November 12, 2025 • 49 mins
In this bonus episode of The BASIC Show, host Viktorija Pashuta sits down with her sister Anna Pashuta for a brutally honest, funny, and very real conversation about modern dating, feminine vs. masculine roles, and why so many high-achieving women are struggling to connect in today’s swipe culture.
They unpack:
- 💗 Why successful, independent women sometimes lose their softness — and how to reconnect with feminine energy without “shrinking”
- 🧠 The real reason men say dating is “expensive”… and why effort matters more than price
- 👀 Eye contact, playfulness, and why happy women are magnetic
- ☕ Why endless texting and coffee dates aren’t working — and how to actually get to real connection
- 👫 The 4 stages of real relationships: attraction → mutual attraction → commitment → compatibility
- 📵 Dating apps vs real life: how to meet people again… in person
- 🙋♂️ A PSA to men: approach women more, not to seduce — but to bring good energy back into real-life socializing
This episode is for women who want to stay feminine and ambitious, and for men who want to understand what actually makes women feel safe, open, and playful.
📺 Subscribe for more powerful interviews every Wednesday!
🛒 Subscribe to the Print Edition of BASIC Magazine – A Collectible Work of Art Delivered Quarterly: https://buybasicmagazine.myshopify.com
🎙️ The BASIC Show is hosted by Viktorija Pashuta — Editor-in-Chief of BASIC Magazine.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
SPEAKER_00 (00:17):
Hello, beautiful people.
Welcome to the basic show.
Another week, another episode.
Today we have a special episode,a bonus episode that I'm very,
very excited about.
As a guest, I have my sister,Anna Pasciuta.
Welcome, Anna, to the basicshow.
Hello, thank you so much forinviting me again.
(00:37):
Always, always um excited tohave you because you do have
very um unique, I don't sayhonest, raw opinion.
You never sugarcoat things, andthat's what I love about you.
So today's episode, I want totouch upon a few things.
And I know like last time wejust dived into different rabbit
holes and you know uh dive deep.
(00:59):
So today I think we should speakabout things that um have maybe
a different perspective.
Maybe, maybe, maybe many peoplewill agree, maybe some people
will not, but who cares?
We're gonna share our opiniontoday.
Exactly.
So, what is it?
What you got for me today?
All right, so let's talk aboutmodern dating and let's talk
(01:23):
about masculine versus feminineroles in relationship.
And I want to dive deep um onfeminine qualities and masculine
qualities that are important ina man and feminine qualities
that are important in a woman umwhile dating.
Okay.
So um where do we freaking startin with this topic?
(01:46):
I know it's quite deep.
Okay, of course it's it's uhmaybe I can start.
Sure, yeah, go.
So I can start, I can startagain from my personal
experience.
I have a lot of women amongst myacquaintances who are very
successful and they have a hardtime finding a partner because
they work hard, they have crazyschedules, they're very
successful, they're busy.
(02:07):
And in order to find a partnerthat matches their intellect on
the intellectual level, maybemeeting their financial
expectations, it's hard to finda partner like that.
And on the other side, they alsocannot be with extremely
successful male partners becausethat usually comes with control,
(02:28):
manipulation, and you know,restrictions in their freedom,
because most of these women liketo be independent, they like to
make money, they like to besuccessful.
So let's talk about that alittle bit, about the qualities,
feminine qualities thatsuccessful women lost or maybe
should reacquire or what shouldthey do to kind of you know get
(02:51):
get back to that feminine sideof them?
SPEAKER_01 (02:54):
Before we get there, I have a question for you.
Yeah.
Okay.
So do you uh like I'm asking,but I already know the answer,
but you know, we're still gonnago through this.
Um do you enjoy hanging out witha person who you feel like um is
less experienced than you, umwho is um, you know, who is
(03:16):
maybe you 20 years ago, who ismale or female?
Doesn't matter.
No.
Yeah, okay, that's what Ithought.
So this is like a uh funnythought for me to comprehend
that yeah, we do not reallyenjoy I don't know, maybe some
people do, but I also enjoyhanging out with the person who
(03:37):
uh i is opening new kind of Idon't know, horizons.
Not horizons, right, but new newperspectives for me, right?
Like who who can teach methings, who can show me
something I haven't seen before,because I think both you and me
have seen a lot of things, wehad a lot of experiences.
I think we try to have this, youknow, uh vibrant life.
(03:57):
And so when you meet a personwho hasn't gone through all of
that uh and does not have desireto even experience more, do
more, it's kind of a littledifficult.
Like it it can be aconversation, right?
But it's it's not like a uhamazing experience.
And so the uh thought it is likea little unpleasant to
internalize is that when uh allthese successful women are
(04:20):
trying to find male partners, uhthey're looking for a man who is
better than them.
Oh God.
You know, and it's like it Ithink it's very, very old school
thought.
And uh now probably it hasevolved that uh I don't know, in
50s.
SPEAKER_00 (04:40):
But let's let's break it down so it's not
arrogant, right?
Because I think for the thing isI I swear I I know a lot of men
listening, they were like, oh,you know, they're too snobby,
they're you know, they think tootoo good of themselves.
But let's break it down, right?
So, like you said, if a woman,right, worked hard and went
through challenges because shehad to, right?
(05:01):
She had goals, she hadaspirations, she traveled, she
met different people, right?
So her horizon spiritually,intellectually is way wider, you
know, than in a partner thatmight be next to her that she's
trying to date, right?
Because obviously the partnerthat's on the same level
probably is, you know, makingmoney somewhere, climbing the
(05:22):
Everest.
Maybe he's pursuing his goalsthat are not um, you know, are
not in the physical um umproximity of that woman, right?
So going back to the femininequality, right?
So if we kind of stick to thattopic, going back to feminine
quality, I guess the question,let me paraphrase it, the
question is can we still befeminine and be aspirational and
(05:47):
successful and aim for ourgoals?
SPEAKER_01 (05:50):
I think absolutely, yes, yes.
Just because we don't see it, itdoesn't mean we cannot envision
and create it and practice it.
Um I've seen uh women in Europe,so I think generally in Europe
um women give birth earlier andthey still have their careers.
(06:11):
And I have never seen uh uh allof these aspects being the
reason why they would be losingtheir femininity.
They would still dress up, theywould still have fun, they would
still be playful with theirpartner, um, and they still
pursuing careers, havingchildren.
So it's it is very, verypossible, it's just a different
way of thinking about life.
(06:31):
Um here, I think um whateverLake, United States, there is
the boss pitch, babe, whateveruh persona.
Why did you whisper?
I don't know.
Boss pitch There was inparentheses.
Um so there's this persona thatis uh being normalized for us
(06:55):
women that we see, okay, this iswhat I I supposed to aspire to,
this is what I need to be.
Uh and uh when I sometimesencounter those personalities,
uh not too impressive to mebecause I feel like it uh a lot
of characteristics are borrowed.
Woman borrows from something, sobut and you know, borrows from
(07:16):
male characteristics.
Um and I think that women whoare in high positions, who are
bosses, they have their ownplace, the place of you don't
have to be, for example, Ithink, okay, controversial
opinions, whatever.
Yeah, let's talk specifics.
Like uh for men, I think it'snormal to be you know like uh
males, male bosses.
(07:37):
You you have a presence, you areaggressive, you can lead with
intimidation, right?
As a uh male boss, you come in,there's intimidation, sure.
You can be bigger than a female,you know, s it can be already
like, oh, okay, you know, somesign of authority, our brain
recognizes it as oh, authority,somebody's bigger than me,
whatever.
Right?
And this is how men lead, whichis fine, whatever, we need that,
(08:00):
right?
We need we need both.
Uh and when women are trying todo that, and this is it's uh I
think it's a learned behavior.
They try to do that, and I thinkit's uh a little bit
disappointing to me becausewomen do not lean in more into
their qualities that uh I thinkare very grateful leadership,
like uh, and I find it inmyself, but I see sometimes at
(08:25):
uh my workplace it'sinconvenient because it might be
a little bit more timeconsuming.
But for example, trying to teachsomebody to be better at their
job so they can get better attheir job, take a higher
position, right?
It's it's part of nurturing too.
Right?
So you you teach them, you uhgive them feedback, you guide
them.
(08:45):
Sometimes you push them a littlebit.
So this is I had a um situationwith a colleague.
Uh we were working, and I thinkshe was a very, very hard
worker.
And I think automatic responsein the workplace is kind of a
bit of an exploitation.
It's like we're not paying forfor you to do all of this, but
you're gonna still do it becausethat's your personality.
(09:05):
And I see it and I see howvaluable she is in the company,
and I told her, you have to askfor a raise.
Like the time is coming in theyear, you have to ask for a
raise.
And of course, the response islike, oh no, no, no, no, I don't
want to.
Like, no, I said like, no, no,no.
And I'm scared too, I would bescared to ask for a raise as
well.
But how do you go around that?
You you learn, right?
(09:25):
You learn how do you ask forthat?
SPEAKER_00 (09:26):
So people have less confidence, yeah, uh, to really
to ask for more what theydeserve, right?
Yeah, so you saw that in yourcolleague and you encouraged
her.
So that's your nurturing uhbehavior as a as a female in
power.
SPEAKER_01 (09:38):
As a female leader, yes.
I encouraged her, she and I toldher how, right?
Because you cannot just say, Oh,go, go be bold.
Told her, go watch YouTubevideos, go read a couple of
blogs, what words to say, how tobring it up, be professional, be
nice, because you have thevalue, they should pay more.
And uh a few days later shecomes comes back to me and she's
like, all excited, oh I gotta doit.
I did it, she did it, yeah.
(10:00):
So it's like you know, one ofthe examples of how uh, you
know, instead of beingintimidating and uh trying to
like lead with this authorityand your stature, whatever, you
lead with something else, right?
And I think this is a femalecharacteristic, which is as
valuable as just beingintimidating just because maybe
you're a bigger, right?
Right.
SPEAKER_00 (10:19):
We need we need both, right?
But let's go back to the dynamicin a relationship, right?
So that's a real valid point inthe workplace, right?
Or in a society.
So let's go back in the dynamicbetween uh you know romantic
relationship.
Uh I've been thinking about it,and I came to the conclusion
that femininity really comeswith truly, uh honestly be happy
(10:43):
and uh exude happiness.
I think uh men and women areattracted, right, to happiness,
to joy, right?
And that again goes back to ourprevious conversation: find your
life purpose, be uh knowthyself, right?
Know your interests, no, no, nouh uh what do you like, have
hobbies, right?
So going back to that, beinghappy, nobody wants to have uh
(11:06):
or be attracted to uh you knowuh contraceptive face, you know,
or how do you say what do youmean by that?
Can we do dig in?
You know, the contraceptivepill.
You have a contraceptive face.
Uh-huh.
So a face that you can be themost beautiful, gorgeous girl in
the room, but if you don't exudejoy, happiness, sense of humor,
playfulness, you're not gonna beattracted to men, right?
(11:28):
You're not gonna be attractive.
Attractive, sorry, attractive tomen, right?
Because they are attracted to ahappy woman, a healthy, happy
woman, nurtured woman who has asense of humor.
And most women lack that becausethey always put that mask on,
right?
I have to be strong, I have tobe independent, I know my worth.
SPEAKER_01 (11:45):
You know why women put the mask on.
I think a lot of women learnearly on if you're an
attractive, right?
Like conventionally attractivewoman, a lot of men, good or
bad, will be approaching you.
So you learn to just be cold andmean to them from the get-go.
And only those who have so muchconfidence to come back again
and again will get yourattention.
(12:05):
But usually uh these I thinkit's a learned behavior of like
I just try to live my life, andthere would be men approaching,
and most men wouldn't be, youknow, a good match.
SPEAKER_00 (12:14):
So of course, that's a really good look, that's a
really good point.
Speaking about men beingattracted to a woman, if we go
back to the dating apps, right?
Men usually swipe like, okay,she's pretty, that girl is
pretty.
They just swipe, or they mightbe just swiping because they're
bored, right?
In real life situations, ifthey're in a club or an outing,
they will only approach a womanwho's their type.
(12:35):
And every single man has a type,either they want to admit it or
not.
Certain men have a specifictype, right?
Either it's looks orpersonality.
I mean, let's talk mostlyprobably about the looks, right?
And therefore, it's veryimportant to go out and meet
somebody in person, go on eitherfirst date or meet somebody for
the first time, you know,whenever they're doing some kind
(12:57):
of sports or activity orwhatever, so that person would
be truly attracted to you, notjust because, hey, we matched,
now we have to make things workbecause we think we have some
kind of chemistry or attraction,but deep inside that might not
be a true match.
So for women, uh and for men,it's very important to go on the
first date as soon as possiblerather than dragging texting for
(13:19):
months and weeks, right?
To see in person that you knowthe first thing.
SPEAKER_01 (13:23):
Even like before before first dates, you know,
people just need to be out more.
And people need to relearn umhow to just be social with
strangers that that you like andthat you don't like, right?
So like you I I think it wouldbe quite sad if people would
only approach people that theyfind sexually attractive.
(13:45):
Sometimes it's funny.
SPEAKER_00 (13:46):
You like you know just to have a human
interaction.
SPEAKER_01 (13:49):
Yeah, just to to, you know, some come to some
grandma with the cool hat thatsaid something like no, I always
have better conversations withthe little folks because they
have life stories to share.
SPEAKER_00 (13:58):
Older people are amazing.
Yeah, sense of humor, right?
And I feel like youngergeneration obviously they grew
up on the phones, they grew up,you know, with the internet, you
know, with their tablet on thephone.
Like as soon as they're a fewmonths old, they already have a
tablet, right?
They have a phone, yeah, whichis sad.
SPEAKER_01 (14:12):
So you don't learn how to read social cues from
their face and make it.
SPEAKER_00 (14:16):
Even eye contact is important.
I was actually talking aboutthis with another friend uh the
other day.
How it's important to be able tomaintain sustained eye contact.
I would ask our audience to, youknow, uh maybe have a little
homework or a little test.
When you go next time to the gymor uh walking down the street,
you know, look at the otherperson in there.
(14:39):
You know, it was so tough.
I tried to do like trust me, I'ma social person, right?
I'm like, okay, I'm in the gym,I'm gonna look both, not just
men, men and women, and have theeye contact.
And it was so difficult becausethe second I have that eye
contact, they look away, right?
And and oh, I look away.
I'm like, oh my man, it's soit's so difficult.
So once I started to practicethat and exchange that energy,
right?
You're like, okay, you'regaining that confidence, you're
(15:01):
gaining back those socialskills.
I mean, it sounds ridiculous,but you think it's it's the same
thing for men and women, likedoing eye contact?
Well, the thing is nowadays, ofcourse, if the girl looks at the
guy, it kind of sends thesignal, hey, you know, I like
you, but it shouldn't be thatway, right?
SPEAKER_01 (15:15):
It's just the no I think it should be because uh,
you know, as a woman, you justgo about your day, you're doing
your thing, creating things,having fun.
And if somebody caught itcatches your attention enough,
long enough for you to meeteyes, it means like, oh, you are
an interesting thing.
SPEAKER_00 (15:34):
Well, you have to smile also.
So okay, let's let's let's breakit down.
If you just have an eye contactwith the person, it means you
acknowledge, it's like dogs,right?
They they're coming to eachother, tugging their tails and
like saying hello.
It's kind of like hello, Iacknowledge you there, you're
human, I recognize you, right?
I'm not on my phone, I'mpresent.
If you have an eye contact andyou uh you you add a you know a
(15:57):
smile, which is the next level?
I know it's hard.
I don't know.
I'm the obviously I'm alwayssmiling on the middle person.
Like he will never even get tothe point where you smile.
He was like right away, we'lllook away.
SPEAKER_01 (16:06):
I think it's it's the danger for women that you
again will attract a man thatyou didn't mean to attract.
So I think for Yeah, which canbe scary.
SPEAKER_00 (16:16):
Well, you see through, right?
Obviously, you'll if you areattractive and you're happy,
you're gonna attract all kindsof men.
Wait, is that the purpose toattract the guy?
Well, let's say if you'reinterested in somebody, right?
And you are in the outing, likeyou're in the bar, uh, you
cross, you have an eye contactwith somebody, you smile, that's
kind of a signal for the guy toapproach and offer like a drink
or start a conversation.
SPEAKER_01 (16:36):
So so you're going by um male looks, which I think.
What do you mean?
Okay, so you look at the room,you don't know.
You scan the room, you don'tknow anybody's level of
education, you don't know howclean their apartment is.
SPEAKER_00 (16:55):
You already have your standards so high.
You have to lower them a littlebit nowadays, okay?
Lower a little bit yourstandard, you just need to start
a conversation because well thething is like, look, you that's
the thing.
So with apps, you know rightaway their religion, their
political views, are theysmoking, they're using drugs,
like you know, all of that,right?
It's kind of you're alreadygoing through a catalog, right?
(17:16):
Without knowing the person.
We're talking about if you meetsomebody in a social outing and
you have that kind of chemistry,you know that a woman, I think
it takes about seven seconds fora woman to know if she likes the
man, if she's compatible withhim, if she wants to continue.
Right?
So we need those seven secondsin person to really know is it a
match or not in person, right?
Okay.
(17:36):
So you wouldn't know all of theother things.
That's why the whole purpose ofdating is to get to know each
other, right?
The whole purpose of dating isokay, we have the level of
attraction, okay.
First date we have thatchemistry, but guess what?
Now we get to the next stage.
Now we're dating with thepurpose, surprise, to get to
know each other.
And how do you get to know eachother, right?
(17:59):
Through different activities.
Men are all about action andwomen all about reaction.
They usually say woman is amirror of a man.
If the man treats a woman withrespect, with kindness, with
sweetness, woman willreciprocate.
If the guy's already cautious,oh, I don't know this type of
girl, or she might be this, shemight be promiscuous, or I don't
know.
(18:19):
If you're already careful, ifyou already have this kind of
second thoughts, you're notgonna let you're not gonna
provide that safe space forwomen to open up and trust you.
And especially nowadays, I feellike women are already so
guarded and it's so hard forthem to open up.
So men should kind of providethat comfortable space for a
woman to show her true, right?
(18:40):
Her true self.
SPEAKER_01 (18:41):
So then a woman needs a man to show her true
self to be to be the feminine,to be feminine.
Is that what you think you'resaying?
SPEAKER_00 (18:53):
Well, the reason I'm saying it, because from my
experience, even though you haveyour own character, personality
traits, with every man, a womanwould feel different, right?
You're still the same woman, butone guy can provide more safety,
more, you know, if he jokes, ifhe makes you feel beautiful, you
know, if he does little thingsfor her, she will open up,
(19:13):
she'll be more open andreciprocate to gestures, she'll
be more playful, she'll feelmore relaxed, right?
And with another guy, she'll bemore uh cautious, she'll like
try to pretend.
Have you ever seen like thething if you first date the girl
is like joking and awkward, andlike that means she likes you.
If the girl is like toopretentious, quiet, trying to be
somebody she's not, it means shedoesn't feel comfortable enough
(19:35):
to be herself, uh, to be uhrelaxed enough with that man,
right?
So what I'm saying is she couldbe feeling different with every
man.
So is femininity different?
She's still staying herfeminine, but I'm saying she
wouldn't open to the guy thatshe's not comfortable with.
SPEAKER_01 (19:55):
Hmm.
So it doesn't mean she's lessfeminine.
It it still sounds to me thatfemininity just has to be okay,
or I'll speak for myself, right?
Like femininity is very costlyin the modern society.
Costly personally for a woman.
Because to be that person thatis traditionally, I guess, or
not even traditionally, modernlyfeminine, right?
(20:17):
We're not talking about like uhI don't know.
1950s.
Yeah, I'm not gonna list thingsthat I think, yeah.
But so modernly feminine, right?
Like you you look a certain way,you feel a certain way.
Um it's it's costly because itmeans you have to be at peace,
you had some relaxing moments,um, you didn't have to play boss
bitch at work.
(20:38):
I'm gonna say it louder, right?
You didn't have to pretend to besomebody else at work, right?
So it's it's very costly.
So right now in the modernworld, if you are an ambitious
woman, you will be doing a lotof things.
And you can also kind of pretendto be feminine by being like you
have a very strict routine,you're going to the gym, you're
doing everything right, you areon time, you did your hair
(21:00):
perfectly, your nails is ontime.
So to me, when you already put afemale in the structure like
this, it uh loses the femininityaspect of it.
Because to me be like water.
Yeah, so so so feminine natureto me is like, yeah, you are
imperfect, you're a littlecrazy, you are playful, you are
the child spirit.
You create, you experiment, youprobe, you trigger, all right.
(21:25):
You you are cheeky.
You are not just this uh uhhumanoid female that somebody
created with the perfect butt atthe gym and everything is
perfect on you.
This is uh when you're perfectand you're restricted like this,
you're not creating much, you'rejust stamping, right?
Like you it's a what is itcalled, traffarit, right?
SPEAKER_00 (21:42):
Like, yeah, like a um stamp.
Stencil, right?
Is that stencil, yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (21:46):
Yeah, whatever, right?
You just uh you just like uhreplicating whatever has been
replicated for you on socialmedia.
But I think uh the true feminineenergy is it has this uh dis
disturbance in it, right?
So there's nature is feminine,right?
It's imperfect, but it's itcaptivates it.
SPEAKER_00 (22:03):
But it's like a beautiful flower, right?
The thing is you can destroy it,you know, or you can nourish it,
like from the guy's perspective,right?
So have you seen a relationshipwhere the woman was, you know,
nurturing, happy, joyful, andthen she gets into the toxic
relationship where you know theguy is sucking out of her
energy, you know, he doesn'ttreat her right, he puts her
down with small little gestures.
(22:25):
You can see how even her looksdim, right?
Her eyes stop sparkling, right?
She's not as confident anymore.
So women are very gentlecreatures that need to be
nourished, right?
Need to be, I'm not saying liketaken care of, but men should be
appreciative, right?
They should be, you know,admiring your woman, right?
If you don't so in in a in arelationship, if the man is not
(22:47):
admiring the woman and if thewoman is not respecting her man,
this is where the balance getsoff.
It should be a healthy balancewhere a woman with the man that
she respects, uh, that she, youknow, is proud of, um, and she
always supports.
And man is a woman who headores, who he wants to do
things for her, which I callunconditional love.
(23:07):
In modern dating, I hear all thetime, oh, um, it's too expensive
to take a girl on a date.
It's like two, three hundred,six hundred dollars for dinner.
And I'm thinking, well,obviously, you do not take every
girl, 20 girls, to that specialone date.
You only take that one specialwoman who you have special
connection for that specialdate.
(23:29):
And, or if you cannot afford totake your woman to a nice uh
place, then be creative, youknow, you know, plan a date.
Show your woman that you canplan.
Because if a man cannot plan adate, how can a man plan his
life with you?
So if a man cannot plan andfigure out where to take your
woman, uh organize the date,pick her up, or offer to pick
(23:52):
her up, or make sure she getshome safe, you know, take care
of that first date, make youfeel good.
Then with his actions, he showsthe woman that he's the partner
she can rely on.
Then the woman gets safe andconfident.
Of course, now we're gettingback to the duel.
Uh um uh you know, somebody canargue saying, okay, there's a
lot of ungrateful women, and Iagree with that.
(24:13):
Women forgot how to be grateful,right?
They need to be grateful for thegood gestures that men do for
them.
SPEAKER_01 (24:19):
Is it ungrateful women or people just are not
finding their match?
Okay, so um to me, like I've asyou're talking, I'm thinking
about the oh the the classictake a woman for expensive
dinner.
So I haven't even thought aboutthis concept until I started, I
guess, exploring the datingscene here.
(24:42):
Just like even bringing up moneyis uh just you you have to be
polite around that topic andwith women especially.
But anyhow, so for some people,money um and all of that um you
know showing off status isimportant, right?
So I I envisioned there would bethese people who high pain,
(25:04):
stressful jobs, they're like allaround money, they're all about
looks, um, this is important fortheir jobs.
Like my friends need to see mein this super expensive
restaurant.
Um somehow I feel like um I wantto associate these people with a
little less soul, because inorder to make that much money,
you have to be able to disregardother people's emotions to kind
of push your your own agenda andyour business.
(25:27):
You think so?
I think a lot, but bring it on.
Uh let's talk about it.
Let's continue with that.
So um I feel like there's alittle bit less soul, but there
would be a match for thatperson, right?
So if you're uh a woman, let'sstart sure with the woman.
Like if you're a woman and youenjoy things for show, you have
to look for the man who has thesame values as you, who likes
(25:51):
the uh very, very expensiverestaurants with little food and
maybe food quality is not toogood, not too tasty.
But you can take beautifulInstagram pictures, but you can
take beautiful pictures there.
Yeah, so just find your match.
Because so when I think aboutmyself, what do I prefer?
Like what would show me more ina man if he took me to a super
expensive restaurant, or if heprovided me an experience.
(26:16):
Like, I don't know what ishappening to me.
He thought about everything, andthis is like a key thing, I
think, for women.
Ability to plan in a man.
Um so he planned uh something uhlike an adventure, right?
Like a picnic on the beach,exactly.
SPEAKER_00 (26:31):
Or maybe like a beautiful hike.
He found a really romantic hikethat you can go and see.
SPEAKER_01 (26:35):
Yeah, and there's like maybe the whole day, right?
We eat here and then we gothere, and then we see this, and
it's fun and it's light, andthen we're gonna finish on time
on time, you get to know eachother.
Yeah, right.
And like you you finish on time,you're not like exhausted, like,
oh my god, it's been 15 hoursand I'm too polite to tell him
stop.
Right.
So like his sense says, so thatthought that the person is like
you were important enough for meto prepare prepare in advance to
(26:58):
worry about this in advance.
Honestly, that would be more umthoughtful for me, like more
impressive than just taking meto a super expensive restaurant.
Because in my mind, personally,I wouldn't be thinking, oh my
god, this restaurant is soexpensive.
I would be thinking about like,where are the sourcing the
ingredients?
Why is there not enough salt orsauces don't match?
SPEAKER_00 (27:16):
Yeah, but then you have another extreme where the
guys, oh well, just have coffee,right?
To me, again, it's also just tosee if I like you enough to
minimum people.
SPEAKER_01 (27:25):
Like this is people who have placed themselves in
the position that they haveencountered hundreds probably of
people and they didn't take timeto connect.
And I think it's impossible.
Yeah, they got uh they gotdisappointed, it's impossible to
get to know that many people,right?
And then they're like, you know,they're exhausted, they're like,
okay, let's just go for coffee.
(27:45):
Right?
And women don't really look toowell on it because they do not
take into account that, yeah,the dude is exhausted.
He's been buying dinners since1995, he's exhausted, he just
wants coffee now.
You know, they see it as anextremely low effort thing that
you know he can how many coffeescan you have per day?
Like you can squeeze in 16coffees with 16 different women.
(28:07):
So somehow for a woman's morelike a conveyor, right?
Obviously, yes approach.
Yeah.
And so uh I don't know if you uhthink about things this way, but
in my mind I'm always likethinking, what is the ideal case
scenario?
SPEAKER_00 (28:19):
Well I want to go back well, I want to go back a
little bit before I lose mythought.
Okay.
Um to uh, you know, it's whenyou mentioned it's not the right
match, right?
For example, the guy couldcomplain, uh, you know, um I did
everything for this girl, Ibought her car, I helped her
with her education, I help her,you know, in her life, I did all
(28:39):
of that.
And in in return, she used me,right?
Or she didn't supported me whenI was weak or when I was
sensible, I I needed her help.
Then I go back and ask, okay,what type of woman was that
woman?
Was it a beautiful, gorgeousgirl that you just want to be,
you know, a trophy wife, a girlyou uh would be so proud to take
(28:59):
with you and showcase to yourfriends, then if that's the type
of woman you pick who only caresabout her look, about her
appearance, then that would beher value.
So we go back to the basicssaying, okay, you need to find
your match.
And going back, you need to findwhat are your values, what's
important to you, right?
If But it's so difficult whensomebody is hot.
(29:19):
Exactly.
Well, the thing, that's why youthat's why many men are getting
hurt, disappointed.
That's you, you know, it justThat's why dating apps should
just die.
So, I mean, they should becausein a sense, imagine imagine the
world where none of the datingapps work from tomorrow.
Imagine people's eyes like, ohmy god, I have to go out and
(29:41):
plan and meet somebody and starta conversation and be
consistent.
Yeah, let's do that.
You know, let's overcome thatfeeling.
You know, let's do that for aweek.
It's a very uncomfortablefeeling.
It's it's it's a feeling offear, fear of rejection, I think
for men, right?
But the thing is, men shouldthink this way, right?
Even if the girl rejected you,that's fine.
You know, you don't have highexpectations.
(30:02):
You practice your charisma.
You practice your conversationskills.
Because the thing is, I've heardsomeone which was really funny
said, never ask a reallyhandsome guy how to get girls.
Because all he has to do is juststand in the club in the bar and
all the girls will come to him.
Ask a freaking ugly hobbit guyhow to get the girls.
And he will have.
(30:23):
And I bet you will have crazyfunny stories because he needs
to be funny, he needs to bewitty, he needs to pay attention
to them.
And I'm sure he will know how tohave a conversation with the
woman, right?
SPEAKER_01 (30:34):
And that the fear, yeah, the sphere of rejection is
uh if you put uh all stakes onthat rejection, like this is the
only thing that matters in mylife, like this woman, what she
says, and this is like soimportant, it totally defines my
values, a human being.
If you put all that pressure onthe situation, yeah, it's like
it's pretty tough.
(30:55):
Uh but um I always advocate forknowing more people.
If you know more people, youwill gravitate towards one of
these people more, and you don'thave to worry about you know
rejection and blah.
But if you if you have to likeuh be asking girls out, right,
it's like it it's not uh uhbecause maybe you'll hate the
(31:16):
girl when you start talking toher as well, right?
You don't know.
Right?
So it has to be a game, and thegame of flirting is really fun
and really forgotten art, right?
And it's flirting is probing.
So if we talk about the classicscenarios, I don't know, again,
if like modern people still goto bars and drink and like
approach people there, but liketo me, this this is what it is
(31:36):
like you approach somebody andyou probe, right?
You you don't necessarily likecome in, okay, I'm here to marry
you, do you accept or not?
And it's like no, okay, bye,bye, okay.
It's you you come in and youprobe.
Oh hi, oh hi.
You know, you ask something andyou see like how the girl is
responding.
And guys, like the girl has tobe less approachable, like it's
part of the job.
So if you have to work for it alittle bit, right?
(31:58):
If you think that she rejectedyou because she's like, Oh, I
don't drink.
Well, you're like, Oh, you can Ibuy a drink, and she's like, I
don't drink.
If you think this is arejection, come on, it's part of
the technical.
SPEAKER_00 (32:07):
You know what I want to point out?
That if you really, if the manreally, really likes a woman,
he's not gonna take a no for ananswer.
Except at the bar.
At the bar day.
Well, at the bar.
Actually, no.
We had that too, the guys whotry to approach us and we would
be like, no, no, no.
And how many times a no, no, no,so many times, and still they
would keep up the conversation,right?
Because they're really into you.
So and I And it's a game, and Ithink it's fun.
(32:28):
This is what we want to do.
You know what?
Don't forget that the harshreality, I'm sorry to voice it
out, but it's not about oh, he'snot committed or he's not
consistent, consistent.
He's just not that into you.
The thing is, I think this isthe harsh reality that most
people cannot accept.
They think, oh, he ghosted me,or he didn't respond to me, or
um, you know, he wasn'tconsistent, or he wasn't ready.
(32:48):
Trust me, if the guy meets histype and he's really into the
woman and he feels there'ssomething going on, he will be
persistent.
He will not give up a year fromnow, a month from now, he will
still get back to that womanbecause he feels there's
something special.
If there's a rejection, it meanslike, okay, he just got an
affirmation that okay, he's justnot good enough because he
didn't put in enough.
He wasn't that interested.
(33:09):
He wasn't that interested,right?
And I think that's a harshreality to accept for many that
even though we have the illusionof so many choices, is just
we're still in search of thatperfect match.
And when you find that match,you're gonna do anything and
everything, compromise.
SPEAKER_01 (33:26):
Hold on, is is that is that the point though?
Is that the point to find aperfect match?
And this is an issue, hold on,this is an issue that's been on
my mind for a while, right?
Yeah, to me, perfect matchsounds like a very instantaneous
thing.
You see somebody, like um whenyou are when it's passion,
right?
Okay, this is where you're like,or lust, sorry, lust, right?
(33:47):
You can see, wow, this person isjust blowing my mind.
Wow, this is a match, right?
And they respond to it, this isa match, bang, right?
Um or is the purpose to be like,it's impossible to go through
all the available people andfind the best match out of them
all?
Because eventually you will runout of time because you will
(34:11):
die, right?
Or there's just like, you know,some people will move to a
different country and you're notgonna get to that sample, right?
So eventually there's gonna belimitations, or like you will
lose interest, something willhappen, right?
So maybe the point isn't to findthe perfect match, but the point
is to find a person who iswilling to participate in this
(34:33):
fun uh project of life, right?
This is I think this is wherethe values part to me is, right?
You find a person who is aswilling to participate in life
as you are, and as invested.
As invested, right?
And then they can be acompletely different person from
what you think your type is orwhatever that is.
And the true art of this, youknow, life and relationship is
(34:54):
to figure out, because Ipersonally love the challenge,
right?
But you you figure out how tomake the best life with this
with this human, right?
So instead of just like waiting,waiting, waiting, and then you
like you went through 10,000men, women, and then finally
this is the one.
And guess what?
Seven years later, you're like,oh my god, you never changed
(35:15):
your toothbrush or something,right?
Like you find out somethingcrazy about them that it took a
lot of things.
SPEAKER_00 (35:20):
Okay, there's I agree.
So let me voice out the foursteps.
I mean, there's a theory,there's four steps to a happy,
fulfilling relationship.
Okay.
Step number one is the one-sidedchemistry, right?
You like somebody, you'reattracted to them, you know, you
you want to get to know thatperson better, you want to be
with that person.
(35:40):
Step number two, it's a mutualattraction.
So both people in the bar, inthe in the university, at the
school, at the environment, theymeet and they're both attracted
to each other.
Many couples stay on this twostages, right?
Okay, we're attracted, you know,we're having amazing sex, we
have great chemistry, but thisis where it ends for most
(36:03):
couples.
Stage number three, it'scommitment.
It's when both partners eitherthey voice it out or you know,
unspoken, saying we're gonna beexclusive, we want to move in,
or we want to be in arelationship, or we want to get
married.
Uh, this is the decision theymake that they want to commit to
each other.
They decide that that's whatthey're gonna do.
(36:26):
Again, most of the couples stayin this stage, but yet guess
what?
They are not considered in ahappy, fulfilled relationship
because the fourth one.
So the fourth one is calledcompatibility.
Once you get married or onceyou're together, this is where
you find out does he change her,does he change his toothbrush,
(36:46):
you know, once for seven years?
You know, this is where you findout does he also like to wake up
early as you, right?
Or he is an owl and you're earlybird, you know.
Does he is of the same religionas you is important to you?
What you know how he's gonnatreat your parents when they,
you know, uh pass away, how he'sgonna treat your friends, you
(37:08):
know.
This is this is wherecompatibility compatibility
comes into place if you're on avacation.
Do you just want to read a bookand lay it back and just sant
and or you want to freaking getthe ball, go play, you know, be
active and go hiking, and theother person's like, look, I
just want to relax in the hotel.
And that's where you startarguing because one person wants
to do one thing, another personwants to do another thing.
(37:29):
You know, all these differentdynamics, that's where these
four stages come in place whereyou kind of go through
attraction chemistry, right?
Like we talked about finding aperfect match, right?
But again, yet if both people inthe same stage of life, let's
say both people want to be in arelationship, not like, oh, I
don't know where I want to beright now, I haven't found
myself, or I'm not ready forthis, right?
(37:51):
So both, let's say, partnerswant the same thing.
And once they do, it's notenough.
Now, this is how they test,well, life test them, right?
Are they truly compatible?
And those people who are willingto a little bit compromise are
truly in a happy, fulfillingrelationship.
Because, for example, you know,uh, the wife likes likes to
sleep a little bit longer andhusband wakes up at 6 a.m.
(38:14):
It could be an argument, itcould be like, you know what,
honey, I'm gonna make you alatte later, you know, relax,
enjoy your time.
But then then when he comes fromwork, she's like, you know what,
honey, I know you work so hard,I made dinner for you.
And it's appreciative, and thehusband makes an action and the
wife, you know, expressinggratitude.
So that's compatibility in asense.
But if one person's like, youknow what, it's too much for me
(38:35):
to change.
It means that they just don'twant to put any effort, it's too
much for them uh to you know, tosacrifice uh or sacrifice the
freedom, what they may think,right, um, to make these little
steps to be in those fulfillingrelationships.
You know what I mean?
So, how the hell are we supposedto get through all of that
through the dating apps?
(38:56):
Well, no, look, okay, datingapps, I guess this is just like
you are in a secondhand shop andyou browsing through different
things, different things, usethings.
You need to put the quotereference or something, you
know, bad things, and then youfind that one amazing item that
you like, unique, vintage,exclusive, like the color you
(39:18):
like, the shape you like, youknow, you're attracted to that,
you find that.
And guess what?
That's just the one small step.
And after that small step, guesswhat?
You need to start getting toknow each other.
But again, if both uh partnersare on the same, in the same
stage in life, right?
Then they go out, they get toknow each other.
And the best way again to get toknow each other is through some
(39:41):
actions, right?
Go to a museum, then go to goout, maybe go into the nature.
I think the best way tochallenge and test an early
relationship is go on the shorttrip.
I think two-day trip.
I wouldn't go with a guy I don'tknow with a short trip.
Well, of course, not thestranger, you get to know them
through other.
I mean, this is obviously we'renot talking about the first day
(40:01):
again.
SPEAKER_01 (40:02):
I know we have we have uh like um I'm saying to
how do you get to know somebody?
Yeah, we have different uhapproaches to the case.
I think, yeah, okay.
This is I guess goes back towhat I was saying that my brain
works into like envisioning whatis the ideal case scenario and
trying to think how to getthere.
So all of these things of uhunderstanding what kind of
person they are, right?
(40:23):
Because I think even going tothings doing things that you
don't normally do, like going toa museum to get your stuff like
this, it will show you somethingabout the person, but they will
still try to show you theirbest, right?
So there's like it's it'stricky.
So I uh in my mind, ideal casescenarios would it be possible
to get to know uh to get to knowthis person uh without the
(40:43):
pressure of uh telling them thatthey are potentially a candidate
for a relationship, and to me,to uh like how to create that
situation is when you have a lotof people, and I think very
important to have um mixedgenders, mixed whatever group of
friends, this is the opportunityto get to know a person without
(41:05):
the pressure of them, uh youknow, like you potentially
worked years before the datingapps, which is have you heard I
married my best friend, right?
SPEAKER_00 (41:18):
So I guess the point recreate that.
So I guess the point is torecreate, become friends before
you are sexually engaged witheach other, right?
Or romantically engaged witheach other, right?
So become friends first, but howto become friends first, right?
You need to do you know personalresponsibility, personal
responsibility.
SPEAKER_01 (41:36):
Who who else, if not you, is gonna create the group
of friends of I don't want touse the word high value, but the
value that is matching yourfriend groups, right?
And then you're either gonnawait for somebody else or uh
it's fine, right?
Not everybody is a leader,right?
The the people who are leadersamong us, they're the ones who
like organizing stuff, right?
And there are people who areleaders and there are people who
(41:57):
are supporters, right?
So if you are not the leader toorganize things, be a very great
supporter to a person who hasput in an effort to do that,
right?
It's it it means show up, bringvalue.
Look for other people who arealso interesting and great and
bring them into your friendgroup, right?
SPEAKER_00 (42:14):
But see, we're looking for instant
gratification.
How is it instant gratification?
Uh no, no, no.
I'm saying uh in opposite whatyou were saying.
Let's say if you don't invest infriendships, so you're looking
for instant gratification, justmeet a person as many people as
possible to see if you match, tosee if you have chemistry,
right?
And you're looking for thatinstant uh result.
Because people don't want toinvest their time.
SPEAKER_01 (42:37):
Maybe people just don't know.
Maybe people just don't knowthat that's what it takes.
So to me, yeah, I think uh thefew times that I fell in love,
it was by knowing a personfirst.
So first it's just this randomperson that I have encountered
in my life.
And somehow it happens that wesee each other several times,
(43:00):
and uh it would be like you getto know the person like anybody
else, right?
Okay, we're eating together orsomething, we're dancing
together, doing things.
And there would be this momentwhere it's like hold on a
second.
SPEAKER_00 (43:13):
Because there was no pressure, right?
There was no pressure, you needto find your match, you need to
like be in a relationship rightnow.
You think because of thetiming-wise?
No, no, because there was nopressure, meaning like you are
looking a relationship with thisspecific person, right?
You're just enjoying it tonight.
That's how it's supposed to be,right?
SPEAKER_01 (43:29):
That's how it's supposed to be.
And it's like it's within reachpeople.
Come on, we can just, you know,this is how you spend your time.
And it's not like once a yearyou go out to a party.
This is yeah, you do.
SPEAKER_00 (43:39):
Yeah, but let's speak about unsocial people who
don't have many friends, wholet's say I personally don't
like to hang out thanks.
No, no, like you I don't like tolike go to this, you know, high
crowded events or go like tosocial events.
I'm more private, right?
I'm more a little bit of aloner.
So to me And there's a lot ofpeople like you.
(43:59):
Right.
So what do we do?
The the the the the loners,right?
Who also want to findcompanionship, right?
To want to find the rightperson, but we're not uh
intentionally looking for thoseactivities, right?
We're not intentionally looking,okay, like I'm gonna play, you
know, volleyball or you know,I'm gonna go to like a book
club, right?
Or things I might like, I know,for example, like my potential
(44:22):
partner wouldn't be like sittingin a library, right?
I like to go to bookstores.
I don't think they would be, youknow, say a match for me.
SPEAKER_01 (44:28):
Yeah, but here's the thing that the idea is you have
to expose yourself to uh as manypeople as possible.
And it's not intentional, it'sjust I think it's part of the
joys to have this option in lifeto be exposed to a lot of
different people.
And we should utilize thatoption because people are great,
people are interesting, there'sa lot going on in each person.
You need to have a little bit ofpatience, there's you know, but
(44:50):
a lot of people have a lot ofinteresting things about them.
And I think just you know,having your mindset like this
that, oh, let me explore people,right?
It's already very helpful.
And so again, are you providingvalue to humanity, to you know,
everybody around you, or are youjust sitting at home thinking uh
I'm by myself, I want a partner,right?
And uh I I kind of um would wantto uh my opinion, right, to
(45:15):
discourage just going for uhspeed dating, right?
Events specifically meant tomeet the singles because it
takes away the right, the coolthing of how we met, right?
But instead, like so I went touh do um tree planting with uh
You went tree planting?
Yes.
Yeah, that was a while ago, soit's not like I didn't tell you.
(45:37):
It was like okay, when was that?
Maybe a couple of years ago, butbecause uh it started with what
is it that I like?
What is it that I love doing?
And I love plants, I lovenature, and trees are great.
And I was looking for, well,wow, there's opportunity to
plant more trees, I want to bepart of it.
So I found a group that plantstrees in the city.
It's like to me, it was you knowsuper great thing.
(45:58):
And so uh I went to do it, andthere's a lot of people who are
doing the same thing.
And you just like I met uh allthese cool humans who are also
interested about like on theirnative plants shortage in
California, and there's allthese native plants you can
plant, there's all thesewebsites, and I was like, oh
wow.
So I learned a lot, right?
But I met people too.
And um, this was these thesewere women that I met, and uh I
(46:20):
didn't, you know, nothinghappened uh out of that, right?
Again, it's like up to us whatwe do with people that we
encounter, but this is yourgateway to meeting more other
people.
So if you have a fullconnection, right?
To me, it would be like, I don'tknow, text the girl and be like,
so what was that website youtold me about?
Native plants, or are you doingany other plant events?
And you hang out with thisperson, right?
You have a connection, and thenthis person one day will be
(46:42):
like, Oh, you know, I'm having abirthday party with my friends,
you want to come over?
And you come over and then youmeet all kinds of different
people that you can encounter,right?
That it's I hate to say, but itcan be your potential partner,
right?
So it's not necessarily going toan event that will result, will
be so fruitful and result whatyou find in your other half.
It is an event that will opendoors for other things.
SPEAKER_00 (47:04):
Well, to summarize, we're gonna give again a little
assignment to our listeners andviewers.
Number one, maybe go out withintention, meaning plan, right?
Plan the activity, uh, plan theactivity with other people to
socialize, right?
So get yourself out of thehouse.
That is a great plan.
(47:25):
Do do what you like.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (47:27):
No, I'm serious.
So I feel the sarcasm in that isa great plan that you do.
Let's let's stay away from uhuseless things that you will
never do again, like a one-timething.
SPEAKER_00 (47:38):
Okay, let's give just one step.
Okay, one thing.
What is that one thing?
Uh let's say for those who feellonely and then you know they
want to socialize, what's thefirst thing?
SPEAKER_01 (47:47):
Okay, maybe maybe uh maybe I'll say this, right?
So this is a public announcementto men, right?
So it's all on you guys.
It's all on you.
If if you want a woman who isfeminine, right, that you will
enjoy company with, you have togo out and approach women,
different kinds of women, andapproach them not to seduce
them, approach them to um makethem have a fun little time,
(48:12):
right?
Because that small talk, thelittle joke, the conversation,
the little compliment, it's alittle interaction, and it's
great.
And it normalizes amongst peopleto socialize in real life.
So I think I would kind ofemphasize that.
SPEAKER_00 (48:26):
No, I think this is actually you um outdid me with
this uh closing note.
You outdid me with the closingnotes because that's true.
We encourage men to go out andnot be fearful to approach
women, to have a conversation,pleasant conversation, treat
them nicely, and the littlemessage to women be grateful, be
(48:47):
respectful, be kind, you know,uh take care of yourself.
And um, yeah, we have high hopesfor the humanity.
Well, on this note, we will umwrap up this episode of the
basic show.
I know, I know.
Well, I've hopefully if you guysstay till the end, we thank you
(49:08):
so much.
It will really help if yousubscribe, if you comment, um,
if you follow our channel,that'll be huge help.
So please stand by for the nextepisodes.
Um, let us know in the commentsif you have any other topics you
would like us to discuss andshare with you.
We will be more than happy to dothat.
And I had my sister AnnaPashutan as my special guest
(49:29):
today in the basic show.
Thank you for coming and sharingyour experience with us.
Thank you.
Thank you for that.
Hello, beautiful people.
Welcome to the basic show.
Another week, another episode.
Today we have a special episode,a bonus episode that I'm very,
very excited about.
As a guest, I have my sister,Anna Pasciuta.
Welcome, Anna, to the basicshow.
Hello, thank you so much forinviting me again.
(00:37):
Always, always um excited tohave you because you do have
very um unique, I don't sayhonest, raw opinion.
You never sugarcoat things, andthat's what I love about you.
So today's episode, I want totouch upon a few things.
And I know like last time wejust dived into different rabbit
holes and you know uh dive deep.
(00:59):
So today I think we should speakabout things that um have maybe
a different perspective.
Maybe, maybe, maybe many peoplewill agree, maybe some people
will not, but who cares?
We're gonna share our opiniontoday.
Exactly.
So, what is it?
What you got for me today?
All right, so let's talk aboutmodern dating and let's talk
(01:23):
about masculine versus feminineroles in relationship.
And I want to dive deep um onfeminine qualities and masculine
qualities that are important ina man and feminine qualities
that are important in a woman umwhile dating.
Okay.
So um where do we freaking startin with this topic?
(01:46):
I know it's quite deep.
Okay, of course it's it's uhmaybe I can start.
Sure, yeah, go.
So I can start, I can startagain from my personal
experience.
I have a lot of women amongst myacquaintances who are very
successful and they have a hardtime finding a partner because
they work hard, they have crazyschedules, they're very
successful, they're busy.
(02:07):
And in order to find a partnerthat matches their intellect on
the intellectual level, maybemeeting their financial
expectations, it's hard to finda partner like that.
And on the other side, they alsocannot be with extremely
successful male partners becausethat usually comes with control,
(02:28):
manipulation, and you know,restrictions in their freedom,
because most of these women liketo be independent, they like to
make money, they like to besuccessful.
So let's talk about that alittle bit, about the qualities,
feminine qualities thatsuccessful women lost or maybe
should reacquire or what shouldthey do to kind of you know get
(02:51):
get back to that feminine sideof them?
SPEAKER_01 (02:54):
Before we get there, I have a question for you.
Yeah.
Okay.
So do you uh like I'm asking,but I already know the answer,
but you know, we're still gonnago through this.
Um do you enjoy hanging out witha person who you feel like um is
less experienced than you, umwho is um, you know, who is
(03:16):
maybe you 20 years ago, who ismale or female?
Doesn't matter.
No.
Yeah, okay, that's what Ithought.
So this is like a uh funnythought for me to comprehend
that yeah, we do not reallyenjoy I don't know, maybe some
people do, but I also enjoyhanging out with the person who
(03:37):
uh i is opening new kind of Idon't know, horizons.
Not horizons, right, but new newperspectives for me, right?
Like who who can teach methings, who can show me
something I haven't seen before,because I think both you and me
have seen a lot of things, wehad a lot of experiences.
I think we try to have this, youknow, uh vibrant life.
(03:57):
And so when you meet a personwho hasn't gone through all of
that uh and does not have desireto even experience more, do
more, it's kind of a littledifficult.
Like it it can be aconversation, right?
But it's it's not like a uhamazing experience.
And so the uh thought it is likea little unpleasant to
internalize is that when uh allthese successful women are
(04:20):
trying to find male partners, uhthey're looking for a man who is
better than them.
Oh God.
You know, and it's like it Ithink it's very, very old school
thought.
And uh now probably it hasevolved that uh I don't know, in
50s.
SPEAKER_00 (04:40):
But let's let's break it down so it's not
arrogant, right?
Because I think for the thing isI I swear I I know a lot of men
listening, they were like, oh,you know, they're too snobby,
they're you know, they think tootoo good of themselves.
But let's break it down, right?
So, like you said, if a woman,right, worked hard and went
through challenges because shehad to, right?
(05:01):
She had goals, she hadaspirations, she traveled, she
met different people, right?
So her horizon spiritually,intellectually is way wider, you
know, than in a partner thatmight be next to her that she's
trying to date, right?
Because obviously the partnerthat's on the same level
probably is, you know, makingmoney somewhere, climbing the
(05:22):
Everest.
Maybe he's pursuing his goalsthat are not um, you know, are
not in the physical um umproximity of that woman, right?
So going back to the femininequality, right?
So if we kind of stick to thattopic, going back to feminine
quality, I guess the question,let me paraphrase it, the
question is can we still befeminine and be aspirational and
(05:47):
successful and aim for ourgoals?
SPEAKER_01 (05:50):
I think absolutely, yes, yes.
Just because we don't see it, itdoesn't mean we cannot envision
and create it and practice it.
Um I've seen uh women in Europe,so I think generally in Europe
um women give birth earlier andthey still have their careers.
(06:11):
And I have never seen uh uh allof these aspects being the
reason why they would be losingtheir femininity.
They would still dress up, theywould still have fun, they would
still be playful with theirpartner, um, and they still
pursuing careers, havingchildren.
So it's it is very, verypossible, it's just a different
way of thinking about life.
(06:31):
Um here, I think um whateverLake, United States, there is
the boss pitch, babe, whateveruh persona.
Why did you whisper?
I don't know.
Boss pitch There was inparentheses.
Um so there's this persona thatis uh being normalized for us
(06:55):
women that we see, okay, this iswhat I I supposed to aspire to,
this is what I need to be.
Uh and uh when I sometimesencounter those personalities,
uh not too impressive to mebecause I feel like it uh a lot
of characteristics are borrowed.
Woman borrows from something, sobut and you know, borrows from
(07:16):
male characteristics.
Um and I think that women whoare in high positions, who are
bosses, they have their ownplace, the place of you don't
have to be, for example, Ithink, okay, controversial
opinions, whatever.
Yeah, let's talk specifics.
Like uh for men, I think it'snormal to be you know like uh
males, male bosses.
(07:37):
You you have a presence, you areaggressive, you can lead with
intimidation, right?
As a uh male boss, you come in,there's intimidation, sure.
You can be bigger than a female,you know, s it can be already
like, oh, okay, you know, somesign of authority, our brain
recognizes it as oh, authority,somebody's bigger than me,
whatever.
Right?
And this is how men lead, whichis fine, whatever, we need that,
(08:00):
right?
We need we need both.
Uh and when women are trying todo that, and this is it's uh I
think it's a learned behavior.
They try to do that, and I thinkit's uh a little bit
disappointing to me becausewomen do not lean in more into
their qualities that uh I thinkare very grateful leadership,
like uh, and I find it inmyself, but I see sometimes at
(08:25):
uh my workplace it'sinconvenient because it might be
a little bit more timeconsuming.
But for example, trying to teachsomebody to be better at their
job so they can get better attheir job, take a higher
position, right?
It's it's part of nurturing too.
Right?
So you you teach them, you uhgive them feedback, you guide
them.
(08:45):
Sometimes you push them a littlebit.
So this is I had a um situationwith a colleague.
Uh we were working, and I thinkshe was a very, very hard
worker.
And I think automatic responsein the workplace is kind of a
bit of an exploitation.
It's like we're not paying forfor you to do all of this, but
you're gonna still do it becausethat's your personality.
(09:05):
And I see it and I see howvaluable she is in the company,
and I told her, you have to askfor a raise.
Like the time is coming in theyear, you have to ask for a
raise.
And of course, the response islike, oh no, no, no, no, I don't
want to.
Like, no, I said like, no, no,no.
And I'm scared too, I would bescared to ask for a raise as
well.
But how do you go around that?
You you learn, right?
(09:25):
You learn how do you ask forthat?
SPEAKER_00 (09:26):
So people have less confidence, yeah, uh, to really
to ask for more what theydeserve, right?
Yeah, so you saw that in yourcolleague and you encouraged
her.
So that's your nurturing uhbehavior as a as a female in
power.
SPEAKER_01 (09:38):
As a female leader, yes.
I encouraged her, she and I toldher how, right?
Because you cannot just say, Oh,go, go be bold.
Told her, go watch YouTubevideos, go read a couple of
blogs, what words to say, how tobring it up, be professional, be
nice, because you have thevalue, they should pay more.
And uh a few days later shecomes comes back to me and she's
like, all excited, oh I gotta doit.
I did it, she did it, yeah.
(10:00):
So it's like you know, one ofthe examples of how uh, you
know, instead of beingintimidating and uh trying to
like lead with this authorityand your stature, whatever, you
lead with something else, right?
And I think this is a femalecharacteristic, which is as
valuable as just beingintimidating just because maybe
you're a bigger, right?
Right.
SPEAKER_00 (10:19):
We need we need both, right?
But let's go back to the dynamicin a relationship, right?
So that's a real valid point inthe workplace, right?
Or in a society.
So let's go back in the dynamicbetween uh you know romantic
relationship.
Uh I've been thinking about it,and I came to the conclusion
that femininity really comeswith truly, uh honestly be happy
(10:43):
and uh exude happiness.
I think uh men and women areattracted, right, to happiness,
to joy, right?
And that again goes back to ourprevious conversation: find your
life purpose, be uh knowthyself, right?
Know your interests, no, no, nouh uh what do you like, have
hobbies, right?
So going back to that, beinghappy, nobody wants to have uh
(11:06):
or be attracted to uh you knowuh contraceptive face, you know,
or how do you say what do youmean by that?
Can we do dig in?
You know, the contraceptivepill.
You have a contraceptive face.
Uh-huh.
So a face that you can be themost beautiful, gorgeous girl in
the room, but if you don't exudejoy, happiness, sense of humor,
playfulness, you're not gonna beattracted to men, right?
(11:28):
You're not gonna be attractive.
Attractive, sorry, attractive tomen, right?
Because they are attracted to ahappy woman, a healthy, happy
woman, nurtured woman who has asense of humor.
And most women lack that becausethey always put that mask on,
right?
I have to be strong, I have tobe independent, I know my worth.
SPEAKER_01 (11:45):
You know why women put the mask on.
I think a lot of women learnearly on if you're an
attractive, right?
Like conventionally attractivewoman, a lot of men, good or
bad, will be approaching you.
So you learn to just be cold andmean to them from the get-go.
And only those who have so muchconfidence to come back again
and again will get yourattention.
(12:05):
But usually uh these I thinkit's a learned behavior of like
I just try to live my life, andthere would be men approaching,
and most men wouldn't be, youknow, a good match.
SPEAKER_00 (12:14):
So of course, that's a really good look, that's a
really good point.
Speaking about men beingattracted to a woman, if we go
back to the dating apps, right?
Men usually swipe like, okay,she's pretty, that girl is
pretty.
They just swipe, or they mightbe just swiping because they're
bored, right?
In real life situations, ifthey're in a club or an outing,
they will only approach a womanwho's their type.
(12:35):
And every single man has a type,either they want to admit it or
not.
Certain men have a specifictype, right?
Either it's looks orpersonality.
I mean, let's talk mostlyprobably about the looks, right?
And therefore, it's veryimportant to go out and meet
somebody in person, go on eitherfirst date or meet somebody for
the first time, you know,whenever they're doing some kind
(12:57):
of sports or activity orwhatever, so that person would
be truly attracted to you, notjust because, hey, we matched,
now we have to make things workbecause we think we have some
kind of chemistry or attraction,but deep inside that might not
be a true match.
So for women, uh and for men,it's very important to go on the
first date as soon as possiblerather than dragging texting for
(13:19):
months and weeks, right?
To see in person that you knowthe first thing.
SPEAKER_01 (13:23):
Even like before before first dates, you know,
people just need to be out more.
And people need to relearn umhow to just be social with
strangers that that you like andthat you don't like, right?
So like you I I think it wouldbe quite sad if people would
only approach people that theyfind sexually attractive.
(13:45):
Sometimes it's funny.
SPEAKER_00 (13:46):
You like you know just to have a human
interaction.
SPEAKER_01 (13:49):
Yeah, just to to, you know, some come to some
grandma with the cool hat thatsaid something like no, I always
have better conversations withthe little folks because they
have life stories to share.
SPEAKER_00 (13:58):
Older people are amazing.
Yeah, sense of humor, right?
And I feel like youngergeneration obviously they grew
up on the phones, they grew up,you know, with the internet, you
know, with their tablet on thephone.
Like as soon as they're a fewmonths old, they already have a
tablet, right?
They have a phone, yeah, whichis sad.
SPEAKER_01 (14:12):
So you don't learn how to read social cues from
their face and make it.
SPEAKER_00 (14:16):
Even eye contact is important.
I was actually talking aboutthis with another friend uh the
other day.
How it's important to be able tomaintain sustained eye contact.
I would ask our audience to, youknow, uh maybe have a little
homework or a little test.
When you go next time to the gymor uh walking down the street,
you know, look at the otherperson in there.
(14:39):
You know, it was so tough.
I tried to do like trust me, I'ma social person, right?
I'm like, okay, I'm in the gym,I'm gonna look both, not just
men, men and women, and have theeye contact.
And it was so difficult becausethe second I have that eye
contact, they look away, right?
And and oh, I look away.
I'm like, oh my man, it's soit's so difficult.
So once I started to practicethat and exchange that energy,
right?
You're like, okay, you'regaining that confidence, you're
(15:01):
gaining back those socialskills.
I mean, it sounds ridiculous,but you think it's it's the same
thing for men and women, likedoing eye contact?
Well, the thing is nowadays, ofcourse, if the girl looks at the
guy, it kind of sends thesignal, hey, you know, I like
you, but it shouldn't be thatway, right?
SPEAKER_01 (15:15):
It's just the no I think it should be because uh,
you know, as a woman, you justgo about your day, you're doing
your thing, creating things,having fun.
And if somebody caught itcatches your attention enough,
long enough for you to meeteyes, it means like, oh, you are
an interesting thing.
SPEAKER_00 (15:34):
Well, you have to smile also.
So okay, let's let's let's breakit down.
If you just have an eye contactwith the person, it means you
acknowledge, it's like dogs,right?
They they're coming to eachother, tugging their tails and
like saying hello.
It's kind of like hello, Iacknowledge you there, you're
human, I recognize you, right?
I'm not on my phone, I'mpresent.
If you have an eye contact andyou uh you you add a you know a
(15:57):
smile, which is the next level?
I know it's hard.
I don't know.
I'm the obviously I'm alwayssmiling on the middle person.
Like he will never even get tothe point where you smile.
He was like right away, we'lllook away.
SPEAKER_01 (16:06):
I think it's it's the danger for women that you
again will attract a man thatyou didn't mean to attract.
So I think for Yeah, which canbe scary.
SPEAKER_00 (16:16):
Well, you see through, right?
Obviously, you'll if you areattractive and you're happy,
you're gonna attract all kindsof men.
Wait, is that the purpose toattract the guy?
Well, let's say if you'reinterested in somebody, right?
And you are in the outing, likeyou're in the bar, uh, you
cross, you have an eye contactwith somebody, you smile, that's
kind of a signal for the guy toapproach and offer like a drink
or start a conversation.
SPEAKER_01 (16:36):
So so you're going by um male looks, which I think.
What do you mean?
Okay, so you look at the room,you don't know.
You scan the room, you don'tknow anybody's level of
education, you don't know howclean their apartment is.
SPEAKER_00 (16:55):
You already have your standards so high.
You have to lower them a littlebit nowadays, okay?
Lower a little bit yourstandard, you just need to start
a conversation because well thething is like, look, you that's
the thing.
So with apps, you know rightaway their religion, their
political views, are theysmoking, they're using drugs,
like you know, all of that,right?
It's kind of you're alreadygoing through a catalog, right?
(17:16):
Without knowing the person.
We're talking about if you meetsomebody in a social outing and
you have that kind of chemistry,you know that a woman, I think
it takes about seven seconds fora woman to know if she likes the
man, if she's compatible withhim, if she wants to continue.
Right?
So we need those seven secondsin person to really know is it a
match or not in person, right?
Okay.
(17:36):
So you wouldn't know all of theother things.
That's why the whole purpose ofdating is to get to know each
other, right?
The whole purpose of dating isokay, we have the level of
attraction, okay.
First date we have thatchemistry, but guess what?
Now we get to the next stage.
Now we're dating with thepurpose, surprise, to get to
know each other.
And how do you get to know eachother, right?
(17:59):
Through different activities.
Men are all about action andwomen all about reaction.
They usually say woman is amirror of a man.
If the man treats a woman withrespect, with kindness, with
sweetness, woman willreciprocate.
If the guy's already cautious,oh, I don't know this type of
girl, or she might be this, shemight be promiscuous, or I don't
know.
(18:19):
If you're already careful, ifyou already have this kind of
second thoughts, you're notgonna let you're not gonna
provide that safe space forwomen to open up and trust you.
And especially nowadays, I feellike women are already so
guarded and it's so hard forthem to open up.
So men should kind of providethat comfortable space for a
woman to show her true, right?
(18:40):
Her true self.
SPEAKER_01 (18:41):
So then a woman needs a man to show her true
self to be to be the feminine,to be feminine.
Is that what you think you'resaying?
SPEAKER_00 (18:53):
Well, the reason I'm saying it, because from my
experience, even though you haveyour own character, personality
traits, with every man, a womanwould feel different, right?
You're still the same woman, butone guy can provide more safety,
more, you know, if he jokes, ifhe makes you feel beautiful, you
know, if he does little thingsfor her, she will open up,
(19:13):
she'll be more open andreciprocate to gestures, she'll
be more playful, she'll feelmore relaxed, right?
And with another guy, she'll bemore uh cautious, she'll like
try to pretend.
Have you ever seen like thething if you first date the girl
is like joking and awkward, andlike that means she likes you.
If the girl is like toopretentious, quiet, trying to be
somebody she's not, it means shedoesn't feel comfortable enough
(19:35):
to be herself, uh, to be uhrelaxed enough with that man,
right?
So what I'm saying is she couldbe feeling different with every
man.
So is femininity different?
She's still staying herfeminine, but I'm saying she
wouldn't open to the guy thatshe's not comfortable with.
SPEAKER_01 (19:55):
Hmm.
So it doesn't mean she's lessfeminine.
It it still sounds to me thatfemininity just has to be okay,
or I'll speak for myself, right?
Like femininity is very costlyin the modern society.
Costly personally for a woman.
Because to be that person thatis traditionally, I guess, or
not even traditionally, modernlyfeminine, right?
(20:17):
We're not talking about like uhI don't know.
1950s.
Yeah, I'm not gonna list thingsthat I think, yeah.
But so modernly feminine, right?
Like you you look a certain way,you feel a certain way.
Um it's it's costly because itmeans you have to be at peace,
you had some relaxing moments,um, you didn't have to play boss
bitch at work.
(20:38):
I'm gonna say it louder, right?
You didn't have to pretend to besomebody else at work, right?
So it's it's very costly.
So right now in the modernworld, if you are an ambitious
woman, you will be doing a lotof things.
And you can also kind of pretendto be feminine by being like you
have a very strict routine,you're going to the gym, you're
doing everything right, you areon time, you did your hair
(21:00):
perfectly, your nails is ontime.
So to me, when you already put afemale in the structure like
this, it uh loses the femininityaspect of it.
Because to me be like water.
Yeah, so so so feminine natureto me is like, yeah, you are
imperfect, you're a littlecrazy, you are playful, you are
the child spirit.
You create, you experiment, youprobe, you trigger, all right.
(21:25):
You you are cheeky.
You are not just this uh uhhumanoid female that somebody
created with the perfect butt atthe gym and everything is
perfect on you.
This is uh when you're perfectand you're restricted like this,
you're not creating much, you'rejust stamping, right?
Like you it's a what is itcalled, traffarit, right?
SPEAKER_00 (21:42):
Like, yeah, like a um stamp.
Stencil, right?
Is that stencil, yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (21:46):
Yeah, whatever, right?
You just uh you just like uhreplicating whatever has been
replicated for you on socialmedia.
But I think uh the true feminineenergy is it has this uh dis
disturbance in it, right?
So there's nature is feminine,right?
It's imperfect, but it's itcaptivates it.
SPEAKER_00 (22:03):
But it's like a beautiful flower, right?
The thing is you can destroy it,you know, or you can nourish it,
like from the guy's perspective,right?
So have you seen a relationshipwhere the woman was, you know,
nurturing, happy, joyful, andthen she gets into the toxic
relationship where you know theguy is sucking out of her
energy, you know, he doesn'ttreat her right, he puts her
down with small little gestures.
(22:25):
You can see how even her looksdim, right?
Her eyes stop sparkling, right?
She's not as confident anymore.
So women are very gentlecreatures that need to be
nourished, right?
Need to be, I'm not saying liketaken care of, but men should be
appreciative, right?
They should be, you know,admiring your woman, right?
If you don't so in in a in arelationship, if the man is not
(22:47):
admiring the woman and if thewoman is not respecting her man,
this is where the balance getsoff.
It should be a healthy balancewhere a woman with the man that
she respects, uh, that she, youknow, is proud of, um, and she
always supports.
And man is a woman who headores, who he wants to do
things for her, which I callunconditional love.
(23:07):
In modern dating, I hear all thetime, oh, um, it's too expensive
to take a girl on a date.
It's like two, three hundred,six hundred dollars for dinner.
And I'm thinking, well,obviously, you do not take every
girl, 20 girls, to that specialone date.
You only take that one specialwoman who you have special
connection for that specialdate.
(23:29):
And, or if you cannot afford totake your woman to a nice uh
place, then be creative, youknow, you know, plan a date.
Show your woman that you canplan.
Because if a man cannot plan adate, how can a man plan his
life with you?
So if a man cannot plan andfigure out where to take your
woman, uh organize the date,pick her up, or offer to pick
(23:52):
her up, or make sure she getshome safe, you know, take care
of that first date, make youfeel good.
Then with his actions, he showsthe woman that he's the partner
she can rely on.
Then the woman gets safe andconfident.
Of course, now we're gettingback to the duel.
Uh um uh you know, somebody canargue saying, okay, there's a
lot of ungrateful women, and Iagree with that.
(24:13):
Women forgot how to be grateful,right?
They need to be grateful for thegood gestures that men do for
them.
SPEAKER_01 (24:19):
Is it ungrateful women or people just are not
finding their match?
Okay, so um to me, like I've asyou're talking, I'm thinking
about the oh the the classictake a woman for expensive
dinner.
So I haven't even thought aboutthis concept until I started, I
guess, exploring the datingscene here.
(24:42):
Just like even bringing up moneyis uh just you you have to be
polite around that topic andwith women especially.
But anyhow, so for some people,money um and all of that um you
know showing off status isimportant, right?
So I I envisioned there would bethese people who high pain,
(25:04):
stressful jobs, they're like allaround money, they're all about
looks, um, this is important fortheir jobs.
Like my friends need to see mein this super expensive
restaurant.
Um somehow I feel like um I wantto associate these people with a
little less soul, because inorder to make that much money,
you have to be able to disregardother people's emotions to kind
of push your your own agenda andyour business.
(25:27):
You think so?
I think a lot, but bring it on.
Uh let's talk about it.
Let's continue with that.
So um I feel like there's alittle bit less soul, but there
would be a match for thatperson, right?
So if you're uh a woman, let'sstart sure with the woman.
Like if you're a woman and youenjoy things for show, you have
to look for the man who has thesame values as you, who likes
(25:51):
the uh very, very expensiverestaurants with little food and
maybe food quality is not toogood, not too tasty.
But you can take beautifulInstagram pictures, but you can
take beautiful pictures there.
Yeah, so just find your match.
Because so when I think aboutmyself, what do I prefer?
Like what would show me more ina man if he took me to a super
expensive restaurant, or if heprovided me an experience.
(26:16):
Like, I don't know what ishappening to me.
He thought about everything, andthis is like a key thing, I
think, for women.
Ability to plan in a man.
Um so he planned uh something uhlike an adventure, right?
Like a picnic on the beach,exactly.
SPEAKER_00 (26:31):
Or maybe like a beautiful hike.
He found a really romantic hikethat you can go and see.
SPEAKER_01 (26:35):
Yeah, and there's like maybe the whole day, right?
We eat here and then we gothere, and then we see this, and
it's fun and it's light, andthen we're gonna finish on time
on time, you get to know eachother.
Yeah, right.
And like you you finish on time,you're not like exhausted, like,
oh my god, it's been 15 hoursand I'm too polite to tell him
stop.
Right.
So like his sense says, so thatthought that the person is like
you were important enough for meto prepare prepare in advance to
(26:58):
worry about this in advance.
Honestly, that would be more umthoughtful for me, like more
impressive than just taking meto a super expensive restaurant.
Because in my mind, personally,I wouldn't be thinking, oh my
god, this restaurant is soexpensive.
I would be thinking about like,where are the sourcing the
ingredients?
Why is there not enough salt orsauces don't match?
SPEAKER_00 (27:16):
Yeah, but then you have another extreme where the
guys, oh well, just have coffee,right?
To me, again, it's also just tosee if I like you enough to
minimum people.
SPEAKER_01 (27:25):
Like this is people who have placed themselves in
the position that they haveencountered hundreds probably of
people and they didn't take timeto connect.
And I think it's impossible.
Yeah, they got uh they gotdisappointed, it's impossible to
get to know that many people,right?
And then they're like, you know,they're exhausted, they're like,
okay, let's just go for coffee.
(27:45):
Right?
And women don't really look toowell on it because they do not
take into account that, yeah,the dude is exhausted.
He's been buying dinners since1995, he's exhausted, he just
wants coffee now.
You know, they see it as anextremely low effort thing that
you know he can how many coffeescan you have per day?
Like you can squeeze in 16coffees with 16 different women.
(28:07):
So somehow for a woman's morelike a conveyor, right?
Obviously, yes approach.
Yeah.
And so uh I don't know if you uhthink about things this way, but
in my mind I'm always likethinking, what is the ideal case
scenario?
SPEAKER_00 (28:19):
Well I want to go back well, I want to go back a
little bit before I lose mythought.
Okay.
Um to uh, you know, it's whenyou mentioned it's not the right
match, right?
For example, the guy couldcomplain, uh, you know, um I did
everything for this girl, Ibought her car, I helped her
with her education, I help her,you know, in her life, I did all
(28:39):
of that.
And in in return, she used me,right?
Or she didn't supported me whenI was weak or when I was
sensible, I I needed her help.
Then I go back and ask, okay,what type of woman was that
woman?
Was it a beautiful, gorgeousgirl that you just want to be,
you know, a trophy wife, a girlyou uh would be so proud to take
(28:59):
with you and showcase to yourfriends, then if that's the type
of woman you pick who only caresabout her look, about her
appearance, then that would beher value.
So we go back to the basicssaying, okay, you need to find
your match.
And going back, you need to findwhat are your values, what's
important to you, right?
If But it's so difficult whensomebody is hot.
(29:19):
Exactly.
Well, the thing, that's why youthat's why many men are getting
hurt, disappointed.
That's you, you know, it justThat's why dating apps should
just die.
So, I mean, they should becausein a sense, imagine imagine the
world where none of the datingapps work from tomorrow.
Imagine people's eyes like, ohmy god, I have to go out and
(29:41):
plan and meet somebody and starta conversation and be
consistent.
Yeah, let's do that.
You know, let's overcome thatfeeling.
You know, let's do that for aweek.
It's a very uncomfortablefeeling.
It's it's it's a feeling offear, fear of rejection, I think
for men, right?
But the thing is, men shouldthink this way, right?
Even if the girl rejected you,that's fine.
You know, you don't have highexpectations.
(30:02):
You practice your charisma.
You practice your conversationskills.
Because the thing is, I've heardsomeone which was really funny
said, never ask a reallyhandsome guy how to get girls.
Because all he has to do is juststand in the club in the bar and
all the girls will come to him.
Ask a freaking ugly hobbit guyhow to get the girls.
And he will have.
(30:23):
And I bet you will have crazyfunny stories because he needs
to be funny, he needs to bewitty, he needs to pay attention
to them.
And I'm sure he will know how tohave a conversation with the
woman, right?
SPEAKER_01 (30:34):
And that the fear, yeah, the sphere of rejection is
uh if you put uh all stakes onthat rejection, like this is the
only thing that matters in mylife, like this woman, what she
says, and this is like soimportant, it totally defines my
values, a human being.
If you put all that pressure onthe situation, yeah, it's like
it's pretty tough.
(30:55):
Uh but um I always advocate forknowing more people.
If you know more people, youwill gravitate towards one of
these people more, and you don'thave to worry about you know
rejection and blah.
But if you if you have to likeuh be asking girls out, right,
it's like it it's not uh uhbecause maybe you'll hate the
(31:16):
girl when you start talking toher as well, right?
You don't know.
Right?
So it has to be a game, and thegame of flirting is really fun
and really forgotten art, right?
And it's flirting is probing.
So if we talk about the classicscenarios, I don't know, again,
if like modern people still goto bars and drink and like
approach people there, but liketo me, this this is what it is
(31:36):
like you approach somebody andyou probe, right?
You you don't necessarily likecome in, okay, I'm here to marry
you, do you accept or not?
And it's like no, okay, bye,bye, okay.
It's you you come in and youprobe.
Oh hi, oh hi.
You know, you ask something andyou see like how the girl is
responding.
And guys, like the girl has tobe less approachable, like it's
part of the job.
So if you have to work for it alittle bit, right?
(31:58):
If you think that she rejectedyou because she's like, Oh, I
don't drink.
Well, you're like, Oh, you can Ibuy a drink, and she's like, I
don't drink.
If you think this is arejection, come on, it's part of
the technical.
SPEAKER_00 (32:07):
You know what I want to point out?
That if you really, if the manreally, really likes a woman,
he's not gonna take a no for ananswer.
Except at the bar.
At the bar day.
Well, at the bar.
Actually, no.
We had that too, the guys whotry to approach us and we would
be like, no, no, no.
And how many times a no, no, no,so many times, and still they
would keep up the conversation,right?
Because they're really into you.
So and I And it's a game, and Ithink it's fun.
(32:28):
This is what we want to do.
You know what?
Don't forget that the harshreality, I'm sorry to voice it
out, but it's not about oh, he'snot committed or he's not
consistent, consistent.
He's just not that into you.
The thing is, I think this isthe harsh reality that most
people cannot accept.
They think, oh, he ghosted me,or he didn't respond to me, or
um, you know, he wasn'tconsistent, or he wasn't ready.
(32:48):
Trust me, if the guy meets histype and he's really into the
woman and he feels there'ssomething going on, he will be
persistent.
He will not give up a year fromnow, a month from now, he will
still get back to that womanbecause he feels there's
something special.
If there's a rejection, it meanslike, okay, he just got an
affirmation that okay, he's justnot good enough because he
didn't put in enough.
He wasn't that interested.
(33:09):
He wasn't that interested,right?
And I think that's a harshreality to accept for many that
even though we have the illusionof so many choices, is just
we're still in search of thatperfect match.
And when you find that match,you're gonna do anything and
everything, compromise.
SPEAKER_01 (33:26):
Hold on, is is that is that the point though?
Is that the point to find aperfect match?
And this is an issue, hold on,this is an issue that's been on
my mind for a while, right?
Yeah, to me, perfect matchsounds like a very instantaneous
thing.
You see somebody, like um whenyou are when it's passion,
right?
Okay, this is where you're like,or lust, sorry, lust, right?
(33:47):
You can see, wow, this person isjust blowing my mind.
Wow, this is a match, right?
And they respond to it, this isa match, bang, right?
Um or is the purpose to be like,it's impossible to go through
all the available people andfind the best match out of them
all?
Because eventually you will runout of time because you will
(34:11):
die, right?
Or there's just like, you know,some people will move to a
different country and you're notgonna get to that sample, right?
So eventually there's gonna belimitations, or like you will
lose interest, something willhappen, right?
So maybe the point isn't to findthe perfect match, but the point
is to find a person who iswilling to participate in this
(34:33):
fun uh project of life, right?
This is I think this is wherethe values part to me is, right?
You find a person who is aswilling to participate in life
as you are, and as invested.
As invested, right?
And then they can be acompletely different person from
what you think your type is orwhatever that is.
And the true art of this, youknow, life and relationship is
(34:54):
to figure out, because Ipersonally love the challenge,
right?
But you you figure out how tomake the best life with this
with this human, right?
So instead of just like waiting,waiting, waiting, and then you
like you went through 10,000men, women, and then finally
this is the one.
And guess what?
Seven years later, you're like,oh my god, you never changed
(35:15):
your toothbrush or something,right?
Like you find out somethingcrazy about them that it took a
lot of things.
SPEAKER_00 (35:20):
Okay, there's I agree.
So let me voice out the foursteps.
I mean, there's a theory,there's four steps to a happy,
fulfilling relationship.
Okay.
Step number one is the one-sidedchemistry, right?
You like somebody, you'reattracted to them, you know, you
you want to get to know thatperson better, you want to be
with that person.
(35:40):
Step number two, it's a mutualattraction.
So both people in the bar, inthe in the university, at the
school, at the environment, theymeet and they're both attracted
to each other.
Many couples stay on this twostages, right?
Okay, we're attracted, you know,we're having amazing sex, we
have great chemistry, but thisis where it ends for most
(36:03):
couples.
Stage number three, it'scommitment.
It's when both partners eitherthey voice it out or you know,
unspoken, saying we're gonna beexclusive, we want to move in,
or we want to be in arelationship, or we want to get
married.
Uh, this is the decision theymake that they want to commit to
each other.
They decide that that's whatthey're gonna do.
(36:26):
Again, most of the couples stayin this stage, but yet guess
what?
They are not considered in ahappy, fulfilled relationship
because the fourth one.
So the fourth one is calledcompatibility.
Once you get married or onceyou're together, this is where
you find out does he change her,does he change his toothbrush,
(36:46):
you know, once for seven years?
You know, this is where you findout does he also like to wake up
early as you, right?
Or he is an owl and you're earlybird, you know.
Does he is of the same religionas you is important to you?
What you know how he's gonnatreat your parents when they,
you know, uh pass away, how he'sgonna treat your friends, you
(37:08):
know.
This is this is wherecompatibility compatibility
comes into place if you're on avacation.
Do you just want to read a bookand lay it back and just sant
and or you want to freaking getthe ball, go play, you know, be
active and go hiking, and theother person's like, look, I
just want to relax in the hotel.
And that's where you startarguing because one person wants
to do one thing, another personwants to do another thing.
(37:29):
You know, all these differentdynamics, that's where these
four stages come in place whereyou kind of go through
attraction chemistry, right?
Like we talked about finding aperfect match, right?
But again, yet if both people inthe same stage of life, let's
say both people want to be in arelationship, not like, oh, I
don't know where I want to beright now, I haven't found
myself, or I'm not ready forthis, right?
(37:51):
So both, let's say, partnerswant the same thing.
And once they do, it's notenough.
Now, this is how they test,well, life test them, right?
Are they truly compatible?
And those people who are willingto a little bit compromise are
truly in a happy, fulfillingrelationship.
Because, for example, you know,uh, the wife likes likes to
sleep a little bit longer andhusband wakes up at 6 a.m.
(38:14):
It could be an argument, itcould be like, you know what,
honey, I'm gonna make you alatte later, you know, relax,
enjoy your time.
But then then when he comes fromwork, she's like, you know what,
honey, I know you work so hard,I made dinner for you.
And it's appreciative, and thehusband makes an action and the
wife, you know, expressinggratitude.
So that's compatibility in asense.
But if one person's like, youknow what, it's too much for me
(38:35):
to change.
It means that they just don'twant to put any effort, it's too
much for them uh to you know, tosacrifice uh or sacrifice the
freedom, what they may think,right, um, to make these little
steps to be in those fulfillingrelationships.
You know what I mean?
So, how the hell are we supposedto get through all of that
through the dating apps?
(38:56):
Well, no, look, okay, datingapps, I guess this is just like
you are in a secondhand shop andyou browsing through different
things, different things, usethings.
You need to put the quotereference or something, you
know, bad things, and then youfind that one amazing item that
you like, unique, vintage,exclusive, like the color you
(39:18):
like, the shape you like, youknow, you're attracted to that,
you find that.
And guess what?
That's just the one small step.
And after that small step, guesswhat?
You need to start getting toknow each other.
But again, if both uh partnersare on the same, in the same
stage in life, right?
Then they go out, they get toknow each other.
And the best way again to get toknow each other is through some
(39:41):
actions, right?
Go to a museum, then go to goout, maybe go into the nature.
I think the best way tochallenge and test an early
relationship is go on the shorttrip.
I think two-day trip.
I wouldn't go with a guy I don'tknow with a short trip.
Well, of course, not thestranger, you get to know them
through other.
I mean, this is obviously we'renot talking about the first day
(40:01):
again.
SPEAKER_01 (40:02):
I know we have we have uh like um I'm saying to
how do you get to know somebody?
Yeah, we have different uhapproaches to the case.
I think, yeah, okay.
This is I guess goes back towhat I was saying that my brain
works into like envisioning whatis the ideal case scenario and
trying to think how to getthere.
So all of these things of uhunderstanding what kind of
person they are, right?
(40:23):
Because I think even going tothings doing things that you
don't normally do, like going toa museum to get your stuff like
this, it will show you somethingabout the person, but they will
still try to show you theirbest, right?
So there's like it's it'stricky.
So I uh in my mind, ideal casescenarios would it be possible
to get to know uh to get to knowthis person uh without the
(40:43):
pressure of uh telling them thatthey are potentially a candidate
for a relationship, and to me,to uh like how to create that
situation is when you have a lotof people, and I think very
important to have um mixedgenders, mixed whatever group of
friends, this is the opportunityto get to know a person without
(41:05):
the pressure of them, uh youknow, like you potentially
worked years before the datingapps, which is have you heard I
married my best friend, right?
SPEAKER_00 (41:18):
So I guess the point recreate that.
So I guess the point is torecreate, become friends before
you are sexually engaged witheach other, right?
Or romantically engaged witheach other, right?
So become friends first, but howto become friends first, right?
You need to do you know personalresponsibility, personal
responsibility.
SPEAKER_01 (41:36):
Who who else, if not you, is gonna create the group
of friends of I don't want touse the word high value, but the
value that is matching yourfriend groups, right?
And then you're either gonnawait for somebody else or uh
it's fine, right?
Not everybody is a leader,right?
The the people who are leadersamong us, they're the ones who
like organizing stuff, right?
And there are people who areleaders and there are people who
(41:57):
are supporters, right?
So if you are not the leader toorganize things, be a very great
supporter to a person who hasput in an effort to do that,
right?
It's it it means show up, bringvalue.
Look for other people who arealso interesting and great and
bring them into your friendgroup, right?
SPEAKER_00 (42:14):
But see, we're looking for instant
gratification.
How is it instant gratification?
Uh no, no, no.
I'm saying uh in opposite whatyou were saying.
Let's say if you don't invest infriendships, so you're looking
for instant gratification, justmeet a person as many people as
possible to see if you match, tosee if you have chemistry,
right?
And you're looking for thatinstant uh result.
Because people don't want toinvest their time.
SPEAKER_01 (42:37):
Maybe people just don't know.
Maybe people just don't knowthat that's what it takes.
So to me, yeah, I think uh thefew times that I fell in love,
it was by knowing a personfirst.
So first it's just this randomperson that I have encountered
in my life.
And somehow it happens that wesee each other several times,
(43:00):
and uh it would be like you getto know the person like anybody
else, right?
Okay, we're eating together orsomething, we're dancing
together, doing things.
And there would be this momentwhere it's like hold on a
second.
SPEAKER_00 (43:13):
Because there was no pressure, right?
There was no pressure, you needto find your match, you need to
like be in a relationship rightnow.
You think because of thetiming-wise?
No, no, because there was nopressure, meaning like you are
looking a relationship with thisspecific person, right?
You're just enjoying it tonight.
That's how it's supposed to be,right?
SPEAKER_01 (43:29):
That's how it's supposed to be.
And it's like it's within reachpeople.
Come on, we can just, you know,this is how you spend your time.
And it's not like once a yearyou go out to a party.
This is yeah, you do.
SPEAKER_00 (43:39):
Yeah, but let's speak about unsocial people who
don't have many friends, wholet's say I personally don't
like to hang out thanks.
No, no, like you I don't like tolike go to this, you know, high
crowded events or go like tosocial events.
I'm more private, right?
I'm more a little bit of aloner.
So to me And there's a lot ofpeople like you.
(43:59):
Right.
So what do we do?
The the the the the loners,right?
Who also want to findcompanionship, right?
To want to find the rightperson, but we're not uh
intentionally looking for thoseactivities, right?
We're not intentionally looking,okay, like I'm gonna play, you
know, volleyball or you know,I'm gonna go to like a book
club, right?
Or things I might like, I know,for example, like my potential
(44:22):
partner wouldn't be like sittingin a library, right?
I like to go to bookstores.
I don't think they would be, youknow, say a match for me.
SPEAKER_01 (44:28):
Yeah, but here's the thing that the idea is you have
to expose yourself to uh as manypeople as possible.
And it's not intentional, it'sjust I think it's part of the
joys to have this option in lifeto be exposed to a lot of
different people.
And we should utilize thatoption because people are great,
people are interesting, there'sa lot going on in each person.
You need to have a little bit ofpatience, there's you know, but
(44:50):
a lot of people have a lot ofinteresting things about them.
And I think just you know,having your mindset like this
that, oh, let me explore people,right?
It's already very helpful.
And so again, are you providingvalue to humanity, to you know,
everybody around you, or are youjust sitting at home thinking uh
I'm by myself, I want a partner,right?
And uh I I kind of um would wantto uh my opinion, right, to
(45:15):
discourage just going for uhspeed dating, right?
Events specifically meant tomeet the singles because it
takes away the right, the coolthing of how we met, right?
But instead, like so I went touh do um tree planting with uh
You went tree planting?
Yes.
Yeah, that was a while ago, soit's not like I didn't tell you.
(45:37):
It was like okay, when was that?
Maybe a couple of years ago, butbecause uh it started with what
is it that I like?
What is it that I love doing?
And I love plants, I lovenature, and trees are great.
And I was looking for, well,wow, there's opportunity to
plant more trees, I want to bepart of it.
So I found a group that plantstrees in the city.
It's like to me, it was you knowsuper great thing.
(45:58):
And so uh I went to do it, andthere's a lot of people who are
doing the same thing.
And you just like I met uh allthese cool humans who are also
interested about like on theirnative plants shortage in
California, and there's allthese native plants you can
plant, there's all thesewebsites, and I was like, oh
wow.
So I learned a lot, right?
But I met people too.
And um, this was these thesewere women that I met, and uh I
(46:20):
didn't, you know, nothinghappened uh out of that, right?
Again, it's like up to us whatwe do with people that we
encounter, but this is yourgateway to meeting more other
people.
So if you have a fullconnection, right?
To me, it would be like, I don'tknow, text the girl and be like,
so what was that website youtold me about?
Native plants, or are you doingany other plant events?
And you hang out with thisperson, right?
You have a connection, and thenthis person one day will be
(46:42):
like, Oh, you know, I'm having abirthday party with my friends,
you want to come over?
And you come over and then youmeet all kinds of different
people that you can encounter,right?
That it's I hate to say, but itcan be your potential partner,
right?
So it's not necessarily going toan event that will result, will
be so fruitful and result whatyou find in your other half.
It is an event that will opendoors for other things.
SPEAKER_00 (47:04):
Well, to summarize, we're gonna give again a little
assignment to our listeners andviewers.
Number one, maybe go out withintention, meaning plan, right?
Plan the activity, uh, plan theactivity with other people to
socialize, right?
So get yourself out of thehouse.
That is a great plan.
(47:25):
Do do what you like.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (47:27):
No, I'm serious.
So I feel the sarcasm in that isa great plan that you do.
Let's let's stay away from uhuseless things that you will
never do again, like a one-timething.
SPEAKER_00 (47:38):
Okay, let's give just one step.
Okay, one thing.
What is that one thing?
Uh let's say for those who feellonely and then you know they
want to socialize, what's thefirst thing?
SPEAKER_01 (47:47):
Okay, maybe maybe uh maybe I'll say this, right?
So this is a public announcementto men, right?
So it's all on you guys.
It's all on you.
If if you want a woman who isfeminine, right, that you will
enjoy company with, you have togo out and approach women,
different kinds of women, andapproach them not to seduce
them, approach them to um makethem have a fun little time,
(48:12):
right?
Because that small talk, thelittle joke, the conversation,
the little compliment, it's alittle interaction, and it's
great.
And it normalizes amongst peopleto socialize in real life.
So I think I would kind ofemphasize that.
SPEAKER_00 (48:26):
No, I think this is actually you um outdid me with
this uh closing note.
You outdid me with the closingnotes because that's true.
We encourage men to go out andnot be fearful to approach
women, to have a conversation,pleasant conversation, treat
them nicely, and the littlemessage to women be grateful, be
(48:47):
respectful, be kind, you know,uh take care of yourself.
And um, yeah, we have high hopesfor the humanity.
Well, on this note, we will umwrap up this episode of the
basic show.
I know, I know.
Well, I've hopefully if you guysstay till the end, we thank you
(49:08):
so much.
It will really help if yousubscribe, if you comment, um,
if you follow our channel,that'll be huge help.
So please stand by for the nextepisodes.
Um, let us know in the commentsif you have any other topics you
would like us to discuss andshare with you.
We will be more than happy to dothat.
And I had my sister AnnaPashutan as my special guest
(49:29):
today in the basic show.
Thank you for coming and sharingyour experience with us.
Thank you.
Thank you for that.
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Ruthie's Table 4
For more than 30 years The River Cafe in London, has been the home-from-home of artists, architects, designers, actors, collectors, writers, activists, and politicians. Michael Caine, Glenn Close, JJ Abrams, Steve McQueen, Victoria and David Beckham, and Lily Allen, are just some of the people who love to call The River Cafe home. On River Cafe Table 4, Rogers sits down with her customers—who have become friends—to talk about food memories. Table 4 explores how food impacts every aspect of our lives. “Foods is politics, food is cultural, food is how you express love, food is about your heritage, it defines who you and who you want to be,” says Rogers. Each week, Rogers invites her guest to reminisce about family suppers and first dates, what they cook, how they eat when performing, the restaurants they choose, and what food they seek when they need comfort. And to punctuate each episode of Table 4, guests such as Ralph Fiennes, Emily Blunt, and Alfonso Cuarón, read their favourite recipe from one of the best-selling River Cafe cookbooks. Table 4 itself, is situated near The River Cafe’s open kitchen, close to the bright pink wood-fired oven and next to the glossy yellow pass, where Ruthie oversees the restaurant. You are invited to take a seat at this intimate table and join the conversation. For more information, recipes, and ingredients, go to https://shoptherivercafe.co.uk/ Web: https://rivercafe.co.uk/ Instagram: www.instagram.com/therivercafelondon/ Facebook: https://en-gb.facebook.com/therivercafelondon/ For more podcasts from iHeartRadio, visit the iheartradio app, apple podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows. Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.com
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com