E. 16 - Complaining: Why do we do it? And does it really make us feel better?

Hello So Deep Peeps!  

Welcome to That’s So Deep.  This is the podcast where we try to root out loneliness one conversation at a time. Today we are talking about Complaining: Why do we do it?  And does it really make us feel better?

Some deep things we cover:

1. Complaining is Contagious: We all do it.  
2. Three Types of Complaining: We discuss the difference between venting, problem solving, and ruminating
3. Checking in with the “Complaint Receiver”: You often need to complain TO someone BUT are they in a head space to receive your complaining?
4. What is the difference between healthy venting vs. emotional dumping?
5. “I need to process this”: a way to shift your complaining into problem solving.
6. It’s not you it’s me: Our complaints are often about us and our triggers and not about others.
7. F Bombs in Journals: Phyllis shares how she emotionally dumps into a journal and how that helps her.

Take-aways:

1. When you find yourself wanting to complain to someone, first figure out what you need.  Do you need to emotionally dump?  Do you need appreciation?  Do you need to vent?  Do you need to figure out why something is bothering you?  
2. Before you complain, check in with the person who you are complaining to.  See if they are in a head space to receive your complaint.  
3. If they are, then ask for what you need.  If they are not, consider journaling or going for a walk.  
4. In general, the most healthful and helpful way to “complain” is to problem solve or "process."
5. Pay attention to how often you complain.  Pay attention to who you complain to.  Pay attention to if the conversations you are having are “complaint heavy” and if so, think about why and how you might have different conversations.

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Yours in Becoming, 

Phyllis & Julie

Resources and articles we referenced in the episode:

1. Go Ahead and Complain. It Might Be Good for You. - The New York Times
2. The Difference Between Venting and Dumping | Psychology Today
3. Complaining, for Your Health - The Atlantic
4. Does Complaining Damage Our Mental Health? | Psychology Today
5. Is Complaining Good or Bad For You?