January 28, 2025 • 33 mins
This episode is all about surviving the holidays, savory gelatin dishes (that all seem to trace back to Mormons and The Midwest), and why we all just need a nap. We discuss how much pressure has been put on women for generations to Make the Holidays Happen. We also share personal stories about family dynamics during holiday get togethers and the importance of setting boundaries to protect our mental health (like just saying no to invites). Plus, we get to mock Jamie's vegan Thanksgiving feast and we find out just how much Rebecca likes soup.
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The Burnout Collective Podcast is hosted by Jamie Young and Rebecca McCracken. We’ve had every ounce of inspiration sucked out by years of startups and hustle culture, and we’re trying to reclaim our creativity. Join us and our guests as we explore how to restart and reenergize our brains. Every Thursday at 5pm PT, we stream live on twitch.tv/TheBurnoutCollective.
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Music track: Snap Your Fingers by Aylex
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
We could do.
Speaker 2 (00:00):
Christmas Olive Garden.
Oh my, oh my God.
Christmas fettuccine, Alfredoand breadsticks and salad and
minestrone stew.
Speaker 1 (00:09):
Oh my God, you get your.
Everyone get their ownindividual bowl of salad and
just a pile of breadsticks.
Speaker 2 (00:19):
I'm Jamie and I'm Rebecca.
Welcome to the Burnout.
Speaker 1 (00:24):
Collective Hi, hey, hello, happy post-Thanksgiving.
Oh yep, we did it, we survivedanother holiday, I mean truly
not a holiday, but no anotherevent.
(00:47):
Did you enjoy your beige food?
I mean truly not a holiday.
No, Another event Did you enjoy?
Your beige food, oh I totallydid.
Speaker 2 (00:53):
I feel like you know.
Just a little pop of likecranberry amongst all the brown,
a little pop of some greenbeans, some fresh green beans.
We had our vegan feast.
I got to feed my niececranberries for the first time.
I also got to feed my nephewcranberries for the first time
for his thanksgiving firstthanksgiving it's my favorite
(01:13):
because it's like so tart.
They're like what I get theshowers.
What is?
What is this?
I think she was like she liketook a bite and then she was
like just let it fall out,unsure about it, just let her
get that little bit of a sugarkick and she'll be into it.
Speaker 1 (01:31):
That's so cute.
I was just the three of us andwe had our obligatory beige food
and then I took a nap on thecouch.
My mom used to say that mydad's mom I think it was like in
the middle of cookingThanksgiving, christmas dinner
would just kind of peace out andgo lay down, and then my mom
would have to finish.
And now I 100% understand whyand support that.
Speaker 2 (01:55):
It's nuts, honestly.
I was even talking with myfamily on Thanksgiving about
like having like how nice itwould be to have someone like
come clean up after you havelike a party or a gathering at
your house, right, and herfamily is Brazilian and I think
that's like part of theirculture, is they like they
(02:17):
always have people that likeclean up after their parties,
and my sibling was like, well,that's not the norm here.
You know like most people don'thave people to clean up after
them.
My sister-in-law goes richpeople do.
But yeah, it's just that and Ithink, just like with you know
one person in the family orcertain people, women in the
(02:39):
family that it's just like youget to sit on the couch and
watch football and I'm going tosweat like crazy at the stove
and make a whole meal and thenalso just be like a great host
and constantly like not evenenjoying your meal.
Speaker 1 (03:01):
You know what I mean I don't know the sweating is so
real because you're so pissed.
Mean, like I don't know thesweating.
The sweating is so real becauseyou're so pissed off and
irritated and hot by the edgedon't want to fucking eat
because you're just souncomfortable and sweaty and
you're just like I'm not evenhungry.
I'm tired of looking at thisfood.
I don't want it anymore yeah,it's too much.
It's too much.
It's too much.
(03:21):
I do have to say rob does dothe dish, does do the dishes, so
like huge thanks to him.
But that's also because I standup and go.
I'm going to go sit down on thecouch and then I fall asleep
for four hours no, that's great,like I mean.
Speaker 2 (03:36):
It just shouldn't be.
You know a thing, unless,unless you're like, don't
fucking come in the kitchen.
Like I know what I'm doing andit's going to be great, I don't
want to deal with you, don't?
No one's allowed in this space.
Speaker 1 (03:54):
I don't like it because it makes I'm just like
get out, are you done?
Are you done?
What are you going in thefridge for?
You don't need to go out to getout of the kitchen and everyone
just gets kicked out and likeno one may enter until I'm done.
Get out of the kitchen andeveryone just gets kicked out
and like no one may enter untilI'm done.
Speaker 2 (04:06):
I just always wondered why it never seemed
like my mom and grandma werehaving a good time during the
holidays I do think that, likemy mom is the type of person who
, like, if I asked her, shewould say no.
Like I love doing all of thatbecause, like I love taking care
of everybody and making sureeverybody else is happy.
But it's like you get burnt outon.
(04:26):
Like now, oh yeah.
Like she, yeah, she'll even saylike, oh, I hardly cook now
because, like she, likeliterally she was a stay-at-home
mom, like that was her job.
She literally like cooked andcleaned up after three children
and another adult, like themajority of the majority of her
(04:46):
life maybe not, but the majorityof my life for sure.
In home videos, like we alwayslaugh oh yeah, there's home
videos that, like my dad'staking of us kids.
And then it's like, oh, like,where's mom, you know?
And she's like hi, she's likein the kitchen washing dishes
(05:06):
and I'm like this is not okay,I've started to just like
outsource now.
Speaker 1 (05:14):
I mean sides.
We can get sides.
We use imperfect foods and wegot a bunch of like veggie sides
there.
We got the pumpkin pie there,nice, it's not cheating, it's
still fresh.
I know that pie there, nice, Ijust it's not cheating, it's
still fresh.
No, that's what we did.
Speaker 2 (05:28):
We made a frozen vegan roast Very delicious,
though and then got a bunch ofsides from a vegan restaurant
that were actually all amazing.
And then I bought us astore-bought vegan pumpkin pie
and some crescent rolls to make,and that was dinner lunch yep.
Speaker 1 (05:49):
So oh yeah, and then when you have like little kids,
you have to eat like at acertain time, because otherwise
everyone has fucking meltdownbecause they're hangry off
schedule is there anything aboutlike typical thanksgiving food
that you like?
No, oh, it's so brown and gray,not like mashed potatoes,
though that's concerning it isjust there are too many foods
(06:12):
that are both hot.
It's the hot and wet rule.
Rebecca also hates soup, by theway.
Speaker 2 (06:16):
It is food flavored water it's hot, wet vegetables
is how you said it to mevegetables although if the Olive
Garden decided that they weregoing to start doing
Thanksgiving catering, oh yeah,Dude, get Olive Garden for
Thanksgiving.
I bet they're not open onThanksgiving, but I bet you can
pick it up the night before andput it in the fridge.
Speaker 1 (06:39):
Oh, they're closed, but we could pick up our stuff
the day before.
Yeah, we could do Christmas.
Olive garden.
Speaker 2 (06:47):
Oh my God, christmas fettuccine, alfredo and
breadsticks and salad andminestrone.
Speaker 1 (06:54):
Oh my God, everyone get their own individual bowl of
salad and just a pile ofbreadsticks.
Yeah, you can come here forChristmas.
Speaker 2 (07:03):
Yes, I just wish that more people would just pick up
from somewhere for their holidaymeals so that they could
actually Well, sorry, If youwant to spend time with your
family or your friends, you know, like you're the family that
you made you found family Justorder in like or like, order
(07:26):
Chinese or order pizza.
You know, like you're thefamily that you made your found
family Just order in or likeorder Chinese or order pizza or
olive garden.
You know I do love Thanksgivingfood.
Thanksgiving food like is like,because we've just been doing
the vegan thing like since Imoved out here.
Oh my God, are you guys vegan.
Speaker 1 (07:45):
We're going to have a vegan counter.
For how many times vegan hasbeen said?
Speaker 2 (07:51):
It's like we're at four, so I'm not vegan but
they're vegan and other veganssometimes do the vegan things
with the vegan Thanksgiving.
Speaker 1 (08:02):
Oh, did you have a vegan Thanksgiving?
That's really Vegan.
Speaker 2 (08:04):
Thanksgiving vegan, vegan Thanksgiving.
Oh, did you have a veganThanksgiving?
Speaker 1 (08:08):
That's really vegan Thanksgiving vegan.
Speaker 2 (08:14):
Vegan Thanksgiving.
Oh, we were gonna actually talkabout something.
Huh yeah, I mean this is great,I don't know.
I kind of like I was gonna sayat the beginning I was like, oh,
we should have just named thisshow instead of I Need a Nap, it
should have just been likebeige food.
Speaker 1 (08:29):
But it was the.
I Need a Nap, because one ofthe things that we've noticed,
especially as we become adults,is that the holidays are only
magical because of the workbeing put into it by the adults,
and usually the adult women, bythe adults and usually the
(08:51):
adult women.
And as your kid, you have noidea what a pain in the ass it
is to make all this happen,happen smoothly and like again,
make sure that keep it togetherso your kids have a nice holiday
, because that's really whatthey're going to remember, and
so you can't have a meltdownwhen you burn your hand on the
oven.
You have to go upstairs andscream into a pillow yeah.
(09:14):
And then you grow up and yourealize that no one else is
going to make it magical.
That's your job because you'rethe grownup.
And then it sucks and you'reexhausted and also you had to
work the day before Thanksgivingso you didn't get to do any of
it ahead of time.
Speaker 2 (09:33):
It reminds me of my co-worker pretty recently was
talking about getting a dog forthe kids and they were always a
cat person.
But she said, like I had dogsgrowing up, but I'm really a cat
person, but my kids reallywanted a dog.
And I was like, oh, I had dogsgrowing up, like I know how to
do this, you know.
And then they got a dog and shewas like, oh, when I had a dog,
(10:00):
my parents took care of it.
She's like I'm the adult now,I'm the parent, now it's my
responsibility and I hate it andit sucks.
Speaker 1 (10:09):
She's like no, and then also the criticism that
comes with children beingchildren, like I don't really
like this and you just have tobe like, oh, sanna will do
better next year.
Oh my gosh, that's anothersuper fun thing.
Have you ever said that?
Probably.
And then I just gave up and Iwas like you know what?
(10:31):
Santa's not getting the creditmy turn.
So when she asked like is santanot real?
Speaker 2 (10:37):
I was like yeah, pretty much just my siblings
ruined that for me of coursethey did.
Speaker 1 (10:44):
Yeah, of course they did.
Speaker 2 (10:46):
You were the baby we had a babysitter on christmas
eve one time and my siblings setup a camera like a camcorder to
try to like catch santa, butlike I think they really
actually did get the babysitterputting presents down because,
like I think nobody knew ohthat's so sad.
Speaker 1 (11:08):
I remember being little and realizing that my
mom's handwriting and santa'shandwriting were the same.
Yeah, and I was like, oh no, Ifeel like I had a forensic
analyzer.
Yeah, yeah, you're like.
Speaker 2 (11:22):
Can we get a handwriting expert in here,
please?
Speaker 1 (11:25):
I need to know who I need to send this thank you card
to, for sure I think I was six,because we were learning how to
read cursive and I were like Iremember reading my mom's
cursive and like being able readit and it's like oh no.
Speaker 2 (11:38):
Yeah, same cursive.
Yeah, my mom's handwriting isso recognizable.
I feel like she made my dad beSanta in written form.
Speaker 1 (11:48):
Em tried to get me for a long time.
She'd ask really pointedquestions and I finally was just
like you know what, I give up.
So I just because she waslittle too, but she had that
figured out.
She has too many good questions, yeah, so anyway, so the magic
of the holidays, it's all afacade.
(12:08):
All a facade.
You're so tired and you have todo it every year, but okay.
So there was a TikTok and shewas talking about like I don't
want to go to my family's stuffthis year, but okay.
So there was a TikTok and shewas talking about like I don't
want to go to my family's stuffthis year.
Her username on TikTok isT-A-L-L-E-Y.
She said she was talking to herstepmom about this and like
(12:28):
they're going to be upset if Idon't go.
And her stepmom said soundslike you don't love yourself as
much as you love everybody elseand you're not as concerned
about you being happy as you areabout other people being happy.
I was like, oh, that makes alot.
Like why don't you giveyourself the same Consideration
and care and love?
She's like also, they'll stillbe your family.
(12:49):
I never thought about it likethat.
But yeah, that's why we don'tgo home.
Like that's why I mean, wouldlove to see them, but I'm not
flying home during thanksgivingand they can be sad about it.
I would much rather not and notfeel crazy for five days in a
row and not be at home with thecomfort of your own toilet to
(13:10):
poop in so correct, correct, butthat was a really good point,
and I I think there's a lot ofguilt around the holidays and
people are so used to feelingguilted, yeah, and then it's
just that excess burden ofhaving to keep your shit
together and travel and see yourgrandma, who's so happy to see
(13:32):
you, but also you really aretired or like having to see
grandparents you know that arelike not doing well, or family
members that are not doing well.
That can be really hard or justlike family members you don't
get along with, or weird familymembers, or like creepy family
especially that uncle.
Family members who you have tofight with about, like trump or
(13:55):
whatever about, and then you'rejust like I just want to eat and
leave and I don't want to fightand then you've like, muddied
the holiday right.
So sometimes it's like let'spreserve yeah, listening to your
grandparents describe yoursister's girlfriend as her, her
special friend literally herspecial friend, her special
(14:16):
friend.
Speaker 2 (14:18):
Oh yeah, I don't know dude are you funny, have you?
Have you found a new guy?
Speaker 1 (14:25):
oh, my grandpa would always tell me oh, you look like
you've lost weight, good foryou oh, like dude, I wasn't even
thinking about that.
Speaker 2 (14:36):
Yes, the big one, the , just the weight shaming and
the body shaming like and andpeople who?
That's my policy, man, first ofall, like you, don't.
If you ever have the urge totalk about somebody else's body
out loud to anyone, you need tostop yourself and listen to our
(15:01):
voices and don't fucking knowthat someone else's body is not
your business.
Why would you comment on it?
You don't want.
I know and I know your body andit's like so it's so traumatic
he was a former big big guy andso I know like he was a former
big guy, so like that was his Idon't know encouragement, but I
(15:24):
just remember being like, oh no,I can't I remember a time when,
like, I had lost a bunch ofweight and probably in my 20s
and I didn't see my grandpasuper often, but maybe like once
or twice a year at that timeand I saw him for the first time
in maybe like a year and and hewas like oh, you look so good,
(15:47):
you look so good.
You know what I mean, and likeI know people think like that's
a good thing to do is to tellsomeone that they look good
because they are smaller.
But that isn't the case for alot of people.
And also by telling them that,you're also telling them that
(16:08):
they didn't look as great orthey didn't look very great in a
bigger body or where that's a,it's like the valid, where your
value lies.
Speaker 1 (16:16):
The only objectification I do buy into is
my grandmother flirted with roblike she would pinch him on the
ass when he walked by and shewould like giggle.
I'm sorry, your grandmotherwould flirt with my grandmother.
Yes, she would flirt with himso hard and she pinched him on
the butt so much what wait?
Speaker 2 (16:37):
what did rob do?
I'm trying to picture rob'sface, so uncomfortable he was so
sweet about it.
Speaker 1 (16:44):
He was sweet with her and it was like he had every
right.
Sorry, I was going to gothrough the car, but he was
sweeter about it.
I'm so sorry, but yeah, that'sthe only oh god objectification
I approve of in this householdis only with rob.
Speaker 2 (17:02):
I was gonna say, if somebody's objectifying, your
husband exactly so, yeah,keeping your shit together.
Speaker 1 (17:09):
I don't know also and I know your sister-in-law was
saying too like the other thingabout the holidays that you
really don't want to do is ifyou're in a situation where
either you're unemployed or likeyou just got laid off, or, I
don't know, like you don't likeyour work.
If I mean, people just kind ofgo to the default, like what do
you do?
And you're like, okay, I haveto figure out how to talk about
(17:31):
the thing that is burning me outin a way that's not going to
sound like doom and gloom, rightexactly you don't want to talk
about work, you don't want totalk about your weight, you
don't want to talk about yourdating life, all the things that
you're constantly thinkingabout on your own already and
that's what like.
Speaker 2 (17:50):
That's what like older people like want to know,
I think, too many soap operaswhen they were, when they were
our age, you know, know.
Speaker 1 (17:59):
But I found the trick .
If you have a friend who's hadsurgery recently, or you can ask
them about people at theirchurch, or you can ask them who
is currently dealing with amedical issue, and that
completely skips theconversation away.
Medical issues, they love it.
Grandma, how was your lastdoctor's appointment?
(18:21):
Oh my god, it is the bestdeflection I have ever found in
my life and I shamelessly use itto my advantage every time.
Speaker 2 (18:31):
Well, first of all they had to reschedule me, huh,
because I came in on the wrongday.
Yes, yes.
And then, oh my gosh, I had to,I had to wait.
I had to wait for 32 minutes inthat waiting because I came in
on the wrong day.
Yes, yes, and then, oh my gosh,I had to wait for 32 minutes in
that waiting room.
32, probably 32 and a half.
Speaker 1 (18:47):
Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, because they time you and also
you have to ask around theprayer list at church because
that's also the good gossip.
And so then you get the fullrundown of like whose
granddaughter is on drugs.
That's how you get the fullrundown of like whose
granddaughter is on drugs.
Speaker 2 (18:59):
That's how you get the gossip.
You say like hey, like who's onthe who's on the prayer list,
tell me about it, tell me aboutthe prayer list.
Speaker 1 (19:06):
You don't have to talk about you or anything you
don't want to.
Who are we praying?
Or you just answer I'm yourother answer for like what do
you do is just I'm an accountantand that's it.
That's the no one cares becausethat's boring and involves math
and no further questions.
I know somebody's going to asksomething, though I feel like
this is going to sound very likenot all men what I'm about to
(19:27):
say, but I do want to point outthat, like rob helps with like
the gifts and the wrapping andputting them out, which, no, you
know what I don't.
That's fine.
I know my dad, my dad cleanedup and like hung up christmas
decorations, but like I don'tknow how much he was involved
with like the other stuff, andso I do appreciate like I had to
(19:50):
ask, but like I finally had tobe like I hate this, I need help
.
But that's messed up, though,because then you're yeah like he
helps during the holidays andlike that I know a lot of times
wasn't something that happens.
Speaker 2 (20:05):
It's not and the weird thing is like I mean, even
in the most liberal families orliberal family gatherings
sometimes it's like that stillhappens, you know, yeah, and
that's bonkers to me yeah, I.
Speaker 1 (20:23):
I think as we've gotten older it's hard because
we want to do less for theholidays.
But we have a kid and like shedoesn't understand, like hey, we
should do less.
She wants the holiday fun andthe excitement, so it's
difficult.
Speaker 2 (20:39):
I feel like she's like like a year or two away
from just being like I hateChristmas.
Christmas is the worst, that'strue.
Why would we celebrate?
And then you can be like andthen not celebrate Christmas?
Speaker 1 (20:52):
Yeah, it's been.
It's just been hard.
We're both exhausted and thereare no other adults.
We are the adults.
Speaker 2 (20:58):
I'm a sucker Like I love Halloween and I love
Christmas.
Growing up I did I hatedChristmas, because I was always
the most depressed aroundChristmas, and that's another
thing that sucks like having tolike pull yourself, not even out
of a depression hole, buthaving to like take your little
sleeping bag depression holewith you and like hop to your
(21:20):
family gathering and that was areally weird analogy.
Speaker 1 (21:25):
I remember sending you a picture one Christmas of
myself and I was so proud that Ihad put on pants to go to
Christmas.
I think this was during thepandemic, like it was the first
year of the pandemic, yeah but Ido like it now.
Speaker 2 (21:35):
Like it now I mean like there's still been years
where, like I don't really wantto celebrate christmas or I am
like super depressed or I don'tdecorate, but overall, like I
like decorating and I do have tosay I've told her this a lot
but mom I just she really madechristmas very special for us
and I don't know, even if maybeI'm the only child who felt that
(21:58):
and appreciated that and likedthat, I really appreciated it To
this day my parents will notevery single year, but most
years, will like send me a boxof like stocking stuffers all
individually wrapped, as if I'mlike eight years old and yeah,
it's just the nostalgia of itand just like that was a
(22:21):
tradition.
You know, and I know a lot ofpeople don't even wrap stocking
gifts, so it's it's just alwaysinsane to me too that like she
took the time she had toindividually wrap like lip balms
and like tiny whatever.
But yeah, she always made itreally special and really fun
(22:42):
and so like as an adult now I do.
Speaker 1 (22:52):
There are years where it's not great, but overall I
do.
Like Christmas time, yeah, Iremember my mom did the angel
tree and I remember watching herand she went, she didn't just
get them whatever they wanted,she got them what they wanted.
And then some and I rememberwatching her like put together
these gifts, like she would getthem a tote bag and just fill it
with what they wanted but otherstuff for, like that age group.
That really stuck with me forsome reason.
That was the above and beyond,yeah, and I just remember
(23:16):
appreciating that effort thatshe took, even for people she
didn't even know yeah so that'snice to moms.
Did we just become a mommypodcast?
Oh my god let's move on.
Speaker 2 (23:29):
What can we talk about?
Speaker 1 (23:30):
okay, butts um I'm sorry, my nose is running it's
it's so cold here too, anyway.
Oh, that's the other thing,because it's cold and dark and
so like if you're eating andit's dark out during the
holidays and it's likethanksgiving at 4 30, but it's
nighttime, that's it just.
That's also like well, I'm likeso depressing did you, growing
(23:54):
up, eat like?
Speaker 2 (23:54):
would you eat holiday meals at like, just like weird
times like I think we would eatbetween like two and four.
Speaker 1 (24:01):
So yeah, between two and four.
Speaker 2 (24:03):
Yeah, just such like an odd time.
So then, like you eat right,it's like this huge meal that
you're having in the middle ofthe day, and then come 7 pm, you
know you're like well, so I'mgonna make a second plate you
know.
Speaker 1 (24:15):
Oh, I think the one thing we didn't talk about is
like coping mechanisms duringthe holiday and kind of like
what we do, seeing what otherpeople do.
Just either how do you getyourself through it, or are
there any tips or tricks thatyou have, or just what do you
what's your go-to?
Speaker 2 (24:29):
I think the number one is, if it's really going to
negatively impact your mentalhealth, don't go see family,
don't go to the holiday party.
I think that makes sense and Iknow people can feel guilty
about that and maybe some familymembers or friends don't
understand that, but sometimesthat's just the best thing to do
(24:54):
, and self-care and like takingcare of ourselves is really hard
.
Speaker 1 (25:00):
Oh, yeah, but yeah, especially, especially when
everyone else seems like sohappy, yeah, yeah, but I bet a
lot of the people that seemhappy to are really struggling.
I think also like just doing asmuch as you can, but not, I
(25:22):
guess not.
I think sometimes it's okay ifyou have kids to like let them
see you struggle a little bit Ithink it makes you human.
Speaker 2 (25:30):
I think doing what you can and as much as you can
but I'm one to to talk, but likebeing aware of what your limits
are and yeah, and literallyjust saying like we are gonna
order pizza for christmas thisyear and honestly, like when I
was a kid, you know, if thatever happened, we'd be like,
(25:50):
yeah, let's order pizza forthanksgiving, let's order pizza
for christmas and you can stillhave like great special memories
without you having to be in thekitchen.
Speaker 1 (26:01):
But if that's because yeah, well, when you look back,
it's like did I spend?
Like, what are my memoriesbeing sweaty in the kitchen or
like hanging out with my kid?
Very true um rather just hangout like, yeah, same, that's
what and that's what her memoryis going to be like.
Did my mom?
Was my mom taking a nap becauseshe was too tired?
Speaker 2 (26:23):
yeah, my mom and my sibling are are very alike in
that they something happens andthen they have to like clean it
up right away.
So we eat our meal and then,like before people, are you
everyone's done, just start likecleaning up.
And I get that, because theyjust want it to be done and they
want it to be clean.
But it like it bothers me.
(26:45):
I've said to both of them atdifferent times, like can you do
that later?
Like come sit down, like let'svisit, yeah, let's hang out,
because I feel like, yeah, itjust kind of takes away from,
but that's also just apersonality trait that they have
, that they like to do.
So I get it, but I also I loveyou guys.
(27:07):
I'm the one who I'll bring likea board game or a card game, and
because it's like the onlyfamily I have here is my sibling
, sister-in-law, and they don'tplay games, like they're not
game people.
They're not board game people.
But I'll like still bring agame.
I actually didn't thisThanksgiving, but I thought
about like, oh, I should havebrought something.
So I always try to bringsomething like light and just be
(27:29):
like hey, just in case, like wemight play this, like we have.
Speaker 1 (27:37):
But I always try to bring a game and uno.
Playing uno was great,especially when I was little,
because, oh my god, if you wantto see a kid melt down, hit him
with two.
Like draw twos in a row.
Speaker 2 (27:45):
I'm like, if you're gonna cry, you can't play with
us yeah there's no crying butthat is a hard thing to learn,
like as a kid grows up, like momand dad aren't always going to
be the ones playing with you andlike, maybe, letting you win.
Speaker 1 (28:00):
The holidays make me tired.
I don't like them.
But yeah, it's okay and it'snormal, a lot of people have for
different reasons.
Speaker 2 (28:19):
Like people have had, people die, you know, maybe
around the holidays and it's theanniversary of a loved one's
death.
People, you know, maybe have aneating disorder and really
struggle with body image andanytime they go to a meal meal
it's even just like hard to eatin front of people, even if no
one ever says anything aboutyour body.
Speaker 1 (28:40):
There's just so many different reasons because they
bring a dish where they mixcheese, pineapple and onions
together.
Yeah, that mormon curry tm.
I feel like bad calling itcurry also leaving, like setting
early time, oh yeah.
Speaker 2 (28:56):
Or like a code word with your partner.
Okay, like we're gonna go overto my family's house or your
family's house, but I'm onlygonna be able to take it an hour
and honestly, you feel guiltyas you're going out the door if
your grandma says something, butthe second you're in that car
going home.
Speaker 1 (29:11):
You're like you're like.
Speaker 2 (29:12):
You unbutton your pants.
You take your bra off?
Speaker 1 (29:16):
yes, take your face off at home.
Yes, watch a movie at homeinstead of just like having to
come out home at like 10 and goright to bed, like you can
unwind.
Oh, and holidays multiple daysin a row, yeah, especially if
you have family in town, soyou're like going to someone's
house this and you're gonna seehim the next day, and then my
family also does the day afterthanksgiving, where we all have
to eat leftovers and it's justlike I have seen you so much in
(29:40):
the past.
Speaker 2 (29:41):
Go to one hour or none, but like go to just one,
you don't have to go toeverything, right?
Speaker 1 (29:46):
you don't have to see them every time, or even a long
time.
Speaker 2 (29:50):
Yeah, just we give you permission.
So if your family says anything, just say like Jamie and
Rebecca told me that I need toprotect my mental health.
Yep, maybe you should go totherapy and then come back to me
and we can talk about it.
I thought maybe we could end bytalking about we were talking
(30:13):
about this with alissa recently,but, like holiday movies, are
there any like traditionhollywood or hollywood?
Speaker 1 (30:22):
holiday movies.
Speaker 2 (30:24):
I think die hard is my favorite christmas movie yeah
I think we watch that at leastevery christmas yeah, I
personally like the lord of theRings trilogy extended edition.
All three of them, that'sdefinitely I don't know.
It's like end of the yearholiday movie for me.
Speaker 1 (30:44):
Cousin Walk.
I'm sorry, we have to go backreal quick.
Cousin Walk, that's the otherthing for burnout.
Speaker 2 (30:50):
Oh, that's right.
Speaker 1 (30:51):
The Cousin Walk.
Speaker 2 (30:52):
I never had this.
I was not lucky enough to havethis the cousin walk.
Speaker 1 (30:58):
I never had this.
I was not lucky enough to havethis, I didn't either, but I
learned about it and so, like,if anyone out there can do this,
please do.
I am so jealous that I missedout on this.
But you go for a cousin walkand then you have a great and
genuinely do not discount theuse of chemicals to enhance your
(31:19):
enjoyment of that specific day,whether through a prescribed or
self-prescribed situation.
Speaker 2 (31:27):
Or completely numb yourself to the entire gathering
situation so that you cansurvive.
Speaker 1 (31:35):
Yes, yeah, the cousin walk.
Oh, I'm very jealous of that,but the holidays are great when
you have a, a dose of something,maybe even a micro dose of
something, to, just you know,really enhance that experience.
You aren't the harry potterperson during the holidays,
though, right, I know a lot ofpeople like Harry Potter movies.
(31:57):
I'm not a Harry Potter person.
Speaker 2 (31:58):
I'm just never a Harry Potter person.
Speaker 1 (32:02):
I'm not a Lord of the Rings person either.
Well, thank you everyone forjoining us today.
I know we're all still inrecovery post-Thanksgiving yeah.
Speaker 2 (32:13):
Oh, best bullshitter is even better, honestly.
So hang in there, seriously,like, say no.
If you want to say no, say no.
We always get so worried.
Oh, go ahead, nice.
They just say no to grandma.
We always get so worried aboutwhat?
Am I gonna tell them like Ihave to have a good reason.
(32:35):
You, you know not to do thisthing and it's like you know
what you don't and some peoplemight be pissed off about that,
but you do not owe anyone areason for not going to a
holiday event or gathering.
You just do you.
Speaker 1 (32:54):
All right.
Well, we'll still be related tothem later on.
Take care of yourself.
Thank you, guys.
We will see you next weekthanks for being with us.
Take your meds hydrate, have asnack, get some Uncrustables and
we shall see you later bye.
Speaker 2 (33:14):
the burnout collective is hosted by me,
Jamie Young and me, RebeccaMcCracken.
Speaker 1 (33:19):
You can find all our episodes plus show notes at
burnoutcollectivecom.
Speaker 2 (33:24):
Follow the Discord link on our website to join the
burnout community.
You can also find us on TikTokand.
Speaker 1 (33:29):
Instagram.
If you're interested in being aguest on a future episode or
have questions or feedback, youcan email us at podcast at
burnoutcollectivecom.
We could do.
Speaker 2 (00:00):
Christmas Olive Garden.
Oh my, oh my God.
Christmas fettuccine, Alfredoand breadsticks and salad and
minestrone stew.
Speaker 1 (00:09):
Oh my God, you get your.
Everyone get their ownindividual bowl of salad and
just a pile of breadsticks.
Speaker 2 (00:19):
I'm Jamie and I'm Rebecca.
Welcome to the Burnout.
Speaker 1 (00:24):
Collective Hi, hey, hello, happy post-Thanksgiving.
Oh yep, we did it, we survivedanother holiday, I mean truly
not a holiday, but no anotherevent.
(00:47):
Did you enjoy your beige food?
I mean truly not a holiday.
No, Another event Did you enjoy?
Your beige food, oh I totallydid.
Speaker 2 (00:53):
I feel like you know.
Just a little pop of likecranberry amongst all the brown,
a little pop of some greenbeans, some fresh green beans.
We had our vegan feast.
I got to feed my niececranberries for the first time.
I also got to feed my nephewcranberries for the first time
for his thanksgiving firstthanksgiving it's my favorite
(01:13):
because it's like so tart.
They're like what I get theshowers.
What is?
What is this?
I think she was like she liketook a bite and then she was
like just let it fall out,unsure about it, just let her
get that little bit of a sugarkick and she'll be into it.
Speaker 1 (01:31):
That's so cute.
I was just the three of us andwe had our obligatory beige food
and then I took a nap on thecouch.
My mom used to say that mydad's mom I think it was like in
the middle of cookingThanksgiving, christmas dinner
would just kind of peace out andgo lay down, and then my mom
would have to finish.
And now I 100% understand whyand support that.
Speaker 2 (01:55):
It's nuts, honestly.
I was even talking with myfamily on Thanksgiving about
like having like how nice itwould be to have someone like
come clean up after you havelike a party or a gathering at
your house, right, and herfamily is Brazilian and I think
that's like part of theirculture, is they like they
(02:17):
always have people that likeclean up after their parties,
and my sibling was like, well,that's not the norm here.
You know like most people don'thave people to clean up after
them.
My sister-in-law goes richpeople do.
But yeah, it's just that and Ithink, just like with you know
one person in the family orcertain people, women in the
(02:39):
family that it's just like youget to sit on the couch and
watch football and I'm going tosweat like crazy at the stove
and make a whole meal and thenalso just be like a great host
and constantly like not evenenjoying your meal.
Speaker 1 (03:01):
You know what I mean I don't know the sweating is so
real because you're so pissed.
Mean, like I don't know thesweating.
The sweating is so real becauseyou're so pissed off and
irritated and hot by the edgedon't want to fucking eat
because you're just souncomfortable and sweaty and
you're just like I'm not evenhungry.
I'm tired of looking at thisfood.
I don't want it anymore yeah,it's too much.
It's too much.
It's too much.
(03:21):
I do have to say rob does dothe dish, does do the dishes, so
like huge thanks to him.
But that's also because I standup and go.
I'm going to go sit down on thecouch and then I fall asleep
for four hours no, that's great,like I mean.
Speaker 2 (03:36):
It just shouldn't be.
You know a thing, unless,unless you're like, don't
fucking come in the kitchen.
Like I know what I'm doing andit's going to be great, I don't
want to deal with you, don't?
No one's allowed in this space.
Speaker 1 (03:54):
I don't like it because it makes I'm just like
get out, are you done?
Are you done?
What are you going in thefridge for?
You don't need to go out to getout of the kitchen and everyone
just gets kicked out and likeno one may enter until I'm done.
Get out of the kitchen andeveryone just gets kicked out
and like no one may enter untilI'm done.
Speaker 2 (04:06):
I just always wondered why it never seemed
like my mom and grandma werehaving a good time during the
holidays I do think that, likemy mom is the type of person who
, like, if I asked her, shewould say no.
Like I love doing all of thatbecause, like I love taking care
of everybody and making sureeverybody else is happy.
But it's like you get burnt outon.
(04:26):
Like now, oh yeah.
Like she, yeah, she'll even saylike, oh, I hardly cook now
because, like she, likeliterally she was a stay-at-home
mom, like that was her job.
She literally like cooked andcleaned up after three children
and another adult, like themajority of the majority of her
(04:46):
life maybe not, but the majorityof my life for sure.
In home videos, like we alwayslaugh oh yeah, there's home
videos that, like my dad'staking of us kids.
And then it's like, oh, like,where's mom, you know?
And she's like hi, she's likein the kitchen washing dishes
(05:06):
and I'm like this is not okay,I've started to just like
outsource now.
Speaker 1 (05:14):
I mean sides.
We can get sides.
We use imperfect foods and wegot a bunch of like veggie sides
there.
We got the pumpkin pie there,nice, it's not cheating, it's
still fresh.
I know that pie there, nice, Ijust it's not cheating, it's
still fresh.
No, that's what we did.
Speaker 2 (05:28):
We made a frozen vegan roast Very delicious,
though and then got a bunch ofsides from a vegan restaurant
that were actually all amazing.
And then I bought us astore-bought vegan pumpkin pie
and some crescent rolls to make,and that was dinner lunch yep.
Speaker 1 (05:49):
So oh yeah, and then when you have like little kids,
you have to eat like at acertain time, because otherwise
everyone has fucking meltdownbecause they're hangry off
schedule is there anything aboutlike typical thanksgiving food
that you like?
No, oh, it's so brown and gray,not like mashed potatoes,
though that's concerning it isjust there are too many foods
(06:12):
that are both hot.
It's the hot and wet rule.
Rebecca also hates soup, by theway.
Speaker 2 (06:16):
It is food flavored water it's hot, wet vegetables
is how you said it to mevegetables although if the Olive
Garden decided that they weregoing to start doing
Thanksgiving catering, oh yeah,Dude, get Olive Garden for
Thanksgiving.
I bet they're not open onThanksgiving, but I bet you can
pick it up the night before andput it in the fridge.
Speaker 1 (06:39):
Oh, they're closed, but we could pick up our stuff
the day before.
Yeah, we could do Christmas.
Olive garden.
Speaker 2 (06:47):
Oh my God, christmas fettuccine, alfredo and
breadsticks and salad andminestrone.
Speaker 1 (06:54):
Oh my God, everyone get their own individual bowl of
salad and just a pile ofbreadsticks.
Yeah, you can come here forChristmas.
Speaker 2 (07:03):
Yes, I just wish that more people would just pick up
from somewhere for their holidaymeals so that they could
actually Well, sorry, If youwant to spend time with your
family or your friends, you know, like you're the family that
you made you found family Justorder in like or like, order
(07:26):
Chinese or order pizza.
You know, like you're thefamily that you made your found
family Just order in or likeorder Chinese or order pizza or
olive garden.
You know I do love Thanksgivingfood.
Thanksgiving food like is like,because we've just been doing
the vegan thing like since Imoved out here.
Oh my God, are you guys vegan.
Speaker 1 (07:45):
We're going to have a vegan counter.
For how many times vegan hasbeen said?
Speaker 2 (07:51):
It's like we're at four, so I'm not vegan but
they're vegan and other veganssometimes do the vegan things
with the vegan Thanksgiving.
Speaker 1 (08:02):
Oh, did you have a vegan Thanksgiving?
That's really Vegan.
Speaker 2 (08:04):
Thanksgiving vegan, vegan Thanksgiving.
Oh, did you have a veganThanksgiving?
Speaker 1 (08:08):
That's really vegan Thanksgiving vegan.
Speaker 2 (08:14):
Vegan Thanksgiving.
Oh, we were gonna actually talkabout something.
Huh yeah, I mean this is great,I don't know.
I kind of like I was gonna sayat the beginning I was like, oh,
we should have just named thisshow instead of I Need a Nap, it
should have just been likebeige food.
Speaker 1 (08:29):
But it was the.
I Need a Nap, because one ofthe things that we've noticed,
especially as we become adults,is that the holidays are only
magical because of the workbeing put into it by the adults,
and usually the adult women, bythe adults and usually the
(08:51):
adult women.
And as your kid, you have noidea what a pain in the ass it
is to make all this happen,happen smoothly and like again,
make sure that keep it togetherso your kids have a nice holiday
, because that's really whatthey're going to remember, and
so you can't have a meltdownwhen you burn your hand on the
oven.
You have to go upstairs andscream into a pillow yeah.
(09:14):
And then you grow up and yourealize that no one else is
going to make it magical.
That's your job because you'rethe grownup.
And then it sucks and you'reexhausted and also you had to
work the day before Thanksgivingso you didn't get to do any of
it ahead of time.
Speaker 2 (09:33):
It reminds me of my co-worker pretty recently was
talking about getting a dog forthe kids and they were always a
cat person.
But she said, like I had dogsgrowing up, but I'm really a cat
person, but my kids reallywanted a dog.
And I was like, oh, I had dogsgrowing up, like I know how to
do this, you know.
And then they got a dog and shewas like, oh, when I had a dog,
(10:00):
my parents took care of it.
She's like I'm the adult now,I'm the parent, now it's my
responsibility and I hate it andit sucks.
Speaker 1 (10:09):
She's like no, and then also the criticism that
comes with children beingchildren, like I don't really
like this and you just have tobe like, oh, sanna will do
better next year.
Oh my gosh, that's anothersuper fun thing.
Have you ever said that?
Probably.
And then I just gave up and Iwas like you know what?
(10:31):
Santa's not getting the creditmy turn.
So when she asked like is santanot real?
Speaker 2 (10:37):
I was like yeah, pretty much just my siblings
ruined that for me of coursethey did.
Speaker 1 (10:44):
Yeah, of course they did.
Speaker 2 (10:46):
You were the baby we had a babysitter on christmas
eve one time and my siblings setup a camera like a camcorder to
try to like catch santa, butlike I think they really
actually did get the babysitterputting presents down because,
like I think nobody knew ohthat's so sad.
Speaker 1 (11:08):
I remember being little and realizing that my
mom's handwriting and santa'shandwriting were the same.
Yeah, and I was like, oh no, Ifeel like I had a forensic
analyzer.
Yeah, yeah, you're like.
Speaker 2 (11:22):
Can we get a handwriting expert in here,
please?
Speaker 1 (11:25):
I need to know who I need to send this thank you card
to, for sure I think I was six,because we were learning how to
read cursive and I were like Iremember reading my mom's
cursive and like being able readit and it's like oh no.
Speaker 2 (11:38):
Yeah, same cursive.
Yeah, my mom's handwriting isso recognizable.
I feel like she made my dad beSanta in written form.
Speaker 1 (11:48):
Em tried to get me for a long time.
She'd ask really pointedquestions and I finally was just
like you know what, I give up.
So I just because she waslittle too, but she had that
figured out.
She has too many good questions, yeah, so anyway, so the magic
of the holidays, it's all afacade.
(12:08):
All a facade.
You're so tired and you have todo it every year, but okay.
So there was a TikTok and shewas talking about like I don't
want to go to my family's stuffthis year, but okay.
So there was a TikTok and shewas talking about like I don't
want to go to my family's stuffthis year.
Her username on TikTok isT-A-L-L-E-Y.
She said she was talking to herstepmom about this and like
(12:28):
they're going to be upset if Idon't go.
And her stepmom said soundslike you don't love yourself as
much as you love everybody elseand you're not as concerned
about you being happy as you areabout other people being happy.
I was like, oh, that makes alot.
Like why don't you giveyourself the same Consideration
and care and love?
She's like also, they'll stillbe your family.
(12:49):
I never thought about it likethat.
But yeah, that's why we don'tgo home.
Like that's why I mean, wouldlove to see them, but I'm not
flying home during thanksgivingand they can be sad about it.
I would much rather not and notfeel crazy for five days in a
row and not be at home with thecomfort of your own toilet to
(13:10):
poop in so correct, correct, butthat was a really good point,
and I I think there's a lot ofguilt around the holidays and
people are so used to feelingguilted, yeah, and then it's
just that excess burden ofhaving to keep your shit
together and travel and see yourgrandma, who's so happy to see
(13:32):
you, but also you really aretired or like having to see
grandparents you know that arelike not doing well, or family
members that are not doing well.
That can be really hard or justlike family members you don't
get along with, or weird familymembers, or like creepy family
especially that uncle.
Family members who you have tofight with about, like trump or
(13:55):
whatever about, and then you'rejust like I just want to eat and
leave and I don't want to fightand then you've like, muddied
the holiday right.
So sometimes it's like let'spreserve yeah, listening to your
grandparents describe yoursister's girlfriend as her, her
special friend literally herspecial friend, her special
(14:16):
friend.
Speaker 2 (14:18):
Oh yeah, I don't know dude are you funny, have you?
Have you found a new guy?
Speaker 1 (14:25):
oh, my grandpa would always tell me oh, you look like
you've lost weight, good foryou oh, like dude, I wasn't even
thinking about that.
Speaker 2 (14:36):
Yes, the big one, the , just the weight shaming and
the body shaming like and andpeople who?
That's my policy, man, first ofall, like you, don't.
If you ever have the urge totalk about somebody else's body
out loud to anyone, you need tostop yourself and listen to our
(15:01):
voices and don't fucking knowthat someone else's body is not
your business.
Why would you comment on it?
You don't want.
I know and I know your body andit's like so it's so traumatic
he was a former big big guy andso I know like he was a former
big guy, so like that was his Idon't know encouragement, but I
(15:24):
just remember being like, oh no,I can't I remember a time when,
like, I had lost a bunch ofweight and probably in my 20s
and I didn't see my grandpasuper often, but maybe like once
or twice a year at that timeand I saw him for the first time
in maybe like a year and and hewas like oh, you look so good,
(15:47):
you look so good.
You know what I mean, and likeI know people think like that's
a good thing to do is to tellsomeone that they look good
because they are smaller.
But that isn't the case for alot of people.
And also by telling them that,you're also telling them that
(16:08):
they didn't look as great orthey didn't look very great in a
bigger body or where that's a,it's like the valid, where your
value lies.
Speaker 1 (16:16):
The only objectification I do buy into is
my grandmother flirted with roblike she would pinch him on the
ass when he walked by and shewould like giggle.
I'm sorry, your grandmotherwould flirt with my grandmother.
Yes, she would flirt with himso hard and she pinched him on
the butt so much what wait?
Speaker 2 (16:37):
what did rob do?
I'm trying to picture rob'sface, so uncomfortable he was so
sweet about it.
Speaker 1 (16:44):
He was sweet with her and it was like he had every
right.
Sorry, I was going to gothrough the car, but he was
sweeter about it.
I'm so sorry, but yeah, that'sthe only oh god objectification
I approve of in this householdis only with rob.
Speaker 2 (17:02):
I was gonna say, if somebody's objectifying, your
husband exactly so, yeah,keeping your shit together.
Speaker 1 (17:09):
I don't know also and I know your sister-in-law was
saying too like the other thingabout the holidays that you
really don't want to do is ifyou're in a situation where
either you're unemployed or likeyou just got laid off, or, I
don't know, like you don't likeyour work.
If I mean, people just kind ofgo to the default, like what do
you do?
And you're like, okay, I haveto figure out how to talk about
(17:31):
the thing that is burning me outin a way that's not going to
sound like doom and gloom, rightexactly you don't want to talk
about work, you don't want totalk about your weight, you
don't want to talk about yourdating life, all the things that
you're constantly thinkingabout on your own already and
that's what like.
Speaker 2 (17:50):
That's what like older people like want to know,
I think, too many soap operaswhen they were, when they were
our age, you know, know.
Speaker 1 (17:59):
But I found the trick .
If you have a friend who's hadsurgery recently, or you can ask
them about people at theirchurch, or you can ask them who
is currently dealing with amedical issue, and that
completely skips theconversation away.
Medical issues, they love it.
Grandma, how was your lastdoctor's appointment?
(18:21):
Oh my god, it is the bestdeflection I have ever found in
my life and I shamelessly use itto my advantage every time.
Speaker 2 (18:31):
Well, first of all they had to reschedule me, huh,
because I came in on the wrongday.
Yes, yes.
And then, oh my gosh, I had to,I had to wait.
I had to wait for 32 minutes inthat waiting because I came in
on the wrong day.
Yes, yes, and then, oh my gosh,I had to wait for 32 minutes in
that waiting room.
32, probably 32 and a half.
Speaker 1 (18:47):
Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, because they time you and also
you have to ask around theprayer list at church because
that's also the good gossip.
And so then you get the fullrundown of like whose
granddaughter is on drugs.
That's how you get the fullrundown of like whose
granddaughter is on drugs.
Speaker 2 (18:59):
That's how you get the gossip.
You say like hey, like who's onthe who's on the prayer list,
tell me about it, tell me aboutthe prayer list.
Speaker 1 (19:06):
You don't have to talk about you or anything you
don't want to.
Who are we praying?
Or you just answer I'm yourother answer for like what do
you do is just I'm an accountantand that's it.
That's the no one cares becausethat's boring and involves math
and no further questions.
I know somebody's going to asksomething, though I feel like
this is going to sound very likenot all men what I'm about to
(19:27):
say, but I do want to point outthat, like rob helps with like
the gifts and the wrapping andputting them out, which, no, you
know what I don't.
That's fine.
I know my dad, my dad cleanedup and like hung up christmas
decorations, but like I don'tknow how much he was involved
with like the other stuff, andso I do appreciate like I had to
(19:50):
ask, but like I finally had tobe like I hate this, I need help
.
But that's messed up, though,because then you're yeah like he
helps during the holidays andlike that I know a lot of times
wasn't something that happens.
Speaker 2 (20:05):
It's not and the weird thing is like I mean, even
in the most liberal families orliberal family gatherings
sometimes it's like that stillhappens, you know, yeah, and
that's bonkers to me yeah, I.
Speaker 1 (20:23):
I think as we've gotten older it's hard because
we want to do less for theholidays.
But we have a kid and like shedoesn't understand, like hey, we
should do less.
She wants the holiday fun andthe excitement, so it's
difficult.
Speaker 2 (20:39):
I feel like she's like like a year or two away
from just being like I hateChristmas.
Christmas is the worst, that'strue.
Why would we celebrate?
And then you can be like andthen not celebrate Christmas?
Speaker 1 (20:52):
Yeah, it's been.
It's just been hard.
We're both exhausted and thereare no other adults.
We are the adults.
Speaker 2 (20:58):
I'm a sucker Like I love Halloween and I love
Christmas.
Growing up I did I hatedChristmas, because I was always
the most depressed aroundChristmas, and that's another
thing that sucks like having tolike pull yourself, not even out
of a depression hole, buthaving to like take your little
sleeping bag depression holewith you and like hop to your
(21:20):
family gathering and that was areally weird analogy.
Speaker 1 (21:25):
I remember sending you a picture one Christmas of
myself and I was so proud that Ihad put on pants to go to
Christmas.
I think this was during thepandemic, like it was the first
year of the pandemic, yeah but Ido like it now.
Speaker 2 (21:35):
Like it now I mean like there's still been years
where, like I don't really wantto celebrate christmas or I am
like super depressed or I don'tdecorate, but overall, like I
like decorating and I do have tosay I've told her this a lot
but mom I just she really madechristmas very special for us
and I don't know, even if maybeI'm the only child who felt that
(21:58):
and appreciated that and likedthat, I really appreciated it To
this day my parents will notevery single year, but most
years, will like send me a boxof like stocking stuffers all
individually wrapped, as if I'mlike eight years old and yeah,
it's just the nostalgia of itand just like that was a
(22:21):
tradition.
You know, and I know a lot ofpeople don't even wrap stocking
gifts, so it's it's just alwaysinsane to me too that like she
took the time she had toindividually wrap like lip balms
and like tiny whatever.
But yeah, she always made itreally special and really fun
(22:42):
and so like as an adult now I do.
Speaker 1 (22:52):
There are years where it's not great, but overall I
do.
Like Christmas time, yeah, Iremember my mom did the angel
tree and I remember watching herand she went, she didn't just
get them whatever they wanted,she got them what they wanted.
And then some and I rememberwatching her like put together
these gifts, like she would getthem a tote bag and just fill it
with what they wanted but otherstuff for, like that age group.
That really stuck with me forsome reason.
That was the above and beyond,yeah, and I just remember
(23:16):
appreciating that effort thatshe took, even for people she
didn't even know yeah so that'snice to moms.
Did we just become a mommypodcast?
Oh my god let's move on.
Speaker 2 (23:29):
What can we talk about?
Speaker 1 (23:30):
okay, butts um I'm sorry, my nose is running it's
it's so cold here too, anyway.
Oh, that's the other thing,because it's cold and dark and
so like if you're eating andit's dark out during the
holidays and it's likethanksgiving at 4 30, but it's
nighttime, that's it just.
That's also like well, I'm likeso depressing did you, growing
(23:54):
up, eat like?
Speaker 2 (23:54):
would you eat holiday meals at like, just like weird
times like I think we would eatbetween like two and four.
Speaker 1 (24:01):
So yeah, between two and four.
Speaker 2 (24:03):
Yeah, just such like an odd time.
So then, like you eat right,it's like this huge meal that
you're having in the middle ofthe day, and then come 7 pm, you
know you're like well, so I'mgonna make a second plate you
know.
Speaker 1 (24:15):
Oh, I think the one thing we didn't talk about is
like coping mechanisms duringthe holiday and kind of like
what we do, seeing what otherpeople do.
Just either how do you getyourself through it, or are
there any tips or tricks thatyou have, or just what do you
what's your go-to?
Speaker 2 (24:29):
I think the number one is, if it's really going to
negatively impact your mentalhealth, don't go see family,
don't go to the holiday party.
I think that makes sense and Iknow people can feel guilty
about that and maybe some familymembers or friends don't
understand that, but sometimesthat's just the best thing to do
(24:54):
, and self-care and like takingcare of ourselves is really hard
.
Speaker 1 (25:00):
Oh, yeah, but yeah, especially, especially when
everyone else seems like sohappy, yeah, yeah, but I bet a
lot of the people that seemhappy to are really struggling.
I think also like just doing asmuch as you can, but not, I
(25:22):
guess not.
I think sometimes it's okay ifyou have kids to like let them
see you struggle a little bit Ithink it makes you human.
Speaker 2 (25:30):
I think doing what you can and as much as you can
but I'm one to to talk, but likebeing aware of what your limits
are and yeah, and literallyjust saying like we are gonna
order pizza for christmas thisyear and honestly, like when I
was a kid, you know, if thatever happened, we'd be like,
(25:50):
yeah, let's order pizza forthanksgiving, let's order pizza
for christmas and you can stillhave like great special memories
without you having to be in thekitchen.
Speaker 1 (26:01):
But if that's because yeah, well, when you look back,
it's like did I spend?
Like, what are my memoriesbeing sweaty in the kitchen or
like hanging out with my kid?
Very true um rather just hangout like, yeah, same, that's
what and that's what her memoryis going to be like.
Did my mom?
Was my mom taking a nap becauseshe was too tired?
Speaker 2 (26:23):
yeah, my mom and my sibling are are very alike in
that they something happens andthen they have to like clean it
up right away.
So we eat our meal and then,like before people, are you
everyone's done, just start likecleaning up.
And I get that, because theyjust want it to be done and they
want it to be clean.
But it like it bothers me.
(26:45):
I've said to both of them atdifferent times, like can you do
that later?
Like come sit down, like let'svisit, yeah, let's hang out,
because I feel like, yeah, itjust kind of takes away from,
but that's also just apersonality trait that they have
, that they like to do.
So I get it, but I also I loveyou guys.
(27:07):
I'm the one who I'll bring likea board game or a card game, and
because it's like the onlyfamily I have here is my sibling
, sister-in-law, and they don'tplay games, like they're not
game people.
They're not board game people.
But I'll like still bring agame.
I actually didn't thisThanksgiving, but I thought
about like, oh, I should havebrought something.
So I always try to bringsomething like light and just be
(27:29):
like hey, just in case, like wemight play this, like we have.
Speaker 1 (27:37):
But I always try to bring a game and uno.
Playing uno was great,especially when I was little,
because, oh my god, if you wantto see a kid melt down, hit him
with two.
Like draw twos in a row.
Speaker 2 (27:45):
I'm like, if you're gonna cry, you can't play with
us yeah there's no crying butthat is a hard thing to learn,
like as a kid grows up, like momand dad aren't always going to
be the ones playing with you andlike, maybe, letting you win.
Speaker 1 (28:00):
The holidays make me tired.
I don't like them.
But yeah, it's okay and it'snormal, a lot of people have for
different reasons.
Speaker 2 (28:19):
Like people have had, people die, you know, maybe
around the holidays and it's theanniversary of a loved one's
death.
People, you know, maybe have aneating disorder and really
struggle with body image andanytime they go to a meal meal
it's even just like hard to eatin front of people, even if no
one ever says anything aboutyour body.
Speaker 1 (28:40):
There's just so many different reasons because they
bring a dish where they mixcheese, pineapple and onions
together.
Yeah, that mormon curry tm.
I feel like bad calling itcurry also leaving, like setting
early time, oh yeah.
Speaker 2 (28:56):
Or like a code word with your partner.
Okay, like we're gonna go overto my family's house or your
family's house, but I'm onlygonna be able to take it an hour
and honestly, you feel guiltyas you're going out the door if
your grandma says something, butthe second you're in that car
going home.
Speaker 1 (29:11):
You're like you're like.
Speaker 2 (29:12):
You unbutton your pants.
You take your bra off?
Speaker 1 (29:16):
yes, take your face off at home.
Yes, watch a movie at homeinstead of just like having to
come out home at like 10 and goright to bed, like you can
unwind.
Oh, and holidays multiple daysin a row, yeah, especially if
you have family in town, soyou're like going to someone's
house this and you're gonna seehim the next day, and then my
family also does the day afterthanksgiving, where we all have
to eat leftovers and it's justlike I have seen you so much in
(29:40):
the past.
Speaker 2 (29:41):
Go to one hour or none, but like go to just one,
you don't have to go toeverything, right?
Speaker 1 (29:46):
you don't have to see them every time, or even a long
time.
Speaker 2 (29:50):
Yeah, just we give you permission.
So if your family says anything, just say like Jamie and
Rebecca told me that I need toprotect my mental health.
Yep, maybe you should go totherapy and then come back to me
and we can talk about it.
I thought maybe we could end bytalking about we were talking
(30:13):
about this with alissa recently,but, like holiday movies, are
there any like traditionhollywood or hollywood?
Speaker 1 (30:22):
holiday movies.
Speaker 2 (30:24):
I think die hard is my favorite christmas movie yeah
I think we watch that at leastevery christmas yeah, I
personally like the lord of theRings trilogy extended edition.
All three of them, that'sdefinitely I don't know.
It's like end of the yearholiday movie for me.
Speaker 1 (30:44):
Cousin Walk.
I'm sorry, we have to go backreal quick.
Cousin Walk, that's the otherthing for burnout.
Speaker 2 (30:50):
Oh, that's right.
Speaker 1 (30:51):
The Cousin Walk.
Speaker 2 (30:52):
I never had this.
I was not lucky enough to havethis the cousin walk.
Speaker 1 (30:58):
I never had this.
I was not lucky enough to havethis, I didn't either, but I
learned about it and so, like,if anyone out there can do this,
please do.
I am so jealous that I missedout on this.
But you go for a cousin walkand then you have a great and
genuinely do not discount theuse of chemicals to enhance your
(31:19):
enjoyment of that specific day,whether through a prescribed or
self-prescribed situation.
Speaker 2 (31:27):
Or completely numb yourself to the entire gathering
situation so that you cansurvive.
Speaker 1 (31:35):
Yes, yeah, the cousin walk.
Oh, I'm very jealous of that,but the holidays are great when
you have a, a dose of something,maybe even a micro dose of
something, to, just you know,really enhance that experience.
You aren't the harry potterperson during the holidays,
though, right, I know a lot ofpeople like Harry Potter movies.
(31:57):
I'm not a Harry Potter person.
Speaker 2 (31:58):
I'm just never a Harry Potter person.
Speaker 1 (32:02):
I'm not a Lord of the Rings person either.
Well, thank you everyone forjoining us today.
I know we're all still inrecovery post-Thanksgiving yeah.
Speaker 2 (32:13):
Oh, best bullshitter is even better, honestly.
So hang in there, seriously,like, say no.
If you want to say no, say no.
We always get so worried.
Oh, go ahead, nice.
They just say no to grandma.
We always get so worried aboutwhat?
Am I gonna tell them like Ihave to have a good reason.
(32:35):
You, you know not to do thisthing and it's like you know
what you don't and some peoplemight be pissed off about that,
but you do not owe anyone areason for not going to a
holiday event or gathering.
You just do you.
Speaker 1 (32:54):
All right.
Well, we'll still be related tothem later on.
Take care of yourself.
Thank you, guys.
We will see you next weekthanks for being with us.
Take your meds hydrate, have asnack, get some Uncrustables and
we shall see you later bye.
Speaker 2 (33:14):
the burnout collective is hosted by me,
Jamie Young and me, RebeccaMcCracken.
Speaker 1 (33:19):
You can find all our episodes plus show notes at
burnoutcollectivecom.
Speaker 2 (33:24):
Follow the Discord link on our website to join the
burnout community.
You can also find us on TikTokand.
Speaker 1 (33:29):
Instagram.
If you're interested in being aguest on a future episode or
have questions or feedback, youcan email us at podcast at
burnoutcollectivecom.
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