty It was pretty basic.

Speaker 1 (19:27):
The big trauma was about me being in the closet
and being worried I wasn't going to be accepted.

Speaker 2 (19:33):
And then you were met with accepted.

Speaker 1 (19:35):
And it was great, right.

Speaker 2 (19:36):
Yeah. I started therapy for real consistently in twenty twenty,
and my therapist at the time, I was with her
for three years, but she was very much like you know,
you you don't have a relationship with your dad, and
I bet that's the root of X, Y and Z.
And I was like, I really, I'm so open. I
feel open. This podcast feels very vulnerable. But I'm like,

(19:58):
I don't think that that's it. That feels like too
low hanging of fruit.

Speaker 1 (20:03):
And where was your dad?

Speaker 2 (20:05):
My dad was in North Carolina. My dad died last year,
but he remarried. My parents got divorced when I was
a baby. Okay, yes, he remarried, moved to North Carolina,
had a family.

Speaker 1 (20:18):
And didn't want anything to do with you.

Speaker 2 (20:19):
I think it was more I didn't want and well,
you know, I think it was maybe you chose. Yes,
it was kind of chosen. So I didn't feel rejected
in any way. That's another thing I should say. I
didn't feel like rejected. It wasn't this thing where like
I'm chasing dad.

Speaker 1 (20:31):
And have a great relationship with your mom.

Speaker 2 (20:34):
Yeah, like a very normal I would say. I feel
really close to my mom. I love her. I think
she did a fantastic job raising the four of us
on her own. She went to med school with four kids.
I have two brothers and a sister. Yeah, it's in screen.

Speaker 1 (20:46):
Well, I think that.

Speaker 3 (20:49):
Then in a way, it feels like your universe was
that you were raised by a single mom and that
that was your experience in life.

Speaker 2 (20:58):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (20:59):
Because my kids are not going to have a mom. Yeah,
And in my mind.

Speaker 3 (21:04):
There's something sad about that because I have such a
close relationship with my mom. But I think for them,
they don't.

Speaker 1 (21:12):
Know any differences.

Speaker 3 (21:13):
So I think for you, you have a close relationship
with your mom. Your mom raised you, you had a
very happy family, you had a happy child. Yeah, And
so you know, everyone has their own experience and I
think I think especially now as you know, everyone is
in touch with their feelings and everyone is you know,

(21:34):
we we live where mental health is something that is
such an important dialogue in our culture. I think, you know,
living in a happy family with a single parent versus
having some fucked up relationship with your dad, I mean,
you know, I think you got to be able to
lean into that the positivity of.

Speaker 2 (21:55):
That, Andy, I agree completely because my parents again got
divorced when I was a baby, right, And so I
don't all I know is my mom raised me. I
grew up with my siblings. Mom raised me. I don't
know any other reality. I in fact think I made
like if sixteen years old my mom had gotten remarried,
I think I would have been like, what, there's a
man in the house. I don't know if I would

(22:15):
have been able to navigate that, especially not with the
tools I had at sixteen, But like, that's just the
reality I knew, and I am fine with it. I
think I had a lovely childhood. I think my mom
did a great job raising us, instilled wonderful values in
each of us. She was a phenom to watch in action.
And so with your kids, in my mind, I imagine,
just given my experience, I go, They'll go. I have

(22:37):
a great dad, and I have a great relationship with
my dad, and that filled me up. I know that
I have friends whose parents did stay together, and I've
seen how fraud that has been for them, and what
kind of chaos it's really created internally for them. And
I really do think it's better to have one parent
and a peaceful home than two and it's and it's

(22:58):
madness or it's like a war zone. And this is
having never raised kids and only having had my one
experience and seeing other people's. But so I'm only speaking
from that point of view. But I'm like, that's the
sense I get. Now, your dad worked in food, in
the food industry, What exactly did.

Speaker 3 (23:15):
He do with My family had a food distribution and
manufacturing company, So we sold food to hospitals, hotels, restaurants,
grocery stores, airport, you know, anywhere that sold food, institutional.

Speaker 1 (23:29):
Food like okay food?

Speaker 2 (23:31):
Sure? Was that something you would say was passionate about?

Speaker 1 (23:34):
No?

Speaker 2 (23:34):
Yeah, well, okay, So he wasn't doing a thing he
was passionate about. Why would you say? Yes?

Speaker 3 (23:40):
I think he did it because it was my mom's
family's business and they offered him a job.

Speaker 1 (23:46):
He was working in insurance before that, which I know
that he was not passionate about either. So yeah, he
was not passionate about it, but.

Speaker 2 (23:57):
He did it.

Speaker 1 (23:58):
He did it. Yeah.

Speaker 2 (24:00):
Do you know what a passion of his is?

Speaker 1 (24:03):
Oh? Yeah, I mean sports?

Speaker 2 (24:05):
Sports?

Speaker 1 (24:06):
He was majorly major.

Speaker 2 (24:07):
I think he would have wanted to go pro.

Speaker 1 (24:09):
No, I mean he was not at that level.

Speaker 3 (24:11):
But I think what would a passion of his been professionally?

Speaker 1 (24:17):
Look, I think that.

Speaker 3 (24:19):
His generation, he's ninety three, you know, his generation was
a generation where it wasn't about following your passion in life.

Speaker 1 (24:28):
It was about having a good job and supporting your family.

Speaker 3 (24:31):
And that's kind of you know what it was. I mean,
I so, I just think it was a different time.

Speaker 1 (24:39):
Sure, I would love.

Speaker 3 (24:40):
To ask him, and I will ask him today if
he could have done any job, what would he have done?

Speaker 2 (24:46):
Yeah, because that's what I'm curious. You guys can talk
about anything, can't. Yeah, that's beautiful.

Speaker 1 (24:52):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (24:53):
Does he text?

Speaker 1 (24:54):
Yeah? He does.

Speaker 3 (24:55):
We have a family text chain. We were texting during
the debate the other night. We were texting about We
text each other our wordle score every day.

Speaker 2 (25:06):
Yes, sweet Andy, what a dreamy life?

Speaker 1 (25:10):
Sweet?

Speaker 2 (25:11):
Yeah, I love that. I love that so much. Do
you have any memories of him showing up as a
disciplinarian to you?

Speaker 1 (25:21):
Not really? You know, I was. My mouth was always
getting me in trouble. And I remember.

Speaker 3 (25:30):
Once I got an exam, a final exam biology exam,
ripped up after I had turned it in because I
talked to someone else who had turned theirs in. And
once I I got kicked off the water polo team
the day before our last game for talking while the
coach was talking. He clearly headed in for me. But

(25:50):
in both instances, my mom kind of forced my father
to like get involved and go to the school on
my behalf.

Speaker 1 (25:58):
Try to get these ruling has changed.

Speaker 3 (26:02):
There was some success with the exam, but I could
not get reinstated on the water.

Speaker 2 (26:08):
Water this is this is in high school. The water
polo coach really had an issue.

Speaker 1 (26:13):
He really did coach.

Speaker 2 (26:14):
And you never forget their names. You never forget.

Speaker 1 (26:19):
And I was.

Speaker 3 (26:21):
Honored by my high school at some big event a
few years ago, and I was making a speech, and
of course I told that story, and I think the
nanatorium is named after this guy now.

Speaker 1 (26:32):
And I was saying to a friend recently, what if.

Speaker 3 (26:34):
I was like, I will give you a million dollars
to take his name off that nandatorium and put my
name on it.

Speaker 1 (26:41):
And I bet they would do it.

Speaker 2 (26:43):
I bet they would. Most people would do a lot
for anything for a million dollars. And if it's just
switching out a name, I mean, of course I kind
of want you to.

Speaker 1 (26:53):
It would be the ultimate troll.

Speaker 2 (26:54):
I mean, ultimately, is he he's maybe not still love?
Is he still he's dead? Okay? But still his family
would know that would be so in one in one
case he had success. In another case he did not.
What was your mom's response to that when was she
like victory or it's like you did your part, you

(27:15):
went and you went and did what.

Speaker 3 (27:16):
I was curious about the water polo too, I mean
my dad and I had gotten.

Speaker 1 (27:20):
Over it before. She yeah, yeah, to get.

Speaker 2 (27:24):
Your mom, I get it. And so now you have
your own kids, and do you hope to emulate your
dad in so many ways?

Speaker 1 (27:31):
Yeah? Absolutely, I think.

Speaker 3 (27:33):
Uh, you know one thing that I mean my dad
was my dad. My dad is very impatient. That's something
that I would like not to and he was. Sometimes
his impatience would drive him to kind of lose his temper,
but he was never really losing his temper at us

(27:54):
my mom.

Speaker 1 (27:55):
Yes, but yeah, I think that there.

Speaker 3 (27:58):
Was a steadiness about him that I would like to emulate.

Speaker 2 (28:02):
Are you impatient at all?

Speaker 1 (28:03):
Yes? I am, Okay, yeah, and I can be.

Speaker 3 (28:06):
I mean, you know, having kids, it's a test of
your patience. But again, I think doing it at an
older age really helped me.

Speaker 1 (28:15):
I think that I am just a little more like okay,
well I have nowhere else to be like, you know.

Speaker 2 (28:21):
I guess yeah, we are right. Yeah, what kind of
things are most stressful to you? About being a dad.

Speaker 1 (28:31):
My son not listening to me. It's really just a
drag to have your kids.

Speaker 3 (28:36):
Just not listen and trying to get them to do
whatever you want them to do.

Speaker 1 (28:41):
And I think that there's a lack of control that
is really upsetting.

Speaker 3 (28:45):
I mean, you know, kids are wild and you just
cannot It's hard to control them, you know.

Speaker 1 (28:52):
It's like especially, I think it's about to get easier.

Speaker 3 (28:56):
In that sense, but it will become mentally tougher because
it's going to be a battle of the wits.

Speaker 2 (29:02):
And are your kids demonstrating some real wits?

Speaker 3 (29:07):
Okay, my son is really smart, and yeah, I can
tell he's gonna be really formidable. And my daughter can
be a bit of a drama queen sometimes, so I
just think I'm in for it.

Speaker 2 (29:19):
I mean, you're used to drama queens. I too, so
you know how you're gonna know how to have kids.

Speaker 3 (29:25):
Have made me more patient with the housewives, and the
housewives have made me more patient.

Speaker 2 (29:29):
With the kids really, so the father daddy, it's real.
Do any of the housewives comment that they recognize that
you're you've become more patient?

Speaker 1 (29:38):
Has I think so? Yeah? Viewers do, Okay, viewers see
me on the reunion shows, they.

Speaker 3 (29:45):
Say, oh, look he's But then then I'll be at
a Jersey reunion and I'll totally lose my mind.

Speaker 1 (29:51):
So you know, what can I say?

Speaker 2 (29:53):
Jersey Jersey was by I just have to tell you
my og favorite favor. I'm like Jersey from the ground,
like I love that floor. Yes, I still quote Teresa
and Danielle. I quote both of them frequently in my eyes.

Speaker 1 (30:08):
Yes.

Speaker 2 (30:10):
So what is the most enjoyable part about being a dad?

Speaker 3 (30:13):
For you?

Speaker 1 (30:14):
It is what is the most enjoyable?

Speaker 3 (30:18):
I think just the unconditional love and sweetness.

Speaker 1 (30:23):
And you know, this morning I went I woke Ben
up and he was just like he was just immediately
like I love you, daddy. I love you so much,
Like we say I love you to each other so much.

Speaker 3 (30:36):
And it's so nice. And I'm single right now and
I'm kind of I get such love bombs from my kids.
It's amazing. I mean, I have a child run across
the room to hug you when you see each other
for the first time that day. I mean it's like,
you know when you do get that every day I.

Speaker 1 (30:55):
Do, and so it's amazing.

Speaker 2 (30:57):
You know, have you introduced part or I had a
serious boyfriend.

Speaker 1 (31:03):
Okay, so since I've had the kids, so now I haven't.

Speaker 2 (31:08):
Do you have a rule around when the timeline I think.

Speaker 3 (31:10):
It'll I think it will. I think it will be determined.
You know, I'll figure it out.

Speaker 2 (31:16):
Do you still want partnership?

Speaker 3 (31:18):
Yeah, I would love it, but I mean it's become
less important.

Speaker 1 (31:23):
You know, I'm become sex positive person.

Speaker 3 (31:26):
Okay, so but like, yes, I need a I need
a guy. I mean I would like a guy, but
I'm pretty I have to say I now, I just
feel like the older I.

Speaker 1 (31:41):
Get, the more said in my ways I am. And
you know, relationships are about compromise. And I even now
look at my homes.

Speaker 3 (31:49):
You know, I had a boyfriend when I bought my
first home who was ten years younger than me. Uh
and he was like, well, I don't want to move
in with you because that's not a place we got together.

Speaker 1 (32:03):
And I was like, you're a fucking Broadway chorus boy.

Speaker 3 (32:08):
I'm now waiting for you to buy an apartment. Yeah, yeah,
you know. So like, of course I always date the
guys that don't want me to kind of provide for them. Interesting,
of course I do because I'm not interested in someone
who's like looking to be on the gravy train right right.

Speaker 1 (32:28):
On the other hand, like, you know, it would be nice.
I mean, you know, it would be great if someone
was like, yeah, I'll.

Speaker 2 (32:34):
Move in, right. I don't want the people. I'm just
looking for someone to take care of me. That's not
a cha that's not right. You have to be careful.
I feel like it's someone what would be right as
someone who's like, Okay, I have goals and ambitions, but
oh my gosh, Andy wants to take care of me
and make my life a little easier.

Speaker 1 (32:54):
Okay, I'm not, by the way, I'm not looking to
take care of me.

Speaker 6 (32:57):
Okay, let's be clear, say what are you looking for it?
Can you look at the camera tell hem no. But
I'm just saying in terms of that, my last boyfriend
was younger than me and I didn't have.

Speaker 3 (33:12):
A it was my pleasure to like, look, I go
out to dinner a lot, so it was my pleasure
to just take us to dinner all the time.

Speaker 1 (33:20):
It shouldn't feel like it did not feel.

Speaker 3 (33:23):
Like a power dynamic in our relationship that I was
paying for dinner. It felt like I was like, you know,
and occasionally like, yes, I would like you to pay
for dinner, and he would, but it wasn't like anything.
But I think every so often he felt you know,
I would be like, let's go to so and so
for dinner, and you'd be like. He would feel bad
because he was like, I don't want you to always

(33:44):
feel like you have to pay for me for dinner.
That you know.

Speaker 1 (33:47):
It was great, But.

Speaker 3 (33:49):
On the other hand, it did add a element to
our relationship that didn't exist in my mind.

Speaker 1 (33:56):
I was like, I just want to go have fun.

Speaker 3 (33:57):
With your thinking about that now exactly, but I do
want someone who's conscious of it.

Speaker 1 (34:03):
So it's a weird.

Speaker 2 (34:04):
It is interesting because I know my friend and I
and I were just talking about someone we know who
is like a princess and is sort of like, I
won't pull.

Speaker 1 (34:13):
Out my card.

Speaker 2 (34:14):
I'm just not doing it. It's not happening.

Speaker 1 (34:16):
And she kind of is also different between a woman
and a man.

Speaker 2 (34:20):
I know, and I'm going to ask you advice about
this at the end of this episode, because end every
episode asking my dad for a piece of advice, and
I do need advice from you. But she's like, I
won't pull out my card. The people she's talking about,
she won't pull her card out with. There's like two guys,
two guys who are like the friend I was talking
to is a gay guy. They it's just a group

(34:40):
of people that hang out and she hangs out these
two gay guys and they're.

Speaker 1 (34:44):
Will pull out her card. Yeah, well she needs to.

Speaker 2 (34:52):
She needs to pull her card up.

Speaker 1 (34:53):
Is she at the table?

Speaker 3 (34:56):
No?

Speaker 2 (34:56):
Okay?

Speaker 1 (34:59):
Exactly?

Speaker 2 (34:59):
Were love it for you in your dating life? I guess,
I guess, but like honey, and he's like, I'm not sure, man,
I'm not your mom. I am a man, but I'm
not sure a man. So you need to pull your
card out. And I also agree. But I say this
to say that that notion that she's like I will
not is pervasive through her life, and I think those

(35:19):
are the ones to look out for personally. Yes, Whereas
like a person who's like, oh yeah, I'd like to
be treated if Andy wants to treat me, that's so kind.
I say this, they should certainly be expressing gratitude, and
I say thank you.

Speaker 1 (35:32):
I have not the expectation.

Speaker 2 (35:34):
Yes, exactly. In terms of manners for your kids, what
are some manners that you are trying to instill.

Speaker 3 (35:40):
In them cleaning up after themselves, cleaning their room. I mean,
you know, my daughter's too, so she's you know, sitting
in a diaper, but you know, cleaning up after themselves.
I mean, look, I had, I had a job. I
had summer.

Speaker 1 (35:59):
Jobs, like from when I was young.

Speaker 3 (36:03):
I it's hard because we have a really nice apartment
and we have a beach house, and I do not
want them to be spoiled.

Speaker 1 (36:11):
I was not spoiled. I was really told the value
of a dollar and made to respect it, and.

Speaker 3 (36:21):
I don't want It's also it's so weird because I
get sent a lot of stuff.

Speaker 1 (36:27):
I get sent so many toys and.

Speaker 3 (36:30):
Stuff for them, and most of it I wind up
giving away to charities because I don't want.

Speaker 1 (36:34):
Them to, you know.

Speaker 2 (36:37):
I think that's that's an interesting thing because I've thought about, like, oh,
my childhood is going to look different, which is me.
It is going to look different from that of the
children I have because of the position I'm in, And
I'm like, how does one actually navigate that? Because I
don't feel like I grew up thinking the world revolved
around me, Especially like single mom, it's like she has
to work, she can't come to my ballet recital. And
as tragic as that sounds, guys, I think it was

(36:58):
totally okay, and it.

Speaker 3 (36:59):
Let me know that sometimes you have to really trying to.
I don't let them win, you know, at everything. I don't,
you know, I mean in terms of like just little
battles or whatever getting their way.

Speaker 1 (37:11):
So I mean I do. There are a lot of
rules in my house for them.

Speaker 3 (37:16):
They they get timeouts if they're if they talk bad
or whatever. So yeah, yeah, there there's a level of
discipline that needs that is happening in my house.

Speaker 2 (37:26):
Does it feel like a lot of pressure for you
Andy to be like I'm their one parent? Yes, it does.

Speaker 3 (37:32):
It's something that especially for the first few years of
having been it was really.

Speaker 1 (37:40):
I did not have my sea legs about that.

Speaker 3 (37:43):
Especially as sel like went to nursery school. I felt
so I felt very vulnerable going to parent nights and stuff.
I was like, first of all, I'm famous, so I
feel weird. Yes, Second of all, I'm like the only
gay guy in the room, and I'm the only single
parent in the room. So it's like, you know, but

(38:04):
I feel very confident in myself.

Speaker 1 (38:06):
As a parent. And who I am and who I
am to them and you know it, but.

Speaker 3 (38:10):
It is it is hard being I am like the
good cop and the bad cop all in right, So
that is really hard.

Speaker 2 (38:17):
Yeah, what changed in terms of your confidence because of
the vulnerability you're describing going to like parent teacher night. Yeah,
I don't have kids, but even the like oh walking
into a space and it's like, oh, you're all looking
at me because I'm famous, that resonates to some extent.
And so I'm like, how did you make the shift
now to feeling confident and being like owning this whole experience?

Speaker 1 (38:38):
I think just doing it, you know what I mean? Yeah,
I mean, you know.

Speaker 3 (38:43):
It's never as it's never as hard as it is
the first time.

Speaker 1 (38:47):
And so I've now done it a few times, you know,
and it also everything.

Speaker 3 (38:53):
But listen, he's in this nursery school for two years
and then it's done. I just and again I think
it's it's it's about being like a later in life dad.

Speaker 1 (39:02):
It's like, Okay, well this is not the be all
end all. Here's this now and.

Speaker 3 (39:06):
Let's you know, I just have to make sure my
kid is safe and learns manners, and you know, it
was a good person, so you know, I'll do that.
I was getting him from his last day of nursery school.
He's in kindergarten now, last May, and this mom was
like we were waiting to go pick the kids up,
and she was in front with me and she was

(39:27):
super emotional and she's like, I don't think I'm gonna
be able to.

Speaker 1 (39:30):
Keep it together, like it's the last day in nursery school.
And I go, You're gonna be fun. This is not
a big deal.

Speaker 3 (39:37):
And of course I went in and they're like, okay,
you can clean his coby out. And I'm cleaning his
coby out and I'm like, look at all these art projects.

Speaker 1 (39:46):
I start sobbing. No for no, I didn't care.

Speaker 3 (39:51):
I start putting these away and I'm getting emotional. And
then I went and got him in the in the
yard and then he went over with me to say
goodbye to his teacher and he's like thank you. And
then we're walking out and we're holding hands and I
was i my sunglasses on.

Speaker 1 (40:07):
I was sobbing.

Speaker 3 (40:08):
I was like and then we walk out and we're
walking down the street and he doesn't see that I'm
crying because I'm like keeping it in and then he goes,
wait a minute, daddy, am I never going back to
that school?

Speaker 1 (40:19):
And then I, oh no, And then he just turned
to me and gave me the biggest tuget was.

Speaker 2 (40:25):
Like, very my goodness. Kids are so comforting. Who yeah,
but they're so intuitive in that way. It's so that's
really really special. I mean, is it really important for
you to show up as much as you can for
all of those milestones like that?

Speaker 1 (40:41):
Yeah? I and I I weirdly I've been able to
for most of them.

Speaker 2 (40:46):
Is it one of those later in life things where
you're like, I have established enough and you are yeah.

Speaker 3 (40:50):
I mean, look if I have a reunion show on
the day of our recital, and I'm going to.

Speaker 2 (40:55):
Go to the reunion show, okay, I support that to
be clear that you asked my opinion, and I'm like
a girl working, I'm like, yeah, I now everything.

Speaker 1 (41:05):
I will send someone else.

Speaker 3 (41:07):
There was a Christmas recital or something at his nursery.

Speaker 1 (41:11):
School, and I sent his godmother and I couldn't go.

Speaker 3 (41:16):
And then the next year I went and the teacher said,
I'm so glad you were able to make it. I
remember last year you weren't here, and I was like
what And I was like, by the way, I had
forgotten that I wasn't and Ben had probably completely and
by the way, it sucks, like I was like, this

(41:40):
is what it was to get a cookie, you know.

Speaker 1 (41:44):
I was like, okay, well that was fine, Like it
was twenty minutes.

Speaker 2 (41:48):
I'm glad you look up that. That was a little
shady granny.

Speaker 1 (41:54):
Also in my mind was like, would you be saying
that to a mom? Like a single would not be
saying that. There's some hits I take for being like
a gay guy. People don't know what to say to me,
so they say.

Speaker 2 (42:06):
The wrong they say they say the absolute wrong thing,
and they don't think it through and go would you
say that to a single mom? Would you say that
to a mom? Would you say that to a working mom?
I don't think you would, or if you did, you'd
know you'd get some you get some pushback on that
if you did. Do they have they have like an
amazing nanny they do, okay, And how heavily do you

(42:27):
rely on? Yeah? What a god sent?

Speaker 3 (42:31):
By the way, it's a it is a ah.

Speaker 1 (42:36):
It truly does take a village. And I have friends
in the building. And I have good my good girlfriends,
Jeanie and Jackie. My dad is Jackie is his godmother.

Speaker 3 (42:52):
Those years ago, and so I mean he's the Other
thing that's so important for me for my kids is
that they're surrounded by strong women because.

Speaker 1 (43:01):
I want them. They don't have a mom, but I
want them to have a lot of strong women in
their lives. And they do and they love them.

Speaker 2 (43:07):
Yeah. I well, so when I'm saying like not wasn't
raised by a dad. I wasn't raised by a dad,
just my mom. But I had a lot of male
figures in my life and my uncles and such, and
they were fantastic. And so I also don't have this
sort of like TV movie trope of like and now
I hate.

Speaker 4 (43:23):
Men and I have they're bad.

Speaker 3 (43:25):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (43:26):
I had a lot of wonderful men around me when
I was growing up. I was so grateful for that.
Is there anything you're so absolutely nervous about with your kids,
like driving? What that's going to be like once they
learn their New Yorkers?

Speaker 3 (43:40):
Oh my god, I don't know. I mean that's now,
that's eleven years away.

Speaker 2 (43:47):
Okay, you have time drive?

Speaker 1 (43:49):
Yeah? Yeahah, I have time for that, Yeah, the phones
make me nervous.

Speaker 3 (43:53):
Phones and we've seen how phones mess up kids.

Speaker 1 (43:58):
And there's a whole generation of kids were super anxious.

Speaker 3 (44:01):
Right now because of their relationship with social media and phones,
and so that's that worries me. And I'm hoping because
there are so many kind of that this is now
a whole movement against kids with phones. I'm hoping that
by the time he's in.

Speaker 1 (44:18):
Seventh grade, there's that's really changed.

Speaker 2 (44:22):
Yeah, which is when I got my first phone, which
is I had the Nokia brick phone. I don't but
you couldn't really do anything exactly, couldn't do anything on it.
But I think about this too. Not a parent here,
I've said it a million times, everyone knows, but I'm like,
if I didn't want my kid to be like addicted
to their phone, and I wanted them to have a
childhood that looked a little bit more like mine. Yes,

(44:44):
before phones were such a thing, they'd go outside and
me playing and make things up. Yes, how bad would
I feel with holding a phone from them?

Speaker 1 (44:51):
Though?

Speaker 2 (44:51):
If nine the class makes it.

Speaker 3 (44:54):
I know, Yeah, that's why it would be great if
this is a whole yeh movement.

Speaker 2 (44:59):
Yeah, hope. So I'm hoping for the future that made
the kids have that. Is there something that's really important
to you to in part to your children and you know,
cleaning up after themselves. We know you want to teach
them manners, but in terms of like a piece of
advice or wisdom that you want your children to walk
through this world with.

Speaker 3 (45:18):
I think it's about valuing money and respecting all people.

Speaker 1 (45:25):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (45:25):
Yeah, my mom always my mom was like she worked
with juvenile delinquents.

Speaker 1 (45:33):
She made us come to this Juvie center she.

Speaker 3 (45:36):
Worked at with all these bad kids because she wanted
to see.

Speaker 1 (45:39):
What would happen. Yeah, she wanted to show us. Yeah
you know this is what happens.

Speaker 3 (45:45):
Yeah, but we so, I mean, I think just and
I think that's why I.

Speaker 1 (45:51):
Think living in New York is a great you know,
melting pot.

Speaker 2 (45:54):
Yes, are you going to encourage them to take public transportation?

Speaker 1 (45:59):
Yeah?

Speaker 2 (45:59):
Yeah, already Okay, yes, people, I still ride the train,
Andy And yeah, okay, cool. Why do people Okay, see
I didn't think it was worth mentioning, but yeah, so
many people go, oh you still ride the train. You
ride the train, And I go, why the fast I've lived.

Speaker 3 (46:16):
In New York for twenty years before I was famous,
and so I'm like, I'm not going to start start
living differently now famous. This is I go to serious
XM twice a week, and I take the subway because
it's the.

Speaker 1 (46:29):
Fastest way to get there.

Speaker 2 (46:32):
Yeah, you know, I've run.

Speaker 1 (46:33):
I take the subway to the theater, you know, Yeah,
of course.

Speaker 2 (46:36):
Yeah. I lived in LA for twelve years and there
is no public transportation. Well I guess there is, but
it's not reliable, right, And so I'm like, I love
the fact that the train is available to me too. Andy,
You've been an amazing dad. Thank you to Lucy, Ben
and me, thank you, and then the world. I end

(46:56):
each episode asking for a piece of dad vice. I
came up with that today at midnight, wrote it down
because I said, I'm gonna forget this. Yes, so, but
I asked everyone for a piece of dadvice. Something going
on in my life, or not going on in my life,
but something I'm contemplating that I think a dad could
help guide me in the right direction on. And you
may or may not be an expert, but you have
to at least pretend to be an expert. I am

(47:20):
out of the dating game. Let's just start there. But
should I re enter the dating game?

Speaker 1 (47:25):
Do you want a boyfriend? Yeah?

Speaker 2 (47:32):
Yeah, I yes, I think you just answered no.

Speaker 1 (47:35):
No, let's dial back.

Speaker 3 (47:37):
I mean, I think it's I think we need to
figure out what do you want from your life?

Speaker 1 (47:42):
You frozen your eggs?

Speaker 2 (47:43):
Yes?

Speaker 3 (47:44):
Is your goal to have children with someone else? Or
is your goal to have children as a single mom.

Speaker 2 (47:51):
I thought I would be open to being a single mom, okay,
and then I this is gonna sound basic, but I
but it's just the truth. And then I got a
okay by myself, a puppy. A puppy he was, and
I go, oh no, I can't do this on my own.

Speaker 3 (48:05):
Okay, Yeah, well you know a puppy is a good
gateway to children.

Speaker 1 (48:10):
Because he teaches you. Okay, I have to think about
someone else before myself.

Speaker 2 (48:14):
And blah blah, yeah plans.

Speaker 3 (48:16):
So I think that.

Speaker 1 (48:20):
Listen.

Speaker 3 (48:21):
I think if your goal is to raise children with
someone else, then I think you need to put.

Speaker 1 (48:29):
Yourself on Raya.

Speaker 2 (48:30):
Raya. But Raya is like Instagram. There's nothing going on.
People go on there for dopamine hits. And do you
have anyone you want to set me up with?

Speaker 1 (48:38):
I don't.

Speaker 3 (48:39):
I'm on but let me say this. I'm on Raya, Hinge, Tinder,
I'm on everything and.

Speaker 2 (48:47):
Do people to report your profile though, And that's not really.

Speaker 1 (48:50):
I've been reported on Grinder a.

Speaker 2 (48:52):
Lot, not for bad behavior, just like this isn't really.

Speaker 1 (48:54):
The Grinder.

Speaker 2 (48:57):
What happens.

Speaker 1 (49:00):
Yes, no, I've been reported there. But I think you
can either get verified on Hinge.

Speaker 3 (49:06):
I may be verified on Hinge. You can get verified
on Tinder. I'm on Tinder, and the thing about it is,
there are you know. I've been after Gail King forever
who really wants a man? And I've been like, you
need to get on the apps. And the thing is
there's no shame in it, and you only interact with
people who you both have swiped on, so it's like

(49:27):
there's no rejection. It's only only oh, I matched with
that person, you know what I mean. So I think
that it is it may be a good exercise for
you to consider going on an app and swiping around
to me and.

Speaker 1 (49:44):
This guy looks you know, this guy looks interesting.

Speaker 2 (49:47):
I have a question.

Speaker 1 (49:48):
I think it will hold on.

Speaker 3 (49:49):
I think it will be a very positive exercise for
you to follow through on saying yes, I will meet
you for a drink.

Speaker 1 (49:56):
Don't meet anyone for dinner. And I'm not sure I
wouldn't meant anyone.

Speaker 3 (49:59):
For coffe And I would always say, just listen, I
can meet you for a drink, but I have a
dinner to go to.

Speaker 1 (50:06):
And then and you just keep it to an hour.
Then you always have an out yes, okay, okay.

Speaker 3 (50:11):
And then you also drinks loosen us up. And for me,
I always go in with my guard up a little bit,
and after I have a little drink, I start to
look at the person as a person and I'm like,
you know what, this person seems kind or they seem smart,
or I can I'm able to see some attributes about

(50:33):
that person that me, with all my walls maybe would
not be.

Speaker 1 (50:37):
Able to see.

Speaker 2 (50:38):
Okay, so have a drink and loosen up. Get okay, well,
first get on the apps. You go out for a drink,
not dinner. This is funny because I was always like,
it's got to be dinner I deserve. But even if
I'm like really enjoying it, and it's just I should
keep it to an hour.

Speaker 3 (50:55):
Like no, no, if you if you're with someone and
you're actually having a great time, and you're like, you
know what, like this is a real person and we
are really connecting.

Speaker 1 (51:06):
Then you absolutely say, you know what, I don't have
a dinner. I lied? Do you want to get something
to eat? That's all?

Speaker 2 (51:12):
Okay? How are people reacting when you go I lied?
Are they fine? They're like, okay, ha, ha's funny.

Speaker 1 (51:18):
Usually one more. Yeah, No, they're they like it.

Speaker 3 (51:22):
They're happy because it means, oh, we have more time.
You know, means you're validating whatever is happening there.

Speaker 2 (51:28):
Okay, okay, see I My thing is I find it.
I find for I feel like Riya is just better
for dudes, right.

Speaker 3 (51:36):
I know, I think Raya is ridiculous, and I think
you're totally right about Ryo. Rya is basically Instagram Instagram, Right,
So Instagram is a great way to meet guys, and
I do what do I do?

Speaker 1 (51:49):
Send a fire emoji? Okay, yeah you do. I have
sent more.

Speaker 3 (51:54):
And by the way, I've met some really like hot
good guys on Instagram for me sending a fire emoji.

Speaker 2 (52:02):
Send a fire emotion and a fire.

Speaker 1 (52:03):
Emoji, and then maybe send uh the next thing that
says too much question mark and see how they respond.

Speaker 2 (52:12):
Wait, Okay, I like this. I like this. Do I
need to follow as well? Or can I just say?

Speaker 1 (52:19):
Are you private or public?

Speaker 2 (52:20):
I'm public? Yeah, oh too?

Speaker 1 (52:22):
And then it.

Speaker 3 (52:23):
Will go in their thing and if they're checking their people,
who don't you know dms from people, someone will be
flattered to get a fucking fire emoji from you.

Speaker 2 (52:32):
Okay, thank you, Andy. But here's another question because now, okay, so,
because everything you're saying, it's counter to what my intuition
says I should do. So if I'm not going to follow,
but I've watched their story, you think that's fine? If
they can tell I watch their story, but I don't
follow them, her cares. Okay.

Speaker 1 (52:47):
So the thing about it is.

Speaker 3 (52:49):
It's all one big who cares to me? Because like,
you have no skin in the game. You don't know
this person so great and he's going to tell his
friends that you watch your story.

Speaker 1 (53:00):
Great, dude, go think about that and be excited about it.
What do I care?

Speaker 3 (53:05):
You're never thinking of this person again if you see
something you don't like, Like, there's no people take I
think especially women. I have some girlfriends who I'm like.

Speaker 1 (53:17):
Why is this? This doesn't this is all meaningless.

Speaker 3 (53:21):
Until it's not so until it's not. You're in control,
you own it. You're on the fishing hunt everyone. You
don't have to be vulnerable, you don't have to be.

Speaker 1 (53:33):
You're in control, and you you just go on your
scavenger hunt. You go looking for your guy, and you
go get what it is. Okay, you want?

Speaker 2 (53:43):
Can I say that I like that way of thinking.
I'd like to approach dating that way. But then there's
a part of me that goes as a woman who
is pretty alpha, and I think would enjoy a man
who took a little bit more initiative and took charge
and was alpha, could kind of make me be allow
me to be a little more beta in the dynamic.

(54:05):
I worry about initiating, either turning them off or even
initiating and setting now the tone that is like I'm
the If it's.

Speaker 1 (54:13):
The right guy, then you'll figure out your rhythm.

Speaker 2 (54:15):
Ok.

Speaker 3 (54:15):
You have to get in the game, you know what
I mean. I understand that that's I think a super
valid point, But I think if if this guy, I
think any guy would be like fuck yeah, look I
just got a finer emoji from her, like this is amazing.
So I think that that would be that's the right response.

(54:38):
And if some guy is so all up in himself
that's like this girl's reaching out to me, then you
don't want that person, so you can you know, then
that's not gonna work, right of course. And I think
that every all the platelets will fall in place once
you start to talk with a person and you can

(54:59):
say to someone, look, I'm not usually this forward, but yeah,
I thought you were handsome, and I you know, you're
not looking at my profiles. So here you go.

Speaker 2 (55:08):
Andy, You're going to get me in the game. You're
going to get me. Think it okay, all right?

Speaker 3 (55:13):
I like your head, you know, take all those preconceived
notions of what a woman should do that doesn't.

Speaker 2 (55:21):
Exist anymore, right, you just go for it.

Speaker 1 (55:24):
Yeah, you froze your eggs. You're in control.

Speaker 2 (55:26):
I actually am. And it has been nice to go.
There's no rush now, it's true. And I get to
do this in the timing that I like and I need.
I get to truly take my time to find the
right person. True, and that feels nice and empowering. Andy,
you have been an amazing dad for the day.

Speaker 1 (55:42):
Thank you.

Speaker 2 (55:43):
You're a great daddy. Did that it was like sexy?
Why was my dad so sexy? Thank you so much
Andy for being here?

Speaker 1 (55:58):
Can I kiss you? Just kidding? Yes? He made he.

Speaker 2 (56:03):
Of course, of course. Thanks. Dat is a Headgum podcast
created and hosted by me Ago Wodhem. The show is
produced and edited by Anita Flores and engineered by Anita
Flores and Anya Kanevskaya, with executive producer Emma Foley. Katie
Moose is our VP of Content and Headgum special thanks

(56:24):
to Jason Atheni for our show Aren't and Paris Mashi
for our theme song. For more podcasts by Headgum, visit
headgum dot com or wherever you use be your favorite shows.
Leave us a review on Apple Podcasts, and maybe, just
maybe we'll read it on a future episode.