August 21, 2025 • 50 mins
The gap between who we are and who we could be often comes down to one thing: confidence. Not the flashy, surface level kind that masquerades as arrogance, but the genuine, earned self-belief that propels us forward when doubt feels overwhelming.
Juan Bandana's journey from rock bottom – broke, overweight, and sleeping on a friend's couch – to becoming an international speaker and author reveals a truth we desperately need to hear: confidence isn't something that magically appears when we're "ready." It's built systematically through intentional choices and consistent action.
Juan goes over his four-step confidence cycle which provides a practical framework anyone can implement immediately. While most advice focuses solely on taking action, Juan reveals why this approach fails: it doesn't account for lack of energy or fear. The true cycle begins with generating energy, which facilitates courage, which enables action, which provides proof that reinforces the entire process. Most people never build confidence because they're simply too tired at their current level to pursue the next one.
Perhaps most compelling is Juan's assertion that confidence has nothing to do with personality type. Research shows no correlation between extroversion and confidence liberating news for introverts who've been told they lack a crucial ingredient for success. The quiet, thoughtful leader who speaks with conviction can be every bit as impactful as the naturally gregarious one.
Whether you're building a business, pursuing creative work, or simply wanting to show up more authentically in your relationships, this episode offers both the inspiration and tactical guidance to build unshakable self-belief from the inside out. Your future self is waiting and with the right approach to confidence, you can bridge the gap between who you are and who you're meant to become.
Don't forget to share your favorite golden nuggets with Juan and I on Instagram! @arisewithAnita @juanbendana
Order your copy of Confidence by Choice:
https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/confident-by-choice-juan-bendana/1146546475?ean=9780593725610
Connect with Juan here:
Website: https://www.juanbendana.com/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/juanbendana/
Linkdln: https://www.linkedin.com/in/juan-bendana-1a683694
Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/user/juan7736
If you felt something shift inside you today… hold that. Honor it.
This is how we rise — one choice, one voice, one brave breath at a time.
If you’re ready to go deeper, download your free ARISE Activation Workbook at www.arisewithanita.com
And if this message landed in your soul, subscribe, leave a review, and share it with a woman who’s done playing small.
Because we don’t just rise alone — we rise together.
I’ll see you in the next episode. And until then… stay rising.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome to the Rise With Anita podcast, the space
where soul meets strategy anddreams are no longer optional.
I'm your host, anitaKurdayan-Gurgis, a
transformational mindset coachand founder of the Her Method.
This show is for the woman whoknows she's meant for more, who
feels the call to rise higherbut sometimes feels trapped by
her old stories, patterns orcircumstances.
(00:22):
Here we don't just talk aboutgrowth, we embody it.
We activate the woman inside ofyou who leads, who creates, who
claims her next level.
You'll hear a mix of soloepisodes from me and interviews
with soul-driven leaders, thebest in their fields, who live
what they teach and rise byexample.
Each conversation is a callousfor your next breakthrough.
You're not broken.
(00:43):
You're breaking through.
Let's go ahead and risetogether.
Thank you for rising with metoday.
If this episode moved, youshare it.
Tag me at Arise with Anita andmake sure to subscribe so you
never miss a future activation.
And, if you feel called, leavea quick review.
It helps more women find thespace and rise into their power.
(01:05):
Your next level is alreadywaiting.
Now go claim it.
I'll see you in the nextepisode.
Speaker 2 (01:12):
Welcome back fearful souls to the Rise of the Native
podcast.
Today, I am so excited towelcome a guest whose presence
is of pure activation.
Juan Bedana is an internationalspeaker, leadership educator
and author of the powerful bookConfidence by Choice.
Juan's message is simple andprofound Confidence isn't
(01:33):
something you wait for.
It's something you buildthrough the line of action and
intentional choice.
With a dynamic blend ofstorytelling, science and soul,
juan helps others essentiallythe next generation of leaders
cultivate own shakableself-belief and live from their
highest potentials.
Whether you're stepping into astage, into a new season, or
into a deeper version ofyourself, this episode is here
(01:56):
to remind you that confidence isyour birthright and starts
within.
So let's take a breath deep,drop in and let a conversation
awaken this part of you that isready to lead boldly, love
deeply and rise fully.
Let's rise together.
Boca Juan.
Speaker 3 (02:12):
Amazing intro, well done.
I am blown away.
Thank you for having me andthank you for that extraordinary
lead-in.
Speaker 2 (02:21):
Well, I'm honored to have you.
Like I said, we were chattingoffline and I have actually read
the book, which I mean I givemyself props because it just
came out Tuesday.
Speaker 3 (02:33):
Yes, yeah, very impressive, actually Very.
Speaker 2 (02:38):
And I just let's go ahead and dive right in.
Take us back to that version ofyou that was, as you've put it
broke.
It broke girlfriendless, livingon your friend's couch in
california.
What was life like during thatseason?
Speaker 3 (02:50):
confusing.
I remember I was at the timeliving in canada because I'm
originally canadian and moved toamerica a few years ago.
But I was the kid in schoolthat put off growth and put off
getting better and I said I'llfigure that out one day.
(03:11):
And then what happened is whenit came to apply to different
colleges and universities, whileall my friends had options, I
didn't and I couldn't get intoany schools and I got into a
community college that basicallyaccepted me with failed grades
and I did a year and a half ofthat, dropped out and I needed
to do something.
(03:31):
I knew something needed tochange, but I needed to
participate in that change.
You know I needed toparticipate in that rescue.
So I put my last $600 on acredit card and bought a flight
to California to stay with myfriend Luis True story, to live
on his couch, to literally justbe surrounded by high
(03:52):
performance.
I was like I want to be aroundsomeone that's actually
improving themselves and doinggreat things and I was like I
want to be in that energy.
And I flew and I spent sixweeks there and at this time I
was like I was depressed, I wasoverweight, I had developed
binge eating disorder.
I basically had $0 in my bankaccount and felt like I'd ran
(04:15):
out of options and it was thefirst time that I saw someone
that wasn't in effect of theirlife.
They were affecting their life,you know, like they were the
ones that were actually doingsomething about it.
And he didn't have greatcircumstance.
Louis had clinical, clinicallydiagnosed ADHD.
He was told that he would neveramount to much.
(04:36):
Despite all that, he went tocollege.
He became one of the top memoryexperts in the world, competed,
won a show on Fox, won asix-figure contract, like this
whole thing, and I was like,okay, he decided to affect life,
not have life affect him.
So that was sort of the firstsemblance of what I learned
(04:59):
about growth and not onlyconfidence is like you have to
participate, you have to be apart of it.
You know, and yeah, that waswhen I was 19 years old and I
really never looked back afterthat trip.
Speaker 2 (05:18):
Incredible and can we just take a moment?
Because the fact that you were19 and you're like life sucks,
sucks right now, but let melearn how to make it suck less,
is essentially so mind-blowingbecause, if you think about it,
most 19 year olds are like I'mnot going to be on this
trajectory, they're still not.
(05:39):
Let me party it out, figure outthe phase, and for you to be
like, okay, I'm already at mylow point, how, how do I turn
this around?
Yeah and I'm.
Speaker 3 (05:49):
I just want to take that moment to like nod to you
because you are fairly youngyeah, and I appreciate that and
honestly it was because of apretty significant low point
that sort of woke me up tosomething needs to change.
I think the scariest thing issomeone that lives kind of an
okay life, that's good, that hassome money, that goes on one
(06:16):
vacation Like that's scarybecause it's comfortable and
while we're comfortable it'ssort of our hall pass to say I
don't need to grow Like.
I remember waking up withdebilitating anxiety and stress
that I wasn't going to be ableto pay rent.
I remember that feelingviscerally and sometimes we lose
(06:36):
that level of drive because wedon't have like a fire under us
saying like you need to go.
So I think that origin thereason why I was able to, like
make that decision was becauseof the pain.
Of course I wouldn't wish painon to anyone, but I think, like
adversity and challenge actuallyis a blessing, and the scariest
(06:59):
version of life is the one withno challenge and no adversity,
because that person does notunderstand what grit is, that
person does not understand whatresilience is, that person does
not understand what hard work isand we're living in a time
right now that just gives outparticipation ribbons just for
showing up, which I think is themost toxic thing people can do
(07:22):
for confidence in the world.
It is weird destroying the selfconfidence of kids today by
telling them that you are enough, just because that's actually
not true.
In a society where we pray likeyou win awards, you win the
game, you win the NBA finals,you get the prize, you have the
(07:44):
exit in business.
Like no, you don't, you're notenough and extraordinary just
for showing up, like here's thedifference.
It should be I'll still loveyou when you show up.
That should be it.
Not you're good enough andhere's a participation ribbon
because you're not.
Sometimes you say you're goingto run a 5K and then you run 1K.
(08:07):
You shouldn't get a medal forthat.
It's a little bit of a hardtake, but too many people think
that they should be praised forno reason and they don't earn it
.
And confidence is something thatwe actually need to earn.
We earn proof, we earnconfidence with ourselves by
doing the things we said we weregoing to do.
That's how we build need toearn.
We earn proof, we earnconfidence with ourselves by
doing the things we said we weregoing to do.
That's how we build self-worth,that's how we build self-esteem
(08:30):
.
So I think the blessing was thechallenge, and I just happened
to have it at that age where Iwas, you know, 75 pounds
overweight.
I had binge eating disorder,then turned to alcohol and was
drinking three, four times anight, mostly blacking out every
single night, and I like that,being taken an ambulance to the
(08:51):
hospital for alcohol poisoning,like I wouldn't have known that
I wanted to head in anotherdirection if I didn't go through
that challenge.
You know.
Speaker 2 (09:02):
I think a lot of times what happens with us is
it's those challenges that endup in our growth cycles, and if
we don't, for sure say it endsup.
You live a very mundane life,as you were saying, and it's for
me.
What comes to mind is that likeconcept of when you're too
comfortable, you're playingsmall, essentially so beautiful.
(09:25):
Going back to that phase,though, what emotions were you
mostly dealing with on aday-to-day, aside from
depression?
What was your inner dialoguelooking like?
Speaker 3 (09:37):
worry, worry.
It was complete worry of whatif this doesn't work.
What if I fail?
What if they don't like it?
What if I fall short?
What if I have to move back inwith my parents?
What if I insert doom thoughthere.
(09:57):
And what I've realized is thatworry is just the prediction of
a negative outcome.
Excitement is the prediction ofa positive one.
So I realized that I was justtrying to predict a future that
hadn't even happened yet.
I was just worrying is justpredicting the future?
(10:18):
It's like no, you're notworrying about the speech,
you're worrying that it's notgoing to go well.
You're not worrying about thebusiness.
You're worrying about the factthat you're going to make no
sales.
You're not worrying about thespeech.
You're worrying that it's notgoing to go well.
You're not worrying about thebusiness.
You're worrying about the factthat you're going to make no
sales.
You're not worrying about thepodcast.
You're worrying that no one'sgoing to listen.
You're going to get threedownloads and two of them are
going to be your parents.
So, like we, I realized I waslike oh, I need to stop worrying
(10:39):
.
But you can't just stopworrying.
It's not that easy.
You need to replace it withsomething else, and I needed to
replace it with what am I movingtoward?
What am I excited about?
What am I looking forward to?
What are the goals that I have?
Because, once I changed myframe of thought to, instead of
worrying about the future, I'mgoing to go out and try and
create it and I'm going to getexcited about that fact.
(11:02):
That's when the switch flippedin my head to say like, okay,
I'm not going to be a victim ofcircumstance, I'm going to be
the designer and the executiveproducer of my life.
Speaker 1 (11:14):
Beautiful.
Speaker 3 (11:15):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (11:16):
And fair shout out.
I just want to kind ofinterject with the fact that we
did meet at a Timmy Robbinsevent.
We did camp interject with thefact that we did meet at a timmy
robbins event.
We did, and so I feel like youhad a little bit of this.
From what memory serves, youhad a little bit of these like
moments of you've already campedpart of this stuff in your
orbit for quite some time, butfor it to affect your life at
(11:40):
that point it hadn't really hityet.
Speaker 3 (11:44):
For sure, and I'd gone to personal development
conferences the Tonys of theworld, the Brendons of the world
and I would listen and I feltgreat in the moment, but then I
would go home and then nothingwould really change.
So, though I was getting agreat message, I wasn't applying
it, and I saw a lot of peoplein the personal development,
(12:07):
personal growth environment thatwere learning one thing but
then not implementing that samething over here, and so they
didn't really have any growth intheir life.
And I'm like if we could justtake these things and actually
start using them, then I feellike it would.
It would probably move us inthe direction that we want to go
(12:29):
.
So, yes, I definitely was.
You know, had the unfairadvantage of being exposed to
personal growth and personaldevelopment from a very young
age, but at the same time, I'veseen people that were exposed at
that same age that are now intheir 40s and they didn't do
anything with it.
So it's not about what you takein, it's not about what books
(12:50):
you read, it's about what you dowith them, because you can have
a bunch of books on the shelf.
You could have a ton of coursesthat you have login info to.
You can go to a ton ofconferences, but if you don't do
anything with it, then you knowthat's not going to change
anything.
Oh yeah.
Speaker 2 (13:08):
The beauty is in the implementation.
Speaker 3 (13:10):
Yes, 100%.
Speaker 2 (13:12):
So, going back to your personal story, what was
your tipping point where youwere like, okay, enough is
enough, I'm done.
Speaker 3 (13:21):
I think it was a series of tipping points.
You know people talk about thisone moment where everything
changed.
Sure, I remember, you know,stepping on the scale, I was 75
pounds overweight.
I remember waking up in ahospital room seeing blood on my
shirt because I'd coughed upblood and wondering where I was.
I remember those momentsvividly.
(13:42):
I remember those momentsvividly, but I think it was an
accumulation of those momentsthat really set in motion what
was then going to be the journeyof getting out of that place
and seeing all my friends getgreat jobs.
And I remember logging in Iwish I had the screenshots I
think I still do somewhere buton my bank account and seeing
(14:04):
$24, $37, $140 and having creditcard debt that I didn't know
how I was going to pay off.
I remember those momentsviscerally.
So I don't think it was asingle moment.
I think it was an amalgamationof all of those moments that
then led me to have this.
Something needs to change.
And the first thing was reallythe the just the health and
(14:25):
fitness journey where I was like, hey, this changes now and I
became a psycho.
I was doing 75 hard before.
That actually was a thing Iliterally did.
And when I went to California,I did two workouts a day.
Uh, I only ate steamedvegetables and eggs.
I do not recommend this as adiet.
This was probably a horribleidea.
I just didn't know any better.
I would literally have like twopounds of steamed vegetables
(14:48):
like three times a day.
That's what I.
It was crazy, that's what I ate.
I worked out two or three timesa day and I just went.
I just went so obsessive interms of the commitment and what
happened was I started to seeresults.
And here's the crazy part whenyou start seeing results in your
life, it actually gives you themotivation you're looking for
at the beginning.
(15:08):
When you start seeing resultsin one thing, it starts to give
you the drive that you wanted atthe beginning of the thing.
So that's when I was like oh, Ido hard things, so that gives
me results.
And the results give me thatboost that I'm looking for.
That boost that I'm looking forgives me more energy to give
the result.
Like that's when I tapped intothe, I was like, oh great, I
(15:30):
just need to get results andthat comes from taking action.
So I just need to continuallydo that over and over and over
again, and it's going to reachme to my desired outcome, and
there's still versions of thatthat play out to this day.
So I would say it was aculmination of moments.
For sure, not a single momentin time.
Speaker 2 (15:47):
Beautiful and basically, what you just
described was the momentum cycleis what I would call it.
Get momentum in one area, itstarts to bleed through in all
other areas of your life.
Speaker 3 (15:58):
For sure, for sure.
And that's like you can borrowmomentum or borrow confidence
from different areas, like ifyou rush it in relationships but
you're horrible with finances.
Like, borrow some of themindsets and some of the beliefs
you have over here and bring itover there.
I guess everyone has an area oftheir life where they're like I
(16:18):
actually feel pretty solid here, I feel pretty good here.
So, like, borrow someconfidence, borrow some skillset
, borrow some belief from thisarea and put it over here.
Speaker 2 (16:28):
Absolutely so.
What would you say to thatversion of you now?
Speaker 3 (16:35):
That kid.
What he needed to hear is likeit's it's up to you you know
it's it's up to.
Like no one is going to comeand change your life for you Not
your parents, not your bestfriend, not God, not, no one's
going to come change your lifefor you.
Those people can help and theycan walk with you, but you need
(16:57):
to be the one that participatesin the, the actions that you
take in the belief that you have.
So, like some, it's so easy tofeel alone in the pursuit of
something, but it's much harderwhen you, when, when you just
feel like you're you're doingthings but it's not really
(17:19):
working.
In those moments you have tounderstand like it's it's it's
going to be on me.
I'm going to take ownership forit.
I'm going to be the one thatshows up and consistently, day
in and day out, every single day, and eventually something's
going to work out and to havefaith and have belief in a
better future, that it is goingto go your way, that you're
going to find a way forward.
(17:39):
So, yeah, I would tell that kidto just realize that, like it's
on you, no one's coming.
No one's coming.
Like you're in the water,you're treading water, you're
swimming and there's a boatright there.
There's a lifeline, it's rightthere.
It's sort of that parable Idon't know if you've heard it
where it's like the man istreading in the ocean and there
(17:59):
is a bird that comes by to savehim and he's like I'll save you.
And then he's like no, no, no,god will save me.
And the bird keeps flying by.
And then there's like a dolphinthat comes by and the dolphins
like I'll save you.
And then he's like no, god willsave me.
And then there's a boat thatcomes by with a fisherman.
It's like here, I'll save you.
And he's like, no, don't worry,god will save me.
And then he goes to heaven.
(18:21):
He's like God, what the heck,where were you?
And he's like I sent you a bird, I sent you a dolphin, I sent
you a boat, and he didn't chooseit.
You never got on.
So sometimes we've got toparticipate in our own rescue
and we got to be the people thatsay I'm going to actually show
up Like that.
That's really what I would,that's for sure, what I would
(18:43):
say.
Speaker 2 (18:44):
That's really what I would, that's for sure, what I
would say Beautiful, and I lovethat message and I love that
parable.
So you talk a lot about theconfidence cycle, obviously
because that's the title of yourbook, so break it down for the
listeners.
What does the confidence cycleentail?
Speaker 3 (19:07):
So, simply put, I realized that confidence
oftentimes is thought of in thesense that the more action I
take or the more competence Ibuild, the more confident I'll
feel.
So take action, feel confident,repeat that's great, but it's a
broken system because itdoesn't take into account two
very important things.
Number one what if you don'thave the energy for it?
And number two, what if you'reafraid?
A lack of energy and a lack ofcourage are the reasons that
(19:29):
hold people back from actuallytaking the action and getting in
the game of confidence.
So the first step, or the firstmicro step in the cycle, is
really generating and sparking alevel of energy.
That is the first step, becausethe hardest part of a run is
tying your shoes.
The hardest part of an enginestarting is the spark, is the
(19:52):
ignition.
So we need that ignition at thevery beginning in any area of
our lives.
Once you have enough energy, itfacilitates courage, which
courage is your willingness toput yourself into the moment of
fear.
Once you have enough courage,it then leads your willingness
to put yourself into the momentof fear.
Once you have enough courage,it then leads you to take a step
, to take an action, which thenultimately leads to giving you
(20:13):
proof that, wow, I am this kindof person, I can do this thing.
This is awesome.
But people, what people miss sooften is the first two steps is
generating energy and havingthat energy facilitate courage.
That courage facilitates action.
That action gives you a resultand then it really reinforces
(20:33):
the cycle over and over and overagain.
Challenge is people try andjust take action and they're too
tired and they're afraid.
You know, most people don't gofor another level in life
because they're too tired atthis one.
So in order to build confidence, we have to build a level of
energy that is far beyond wherewe are today.
That's the 30,000 foot view ofthe confidence cycle.
Speaker 2 (20:58):
I love this and for the record, because I know some
of my listeners either sway verywoo or they don't.
Speaker 3 (21:06):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (21:07):
When you say energy, what do you specifically mean?
Are we talking physical stateor that like mental energy?
Have that spiritual side to it.
Speaker 3 (21:17):
So all of the above, you know people think.
When they think of energy, theythink the water that I drink,
the food that I eat, how I movemy body.
That's great.
But there also is psychologicalenergy, which is the fact that
you can think yourself intotired and you can think yourself
an energy.
You know, everyone has had amoment where it was the day
before an exciting event, daybefore a birthday, and they got
(21:39):
two hours of sleep, but somehowthey found the energy.
How'd you do that?
By focusing on excitement,because excitement creates
anticipation, anticipationcreates energy.
So there's also psychologicalexcitement.
Then there's psychologicalenergy.
Then there is environmentalenergy, which is the energy you
feel like going to a poppin'restaurant or going to a concert
(22:01):
or going to be in the world orthe people you surround yourself
with.
If you surround yourself withpeople that are tired, you will
be tired.
If you surround yourself withpeople that are high energy, you
will find that rubbing off onyou, because we mirror and match
the people that we surroundourselves with and the people in
our lives.
So it is sort of holisticallythat yes, it is physical energy,
(22:22):
but it is also psychological,mental energy, it is
environmental energy andabsolutely spiritual energy as
well.
All of it is the spark.
It's essentially theinspiration.
You know, like when people feelinspired for a new goal at the
beginning of the year, they saynew year, new me.
What do they do?
They buy the new workoutclothes, they sign up for the
(22:45):
yoga studio and they go andthey're excited because there's
an ignition point, there's likethat flicker, it's exciting.
So we just don't need to waituntil January 1st or a birthday
or a special occasion to startsomething.
We can say that being alive isa special occasion and let me
get like, let me pursue the bestof who I am and the best of
(23:09):
what I want today, like rightnow.
Speaker 2 (23:11):
Absolutely Essentially.
Just start now.
Yeah, 100%.
So what do people get wrongabout confidence?
Speaker 1 (23:19):
in your opinion.
Speaker 3 (23:20):
A few things.
Number one that confidence isonly for extroverts.
A few things.
Number one that confidence isonly for extroverts.
Oftentimes overly extrovertedpeople are often hiding
insecurities and they're doingit as an overcompensation.
There is no research on thefact and the correlation of
confidence and extroversion.
It does not exist.
So you do not need to beextroverted to be confident.
(23:43):
Also, biggest thing that peopleget wrong is that confident
people have zero insecurities.
That is the furthest thing fromthe truth.
Confident people probably havemore self-doubt than normal
people.
Super confident people have waymore self-doubt than regular
folk.
They just don't see doubt as asign to stop.
They see it as a signal to grow.
(24:04):
They don't see self-doubt as asign to stop.
They see it as a signal to grow.
They don't see self-doubt as asignal to say I should stop
doing this.
They see it as a signal to sayI'm going to get better, I'm
going to retool, I'm going toskill up.
So confident people, theyactually just have a better
relationship with self-doubt.
That's the biggestmisconception.
It's like, oh, that person issuper confident.
They never doubt themselves.
That's not true.
They doubt themselves way more.
(24:26):
That's why they're confident,because they have more run-ins
with self-doubt.
They face self-doubt far moreoften than the average person.
So they're okay and actuallythrive amidst the pressure of it
all.
So those are the two mostcommon, I would say.
Speaker 2 (24:45):
Absolutely, and I've just an observation of the space
.
In the personal developmentrealm.
I've noticed a lot of biggerspeakers that my let's be.
I don't know if I wouldclassify Tony as one, but like
I've had, for example, verycharismatic speaker, but he's an
(25:05):
introvert at heart and so Iremember hearing that and going.
There's nothing wrong with me.
Speaker 3 (25:13):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (25:16):
Based on like if I'm not extroverted, I will be
successful.
That it's like the introvertedpeople who are able to kind of
flip on a switch, so to speak,are the ones that are actually
more successful because they'reable to kind of navigate that
like discomfort of puttingthemselves out there just for
(25:38):
their message or for whatever is, whether it's their like
mission or their purpose orwhatever they categorize it as
they're willing to putthemselves out there.
For sure, absolutely so.
You went from living on a couchto a keynote speaker.
How does speaking enter yourpath?
Speaker 3 (26:08):
For context, you were also told that you would not
amount to being a goodcommunicator.
Essentially was the messageyeah, I went to a conference and
I remember I saw a speaker at astudent event, a student
leadership conference, and I waslike how the heck do you do
that?
So I emailed every speaker Icould find in in toronto and I
was like where do you, how doyou do this?
Barely any responded.
(26:29):
One responded and he agreed tosit down with me for two hours,
two and a half hours, almostthree hours at a Starbucks and
kind of just gave me everythingand he booked me my first event,
which was a mistake because Iwas horrible.
And then it just kind of wentfrom there and I was like I
could obsess about this thingand this is something I'm really
(26:50):
excited about, this issomething I'm looking forward to
and something I could beexcited about being bad at.
And I just never looked back.
I was like this is what I'mgoing to do and I still feel
that where I'm like I feel soearly in the career, I was like
this is what I'm gonna do and Istill feel that where I'm like I
feel so early in the career, Iwas like I'm so excited to
obsess about this thing andcontinue to do so, because it's
(27:11):
just the funnest thing in theworld and I just love it
beautiful.
Speaker 2 (27:14):
Can you walk people through the actual actions you
took?
Because when I heard this I waslike this guy was like I
decided and I'm just going forit.
So what did that look like?
For those who don't know, yeahit was.
Speaker 3 (27:28):
I was like okay, I want to be a speaker, so what is
that going to look like?
I coded my own website becausethis was before Wix or
Squarespace or any of theseamazing intuitive or AI or any
of these platforms existed.
And I was like I'm going tocode my own website.
I don't know how to code, I'mgonna code my own website.
(27:52):
I don't know how to code, I'mgonna figure that out.
I figured out a code.
I made my own website.
It was okay, and I sent ahundred emails a day, seven days
a week, to anyone with an emailaddress I apologize if you were
one of them, because youprobably were, if you're
listening to this.
I sent, sent so many freakingemails.
It was insane.
And I got my first opportunityafter probably I would have to
look back probably after like200 or so emails Around there, I
(28:15):
booked my first like speech,which was cool, and it was for
like $250 Canadian and I waspumped.
And then that led me to doinganother speech for like a
hundred bucks, and then that ledme to doing another and another
, and another, and it justsnowballed from there.
But the beginning I was likeI'm going to figure this out and
(28:35):
I'm going to force my way intothis career because I'm not a
former Olympian or a formerastronaut or a politician Like I
need to be extraordinary justbecause and that's gonna be
really hard.
So how the heck do we do that?
And yeah, I just never, never,really look back beautiful.
Speaker 2 (28:55):
One thing that really impressed me, though, and the
reason I asked you to share thatstory, is because, when you
finally made that decision to gointo the speaking career
Totally new chapter, totally newarena, essentially, of your
life but you made the decisionand you just took massive action
right away, and you weren'tafraid of bendels or, in your
(29:18):
case, it was literally purelygetting ignored.
Speaker 3 (29:22):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (29:25):
You continued until you finally built that momentum.
And once you got that one win,it led to another win, and so on
, so forth, and now you're doingincredible things yeah, and it
was, you know, quote-unquotemassive action I guess.
Speaker 3 (29:40):
But it was also micro action because I very much so
at the very beginning, focusedon the next email and I wasn't
focusing on.
Massive action would be I'mgoing to send 10,000 emails this
year.
That's daunting, that's a lot.
I'm like I'm going to send, I'mgoing to send 20 emails in the
(30:02):
next hour.
So then I was there, I was inthat hour, I was present with
that hour.
The next hour.
I was like I'm going to send,I'm going to send 25, 30 more.
That was good, I'll take alittle break, I'll go for a walk
outside and then I'm going tocome back.
So then it wasn't even ahundred in a day, it just it was
broken up.
So it was.
It was into these micro chunkswhere, like, it just became much
(30:24):
more manageable, where it'slike I'm just gonna do a little,
I'm just gonna do a little moreevery single day.
So it really didn't feel likemajor, like massive action, just
felt like micro actionsconsistently absolutely well.
Speaker 2 (30:40):
Consistency I think that's a big part of winning in
business and in life yes, it isthe like.
Speaker 3 (30:49):
I was literally talking to penguin about this.
Thinking about my next bookwill probably be something
either around energy or aroundconsistency, because it is the
thing.
People quit far too early.
People quit right before it wasgoing to work, right before the
thing was going to happen.
They quit, they let go becauseit's not for them, because it
(31:10):
wasn't working, like it's justso soon, so soon.
Speaker 2 (31:14):
They were right there , but they didn't that micro
moment right before it'sactually about to 100 I actually
have a funny little story aboutthat personally.
So in my early when I was like19, I guess there you go,
there's the mirroring of thisconversation.
When I was 19, I had this wholecampaign and I was like I'm
(31:37):
going to sing with Justin Bieberone day now I am not best
singer, or do that sound likeMariah Carey for the life of me
but I was like if I could provethat I can do this, like I don't
even need a career in music,like game over, I'm good.
And so I had this campaign thatwas literally going from like
2012 to 2014 website, youtubevideos, you name it, the whole
(32:00):
shebang at it where I hadliterally his entire team
knowing about it.
I literally like I was on it.
I was like I'm gonna make thisthing happen.
And I recall literally thenight before it actually
happened, which is it's liketiny little clip of us singing,
but I was like that's all Ireally need.
I literally had a tweet where Iput out I was like this is
(32:21):
stupid.
I don't know why.
I tried.
It's been two freaking yearsand literally the falling night,
like 24 hours exact later, Iended up doing so how do I
really stuff to that belief oflike it's not gonna happen and I
didn't follow that nudge oflike.
My friend was like hey, he's atthe studio, come, come, chill.
It wouldn't have happened.
(32:43):
So it's that little likepersistence moment of like I'm
gonna try it anyways 100 justunwind absolutely.
Speaker 3 (32:54):
I could not, could not agree more so what did you
have to unlearn?
Speaker 2 (32:58):
to stand in a room with people looking at you with
confidence and speak to themthat people are thinking of you
all the time.
Speaker 3 (33:15):
That's what I thought .
That's the furthest thing fromthe truth.
People aren't thinking of youall the time.
They're thinking of themselves.
They're the main character intheir movie, not yours, so sure,
speaking, it's like they'relooking at you and they're just
watching you for an hour.
That does feel like they arelooking at you and they're just
watching you for an hour.
(33:36):
That does feel like they arelooking at you 24-7.
But I had to unlearn the factthat you care more about how you
sound and how you're perceivedthan everyone else.
Love the people in the room andjust just do that.
Just do that, Cause you can'tgo wrong.
Speaker 2 (33:58):
Like you can't like.
If you just love the people inthe room, you can't go wrong.
That's beautiful and I thinkthat speaks to how usually
public speaking is the numberone fear most people have, even
more than dying, and it's becomethey get into their head of how
do I look, how do I sound, what, what did I say the right thing
?
Oh, my god, I just stumbled onmy word and I think a lot of
times if we get out of our ownway, we realize that it's about
(34:23):
them, not about us, and even ifyou fumble, half the time they
don't notice 100 so this bringsus to the exact question I was
about to ask, which is what roledoes service play in confidence
for you?
Speaker 3 (34:39):
I think it's one thing to build our own
confidence.
It's another to give it away,and I think our ultimate
opportunity is to give peopleconfidence by saying hey, you're
incredible.
Hey, you're amazing.
Hey, I'm glad you're a part ofthis team.
Hey, you're an extraordinaryperson in my life.
Like, I just want to say Iappreciate you.
Like, giving confidence away isso easy, but we do it so rarely
(35:04):
that I think the role ofconfidence is to say, like, once
you've built your ownconfidence, how do you turn
around and be the person thatcan give it away?
Give it to the people in yourlife, to your family, to your
friends, to the people on thestreet.
Just be the person thatencourages people, that says,
hey, like I know, I believe inthat project, yeah, I'm gonna
(35:26):
like and share everything.
Just send me the link.
Like, just be that kind ofperson, because when you're that
kind of person, peoplegravitate towards it.
They really do absolutely so.
Speaker 2 (35:38):
How has your relationship with confidence
evolved since writing the book?
Speaker 3 (35:44):
oh, it's definitely created my fair share of doubts,
which is ironic.
A book on confidence creatingsome, some doubts in your mind
of like, who am I to write thisand and am I really the expert
here, and what are people goingto think, and what if it's
incomplete, and what if it?
All of those things.
So I think it's created both alevel of doubt but also a level
(36:08):
of like.
I'm serious about this topicand I am going to obsess about
it.
I want to keep learning about itand it's definitely changed the
way that I interact with peopleand seeing like the majority of
people do things.
Because they want to feel likethey matter, they want to feel
valued.
That's a con.
It's, it's all confidence.
Like they want to feelconfident in their future.
(36:29):
They want to feel confident intheir ability.
They want to feel valued.
That's a con.
It's, it's all confidence.
Like they want to feelconfident in their future.
They want to feel confident intheir ability.
They want to feel confident intheir marriage.
They want to feel confident intheir relationships.
They want to feel confident intheir own skin.
Like it's all boils down toconfidence.
So I'm like, okay, I'm reallyspeaking to like a nucleus of
(36:50):
the world.
Speaker 2 (36:55):
And it's just yeah, yeah, it's just super exciting.
I think it's interesting,though, the way you said that it
brought doubts, because and Iwas just having a conversation
with my own personal mentor andit was like, sometimes I feel
like you are perceiving yourselfas still not the expert, and I
kind of had this moment when hewas saying that where it's like,
(37:18):
at what point are we really theexpert?
Because I look at even someonelike Tony, who is very much high
up there, but if you look at it, I'm sure he had those moments
where he's like, okay, what morecan I teach on?
Or, if it's a new thing thatyou're entering, you're still
feeling that hesitation to callyourself an expert when you're
(37:42):
sharing 100%.
Speaker 3 (37:47):
Yeah, I don't think there's ever going to be a
moment where someone doesn't runinto a feeling of imposter
syndrome or feeling like they'renot enough.
But the thing to do in thatmoment is to get better, to work
on it, to excel, to improve.
Speaker 2 (38:05):
That's it.
Speaker 3 (38:06):
That's what you got to do To get better.
Just improve, just improvethat's what you got to do to get
better.
Speaker 2 (38:11):
Like just improve, just improve those micro shifts
or, as Tony would call it, likethe two millimeters.
I just have to get slightlybetter at it and it won't have
to be an expert.
But I have to get slightlybetter at it and you'll find you
enter that state of flow?
Speaker 3 (38:28):
Absolutely, absolutely.
So what does it really mean?
To choose confidence today, Ithink, to let go of other
people's opinions of you andlive your version of life and to
decide here's where I want togo, and I'm going to pursue it
with abandon, and I'm going tobe tenacious and courageous and
(38:51):
I'm going gonna pursue my dreamsregardless of the judgment, the
criticism, the failure, therejection that comes along with
the territory.
It is in full pursuit.
Being in full pursuit of one'sgoals unconditionally that's
what I'd say for, in other words, having audacity yes and all
(39:19):
right.
Speaker 2 (39:20):
So how do you now and you just touched on this
slightly but how do you staygrounded when the voice of doubt
creeps in?
Speaker 3 (39:29):
I think, sort of speaking to what we were
mentioning before like do thework.
Like you have to outworkyourself, doubt you?
Like, if you're doubtingyourself about writing, go right
.
If you're doubting yourselfabout going to the gym, tie your
shoes, get out the door.
If you're doubting yourselfabout building new relationships
, go say hi to five new people.
Like, just get in motion, do.
(39:52):
The damn thing is how we get outof self-doubt.
Self-doubt is thinking.
It's like treading water inworry and despair and fear and
like you're in the ocean.
Instead, decide to swim, swimtowards something.
Don't just tread water.
You know what treading waterdoes.
It takes a ton of energy andyou go nowhere.
That's what most people do andthey tread water in worry and
(40:15):
self-doubt and anxiety and fearand fatigue and all these sorts
of things.
I'm like swim towardsexcitement, swim toward momentum
, swim toward courage, swimtoward something.
There's buoys out there thatall have labels on them.
Go to them.
Don't just tread water, becauseat some point you're going to
run out of gas and you're goingto feel consumed by the water.
(40:35):
You're going to say I drowned.
No, you didn't move.
Speaker 2 (40:42):
You didn't move towards something I definitely
can relate.
I think that the more you stickwith that doubt mindset, the
more you can't find yourself inthat loop.
100% Call yourself the inactionwhen it's easier to just jump
in and take the action andyou'll build that.
Speaker 3 (41:01):
For sure.
Speaker 2 (41:03):
If someone's currently in this season of life
where they're listening rightnow and they feel stuck or small
, what's the one truth you wantthem to hear bring to?
They feel like it's dead.
Speaker 3 (41:14):
They just take the day much that your life is up to
you.
The results that you have todayare a byproduct of what you did
six months ago.
So, if you want to be somewheredifferent, move.
(41:35):
You are not a tree.
Decide to move.
You don't have roots in whereyou are.
Decide that I'm going to dosomething different.
Just understand the power thatyou have to change your own life
.
Like that is an excitingthought and should be an
exciting thought, and I thinkmost people just don't
acknowledge the fact that, likeit, you have the autonomy to do
(41:58):
whatever the heck you want.
So go get after it, go make ithappen like that's exciting I
love this.
Speaker 2 (42:08):
I just I want to acknowledge you for a moment
because you're so young but sogood at communicating the way to
build confidence, and it'sapparent how much research and
study you've done and how you'veapplied this in your own life.
And I remember just a sidebarwhen I met you at the RPM.
(42:30):
On that I was like he just saidhe's a speaker, and I remember
looking you up and being likehe's not just any speaker, he's
an impressive speaker but he'sdownplaying a little bit.
What I mean by downplaying isjust, you know, you didn't have
this energy of like I appear andthen like everyone else is here
(42:51):
, which I think once you hit astory level, sometimes,
especially in certaincommunities, you can find that
energy kind of radiating off theperson.
So when I found out, oh, hespeaks for like fortune 500
companies and he's not even it'snot even like a humble brag for
him he was just very in tune.
And I remember he told me aboutthe story about like hey, are
(43:13):
you saving?
Go out and like speak at a freeevents just to get my practice
and my footing in, but a lot ofpeople don't want to do that
work.
And I remember thinking tomyself.
He's not wrong.
There's a lot of people in thespace that would love to be in
this space, but they don't wantto do those micro wins to get to
that overnight success of likeactually being a page seeker
(43:37):
with, like, the triple sts orwhatever.
Speaker 3 (43:39):
So I just want to acknowledge how you're humble
and confident at the same time,because I find that that can be
a little bit of a rare trait Iappreciate that, yeah, yeah,
especially in this industry,it's hard when you have a career
path or a role that isliterally you on a stage and
people are listening to you talkfor an hour.
(44:01):
A lot of times it gets topeople's heads it's gotten to my
head for sure at times, and themore time I've spent at it, the
more accustomed you become.
Then you remember why it reallymatters and what really matters
of like of doing this workwhere it's like the people in
(44:21):
the room, the people in theaudience, like can you obsess
about creating an amazingexperience for them?
Can you obsess about creatingan extraordinary experience for
the people sitting in the room?
That's all that matters.
And sure, the like the bigconferences or the stadium
events or the Fortune 100companies or the like it's cool.
But there's also other eventsthat you've never heard of that
(44:43):
are also really cool.
Like that are awesome.
Yeah, lint chocolate is great.
They sent, you know, my wifeand I like 60 pounds of
chocolate.
It was insane.
Like chocolate they don't evensell at stores, like crazy.
But then there's also likedifferent associations and and
different community.
I did a company called RK andthey were awesome and it was all
(45:06):
their executive leaders, and itwas 35 of them and we hung out
for eight hours and it wasamazing and and like no one's
ever heard of them and no oneever will hear about them, like
that's so it's.
It's really just about thepeople in the room and what you
can do for them and how you canshow up for them and can you
create something that is themost valuable for them, because
(45:27):
in this business, it's like it'snot about you, it's about them,
it's about the people in theroom.
That's, that's the whole thing.
Speaker 2 (45:37):
So what are you currently feeling stretched to
embody right now?
Speaker 3 (45:42):
What am I currently feeling?
To what Sorry?
Speaker 2 (45:45):
To embody right now.
Speaker 3 (45:48):
To stretch like to stretch myself.
Speaker 2 (45:50):
To embody, yeah, to stretch, like to stretch myself
to embody.
Speaker 3 (45:53):
Yeah, right now I am working on really expanding into
sorts of two lanes.
One is in business of likehiring a team offloading a lot
of things that I'm doing, sohiring a full-time executive
assistant and a lot of thosepieces.
And then in personal, doing achallenge with my wife Gabby.
(46:16):
We're starting in a few dayslike a version of 75, hard kind
of, but where it's like reading10 pages, doing two workouts a
day, working on a part of thekeynote for two hours a day,
just like really stretching mycommitment to how I show up
every single day.
So those are sort of the.
That's like a personal and thena business.
Those are the two wayscurrently.
Speaker 2 (46:36):
Beautiful.
So what's a bold invitation youwant to leave us here with
today?
Speaker 3 (46:41):
Bold invitation Move toward your best.
Like there's a version of youhere's what I'll say.
There's a version of you,here's what I'll say.
There's a version of you sixmonths away.
That is awesome, and many timespeople will be the same or
worse version of themselves sixmonths from now and they're
(47:02):
moving either at a stagnantdirection or at a decline.
It's like decide to be a betterversion of yourself by December
, by March, by June, by October.
Whenever you're listening tothis, like six months from now,
a year from now, you can be adifferent person.
So much can change in thatperiod of time.
(47:25):
So I would just leave peoplewith the decision to reimagine
what is possible for yourself Ifyou've only earned a certain
amount, or if you've only hadthis certain kind of
relationship, or if you've onlyfelt this kind of way.
Reimagine a different versionof you and decide to become that
(47:45):
over the next six, seven, eight, nine, 10 months.
Speaker 2 (47:48):
Beautiful.
So how can listeners connectdeeper with you?
Speaker 3 (47:53):
primarily instagram linkedin are my two platforms I
hang out on the most.
That is me, that is not amanagement service, that is
literally me, it's just juanbandana on on both of those
platforms and yeah, yeah, those,those two are where I hang out
the most.
Speaker 2 (48:12):
Beautiful and I'm going to hit you with a quick
fire round.
So one word answers multipleanswers.
I don't really care, but justAmazing.
Part of the fun of it yourcurrent mantra.
Speaker 3 (48:25):
Let's go.
Speaker 2 (48:27):
Love it.
A book outside of yours thatchanged your life.
Speaker 3 (48:31):
The Rise of Superman.
Speaker 2 (48:33):
Interesting your daily non-negotiable outside of
work now.
Speaker 3 (48:39):
Hydration Water.
Speaker 2 (48:42):
One word that describes your current season.
Speaker 3 (48:45):
Faith.
Speaker 2 (48:47):
Blah, blah, blah.
And then final one what is yourfavorite guilty pleasure?
Favorite guilty pleasure.
Speaker 3 (48:59):
I'm just gonna chalk it up to carbs, because I was
like cookies.
It could be cookies, but itcould be ice cream, but it could
be pasta.
Speaker 2 (49:05):
We're big foodies, I love food, so I'm gonna say
carbs actually I'm gonna hit youwith one more, because I
usually start those as anopening question what is
currently bringing you joy?
Speaker 3 (49:18):
Oh my gosh, spending time with my wife, spending time
with my friends, spending timewith my dog, the people, the
people in my life are, yeah, yes.
Speaker 2 (49:28):
Beautiful.
I am so honored to have you onthis podcast, so I'm going to
link all the show notes and thebook in the bio.
For those of you who haven'tconnected with one, I highly
recommend you do.
And until next time, pleaselike and do the comments, and
I'm not great at the outros, I'mjust gonna be very honest, you
(49:51):
know.
So please subscribe and reachout to us on Instagram, let us
know your thoughts, what yourfavorite takeaways from this
conversation were, and we willbe on being next time.
Thank you again.
Speaker 1 (50:09):
Thank you for rising with me today.
If this episode moved, youshare it.
Tag me at AriseWithAnita andmake sure to subscribe so you
never miss a future activationand, if you feel called, leave a
quick review.
It helps more women find thespace and rise into their power.
Your next level is alreadywaiting.
Now go claim it.
I'll see you in the nextepisode.
Welcome to the Rise With Anita podcast, the space
where soul meets strategy anddreams are no longer optional.
I'm your host, anitaKurdayan-Gurgis, a
transformational mindset coachand founder of the Her Method.
This show is for the woman whoknows she's meant for more, who
feels the call to rise higherbut sometimes feels trapped by
her old stories, patterns orcircumstances.
(00:22):
Here we don't just talk aboutgrowth, we embody it.
We activate the woman inside ofyou who leads, who creates, who
claims her next level.
You'll hear a mix of soloepisodes from me and interviews
with soul-driven leaders, thebest in their fields, who live
what they teach and rise byexample.
Each conversation is a callousfor your next breakthrough.
You're not broken.
(00:43):
You're breaking through.
Let's go ahead and risetogether.
Thank you for rising with metoday.
If this episode moved, youshare it.
Tag me at Arise with Anita andmake sure to subscribe so you
never miss a future activation.
And, if you feel called, leavea quick review.
It helps more women find thespace and rise into their power.
(01:05):
Your next level is alreadywaiting.
Now go claim it.
I'll see you in the nextepisode.
Speaker 2 (01:12):
Welcome back fearful souls to the Rise of the Native
podcast.
Today, I am so excited towelcome a guest whose presence
is of pure activation.
Juan Bedana is an internationalspeaker, leadership educator
and author of the powerful bookConfidence by Choice.
Juan's message is simple andprofound Confidence isn't
(01:33):
something you wait for.
It's something you buildthrough the line of action and
intentional choice.
With a dynamic blend ofstorytelling, science and soul,
juan helps others essentiallythe next generation of leaders
cultivate own shakableself-belief and live from their
highest potentials.
Whether you're stepping into astage, into a new season, or
into a deeper version ofyourself, this episode is here
(01:56):
to remind you that confidence isyour birthright and starts
within.
So let's take a breath deep,drop in and let a conversation
awaken this part of you that isready to lead boldly, love
deeply and rise fully.
Let's rise together.
Boca Juan.
Speaker 3 (02:12):
Amazing intro, well done.
I am blown away.
Thank you for having me andthank you for that extraordinary
lead-in.
Speaker 2 (02:21):
Well, I'm honored to have you.
Like I said, we were chattingoffline and I have actually read
the book, which I mean I givemyself props because it just
came out Tuesday.
Speaker 3 (02:33):
Yes, yeah, very impressive, actually Very.
Speaker 2 (02:38):
And I just let's go ahead and dive right in.
Take us back to that version ofyou that was, as you've put it
broke.
It broke girlfriendless, livingon your friend's couch in
california.
What was life like during thatseason?
Speaker 3 (02:50):
confusing.
I remember I was at the timeliving in canada because I'm
originally canadian and moved toamerica a few years ago.
But I was the kid in schoolthat put off growth and put off
getting better and I said I'llfigure that out one day.
(03:11):
And then what happened is whenit came to apply to different
colleges and universities, whileall my friends had options, I
didn't and I couldn't get intoany schools and I got into a
community college that basicallyaccepted me with failed grades
and I did a year and a half ofthat, dropped out and I needed
to do something.
(03:31):
I knew something needed tochange, but I needed to
participate in that change.
You know I needed toparticipate in that rescue.
So I put my last $600 on acredit card and bought a flight
to California to stay with myfriend Luis True story, to live
on his couch, to literally justbe surrounded by high
(03:52):
performance.
I was like I want to be aroundsomeone that's actually
improving themselves and doinggreat things and I was like I
want to be in that energy.
And I flew and I spent sixweeks there and at this time I
was like I was depressed, I wasoverweight, I had developed
binge eating disorder.
I basically had $0 in my bankaccount and felt like I'd ran
(04:15):
out of options and it was thefirst time that I saw someone
that wasn't in effect of theirlife.
They were affecting their life,you know, like they were the
ones that were actually doingsomething about it.
And he didn't have greatcircumstance.
Louis had clinical, clinicallydiagnosed ADHD.
He was told that he would neveramount to much.
(04:36):
Despite all that, he went tocollege.
He became one of the top memoryexperts in the world, competed,
won a show on Fox, won asix-figure contract, like this
whole thing, and I was like,okay, he decided to affect life,
not have life affect him.
So that was sort of the firstsemblance of what I learned
(04:59):
about growth and not onlyconfidence is like you have to
participate, you have to be apart of it.
You know, and yeah, that waswhen I was 19 years old and I
really never looked back afterthat trip.
Speaker 2 (05:18):
Incredible and can we just take a moment?
Because the fact that you were19 and you're like life sucks,
sucks right now, but let melearn how to make it suck less,
is essentially so mind-blowingbecause, if you think about it,
most 19 year olds are like I'mnot going to be on this
trajectory, they're still not.
(05:39):
Let me party it out, figure outthe phase, and for you to be
like, okay, I'm already at mylow point, how, how do I turn
this around?
Yeah and I'm.
Speaker 3 (05:49):
I just want to take that moment to like nod to you
because you are fairly youngyeah, and I appreciate that and
honestly it was because of apretty significant low point
that sort of woke me up tosomething needs to change.
I think the scariest thing issomeone that lives kind of an
okay life, that's good, that hassome money, that goes on one
(06:16):
vacation Like that's scarybecause it's comfortable and
while we're comfortable it'ssort of our hall pass to say I
don't need to grow Like.
I remember waking up withdebilitating anxiety and stress
that I wasn't going to be ableto pay rent.
I remember that feelingviscerally and sometimes we lose
(06:36):
that level of drive because wedon't have like a fire under us
saying like you need to go.
So I think that origin thereason why I was able to, like
make that decision was becauseof the pain.
Of course I wouldn't wish painon to anyone, but I think, like
adversity and challenge actuallyis a blessing, and the scariest
(06:59):
version of life is the one withno challenge and no adversity,
because that person does notunderstand what grit is, that
person does not understand whatresilience is, that person does
not understand what hard work isand we're living in a time
right now that just gives outparticipation ribbons just for
showing up, which I think is themost toxic thing people can do
(07:22):
for confidence in the world.
It is weird destroying the selfconfidence of kids today by
telling them that you are enough, just because that's actually
not true.
In a society where we pray likeyou win awards, you win the
game, you win the NBA finals,you get the prize, you have the
(07:44):
exit in business.
Like no, you don't, you're notenough and extraordinary just
for showing up, like here's thedifference.
It should be I'll still loveyou when you show up.
That should be it.
Not you're good enough andhere's a participation ribbon
because you're not.
Sometimes you say you're goingto run a 5K and then you run 1K.
(08:07):
You shouldn't get a medal forthat.
It's a little bit of a hardtake, but too many people think
that they should be praised forno reason and they don't earn it
.
And confidence is something thatwe actually need to earn.
We earn proof, we earnconfidence with ourselves by
doing the things we said we weregoing to do.
That's how we build need toearn.
We earn proof, we earnconfidence with ourselves by
doing the things we said we weregoing to do.
That's how we build self-worth,that's how we build self-esteem
(08:30):
.
So I think the blessing was thechallenge, and I just happened
to have it at that age where Iwas, you know, 75 pounds
overweight.
I had binge eating disorder,then turned to alcohol and was
drinking three, four times anight, mostly blacking out every
single night, and I like that,being taken an ambulance to the
(08:51):
hospital for alcohol poisoning,like I wouldn't have known that
I wanted to head in anotherdirection if I didn't go through
that challenge.
You know.
Speaker 2 (09:02):
I think a lot of times what happens with us is
it's those challenges that endup in our growth cycles, and if
we don't, for sure say it endsup.
You live a very mundane life,as you were saying, and it's for
me.
What comes to mind is that likeconcept of when you're too
comfortable, you're playingsmall, essentially so beautiful.
(09:25):
Going back to that phase,though, what emotions were you
mostly dealing with on aday-to-day, aside from
depression?
What was your inner dialoguelooking like?
Speaker 3 (09:37):
worry, worry.
It was complete worry of whatif this doesn't work.
What if I fail?
What if they don't like it?
What if I fall short?
What if I have to move back inwith my parents?
What if I insert doom thoughthere.
(09:57):
And what I've realized is thatworry is just the prediction of
a negative outcome.
Excitement is the prediction ofa positive one.
So I realized that I was justtrying to predict a future that
hadn't even happened yet.
I was just worrying is justpredicting the future?
(10:18):
It's like no, you're notworrying about the speech,
you're worrying that it's notgoing to go well.
You're not worrying about thebusiness.
You're worrying about the factthat you're going to make no
sales.
You're not worrying about thespeech.
You're worrying that it's notgoing to go well.
You're not worrying about thebusiness.
You're worrying about the factthat you're going to make no
sales.
You're not worrying about thepodcast.
You're worrying that no one'sgoing to listen.
You're going to get threedownloads and two of them are
going to be your parents.
So, like we, I realized I waslike oh, I need to stop worrying
(10:39):
.
But you can't just stopworrying.
It's not that easy.
You need to replace it withsomething else, and I needed to
replace it with what am I movingtoward?
What am I excited about?
What am I looking forward to?
What are the goals that I have?
Because, once I changed myframe of thought to, instead of
worrying about the future, I'mgoing to go out and try and
create it and I'm going to getexcited about that fact.
(11:02):
That's when the switch flippedin my head to say like, okay,
I'm not going to be a victim ofcircumstance, I'm going to be
the designer and the executiveproducer of my life.
Speaker 1 (11:14):
Beautiful.
Speaker 3 (11:15):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (11:16):
And fair shout out.
I just want to kind ofinterject with the fact that we
did meet at a Timmy Robbinsevent.
We did camp interject with thefact that we did meet at a timmy
robbins event.
We did, and so I feel like youhad a little bit of this.
From what memory serves, youhad a little bit of these like
moments of you've already campedpart of this stuff in your
orbit for quite some time, butfor it to affect your life at
(11:40):
that point it hadn't really hityet.
Speaker 3 (11:44):
For sure, and I'd gone to personal development
conferences the Tonys of theworld, the Brendons of the world
and I would listen and I feltgreat in the moment, but then I
would go home and then nothingwould really change.
So, though I was getting agreat message, I wasn't applying
it, and I saw a lot of peoplein the personal development,
(12:07):
personal growth environment thatwere learning one thing but
then not implementing that samething over here, and so they
didn't really have any growth intheir life.
And I'm like if we could justtake these things and actually
start using them, then I feellike it would.
It would probably move us inthe direction that we want to go
(12:29):
.
So, yes, I definitely was.
You know, had the unfairadvantage of being exposed to
personal growth and personaldevelopment from a very young
age, but at the same time, I'veseen people that were exposed at
that same age that are now intheir 40s and they didn't do
anything with it.
So it's not about what you takein, it's not about what books
(12:50):
you read, it's about what you dowith them, because you can have
a bunch of books on the shelf.
You could have a ton of coursesthat you have login info to.
You can go to a ton ofconferences, but if you don't do
anything with it, then you knowthat's not going to change
anything.
Oh yeah.
Speaker 2 (13:08):
The beauty is in the implementation.
Speaker 3 (13:10):
Yes, 100%.
Speaker 2 (13:12):
So, going back to your personal story, what was
your tipping point where youwere like, okay, enough is
enough, I'm done.
Speaker 3 (13:21):
I think it was a series of tipping points.
You know people talk about thisone moment where everything
changed.
Sure, I remember, you know,stepping on the scale, I was 75
pounds overweight.
I remember waking up in ahospital room seeing blood on my
shirt because I'd coughed upblood and wondering where I was.
I remember those momentsvividly.
(13:42):
I remember those momentsvividly, but I think it was an
accumulation of those momentsthat really set in motion what
was then going to be the journeyof getting out of that place
and seeing all my friends getgreat jobs.
And I remember logging in Iwish I had the screenshots I
think I still do somewhere buton my bank account and seeing
(14:04):
$24, $37, $140 and having creditcard debt that I didn't know
how I was going to pay off.
I remember those momentsviscerally.
So I don't think it was asingle moment.
I think it was an amalgamationof all of those moments that
then led me to have this.
Something needs to change.
And the first thing was reallythe the just the health and
(14:25):
fitness journey where I was like, hey, this changes now and I
became a psycho.
I was doing 75 hard before.
That actually was a thing Iliterally did.
And when I went to California,I did two workouts a day.
Uh, I only ate steamedvegetables and eggs.
I do not recommend this as adiet.
This was probably a horribleidea.
I just didn't know any better.
I would literally have like twopounds of steamed vegetables
(14:48):
like three times a day.
That's what I.
It was crazy, that's what I ate.
I worked out two or three timesa day and I just went.
I just went so obsessive interms of the commitment and what
happened was I started to seeresults.
And here's the crazy part whenyou start seeing results in your
life, it actually gives you themotivation you're looking for
at the beginning.
(15:08):
When you start seeing resultsin one thing, it starts to give
you the drive that you wanted atthe beginning of the thing.
So that's when I was like oh, Ido hard things, so that gives
me results.
And the results give me thatboost that I'm looking for.
That boost that I'm looking forgives me more energy to give
the result.
Like that's when I tapped intothe, I was like, oh great, I
(15:30):
just need to get results andthat comes from taking action.
So I just need to continuallydo that over and over and over
again, and it's going to reachme to my desired outcome, and
there's still versions of thatthat play out to this day.
So I would say it was aculmination of moments.
For sure, not a single momentin time.
Speaker 2 (15:47):
Beautiful and basically, what you just
described was the momentum cycleis what I would call it.
Get momentum in one area, itstarts to bleed through in all
other areas of your life.
Speaker 3 (15:58):
For sure, for sure.
And that's like you can borrowmomentum or borrow confidence
from different areas, like ifyou rush it in relationships but
you're horrible with finances.
Like, borrow some of themindsets and some of the beliefs
you have over here and bring itover there.
I guess everyone has an area oftheir life where they're like I
(16:18):
actually feel pretty solid here, I feel pretty good here.
So, like, borrow someconfidence, borrow some skillset
, borrow some belief from thisarea and put it over here.
Speaker 2 (16:28):
Absolutely so.
What would you say to thatversion of you now?
Speaker 3 (16:35):
That kid.
What he needed to hear is likeit's it's up to you you know
it's it's up to.
Like no one is going to comeand change your life for you Not
your parents, not your bestfriend, not God, not, no one's
going to come change your lifefor you.
Those people can help and theycan walk with you, but you need
(16:57):
to be the one that participatesin the, the actions that you
take in the belief that you have.
So, like some, it's so easy tofeel alone in the pursuit of
something, but it's much harderwhen you, when, when you just
feel like you're you're doingthings but it's not really
(17:19):
working.
In those moments you have tounderstand like it's it's it's
going to be on me.
I'm going to take ownership forit.
I'm going to be the one thatshows up and consistently, day
in and day out, every single day, and eventually something's
going to work out and to havefaith and have belief in a
better future, that it is goingto go your way, that you're
going to find a way forward.
(17:39):
So, yeah, I would tell that kidto just realize that, like it's
on you, no one's coming.
No one's coming.
Like you're in the water,you're treading water, you're
swimming and there's a boatright there.
There's a lifeline, it's rightthere.
It's sort of that parable Idon't know if you've heard it
where it's like the man istreading in the ocean and there
(17:59):
is a bird that comes by to savehim and he's like I'll save you.
And then he's like no, no, no,god will save me.
And the bird keeps flying by.
And then there's like a dolphinthat comes by and the dolphins
like I'll save you.
And then he's like no, god willsave me.
And then there's a boat thatcomes by with a fisherman.
It's like here, I'll save you.
And he's like, no, don't worry,god will save me.
And then he goes to heaven.
(18:21):
He's like God, what the heck,where were you?
And he's like I sent you a bird, I sent you a dolphin, I sent
you a boat, and he didn't chooseit.
You never got on.
So sometimes we've got toparticipate in our own rescue
and we got to be the people thatsay I'm going to actually show
up Like that.
That's really what I would,that's for sure, what I would
(18:43):
say.
Speaker 2 (18:44):
That's really what I would, that's for sure, what I
would say Beautiful, and I lovethat message and I love that
parable.
So you talk a lot about theconfidence cycle, obviously
because that's the title of yourbook, so break it down for the
listeners.
What does the confidence cycleentail?
Speaker 3 (19:07):
So, simply put, I realized that confidence
oftentimes is thought of in thesense that the more action I
take or the more competence Ibuild, the more confident I'll
feel.
So take action, feel confident,repeat that's great, but it's a
broken system because itdoesn't take into account two
very important things.
Number one what if you don'thave the energy for it?
And number two, what if you'reafraid?
A lack of energy and a lack ofcourage are the reasons that
(19:29):
hold people back from actuallytaking the action and getting in
the game of confidence.
So the first step, or the firstmicro step in the cycle, is
really generating and sparking alevel of energy.
That is the first step, becausethe hardest part of a run is
tying your shoes.
The hardest part of an enginestarting is the spark, is the
(19:52):
ignition.
So we need that ignition at thevery beginning in any area of
our lives.
Once you have enough energy, itfacilitates courage, which
courage is your willingness toput yourself into the moment of
fear.
Once you have enough courage,it then leads your willingness
to put yourself into the momentof fear.
Once you have enough courage,it then leads you to take a step
, to take an action, which thenultimately leads to giving you
(20:13):
proof that, wow, I am this kindof person, I can do this thing.
This is awesome.
But people, what people miss sooften is the first two steps is
generating energy and havingthat energy facilitate courage.
That courage facilitates action.
That action gives you a resultand then it really reinforces
(20:33):
the cycle over and over and overagain.
Challenge is people try andjust take action and they're too
tired and they're afraid.
You know, most people don't gofor another level in life
because they're too tired atthis one.
So in order to build confidence, we have to build a level of
energy that is far beyond wherewe are today.
That's the 30,000 foot view ofthe confidence cycle.
Speaker 2 (20:58):
I love this and for the record, because I know some
of my listeners either sway verywoo or they don't.
Speaker 3 (21:06):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (21:07):
When you say energy, what do you specifically mean?
Are we talking physical stateor that like mental energy?
Have that spiritual side to it.
Speaker 3 (21:17):
So all of the above, you know people think.
When they think of energy, theythink the water that I drink,
the food that I eat, how I movemy body.
That's great.
But there also is psychologicalenergy, which is the fact that
you can think yourself intotired and you can think yourself
an energy.
You know, everyone has had amoment where it was the day
before an exciting event, daybefore a birthday, and they got
(21:39):
two hours of sleep, but somehowthey found the energy.
How'd you do that?
By focusing on excitement,because excitement creates
anticipation, anticipationcreates energy.
So there's also psychologicalexcitement.
Then there's psychologicalenergy.
Then there is environmentalenergy, which is the energy you
feel like going to a poppin'restaurant or going to a concert
(22:01):
or going to be in the world orthe people you surround yourself
with.
If you surround yourself withpeople that are tired, you will
be tired.
If you surround yourself withpeople that are high energy, you
will find that rubbing off onyou, because we mirror and match
the people that we surroundourselves with and the people in
our lives.
So it is sort of holisticallythat yes, it is physical energy,
(22:22):
but it is also psychological,mental energy, it is
environmental energy andabsolutely spiritual energy as
well.
All of it is the spark.
It's essentially theinspiration.
You know, like when people feelinspired for a new goal at the
beginning of the year, they saynew year, new me.
What do they do?
They buy the new workoutclothes, they sign up for the
(22:45):
yoga studio and they go andthey're excited because there's
an ignition point, there's likethat flicker, it's exciting.
So we just don't need to waituntil January 1st or a birthday
or a special occasion to startsomething.
We can say that being alive isa special occasion and let me
get like, let me pursue the bestof who I am and the best of
(23:09):
what I want today, like rightnow.
Speaker 2 (23:11):
Absolutely Essentially.
Just start now.
Yeah, 100%.
So what do people get wrongabout confidence?
Speaker 1 (23:19):
in your opinion.
Speaker 3 (23:20):
A few things.
Number one that confidence isonly for extroverts.
A few things.
Number one that confidence isonly for extroverts.
Oftentimes overly extrovertedpeople are often hiding
insecurities and they're doingit as an overcompensation.
There is no research on thefact and the correlation of
confidence and extroversion.
It does not exist.
So you do not need to beextroverted to be confident.
(23:43):
Also, biggest thing that peopleget wrong is that confident
people have zero insecurities.
That is the furthest thing fromthe truth.
Confident people probably havemore self-doubt than normal
people.
Super confident people have waymore self-doubt than regular
folk.
They just don't see doubt as asign to stop.
They see it as a signal to grow.
(24:04):
They don't see self-doubt as asign to stop.
They see it as a signal to grow.
They don't see self-doubt as asignal to say I should stop
doing this.
They see it as a signal to sayI'm going to get better, I'm
going to retool, I'm going toskill up.
So confident people, theyactually just have a better
relationship with self-doubt.
That's the biggestmisconception.
It's like, oh, that person issuper confident.
They never doubt themselves.
That's not true.
They doubt themselves way more.
(24:26):
That's why they're confident,because they have more run-ins
with self-doubt.
They face self-doubt far moreoften than the average person.
So they're okay and actuallythrive amidst the pressure of it
all.
So those are the two mostcommon, I would say.
Speaker 2 (24:45):
Absolutely, and I've just an observation of the space
.
In the personal developmentrealm.
I've noticed a lot of biggerspeakers that my let's be.
I don't know if I wouldclassify Tony as one, but like
I've had, for example, verycharismatic speaker, but he's an
(25:05):
introvert at heart and so Iremember hearing that and going.
There's nothing wrong with me.
Speaker 3 (25:13):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (25:16):
Based on like if I'm not extroverted, I will be
successful.
That it's like the introvertedpeople who are able to kind of
flip on a switch, so to speak,are the ones that are actually
more successful because they'reable to kind of navigate that
like discomfort of puttingthemselves out there just for
(25:38):
their message or for whatever is, whether it's their like
mission or their purpose orwhatever they categorize it as
they're willing to putthemselves out there.
For sure, absolutely so.
You went from living on a couchto a keynote speaker.
How does speaking enter yourpath?
Speaker 3 (26:08):
For context, you were also told that you would not
amount to being a goodcommunicator.
Essentially was the messageyeah, I went to a conference and
I remember I saw a speaker at astudent event, a student
leadership conference, and I waslike how the heck do you do
that?
So I emailed every speaker Icould find in in toronto and I
was like where do you, how doyou do this?
Barely any responded.
(26:29):
One responded and he agreed tosit down with me for two hours,
two and a half hours, almostthree hours at a Starbucks and
kind of just gave me everythingand he booked me my first event,
which was a mistake because Iwas horrible.
And then it just kind of wentfrom there and I was like I
could obsess about this thingand this is something I'm really
(26:50):
excited about, this issomething I'm looking forward to
and something I could beexcited about being bad at.
And I just never looked back.
I was like this is what I'mgoing to do and I still feel
that where I'm like I feel soearly in the career, I was like
this is what I'm gonna do and Istill feel that where I'm like I
feel so early in the career, Iwas like I'm so excited to
obsess about this thing andcontinue to do so, because it's
(27:11):
just the funnest thing in theworld and I just love it
beautiful.
Speaker 2 (27:14):
Can you walk people through the actual actions you
took?
Because when I heard this I waslike this guy was like I
decided and I'm just going forit.
So what did that look like?
For those who don't know, yeahit was.
Speaker 3 (27:28):
I was like okay, I want to be a speaker, so what is
that going to look like?
I coded my own website becausethis was before Wix or
Squarespace or any of theseamazing intuitive or AI or any
of these platforms existed.
And I was like I'm going tocode my own website.
I don't know how to code, I'mgonna code my own website.
(27:52):
I don't know how to code, I'mgonna figure that out.
I figured out a code.
I made my own website.
It was okay, and I sent ahundred emails a day, seven days
a week, to anyone with an emailaddress I apologize if you were
one of them, because youprobably were, if you're
listening to this.
I sent, sent so many freakingemails.
It was insane.
And I got my first opportunityafter probably I would have to
look back probably after like200 or so emails Around there, I
(28:15):
booked my first like speech,which was cool, and it was for
like $250 Canadian and I waspumped.
And then that led me to doinganother speech for like a
hundred bucks, and then that ledme to doing another and another
, and another, and it justsnowballed from there.
But the beginning I was likeI'm going to figure this out and
(28:35):
I'm going to force my way intothis career because I'm not a
former Olympian or a formerastronaut or a politician Like I
need to be extraordinary justbecause and that's gonna be
really hard.
So how the heck do we do that?
And yeah, I just never, never,really look back beautiful.
Speaker 2 (28:55):
One thing that really impressed me, though, and the
reason I asked you to share thatstory, is because, when you
finally made that decision to gointo the speaking career
Totally new chapter, totally newarena, essentially, of your
life but you made the decisionand you just took massive action
right away, and you weren'tafraid of bendels or, in your
(29:18):
case, it was literally purelygetting ignored.
Speaker 3 (29:22):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (29:25):
You continued until you finally built that momentum.
And once you got that one win,it led to another win, and so on
, so forth, and now you're doingincredible things yeah, and it
was, you know, quote-unquotemassive action I guess.
Speaker 3 (29:40):
But it was also micro action because I very much so
at the very beginning, focusedon the next email and I wasn't
focusing on.
Massive action would be I'mgoing to send 10,000 emails this
year.
That's daunting, that's a lot.
I'm like I'm going to send, I'mgoing to send 20 emails in the
(30:02):
next hour.
So then I was there, I was inthat hour, I was present with
that hour.
The next hour.
I was like I'm going to send,I'm going to send 25, 30 more.
That was good, I'll take alittle break, I'll go for a walk
outside and then I'm going tocome back.
So then it wasn't even ahundred in a day, it just it was
broken up.
So it was.
It was into these micro chunkswhere, like, it just became much
(30:24):
more manageable, where it'slike I'm just gonna do a little,
I'm just gonna do a little moreevery single day.
So it really didn't feel likemajor, like massive action, just
felt like micro actionsconsistently absolutely well.
Speaker 2 (30:40):
Consistency I think that's a big part of winning in
business and in life yes, it isthe like.
Speaker 3 (30:49):
I was literally talking to penguin about this.
Thinking about my next bookwill probably be something
either around energy or aroundconsistency, because it is the
thing.
People quit far too early.
People quit right before it wasgoing to work, right before the
thing was going to happen.
They quit, they let go becauseit's not for them, because it
(31:10):
wasn't working, like it's justso soon, so soon.
Speaker 2 (31:14):
They were right there , but they didn't that micro
moment right before it'sactually about to 100 I actually
have a funny little story aboutthat personally.
So in my early when I was like19, I guess there you go,
there's the mirroring of thisconversation.
When I was 19, I had this wholecampaign and I was like I'm
(31:37):
going to sing with Justin Bieberone day now I am not best
singer, or do that sound likeMariah Carey for the life of me
but I was like if I could provethat I can do this, like I don't
even need a career in music,like game over, I'm good.
And so I had this campaign thatwas literally going from like
2012 to 2014 website, youtubevideos, you name it, the whole
(32:00):
shebang at it where I hadliterally his entire team
knowing about it.
I literally like I was on it.
I was like I'm gonna make thisthing happen.
And I recall literally thenight before it actually
happened, which is it's liketiny little clip of us singing,
but I was like that's all Ireally need.
I literally had a tweet where Iput out I was like this is
(32:21):
stupid.
I don't know why.
I tried.
It's been two freaking yearsand literally the falling night,
like 24 hours exact later, Iended up doing so how do I
really stuff to that belief oflike it's not gonna happen and I
didn't follow that nudge oflike.
My friend was like hey, he's atthe studio, come, come, chill.
It wouldn't have happened.
(32:43):
So it's that little likepersistence moment of like I'm
gonna try it anyways 100 justunwind absolutely.
Speaker 3 (32:54):
I could not, could not agree more so what did you
have to unlearn?
Speaker 2 (32:58):
to stand in a room with people looking at you with
confidence and speak to themthat people are thinking of you
all the time.
Speaker 3 (33:15):
That's what I thought .
That's the furthest thing fromthe truth.
People aren't thinking of youall the time.
They're thinking of themselves.
They're the main character intheir movie, not yours, so sure,
speaking, it's like they'relooking at you and they're just
watching you for an hour.
That does feel like they arelooking at you and they're just
watching you for an hour.
(33:36):
That does feel like they arelooking at you 24-7.
But I had to unlearn the factthat you care more about how you
sound and how you're perceivedthan everyone else.
Love the people in the room andjust just do that.
Just do that, Cause you can'tgo wrong.
Speaker 2 (33:58):
Like you can't like.
If you just love the people inthe room, you can't go wrong.
That's beautiful and I thinkthat speaks to how usually
public speaking is the numberone fear most people have, even
more than dying, and it's becomethey get into their head of how
do I look, how do I sound, what, what did I say the right thing
?
Oh, my god, I just stumbled onmy word and I think a lot of
times if we get out of our ownway, we realize that it's about
(34:23):
them, not about us, and even ifyou fumble, half the time they
don't notice 100 so this bringsus to the exact question I was
about to ask, which is what roledoes service play in confidence
for you?
Speaker 3 (34:39):
I think it's one thing to build our own
confidence.
It's another to give it away,and I think our ultimate
opportunity is to give peopleconfidence by saying hey, you're
incredible.
Hey, you're amazing.
Hey, I'm glad you're a part ofthis team.
Hey, you're an extraordinaryperson in my life.
Like, I just want to say Iappreciate you.
Like, giving confidence away isso easy, but we do it so rarely
(35:04):
that I think the role ofconfidence is to say, like, once
you've built your ownconfidence, how do you turn
around and be the person thatcan give it away?
Give it to the people in yourlife, to your family, to your
friends, to the people on thestreet.
Just be the person thatencourages people, that says,
hey, like I know, I believe inthat project, yeah, I'm gonna
(35:26):
like and share everything.
Just send me the link.
Like, just be that kind ofperson, because when you're that
kind of person, peoplegravitate towards it.
They really do absolutely so.
Speaker 2 (35:38):
How has your relationship with confidence
evolved since writing the book?
Speaker 3 (35:44):
oh, it's definitely created my fair share of doubts,
which is ironic.
A book on confidence creatingsome, some doubts in your mind
of like, who am I to write thisand and am I really the expert
here, and what are people goingto think, and what if it's
incomplete, and what if it?
All of those things.
So I think it's created both alevel of doubt but also a level
(36:08):
of like.
I'm serious about this topicand I am going to obsess about
it.
I want to keep learning about itand it's definitely changed the
way that I interact with peopleand seeing like the majority of
people do things.
Because they want to feel likethey matter, they want to feel
valued.
That's a con.
It's, it's all confidence.
Like they want to feelconfident in their future.
(36:29):
They want to feel confident intheir ability.
They want to feel valued.
That's a con.
It's, it's all confidence.
Like they want to feelconfident in their future.
They want to feel confident intheir ability.
They want to feel confident intheir marriage.
They want to feel confident intheir relationships.
They want to feel confident intheir own skin.
Like it's all boils down toconfidence.
So I'm like, okay, I'm reallyspeaking to like a nucleus of
(36:50):
the world.
Speaker 2 (36:55):
And it's just yeah, yeah, it's just super exciting.
I think it's interesting,though, the way you said that it
brought doubts, because and Iwas just having a conversation
with my own personal mentor andit was like, sometimes I feel
like you are perceiving yourselfas still not the expert, and I
kind of had this moment when hewas saying that where it's like,
(37:18):
at what point are we really theexpert?
Because I look at even someonelike Tony, who is very much high
up there, but if you look at it, I'm sure he had those moments
where he's like, okay, what morecan I teach on?
Or, if it's a new thing thatyou're entering, you're still
feeling that hesitation to callyourself an expert when you're
(37:42):
sharing 100%.
Speaker 3 (37:47):
Yeah, I don't think there's ever going to be a
moment where someone doesn't runinto a feeling of imposter
syndrome or feeling like they'renot enough.
But the thing to do in thatmoment is to get better, to work
on it, to excel, to improve.
Speaker 2 (38:05):
That's it.
Speaker 3 (38:06):
That's what you got to do To get better.
Just improve, just improvethat's what you got to do to get
better.
Speaker 2 (38:11):
Like just improve, just improve those micro shifts
or, as Tony would call it, likethe two millimeters.
I just have to get slightlybetter at it and it won't have
to be an expert.
But I have to get slightlybetter at it and you'll find you
enter that state of flow?
Speaker 3 (38:28):
Absolutely, absolutely.
So what does it really mean?
To choose confidence today, Ithink, to let go of other
people's opinions of you andlive your version of life and to
decide here's where I want togo, and I'm going to pursue it
with abandon, and I'm going tobe tenacious and courageous and
(38:51):
I'm going gonna pursue my dreamsregardless of the judgment, the
criticism, the failure, therejection that comes along with
the territory.
It is in full pursuit.
Being in full pursuit of one'sgoals unconditionally that's
what I'd say for, in other words, having audacity yes and all
(39:19):
right.
Speaker 2 (39:20):
So how do you now and you just touched on this
slightly but how do you staygrounded when the voice of doubt
creeps in?
Speaker 3 (39:29):
I think, sort of speaking to what we were
mentioning before like do thework.
Like you have to outworkyourself, doubt you?
Like, if you're doubtingyourself about writing, go right
.
If you're doubting yourselfabout going to the gym, tie your
shoes, get out the door.
If you're doubting yourselfabout building new relationships
, go say hi to five new people.
Like, just get in motion, do.
(39:52):
The damn thing is how we get outof self-doubt.
Self-doubt is thinking.
It's like treading water inworry and despair and fear and
like you're in the ocean.
Instead, decide to swim, swimtowards something.
Don't just tread water.
You know what treading waterdoes.
It takes a ton of energy andyou go nowhere.
That's what most people do andthey tread water in worry and
(40:15):
self-doubt and anxiety and fearand fatigue and all these sorts
of things.
I'm like swim towardsexcitement, swim toward momentum
, swim toward courage, swimtoward something.
There's buoys out there thatall have labels on them.
Go to them.
Don't just tread water, becauseat some point you're going to
run out of gas and you're goingto feel consumed by the water.
(40:35):
You're going to say I drowned.
No, you didn't move.
Speaker 2 (40:42):
You didn't move towards something I definitely
can relate.
I think that the more you stickwith that doubt mindset, the
more you can't find yourself inthat loop.
100% Call yourself the inactionwhen it's easier to just jump
in and take the action andyou'll build that.
Speaker 3 (41:01):
For sure.
Speaker 2 (41:03):
If someone's currently in this season of life
where they're listening rightnow and they feel stuck or small
, what's the one truth you wantthem to hear bring to?
They feel like it's dead.
Speaker 3 (41:14):
They just take the day much that your life is up to
you.
The results that you have todayare a byproduct of what you did
six months ago.
So, if you want to be somewheredifferent, move.
(41:35):
You are not a tree.
Decide to move.
You don't have roots in whereyou are.
Decide that I'm going to dosomething different.
Just understand the power thatyou have to change your own life
.
Like that is an excitingthought and should be an
exciting thought, and I thinkmost people just don't
acknowledge the fact that, likeit, you have the autonomy to do
(41:58):
whatever the heck you want.
So go get after it, go make ithappen like that's exciting I
love this.
Speaker 2 (42:08):
I just I want to acknowledge you for a moment
because you're so young but sogood at communicating the way to
build confidence, and it'sapparent how much research and
study you've done and how you'veapplied this in your own life.
And I remember just a sidebarwhen I met you at the RPM.
(42:30):
On that I was like he just saidhe's a speaker, and I remember
looking you up and being likehe's not just any speaker, he's
an impressive speaker but he'sdownplaying a little bit.
What I mean by downplaying isjust, you know, you didn't have
this energy of like I appear andthen like everyone else is here
(42:51):
, which I think once you hit astory level, sometimes,
especially in certaincommunities, you can find that
energy kind of radiating off theperson.
So when I found out, oh, hespeaks for like fortune 500
companies and he's not even it'snot even like a humble brag for
him he was just very in tune.
And I remember he told me aboutthe story about like hey, are
(43:13):
you saving?
Go out and like speak at a freeevents just to get my practice
and my footing in, but a lot ofpeople don't want to do that
work.
And I remember thinking tomyself.
He's not wrong.
There's a lot of people in thespace that would love to be in
this space, but they don't wantto do those micro wins to get to
that overnight success of likeactually being a page seeker
(43:37):
with, like, the triple sts orwhatever.
Speaker 3 (43:39):
So I just want to acknowledge how you're humble
and confident at the same time,because I find that that can be
a little bit of a rare trait Iappreciate that, yeah, yeah,
especially in this industry,it's hard when you have a career
path or a role that isliterally you on a stage and
people are listening to you talkfor an hour.
(44:01):
A lot of times it gets topeople's heads it's gotten to my
head for sure at times, and themore time I've spent at it, the
more accustomed you become.
Then you remember why it reallymatters and what really matters
of like of doing this workwhere it's like the people in
(44:21):
the room, the people in theaudience, like can you obsess
about creating an amazingexperience for them?
Can you obsess about creatingan extraordinary experience for
the people sitting in the room?
That's all that matters.
And sure, the like the bigconferences or the stadium
events or the Fortune 100companies or the like it's cool.
But there's also other eventsthat you've never heard of that
(44:43):
are also really cool.
Like that are awesome.
Yeah, lint chocolate is great.
They sent, you know, my wifeand I like 60 pounds of
chocolate.
It was insane.
Like chocolate they don't evensell at stores, like crazy.
But then there's also likedifferent associations and and
different community.
I did a company called RK andthey were awesome and it was all
(45:06):
their executive leaders, and itwas 35 of them and we hung out
for eight hours and it wasamazing and and like no one's
ever heard of them and no oneever will hear about them, like
that's so it's.
It's really just about thepeople in the room and what you
can do for them and how you canshow up for them and can you
create something that is themost valuable for them, because
(45:27):
in this business, it's like it'snot about you, it's about them,
it's about the people in theroom.
That's, that's the whole thing.
Speaker 2 (45:37):
So what are you currently feeling stretched to
embody right now?
Speaker 3 (45:42):
What am I currently feeling?
To what Sorry?
Speaker 2 (45:45):
To embody right now.
Speaker 3 (45:48):
To stretch like to stretch myself.
Speaker 2 (45:50):
To embody, yeah, to stretch, like to stretch myself
to embody.
Speaker 3 (45:53):
Yeah, right now I am working on really expanding into
sorts of two lanes.
One is in business of likehiring a team offloading a lot
of things that I'm doing, sohiring a full-time executive
assistant and a lot of thosepieces.
And then in personal, doing achallenge with my wife Gabby.
(46:16):
We're starting in a few dayslike a version of 75, hard kind
of, but where it's like reading10 pages, doing two workouts a
day, working on a part of thekeynote for two hours a day,
just like really stretching mycommitment to how I show up
every single day.
So those are sort of the.
That's like a personal and thena business.
Those are the two wayscurrently.
Speaker 2 (46:36):
Beautiful.
So what's a bold invitation youwant to leave us here with
today?
Speaker 3 (46:41):
Bold invitation Move toward your best.
Like there's a version of youhere's what I'll say.
There's a version of you,here's what I'll say.
There's a version of you sixmonths away.
That is awesome, and many timespeople will be the same or
worse version of themselves sixmonths from now and they're
(47:02):
moving either at a stagnantdirection or at a decline.
It's like decide to be a betterversion of yourself by December
, by March, by June, by October.
Whenever you're listening tothis, like six months from now,
a year from now, you can be adifferent person.
So much can change in thatperiod of time.
(47:25):
So I would just leave peoplewith the decision to reimagine
what is possible for yourself Ifyou've only earned a certain
amount, or if you've only hadthis certain kind of
relationship, or if you've onlyfelt this kind of way.
Reimagine a different versionof you and decide to become that
(47:45):
over the next six, seven, eight, nine, 10 months.
Speaker 2 (47:48):
Beautiful.
So how can listeners connectdeeper with you?
Speaker 3 (47:53):
primarily instagram linkedin are my two platforms I
hang out on the most.
That is me, that is not amanagement service, that is
literally me, it's just juanbandana on on both of those
platforms and yeah, yeah, those,those two are where I hang out
the most.
Speaker 2 (48:12):
Beautiful and I'm going to hit you with a quick
fire round.
So one word answers multipleanswers.
I don't really care, but justAmazing.
Part of the fun of it yourcurrent mantra.
Speaker 3 (48:25):
Let's go.
Speaker 2 (48:27):
Love it.
A book outside of yours thatchanged your life.
Speaker 3 (48:31):
The Rise of Superman.
Speaker 2 (48:33):
Interesting your daily non-negotiable outside of
work now.
Speaker 3 (48:39):
Hydration Water.
Speaker 2 (48:42):
One word that describes your current season.
Speaker 3 (48:45):
Faith.
Speaker 2 (48:47):
Blah, blah, blah.
And then final one what is yourfavorite guilty pleasure?
Favorite guilty pleasure.
Speaker 3 (48:59):
I'm just gonna chalk it up to carbs, because I was
like cookies.
It could be cookies, but itcould be ice cream, but it could
be pasta.
Speaker 2 (49:05):
We're big foodies, I love food, so I'm gonna say
carbs actually I'm gonna hit youwith one more, because I
usually start those as anopening question what is
currently bringing you joy?
Speaker 3 (49:18):
Oh my gosh, spending time with my wife, spending time
with my friends, spending timewith my dog, the people, the
people in my life are, yeah, yes.
Speaker 2 (49:28):
Beautiful.
I am so honored to have you onthis podcast, so I'm going to
link all the show notes and thebook in the bio.
For those of you who haven'tconnected with one, I highly
recommend you do.
And until next time, pleaselike and do the comments, and
I'm not great at the outros, I'mjust gonna be very honest, you
(49:51):
know.
So please subscribe and reachout to us on Instagram, let us
know your thoughts, what yourfavorite takeaways from this
conversation were, and we willbe on being next time.
Thank you again.
Speaker 1 (50:09):
Thank you for rising with me today.
If this episode moved, youshare it.
Tag me at AriseWithAnita andmake sure to subscribe so you
never miss a future activationand, if you feel called, leave a
quick review.
It helps more women find thespace and rise into their power.
Your next level is alreadywaiting.
Now go claim it.
I'll see you in the nextepisode.
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