EP 2:19 Breaking the Silence of Chemsex with Alexander Cheves

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Supplemental Study Guide: https://www.drdallasbragg.com/newsletters/blog/posts/silence

Dr. Dallas Bragg interviews Alexander Cheves about his personal experience with chemsex and the crisis of silence surrounding substance use in the men who have sex with men (MSM) community. Alexander explains that U.S. LGBTQ+ media often avoids covering chemsex due to fears of pathologizing the community, even though gay male communities have documented higher rates of substance abuse. Both compare this silence to the early AIDS crisis, where deaths were kept quiet due to stigma. Alexander shares how he was introduced to chemsex through parties and hookups but managed to maintain boundaries and walk away when needed, attributing this ability simply to "luck" rather than any special quality.

The discussion explores Alexander's background trauma and its connection to substance use. Raised by evangelical Southern Baptist parents who adopted him, he faced significant challenges around his gay identity and lived with anxiety, OCD, and highly structured routines. He found that drugs provided permission to escape rigid self-regulation. Both men share transformative experiences with psychedelics, particularly psilocybin, which helped Alexander develop crucial self-acceptance. He now follows a harm reduction approach, avoiding meth while occasionally using substances he feels help rather than harm him. He emphasizes that learning to appreciate sex without chemical enhancement requires patience and acceptance that some experiences may be disappointing.

Alexander notes significant cultural differences between U.S. and European approaches to substance use, explaining that Berlin's less stigmatized drug culture allows for more practical harm reduction strategies without rigid 12-step programs. Both men emphasize the urgent need for influential community members to break the silence around chemsex, noting that shame-based recovery approaches often drive people away from help. The episode advocates for individualized recovery approaches, harm reduction as a valid alternative to complete sobriety, and creating judgment-free spaces where people can discuss substance use honestly while receiving appropriate support.

Alexander Cheves is an accomplished writer with a decade of experience covering sexuality, masculinity, HIV, and queer identity. His work has appeared in Out Magazine, The Advocate, Vice, and other major publications. He writes the "Last Call" column for Out Magazine and an advice column called "Go Ask Alex." His memoir "My Love is a Beast" won the 2022 Geoff Mains Nonfictino Prize. Originally from the American South, he now lives and works in Berlin.

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