The urge to burn it all down

Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Adan (00:00):
here we are having some lovely banter, but trying to

(00:03):
maintain that, that energy, thatcandor,

Jamie (00:07):
pants.

Adan (00:07):
and trying to keep my pants off enough to satisfy
certain individuals,

Rebecca (00:13):
We're not doing that here.
Move on.
We're not doing that.
I am Jamie.
And I'm Rebecca.
Welcome to the BurnoutCollective.

Jamie (00:27):
Hello.

Adan (00:29):
Hi,

Rebecca (00:29):
Welcome back.

Jamie (00:30):
Welcome back

Adan (00:31):
thanks for having me.

Jamie (00:33):
welcome to this guy.

Adan (00:35):
Me.

Jamie (00:37):
Yes.
Welcome to our guest, Ahan InaHosa, someone who most of you
probably know as manic Socratic,because I swear to God you can't
drop his real name in his streamchat.
He gets mad.
I've done it.

Adan (00:54):
It is mutual respect for everyone who participates in my
stream.
As far as I'm concerned.
Whatever name pops up in chat isthe name Your mama scribbled on
your birth certificate.
That's all I'm sticking to.
I'm not gonna dox you.
You are

Jamie (01:07):
you have called me Jamie once or twice though, in

Adan (01:10):
Yeah, but you're, you're pretty open about being Jamie
online.
Your, your username is at Jamie.
Alright,

Jamie (01:15):
Thanks so

Rebecca (01:16):
we'll make sure to drop everyone's address and social
security in the show notes.
You guys don't worry about it.

Jamie (01:20):
we'll put it, we'll put it in the show notes.
We'll put it in the show notes.
Oh my God.
The amount of times I said thaton last week's show was we
awful.
thank you so much for the subTorah and thank you so much for
the sub

Adan (01:32):
Hi.
Hi Torah.

Jamie (01:35):
welcome in everybody.
today we're gonna talk about,this is something that we've
talked about having a don on fora long time, is like streamer
burnout and getting burnt out aslike a live content producer.
I don't have like an alcoholicbeverage, but I can cheers with

Adan (01:52):
you don't have to have an alcoholic beverage.
You just,

Jamie (01:54):
Starbucks.

Adan (01:56):
just something about having a drink in your hand.

Rebecca (01:59):
My old Starbucks.

Jamie (02:01):
Cheers.

Adan (02:03):
all right.
So that's, that looks like avent

Jamie (02:04):
camera.

Adan (02:05):
that looks like you're, okay.
So it looks like you have aventi and you're down to about
the bottom third of it.
So you bought that one onMonday.

Jamie (02:13):
That's funny.
See, look at Rebecca's like,ugh.
I, I am infamous for having,Hey, check your speakers because
I'm getting some feedback.
Thank you.
Now I lost my train of thoughtbecause I am

Rebecca (02:29):
Coffee purchases.

Jamie (02:30):
Oh, I'll like drink any beverage.
It could be anything.
And then I'll like put it in thefridge for like the next day.

Adan (02:37):
You'll drink at your own pace and that's fine.
Even if it's a 12 ounce can thathappens to last for 36 hours.

Jamie (02:44):
Mm-hmm.
Oh, Jamie,

Rebecca (02:46):
just get a, just get a new.

Jamie (02:48):
don't, don't make Rebecca worry about me.
Please.
Yeah,

Adan (02:53):
as you know, in the, in the grand scheme of things to
worry about that probablydoesn't even, shouldn't even
crack the top 20.

Jamie (02:59):
I'm a slow eater and I'm a slow drinker and yeah, I'm
there to savor

Rebecca (03:06):
of the same cup for more than one day?

Jamie (03:10):
water bottle.
Yes.

Rebecca (03:12):
Okay.

Jamie (03:14):
Oh.

Adan (03:15):
She covers her cans.
They're, they are, they arestill reasonably clean.

Rebecca (03:20):
Rob has a cup that he keeps next to the coffee maker
that just sits there.
And unless I put it in thedishwasher,

Adan (03:26):
Is he like seasoning it with coffee like it's a cast
iron?
I.

Rebecca (03:30):
it's his water cup.
And I'm just like, you can use anew one.
So I'll just put in the

Jamie (03:36):
seasoning it with backwash.
I love that we, that we startedwith this.
This is such a wonderful,

Adan (03:42):
coffee backwash, seasoning.

Jamie (03:45):
now before we get into more about my drinking habits,
we have a little bit ofhousekeeping.
Thank you again to Liz, Liz Adayfor being here with us last
week.
Liz is wonderful.
She's working, still workinghard on her music and, can't
wait to hear more from her aswell.
And now let's get into it.

Adan (04:08):
In,

Jamie (04:09):
Let so manic, Socratic,

Adan (04:13):
so Jamie,

Jamie (04:14):
that's intellectual bully too.

Adan (04:16):
so bully.

Jamie (04:18):
Yeah.
Tell us, tell us about your,your streaming journey.
Tell us how it started and why,and.

Adan (04:23):
my streaming journey was the side effect of a personal
reinvention project that goesall the way back to the year
2014, believe it or not.
that, uh, I was in the processof, I realized I had gained just
enough self-awareness to where Iwas in a position in life where
things were good, but also toogood in a way that prevented me

(04:47):
from any real personal growth.
Uh, so I, um, I.
You know, did, did some soulsearching, did some, you know,
did a lot of traveling between2012 and 2013.
And I'm like, you know what?
I'm gonna move to the PacificNorthwest.
I'm gonna move to Seattle.
That still, that decisionsolidified, when, uh, one of my
best friends had his wedding inHood River, right off I 84 there

(05:09):
in Oregon.
And, um, and just there issomething so majestic about it.
Like, you know, I, yeah, I liveamong mountains here in the
desert, but the PacificNorthwest, scenery is a whole
other category unto itself.

Jamie (05:22):
Don't pretend you like the desert at all.
Don't pretend.

Adan (05:25):
you, you live in a coast coastal desert, by the way,
which is another lovable desert.

Jamie (05:30):
Yeah, I don't like the desert parts of it.
Just the coastal parts.

Adan (05:34):
But I digress.
so in, in all of this soulsearching that I did in this
rebooted life of mine in the, inSeattle and surrounding areas, I
decided, you know what, you, Ineed to make sure that I'm
indulging in my greatest, uh,in, in the things that bring me
the greatest happiness, thethings that truly satisfy me.
And it didn't take me very longto think, oh, I'm, I'm a

(05:59):
Nintendo kid who hasn't beenplaying Nintendo in too long.
I need to, I need to go revisitthat.
I need to go dig in and see whatI can do now that I've got adult
money to, uh, to indulge inthis.
And you know it.
Yeah.

Jamie (06:14):
you, you weren't into, were you not as like into retro
games or like collecting retrogames and consoles and
everything Until

Adan (06:23):
I had, I had kind of fallen outta video gaming for a
while, just because it was themore appealing thing to get
drunk with my buddies in my midtwenties.
And that, that coincided withlike, I guess you could say my
personal video game, dark ages,like the we, Xbox 360, PS three,
that whole era of gaming.
Massive blind spot to me.
I'm still doing my best to goback and relearn that.

(06:45):
but I got back on the Nintendotrain, bought my, my, my
roommate slash best friend's weuoff of him, um, and started
dabbling in that and startedalso,

Rebecca (06:55):
Did you get the We step as well?

Adan (06:57):
I did not get the step, but I do have an officially
licensed wee yoga mat, uh, thatI got from another friend who,
uh, gave me his,

Jamie (07:05):
I had the we step.
Are you just talking about thelike.

Adan (07:08):
there's so many accessories that came out for
Wee Fitness.
I

Jamie (07:11):
I don't, I didn't have a, we, you, I'm talking about the
original.
We, like, I had the step thingwhere, like the balance board or
whatever.

Rebecca (07:18):
Yes.
And when you stepped on it, itwould go'cause you were too

Jamie (07:21):
yeah.
Oh yeah.
It would be like, ah,

Rebecca (07:23):
was so fucking passive

Jamie (07:24):
the noises.
It may, it would be like,

Rebecca (07:27):
Ugh.

Jamie (07:28):
and it's like, oh

Adan (07:30):
I did not know that that thing weighed you.

Rebecca (07:32):
hurt your feelings every time.

Jamie (07:34):
And I kept going back.
Hi

Rebecca (07:37):
know.
I'm like, I don't wanna do it,but I wanted to make a happy
noise and never made a happynoise ever.
So I was

Jamie (07:42):
it was savage.
It

Rebecca (07:43):
anymore.

Adan (07:43):
and you know, I, I don't, I don't wish to sound
insensitive in any way likethat, but I, I als also

Rebecca (07:49):
crowd did boo you.
Sorry.
She was like, the crowd booedyou if you were overweight.
Yes, absolutely.
You got booed.
It was hor.

Adan (07:57):
here.
I thought the game was doing thejudgment of your weight in this,
like passive aggressive, yetstill polite, cheeky Japanese
way.
Uh, but, uh, if you're gettingbooed for being fat by a video
game, that is, um, that, that'san existential crisis waiting to
happen.

Jamie (08:12):
don't defend Nintendo.
Don't defend

Adan (08:14):
I'm not, I thought Nintendo was, you know, in my
mind.
'cause I never played.
We really, I'm like, in my mind,I'm like, okay, if the game is
weighing you, then it should benot, not that judgmental when it
comes to the weight result, but,oh, I did not know the Rebo,

Jamie (08:30):
Yeah.
It was basically

Rebecca (08:31):
a long term Japanese warfare plan where they're like,
we're really gonna fuck with theAmericans.
It's gonna be long term, butwe're gonna fuck with our
psyche.
So when we get'em, they're justgonna be too depressed

Adan (08:42):
Yeah.
It's a com.
it's, it's a country that'sthousands of years old.
They know how to play the longgame.

Jamie (08:48):
They're like, Americans are fat.
Hey, you get to, Hey Vee,welcome in.

Adan (08:54):
Um, but getting back to the original question, get, uh,
wanting to feed being a Nintendokid resulted in me hanging out
in various online communities oflike-minded people.
and being that I was revisitingmy childhood, I was thinking
about Game Boy and NintendoSuper, Nintendo, Nintendo 64,
and wanting to delve into thebest ways to play those old

(09:18):
games.
And I just found in general,across the gaming landscape
about 10 years ago that the,that retro gaming really was.
Not there.
It just wasn't a factor.
Everyone was still obsessed withthe bleeding edge.
And I'm like, wait, wait asecond.
if it weren't for these oldgames, you wouldn't have the
bleeding edge in the firstplace.
Uh, there nothing, you know,there's something that a lot of

(09:41):
us have to accept in our mediaintake is that nothing is
original, everything isderivative.
It is just how you use those oldtropes and building blocks to
create something new.
and it can

Jamie (09:50):
sounds a little bit like a snob to me.
Rebecca.
I don't know.
He sounds a little snobby and.

Rebecca (09:55):
Did you work on any of the old consoles too?
Like did you, uh, what's itcalled?
Like, not retrofit, but likerevamp or like re Re Oh,
refurbish.
Did

Jamie (10:02):
do you know Retrofit, first of all,

Adan (10:05):
there's, I.
I haven't personally refurbishedmany you because the real
refurbishments for old, oldelectronics need to be done by
professionals who have a verysteady hand in soldering.
and this guy that sits, uh, onmy desk at all times is kind of
the crown jewel of mycollection.
I'm not gonna divulge how muchwas spent on this, but the sharp

(10:26):
twin Famicom, I decided wasgoing to be the ideal way, to,
to play the eight bit era ofNintendo.
We've got the floppy disc drivehere for, famicom disc system
games, as well as the standardfamicom disc system game slot
right here.
So it's,

Jamie (10:43):
that what we play Wordle on?
Is that

Adan (10:45):
Yes, this is the Wordle machine.
Anyone who has ever been in mystream and hung out at the end,
this is the Wordle machine.
And the Wordle game lives hereon this flashcard.
Flashcards are only a, a reallyrecent invention within the past
10 years.
and they just allow so manypossibilities while also
bringing your personal costdown.
If you wanna play on realhardware, the what it was.

(11:07):
All right.
I'm gonna reveal part of it.
the$250 that I spent on thisflashcard, there are very many
game, there are very many gamesout

Rebecca (11:16):
Look at the two ta like, oh my God,

Jamie (11:19):
for like 200.
I would never, like, meanwhile Igot like$200 worth of like
Starbucks delivered to myapartment this morning.

Adan (11:27):
Yeah.
It's, it's all.
It's all about, you know the,there are two wolves inside of
you and the one that becomesdominant is the one that feed
that you feed.
And,

Jamie (11:36):
bull.
It's always the bull.

Adan (11:38):
sometimes, yeah, sometimes you're feeding the coffee wolf
the coffee bowl, and sometimesyou're feeding the video game
bowl and there,

Jamie (11:45):
been drugs.
Said you

Adan (11:47):
it, it, it could have been, I also popped an edible
before this, so I still havewiggle room in my budget for
drugs.

Jamie (11:52):
for the follow

Adan (11:54):
Um.
But, um, con consider like, goon eBay, or there, there are
various listicles out there thatwill say, these are the most
expensive games for eachconsole.
And it is not unusual for some,particularly rare games to go
for well over a thousanddollars.

(12:16):
Um, but in spending$250, I canplay virtually anything I want
that was made for that console.
So it ends up being anincredible value proposition.
Um, but I digress yet again as Ikeep pulling myself.

Rebecca (12:33):
that's what we, no, that's what we do.
That's the whole thing of theshow.
It's

Jamie (12:36):
digressing.

Adan (12:38):
Yeah, you spiraling off in one direction and then needing
to recenter oneself to theoriginal, uh, the original
question, so I started, Istarted acquiring hardware.
I started gathering thesevarious bits and pieces, uh, to
help enhance my retroexperience.
I

Jamie (12:52):
So what, wait, what year did you, what year did you buy
the mcom?

Adan (12:56):
this guy, the twin Fcom, oh gosh, I'm gonna have to like
pull my Gmail, eBay history tofind that

Jamie (13:04):
just give us your best guess.

Adan (13:05):
2021, I wanna say.
Um, I mean, I can pull the inforelatively quickly.
E my eBay purchase history andthen

Jamie (13:15):
Also, I just wanna point out that all three of us are
Tauruses.
Wait, what's your ChineseZodiac?
uh, you're the rat 84 that's theproblem is he's a rat and we're
an ox.

Rebecca (13:25):
That's why he has all his eBay purchases from 2021
filed away somewhere.

Adan (13:29):
Yeah.
In my eBay account where.
I didn't, I didn't have toactively file it.
I didn't have to put any extraenergy.
It's just right up there.
It was delivered March 13th,2021.

Jamie (13:41):
He's just happy.
He's doing his like happy.
He was like right on hisestimate.
Dance.
That's what that is.

Rebecca (13:48):
Fantastic.

Adan (13:50):
Um, and then once, once I received it, I'm like, I have to
make sure it's outfitted withthe best possible stuff for the
sake of presenting Nintendogames on stream.
And 22 March 13th, 2021 wasactually approximately two years
since my first stream.
So it was, it's been a long,hard road to integrate more and
more consoles into the streambecause I want to do it right.

(14:14):
It's not just going and droppinga hundred dollars on a
PlayStation, it's thisPlayStation plus various
accessories that make itsuitable for my personal goals
in streaming.
that drives up the cost, to behonest.
but ultimately,

Rebecca (14:30):
Mitsubishis and the fast and ne furious with the NAS
and the spoiler and the lightsunderneath,

Adan (14:35):
yes, but the things I do actually legitimately add
horsepower instead of the showoff bullshit that a lot of
those,

Jamie (14:41):
Fire up the hard drives.
Fire'em

Adan (14:44):
fired up.

Jamie (14:46):
Sorry.
We watched Twisters and that'swhat they kept saying and we
were like,

Adan (14:51):
We just could not get Yeah.
We, we couldn't pull ourselvesaway from that one

Jamie (14:55):
so bad.
But it was fun to make fun ofit.

Adan (14:58):
It was'cause it was just like the first movie, the movie
Twisters was less a movie andmore of a ride.
It's universal.
Of course Universal is gonnafind some way to be like, okay,
we're gonna make a movie.
It's gonna have a co cohesiveplot, but it's gonna have good,
good bones for, uh, theme parkattractions too, so we can get
our vertical all profitable.
So it's, um, very cutthroat

Jamie (15:20):
It's like you work for them.
It's funny, I also got thisspiel the first time I ever went
to your place.
You were like, here's my twinfamily com.

Adan (15:30):
yeah.
Hi, pat.
Hi Optimist.
and in gathering all thishardware, I'm like, well, maybe
it's time to start showing thisstuff off, to the public to, I,
I know it sounds, it, it soundsso trite in comparison to other
awareness raising campaigns, butI wanted to make sure that old
games got their fair, share ofattention when it came to
discussions in the video gamediscourse.

(15:51):
like just a, just a couple yearsago in the, um.
Uh, during, during the switchesheyday, uh, they released a
Yoshi game, naturally Yoshi'scrafted world.
And, elder gamers were veryeasily able to see, oh, this
game is secretly not sosecretly, but really in a
Nintendo way, cribbing mechanicsfrom an old Sega Saturn game

(16:14):
that no one gives a shit aboutanymore.
And being able to see all theold ingredients being
redeveloped into new things isjust fascinating.
The DNA of gaming is, is alwayschanging, but at the same time,
you can always see bits of thepast.

Jamie (16:31):
Yeah.
Welcome in Shep.
I like how Zeki is justeveryone's saying like what
their Chinese Zodiac is and Zekiiss just like I'm a monkey, I'm
a monkey.

Adan (16:40):
Yeah.
Optimist Twister really helpedto confu of tornadoes.
That's awesome.
A little bit of knowledge

Jamie (16:45):
I loved Twister.
The second movie, twisters wasjust.
We knew it was gonna not begreat,

Adan (16:51):
Yeah.

Rebecca (16:52):
Twister was that era of disaster movies.
What was the one?
Oh, Dante's Peak where thegrandmother basically boils to

Adan (16:59):
that poor woman

Jamie (17:01):
alert, everybody.
Spoiler

Adan (17:03):
spoil alert for a nearly 30-year-old movie.

Rebecca (17:06):
And that made me irrationally afraid of lakes of
acid.
kind of like quicksand, but itwas just

Adan (17:12):
Dante's Peak was freaking terrifying.
Like just that, that visceralmoment of Pierce Brosnan's elbow
bone exposed like that when therocks fell on him.
Oh my gosh.

Jamie (17:21):
Jesus.

Rebecca (17:21):
And they killed the grandma.
It was awful,

Adan (17:23):
The fact they went for that emotional beat, like how
dare they?

Rebecca (17:28):
but an acid.
So anyway, yeah, twister andDante, they all I was really
afraid of weather for a.

Jamie (17:34):
Yeah.
I remember being younger andbeing like afraid of tornadoes,
but like, I agree with, uh, wasit optimist?
Yeah, optimist.
I agree.
I think it did help me like.
made it seem kind of like cooland kind of showed like the
science.
and I think that helped me beless afraid as well.

Rebecca (17:54):
And that's where I fell in love with Philip Seymour
Hoffman.

Jamie (17:58):
Oh my God.
True.
But like also Helen Hunt.
Oh my God.
I love Helen Hunt.

Adan (18:03):
We all crushed on Helen Hunt.

Jamie (18:05):
have you ever seen her performance in She did a
performance of, uh, 12th Night.

Adan (18:12):
I'm unaware

Jamie (18:13):
12th.
You stole my heart.
Helen

Rebecca (18:17):
Oh yeah.
Deep Impact.
That was another one.
And Asteroids coming for us andis gonna kill us all.

Jamie (18:22):
What's the, uh, what's the Aerosmith one?

Rebecca (18:24):
I.

Jamie (18:25):
yeah, that one.

Adan (18:26):
I'm an unapologetic Armageddon fan boy.
The every single minute of thatviolently stupid movie is so
lovable and amazing.
I will sing its praises till mydying breath.

Jamie (18:37):
Funny hill to die on, but, all right.

Adan (18:41):
If you've watched the movie, you'd understand.
Okay.

Jamie (18:44):
now talk to us a little bit about like

Rebecca (18:46):
talk.

Adan (18:48):
right.

Jamie (18:48):
Yeah.

Adan (18:50):
I mean, if we, if we want to go further into the streaming
journey, like I had some,started out, started off with my
game cube.
The, i, I want to say my firststreams that I ever did, which
are not archived in anymeaningful ways.
They don't even try to gosearching for them.
I had finally rusted up the cashto buy this absurdly expensive,
HDMI adapter for my game cube.
And I thought, all right, timeto finally take this show on the

(19:12):
road.
So I, managed to acquire acapture card from a, uh, from a
friend and, you know, put on areally shoddy, terrible looking
stream.
Um.
But eventually I'd be,

Jamie (19:24):
notes.

Adan (19:26):
but it, you know, eventually I realized, you know,
the gravity of, I, I realizedthe, the gravity and the
enormity of the world I wasentering by, uh, by stepping
into becoming a live streamerthat, you know, I, I had, had my
life changed irreparably,irreversibly by, you know, just
joining Twitter back in 2008.

(19:46):
And I felt a similar seismicshift happened when I jumped
here on Twitch.
I'm like, well, okay, um, if Iwant to stand out in any way, I
need to at least show that Itake this shit seriously and
also do as much visualrepresentation as I can to let
people know I am fucking retro.

(20:07):
And you're not gonna get anaward edgewise about it.
Um, no matter how many peopleover the years have tried to
say, oh, are you gonna play?
Are you gonna stream this newgame?
No, no, I'm not.

Jamie (20:17):
what if someone were to be like, Hey, have you ever
played this game called LittleMisfortune?
And would you ever maybe streamthat?

Adan (20:24):
a potentially influential individual might have the means
to get me to stream that game.
And that did indeed happen once,uh, on a particularly special
stream, uh, that included thatgame.
And a, uh, little, uh, littleone that I personally enjoy
called 1980 X.
Even if it's a new game, it'salways gonna go retro in some

(20:47):
way.

Jamie (20:48):
Good.
Those are good games.

Adan (20:50):
Yep.

Jamie (20:50):
you stream it to me on Discord?

Adan (20:54):
You get to, I think, uh, I think you can swear here.
So, uh, go rock, rock your shit,my friend.

Jamie (20:59):
yes, please.
There's no yeah, just, yeah.
no, no.
Slurs.
Don't be a bigot.
That's pretty much.

Rebecca (21:06):
So you mentioned, you mentioned that like you wanted
to, you were at a place at astandstill where you were, you
weren't growing and you, and youwanted to do more growth.
How do you feel like connectingwith that retro gain, like what
part, like what growth did yousee from it and like what
changes did you get, the changesin growth that you were hoping
for?

Adan (21:23):
the, it was less, you know, it was less like the retro
was a part of all of the, uh,the changes in life.
It was, a, a, a side effect, Isuppose, because what I really
set out to do when I leftArizona back in 2014 was that I
wanted to put myself in anenvironment where I was forced
to make new decisions that Ihave never had to make before

(21:45):
and look at life in new anglesand use that to try to grow my
core principles as a person forhow to, uh, how to assert
myself, how to present myself tothe world and whatnot.
And I think, and I think it wentpretty well.
I absolutely love all of thethree years that I spent there.
though I, the weirdest, thething that I was not expecting

(22:08):
was, uh, when some generalconditions of life pulled me
back to Arizona.
That's where I felt like thereal maturation begin.
That I, I, coming back toArizona and having to, pick up
whatever old remnants of my lifewere there while being this new
transformed self was anotherbrand new set of lessons to

(22:32):
further, you know, furthersynthesize, further apply all
the things that I learned whileI was living far away for a
while.

Jamie (22:40):
Sorry I was distracted by chat for a little bit of that.

Adan (22:44):
Chat's entertaining.
'cause we got some rockingpeople here.

Jamie (22:47):
Brandy Quaid

Adan (22:48):
Shitter was full.
Yeah.
Randy.
Randy Quaids Characters aremessy.
You just gotta, you just gottawatch the vacation movies for
that.

Jamie (22:55):
I don't think, I don't think, did I even know there was
a second Independence day?

Adan (23:01):
No one likes to acknowledge that.
No one likes to acknowledgethat.
An

Jamie (23:05):
think I saw it.
I'm sure I didn't see it.

Adan (23:07):
Yeah.
We just pretend it doesn'texist.
It's all about Will Smith,welcome to

Rebecca (23:12):
don't tell her what happens.
Don't spoil it.
She hasn't

Jamie (23:15):
Yeah, don't spoil it.
Don't

Adan (23:17):
I can't spoil it because it doesn't exist.
There's no independence.
Day two.

Jamie (23:23):
Sounds about right.
Sounds about right to me.
Wish there was no twisters, buthere we are.

Adan (23:29):
Oh, thank you very much,

Jamie (23:31):
you see that, Rebecca?
Did you see that twisters?

Rebecca (23:35):
Oh,

Jamie (23:37):
I don't know.
you and you and Rob should like,get high and watch it and make
fun of it.
I enjoyed making fun of it.

Adan (23:44):
Yes, please be high when you're watching twisters and you
know, while you're in betweenmaking fun of it, you'll be able
to shake your butts to thesoundtrack, which is
surprisingly good

Rebecca (23:54):
nice.

Jamie (23:54):
yeah.
Sound.

Rebecca (23:56):
One of the things you mentioned, we were putting
together your outline yesterdaywas like, even though you've
done all this work, even thoughyou created it and worked so
hard, there is a tiny voice inthe back of your head being
like, burn the fuck down andwalk away.

Adan (24:07):
yes,

Rebecca (24:08):
a little bit more about that?

Adan (24:09):
absolutely.
and this is something that Ibounce off of my fellow, uh,
content creator from time totime, because if you're, if
you're a live streamer onTwitch, there's a pretty good
chance that other live streamersare gonna hang out in your chat
too.
'cause that's just what we do.
consider it like, I don't know,in industry night kind of thing
where you can just vibe witheach other and you don't have,
and you can drop some of thepretenses.
But there's a lot ofresponsibility.

(24:31):
There are so many emotionalconnections.
There's, there's an, an energyexpenditure that is required
when one is a live streamer,community manager, someone of
relative significance on aplatform like this.
And, uh, certain aspects of itwill find ways to, in, I don't

(24:52):
wanna say intrude on your life,but emergencies happen when you
have this interconnected networkof dozens and dozens of people,
you're never gonna get anyguarantee that all those people
are gonna get along perfectlyand.
Drama happens, and no one evertells you, no one ever tells you
when you start out as a streamerthat, that you're, oh, your, um,

(25:14):
one of your community membersstarted some shit in this other
person's stream and now they'rebanned.
And then now I have to look inon it and gather details.
And then when I gather details,I have to take action very
swiftly on second or third handinformation and pray I got the
answer right.
And ulti, you know, ultimatelypeople

Rebecca (25:36):
mean take action?
Like what do you have?
Have them killed?
What do you mean take action?

Adan (25:38):
take action.

Rebecca (25:39):
just.

Adan (25:40):
Take

Jamie (25:41):
I also wanna point out, as soon as you said gossip,
Rebecca physically moved forwardin her chair and was like, what?
What do you mean?
What do you mean drama?
Tell me

Adan (25:51):
Yeah.
That, That when it comes to allthis, you might be, you yourself
might be the drama unwittinglyor someone close to you.
I am.
I am never the drama.
I am, I, I adore everyone.
I come across and, and viceversa.
But there are times whereyou're, you have to use

Jamie (26:11):
that sound scripted to you?

Adan (26:14):
I

Rebecca (26:14):
raises it off his hand and

Adan (26:15):
I'm, I have

Jamie (26:16):
I am not the drama.
Sorry, I'm not sorry.

Adan (26:21):
I did not have, no, I'm not.
but you make all these emotionalconnections with people.
You respect them.
you participate in theirstreams, you laugh together, you
cry together.
You experience impactful videogames together.
but sometimes.
things that happen betweenstreams, conversations, direct
messages.
Sometimes I have to ban people.

(26:42):
Sometimes I have to go have atough conversation with someone
I have a tenuous connection toso that I can try to sort

Jamie (26:48):
someone to take care of the problem.

Adan (26:51):
yes, take care of the problem, and that usually that
person is me by having to gosearch out every single website
this person might be on, thatthey could use to contact me and
ban them from there too.
and it has happened sometimeswhere a community member has,
uh, run afoul of other communitymembers.
all everyone involved are peoplewho I liked, but I had no idea

(27:13):
what was simmering underneath.

Jamie (27:15):
tense, Rebecca liked

Adan (27:17):
Yeah.
And then, and then I'm like,well, given what I have been
told, given the conduct, whichis inexcusable on part of this
individual, I have to removethis individual from any of my
dealings.

Jamie (27:31):
and it's also like it shouldn't, it shouldn't even
really be the streamers or so,you know what I mean?
Like it's just like To some

Adan (27:37):
and it isn't.
Yeah.

Jamie (27:39):
yeah, to some extent it's like we're all fucking adults
because I know like only adultsare allowed in your stream.
In the stream.
It's like we're all fuckingadults, like act like an adult.
But unfortunately it doesn'talways happen that way.
If only more people were like usguys, you know, we need more
tourists in the world.

Adan (27:59):
Yeah.
People, yeah.
People who are just like, no,please, everyone shut up.
We're going to cut through thebullshit.
What actually happened?
Give me that.
I'm not gonna take action onhearsay or fairytales or
someone's personal opinion on amatter.
What did the person actually do?
Was it done with malice?

Rebecca (28:19):
what did they actually do?
That is what I asked.
What did they actually

Adan (28:24):
people are so prone to making mountains out of Mo Hill
molehills anymore.
It's, it makes things sodifficult to sift through.

Jamie (28:33):
I, I don't think he's gonna say Rebecca.
I don't think that's a perfect,what'd you

Adan (28:37):
and that's the other thing is that because this drama is in
the past, that it is best that Ido not name individuals or, uh,
or, or that I be extremely vagueabout

Jamie (28:47):
Zeke.
Get in here.

Adan (28:48):
Be

Jamie (28:49):
said, I could say, tag me in.

Adan (28:51):
See this is the thing is that Zeki is actually quite
knowledgeable about a certainsituation that happened in a
community that we're both a partof.
Like me and Zeki know, and youget to, you know, this
individual as well.
that, we had, I, I hate that Ican't be too specific'cause I
don't want to be.

Rebecca (29:10):
in the show notes.

Jamie (29:12):
We'll reveal this person in the show notes.
Stay

Adan (29:15):
So we're, interconnected communities, several live
streamers and they're moreprominent community members.
all of us hanging out, beingonline friends together, having
various online social gatheringsand stuff, hanging out in each
other's streams, having a goodtime.
You know, it's, it's one ofthose really fun, beautiful
things when, like a conversationthat starts at 12 noon in one

(29:37):
person stream is still kind ofstill happening at 9:00 PM in
someone else's stream, threeraids later.
Seeing that interconnection isjust beautiful and lovely, and
that's part of what makes Twitchsuch a magical place.
But when it comes to what, uh,what Zeki and Yuga to, uh, may
be, uh, maybe somewhatreferencing there, Zeki in

(29:57):
particular is that oneindividual decided to become a
problem and, was excessivelyharsh on another individual, for
an extended amount of time.
Um, and, and bless this otherperson for their patience in
dealing with this difficultperson.
But eventually we had to saygoodbye to this person and it

(30:19):
caused a massive rift in thecommunity, you know, to the tune
of, you know, a couple dozenpeople.
But when dealing with us downhere, you know, we're not
partners.
We're all affiliates here, youknow, we're, we're all like, 20
to 50 viewership at best, kindof, uh, kind of streamers.
Um, just nothing wrong with thatto be spec, you know, just to
make that clear.

(30:39):
Yeah, that, you know, everystreamer is important because
you're furthering the medium.
and that's a, that's anothertopic entirely, but ha having to
deal with the emotional burdensof, okay, I have to make sure
that when I speak to thisperson, that I'm going to speak
to them as if these three peopledon't exist.
and then change that up forother individuals.

(31:00):
There's so much to keep trackof.
So many through lines in thedrama is frustrating.

Jamie (31:05):
do it.
I couldn't do that.
It's

Adan (31:06):
yeah, it is.
And when you, when you do it,when you stream long enough,
it's just one of those thingsthat feels inevitable because
we're all human, because we'reall interacting, we're all,
we're all trying to bring, youknow, our, our best faces to
chat.
But this is why I say thehardest thing about str.
This is why I say the hardestthing about streaming is what

(31:27):
happens between streams.
The streams take care ofthemselves.
You hit that go live button, andhere we are having some lovely
banter, but trying to maintainthat, that energy, that candor,

Jamie (31:39):
pants.

Adan (31:39):
and trying to keep my pants off enough to satisfy
certain individuals,

Rebecca (31:45):
We're not doing that here.
Move on.
We're not doing that.

Jamie (31:49):
It's okay when she cuts this from the audio.
I'll just add it back in.
It's fine.

Adan (31:53):
I'm not literally gonna take off my pants on this
stream.
I'm, I'm a guest in your houseright now.
When I'm in my

Jamie (31:58):
already off Rebecca,

Adan (31:59):
Yeah.
when I'm in my house, when I amon my own stream, Twitch tv
slash mad.
Socratic, that's where theclothes come off.
Um, and also my rumoredconjectured, but not actually
real OnlyFans.

Rebecca (32:13):
Okay.

Jamie (32:13):
after.
So moving on.
So after this we're gonna dolike burnout, collective, like
burnout after dark and we'lllike get Zeki on with us and
Zeki will update us on like allthe drama information

Adan (32:26):
Perfect guest.
Perfect guest for burnout afterdark.

Jamie (32:30):
yeah.
And then we'll put that on

Adan (32:32):
I like

Rebecca (32:33):
mentioned with like the bur, so with the community
responsibility you justmentioned, I had asked you about
mods and you mentioned you'relike, I can't put that onus on
them.
It's on me because.

Adan (32:42):
The

Rebecca (32:43):
I, it's my responsibility.
I was the one who decided toeven start this and I can't

Adan (32:47):
right,

Rebecca (32:48):
other people dealing with

Adan (32:49):
the mods are great for the things they do in the heat of
the moment, in the midst of thestream.
That's what mods are for, fordealing with the fallout of
stuff between streams.
I don't expect those people tomanage my drama for me, uh,
that's a whole other deal.
Even if that external dramamight bleed into the stream,
which is.

(33:09):
Yet again, why the hardest thingabout streaming is what happens
between streams because youdon't know wh when and where the
blowback is gonna happen.

Rebecca (33:18):
Do you eat on your streams?

Adan (33:20):
um, I do not, I, the only thing I will do is drink.
There was one stream where I ateand I don't think I want to do
it again.
be beverages.
Beverages are where I put thelimit at consumption.
I do not consider it.
yeah, it popping a gummy.
Yeah, that's one thing.
But I'm not, I'm not gonna sithere with several slices of

(33:40):
pizza or a KFC bowl or somethingtrying to snf that down during a
cut scene.
Um, I feel like that's justtacky and unsightly and
unprofessional of me as astreamer.
I have, you know, in spite ofwhat I do, I do have personal
rules of decorum that I do mybest to keep on stream.

Jamie (33:59):
High standards.

Rebecca (34:00):
How do you keep up the energy then if you have like,
'cause I mean it's not, gamesaren't quick and done.
How do you keep up your energy?

Adan (34:06):
I, I keep up my energy thanks to the very awesome
people who show up in chat.
The banter that happens withthese fine people is, second to
none really.
And having their, having all oftheir input, their musings,
like, sure, I, I might be in themidst of an RPG and I'm fighting
a really tough monster.
But the conversation we'rehaving is about your favorite

(34:28):
time where you, your favoritesushi or something like that.
We are, we're very hungrycommunity to say the

Jamie (34:35):
Okay.
Um, speaking of being hungry,can you tell me about your hot
nuts?

Adan (34:38):
My hot nuts, ah, yes.
Zeki talking about, uh, zeki,talking about my fiery nuts.
Uh, specifically talking aboutthe death nut challenge that I
did on a couple of birthdaystreams a few years ago.
Um.
That I did, uh, just for kicks,this was, I, I don't, I don't
even think there was really anincentive behind it.
I'm like, okay, I'm gonna playthis game on my birthday stream,

(35:02):
and at certain points in thisgame, I'm gonna take a, I'm
gonna take a satchel of deathnuts, and, uh, and then just
deal with the consequences.
It was like I hot ones myselfwhile playing a game, and then
my gameplay and my attitudetowards the game would morph as
I was suffering under all of theheat.
Hi Rador.
Good to hear you.
Good to see you.

Rebecca (35:22):
Oh my God.
He is his own jigsaw.
Jesus Christ.

Adan (35:25):
with these, with this death nut challenge, I did not
do death Nut 2.0 as prescribedbecause the proper death nut, if
you go by a box of death nuts,this is what I'll say on the
back.
You

Jamie (35:34):
A satchel.
You said though, I'm trying topicture this nut satchel,

Adan (35:37):
Yes, so you, you acquire a box, a nice thin, rectangular
box that contains five satchelsof peanuts.
Each satchel gets progressivelyhotter.
And I was armed with an absoluteboatload.
Like I, I brought out a full onquart of mint chip ice cream

(35:57):
because I'm like, well, mint is,you know, mint is just cold,
spicy.
So that's a counteraction to thecapsaicin heat.
And then it's also ice cream, sothere's milk fat there, which
also is there to dull the pain.
So I had a very measured way ofdoing death note 2.0, uh, during
a birthday

Jamie (36:15):
just like have your face in the mint chocolate chip the
whole time.

Adan (36:18):
I did not do that.
There was also chugging of halfand half I believe.
I, I don't know about chugging,but definitely like sipping and
just trying to like, conserve itbecause my mouth was on fire.
Like I'd take a sip and it wouldbe a reprieve of like 10 seconds
before the heat just came rightback up.

Jamie (36:35):
So how long is the like diarrhea break during the
stream?

Adan (36:38):
the, all of that happens after stream, uh, but death Nut
two, death Nut 2.0 wentsurprisingly well, uh, when, uh,
when I did do it.
So I thought, well, since Isurvived 2.0 my next birthday
stream, I'm gonna do Death Nut3.0 and I'm gonna do it the
proper way that's described onthe package.

(36:58):
And that was the worst possibledecision I could have made

Jamie (37:01):
Wait, you did it, you did it three times.
You went through with it threetimes.

Adan (37:04):
three times.
The, the, there's a product tothis called Death Nut 2.0, which
is five satchels of nuts in the2.0 package.
Then its SQL is another fivesatchels of nuts that are even
hotter than the first fivesatchels.
so 3.0 just means, it meansthey've revised the formula that
the hot peanuts contained withinare reformulated to further

(37:29):
attack your insides.
I had a flight to,

Rebecca (37:33):
men will do to fucking avoid therapy, Jamie.
This is what they will do.
They will just eat.

Adan (37:38):
oh,

Jamie (37:39):
I mean, it's funny'cause it's true.
I don't know, I just feel like,

Adan (37:42):
I, I've definitely had conversations with a, uh, with a
bestie about, uh, about therapybecause of a certain situation
that happened to me last year,but whole other topic.
Um, I.
it was, yeah.

Jamie (37:57):
It's fine.
Moving on.

Adan (37:58):
But, um, so death net 3.0, I'm like, okay, I'm gonna do it
the right way because thedirections on the box say you,
you knock down a satchel, yousit with the burn for five
minutes, no, no relief, nodrinks, no nothing.
Then you hit another satchel.
You wait five minutes, anothersatchel until all are completed.
And,

Jamie (38:19):
but in between.
So you wait five minutes, thenyou can like,

Adan (38:22):
then you can, no, you wait five minutes and then you eat
the next satchel.
There's no relief there.
There's no relief.
There's no relief until you aredone with every last peanut.
Once you start,

Jamie (38:34):
five minutes?
Just

Adan (38:35):
you, because you have to, you, because the burn has to set
in.
That's the rules on the box.
You have to, you, you have toexperience the burn.
once, once you pop you can'tstop.
Once you get your first nut, youhave to go to the last nut.
Um.
And so I just dragged myselfthrough it.
'cause I'm sitting here, lightsare on me, camera's on me, I

(38:58):
gotta step up and perform.
And, death net 3.0 contained,

Jamie (39:04):
though.

Adan (39:05):
I did though.
Yes, indeed.
It's, this is a, this is mypersonal philosophy is that if
I'm enduring something painfuland something that sucks, if I'm
the one who chose this burden, Idon't get to complain about it
because there, I agreed to thegood and the bad.
So come whatever may, ifanything bad happens to me,

(39:26):
including, riding around on thefloor for hours on end due to
the, uh, volcano that was, youknow, that was swirling around
inside of me.

Jamie (39:38):
Wow.

Rebecca (39:40):
I just really don't wanna talk about when I was
little and sad, so I'm justgonna burn a hole into my
intestinal lining.

Adan (39:49):
that wasn't the purpose.
It wasn't a therapy alternative.
this is just,

Jamie (39:54):
buy it.

Rebecca (39:56):
God, and you did this on a live stream.

Jamie (39:58):
Yeah.

Adan (39:59):
a birthday stream.

Jamie (40:01):
Hey, cosmic, I agree with Zeki.
Zeki said, I don't think I'dlike that part of a streamer
feeling on display performingthe entire time.
Like, does my face look bad?
Do my chits look big?
Am I being funny?
yeah, it's like that.
I think, I think that's why Istopped streaming, like
personally and I like triedagain this year, but I just, I

(40:23):
don't think it's in the cardsfor me.

Adan (40:25):
Yeah.
And Zeke definitely raises goodpoints,

Jamie (40:28):
obviously is in the cards for me, but,

Adan (40:31):
I also feel like at a certain point, and, and I
realize the, the vanity rulesare different between genders.
I'm not gonna discount that atall.
'cause there's just so muchpressure that one might put on
themselves or response toexternal pressures.
I, the vanity, the am I, funnything that I, I shed that a long
time ago.
the more you do this, the easierit gets.

(40:52):
almost to the point where itfeels like, where it seems like
you don't give a shit whenyou're on stream, but you really
like, but in truth it's like, Iam so comfortable doing this
that you're going to getwhatever I am and you're gonna
have to deal with it.
and maybe I am low energy thatday and that's fine.
as long as you're racking upmore wins and losses, I suppose.

Jamie (41:12):
Yeah.

Rebecca (41:13):
Have you had a stream?
Like have you had a stream justgo unexpectedly awful, and like
what did you do in the middle ofit?
Were you just honest withyourself and like, okay, we're
gonna cut this short, or did youpush through and why?

Adan (41:26):
unexpectedly awful stream.
This was during the big, theview boing era of Twitch.
And I'm glad they finally likeput a, put a lid on that.
It seems like it's not as bad asit used to be.

Rebecca (41:38):
Can you explain just really quick

Adan (41:40):
so what, what would happen?
You're in the, you're in themiddle of a stream.
Everything is going normally,but then all of a sudden you
notice your chat is lighting upwith message upon message that
are usually the same message,but sometimes not.
But you realize, oh, these goofyusernames that I've never seen
before are flooding my chat.
Something not good is happening.

(42:02):
Uh, someone is attacking mychannel through automated means,
and I have to find a way toextinguish this fire.
And sometimes it, sometimes itis rattling enough that I at
least had to take a break.
Um.
Maybe there was

Rebecca (42:16):
to like kick you off?
Like what's the

Adan (42:17):
it, it it is meant to kick you off because what it ends up
doing is that it makes Twitchservers think that you are, that
you, the streamer are doing spamlike activity.
So it makes the streamer lookbad and the bots get off scot
free, which is completelyunfair.
And it was a massive like, atleast a year long saga where the

(42:38):
streamers were like, pleaseTwitch fucking help us do
something.
'cause we're dying out here.

Jamie (42:44):
When was that?
what

Adan (42:46):
I wanna say 2023 was the height of it.

Jamie (42:49):
do you wanna check your receipts?

Adan (42:51):
I don't have receipt for that.
Just depends a per.

Rebecca (42:54):
what do you do?
I mean, what did you do?
Did you just, are you just

Adan (42:57):
There are safeguards that one can put in that, that there
are some nice features like, uh,making, uh, making your stream
followers only putting chat inslow mode.
Uh, some of the good featuresare already built into the
service and they've added evenmore things to where like, okay,
the only people who canparticipate in your chat are
people who have properlyverified their phone numbers and

(43:17):
their email addresses with theservice to, to do like triple
verification that an actualhuman, is an actual human is
using the service and notsomeone who's got an army of
10,000 scripts that they'reready to fire off.

Jamie (43:33):
Yuga said it wouldn't just follow the streamers
either.
It would actually pull the IPaddresses of the viewers and
mass follow them as well.

Adan (43:40):
It was bad.
It was nasty.
Yeah.
And it caused a lot of innocentpeople to get banned as a result
because it looked like thesepeople were doing, uh, follow
farming and stuff like that,doing, buying viewers and stuff.
and it really rattles a streamer'cause you're grooving and
you're connecting with yourcommunity and all of a sudden
something breaks that beautifultenuous connection that you have

(44:02):
in the moment with yourcommunity.
and then you have to, then youhave to play damage control with
your own channel and hope thatyour own, at least not for me,
and hope that your ownlivelihood doesn't get pulled.

Rebecca (44:13):
Wow.

Adan (44:15):
Because I know there are a lot of streamers out there.
This is their job.
they're, they're, they're outthere streaming 24 to 40 hours a
week, which I can't even imaginethis, the what kind of toll that
takes on a person.
But for better or worse, they doit.
Their personalities are theproduct and they do pretty well
for themselves.
And having that threatened bysome jerk with, uh, with some

(44:38):
sort of script pulled off of thedark web or something, just
absolutely evil.
Like we're all trying, we're allhere doing our best and do, and
trying to connect in beautifulways with other people through
the medium of Twitch, whether itbe, you know, your video games,
your live music performances,and all the other things that
people do here.
having have, getting thrown offlike that

Jamie (45:01):
podcasts, perhaps like a collective maybe.

Adan (45:04):
a collective.
Yeah.
And it it a collective.
It leads to, uh, can lead toburnout when you have to face so
many robots and other externalstressors that you did not plan
for.

Rebecca (45:17):
If you're pushing through that though, do you
consider that part of youroriginal idea of like starting
this because you wanted to growand expand and, and like be
challenged?
Or do you find it, or do youfind it completely draining?

Adan (45:29):
whenever I have to deal with stuff like that, it is
draining.
but my, my original goal wasjust put, get, get richer gaming
back in the video gamingdiscussion.
And with time it, that, thatcore concept developed further.
There are some cornerstones bywhich I started the channel on
and things that I need to remindmyself about that, these old

(45:50):
games are.
Often, not just old games.
they are memories, they aresnapshots of a time in your
life.
Uh, maybe you were going throughsome of the worst times in your
life and that game was your onlysolace, your only bright spot in
an otherwise miserableexistence.

Jamie (46:07):
Star Valley

Adan (46:08):
maybe a game was, was a part of the best times of your
life, and you wanna relive thattoo.
And think about some of the oldfriends who you developed great
connections with.
Either way, these old games arehere to help us remember the
best parts of ourselves andhopefully bring those old good
parts of ourselves to thepresent instead of leaving them
in the past.

Jamie (46:30):
now, shall we talk about burnout?

Adan (46:35):
I guess we can, because yeah, the, um, because there's
been a lot of, uh, a lot oftangents, but it still comes
back to your original questionof.
Do I wanna burn it down and walkaway?
How many times do I think aboutit?
And the answer is constantlythat there's, the past few
minutes of conversation haverevealed all of the, the burdens

(46:57):
that come externally andinternally with being a live
content creator, um, among themany types of content creator
out there.
'cause you, you cultivate afollowing.
You create these connectionswith specific people and you're
also tasked with maintainingyour brand, your presence to,
release some sort of materialthat lets the public aware of

(47:19):
what you're doing, trying tojustify your existence out there
in this cold, judgmental world.
And sometimes dealing with thatexistential burden is hard and
you're just like, well, what ifI did burn it down and walk
away?
What if I never had to worryabout putting on another stream?
What if I never had to thinkabout the next game I wanted to

(47:40):
play?
What if I never had to thinkabout the next console I wanted
to buy?
What if I didn't have to thinkabout buying a$75 cable to make
something work correctly?
Kind of stuff.
there's just so much thathappens in the back of a
streamer's mind that no one everknows about.
'cause we're up here being abunch of goofy goobers with each
other and having a good time.

(48:01):
but the, all of theinfrastructure that supports
those good times is, is a lot todeal with.

Rebecca (48:07):
You literally just described emotional labor.

Adan (48:11):
Alright, good to know.

Rebecca (48:14):
No, I mean, no, it, it is like that same, I mean, when
women run the household, that'sthe same thing.
Just like constantly having togo through everything and it's
just always a never ending list.
And it's like you, it, you'reright, it looks just like a fun
time, but the level of emotionallabor that you're putting into
this, behind the scenes isexhausting.

Adan (48:33):
Yeah, I suppose that is pretty true because there's the,
I don't know how other streamershave their methodology behind
it, but, um, I.
Every single game that I decideto play to completion on stream
is the end result of anagonizing several weeks of
internal debate about what goesnext.

(48:56):
'cause whatever I'm playingright now, the game that follows
has to feel somewhatcomplimentary in nature or
different enough that it keepsthings interesting.
I need to make sure, and on somelevel that I enjoy it, and that
it's also a streamable game.
There are many very wonderfulgames out there that just are
really shitty to stream andshould not be, and should only

(49:19):
really be experienced personallyin private.
but perhaps a skilled individualout there who is really good at
streaming can make those gamesentertaining.
I'm not gonna sit here and tryto overstep my limits.
I, I know where my personallimits

Jamie (49:33):
us a boring ass game.
We'll play it.
We'll play it after, after theshow, all three of

Adan (49:38):
I wouldn't say,

Jamie (49:39):
You'll like it.

Rebecca (49:41):
No, he doesn't like doing group games.
Remember, he said he only playsby himself?

Adan (49:45):
yeah, the, yeah, that's, and that's, and that's one of my
other sort of, and, and, and Iknow this makes me an edge case
demographic and I don't carethat, um, the, the rise of
online multiplayer gaming is,has been a, a scourge on the
landscape of video gaming itselfand has, given rise to some of
the worst human beings to everwalk this earth to have

(50:06):
platforms.
you, you can look at the top 20of the most watched content
creators out there, and you'llbe like, oh, piece of shit.
And,

Rebecca (50:16):
know.
I really like that puberty pieguy.
I think he's pretty good.

Adan (50:19):
oh yeah, I'm, uh, I'm sure his ideas are, uh, are, are
worth doing a one arm salutefor,

Jamie (50:26):
I was just watching Rebecca's face the whole time.
No.
Okay.

Rebecca (50:31):
Oh, what?
Oh no.
The

Jamie (50:32):
she goes, no,

Adan (50:33):
Yeah.
We all know how much of a pieceof shit PewDiePie is.
Let's, like, as soon as, like I,I was, I was, I had encountered
a content creator who waspartnered with G Fuel and I'm
like, okay, I'm thinking I'vegot a few bucks to burn.
I think I'll go at least do a, acourtesy G fuel purchase.
And then I went to the G Fuelwebsite and I saw that dude's
face on the front page and I'mlike, Nope.

(50:55):
Can't do this.

Jamie (50:56):
Yeah, no,

Adan (50:57):
Yep.
that brand is dead to me.
Yes.
Cosmic a Roman salute.
she's streaming sub natica'causethere's a lot of material mining
that's hard to keep commentarygoing on.
Yeah.
And I've definitely seen otherstreamers do sub natica, but
they're probably, they'reprobably playing it in a
specific fashion that makes itentertaining to a viewer and not

(51:17):
fulfilling to the player.

Jamie (51:20):
And that sucks.
'cause like, I don't know, Iguess it can get to that point
with like a lot of streamerswhere they're literally just
doing it for the views, youknow?
So just doing it what everybodyelse wants and it's not what
they want at all.

Adan (51:35):
Yeah.
and I refuse to do that becauseI will ch, thi this is probably
like a neurodivergent trapping,but I'm not gonna force myself
to play a game that I'm notinterested in for the sake of
viewership numbers.
I'm here to indulge in my ownhappiness too, dammit.
And I'm grateful for everyonewho wants to join in on that
ride.
But comp, compromising my ownsense of joy, just for another

(51:57):
10 people to be added to anumber that really doesn't
matter that much.
not worth sacrificing myintegrity and my

Jamie (52:04):
it's literally just like faking an orgasm.
Like why would you do that?
Why would you do that to

Adan (52:09):
right?
W why would you rewardmediocrity?

Jamie (52:13):
Yeah, don't do that.
Get rid of him.

Adan (52:18):
Yep.
Streamline it for the sake ofyour own enjoyment.
that's what I feel like thismedium is all about.
and you know, in, at least in,in the initial few years before
a lot of IRL things took overthe, the other operating
philosophy was, if I don'tdisplay that, I give a shit
about this.
Who's gonna want to give a shitabout it?

(52:39):
so yeah, maybe for the first sixmonth, the really low-fi
presentation of, okay, camerahere, video game here, and go.
There needed to be, I felt thereneeded to be more substance than
that because I felt like thesource material that I'm mining
deserved better'cause.
I love my retro games.

(52:59):
I will happily, I will happilyfire up Super Mario Brothers
three with some Pizza Hut on aFriday night and play it like
I'm seven years old again.
That's a true joy right there.

Rebecca (53:10):
realized this is the adult version of Mom come, mom,
come watch me play.
Like when em was little and shewas playing, she's like, mom,
come watch me play.
So

Jamie (53:18):
It is

Rebecca (53:19):
this is just the adult version.
I love

Adan (53:21):
yeah.
And yeah, and, and even e evenmore to that point, it's, uh,
like, yeah, there's the mom Comewatch me play.
Or I've also heard, uh,streaming on Twitch re referred
to as busking with video games.
here I am on a virtual streetcorner playing, playing my
drums, but it's, you know,running really quickly through
Donkey Kong country.
Yes, Horing, horing myself outfor a, uh, for a console that I,

(53:46):
uh, that, that pulled severalhundred dollars out of me, and
I'll leave it at that.
I've, I quoted the real number,but I just, I don't, I feel a
little cringe quoting the

Jamie (53:54):
not gonna say the real number.
And he's like, okay, this, he'slike, this, uh, cartridge was
two 50.

Rebecca (53:59):
a Mitsubishi's worth of

Jamie (54:01):
He's like, now it's 700.
He is like, and 700.
But I'm not gonna tell you, I'mnot gonna tell you how much.

Adan (54:08):
Yeah.
It's'cause if I try to boil itdown into dollars and cents, if
I try to boil it down toprofitability, that, I feel
sabotage is the end goal.
I'm in it for the love of thegame.
I'm not here to make thousandsof dollars.
I'm not here to become.
Justin Wong or an Eternal enigmaor, any of, any other of the big

(54:29):
names you can think of in thestreaming space?
I am.
I, I can only be me.
Um, sure.
I will happily adapt other ideasfrom other streamers.
There's, there, there's twothirds of my stream is shit that
I straight up ripped off ofother streamers and just adapted
it in hopefully a clever fashionso that no one notices that.
Yeah, I was, I'm a giant ripoffartist, but that goes back to

(54:51):
what I said earlier.
Nothing we're doing is original.
We're standing on the shouldersof giants.
All we can do is to, hopefullyprogress the medium instead of,
instead of hold it back.
Because even here in 2025, as Isit here in the streaming chair,
I could still be someone's firstexperience.
In jumping onto a live streamingplatform, there's plenty of

(55:13):
people out there who have notexperienced, Twitch TV or even
any other Instagram lives.
YouTube live, whatever.
Ardell.
Hello friend.
yeah.

Jamie (55:25):
some, I had something to comment on and now I don't
remember.

Adan (55:29):
Was it something Zeki said?

Jamie (55:31):
No,

Adan (55:32):
Okay.

Jamie (55:33):
it usually is, but No,

Adan (55:34):
Is it'cause Mer Turtle has a cute cat.

Jamie (55:37):
that is a cute cat.

Adan (55:38):
Yeah.
You've seen Charlie.
Charlie is one of the mostadorable.

Jamie (55:42):
So plagiarism was really good.
Zeki, so we, we can't shout thatout.
Manic.
So plagiarism, I'll think of it,I guess.

Adan (55:50):
Yeah.
Sometimes the question falls outof your head.
Sometimes it sticks around, but,Even, even I'm kind of
forgetting'cause I know I washarping on one of the
fundamentals with which, withwhich I operate, and I've even
forgotten the tangent I went onfor that.

Rebecca (56:05):
How do you know you're done?

Adan (56:07):
I think I, I, I don't know when I'm done.
This is the hardest part aboutknowing when I'm done with all
of this is that I can sit therebetween streams.
I can have good conversationsand discord, good dms in other
places with other people in mycommunity.
And then I come on stream and Ihave an amazing stream.

(56:28):
I don't feel rusty, I feelconfident.
Everything locks into place.
I conduct the show perfectlyseamless from beginning to end.
and that reinvigorates megetting that refill of
encouragement from a goodstream.
it, it, sure, it sure does.
Quiet the voice of wanting toburn it down and walk away, but

(56:48):
the voice will always come back.
and that's one of thefrustrating things is when does
that voice actually have alegitimate claim to saying,
okay, it's, it's time to stopNow that you're, there are other
people who are doing it better.
Their, re retro gaming hasdefinitely reached a point where
it no longer needs this kind ofpush.

(57:09):
is it no longer personallysatisfying for me to stream so
many, so many factors go into.
My continued enjoyment of livestreaming.
and, but as time wears on, Istill feel closer.
It's watching those grains ofthe hourglass trickle on down to
the bottom part.
only IOO only, my problem is Ican't see what the top part of

(57:29):
that hourglass looks like.
I just keep on somehow gettingsome more grains of sand
trickling through thatbottleneck

Rebecca (57:38):
How has hosting a stream and hosting this
community like shown up in yourreal life?
Like have you, have you foundthat just in dealing with
people, it's given you newskills or like better tools in
your toolbox or like at work

Adan (57:50):
I, being, I've been at my current job for almost three
years and.
Being that I would'veinterviewed for this job back in
2022 when COVID fears were stillhigh, when, uh, when there was a
lot of remote interviews goingon.
being a live streamer helped togive the most polished remote

(58:13):
interview that these people haveever seen in their entire lives.
And I'm convinced that that'swhat helped, helped me land, not
one, but two jobs.

Jamie (58:21):
Were you in the darkness?

Adan (58:22):
Oh, I was, yeah.
I'm always in the darkness.
this room, this room cannot helpbut be dark.
You come into my bedroom,

Jamie (58:28):
like for a job interview,

Adan (58:29):
oh, I wasn't putting, I wasn't putting on the background
stuff.
I wasn't putting on the bluelight.
It was just, it was just whitelight.
I, I wasn't, I wasn't using my,my entire streaming, uh, my
entire streaming graphic set.
It was just my camera and witha, with a tasteful frame around
it.
And, uh, and that was it.
But being able to show up with aclear cam, uh, with a higher end

(58:53):
microphone.
That made me sound good.
and showing people, Hey,basically I wanted the
interviewers to be like, how didthis dude do this on WebEx kind
of thing.
it's a subliminal way of showinga technical prowess.
that's what's so cool about livestreaming is that there's so
much technical shit that goes onwith it.
And I've been, my, my entireadult career has been in it.

(59:15):
I am, I am a technologist bytrade.
Um, maternal, yes.
Elevating WebEx.
and, being a live streamer lendsitself to, you know, the job
thing.
Uh, the fact that it led to, uh,back in the fall of 23, having
my own manic con with asurprisingly wonderful turnout

(59:36):
from across the country inVegas.
There was a good, like, uh, 12of us, I wanna say that.
I'm like, wow, I actually havegravity here.
And, we all hung out.
I, I made sure to, to get arather large hotel room that we
could all, uh, gather in.
And it was all smiles, all love,all delicious food.

(59:56):
memories that will be cherishedforever.
Friendships that will carry on,whether I'm streaming or not.
People who I will want to stayin contact with for as long as
possible.
being, being a live streamer fora certain amount of time and
really making sure that you'reconnecting with people will
irreversibly change your life,hopefully for the better.

Jamie (01:00:17):
You.

Rebecca (01:00:18):
There been like other meetups afterward

Adan (01:00:19):
no.
There have been other, likesmaller, like I, I've gone and
hung out with other specificindividuals, uh, in their
respective cities, but no largermeetups, unfortunately.

Rebecca (01:00:31):
It's good to have that network though.
I mean, like if you are bringingpeople from across the country,
I mean, you never know whenyou're gonna need to move or
need a new job somewhere.
It's at least good to know

Adan (01:00:39):
Yeah, exactly.

Rebecca (01:00:41):
quality people.

Adan (01:00:42):
Yeah.
And it, and it kind of opens up,it changes one's possible travel
plans.
Like I've, I've been a fan ofthe Baltimore Ravens football
team for a very long time, andone of my community members
happens to live in the vicinityof that team, with, without
doxing them too hard or anythinglike that, even though they're
pretty open about that.
Um, but.

(01:01:03):
I'm like, well, maybe someday Imake sure that I hang out with
this person.
And, uh, and, and we go to acouple of games.
'cause I, I have an IRL bestfriend, who has a life goal of
visiting every major league,baseball park, every stadium
that a baseball team plays in.
And I'm like, well maybe thatkind of, uh, kind of rubs off a
little bit and I'll want to govisit other places.

(01:01:26):
And yeah, I may wanna, I mightwanna go see the, uh, I might
want to go see a, a bladeshockey game zeki, that would be,
uh, that would be enough, to getme over.
Or even like a Papa Roachconcert.

Jamie (01:01:38):
a Blades hockey game, a.

Adan (01:01:41):
That's what we're all about.

Rebecca (01:01:44):
right.
I'm done asking questions.
Jamie, it's your turn.

Jamie (01:01:46):
Well, I mean, I don't know.
I don't know if I have any morequestions.

Adan (01:01:50):
Oh, you have all of the

Jamie (01:01:52):
I have story, I have stories.
I could share stories, but

Adan (01:01:56):
yeah, I mean, a, a story is something that we can riff
on.
I mean, what, I mean, what wouldbe the biggest story that comes
to mind for you, Jamie?

Jamie (01:02:05):
I was joking.
I was actually like, I, youknow, just more sex stuff to
make Rebecca upset.

Adan (01:02:13):
and this one time at Super Nintendo World, it was a, a very
innocent and sweet visit thatwas getting go visiting
Universal Hollywood for thesecond time was just as good, if
not better than the first.

Jamie (01:02:25):
It better have been better than the first, I don't
even, what are you talkingabout?

Adan (01:02:30):
Yeah, it was by, by all measurements better.
'cause being able to walk intoyou threw me a birthday party, a
two person birthday party in thehotel room, but nevertheless,

Jamie (01:02:41):
With lots of

Adan (01:02:42):
a.

Jamie (01:02:42):
So manic, please tell everybody where they can find
you, what you're streaming nextwhen you're streaming next.

Adan (01:02:49):
Well, you can, um, officially on my schedule.
You can find me at Twitch tvslash man Socratic on Saturday.
I'll be doing a very long streaminvolving the Game Cube version
of The Legend of Zelda, the WindWaker Proper Game Cube version,
not the version that is found onNintendo Switch to switch
online, real n Real Game CubeHardware, real copy of Wind

(01:03:13):
Waker.
Um, and fall goes well.
I should be able to complete iton Saturday with a good, you
know, six or seven hour stream.
I like to, uh, occasionally popout along Saturday stream.
You might find me tomorrow nightbecause tomorrow night's an
unsanctioned, unscheduledstream, quote unquote.
I might get a little chaotic.

Jamie (01:03:32):
All right.
Love you guys.
Bye.

Rebecca (01:03:34):
love you guys.
Bye.

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