E387 | How to Deal with Defensive People Who Project

Wait... when did this become my fault?

Why do I feel like I’m being indicted? 

That’s not at all what I meant when I said that. 

I have no idea how we got to the point where I’m the one feeling guilty.

We’ve all been in this situation before. You thought you were having an honest conversation—but somehow, things flipped. Now it’s uncomfortable.

You must have said something that offended them… right? 

But did you? 

How did what you said get twisted into that? And now, out of nowhere, you’re the bad guy.

People can be simple, complex, complicated, and convoluted—all at the same time. Sometimes we send a clear input through someone, and because of ego, insecurity, or other unresolved stuff, it comes out the other side as something completely different, leaving them defensive. Now they’re projecting. And now you’re stuck dealing with the fallout.

It’s more common than ever in the world we live in today—so let’s break it down. What kinds of tactics can we use to lower the temperature and get back on solid ground? How can we preemptively shield ourselves and make sure the signal doesn’t get lost in the noise?

In this episode Brett covers:

• What projection is and why people resort to it
• How to frame your words for someone who internalizes everything
• Go-to scripts and phrases to use when things start heating up
• Strategically call out dramatic behavior and get to the root of the pattern
• Setting realistic expectations when someone isn’t ready to face themselves—and you have to choose between being right or being happy

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Related Episodes:

E313 | How To Communicate With Someone Who Shuts Down or Stonewalls

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