October 28, 2025 • 25 mins
What happens when your biggest strength, helping others, starts draining your energy?
In this empowering episode, returning guest Leah Marone, psychotherapist and author of Serial Fixer, joins Carly for a heart-to-heart about why solopreneurs often fall into “fixer mode.” You’ll learn how to stop rescuing and start empowering, how to calm your inner critic, and how to set boundaries without guilt. If you’ve ever caught yourself saying “I’ll just do it myself,” this conversation will feel like a deep exhale.
FAQs From The Episode
How can solopreneurs tell if they’re a “serial fixer”?
If you constantly jump in to solve problems that aren’t yours, feel drained after “helping,” or struggle to let others handle things, even small tasks, you might be in fixer mode. Leah calls this “micro codependency.” It’s not about bad intentions—it’s about overextending yourself in the name of helping.
What’s the difference between rescuing and empowering?
Rescuing means taking ownership of someone else’s problem; empowering means supporting them to find their own solution. Leah shares her favorite mantra: “Support, don’t solve.” That small mindset shift gives people their own reps while freeing you from unnecessary emotional labor.
How can solopreneurs set boundaries without feeling guilty?
Leah explains that guilt often comes from your inner pleaser, the part of you that fears rejection or judgment. The fix? Recognize that this voice is trying to protect you. Appreciate its intention, but guide it gently toward balance. Sustainable boundaries come from understanding your internal drivers, not ignoring them.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Carly Ries (00:00):
Are you a chronic fixer, always jumping in to
(00:02):
solve everyone's problems evenwhen it leaves you drained?
Well, in this episode, therapistand author, Leah Marone, returns
to unpack what it really meansto be a serial fixer and how
solopreneurs can break the cycleof burnout by shifting from
rescuing to empowering. In thisepisode, I get real about
compassion fatigue, guilt aroundboundaries, and the inner critic
(00:22):
that never shuts up. You'lllearn how to set internal and
external boundaries, soothe youroverworked mind, and still show
up with empathy without losingyourself in the process. So if
you've ever caught yourselfthinking, I'll just handle it,
this one's for you.
You're listening to The AspiringSolopreneur, the podcast for
anyone on the solo businessjourney, whether you're just
(00:43):
toying with the idea, takingyour first bold step, or have
been running your own show foryears and want to keep growing,
refining, and thriving. I'mCarly Ries, and along with my
cohost Joe Rando, we're yourguides through the crazy but
awesome world of being a companyof one. As part of LifeStarr, a
digital hub dedicated to allthings entrepreneurship, we help
(01:04):
people design businesses thatalign with their life's
ambitions so they can work tolive, not live to work. If
you're looking for a get richquick scheme, this is not the
place for you. But if you wantreal world insights from
industry experts, lessons fromthe successes and stumbles of
fellow solopreneurs, andpractical strategies for
building and sustaining abusiness you love, you're in the
right spot.
(01:24):
Because one solo businessdoesn't mean you're alone. No
matter where you are in yourjourney, we've got your back.
(02:14):
Leah, very rarely do we haverepeat guests on this show. And
so you're now in an elite clubof other guests who have already
been here before, and we are soexcited to have you back on the
show. Thank you so much forcoming today.
Leah Marone (02:26):
Oh, I'm thrilled. It's just so good to see you,
and I'm excited to have ourconversation today.
Carly Ries (02:31):
Well and for listeners who can't see us, Joe
is not here today, so we couldkinda go rogue, Leah. We could
basically do whatever we wantwhile the cat's away. But since
your last time on this show, wenow have icebreaker questions.
And so I want to know what doyou wish you had known before
becoming a solopreneur?
Leah Marone (02:50):
Oh my gosh. How much time do we have? No. I'm
kidding.
I think the main thing is kindof the isolation and loneliness
factor. And I know that soundskind of negative, but really, I
think, I grew up on teams, justgrowing up on teams, having
teammates, and then just evenkind of my first, you know, jobs
(03:13):
out of the gate, you had a team.You had people to bounce things
off of. You had people that knewthe acronyms and the slang or
whatever, and you could justkind of speak your own language
with them. so I think when youkind of venture out on your own,
it's incredibly exciting, butyou do.
It's kind of, you're this islandsometimes, and even just
sometimes explaining all thelayers to someone is almost
(03:37):
sometimes more energy than it'sworth. I think it's so important
to just find your tribe and findthose people that you can kind
of cut to the chase and bevulnerable with and that kind of
really can be that supportnetwork. I think that's
something that you have tocreate when you're on your own,
where sometimes it's kind ofbuilt in before.
Carly Ries (03:57):
Yeah, we always say flying solo in business doesn't
mean you're alone because it canfeel so isolating. So whether
it's a tribe of supporters orcontractors or whatever, find
those people. Because you cantake on so much as a
solopreneur, which is theperfect segue into our question.
So you have a new book, and Ican't wait to dive into that. I
(04:19):
mean, we're going to be talkingabout that most in this
interview.
But how do you define being aserial fixer, and what patterns
or behaviors do you see mostfrequently among people who kind
of relate to this label?
Leah Marone (04:31):
Yes. And there are many kinds of serial fixers, but
serial fixer fixing itself isreally jumping in. It comes from
a good place, but it's jumpingin with kind of this quick, you
know, hard left where you areputting yourself in the role to
fix and solve. And you'resetting yourself up to take
almost false ownership or stockin relationships and
(04:54):
conversations. And the downsideof this is that, it can fuel
kind of these microcodependencies, is what I like
to call them, whether it's infamilies and relationships, in
our professional life.
And you can see where if we'reconstantly showing up in fixer
mode, in solver mode, this is aperfect recipe for exhaustion,
(05:15):
perpetual exhaustion, andburnout, and compassion fatigue.
And it really does, come from agood place generally where we
want to soothe, we want toaccommodate. We also have this
egocentric component where ithelps us feel purpose. It helps
us feel productive. It helps usfuel this sense of connection
with people.
And these aren't all negativethings, but it's almost like we
(05:39):
look and seek and latch ontothese opportunities to just kind
of weasel our way in and kind oftake this ownership when it's
really might not be ours to fixand solve.
Carly Ries (05:50):
Yeah, absolutely. But what's hard, as you were
saying, it feels good to helpall those people. It feels good
to take on all of those roles.So as someone who's committed to
empathizing with other peopleand always be like, I'm here for
you, I feel you. How do youguard against kind of compassion
fatigue?
Are there any, habits,boundaries, daily rituals? Tell
(06:11):
me everything because I'vedefinitely fallen guilty to all
of this.
Leah Marone (06:15):
you nailed it. I mean, I see that, people with
generally higher levels ofcompassion and empathy and kind
of a high EQ tend to fall intoserial fixing. And you can. You
can be five steps ahead ofsomething. You can walk into a
room or a dynamic or situationand kind of assess needs and
start to already problem solveand be there and kind of
(06:36):
execute. I think one of thebiggest tools or tactics or
reframes or things that you caneven start today is just
starting to collect data onyourself, really in how you show
up in conversations and inroles. And so the first step,
really, if you think aboutbecoming more of a supporter
rather than a solver, likesupport don't solve, it's really
(06:58):
that validation piece. And Ithink we forget this, whether
it's professionally andpersonally, is that when someone
is sharing something, and youknow, there's some emotion
interwoven with it, maybethey're expressing their hurdle
or problem, or just somedistress, or just a sigh can be
triggering, like a, oh, it'slike, what's wrong? What's
wrong? How can I help? sosometimes just meeting that
(07:20):
person where they're at,validating, which doesn't
necessarily mean agreeing, butmeans that you are basically
putting effort towards trying todecode and understand the
message that this person issaying verbally and nonverbally.
And that's where you start. It'snot about, well, when I was in
this position, or maybe youshould do this, or you know
(07:40):
what? Let me just send thatemail for you. You look
incredibly stressed.
It's validating like, no, thatdoes sound like a busy week, or
no, I could see where you feellike everything is closing in on
you. It's validating and thenletting them kind of work how
the conversation is going to go.We see this all the time in
parenting too, where our kidmight be like, UGH, and we'll
(08:03):
call them. I'll fix it. Let'sthis.
Here, eat something. Do that.And we start to go into this
fixer mode because it fuels thispart of us that confirms we're
being a good parent or we'rebeing a good leader or we're
being helpful. And as soloentrepreneurs, we are constantly
shifting roles. And if we'reconstantly putting ourselves
into the fixer and the solver,oh, it's exhausting even
(08:25):
thinking about it.
Carly Ries (08:26):
It's so exhausting. It's funny. We have a monthly
event called Solopreneur ProblemSolvers, where solopreneurs come
and bring one problem thatthey're trying to solve in their
business. And then they go intobreakout rooms and they try to
solve it together. And our emceealways kicks it off with a don't
should all over everybodybecause it's so easy to say,
well, you should do this.
Well, you should do that. I didthis. You should try this. And
(08:47):
it's like, don't should, listen.Basically, everything that
you're saying, it's weird thatthat's human nature to should
all over people.
Leah Marone (08:58):
And I mean, this is how our brains typically work,
when someone says something, weimmediately pull from our
catalog and how we'vecompartmentalize things, and we
immediately relate. You know, wepull that out like, oh, I
vacationed there, or I knowsomeone who has that, or I did
this. And that's how the brainworks to make sense of things,
but I think we are prematurelyacting on it, relating. And if
(09:22):
you really think about it, weare not giving people the
opportunity to kind of get theirown repetitions in, to get some
of those processing skills inthemselves with some of the
support and the question, thequestions we can ask. We do.
We tend to jump in, solve, fix,give quick advice, relate, and
off we go. But we can see howthis sets us up for
(09:43):
overextending for these, again,micro codependencies. And we
catalog as humans like, oh, youknow, Bill over there, Tyler
over there, Jan over there, shecan do this for me, he can do
this for me, he can do that.Okay, my energy is dispersed
here. We do that as people, andit's not that we're always
taking advantage, but that'skind of how we operate so that
we can, manage our energy flow.
(10:06):
And so I think that's a huge,huge component of it in serial
fixing is really understandinghow you show up to things and
what you're truly motivated by.
Carly Ries (10:17):
Well, one big thing that you mentioned in the book
is your inner critic. And wewere just talking about that
offline before we even pressedrecord. Can you unpack what that
means and how tuning into thatinner voice, that critic can
support healing rather thanundermining it?
Leah Marone (10:33):
Yes, that's a great question. And you know, I talk a
lot about external boundaries,but in order to do that, we do.
We have to set internal onesfirst and really do the work and
align and understand kind ofthose internal drivers. And I
think the main ones, kind ofthose protective properties that
are very loud and constantlykind of talking to us or
(10:57):
critiquing us are the innercritic, the inner pleaser, the
inner rescuer. And the innercritic is we all have one.
Some are fiercer than others,but it's kind of part of you
that does not want you tostagnate, that wants you to be
the best version of yourselfthat you can be. And this sounds
great, and it is. And this partof us is generally working
incredibly hard. Right? So wethink about that in terms of
(11:20):
recovery, rest, settingboundaries.
It all sounds well and good. Butwhen we maybe have that block of
time or we're thinking, oh, I'mgonna clock out at this time, or
I don't need to answer thisemail right away, people can
wait. Guess who shows up? Yourcritic. Like, well, if you don't
answer right away or if you'renot available, if you don't work
right now and get ahead, we'regoing to pay for that.
(11:41):
We're probably going to losethat relationship. People are
going to think we're lazy. We'reprobably you know, not working
to our potential, and this wholething's going to blow up in our
face. And so you can see howthat self sabotage internally
with these different parts of usthat are motivated by very
different things have conflicts.And our first intuition
oftentimes, I know I've had toreally work on this, is to
(12:02):
really judge and try to shovethese parts of ourselves down. I
hate this for myself. Why am Ilike this? Is anyone else like
this? what's wrong with me? Andwe try to distract and use Band
Aids and kind of cover it up.
And that part of us comes backwith vengeance and, you know,
may visit us at 2AM. It maysabotage our split, you know,
all those things. And so Ireally talk about rather than
(12:26):
shutting it out, think about away that you can align with it,
understand it, show appreciationfor this part of you that keeps
you motivated, that keeps yougoing. And it's just working too
hard. It's not allowing spacefor other parts of you that you
really desire. so really, I'minviting everyone listening to
have conversations withyourself. And I know that sounds
(12:48):
like really?, but it's aboutthat self soothing. It's about
really understanding what isthis part of me motivated by?
What is it so fiercely trainedto protect me from? Which is
typically a universal feeling orfeelings that humans do not
like, similar to embarrassmentor isolation or shame or
failure.
And you really understand that,and then you can look at ways to
(13:08):
try to work with it and sootheit and take micro risks and meet
yourself halfway. And that'sreally how you start to set
these internal boundaries, startto soothe those parts of
yourself, and then you can,gosh, operate in more of a flow
state without these perpetualexhausting cycles.
Carly Ries (13:28):
Okay. So you've mentioned boundaries a few
times. So I want to dive intothat a little bit more because I
think it can be really hard forpeople to set healthy
boundaries. do you have anystrategies or mindsets that make
boundaries sustainable? And Iknow that when I set too many
boundaries, I kind of feelguilty about it. is there a way
(13:48):
to not feel that way?
Leah Marone (13:50):
There you go. And so that guilt, that guilt that
you feel, you know, when youmaybe have this grand plan and
you block your time and youthink these are the boundaries
I'm going to start setting. Thisis when I'm going to start
delegating. This is what I'mgoing to start doing. And then
that guilt that you feel oflike, Oh, is this okay?
Is this really how I operate?Are people going to think this
(14:11):
or place me now in a differentcategory because of this? You
know, there's this fear ofjudgment and all these things.
And that guilt of like, Do Ireally need this? I should be
spending my time doing thisbecause the family would
benefit, or my customers wouldbenefit, or these people would
benefit.
That guilt is your innerpleaser. That part of you that's
like, I want to protect myselfagainst any negative judgment,
(14:36):
any disconnect, anyone notliking me anymore. so it's
really, again, understandingwhere that guilt comes from,
where those parts of you arereally motivated by, what
they're trying to protect, andthat's where you start.
I'll give the scenario of, let'sjust take someone that over the
(14:58):
weekend, they're like, enough isenough. You know, I really need
to kick myself into gear when itcomes to my workouts.
I haven't done them for a while.I need to stop eating this. I
need to do this. And they comein with some rigidity and full
force of this whole grand planof how they're going to get up
at least four times a week at6AM. They're going get their
workout in.
They're going to do x, y, and z,make that smoothie, all the
(15:19):
things. And they're reallyexcited about it, and they have
this plan. And this is great.And come 6AM on Monday morning,
their alarm goes off. Andanother part of them rises and
says, You know, but we're reallycomfortable.
We didn't sleep great. and weknow how we are. If we kind of
(15:39):
don't sleep great, we might notbe firing on all cylinders. We
might not be great in thatmeeting. I mean, really, does it
make a difference if we work outin the morning versus the
afternoon?
Maybe we should just wait onthis, reevaluate. And you can
see where that part was tryingto protect and be motivated by
something totally different thanthat part of you that had the
reins over the weekend. Andthat's frustrating. And then
(16:00):
when we don't get up and workout, our critic steps in later
in the day and is like, why thehell didn't you work out? I
mean, we're doing this again.
I mean, why don't you take careof yourself? This is crazy. And
you're gonna, gain 500 pounds inthe next two days, and here we
go. Right? And so it's dramatic.
It's over catastrophized, butthese are how these parts
operate. And so really when youstart to kind of really untangle
(16:22):
these things, your plan then isto meet yourself in the middle.
And that's when you're like,maybe this side of me was a
little overzealous, a little bitintense, but I love what they're
worth. I love what this part ofme really is after. And this
part of me over here wasprotecting my peace, protecting
my sleep, protecting this, whichI'm grateful for too.
I appreciate it. Let's find away to meet in the middle here.
(16:42):
And maybe, let's start so we canbuild and soothe both of these
parts so they're not, at me. Andthat's how you start to build
this inner harmony byunderstanding what the
drivers are. It's not bydismissing, it's not by, all
this, cycles of self shame. It'sreally uncovering what the
drivers are with these loudparts of you that can be
(17:03):
incredibly distracting.
Carly Ries (17:06):
I'm so glad this is being recorded because if I
weren't the one interviewingyou, I would be writing every
single word you're saying down.It's so helpful. Okay. You use
the phrase stop rescuing, startempowering. And I feel like
everything you've been sayinghas kind of funneled down into
stop rescuing, start empowering.
(17:27):
Can you give an example here ofwhat you mean by that?
Leah Marone (17:30):
Yeah. Sure. So think about like even the oldest
time in the HR field, and I knowwe're old, but I think about
this with like the open doorpolicy, or even, as we're,
working on our own businesses.Think about how we're just like,
always available.
I'm working on a project, andsomeone calls in, and I'm going
to just totally interrupt myselfand answer and feed into these
(17:52):
urgent things. And so thinkabout too, like when we stop
rescuing,
when we stop absorbing ownershipof things, when we stop going
immediately into like, oh mygosh, I got to put out this
fire,
And we start by giving peoplesometimes a little bit of space.
We don't have to respond rightaway. And I know people
(18:13):
listening to this are going tobe like, Oh my gosh, yes, you
do. But thinking aboutcollecting your thoughts,
thinking about how many timesI've been meeting with a client,
meeting with a patient, someone,and they, will text me with some
sense of urgency. And I willsay, This sounds really
important.
I'm working on this or I haveanother meeting. Let me circle
(18:34):
back with you in a few minutesor find a time later this
afternoon. That right there isvalidating, but it also gives
that person an opportunity tohave some of their logic kind of
work with their high emotion.And so you're still there,
you're still validating, you'restill supporting, but you're not
coming in and just again soakingup urgency, fire, this, that,
(18:58):
and like, this is how a lot ofus define that we are
productive. This is how a lot ofus define, it was a busy day.
I must have done what I'msupposed to do, but I'm
exhausted, and I have no spaceleft for anybody else. And it's
empowering other people as wellto get their repetitions in, to
keep ownership. You know, Carly,if you envision a ball of yarn.
(19:18):
Like, you know, ball of yarn isnot that heavy. But think about
if you were trying to untangleeveryone's ball of yarn, and
everyone was throwing you theirball of yarn, and you're left to
that.
I'd love it if we kind ofvisualize everyone keeping their
ball of yarn, and maybe as aleader, as a solo entrepreneur,
we're just pulling at threads.We're helping, we're supporting,
(19:41):
we're not solving, we're notfixing, but we're there, still
leading with empathy andcompassion and support.
Carly Ries (19:47):
Oh, I just love all this so much, and I think it's
so important for solopreneurs.But it's funny. If somebody's
listening to this and they'relike, wait a second. This all
resonates with me. Am I a serialfixer?
I didn't know that. Oh my gosh.This is me. But let's say they
feel stuck or ashamed. Whatwould you say would the smallest
(20:09):
first step that they can take tomove away from that thought and
get them unstuck?
Leah Marone (20:16):
Yeah. I think first and foremost, again, I will just
reiterate that serial fixingtends to come from a very good
place generally. And I dohighlight different types of it,
and sometimes serial fixing cancome off as very controlling.
But again, it's generally thatperson trying to protect
themselves from someone else orjudgments or not being helpful
(20:39):
enough or, just not doing theirrole good enough. And so I think
first and foremost, it's reallyunderstanding if you are feeling
like, Oh my gosh, this istotally me.
You're not alone, number one. Isee this all the time. I'm a
recovering one. Well, maybe noteven recovering . Yes, I might
be active in a lot of ways, butit's just understanding like
(21:00):
this is such a thing in so manyfacets of our lives.
And I think we can do better. Wecan change this. so again, as I
mentioned in the beginning, it'sreally understanding and
collecting that data and justbeing self aware of how you show
up to conversations withfriends, with family,
(21:21):
professionally, with clients,with people you're working with.
Like, how do you show up tothat? And are you catching
everyone's ball of yarn?
Or are you just helping peopleand really staying and
identifying what your true roleis? And you can see where that's
where it's gonna diminish andjust kind of decrease when we
walk away for certaininteractions, just feeling
(21:43):
overwhelmed. I think we canlimit that. So I think that's
one of the first things andreally just I think that's it.
that self awareness piece isgonna be a great way to just
start.
Carly Ries (21:56):
Leah, you can be on this show every week. I feel
like this is something thatpeople need to listen to on
repeat. I have no doubt thatyou'll help them find success in
this area. So we have to askyou, and we asked you this last
time, but you might have a newone. What is your favorite quote
about success?
Leah Marone (22:12):
Oh my gosh, it's probably gonna be the same one,
but I don't know. But my go toone is always you miss a percent
of the shots you don't take. AndI think that's my critic
probably coming from my critic,right? Like you better do it,
Leah. You better take the shot.
Carly Ries (22:27):
Coming from a true athlete.
Leah Marone (22:29):
That's right. From a basketball player's mouth. But
I think that has just, obviouslyresonated with me on the court,
but it resonates with me inlife, where it's just like I've
had to tame the critical part ofme of just like, what if you
fail? What if you screw up? Whatif you're embarrassed?
What if this? And it's like, butif I misstep or if I do this, l
(22:51):
I would much rather do that withthe chance that I'm going to
nail it. And it's also going toopen up so many other
opportunities for growth andconnection. And I think, it's
really helped me. It sounds likea very black and white all or
nothing quote, but it's reallyhelped me see the gray.
Carly Ries (23:08):
Oh, I love that. So great. Leah, tell us when your
book comes out, tell us how tobuy it, and tell us where people
can find you if they wanna learnmore.
Leah Marone (23:17):
Oh, well, thank you. Well, it comes out November
11. you can get it presale orpreorder rather, and you can go
to serial-fixer.com orleahmarone.com, and you can find
a variety of ways to preorderthe book. whether it's Target or
(23:38):
Barnes and Noble or Amazon orall the things, whatever your
preference. And, yeah, connectwith me. I have some giveaways
if you preorder.
I'm more than happy to support.And I love getting messages. I
love getting feedback,questions. So please connect
with me. As you see, I lovebuilding my tribe. So if you'd
(23:58):
like to be part of it, pleasedo.
Carly Ries (23:59):
Way to do a full circle moment from beginning to
end of the show. And with that,I think we should end there.
This has been so great. Thankyou so much again for coming on
today.
Leah Marone (24:09):
Oh, my pleasure. Thank you.
Carly Ries (24:10):
And listeners, thank you so much for tuning in. As
always, please leave that fivestar review, share this episode
with a friend, and subscribe onyour favorite podcast platform,
including YouTube. And we willsee you next time on the
Aspiring Solopreneur. You may begoing solo in business, but that
doesn't mean you're alone. Infact, millions of people are in
(24:30):
your shoes, running a one personbusiness and figuring it out as
they go.
So why not connect with them andlearn from each other's
successes and failures? AtLifeStarr, we're creating a one
person business community whereyou can go to meet and get
advice from other solopreneurs.Be sure to join in on the
conversations atcommunity.lifestarr.com.
Are you a chronic fixer, always jumping in to
(00:02):
solve everyone's problems evenwhen it leaves you drained?
Well, in this episode, therapistand author, Leah Marone, returns
to unpack what it really meansto be a serial fixer and how
solopreneurs can break the cycleof burnout by shifting from
rescuing to empowering. In thisepisode, I get real about
compassion fatigue, guilt aroundboundaries, and the inner critic
(00:22):
that never shuts up. You'lllearn how to set internal and
external boundaries, soothe youroverworked mind, and still show
up with empathy without losingyourself in the process. So if
you've ever caught yourselfthinking, I'll just handle it,
this one's for you.
You're listening to The AspiringSolopreneur, the podcast for
anyone on the solo businessjourney, whether you're just
(00:43):
toying with the idea, takingyour first bold step, or have
been running your own show foryears and want to keep growing,
refining, and thriving. I'mCarly Ries, and along with my
cohost Joe Rando, we're yourguides through the crazy but
awesome world of being a companyof one. As part of LifeStarr, a
digital hub dedicated to allthings entrepreneurship, we help
(01:04):
people design businesses thatalign with their life's
ambitions so they can work tolive, not live to work. If
you're looking for a get richquick scheme, this is not the
place for you. But if you wantreal world insights from
industry experts, lessons fromthe successes and stumbles of
fellow solopreneurs, andpractical strategies for
building and sustaining abusiness you love, you're in the
right spot.
(01:24):
Because one solo businessdoesn't mean you're alone. No
matter where you are in yourjourney, we've got your back.
(02:14):
Leah, very rarely do we haverepeat guests on this show. And
so you're now in an elite clubof other guests who have already
been here before, and we are soexcited to have you back on the
show. Thank you so much forcoming today.
Leah Marone (02:26):
Oh, I'm thrilled. It's just so good to see you,
and I'm excited to have ourconversation today.
Carly Ries (02:31):
Well and for listeners who can't see us, Joe
is not here today, so we couldkinda go rogue, Leah. We could
basically do whatever we wantwhile the cat's away. But since
your last time on this show, wenow have icebreaker questions.
And so I want to know what doyou wish you had known before
becoming a solopreneur?
Leah Marone (02:50):
Oh my gosh. How much time do we have? No. I'm
kidding.
I think the main thing is kindof the isolation and loneliness
factor. And I know that soundskind of negative, but really, I
think, I grew up on teams, justgrowing up on teams, having
teammates, and then just evenkind of my first, you know, jobs
(03:13):
out of the gate, you had a team.You had people to bounce things
off of. You had people that knewthe acronyms and the slang or
whatever, and you could justkind of speak your own language
with them. so I think when youkind of venture out on your own,
it's incredibly exciting, butyou do.
It's kind of, you're this islandsometimes, and even just
sometimes explaining all thelayers to someone is almost
(03:37):
sometimes more energy than it'sworth. I think it's so important
to just find your tribe and findthose people that you can kind
of cut to the chase and bevulnerable with and that kind of
really can be that supportnetwork. I think that's
something that you have tocreate when you're on your own,
where sometimes it's kind ofbuilt in before.
Carly Ries (03:57):
Yeah, we always say flying solo in business doesn't
mean you're alone because it canfeel so isolating. So whether
it's a tribe of supporters orcontractors or whatever, find
those people. Because you cantake on so much as a
solopreneur, which is theperfect segue into our question.
So you have a new book, and Ican't wait to dive into that. I
(04:19):
mean, we're going to be talkingabout that most in this
interview.
But how do you define being aserial fixer, and what patterns
or behaviors do you see mostfrequently among people who kind
of relate to this label?
Leah Marone (04:31):
Yes. And there are many kinds of serial fixers, but
serial fixer fixing itself isreally jumping in. It comes from
a good place, but it's jumpingin with kind of this quick, you
know, hard left where you areputting yourself in the role to
fix and solve. And you'resetting yourself up to take
almost false ownership or stockin relationships and
(04:54):
conversations. And the downsideof this is that, it can fuel
kind of these microcodependencies, is what I like
to call them, whether it's infamilies and relationships, in
our professional life.
And you can see where if we'reconstantly showing up in fixer
mode, in solver mode, this is aperfect recipe for exhaustion,
(05:15):
perpetual exhaustion, andburnout, and compassion fatigue.
And it really does, come from agood place generally where we
want to soothe, we want toaccommodate. We also have this
egocentric component where ithelps us feel purpose. It helps
us feel productive. It helps usfuel this sense of connection
with people.
And these aren't all negativethings, but it's almost like we
(05:39):
look and seek and latch ontothese opportunities to just kind
of weasel our way in and kind oftake this ownership when it's
really might not be ours to fixand solve.
Carly Ries (05:50):
Yeah, absolutely. But what's hard, as you were
saying, it feels good to helpall those people. It feels good
to take on all of those roles.So as someone who's committed to
empathizing with other peopleand always be like, I'm here for
you, I feel you. How do youguard against kind of compassion
fatigue?
Are there any, habits,boundaries, daily rituals? Tell
(06:11):
me everything because I'vedefinitely fallen guilty to all
of this.
Leah Marone (06:15):
you nailed it. I mean, I see that, people with
generally higher levels ofcompassion and empathy and kind
of a high EQ tend to fall intoserial fixing. And you can. You
can be five steps ahead ofsomething. You can walk into a
room or a dynamic or situationand kind of assess needs and
start to already problem solveand be there and kind of
(06:36):
execute. I think one of thebiggest tools or tactics or
reframes or things that you caneven start today is just
starting to collect data onyourself, really in how you show
up in conversations and inroles. And so the first step,
really, if you think aboutbecoming more of a supporter
rather than a solver, likesupport don't solve, it's really
(06:58):
that validation piece. And Ithink we forget this, whether
it's professionally andpersonally, is that when someone
is sharing something, and youknow, there's some emotion
interwoven with it, maybethey're expressing their hurdle
or problem, or just somedistress, or just a sigh can be
triggering, like a, oh, it'slike, what's wrong? What's
wrong? How can I help? sosometimes just meeting that
(07:20):
person where they're at,validating, which doesn't
necessarily mean agreeing, butmeans that you are basically
putting effort towards trying todecode and understand the
message that this person issaying verbally and nonverbally.
And that's where you start. It'snot about, well, when I was in
this position, or maybe youshould do this, or you know
(07:40):
what? Let me just send thatemail for you. You look
incredibly stressed.
It's validating like, no, thatdoes sound like a busy week, or
no, I could see where you feellike everything is closing in on
you. It's validating and thenletting them kind of work how
the conversation is going to go.We see this all the time in
parenting too, where our kidmight be like, UGH, and we'll
(08:03):
call them. I'll fix it. Let'sthis.
Here, eat something. Do that.And we start to go into this
fixer mode because it fuels thispart of us that confirms we're
being a good parent or we'rebeing a good leader or we're
being helpful. And as soloentrepreneurs, we are constantly
shifting roles. And if we'reconstantly putting ourselves
into the fixer and the solver,oh, it's exhausting even
(08:25):
thinking about it.
Carly Ries (08:26):
It's so exhausting. It's funny. We have a monthly
event called Solopreneur ProblemSolvers, where solopreneurs come
and bring one problem thatthey're trying to solve in their
business. And then they go intobreakout rooms and they try to
solve it together. And our emceealways kicks it off with a don't
should all over everybodybecause it's so easy to say,
well, you should do this.
Well, you should do that. I didthis. You should try this. And
(08:47):
it's like, don't should, listen.Basically, everything that
you're saying, it's weird thatthat's human nature to should
all over people.
Leah Marone (08:58):
And I mean, this is how our brains typically work,
when someone says something, weimmediately pull from our
catalog and how we'vecompartmentalize things, and we
immediately relate. You know, wepull that out like, oh, I
vacationed there, or I knowsomeone who has that, or I did
this. And that's how the brainworks to make sense of things,
but I think we are prematurelyacting on it, relating. And if
(09:22):
you really think about it, weare not giving people the
opportunity to kind of get theirown repetitions in, to get some
of those processing skills inthemselves with some of the
support and the question, thequestions we can ask. We do.
We tend to jump in, solve, fix,give quick advice, relate, and
off we go. But we can see howthis sets us up for
(09:43):
overextending for these, again,micro codependencies. And we
catalog as humans like, oh, youknow, Bill over there, Tyler
over there, Jan over there, shecan do this for me, he can do
this for me, he can do that.Okay, my energy is dispersed
here. We do that as people, andit's not that we're always
taking advantage, but that'skind of how we operate so that
we can, manage our energy flow.
(10:06):
And so I think that's a huge,huge component of it in serial
fixing is really understandinghow you show up to things and
what you're truly motivated by.
Carly Ries (10:17):
Well, one big thing that you mentioned in the book
is your inner critic. And wewere just talking about that
offline before we even pressedrecord. Can you unpack what that
means and how tuning into thatinner voice, that critic can
support healing rather thanundermining it?
Leah Marone (10:33):
Yes, that's a great question. And you know, I talk a
lot about external boundaries,but in order to do that, we do.
We have to set internal onesfirst and really do the work and
align and understand kind ofthose internal drivers. And I
think the main ones, kind ofthose protective properties that
are very loud and constantlykind of talking to us or
(10:57):
critiquing us are the innercritic, the inner pleaser, the
inner rescuer. And the innercritic is we all have one.
Some are fiercer than others,but it's kind of part of you
that does not want you tostagnate, that wants you to be
the best version of yourselfthat you can be. And this sounds
great, and it is. And this partof us is generally working
incredibly hard. Right? So wethink about that in terms of
(11:20):
recovery, rest, settingboundaries.
It all sounds well and good. Butwhen we maybe have that block of
time or we're thinking, oh, I'mgonna clock out at this time, or
I don't need to answer thisemail right away, people can
wait. Guess who shows up? Yourcritic. Like, well, if you don't
answer right away or if you'renot available, if you don't work
right now and get ahead, we'regoing to pay for that.
(11:41):
We're probably going to losethat relationship. People are
going to think we're lazy. We'reprobably you know, not working
to our potential, and this wholething's going to blow up in our
face. And so you can see howthat self sabotage internally
with these different parts of usthat are motivated by very
different things have conflicts.And our first intuition
oftentimes, I know I've had toreally work on this, is to
(12:02):
really judge and try to shovethese parts of ourselves down. I
hate this for myself. Why am Ilike this? Is anyone else like
this? what's wrong with me? Andwe try to distract and use Band
Aids and kind of cover it up.
And that part of us comes backwith vengeance and, you know,
may visit us at 2AM. It maysabotage our split, you know,
all those things. And so Ireally talk about rather than
(12:26):
shutting it out, think about away that you can align with it,
understand it, show appreciationfor this part of you that keeps
you motivated, that keeps yougoing. And it's just working too
hard. It's not allowing spacefor other parts of you that you
really desire. so really, I'minviting everyone listening to
have conversations withyourself. And I know that sounds
(12:48):
like really?, but it's aboutthat self soothing. It's about
really understanding what isthis part of me motivated by?
What is it so fiercely trainedto protect me from? Which is
typically a universal feeling orfeelings that humans do not
like, similar to embarrassmentor isolation or shame or
failure.
And you really understand that,and then you can look at ways to
(13:08):
try to work with it and sootheit and take micro risks and meet
yourself halfway. And that'sreally how you start to set
these internal boundaries, startto soothe those parts of
yourself, and then you can,gosh, operate in more of a flow
state without these perpetualexhausting cycles.
Carly Ries (13:28):
Okay. So you've mentioned boundaries a few
times. So I want to dive intothat a little bit more because I
think it can be really hard forpeople to set healthy
boundaries. do you have anystrategies or mindsets that make
boundaries sustainable? And Iknow that when I set too many
boundaries, I kind of feelguilty about it. is there a way
(13:48):
to not feel that way?
Leah Marone (13:50):
There you go. And so that guilt, that guilt that
you feel, you know, when youmaybe have this grand plan and
you block your time and youthink these are the boundaries
I'm going to start setting. Thisis when I'm going to start
delegating. This is what I'mgoing to start doing. And then
that guilt that you feel oflike, Oh, is this okay?
Is this really how I operate?Are people going to think this
(14:11):
or place me now in a differentcategory because of this? You
know, there's this fear ofjudgment and all these things.
And that guilt of like, Do Ireally need this? I should be
spending my time doing thisbecause the family would
benefit, or my customers wouldbenefit, or these people would
benefit.
That guilt is your innerpleaser. That part of you that's
like, I want to protect myselfagainst any negative judgment,
(14:36):
any disconnect, anyone notliking me anymore. so it's
really, again, understandingwhere that guilt comes from,
where those parts of you arereally motivated by, what
they're trying to protect, andthat's where you start.
I'll give the scenario of, let'sjust take someone that over the
(14:58):
weekend, they're like, enough isenough. You know, I really need
to kick myself into gear when itcomes to my workouts.
I haven't done them for a while.I need to stop eating this. I
need to do this. And they comein with some rigidity and full
force of this whole grand planof how they're going to get up
at least four times a week at6AM. They're going get their
workout in.
They're going to do x, y, and z,make that smoothie, all the
(15:19):
things. And they're reallyexcited about it, and they have
this plan. And this is great.And come 6AM on Monday morning,
their alarm goes off. Andanother part of them rises and
says, You know, but we're reallycomfortable.
We didn't sleep great. and weknow how we are. If we kind of
(15:39):
don't sleep great, we might notbe firing on all cylinders. We
might not be great in thatmeeting. I mean, really, does it
make a difference if we work outin the morning versus the
afternoon?
Maybe we should just wait onthis, reevaluate. And you can
see where that part was tryingto protect and be motivated by
something totally different thanthat part of you that had the
reins over the weekend. Andthat's frustrating. And then
(16:00):
when we don't get up and workout, our critic steps in later
in the day and is like, why thehell didn't you work out? I
mean, we're doing this again.
I mean, why don't you take careof yourself? This is crazy. And
you're gonna, gain 500 pounds inthe next two days, and here we
go. Right? And so it's dramatic.
It's over catastrophized, butthese are how these parts
operate. And so really when youstart to kind of really untangle
(16:22):
these things, your plan then isto meet yourself in the middle.
And that's when you're like,maybe this side of me was a
little overzealous, a little bitintense, but I love what they're
worth. I love what this part ofme really is after. And this
part of me over here wasprotecting my peace, protecting
my sleep, protecting this, whichI'm grateful for too.
I appreciate it. Let's find away to meet in the middle here.
(16:42):
And maybe, let's start so we canbuild and soothe both of these
parts so they're not, at me. Andthat's how you start to build
this inner harmony byunderstanding what the
drivers are. It's not bydismissing, it's not by, all
this, cycles of self shame. It'sreally uncovering what the
drivers are with these loudparts of you that can be
(17:03):
incredibly distracting.
Carly Ries (17:06):
I'm so glad this is being recorded because if I
weren't the one interviewingyou, I would be writing every
single word you're saying down.It's so helpful. Okay. You use
the phrase stop rescuing, startempowering. And I feel like
everything you've been sayinghas kind of funneled down into
stop rescuing, start empowering.
(17:27):
Can you give an example here ofwhat you mean by that?
Leah Marone (17:30):
Yeah. Sure. So think about like even the oldest
time in the HR field, and I knowwe're old, but I think about
this with like the open doorpolicy, or even, as we're,
working on our own businesses.Think about how we're just like,
always available.
I'm working on a project, andsomeone calls in, and I'm going
to just totally interrupt myselfand answer and feed into these
(17:52):
urgent things. And so thinkabout too, like when we stop
rescuing,
when we stop absorbing ownershipof things, when we stop going
immediately into like, oh mygosh, I got to put out this
fire,
And we start by giving peoplesometimes a little bit of space.
We don't have to respond rightaway. And I know people
(18:13):
listening to this are going tobe like, Oh my gosh, yes, you
do. But thinking aboutcollecting your thoughts,
thinking about how many timesI've been meeting with a client,
meeting with a patient, someone,and they, will text me with some
sense of urgency. And I willsay, This sounds really
important.
I'm working on this or I haveanother meeting. Let me circle
(18:34):
back with you in a few minutesor find a time later this
afternoon. That right there isvalidating, but it also gives
that person an opportunity tohave some of their logic kind of
work with their high emotion.And so you're still there,
you're still validating, you'restill supporting, but you're not
coming in and just again soakingup urgency, fire, this, that,
(18:58):
and like, this is how a lot ofus define that we are
productive. This is how a lot ofus define, it was a busy day.
I must have done what I'msupposed to do, but I'm
exhausted, and I have no spaceleft for anybody else. And it's
empowering other people as wellto get their repetitions in, to
keep ownership. You know, Carly,if you envision a ball of yarn.
(19:18):
Like, you know, ball of yarn isnot that heavy. But think about
if you were trying to untangleeveryone's ball of yarn, and
everyone was throwing you theirball of yarn, and you're left to
that.
I'd love it if we kind ofvisualize everyone keeping their
ball of yarn, and maybe as aleader, as a solo entrepreneur,
we're just pulling at threads.We're helping, we're supporting,
(19:41):
we're not solving, we're notfixing, but we're there, still
leading with empathy andcompassion and support.
Carly Ries (19:47):
Oh, I just love all this so much, and I think it's
so important for solopreneurs.But it's funny. If somebody's
listening to this and they'relike, wait a second. This all
resonates with me. Am I a serialfixer?
I didn't know that. Oh my gosh.This is me. But let's say they
feel stuck or ashamed. Whatwould you say would the smallest
(20:09):
first step that they can take tomove away from that thought and
get them unstuck?
Leah Marone (20:16):
Yeah. I think first and foremost, again, I will just
reiterate that serial fixingtends to come from a very good
place generally. And I dohighlight different types of it,
and sometimes serial fixing cancome off as very controlling.
But again, it's generally thatperson trying to protect
themselves from someone else orjudgments or not being helpful
(20:39):
enough or, just not doing theirrole good enough. And so I think
first and foremost, it's reallyunderstanding if you are feeling
like, Oh my gosh, this istotally me.
You're not alone, number one. Isee this all the time. I'm a
recovering one. Well, maybe noteven recovering . Yes, I might
be active in a lot of ways, butit's just understanding like
(21:00):
this is such a thing in so manyfacets of our lives.
And I think we can do better. Wecan change this. so again, as I
mentioned in the beginning, it'sreally understanding and
collecting that data and justbeing self aware of how you show
up to conversations withfriends, with family,
(21:21):
professionally, with clients,with people you're working with.
Like, how do you show up tothat? And are you catching
everyone's ball of yarn?
Or are you just helping peopleand really staying and
identifying what your true roleis? And you can see where that's
where it's gonna diminish andjust kind of decrease when we
walk away for certaininteractions, just feeling
(21:43):
overwhelmed. I think we canlimit that. So I think that's
one of the first things andreally just I think that's it.
that self awareness piece isgonna be a great way to just
start.
Carly Ries (21:56):
Leah, you can be on this show every week. I feel
like this is something thatpeople need to listen to on
repeat. I have no doubt thatyou'll help them find success in
this area. So we have to askyou, and we asked you this last
time, but you might have a newone. What is your favorite quote
about success?
Leah Marone (22:12):
Oh my gosh, it's probably gonna be the same one,
but I don't know. But my go toone is always you miss a percent
of the shots you don't take. AndI think that's my critic
probably coming from my critic,right? Like you better do it,
Leah. You better take the shot.
Carly Ries (22:27):
Coming from a true athlete.
Leah Marone (22:29):
That's right. From a basketball player's mouth. But
I think that has just, obviouslyresonated with me on the court,
but it resonates with me inlife, where it's just like I've
had to tame the critical part ofme of just like, what if you
fail? What if you screw up? Whatif you're embarrassed?
What if this? And it's like, butif I misstep or if I do this, l
(22:51):
I would much rather do that withthe chance that I'm going to
nail it. And it's also going toopen up so many other
opportunities for growth andconnection. And I think, it's
really helped me. It sounds likea very black and white all or
nothing quote, but it's reallyhelped me see the gray.
Carly Ries (23:08):
Oh, I love that. So great. Leah, tell us when your
book comes out, tell us how tobuy it, and tell us where people
can find you if they wanna learnmore.
Leah Marone (23:17):
Oh, well, thank you. Well, it comes out November
11. you can get it presale orpreorder rather, and you can go
to serial-fixer.com orleahmarone.com, and you can find
a variety of ways to preorderthe book. whether it's Target or
(23:38):
Barnes and Noble or Amazon orall the things, whatever your
preference. And, yeah, connectwith me. I have some giveaways
if you preorder.
I'm more than happy to support.And I love getting messages. I
love getting feedback,questions. So please connect
with me. As you see, I lovebuilding my tribe. So if you'd
(23:58):
like to be part of it, pleasedo.
Carly Ries (23:59):
Way to do a full circle moment from beginning to
end of the show. And with that,I think we should end there.
This has been so great. Thankyou so much again for coming on
today.
Leah Marone (24:09):
Oh, my pleasure. Thank you.
Carly Ries (24:10):
And listeners, thank you so much for tuning in. As
always, please leave that fivestar review, share this episode
with a friend, and subscribe onyour favorite podcast platform,
including YouTube. And we willsee you next time on the
Aspiring Solopreneur. You may begoing solo in business, but that
doesn't mean you're alone. Infact, millions of people are in
(24:30):
your shoes, running a one personbusiness and figuring it out as
they go.
So why not connect with them andlearn from each other's
successes and failures? AtLifeStarr, we're creating a one
person business community whereyou can go to meet and get
advice from other solopreneurs.Be sure to join in on the
conversations atcommunity.lifestarr.com.
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