My TEDx Talk: The Transformative Power of Vulnerability in Men's Mental Health

Have you ever wondered why society considers vulnerability a weakness, particularly among men?

Well, it's time to unlearn and rewrite that script! In our latest episode, we're not sitting down with a guest. Instead, I'm sharing my TEDx talk, which delves into the necessity and power of vulnerability. We'll explore the detrimental toll the societal belief of emotional suppression takes on men's mental health, relationships, and well-being.

This conversation is a call to acknowledge that vulnerability is innately human, not gender-specific.

I'll guide you through breaking down the self-erected barriers that often prevent emotional openness. You'll discover how embracing vulnerability amplifies strength, increases relatability, and, ironically, makes you more resilient. W

hether you struggle to articulate your emotions or do it effortlessly, this episode will resonate with you.

Remember, the small 2% shifts in our mindset and actions can lead to significant transformations. So, join me on this enlightening journey.

Let's aim to be 2% better daily by celebrating the courage to be real, human, and vulnerable.

TEXT ME here - Have a question? Comment? Feedback? I’d love to hear from you.

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Hey there, you fantastic listener! 👋

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Keep being the amazing, 2%-improving rockstars that you are.

🌟 Stay fabulous, stay tuned, and stay 2%! 🚀

Love, laughs, and much gratitude,

Dai M.

P.S. I'm primarily active on Instagram, Facebook, and LinkedIn. Feel free to connect and start a conversation. If you're searching for inspiring, motivational, educational, and healthy living content, check out my over 1500 articles at DaiManuel.com - I enjoy writing, okay? lol

Episode Transcript

Dai Manuel (02:17):
In our society, vulnerability often gets a bad
rap, especially among men.
There's this unspoken rule,this cultural script, if you
will, that's been handed downthrough generations, telling us
that men need to be strong,stoic and, quite frankly,
unflinching.
We're taught to equateemotional openness with weakness
, often to bottle up our fearsand doubts, and we often hear

(02:38):
terms like man up.
But let me tell you, thisapproach comes at a cost a cost
to our mental health, ourrelationships and a cost to our
overall well-being.
In this talk, I dive deep intowhy embracing vulnerability is
not just courageous butnecessary for all of us, men
included.
It's about breaking down thosebarriers that we've built around

(03:01):
ourselves, barriers that wesometimes don't even realize are
there.
It's about understanding thatbeing vulnerable doesn't
diminish our strength.
In fact, it amplifies it.
It makes us more human, morerelatable and, ironically, way
more resilient.
Whether you're someone whostruggles to open up or someone
who does, this episode is foryou.

(03:23):
Let's explore together whilevulnerability is not a gender
thing, it's a human thing.
And remember, it's the smallsteps, the 2% shifts in our
mindset and actions that lead tothe most significant
transformations.
So tune in, let's embark onthis journey of discovery and
growth together.
Use to being vulnerable, beingreal and being 2% better every

(03:46):
day.
Ten years ago, I was a fun guy,a pretty alright guy, knew how
to laugh, how to love, how tolive the life of the party.

(04:09):
But underneath that 33 year oldexterior, he was afraid.
I was afraid.
Pasting a smile on my face, Ibelieved I could manage the
daily emotional trifecta ofstress, depression, anxiety,
feeling the pain and shame, oremotions of stuff deep down into

(04:32):
the dark crevices of my being.
But all that changed on January1st 2010.
Feeling the sun slap my face, Iremember squinting through the
windows.
I crawled out of bed, hung over, head pounding, with the
painful shame of realizing thatI just did what I swore I would

(04:54):
never do again.
Tiny laughs echoed through thehall.
As I made my way to the kitchen,my wife looked at me, but
something was different.
She's always been the person.
When she looks at me she seesthe potential I can't see in
myself.
But not that morning.

(05:16):
She slammed her coffee mug onthe kitchen table, mesmerized
with door of the explorer on theTV.
The kids didn't even move.
Fear is eclipsing my typicalfeelings of regret and remorse.
I'm afraid to admit the liesthat I tell myself.
I believe I'm a good father, agood husband, a good provider,

(05:37):
but all those goods are quicklyundone by another night of poor
choices.
As far back as I can remember,I wanted to be a great man, but
truthfully, I just wanted to bea better one, the kind of man

(05:59):
that does the right things, notbecause they're easy or hard,
but because they're right.
The kind of person that isn'tafraid to stand behind their
choices, actions and beliefs.
If I did enough great things,then I'd be a great man too.
Right.
In stressful situations, lifewas hard, but uncorking a bottle

(06:21):
was always easy.
Sitting across that kitchentable.
Christy looked me in the eyesand she broke the silence by
asking me the most life soberingof questions Die Are you being
the type of man you'd want yourdaughters to marry?
It's like a song that getsstuck in your head that the

(06:45):
question kept repeating over andover Am I being the type of man
, the type of person, the typeof human I'd want my daughters
to marry?
Deep in my gut, below all thatshame and pain, something is
stirring.
Bubbling up inside me, was thisdeep desire to tell her

(07:05):
everything that was alive andreal for me.
In that moment, I released.
Finally, I admitted to the liesthat I had told myself.
Finally, I allowed myself to becompletely vulnerable with
Christy and in that moment,everything changed.

(07:26):
I told her about my fear ofbeing a dad, about being judged
by anyone and everyone, aboutthe chronic pressure to put on a
happy, confident face as Istrive to be perfect in every
area of my life.
She smiled with her eyes.
She saw me.
I felt a connection.

(07:50):
I felt less alone.
In place of all that fear andshame and guilt was trust and
understanding.
For the first time in my life,I wasn't cringing while being
vulnerable.
I felt strong.
On January 1, 2010, I realizedthat sometimes you just have to

(08:11):
let go of the idea of who youbelieve you are to start living
as a person you want to be.
I chose to be the type of manI'd want my daughters to marry
to be a better man, to be abetter human.
But let me be clear it was hard.
I craved more in-depth,connected and authentic

(08:32):
conversations, unsure of how todeal with my new sobriety and
openness.
Friends they stopped callingthis.
Strength in vulnerability cameout of what I believed was a
weakness, even being open andhonest about their shortcomings,
their mistakes, their limitingbeliefs.
I was never taught a role modelby the men in my life.

(08:53):
When my search forvulnerability for dummies
returned zero results on theGoogle, I realized the answer is
not so simple.
But I did see V-stitches fordummies and 98 million other
search results for crochetingclearly owning the Internet.
So I continued my search forvulnerability resources for men

(09:18):
when I came across a survey forthe Movember project.
In it they asked men to say howmany friends of any would they
be willing to discuss a serioustopic like worries about money,
health, career.
Their finding showed that 51%of men said two or fewer friends
, but one in eight said none.
I wanted more than two.

(09:44):
We can define what it means tobe a great man.
We quickly discover the termmasculinity keeps popping up,
worn like a badge of honor,adorned with words like strength
, vigor, machismo, but nowheredid I see mention of
vulnerability, openness, honestyor other terms I thought would
be associated with being a greatman.
Alternatively, when I looked atfemininity, words like

(10:06):
gentleness, supportiveness,kindness Again, all words I
thought would be part of being agreat man too.
All these terms, they're partof a single continuum, a human
continuum.
We're not humans beingemotional, we're emotional human
beings.
Which begs the question why didI choose to numb, to hide, to

(10:28):
seek an escape from so many ofthe emotions that make up a part
of my human experience?
Feeling unequipped and unsureof my path?
I desired a community, afellowship of strong men coming
together to share toughconversations while collectively
challenging a more emotionallyinclusive understanding of
masculinity.
I saw answers from outside mycircles, which led me to my

(10:53):
ultimate revelation To createsomething simple, meaningful,
impactful.
There's the biblical verse thatsays as iron sharpens iron, so
one person sharpens another.
I wanted a safe space where mencould come together to
challenge their beliefs on whatit means to be a great man, what

(11:13):
it means to be a better man In2018,.
While I was living in Bali withmy family, I shared the idea
with my good friend, nick WoodMen-torship Mondays A weekly
gathering of men for dinner andconversation.
No alcohol, no drugs, no drama,no coaching or counseling

(11:34):
allowed, no hidden prescriptivewords of advice, no one needing
to be fixed, because nobody isbroken.
Simply a group of men comingtogether to share openly and
honestly, without the fear ofbeing judged or having what they
share used against them.
Oh yeah, and most importantly,the higgest rules apply.
What happens at MentorshipMondays stays at Mentorship

(11:58):
Mondays.
We open every gathering with aquestion it's alive and real for
you right now.
Then one man speaks at a time,sharing what keeps him up at
night, sharing the good, the badand the great, creating a space
that's safe and trusted, wherewe can share the conversations

(12:20):
about the wins, the struggles,the challenges we all work
through, like obstacles, withhealth, money, career, and along
the way, something magicalhappens.
We realize we're not so alone,seems.
By practicing vulnerability, wecan develop more empathy,

(12:44):
understanding and compassion,whether in person or online.
We've seen over 500 menpositively impacted through
Mentorship.
Mondays, men show up to themeetings filled with curiosity
and a little bit of uncertainty,and then they wait.
They wait for someone else todo the thing that's often the

(13:04):
hardest to do to go first what'salive and real for you right
now, like popcorn.
The first share happens, andthen another and another, each
share building on the last,building trust, understanding
and connection among us.
We often end our gatherings byasking a question what's our

(13:26):
biggest takeaways?
And the answer we hear againand again I'm leaving feeling
better than when I arrived.
By embracing vulnerability, menfind more happiness and
fulfillment in life, and we'veall found more than two friends
to share the highs and lows withalong the way.

(13:50):
My journey to becoming a betterman started over a decade ago.
But how would I now answerChristie's question Die, are you
being the type of person you'dwant your daughters to marry?
Yeah, I am.
Vulnerability helped me gethere.

(14:11):
I've come to realize thatvulnerability isn't just a woman
thing, vulnerability isn't justa man thing.
Vulnerability is a human thing,thank you.

(14:31):
And that, my friends, was myTEDx talk on why vulnerability
is a human thing.
I hope it resonated with you,that it reached into the corners
of your heart and mind, whereperhaps vulnerability has been

(14:53):
waiting to be acknowledged andprobably embraced.
Before we part ways today, let'sreflect on something crucial,
especially for the men listening.
Did you know that embracingvulnerability can significantly
improve men's mental health?
Studies have shown that men whoare open to expressing their
emotions and embracingvulnerability have a lower risk

(15:13):
of depression and anxiety.
They also experience betterrelationships and a greater
sense of connection with others.
It's not just good for the soul, it's good for the mind too.
Let's take a moment toacknowledge the strength in
being vulnerable.
It's not about weakness, it'sabout courage the courage to be
real, to be human.
Let's change the narrative andmake vulnerability a part of our

(15:36):
strength.
Thank you, as you go about yourweek, I encourage you to take a
small step towards being morevulnerable.
Share a part of yourself you'vekept hidden, express an emotion
that you've been holding back,or simply be present in your

(15:59):
authentic self.
Remember, in our vulnerabilitylies our connection, our growth
and our power.
If you enjoyed today's episodeand found some value or maybe
you were thinking about some ofthe things that I shared and you
were having an image ofsomebody that just needs to hear
this please share it with them.

(16:19):
Subscribe to the podcast so youcan continue to receive these
episodes as they drop as well.
I love hearing the feedback.
Please continue to leavereviews.
Share all that good stuff,because it just fills my heart
and I feel so grateful for allof you, the listeners who've
been supporting the show aswe've launched a couple of weeks

(16:41):
ago, and what this is fun.
Honestly, this has been such awonderful journey so far and I'm
so honored to be on it with you.
Thank you for joining me heretoday.
Again, as I said, I'm Diamondand you've been listening to the
2% solution.
Let's keep the conversationgoing, let's keep growing and
let's continue to be bravely,beautifully vulnerable.

(17:02):
Until next time, stay strong,stay connected and, yeah, stay
vulnerable.