Randall Park

Randall Park joins the show as Ego's dad for the day as they talk pursuing acting and hiding it from immigrant parents, the power of unspoken love, and moving back home. Then, Ego asks Randall about doing drugs.

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:02):
This is a headgun podcast. Do you say thank you
a lot? Do you feel I do? I do too.
You were raised to say thank you? Yes?

Speaker 2 (00:19):
Yes, I would have to say, and that sounds so heavy.
I like this about us. Yes, I was raised like
if my mom dropped me off at ballet practice, I
said thank you, even though it's like who else was
going to take me. Yes, yes, you still say thank you.
And I've had people say to me, you say thank
you too much, and I'm like, it's just how I
was raised. And I'm like, if you had to choose

(00:40):
between me not saying thank you enough and saying thank
you too much, we would go say thank you.

Speaker 1 (00:45):
Yes, all right?

Speaker 3 (00:46):
Well, yeah, I noticed on my text chain like if
I'm you know, I'm constantly thanking someone and then they'll
like write one thing back, and then I'll say thank
you again, and I'll look back at the chain and
like there's just so many things.

Speaker 1 (01:00):
Thank you, thank you, thank you. Okay.

Speaker 2 (01:02):
The other thing I was going to say, Randall is
I'm just noticing, for the first time ever, you have
a tattoo.

Speaker 1 (01:07):
I'm on a tattoo kick right now.

Speaker 3 (01:09):
Well, they're very like thin and small for shame, yeah, yeah,
but it's yeah, my this is my wife's name and
my daughter's name. Oh that's so cool.

Speaker 1 (01:18):
Did you get them the same day?

Speaker 3 (01:20):
I did? I did.

Speaker 1 (01:20):
Were you worried you were going to get in trouble
with your parents?

Speaker 3 (01:23):
No? No, because because I'm an adult, there are those thoughts.
But everyone you.

Speaker 1 (01:31):
Knew, okay to have your parents seen them.

Speaker 3 (01:34):
Well, my brother has like full sleeves. Oh really, so
I could really do anything at this point?

Speaker 1 (01:39):
Is your brother older or younger older? Okay?

Speaker 3 (01:41):
Yeah, Usually it's.

Speaker 2 (01:42):
The youngest who kind of goes like, I'm the youngest
and I've gone down a different path. And usually it's
the youngest who whiles out shout out to your brother.

Speaker 3 (01:51):
Yeah, yeah, yeah for sure.

Speaker 1 (01:53):
Was that rough when you first got a tattoo? Or
was he also?

Speaker 3 (01:56):
He? I think he was older. He gets older. Okay,
I'm not super older, but but I think he didn't
live in la oh la. Yeah. He lived away, so
he was able to kind of live with it and
then slowly unveil it.

Speaker 1 (02:12):
Yes, because he'd wear long sleeves or something around.

Speaker 3 (02:14):
The family, and when one was like a hundred degrees out,
he'd be in like.

Speaker 1 (02:17):
Something, what's going on with your brother.

Speaker 3 (02:20):
Yeah, is he sick?

Speaker 1 (02:21):
Does he have a fever?

Speaker 2 (02:22):
Okay, Hi, guys, I may go out him and welcome
to Thankstad.

Speaker 1 (02:26):
I'm going to do the intro now.

Speaker 2 (02:28):
Sure, I was raised by a single mom and I
don't have a relationship with my dad. And here's the thing, guys,
not only do I not have a relationship with him,
I'm never going to have one. And I know we're
not supposed to speak in absolutes, but here's the thing.
He's actually dead now, so it's not possible unless there's
an afterlife. I like to believe in one, but I
feel like if there is one, I'll probably still not

(02:48):
have a relationship with him. Randall doesn't like the sound.

Speaker 1 (02:52):
Of the.

Speaker 2 (02:55):
Randall furrows his brows at the thought. What gave you, Paul,
you think in the afterlife I would have one?

Speaker 3 (03:02):
I mean, I don't believe't know. Okay, I don't know,
so I would say I wouldn't roll that out.

Speaker 2 (03:07):
Okay, that's true. Okay, that's fair, No absolutes, that's the
whole point.

Speaker 1 (03:11):
I won't have a relationship with him on earth. That's fair, Yes.

Speaker 3 (03:14):
Because he's gone unless who knows, Unless we're back on earth.
I don't know what.

Speaker 1 (03:18):
Fair enough in my mind, once we go, we definitely.

Speaker 3 (03:21):
Not here reincarnated into well, you know, a horse and
another horse. Who knows, you never know.

Speaker 2 (03:29):
I the other day just feeling very spiritual, and I'll
probably say cut this out. I say that probably ten
times when I was maybe shouldn't be.

Speaker 1 (03:37):
Hosting a podcast.

Speaker 2 (03:39):
I just feel like a freedom here because I'm not
on a live TV show. We're to cut that out
and cut that out and cut all. There's no pod podcasts. Yeah,
I just want you here to talk to me in
front of mics, that's all. But the other day I
was feeling very woo woo. And I have a dog.
His name is Chief. He is a little over a
year old, and I don't know why. Maybe I was

(04:02):
crying about something. I don't think so, I don't, I
don't think so. And I looked at him and I
was like, is this my grandmother? So I was like, Mama,
is this Mama reincarnated? And then he immediately walked away
from me, and I go, Okay, that was a weird moment.
But I didn't need to tell anyone.

Speaker 3 (04:15):
About Wait, so what fascinates me about what you just said,
is that you were crying? Yeah, but you didn't remember
what it was about, which makes me wonder do you
cry often?

Speaker 2 (04:24):
I am a crier, but I wasn't always. I used
to think crying was weak. I was like a sign
of weakness, and then when I realized it wasn't a
sign of weakness and it's actually quite healthy. Yeah, I
feel like I went too hard in the other direction.
And I'm like, I'll cry because I'm happy. I'll cry
because something's funny, I'll cry because I'm sad, I'll cry
because something's touching. I think last week I cried multiple times,

(04:46):
nothing to do with my life, just touching stories.

Speaker 1 (04:49):
Or touching moments, making beautiful thank you.

Speaker 4 (04:52):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (04:52):
But now I'm like, it's not weakness. What a cooling
to cry?

Speaker 3 (04:56):
You're alive.

Speaker 1 (04:57):
Yeah, I'm alive, and I'm feeling things.

Speaker 3 (04:59):
Right, seeing people in your pets, yes.

Speaker 2 (05:02):
And my pets, and I'm thinking, then immediately I go,
is that you And they go, no bitch walk away
from me.

Speaker 3 (05:08):
Unless your grandmother was one to walk away.

Speaker 1 (05:11):
And then I was.

Speaker 2 (05:11):
Thinking, and I go, Okay, I'm trying to remember was
that her thing? And I don't recall that bagure Okay, okay,
we were really close. But anyway, Randall, on this podcast,
I'm sitting down with father figures who are old enough
to be my dad.

Speaker 1 (05:25):
No offense, Randall, no offense.

Speaker 2 (05:29):
I'm twelve, So I'm twelve and I have this crazy
career in life. Or men who are just dads themselves,
you know, or people who are just dads themselves. I'm
going to get to ask the questions I've always wanted
to ask a dad, Like how do I know if
the guy I'm dating is right for me? What's the
like dead giveaway? Or what should I look out for

(05:49):
when I'm buying a car so I don't get bamboozled
by the car salesman? Or can you teach me how
to change my oil? Could you teach me how to
change my oil if we went outside right now?

Speaker 3 (05:59):
No, but I could take you to I could show
you where you can get your oil.

Speaker 2 (06:03):
Chain from a trustworthy person. I don't know trust you
don't even know that there's trustworthy. They could tell you
any number.

Speaker 3 (06:08):
Right, I'm pretty much one of those.

Speaker 1 (06:11):
Okay, yeah, I will say this.

Speaker 2 (06:12):
Today I was talking to my friend and she was
talking about how she had a contractor come to her
house for repairs a bunch of repairs regularly, and it
was always like, oh, this is a really big problem.
This is going to cost eight thousand dollars. And then
someone overheard that conversation once and told her, like, you
should reach out to my contractor. Same problem. That new
contractor comes and is like, oh, that'll be like I

(06:34):
think three hundred and fifty bucks.

Speaker 3 (06:35):
Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 1 (06:36):
Are you getting taken advantage of my contractors right now?

Speaker 3 (06:38):
I no, because I get a lot of estimates. Oh
you do, okay, I always get a lot of.

Speaker 2 (06:43):
Estimakay, Henry David Thureau, Yes, okay, that's me. That's the
row spelled a different way, not French. I look up
reviews a lot of everything. I feel like I won't
make a decision without being like, what are the people saying?

Speaker 3 (06:55):
Yeah, it's reviews, it's getting options.

Speaker 2 (06:58):
Okay, and it's the okay, time is big randall.

Speaker 3 (07:03):
Yeah, this is.

Speaker 1 (07:04):
Maybe basic, but maybe not.

Speaker 2 (07:06):
And I'm not calling you basic now, but I've lately
been like, oh, I can just go off of gut
and energy and instinct.

Speaker 3 (07:12):
Vibe is big in everything, Yes, but when.

Speaker 1 (07:15):
Did you learn that? By the way, Uh, well, I.

Speaker 3 (07:18):
Think It's different for different people too, though, because I
think some people maybe they're they're I don't know, ability
to feel and read. People can be easily compromised by whatever.
But I think for me, I've always been pretty good
at it, and I think I've gotten better as i've
gotten older.

Speaker 2 (07:39):
Yeah, what is your sign? I'm an Aries and Aries,
which is hold on. I'm always like, I'm not into
astrology because I once knew nothing about it.

Speaker 1 (07:48):
But then I'll be like, now i still.

Speaker 2 (07:50):
Say that thing, but I'm like, maybe I am into it,
but I'm still owning that I'm a Pisces, so I
know Aries is you're like late March April.

Speaker 1 (08:00):
This is cool.

Speaker 2 (08:01):
This is growth for me because I once knew nothing
about it. But that means you're like a little fiery, right.

Speaker 1 (08:07):
You don't seem fire.

Speaker 3 (08:09):
No, I'm not, but I think inside that there's a
fire and there. I think aries are passionate, their leadership
skills involved there somewhere, yes, and yeah, it's like the
first sign.

Speaker 2 (08:27):
Okay, Okay, yank you Okay, yeah, Randall, we've worked together once,
we met another time at a conference.

Speaker 1 (08:34):
I do feel like.

Speaker 2 (08:35):
If I was in a situation where it was like apocalypse. Yes,
and I saw you out in the wild, yes, and
there were zombies or something. I feel like I would
go like I can troll, Randall.

Speaker 3 (08:46):
I really appreciate that.

Speaker 2 (08:47):
Really mean, you've got a good spirit. See my vibe
says that your vibe is good, which is perfect because
you're my dad for the day. You've seen my next guest,
who I've spoken to at length already in Fresh off
the Boat, Always Be My Maybe. I loved that and
Wanda Vision, which is not to say I didn't like

(09:08):
the other two. It's okakay, oh boy, I'm really yeah, Okay,
please welcome my dad for the day, Randall Park.

Speaker 3 (09:17):
Thank you. I'm so happy. How do you feel about
the other two though?

Speaker 1 (09:21):
Okay, I'm so glad you asked Fresh off the boat?

Speaker 3 (09:24):
Just be honest.

Speaker 2 (09:25):
You're fishing, You're fresh off the boat, and you're fishing.
I'm gonna say I loved them all.

Speaker 3 (09:30):
You didn't watch it either, which is fine.

Speaker 1 (09:32):
I've actually never seen any of these. That's not true.
That's not true. I love them all.

Speaker 3 (09:37):
I've seen.

Speaker 1 (09:37):
I've seen some of all. I've seen Always Be My Maybe,
and I've seen some of all. That's the truth.

Speaker 3 (09:42):
You okay, Oh.

Speaker 2 (09:43):
My goodness, I just started sweating. I was sweating. No, Randall,
I'm so glad you're here. This is a huge, gigantic honor, truly.

Speaker 3 (09:54):
Right back at you.

Speaker 1 (09:55):
Oh my goodness, I.

Speaker 3 (09:55):
Sit here with you and to be your daddy.

Speaker 1 (10:00):
This is huge for me.

Speaker 2 (10:01):
We have to start by talking about origin stories. Yes, yes,
what was your dad.

Speaker 3 (10:06):
Like my dad was? And I say it was because
he just passed away Sentry, yeah, a few months ago.
But he was a I think on the outside, a
very I won't say stereotypical dad, but he was kind
of that stoic Asian father, you know, like he didn't

(10:26):
he wasn't big into conversation. He was, yes, man a
few words. He worked very hard, very hard. He loved
his family so much, particularly his two sons and my brother.
And it wouldn't he wouldn't tell us that he loved us. Sure,

(10:47):
but he we just knew it. We just knew it,
and we would and you know, people would, people who
were around him would always tell us how much he
loved his boys and how he would brag about us
and something that I never was privy too.

Speaker 2 (11:03):
Yeah, yeah, but you could feel that love. Yes, Yes,
in action, right. Yes, I'm presuming I say this because
I introduced to my nuclear family. I don't want to
speak for the rest of my family saying I love you.
I heard a song in college, and this, again, I'm
judging myself, sounds basic, but I heard a song in
college and I actually going to say what the song was.
I was reticent to say the song because everyone hates

(11:26):
this person now, but it was Kanye West. I think
Big Brother by Kanye Graduation is about j for JZ,
A great song, but he said people never get the
flowers while they can still smell them. So I don't
know if it was necessarily right after college. I could
have been in college. I'm anywhere from like nineteen to
twenty two, and I hear that and I go, oh, yeah,

(11:48):
that is an insane way to live. And I know
my mom loves me. I feel it in action. I'm
so provided for, I feel so protected by her. But
why don't we say it so that we can be
sure like it's nice to hear it, and so I
take responsibility for introducing that.

Speaker 3 (12:06):
Yeah, that's beautiful, that's beautiful. Yeah, Yeah, did.

Speaker 1 (12:08):
Your mom say I love you?

Speaker 3 (12:10):
She wanted to say she didn't when we were real
little growing up, but I would say, once we started
to get out of the house and you know, we
were going to college and stuff, she would say it, yeah, yeah,
and we would say it back.

Speaker 2 (12:24):
What do you think that was a function of that,
Like when you were little, you didn't hear it from her,
but like the older you got than what you were
out of the house.

Speaker 3 (12:30):
Do you think it's just cultural? You know, I think
it's just cultural. And my you know, both of my
parents are immigrants that came here, my dad in the
late sixties, my mom in the early seventies, and and
it just wasn't something I guess in their mind needed
to be expressed, because it was just it was what
it was. You know.

Speaker 1 (12:49):
Then they just yeah, and you knew and then yeah.

Speaker 3 (12:51):
But growing up as a kid, it was like I
didn't know, you know, I was just like, yeah, you know,
why can't they view like my friend's parents.

Speaker 1 (12:58):
You know, we're a demmigran from just for clarity, from Korea,
from Korea. I feel a lot of that too, where
you go when you're younger. I don't know if this
is accurate to say. The sense I get is we're
like in a time where first gen or second gen
people whose families are from different cultures, but living in
the States, I feel like there's an embrace of our
identity in a way. Now, yes, yes, was not reflected

(13:23):
when we were younger.

Speaker 2 (13:23):
I think when we were younger, we were trying to
assimilate to like I just want to be like everyone else. Sure, yeah,
I resonate with that so so much. Now you said
your dad like really loved his boys.

Speaker 3 (13:35):
Right, really loved his boys.

Speaker 1 (13:36):
Did you have sisters?

Speaker 3 (13:38):
No? No, just the two, just the.

Speaker 2 (13:40):
Two of you, Because I was like, oh my goodness,
the girls must have felt left.

Speaker 1 (13:43):
But no, no they did. They were no girls.

Speaker 3 (13:45):
Girl.

Speaker 1 (13:46):
Now you said on the outside he seemed one way.

Speaker 2 (13:48):
What's the sense you got of him on the inside, Like, yes,
really loved his boys.

Speaker 3 (13:52):
Really love these boys, really really proud of us. But
you know, wasn't overly excitable about Archie evens. You know,
it's just like what was very strict in terms of
just like education, education, education, you know, very kind of dependable,
and you know he was he was a great dad.
He was Yeah, just a real real great dad. I

(14:14):
wouldn't say in the traditional sense. You know, it wasn't
like he, you know, threw a baseball with us or anything.

Speaker 1 (14:20):
Are we coming up with that?

Speaker 2 (14:21):
You know? Sorry, I said, because this is part of
what I want to have the podcast. I'm like, yeah,
we have TV dads, yes, And I guess some people
do actually have TV dads, but it doesn't seem like
many people do or did.

Speaker 1 (14:33):
What do you feel about that?

Speaker 3 (14:34):
What do you mean in terms.

Speaker 2 (14:35):
Of the like throwing the baseball in the doing those things,
people's dads are a little more for sure.

Speaker 1 (14:40):
I don't know.

Speaker 3 (14:41):
I don't know. I felt like my growing up in
LA I had a very diverse set of friends, and
I would say a lot of my white friends, okay, they,
at least in my head growing up, their dads were
so much like the TV dads, you know, like yeah,
and I'd always be like, why can't my dad be
more like them? You know? Why why can't my mom

(15:03):
be more like their moms? You know? But now that
I'm older, I just have a totally different perspective on it.
You know, they were they loved us just as much,
and they and they sacrificed just as much, you know,
and if not.

Speaker 1 (15:18):
More, I was just about chime, if not more.

Speaker 3 (15:22):
Yeah, yeah, being immigrants and and and learning a language
and and somehow finding work and making a living and
h and you know my dad was he he worked
in he had a one hour photo store. Yeah, for
for many many years. And and uh and then after

(15:43):
that he worked at a souvenir shop on Hollywood Boulevard.

Speaker 1 (15:46):
Oh really did he ever retire?

Speaker 3 (15:49):
He did? He did shortly before he passed. Oh really, yeah,
I mean he was he just he was a worker.
He just loved to work.

Speaker 1 (15:57):
He loves to work. Do you think he was passionate
about his work.

Speaker 3 (16:01):
I think his passionate about his family, you know, so
like the work wasn't you know? Probably like you know,
I don't know what his dream job was. That was
never like a question that we had. But he's human.
I'm sure he at some point he had a dream job.
Sure he had a dream life. And I don't think
that was the life he necessarily led, but he did

(16:22):
have his dream family.

Speaker 1 (16:24):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (16:24):
Yeah, that's incredible. Yeah, you said he emphasized education for
you guys. Yes, yes, and now Randall you're an actor, yes, yes,

(16:46):
which you don't necessarily have to go to school for
now I can relate, right, what was that conversation, like
telling him that you wanted to be an actor?

Speaker 3 (16:55):
It was, well, it came later, So I was when
I was at ucl I kind of discovered writing and acting,
and and out of college I kept doing it kind
of on the side for fun, but I was working
these full time jobs, and at a certain point in
my mid to later twenties, I decided that I wanted

(17:16):
to do this professionally. And I did bring it up
to them pretty early, maybe like mid twenties, and both
of my parents were like, what are you talking about? Yeah,
what are you? Are you insane?

Speaker 2 (17:33):
Our son has lost his mind at UCLA they put
something in the water.

Speaker 1 (17:37):
Yeah he's talking crazy.

Speaker 3 (17:39):
Yes, they were, and you know, and now I see
it from their side because I was a shy kid.

Speaker 1 (17:45):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (17:45):
I was not like a performer. I was very much
like that kid who would, you know, be really quiet
in the corner, you know. So they never saw that
side of me that was flourishing at college, you.

Speaker 2 (17:59):
Know, to.

Speaker 3 (18:01):
So they just thought I was crazy and really really
were adamantly against it.

Speaker 1 (18:09):
Did they seem worried once you started to go down that.

Speaker 3 (18:12):
Path, Yes, but they didn't really know. I didn't tell them, Okay, So.

Speaker 2 (18:16):
You brought it to them and then they had their
reaction to it, which was like, what the heck are
you talking about?

Speaker 1 (18:22):
And they're like, maybe I'm not going to talk to
you guys about.

Speaker 3 (18:25):
Yes, and I don't. And I say it was just
once when I brought it to them, but I probably
brought it up numerous times over the course of you know,
a year or something, and every time, you know, the
reaction was the same, yes, and if not even more
you know, adamant over time.

Speaker 1 (18:40):
Right, right.

Speaker 3 (18:41):
So so at a certain point, I was like, if
I were to do this, yeah, I can't lean on
them for support because they're gonna you know, express their
you know, disdain, yeah, disdain for it, and then it's
gonna discourage me from you know. And I was very
sensitive and I kind of needed as much of a
support system as possible. So I just went after it

(19:04):
without them knowing.

Speaker 2 (19:05):
Oh wow, okay, did you think they had something they
did want you to do?

Speaker 3 (19:09):
Well, yeah, you know, that was the thing, doctor Lawyer.

Speaker 2 (19:13):
I just asked to be sure, you know, for our
listeners who might not be privy. In my mind, I'm like,
I know, I know it's doctor lawyer was engineer.

Speaker 3 (19:22):
Even an option engineer. I mean, that would have been fantastic.

Speaker 2 (19:25):
Okay, great, Okay, did your brother go into something in
that world?

Speaker 1 (19:29):
Okay, what is your brother to make?

Speaker 3 (19:30):
He works in an optometrist office. Okay, yeah, okay, but
he's not an optometrist. And so so, you know, neither
of us really did exactly what they want. And me,
especially right when.

Speaker 2 (19:42):
Our parents emigrate to the States, it's like, what's the
American dream?

Speaker 1 (19:45):
They have an idea of it, and I go.

Speaker 2 (19:47):
Ah, but coming to the Western world also means your
kids learn about the pursuit of happiness.

Speaker 1 (19:52):
And then their passion. Yes, yes, and it's not exactly
what you think it is.

Speaker 3 (19:58):
Well, you know, I think they want us to be happy.
Their idea of happy is financial abilability and respect from
the community and you know, doctor.

Speaker 1 (20:12):
A doctor.

Speaker 4 (20:13):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (20:13):
And it took me a while to realize that. I
thought at the time, they just don't want me to
pursue my dreams for whatever reason, you know, But really
they were concerned because they knew how difficult, especially my mom,
because my mom worked at U c.

Speaker 4 (20:27):
L A.

Speaker 3 (20:28):
And she saw all these you know, kids fresh out
of college who wanted to pursue acting, and she saw
how difficult it was for them, so she knew, you know,
And I remember it. One time she even showed me
like one of her I guess a young person who
worked in our office was trying to be an actor
and he had an acting reel and she she showed

(20:48):
it to me and she and she was like, this
guy is so handsome, he's so talented. Look at his
real And I think it was her way of discouraging me,
because she was like, you're not like him, You're not handsome.

Speaker 1 (21:04):
Yeah. It was just trying to be like you're ugly,
little yeah, my ugly.

Speaker 3 (21:08):
Son, And look at this guy. Yeah, and he's having
a hard time.

Speaker 2 (21:12):
Yeah, I see what you're saying. My mom actually bought
a VHS. Okay, so, my brother, who is not a
football player now but is a spine surgeon, wanted to
play football. That like I'm going to place him at
like ten years old. He wanted to be a football player.
And even if it wasn't like I want to do
that professionally, it's like that's the sport I want to play.

Speaker 1 (21:29):
I'm drawn to that.

Speaker 2 (21:30):
My mom bought a VHS tape of the greatest injuries
in NFL history. I remember that being in our VHS
collection and her just being like, yeah, I bought this
to discourage him. I mean, he still went on to play,
and he walked on in college. But I was like
the notion that you'd be like, that's what you want
to do. I don't want you to go down that path.

(21:51):
I'm going to show everything dark.

Speaker 1 (21:52):
And yeah about that.

Speaker 3 (21:54):
Well, one thing I remember my mom doing was we say,
we just said. This was like during that year period
where I'd bring it up to her, you know. She
she sat me down in front of the TV and
it was just like, let's wait for the first Asian
face off.

Speaker 4 (22:08):
Oh, savage, savage and also and yeah, and we you know,
it was like I don't even remember, I don't even
think we saw one, you know.

Speaker 3 (22:20):
And it was like she was like, that's my point.

Speaker 1 (22:22):
Of course.

Speaker 2 (22:23):
Of course, there's no model for it, and there's nothing
linear about it. So you can't say to them, hey,
I'm going to do this, this and this, and it's
going to lead to this the way like going to
medical school, it's takes step one, step two, and then
at the end of those steps, I'm here. That's right,
I just can't say that, and all that uncertainty is not.

Speaker 1 (22:42):
Not something that would put one's mind at ease.

Speaker 3 (22:45):
Yeah, and those first you know, that first decade plus,
it was like, oh my god, they're right. Yeah, this
is so hard.

Speaker 1 (22:52):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (22:53):
And you didn't take any of your challenges to them
then because you're like, I don't want them to feel
like they're right and I don't want to be discouraged.

Speaker 3 (22:59):
I want to hear and I told you so yeah
god no, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 (23:03):
So much of that resonates with me.

Speaker 2 (23:05):
Do you feel like there were things you could talk
to your dad about where it's like Mom is good
to talk to about this thing.

Speaker 1 (23:11):
Dad is really good for this.

Speaker 3 (23:13):
Thing with my dad, Mom, not really, not really, you know,
it was it was very uh, I don't know. We
just talked about kind of the day, and you know,
it wasn't like there weren't like deep personal kind of
things that I felt like I could bring to him, right, No, right, yeah,

(23:34):
that was more my mom.

Speaker 1 (23:35):
Okay.

Speaker 3 (23:36):
Ye.

Speaker 2 (23:36):
And when you were like pursuing acting and feeling discouraged
and feeling frustrated and knowing you couldn't take it to
your parents and knowing like Okay, Dad and I are
not going to have some deep conversation. Were there other
male figures in your life with whom you did think
you could have those sorts of conversations.

Speaker 3 (23:52):
Yeah, I mean, you know, I was doing theater, I
was doing stand up for a long time. I was
doing sketch and improv, and so I had like a
community of fellow actors who I really depended on and
who I got a lot of encouragement from. Ye. But
also like teachers at acting school classes I was always

(24:13):
in and I had teachers who were who very much
serve that purpose. Yeah.

Speaker 1 (24:17):
Does anyone stand out in particular? Teachers wise?

Speaker 3 (24:20):
Teachers wise, Oh gosh, yeah, yeah, there were there were
a few. But there was a there's a school out
here in La run by this guy named John Rosenfeld,
who I was with for years.

Speaker 1 (24:32):
I know that name. Yeah.

Speaker 2 (24:33):
You're being a young actor pursuing and trying.

Speaker 1 (24:36):
To find an acting class.

Speaker 3 (24:37):
Yeah, yeah, And I really enjoyed his class and got
a lot from that experience. Yeah.

Speaker 2 (24:46):
Was there like a moment you can remember though, when
you go, I feel like my dad is proud of
what it is I'm pursuing. So like you're pursuing it
behind their back. Yeah, you're facing your own challenges, but
you have the community around you.

Speaker 3 (24:58):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (24:59):
Is there a moment where.

Speaker 2 (25:00):
It's like I would say, what you're doing on your
own connects to your family life, and they go, oh,
we know what he's up to and we're proud.

Speaker 3 (25:07):
Yeah. I think slowly that that happened slowly, Like like
first thing they would they saw me on a commercial,
you know, when they were like, oh, that's that's that's cool.

Speaker 1 (25:16):
Did you show it to them or did they No?

Speaker 3 (25:18):
I did not show it to them.

Speaker 1 (25:19):
You didn't they saw the commercial in that Oh.

Speaker 3 (25:20):
I did not show it to them? Okay, yeah, And
then I would my name would pop up in the
Korean newspaper and that was like a big big deal.

Speaker 1 (25:27):
It was that first, like what jobs?

Speaker 3 (25:29):
First? It was like commercials and you know, and I
was there was a stretch when I was doing a
ton of commercials.

Speaker 1 (25:35):
I could never book a commercial to save my life.

Speaker 2 (25:37):
It was so crazy because everyone was like commercials, that's
your foray into this thing, and you guys should draw
my eyebrows onto aggressively and looking back at pictures, I go, oh, yeah,
those eyebrows are very off putting. I think it was
the eyebrows. Honestly, that's a.

Speaker 3 (25:54):
Great energy that I would buy stuff off of it.

Speaker 1 (25:58):
Thank you, Randall, thank you. This is the kind of
stuff I want to hear from a dad.

Speaker 2 (26:02):
Yes, yeah, I really And looking back, I go, what
was it? Because all my friends were booking commercials and
it's how people were like subsidizing their life, pursuing acting
to get in TV and film, and it just could
not happen for me. And I ended up booking at
a cholesterol medication commercial nine years into my time in
La yea months before I got SNL air that did air,

(26:26):
and it was airing while I was on SNL, and
I remember someone tweeted at me, like, are you in
a cholesterol medication commercial?

Speaker 3 (26:33):
I mean those could potentially keep going, so like.

Speaker 2 (26:36):
It takes for my life. It was like little six
figure Mama. That year, I was like, oh, broke for
the first time. So there were commercials and then what was.

Speaker 3 (26:46):
And then they saw that I was, like you just said,
not broke for the first time. They saw that I
was making a living, that I was like eating like
healthy food for one see now and taking care of
myself a little better. And I think they slowly started
to to kind of be okay with yes, you know.

Speaker 2 (27:03):
And they're not saying it, but you're noticing them ease
up around the topic.

Speaker 3 (27:06):
As my guess, Yes, for sure, for sure.

Speaker 1 (27:09):
Did you have to borrow money from your parents during
your pursuit?

Speaker 3 (27:12):
I did early early on.

Speaker 2 (27:14):
Can you help paint that picture for me? Is this
like they know you're pursuing it, or do you tell
them like I need to borrow money because like my
job's direct deposit didn't hit well.

Speaker 3 (27:23):
There were periods where I would lose a job and
be unemployed and I'd have a share an apartment with somebody,
and you know, and I would need help and they
would like, help me out.

Speaker 1 (27:34):
There's a job, like an acting job or like a
day job, a day job.

Speaker 3 (27:37):
Got yeah, okay, And then there was a period where
I would move back home, so they helped me in
that way, you know. Yeah, And there was you know,
into my thirties, I was living with my parents.

Speaker 2 (27:49):
I was just going to ask you how old were
you when you were maybe like still living at home?

Speaker 3 (27:53):
Yeah, in my thirties.

Speaker 2 (27:55):
Hard to pursue a career in this There are harder things,
I know, I'm not going to pretend it's the hardest
thing world, but it is such a peculiar path to pursue.

Speaker 3 (28:03):
It is, I think statistically, I mean, it's got to
be one of the harder jobs to make a living act,
just because so many people want to do it.

Speaker 2 (28:11):
So many people and so few jobs, especially at the
time you're pursuing. I'm not trying to age you again,
guys knows what you're thirty seven now, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
you know you don't want to say you.

Speaker 3 (28:23):
Really in my early thirties, thirties, Yeah.

Speaker 1 (28:26):
Randall, you look great.

Speaker 3 (28:27):
Thank you so much.

Speaker 2 (28:29):
Okay, So they wouldn't help subsidize your life, say you
lost a day job or you have to move back
and was moving back in with your family. How did
that feel for them?

Speaker 3 (28:38):
They loved it.

Speaker 1 (28:39):
That's what I think.

Speaker 2 (28:40):
If I told my mom today that I was I
need to move back home into her house in Baltimore,
she wouldn't go, oh, I'm ashamed of my adult daughter.
She's like, I'm just happy my daughter's home. Like there's
this like desire to have family too.

Speaker 3 (28:51):
Totally. Yeah, And so they were happy, you know, whenever
I'd moved back, you know, and yeah. It always baffled
me when parents are like you, you're eighteen, you're out
of the house.

Speaker 1 (29:01):
I'm going to tell you right now. Not the Nigerian
experience either.

Speaker 2 (29:03):
It was like my mom just feels responsible for me
until the day she does.

Speaker 1 (29:08):
Yes, yes, absolutely, that's what it seems like it would be.

Speaker 3 (29:11):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (29:11):
Now did your dad did you ever get to see
him upset?

Speaker 3 (29:17):
Oh? Yeah, okay, yeah, growing, like.

Speaker 1 (29:19):
Crying upset when we talked about tears and me so
crying once.

Speaker 3 (29:24):
Once what was well, no, once from from like heartache,
just when his sister passed. I saw it. I don't
think I was supposed to see it.

Speaker 1 (29:32):
Yeah, I saw wow. Yeah, it was it like in
the room.

Speaker 3 (29:35):
It was the year he was in the kitchen, you know,
the door was closed and I came in and he
was he was crying.

Speaker 2 (29:42):
Did you retreat? What did you do in that moment?
Did you think, Okay, I don't think I'm spposed to
see this, I'm going to leave.

Speaker 3 (29:47):
I think, I, like, you know, put my hand on him,
and then and then I you know, yeah, and then
I let him be you know yeah, yeah, ok. And
then then many years later I got I got an
Alumni of the Year award at ucl you know, and
I invited my family and gave this speech, and then

(30:10):
the speech, I really kind of just thanked them, you
know yeah, and and my dad was was crying.

Speaker 2 (30:18):
I have chills now, I genuinely full body chills. That's beautiful.
I think when a parent gets to see their child
accomplish want a dream, especially if they're like, we're not
into the whole dreamer of it all.

Speaker 1 (30:28):
We want you to have.

Speaker 2 (30:28):
Stability, but you got to accomplish your dream, and then
to hear their child express gratitude and say, you are
such a big part of this thing that I've got
to do, I can only imagine how that that's so cool.

Speaker 3 (30:41):
Yeah, yeah, it was really it was. That was a
really special experience. And then and then I was like
many years later, I did the commencement speech at UCLA
and my parents were there and they were both just
like so proud, and it was like it kind of
you know, justify well for me, it justified you know,
kind of of going after it despite their you know,

(31:02):
being against it. But it also it also kind of
honored the fact that they supported me in a different way.
You know, they let me live in the house, they
let me, you know, they let me borrow money, They
did all these things that allowed me to pursue the
stream even though they were really against me pursuing this.

Speaker 4 (31:20):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (31:20):
Yeah, yeah, But did you just even having this new
perspective as you accomplish the things you had hoped to
accomplish and they get to see you do that, does
it feel like a start difference from when you were
pursuing it in that you kind of would have liked
their support and more verbalized it sounds like, did you
feel resentment at that time?

Speaker 3 (31:41):
Yeah? I did. I did. I did feel resentment, and
I think, you know, it wasn't until you know, fresh
off the boat actually really helped me kind of see
things differently. And I think it's in part because I
played an immigrant father, you know, but also I think

(32:02):
finding some success and being able to make a good
living at it, you know, it kind of took the
pressure off me a little bit, you know, and I
think without that pressure, I was able to understand them
a little better. And I wasn't in this kind of
mode of just like just go after it and block
out any negativity, and you know, I was just like
a little more open to understand go.

Speaker 2 (32:23):
From having that tunnel vision of like I'm in pursuit
of this thing and yeah, I can't hear negativity. I
have this one goal in mind, buck everything else you
had to go. Okay, I can breathe, and I could
see the world a little more for what it is,
and yeah, it looks bigger. That's very very cool. But
also I went to college. I've sometimes I don't know

(32:43):
how to do this podcast, and I'm like, I kind
of touch on the same stories over and over again
now and I haven't touched on this one. But I
feel like I had a very like Lady Bird moment
when I got to college where I realized, like my
mom was just a human trying her best. Yeah, and
you know, I wanted my mom to be one way
and she just wasn't that way. We got along well,

(33:05):
but we also butt heads a bit. It was very strange.
We were very close though, yes, but like when I realized, like, oh,
she's just trying her best, and oh my gods, she
gave me so many gifts and I'm so proud of
the morals she instilled in me.

Speaker 1 (33:15):
And I wasn't aware that that's what she was doing.

Speaker 2 (33:18):
But now that I'm out in the world and the
world is bigger and I'm meeting other people who grew
up in different households, I'm like, ah, thank god you.

Speaker 1 (33:25):
Were instilling these values in me.

Speaker 2 (33:27):
I don't know if it's a shame or if it's
just the way life is supposed to go, that hindsight
is twenty twenty, as they say, or that you just
have a new perspective the.

Speaker 1 (33:36):
Older you get.

Speaker 2 (33:37):
Yes, because part of me wishes that, like, while we're young,
we go I know what they're doing, They're just.

Speaker 3 (33:42):
I know, I know, and you know that I do feel,
you know, because my dad recently passed, and I do
feel some guilt, you know that I wasn't a better son,
you know, and I wish I would have been there more.
And then you know, yeah, but at the same time,
it's you know, I I know how much I meant
to them, and I know how much they mean to

(34:04):
me and my dad, and you know, I have always
loved my dad.

Speaker 2 (34:07):
And yeah, yeah, And it's also like you hear like
people speak about love languages, and we were like, my
dad was not going to say.

Speaker 1 (34:14):
I love you while we were young.

Speaker 2 (34:15):
That that just wasn't something I was going to experience
from him, but he showed his love in other ways.
I really think love languages people, they really do matter.
And if you have to be able to interpret someone
else's language and receive.

Speaker 1 (34:30):
It for what it is.

Speaker 3 (34:31):
Yeah, and you know, hearing the words I love you,
it's wonderful, you know, and beautiful. But it's easy to
say that. It's easy. But if you can speak, you
can say, you can say it, and you can all
say it and it doesn't Oh my gosh.

Speaker 2 (34:44):
A lot of I've had people say it to me
and Randall, you know, some of.

Speaker 1 (34:47):
My stories of your stories, I had people say it.

Speaker 2 (34:49):
To me and you go, yes, it's maybe not easy
to say if you try to be sincere and your
feelings and your words are integrated and you're trying to
be say things you mean, and things can feel uncomfortable, vulnerable,
but it is a thing like if you can talk,
you can say I love you. But love is as
they say, a verb, yes, yes, and it's an action

(35:11):
that you experience and show love in reality.

Speaker 3 (35:14):
Yeah, you know what. The interesting thing about I feel
like about my life, at least in one way, is
that you know, I have a daughter, and she's twelve now,
and she's so crazy about her, like she is my everything.
And she's on the autism spectrum, and her verbal communication
is very limited, you know, and so it's not like

(35:38):
we can even have that kind of communicative exchange that
I always longed for as a kid with my parents.
You know, I can't have that with my daughter. But
I also I don't care. I just know how I
feel about her. I'm I'm always going to be there
for her. I know she loves me. She does not
to say it, I just know she does. And you know,

(36:02):
and I feel like that's like a lesson for me
in my life based on my upbringing and that, but
also my daughter's upbringing. It's like, you know, the words
are important, but you know it's it's really just the
actions and the feeling and the intention and what's in
your heart. You know that that's what really matters, right, Yeah.

Speaker 2 (36:22):
And I don't want to put words in your mouth,
but it seems like to becoming a father for you
did give you a whole new perspectiveness about your relationship
with your father and the kind of dad he was.

Speaker 1 (36:32):
Yeah, and it took that to do it, like really
to really work.

Speaker 3 (36:36):
Sure, Yeah, I think I think having a kid definitely
being a TV Dawn flush off the boat was like,
I mean that it happened around the same time, like
when we when we had our kid. But it really
was being a father myself that gave me that perspective.

Speaker 2 (36:52):
Yeah, that's really remarkable. Now you have your own daughter,
you have your own family. Now you're the dad. You
are a father, you're her father, you're my father.

Speaker 1 (37:02):
I mean yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 (37:05):
What did your father instill in you that you now
employ or would like to instill in your daughter.

Speaker 3 (37:14):
Well, one thing about my dad was that he was
very It's very interesting because after he passed away, you know,
you go through your father's stuff, you know, and you know,
and for some people it's this daunting task because there's
just so much stuff to go through, you know, paperwork
and bills and you know, but also possessions, things that

(37:37):
they owned, you know, and you learn about your parents
from the things that they collect, you know. And my
dad had nothing, hardly anything. You had very few possessions,
you know, just a few things. It was, you know,
and it was really surprising to me because I thought
he had more things. All the things that he like

(37:58):
had and coveted were things that I gave him as
gifts after I became more successful, and he loved those things.
But that was like it, you know, And that was
something that he instilled in me in the sense that
it's like things are great, yes, and it's fun to

(38:18):
have things, but they don't they're not that important, you know.
And he was very much one to keep his world
very small. You know, he's just his family. You know.
He did have some friends that he saw, went to work,
worked hard, came back home. You know. He had a

(38:39):
very kind of simple approach to life. And I think
that's something that I take with me all the time,
and that's something that I want to instill in Ruby,
you know, just to you know, what matters most are
the things around you, the people around you, you know,
the neighbors, the community, or your friends and and and

(39:02):
us you know, and and there will always be love there,
you know. And everything else is great and fun and
do it. Yes, pursue what you want to pursue, but
it's not everything.

Speaker 2 (39:15):
You know, it's beautiful. That's really beautiful. Now, did you
have a sense of that before you had gone through
his things, that that was something that he really valued.

Speaker 3 (39:25):
I did have a sense of that, yeah, I did.
But seeing it, you know, like literally like accounting for
like his things was really kind of eye opening.

Speaker 1 (39:35):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (39:36):
It was really eye opening. And and also seeing and
as far as like his bank account. And I mean
both of my parents did not have a lot of money,
you know, they they really gave us this great life
with very little. Yeah.

Speaker 1 (39:56):
Yeah, remarkable, it really is.

Speaker 2 (39:59):
Yeah, said he worked up until pretty close to the
time he died. As well, now that you've made it,
you have money, you've achieved success. Were you trying to
get him to retire? Did you want to pay for
and subsidize his life? Yeah, the way it had helped
with yours. What was that relationship?

Speaker 3 (40:19):
I mean I did, I liked help them pay off
the house and put my daut a car, and you know,
and and I did give them things, But but I
I knew how much working was just like a part
of who he was.

Speaker 1 (40:34):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (40:35):
So yeah, and none of us in the family were like,
let's tell him to stop and relax, you know, like
because that just wasn't him, you know. Yeah. So when
he when he did get sick and he did end
up leaving that job. We kind of knew that was
the beginning of something, you know. Yeah, yeah, because he
was a worker. He loved to work, yeah said before.

Speaker 2 (40:58):
You know, in terms of retirement, so many of my
first gen friends and even myself, I'm like, parents do
not have retirement funds, and it's like what they know
is to work. Yeah, And I think my mom even
dabbled with retirement. And then it was like, I go,
you seem more alive when you work for her. That's

(41:21):
whether she likes it, that's my thought or not. I
just go, oh, you just seem more yourself to me.
And that can sound I don't want that to be misconstrued,
but I'm like, you just seem more yourself and more
gregarious and such when you're working. Yeah, And seeing you
dabble with retirement, I go, I don't even know if
that quite suits you.

Speaker 3 (41:41):
Yeah. I think for my dad, like a big kind
of part of his identity was being a provider, you know,
And so I think in that sense, like work was
it was a part of who he was, you know.
I mean, my mom is retired and she loves it. Yeah,
So it's just.

Speaker 1 (41:58):
Like very different. Yeah, depends on the person.

Speaker 2 (42:01):
But then you know, if that was like such a
part of his identity, I see how he would be like,
I'm going to keep doing this as long as I
can and I have the energy to do it.

Speaker 3 (42:09):
Yeah, that's right, that's right. Yeah.

Speaker 1 (42:11):
So did you know you always wanted to be a dad?

Speaker 3 (42:14):
Not necessarily, not until I met my wife?

Speaker 1 (42:18):
Okay, yeah, all right, and then you go, I want
to I want to have a family with this. Yeah.

Speaker 3 (42:23):
Well we thought. We both were like, if it happens,
that'll be great. If it doesn't, that'll be great too.

Speaker 1 (42:30):
Okay.

Speaker 3 (42:31):
It wasn't like we had to become parents, you know,
And it wasn't like we like had to really try.
We were just like, if it happens, great, great, right yeah,
And then it happened.

Speaker 1 (42:42):
And then it happened, And were you nervous, scared, excited?
Where were you?

Speaker 3 (42:46):
All those things? All those things? Yeah, yeah, all those things.
It was, you know, it kind of happened before the
work really started coming for me, you know. So we
were we were still and we're both actors, my wife,
and so we were both like, we don't know if
we could afford this, you know. Yeah, So yeah, we

(43:07):
didn't know, and and but we were like, let's just
this is life. Let's let's live it and let's you know,
see what happens. And she came and she's the best
and brought it brings us so much joy all the time.
Ye know, so so it. Yeah, it's been such a blessing.

Speaker 1 (43:23):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (43:23):
Did you ever ask your parents for any advice with
Ruby in terms of being a parent to Ruby or not?

Speaker 1 (43:31):
Really?

Speaker 3 (43:31):
Not really? Okay, not really. I mean my mom gave advice.

Speaker 1 (43:36):
I'm gonna tell you one thing about Grandma's Yeah.

Speaker 2 (43:38):
My mom also given all kinds of advice to my
brother and sister in law.

Speaker 1 (43:42):
Got it, advice, don't do that, do that? Why are
you doing that? Give her that?

Speaker 3 (43:47):
And whenever she would, I mean, it got for me,
it got I don't know, I bristled at it sometimes
because it felt like she every time she said it
I had I'd interpret it as you're a bad parent
and do this.

Speaker 1 (44:01):
You know.

Speaker 3 (44:02):
It was that that kind of Korean mom criticism, you know, Yeah,
and I just had in my head, you know.

Speaker 2 (44:09):
Okay, you're able to say it made you bristle, Yeah,
but then did you know when you're bristling and then,
like say, two minutes later, You're like, Oh, it's because I.

Speaker 1 (44:18):
Feel like you're saying I'm a bad dad.

Speaker 3 (44:21):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (44:21):
Yeah, oh you knew.

Speaker 3 (44:22):
Okay, yeah, yeah, and I would tell her yeah.

Speaker 1 (44:24):
Okay, okay, Yeah. How was your dad with Ruby?

Speaker 4 (44:28):
Oh?

Speaker 3 (44:28):
My god, he's crazy about her, crazy about her. Yeah,
And that's another thing that I'm just so happy about
that he got to see her grow, you know, and
even you know, up until his last days, he'd be
in the hospital and he could barely move, you know,
he could barely you know, open his eyes. But whenever

(44:50):
she would come in the room, he would smile so big,
and it was just like, really really really wonderful.

Speaker 2 (44:57):
When you talk about love and people showing love and
being able to say it is one thing, but then
being able to show it is another thing.

Speaker 1 (45:06):
I'm like, there is case in point.

Speaker 2 (45:08):
Your your dad can't do much, say much, but it's
like his whole spirit lights up in the room.

Speaker 1 (45:15):
That's so cool.

Speaker 3 (45:15):
Yeah, it was really really beautiful.

Speaker 2 (45:18):
That's really really cool. So, Okay, what kind of things
do you and Ruby doing? Can I come? Yeah, I'm
joking and I'm like, I'm coming.

Speaker 1 (45:28):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (45:29):
Do you like pizza?

Speaker 2 (45:30):
I love pizza? I love eating random? Yes, I know
that's problematic.

Speaker 3 (45:36):
I know this about you and Ruby.

Speaker 1 (45:38):
Okay, we would get a lot.

Speaker 3 (45:40):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (45:40):
What kind of pizza does Ruby like? Most?

Speaker 3 (45:42):
Just cheese.

Speaker 1 (45:45):
Yeah, classic Gaplassic.

Speaker 3 (45:47):
Okay, very quick New York style, she loves Okay.

Speaker 1 (45:50):
Have you taken her to a deep dish place?

Speaker 3 (45:53):
Yes?

Speaker 1 (45:53):
And what she was not into it?

Speaker 3 (45:54):
I get it.

Speaker 1 (45:55):
It took me a long time to come around on
deep dish.

Speaker 2 (45:57):
I love deep dish really off the bat, yeah, off
the bat. I went to Masa when I a Echo Park,
which is a deep Dish place here, I think, let's
say ten years ago, for the first time, and I
was like, this is disgusting. But then I had to
go back a second time and be like, you have
to go in knowing that this is not going to
be your thing. Crust pizza different. Yes, you have to

(46:18):
go in understanding, and then it's good.

Speaker 3 (46:19):
Yeah. Yeah, yeah, it's almost not a pizza in a way.
It's like it's it's like.

Speaker 1 (46:23):
A bread a bread bowl.

Speaker 2 (46:28):
Yeah, And then you go, okay, yes, that's that could
be enjoyable too, love it.

Speaker 1 (46:32):
It's really really good.

Speaker 3 (46:33):
Yeah. But she loves pizza. She loves you know, all
the kid foods. Yeah, she loves, she loves like noodles
and like Asian food.

Speaker 2 (46:40):
You know, do you guys hit pine and Crane? Ever,
she wouldn't, She wouldn't like piney Crane.

Speaker 1 (46:46):
I pine and Crane is so good. But does she
like Ramen?

Speaker 3 (46:49):
Then she loves her?

Speaker 1 (46:50):
Okay, so Ruby and I can go eat pizza together.

Speaker 2 (46:53):
I'll let her have Ramen on her own with you,
because I don't think I care for Ramen, and I
don't know some people.

Speaker 3 (47:01):
Who are very like Yes, yes, they're.

Speaker 1 (47:04):
Not the same, so let's be clear about that.

Speaker 3 (47:06):
But yeah, I know folks who have that exact same opinion,
and I get it.

Speaker 2 (47:13):
Yeah, it's something me and Ramen and don't. But there
are things that I don't like that people just really love.
And as a person who's a foodie, I'll go, well,
I need to find a way to like that, because
I feel like.

Speaker 1 (47:25):
If you're a foodie, you like this shit like this,
such as olips.

Speaker 2 (47:28):
I've come to I've truly trained myself to like olives.

Speaker 3 (47:32):
So if you could train yourself to like something, yeah,
you probably could potentially like everything.

Speaker 2 (47:38):
Right, potentially, Yes, you know what I don't like, and
I don't think I'll ever come around on saffron.

Speaker 3 (47:42):
Saffron Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah yeah. Do you like a
saffron like rice dish?

Speaker 2 (47:49):
No, my gosh, immediately hard. No, I can taste it.

Speaker 3 (47:53):
Wow. Yeah.

Speaker 2 (47:54):
I went to a coffee shop in Oakland a few
days ago and I got their signature hi, and I
was like, can you tell me what's in it? Because
I know you're best known for this, and they were like, oh, Carter,
Mom's cinnamon. Everything sounded good, and then she goes saffron.

Speaker 1 (48:09):
I go, oh no.

Speaker 2 (48:10):
But then I was like, maybe I'll like it since
everyone else does not saffron, but the drink okay, And
I go, I'm going to try it because it's got
such great reviews. And I was like, I hate this beverage.
I didn't take it back. I finished it, I made,
but I didn't.

Speaker 3 (48:23):
I didn't exactly.

Speaker 1 (48:24):
I don't like this.

Speaker 3 (48:26):
Thank you.

Speaker 1 (48:28):
She asked me how it was. I go, it's great, and.

Speaker 2 (48:30):
I hated it. It's the truth doesn't matter. So you pizza.

Speaker 3 (48:34):
We're going to eat, I mean, really, all the kid foods.
And we're trying to expand her palette. Okay, she's tough.

Speaker 2 (48:43):
She's like, I like what I like and I respect
that about her. Yes, what kind of dad would ruby say?

Speaker 1 (48:48):
You are?

Speaker 3 (48:50):
Well? She wouldn't say, because she's not right, but she
would spiritually, she would say, I'm probably a little too
smothering because I just I'm so crazy about it.

Speaker 1 (49:06):
He's obsessed, so obsessed with me. Damn.

Speaker 3 (49:11):
So I'm always, you know, always giving her hugs always,
you know. I guess in some ways helicoptery, you know,
because I'm always like worried. I just want her to
be safe, you know. I would, of the two of us,
my wife and I, I would say I'm a little
more strict.

Speaker 1 (49:30):
Okay, I was going to ask, there's going to be
a question.

Speaker 3 (49:33):
I have to know. I'm a little bit more of
a disciplinarian, a little bit more kind of adamant about
certain things, you know, like you you can't be on
the iPad too much, you can't, you know. And but
but she would, I mean, she would know right off
the bat that my dad loves me and it's crazy
about me.

Speaker 2 (49:52):
Beautiful, that's beautiful and key. I'm like, you know, I
did not have a helicopter dad. What's it when a
helicopter is like not around?

Speaker 3 (50:01):
When a helicopter.

Speaker 1 (50:05):
And you're like, I think that's a helicopter, it's a bird,
it's a play.

Speaker 3 (50:10):
Yeah, the helicopters in another another country.

Speaker 1 (50:15):
That's what I had. So I'm like, I always wonder.

Speaker 2 (50:17):
I'm like, do people like their helicopter dads when when
they hear about how other people's dads are not present
or are even quite stoic or do you use previously?

Speaker 1 (50:27):
Yeah, they go, I.

Speaker 2 (50:28):
Would take a helicopter dad over the one I have.
But I do think the grass is always greener by
the way, Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 3 (50:33):
Yeah, for sure. I mean, you know, she's getting to
an age now where I think it's getting annoying a
little bit. You know.

Speaker 1 (50:38):
Yeah, You're like, I can't help I.

Speaker 3 (50:42):
Love this girl.

Speaker 1 (50:43):
That is very cool. Do you think you and your
wife have other kids?

Speaker 3 (50:46):
Yes, okay, yes, but I would say I'm more I'm
more all about my kid and you know, and I'm like,
if someone has a baby, my wife wants.

Speaker 1 (50:57):
To hold that baby, okay's baby.

Speaker 3 (51:00):
I want to look at the baby, make cases, but
I do not want to hold the baby, right, but
I fear Okay, yeah.

Speaker 1 (51:08):
What has been one of your scariest moments as a dad?

Speaker 3 (51:11):
Scariest moments as a dad.

Speaker 1 (51:12):
Oh gosh, yeah, like young, when Ruby was young.

Speaker 3 (51:15):
Yeah, I mean maybe a couple of years ago. She
broke her arm really bad. And when I was a
kid around her age at that same time, I broke
my arm and I remember my parents freaking out, like, yeah,
she tripped over like a hose in our front yard
and her arm just at her forearm, just.

Speaker 1 (51:39):
Snap the bone sticking out of the skin.

Speaker 3 (51:42):
It wasn't sticking clean out, but you could see it
kind of you could see it looking through Yeah, and
that was really scary and traumatic for me. But also,
like you know, I don't know, I kind of clicked
into kind of like you know, dad mode and like, okay,
we got to do this. You got to take her
to the hospital.

Speaker 2 (52:01):
Yeah, when that happened, what did you feel Those parents
are like, You're like, yes, this is scary, but I
clicked into dad mode. It gets she gets a scan
and then a cast, and then the doctor told you
all the things to do. What's your thought after not
the worst of it is behind you, did you have
any thoughts about it and did.

Speaker 1 (52:19):
You feel like it reflected on you as a parent
or anything like that?

Speaker 3 (52:22):
Well, I marveled at her okay, because she was just
so chill, and I was like, how can you be
so chill?

Speaker 1 (52:29):
Yeah, maybe you don't have to worry about Ruby so much?

Speaker 3 (52:32):
Was your age and this happened to me. I was
crying so much.

Speaker 2 (52:35):
You know what they say, the guys are a little
more dramatic than the girls, That's what they say.

Speaker 1 (52:40):
That's what you know.

Speaker 3 (52:40):
I was screaming.

Speaker 2 (52:41):
Have you heard about this experiment where they like simulate
period cramps.

Speaker 1 (52:45):
On men and then men are like, oh my god,
are you handling and living your life like this? You're
experiencing this or you're going to work?

Speaker 3 (52:53):
Yeah, yeah, I believe it.

Speaker 2 (52:55):
Okay, that's an experiment that's happened, and yeah, I think
I believe it.

Speaker 1 (52:59):
Of course for me was cool.

Speaker 3 (53:00):
Yeah, she was just so cool, so chill. And and
the other thing was I felt a little guilt because
I was on watch when the helicopter. Dad was on
watch when it happened.

Speaker 1 (53:12):
Not so helicopter.

Speaker 3 (53:16):
And but also I don't know, I felt I felt
very I felt a lot of gratitude too, oddly, you know,
in that we you know, she had such a great
doctor and and and we were able to you know,
kind of take care of her as a parent, would
you know, like just the fact that we were able
to do that simple thing and in such an you know,

(53:39):
unusual kind not unusual because it happens a lot, but
you know, in such a specific type of circumstance, there
was a little bit of oh wow, we did it.

Speaker 2 (53:48):
Yeah, so now you know you can you can probably
handle anything as a dad.

Speaker 1 (53:52):
Frankly, in my mind, I'm like, Ruby broke her arm,
you can handle it.

Speaker 3 (53:57):
Yeah. Yeah, And that's such a you know, little thing.
It's like it happens to kids all the time. But
but yeah, it was, it was. It was very jarring.

Speaker 1 (54:05):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (54:06):
I've asked a few people this, and I find it
to be an interesting question, which is, guys, why I
keep asking it?

Speaker 1 (54:13):
But do you care if Ruby or would you like
Ruby to see.

Speaker 2 (54:20):
You as a friend at some point in her life?

Speaker 3 (54:23):
No? Yeah, no, not necessarily, but I do want her
to feel comfortable enough with us to come to us
at any time with anything.

Speaker 1 (54:33):
You know.

Speaker 3 (54:34):
Yeah, and sometimes there is a delineation between what you
can bring to your parents and what you could bring
to your friends. I knew that growing up, right, you.

Speaker 1 (54:44):
Just kind of know. Yeah, I don't even know how
you come to know.

Speaker 2 (54:48):
Yeah, where You're like, some friends are the type to
talk to their parents just growing up about all their boyfriends. Yeah,
I'm like, well, I didn't have those, but also if
I did, I would not. I'm like, I'm not going
to come talk to my mom.

Speaker 3 (55:00):
Yeah yeah, but you just kind of know which and
I want her to feel like she could if she
needed to. But I'm also okay with her having.

Speaker 5 (55:10):
Her life, yes, and her her secrets and her experiences,
you know, as long as like she knows when she's
not safe, feeling not safe or feeling sad or you
know that that were there.

Speaker 1 (55:24):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (55:25):
Yeah, with your parents and your dad specifically, did you
feel like you did have to keep secrets from them?
Like you obviously mentioned secrets, I'm like, oh yeah, and
I know the career pursuit was one of them, but
there were other things I'm not bringing.

Speaker 3 (55:41):
Yeah, oh yeah, like you know, just my dating.

Speaker 1 (55:44):
I didn't bring any of that to them.

Speaker 3 (55:47):
No, not, not really, not until you.

Speaker 1 (55:48):
Were ready to marry your wife.

Speaker 3 (55:49):
Were you like, No, there was there were a few
girlfriends before my wife that long term girlfriends that I
brought to them, and you know, they they would see
and get to know, and but there were shorter term
girlfriends that they didn't meet.

Speaker 2 (56:06):
Well that's every dude out here like you don't get
to meet the parents.

Speaker 3 (56:11):
Yeah, yeah, that's not what this is. Yeah, and then
all the other stories you know, we're not you know,
or or stories that they weren't privy to.

Speaker 1 (56:20):
Okay.

Speaker 2 (56:21):
You also mentioned being like, why can't my parents when
we first started this conversation be like this other friend's
parents was one of the things you wish that they
were like, is like did you have friends that were
telling their parents like oh yeah, oh yeah, And did
you want that at the time? Now do you appreciate
that that was not the case?

Speaker 3 (56:38):
Yeah?

Speaker 1 (56:38):
Yeah, okay, that's kind of me too.

Speaker 3 (56:40):
Yeah yeah, I didn't mean to put.

Speaker 1 (56:42):
That all on you. Was all very leading questions.

Speaker 2 (56:43):
In a point of law, the judge would have been like, objection,
you're asking leading questions.

Speaker 3 (56:48):
Yes, I yeah, for sure, I like, you know, I
always had those people that I could that I could
talk about those things with. Yeah, and those things would
have would have upset my all.

Speaker 1 (57:00):
Right, you just know, you go, I don't need to
we don't need to share that You're it's fine for
you to be my mom and my dad, that's okay. Yes,
And that's different from my friend or even a confidant
in that way.

Speaker 3 (57:11):
Yeah yeah, But I mean that's great if someone does
have that relationship.

Speaker 1 (57:14):
But that's great, that's also great.

Speaker 2 (57:16):
Yeah yeah, Randall, I end every episode of this podcast
asking my dad for the day.

Speaker 1 (57:22):
Yes, and so in this case, you okay for a
piece of advice.

Speaker 3 (57:25):
Yes, please be honest.

Speaker 1 (57:27):
I'm going to tell you I'm your dad, my dad.
Oh my goodness, oh goodness.

Speaker 2 (57:31):
I'm getting nervous, but okay, because I never had this,
so every time I get to do sometimes these are silly,
silly questions. So I have friends who like drugs, Yeah, okay,
we're not talking weed, okay, or maybe for the case
of the podcast, we could be talking weed. Realizing everyone
gets to hear this, No, I have I have friends

(57:53):
who like drugs, and you should try drugs. There are
drugs I would never try in my entire life, and
I think.

Speaker 3 (58:02):
For example, for example, heroin.

Speaker 2 (58:04):
Heroin, We're not going to dabble. I don't need to try.
I don't even think you're allowed to try heroin. I
think if you try heroin, you're gonna start doing heroin?
Is my understanding, my guest, I don't know either. But
the DARE program was really effective in terms of how
it impacted me.

Speaker 3 (58:19):
I think I did.

Speaker 1 (58:20):
I think the DARE program did exactly.

Speaker 3 (58:22):
What was until college.

Speaker 2 (58:25):
Oh okay, he was having fun in college and that's
one of those secrets you were.

Speaker 1 (58:28):
Keeping from the family.

Speaker 2 (58:29):
Okay, very good. Well see Dad, I'm bringing this to you.
I also want to google when we leave here what
happened to DARE and why it was dismantled and why
it doesn't exist anymore. That's what everyone's doing drugs now,
Like everyone's doing drugs. That's okay, So Dad, that's that's
what I'm coming to. With everyone's doing drugs. How do
I draw the line on what drugs to do and

(58:50):
which drugs not to do? Is this a publicist nightmare
for you? By the way, right now? Am I getting
you in hot water?

Speaker 1 (58:59):
Okay? Girl? Man, that's the name of the episode.

Speaker 3 (59:03):
I'm a grown man, so guess Okay, So when you
ask this question you, what's what I'm inferring, yes, is
that you're open to trying stuff, but you also want
to create boundary certain boundaries.

Speaker 1 (59:17):
Yeah, So like I'm not. I don't actually like the
idea of drugs for me, right, But do you feel
like one should?

Speaker 3 (59:26):
So are these drugs like like saffron to you? Like
like like these friends are putting it in your drink?
So god, those are maybe not maybe those enemies, but
your friends are offering it and you feel like you
have to take it and take I'm.

Speaker 2 (59:43):
Not okay, So here's what I'll say. I'm not even
a like peer pressure girly, Dad. I actually don't succumb
to peer pressure.

Speaker 1 (59:49):
I don't know.

Speaker 2 (59:52):
I just I'm not a peer pressure person. But I
wonder I guess what I'm trying to say. It's like,
should I be more curious about these drugs that my
friends are?

Speaker 1 (01:00:00):
Like?

Speaker 2 (01:00:01):
I do this and it's fine from me. I do
this from time to time, and it's fine. What I'll
tell you, Dad, Because we have the same genetics. You
should know this already. Anyway, we have this half. You're
half of my DNA today. I don't have an addictive personality.
The only thing I am addicted to is sugar, and
that's a real, like serious addiction.

Speaker 3 (01:00:18):
I have a candy addiction.

Speaker 2 (01:00:19):
But otherwise I don't have an addictive personality. Yes, so
with that information, which you already knew because you are
my dad for the day, I don't fear I'll become.

Speaker 1 (01:00:27):
Addicted to anything. I don't think so. But it's like,
should I be open to trying drugs?

Speaker 3 (01:00:34):
I think that it's okay, okay, okay. I think that
life is for experiencing things. But you don't have to
ever feel the need to experience everything, okay, you know,
because there's so many things. There's so many things. Yeah,
it's like, do you you could murder a person just

(01:00:56):
want to experience that?

Speaker 1 (01:00:58):
It was like to take another person's life? Im in jail?

Speaker 3 (01:01:01):
Yeah, you don't want to? Yeah, find and and drugs? Yeah?
It can be become a slippery slope or it cannot,
you know. I would say, just be very aware of
the people who are offering this, who are inviting you
to be a part of this. Are they good people?

(01:01:23):
You know? And and will they take care of you?
You know? Are there are other people who will take
care of you? Are they or are they troubled people
who are using it to escape maybe certain things about
their lives, you know, because that could be the reason
why they're doing it, you.

Speaker 1 (01:01:40):
Know, yeah, and.

Speaker 3 (01:01:43):
You are you don't have that issue at least, I
mean at least to the extent maybe that that they might.
You know, So I would if you do decide to
try something, I would see it as very like much
of it, I'm going to experience this once, okay, and
I'm gonna know what it's like.

Speaker 1 (01:02:03):
Approach it with pure curiosity.

Speaker 2 (01:02:05):
But if there's like a part of me that is
wanting to try it as a means of escapism, that's
probably that.

Speaker 1 (01:02:13):
Can be tricky and maybe be a little wary of.

Speaker 3 (01:02:16):
Yeah, And I think the big sign of that is
you're doing it often, or you know, more than once,
no twice, or you know, like you're you know, okay.
But but I I personally feel like it's okay to
try things okay as long as like you're safe, okay,
you know okay. Yeah, I don't know. Some dads would

(01:02:38):
be like absolutely not right.

Speaker 2 (01:02:39):
But I also think this is another thing I think
has changed. Do you think about the DARE program. When
I was in school, you had the DARE program where A, yeah,
I'm like, it was hard to know on drugs, And
I think that sometimes again not apparent. I say it
all the time, on this podcast. But I feel like
when you create those hard boundary line, it just piques

(01:03:01):
people's curiosity and interest in a way that it might
not if you were like, let me tell you all
about this thing, and I'm not telling you about this
thing to be like, I'm not trying to make you
fearful of this thing, because then they hear stories of
people who like tried it and had a fun and
a nice time, and they go, well, I feel like
you lied to me a little bit. Terrible, scary, dangerous

(01:03:23):
this thing is. And now my relationship with drugs is
weird because someone told me hard.

Speaker 3 (01:03:28):
No, I don't feel like, do you judge your friends
a little bit who do drugs?

Speaker 2 (01:03:33):
If they do it too much? Honestly, and what is
too much? It's all relative. I feel like, I go, yeah,
what are you running from? I do go, But now
I'm worried about.

Speaker 3 (01:03:43):
It, and yeah, you know, and that will keep you
from going down that path, yeah you know. Yeah.

Speaker 2 (01:03:50):
And I'm like a little too type a need to
be in control of the movement and my like, I
want the ox cord if we're going on the road trip,
because I think I'm a good DJ, but I'm like
a little too. That way, I'm going to surrender to
whatever the highest.

Speaker 3 (01:04:08):
I don't feel like just knowing you, I don't feel
like it would ever be a problem. Like, yeah, I
really believe that.

Speaker 2 (01:04:16):
And if somehow, guys, I do develop a problem, we're
gonna blame Randall Park.

Speaker 1 (01:04:21):
Yes, okay, guys, Randall, thank.

Speaker 3 (01:04:26):
You so much for coming podcast fun.

Speaker 2 (01:04:28):
It was so fun. Is there anything you would like
to plug for listeners? It could be nothing.

Speaker 3 (01:04:34):
Yeah, well we did a thing.

Speaker 1 (01:04:36):
We did a think Oh.

Speaker 3 (01:04:37):
My goodness, I don't know what when or.

Speaker 2 (01:04:39):
What someone texted me about when it's coming out, but
I kind of don't remember what the contents of the
text said.

Speaker 3 (01:04:44):
Okay, it's Florida man. Yeah, it's Florida man. It's uh I.

Speaker 2 (01:04:50):
Think it's on HBO. Yeah, now maybe Max. Yeah, I
don't have another three letter word. Yeah, I guess on
something and be out somewhere. It's gonna be out somewhere.
I love that as a plug. We're on something and
it's gonna be out somewhere. You heard it here, guys,
Randal again, thank you for being my dad for the day.
This has been an absolute pleasure. You are a pure delight.

(01:05:11):
Thank you, thank you, Thank you, guys, this has been
Thanks Dad, Thank you for listening.

Speaker 1 (01:05:16):
Thanks Dad is a headgum podcast created and hosted by
me Igo o Odem.

Speaker 2 (01:05:20):
This show is engineered by Rochelle Chen and Anya Kanovskaya
and edited by Rochelle Chen with executive producer Emma Foley.

Speaker 1 (01:05:28):
Katie Moose is our VP of Content at Headgum.

Speaker 2 (01:05:31):
Thanks to Jason Matheni for our show art and Faris
Monshi for our theme song. For more podcasts by Headgum,
visit headgum dot com or wherever you listen to your
favorite shows. Leave us a review on Apple Podcasts, and maybe,
just maybe we'll read it on a future episode That

Speaker 1 (01:05:50):
Was a hit gum podcast