Langston Kerman

Langston Kerman joins Ego today in being her day for the day as they talk about not aging, having multiple stepdads and become a father figure to your younger siblings. Ego then asks Langston advice on how to navigate texting someone or ghosting you're not interested post-first date.

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:02):
This is a headgun podcast.

Speaker 2 (00:11):
Hi, I may go, and welcome to Thanks Dad. I
was raised by a single mom and don't have a
relationship with my dad. I don't think we're ever going
to have a relationship because he's actually dead. Langston, Well
you laugh.

Speaker 1 (00:26):
Well, it's just a devastating way for me to find out.
How do you think i'd have felt? I just wish
you would have told me differently. I guess this is
a better way to tell you. I'm maybe not in
a single sentence, you know what I mean? A run
on Okay, I'm.

Speaker 2 (00:49):
Not getting chastised for my grammar over it was a
run on sentence.

Speaker 1 (00:55):
That's probably the main reason you're mad. Yes, yes, you know.
I'm a grammar stick Larry for a grammar. Okay, I'm
a sticker for a grammar. I'm a stickler for dead dads.
That's always been me.

Speaker 2 (01:05):
Now, are you a fan of dead dad's the way
you're a fan of good grammar?

Speaker 1 (01:09):
Uh? No, i'd say I'm I'm grateful. Uh, I'm grateful
that my dad is not dead. And okay, rub it in,
rub it in, and I if I get the hold
of those dragon balls, I'm bringing your dad back. We're
going to bring them back. I'm going to fix that relationship.

Speaker 2 (01:26):
No, it's okay. I feel like we don't even have to,
we don't need to.

Speaker 1 (01:30):
Don't do that.

Speaker 2 (01:31):
Please do something else with those dragon balls. Give me
a million dollars or something.

Speaker 1 (01:35):
I go. I hear you crying out a sentence together,
We're going to bring your dad back.

Speaker 2 (01:43):
Listen, you're not listening. It's this is a sketch and
I'm gonna write this down. And a person who has
these capabilities to bring someone from the dead, and I'm like, no,
not this person.

Speaker 1 (01:53):
Come on, please, and you're not hearing me.

Speaker 2 (01:57):
I won't give you writing credit on it because then
they would have to pay you.

Speaker 1 (02:00):
That's okay, you would hate for me to get paid.
You don't need the money. I'm looking at your home.

Speaker 2 (02:05):
You know, the chairs are a beautiful what seafoam color
back there.

Speaker 1 (02:09):
But it's a nice blue. It's a gorgeous table back.
And we know how SNL is pinching pennies this year.
We know they're struggling to piece it together. So yeah,
you keep that money.

Speaker 2 (02:19):
Just kidding, just trying to make it to fifty man, okay,
on this podcast, I'm sitting down with father figures who
are old enough to be my dad or are just
dads themselves. I think in this case, you're just you
could be old enough to be my dad. There is
a version of you being old enough to be my dad,
only you look like one of those people who is

(02:39):
never going to age past whatever's happening right now.

Speaker 1 (02:43):
I hope that's true. You look like this for a
long time, I think so. I I as soon as
I learned to grow facial hair, as soon as my
body sort of made that capable, I locked in. And yeah,
It's kind of been this look since I was like
twenty five. Nice.

Speaker 2 (03:01):
Nice, okay, And now I'm inclined to ask you, do
you have a skincare regimen?

Speaker 1 (03:05):
I wash it and then I put lotion on it
and uh, your face never. Those are sort of my
key regimen steps.

Speaker 2 (03:21):
And so if you did a YouTube video be about
five seconds long with wash it, do you put sunscreen on?

Speaker 1 (03:30):
I do?

Speaker 2 (03:30):
Now?

Speaker 1 (03:31):
I didn't. I didn't as a young person, and I
think some of that was like, I'm a black man,
I can handle this, and the sons like, brother, wait.

Speaker 2 (03:41):
Wait, did you get some burn or you just feut
your face cracking.

Speaker 1 (03:44):
Yeah, I think I get I can get some burned,
and I get it more on like the back of
my neck. But then once you get it, you're like, no,
I'm I'm covering all this because that hurts. I don't
want to go back. Okay.

Speaker 2 (03:56):
I kind of love how you were so certain you
could beat then because you're a black man and barely which, yeah,
part of the problem, are you Are you barely black?

Speaker 1 (04:06):
No, I'm I'm half. I guess it's the technical, uh breakdown.
But but the sun don't care. You know what I mean,
the sun and care doesn't care. Yeah, are weird sort
of cultural racial lines mean nothing to that big orb
in the sky. So I think that's a fact.

Speaker 2 (04:22):
I got sunburn when I was like fourteen and went
to Orlando to see my sister who worked at disney World.

Speaker 1 (04:28):
Is there Florida, I believe.

Speaker 2 (04:30):
Okay, So I got sunburned because I spent all day
in the pool and no sunscreen because I was like,
I'm black and I'm more than fifty percent and congratulations,
by the way, I mean, you came at me about
the dead dad thing as that I had to get one.

Speaker 1 (04:44):
Off on you. But then I got sunburn on my face.

Speaker 2 (04:48):
It's almost like I'm stuttering to say it because I
can't believe it happened. But I got my face was
sunburned from being in the pool and just Florida hot sun.

Speaker 1 (04:56):
So it's possible. Guys, and you you have since changed
your tune? Are you? Are you sunscreening?

Speaker 2 (05:02):
I'm so unscreening every single day of my life, even
if it's blew me outside. You gotta do it every day, Linkston.
That's how we preserve. I'm telling you people, you gotta
have a skincare regimen and you need to wear sunscreen.

Speaker 1 (05:13):
Everyone needs to wear sunscreen every day.

Speaker 2 (05:16):
It don't matter where you live, what the weather is,
you wear sunscreen.

Speaker 1 (05:19):
That's the PSA. Yeah, and so you're doing it randomly
here and there. I'm doing it here there, okay if
it makes you feel better, I'm also doing it here
there with my children. I'm not. Oh my god, that
doesn't make I'm not screening them up every day. Does
not make me feel better. It's not good. Okay.

Speaker 2 (05:39):
Now I have to intro you do I do everything
ask backwards over here? Oh wait, The rest of the
intro is that I'll get to ask questions I've always
wanted to ask a dad. How do I know if
the guy I'm dating is right for me? Or what
should I look out for when buying a car? Can
you you go mmm, I don't know.

Speaker 1 (05:58):
That's a good one. I hope a man answers that
eventually it's not gonna be me.

Speaker 2 (06:05):
Or do you know how to change the oil in
that car? And if so, could you help me change
the oil in my car? Do you know how to
change oil?

Speaker 1 (06:12):
I don't know how to change oil. I know how
to change a tire, Okay, but that's that's the extent
of my car knowledge. Who taught you how to change
a tire, by the way, my father, of course. But
I had multiple step dads throughout my life. I've okay,
now had how many of I had? Three mom go

(06:34):
off queen, three stepdads, and there were some men in
between who also hung out. Okay, all right, No, they
didn't step up. Let's be careful.

Speaker 2 (06:43):
They didn't step They were just hanging out.

Speaker 1 (06:45):
Let's be very very clear. Okay, they were just coming
home and there's a man with his shirt off on
the couch, you know what I mean? No heads up,
no heads up, not a text, often a roommate text,
like just by.

Speaker 2 (06:56):
The way, not a sock on the door outside of
that fy.

Speaker 1 (07:01):
That's uh, that's gonna be James's milk and the fridge.
So you're gonna you have to leave that one alone. Wait,
do you have a favorite stepdad? A favorite stepdad? I
had a stepdad that I think I would have described
as my favorite when I was younger, because he was
like the longest last thing. And then I've told a

(07:24):
joke about this pretty recently, but the the my second
stepdad was Bennie the Bull. He was the Yeah, the
mascot for the Chicago Bulls. This is that serious. But
he was my stepdad years after he had been fired
as Bennie the Bull because he got caught selling drugs
after a game. He said, Benny, man, he can't be

(07:48):
doing that up here, Okay, all right, So he was.
He was alright. He was an alcoholic, but he was alright.
And then and then my most recent stepdad, my mom
married the man in Ghana who sells juice. Oh, very
good and very good for her, Thank god. I bet
you that.

Speaker 2 (08:08):
Juice is really good though, because the fruit juice, it's
pretty good.

Speaker 1 (08:11):
It's good. Okay, do you call him by his first name? Yeah?
Oh do you step stepdad? What do you call him stepfather? No?
I don't know. I never had a stepdad.

Speaker 2 (08:22):
I truly don't know how these things work or like
bonus dad.

Speaker 1 (08:27):
Okay, if it were more proper, I call him nigga
if it was up to me. But but that's rude.
So I call them How long? That's very rude. How
long have they been together? Oh? They're not together anymore.
My mom she finds them, she ditches them, you know,
she gets out of there.

Speaker 2 (08:46):
And do you respect I respect it kind of if
she knows this isn't working for me.

Speaker 1 (08:50):
I respected it more as a as a boy. I
think I was like, oh, yeah, that's right. You got
to make your independent, you got to make choices for yourself.
And now is a man, It's like, come on, baby,
we're we're in the end game. Now. We can't keep
we can't keep being rascals and okay, hoping hopping around,
you know what I mean?

Speaker 2 (09:09):
I really I have so many more questions about this,
but I do need to do your intro.

Speaker 1 (09:13):
Do you just keep cruising?

Speaker 2 (09:15):
I should just keep going at this point, but I'm
going to introduce you properly because it's only right. Today's
guest is an actor, writer, and comedian. You might recognize
him from Insecure, High Maintenance, The Boys, and English Teacher.
His latest special Bad Poetry, just came out on Netflix.
Please welcome my dad for the day. Langston Kerman. Hello, Okay,

(09:37):
like we just got here. Do you have a walk
out music for your shows? You know, when you like
go do a show somewhere, they go as their music
you want to walk out to.

Speaker 1 (09:46):
Uh, there was a period where I was doing that,
that sexy Red Drake song. The then that ass over
he had that, But now it's he's in a bad way,
and did you switch up on him? I didn't switch up.
He made passion for I'm never gonna turn on Drake.

(10:07):
But but you got to know when to when to leave.

Speaker 2 (10:11):
The party, bow out of the beef.

Speaker 1 (10:14):
You gotta know when he needs some time to himself,
you know what I mean? And I think right now
Drake needs some some real time to reflect.

Speaker 2 (10:22):
If you could guess, do you think he's actually taking
the time to reflect right now?

Speaker 1 (10:26):
Absolutely not.

Speaker 2 (10:27):
I think that's exactly like, there's no way he's playing
low as far as like the public goes and the
larger public in my opinion, but not actually like, Okay,
I'm a journaling, I'm in therapy.

Speaker 1 (10:41):
I'm talking. I think, honestly, he probably just got a
fresh surgery. He kind do you think he actually has
a PPL? I? Yeah, I think he's got like the
hebl thing. Yeah, what is the he Okay is the hebl?
The abs? Yeah? I think he got the abs car
doubt and like, you know, they make the titty meat

(11:02):
a little more shapely, a little more fine tuned titty meat.

Speaker 2 (11:07):
Honestly, when Kendrick said that on the song, when he's like,
then tell them where you got the abs from, I
was like, I love that accusation. It's fun as juicy.
But I didn't know that was a real possibility, Like
you can get your ABS card.

Speaker 1 (11:18):
I just have never seen a person with abs and
twenty five percent body fat, do you know what I mean? Like,
I don't think that's how that works. So I think, oh,
something had to have someone or something had to have
intervened to make that possible. Would you ever do something

(11:39):
like that? I think about it every day. I go,
I really do, I go, I go, look, man, you
got these children, and they're not making exercise and eating
better easier. I went to two children's birthday parties yesterday too.
Oh lord, and there's cake at all of them, you
know what I mean. And Domino's pete and I like

(12:00):
both of those things, and you're gonna have them. I'm
gonna have them. I gotta keep children alive. I'm gonna
I'm gonna eat some Dominoes and some cake. And yeah,
that just doesn't make it so that you get to
keep the body you dreamt of. Okay, did you ever
have the body you dreamt of? Respectfully? Oh? Thank you
for asking, and thank you for asking respectfully. If you

(12:24):
would have said that rudely, I don't know what I
would have done.

Speaker 2 (12:27):
The distinction, I think is important important.

Speaker 1 (12:31):
The best adult shape I've ever been in was when
I first moved to New York. I was working for
a moving company. Oh, and was like doing sixteen hour days,
having to like carry couches up like six floor walk ups,
and that I was, I was, I was popping baby.

Speaker 2 (12:50):
Read Okay, Okay, they hire very good looking people, and
given you're an actor, I'm like it might apply. Piece
of cake. Moving company. This is not an ad for that.
But their truck was just outside of my apartment a
little bit ago, and I was like, they hire really
attractive movers.

Speaker 1 (13:06):
I think it's part of their thing. No, I worked
for a moving company. They hire comedians and crackheads. Did
you actually war with crackheads? In former? For sure, like
a lot of people who are like former drug added,
they paid us entirely in cash. Everything is like under
the table and so like you don't even have to
really fill out paperwork. You just have to agree to

(13:28):
show up. However, many days a week you show up
kind of thing.

Speaker 2 (13:32):
You guys are in people's homes and stuff with all
their most precious belongings and in charge.

Speaker 1 (13:36):
Scratching our necks asking for a dollar.

Speaker 2 (13:41):
Come on, No, okay, I understand, okay, Not like, since
you have said you've had multiple step dads of sorts,
some who stepped up as stepdads. What do you call
a stepdad who doesn't step up?

Speaker 1 (13:53):
Just a dad? No, just just a man in the house,
just a.

Speaker 2 (13:57):
Man in the house, not even of the house in
the house. These repositions are important.

Speaker 1 (14:01):
Yeah, that and that is worth noting. None of the mother,
the men that my mother married ever contributed very much.
They never they weren't bringing in you know what I mean.
It wasn't like, oh, we're folding two incomes together and
now suddenly we can go on a family vacation. It's
just another mouth to feed. Wow, and who could cover

(14:23):
the light bill? I guess I don't know.

Speaker 2 (14:25):
Okay, what do you think her appeal was that in
having them around? Is it just the company then? At
that point?

Speaker 1 (14:32):
Uh? I guess so. I think my mom. If I
if I were to ask my mom, she she would
say that she is a She loves hard and she
loves fast, and I think that she sort of sees
the potential in people even when they are not necessarily
demonstrating their greatest potential. And so I think for her

(14:54):
it was more like I have found somebody who makes
me feel love and joy and excite meant despite them
taking some of our resources.

Speaker 2 (15:05):
In their actual practical resources. Okay, that's I want to
say beautiful. I'm tempted to say beautiful when I you
hear that, you go, that's so really lovely.

Speaker 1 (15:14):
Where she goes.

Speaker 2 (15:15):
The feeling they evoke for me is greater than the
reality that they are creating or or taking away from
and something is beautiful about that, but your faces.

Speaker 1 (15:30):
I want to agree with you, I think I guess
I said. I want to say that, and you want
to agree with me.

Speaker 2 (15:36):
But it seems neither of us are able to commit
to our desire in this moment, right, I think that's right. Yeah, yeah,
and neither of us. So now we're having a hypothetical exchange.
But I understand that, and thank you for laying that
out for me. And you had a favorite or so
of man in the house. What was your biological father like?

Speaker 1 (15:57):
H he's he's a great guy. He's a vay. He
ain't an emotional man. There's not a lot of maybe
like what traditional fathers often are stereotyped as. He's sort
of a more stoic individual who doesn't I've seen my
father cry twice and it's only because because someone very

(16:18):
important to him died. Yeah, but he's he was very
like there to help me with my homework and help me,
you know, work on my basketball and at games and
driving me to and from things. He was a very
present man in a beautiful way. Yeah.

Speaker 2 (16:36):
Did you guys have a very close relationship than growing up?

Speaker 1 (16:40):
Yeah? I mean so because my parents split when I
was very young. I was four. I think when they
split up, I think for years I interpret our relationship,
interpreted our relationship as something more complicated than it probably was.
I think I was moving between households. So I'd spent

(17:02):
half the week at my dad's house and then half
the week at my mom's house, and I, you know,
for my mom sort of felt like that was where
the fun happened and sort of like the excitement, and
then my dad felt a little more like the disciplined household.
And also I hated his new wife, and so it
just made things a little more complicated between my father

(17:23):
and I. But but no, I think we we've remained close.
And I think it took years of me kind of
learning to recognize him inside of a relationship that I
didn't want him to have to be like, oh, Okay,
I see you, and I see what you were trying
to do, even if I don't agree with it.

Speaker 2 (17:54):
Now you said that your mom's house felt more like
the place where the fun happens, and your dad's felt
like this is where I am going to be disciplined
and sort of set on a right path, if you will.
Just again, because of his relationship and such. That feels
very interesting to me because I feel like even in movies,
it's the opposite where it's like Mom's house, Mom's the disciplinarian,

(18:17):
and I go to Dad's and he doesn't know what's
going on or his left from his right, and we
just have fun over here and eat pizza. Yeah, you
mentioned his marriage is one of the things that maybe
contributed to that. But why do you think that dynamic
for you was different or what was it about your
parents perhaps that made that so different.

Speaker 1 (18:35):
I just think that my mom, and you can hear
it in sort of like the tradition of her relationships.
I think my mom is much more of like a
live by the seat of her parents kind of lady.
She she was always she's always coming up with a plan,
and sometimes that plan works and sometimes it doesn't work.
But she got a new plan next week. That's gonna

(18:58):
we're gonna try it out as a family. I think
at one point she bought an RV because she just
was like, Yeah, we're gonna lie, I'm gonna drive around
the country and I'm gonna become like a public speaker
riding around in the RV and like doing that and
it's like, but you're not. I don't think you're gonna
do that. How old are you when that happened, like

(19:19):
twenty four or something like that, you weren't still living
presumably not still living with her? No, but I was
too close to it, do you know what I mean?
So I'm the oldest of five kids, and all of
them are much younger than I am, Like, okay, the
next in line after me is ten years younger than
I am. Okay, which I mean, and then the youngest
is twenty three years younger than I am. Okay, Like

(19:42):
I have to remain sort of tapped into your choices
because these little people are still, you know, in some
ways affected by this stuff.

Speaker 2 (19:53):
Do you feel in given that age gap and what
you just said about feeling like you need to stay
tapped into your mom's choices, like you play a father
figure role in your siblings' lives.

Speaker 1 (20:05):
Yeah, I mean, certainly with the youngest I do. And
then I think it was even with like my siblings
after the you know, immediately after me, it felt because
I was ten years old before the first one showed up.
I think it felt a lot more like a kind
of uncle figured than a like brother sister relationship. If

(20:30):
that makes sense. Great. Did you feel like you had
to play a role in like their discipline, Yeah, but
I didn't want to. And then and then it became
it got tense, like there's a weird thing where you're
disciplining people that frankly you shouldn't have to discipline. And
I don't know, it made things messy. I never in retrospect,

(20:54):
I don't think I ever fully made sense of what
it meant to be that much older than small people
and still try to maintain like a truly playful relationship
with that. Right.

Speaker 2 (21:06):
Yeah, I have said this on the podcast before, I
think if I haven't, great time to say it is
my mom got divorced when I was a baby, and
so I am the youngest girl from my dad. Yes, yeah,
And so I'm the youngest of four and my brother
is close. I have two brothers and a sister. My brother,
who's closest in age to me, is five years older

(21:27):
than I am, and then the oldest is eight years
older than I am. That's my other brother, and my
sister's in there in the middle. But my brother who's
five years older than I am. In theory, I'm like
we should be just like buddies, really, but I think
growing up it created a lot of tension in our
relationship that I think he felt like he had to

(21:47):
like step up in a different way as a brother
to me. There's no male figure in the house besides
him and my brother, and it created a strange dynamic
for our relationship. And so we used to butt heads
a lot. We're very close now, very very close, but
we've since talked about it. I mean years ago, it
was like He's like, I felt responsible for you, and

(22:08):
I was always like, just can this nigga just be
my brother.

Speaker 1 (22:12):
I want to be able to fight with you.

Speaker 2 (22:14):
I want to be able to like I don't want
to feel like I need to like respect you.

Speaker 1 (22:17):
In some way. Why do you keep telling me to
call you sir? This is odd.

Speaker 2 (22:25):
It's so funny because my oldest, my mom's my mom
is one of nine and her right above her. Yeah,
she's one of nine. She is the second oldest. So
you know, she has what's math, seven siblings who are
younger than her and one sibling who's older, and that's
her brother and my uncle.

Speaker 1 (22:44):
And they do call him sir.

Speaker 2 (22:45):
His siblings call him sir, because culturally it's like you
do respect your elders. But I didn't know that growing
up because obviously they grew up in Nigeria, my mom
and her siblings, I grew up here, and so I
just thought his name and with their accent, I thought
his name.

Speaker 1 (23:04):
Was all of child. I don't think till I was.

Speaker 2 (23:06):
Like twenty one, I was like, oh, that's not part
of his name.

Speaker 1 (23:10):
They're calling him sir in their.

Speaker 2 (23:12):
Accents, because no one ever explained it to me, And
so that is interesting you say that, because I truly
could not conceive it. I'm like, you're calling your brother sir,
But it did not occur to me. I thought they
were saying like Sam and his name was two parts,
and like yeah, but.

Speaker 1 (23:29):
Was he the only because there's nine of them, so
was he the only sir? Or did everybody get No,
he was the only sir. He was the only sir.

Speaker 2 (23:37):
And my mom being the oldest daughter right after or
right after him, there was no.

Speaker 1 (23:42):
They weren't calling her ma'am. Patriarchy is wild.

Speaker 2 (23:44):
It's wild. But now I'm like, yeah, they didn't. They
didn't call her that, so I'm like.

Speaker 1 (23:49):
She should have been ma'am. They should have been, but
you know what they do.

Speaker 2 (23:52):
I'll call her auntie like her siblings, but not because
they have to.

Speaker 1 (23:57):
I don't.

Speaker 2 (23:57):
It feels very much like a term of endearment. I
don't know how much older she is. And then I've
never like tried to do the math on my aunts
and uncles.

Speaker 1 (24:04):
I have no.

Speaker 2 (24:04):
Idea, but I'm like they do, but it feels like
a like we just call her that because she's our
oldest sister. I don't think my mom would be tripping
if they called her by her name, right.

Speaker 1 (24:14):
Those dynamics are very interesting to me. Where you go.

Speaker 2 (24:17):
I would watch movies and I'd watch friends and their
siblings or their older cousins who maybe live with them,
and I'd be like, see, they're just siblings and she's
cussing at her and it's fine, and then they get
over it a couple of hours.

Speaker 1 (24:32):
Each other and then they go eat or whatever it is.

Speaker 2 (24:36):
Yes, it's specifically in the case you've just described, and
I have had that experience where it's like there is
no like steady male father figure in the home, but
this person, this is an older male, older sibling, is like, oh,
I feel some semblance of responsibility for you beyond the
normal like, oh, I'm your older brother, older sister.

Speaker 1 (24:57):
Yeah, it's something I think I craved way that I Again,
it took years to sort of like realize this, but
I just have always craved a true sibling relationship and
not this weird hybrid relationship that isn't quite right and
like none of us have the same exact set of parents.

(25:17):
It's all like mix and match because of all these
step right, it's involved, and so like none of us
really look alike. And yeah, it just sort of like
makes this distance in the relationship that you didn't really
want and like whish wasn't there, But you can't really
do much about, right.

Speaker 2 (25:35):
Did you feel a closeness than to any of your
siblings parents that are not yours?

Speaker 1 (25:42):
Yeah? So my So, my two younger sisters the next
in line, are ten and eleven years younger than I am.
Their dad was the one that was around the longest,
and we we I think, were pretty close. And then
there my mom and his force was so messy and
so sort of like volatile that it severed both my

(26:05):
relationship with him but then also did a lot of
damage to my relationship with my younger sisters. So even
now we're still like in a very slow rebuild towards
any semblance of like a healthy relationship. And that's honestly
only with the younger of the two of them, unless
the older of the two of them. Yeah, yeah, it

(26:28):
just you know, relationships are messy, and if your parents
aren't helping you manage what is already complicated for them,
then it becomes your problem to figure out. And I
think unfortunately I was, I was older, but I was
still young enough to not know how to like see past,

(26:48):
you know, the bad choices of the people around me
kind of thing.

Speaker 2 (26:51):
Yeah, you want the adults in your mind, at least
at least for me. It's like you want them to
have the answers and feel like they've lived enough life
and they are old enough now that they are wise
and can help us rise above the bullshit or guide
us in a way that allows us to rise above
the bullshit and recognize what's really important, what matters here.
And then there comes a time, in my opinion, where

(27:12):
you go, oh, my god, my parents are human and
they didn't have the tools regular regular humans.

Speaker 1 (27:20):
Well, god, damn, damn, my mama a lady at the
gas station. I didn't even know I even know it.

Speaker 2 (27:26):
Here I am thinking of some sort of superhero and
in my mind I remember just being like, my mom
should be this, like even killed arbitrar of justice. And
I was like, she's simply not she She's.

Speaker 1 (27:39):
Just the lady trying her best. You had some kids, Yeah,
how old were you when your mom and your dad divorced? Then?

Speaker 2 (27:46):
So I was a baby, Like actually, so I think
they must have separated within my first year of life. Yea,
they were divorced. I've never known them to be together.
I've never seen that to my Maybe I did as
a baby, but like, I have no memory of them together.

Speaker 1 (28:01):
No formative moments in your life.

Speaker 2 (28:03):
Yes, were together, Yes, which for me I've said too
is probably why the relationship or lack thereof with my
dad kind of doesn't bug me. I just didn't know
a different way, right, and there was nobody sort of
coming in and out where I'm like, oh, I thought
maybe you were going to step in this role. And
now I know what it's like to have a father
figure in the house and I like that or I

(28:24):
don't like that. I'm like, I have no concept of that.
Really for myself.

Speaker 1 (28:28):
So you're your mom never remarried or anything. No, she
didn't know.

Speaker 2 (28:33):
Oh damn yeah, which I do appreciate because it created
a sense of stability, and the stability just being like
it's mom, mom is your parent.

Speaker 1 (28:42):
But I don't know.

Speaker 2 (28:43):
I have no sense of what that would have been
like to have a dad in the house, and so
I don't I don't know that I'm missing anything, because
you can't really miss what you never had. And you're
shaking your head, like, trust me, I had a few
of them.

Speaker 1 (28:55):
And I'm very lucky in that I both had all
these step parents. But I remain I had a consistent
father figure the entire time, you know. I mean like
I wasn't counting on this new dude to teach me
anything other than just like, oh, you know some you know,

(29:18):
some cool moves on teching, you know what I mean, Like, yeah, yeah,
we can play video games and who there's nothing else
here to offer me kind of thing. Yeah, And I
think if I, frankly, if I were in a different
position than I might have found myself, you know, wishing
those you know that this man can fix it for

(29:38):
me kind of thing.

Speaker 2 (29:39):
Right, You've already said that, like, you know, you didn't
necessarily feel growing up like the adults had the tools
to give you guys to go, Hey, let's sort of
look beyond the bullshit and remember like you guys are
siblings and your relationships matter in so many words, I
don't want to put words to you.

Speaker 1 (29:54):
Yeah, but I think that's right. Yeah.

Speaker 2 (29:56):
Now on your dad's side, do you think he was
any better at the that though then perhaps maybe your
mom and your sister's dad might have been.

Speaker 1 (30:05):
Was your dad any better? No? I mean I think
my dad made a more active effort because so his
wife and I have never gotten along, do not get
along to this day. But my brother, who is the
third sibling in line after me, well you know, he's

(30:26):
the fourth of us, but he is the product of
my dad and his current wife, and he and I
sort of have a you know, distant relationship in part
because his wife and I never got along, and that
created a lot of distance. And I think my dad
would actively try to encourage us, you know, like you

(30:49):
should you gotta say, oh to your brother, go go
hang out with your brother or whatever it is your
dad's yea, Yeah, he I think was very encouraging of
like you should maintain a relationship, but also was not

(31:14):
I think equipped to help resolve the unhealthiness in the household,
you know what I mean, Like you're being like, go
hang out, but you're not helping to fix the actual problem.
And until you're able to fix the problem, it's hard
to just be like, Oh, I'm gonna like look past
this stuff because I'm sixteen and I'm an asshole. Question
in the way that every child is.

Speaker 2 (31:35):
That is accurate, and I get that, and that makes
complete sense. Yeah, does he seem bothered in any real
way by what the dynamic is between you and your
stepmom and your sibling, your brother that's his son.

Speaker 1 (31:50):
Yeah, I think it bothers him a lot. Honestly. I
think he even to this day, he will still like
and he again not a big emotional talker, but I
think the one thing that he ever asks of me,
sort of with a truly emotional crying out, is like too,

(32:11):
for years I didn't speak to her, Like I literally
would be in the house and not say a word,
and I knew, like if I say something, it's just
gonna be cussing at you, or it's just gonna be
like sort of tense, and so I resolved that part
of her her strength in that household was getting me

(32:32):
to like get emotional, get upset, and so I became
sort of like I'm my angeloude that shit, you know
what I mean, I just read out these words. And
so I think for years I just would not speak,
and she would she would try to force that out
of me, and then he would come to me privately
and be like, dude, you just gotta say hi to her.

(32:56):
You just gotta like try to, like, you know, do
basic communication shit. And I refused, and I think that
that bothered him a lot, and even in my adulthood,
for years he would beg me, please just say hi
to Marsha, come on, just just try. And it's like, nah,
I don't like her, Yeah, do that? So and so

(33:16):
you do you still not say? You don't say hi
to Marcia? Now I do. I don't care. I you know,
I think I keep every interaction very minimal. You will
know nothing about me. I will never laugh at a
single joke you tell, you know what I mean, Like,
there's never gonna be like a moment and like my
kids come around and like, you know, my daughter is
this hugely loquacious, sort of like warm person, far more

(33:41):
outgoing than either myself or my wife are. And so
like she'll go in the room and she's staying hot
to everybody and high five in folks, and like I'm
never blocking, you know, my child from enjoying whoever she enjoys.
But also like, bitch, you know, don't don't let me
catch you hugging up on her. You know what I mean, Like,

(34:02):
don't get my baby no kisses. Don't get my baby
no kiss so she knows what it is. Okay, get
your leathery lips off my shell.

Speaker 2 (34:19):
Wait, that's too funny. The drama's kind of fun I don't.
I'm not laughing at the drama. But you're no, I
grew up messy, I go, yeah, there's nothing. I've always
told people it's not.

Speaker 1 (34:30):
I did not grow up in a in any version
of like a bad childhood. And so like, you know,
we we had enough means for me to eat and
get what I needed. I wasn't like any sort of
like hardship in that way. I just had two messy
ass households and they're the emotional sort of like hardship

(34:52):
made up for you know what other people probably are
struggling with on the other end.

Speaker 2 (34:58):
Right now, you say your dad is the disciplinarian, or
was at least when you were growing up you go to.

Speaker 1 (35:03):
His house, I wouldn't say he was a disciplinarian. I
just think his house was more disciplined. Okay, that's that
does make sense.

Speaker 2 (35:10):
Okay, Now, what were some of the things he taught
you then while you were at his house or spending
time with him.

Speaker 1 (35:18):
My dad was My grandparents describe him as their smartest child.
He was, like, you know, graduated with high honors from Yale.
He was growing up and planning to be a mathematician,
and then made other choices. He moved into socialism and
just sort of focused on that. But but he is

(35:40):
a brilliant, brilliant person as it pertains to like all things,
you know, school and homework and things like that. So
I think a lot of my ability to sort of
maneuver through school I can largely attribute to like my
dad and him helping me figure out how to, like,
you know, solve equations and write essays and just be

(36:04):
a capable student in a way that I probably wouldn't
have been if it was just me at my mom's
house waiting for the computer. Who was on it one
of the guys. There's plenty of people in there. Anybody
could have been on that computer.

Speaker 2 (36:22):
I make it sound like a library, just waiting on
a computer.

Speaker 1 (36:27):
At the house.

Speaker 2 (36:28):
But also there was a time when I'm like, you
had to use dial up to get on the internet too,
you know, and it was like, you can't be on
the phone if you're on the internet.

Speaker 1 (36:36):
That was a that was a whole thing too. Nobody
could be on the phone. Nobody could, you know, if
anybody else had, like any version of work to do,
you just had to wait your turn. We were. It
was a different It was kind It was wild.

Speaker 2 (36:49):
I mean, it's wild to think about because the youth
of today have no idea not to sound like that person.

Speaker 1 (36:54):
But they really don't. They have no clue. Now. The
nice thing was we also could like, uh, you could
handwrite an essay and turn that in and teachers were like, yep,
this makes sense.

Speaker 2 (37:05):
Handwriting an essay is crazy.

Speaker 1 (37:08):
Nuts, that is crazy. It's absolutely nuts.

Speaker 2 (37:13):
The notion just said, to chill down my spine that
we were actually in pencil, which is just like, that's gross.

Speaker 1 (37:21):
That's my hot take, we're animals.

Speaker 2 (37:24):
Absolutely, Okay, what else did you your dad connect on
beyond those moments where it's like I'm learning how to
be a good student and write these essays and do
this math homework.

Speaker 1 (37:36):
What are some of the other things you connected on.
Basketball was really big in our house. I played basketball,
and my dad loved basketball. He was He will tell
you he was bad at basketball and he was like
fifth sixth grade. Me and my friends could could beat
him in one on one and that's embarrassing because he

(37:58):
sticks to it like a little guy. He had the
means to be able to beat children. He just couldn't.
But he Yeah, we we connected a lot on sort
of sports and basketball in particular. I don't know the
OJ trial we vibe did he think did it or not?

(38:21):
My dad because of because I think of his political
sort of positioning number one, never cared if OJ did it.
I think he much more as like this is a
failure of a system at large, not just like guilt innocence.
He doesn't frankly believe that the the government or the

(38:43):
state has the right to decide innocence and guilt in
the same way that we deem Uh you know we
the States should not be able to send somebody to
jail for life or or murder them simply because of
a crime that they commities.

Speaker 2 (39:00):
Okay, so he didn't care, all right? Did you have
a take? Did you think he did it?

Speaker 1 (39:06):
I don't think I I think as a child, I
don't think I thought he did it. I think I
thought this was like, oh, Mark Furman, I think I
knew I knew the hot you know what I mean.
The takes I both my parents, I think we're both like, no,
this is this is messed up, this is corrupt, whatever
it is. But but now I know that his son

(39:30):
did it.

Speaker 2 (39:31):
Okay, I was just talking to somebody about this. I
feel like every two years I find myself in a
deep conversation about the OJ trial and and I just
became privy to the Sun did it theory?

Speaker 1 (39:44):
How much? How much did you hear in terms of argument?
You know, not a lot, not a lot. And that's
where I go.

Speaker 2 (39:52):
I need more information about why we think the Sun
did it?

Speaker 1 (39:55):
And then yeah, you have the information. You're like, you
a little bit about Jason Simpson.

Speaker 2 (40:02):
Okay, go off, do it in sixty seconds.

Speaker 1 (40:06):
You got it. He's the eldest son of O. J.
Simpson Right. He has a history, a recorded history of violence,
specifically violence with knives. He had been fired from multiple
jobs because of threatening his bosses with knives. He also
had a very difficult, sort of tumultuous relationship with Nicole
Brown Simpson, often sort of on the outs between them.

(40:30):
The day that Nicole Brown Simpson is murdered, she was
supposed to go eat at a restaurant that he was
working at. He had saved her a reservation. She didn't
show up and instead went to the restaurant where Ron
Goldman was working. This made Jason upset. Now here's where
it gets even crazier is that when OJ is sort

(40:50):
of notified that Nicole has been murdered, the only person
he calls a lawyer for is Jason, not himself. Really
only calls a lawyer for Jason. Jason has since gone missing.
He is nowhere to be found, often suspected to still
be living in Atlanta somewhere. Is that sixty seconds that

(41:13):
I think I think you did nail it. I think
that was just about sixty seconds, and that is.

Speaker 2 (41:17):
Convincing as fuck, And I'm on the Jason did it
trained now I got on and then then this is
why you don't let the government decide whether someone's guilty
or innocent. Because it took you sixty seconds to convince me.
I'm like, great, Jason did it. That sounds about right.
I know all that matches up for me and I.

Speaker 1 (41:36):
But now imagine you have a judge's robe on. This
is where he did it.

Speaker 2 (41:41):
Jason's done it, and Jason's going to jail for life.
This is You're right, your dad's right. We shouldn't get
to decide that we're people. Became very intrigued, like this
is maybe six months ago. I was on a Wikipedia
hole about ohj the guy that was his roommate.

Speaker 1 (41:54):
There was a man living with him, right, Kato Kaka
was living in the back house. Yeah, I didn't.

Speaker 2 (42:00):
Was fascinating to me. I thought that's interesting. Imagine being
the roommate in all of that.

Speaker 1 (42:04):
Anyway, he does stand up comedy. Now do you have
you been on the circuit with him? Watch your mouth
you watch a damn math. Kato Klein and I do
not work the same room. Now, Kato Cato not your feature.
If Kato Klein starts featuring for me, things have gone

(42:26):
awry they did, they didn't you.

Speaker 2 (42:29):
Heard it here? Was it important to you to make
your dad proud?

Speaker 1 (42:35):
Huh? Yeah, I think so. I think that was that
that would have That would mean a lot to me
and has meant a lot to me over the years,
to feel like he's proud of the things that I'm doing.
He's he's not the type of person that would ever
say out loud, I am proud of you, but he
sort of shows his pride I think through just presence.

(42:59):
I think think he's much better at just like I
listened to the thing that you did. I watched the
thing and that was cool. I think he's he's not
ready yet to be like a I love you, I'm
proud of you person. Okay. I think he's gonna show
up every week, whether you know, whether I asked him

(43:20):
to or not, He'll be there. So that's quite nice
for him. Yeah.

Speaker 2 (43:26):
Do you want to hear him say I love you
or I'm proud of you. Would that be really meaningful
to you to make a huge difference or is the
presence enough for you?

Speaker 1 (43:38):
Yeah? I think the presence is enough. I think I
think sometimes we get a little greedy for what we
want from people, and I think we kind of have
to meet people where they are and what they're capable
of giving. And I think he had a His dad
was a man of the military, and like was a

(43:58):
guy who had a ton of guns in the basement
him and sort of a very proud Ohio man in
that way. And I think he just never really was
able to get that energy from his dad, And so
he's not necessarily handing it down to me, but I
think he is capable of handing down the care. Your

(44:19):
care is far more meaningful, in my opinion than the
words are. So I'm grateful.

Speaker 2 (44:24):
Sure do you aspire to be or are you the
type of parent who does say I love you and
I'm proud of you.

Speaker 1 (44:32):
Yeah? I try to be that as much as I can.
I'm big. I tell my daughter and my son I
love them all the time. My son don't speak English,
he ain't retaining any of it. Does he speaks a
different language or he's he's four months. I don't know
what he speaks yet. He's making The boy could be

(44:55):
Nordic as far as I as far as I can tell,
but he I try to tell them as often as
possible that I love them. That I'm proud of them.
I'm working on being the type of parent that apologizes,
which I think is huge, very meaningful, and that's not
always easy. I'm also learning to be the type of

(45:15):
partner that apologizes, which isn't always easy. But yeah, I
want to be able to see sort of these missing
holes in my own upbringing and fill them rather than
sort of like carrying them forward, right right.

Speaker 2 (45:32):
That's really beautiful and meaningful in my opinion, especially that
part about being the type of parent that apologizes or
partner that apologizes, namely the parent part, because I wonder
if hearing my mom or any adult apologize to a
child when I was growing up, especially when they're like
kind of stuck and ultimately are in the wrong even

(45:52):
in retrospect, hearing them apologize would have made me much
sooner ago. Oh, this is a human and also go
recognize just how powerful it is to apologize and how
it makes it okay to apologize, and feel like so
many relationships are damaged romantically, friendships, whatever, because people are

(46:14):
not willing to apologize, and we don't learn it necessarily
from our parents, or haven't historically, it seems learned that
from parents to go.

Speaker 1 (46:22):
Yeah, I didn't know. I didn't know you could apologize
to a child for a long time. Seems kind of crazy.

Speaker 2 (46:28):
But like even when I say it right, I go
And I don't know if it's a matter of my upbringing.
I'm not trying to disparage my family, because I think
they did a great job raising me, but the notion
seems kind of radical to be like, yeah, an adult's
gonna help an adult who's caring for a child who
can like do near nothing for themselves, you're gonna go up.

Speaker 1 (46:45):
Sorry, Yeah, I'm sorry, I raised my voice, that's you,
or yeah, lost my temper or whatever it is, Like
it's it's really it is. It does feel radical, but
there's an insane Catharsis eye I felt in saying those
words out loud that like the times where I have
felt like I've lost control of the type of parent

(47:09):
that I've imagined myself to be in a moment, it's
it's freeing in a weird way to be able to
go back to my kid and be like, I'm sorry, daddy,
didn't you know, shouldn't have done that, or I didn't
mean to feel the way that I felt. But these
are the reasonings, and thankfully, my daughter is very articulate

(47:29):
and sort of has the ability to like say back like, yeah,
it's okay, I'm sorry too, I wish you know that
didn't happen kind of thing, and it just makes you
feel like, oh, this isn't this isn't like work, This
is like a my partner. This is another partner that
I have in this thing. That's really cool. It's a
small dumb partner. Are you gonna apologize to her for that?

(47:54):
I otherwise she dumb to me, A small dumb partner.

Speaker 2 (48:04):
I mean I think that, Yeah, I think it's it's
really incredible what that can teach her though, and even
early on teaching her even forgiveness, because when she gets
to say to you, okay, I'm sorry too, or that's okay,
I didn't like that. I just I think that lesson
is so invaluable. But what made you decide you wanted

(48:24):
to be the kind of parent who articulates I'm sorry?
Because I know you say you had these holes in
your childhood and your upbringing that you'd like to rectify.
But the first time you said sorry, what made you go?
I think I'm gonna say sorry to this child.

Speaker 1 (48:38):
You know what it is, I think, and I'm grateful
my wife and I and I owe her more credit
than myself obviously, but my wife and I hold very
different positions in disciplining right that. Like when when my
wife was pregnant, she was like, we're gonna spank. We're

(49:00):
going to be a spanking household, because sometimes you got
to hit a baby to figure out you're making her
sound bad. Come on, legs. She said, I'm gonna beat
the funk out of our kids. And I said, baby, please,
and she said, no, I'm giving a child. I'll tell
you what to do with that. Okay, But she, I
think was leaning more towards like I think traditions that

(49:21):
just felt, you know, similar to the ones that we
were raised in. And it's probably generational. I imagine. I have
to assume that you at least grew up in a
the under the threat of spanking if my mom did.
My mom did not spank me.

Speaker 2 (49:37):
And I've said this before, but someone once said to me,
and it shows.

Speaker 1 (49:47):
Why did not get spanked.

Speaker 2 (49:49):
I mean other people spanked me, which is its own,
that's the thing, but not I can name the times
I've gotten spank I think like I remembered what I
remember one and a half times. Whoa, I was not
getting spanked out here. I think I'm lovely personally.

Speaker 1 (50:06):
I'm enjoying you.

Speaker 2 (50:07):
Thank you so much, Lake said, I'm like, I'm lovely
even in its shows.

Speaker 1 (50:11):
I haven't seen you at your lows, but yeah, I.

Speaker 2 (50:13):
Enjoyed your lowes, you know, at my lows. I think that.
I think I'm still I'm very human at my lows.
But again, I think lovely, and I am good for
coming back and apologizing to people. I especially when I
feel I owe someone an apology. Yes, but you're saying

(50:35):
your wife wanted to sort of yes tradition.

Speaker 1 (50:38):
Yeah, I think she was a little closer to like
wanting to, like, you know, reflect some of the things
that we experienced, and I think I wanted I was like, no,
we have the chance to start a new wave. We
can be something different than the whole thing. And then
our kids showed up and she immediately shut down all

(50:59):
the of that. She was like, I'm never gonna lay
hands on this child ever once. Yeah, and I my
it then forced me. She doesn't discipline our daughter even
in the least and u Jo barely tells the girl no,
And it then I think forced me, or at least
made me feel forced into a position of becoming the

(51:21):
disciplinarian in a way that I didn't anticipate. But in
doing that, I think my position, my want has still
remained exactly where it is. I want to be a
different version of a parent than the ones that I
sort of was raised with. And so there have been
times where I found myself getting angry or or raising

(51:41):
my voice or feeling like I'm taking things too far,
And it's been my wife sort of pointing out that, like, hey,
there was an alternative here. You didn't whatever that reaction was.
Even if you don't agree with like how I'm handling it,
there's there was steps in between that didn't have to
go as far as you felt like it had to go.

(52:03):
And I think in hearing that and seeing that demonstrated,
I'm able to recognize, like, oh, I don't have to
be that. And if I do find myself becoming something
I didn't want, and I can just say my bad,
I'm sorry. I don't have to take pride in this right,
it can just be something I'm working on and growing in.

Speaker 2 (52:25):
Yeah, And it's a wonder how many experiences that are unpleasant,
even for you in that position that can just be
wrapped up by.

Speaker 1 (52:33):
Going I'm sorry and you go.

Speaker 2 (52:35):
You don't have to stand on this wrong thing you
did an air quote wrong, or this thing that produced
a result you didn't intend. You can just surmise it
and go, you know what, that was a mistake. I'm human,
and even as a parent, Hi, I'm going to be
a human, and I'm genuinely trying my best, but I'm
aware and present and with you, and I can acknowledge

(52:56):
if I misstepped or mishandled situation.

Speaker 1 (53:00):
There's so much anxiety I think that keeps living and
sort of bubbling up when you don't do that, you
know what I mean, Like in the times where I've
refused to apologize in my relationship or previous relationships, it
becomes truly this festering thing of just like damn all

(53:21):
right now, I gotta really like pretend like I really
stand on this shit that I did and that because
then you just your shoulders are different. It just it's
not worth it.

Speaker 2 (53:31):
Yeah, yeah, you know, I wonder if sociopaths feel that
way at all, or.

Speaker 1 (53:35):
If there's I think that's the beauty of sociopaths is
they don't feel that it's beautiful way to live. I
can only imagine you don't feel any of that shit.

Speaker 2 (53:44):
You're like, I am going to stand on this because
I don't care and I'm not feeling any of it.
Is there a moment where you've had to discipline your
daughter that has felt like uncomfortable for you and you
were in the right as a parent, but it was like, fuck,
I don't want to be in this spot. I want
to be playful with you or want to feel a

(54:05):
different way.

Speaker 1 (54:06):
Yeah, yeah, I think it's that is sort of the
constant challenge of a toddler in your home is that
like I'm always right, do you know what I mean? Like,
I'm not. Nothing I'm telling you is wrong. I see, Okay,
that's the distinction. Okay, yeah, your brain is unfinished, so

(54:26):
I am correct. But what is correct when you're dealing
with somebody who's who's pure it? You know what I mean?
Like everything is just a want, a drive that that
sort of moves them through the world. And so like
there are times my daughter the other day truly had

(54:48):
like a major meltdown because she wanted, like we had
left the house. We were on our way to school,
and I'm walking her to school, and she like wanted
a hat, a pink hat that she had at the
house that she's never worn as never one to school,
does not wear ever, but like had a full mel
down to the point that she we got to I

(55:09):
like had convinced her we can't go back to get
this hat, and then we made it to school, and
then she started crying some more. And then the teachers
are like texting me being like, hey, man, if we're
hearing about a pink hat, like we're hearing about a hat,
and we didn't realize you didn't bring the hat, but
but you got to bring that hat because she's and

(55:32):
so like, you know, I'm sitting here like essentially wanting
to cuss out a child over a hat that I
know she doesn't need. No, she's not gonna wear. No, No,
I don't know where this is coming from, but it
truly is just a want that you have. But then
there's also the need to go and get the hat,
do you know what I mean? And there is a
need to then even in giving her the hat, to

(55:54):
recognize that, hey, I raised my voice with you and
I was, uh, frustrated with you in a way that
doesn't make me feel good about our relationship. So I
can still apologize for that, even though you're a psychopath.
Has no business asking for this hat and.

Speaker 2 (56:14):
When you do give an apology, you tax something like that.
On the end, I just little something. She didn't hear that.
She didn't hear that part, so she's thinking it's all cool.
It's like, call me a psychopath. That that makes sense,
I've I can only imagine how complicated and challenging it

(56:37):
is to have a child in your home that is yours,
that you are responsible for, whose brain I love it,
but it is not fully formed. So you're getting frustrated
with this? You can't Can you call a child a
half human? Because I almost said half human? I feel
like you're not all You're not You're not all the
way I know. I guess they are all the way human.

(56:57):
I don't know, but anyway not to me, So.

Speaker 1 (57:01):
I'm now I wouldn't repeat that to any medical professionals
or correct. That's where I'm trying to get adults. But sure, sure, yeah, okay,
she is not a full human to me. Are there
things you want to emulate?

Speaker 2 (57:13):
So you've spend a lot of time, or let me
not say you spend a lot of time, you are
being quite mindful to approach parenting in a way that
fills in some of the gaps you might have felt
in your childhood from your parents. Are there things your parents,
and namely your dad did growing up for you that
you actively recognize and go, I'd like to emulate that.

Speaker 1 (57:37):
Yeah, my dad's my dad's ability to I talked about
it before, but the showing up is so massive. I
think I want to be able to create real, uh
sort of systems around homework and around like my kid's
relationship with like getting work done, because I think that

(57:59):
kind of discipline has only benefitted me in my adult life.
Like I'm never going to use absolute value or any
of like you know, long division bullshit that I learned
in the hours that I spent doing the homework. But
I think the stringent sort of like behavior around like
you go home, you get started on your homework, nothing

(58:22):
is free until you are done with that kind of
has you know, It's made me a more disciplined adult,
and I think that I'd like for my kids to
have that kind of relationship, you know, what I mean
with education, I think even with my mom, My mom
is a very, very funny person, by easily the funniest

(58:43):
person in our family, and so, like, I think just
being playful and having that playfulness with your kids is important,
and I want to emulate a lot of what my
mom was able to do in our relationship. I think
they did. They took the tools that they had and
they made a nice stew as best they could, and

(59:05):
so I'd like to mirror a lot of it.

Speaker 2 (59:08):
Right, So, if you feel like your parents made this
nice stew and obviously between the two of them, you
got a lot of tools, and there are things that
you want to emulate that each of them demonstrated.

Speaker 1 (59:19):
Is there.

Speaker 2 (59:21):
Anything that you go off the top of your head.
I feel like my wife's gonna be better in this
regard as a parent than I will be.

Speaker 1 (59:31):
Yeah, my wife is far more organized than I am. Okay,
I am not, And so I think just being able
to create the systems that I wish I could create
with them my dad was able to put in place.
I think my wife's gonna nail nail that much better.
So that's why I won't leave. You want you to

(59:53):
because you've thought about it.

Speaker 2 (59:54):
At times when you're really standing on standing on your
wrong point, you're like, in fact, I'm gonna get out
of here. I will leave this woman, let her know
I'm serious as soon.

Speaker 1 (01:00:03):
As I get organized I'm here.

Speaker 2 (01:00:07):
Do you want your kids to be able to talk
to you about any and everything? And I'm saying it
like this, any and everything.

Speaker 1 (01:00:20):
I want them to feel like they can talk to
me about any and everything. Okay, I do not want
them to talk to me about any and everything. I
want you to keep some of that ship to yourself
because that ain't my business. Please don't make it my business.

(01:00:42):
I don't need the anxiety of that being my business.
But at any point that any of your business makes
you feel alone or or fearful or truly like you're
up against the wall, you can't come back from tell
me everything. And I don't want you to feel at

(01:01:03):
all like damn, I can't because okay, he'll react this
way or he'll feel this way about me. Yeah, I'm
I'm gonna love these little weirdos till till they stop.

Speaker 2 (01:01:14):
So, yeah, I think you did a great job articulating
that distinction, because I've asked a few people that, and
that was so beautifully concise because I want them to.

Speaker 1 (01:01:26):
Feel like it. But keep some of it to yourself.
I get that.

Speaker 2 (01:01:32):
That's that's really lovely as a parent, actually, I will
say you're doing a great job links and I don't
know what your kids think. We'll have to have them
on the podcast at some point to see. We'll kind
of your Nordic son. I'm gonna have him on the
podcast at some point. Your dad's doing well. We'll work
on that. But I end every thank you for being here.

(01:01:52):
I end every episode by asking my guests a piece
of dad vice. I coined that I don't know if
I like it anymore. I was really rocking with that
title for a while there because it came to me
in my sleep.

Speaker 1 (01:02:05):
And I woke up and got a notepad and said,
dad vice, that's what it is. I'm like, so brilliant.

Speaker 2 (01:02:11):
But I do end every episode asking for a piece
of advice from my guests. My dad for the day,
I am going to ask you. So much of it
has been about dating, and I don't want it to be,
but I'm just looking at you and I go, I
feel like Linson's going to have the answer. To this,
And I don't always ask my dad's advice that I
think that they.

Speaker 1 (01:02:31):
Would be good for. But I get the sense you
might be good for this.

Speaker 2 (01:02:36):
If I go on one date with the person dad,
and I don't want to go on another date with
that person, But that person texts me. Do I have
to tell them? And I never promised we'd go on
another date or i'd see them again. Do I have
to say to that person? You're looking at me so uncomfortably?
Is it because this is one of the things you
want me to feel like I could talk to you about,
but you don't want to go.

Speaker 1 (01:03:01):
You're my dad for the day I'm here. This is
the part of being a good dad. Is that is
that I'll never let you know if this was one
of those things.

Speaker 2 (01:03:11):
About is selling because all of a sudden, you got
like cartoonishly bright eyed. No, you got to cartoonishly bright
eyed and stick trying to try.

Speaker 1 (01:03:22):
And I'm just so excited. Okay, you're yeah, you're doing it.
This is great. It's actually not okay.

Speaker 2 (01:03:30):
So if I do, I, oh, I have to start
over again, and I will keep this part in me
starting over. I got flustered because I was like Dad's uncomfortable. Okay,
So so if I go on one day with the person,
I never promised a second date. I never made any
suggestion we go on a second date. I don't want
to go on a second date. That person texts me
do I owe that person? Dad response as to like,

(01:03:55):
do I owe them?

Speaker 1 (01:03:55):
My response? Period?

Speaker 2 (01:03:56):
And then do I in that response say no thank
you to a second date? Because they're not even asking
for a second date in the text, so they're just like,
what's up? And do I say to that person? Do
I owe them that? Ghosting? The questions loaded? But anyway, please,
what are you thinking about?

Speaker 1 (01:04:12):
I have a few answers that sort of combined voltron
into maybe a complete answer for you. I think I
think number one, you do not owe them any response.
And I think, frankly, ghosting is a lot healthier than
we give it credit for. I think that that ghosting
kind of makes you very aware of how somebody feels

(01:04:35):
about you, even if it doesn't make you feel great
in the process, and especially if you haven't established any
meaningful sort of like relationship. Who cares? You know what
I mean? It didn't work and now I know, and
I'm gonna I'm gonna put that phone away and jump
into you. I'm a mind my business. Yeah, I mean.

Speaker 2 (01:04:57):
His hands like birdman, just don't want to.

Speaker 1 (01:05:00):
I like saying people get ghosted and uh no, I
think ghosting is not the violence that it has been
sort of presented to be on the internet. Person that said,
I do think that if you, if you are the
type of person that doesn't like how it feels to ghost,

(01:05:22):
which I personally was not when I was dating. I
didn't like ghosting people. It didn't make me feel good.
I put a moral weight on my head because I'm
a dinosaur or whatever. I do think that you should
be very clear with this person to say, na, I'm
good player this. We don't have to like go through

(01:05:43):
the rigormarole of like I'm I'm well, how are you?
You know what I mean? Like that, that to me
is actually more of a violence because it's taking them
back through the possibility of relationship or the possibility of
grown wing into something that you're not interested in. And
you know that ahead of time. So either don't text

(01:06:05):
back at all, or if you do text back, be
like shut up and.

Speaker 2 (01:06:09):
Okay, okay, this is good advice. Lency you've got something
figured out. You've been a great dad for the day.

Speaker 1 (01:06:16):
That's very helpful. That's very very helpful.

Speaker 2 (01:06:20):
And I'm be like when I do respond, or if
I respond, if I run to this person in the
streets and be like, my dad told me, my father
told me to handle you like this.

Speaker 1 (01:06:33):
You told me your dad was dead.

Speaker 2 (01:06:36):
And then I start going in and I sent him
a link to the podcast, and all of a sudden
he's a apid supporter. And then and then we're dating.
And now you got a subscriber. Yeah, you got a subscriber.
And then I marry the man because he supports me.
Thank you so much, Linkston. Is there anything you would
like to plug before we get out of here?

Speaker 1 (01:06:52):
Oh? Yeah, I have a podcast. You did an episode
my mama told me, uh that I now host with
my friend David Bori, and we're going on tour. We
are on tour currently and we're hitting all kinds of
cities near you. So if you want to check that out,
check out the podcast and follow the link tree and
you can see where we're heading. I love that. Thank

(01:07:14):
you so much, Langston. I appreciate you. Yeah, thank you
for having me. Of course, so The.

Speaker 2 (01:07:19):
Hands Up, Thanks Dad is a headgum podcast created and
hosted by me Igo Odem.

Speaker 1 (01:07:26):
This show is engineered by Rochelle Chen and Anya Kanevskaya
and edited by Rochelle Chen with executive producer Emma Foley.
Katie Moose is our VP of Content at Headgum.

Speaker 2 (01:07:37):
Thanks to Jason Matheni for our show art and Faris
Manshi for our theme song. For more podcasts by Headgum,
visit headgum dot com or wherever you listen to your
favorite shows, Leave us a review on Apple Podcasts, and maybe,
just maybe we'll read it on a future episode that

Speaker 1 (01:07:56):
Was a hit Gum podcast