June 5, 2024 • 20 mins
Meredith discusses the results from the PGT-A tests her embryos underwent, explains what a segmented mosaic embryo means, and discusses next steps in her IVF journey.
SHOP THAT BANGIN' PREMIERE LOOK
Mock Neck Cloak Sleeve Pleated Midi Dress
Silver Cuff Bracelets
Long Metal Bar Drop Earrings
Mirrored Metallic Evening Bag
ARTICLES DISCUSSED
What Does It Mean When Your Embryo Is a Mosaic?, Fertility Centers of New England
What is a Mosaic Embryo?, International Fertility Group
Does Chromosome 4 Hold the Secret to Human Longevity?, HHMI
---
I'm becoming a single mother by choice using a known donor; I'm so stoked to be having a baby with my gay best friend. After a few tries with the turkey baster in 2023, I turned to IVF in Spring of 2024.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
In college, my gay best friend and I joked that if
we hadn't found love by 40, we'dhave a baby with each other.
20 years later, I'm pulling theripcord From deciding on solo
motherhood to choosing IVF.
I'm Meredith and this is theBackup Plan.
Okay, well, this is a less funepisode to record.
I'm really grateful for thetime that I've given myself the
(00:21):
buffer between when I record theepisodes and when the episodes
come out, although something I'mfacing now is that people are
like reaching out to me, beinglike congratulations on two
embryos.
And anyway, let's start withPGTA results.
If you watched the last episode,you'll know that I stacked out
(00:42):
the week to make sure that I hada lot of stuff happening when
the PGTA results came in.
I had a work trip to Vegas.
I had some fun things to do inVegas as well, and I also had a
premiere of the new Star Warsseries that came out.
I was so excited about it.
I knew about that premiere fora while.
Christina had invited me to itweeks prior, to the point where
(01:04):
I was like I may be pregnant.
At that premiere, what am Igoing to wear?
How am I going to lookcomfortable?
I'm very proud of the look thatI chose.
I'm going to wear that dressoften, maybe even to a wedding,
if I ever decide to have one.
Very loose and flowy, very StarWars-y and also cool.
(01:24):
I got a lot of compliments onit, so I had a lot going on and
I didn't know exactly when I wasgoing to get the news.
I sent a message to my doctorafter I recorded that last
episode because I wanted to knowhow we could get the sex of the
embryos to Christina and not tome.
So I just sent her a quicklittle note that was like hey, I
don't want to know, but I amgoing to have my friend know
(01:44):
because I've decided, like I'mgoing to celebrate where I'm at,
I want to have this little likeembryo shower, this blast
shower.
I didn't use the term blast ashower because that's kind of
hard to describe or explain whenyou're not in the room with the
person.
And she wrote back that theresults came in and did I have
time for a quick call, whichdidn't feel like good news.
(02:07):
So here are the results andwe're going to start with the
worst one first, and that's Dale.
Dale is the day seven embryothat was rated a 4BA, which is a
pretty good rating, doesn'tmatter, because he's it is
completely unusable.
(02:27):
I don't know what the gender ofeither embryos is at this point
.
If I look like I'm crying ifyou're watching this on YouTube,
I'm not.
My allergies are crazy and theJune gloom in California has hit
hard and every morning I'm juststuffy and I look like I'm
crying.
I'm not.
Maybe I will later, who knows.
(02:49):
So the problems that the Daleembryo have are in chromosome 16
, I believe, and that iscompletely incompatible with
life.
If we implanted that embryo, iteither would miscarry pretty
immediately or, if it carried on, there are probably some
(03:09):
unsavory decisions I would haveto make further down the line.
So KindBody does not implantthose embryos.
I wouldn't want to try.
I've moved on there.
So Dale, unfortunately, is nolonger Chip.
On the other hand, chip was myday five 4BB embryo, the one
(03:30):
that I really felt good about.
Chip's not a no-go, but Chip iswhat we call a segmented mosaic
embryo.
I'm going to read somedefinitions to you.
So, according to FertilityCenters of New England, mosaic
embryos are those that have amix of normal and abnormal cells
, making their genetic makeupunclear.
Chip is a segmented mosaic,which is another categorization
(03:56):
of what a mosaic embryo is.
You can have high mosaic embryo, you can have low mosaic embryo
or you can have segmented,which is what I have, and the
segmentation that Chip has is inchromosome four.
The International FertilityGroup says that segmental
abnormalities are when only apiece of a chromosome is
affected rather than the wholechromosome.
Mosaics that have this kind ofabnormality are called segmented
(04:19):
mosaics.
Sounds pretty right Like asegmented mosaic.
Mosaics sounds pretty rightlike a segmented mosaic.
My mom went hard on researchingwhat all of this meant.
I mean, it's just kind of funnythe way that our two minds
process this information.
For me I was like, okay, what'sthe next step?
I think I need to move on, andhers was I'm gonna do all the
(04:40):
research I can on theinformation that's been given.
I'm not saying one way is rightor wrong, I'm actually saying
one way is right or wrong.
I'm actually saying they kindof work well together.
So when my mom did research onthe abnormality that chip has,
it is in chromosome four and theHoward Hughes Medical Institute
released an article titled Doeschromosome four holdome 4 Hold
(05:03):
the Secret to Human Longevity,and in the article it says by
comparing the DNA of siblingswho are extremely long-lived.
Researchers believe they havefound a region on chromosome 4
that may hold an important clueto understanding human longevity
.
According to researchers, theirfinding is highly suggestive
(05:23):
that somewhere in the hundredsof genes in that region of
chromosome 4 is a gene or geneswhose subtle modifications can
give a person a better chance atliving well beyond the average
life expectancy.
Now, if you'll recall, when wewere trying to get Mike's blood
sample prior to him donatingsperm back in February, we had a
(05:46):
hard time getting blood fromhim that first day.
Speaker 2 (05:49):
She just could not find a vein.
I was like squeezing a stressball, like nothing was coming,
and she's like you're reallydehydrated.
And I was like I didn't think Iwas.
I do have a couple veins on myhand, so she's like, well, it's
not ideal, but let me go inthrough your hand and it starts
to give blood and then juststops.
Speaker 1 (06:08):
Now the average person would say, oh, he'd been
flying and he doesn't drinkenough water and he was probably
dehydrated.
But I had a sneaking suspicionthat he might be a vampire and
had never told me.
Long story short, michael's avampire.
Speaker 2 (06:24):
Right, or I died and didn't realize it and I'm just
walking around like, hey guys,you know what I mean, but I'm
actually dead.
Speaker 1 (06:32):
I think you're a vampire, so I'm more convinced.
Now is what I'm saying.
And also I may have a babyRenesmee on ice, who knows?
So Chip, as in Chip and Dale,has now become Chip the teacup
because there's just a littlesomething wrong with it and in
(06:53):
the research that my mom did,boy embryos, male embryos,
survived this abnormality betterthan female embryos.
Now I don't know the sex ofeither of the embryos, because I
want to find that out a littlebit later, which we'll get into.
So chip the teacup is still onice.
(07:13):
So while my mom was doing allthat research, I immediately was
like, okay, what are my nextsteps?
And pretty quickly I decidedthat I wanted to do another egg
retrieval.
It was kind of a knee jerkreaction, I actually.
You know, after being a littlebit sad, I ran into the bathroom
and did an ovulation testbecause I knew I was getting
(07:34):
close to my period and I justwanted to see where I was at.
The ovulation test came backwith a very light pink line,
which means I either was aboutto start ovulating or I had just
ended ovulation and I let mydoctors know that.
And then I gave myself a littlebit of space to think about
this because earlier in thisprocess I had said to myself I'm
(07:55):
only going to do one eggretrieval this method in America
, because egg retrievals IVF,the whole process is a lot
cheaper in other places, butthere are countries that cater
to IVF.
(08:16):
In particular, spain is likethe leading country on research
for IVF.
It's actually kind of like thebest place to probably go.
There is a location in Cypruswhere you just kind of hunker
down in Cyprus and go throughthe whole process there.
I've also found Norway does alot of Google sponsored ads.
When you look this up, norwaydoes a lot of Google sponsored
(08:39):
ads.
When you look this up, there'sactually a bunch of clinics in
Mexico that have an office inIrvine which is just a couple of
minutes down the road from mehere in California, and you
actually go and get your pretesting, blood work and
everything done there and thenyou go to one of their many
clinics in Mexico and they'vegot places in like really cute
little beach towns.
I was like that's actually kindof cool option and I was really
(09:03):
thinking I was going to go downthat road for a little bit when
I was thinking about the costof everything Because, as I have
been totally bluntly honestabout here, my mom is helping me
pay for this.
After talking it through withher and I thought she would
really be on board with theSpain and Cyprus thing, she said
(09:24):
that she felt more comfortablewith me doing it here, and there
are a couple of differentreasons why I felt that way too
after doing all this differentinternational research.
My doctors are great and I havea really good relationship with
them and I feel reallycomfortable with them and the
nurses and my ultrasound tech.
They're just people that knowme well and I feel comfortable
(09:47):
with and when they see me andthey smile, it feels it just
feels nice, right.
They know my history to likethey've seen how I've responded
to drugs along the way and,granted, all of that stuff can
be written in a record.
But having that firsthandinformation with somebody that
primarily knows it, you know,it's like the difference between
(10:09):
like a primary source and asecondary source in journalism.
I don't know like.
They're there, they're on thescene, and so what's cool is
that when I talked to my doctorabout all of this on a call
outside of the Guinness store inthe Mandalay Bay Mall in Vegas
on my way to a convention, whileI was talking to her about what
I wanted to do and how I wantedto proceed, she mentioned that
(10:31):
she had shared my caseinternally with kind body
doctors, that they have this,you know brain trust, where they
share information about thedoctors that they have this.
You know brain trust where theyshare information about the
cases that they're presentedwith and ask for feedback how
other doctors have handledsituations.
And she said that anotherdoctor had a patient that was
about my age, had about the samereaction to the drugs and also
(10:55):
had a bunch of immature eggs,and they shared you know how
they pumped up this medicationhere, pump down that medication,
had about the same reaction tothe drugs and also had a bunch
of immature eggs, and theyshared how they pumped up this
medication here, pumped downthat medication there, tried
this instead or tried thatinstead.
And when she told me that shewas looking for other opinions,
it just felt really nice.
And it's nice to know thatthere is this bank of doctors
(11:16):
across the country that aresharing this medical information
back and forth to get the bestresults for their patients.
So being comfortable with mymedical team is worth its weight
in gold.
And then there's the addedcomplication of Michael, because
he is a known donor but we'renot intimate and he's gay.
I can't imagine the amount ofresearch that would go into
(11:38):
figuring out if these differentcountries were okay with that.
So, while these may beprogressive countries, you never
know when a government comes inand has some weird dealings
with gay rights, and that'sprimarily what I have to worry
about here.
You know, spain may be theleading country on IVF research,
but it's also a primarilyCatholic country.
(12:00):
So I just I don't know and Ihaven't done any of that
research and considering we haveMike's stuff on ice here, he's
currently traveling, he's likeflying to Georgia right now, not
the state, the country, so itwould just make everything so
much more complicated thecountry, so it would just make
everything so much morecomplicated.
It's just better to stay theroute here.
(12:21):
So what are my next steps?
I, like I said, took thatovulation test before I left for
Vegas, had this call with mydoctor while I was in Vegas.
I let her know about that.
She said well, you know, we canget you in for testing to do,
you know, blood work and anotherultrasound, all the stuff that
you have to do before you startthe next round of egg retrieval.
She said when can you come intothe office?
And I changed my flight to flyin earlier so that I could go
(12:45):
right to the doctor's office,have the blood draw, have the
ultrasound and then from there Idrove home, had about two hours
to get ready before I had todrive up to Hollywood for the
premiere, which, again, just wasreally great.
But, as mentioned previously,packed schedules are my comfort
zone.
So during a week that couldhave been very upsetting, I had
(13:08):
a lot of excitement.
And where I'm at now is I'mtaking estrogen in preparation.
It's not as bad this time.
We're actually doing me on alower dose of estrogen, but like
throughout the day.
So I'm taking estrogen inpreparation.
It's not as bad this time.
We're actually doing me on alower dose of estrogen, but like
throughout the day.
So I'm taking one pill at nightand then half a pill in the
morning, and I haven't had anyback pain, knock on wood.
(13:28):
And what I talked through withthe doctor was that I just have
a hunch.
I just had a hunch that takingmore Follistim early on would be
better and, based on thescience that she has, she agreed
.
So thankfully it's not just mydecision, just throwing out
suggestions.
So that's the order ofoperations here and I feel okay
(13:54):
about it.
I don't feel sad, I feelfrustrated, I'm a little bit
tired, but not strung out aboutit.
We know how my body reacts nowand it's just a matter of trying
something else.
I told myself I would do twoegg retrievals and three
transfers.
I don't know how that changesafter this.
(14:15):
So you make these hard and fastdecisions and then you come up
to them and it's like, oh, oh oh.
I said I was never going to doIBF and here I am, so it's just.
It's nice to have a huge supportsystem because there are any
number of people I can talk toabout this at any moment and
they can help me better alignmyself with where I'm at when I
(14:40):
feel like grounded enough tothink about it.
So a lot of the times I'm justkind of barreling through
because that's my MO, that'sjust how I do things.
To wrap this up, I had somenotes on the sort of
intangibility of this process,just stuff that I kind of
thought and I talked through alittle bit last week with my mom
(15:02):
, but these are just I don'tknow.
It feels like it's worthsharing these bullet points that
I've made that I don't activelyengage with opportunities that
are unlikely.
I don't take risks.
I wrote down here that I don'tactively engage with
opportunities that are unlikely.
I don't take risks.
I wrote down here that I don'tactively engage with
opportunities that are unlikely.
This continues to feel like newterritory.
I'm not a risk taker Like.
(15:23):
I just don't take risks, andthis is a huge risk that I'm
taking and sharing with theworld.
I can't see or hold what I'vemade.
That one fertilized egg is justgone.
Well, now that fertilizedembryo is gone too, those six
baby eggs are just gone.
There's no well-tread route foregg retrieval, grief or embryo
(15:43):
loss.
There are no ceremonies orrituals, so few people know what
it's like, and then it's wildlydifferent from woman to woman.
I don't feel like a life hasbeen lost, but it's a chance
that's been lost, and now eightchances are just totally gone.
And yeah, those are kind ofunfiltered thoughts that I had.
It just continues to be a wild,wild process and anytime I see
(16:09):
babies out in the world I getexcited.
But you know, what was nicethis last week was when I went
to the premiere of the show.
I didn't tell anybody about theIVF Normally and of course,
like when do you have time?
But like there's, there's a lotof time at these events because
you're kibitzing on the redcarpet or you're meeting people
(16:31):
while you're going to your seat.
The after party, there were awhole bunch of people there and
introducing myself constantlyand I wasn't the star by any
stretch of the imagination, andI was attending as Christina's
manager, so I was not in anykind of a spotlight, but still,
you meet people, you shake hands, you kind of like talk about
what you do and what you're upto, and there was not a moment
(16:55):
the whole night where any ofthis came up and honestly, it
was like amazing.
I don't know if you've everfelt this Like.
I remember when I went onvacation to Europe not this past
time, like I think it was whenI was there for work for like
almost a month and then the lastweek I was there, I just took
off and had my own littlevacation time.
And I was amazed that when justtook off and had my own little
vacation time, and I was amazedthat when I encountered people
(17:18):
and met people in America andespecially in Los Angeles, the
first thing when you meetsomebody is like and what do you
do?
I was working at Netflix at thetime and it was a pretty cool
job and I wore it like a badgeof honor.
And so every person I met I waslike why aren't they asking me
what I do?
Because then I can tell themand then I can kind of like brag
a little bit.
And that didn't happen.
(17:41):
And then it kind of became likeincredibly refreshing of like
wow, no, no, no, like find otherthings to talk about.
What are these other thingsthat make you you?
And it was really nice thatentire night to not focus on any
of this and to have, like, Ijust talked about the show and I
talked about how much I loveStar Wars, and I talked to the
(18:02):
actors about other work thatthey'd done that I loved or
whatever, and, you know, metsome people that I'd seen around
before, met some people thatI've been friends with online
that I finally got to see inperson and met some heroes of
mine, and none of the strugglecame up and it was just nice.
So I guess the moral of thestory there is don't be totally
(18:24):
consumed by this, which I oftenam.
It's hard not to be.
We try and find little, I don'tknow sparkly, little grottos of
non-baby making.
That doesn't make any sense.
So, yeah, I'm just gonna keepplugging along.
I mean, I'm managingChristina's career now, so that
(18:47):
gives me another thing to focuson.
That's not this.
And I've got some coolopportunities coming up at my
nine to five that are not this,and I got to take my own.
I got to take my own advice.
Huh, anyway, that's where we'reat and thank you for listening.
Thank you for the words ofencouragement.
It's all been very helpful andsweet and I can't can't thank
(19:12):
you enough for it.
So so back Plan Pod onInstagram, on TikTok and YouTube
as well.
If you're listening on YouTube,go subscribe on podcasts, and
if you're listening on thepodcast, go subscribe on YouTube
.
You could just have me in allof your apps.
How thrilling, right?
Have a great week, everybody,thanks.
(19:32):
The Backup Plan is created,produced and hosted by me,
meredith Kate.
Have a great week, everybodyThanks.
Thank you for listening.
In college, my gay best friend and I joked that if
we hadn't found love by 40, we'dhave a baby with each other.
20 years later, I'm pulling theripcord From deciding on solo
motherhood to choosing IVF.
I'm Meredith and this is theBackup Plan.
Okay, well, this is a less funepisode to record.
I'm really grateful for thetime that I've given myself the
(00:21):
buffer between when I record theepisodes and when the episodes
come out, although something I'mfacing now is that people are
like reaching out to me, beinglike congratulations on two
embryos.
And anyway, let's start withPGTA results.
If you watched the last episode,you'll know that I stacked out
(00:42):
the week to make sure that I hada lot of stuff happening when
the PGTA results came in.
I had a work trip to Vegas.
I had some fun things to do inVegas as well, and I also had a
premiere of the new Star Warsseries that came out.
I was so excited about it.
I knew about that premiere fora while.
Christina had invited me to itweeks prior, to the point where
(01:04):
I was like I may be pregnant.
At that premiere, what am Igoing to wear?
How am I going to lookcomfortable?
I'm very proud of the look thatI chose.
I'm going to wear that dressoften, maybe even to a wedding,
if I ever decide to have one.
Very loose and flowy, very StarWars-y and also cool.
(01:24):
I got a lot of compliments onit, so I had a lot going on and
I didn't know exactly when I wasgoing to get the news.
I sent a message to my doctorafter I recorded that last
episode because I wanted to knowhow we could get the sex of the
embryos to Christina and not tome.
So I just sent her a quicklittle note that was like hey, I
don't want to know, but I amgoing to have my friend know
(01:44):
because I've decided, like I'mgoing to celebrate where I'm at,
I want to have this little likeembryo shower, this blast
shower.
I didn't use the term blast ashower because that's kind of
hard to describe or explain whenyou're not in the room with the
person.
And she wrote back that theresults came in and did I have
time for a quick call, whichdidn't feel like good news.
(02:07):
So here are the results andwe're going to start with the
worst one first, and that's Dale.
Dale is the day seven embryothat was rated a 4BA, which is a
pretty good rating, doesn'tmatter, because he's it is
completely unusable.
(02:27):
I don't know what the gender ofeither embryos is at this point
.
If I look like I'm crying ifyou're watching this on YouTube,
I'm not.
My allergies are crazy and theJune gloom in California has hit
hard and every morning I'm juststuffy and I look like I'm
crying.
I'm not.
Maybe I will later, who knows.
(02:49):
So the problems that the Daleembryo have are in chromosome 16
, I believe, and that iscompletely incompatible with
life.
If we implanted that embryo, iteither would miscarry pretty
immediately or, if it carried on, there are probably some
(03:09):
unsavory decisions I would haveto make further down the line.
So KindBody does not implantthose embryos.
I wouldn't want to try.
I've moved on there.
So Dale, unfortunately, is nolonger Chip.
On the other hand, chip was myday five 4BB embryo, the one
(03:30):
that I really felt good about.
Chip's not a no-go, but Chip iswhat we call a segmented mosaic
embryo.
I'm going to read somedefinitions to you.
So, according to FertilityCenters of New England, mosaic
embryos are those that have amix of normal and abnormal cells
, making their genetic makeupunclear.
Chip is a segmented mosaic,which is another categorization
(03:56):
of what a mosaic embryo is.
You can have high mosaic embryo, you can have low mosaic embryo
or you can have segmented,which is what I have, and the
segmentation that Chip has is inchromosome four.
The International FertilityGroup says that segmental
abnormalities are when only apiece of a chromosome is
affected rather than the wholechromosome.
Mosaics that have this kind ofabnormality are called segmented
(04:19):
mosaics.
Sounds pretty right Like asegmented mosaic.
Mosaics sounds pretty rightlike a segmented mosaic.
My mom went hard on researchingwhat all of this meant.
I mean, it's just kind of funnythe way that our two minds
process this information.
For me I was like, okay, what'sthe next step?
I think I need to move on, andhers was I'm gonna do all the
(04:40):
research I can on theinformation that's been given.
I'm not saying one way is rightor wrong, I'm actually saying
one way is right or wrong.
I'm actually saying they kindof work well together.
So when my mom did research onthe abnormality that chip has,
it is in chromosome four and theHoward Hughes Medical Institute
released an article titled Doeschromosome four holdome 4 Hold
(05:03):
the Secret to Human Longevity,and in the article it says by
comparing the DNA of siblingswho are extremely long-lived.
Researchers believe they havefound a region on chromosome 4
that may hold an important clueto understanding human longevity
.
According to researchers, theirfinding is highly suggestive
(05:23):
that somewhere in the hundredsof genes in that region of
chromosome 4 is a gene or geneswhose subtle modifications can
give a person a better chance atliving well beyond the average
life expectancy.
Now, if you'll recall, when wewere trying to get Mike's blood
sample prior to him donatingsperm back in February, we had a
(05:46):
hard time getting blood fromhim that first day.
Speaker 2 (05:49):
She just could not find a vein.
I was like squeezing a stressball, like nothing was coming,
and she's like you're reallydehydrated.
And I was like I didn't think Iwas.
I do have a couple veins on myhand, so she's like, well, it's
not ideal, but let me go inthrough your hand and it starts
to give blood and then juststops.
Speaker 1 (06:08):
Now the average person would say, oh, he'd been
flying and he doesn't drinkenough water and he was probably
dehydrated.
But I had a sneaking suspicionthat he might be a vampire and
had never told me.
Long story short, michael's avampire.
Speaker 2 (06:24):
Right, or I died and didn't realize it and I'm just
walking around like, hey guys,you know what I mean, but I'm
actually dead.
Speaker 1 (06:32):
I think you're a vampire, so I'm more convinced.
Now is what I'm saying.
And also I may have a babyRenesmee on ice, who knows?
So Chip, as in Chip and Dale,has now become Chip the teacup
because there's just a littlesomething wrong with it and in
(06:53):
the research that my mom did,boy embryos, male embryos,
survived this abnormality betterthan female embryos.
Now I don't know the sex ofeither of the embryos, because I
want to find that out a littlebit later, which we'll get into.
So chip the teacup is still onice.
(07:13):
So while my mom was doing allthat research, I immediately was
like, okay, what are my nextsteps?
And pretty quickly I decidedthat I wanted to do another egg
retrieval.
It was kind of a knee jerkreaction, I actually.
You know, after being a littlebit sad, I ran into the bathroom
and did an ovulation testbecause I knew I was getting
(07:34):
close to my period and I justwanted to see where I was at.
The ovulation test came backwith a very light pink line,
which means I either was aboutto start ovulating or I had just
ended ovulation and I let mydoctors know that.
And then I gave myself a littlebit of space to think about
this because earlier in thisprocess I had said to myself I'm
(07:55):
only going to do one eggretrieval this method in America
, because egg retrievals IVF,the whole process is a lot
cheaper in other places, butthere are countries that cater
to IVF.
(08:16):
In particular, spain is likethe leading country on research
for IVF.
It's actually kind of like thebest place to probably go.
There is a location in Cypruswhere you just kind of hunker
down in Cyprus and go throughthe whole process there.
I've also found Norway does alot of Google sponsored ads.
When you look this up, norwaydoes a lot of Google sponsored
(08:39):
ads.
When you look this up, there'sactually a bunch of clinics in
Mexico that have an office inIrvine which is just a couple of
minutes down the road from mehere in California, and you
actually go and get your pretesting, blood work and
everything done there and thenyou go to one of their many
clinics in Mexico and they'vegot places in like really cute
little beach towns.
I was like that's actually kindof cool option and I was really
(09:03):
thinking I was going to go downthat road for a little bit when
I was thinking about the costof everything Because, as I have
been totally bluntly honestabout here, my mom is helping me
pay for this.
After talking it through withher and I thought she would
really be on board with theSpain and Cyprus thing, she said
(09:24):
that she felt more comfortablewith me doing it here, and there
are a couple of differentreasons why I felt that way too
after doing all this differentinternational research.
My doctors are great and I havea really good relationship with
them and I feel reallycomfortable with them and the
nurses and my ultrasound tech.
They're just people that knowme well and I feel comfortable
(09:47):
with and when they see me andthey smile, it feels it just
feels nice, right.
They know my history to likethey've seen how I've responded
to drugs along the way and,granted, all of that stuff can
be written in a record.
But having that firsthandinformation with somebody that
primarily knows it, you know,it's like the difference between
(10:09):
like a primary source and asecondary source in journalism.
I don't know like.
They're there, they're on thescene, and so what's cool is
that when I talked to my doctorabout all of this on a call
outside of the Guinness store inthe Mandalay Bay Mall in Vegas
on my way to a convention, whileI was talking to her about what
I wanted to do and how I wantedto proceed, she mentioned that
(10:31):
she had shared my caseinternally with kind body
doctors, that they have this,you know brain trust, where they
share information about thedoctors that they have this.
You know brain trust where theyshare information about the
cases that they're presentedwith and ask for feedback how
other doctors have handledsituations.
And she said that anotherdoctor had a patient that was
about my age, had about the samereaction to the drugs and also
(10:55):
had a bunch of immature eggs,and they shared you know how
they pumped up this medicationhere, pump down that medication,
had about the same reaction tothe drugs and also had a bunch
of immature eggs, and theyshared how they pumped up this
medication here, pumped downthat medication there, tried
this instead or tried thatinstead.
And when she told me that shewas looking for other opinions,
it just felt really nice.
And it's nice to know thatthere is this bank of doctors
(11:16):
across the country that aresharing this medical information
back and forth to get the bestresults for their patients.
So being comfortable with mymedical team is worth its weight
in gold.
And then there's the addedcomplication of Michael, because
he is a known donor but we'renot intimate and he's gay.
I can't imagine the amount ofresearch that would go into
(11:38):
figuring out if these differentcountries were okay with that.
So, while these may beprogressive countries, you never
know when a government comes inand has some weird dealings
with gay rights, and that'sprimarily what I have to worry
about here.
You know, spain may be theleading country on IVF research,
but it's also a primarilyCatholic country.
(12:00):
So I just I don't know and Ihaven't done any of that
research and considering we haveMike's stuff on ice here, he's
currently traveling, he's likeflying to Georgia right now, not
the state, the country, so itwould just make everything so
much more complicated thecountry, so it would just make
everything so much morecomplicated.
It's just better to stay theroute here.
(12:21):
So what are my next steps?
I, like I said, took thatovulation test before I left for
Vegas, had this call with mydoctor while I was in Vegas.
I let her know about that.
She said well, you know, we canget you in for testing to do,
you know, blood work and anotherultrasound, all the stuff that
you have to do before you startthe next round of egg retrieval.
She said when can you come intothe office?
And I changed my flight to flyin earlier so that I could go
(12:45):
right to the doctor's office,have the blood draw, have the
ultrasound and then from there Idrove home, had about two hours
to get ready before I had todrive up to Hollywood for the
premiere, which, again, just wasreally great.
But, as mentioned previously,packed schedules are my comfort
zone.
So during a week that couldhave been very upsetting, I had
(13:08):
a lot of excitement.
And where I'm at now is I'mtaking estrogen in preparation.
It's not as bad this time.
We're actually doing me on alower dose of estrogen, but like
throughout the day.
So I'm taking estrogen inpreparation.
It's not as bad this time.
We're actually doing me on alower dose of estrogen, but like
throughout the day.
So I'm taking one pill at nightand then half a pill in the
morning, and I haven't had anyback pain, knock on wood.
(13:28):
And what I talked through withthe doctor was that I just have
a hunch.
I just had a hunch that takingmore Follistim early on would be
better and, based on thescience that she has, she agreed
.
So thankfully it's not just mydecision, just throwing out
suggestions.
So that's the order ofoperations here and I feel okay
(13:54):
about it.
I don't feel sad, I feelfrustrated, I'm a little bit
tired, but not strung out aboutit.
We know how my body reacts nowand it's just a matter of trying
something else.
I told myself I would do twoegg retrievals and three
transfers.
I don't know how that changesafter this.
(14:15):
So you make these hard and fastdecisions and then you come up
to them and it's like, oh, oh oh.
I said I was never going to doIBF and here I am, so it's just.
It's nice to have a huge supportsystem because there are any
number of people I can talk toabout this at any moment and
they can help me better alignmyself with where I'm at when I
(14:40):
feel like grounded enough tothink about it.
So a lot of the times I'm justkind of barreling through
because that's my MO, that'sjust how I do things.
To wrap this up, I had somenotes on the sort of
intangibility of this process,just stuff that I kind of
thought and I talked through alittle bit last week with my mom
(15:02):
, but these are just I don'tknow.
It feels like it's worthsharing these bullet points that
I've made that I don't activelyengage with opportunities that
are unlikely.
I don't take risks.
I wrote down here that I don'tactively engage with
opportunities that are unlikely.
I don't take risks.
I wrote down here that I don'tactively engage with
opportunities that are unlikely.
This continues to feel like newterritory.
I'm not a risk taker Like.
(15:23):
I just don't take risks, andthis is a huge risk that I'm
taking and sharing with theworld.
I can't see or hold what I'vemade.
That one fertilized egg is justgone.
Well, now that fertilizedembryo is gone too, those six
baby eggs are just gone.
There's no well-tread route foregg retrieval, grief or embryo
(15:43):
loss.
There are no ceremonies orrituals, so few people know what
it's like, and then it's wildlydifferent from woman to woman.
I don't feel like a life hasbeen lost, but it's a chance
that's been lost, and now eightchances are just totally gone.
And yeah, those are kind ofunfiltered thoughts that I had.
It just continues to be a wild,wild process and anytime I see
(16:09):
babies out in the world I getexcited.
But you know, what was nicethis last week was when I went
to the premiere of the show.
I didn't tell anybody about theIVF Normally and of course,
like when do you have time?
But like there's, there's a lotof time at these events because
you're kibitzing on the redcarpet or you're meeting people
(16:31):
while you're going to your seat.
The after party, there were awhole bunch of people there and
introducing myself constantlyand I wasn't the star by any
stretch of the imagination, andI was attending as Christina's
manager, so I was not in anykind of a spotlight, but still,
you meet people, you shake hands, you kind of like talk about
what you do and what you're upto, and there was not a moment
(16:55):
the whole night where any ofthis came up and honestly, it
was like amazing.
I don't know if you've everfelt this Like.
I remember when I went onvacation to Europe not this past
time, like I think it was whenI was there for work for like
almost a month and then the lastweek I was there, I just took
off and had my own littlevacation time.
And I was amazed that when justtook off and had my own little
vacation time, and I was amazedthat when I encountered people
(17:18):
and met people in America andespecially in Los Angeles, the
first thing when you meetsomebody is like and what do you
do?
I was working at Netflix at thetime and it was a pretty cool
job and I wore it like a badgeof honor.
And so every person I met I waslike why aren't they asking me
what I do?
Because then I can tell themand then I can kind of like brag
a little bit.
And that didn't happen.
(17:41):
And then it kind of became likeincredibly refreshing of like
wow, no, no, no, like find otherthings to talk about.
What are these other thingsthat make you you?
And it was really nice thatentire night to not focus on any
of this and to have, like, Ijust talked about the show and I
talked about how much I loveStar Wars, and I talked to the
(18:02):
actors about other work thatthey'd done that I loved or
whatever, and, you know, metsome people that I'd seen around
before, met some people thatI've been friends with online
that I finally got to see inperson and met some heroes of
mine, and none of the strugglecame up and it was just nice.
So I guess the moral of thestory there is don't be totally
(18:24):
consumed by this, which I oftenam.
It's hard not to be.
We try and find little, I don'tknow sparkly, little grottos of
non-baby making.
That doesn't make any sense.
So, yeah, I'm just gonna keepplugging along.
I mean, I'm managingChristina's career now, so that
(18:47):
gives me another thing to focuson.
That's not this.
And I've got some coolopportunities coming up at my
nine to five that are not this,and I got to take my own.
I got to take my own advice.
Huh, anyway, that's where we'reat and thank you for listening.
Thank you for the words ofencouragement.
It's all been very helpful andsweet and I can't can't thank
(19:12):
you enough for it.
So so back Plan Pod onInstagram, on TikTok and YouTube
as well.
If you're listening on YouTube,go subscribe on podcasts, and
if you're listening on thepodcast, go subscribe on YouTube
.
You could just have me in allof your apps.
How thrilling, right?
Have a great week, everybody,thanks.
(19:32):
The Backup Plan is created,produced and hosted by me,
meredith Kate.
Have a great week, everybodyThanks.
Thank you for listening.
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