Have you ever wondered if your definition of success is creating a bar that you can’t clear? 🥴
Today’s episode is all about redefining success.
Many times, we set unrealistic goals for ourselves when it comes to our wellness habits.
In this episode, I will walk through the five things that people think success is: perfection, major results, feeling effortless, weight loss, and fun.
Then, I will discuss what success looks like and how we can view it differently.
Success is about focusing on what you have completed rather than what you have fallen short of.
I hope you enjoy this quick episode and you can see all small achievements as big successes in your ongoing wellness journey!
…..
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hi and welcome to the Air we Breathe.
I'm your host, heatherSears-Laman.
I'm a national board certifiedhealth and wellness coach,
certified intuitive eatingcounselor and certified personal
trainer.
I help you get organized andconsistent with healthy habits,
without rules, obsession orexhaustion.
The Air we Breathe a findingwellbeing that works for you is
a podcast created to help youestablish a trusted foundation
(00:22):
of doable healthy habits andsmart self-care skills that can
endure every season and last youa lifetime.
My guests and I will share waysthat you can focus on your
physical and mental health withpurpose, flexibility and ease.
This podcast may contain talkabout eating disorders and
disordered eating.
We minimize mentions ofspecific behaviors and numbers,
(00:43):
but it's still a topicnonetheless.
There also could be somesquares and or adult language
here.
Choose wisely if those areproblematic for you.
Thanks for joining.
Today I'm doing a pretty quickepisode, which sometimes, when I
say pretty quick, it might notbe, but I hope it's going to be.
I want to talk about definingsuccess today.
(01:04):
Why is this important?
I think that many times we areso hard on ourselves and we're
not just trying to get to thebottom of it.
We're so hard on ourselves andthat inner voice, that inner
jerk is the one that's drivingus to work at a level that might
(01:28):
not work for us in the long run.
It's not sustainable, and thatreally informs what we say is
quote unquote successful.
I wanted to chat about this alittle bit because there are
multiple factors driving thisand there are multiple solutions
(01:52):
so that we don't have to feellike we're not being successful.
I've said it about a milliontimes, but success begets
success.
So it is really important thatwe are feeling like we are doing
well and I certainly know manyof the what will we call them
(02:18):
Kind of the metrics of successon the interwebs or by
influencers or from a book thatyou read are really lofty and
they just don't necessarily fita lifestyle of somebody who's
busy and has responsibilitiesand can't dedicate every day,
all day, to health and fitness.
(02:40):
People have stuff to do.
So let's look at five differentthings that I hear people
saying and I see it in the morecommon conversations of what
means success, and many peoplethink perfection and, like our
(03:03):
brains know clearly we're notgoing to be perfect, but another
part of our brain is but youreally could be if you tried
hard enough and like that,perfect would be the default
greatest best thing that wecould do, which I certainly
(03:25):
disagree with, but that justgets held up as the thing we are
trying to do all the time Is toget as close to perfection as
possible.
The second thing that I see alot with goals is that it needs
(03:46):
to have some major results.
People certainly love quickresults, and why wouldn't?
We're working hard and we wantsomething to show for it.
Like, I totally get it.
And many things get set up in away that we are looking for
these results to validate thework that we're doing, because
(04:09):
then if we don't have thoseresults, what is the point of
doing any of this, which thereare a lot of points to having
healthy behaviors.
The results piece is so drivenby diet culture because
obviously, if we're doing thisthing, it better make us thin,
(04:33):
and that's certainly been anarrative that has always been
around.
Why else would we be doing it?
And I can't count how manyyears I lived in that.
Everything revolved around.
But will it make me thin?
But will it make me thin?
And certainly in coaching Ihear people wanting different
(04:56):
solutions that are going torevolve around being thin as
well.
So the major results piece canbe a big obstacle because it
leads people to quit and to dosome things that might not be
very effective, and they alsomight be doing some things that
(05:20):
can be harmful because they arein the quick fix category.
So major results, that'sanother one gets in the way.
And this next piece I think isvery interesting, but it's that
it needs to feel effortless.
There's some sort of magicalplace we're all going to get to
(05:43):
that.
It's just so easy, and I hearthis a lot.
I hear this especially frominfluencers, especially from
people that I would considercompletely unqualified to be
giving health sustainingbehavior advice period, and it
goes along with this N of onetheory.
(06:06):
So basically, n of one means.
This is just my personalexperience.
This is an anecdote.
I'm telling you about me andevidence isn't necessarily
backing it up, but I'm justtelling you what happened to me
and you should do what I did.
It's usually how it works, butthere is this panacea that once
(06:32):
we're doing the thing and wekeep doing the thing, we're just
not even going to have to thinkabout it at all.
Like when I hear people likethat stop eating sugar.
I just don't even want itanymore.
It just doesn't even sound good.
I don't crave it, it's great.
Could it be you?
(06:52):
I hope that is working for you.
Yeah, I find a platform righthere.
This sort of exhaustion, whenpeople are having to put effort
towards their behaviors, thatthey are like this isn't what it
should be.
This should be easy.
I don't want to think about it,I just want to do it and then
(07:15):
I'm done and it was so easy.
And I'm not saying that yourhealth-sustaining behaviors
should feel like pulling teeth,because they shouldn't.
Some things are easier thanothers and that just varies
completely by personality andpreference and what you enjoy
and what you don't enjoy.
So I like to look at thiseffortless piece certainly as a
(07:40):
story, and I don't know whostarted the story, but it
definitely lives in the areas,especially like an MLM or
something, where they're reallyselling something that, oh my
gosh, like things are so easy.
Now I can talk more about that.
(08:00):
But and the next one is weightloss that success is if I am
losing weight, and this iscertainly held up by diet
culture, and this is held up byweight loss companies who more
or less inform our culturalperceptions of reality around
(08:24):
weight in our bodies.
So a company.
We'll just go ahead and starton Weight Watchers that it has
been a scale-based programforever.
And there are other companies.
I worked for a company andmanaged a wellness vendor and
they sent a scale to everybodythat signed up and I didn't know
(08:48):
that beforehand and I was like,wait, what?
Yeah, you get a scale and it'sBluetooth.
So every time you get on thescale, like your coach will know
, like, how your weight's doing.
And I was just absolutelymortified and also asked a lot
of questions is this what we'redoing?
And the company was like whatother metric would you have to
(09:09):
define success?
I'll name 10 off the top of myhead, but weight loss doesn't
necessarily have to be one ofthem.
Is that a side effect at timesof having healthier behaviors?
Yes, certainly, some peopleabsolutely do lose weight and
they can have a weight loss withbehaviors that actually stays
(09:34):
off.
So these things are absolutelypossible.
But when we start doing thingswith the intention of losing
weight, it makes it much, muchharder to keep going if we are
not, because again nothing'shappening.
So what's the point of this?
And the last one is fun, butthis has been really fun again.
(10:01):
I definitely see this more kindof like in the MLM community of.
It always reminds me ofBeachbody, because now we've got
people who are whollyunqualified to be telling us
what to do in the fitness realmPeople who love fitness, which
is great, and they are focusedon trying to make a profit,
(10:25):
which 97% of them are not.
Have you ever felt like thedo-it-yourself approach to
improving your healthy habitsends up doing nothing except
making you feel overwhelmed,guilty and defeated?
Have you been struggling tofind sustainable routines that
work for your responsibilities,lifestyle, budget and personal
(10:47):
preferences?
You don't need more rules,influencers or structured
programs.
Let me help you discover whatyou want, what works for you and
how to maintain healthy habitsduring the ever-changing
circumstances of your life.
If you're ready to createsystems that stick, head to
heathersayerslaymancom,backslash health dash coaching
(11:09):
and click let's do it.
Anyway, but they really do thelike.
Oh my gosh, this workout is sofun, and I see it in the recipe
realm, too, where people thatare eating like a twigs and
cardboard, but there's cottagecheese mixed in.
(11:30):
So that's pretty good that thisis really fun and I'm really
excited about it.
Can you be excited aboutcottage cheese?
Yes, I just talked to somebodywho really likes cottage cheese.
I get it, but I don't look atall of the healthy habits as
necessarily fun and I hear thisespecially in the anti-diet
(11:55):
community about movement,because I just say meaningful
movement, because when I'm doingthings it means something to me
.
It means my back won't be asstiff, it means I'll probably
have more energy, I'll probablysleep better, so that is
meaningful to me.
But a lot of people say, likejoyful movement, and for me
(12:17):
that's just a stretch, that is.
That's just not how I thinkabout it, and some people may
work out and feel joy.
Again, kudos to them.
I don't think that it meansyou're not being successful if
you don't think it's fun.
I don't think you should showup in tears, I don't think it
should be awful, but Idefinitely.
(12:39):
When I look at my time at thegym, it's cool because I have
friends there.
My husband and I work outtogether a couple of days a week
.
It's fun like that, but I don'tthink it's fun.
So anyway, those are the fiveways that I think really get in
the way of people continuinghealth, sustaining behaviors,
(12:59):
because they're waiting forthose things to happen and when
some of those things don'thappen, it's not working,
there's no point and I'm goingto quit doing it.
So what success actually lookslike to me?
So this, for me, is redefiningsustainable success Because,
(13:20):
again, with these habits, mygoal, as always, is to have
people still doing them.
I want people to pick up habitsthat they can do for a long time
, not something that they cangrin and bear it for 30 days,
but that these are long haulhabits.
So, focusing on problem solving, and I feel like at times there
(13:48):
are facets of our lives thatare just ever changing.
That is just the way that it isand that is how it will always
be.
It would be, I don't know,easier if our life was just this
sort of static thing and thenyou know what to expect and then
(14:11):
you can do your things.
And certainly there are timesin our lives where we have more
control over our time and moreflexibility, and sometimes we do
not.
That's where problem solvingcomes in, so we may have this
obstacle that comes up, and thenit's easy to throw up our hands
and be like I guess I'm notgoing to the gym anymore and I
(14:34):
certainly see this with myself alot because my back's going to
go out, may not be feeling well.
A lot of different things canhappen.
I'll just go with my back,because that is my current issue
, but there are a lot of thingsthat I can do at the gym, which
one is like back exercises andflexibility, so that I'm
(14:57):
actually working on making myback better, but also there's
still upper body exercise I cando, or the core exercises I can
do, but in my mode of problemsolving, I'm trying to figure
out what I can do.
This also can go for schedulesof.
Maybe that family has a lot ofcommitments and it's really
(15:18):
eating into the time that youhave for your habits.
What can I do then?
Can I offload some of thisresponsibility?
Do I just need to cut back onmy habits, because I know it's
for this amount of time?
But always looking to be aproblem solver because, again, I
think in the everyday overwhelmof our lives, it's easy to just
(15:39):
throw up our hands and say youknow what, I just can't even
deal with it.
I don't want to deal with it, Idon't want to work on it.
But what is it I can do, and itmight just be a fraction of
what you're doing before, whichis completely fine, but you have
checked in with yourself todecide what's going to work at
this time.
(16:00):
The second thing that you canabsolutely do is meeting a
percentage of a goal.
Personally, I'm not a big goalsetter.
Some people dig it, some peoplereally like it, and they might
be doing something like a race.
I want to do a couch to 5K andI want to do it in this period
of time.
Something might come up againMaybe I've sprained my ankle, or
(16:22):
maybe my asthma is really bad.
Or soccer season Now we'regoing into finals, so this is
taking a lot longer.
I thought we'd be done by now,so maybe I don't actually get to
do my 5K race.
And then maybe this couch to 5Kprogram I spread out even more
(16:42):
and take it slow.
But I'm still working on thethings and I'm still moving
forward and I'm still eitherwalking or jogging what I said I
wanted to do.
And it could be something likewhere you've decided that you
want to make your lunches moreoften and then you said, okay,
(17:03):
five days a week, absolutely,I'm gonna bring my lunch to work
and life happens and just gotin the way and you're doing
three days a week, which isgreat.
So meeting a percentage of thatgoal is still a success, and I
definitely see thedisappointment that some people
(17:25):
have of like, oh, I only did itthree days, but you did it three
days.
So we have to again addressthat inner jerk voice to say, no
, I get credit for this, I'mgetting credit.
So, finding a lower intensitylevel.
So maybe we have gotten alittle optimistic with starting
(17:45):
out and it could be that we havedecided that we've read the
artist's way and we're gonna doour morning pages where we're
journaling I think it's threepages and at some point you're
like I can't do this.
Either I don't have this muchto say or I don't have this much
time, or I feel more stressedtrying to get these three pages.
(18:06):
But then your intensity levelis like, okay, I'm just gonna
knock it down to one page.
And this also goes for,obviously, like exercise, where
you are saying like, okay, I'mgonna do this and I'm gonna do
this at this level.
I wanna make sure on theelliptical, I'm always reaching
this number, or you're followingyour heart rate and it needs to
be at this number.
(18:27):
It can be lower, it doesn'thave to reach that to make it a
success.
And again, I think looking atwhat you are doing versus what
you're not doing is reallyhelpful here, so pivoting to a
different goal.
Sometimes we definitely need topunt and we may have said to
(18:50):
ourselves like, okay, I'm goingto go into the gym and I'm going
to do these back exercises, I'mgonna do this four days a week
and, for whatever reason, I justcan't get to the gym or my back
is hurting too much trying todo these exercises and I just
need to find a pool and get intothe pool and do some aquatic
(19:12):
therapy to de-weight my back.
Overall, I'm still working onmy back, but I'm having to find
a totally different way to do it.
And again, if I'm talking aboutbringing my lunch to work, maybe
that I just say you know what?
I'm going to try a mealdelivery service.
(19:33):
Or I'm gonna work with my palat work and we're gonna switch
off back and forth and see if,when I bring lunch, I bring two
lunches and then the next dayshe'll bring two lunches and we
do it like that.
So we really can find differentgoals and make sure that we're
not beating ourselves up aboutit.
(19:54):
Because, also, it might be thatyou've decided I really want to
bring more, bring my homemadelunches to work, but then
calamity strikes and something'shappening at home and you're
like you know what?
The best thing I could do formyself is to try to do deep
breathing a couple times a day.
That's it.
(20:15):
That's all I've got.
I've got it.
I'm just gonna dump this lunchgoal for now and then work on my
stress and making sure that I'mtaking care of myself
emotionally.
So pivoting.
There's nothing wrong with it,and sometimes we have different
bandwidth abilities and it isgood to recognize that and
(20:36):
appreciate that.
Maybe this isn't it right nowTrying something new.
I think many times we try whatwe have done for a long time.
We try things that worked like,oh, when I was in college, I
did this and well, heather,you're not in college, so I
don't think that's going to work.
(20:57):
But doing something completelynew, I think can be exciting.
It can be a little bitnerve-wracking, but I feel like
there are times where you trythings and you try them over and
over and it just doesn't work.
It's just not working for youand instead of beating yourself
(21:17):
up, is there something new thatI can try?
I think that all of thesepieces do require contemplation
and some self-awareness andcritical thinking, which are all
bandwidth pieces which can behard to come by at different
(21:40):
times.
So I totally get that.
I absolutely think if you arehaving a hard time or you feel
like you're just not measuringup, can I look at problem
solving, meeting a percentage ofthe goal, finding a lower
intensity level, pivoting to adifferent goal or just trying
something new.
(22:00):
What does that feel like?
What does that look like for me?
Because, especially if you'refinding yourself in a place
where you're beating yourself upfor not doing enough, not doing
it right, how can I redefinewhat sustainable success means
to me?
All these details are in theshow notes and, of course,
(22:22):
journaling is an excellent thingto do when you are trying to
work on these and trying to comeup with solutions.
So you can always find myjournaling guide at
heathersearslaymancombackslashjournal.
That's in the show notes aswell.
I hope this helps, because Ireally want you to think
positively about yourself andgive yourself kudos and really
(22:47):
practice being that friend toyourself that we all wish we had
.
Alright, we'll see you nexttime.
Thanks so much for listeningtoday.
Do you know what would bereally fun If you popped over to
my Instagram atheathersearslaymancom and
dropped me a DM and let me knowwhat topics you want me to cover
Something bugging you,something holding you up.
(23:09):
Please just let me know and Iwill tweak some content and get
an episode out just for you.
As always, please follow theshow or you can leave a five
star review on Apple or Spotify.
That would be fun too.
See you in the next episode.
Hi and welcome to the Air we Breathe.
I'm your host, heatherSears-Laman.
I'm a national board certifiedhealth and wellness coach,
certified intuitive eatingcounselor and certified personal
trainer.
I help you get organized andconsistent with healthy habits,
without rules, obsession orexhaustion.
The Air we Breathe a findingwellbeing that works for you is
a podcast created to help youestablish a trusted foundation
(00:22):
of doable healthy habits andsmart self-care skills that can
endure every season and last youa lifetime.
My guests and I will share waysthat you can focus on your
physical and mental health withpurpose, flexibility and ease.
This podcast may contain talkabout eating disorders and
disordered eating.
We minimize mentions ofspecific behaviors and numbers,
(00:43):
but it's still a topicnonetheless.
There also could be somesquares and or adult language
here.
Choose wisely if those areproblematic for you.
Thanks for joining.
Today I'm doing a pretty quickepisode, which sometimes, when I
say pretty quick, it might notbe, but I hope it's going to be.
I want to talk about definingsuccess today.
(01:04):
Why is this important?
I think that many times we areso hard on ourselves and we're
not just trying to get to thebottom of it.
We're so hard on ourselves andthat inner voice, that inner
jerk is the one that's drivingus to work at a level that might
(01:28):
not work for us in the long run.
It's not sustainable, and thatreally informs what we say is
quote unquote successful.
I wanted to chat about this alittle bit because there are
multiple factors driving thisand there are multiple solutions
(01:52):
so that we don't have to feellike we're not being successful.
I've said it about a milliontimes, but success begets
success.
So it is really important thatwe are feeling like we are doing
well and I certainly know manyof the what will we call them
(02:18):
Kind of the metrics of successon the interwebs or by
influencers or from a book thatyou read are really lofty and
they just don't necessarily fita lifestyle of somebody who's
busy and has responsibilitiesand can't dedicate every day,
all day, to health and fitness.
(02:40):
People have stuff to do.
So let's look at five differentthings that I hear people
saying and I see it in the morecommon conversations of what
means success, and many peoplethink perfection and, like our
(03:03):
brains know clearly we're notgoing to be perfect, but another
part of our brain is but youreally could be if you tried
hard enough and like that,perfect would be the default
greatest best thing that wecould do, which I certainly
(03:25):
disagree with, but that justgets held up as the thing we are
trying to do all the time Is toget as close to perfection as
possible.
The second thing that I see alot with goals is that it needs
(03:46):
to have some major results.
People certainly love quickresults, and why wouldn't?
We're working hard and we wantsomething to show for it.
Like, I totally get it.
And many things get set up in away that we are looking for
these results to validate thework that we're doing, because
(04:09):
then if we don't have thoseresults, what is the point of
doing any of this, which thereare a lot of points to having
healthy behaviors.
The results piece is so drivenby diet culture because
obviously, if we're doing thisthing, it better make us thin,
(04:33):
and that's certainly been anarrative that has always been
around.
Why else would we be doing it?
And I can't count how manyyears I lived in that.
Everything revolved around.
But will it make me thin?
But will it make me thin?
And certainly in coaching Ihear people wanting different
(04:56):
solutions that are going torevolve around being thin as
well.
So the major results piece canbe a big obstacle because it
leads people to quit and to dosome things that might not be
very effective, and they alsomight be doing some things that
(05:20):
can be harmful because they arein the quick fix category.
So major results, that'sanother one gets in the way.
And this next piece I think isvery interesting, but it's that
it needs to feel effortless.
There's some sort of magicalplace we're all going to get to
(05:43):
that.
It's just so easy, and I hearthis a lot.
I hear this especially frominfluencers, especially from
people that I would considercompletely unqualified to be
giving health sustainingbehavior advice period, and it
goes along with this N of onetheory.
(06:06):
So basically, n of one means.
This is just my personalexperience.
This is an anecdote.
I'm telling you about me andevidence isn't necessarily
backing it up, but I'm justtelling you what happened to me
and you should do what I did.
It's usually how it works, butthere is this panacea that once
(06:32):
we're doing the thing and wekeep doing the thing, we're just
not even going to have to thinkabout it at all.
Like when I hear people likethat stop eating sugar.
I just don't even want itanymore.
It just doesn't even sound good.
I don't crave it, it's great.
Could it be you?
(06:52):
I hope that is working for you.
Yeah, I find a platform righthere.
This sort of exhaustion, whenpeople are having to put effort
towards their behaviors, thatthey are like this isn't what it
should be.
This should be easy.
I don't want to think about it,I just want to do it and then
(07:15):
I'm done and it was so easy.
And I'm not saying that yourhealth-sustaining behaviors
should feel like pulling teeth,because they shouldn't.
Some things are easier thanothers and that just varies
completely by personality andpreference and what you enjoy
and what you don't enjoy.
So I like to look at thiseffortless piece certainly as a
(07:40):
story, and I don't know whostarted the story, but it
definitely lives in the areas,especially like an MLM or
something, where they're reallyselling something that, oh my
gosh, like things are so easy.
Now I can talk more about that.
(08:00):
But and the next one is weightloss that success is if I am
losing weight, and this iscertainly held up by diet
culture, and this is held up byweight loss companies who more
or less inform our culturalperceptions of reality around
(08:24):
weight in our bodies.
So a company.
We'll just go ahead and starton Weight Watchers that it has
been a scale-based programforever.
And there are other companies.
I worked for a company andmanaged a wellness vendor and
they sent a scale to everybodythat signed up and I didn't know
(08:48):
that beforehand and I was like,wait, what?
Yeah, you get a scale and it'sBluetooth.
So every time you get on thescale, like your coach will know
, like, how your weight's doing.
And I was just absolutelymortified and also asked a lot
of questions is this what we'redoing?
And the company was like whatother metric would you have to
(09:09):
define success?
I'll name 10 off the top of myhead, but weight loss doesn't
necessarily have to be one ofthem.
Is that a side effect at timesof having healthier behaviors?
Yes, certainly, some peopleabsolutely do lose weight and
they can have a weight loss withbehaviors that actually stays
(09:34):
off.
So these things are absolutelypossible.
But when we start doing thingswith the intention of losing
weight, it makes it much, muchharder to keep going if we are
not, because again nothing'shappening.
So what's the point of this?
And the last one is fun, butthis has been really fun again.
(10:01):
I definitely see this more kindof like in the MLM community of.
It always reminds me ofBeachbody, because now we've got
people who are whollyunqualified to be telling us
what to do in the fitness realmPeople who love fitness, which
is great, and they are focusedon trying to make a profit,
(10:25):
which 97% of them are not.
Have you ever felt like thedo-it-yourself approach to
improving your healthy habitsends up doing nothing except
making you feel overwhelmed,guilty and defeated?
Have you been struggling tofind sustainable routines that
work for your responsibilities,lifestyle, budget and personal
(10:47):
preferences?
You don't need more rules,influencers or structured
programs.
Let me help you discover whatyou want, what works for you and
how to maintain healthy habitsduring the ever-changing
circumstances of your life.
If you're ready to createsystems that stick, head to
heathersayerslaymancom,backslash health dash coaching
(11:09):
and click let's do it.
Anyway, but they really do thelike.
Oh my gosh, this workout is sofun, and I see it in the recipe
realm, too, where people thatare eating like a twigs and
cardboard, but there's cottagecheese mixed in.
(11:30):
So that's pretty good that thisis really fun and I'm really
excited about it.
Can you be excited aboutcottage cheese?
Yes, I just talked to somebodywho really likes cottage cheese.
I get it, but I don't look atall of the healthy habits as
necessarily fun and I hear thisespecially in the anti-diet
(11:55):
community about movement,because I just say meaningful
movement, because when I'm doingthings it means something to me
.
It means my back won't be asstiff, it means I'll probably
have more energy, I'll probablysleep better, so that is
meaningful to me.
But a lot of people say, likejoyful movement, and for me
(12:17):
that's just a stretch, that is.
That's just not how I thinkabout it, and some people may
work out and feel joy.
Again, kudos to them.
I don't think that it meansyou're not being successful if
you don't think it's fun.
I don't think you should showup in tears, I don't think it
should be awful, but Idefinitely.
(12:39):
When I look at my time at thegym, it's cool because I have
friends there.
My husband and I work outtogether a couple of days a week
.
It's fun like that, but I don'tthink it's fun.
So anyway, those are the fiveways that I think really get in
the way of people continuinghealth, sustaining behaviors,
(12:59):
because they're waiting forthose things to happen and when
some of those things don'thappen, it's not working,
there's no point and I'm goingto quit doing it.
So what success actually lookslike to me?
So this, for me, is redefiningsustainable success Because,
(13:20):
again, with these habits, mygoal, as always, is to have
people still doing them.
I want people to pick up habitsthat they can do for a long time
, not something that they cangrin and bear it for 30 days,
but that these are long haulhabits.
So, focusing on problem solving, and I feel like at times there
(13:48):
are facets of our lives thatare just ever changing.
That is just the way that it isand that is how it will always
be.
It would be, I don't know,easier if our life was just this
sort of static thing and thenyou know what to expect and then
(14:11):
you can do your things.
And certainly there are timesin our lives where we have more
control over our time and moreflexibility, and sometimes we do
not.
That's where problem solvingcomes in, so we may have this
obstacle that comes up, and thenit's easy to throw up our hands
and be like I guess I'm notgoing to the gym anymore and I
(14:34):
certainly see this with myself alot because my back's going to
go out, may not be feeling well.
A lot of different things canhappen.
I'll just go with my back,because that is my current issue
, but there are a lot of thingsthat I can do at the gym, which
one is like back exercises andflexibility, so that I'm
(14:57):
actually working on making myback better, but also there's
still upper body exercise I cando, or the core exercises I can
do, but in my mode of problemsolving, I'm trying to figure
out what I can do.
This also can go for schedulesof.
Maybe that family has a lot ofcommitments and it's really
(15:18):
eating into the time that youhave for your habits.
What can I do then?
Can I offload some of thisresponsibility?
Do I just need to cut back onmy habits, because I know it's
for this amount of time?
But always looking to be aproblem solver because, again, I
think in the everyday overwhelmof our lives, it's easy to just
(15:39):
throw up our hands and say youknow what, I just can't even
deal with it.
I don't want to deal with it, Idon't want to work on it.
But what is it I can do, and itmight just be a fraction of
what you're doing before, whichis completely fine, but you have
checked in with yourself todecide what's going to work at
this time.
(16:00):
The second thing that you canabsolutely do is meeting a
percentage of a goal.
Personally, I'm not a big goalsetter.
Some people dig it, some peoplereally like it, and they might
be doing something like a race.
I want to do a couch to 5K andI want to do it in this period
of time.
Something might come up againMaybe I've sprained my ankle, or
(16:22):
maybe my asthma is really bad.
Or soccer season Now we'regoing into finals, so this is
taking a lot longer.
I thought we'd be done by now,so maybe I don't actually get to
do my 5K race.
And then maybe this couch to 5Kprogram I spread out even more
(16:42):
and take it slow.
But I'm still working on thethings and I'm still moving
forward and I'm still eitherwalking or jogging what I said I
wanted to do.
And it could be something likewhere you've decided that you
want to make your lunches moreoften and then you said, okay,
(17:03):
five days a week, absolutely,I'm gonna bring my lunch to work
and life happens and just gotin the way and you're doing
three days a week, which isgreat.
So meeting a percentage of thatgoal is still a success, and I
definitely see thedisappointment that some people
(17:25):
have of like, oh, I only did itthree days, but you did it three
days.
So we have to again addressthat inner jerk voice to say, no
, I get credit for this, I'mgetting credit.
So, finding a lower intensitylevel.
So maybe we have gotten alittle optimistic with starting
(17:45):
out and it could be that we havedecided that we've read the
artist's way and we're gonna doour morning pages where we're
journaling I think it's threepages and at some point you're
like I can't do this.
Either I don't have this muchto say or I don't have this much
time, or I feel more stressedtrying to get these three pages.
(18:06):
But then your intensity levelis like, okay, I'm just gonna
knock it down to one page.
And this also goes for,obviously, like exercise, where
you are saying like, okay, I'mgonna do this and I'm gonna do
this at this level.
I wanna make sure on theelliptical, I'm always reaching
this number, or you're followingyour heart rate and it needs to
be at this number.
(18:27):
It can be lower, it doesn'thave to reach that to make it a
success.
And again, I think looking atwhat you are doing versus what
you're not doing is reallyhelpful here, so pivoting to a
different goal.
Sometimes we definitely need topunt and we may have said to
(18:50):
ourselves like, okay, I'm goingto go into the gym and I'm going
to do these back exercises, I'mgonna do this four days a week
and, for whatever reason, I justcan't get to the gym or my back
is hurting too much trying todo these exercises and I just
need to find a pool and get intothe pool and do some aquatic
(19:12):
therapy to de-weight my back.
Overall, I'm still working onmy back, but I'm having to find
a totally different way to do it.
And again, if I'm talking aboutbringing my lunch to work, maybe
that I just say you know what?
I'm going to try a mealdelivery service.
(19:33):
Or I'm gonna work with my palat work and we're gonna switch
off back and forth and see if,when I bring lunch, I bring two
lunches and then the next dayshe'll bring two lunches and we
do it like that.
So we really can find differentgoals and make sure that we're
not beating ourselves up aboutit.
(19:54):
Because, also, it might be thatyou've decided I really want to
bring more, bring my homemadelunches to work, but then
calamity strikes and something'shappening at home and you're
like you know what?
The best thing I could do formyself is to try to do deep
breathing a couple times a day.
That's it.
(20:15):
That's all I've got.
I've got it.
I'm just gonna dump this lunchgoal for now and then work on my
stress and making sure that I'mtaking care of myself
emotionally.
So pivoting.
There's nothing wrong with it,and sometimes we have different
bandwidth abilities and it isgood to recognize that and
(20:36):
appreciate that.
Maybe this isn't it right nowTrying something new.
I think many times we try whatwe have done for a long time.
We try things that worked like,oh, when I was in college, I
did this and well, heather,you're not in college, so I
don't think that's going to work.
(20:57):
But doing something completelynew, I think can be exciting.
It can be a little bitnerve-wracking, but I feel like
there are times where you trythings and you try them over and
over and it just doesn't work.
It's just not working for youand instead of beating yourself
(21:17):
up, is there something new thatI can try?
I think that all of thesepieces do require contemplation
and some self-awareness andcritical thinking, which are all
bandwidth pieces which can behard to come by at different
(21:40):
times.
So I totally get that.
I absolutely think if you arehaving a hard time or you feel
like you're just not measuringup, can I look at problem
solving, meeting a percentage ofthe goal, finding a lower
intensity level, pivoting to adifferent goal or just trying
something new.
(22:00):
What does that feel like?
What does that look like for me?
Because, especially if you'refinding yourself in a place
where you're beating yourself upfor not doing enough, not doing
it right, how can I redefinewhat sustainable success means
to me?
All these details are in theshow notes and, of course,
(22:22):
journaling is an excellent thingto do when you are trying to
work on these and trying to comeup with solutions.
So you can always find myjournaling guide at
heathersearslaymancombackslashjournal.
That's in the show notes aswell.
I hope this helps, because Ireally want you to think
positively about yourself andgive yourself kudos and really
(22:47):
practice being that friend toyourself that we all wish we had
.
Alright, we'll see you nexttime.
Thanks so much for listeningtoday.
Do you know what would bereally fun If you popped over to
my Instagram atheathersearslaymancom and
dropped me a DM and let me knowwhat topics you want me to cover
Something bugging you,something holding you up.
(23:09):
Please just let me know and Iwill tweak some content and get
an episode out just for you.
As always, please follow theshow or you can leave a five
star review on Apple or Spotify.
That would be fun too.
See you in the next episode.
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