April 24, 2025 • 29 mins
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Navigating emotional hurt in relationships requires understanding the complex dance between our inner worlds and interpersonal dynamics. When your partner's words sting, there's often more happening beneath the surface than meets the eye.
The concept of emotional projection transforms how we interpret relationship pain. Your partner's criticisms, accusations, or dismissals frequently reflect their own unresolved issues rather than your shortcomings. By recognizing this psychological mechanism, you can avoid taking hurtful interactions personally while maintaining presence and compassion during difficult conversations.
What makes this exploration particularly fascinating is the electromagnetic component of our interactions. Beyond words and body language, relationships operate within energetic fields where emotions create tangible atmospheres. This invisible dynamic explains why some connections feel instantly comfortable while others generate tension despite pleasant conversation. Understanding these energy patterns helps interpret what's truly happening when communication breaks down.
Healing hurt feelings demands practical skills: using "I statements" to express pain without blame, choosing appropriate timing for sensitive discussions, asking open-ended questions that invite honest sharing, and practicing reflective listening that validates your partner's experience. These techniques create safe spaces where both partners can express vulnerability without fear of judgment or retaliation.
The path forward requires patience, diplomatic communication, and sometimes professional guidance. By approaching relationship challenges as opportunities for deeper understanding and connection rather than battles to be won, couples transform pain into growth. Ready to heal your relationship hurts and build stronger connections? Schedule a session today or take our Relationship Needs
Welcome to the Better Relationships Podcast where Dr. Dar Hawks shares relationship tips and advice to help you be seen, heard, understood, and supported in your relationships. Taking on tough topics and giving you hope, inspiration, and ideas to experiment with, Dr. Dar Hawks is passionate about creating healthier, happier, and harmonious relationships...
Because when you are happy in your relationship, the world becomes a better place for all of us.
Welcome to the Better Relationships Podcast where Dr. Dar Hawks shares relationship tips and advice to help you be seen, heard, understood, and supported in your relationships. Taking on tough topics and giving you hope, inspiration, and ideas to experiment with, Dr. Dar Hawks is passionate about creating healthier, happier, and harmonious relationships...
Because when you are happy in your relationship, the world becomes a better place for all of us.
Take my free Primary Relationship Needs Quiz to discover your dominant, secondary, and shadow Primary Relationship Needs by visiting https://needs.drdarhawks.com. This one thing will help you better understand yourself, your partner, and your relationship, and even improve communication and connection between you and your partner.
Note: The quiz name has changed from Sovereign Relationship Needs to Primary Relationship Needs as of July 2024. Please keep that in mind for podcasts dated before July 2024.
Book a coaching session: https://huddle.drdarhawks.com
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome to Episode 58 of the Better Relationships
Podcast.
I'm Dr Dar, your host andrelationship coach and healer.
This is Part 2 of Feeling Hurtby your Partner, where I'll talk
about the impact of emotionalprojection and trauma on hurt
feelings.
(00:20):
You may want to go and listento Episode 57 if you've not yet
listened to it, where I talkabout what feeling hurt is all
about.
Hurt feelings can be a complexemotional response that arises
from interactions with those wecare about.
(00:41):
As a reminder from episode 57,I said that hurt feelings equate
to the pain associated withperceived slights, dismissals or
misunderstandings.
When you experience hurt fromsomeone you love, it often feels
(01:02):
extremely personal.
Someone you love, it oftenfeels extremely personal.
Yet the root of this pain maynot solely lie in your actions
or words.
In relationships, emotionalprojection occurs when
individuals attribute their ownemotions or unresolved issues
onto others.
(01:22):
For example, if your partner isfeeling insecure about
themselves, they might projectthat insecurity onto you through
criticism, sarcasm orwithdrawal.
Understanding emotionalprojection is essential.
Your partner's words andactions often reflect their
(01:45):
inner state rather than it beinga direct attack on you.
So if you can separate yourselffrom taking it personally and
look at it and listen to thewords that are being said as not
a personal attack towards you,but as them processing their
(02:05):
feelings, even if they're usingyou language.
Recognize that thisconversation, whatever's going
on for them, is about them andnot you, and at times it can
feel like you're the target.
But just know, if you stay inthe conversation and just listen
(02:27):
and let them get theiraggression out, being
emotionally intelligent and nottaking it personally, once that
has passed and subsided, you'llbe able to have a really deeper,
connected conversation.
You'll be able to have a reallydeeper, connected conversation.
(02:47):
Let's talk about the energydynamics in communication.
Let's now talk about the energydynamics in communication.
Communication is not just aboutwords.
It's also about energy dynamics.
Concepts like electromagneticsshow how emotional states can
(03:07):
influence others.
When two people interact, theiremotional energies can create a
tangible atmosphere that ischarged with either tension or
warmth, happiness or sadness.
Recognizing this energy flowwill enable you to interpret
your interactions more clearly.
(03:28):
I invite you to listen toepisode 56 to learn more about
what electromagnetics is and howit shows up in relationships,
because I go into detail there.
By understanding theelectromagnetics and the
underlying mechanisms of hurtfeelings and projection, you
(03:51):
empower yourself to navigaterelationship challenges more
effectively and efficiently andwith care.
Your awareness will cultivateempathy towards yourself and
your partner, which then createsa pathway for healing and
connection.
(04:12):
Electromagnetics in relationshipinteractions and communication
refers to the invisible energydynamic that occurs between
people during their exchanges,and you may not even have to be
doing anything.
You might just be sitting nextto each other and can feel that
pull and push.
It functions as an energeticfield where emotional states and
(04:39):
attitudes create tangibleatmospheric effects, similar to
how electromagnetic fieldsoperate in physics.
This dynamic works throughemotional resonance between
individuals, a transfer ofenergy and emotional states
during interactions, thecreation of positive or negative
(05:03):
atmospheric charges and theinfluence of one person's mental
and emotional state on another.
In relationships,electromagnetic dynamics
manifest when partners'emotional energies interact and
influence each other.
Tension or warmth becomespalpable in the space between
(05:26):
people.
Emotional states transmitbetween individuals, affecting
the overall interaction, orenergy flows that create
distinct patterns incommunication, usually tied to
one of the five fundamentalrelationship needs.
Understanding electromagneticsin relationships will help you
(05:49):
interpret nonverbal aspects ofcommunication, recognize
emotional influence patterns,navigate interpersonal energy
dynamics and identify whenemotional states are being
transferred or shared.
The energetic component ofcommunication operates alongside
(06:13):
verbal and nonverbal exchanges,creating a fuller picture of
how people interact andinfluence each other in
relationships and influence eachother in relationships.
Awareness of these dynamicswill enable more effective
communication and emotionalunderstanding between partners.
(06:35):
Here are some examples of howelectromagnetics affect you and
manifests as you interact withothers.
When you meet someone for thefirst time and feel an instant
connection or attraction, itcould be due to a positive
magnetic resonance between yourenergies.
It could also be the oppositeif you feel repelled by them.
(06:59):
In heated arguments orconflicts, the negative charges
between individuals can becomeintense, leading to a palpable
tension in the atmosphere andmaking resolution more
challenging.
When someone you care about isfeeling sad or upset, you may
(07:21):
unknowingly absorb some of theiremotional energy, which can
affect your own mood.
On the other hand, being aroundsomeone who radiates positivity
and joy can uplift your ownspirits and create a harmonious
energetic exchange.
In group settings, thecollective energy of the
(07:44):
participants can create anatmosphere that is either
supportive and conducive tocollaboration, or it can be
tense and unproductive.
The energetic field between twopeople can also play a role in
the success or failure of theircommunication.
If there is a disconnect orclash in energies, it can hinder
(08:08):
understanding and lead tomisinterpretation.
Developing your awareness ofthese energetic dynamics can
help you navigate yourrelationships and communication
more effectively and efficiently, while also creating a deeper
connection and emotionalintimacy.
(08:28):
Enriching and honoring theenergetic component of
communication adds a newdimension to your understanding
and experience in yourrelationships, paving the way
for more authentic andfulfilling interactions.
Here are some examples of howelectromagnetics show up in
(08:51):
relationships and communication.
A couple going through a roughpatch may find that their
negative energy creates a cycleof resentment and
misunderstanding.
By consciously working onshifting their individual
energies and creating a morepositive atmosphere, they can
break free from this pattern andrebuild healthier connection.
(09:14):
In a workplace, a team with aleader who exudes confidence and
optimism can inspire theirmembers to perform at their best
, which leads to increasedproductivity and success.
The converse can be true with aleader who lacks confidence and
(09:35):
is pessimistic, lacksconfidence and is pessimistic.
In a friendship, being aware ofthe energetic dynamics can help
prevent misunderstandings andconflict by allowing for open
and honest communication aboutany imbalances or challenges.
Managing your own energy,consisting of your mind,
(09:55):
feelings, thoughts, actions,your emotions and your body's
movements, is key to maintaininga positive energetic presence.
You are in control of yourenergetic presence and it all
starts with your thinking.
Taking the time to assess yourown energy and make necessary
(10:17):
adjustments can not only improveyour own well-being, but also
positively impact yourinteractions with others.
Additionally, being mindful ofthe energy you bring into
different situations can helpyou navigate them more
effectively and with emotionalintelligence.
(10:38):
Whether it's a difficultconversation or a joyous
celebration, being attuned tothe energy in the space and
consciously choosing how youshow up can greatly influence
the outcome.
By acknowledging and workingwith the energetic aspect of
communication, you can cultivatedeeper understanding and
(11:02):
connection and create moreharmonious relationships.
In all areas of your life,dynamics in your relationships
and taking responsibility foryour subjective reality, which
(11:28):
was discussed in episode 57, youcan deepen your emotional
connection, navigate challengeswith empathy and create
healthier and more fulfillinginteractions.
Here are some examples of whatprojection could look like Sarah
frequently accuses herboyfriend, tom of being
unfaithful, when in reality,she's the one struggling with
(11:48):
thoughts of infidelity and herown insecurities about
commitment.
Mike constantly criticizes hiswife Jenny's spending habits,
(12:16):
while one who has difficultyexpressing invulnerability and
opening up due to pastrelationship trauma.
Understanding your behaviorpatterns and that of others in
your relationships is crucialfor emotional health and
well-being.
Identifying when your partneris projecting their emotions
(12:38):
onto you can transform how yourespond to hurtful situations.
Here are some signs ofprojection Blame If your partner
frequently attributes theirinsecurities or frustrations to
you, it may indicate they areprojecting their feelings.
It may indicate they areprojecting their feelings
(13:00):
Intense reactions Observewhether your partner's reactions
seem disproportionate to thesituation.
This could be a clue thatunresolved issues are surfacing
for them.
Defensive behavior Notice ifyour partner becomes defensive
about topics that shouldn'ttypically provoke such responses
(13:20):
.
Now I'd like to share someeffective communication
techniques for healing hurtfeelings.
Maintaining awareness inrelationships requires active
engagement with your ownemotions.
When faced with negative energyfrom your partner, consider
these strategies.
When faced with negative energyfrom your partner, consider
(13:43):
these strategies.
Use the steps in episode 57 toself-reflect on what's going on
for you and how you're wantingto react.
Then come back to episode 58and techniques your feelings.
Effective communication isessential for healing in
relationships.
(14:04):
The use of I statements cansignificantly reduce
defensiveness and createunderstanding.
Start with phrases like I feelor I noticed.
This approach centers on youremotions rather than blaming or
projecting on your partner.
Be specific Instead of sayingyou never listen, try saying I
(14:27):
felt unheard when I shared mythoughts during dinner.
This clarity will help yourpartner understand the impact of
Opening a constructive dialoguewill require your intention and
care.
Thirdly, choose the right time.
(14:48):
Timing is important.
Initiate conversations whenboth of you are calm.
Avoid discussing sensitivetopics during heated moments or
during dinner, or when you bothget into a car, or during dinner
or when you both get into a car.
Schedule a time with yourpartner for important
(15:09):
conversations where you havefocused attention on each other.
Let them know the topic thatyou'd like to talk about it.
There's nothing to say rightnow if they would just wait
until the scheduled day and timeand you'll be in a better place
to talk about it.
Then, when you do have theconversation, ask open-ended
questions.
Encourage dialogue by askingquestions like how do you feel
(15:33):
about what happened?
How do you see the facts of thesituation?
Can you share the facts the wayyou see them?
This invites your partner toshare their perspective.
Also, practice reflectivelistening.
Show genuine interest in yourpartner's response.
Model this behavior.
Reflect back what you hear,because that demonstrates
(15:57):
empathy and understanding.
By communicatingcompassionately, you create a
safe space for invulnerabilityand healing.
This will set the stage tocreate deeper connection and
deeper trust as you navigateyour hurt feelings together.
Reflective listening is anessential communication skill
(16:19):
that can transform relationshipdynamics.
It involves fully focusing onyour partner, understanding
their message and respondingthoughtfully.
This practice will enable youto listen to understand.
Shift your mindset fromformulating a response to
genuinely grasping what yourpartner is trying to say.
(16:40):
This not only validates theirfeelings, but also fosters a
deeper emotional connection.
Reflecting back, summarize whatyour partner has said to ensure
and demonstrate understanding.
Give them the space to clarifyfurther if something didn't land
the way they intended.
(17:00):
This technique will clarify anymisunderstandings and assures
your partner that you areengaged in the conversation.
In addition to honing yourreflective listening skills,
seeking support outside therelationship will provide you
with valuable perspectives.
Discussing challenges with yourrelationship coach will offer
(17:22):
several benefits.
Neutral insight A trainedprofessional can help you
navigate complex emotionswithout bias, providing tools to
address issues effectively.
Emotional relief Sharing yourfeelings with someone who
understands can lighten theemotional load, allowing you to
(17:43):
process hurt more constructively.
Practicing these skillsenhances communication and
nurtures personal growth withinyour relationship.
By creating a supportive,positive environment, both
partners can work towardshealing and understanding each
(18:05):
other better.
Healing from emotional painrequires intentional effort.
Here are some steps to helprebuild trust and affection
after your feelings have beenhurt.
Number one acknowledge the hurt.
Recognize the impact of thesituation on both you and your
partner.
This acknowledgement will opena pathway for healing.
(18:28):
2.
Communicate openly.
Share your feelings honestly,using I statements to express
how the actions and their wordsaffected you.
This approach will minimizedefensiveness and create
understanding.
Create safe space, establishenvironments where both partners
(18:50):
can express themselves withoutfear of judgment or retaliation.
Safety in communication isessential for rebuilding
intimacy.
Number four engage in positiveinteractions.
Prioritize quality timetogether, doing activities that
promote joy and connection.
(19:10):
Be sure to respect each other'sdominant relationship need and
plan quality time activitiesthat respect and engage each
other's dominant need.
Small gestures of affection canrekindle feelings of love and
trust.
Be patient with the process.
(19:32):
Understand that rebuilding loveand trust and recovering from
hurt feelings does take time.
Allow each other grace as younavigate emotions and strengthen
your bond with each other.
Now I'd like to explore somepractical strategies to deal
with your hurt feelings in aconstructive and healthy way.
(19:55):
Reflect on your emotions.
Take some time to assess theroot cause of your hurt feelings
.
This introspection will helpyou gain clarity on what
specifically triggered your pain.
Go to episode 57 and capturethe self-coaching questions I've
(20:19):
provided to help you reflect onyour emotions.
Number two communicate openly.
Express your emotions to yourpartner in a calm,
non-confrontational manner.
Use I statements to express howyou felt, without blaming,
defending or attacking them.
Attacking them.
(20:47):
Number three seek understanding, not vindication.
Instead of focusing on winningan argument or proving yourself
right, strive for mutualunderstanding and compromise if
necessary.
This mindset shift canfacilitate healing and growth in
your relationship quickly.
Seek professional help If youfind it challenging to address
(21:07):
hurt feelings on your own or ifissues persist.
Consider seeking guidance froma couples relationship coach
like myself, who can provideobjective support and tools for
effective communication.
Support and tools for effectivecommunication.
Practicing with a relationshipcommunication coach can expedite
things for you and put you onyour healing path very quickly,
(21:32):
while healing does take time andeffort from both of you, doing
your own inner work andcollaborating with your own
coach and with each other willhelp you feel supported and heal
.
By nurturing open communication, empathy and understanding, you
can navigate hurt feelingstogether and build a stronger
(21:52):
foundation for a healthyrelationship.
Here are some final points foryou to consider and keep in mind
Understanding hurt feelings.
Recognize that hurt issues bothin ourselves and our partners
Know the importance ofdiplomatic communication.
(22:14):
Open dialogue creates aconnection and allows both
partners to share their feelingswithout fear of being judged.
Allows both partners to sharetheir feelings without fear of
being judged.
Diplomatic communication, as alearned skill, is the key to
resolving conflicts and healinghurt feelings.
Diplomatic communication is athoughtful and respectful
(22:35):
approach to dialogue thatcreates a safe space for both of
you to express your feelingsopenly, without fear.
It involves carefulconsideration of words and tone
and atmosphere, focusing onmaintaining connection while
addressing difficult topics.
This communication style willhelp you resolve conflicts and
(23:00):
heal hurt feelings by allowingpartners to share their
perspectives in anon-threatening way that
promotes understanding andemotional safety.
Practicing empathy Put yourselfin your partner's shoes and try
to understand their perspectiveand emotions so that you can
(23:20):
take that into consideration asyou process your own feelings.
Learn to stop taking things sopersonally, taking
responsibility.
Acknowledge your role in thesituation and take
responsibility for any hurt youmay have caused, apologize
sincerely and make efforts torectify the situation.
(23:42):
Modeling how to do this caninspire your partner to
reciprocate, and working withsomeone like me to educate you,
to practice with you, so thatthis becomes a skill that you
have and apply regularly.
If you'd like to work with me,schedule a session at
(24:03):
sessiondrdarhawkscom.
Building trust rebuilding trustafter hurt feelings is important
.
Consistency, honesty andtransparency are crucial in
rebuilding trust.
In rebuilding trust within yourrelationship.
In rebuilding trust, inrebuilding trust within your
(24:25):
relationship, have patience andperseverance.
Healing does take time,especially if you choose to do
it on your own.
Be patient with yourself andyour partner as you work through
the process of addressing andresolving hurt feelings.
Every relationship has its upsand downs.
Life has a way of just workingthat way.
By approaching hurt feelingswith patience, understanding,
(24:49):
introspection, responsibilityand a willingness to work
together, you can create ahealthier, happier and more
harmonious partnership and havefewer upset days, anxious days,
nervous days or stressful days.
I promise you, by being openand using respectful diplomatic
(25:12):
communication, you truly canturn pain into an opportunity
for closer connection withyourself and your partner.
Dealing with emotional pain andtrauma in your relationships
takes time to process yourfeelings individually, then
preparing for the discussion andimagining the results you want
(25:32):
to achieve, and finally havingthe bravery and courage to set a
time for the talk, while beingtruthful, kind and composed
during the conversation.
Processing your hurt feelings,knowing how to move forward.
Determining what you're goingto say and do and getting what
you want are all easier andfaster to do with support from
(25:56):
your relationship coach.
If you don't have arelationship coach and you
resonate with some or all ofwhat I've said, schedule a
session with me by visitingsessiondrdarhawkscom.
I truly am here to support youin a clear path forward and for
(26:16):
your relationship successsuccess Also as a reminder if
you're looking to understandyour relationship needs better,
consider taking the RelationshipNeeds Quiz at
needsdrdarhawkscom.
Thank you so much for the giftof your time and your listening
and I look forward to meetingyou either in a session, in the
(26:38):
quiz or in the next podcast.
Welcome to Episode 58 of the Better Relationships
Podcast.
I'm Dr Dar, your host andrelationship coach and healer.
This is Part 2 of Feeling Hurtby your Partner, where I'll talk
about the impact of emotionalprojection and trauma on hurt
feelings.
(00:20):
You may want to go and listento Episode 57 if you've not yet
listened to it, where I talkabout what feeling hurt is all
about.
Hurt feelings can be a complexemotional response that arises
from interactions with those wecare about.
(00:41):
As a reminder from episode 57,I said that hurt feelings equate
to the pain associated withperceived slights, dismissals or
misunderstandings.
When you experience hurt fromsomeone you love, it often feels
(01:02):
extremely personal.
Someone you love, it oftenfeels extremely personal.
Yet the root of this pain maynot solely lie in your actions
or words.
In relationships, emotionalprojection occurs when
individuals attribute their ownemotions or unresolved issues
onto others.
(01:22):
For example, if your partner isfeeling insecure about
themselves, they might projectthat insecurity onto you through
criticism, sarcasm orwithdrawal.
Understanding emotionalprojection is essential.
Your partner's words andactions often reflect their
(01:45):
inner state rather than it beinga direct attack on you.
So if you can separate yourselffrom taking it personally and
look at it and listen to thewords that are being said as not
a personal attack towards you,but as them processing their
(02:05):
feelings, even if they're usingyou language.
Recognize that thisconversation, whatever's going
on for them, is about them andnot you, and at times it can
feel like you're the target.
But just know, if you stay inthe conversation and just listen
(02:27):
and let them get theiraggression out, being
emotionally intelligent and nottaking it personally, once that
has passed and subsided, you'llbe able to have a really deeper,
connected conversation.
You'll be able to have a reallydeeper, connected conversation.
(02:47):
Let's talk about the energydynamics in communication.
Let's now talk about the energydynamics in communication.
Communication is not just aboutwords.
It's also about energy dynamics.
Concepts like electromagneticsshow how emotional states can
(03:07):
influence others.
When two people interact, theiremotional energies can create a
tangible atmosphere that ischarged with either tension or
warmth, happiness or sadness.
Recognizing this energy flowwill enable you to interpret
your interactions more clearly.
(03:28):
I invite you to listen toepisode 56 to learn more about
what electromagnetics is and howit shows up in relationships,
because I go into detail there.
By understanding theelectromagnetics and the
underlying mechanisms of hurtfeelings and projection, you
(03:51):
empower yourself to navigaterelationship challenges more
effectively and efficiently andwith care.
Your awareness will cultivateempathy towards yourself and
your partner, which then createsa pathway for healing and
connection.
(04:12):
Electromagnetics in relationshipinteractions and communication
refers to the invisible energydynamic that occurs between
people during their exchanges,and you may not even have to be
doing anything.
You might just be sitting nextto each other and can feel that
pull and push.
It functions as an energeticfield where emotional states and
(04:39):
attitudes create tangibleatmospheric effects, similar to
how electromagnetic fieldsoperate in physics.
This dynamic works throughemotional resonance between
individuals, a transfer ofenergy and emotional states
during interactions, thecreation of positive or negative
(05:03):
atmospheric charges and theinfluence of one person's mental
and emotional state on another.
In relationships,electromagnetic dynamics
manifest when partners'emotional energies interact and
influence each other.
Tension or warmth becomespalpable in the space between
(05:26):
people.
Emotional states transmitbetween individuals, affecting
the overall interaction, orenergy flows that create
distinct patterns incommunication, usually tied to
one of the five fundamentalrelationship needs.
Understanding electromagneticsin relationships will help you
(05:49):
interpret nonverbal aspects ofcommunication, recognize
emotional influence patterns,navigate interpersonal energy
dynamics and identify whenemotional states are being
transferred or shared.
The energetic component ofcommunication operates alongside
(06:13):
verbal and nonverbal exchanges,creating a fuller picture of
how people interact andinfluence each other in
relationships and influence eachother in relationships.
Awareness of these dynamicswill enable more effective
communication and emotionalunderstanding between partners.
(06:35):
Here are some examples of howelectromagnetics affect you and
manifests as you interact withothers.
When you meet someone for thefirst time and feel an instant
connection or attraction, itcould be due to a positive
magnetic resonance between yourenergies.
It could also be the oppositeif you feel repelled by them.
(06:59):
In heated arguments orconflicts, the negative charges
between individuals can becomeintense, leading to a palpable
tension in the atmosphere andmaking resolution more
challenging.
When someone you care about isfeeling sad or upset, you may
(07:21):
unknowingly absorb some of theiremotional energy, which can
affect your own mood.
On the other hand, being aroundsomeone who radiates positivity
and joy can uplift your ownspirits and create a harmonious
energetic exchange.
In group settings, thecollective energy of the
(07:44):
participants can create anatmosphere that is either
supportive and conducive tocollaboration, or it can be
tense and unproductive.
The energetic field between twopeople can also play a role in
the success or failure of theircommunication.
If there is a disconnect orclash in energies, it can hinder
(08:08):
understanding and lead tomisinterpretation.
Developing your awareness ofthese energetic dynamics can
help you navigate yourrelationships and communication
more effectively and efficiently, while also creating a deeper
connection and emotionalintimacy.
(08:28):
Enriching and honoring theenergetic component of
communication adds a newdimension to your understanding
and experience in yourrelationships, paving the way
for more authentic andfulfilling interactions.
Here are some examples of howelectromagnetics show up in
(08:51):
relationships and communication.
A couple going through a roughpatch may find that their
negative energy creates a cycleof resentment and
misunderstanding.
By consciously working onshifting their individual
energies and creating a morepositive atmosphere, they can
break free from this pattern andrebuild healthier connection.
(09:14):
In a workplace, a team with aleader who exudes confidence and
optimism can inspire theirmembers to perform at their best
, which leads to increasedproductivity and success.
The converse can be true with aleader who lacks confidence and
(09:35):
is pessimistic, lacksconfidence and is pessimistic.
In a friendship, being aware ofthe energetic dynamics can help
prevent misunderstandings andconflict by allowing for open
and honest communication aboutany imbalances or challenges.
Managing your own energy,consisting of your mind,
(09:55):
feelings, thoughts, actions,your emotions and your body's
movements, is key to maintaininga positive energetic presence.
You are in control of yourenergetic presence and it all
starts with your thinking.
Taking the time to assess yourown energy and make necessary
(10:17):
adjustments can not only improveyour own well-being, but also
positively impact yourinteractions with others.
Additionally, being mindful ofthe energy you bring into
different situations can helpyou navigate them more
effectively and with emotionalintelligence.
(10:38):
Whether it's a difficultconversation or a joyous
celebration, being attuned tothe energy in the space and
consciously choosing how youshow up can greatly influence
the outcome.
By acknowledging and workingwith the energetic aspect of
communication, you can cultivatedeeper understanding and
(11:02):
connection and create moreharmonious relationships.
In all areas of your life,dynamics in your relationships
and taking responsibility foryour subjective reality, which
(11:28):
was discussed in episode 57, youcan deepen your emotional
connection, navigate challengeswith empathy and create
healthier and more fulfillinginteractions.
Here are some examples of whatprojection could look like Sarah
frequently accuses herboyfriend, tom of being
unfaithful, when in reality,she's the one struggling with
(11:48):
thoughts of infidelity and herown insecurities about
commitment.
Mike constantly criticizes hiswife Jenny's spending habits,
(12:16):
while one who has difficultyexpressing invulnerability and
opening up due to pastrelationship trauma.
Understanding your behaviorpatterns and that of others in
your relationships is crucialfor emotional health and
well-being.
Identifying when your partneris projecting their emotions
(12:38):
onto you can transform how yourespond to hurtful situations.
Here are some signs ofprojection Blame If your partner
frequently attributes theirinsecurities or frustrations to
you, it may indicate they areprojecting their feelings.
It may indicate they areprojecting their feelings
(13:00):
Intense reactions Observewhether your partner's reactions
seem disproportionate to thesituation.
This could be a clue thatunresolved issues are surfacing
for them.
Defensive behavior Notice ifyour partner becomes defensive
about topics that shouldn'ttypically provoke such responses
(13:20):
.
Now I'd like to share someeffective communication
techniques for healing hurtfeelings.
Maintaining awareness inrelationships requires active
engagement with your ownemotions.
When faced with negative energyfrom your partner, consider
these strategies.
When faced with negative energyfrom your partner, consider
(13:43):
these strategies.
Use the steps in episode 57 toself-reflect on what's going on
for you and how you're wantingto react.
Then come back to episode 58and techniques your feelings.
Effective communication isessential for healing in
relationships.
(14:04):
The use of I statements cansignificantly reduce
defensiveness and createunderstanding.
Start with phrases like I feelor I noticed.
This approach centers on youremotions rather than blaming or
projecting on your partner.
Be specific Instead of sayingyou never listen, try saying I
(14:27):
felt unheard when I shared mythoughts during dinner.
This clarity will help yourpartner understand the impact of
Opening a constructive dialoguewill require your intention and
care.
Thirdly, choose the right time.
(14:48):
Timing is important.
Initiate conversations whenboth of you are calm.
Avoid discussing sensitivetopics during heated moments or
during dinner, or when you bothget into a car, or during dinner
or when you both get into a car.
Schedule a time with yourpartner for important
(15:09):
conversations where you havefocused attention on each other.
Let them know the topic thatyou'd like to talk about it.
There's nothing to say rightnow if they would just wait
until the scheduled day and timeand you'll be in a better place
to talk about it.
Then, when you do have theconversation, ask open-ended
questions.
Encourage dialogue by askingquestions like how do you feel
(15:33):
about what happened?
How do you see the facts of thesituation?
Can you share the facts the wayyou see them?
This invites your partner toshare their perspective.
Also, practice reflectivelistening.
Show genuine interest in yourpartner's response.
Model this behavior.
Reflect back what you hear,because that demonstrates
(15:57):
empathy and understanding.
By communicatingcompassionately, you create a
safe space for invulnerabilityand healing.
This will set the stage tocreate deeper connection and
deeper trust as you navigateyour hurt feelings together.
Reflective listening is anessential communication skill
(16:19):
that can transform relationshipdynamics.
It involves fully focusing onyour partner, understanding
their message and respondingthoughtfully.
This practice will enable youto listen to understand.
Shift your mindset fromformulating a response to
genuinely grasping what yourpartner is trying to say.
(16:40):
This not only validates theirfeelings, but also fosters a
deeper emotional connection.
Reflecting back, summarize whatyour partner has said to ensure
and demonstrate understanding.
Give them the space to clarifyfurther if something didn't land
the way they intended.
(17:00):
This technique will clarify anymisunderstandings and assures
your partner that you areengaged in the conversation.
In addition to honing yourreflective listening skills,
seeking support outside therelationship will provide you
with valuable perspectives.
Discussing challenges with yourrelationship coach will offer
(17:22):
several benefits.
Neutral insight A trainedprofessional can help you
navigate complex emotionswithout bias, providing tools to
address issues effectively.
Emotional relief Sharing yourfeelings with someone who
understands can lighten theemotional load, allowing you to
(17:43):
process hurt more constructively.
Practicing these skillsenhances communication and
nurtures personal growth withinyour relationship.
By creating a supportive,positive environment, both
partners can work towardshealing and understanding each
(18:05):
other better.
Healing from emotional painrequires intentional effort.
Here are some steps to helprebuild trust and affection
after your feelings have beenhurt.
Number one acknowledge the hurt.
Recognize the impact of thesituation on both you and your
partner.
This acknowledgement will opena pathway for healing.
(18:28):
2.
Communicate openly.
Share your feelings honestly,using I statements to express
how the actions and their wordsaffected you.
This approach will minimizedefensiveness and create
understanding.
Create safe space, establishenvironments where both partners
(18:50):
can express themselves withoutfear of judgment or retaliation.
Safety in communication isessential for rebuilding
intimacy.
Number four engage in positiveinteractions.
Prioritize quality timetogether, doing activities that
promote joy and connection.
(19:10):
Be sure to respect each other'sdominant relationship need and
plan quality time activitiesthat respect and engage each
other's dominant need.
Small gestures of affection canrekindle feelings of love and
trust.
Be patient with the process.
(19:32):
Understand that rebuilding loveand trust and recovering from
hurt feelings does take time.
Allow each other grace as younavigate emotions and strengthen
your bond with each other.
Now I'd like to explore somepractical strategies to deal
with your hurt feelings in aconstructive and healthy way.
(19:55):
Reflect on your emotions.
Take some time to assess theroot cause of your hurt feelings
.
This introspection will helpyou gain clarity on what
specifically triggered your pain.
Go to episode 57 and capturethe self-coaching questions I've
(20:19):
provided to help you reflect onyour emotions.
Number two communicate openly.
Express your emotions to yourpartner in a calm,
non-confrontational manner.
Use I statements to express howyou felt, without blaming,
defending or attacking them.
Attacking them.
(20:47):
Number three seek understanding, not vindication.
Instead of focusing on winningan argument or proving yourself
right, strive for mutualunderstanding and compromise if
necessary.
This mindset shift canfacilitate healing and growth in
your relationship quickly.
Seek professional help If youfind it challenging to address
(21:07):
hurt feelings on your own or ifissues persist.
Consider seeking guidance froma couples relationship coach
like myself, who can provideobjective support and tools for
effective communication.
Support and tools for effectivecommunication.
Practicing with a relationshipcommunication coach can expedite
things for you and put you onyour healing path very quickly,
(21:32):
while healing does take time andeffort from both of you, doing
your own inner work andcollaborating with your own
coach and with each other willhelp you feel supported and heal
.
By nurturing open communication, empathy and understanding, you
can navigate hurt feelingstogether and build a stronger
(21:52):
foundation for a healthyrelationship.
Here are some final points foryou to consider and keep in mind
Understanding hurt feelings.
Recognize that hurt issues bothin ourselves and our partners
Know the importance ofdiplomatic communication.
(22:14):
Open dialogue creates aconnection and allows both
partners to share their feelingswithout fear of being judged.
Allows both partners to sharetheir feelings without fear of
being judged.
Diplomatic communication, as alearned skill, is the key to
resolving conflicts and healinghurt feelings.
Diplomatic communication is athoughtful and respectful
(22:35):
approach to dialogue thatcreates a safe space for both of
you to express your feelingsopenly, without fear.
It involves carefulconsideration of words and tone
and atmosphere, focusing onmaintaining connection while
addressing difficult topics.
This communication style willhelp you resolve conflicts and
(23:00):
heal hurt feelings by allowingpartners to share their
perspectives in anon-threatening way that
promotes understanding andemotional safety.
Practicing empathy Put yourselfin your partner's shoes and try
to understand their perspectiveand emotions so that you can
(23:20):
take that into consideration asyou process your own feelings.
Learn to stop taking things sopersonally, taking
responsibility.
Acknowledge your role in thesituation and take
responsibility for any hurt youmay have caused, apologize
sincerely and make efforts torectify the situation.
(23:42):
Modeling how to do this caninspire your partner to
reciprocate, and working withsomeone like me to educate you,
to practice with you, so thatthis becomes a skill that you
have and apply regularly.
If you'd like to work with me,schedule a session at
(24:03):
sessiondrdarhawkscom.
Building trust rebuilding trustafter hurt feelings is important
.
Consistency, honesty andtransparency are crucial in
rebuilding trust.
In rebuilding trust within yourrelationship.
In rebuilding trust, inrebuilding trust within your
(24:25):
relationship, have patience andperseverance.
Healing does take time,especially if you choose to do
it on your own.
Be patient with yourself andyour partner as you work through
the process of addressing andresolving hurt feelings.
Every relationship has its upsand downs.
Life has a way of just workingthat way.
By approaching hurt feelingswith patience, understanding,
(24:49):
introspection, responsibilityand a willingness to work
together, you can create ahealthier, happier and more
harmonious partnership and havefewer upset days, anxious days,
nervous days or stressful days.
I promise you, by being openand using respectful diplomatic
(25:12):
communication, you truly canturn pain into an opportunity
for closer connection withyourself and your partner.
Dealing with emotional pain andtrauma in your relationships
takes time to process yourfeelings individually, then
preparing for the discussion andimagining the results you want
(25:32):
to achieve, and finally havingthe bravery and courage to set a
time for the talk, while beingtruthful, kind and composed
during the conversation.
Processing your hurt feelings,knowing how to move forward.
Determining what you're goingto say and do and getting what
you want are all easier andfaster to do with support from
(25:56):
your relationship coach.
If you don't have arelationship coach and you
resonate with some or all ofwhat I've said, schedule a
session with me by visitingsessiondrdarhawkscom.
I truly am here to support youin a clear path forward and for
(26:16):
your relationship successsuccess Also as a reminder if
you're looking to understandyour relationship needs better,
consider taking the RelationshipNeeds Quiz at
needsdrdarhawkscom.
Thank you so much for the giftof your time and your listening
and I look forward to meetingyou either in a session, in the
(26:38):
quiz or in the next podcast.
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