Scott Aukerman

Scott Aukerman gets to be Ego's dad for the day and they talk unfortunate dates, growing up in a religious household, being a young dad vs. an old dad, and Ego asks Scott house renovation advice.

Guest: Scott Aukerman

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:02):
This is a headgun podcast.

Speaker 2 (00:12):
Hi, I'm Ago Odom and welcome to Thanks Dad. I
do not have a relationship with my dad. I was
raised by a single mom, and I'm using this podcast
as a way to sit down with father figures who
were old enough to be my dad no offense, or just.

Speaker 1 (00:29):
The guest grunts and.

Speaker 2 (00:33):
Old enough to be my dad.

Speaker 1 (00:37):
I shan't say.

Speaker 2 (00:38):
It's available on the internet, and I've done zero work
to hide my age because I don't believe in it
doing that somewhere you were having sex at a very
young age. Well you didn't understand.

Speaker 3 (00:50):
Look at me, I wasn't.

Speaker 1 (00:53):
Can you understand? You know what? Never mind, let me
try this again.

Speaker 2 (00:58):
I'm sitting down with guys who could be my dad
or are in your case, In your case, I am
in your beautiful young case, you're just a dad yourself,
you're a father. I'm going to ask my guest questions
such as, how do I know if the.

Speaker 1 (01:13):
Guy I'm dating is right for me? Can you teach
me how to change a tire? You do not look
like you can teach me.

Speaker 3 (01:19):
I was just talking about this yesterday. Of course I
can change You can change a tire?

Speaker 1 (01:22):
Yes, Oh, very nice.

Speaker 2 (01:23):
Okay, Well we're gonna get I teach you how stupid,
pretty damn dumb when it comes to changing attire, I
will say pretty damn dumb. And also I will say this,
those who can don't always know how to teach.

Speaker 1 (01:37):
That's right, and that's actually deep in that's confusion.

Speaker 3 (01:39):
If you don't know how, you probably also don't know
how to teach facts.

Speaker 1 (01:42):
So you don't know how to change a time.

Speaker 3 (01:44):
Do you know how to change a tire?

Speaker 1 (01:45):
Do you know how to change oil?

Speaker 3 (01:46):
Yes? Well I had a boy. It's been a minute
since I've done that, but I used to. I used
to know. Yeah, very well?

Speaker 1 (01:52):
Out are you rich?

Speaker 3 (01:54):
Uh? Currently?

Speaker 1 (01:58):
I love?

Speaker 3 (01:58):
I just I knew I was going to ask you
that what a fiscal year is this?

Speaker 1 (02:03):
Okay? The year is twenty seventeen.

Speaker 3 (02:05):
Twenty seventeen? Am I rich? At that point?

Speaker 4 (02:08):
Uh?

Speaker 2 (02:10):
I mean Scott if I may from the outside and
oh my gosh, spoiler.

Speaker 1 (02:13):
Okay. Today's guest is writer, comediate, and podcaster.

Speaker 2 (02:17):
Extradinair Possible rich Person, Possible rich Person. He hosts comedy
Bang Bang and Freedom. Annie, you are my dad for
this week again, You're not old enough to be my dad.

Speaker 1 (02:28):
We don't want to offend you. You're just a dad yourself,
but you're my dad for the day. You're my dad.

Speaker 3 (02:31):
I just I really wonder if, like the very first
time I had sex, which I don't want to reveal.

Speaker 1 (02:35):
How it was.

Speaker 2 (02:36):
Okay, my guest is Scott Ackerman, to be clear, Okay,
how old were you when you lost your virginity?

Speaker 3 (02:40):
I mom, I'm going to listen to this.

Speaker 1 (02:43):
She's not.

Speaker 2 (02:44):
Your mom's not gonna listen. Your mom doesn't care about me.
She doesn't care about me.

Speaker 3 (02:46):
Is she going to get a Google alert about this?

Speaker 1 (02:48):
Oh? Does she?

Speaker 3 (02:49):
I don't know. She just recently you're an adult. I
don't like to give up secrets of when things happen.

Speaker 1 (02:55):
Do you think it'll like turn her world upside down
at this juncture?

Speaker 3 (02:58):
I don't know. At this point, you probably doesn't care.

Speaker 1 (03:00):
Yeah, and does she listen to podcasts?

Speaker 3 (03:02):
Just to be she in fact follows. She recently got
on Instagram and she started following me, and she just
says about me. She goes, I don't understand anything that's
happening over there.

Speaker 1 (03:14):
Maybe I could over there, that's maybe a good thing.

Speaker 3 (03:17):
But seventeen you were seventeen.

Speaker 1 (03:19):
Is that late or young for a dude. I don't know.

Speaker 3 (03:23):
I think in hindsight it's probably about normal, but it
felt late.

Speaker 2 (03:28):
Probably Okay, So seventeen, you were seventeen. Did anyone talk
to you about sex at that point?

Speaker 3 (03:33):
I remember I was dreading the subject coming up, right,
and then someone at the church was giving a talk
about talking to your kids about sex, and they said, look,
if your child is over thirteen, it's already too late.
Oh and I was. I think I was thirteen or fourteen.

(03:54):
I was like, and of course it never came up again.
Like all that would ever come up would be if
my dad like ever walked in I was watching like
a skin a Max movie or something like that. Okay,
it would be like, you know, you don't want to
be watching those because this was I remember this piece
of advice. It was let please, and it's not good advice.

(04:15):
It was it was, you don't want to watch movies
like that because then you'll always associate like you'll remember
those scenes for the rest of your life and you'll
always associate sex with them or something like that, which.

Speaker 2 (04:28):
Is I think they say that watching porn like rewires
your brain and your relationship to the sex you're actually
having or something. Possibly maybe he was trying to comment
on that, but it was also very uncomfortable at the time.

Speaker 1 (04:40):
Yeah, it felt he had to say something.

Speaker 3 (04:42):
He definitely well he was he was very I mean
he was very religious and very kind of you know,
like follow God's rules and stuff like that. So I
think he was saying, if you're going to be following
God's rules as of course you're going to do yes,
then you can't watch movies like that because then you'll
always think of movies like that when you I'm.

Speaker 1 (05:00):
Staining from sex.

Speaker 3 (05:01):
Yeah, I guess. So.

Speaker 1 (05:02):
So wait, what kind of religion are we talking?

Speaker 3 (05:05):
Baptist or just kind of non denominational.

Speaker 2 (05:08):
Non denominational. You're from Orange County, right, California?

Speaker 3 (05:11):
Are there others in Florida?

Speaker 1 (05:13):
Orange County, Florida? Very interesting? There's another Baltimore. I believe
it's in Ohio.

Speaker 2 (05:16):
Crazy, I'm gonna I'm gonna google right now.

Speaker 1 (05:19):
Is that okay?

Speaker 3 (05:19):
So funny if you were from the other Balltimore. I
from the other Florida and there's like.

Speaker 1 (05:24):
A Miami University but it's in Ohio.

Speaker 2 (05:27):
Really, Yeah, there's also Baltimore it's a village in Ohio,
and we could get there in four hours and thirty
two minutes from Los Angeles by plane.

Speaker 1 (05:33):
Let's go, and currently the weather's any wonder.

Speaker 3 (05:35):
Let's get you anyone. Sounds pretty good.

Speaker 2 (05:38):
Cooler than here, right, So did you grow up going
to like Crystal Cathedral, which I knew about because my
grandmother used to watch TBN.

Speaker 3 (05:45):
That that is adjacent to where I grew up. Okay,
I definitely there.

Speaker 1 (05:50):
There was a revival at Crystal Cathedral.

Speaker 3 (05:52):
Well, there was a UHF channel that broadcasts from there,
Okay that occasionally I would watch that channel because in
the mid eight these they had a video show because
you know, music videos are very popular and we didn't
have MTV, so it was the only place I could see.
Like they would play YouTube videos.

Speaker 2 (06:09):
They would play YouTube videos and Crystal Cathedral services.

Speaker 3 (06:12):
Yes, so they had the Crystal Cathedral services earlier in
the day, and then like there was a late night
show where they played videos that were sort of Christian
or and you two is considered a Christian.

Speaker 2 (06:22):
Yes, that's okay, I see yes, yes, yes, Creed, you're
old enough to.

Speaker 1 (06:27):
Be my Creed.

Speaker 3 (06:30):
You talking about YouTube?

Speaker 2 (06:33):
Given Daddy Okay, it's given Papa Bear. Okay, so a
non denominational.

Speaker 4 (06:39):
Baptists, but but I don't know whats really We were baptized,
but knowing what Baptist Baptist church actually kind of follow
it was a little less strictly.

Speaker 2 (06:50):
I discovered there's a church here in Los Angeles. Like
if you do a little bit of a deep dive,
it presents as non denominational, but they're like associated or
a Philly by the Southern Baptist whatever the council or something.
I'm speaking really ignorantly now, but I'm like, I think
I understand what you're saying.

Speaker 3 (07:06):
Were you church shopping or what?

Speaker 2 (07:08):
When I was in La Yeah, I did church shop.
When I lived here, I church shopped. My sister and
I went on a grand church shore.

Speaker 3 (07:14):
Did you really we did?

Speaker 1 (07:15):
We found ourselves in the valley find one that you
we did.

Speaker 2 (07:18):
We found a church. We did find a church. I
like going to church until you hear someone say something
crazy and you go, oh yeah. As a practice, I
think it's like a dedicated time. So even like there
are little skills I want to learn, and people go
you could teach yourself that on YouTube. You don't have
to go take a class for that, which I'm like, totally.

Speaker 3 (07:37):
You like going to the place.

Speaker 1 (07:38):
I like going to the place, having the.

Speaker 2 (07:39):
Structure and having instructure in the time dedicated to the thing.
And so that's why I like going to church. I
hadn't been in a while up until like a couple
of weeks ago, I did go back. It had been
like two and a half years, and I went back recently.

Speaker 3 (07:50):
I had to go three times a week growing up,
growing up, Yeah, and I have a I just I
feel like lately with the church. And this is probably
not the same as the churches you went to, but
the churches that I've been to, I've kind of and
just looking at the church's influence on the world, I've
kind of now I feel like Christianity is just like

(08:15):
I don't think a lot of the people are really
interested in the tenets of Christianity. I feel like it
is a paradigm to keep white supremacy going.

Speaker 1 (08:27):
I don't think you're wrong. I don't think you're wrong.

Speaker 2 (08:29):
As a person who's like, I'm always like I'm diet
christian is what I say people, because I feel like
it's so loaded to be like I'm christian I understand
people's reaction to it, and I understand what I feel
Christianity represents in our current society that didn't come out
of nowhere. I don't think it's out of left field
that people are like, I don't know about that, and
I think you're totally right.

Speaker 3 (08:49):
It just feels like every time I'm around it, the
people there kind of have built this whole structure in
these big buildings and this society in order to like
be on top and kind of subjugate everyone else. And
even when I was just there for my father's funerals,

(09:11):
the last time I was in a church, so are
your fathers in October? Okay, and they're The food was late,
and just the attitude. I don't belong to this church,
but just the attitude that everyone who like worked there
was giving, the food people, the service people, the service

(09:31):
people just really reminded me of like, oh no, no, no,
we're on top here and you're serving.

Speaker 1 (09:36):
Us, and why are you late? And yeah, we're going.

Speaker 3 (09:39):
To make it so it just it always just and
and the way I mean, obviously this is a bigger
issue in the world, but it just seems like it's
all just a club for people to be like, we're
number one, right right and listen.

Speaker 2 (09:51):
This as a person who goes I'm Christian, diet Christian,
because I understand that reaction. I grew up in a
church that I look back on and I go, oh
my god.

Speaker 1 (10:01):
I think all those people were racist.

Speaker 2 (10:03):
I was like, and that's I'm being hyperbolic right now,
but I'm like, I think many of those people were.
I was like, oh, I think a bunch of them
were white supremacists, And in.

Speaker 3 (10:12):
Retrospect, I don't. Again, I don't think it's like an
overt like hey, we're racist on their heads. I think
it's just like structures that they've set up in order
to be like, no one fuck with us. Yes, let's
keep this going for as long as we can. And
obviously the people in politic who mix it with politics, and.

Speaker 2 (10:30):
When it starts, that's a whole it's a whole other thing,
and it's messy. And that's why I think it's like,
I understand the perspective that people some people see it
as a tool of oppression, because I would be remiss
to say I didn't see how that can be personal.

Speaker 3 (10:42):
I think anyone can use any religion to agreed to
get peace in their own life or to you know,
improve themselves self improvement and all that kind of stuff.
But the problem with Christianity is, and I remember this
very clearly, someone coming in seaking to our church saying like,
if you are a good person and you're a good

(11:04):
family person and you're obeying the Bible's rules, that is
not enough. You are not a good Christian at that
point unless you need to be out there evangelizing and
converting a bunch of people all the time. And that's
the that's the part where it gets like really dicey
for me is the like you can't just use it

(11:26):
to be like, hey, I really this is how I
want to live my life. And I really enjoy this,
and some people do, which is great, I know great Christians.
But it's the people who are out there like this
is the way I want to live my life and
you must live it this way as well, which.

Speaker 2 (11:38):
Which I absolutely get. That I'm rereading Near Christianity by C. S.

Speaker 1 (11:42):
Lewis. I'm fascinated by C. S. Lewis because he's.

Speaker 3 (11:45):
The line in that one too.

Speaker 1 (11:47):
I don't think there's a but it does take place
in Narnia.

Speaker 3 (11:53):
But no, anyway, when I was a child in Narnia,
did I just type that?

Speaker 1 (11:58):
I mean, okay, wade a minute, but no. He his
story is fascinating.

Speaker 2 (12:02):
I think why I'm so fascinated by him is because
he was an atheist who became Christian. I'm rereading and
I read this book, I mean ten years ago, and
I was like, oh, so much of this resonates. I
think what you were saying and I thought you were
going in this direction, was like, I think any religion
can be used as a guy to how to live
your life and how to improve.

Speaker 1 (12:21):
Your own self.

Speaker 2 (12:22):
I also think it can be used as a tool
of oppression if in the wrong hands or misused. And
I don't know if it's just religion I feel I'm like,
I just feel like anything in the wrong hands, even
something well intended a pen in the wrong hands, could
be a weapon.

Speaker 3 (12:37):
It's mightier than the sword.

Speaker 2 (12:38):
Of course, Oh, surely, surely should we read a book
if you I mean, I think a sword would hurt more.

Speaker 3 (12:44):
That's true, But can you really get close enough with
the sword? Usually if you pull out a sword, you're gonna.

Speaker 1 (12:48):
Do more damage than to the eye.

Speaker 3 (12:50):
Yeah, you were if they see check out my new pens.

Speaker 2 (12:55):
Unless it's one of those free pens, and they're generally
bad and kind of weakened on. But okay, which maybe
is worse for injury anyway, Your dad, he was very
religious man, is how you would describe him.

Speaker 3 (13:06):
He's very religious. He was a deacon at the church.
He made us go three times a year or a week.
Rather bad. Yeah that's a bad make but yeah. So
I always felt like if we had that kind of
blunt conversation, it would have been he would have had
to have wrestled with a choice he had to make.

Speaker 1 (13:24):
Okay.

Speaker 3 (13:24):
I do feel like he maybe mellowed out on stuff
like that later in my life, where you know, I
did get married and kind of settled down stuff. But
I the way I was living my life, he could
tell what was happening.

Speaker 2 (13:37):
When did you decide to stop going to church? And
was that even a conversation or so.

Speaker 3 (13:41):
I was forced to go as long as I lived there, okay,
And so I lived there until I was twenty Okay,
So occasionally I would get out of it after I
graduated high school of like, you know, I just got
home too late, and I feel like I can't give up.
You know, my dad would like throw water, like cups
of water.

Speaker 1 (13:59):
Bed bedroom baptism. Okay, damn.

Speaker 3 (14:02):
So I was. I feel like, you know, it was
just something that I had to do. And you know,
at five or whatever, they say, okay, you're old enough,
now can you accept Jesus into your heart? And you
just kind of do it and get baptized and all
that kind of stuff. Around thirteen, I remember going to
like summer camp and kind of really wrestling with it
and going like and praying and be you know, like

(14:26):
help me. You know, why do I have these bad
thoughts and stuff like that? Because I went to murder everyone?

Speaker 1 (14:32):
Okay? I was like, okay, and I was going to
ask you, as I get you want to murder me?
Is it because I'm black? Or just no? Of course not.

Speaker 2 (14:39):
Okay, just just purely equal opportunity murder sure, And that
were okay.

Speaker 3 (14:43):
Well, looking at my history, it's babically been black people.

Speaker 1 (14:47):
I can ever race his dad or is that a
thing dad's are?

Speaker 2 (14:50):
I had a guy once tell me on a date,
Like I've told this story a couple of times. One
on a date with a dentist, and his mom called
while we were in the car and I was like,
you should answer, and he picked up on the our phone.
He's like, hi, mommy, which is crazy Mommy. He literally
said hi mommy, and I go, I love that you
have a good relationship with her. That's one step too far.
But on the other hand, you go, you're being yourself
right now and you don't care that I'm here. And

(15:12):
basically he said he went to some doctor's appointment, and
she was like, oh, was the doctor black? And I
remember thinking, hmm, why is she asking that could on
the phone out loud? He did not tell her she's
on speakerphone. He did not tell her, which I think
is like, that is a party foul. You have to
tell people in there acial is likely to say something
like it. But I'm like, but she dove right in.

(15:32):
It was so bizarre. I didn't and the doctor I
went to the Yeah, yeah, I went to the doctor.

Speaker 1 (15:38):
Doctor was black black door. It was that I was like, WHOA,
what a leap?

Speaker 2 (15:43):
It was so random that I didn't even know what
to make of it, because I go, no, I don't know why,
because it got worse.

Speaker 1 (15:50):
It got worse.

Speaker 2 (15:50):
Then he was like, Okay, anyway, I need to get
off the phone because I'm on it. I'm going on
a date. And it was like, motherfucker, you're on a date.
The date started when you picked me up. And then
his mom was like.

Speaker 1 (16:00):
On a date. She goes, who are you on a
date with? Is the date black? No, Well listen to this.

Speaker 2 (16:05):
She goes your neighbor and he goes no, and she
was like the Greek girl and he was like no,
and I go, wow, this dude gets okay.

Speaker 1 (16:16):
And then she goes who who are you on it?

Speaker 2 (16:19):
You're on a date, and he's not answering, and so
she goes, oh, the black girl, and he goes yeah,
and so I'm the black girl in the car and
I'm like what and he goes yeah, and she goes, oh,
a black girl.

Speaker 1 (16:34):
And I was like geez, I know, no.

Speaker 3 (16:39):
No, do you ever like apologize for it?

Speaker 1 (16:41):
And I'll tell you what.

Speaker 2 (16:42):
He said on them because okay, to my point about
racist dads, she goes, oh, the black girl, and then
she goes she was cute, and I go, I've been
on one date with this man, one normal, two hour,
not exceptional date. I went on a date with him
and then had to go to do an improv show.
So it was two hours, it had a cap to it.
It was not exceptional from my perspective. But we're going
on a second one because everyone always says go on

(17:02):
a second one.

Speaker 1 (17:02):
So I go on a second one. This is what's happening.

Speaker 3 (17:04):
This is a second date.

Speaker 2 (17:05):
So I'm like, you've shown your mother a picture of me.
That's a little much for me. That's hi, mommy. And
you've also shown our a picture of a person. Yes, yes, yes,
it's a.

Speaker 3 (17:18):
Little weirder if like he's texting her like this is
what do you think?

Speaker 1 (17:21):
Six?

Speaker 3 (17:22):
If he's like over at her place and going and
she's like, who oh, you're going on a day? Who'd
you go on a day with it? And he goes, oh,
here's her Instagram.

Speaker 1 (17:29):
And then she's like.

Speaker 2 (17:31):
But then we get out of the car pretty soon after.
It was a short ride, so a lot happened in
that little ride. I'm talking like maybe seven minute drive okay,
and it was in Santa Monica. And then we get
out and he's like, oh my god, did you I
was so nervous that whole time. Do you see how
nervous I was?

Speaker 1 (17:45):
My mom?

Speaker 2 (17:45):
And I was like, I did not look at you
one time and then he goes, yeah, I was so
worried my mom was going to say something racist, and
I go.

Speaker 1 (17:52):
Oh, she did belove it.

Speaker 2 (17:55):
She did, though, and then he was like, well, she's old,
she kind of has to be races.

Speaker 1 (18:00):
I go, she doesn't have to, She's got a choice.

Speaker 3 (18:03):
I feel like, though, this is and my mother does
this too, where anything that is she identifies people by
whatever is not normal about them, meaning not what exactly,
which is another reason.

Speaker 1 (18:17):
Why people people do that.

Speaker 2 (18:18):
Though in general, there is a thing that people tend
to do that is like white is default.

Speaker 1 (18:24):
So they'll be like the big black guy. One of
my pets.

Speaker 3 (18:27):
Also white, skinny regular.

Speaker 2 (18:31):
Yes, those are right, You're so right, yeah, and it's
like the chubby person. I feel like sometimes when I'm
writing a script, I specifically will be like the only
time I'm pointing out the race of a person just
to be like, no, the default is not white.

Speaker 3 (18:45):
I did this the other day. I kind of had
to point it out because I wanted the person to
not be white, and because like the default for because
I'm writing comics, the default is sometimes of just like
make the person white. So I've been like Okay, this
person since Asian. You know, I.

Speaker 2 (19:02):
Know you're thinking as you read this comic reader that
this is a white person. So I need to let
you know when you do the movie, you need people
to know and this so they don't go up layer
up in arms. I've seen that on Twitter about Harry
Potter and other beloved films.

Speaker 3 (19:16):
Yes, Harry Potter with cho Chan. Oh my god, that's
another story.

Speaker 1 (19:22):
That's a different story for a different time.

Speaker 3 (19:24):
But yeah, it seems like it's And my mother does
this too, where it was like, oh, the Greek girl
meaning the not white.

Speaker 1 (19:30):
Christian girl, yes exactly, yes.

Speaker 3 (19:32):
And a black girl. That's what's different about here. This
is how I identify.

Speaker 2 (19:36):
It's interesting because his neighbor they shared their Jewish identity,
and so she didn't say it was just like the neighbor.
But maybe if I'm like, if I was the neighbor,
would I have been?

Speaker 3 (19:47):
Would you have been the neighbor or the black girl
but I've.

Speaker 1 (19:49):
Been yeah, exactly, or the black neighbor.

Speaker 3 (19:51):
Would that's true.

Speaker 2 (19:52):
Black neighbor, which sounds like, yeah, black neighbor. Let's make
of that, which maybe you should. I would you do
a spin off with me?

Speaker 3 (20:02):
Sure, yeah, black neighbors you move in next door to me?

Speaker 2 (20:05):
Yes, and yay, so Scott hasn't been getting his long
taken care of. I always found that so fascinating, Like
growing up in my neighborhood, how much like neighbors were
concerned with what other neighbors were doing.

Speaker 3 (20:17):
When I bought a condo, it was it was a
big glimpse into that because, like you suddenly had to
go to condo meetings since yeah, I had to be
president for a little while.

Speaker 1 (20:25):
Oh, how was that?

Speaker 3 (20:27):
It was such a drag? I mean, the whole thing
is a drag.

Speaker 1 (20:29):
Do you feel powerful though?

Speaker 3 (20:30):
No, because we all had to take turns Okay, okay,
and it was and no one wanted to do it.
That was the thing. It was more of a burden.

Speaker 2 (20:37):
Okay, sure, Wait, I want to talk more about your
Papa Bear.

Speaker 1 (20:54):
Yes, would you say you guys were close?

Speaker 3 (20:56):
I think we got to be closer and as later years,
because I think he sort of mellowed out a little
bit about judging me. He was very into his family
and trying to help them out all the time, you know,
and he would when I think about stuff, where now
with my two year almost two year old. I'll look

(21:16):
at the weekends and be like, oh my god, this
is a forty eight hours without the nanny.

Speaker 1 (21:21):
Yeah, this is a lot, you know.

Speaker 3 (21:23):
What I mean, stuff to do. But he would always
be driving from Orange County up to LA to see
one of us or to help us out. Or when
I bought that condoc I was talking about it financially
wiped me out, and so he came up for months
every weekend day to help me put in flooring for
it and stuff like that. You know. So like he

(21:44):
was very into that and very into taking care of
his kids and the responsibility of like I need to
help them out, you know. So I think that stuff
like that got me closer to him. He was an
armed service guy who's in the National Guard. He was away.
I think his outlook on parenting, which is something that
I'm trying not to do, was very much of it

(22:04):
was in those roles of my mom was the mother
and it was her job to take care of us,
and it was his job to like discipline us and
to also like lay down the law. But then he
would be there on weekends to like take us places
and stuff like that.

Speaker 2 (22:22):
Right, you know, just given what you described I'm assuming
you didn't feel like you could take anything emotional to him.

Speaker 3 (22:28):
No, And in fact, there were several times where like,
because I felt like everything was going to be a
judgment and a punishment, you know what I mean. So
it got so bad during my high school years that
he like found a letter that my best friend wrote
to me. My best friend moved to San Diego to
go to school when I was sixteen. He was two

(22:51):
years older than me, and so and there was no
other way to communicate other than writing letters, you know
what I mean.

Speaker 1 (22:57):
Yes, I do remember that, and I'll say this.

Speaker 2 (23:00):
Was an elementary school when that was happening, so you
could be my day.

Speaker 3 (23:06):
But this was you know, you didn't want to pay
money to like call him.

Speaker 2 (23:10):
Because yes, that's why this would have been long distance. Yeah,
and the youth of today have no idea what we're
talking about.

Speaker 3 (23:14):
To be clear, it costs a lot of money.

Speaker 4 (23:16):
Called.

Speaker 2 (23:16):
My cousin and I growing up where the best of
friends are like a year and a half apart, and
she and I would write each other letters. She lived
in Jersey, I was in Baltimore. We'd write each other
letters and then calling each other. We would get in
so much trouble for the long distance film you.

Speaker 3 (23:30):
Could do, you could do maybe a couple of minutes
or something. But then I was cautioned, like just the
connection it picks up. That costs like a lot of money.

Speaker 1 (23:39):
So you're writing letters.

Speaker 3 (23:40):
So we wrote me a letter that was filled with
like a bunch of in jokes of our just you know,
we hung out all the time. It was just I
remember one was something about onion soup because we went
to a place that had gross onion soup or something
like that. Yeah, and during one of their periodic searches
of my rooms, yes, to find things too.

Speaker 2 (24:01):
You can feel that you knew that they were doing it.
Did you feel safe growing up, like emotionally or like
as a person.

Speaker 3 (24:07):
I just always felt like I was going to do
something wrong, that they were, that they were going that
I didn't feel was wrong, but that they so. So
to get the end of this story is they found
this letter and were had a big confrontation with me
about like am I gay? Why am I getting this letter?
What is onion soup? That's a gay thing? Is you're

(24:30):
in the theater and I know a lot of people
in the theater are gay. Why is that we think
you are gay? And I'm like wow. So just like
a big long harangue, you know, when all I did
was get a letter from my best friend and how
old are you? Sixteen?

Speaker 1 (24:46):
Oh my gosh.

Speaker 3 (24:47):
Yeah, And then you know stuff like then when I
was seventeen, my new best friend and I I went
over to his house and I forget why, but we
swapped shoes. Yeah, And the next day was church and
I had on his shoes and he was like, where
did you get those shoes? And I was like, oh,
my friend and I we swap shoes. He's like, why
would you do that? Suddenly it was suspicion time. Yeah,

(25:08):
and it was like a problem, like a big problem.

Speaker 1 (25:12):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (25:12):
And I was like, we're kids. We swaped shoes just
for a day, yeah, but it was a big, big problem.

Speaker 1 (25:18):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (25:18):
And so just like it would be stuff like that
where I didn't really feel I'm just living my life and.

Speaker 1 (25:24):
It seems like I'm chill and everything.

Speaker 3 (25:25):
I'm everything, everything I'm doing is like a moral problem
for him, right, you know what I mean?

Speaker 1 (25:31):
Right?

Speaker 3 (25:32):
And I think he had the responsibility of, like I
have to teach him how to be a good person.
I remember once he was telling me, I don't think
you're growing up to be a good person, and.

Speaker 1 (25:42):
That's rough to hear from your Yeah. Do you know
how old you were though?

Speaker 3 (25:45):
When that was when I was graduating high school?

Speaker 1 (25:48):
Yeah? Man, do you still feel like you hear your
dad's voice in your head? Sometimes? Honestly?

Speaker 3 (25:52):
I mean there are certain things where I like.

Speaker 1 (25:53):
But are great. I'm sure too, by the way, but.

Speaker 3 (25:55):
There are certain things where I think about things that
he taught me, or like I remember, no one ever
would ever teach me the little basics of life. So
I remember, like at one point he would always be exasperated, okay,
and I would be like, you never taught me this.
But at one point, like I had just sopping wet
hair going to church, and he's like, you take a
towel and you like dry.

Speaker 1 (26:14):
It, annoyed and shaking your head.

Speaker 3 (26:16):
Yeah, like you dry it off first and that will
like get all the most of the moisture out. I'm like, okay,
but you never taught me, Yeah, and he would be
so annoyed and be like, God, why don't you know this.

Speaker 2 (26:26):
I imagine you were like on eggshell, so I know you
had how many siblings is it was it just your brother.

Speaker 3 (26:32):
So I had an older brother who passed away, and
I have a younger sister, okay, but for a long time,
it's just my older brother and I.

Speaker 1 (26:39):
Okay.

Speaker 3 (26:39):
So and then our relationship was fraud is in mine
where we were not those close siblings. It was the
fighting all the time siblings, you know what I mean.

Speaker 1 (26:48):
So I didn't like each other.

Speaker 3 (26:49):
Yeah, and so there was just a lot of I
just felt like my home life was very not happy
for whatever reason, even though I know it wasn't like
I didn't feel loved or was a child of divorce
or anything. And then I was talking at my dad's
funeral about how the thing that eventually ended up taking
his life happened when I was twelve, so he had

(27:10):
forty years from this happening, but he almost died when
I was twelve, and I think about like just how
different life would have been, you know, like that would
have been its own challenges. So I had a very
stable household. It just was one of those religious ones
where I felt like the minute I started making my
own friends and started like finding solace in my art,

(27:34):
I just kind of like left home as soon as
I could yeah, and we'd go back and see them
as much as I was obligated to, but distanced myself
from them. And then later in life, I think I
got closer to everyone.

Speaker 1 (27:48):
So you were moved out when you were twenty.

Speaker 2 (27:49):
Yeah, and those two years after high school were you
like in a Russian like devising a plan.

Speaker 3 (27:55):
They were. I was sort of like just kind of
going wherever the wind took me. When I was eighteen,
I got some friends who taught me the joys of
drinking till six in the morning in the van. So
I would do that and then miss my classes in
the morning and eventually like blunked out of college. That

(28:17):
was a problem, and you know, and that was the
thing is my dad was always trying to teach me responsibility.
So when I was twelve, he was like, Okay, you
don't have I'm not going to buy you anything anymore,
anything that you need for school or anything else. Yeah,
he goes, he goes, I'm going to give you I
think it was seventy dollars a month, and you need

(28:39):
to buy that year.

Speaker 1 (28:40):
Was what I'm just trying to eighty. I'm sorry, Okay,
I'll go on.

Speaker 3 (28:47):
But he was like anything you need for school, any
school supplies, any clothes you need, anything you want, yeah, food,
you know, not you know, dinner food or whatever, but anything.
I'm never going to give you money again other than
this seventy dollars.

Speaker 1 (29:01):
And it's a week a month, a month.

Speaker 3 (29:03):
And it would be gone.

Speaker 1 (29:04):
Because I'm like I needed to be a week at least, it.

Speaker 3 (29:07):
Would be gone by the fifth.

Speaker 2 (29:08):
Usually, and then and then did you feel like you
couldn't ask him?

Speaker 3 (29:13):
And so I never got to go to prom or
anything like that, because that's not even enough to go
to like, like I think prompt tickets were probably like
fifty bucks or whatever, you know, and that would have been,
you know, so much money.

Speaker 2 (29:26):
Yeah, of course, did you have any other adult male
figures in your life who you felt perhaps more comfortable
with or not?

Speaker 1 (29:32):
Really?

Speaker 3 (29:32):
I would occasionally go over to my uncle's house and
he'd be like more of a friend or whatever. But
that's brother, mom's brother, Okay, mom's sister's husband. Okay, But
but yeah, I mean, I I definitely just felt like
it was like any anything at home was just a
recipe for disaster if I did something wrong. Yeah, you know,
so I just I ended up just really distancing myself

(29:56):
from everyone and spending a ton of time at school.

Speaker 1 (29:58):
And yeah, and would you at some point be like, no,
I was a strange from these people.

Speaker 3 (30:02):
I remember there being like a really fun Thanksgiving where
I didn't go home, like it was always expected of
me to go home for Thanksgiving and a bunch of
comedians and came over to my apartment and Coolot made
a turkey and it's just like I was like, this
is the dream, this is so much fun. There's the
first Thanksgiving in thirty some odd years that I had

(30:23):
didn't go home and it was just so much fun.

Speaker 1 (30:25):
Loved it. I loved it.

Speaker 2 (30:26):
Yeah, your dad, I mean it sounds like strict, It
sounds like quite principled.

Speaker 3 (30:33):
He is who he was right trying to teach me
how to be a responsible, good human from his morals
and his Yeah.

Speaker 1 (30:41):
Did you get the sense how open was he about
his upbringing?

Speaker 3 (30:44):
You know that's interesting because I don't I don't know really.
I mean, he's a military guy. My grandfather was a
military guy, so I got the sense that maybe that
was part of it. But I also he was religious,
like his whole life, I think, you know, and and

(31:05):
like of his own choice. It seemed like like he
was more people people at our church. I remember his
fortieth birthday party, they had an over the hill party,
which was like, okay, back then, yes, it was considered like, well,
you're on your way to death now. Weirdly enough, it
was exactly when he was over the hill. Because he
died seventy nine. Yes, so never have an over the

(31:30):
hill party because but I remember someone from the church
talking about like he was the guy who always would
never compromise on anything, Like they would always kind of
go like, it doesn't matter if we just bend the
rules on this or whatever, and he was the one
always saying like, no, these are the rules. We have

(31:53):
to follow the rules. We have to we can't compromise
our morals to do this.

Speaker 2 (31:59):
You know, he was that guy in psychology, I believe
because I've been accused of it from time to time
by accused by my therapist. So you could help, And
you're on zoom standing out. You stand up in point
computer across.

Speaker 1 (32:16):
The room, and I'm kind of taller than I thought.

Speaker 2 (32:18):
Anyway of splitting, it's called the black and white thinking,
is like splitting I now as of like truly Scott
like a month ago. I think I've been like I
think God is gray, if God were a color, because
I grew.

Speaker 1 (32:32):
Up in church as well.

Speaker 2 (32:33):
My upbringing wasn't as strict, but I grew up like, oh,
I'm going to youth group, and I know that world.
I feel like I know that world well, and I
know how people begin to think with such rigidity and
in some sense understand the inclination to do so. But
then there's like I read C. S. Lewis and I
read father Gregory Boyle, who runs Homeboy Industries, and I

(32:54):
think their writing is so beautiful, and the way they
talk about God, if one believes in God of the
I'm a little more like, yeah, I imagine we don't
know all the answers in some of the ways people speak.
It was such certainty about some things is quite off putting.
It's not how I want to be received.

Speaker 3 (33:12):
And it always sort of changes the rules too, Like yeah, cursing.
That was one thing I remember, Like the first couple
of times I heard my dad say the word shit,
it was like shockings, yeah, and he just would casually
throw it off, like when I was an adult, like, oh,
all this shit. It was just like because it was
such a problem. Yeah, when I was young, you know,
and so it's like, oh when did that change?

Speaker 1 (33:35):
Right?

Speaker 2 (33:35):
Right, I've said that I'm really fascinated by people who
are so sure, and in fact, I in turn really
respect and admire Leader's parents who are sort of like,
I don't fucking know, because that's a little bit of
the truth. You want to try your best, right, this
is what.

Speaker 3 (33:50):
Like I would rather instead of having a religion. And
I'm wondering this about my kid, is like, what do
I tell her about religion?

Speaker 1 (33:58):
Yeah, I'm curious, but will you tell her? Because I
had that experience, I.

Speaker 3 (34:02):
Was taught this is what we have to do, so
we don't go to hell. Sure, and I think it's healthier,
even though this is not what they believe. So why
would they say it's healthier to be like these are
This is the system that helps me out and gives
me peace or lets me gives me comfort about thinking

(34:26):
about all of us being reunited after death or something,
you know, stuff like that, saying like, you know, there
are many religions. We don't know which one is the
right one. A lot of them cover the same ground,
and so we all have it in common. And even
just living your life like, hey, I know right from wrong,
and these are my morals.

Speaker 4 (34:46):
You know.

Speaker 3 (34:46):
That's kind of a religion in of itself. That's I
think a more healthy way to teach someone about religion
other than just going like you need to do this
or you will be burning up for an eternity.

Speaker 2 (34:59):
I thought of a before there was like perfect love
casts out fear right and if I feel like a
lot of people are Christian or religious or whatever because
they're terrified of going to Hell and they're like, I
don't want to go there, and so this is.

Speaker 3 (35:09):
The thing and a lot of people getting religion later
in life of like oh no, yes.

Speaker 2 (35:15):
One of my friends just recently told me a story
about like going home to the Midwest and uh saying
something or like or no. It was a text, a
text with her dad and she put God in lower
case the G whatever, and her dad has lived quite
a life and sounds like a fun wild man and
he goes in this house, we capitalize the.

Speaker 1 (35:32):
G, and she goes, wait, are you Christian? And he's
like yes, and he's old. But now it's out.

Speaker 4 (35:40):
It'll be a text message from a text capitalization error.

Speaker 2 (35:44):
Yes, but I think that if the reason you're doing
this is because you're scared of hell, and we talk
about the perfect love casts out fear, I'm like, I
don't know that that's the right equation over there.

Speaker 1 (35:54):
That it's like you don't want to go to that place,
so live like this anyway.

Speaker 2 (35:57):
I think that's very fascinating. Are there things in the
ways your parents raised you that you want to emulate
with your daughter or their things that you're like, I
do not want to do this beyond the religion, I.

Speaker 3 (36:07):
Do feel like, you know, I made a documentary about
my parents' romance, I guess for their anniversary. I made
like a fifteen to twenty minute documentary where I interviewed them.

Speaker 1 (36:18):
Yeah, and that's sweet, That's so sweet.

Speaker 3 (36:22):
And it was because I also just never really you know,
we tell our kids these stories about ourselves, and then
you tell it once and then expect them to know it,
you know what I mean, And so these stories about
my parents were all sort of jumbled up in my head,
so I was like, I want to really remember these,
you know. So you know, a lot of it was

(36:46):
just me putting a camera on my dad and talking
to him about what he believes you know. And so
I do feel like I emulate sort of his relationship
with my mom in a way. You know, I think
about there just you know, he they both really took
it seriously, you know what I mean. So so I

(37:06):
do think about that, and you know, I mean, my
mom and dad are both rule followers, and I feel
like I just inherited that where you know, it killed
me that I was five minutes late to this.

Speaker 2 (37:20):
You know what I said to them, I go, I'm
late to do bang Bank. I'm always like five minutes
bank Bank. I'm always parking at the time.

Speaker 3 (37:26):
To be fair, they just recently put in all these
bike lanes and it is slowed down, draving, what's your
hot take?

Speaker 2 (37:32):
You want the bike is you want the cyclist to die?
You want to see cyclistic?

Speaker 1 (37:37):
Can?

Speaker 3 (37:37):
I I want can protective. But I do think cyclists
have an attitude problem, and that's there.

Speaker 1 (37:44):
That's there.

Speaker 2 (37:45):
People ride bikes on the sidewalk in New York and
I go, what are you doing enough enough and not appropriate?

Speaker 1 (37:51):
You cannot do that anything ahead.

Speaker 3 (37:52):
But so I do think occasionally there are things where
I just say like, oh wow, I do this like
my dad would do so, which is just like taking
my relationship seriously. And I think, you know, like divorce
was never in a question for them, you know, And
so a lot of that can just be if you

(38:14):
never even like think of it as a possibility, then
you never think of it as a like.

Speaker 2 (38:19):
This is a person I'm committing to. Yeah, it sounds like,
but I don't want to make an assumption here what
you say. I have this like take that I share
with friends sometimes and it occurred to me like a
few years ago where I was like, oh, I feel
like you hear a good number of men say they
can't wait to be a dad, whether or not they're
going to be a good dead what is a good dad?

Speaker 1 (38:35):
Whatever?

Speaker 2 (38:35):
But I don't hear as many men being like I
can't wait to be a husband. And do you think
that's something that you It sounds like your dad took pride.

Speaker 3 (38:42):
In I think so, yeah, definitely. I think for me,
being a husband is like it's such a responsibility because
that person that you're getting married to is suddenly like
you're a big part of their you know, identity, and
if you fuck up, then you know they're just they're

(39:06):
so you know, financially and suddenly they're they're getting a divorce,
they never want to. And then when you have a kid,
it's like they didn't ask for any of this. They
didn't even ask to be born, so they didn't ask
for any of this. So it's like it's the responsibility
of it is like a lot of a lot of
people go when they get married, they say like, you're

(39:28):
the perfect person for me, and that's to me, to me,
that's not the reason to get married of like, oh,
I can't find anyone better than you, you know, like, oh,
you're you're so good, I'm never going to get sick
of you. Everyone thinks about it in a very selfish way.
And to me when I was getting married, it was
purely like I need to take care of her kind

(39:49):
of thing, where it was like I need to make
sure that she's gonna be okay if anything happens, you
know what I mean. So it's very much a different
kind of mindset for me. Of just like as much
as there are people who go like, oh, I can't
wait to grow old with you doing it now, tell
me that's not it's not the fun part.

Speaker 1 (40:10):
Of right, Okay, what is the fun part? By the way, truly, I.

Speaker 3 (40:14):
Do think that the just you can have fun or whatever,
but but marriage is just more about like comfort, instability
and not and not feeling restless and feeling you know.
I also feel like at a certain point, I have
a friend getting married soon who resisted it for a
long time, and I think like just some of a
switch flipped in them where they were just like, oh no,

(40:38):
what am I doing?

Speaker 2 (40:39):
You know?

Speaker 3 (40:40):
And I hear I think Jerry Seinfeld has talked about
how he kept he got sick of having the first
day conversation over and over and over and over and
over and over. You just want something deeper, you know
what I mean.

Speaker 1 (40:52):
So I think it's it's like that, did you know
you wanted to get married?

Speaker 3 (40:56):
I really felt like when I met cool Op, I
was like, oh, this is someone I could get married to.
So I took it very seriously early on, but again
I did it a little more. This is for her.
This is this is not me going like trying to
lock something down, like.

Speaker 2 (41:13):
So if I'm married, like, I care so much about
this person and I want to help make her life better.

Speaker 3 (41:18):
Yes, yeah, yeah, So I definitely a lot of people
are just like I want to protect anyone else from
having this person.

Speaker 1 (41:25):
I want to take them off the market.

Speaker 3 (41:26):
Yeah, you know, like all that kind of language is
very to me. Not what it's about, it's it's about
and this sounds very old fashioned, but this is also
sort of my dad. It's like trying to provide for
them or you know, in the sense of I am
trying to, you know, make sure they have a good
environment and that kind of stuff.

Speaker 1 (41:46):
So, yeah, did you know you wanted to be a dad?

Speaker 3 (41:48):
I was kind of ify on it where it could
have gone where one way or the other. But cool,
I really wanted to and that's something you okay, And
so we talked about it and said, okay, well, if
you really want to, then I'll you know, go ahead
with it. But I but I was a little like
I remember saying at one point like, you know, I

(42:09):
could take it or leave it, and then someone saying, well,
once it happens, I think you'll be happy about Yes,
you are.

Speaker 1 (42:16):
You seem like it.

Speaker 2 (42:17):
I saw a very cute video of your daughter before
we I mean, I don't know how to I don't
have words.

Speaker 1 (42:22):
It's so adorable.

Speaker 3 (42:24):
It's hard being an old dad.

Speaker 2 (42:25):
Yeah, you know, I remember my brother wanted to be
a young, like not teen dad. But I remember him
specifically being like, I don't want to be an old dad.

Speaker 3 (42:32):
I feel like, physically it's so much easier to be
a young dad, but emotionally, I don't. I wouldn't have
been able to handle it, right, What.

Speaker 1 (42:40):
Do you think as a younger dad you might not
been able to handle patients?

Speaker 3 (42:43):
Yeah, And also the time commitment is just it's yeah,
you know, I have we have a lot of help,
and it still was ANX It's an extra forty hour
a week job for me, you know.

Speaker 2 (42:56):
Of course I've said this already or at some points.
I have a puppy, and I do not liken it
to being a parent at all.

Speaker 1 (43:03):
I don't.

Speaker 2 (43:04):
But I used to think that maybe I could be
a single mom like my mom, who was one. Not
by a choice, it's not what she signed up where
we're talking about here in a divorce that you didn't
you know, didn't plan for yourself.

Speaker 1 (43:14):
But in my mind I was like, well, what if
I planned to be a single mom.

Speaker 2 (43:17):
So I got this puppy unrelated, I was like, oh,
I wanted a puppy last summer, and I go, oh,
oh no, because I can afford to send him to daycare,
and I go, this is.

Speaker 1 (43:28):
And this is a puppy. This is different than it's a.

Speaker 3 (43:30):
Good starter in giving you responsibility. Yeah, wow, these are
the now, this is my schedule of what I have
to do every day, and.

Speaker 2 (43:38):
I have to think about this and make sure the
daycare closed of this time. And I'm at SNL here
and who was going to go grab him? So I
think I realized in that moment or over the course
of last summer. And my friend has a puppy now
and she goes, no one talks about puppy depression.

Speaker 1 (43:53):
I go, yeah, no one really talked about it.

Speaker 3 (43:54):
I was like puppy depression of just like having.

Speaker 1 (43:57):
A puppy and the care. No one talks about it.
I'm like, no one warned of this.

Speaker 3 (44:00):
I had a beloved dog that was in the opening
titles to my TV show and everything, and was in
the TV show all the time, Rocky, and Rocky passed
away in twenty sixteen, right when the show rapped. A
couple months after the show wrapped. In fact, the final
episode I think had a dedication to him. But there
were three months when I suddenly didn't have a dog. Yeah,
that I was so happy.

Speaker 2 (44:23):
It was like God bless and or to Rocky. But
I look at my dog, I'm in love with him.
It took a little bit of time. By the way,
did it take time for you to fall in love
with your daughter's daughter?

Speaker 3 (44:32):
My daughter, I think I loved right from the beginning.

Speaker 1 (44:34):
Someone just told me that they were like they felt
like their daughter. Was like, oh yeah. Somebody was like, oh,
I kind of had my daughter and was like, Okay,
I wonder what it.

Speaker 3 (44:43):
Is, because I think it's taking care of anything, you know,
like people talk about blood or whatever like oh this
my daughter doesn't have any of my DNA because you know,
we had to get a different you know, yeah, all
that kind of stuff. I don't think family is about
that at all. Like I think you can bond with
and dogs are kind of proof of that, you know,
in a lot of ways.

Speaker 2 (45:03):
Yes, it's interesting because this thing you're saying about you
felt after Rocky pass. I look at my dog, who
I now love, and I'm like, okay, we're in a groove,
and I go, oh, I won't be doing this again,
though I don't think i'll be or certainly would not
get a puppy again, I just would not do.

Speaker 3 (45:18):
I was definitely like such a such a weight was
off my shoulders in the sense of like, oh, I
don't have responsibilities anymore. Yeah, this is great and COOLP
was really sad and wanted another dog, so and we
got two and that's such a mistake.

Speaker 1 (45:31):
And a baby.

Speaker 3 (45:33):
Yeah, and I have three podcasts and a baby. But yeah,
it's just so much work that you know, it's just
a lot, so you have to really be in it
in order.

Speaker 2 (45:44):
To do it.

Speaker 3 (45:44):
And and if you're a young person, I can only
imagine kind of going like I don't I'm still trying
to achieve my job. I'm still trying to achieve job stability,
or I'm still like trying to work my way up
the ladder, or what am I doing with my life
life yet?

Speaker 1 (46:00):
And I have this.

Speaker 3 (46:02):
I can't concentrate on that because I have this. My attention,
My focus is split. And I think that's why the
whole male female dynamic of like, no, I go to
work and you take care of the kids like existed,
you know, but we don't do that at my house.

Speaker 1 (46:15):
Yes, we're living in a different time.

Speaker 2 (46:18):
As the Burrell talks about, She's like there's a reason
like those dynamics existed, and I don't know that she
was in support of them, but her point was like,
we're in a different time now in the sense that
the roles are not so clear cut now, and so
it created it poses quite a few problems. But she's
not saying it's good or bad, but she was like,
it just poses problems. Back in the day of those
clear lines, just created it.

Speaker 3 (46:39):
For Yeah, when Emmy was born, I was like, everyone said, hey,
take some time off, and so I said, okay, I'm
going to take a month off. Yeah, and just expected
And this was I think something I shared with a
few other people I talked to, expecting that app at
the month then like I would be relieved of some
of the duties.

Speaker 1 (46:59):
It says just ramping up for you.

Speaker 3 (47:01):
And me and my friends were both like, I did
not expect to never be relieved in those duties.

Speaker 1 (47:06):
I don't know. I don't know anything about being a mother.
So I have two nieces.

Speaker 2 (47:13):
My sister in law when she's pregnant with my youngest
niece last year, her boss was like, she was like,
I'm going on maternity leave now, you know, do any
day And he was like, so, what is that, Like,
you're going to be gone for like four a month?
He literally was like a month and she goes, what
are you? And then I said to her, I was like,
does he have kids? And she's like yes, and yeah,

(47:35):
She's like it's not four weeks.

Speaker 1 (47:36):
I promise you. What's been most surprising about being a
dad for you?

Speaker 3 (47:40):
I mean, it definitely is one of those things where
it just really makes you happy anytime you're around, you know,
even kind of the annoying times like where you're just
like fucking shut up, it still is like then it'll
turn within like two minutes and it'll be you know,

(48:00):
really happy again.

Speaker 4 (48:01):
You know.

Speaker 3 (48:01):
So that's that's been really great. It definitely. And I
have a friend who just had a baby who was
just like looked shell shocked, and she was just like,
it's really an adjustment. It's just your whole life is
just it's it's just so much more responsibility than I
think a lot of people are ready for it.

Speaker 1 (48:23):
Do you feel there's like any sort of parenting class
you wish you took.

Speaker 3 (48:26):
I try, you know, we were so you know our story, yeah,
because we had we had so much trouble getting a baby.
It was a ten year process and with a lot
of so many i'll just say the word because it's clinical,

(48:47):
but so many miscarriages that we or at least I'm
not going to speak for cooler, but I I mentally
was sort of like, I'm not going to fully commit
to this until i actually see a baby.

Speaker 1 (49:00):
Yeah, so baby.

Speaker 3 (49:00):
Yes, we eventually got there via surrogacy. We had one
viable implantation and it worked and everything's great, but it
was it was definitely like a thing where I did
not read a single book about parenting or anything until
suddenly she was here. And then it was like we
were like, Okay, what do we do?

Speaker 1 (49:22):
It usually does hasn't worked out.

Speaker 3 (49:24):
They just hand you this baby at the end of
like a day, like it's a subway sandwich or something,
and they're just like, this is yours now, yes, Well, that's.

Speaker 2 (49:31):
My idea about parents. I'm like, who even knows what
they're doing? And like I've heard parents express frustration about
parenting experts who are like, you don't effing know, like
you and your little book and this is the way,
and it's like we're kind of all figuring it out.

Speaker 3 (49:46):
It sounds like, yeah, I definitely. Occasionally some cool op
will mainly send me like something on Instagram that's like
a little tip of hey, don't do this with your kids.
But I think it was a lot of it was
just not me reading stuff and me just kind of
looking around at parenting and going like, this is kind
of how I feel about it, this is how I

(50:07):
felt about growing up. This is what I want to adjust.
But then you know the other stuff. Yes, you have
to like baby proof your home and.

Speaker 1 (50:17):
Are just cold heart.

Speaker 3 (50:18):
Yeah you know, I'm not one of those parents who's like,
oh no, we don't even send our kids to school
because we want we're not too okay, no, no, we're
I I definitely know what I'm doing. Baby is growing
up great.

Speaker 1 (50:29):
It is like and no, and is brilliant. I think
I'm shook by how adorable she is. Truly, do you
want to be friends with your daughter?

Speaker 3 (50:40):
I don't feel the responsibility of like I need you
to grow up to be this type of person. I
really just want our relationship to be good.

Speaker 2 (50:53):
Oh good, Yeah, that's nice, that's really nice. I don't
mean this so crassly, but I'm like, you know, you're
kind of like you're a priority. That your relationship with
your daughter is good.

Speaker 3 (51:02):
Yes, I hope you have hopes of like I hope
she's not mean. Yeah, yeah, you know that's the biggest
I think fear.

Speaker 1 (51:10):
That's lovely. I don't think she will be.

Speaker 3 (51:13):
She right now, she's very sweet. But you just, you know,
all sorts of stuff happen.

Speaker 1 (51:18):
Yeah, it's interesting.

Speaker 3 (51:19):
I want to protect her so that these terrible things
you read about don't happen, you know, but just stuff
like that. No, I just I just I don't really care,
like what her personality is or what she decides to
do with her life or whatever. It's just really I
just hope we can stay close.

Speaker 1 (51:36):
Oh wonderful. And so you want her to be able
to talk to you about anything? Yeah, yeah, cool.

Speaker 2 (51:40):
I want to talk to you about something because I
end all these episodes asking my dad.

Speaker 1 (51:45):
For the day for a piece of advice. Okay.

Speaker 2 (51:48):
I bought a house, okay, and I'm trying to renovate it.
Which state in California?

Speaker 1 (51:54):
Okay?

Speaker 3 (51:55):
The fire insurance is going.

Speaker 1 (51:56):
To be crazy. It's too late.

Speaker 3 (51:58):
Is it too late for me to get out?

Speaker 2 (52:01):
Well, okay, pull out of the house. It's mine now,
so not have to figure how to sell it. Then
I'll need advice on how to sell I want to
do renovations. What would you say to look out for
and help?

Speaker 3 (52:10):
Okay, so are you having you're having a contractor do it?

Speaker 1 (52:14):
I'm going to have some I'm going to have like
a designer's contractor.

Speaker 3 (52:19):
Yes, are you do you need the architect involved it all?

Speaker 1 (52:22):
I think the architect yes?

Speaker 3 (52:23):
Okay, So you'll get a first first, you'll get a
contractor who will probably recommend an architect. Okay, okay, we'll
then come in and show you the plans and all
that kind of stuff, and they'll they'll come up with
a plan together.

Speaker 1 (52:36):
Okay.

Speaker 3 (52:37):
They will quote you how long it's going to take.
It will take at least double Okay, wonderful to know.
I feel like the money also there there will always
be kind of an issue, so I would budget you
know at probably you know, some people would probably say double.
It'll end up at double. What they what they said?

Speaker 1 (52:55):
Do I tell them what my budget is up top
or better? Good?

Speaker 2 (53:00):
Very?

Speaker 3 (53:01):
I mean, if you are on a strict budget, sure
certainly tell them that.

Speaker 1 (53:07):
Yeah, and then it will still be double.

Speaker 3 (53:10):
I would hope not then, like you, because then you
can start to have discussions with them of like, hey,
you said you could bring it in for this much. Yeah,
but there will always be issues where they come in
and go like, hey, look we took the walls out
and here's this problem, and it will be an extra time.
And then you just have to decide for yourself of
like Okay, do I spend the extra money on this
or do I cheapen out? You know, so I when

(53:31):
I say it'll end up being double. I think that's
when you go in without a budget like we did,
and just say like like just do.

Speaker 1 (53:37):
These things, yes, okay, okay, okay.

Speaker 3 (53:40):
They if you are really on a budget, they tend
to stack jobs up so that they're at a bunch
of different sites at the simultaneously. So there will be
like sometimes weeks, sometimes months, we'll go by without you
seeing any of the people. Oh okay, like wow, why
aren't they here today?

Speaker 1 (53:56):
Okay, Oh I see what you're saying, because they're like,
we need to make this money so much.

Speaker 3 (53:59):
Yes, they have a bunch of jobs simultaneously so that
they are not just earning your money.

Speaker 1 (54:05):
Right Okay, okay, because yours is not enough. You have
a budget, Okay, great.

Speaker 3 (54:08):
So so they will have several houses in the neighborhood
and they sometimes will come by like, oh, they're here
right at seven or eight a m Oh they left
at noon. Oh they're just gone. And then maybe you
won't see them for a while, you know, because they're
at the other houses or whatever. And they'll always say like, oh,
we're waiting for materials or you know, stuff like that,

(54:29):
but they're usually like at another job, just kind of
doing that. So if there's a time issue, that's why
it usually takes double of what they say is because
they're they're they're pie in the sky and they're trying
to get your business.

Speaker 1 (54:42):
You know, convince me.

Speaker 3 (54:44):
So just expect delays, expect you know, it to be
more money they think. And you know when people start
saying like, well it's it's not up to code, but
we could do such and such, that tends to bite
you in the ass, you know, like try to and
on everything being up to code. If you can yes, okay,
and have fun with it.

Speaker 2 (55:05):
Oh my god, that's the age whole answer every time,
will you come to my one woman's show? If I
were to write a new one, Oh boy, you're.

Speaker 1 (55:13):
My dad for the day.

Speaker 2 (55:14):
And you still dead be Okay, I was this is
a this is an old joke, guys. I'm sorry. We
should fill everyone. Yes, please got maybe your version of
the story.

Speaker 1 (55:25):
The truth.

Speaker 3 (55:26):
Well, I know had a one woman show and it
just never worked out the timing for me.

Speaker 1 (55:30):
They're going to say my one woman's show didn't work out.

Speaker 3 (55:32):
It wasn't gonna know it. From what I hear, it
was great, but there was one time where I almost
ended up going. Right, it's like that something happens.

Speaker 2 (55:40):
I think something did happen, but I think it's like
sitting out on the stoop. Like they said, Dad's going.

Speaker 1 (55:44):
To pick up this weekend and I have my bags
and he told me he's.

Speaker 3 (55:46):
Gonna You don't care if this is just this is
a bid, right, you don't care if I went or not?

Speaker 1 (55:50):
No, I do care.

Speaker 2 (55:52):
I'm going to write another one woman's show and I
want to come, even if it's in New York.

Speaker 3 (55:56):
I mean, oh, will you fly business class? Yes?

Speaker 2 (56:01):
Okay, that's also ines You're funny.

Speaker 1 (56:06):
I love Scott.

Speaker 2 (56:08):
Okay, thank you so much for being here and having
this earnest conversation with me.

Speaker 3 (56:12):
Yes, I feel like we barely scratch the surface, even
I feel like I'll learn even more. So if you
continue doing the show, I would love to come back.

Speaker 2 (56:18):
I would absolutely love you to come back. I also
feel like we barely script the surface. But I oddly
I've known Scott now for years. I think since the
year hold on.

Speaker 3 (56:26):
Math Mathweth twenty seventeen, That's what I'm gonna.

Speaker 2 (56:29):
Say, twenty seventeen. And I didn't know all of this,
and so it feels really nice. And we've gone on
tour together and we've you know, gotten to do Bang Bang,
which is like a true joy of my life as
well having you on. Yeah, thank you, And guys, listen
to comedy Bang Bang.

Speaker 1 (56:42):
It's pure joy. It truly pure joy.

Speaker 3 (56:45):
And listen to this show. Go back and listen to
this one again.

Speaker 1 (56:47):
Yes, and we're gonna have Scott come back and be
mi dad. We'll see if we can get and come
back a second time.

Speaker 3 (56:51):
I am your father.

Speaker 1 (56:52):
Yeah, I love it, Thank you, Scott, I love you, Dad. Okay, bye, guys.

Speaker 2 (56:58):
Thanks Dad is a headgu podcast created and hosted by
me Ago Wodem. The show is produced and edited by
Anita Flores and engineered by Anita Flores and Anya Kanevskaya
with executive producer Emma Foley.

Speaker 1 (57:11):
Katie Moose is our VP of Content at Headgum.

Speaker 2 (57:14):
Thanks to Jason Mathany for our show art and Faris
Moanschi for our theme song. For more podcasts by Headgum,
visit headgum dot com or wherever you listen to your
favorite shows. Leave us a review on Apple Podcasts, and maybe,
just maybe we'll read it on a future episode

Speaker 3 (57:32):
That was a head gum podcast