Andy Daly

Andy Daly joins Ego as her dad for the day as they chat preferred methods of communication, gently being pushed to different career path from show business by your parents, and how to motivate your children. Then, Ego asks Andy advice on how to negotiate her salary.

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:02):
This is a headgum podcast. Okay, I mean, Andy, we
already sort of got into it. I think that being
a parent is quite a journey, and so I'm excited
to talk to all the dads.

Speaker 2 (00:21):
I'm so excited to talk to you.

Speaker 3 (00:22):
I'm very excited to talk to you.

Speaker 2 (00:24):
Thank you.

Speaker 3 (00:25):
I don't want to well, it seems like a lack
of humility to even have children is to start with,
and then to presume that I can give advice to anyone.
Uh is It's just I feel insane, But I'm going
for it, and I'm just I'm going to embrace it.

Speaker 1 (00:46):
You said yes, dress, and I'm so glad that you didn't.
The dress is being on this podcast, and you knew
I was going to end the podcast asking you for advice.
And here's the thing, Andy, given that you say it
is a lack of humility to have children.

Speaker 3 (01:03):
It really is.

Speaker 1 (01:03):
And moreover, furthermore, lack of humility to think you could
give advice yet having had children many moons ago, you
still said yes. So is it fair to call you
a cocky motherfucker?

Speaker 3 (01:20):
I guess that's right. I truly believe, on some level
in my lizard brain, I believe I can do anything.

Speaker 1 (01:26):
I feel like that's right.

Speaker 3 (01:28):
Well, it's got me into a lot of trouble, that's
what I'm saying. Ooh, legal, oh, legal trouble. Yeah, but
I shouldn't talk about things like that. I've made mistakes. Sure,
I've made a mistakes.

Speaker 1 (01:42):
I wonder if I can get you to confess to
a crime on this podcast.

Speaker 3 (01:46):
Yeah, you could. You know, I've confessed. Weirdly enough, I've
confessed to this particular crime before on podcasts and it
gets edited out.

Speaker 2 (01:54):
Well, I'm we're keeping it in. I want to hear
what it is.

Speaker 3 (01:56):
Okay, here's what I will say. And this is one
of the reasons that I have a seventeen year old now,
and I'm so terrified of people in this age range.
After I graduated college, I had a car and I
had a job at a place that served alcohol, and
I would get fairly inebriated.

Speaker 1 (02:15):
I see other people. I see why they're edding it out. Okay,
I see where I editing this out. Okay, yep, it
should be able to out.

Speaker 2 (02:20):
But keep going.

Speaker 3 (02:21):
And then I would and then I would say to myself,
I am good at this. I am good at being
fairly inebriated and driving myself home. Now and you were seventeen, right,
Oh no, no, this was after college, so I'm twenty two.

Speaker 2 (02:36):
Okay, Okay, you're twenty two.

Speaker 3 (02:38):
It's just an example of the sort of thing that
sometimes you do need to recognize limitations, even if it
really seems like you're good. You're pretty good at something.

Speaker 1 (02:50):
Okay, But Mike Maya asked, were did andy? Well, did
you have to face the law or you just kind
of got away?

Speaker 3 (02:58):
I never did, And in some ways, no, I'm glad.
I'm glad I never faced the law. But it's I
look back on that time and I just say, oh,
I almost wait, something had stopped me sooner. Like everything
worked out fine in the end. No one was ever hurt,
that was ever significantly damaged, nobody, no legal consequences. But

(03:19):
but I look back on that and just say, why
how was I so stupid?

Speaker 1 (03:24):
Youth is youth? You feel invincible as a young person, yes,
and well into your thirties, I feel. But that said, yes,
what's your official statement on driving while inebriated? Maybe this
will this soul, this will absolve you.

Speaker 3 (03:40):
Never do it, never, not even even the littlest bit
particularly nowadays with ride shares, like whatever, leave your car,
you'll find it sometime.

Speaker 1 (03:50):
Okay, Okay, I love that. That is great advice for you, Dad. Okay,
great advice from you, Dad. I'm going to do my
little intro and we do everything out of order here.
That's chaos, guys. Hi, Hello, Hello.

Speaker 2 (04:04):
I'm Ago Odem and welcome to thanks Dad.

Speaker 1 (04:08):
I was raised by a single mom, and I don't
have relationship with my dad.

Speaker 2 (04:11):
Spoiler alert, he's also dead. Now.

Speaker 1 (04:15):
Andy's laughing. He thinks it's funny. He has no sympathy
for me whatsoever. He's like this silly little girl and
her dead dad.

Speaker 3 (04:23):
I didn't know he was.

Speaker 1 (04:25):
I'm just kidding. I know, you know. I didn't for
a little bit there either. I think I found out
eight weeks after, maybe anywhere from four to eight weeks after.
But it's okay, we didn't have a relationship, right, Why
would I be the first one alerting?

Speaker 3 (04:36):
Well, so I'll just say it's very different to not
have a relationship with someone who's alive versus not having
a relationship with someone who's dead. Gonna talk more about that.

Speaker 1 (04:45):
I'm going to talk to you more about that, Guys,
You've seen my next guest on Veep, The Office, Blackish,
and Modern Family, just to name a few of his credits.
You've heard his voice on Rick and Morty, Bob's Burger's,
The Simpsons, and the list goes on and on. As
I previously suggested, he also hosts the Bananas for Bonanza podcast.

(05:07):
Bear in mind it is intentionally spelled wrong. It's intended
to confuse you. I'll stop there. Please welcome my dad
for the day, Andy Daily.

Speaker 3 (05:16):
Hello, dear, it's good to talk with you.

Speaker 1 (05:19):
It's wonderful to talk about. Oh my gosh, oh my goodness.
I'm so thrilled. You're pure delight. Honestly, if I could
pick a dad, which I have and I do week
after a week, it'd be you.

Speaker 3 (05:32):
Oh that's so great and so yeah, this feels exciting
to me. It's like connecting with the child that I had,
you know, that I didn't know I was responsible for
as a seventeen year old. That's kind of you know
what I mean? Yes, And that's a fantasy. That's a
popular fantasy. There are a lot of movies about that,
about somebody discovering an adulthood that they have a child

(05:56):
and you sort of you got to skip the hard
part yep, and now this person comes into your life,
and right it's a thing.

Speaker 1 (06:05):
Speaking of skipping the hard parts, I feel like as
an adult, people were like, are you going to pursue
a relationship with your dad? And I was like, he's
not exactly pursuing one with me, and the hard parts
are over. I feel like we're beyond the hard parts
and you get to slide in here where I'm this
fully formed woman who's such a vibe and now you
get to be my dad. I don't know, I don't know, man. Yeah, yeah,

(06:28):
but I'm glad it's you. You don't know what to
say to that, do you?

Speaker 3 (06:31):
You're well, I'm just it's confusing because you really threw
me for a loop. When you reveal that he's dead.
That changes everything, It really does.

Speaker 1 (06:39):
Okay, yeah, yeah, you said a relationship. You said this
a relationship alive versus not having a relationship with someone
when they're dead is quite a difference.

Speaker 2 (06:49):
What would you say that is in your mind?

Speaker 3 (06:51):
Oh, just because it's impossible to have a relationship with
someone who's dead, you know what I mean?

Speaker 2 (06:56):
Or sure that can't be absolutely.

Speaker 3 (06:58):
That's not an option. The other thing is an option,
you know, because.

Speaker 1 (07:01):
Some people pray to their ancestors.

Speaker 2 (07:02):
Yeah, I know, but it's not the same. I know
it's not the same.

Speaker 3 (07:05):
Well I guess, I guess I have to be okay.
I suppose there is some version of someone that always
continues to exist in your head, whether they're with you
or not.

Speaker 1 (07:17):
Right right, So yeah, yeah, well I will say it
what someone once communicated to me, because I kind of
expected that if my dad passed, I wouldn't really have
too much of a reaction because we didn't have a relationship.
My parents got divorced when I was a baby, and
someone had said to me, yeah, but you will care

(07:37):
because then the possibility of a relationship is no longer there.
And not to sound socio, but I didn't feel much
of anything, and I didn't feel like, oh darn, the
possibility's gone, because I wasn't abstaining from a relationship as
a means to punish or to send a message so
that I could get some alternative outcome.

Speaker 2 (07:57):
Does that make sense.

Speaker 1 (07:58):
I feel like sometimes people are because they're like trying
to prove a point, or because they are so upset
and angry. Understandably so and they're hoping the other person
will come around and be different. I think I didn't
have one, partially because I just from what I understood
my dad to be wasn't necessarily right for me.

Speaker 3 (08:18):
Mm hmm. Yeah, it's great. It's interesting that there are
some people who grow up with truly no knowledge of
a biological parent or one or both, and those people
often seem very driven to find out who are those people?
Who were those people? How can I find them? And
they get into twenty three and meters and all that.
But your situation is different that you have you had

(08:38):
information about this person that made you say, Okay, that's
I know what I need to know. I don't have
to find anything out. And then yeah, so it takes
away the impetus to track him down.

Speaker 1 (08:50):
Yeah. Yeah, and I knew I know his family, I
know my cousins on my dad's side.

Speaker 2 (08:55):
It's not some big mystery.

Speaker 1 (08:57):
It's just we didn't have a relationship, and it was Frankly,
I know this is probably illegal to say, but it
was okay.

Speaker 2 (09:05):
It was okay.

Speaker 1 (09:06):
I mean I think it's I think it was okay.
I know it's not the story people want. It's not
the stories the movies told us.

Speaker 2 (09:14):
But it is mine. Yeah.

Speaker 3 (09:17):
Yeah, and you guess it sounds like you definitely get
the feeling that it was okay with him. He wasn't
looking for you.

Speaker 1 (09:23):
And I'm like, you weren't chasing me down? Yeah. I
mean he did call me when I was eighteen once
I had moved to LA to USC where I went
to college, and it was sort of like give it,
kind of just gave me a lecture, and I go, WHOA,
imagine imagine getting lectured by a person.

Speaker 2 (09:44):
You haven't talked to.

Speaker 1 (09:46):
I was like, what's happening? I would take a different approach.
I was like, what exactly is going on here? So, yeah,
I was so confused by it, and then I think
he was also probably confused by my like you know,
my response to that was very like, well, if you
want to foster a relationship, I am open to that,
but whatever, this is not so much. And then that

(10:09):
deterred him. That was enough to deter him, and I go, Okay, yeah,
I think I'm doing these voices now, and I wonder
if it sounds like I'm being guarded or silly about it,
but I'm not. I'm earnestly like yeah, Okay, understood.

Speaker 3 (10:21):
That's an amazing skill to have. But yeah, it sounds
like he was like, here it is on my terms.
Oh you have terms? No, thanks, I.

Speaker 1 (10:28):
Didn't expect you last I remember you were four. You
don't expect a four year old have terms and conditions. Andy,
I'm so so glad you're here. Enough about me for now,
I'm excited.

Speaker 2 (10:41):
You presumably have a dad, right, I have a dad.

Speaker 3 (10:43):
Yeah, that's right.

Speaker 2 (10:45):
Okay, my dad.

Speaker 3 (10:46):
He's going to be eighty next month.

Speaker 1 (10:48):
Whoo wow, happy birthday, early birthday to your dad. He's
lived a life. Are you guys close?

Speaker 3 (10:55):
Yeah? Yeah, I see my dad, well, not geographically close.
I grew up up in New Jersey and my parents
still live in the house that they moved to in
nineteen eighty, so they're still there, But I live in
Los Angeles now, and so I see them. We go
out there every Christmas time, and in the summer, we

(11:17):
take a trip out there for a big family reunion
annually in May, and then they usually come out here
once a year for a week.

Speaker 1 (11:27):
So yeah, that's sweeten.

Speaker 2 (11:29):
Are you on the phone a lot with them at all?

Speaker 3 (11:31):
Or is it with them a lot? You know what?
Actually speaking of boundaries. When I was shortly after I
moved out of the house, my dad started calling me
every Sunday. And I remember that he had a conversation
with his parents. When I was growing up, he spoke
with his parents on the phone every Sunday and wrapped
it up in time for sixty minutes, and that was
the routine. And he started doing that with me every Sunday.

(11:54):
And I just felt like, I'm not enjoying this, like
something about it, like I would rather have a I'll
call you when something's going on relationship rather than a
weekly appointment on the phone. So I said that, and
that felt to me like a big deal at the time,
because he had this very rigid idea in his head
that Sunday you speak with your parents.

Speaker 1 (12:15):
Yeah, something about yeah, something about that feels like very dutiful,
which is not necessarily how you want your relationship with
your parents to feel, right, Yeah, that's not how it
should necessarily feel either.

Speaker 3 (12:26):
I don't know, because he said at the time, he
was like, yeah, but then you forget if you only
call when something you have something to say, I feel
like we'll hear from you less. And I was like, yeah, well,
and that has turned out to be exactly.

Speaker 2 (12:39):
Right, exactly right.

Speaker 1 (12:41):
So now, how how often are we on the phone
if you had to? Okay, we're talking calling right before
that Christmas trip and right before that summer trip to
let him know you're on your way.

Speaker 3 (12:50):
That kind of thing. We're texting, we're texting, we're emailing.
Oh yeah, okay.

Speaker 2 (12:55):
Your dad's a texter.

Speaker 3 (12:56):
Yes, he's not as good about it as my mom.
He texts out of the blue, strange things, strange observations.

Speaker 2 (13:02):
Such as, can you eat any anything juicy?

Speaker 3 (13:04):
Yeah?

Speaker 2 (13:05):
Still?

Speaker 3 (13:05):
Okay, Yes, he just texted me that he was doing
something with his lawnmower or something like that, and there
was a piece that he needed and he went on
Amazon to order it and it arrived the same day.

Speaker 2 (13:18):
So he was stunned.

Speaker 3 (13:20):
This was Yeah, this was a group text to me
and my brothers and our wives and just amazing. This
service is amazing. It got here the same day.

Speaker 1 (13:30):
It was just like, okay, well, was what was your
actual response to that when you saw that text? Truly?

Speaker 2 (13:37):
What's the first thing you thought?

Speaker 3 (13:38):
I had no response, and then my older brother left
him on red I did, and then my older brother
got in there and sayds, and he often does this.
He beats me too, like the what's the word? The
anadyne kind of wow, incredible, great, you know, and then
I'm like, oh that one got taken that good? The

(14:00):
simple wow is God can't use it?

Speaker 2 (14:03):
Tell her?

Speaker 1 (14:05):
I mean, And then it causes you to kind of
be paralyzed and just go did you respond at all?

Speaker 3 (14:11):
I did? Actually, it made me put more thought into it,
and so I responded saying, yeah, the same day delivery
from Amazon option hasn't appeared quite as often for me lately,
but yes, it is incredible.

Speaker 1 (14:25):
I love the acknowledgment. Then I appreciate that you had
something to say, I really do. I've heard this concept
that in relationship sometimes the way relationships deteriorate is because
one partner or another or both are making these little
bids for attention and the smallest thing. I think your

(14:46):
dad's text could be deemed bids for attention and bids
to connect, like bids to like can we connect in
this moment? And that's nice that you respond in my
humble opinion, humble.

Speaker 3 (14:58):
Yes, I I wish that. As soon as I read
the text. Well, they're in the East Coast too, so
often I wake up to texts from my family. Yeah,
and I'm bleary eyed, and I can't. I just kind
of go, I can't. I don't have an answer to
this right now. Yes, yes, yes, hours go by and
it's a problem.

Speaker 1 (15:16):
That's the time difference thing in text messages is a
big we need.

Speaker 2 (15:20):
To talk about this is it action we do?

Speaker 1 (15:23):
You know, because I have a lot of friends on
the West Coast in LA I lived there before I
moved to New York for SNL, and those friends will
text me at like ten pm their time. That's not
so late, but I might be asleep over here because
that's one am East Coast time. Now I will wake
up and I'll see that text message at eight am,

(15:46):
and I go, it's too early for me to respond
to this quite And also I know it's now five
am on the West Coast. And then I don't respond,
and then I totally forget to respond.

Speaker 3 (15:54):
It's a problem.

Speaker 1 (15:55):
Yeah, I'm going, Oh, this isn't the right time to
be sending them a text.

Speaker 2 (15:58):
Yeah, it's a problem.

Speaker 3 (15:59):
I operate on this assumption, which may be very faulty,
that if I send you a text message when you're
likely to be sleeping. I might there's a good chance
I'm going to wake you up, But if I send
you an email when you're likely to be sleeping, I
won't wake you up. Yes, ye, that's true. I don't
know if that's true.

Speaker 1 (16:15):
I have the same theory. I just told someone I'm
working with who lives in Ohio. I said, I'm going
to email you tomorrow Monday, because i think I'm going
to be up really early East Coast time. I'm talking
really early, and it'll be a little earlier for you,
but still just kind of inappropriate any way to try
to wake someone. And I was like, I'm going to

(16:37):
email you instead of texting you because I would hate
to wake you. And he was like, you're not going
to wake me, so you could text, But in my mind,
I'm like, an email I probably won't wake you.

Speaker 2 (16:46):
Here's a little secret. My phone is on silent.

Speaker 1 (16:49):
It's maybe not a secret, but my phone is on
silent at all times. It does not vibrate, it does
not make any noise. It does not even alert me
that I've received a text message. I have to go
in my text messages to see that I have text
messages because that little red dot gives me anxiety, and
so friends will be like, I didn't text you because
I didn't want to wake and I go, I need
you to get it through your beautiful head. You could

(17:09):
never wake me up. You could never wake me up.
I don't even use do not disturb for that reason.
I'll use it if I have a zoom. But I'm like,
no one can ever disrupt I.

Speaker 3 (17:22):
Think anybody that is in your context. We all need
to just have a whole thing of like what is
your policy? What are you doing? When can I text you?

Speaker 2 (17:33):
Right?

Speaker 1 (17:34):
It should be like a section in the context part.
So like if I put Andy daily in my context,
I go, I can reference in the notes section, this
is Andy's policy on when he can be texted and
when he's awake. What would be disruptive to him? Your
preferred mode of communication because mine is FaceTime, Mine's FaceTime.

Speaker 2 (17:54):
How do you feel about face times?

Speaker 3 (17:55):
Uh? No, no, okay, all right, understood, Okay, what is
it about?

Speaker 2 (18:00):
Just feels intrusive to have to hold.

Speaker 3 (18:03):
It away like that to keep myself in the frame.
It's just it's too much work.

Speaker 1 (18:09):
Anytime I face time, a friend who I can tell
doesn't like it, but is trying to appease me. I
can see in the way they're sort of like jittery
about where the phone is and what angle and where
to rest their arm. I'm like, oh, they're hating this.
They're not telling me, but they're hating this. And I
have all my methods for being comfortable. Prop it up
on a water bottle, like lean it against a water bottle.

Speaker 3 (18:28):
But you're prepared. It's very differently. An outgoing FaceTime call
is so different from an incoming FaceTime. An incoming FaceTime call,
it's like, what now, what's going on television? Suddenly?

Speaker 1 (18:40):
Would your dad FaceTime? No, it sounds like you're not
a FaceTime family.

Speaker 3 (18:45):
No, but he'll make an appointment to you know, during
the whole pandemic, we did appointment zoom appointments.

Speaker 2 (18:53):
Okay, okay, yeah, we.

Speaker 3 (18:54):
Did that, so beautiful. That'll but that has tapered off.
We're not doing that now.

Speaker 1 (19:12):
Given the way you're describing him with the appointments, the
phone call appointments with his own parents and the zoom
appointments with you, would you describe him as super organized type.

Speaker 3 (19:24):
A Oh, yes, very much so okay, yes, okay, Yeah,
he's very serious, very serious about the departure time from
the house for okay, to get to someplace on time. Yeah,
he likes to be He's one of these guys. He
likes to be at the airport way before the flight.

Speaker 1 (19:46):
Oh my gosh.

Speaker 2 (19:47):
See he and I are oil and water. I do not.

Speaker 1 (19:51):
I like to arrive to the airport as my flight
is boarding.

Speaker 2 (19:55):
Oh I want to arrive.

Speaker 1 (19:56):
Really, the ideal time is fifteen minutes before my flight boards,
enough time to get through security. I have tsa pre check,
I got digital ID, and I want to walk from
security onto the plane.

Speaker 2 (20:07):
Those are That's how I moved.

Speaker 1 (20:09):
Yeah, we wouldn't be able to travel together your dad
in no.

Speaker 3 (20:13):
In fact, he and I we were both going someplace
and we were waiting for the car to take us someplace.
And I looked up on the GPS that the place
we were going was ten minutes away, and this was
like twenty five minutes before we had to be there,
and we're just waiting for a car that's probably going
to come in the next five minutes. And I said, oh,

(20:35):
we're in good shape, and my dad said, no, we're not. Actually,
what do you mean.

Speaker 1 (20:43):
What do you mean we are in good shape?

Speaker 3 (20:45):
Shape.

Speaker 2 (20:46):
What kind of work did he do?

Speaker 3 (20:48):
Well? Funny enough, he was when I was very young,
he worked for the phone company when there was one
phone company, doing some management me. And then he worked
for eighteen Toll Atlantic?

Speaker 2 (20:58):
Was it Bell Atlantic?

Speaker 3 (20:59):
I was, Oh, maybe it was just Bell Telephone.

Speaker 1 (21:03):
I think it was Okay, okay, because I think maybe
they merged or something.

Speaker 3 (21:06):
Anyway, go well, in the mid eighties the government split
up the phone company into AT and T and Bell
all this stuff, so he went toward braking. But anyway,
the part that I was saying was ironic is that
he's from the mid eighties to his retirement fifteen years ago,
he was a salesman of video teleconferencing equipment.

Speaker 1 (21:29):
Okay, jaws on the ground because I'm like, are we
talking Zoom before Zoom?

Speaker 3 (21:34):
Yes, So this was like, okay, nineteen eighty five, you
would have a way of video conferencing in a conference
room to some other place that has the same equipment.
And it was very rude of it.

Speaker 2 (21:47):
Really, yeah, it was very really.

Speaker 1 (21:49):
This is fascinating truly to me because in my mind
Skype was a thing before Zoom, but they somehow fumbled
the ball and then Zoom took over during the pandemic,
and that was in my mind the skype was sort
of among the.

Speaker 2 (22:03):
First of its kind.

Speaker 1 (22:04):
But that's not true because this sounds like your dad
was on a pioneer to this.

Speaker 2 (22:08):
Yes he was, okay and okay.

Speaker 3 (22:11):
He put a lot of them in like courthouses so
they can arrang people from the county jail without bringing
them to the courthouse, like weird.

Speaker 2 (22:19):
Oh stuff like that.

Speaker 1 (22:22):
You kind of want the person to be present to
get ra if they're getting arraigned, right, I would.

Speaker 3 (22:26):
Think so, But there's some there's some reasons that you
want a video link from the court to the jail.
I don't know why, some circumstances. Oh, you know what. Else,
he was very busy after nine to eleven, when every
municipality got all this money to set up like an
underground emergency response bunker. He sold a lot of video
teleconferencing equipment during this.

Speaker 1 (22:46):
Really business was booming. Business was booming for him the
height of his career.

Speaker 3 (22:54):
Every little town had like a nerve center under the
city hall emergency response the.

Speaker 1 (23:00):
Things you learned, Okay, wait, is this something he was
passionate about?

Speaker 3 (23:04):
He maybe he really he had a lot of pride
in being a good salesman, yes, okay, and in being
a real expert in the subject matter. In fact, he
published a book on the subject matter called we have
to Start Meeting like.

Speaker 1 (23:19):
This and I love Okay, did you read the book?

Speaker 3 (23:24):
You know, I'm not sure. I definitely thumbed through it.
It's on my bookshelf somewhere. For sure.

Speaker 1 (23:29):
You have the book. You've skimmed the pages. The content
is not alluring to you, Is that accurate?

Speaker 3 (23:34):
It's quite technical. It's quite technical.

Speaker 1 (23:36):
So he was very passionate about being a good salesman.
Does he ever impart any of that wisdom in terms
of being a good salesman to you and what it entails?

Speaker 3 (23:45):
Well, he definitely, okay. He's a real hustler, a real
go getter. There was a period of time when he
was out of work. He was between jobs for a
period of time, and he would wake up earlier than
if he had a job and go down to his
desk and he would be working the phones and making connections.
And that's when actually when he wrote the book. So,

(24:08):
when I graduated college to become with the intention of
becoming an actor, he number one brought me to the
to the men's warehouse to buy me a suit for
job interviews.

Speaker 2 (24:18):
And I'm like, for acting auditions.

Speaker 3 (24:20):
No, he's thinking job interviews. He's thinking, you know.

Speaker 1 (24:23):
Really wait, so he knew you wanted to be an actor,
but he's like was He kind of like, okay, very cute,
but what you're going to do, young man, is you're
going to have to go on job interviews. He kind
of treated it as like that's a hobby. You're going
to get into business as a man? Yes, yes, okay, yes, okay.

Speaker 3 (24:36):
In fact, he would tell me. He would say things
to me like, you know, when I worked at EIGHTE
and T, there was a guy he actually did quite
a few plays and he had a regular job at
AIGHTE and T. So that's an option. Interesting, all right,
all right.

Speaker 1 (24:49):
Okay, so when user we have to be meeting like this,
just do you know what the premise was?

Speaker 2 (24:54):
Was it like, on we need to be meeting on video?

Speaker 3 (24:56):
Yes? Yes, that was the idea.

Speaker 1 (24:57):
Okay, okay, got it. He really was a pie. This
is incredible because he's right because here we are on video.

Speaker 3 (25:03):
That's right, you and I we are.

Speaker 1 (25:04):
I mean, he did know some things, but he sounds
like he didn't know much about your pursuit of acting.

Speaker 3 (25:11):
Really no, And I have a hard time knowing whether
how much to judge that, because sure, well, okay, here's
what I've arrived at, and now I'm getting into a
little bit of advice, uh I have. I would say
that if there's something that your child is passionate about pursuing,

(25:32):
and you think, like, particularly if it's show business or
even if it's sports, something that seems like that's a
long shot, and that's how you feel about it, there
is no point whatsoever in being discouraging, because the pursuit
itself will discourage them, you know what I mean.

Speaker 2 (25:51):
She's a really great point, Andy, put that on. Put
that in a book you need to write.

Speaker 3 (25:58):
Show business will talk you out of doing show business.

Speaker 2 (26:01):
Absolutely.

Speaker 1 (26:02):
If you've ever talked to an actor who is trying
to make it, trying to get that first job, trying
to make rent this month, you will know that everything
inside of them, besides some tiny little voices like yeah,
you don't got what it takes and this isn't going
to happen.

Speaker 2 (26:16):
Yes, yeah.

Speaker 3 (26:17):
So your role, I think as a parent is just
to say, great, how can I help, you know, but
my parents, like nobody in our family ever did anything
like that. My dad, I believe my dad was the
first person in his family to go to college and
he got, you know, he got a respectable job, a
management job, and I think in his mind the intergenerational

(26:39):
upward mobility would have led to lawyers and doctors and
stuff like that. Right, not, I would like to follow
David Letterman's path and beat him, which was what I
told him.

Speaker 2 (26:51):
Which, Oh, how did he react to that when you
told him that?

Speaker 3 (26:54):
Well, actually, that's a memorable conversation because I had read
an unauthorized biograph of David Letterman where it said that
he went to college and studied television and radio. And
so I said to my dad, Hey, I heard about
this major television in radio, and it feels like, for
the first time in my life, I can imagine myself
going to college if you can major in television. And

(27:15):
he was so happy.

Speaker 1 (27:18):
Oh okay, Oh, he was happy because because you were
thinking about not going to college or that was kind
of your vibe.

Speaker 3 (27:24):
Was not able to imagine myself going to college. So
this was like, Okay, this gets us the bachelor's degree.
Then after that I'll buy him the suit and he'll
go on top interviews. Yes, yes, we're on our way.

Speaker 1 (27:38):
I also want to say to your point, you know,
the notion that you're like your dad's perspective informing how
he was responding to what it is you said you
wanted to do, you have some grace for it. It
sounds like. And I also want to say, as a
person whose family wanted me to be a doctor because
that's just what they knew, I think some people I
get interviewed from time to time and people will go, oh, like,

(27:59):
that's we were this supportive and that must be hard
because they didn't like jump at the idea of you
pursuing acting. But I'm like, I don't know nine times
out of ten and made that stat up. Guys, don't
quote me. I do feel like the parent's intention is good,
and I wasn't getting like no one was telling me
it wasn't going to happen for me. That's not a
thing anyone ever said to me. But it was sort

(28:20):
of like, uh, oh, what path is she going to
go down and how is it going to impact her?
Being on these really unstable journey that is the pursuit
of acting or career in entertainment, and so I think parents,
by I just have a lot of grace for it.
And I'm always like the inclination that it's like, oh,
mean parent that didn't go, oh, you want to be
an actor or you want to be an artist? Heck, yeah,

(28:42):
is a bad parent. I don't agree with that notion.

Speaker 3 (28:45):
I guess I don't either, because I would say that
my parents did not believe that I could have a
career in this business, but not it. It wasn't personal.
It wasn't like they saw my performances and said, you know,
relative to the other kids and relative to what I
think it takes to do it, he doesn't have it.
It was more like, just it's so impossible. It's so competitive.

(29:07):
I don't know how you do it. I can't visualize it.
It's right, so many people try and fail. I don't
see it happening right.

Speaker 1 (29:15):
There's nothing linear about it. And so you can't go, Okay, well,
if Andy does X, Y, and Z, it will produce one,
two three for him. That's just not how the industry works.
And if they can't wrap their head around it, of
course they're a little reticent to go Heck, heck, yeah,
you go down that path. And so to your point too,
that no one in your family had been in entertainment

(29:35):
before you, similar, that's my experience as well, and so like, yeah,
when you haven't experienced a thing or seen a thing
or seen it work out, or even begin to have
a concept of how it could work out, I feel
like that is a fairly reasonable response, if I may
say so, you know.

Speaker 3 (29:53):
I think so. Yes. Yeah. Another thing my dad did
after buying me the suit that drove me crazy and
I had to put a stoph was that.

Speaker 1 (30:00):
Was it just one suit? Andy?

Speaker 3 (30:01):
It was one suite suit.

Speaker 2 (30:03):
Okay, but it really peed you off?

Speaker 3 (30:05):
Yeah? Yeah, No, I did wear it on auditions. It
did come in handy on commercial auditions.

Speaker 2 (30:11):
Okay, good, okay, very good.

Speaker 3 (30:12):
Okay. He also once he knew that I had a
commercial agent and that I was doing some things, he
would he would call me all the time and say
things like, what's that agent doing for you? Why don't
you call that a whyre's their office? Well, why don't
you go buy their office and tell them? What have
you done for me today? You know? What do you so?
Bringing a very business man's hustle to this world that

(30:34):
he doesn't know anything about, and it's hard to explain
to somebody like, no, if I just show up unannounced
at my agent's office and say, what have you done
for me this week? I'm done into business?

Speaker 1 (30:46):
Yes you're done, and word, we'll get around.

Speaker 2 (30:48):
Do not sign that guy.

Speaker 1 (30:50):
Let me tell about how you used to come up
to our office huffing and puffing asking me to show receipt. Yeah, yeah,
you're right, it wouldn't have. Did you ever try telling
him that, like, it doesn't work that way, or would
you be like, oh, yeah, totally, dad, I'm gonna you know,
I'm gonna try that.

Speaker 3 (31:05):
Somewhere in between I found I think I found some
way of just being like yeah, yeah, no, I don't know.
I might call him, Yeah, I'll call them soon. Yeah,
I don't know. Okay, just kind of let's move on.
So let's change the subject.

Speaker 2 (31:16):
Where did you go to college?

Speaker 1 (31:17):
Andy?

Speaker 3 (31:18):
I went to Ithaca College in upstate.

Speaker 1 (31:20):
Okay, upstate New York. Yes, and then you moved to
La How soon after college?

Speaker 3 (31:25):
Well, first, because my parents lived in New Jersey, I
moved back in with them after college and commuted into
New York to do improv and sketch and stand up
and so, and then I moved into the city in
ninety four and lived in New York until two thousand
and one. Then I was by coastal for a year
and a half, and then I've been full time in

(31:46):
LA since O two.

Speaker 1 (31:48):
Okay, So, while you were like taking classes at in
New York City and doing improv and sketch, was it UCB, Well, No,
that wasn't around.

Speaker 3 (31:58):
Oh yeah, is that around usually? He came to town
in nineteen ninety six. I was one of the first
YEP students there, but I had already been in town
doing this company called Chicago City Limits that worked out
of a church originally on the Upper East Side.

Speaker 1 (32:13):
I can only imagine the kind of blasphemy that was
going on during improv practice. I've been in improv practice.
I know the types of things that are said.

Speaker 3 (32:23):
Yes, what you're right?

Speaker 1 (32:24):
When you were in going to New York and commuting
and doing the classes, What was your relationship with your
dad like at that time? Was he very invested in
that journey? Was he sort of like, oh Andy's hobby
and he's really loving this hobby or.

Speaker 3 (32:40):
Yeah, I think that was the period when he was
just like you need to approach this like I would
approach getting a job as a salesman, you know, And yeah,
there was a lot Well what are you doing about this?
And why didn't you call that person? How about this connection?
You know that guy didn't he have a sister who
did this.

Speaker 1 (32:56):
Or in that case, because he's like trying to wrap
his head around what you're doing. He's trying to apply
the way he operates in his industry to your industry
and your life. Did you feel supported?

Speaker 3 (33:10):
No, I wouldn't say so. I mean, I guess I
should now in retrospect, I should say that that was
a definitely a form of support. But the part of
it that at the time was most notable to me
was just like it's like you're assuming a degree of
expertise in an area that you don't know anything about.
And believe it or not, I've been in this world,

(33:34):
even just a little while, that I've been in this world,
and that I've been interested in this world, I have
some sense of how to how to do how often
you should appear in front of someone that you're hoping
will give you stage time, You know what I mean?

Speaker 2 (33:46):
Like, yes, right, right?

Speaker 3 (33:48):
That sometimes it's just smiling and being unobtrusive, and you know,
just a decent hang as opposed to, yes, a firm
salesman for yourself. You know, like I actually, yeah, I
have sense of what it's going to take for me
to move a little forward from this place that I am.
And I kind of I got it. I got this.

Speaker 1 (34:09):
Yes, you might be an expert at what it is
you do and what you've experienced, but this thing over
here that you have really no concept of, I might
be a little more of an expert than you. And
I felt that too, even people giving me advice on
how to navigate SNL. And given how many years it's
been around, it is an institution unto itself. And every

(34:31):
once in a while someone will engage with me in
a way that they're like, well, surely it's got to
go this way.

Speaker 2 (34:36):
Well I wouldn't it just worked this way? And I go,
and you should just and I go.

Speaker 1 (34:40):
Trust that my being there gives me a level of
expertise or knowledge that you just would never be able
to begin to wrap your head around. And so, yeah,
you don't know what you don't know, and that's okay.

Speaker 3 (34:53):
I was once talking to a lawyer who works in
international content, not show business, and explaining the the screen
test situation, you know how, like, Okay, I've auditioned for
a TV show, they like me, they send me the
contract that locks me in to their rates for five
or six years, and then I go for my final audition.

(35:16):
And I was telling that to somebody and he was like, no, no, no, no, no,
that you've signed that contract under duress. It's unenforceable.

Speaker 2 (35:25):
Imagine bringing that to the industry.

Speaker 1 (35:27):
Imagine the next test you go to to screen test,
you go, I won't be signing this contract for I
feel diressed.

Speaker 2 (35:36):
Yeah, you would be out of a job.

Speaker 1 (35:37):
So you just can't apply some of that stuff from
these other industries to this one.

Speaker 2 (35:42):
And that's just a fact.

Speaker 3 (35:43):
Sometimes you have to say, I have no idea about
what your world, how your world works.

Speaker 1 (35:48):
Exactly, and I trust that you, being in it, know
a little, at least a tiny bit more than I do.
And so we're gonna defer to you a little. Now,
did your dad ever come to shows of yours when
you were doing improv sketch?

Speaker 2 (35:59):
She ever can watch you?

Speaker 3 (36:00):
Yes? So when I Chicago City Limits was a review,
they had a playbill. They paid us a couple hundred
dollars a week and it was song parodies and short
form improv of the whose line Is It any Way? Style?
And we did six shows a week on the Upper
East Side and we dressed in like shiny shirts and

(36:23):
ironed Chino's.

Speaker 2 (36:26):
And okay, your dad would like this.

Speaker 1 (36:28):
He had.

Speaker 3 (36:29):
My parents loved this show. They came again and again.
They brought all their friends. It seemed like they were
making friends to bring them to this show. They had
a favorite restaurant that they would go to before each show,
and ye, so they love that. But then UCB came
to town and I was like, no, that's where it's at.

Speaker 2 (36:48):
Oh, and we were not wearing suits and iron shirts.

Speaker 1 (36:53):
No UCB, No, no, no.

Speaker 3 (36:55):
They never understood the transition from Chicago City limits to
uc B.

Speaker 1 (36:58):
What happened to that one nice theater? Yeah, you know,
everyone was dressed in business casual attire and now what
holes in your jeans and dirty sneakers? What's that about?

Speaker 3 (37:10):
We're theds and jackets and the entrances and exits and
the piano player on the stage, what's what's happening? You're
just you're all you're all standing there, slouching on the
back wall and stepping forward, and what is this?

Speaker 2 (37:23):
Some of it's not funny?

Speaker 1 (37:25):
And what's going on? What's going on?

Speaker 2 (37:27):
They never they didn't get it.

Speaker 1 (37:30):
They didn't. And but then, were you two particularly close
during this period? If you're like, in retrospect, you maybe go,
this was his way of showing support by trying to
apply what he knows to what I'm doing. Did you
feel close to him at the time that you were
in pursuit of all this?

Speaker 3 (37:48):
I don't. I know. I wouldn't say particularly, because it
truly was at the time it was just like, all right,
let me change the subject, because it was not We
were not bonding over his shared enthusiasm for my success.

Speaker 1 (38:02):
What would you say at the time you felt like
your dad was this sounds so insensitive what I'm about
to say, but just for the sake of brevity, like
good for when you go, if you go, my mom's
really good at this thing relationally with me, What did
you feel like, well, my dad's really good.

Speaker 2 (38:20):
At this thing relationally with me. What would you say?

Speaker 3 (38:22):
Oh? Wow, oh god, uh, I don't know. I don't
know how I would have answered that question. At that
time because I was not quite able to see his
efforts as well intentioned and as best as you could do.

(38:44):
So I don't know what I would have told you
at that time. What is he good for?

Speaker 1 (38:48):
Absolutely nothing besides being a pioneer to Zoo. I mean,
the man sounds.

Speaker 3 (38:55):
Smart, yeah, very smart.

Speaker 2 (38:58):
What's something that you learned from him? Though?

Speaker 1 (39:00):
So if you feel like you can't quite answer that question,
is there anything that you would go even now in retrospect,
I did learn this watching you, and it's part of
who I am now and how I conduct myself.

Speaker 3 (39:09):
Absolutely. The period of time that he was between jobs
and working out of the house is something like it's
burned into me permanently. That like, because I work out
of the house most of the time, I'm usually I'm
always pretty much out of work, and I'm alway, no,
you know what.

Speaker 1 (39:28):
I mean, somebody exactly exactly. I'm out of work from
May to September every year, and I'm honest exactly.

Speaker 3 (39:36):
Yeah. Yeah, I go between feeling like I'm semi retired
and I haven't quite gotten off the ground yet, you
know what I mean?

Speaker 2 (39:44):
Right?

Speaker 1 (39:44):
Same?

Speaker 2 (39:45):
But I guess that doesn't change. Good to know, Yeah,
to know.

Speaker 3 (39:47):
Okay, so, but but that spirit of like, uh, I'm awake,
it's a new day. I have a goal in mind,
and I'm everything that I do today is going to
be in service of that goal. Uh, and it's up
to me to do it.

Speaker 2 (40:05):
Mm hm that's it again.

Speaker 1 (40:09):
That's incredible and I do think very you. So it's
interesting for all considering all the kinds of advice he
would give you concerning how to show up as an
aspiring actor who was auditioning and put on a suit
and knock on an agent store and say what have
you done for me lately? It's interesting that just by
observing him, it seems you got this bit of wisdom
that is applicable to what you're doing now that is

(40:33):
quite unlike the industry he was in, and just going, oh,
look at me. Now, I'm working from home a lot,
and I need to self motivate and I need to
wrap my head around each day because it's very easy
if you're working from home to not do no work.

Speaker 2 (40:48):
You could be busy all day and not be working.

Speaker 1 (40:51):
Absolutely yeah, yea yeah, big, big time.

Speaker 3 (40:54):
I have an uncle who after he retired, he said,
if I have all day to make it to the
dry cleaner. It will take all day to make it
to the dry cleaner.

Speaker 2 (41:02):
That's a very real thing.

Speaker 1 (41:03):
Sometimes I respond to one email some days and I go, oh.

Speaker 2 (41:07):
Wow, you really e fing did it today?

Speaker 3 (41:09):
Girl?

Speaker 1 (41:11):
Held your own Well, that is fascinating. Your dad close
to your siblings, would you say, does anyone any of
your siblings have a closer relationship to him than you do?

Speaker 3 (41:20):
Yeah? Well, I would say both of my brothers still
live in New Jersey, and so they definitely see my
parents a lot more. And I think that they Yeah,
that makes a huge difference, just that they're like, my
older brother has kids, and so my parents are their grandparents,
and they go to every performance and every graduation and

(41:40):
every you know, and so it just puts you in
proximity for all kinds of conversations and discussions that I
am out of the loop on.

Speaker 1 (41:49):
Yeah, So do you feel like you want to be
closer and like geographically or emotionally, et cetera.

Speaker 3 (41:55):
Yeah, I guess I'm starting to feel that way now
now that they're they're getting older. It would be you know,
and I had I had a job in New Jersey
a couple of years ago, and so I said, don't
put me up in a hotel. I'll stay at my
parents house. And it was really interesting to be there
as like a fifty year old and to kind of
feel like, hey, these I don't see how these two
function when I'm not here, like yeah, but in a

(42:21):
kind of a good way, like you know, yeah, I'll
go for a walk with my mom. She has a
lot that she needs to get off her chest to me,
and I don't know how she manages what I'm not here.

Speaker 1 (42:31):
Yeah. I have a friend. He goes home. I'm to
his parents' place in Nebraska, and he'll often be like,
I don't know how I tell my mom. He goes
on walks with his mom and he's.

Speaker 2 (42:39):
Like, how do you deal with dad? I'm like.

Speaker 1 (42:43):
Yeah, and she's like, well, that's your dad and that's
who I'm married to, and yeah, I know that's my
best attime at a Midwestern accent, I have to or
I know, don't. Don't you know if you remember Bobby's World,
that was big for me.

Speaker 3 (42:58):
No, I don't know Bobby's world.

Speaker 1 (43:00):
You don't know Bobby's world. It was a cartoon and
I don't know much more beyond that. And I'll leave
it to you to look at. I'm bad at recounting things.
It's not even a matter of not wanting to tell you.
I think I fear I'll embarrass myself because I can't
provide any further details. Okay, And that's just that, Okay,
and I apologize to everyone listening. I'm asking you to

(43:22):
go to Google.

Speaker 3 (43:22):
Okay, and I'll do it.

Speaker 2 (43:24):
Okay. His mom just's be like Bobby, don't you know?

Speaker 1 (43:27):
That's the Midwestern woman. So, then being at home with
your parents as an adult while you had that job
shift in perspective of sorts of at least you felt like, yeah,
how are they doing this without me?

Speaker 3 (43:41):
And also that it's kind of nice to feel helpful,
you know, yeah, which I think I would feel often
if I lived thirty minutes away from them, you know
what I mean?

Speaker 1 (43:49):
Right? Okay?

Speaker 2 (43:49):
Do you feel helpful as a dad yourself?

Speaker 3 (43:51):
Though to my own kids?

Speaker 2 (43:53):
You mean you're your own kids?

Speaker 3 (43:54):
Yeah, yes, very much. So. I consider myself to be
a uh, what's the word, a mission critical asset in
our household?

Speaker 2 (44:05):
Oh? I love that.

Speaker 3 (44:07):
That's a phrase from a from okay productivity book I
read once.

Speaker 1 (44:11):
Okay, not written by your dad Okay, mission critical asset.
I like that, what ways are you helpful from in
your point of view?

Speaker 3 (44:19):
Well, I'm practically helpful as a chauffeur and askay just
doing things around the house and for them. I definitely
all sorts of practical ways. But I also my twelve
year old is in the next room, but I don't
think she can.

Speaker 2 (44:36):
Okay, so whisper, whisper, whisper. Okay, we're going to a whisper.

Speaker 3 (44:40):
I have always been quite good at motivating them through
humor and getting past difficult things by making them laugh.

Speaker 1 (44:52):
It's almost like telling the kid Santa Claus doesn't exist,
or that the fairy tent, the what's that bitch? Just
the fair gosh, the tooth fairy?

Speaker 2 (45:03):
Doesn't it? Why she a bitch? She didn't have to
be a bitch. She didn't even do it, she didn't
do anything to me. Doesn't exist.

Speaker 1 (45:08):
You're like, I like that you don't understand what's exactly
happening here, And I enjoy the wonder and awe.

Speaker 2 (45:16):
Really yes, right, yeah, something.

Speaker 1 (45:18):
Magical about it, where it's like, this is a little
tool of mine. And if you see how the sausage
gets made, you lose a bit of the wonder here
and so okay, so that's why we're whispering.

Speaker 3 (45:27):
Okay, got what I relate to with my kit because
I feel this way too. I guess everybody feels this way.
There are things that like you're really torn about doing,
like putting on your shoes to go out to the
farmer's market, like you know, like part of you is like,
I know we agreed to do that, and I know
everybody else wants to do it, and I think I

(45:48):
can look ahead and know that from past experience. Once
I'm there, I'm glad I went because there's all this
stuff but I don't wanna. And then that's a moment
when like making you laugh, having some fun, changing the
energy in.

Speaker 2 (46:04):
The worm, that's powerful.

Speaker 3 (46:07):
Yeah, it can get you pass that like oh into
all the other stuff.

Speaker 1 (46:12):
It's giving mission critical asset for sure. To me, You've
sold me. I'm like, that is I wonder, you know
if all dads feel that useful? And it's sincere wonder,
Like I have no take on it, but I'm like,
that does seem really important? And if your kids grow
up and they look back and they go, man, my
dad always made us laugh. My dad you know, when

(46:34):
I was feeling down or dubious about something, you had
to like change the vibe and uplift us. That's such
a that is really important, I think more than money.
I have friends whose dads were so not present but
very rich, and they'd like just toss money at things,
and they'd be like, yeah, my dad's a dick though, like, yes,
I have zero student loans, but my dad's a dick.

(46:56):
And I'm like, yeah, you're kind of like a TV dad, Andy, Oh.

Speaker 3 (47:00):
Yes, very much so yeah. Yeah, Well but you know
what's funny, Like I am I'm saying that, and I'm
at a place now where I'm really proud of it.
But for a long time I have said it like
out of the corner of my mouth, almost like I
can't leave town. They would never get to school, you.

Speaker 1 (47:20):
Know what I mean, Like, wait, what do you think
the motivation behind that was to be like I'm a
little I'm hush hut, like out of the side of
your mouth. I'm not.

Speaker 2 (47:26):
I really exproud I say this.

Speaker 3 (47:28):
At the outset of parenting, I did not expect to
be so integral through the process and so kind of
needed in a weird way. I don't know what I had. Well,
my dad traveled a lot as a salesman. He was
gone a lot, and he worked full schedule when I
was a kid. So in some way, even though I'm

(47:49):
a man of the modern world, I think I did
have in my mind, like my wife is going to
do like ninety percent of the parenting and I'm here
for something else.

Speaker 1 (47:58):
I just made my life deposit and I'll be here
if she can't handle something.

Speaker 2 (48:05):
Yeah, somehow I'll find a way to defer back to her.

Speaker 1 (48:07):
But you know what's interesting is that what you're saying
I think I've heard reflected over and over again, even
as friends now are having kids with their partners and
you hear it they go and I've read it online.

Speaker 2 (48:20):
It's like, you know that.

Speaker 1 (48:21):
Dad, we can't really be useful till X point in
their lives. Are we're kind of the with the guy
the dad, there's not really much to be done, we
really think about it. The woman is carrying so much
of the responsibility physically, literally, and otherwise. I find this
incredibly fascinating because you're like, I expected that sounds like
based on your experience and perhaps what's the way people

(48:44):
talk about fatherhood and what how fathers can show up
and how they can can or can't be useful in kids' lives,
and how important a mother is. Which agreed, But you
seem to have a different experience for yourself and different
from you what you expected and from what you'd heard.

Speaker 3 (49:00):
Very much cool, And it's partly that I am around.
It's partly that doing this thing for a living has
meant that I'm I don't have a regular schedule, and
so I have been able to jump in and find
things to do in ways to be helpful that then
have become quite necessary to the functioning of our house.

Speaker 1 (49:21):
I love to hear that. I love to hear that.
Do you think that your kids feel close to you?

Speaker 3 (49:27):
I do?

Speaker 2 (49:28):
Yes, yes, great? And how many do you have? If
you don't mind me asking?

Speaker 3 (49:32):
Two kids? Seventeen and twelve? And actually this is I mean,
this just happens, so it's kind of perfect timing that
are my seventeen year old? I think, Yeah, how do
I explact? My My wife mentioned to my seventeen year
old that when she and I first got together, I
was like, uh, not so sure about having kids for

(49:52):
various reasons, and I at the time was like, I
don't think you should tell that to our child. Ye. Yes,
but she, our seventeen year old, has hung on to
that piece of information and recently said to me in
front of all all of us, she was like, I
was just thinking about how lucky I am to have
such a great dad, particularly for someone who wasn't so

(50:14):
sure he wanted to have kids. I was just amazing.

Speaker 1 (50:19):
It's at your your birthday party, retirement. But for someone
who didn't know he wanted to have me. Was there
a sarcastic tone.

Speaker 3 (50:28):
No, No, she really liked She appreciated that it wasn't
a given that I was going to get into this
parenting game, and that she feels like I feels that
I've showed up for it.

Speaker 1 (50:41):
That's pretty cool, That's wonderful, right, Can I may I
ask why you weren't sure you wanted to be a dad? Okay,
there's a lot, bearing in mind, Andy, there's I'm sure
there's a lot, but bearing in mind that, like what
I think, I've never had children, but I imagine one
of the best feelings in the world is hearing your

(51:03):
child say that about you, like I acknowledge and see
the effort you've made as a parent and it has
impacted me and I am deeply grateful for it.

Speaker 2 (51:14):
And the way you show up, I don't take it
for granted.

Speaker 1 (51:16):
So knowing that Dad is so glad you're here, both
of your children, I'm like, I am curious why, especially
if you're such an exceptional dad and you feel like
one and your children at least one of them has
said you are.

Speaker 2 (51:31):
Why did you feel reticent?

Speaker 3 (51:32):
Partly it was like practical stuff, and at that time
in my life in particular, I was very like focused
on money and feeling like I don't know what is
going to happen next year and stuff like that. But
partly it was also like I had a terrible fear
of having kids who at some point hated me like

(51:54):
I just I could just imagine that, I could just
imagine a teenage into twenties age kid who was just
like get out here, old man, like yeah, for whatever
reason or for no reason, and the idea of that
just seemed terrible, and it almost seemed, it almost seemed

(52:14):
in a way like an inevitable period of time between
particularly a son and a father. Even though I can't
say my dad and I didn't really have well we
had some Yeah, we had some friction.

Speaker 2 (52:25):
I had some friction, had some friction.

Speaker 3 (52:27):
Didn't get as bad as what I was envisioning. But
I was envisioning like a true like a moment will
come when a son has to like separate from there.
As it turns out, I did not have sons but
separate from their dad in some way, and it's gonna
be so ugly and brutal.

Speaker 1 (52:44):
Yeah, you're saying it never got that dark or ugly
with you and your dad. But did any part of
you like resent the way he was or the way
he showed up for you or didn't show up for you.

Speaker 3 (52:55):
Yeah, for sure, Like you know, yes and no. But
I was a very bad student in high school, and
looking back on it now with this vantage point, like
there were things I was good at and there was
things I was not good at, and I think it
was obvious that I was smart and that there were
certain things I could do, even if the report cards

(53:17):
were coming home and they were really disappointing and they
seemed to like limit my options going forward, you know,
but look at the big picture, and I'm not a
hopeless case. I'm not going to end up in jail
or pumping gas, you know, at the gas station, like
I you know what I mean, Like look at the
whole picture. But and my parents were so so upset

(53:37):
at my grades and where I was with and so
that was a lot of conflict and a lot of
being grounded and punished and and yeah, a lot of
a lot of conflict around that.

Speaker 1 (53:49):
Yeah. Can I ask where you fell in the birth order?
Because I feel like by the time they get to
the youngest, it's a little a lot more lax. So
where do you fall?

Speaker 3 (53:57):
My older brother is three years older than me, my
younger brother eight years younger than me, So I'm in
the middle. But for eight years of the baby.

Speaker 2 (54:07):
You were the baby.

Speaker 1 (54:08):
But still you were only three years apart from your
older brother. Okay, now, is given how strict your parents
were about academia and their expectations for you, are you
that sort of strict with your kids?

Speaker 3 (54:24):
Or I literally don't know how to look at my
daughter's grades. I actually don't. I don't know where the
year over here. They're some kind of parent portal that
I don't know the password to.

Speaker 1 (54:40):
Okay, you don't care, you don't care to know. That's
the honest to god truth. Isn't it You don't really care?

Speaker 3 (54:45):
No, I mean I have definitely tried to explain that,
like the higher that gray point averages, the wider the
vista of options is. But so don't not get good
grades just as a matter of like casual choice. Okay,
there's every incentive to do your best. But and it's

(55:08):
hard to like envision the future. So I get it,
but it's please understand you have every you have every
incentive to do your best here. Okay, okay, but I'm
not sitting there going we gotta bump this up to
a B plus at least, you know.

Speaker 1 (55:26):
You literally don't even know what it is for all
you know it, You have no idea. And does your
your wife know?

Speaker 3 (55:31):
Yeah, yeah, she knows, she's she sometimes yeah, sometimes she'll
track it a little bit. Although but yeah, our daughter
just recently did. She mentioned her GPA and I was like,
oh great, okay, good.

Speaker 1 (55:41):
Hands, Okay, lais fair. It actually is effective. That's amazing.

Speaker 2 (55:48):
Are you a disciplinarian? Would you say with your kids?

Speaker 3 (55:53):
No? No, No, I mean I definitely I get angry
when they're or if I am lied to, I get
really that's my only thing. Okay, like I think I
can be reasonable being told almost anything, but to find
out that I've been lied to.

Speaker 2 (56:12):
I get Yeah, that's that's tricky.

Speaker 1 (56:15):
Yeah, I mean that's same with me again, and I'm
not a parent, and I'm like, that's something about that
really gets under your skin. How do you handle those
moments you obviously get angry, they know you're angry. Do
you think it changes like if if the if your
kids know you're angry about something that they've done, namely
for you know, being lied to. Do you think the

(56:38):
next time the opportunity to lie to you arises, or
the inclination arises, they will choose different course? Or have
you seen that be effective being angry about it?

Speaker 3 (56:47):
Yeah? I think so, But I guess I can't draw
a direct line from the anger to the okay, to
the different choices.

Speaker 1 (56:54):
Being angry works. There's righteous anger, they say, ye anger.

Speaker 3 (56:58):
Yeah, but it's I guess it's probably been more or
helpful to have, you know, the conversations after the anger
about like why that was, why that hurts so much?

Speaker 1 (57:06):
And right?

Speaker 3 (57:07):
You know, right, Okay, Yeah, I actually believe I also, yeah,
I believe that our seventeen year old has become more
respectful of our desire to be told the truth.

Speaker 1 (57:22):
I mean, it sounds again like effective parenting, and I
truly believe no one really knows what they're up to.
Everyone sort of trying their hand as you go.

Speaker 3 (57:31):
Yeah, I'll tell you where you go, right It Like
I would say, ninety percent of the parenting conflict. And
I'm sure you've heard this is all about devices and
screen time and Instagram and TikTok and all of that.

Speaker 2 (57:48):
Okay, okay, yeah.

Speaker 3 (57:49):
So that is the ultimate like carrot. You know what
I mean?

Speaker 2 (57:54):
And what's interesting? I hadn't heard that.

Speaker 1 (57:57):
It does make sense, It makes me under Okay, if
it's that, now, what was it thirty years ago?

Speaker 2 (58:05):
Was it TV?

Speaker 1 (58:07):
I feel like we liked playing outside. I liked playing outside,
But yeah, like, what was I getting in trouble for?
It's all a distant memory, which is to say to
you and hopefully comfort you, that you don't remember a
lot of it.

Speaker 2 (58:18):
I'm like, I don't remember.

Speaker 1 (58:19):
I'm like, what do I used to get in trouble for? Attitude?
Which is probably not surprising anyone as much as I talk.
But yeah, I'm like I could see that now, But
what do you think it was I'm like devices, iPads, homes.

Speaker 3 (58:33):
Yeah. I mean when I think like when I was younger,
me and my older brother would fight and get into
stupid arguments about stuff, and that's what we got in
trouble for.

Speaker 2 (58:41):
Okay, fighting, Yeah, that's for sure.

Speaker 3 (58:43):
And then yeah, and then once I was past ninth grade,
it was all about grades.

Speaker 2 (58:49):
Okay.

Speaker 3 (58:50):
Yeah, but I can't remember what else I got in
trouble for. We were a pretty TV positive house.

Speaker 1 (58:56):
Yeah, it was like sit Down and Washington TV. Some
people were in fact raised by TV and I kind
of was one. And now look it all worked out
in it. Now, Look, do your kids get along with
one another?

Speaker 3 (59:07):
Yeah, they do. They're actually five years apart. So it's
it's it's good and bad, you know, Like they're okay,
they don't have a lot of the same interests a
lot of the time, okay, but they also don't seem
to have the they're not competing over the exact same resources.

Speaker 1 (59:25):
Right, It's kind of nice the staggered, staggered life they're living.
Is there something that feels really important to you as
a dad to impart to your kids in terms of
what kind of people they become, what sort of values
they have.

Speaker 3 (59:40):
It's I mean, there's never been a better bumper sticker.
Then you have to treat other people the way you
want to be treated. Like it's so simple and it's
but it's so true, and you do have to actively
remind yourself of it from time to time, like, oh,
how would I feel if somebody did to me? But

(01:00:03):
it's the main thing that I've tried to get it, Puss,
But I don't know, that's not very satisfying because it's
such a common piece of wisdom.

Speaker 1 (01:00:13):
Yeah, yeah, it is satisfying to me. I'm like, I
just I'm curious when it's like, you bring a human
into the world, you're responsible for the human at least
till they're eighteen in theory, and you're literally rearing this person.
What are you trying to teach them? Has it occurred
to you what it is you really want to teach them?
And if that is satisfying, I want to teach them

(01:00:33):
to treat others how they want to be treated.

Speaker 3 (01:00:36):
I would also really love for my kids to acquire
as effortlessly and easily as possible a clear sense of
what they want. You know what I mean, because I
think what you want can so often get muddied up
by what other people want from you and what the

(01:00:56):
expectations of your peers and all that stuff, and your
inability to predict how something's going to make you feel,
you know, so I yeah, that's one thing I would
love to foster in my kids, Like, just have a
clear idea of who you are and what you want,
and then from there you can build on so much.

Speaker 1 (01:01:19):
Yeah. Yeah, and would you say your kids consider you
a confidant.

Speaker 3 (01:01:31):
Some times, not as often as I would like, But
every once in a while the teen will surprise me
with like an outpouring of the personal stuff that I'll
be like, I'm so glad you're telling.

Speaker 1 (01:01:42):
Me this, Oh good, good good, And you react well,
you know you feel equipped to respond well in those moments.

Speaker 3 (01:01:51):
Yes, and no, I think I know well enough at
this point that like what I should not do is
jump in with all kinds of like forcefully experts advice.

Speaker 2 (01:02:01):
Sure, okay, do you what you was able to ask
more questions?

Speaker 1 (01:02:05):
Yeah?

Speaker 2 (01:02:05):
If you ask more questions of that sort of it, okay, Okay.

Speaker 3 (01:02:08):
Ask questions and sympathize and empathize.

Speaker 1 (01:02:10):
Yeah, you can't really go wrong if you ask questions
and go, oh, I'm so glad you said that. And
now that thing you just said has brought another question
to the surface for me. How about this, and let
me give you the space that's really invaluable. I think Andy,
I'm gonna go ahead. This isn't something I do typically

(01:02:32):
on the podcast, but go ahead and say pretty damn
good dad. And this is not to say the other
dads we're not good.

Speaker 3 (01:02:38):
You should have a rating system of pipes and slippers.
We should.

Speaker 1 (01:02:44):
Oh my goodness, I now have to go back and go, oh,
my goodness, I think all the dads are good. No,
cut that part out. Let's pretend I never called Andy
a good dad. It's not to say Andy is not
a good dad. It's not zero sum. To say Andy
is not a good dad is not to say the
other dad's are not good dads. In fact, I think
all the dads, truly that I've spoken to thus far
are remarkable. I think it's so cool to show up

(01:03:07):
as a father, to not know exactly what type of
role you will play in a young person's life, but
knowing you have this responsibility and knowing that you can
have an impact, and learning as you go navigating it
and trying your damn best.

Speaker 2 (01:03:25):
It's worth celebrating.

Speaker 1 (01:03:27):
I end each episode by asking my dad for the
day for a piece of advice. So I'm going to
ask you for a piece of advice. I'm asking you
simply because you're my dad for the day. Yes, And
it's not a function of me thinking you're an expert
in any regard. So if you're not an expert, you

(01:03:47):
don't have to pretend to be one.

Speaker 3 (01:03:50):
Well, so go come, no please, I'll give you a
piece of advice inspired by something that was in one
of the emails about like how to buy a cart.
But I'm going to expand it out from there and
just say, in my opinion, some people love it, but
I think you should avoid haggling situations as best you

(01:04:11):
can throughout your life.

Speaker 2 (01:04:13):
We are connected.

Speaker 1 (01:04:14):
I think that we share DNA because what you're going
to realize, I was just about to I kidch you
not about to ask you a piece of advice about
how to negotiate what.

Speaker 3 (01:04:23):
I didn't know you were going to have a specific question.

Speaker 1 (01:04:25):
I was gonna It's okay. A few people have it,
and I think it's kind of fun to be like,
have them jump in and say here's a piece of
advice for you.

Speaker 2 (01:04:32):
I'm going to dish out because I think dads do that.

Speaker 1 (01:04:34):
By the way, you've had that experiences as a son
of a father, which sounds like a slur, you son
of a father. But how do I negotiate my salary?
Do you essentially just said, don't do it?

Speaker 3 (01:04:50):
Yeah? Don't ever, man. I mean, I'm so I'm so
glad that like I have and you have people who
actually do that for you, and that I get to.
Let me tell you about I have found this person
who is a car broker and when I if I
want a new car, because I lease a car so

(01:05:12):
the lease will be up, and then I'll say to him, like,
here's the car I want, and he just finds it
and I don't. I don't know if the price I'm
paying is good or bad.

Speaker 2 (01:05:23):
I understand what kind of dad you are?

Speaker 3 (01:05:24):
You know what I'm saying. I can't get involved. I
can't get my feelings hurt by feeling like I I
paid too much, or that I got screwed, or that
I fell for one of the oldest tricks in the book.

Speaker 1 (01:05:35):
Like I can't.

Speaker 3 (01:05:36):
It hurts too much, Like I can't put that on
the line.

Speaker 2 (01:05:38):
Get involved.

Speaker 1 (01:05:39):
I love, you don't know your daughter's grades and you
don't know how much money you're paying for your car. Again,
the hands off approach is working so well.

Speaker 3 (01:05:49):
I mean I'm very hands on on some things, but
there's certain things that I'm just like, there's no no
good can come of me getting deep in the weeds
on this and like, yeah, so when it comes to negotiating,
I love to just take my agent's word for it
that like, this is the most I could get out
of them. I mean, they really they came in here
and I went up there, and this is either we
walk away or we accept this, you know, and I
just don't. Yeah, whatever you tell me.

Speaker 1 (01:06:11):
Can I ask Andy, when a job offer comes in
for you, if it's a number that you're like, oh,
this feels like less than what I'm worth, will you
say to your reps, hey and reps, guys, agents, managers,
et cetera. Will you say to your reps, I think
we need to push for more money, or do you
go I like the sound of this job. I'm in.

Speaker 3 (01:06:31):
No, I have said more money. I have said that.

Speaker 1 (01:06:35):
Okay.

Speaker 3 (01:06:35):
Sometimes, well, why are you telling your daughter me wait
telling me well, because I guess I'm saying, all right,
all right, that's what you're shit, because I'm imagining you
sitting across the table from Lord Michaels slipping pieces of paper. Job, No,
you don't want to know, so okay, given that there's
an intermediary, Given that there's an intermediary, yes, absolutely, you

(01:06:59):
can say the intermediary.

Speaker 1 (01:07:01):
Can't we do a little bit better than that?

Speaker 3 (01:07:02):
Or I you know, sometimes there are jobs where it's like, uh, yeah,
the the amount of money is so wrong that I'll
just say, clearly they don't.

Speaker 2 (01:07:11):
Have on principle you wouldn't do it, or no, you
will do it.

Speaker 3 (01:07:15):
I would do it. But like we're in such different
universes that there's no point continuing to discuss it, you
know what I mean, Like if you're starting here more, yes, yeah.

Speaker 1 (01:07:27):
I'm somewhere else in some other world. I'm in Wakanda. Okay, yeah, Okay.

Speaker 3 (01:07:34):
There be times like that. Yeah, I guess I have
found mostly in my career it's it's kind of take
it or leave it, and sometimes you.

Speaker 2 (01:07:41):
Leave it okay, Okay.

Speaker 3 (01:07:43):
Occasionally my agent will be like I'll go back and
ask if you want and see.

Speaker 2 (01:07:47):
What they say, and then yeah, okay, I understand.

Speaker 1 (01:07:51):
I'm not trying it, guys, I just wanted advice from
from my dad. You don't have to dad, Honestly, his
advice was a bit contradict, which feels very human and
feels really dad.

Speaker 2 (01:08:03):
Like, you sound so disappointed. Okay, I wish No, I
don't know.

Speaker 3 (01:08:08):
I like, I don't know. I don't have all the answers.

Speaker 1 (01:08:12):
Well, that's what I'm wanting all the dads to say.
That's not what I'm wanting them to say. But that's
also a really good dad answer. A really good out
is like, look, I don't have all the answers. Also,
I'm always confused about how to handle those situations, and
I wanted to get your take on it, and that's
helpful to me. And your take and everything is case
by case, I will say, right, okay, right, so I

(01:08:33):
know that much, but I will have your conflicting advice
at top of mine next time it comes time to negotiate.
It's sort of like, don't haggle, but.

Speaker 3 (01:08:47):
Don't haggle over buying and selling things.

Speaker 2 (01:08:50):
Okay, okay, that's good.

Speaker 1 (01:08:52):
I'm selling some items in my home from my home
and I'm like, I guess you know, people are like, well,
you come down on the price, and a little like,
I don't know. The price is the price, and the
price is just the price, and I didn't price it
in a way that I was like, I'm leaving room
for haggling because I don't want to do that, nor
do I have time.

Speaker 2 (01:09:11):
Right, I see what you're saying.

Speaker 3 (01:09:12):
I once sold a television at a garage sale for
thirteen dollars and that was like two thousand year was
this two thousand and five? And I'm still mad about it?

Speaker 2 (01:09:22):
Are you still thinking about it?

Speaker 3 (01:09:23):
I got talked to fifteen dollars?

Speaker 2 (01:09:26):
But okay, this which is why?

Speaker 1 (01:09:27):
Okay, so you're saying that's so upsetting too that you're like,
never again will I haggle or be haggled with?

Speaker 3 (01:09:32):
Exactly?

Speaker 1 (01:09:33):
Yes? Understood? All right, wonderful Andy? Is there anything you
would like to plug before we go?

Speaker 3 (01:09:37):
Oh? Just my podcast Patreon at patreon dot com slash
Andy Daly. You can find all kinds of podcasts there,
including the aforementioned Bonanas for Bonanza.

Speaker 1 (01:09:49):
Oh no, did I say okay? Bonanas for Bonanna two?

Speaker 2 (01:09:53):
No?

Speaker 3 (01:09:53):
No, no, no, no, it's it's bananas for bonanza, but
I'm I'm accentuating the bow for the purposes he people understand.

Speaker 1 (01:10:00):
Oh yes, low and find helping people locate it on
the patron because oh no, never mind. Okay, well, I've
absolutely walked and shipped myself, and thank you so much
for being my dad for the day.

Speaker 3 (01:10:13):
Boy.

Speaker 2 (01:10:13):
Is that all the plugs? Is that all the plugs
your heart designs?

Speaker 3 (01:10:16):
Yes, all the plugs.

Speaker 1 (01:10:17):
That's it? Okay, all right, wonderful. Thank you so much
for your time. I really really appreciate you having this
conversation with me.

Speaker 3 (01:10:25):
I enjoyed it. So get get good sleep and eat well. Please,
Thank you dad.

Speaker 2 (01:10:31):
Thanks.

Speaker 1 (01:10:32):
Dad is a headgum podcast created and hosted by me
Iego Wodem. This show is engineered by Rochelle Chen and
Anya Kanskaya and edited by Rochelle Chen with executive producer
Emma Foley. Katie Moose is our VP of Content at Headgum.
Thanks to Jason Methini for our show art and Faris
Manshi for our theme song. For more podcasts by Headgum,

(01:10:54):
visit headgum dot com or.

Speaker 2 (01:10:56):
Wherever you listen to your favorite shows.

Speaker 1 (01:10:58):
Leave us a review on apple pot and maybe, just
maybe we'll read it on a future episode that was
a hit.

Speaker 3 (01:11:06):
Gum Podcast