October 3, 2023 • 57 mins
Prepare for a profound exploration of vulnerability, resilience, and redemption with our guest, Cat Coley. Known for her storytelling prowess, Cat is a catalyst for change and a transformation coach who's had a roller-coaster journey, from the heights of the corporate world to the depths of a personal and professional crisis. This episode takes you through this journey, detailing how she grappled with a challenging legal battle, faced prison time, and ultimately, started anew.
Cat's story is far from ordinary. She reveals the raw truth about the consequences of her actions, the harsh reality of starting from scratch, and the power that lies within vulnerability and truth. She shares the struggle of overcoming past trauma, seeking validation, and gaining the courage to share her story as a tool for empowerment and connection. Our conversation is not just about her past, but also about the lessons she learned, the strength she discovered, and the resilience she displayed.
Towards the latter part of our discussion, we delve into the transformative power of sharing your trauma. Cat's experiences serve as a testament to the healing power of sharing our stories and the impact it creates. This episode is a stark reminder that our past does not define us and that sharing our traumas can lead to acceptance, inspire others, and ultimately, pave the way for profound change. Join us, as Cat's journey serves as an inspiration for anyone seeking to overcome adversity and rebuild their lives.
Mentioned in this Episode:
- Complimentary 40 min. 1:1 Call with Cat. In this 40 min. I can help them with the first steps of redifining & unpacking their story so they can begin repacking them to the right audience and create clarity, gain confidence and master client attraction.
Connect with Amber Annette:
Connect with Amber Annette:
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Amber Annette (00:02):
Welcome to the Business Psychic Podcast, the
show that helps you ignite yoursoul's purpose, turn up your
creativity and activate salesand marketing magic.
I'm your host, amber Annette,and I'm thrilled to be here with
you today to explore the depthof what it means to be a woman
in business.
I believe that business is morethan just making money.
It's about making a differenceand making your mark.
(00:24):
So sit back, get present andlet's dive in and uncover the
secrets to building a businesswith soul, purpose and magic.
Welcome back to another episodeof the Business Psychic.
I'm Amber Annette, your host,and I am so beyond thrilled and
(00:46):
honored to present the guestthat I have for you today, cap
Eau.
She helps women business ownerswho are ready to use the power
of their stories to make adifference and leave an impact.
As a storyteller, catalyst andtransformation consultant, she
is committed to helping herclients uncover the unique
narratives that will propeltheir life and business forward.
(01:09):
Cat has an innate passion forhelping us own our stories and
stand in our truths.
From experiencing her own fallfrom grace.
I have Cat here with me and herstory.
You are going to be blown awayby what she has experienced,
(01:30):
what she has learned and nowwhat she teaches and coaches and
helps women in business withCat.
I am freaking jazzed that youare here, like our first
connection we met, I don't know,maybe a month ago or so you did
a complimentary session with meand I was like, okay, first of
(01:51):
all, I think I might want towork with you and then, second
of all, you have to come on mypodcast because it takes a lot
to like.
First and foremost, it takes alot to get me to be quiet number
one and I remember sittingthere like mouth probably half
open, speechless, listening toyour story.
(02:11):
Ah, I'm so excited you're herefor this.
Cat Coley (02:15):
I am too.
I am too.
I thank you for having me.
Yes, it was one of thosekiss-matt moment, I think, where
we met and I was just tellingAmber that I don't even know how
I happened upon listening toher on her podcast, but I was
like who is she?
What is going on?
(02:35):
And I like dove deep, I did allthe things.
Like I was like, yes, get me onthe newsletter.
Yes, get me on the call.
Yes, I was like I'm there, butit happened so quickly and I was
so excited to speak with youfor the.
I think we had like a 15 minutecall I think that's what you're
thinking and I think it was 45minutes later and we were like,
(02:57):
oh, my God, this is.
You know, we've gone away over,but we had so much to talk
about and just the connectionwas just there.
And thus here we are.
So I am just as excited andthrilled to be here because, you
know, when I first heard you, Iwas so intrigued by what you do
.
I like, I was so intrigued bywhat you do and dove straight in
(03:19):
.
Like I said, I was like sign meup wherever you have.
Amber Annette (03:22):
I just like sign up.
I hope everybody feels that wayand has that experience.
Thank you.
Cat Coley (03:27):
Yeah, I can imagine that they do.
Amber Annette (03:30):
Well, I want I don't even know like how to
invite you to start telling yourstory, but since you are, like,
the expert of storytelling, I'mgoing to let you just start to
you know, share with ouraudience how you have reached
the point that you have reached,because when I tell you, like
(03:53):
when I heard you tell it thefirst time, I can't wait to hear
you tell it again and I can'twait for, like, the inspiration
that comes from it.
It's just so.
I'll let you kind of start withhow you got to this point where
you are now.
Cat Coley (04:05):
Okay, so just you know, obviously I need to give
you the context in thebackground of what we do, of
what I do.
So I am a business storyteller,coach and transformation coach.
I always say this job chose mebefore it versus me choosing it.
I love that.
And so what happened was Ispent many, many moons 20 plus
(04:31):
years in the corporate world,coming up from a very, very
young age.
I started and worked my way upthis corporate ladder.
I had a very, very intense jobfrom a very young age lots and
lots of responsibility, all thethings, and I really thought
that was going to be the youknow the direction I was going
to go.
That being said, I washarboring a pretty big secret
(04:57):
that would derail me from mycorporate world, my corporate
ladder.
And again, you know, I try notto keep anyone in suspense
because I don't share it to youknow, for the shock and awe of
it, but just to tell you justthe journey of how I got here.
So, very early in my career, Imade some really, really
terrible, terrible decisions.
It made some really badmistakes that just kind of
(05:22):
compounded because that's whathappens when you do, you know,
make mistakes like this.
So I was embezzling money fromthe company that I worked for
and it was a huge corporation,let me just put it that way but
I hid the secret for a very,very long time and I thought I
was saying, oh, I'm going to bea big hit, I'm going to be the
only person that knew about it.
(05:42):
It turns out I wasn't theperson who I thought, who worked
in a different location, adifferent department than I did,
figured out what I was doing.
She was actually an accountingand figured out what I was doing
.
And from the very onset and Iagain was young, did not,
(06:03):
regardless of how old I was Iknew right from wrong.
And there was a fork in theroad and I chose the wrong side
of the fork.
But unfortunately that decisionled to bigger decisions and it
started to become one of thoseyou know, robbing Peter to pay
Paul situation and it lasted fora very long time and it was
very guilt-ridden.
(06:24):
But I was also working my wayup in this company, which was a
kind of a terrible thing becauseI worked really, really hard.
But I had this huge secret.
And when I say it took a longtime to get here, it took many,
many years to get here and up tothe point where I am the
associate director of this hugecorporation there's 70, 80,000
employees in all and the personthat initially found out about
(06:48):
what I was doing I had hired as,initially as my assistant, and
then she grew with me in mydepartment.
And unbeknownst to me, she wasdoing the same thing.
I don't know if we talked aboutthis in what you said no.
I didn't dive into this.
I told you there was a lot ofbits and parts, so I'm been a
sweet the plot thickens.
(07:10):
And it plot thickens, I'm beennoticing she was doing the same
exact thing To my I had no idea,but at a much bigger scale.
So she was being investigatedat the end because it was just
there, was things were justgoing, you know, wrong.
And they brought me in becauseI was her direct supervisor, I
(07:31):
was the associate director, so Iwas right about her.
So they bring me into thisoffice and I'm like okay, this
is it, like I am.
You know, when you're guilty ofsomething like this, every
phone call like the vicepresident would call, accounting
would call, and I was like thisis it?
They found out I'm dead and sothey brought me in, they bring
me into this room and there'spiles and piles of folders.
(07:51):
I'm like this is it?
And then they're like okay, wehave a situation and we need
your help.
I'm like, okay, maybe it's notabout me.
And they start to discusswhat's going on.
They've had some complaints andthey started looking into it
and it's gotten bigger andbigger.
And because I was her directsupervisor, they needed some
help and so I had to suspend herpending an investigation.
(08:15):
And this investigation went onfor a couple of weeks.
Well, I was freaking out, asyou can imagine, because I was
like, do I say something?
Do I do?
I was so scared, as you know,and I think anyone would be in
my position, and I stayed quiet.
But I figured it was just goingto be inevitable that they look
(08:36):
into one, they will look intoall.
So what I didn't realize wasthat while I was trying to get
in contact with her and shewasn't answering my phone calls,
she'd gone around me and saidyeah, I'll come in, but I have
something to share with you.
What I didn't know was she hadput all the information she had
(08:57):
from the original time, from thefirst time she started to
figure out what I had done manymoons ago, and put that in her
back pocket and brought that out.
So the investigation thenturned on me.
So they took me off, did theyjust said we're just going to
continue investigating and we'llgive you an update again.
Not me knowing that they havestarted an army.
Amber Annette (09:20):
Now they've started investigating you.
Cat Coley (09:23):
Yes.
Amber Annette (09:23):
Oh my gosh.
Cat Coley (09:24):
So a couple of weeks later they're like this is the
reason why, when you know whatthey say, don't go into HR at
four o'clock in the afternoon ona Friday.
Amber Annette (09:32):
Oh yeah, this is that reason.
Cat Coley (09:33):
That was me, so they call me and they said come on in
.
We're going to update you onwhat's happening.
I was like, okay, still, ofcourse, nervous, because at this
point, those couple of weeks,or however long it took to get
there, I was going.
Do I say something, do I not?
I'm sure they're just like Iwas, pinned the needles.
(09:54):
And so I walk into HR and Iremember this till this day and
every time I talk about it Iremember him.
There was a gentleman, when Ifirst walked in that had never
been in any of the meetings thatI had been part of and he was
just in the corner.
I thought I'd be the first onethere, but he was, and he was in
the corner and he had his headdown.
He just had a notepad and a penand he didn't even he looked up
(10:16):
.
When I first walked in and lookback down and I said hello, he
said nothing and in my head Iwas like, well, that's curious,
I've never seen him before.
And then my heart started tobeat.
From that point I was like,okay, little feels a little bit
different than everyone startedto walk in.
I'm saying hi, and no one'skind of looking me in the eye,
(10:37):
no one's making eye contact, forobvious reasons, and then they
sit down and then they saidwe'll update you on that
situation, but we've got acouple of questions for you.
And I was like okay.
And then they push a folderopen and they said, can you tell
(10:57):
us about this?
And I look and I mean I wasdone, I was done, I just knew.
And I was like, yeah, I wasthere for four hours.
I first denied it, becausethat's what you do when you're
found guilty and you're in shock.
And then, for the first andthen it was our vice president.
There was a whole thing.
(11:17):
He had to get up and speak tothe president of the company and
it just so I was suspendedpending an investigation.
So the tables had turned.
Something that was to happen acouple of weeks ago was now
happening to me, and the wholeworld just literally fell apart
that moment.
My partner at the time I had noidea, no one, and I thought I
(11:40):
was the only person that knewthis no one had any idea.
So I had to go home and tellhim bits of this, because I
couldn't even divulge all of it.
It was just too much at thetime.
So I told him as little as Icould, just to kind of get it,
to give him some information asto where I had been, because I
was gone for four hours.
They took my phone, they tookeverything, so I had no way to
(12:02):
contact anybody and then thatwas when kind of the nightmare
began.
So I was let go, obviously, andthen they told me, you know,
it'd be in my best interest tohire a lawyer.
So I went and hired a lawyerand I was recommended to one and
this is the other part thatagain the parts of my story gets
(12:23):
really, really interesting.
So I hired a lawyer, the bestlawyer that I could afford but
would still be a prettyprominent lawyer.
And then it's a very small townwhere I live.
It's a big town but it's a verysmall community with what I do
(12:45):
for work, and everyone knew,like the whole everyone knew.
So I couldn't find a job.
I was trying to find somethingto do, a different job, but I
couldn't because once the lawgot out, it got out.
So my partner and I had anopportunity to move to Southern
California.
I thought it was just the newstart while this whole thing was
pending, but it really was,just guys running away.
(13:06):
And so we moved and I, westarted a whole new life in
Southern California and we toldnobody what was happening and I
just went back and forth to docourt proceedings.
So I pled guilty and all thesethings.
Three years had gone by betweenthe time it happened.
(13:29):
So it was almost like the 11thhour and they filed the motion
to go to court to sue me and Iwent back and forth, like I said
, between that time I gotmarried, I started a new job, I
was flourishing in my new joband I was the exact time to go
to marketing for this wonderful,wonderful company.
(13:53):
I got married, I had a baby andthen I went in for sentencing.
So this part I don't share witha lot of people because it's
part of it, but it gets a littletoo deep.
But I think you should knowthat the person that I hired in
those three years was now theattorney, the district attorney
(14:20):
for the city.
So in the span of three years,from the time I hired him until
the time I was prosecuted, hebecame my lawyer, then into the
person, the office thatprosecuted me.
So it's so uncanny.
I have two letters from him,one that says I am going to be
your lawyer, I'll berepresenting you, and then, a
(14:44):
couple of years later, it's hisletter hat that says my office
is will be prosecuting you for.
Amber Annette (14:51):
How is that not a conflict of interest?
Cat Coley (14:54):
It was a huge conflict, so I was handed off to
somebody else in his office hisold office so he can no longer
practice, of course.
But there is obviously clientlawyer confidentiality and there
was a huge conflict of interestbecause I divulged everything,
of course, and so I went intosentencing.
(15:18):
But through this process, theyask, they do an investigation,
and then they say OK, well,based on your lack of criminal
history, what kind of crime thiswas?
This is considered a whitecollar crime.
We suggest probation five years, but probation nonetheless.
(15:38):
And they were like perfect,that's what will.
That's wonderful, we'll takethat suggestion.
Usually the judge listens towhatever is suggested, because
they've done their due diligence.
Amber Annette (15:52):
I know it's coming and I'm already holding
my breath for this, so I walkinto sentencing.
Cat Coley (15:57):
I was so confident.
I was feeling I was scared, butI was so confident.
The lawyer was like, this isexactly what we need.
I also remember my lawyerwalking into the courtroom with
me and I was the only personthere because I didn't want
anyone there.
My family was like, should wego?
And my sister and my brother,well, I'm like, no, I'll go,
I'll just get this over with andwe'll just, we'll just move on
(16:18):
with our lives.
And so I drove from Californiainto Nevada just so you know
that's where it was at the stateand stayed at my sister's and
woke up the next day, my courtdate.
My time was eight o'clock.
I'm in line.
Here's the funny part.
So I'm walking into the courtand I hadn't seen some of the
people that I worked with in avery long time, and so some
(16:39):
people looked familiar, but Ididn't know.
Like you know, when you seesomebody and you're like, I know
you, but I don't exactly knowwhere I know you from, and I
just couldn't picture that first, for it's been three years, so
I didn't realize that I was likebehind the people that I had
worked previously from.
They were all there to you know, come watch me and you know,
against my probation sentence.
(17:00):
And I was smiling because I waslike, I was just like, hi, you
know, I was just like, you know,friendly.
And they were probably like andthen, as I, when I walk into
court and I see them on theother side, I was like, oh okay.
I know where they I was likethat's who they are.
Okay, I'm like smiling at them,Like I have no, like no, no, no
regrets or anything.
And so so come sentencing.
(17:22):
So I walk into the courtroom, Ilook over at my lawyer and he
was like we've got this.
I know you're scared.
He's like if you don't getprobation, I will stop
practicing law tomorrow.
And I was like, well, that'spretty confident.
I love that confidence.
So we walk in my, you know, my,my case gets called and we go up
(17:44):
front and the judge is talking,and so the thing that my lawyer
was saying was okay, what wewant to hear, the words we need
to hear, is suspended sentence,which means probation.
And I was like, okay, let'sfocus in on that.
Suspended sentence, suspendedsentence.
And I'm hearing the judge andI'm, I'm, I'm.
He's asking me questions, soI'm replying to him, but I'm
like honed in on that, and sohe's going, going, going and he
(18:07):
says you know, he's reprimandingme like no other.
You know, he is giving me likethe third degree, the fourth
degree, the fifth degree, andI'm getting, I'm taking it.
I understand, I understandtaking, you know, my, my
beatings.
And he says I, I remand you,starting today, to stay present.
Amber Annette (18:30):
The state prison.
Cat Coley (18:31):
And I was like I'm sorry, did he say state prison?
And my lawyer was like justwriting.
And I was like what's happening?
And I could hear the buzz ofthe courtroom and I'm like, ok,
what's happening, what'shappening?
And I'm just like what's goingon?
And then I see I'd seen, priorto the judge, kind of
reprimanding me, the bailiff.
(18:53):
I will never forget this again,but there's moments that you
never forget.
I'd see the bailiff.
He left the judge's side andwalked all the way around, not
realizing that he was standingright behind me.
And so I'm standing there and asthe judge gives you the
sentence, and it was 19 to 48months in state prison, and the
bailiff, it was all happening.
(19:14):
There was too many thingshappening at once.
And the bailiff behind me waslike drop your purse.
And I was like I'm sorry, what?
Because I was holding my purseand he's like drop your purse.
And I said why?
And he said drop your purse.
And so I dropped my purse, hegrabbed both my hands and
handcuffed me right in court.
(19:35):
And I'm looking at my lawyergoing what is happening?
And he's like I'm sorry, I'm sosorry, I'm sorry.
And I was like what ishappening?
I'm like you're not telling me.
All you're saying is sorry,what's happening?
And he's like I'm so sorry, Ididn't think this was going to
happen.
I'm so sorry, and I was likewhat's happening?
He's like you're going toprison and I'm like I'm going to
(19:58):
prison and he's like yes, andthen at that point the judge
banged his gavel and they wenton to the next case.
The whole room exited, everyoneis staring at me, I'm led to
the back of the courtroom to sitdown and handcuff and my purse
is still up there and I'm likemy purse and my lawyer is
walking away and I'm like whatis happening?
(20:18):
I don't understand.
And so those same exact people,the same people that was on the
other side of this I wassmiling at, was smiling at me
now as they're walking out thecourtroom, knowing that I'm
going to prison, and which iswhat they had wanted from the
beginning.
So the lawyer left, my lawyerleft and I said call my husband.
And he's like what's his number?
(20:40):
And I'm like I don't know.
I don't know.
I was like at the time I waslike I don't know, just in shock
, and I was just like, yeah, Iwas just in utter shock, and so
the whole courtroom.
So after mine there was likeone or two more cases and then
the whole room is recessed andI'm the only person left in
there.
So all the other people thathad come in from the jail, who
(21:01):
were going there, who weregetting in front of the judge
for their case, they were alllit back.
Everyone on the prosecutingside of things all left, the
judge left, Everyone left.
I am the only person in thereand, I kid you not, when I
thought I'm being pumped I waslike this is a joke, they're
(21:23):
trying to teach me a lesson.
Amber Annette (21:25):
I remember just thinking they're going, it just
didn't set in it.
Cat Coley (21:28):
Just nothing had set in, because everything was just
a fog.
And I think I really thought,if I walked out the back door,
like would anyone stop me?
What would happen?
And I really considered it.
I really considered going oneto say did you all forget me?
Or two, to say this is all ajoke, and before, thank goodness
(21:51):
I could make that decision,because I really was thinking
about it.
I can't see why the bailiff cameback and he grabbed me, grabbed
my purse, and then we walkedout the side door that led to
the jail, which is funny.
It's like a whole other worldback there, like it's like
behind the cloak.
You walk into those side doorsand it's a whole other world.
(22:12):
And that started the nightmarefor me.
I was in jail and then I wentstraight to maximum prison and I
remember the bailiff saying healready knew.
I think they already know.
They know because they knowwhat the judge's decision is
going to be, so they couldprepare.
(22:33):
He's like, yeah, I'm sorry,because that's the reason why he
walked all the way aroundbehind me before the judge could
say in case I bolted orsomething.
And so he said, yeah, he's likeyou know, you know.
But the good thing is thatyou're only going to be here for
19 months.
He's like I would think 19months, I was like 19 months and
(22:54):
at the time, 19 months endedlike 19 years and he's like,
yeah, he goes.
Oh, yeah, he's like, yeah,that's the minimum you have to
stay.
And in my heart it's just I,you know.
So I went through all thethings.
Amber Annette (23:07):
So were you like crying Were you just like in
shock.
Cat Coley (23:10):
I was in complete shock.
I was in complete shock.
I was then taken to the jail.
I was booked, I was mugshot, Iwas fingerprinted, I the whole
bit.
Then I got my phone call you doget the phone call and I called
my husband and he at that pointhad somehow the lawyer had
called him I don't know how hefound his number, but I might
(23:30):
have given it to him at somepoint and reassuring me that we
were going to get another judge,we were going to get a
different trial, we were goingto get this appeal, we were
going to do everything.
And so I literally walked in tocourt and did not walk out
until 19 months later.
(23:50):
I went to jail.
I was there for a few weeks.
I was transferred to high, tomaximum security.
I was there for three monthsand then you get kind of
repositioned or they place youin different places depending on
what level of crime you have.
But because Nevada doesn't havea medium level security, you
(24:12):
have to kind of go through thesystem.
So you have to go through themaximum security, which is a
whole other story in it itself.
And then I was transferred frommaximum security to kind of at a
camp level and then to a workrelease community where I was
able to work but I had to takepublic transportation, could
(24:33):
have access to electronics ortech.
Obviously you couldn't seefamily or friends, but I lived
in a facility where they housedboth men and women, but it was
at a community level.
So that was 19 months of mylife and the whole time I was
apart from my daughter, I wasapart from my husband and I did
everything I could to get out at19 months.
(24:55):
So my sentence was 19 to 48months.
I could have been gone any timein between.
I had to go in front of theparole board, state my case,
that I was regretful and all thethings, and then they decided
if I would leave at 19 monthsand they don't tell you that
until very, very close to the 19months if you're approved or
not.
So I was like and then I leftFingers crossed, fingers crossed
(25:16):
.
To the day.
So I came home after I'd gonethrough that ordeal, came home
and wanted just to get back tomy life, get back to my family,
get back to my daughter, getback to my just what I life as I
knew it.
And unfortunately, life as Iknew it had changed completely.
So my partner, my ex-husbandnow, we got on very, very well.
(25:42):
But I had no idea, I did notrealize that he had moved on to
a different relationship while Iwas away.
And so I came home and the dayafter I came home he asked where
it was and I was still kind ofin this shock of this whole
thing.
Our friends had thrown us aparty and it was just a very
(26:06):
surreal.
It was very surreal to be therewith my daughter, who I didn't
see very often while I was away,and my husband, who might as
well been a stranger at thattime because we were just so far
apart and the vet that hewanted a divorce and so trying
to pretend that I was happy andexcited to be home while kind of
(26:27):
having to internally deal withall these things, it was a lot.
And so I came home from thisordeal.
It felt like I'd left for inprison and just kind of walked
into another, because I camehome I had nothing.
I had no.
I had no job.
I'd have a place to live.
I had no money.
I'd have husband.
What I had was a daughter andthat was all I knew.
(26:49):
And so that was the only thingthat really kept me going while
I was away, because I felt myhusband and I obviously the
distance between us.
But my light was two things mydaughter and my sister.
Those were the two things thatwere keeping me really truly
alive and going and being ableto go.
Okay, I can do one more day.
Okay, I can do one more day.
(27:10):
Because there you, just youtake it day by day.
I mean, it really is that.
So I came home and I wasfortunate enough to still have
some connections and I was ableto find a job.
But little by little, there isthis thing inside of me that
kept wondering why I'd gonethrough the things I'd gone
through just to go through it,Like I felt like I didn't go
(27:32):
through that just to go throughit.
But there was also theseoutside influences and voices
around me family and friendsthat were like just go on, get
on with your life.
Just, you know, see this underthe rug, never speak about it
again.
You've paid your debt tosociety, move on More.
So my family, because I canimagine you know the amount of
shame and embarrassment thatthis brought onto them my
parents especially and they werejust like just move on with
(27:53):
your life and if it's not gonnabe with your ex, then move on,
which is obviously much harderto do than it is to say.
So I started a new job andgoing kind of back to what I was
doing, but at a smaller scale,but there was this fire inside
of me and I felt like I neededto get this out of me, this
story, at the very least.
(28:14):
So I did start seeing atherapist, but then I kept going
okay, what else?
Now I've gone through that,like I understand all those
reasons and I understood, youknow, the importance of having
someone to speak to, but I wasjust like, but what else?
So I started speaking to a smallgroup of women that I had met
through my job, and a lot ofthem were women entrepreneurs.
(28:36):
The funny thing was and I'dnever even tapped into that
world just because I was acorporate girl for so long and
one of them, you know, asked meto share my story in her small
group, that people she met, thatshe met with regularly.
And so the first time I sharedthis story, I wasn't sharing it
like this, believe me, I was.
(28:57):
You know, I could barely getthrough it Because I was just,
you know, still unboxingeverything and you know, and
dealing with things as they cameand it took me so long to get
to, you know, even to say I wentto prison Like I would like I
would war like I.
Now I start my story with thatversus this, where I would be,
(29:17):
like you know, five hours laterto get to that part.
So I started sharing in thosesmall groups and then the
amazing thing happened wasbecause it me sharing and being
vulnerable and being open asmuch as I could at the time
really gave other womenpermission to start sharing
their stories with me.
(29:38):
And that's when this little atthe time, I didn't, I had no
idea that this was even a thing,and I just was sharing and they
were sharing with me.
And then we were findingourselves in these small, really
safe places to share and I, youknow, I got braver and braver,
as did the group of people thatI was with, and then from there
(30:00):
they asked me to bring you know,they asked me to speak to
another, and then that's kind ofhow this whole thing really
began and it started.
And then I was still doing thejob and I was kind of at this
crossroads again and I was like,okay, it feels like I'm being
pulled this way, but I don'tknow what this way is.
I don't even know what the heckthis is.
(30:20):
I have no idea what this worldwould even look like or it does
look like, or if it's even athing, but it just feels like I
am being pulled there.
But I also have a daughter andI have, you know, I need to roof
over her head, I need, you know, all the necessities in life.
I've got some, you know, I'vegot, I've had responsibilities,
and so I was like, okay, howlong could I do this for you
(30:41):
know, separately?
And then the universe answeredand I got pulled into HR on a.
Friday afternoon.
Oh gosh, on a Friday afternoonto let me know that my position
was being eliminated because thecompany wasn't doing as well
and I was last in, first out.
And so I was like, okay, I couldeither look at this and be like
(31:04):
holy crap and freak out andpart of me of course did or I
could look at this as saying,okay, like this is, this is the
answer.
I maybe didn't want to, I wouldwant to give myself, but the
universe is like you're overlytoo scared, you're too scared,
we'll do it for you.
And so this is where the birthof what I had you know where,
(31:27):
this, what I do now, started.
This is it.
So I then started to speakabout and just share my story,
but also combine that with the20 plus years that I had in
corporate world, which ismarketing and system and sales.
And so it just kind of happenedto be that I pulled from my
(31:47):
experience and my expertise, butthen started to pull from what
I have brought myself from, fromthe several layers of rock
bottom.
I always say that, but the bookthat I'm gonna write is gonna
say that.
You know, I had no idea my rockbottom had a basement and a sub
basement and a garage and astorage facility, cause that's
(32:09):
basically where I was likefinding myself each and every
time I thought I was at rockbottom and then I hit somewhere
lower, I'd hit somewhere lower,I'd hit somewhere lower, but I
found ways to bounce back andthat's where my podcast started
from, which is bounce back likea badass.
And my business came from andit's just about sharing our
(32:31):
stories and really sharing it,but owning it.
I have a lot of regret about mystories, a lot.
I am not.
I don't look at it, as you know, as I don't wear it as a badge
of honor, but I know thatwithout it I would not be here.
So it is a part of me,regardless of if you know.
Of course I regret it.
(32:51):
I'm ashamed of the things andembarrassed of the things that I
mistakes that I've made, but Iam proud of where it has taken
and that is where I help myclients do as well.
I loved you the first time.
Amber Annette (33:06):
I met you.
I love you even more now.
You've literally just becomeone of my favorite human beings.
Aw, thank you.
And I remember like I havethought of you so many times
since our first interaction.
Kat and I'm just you know, I'veheard you say a couple of times
you've used the word safe, butmy gosh, to do what you have
done has taken so much braveryand I just I'm really inspired
(33:30):
by you and it takes a lot fromme To be inspired by people.
I mean to just pick up and tobounce back like a badass is I
mean, and I'll.
I remember when you said thatto me before.
You know, rock bottom has sevenlayers and I have thought about
that a few times.
So I mean, just in all you know, for telling stories and for
(33:52):
being raw, I mean, obviously Ihave to stay in alignment here
and be vulnerable.
Today, if I'm gonna host you onmy podcast, I'm in the middle
of a divorce right now, andthere are these moments where
I'm like, okay, this is it, thisis what Kat said, this is this
has got to be the seventh layer,this has got to be it right
(34:12):
here, it can't go deeper.
And then boom, you know so,boom it just, nope, just kidding
.
There's the.
That was just layer three, youknow, or whatever, but I love it
.
I love the analogy of that andI mean I could have you probably
(34:34):
five more episodes to ask youso many questions.
I have a couple and the one thatlike really hits me the most, I
think, is, as you are tellingthe beginning of your story and
you're talking about having thesecret.
Was there ever a point that youfelt relief when it was out in
(34:57):
the open?
Were you just like I don't haveto harbor this anymore, like at
that?
At what point did you ever haveyou ever got to experience
relief from this?
Cat Coley (35:10):
The moment it happened.
I will tell you the moment thatI maybe not necessarily that
moment, sitting in HR, butshortly thereafter, and I looked
, I've always looked at this andpeople have always asked me
like, do you hate or not like?
Or the person Because sherevealed?
(35:32):
Ultimately, regardless if shedid that at that point, or it
would have been months later,when the investigation, I'm
certain, went into all of usBecause when there's one,
there's possibly many and theinvestigation wasn't going to
stop with her I always say no,hate her.
No, no, by any means I don'thate her.
(35:54):
She was doing what she probablythought she needed to do to
survive herself.
I said, but no, I said she gaveme my freedom.
Really, truly, I didn't, youknow, obviously, for 19 months I
didn't have it, but truly, shegave me the freedom because I
wasn't brave enough or didn'thave the courage to do it myself
(36:14):
.
And she did.
She did it for me, which is,you know, courageous in a
different way, just in adifferent way.
But no, she believed me.
So, absolutely, I thought aboutit, you know, maybe not in the
midst of finding lawyers and allof those things, but from the
(36:37):
get go, she really, it was a lot.
I was scared a lot and so itwas, you know, a catch 22,
because I was, I did well in myjob, I did really, really well
in my job.
But I also had such this big,big secret and it always felt
(36:59):
like for me, all of theaccolades I would get, you know,
I didn't deserve, because Iknew deep down that I was doing
something terrible behind it.
So it was just thesedouble-edged swords.
So, yeah, absolutely I, fromthe get go.
I praise her for doing what shedid.
Amber Annette (37:18):
And you know, I think that the next thing that
comes in for me is, you know, Itake, I guess, maybe pride and
not worrying about what otherpeople think about me a lot.
You know, if I have an idea, Iput it out.
If I, you know, have an opinion.
It's not like I'm like inpeople's faces or get
(37:39):
confrontational about thingslike, but I don't really concern
myself too much with whatpeople's opinions are.
I don't really have anyopinions of army, but I'm
putting myself in your shoes andthinking about how these
decisions from how long ago wasit now?
Cat Coley (38:01):
Oh gosh.
Well, from in my early 20s,when it first started, I'm in my
40s now, so 20 years ago, andI'm in my 40s now.
Amber Annette (38:11):
So how do you move through life not thinking
that this is still affecting youyou know what I mean Like or
thinking that people are makingdecisions about who you are now
based off of things you've donein your past.
How do you keep moving forwardnot caring about that?
Oh, I still care.
Cat Coley (38:32):
I am a people pleaser at heart and so it's still very
innate in me and it issomething I have to work through
and I know that about myself.
I didn't necessarily know thatabout myself going into this,
into business, until I startedto reveal more and more about me
(38:53):
and I started to really careabout the way in which I said it
with depending on who was inthe audience, and that's when I
started to realize, okay, I ammaybe trying to sugarcoat this
or maybe I'm trying to not layerit on so thick, depending on
who's here because and I kept onasking myself why I would do
that and the answer is because Icare about what they think
(39:15):
about me and so it's difficultto put you know your dirty
laundry out there and see him asif I wear as a badge of honor
and again, I remind people Idon't, but it is a part of me
but to also not care about howthey make their decisions, about
if they're going to be workingwith me, if they trust me.
(39:37):
So I am very, very upfront withmy story and I find that to be
something that maybe notnecessarily I did in the very
beginning, because the forwardfacing part of my business was
more systems and sales, and thenI would kind of layer back in
the story and this is kind ofthe competition we had when we
(39:58):
first.
That I I'm going back to theorigins of why I started my
business, because it kind of itpivoted because more and more
clients were coming from themarketing side of things, which
I was fine with, but it wasn'treally where my heart was at.
And so pivoting back from ourconversation in that way has led
me to and I've always been veryupfront with this story, but
(40:22):
even more so now if it doesn'talign with your values and all
the things, then there isprobably no reason why we need
to go on and I need to be okaywith that.
You make that decision.
That is your prerogative.
So I'm still very sensitive toanswer your question.
I still am very, very sensitiveto that but also the fact that
(40:43):
I have finally told the personin my life that's the most
important person to me about allof this, which is my daughter.
So she was barely one when Ileft and I've been wanting to
tell her the story of what I haddone and why.
There are bits and pieces andquestions that she may have and
things that I can't answer forher, like her first word when
(41:06):
she first started walking herfor all the first I missed.
I missed all of those.
And her dad was in the midst ofbeing a Zidgo parent, so it's
not like he was writing any ofthese things down.
And so I, when she's asked mein the past, I've always, you
know, just kind of skirtedaround it, or I would say data,
because I would assume that'swhat it was, because that's who
was there.
(41:26):
But I've I've finally been ableto sit down and talk to her
about this, and so that was the,the conversation that I was
looking forward to the most andthe one that I was most scared
of to have.
I was excited when she wasyoung, but as she grew older and
I started thinking she's goingto form opinions about me and
who I am and how I got here, Istarted to get really scared and
(41:47):
I started to put off theconversation more and more.
I said I would do it when shewas nine, then when she was 10,
and then now she's 11.
And so I did it just reallywhen she turned 11.
But in that sense that that heropinion is the one that matters
the most to me, and I knowshe'll.
You know, at the momenteverything is okay, but I know
(42:09):
how this works.
I know she will probably be intherapy somewhere and I'm okay
with that and I hope that that'swhere she goes, but that that's
really the opinion that mattersmost to me and everyone else
doesn't really matter.
But it's something that I haveto remind myself because I
really love it when people likeme.
I that's just, you know part ofthe, it's a part of my DNA, and
(42:32):
when they find out about mystory and you know they back
away or you know it does hit me,it does and I had to have like
have that roll off my shoulder.
Yeah, for sure it still.
It's very concerning.
Amber Annette (42:50):
So, in true the business psychic fashion, I'm
going to kind of blend a littlebit of like some ideas that are
coming to me as you're talking,some things that have come
through, and I don't know thatwe're going to call this
necessarily a business reading,but the first thing that comes
to me is post traumatic storydisorder, because I was like, oh
(43:18):
yeah, as you're talking, itmakes me know.
Of course we have verydifferent stories, right, but I
could feel the hesitancy risingup in me as I think about when I
was younger, having to explainand tell people how I was, you
know, 15 and had a two year oldbecause I had my daughter.
(43:41):
You know, when I was, I hadjust turned 14, I got pregnant
when I was 13.
And I experienced so muchembarrassment and shame and
judgment and every single time Iwould tell somebody my age and
they would be like, oh, theywould just give me this reaction
(44:03):
.
This like yes, like, oh my God.
I know that reaction Right,Right, and so I, even to this
day now my daughter is 28, isthe most amazing human being on
this planet, is one of my bestfriends.
(44:23):
We are incredibly close.
Cat Coley (44:26):
I can imagine how close you guys are.
Amber Annette (44:28):
Oh my gosh, I'm so incredibly proud of her
Business owner, successful,married, about to have, you know
, start trying to get pregnant,all the things.
And even to this day with that,when I tell people like new
people like that I haven't metbefore, I'll be like oh yeah,
this is my daughter, she's 28.
What you have, a 20.
It's just like that.
(44:48):
It causes like physicalreaction and it brings you back,
doesn't it?
It brings me back to like being,yeah, like 14 years old and
like people just like, oh, I'mso happy, oh, it was awful.
I in fact, for a long time Ilied about my age.
I would lie to be older so thatpeople wouldn't put two and two
together, or I would voidconversations completely about
(45:11):
like I didn't get to graduatehigh school because I had two
kids before I was even 18, youknow.
So as I'm listening to yourstory, I kept feeling this post
traumatic story disorder comeforward and I feel like that's
not mine to bring to the world,but that idea is for you to
bring into the world, theconcept of that.
(45:31):
I can't imagine how many womenout there like it brings tears
to my eyes, cat like how manywomen and men doesn't doesn't
even have to be.
Just how many people out therehave this like post traumatic
story disorder?
And yet it's that story that'sgoing to heal them.
It's that story that's going toheal others or inspire others
or move or motivate others.
(45:55):
So I just feel like do somethingwith that, please Like.
It's just so much power behindthat.
Cat Coley (46:02):
I think when you, when I was saying earlier I
think you nodded when I saidthat when I shared my story, as
scared as I was, is it gavepeople permission to start to
share theirs that I would getpulled off stages and I would.
You know, people would tell meabout.
You know the traumas thatthey've been through or they're
(46:24):
currently going through.
You know there's one woman whotold me that she was at the
moment, at that moment,attending this conference.
She was homeless and living ina homeless shelter with her son
and she was starting to gettrying to get her business going
.
And she has, and we work, andthey're working together and she
has and she's done amazing, butbut it's just.
(46:46):
I think it just is a safe placeto land.
Not that you're comparingtraumas by any means, like yeah
no it's not that it's like oh,your trauma is, you know, more
than mine, less than mine,greater, whatever it is, it's
just that like it just gives youtrauma.
Amber Annette (47:03):
Trumping yeah, exactly, exactly.
Is that one to trauma?
I like that.
Cat Coley (47:12):
I'm writing these down, as you can tell, but it
just gives you just a space tosay, okay, like I can share this
, it's okay to share this.
And it just takes the weight offin the same sense that when I
started to share in the spacesthat allowed me to share the
bits and pieces that I could puttogether of my story, because
(47:32):
it was so difficult to puttogether at the time that it was
just like I would walk awayfeeling just even just tiny bit
lighter that I didn't have tohold onto these stories, that I
didn't have to keep it insideand I didn't have to lie,
because people would always asklike, where did you go for a
year and a half?
And I'd be like, well, you know, just because I was so ashamed
(47:54):
of telling them all of it,because if I told one bit of
that story I had to tell it allright, I just can't say I was in
prison, okay for what?
But I was away, okay for what?
Or I was getting a divorce.
They're like, oh my God, thelast time we saw you, you guys
were like having a baby and whathappened.
And I'm just like, well, wheredo I start this?
story, and so it just felt justbits and pieces of my life just
(48:21):
needed to be shared, just sothat I could breathe.
Yeah, and the post-traumaticstory disorder speaks a lot into
that, and I know you.
Thank you for sharing whatyou're going through right now.
I remember I was going throughthis and a friend of mine who's
(48:44):
still a good friend of mine whomI met while I was in prison we
had very similar background,very similar stories, she and I,
and she and I went through theexact same thing.
We went through the sameprocess together and literally
almost at the same time, and sothere's no one I can talk to
(49:06):
about what I went through otherthan her.
We just say one word and we getit, you just know.
And so I remember looking ather one time as I was realizing
that my husband was pulling awayor that his tone had changed.
It was towards the end of mystay, while I was away and I
(49:26):
looked at her and I said youknow, I'll never be happy again.
And she says she told me to thecat.
I'm going to remind you of thismoment when you are happy, and
I will remind you of it becauseyou will.
But I understand, I understandat the moment it doesn't feel
(49:47):
like it, but I will remind you.
And so now she is happy andlives in the East Coast now and
I will post photos of myself, mydaughter or my partner, just,
or just me happy, just, and shewill just send me just, and, you
know, just text me and she'llsay remember, and I will always
(50:07):
go back.
And I always say I remember,because at the time it seemed
like I would never be happy, itseemed like literally the end of
the world, and I have hadthousands of amazing moments
between that time and where I'mat right now.
So it sucks.
Oh, I've gone to divorce twiceand it sucks, it's, there's no
(50:31):
other way to put it than itsucks, regardless if there is
still love there.
If there is no love there, ifthere is, whatever it may be, it
sucks in every sense of theword.
But there will, there will behappy moments.
Yeah, I will be.
Thank you for that absolutely I.
Amber Annette (50:52):
I Am once again like I'm speechless.
Thank you so much.
You are so much for being soopen and so real and so honest.
I just there's just somethingabout you and I Know you might
like there's just so much moreto you for you.
I really get that sense like Ifeel like your mission is just
(51:16):
kind of starting with this.
I really do.
I feel like just not enoughpeople have heard your story to
want to you know, be in yourspace and and learn from you and
grow from you.
And as much as you might begreat at marketing and sales,
your gift is storytelling and Ithink not just the way that you
(51:38):
tell the story but your abilityto get other people to feel
brave, to share their story, notto feel safe, feel brave.
So thank you so much for beinghere.
Thank you in in true, in true,like the.
I know we didn't get, we didn'thave a lot of time for a
business reading, but I Love toend all of my shows with you
(51:59):
know my signature question and Ifeel I've kind of felt
something a little bit duringthis entire call.
So I would love to connect you.
If there is somebody in spiritWhether it be a past loved one,
anybody at all that you couldconnect with and receive a
message from, who would that be?
Cat Coley (52:19):
No, I've been fortunate to not have lost
Anyone really incredibly closeto me, thank goodness.
But you know what my nephew,who I never met, my brother's
(52:40):
son Past when he was very, verylong when he was, he was quite
little, correct.
Amber Annette (52:49):
He was very little like a baby, almost, yeah
.
And what's interesting aboutthis is the message is more for.
The message is more for yourfamily, versus just for you, me
and the Question has always beenwhy, like?
(53:10):
Why did this happen?
Why did we have to lose him?
Why did our family experiencethis?
Why did like?
Has that question been likereally heavy of why?
Cat Coley (53:21):
and.
Amber Annette (53:24):
He was sick, I was gonna, I was gonna ask a few
like I don't know if it waslike a Cancer or something like
if he was in the hospital.
Cat Coley (53:33):
I see him in the hospital.
He was in hospital, yeah, a lot.
Amber Annette (53:38):
He was in the hospital a lot, or he's hard and
and it just it feels like thelevel of love that was unlocked
in your family came from him.
It feels like this Bond thatwas created.
I'm not sure if this is likeyour brother and his wife, so
(54:01):
this little boy's mom, but Ijust see like a new level of
like love come forward betweenthe two of them, even though it
was hard.
And love doesn't always meanlike Sometimes, as you probably,
as you know like sometimesLoving somebody means, you know,
(54:22):
not staying, sometimes lovingsomebody Letting go.
Yeah, and I think that that washis gift to your family was
learning that love is Love.
So he's just kind of showing methat there's lots of like Maybe
(54:43):
the word I feel like he's kindof saying like your family has a
lot of Expectations and wantsthings to look a very certain
way and be a very certain wayand and when they don't fit and
conform to those boxes man thingthat can get that can make some
people, maybe like your mom oryour dad, uncomfortable.
(55:04):
And there were certain thingsabout he's saying your story and
his story that are breakingthose boxes and I'm meant to
break those boxes for a reason,because it's just about
Unconditional love, andunconditional love doesn't look
a certain way for anybody.
Cat Coley (55:24):
Wow, thank you.
Amber Annette (55:27):
Thank you, I also feel like.
I Also feel like did they haveanother baby after that?
Cat Coley (55:39):
He has.
He has a stepson, but no, thatwas his only.
That's his only Biologicalchild.
Amber Annette (55:46):
Have there been any babies inside of your family
that have come after hispassing?
My daughter, oh, I feel thatokay.
So there are certain aspects ofhim that have come through in
your daughter.
Oh, and I Trust those tearsthat you're having in this
(56:09):
moment for a reason.
What was interesting was whenyou said you never met him.
I was like cash, that doesn't.
I was like that doesn't, that's.
The human in me was like thatdoesn't match, because I see him
and you together, but it'sthrough your daughter, trust
those tears.
Well, now I'm crying.
(56:30):
I hope our listeners are crying.
This is I dropped my Cat I'm sograteful for this episode and
For you sharing your story andto our audience.
Oh man, take this, take thisinto the world and I want you to
(56:53):
go tell your story.
I want you to be brave the waythat cat was here with us today
and I hope that this inspiresyou and drives you, and you can
find out all kinds ofinformation About cat if you go
to the show notes.
We're gonna have a way for youto actually connect with her
book a call with her and Cannotwait to hear your feedback about
(57:13):
this podcast.
So until next time, go be inyour magic.
Thanks for listening to thisepisode.
I hope it inspired and ignitedyour entrepreneurial spirit and
turned up your intuition andtrust in the universe.
Make sure to check out the shownotes section for access to my
(57:34):
transformation suite.
Oh of free resources, tools andcontent to help you grow your
business while staying true toyour soul's purpose.
Until next week, go make somebusiness magic full sister.
Welcome to the Business Psychic Podcast, the
show that helps you ignite yoursoul's purpose, turn up your
creativity and activate salesand marketing magic.
I'm your host, amber Annette,and I'm thrilled to be here with
you today to explore the depthof what it means to be a woman
in business.
I believe that business is morethan just making money.
It's about making a differenceand making your mark.
(00:24):
So sit back, get present andlet's dive in and uncover the
secrets to building a businesswith soul, purpose and magic.
Welcome back to another episodeof the Business Psychic.
I'm Amber Annette, your host,and I am so beyond thrilled and
(00:46):
honored to present the guestthat I have for you today, cap
Eau.
She helps women business ownerswho are ready to use the power
of their stories to make adifference and leave an impact.
As a storyteller, catalyst andtransformation consultant, she
is committed to helping herclients uncover the unique
narratives that will propeltheir life and business forward.
(01:09):
Cat has an innate passion forhelping us own our stories and
stand in our truths.
From experiencing her own fallfrom grace.
I have Cat here with me and herstory.
You are going to be blown awayby what she has experienced,
(01:30):
what she has learned and nowwhat she teaches and coaches and
helps women in business withCat.
I am freaking jazzed that youare here, like our first
connection we met, I don't know,maybe a month ago or so you did
a complimentary session with meand I was like, okay, first of
(01:51):
all, I think I might want towork with you and then, second
of all, you have to come on mypodcast because it takes a lot
to like.
First and foremost, it takes alot to get me to be quiet number
one and I remember sittingthere like mouth probably half
open, speechless, listening toyour story.
(02:11):
Ah, I'm so excited you're herefor this.
Cat Coley (02:15):
I am too.
I am too.
I thank you for having me.
Yes, it was one of thosekiss-matt moment, I think, where
we met and I was just tellingAmber that I don't even know how
I happened upon listening toher on her podcast, but I was
like who is she?
What is going on?
(02:35):
And I like dove deep, I did allthe things.
Like I was like, yes, get me onthe newsletter.
Yes, get me on the call.
Yes, I was like I'm there, butit happened so quickly and I was
so excited to speak with youfor the.
I think we had like a 15 minutecall I think that's what you're
thinking and I think it was 45minutes later and we were like,
(02:57):
oh, my God, this is.
You know, we've gone away over,but we had so much to talk
about and just the connectionwas just there.
And thus here we are.
So I am just as excited andthrilled to be here because, you
know, when I first heard you, Iwas so intrigued by what you do
.
I like, I was so intrigued bywhat you do and dove straight in
(03:19):
.
Like I said, I was like sign meup wherever you have.
Amber Annette (03:22):
I just like sign up.
I hope everybody feels that wayand has that experience.
Thank you.
Cat Coley (03:27):
Yeah, I can imagine that they do.
Amber Annette (03:30):
Well, I want I don't even know like how to
invite you to start telling yourstory, but since you are, like,
the expert of storytelling, I'mgoing to let you just start to
you know, share with ouraudience how you have reached
the point that you have reached,because when I tell you, like
(03:53):
when I heard you tell it thefirst time, I can't wait to hear
you tell it again and I can'twait for, like, the inspiration
that comes from it.
It's just so.
I'll let you kind of start withhow you got to this point where
you are now.
Cat Coley (04:05):
Okay, so just you know, obviously I need to give
you the context in thebackground of what we do, of
what I do.
So I am a business storyteller,coach and transformation coach.
I always say this job chose mebefore it versus me choosing it.
I love that.
And so what happened was Ispent many, many moons 20 plus
(04:31):
years in the corporate world,coming up from a very, very
young age.
I started and worked my way upthis corporate ladder.
I had a very, very intense jobfrom a very young age lots and
lots of responsibility, all thethings, and I really thought
that was going to be the youknow the direction I was going
to go.
That being said, I washarboring a pretty big secret
(04:57):
that would derail me from mycorporate world, my corporate
ladder.
And again, you know, I try notto keep anyone in suspense
because I don't share it to youknow, for the shock and awe of
it, but just to tell you justthe journey of how I got here.
So, very early in my career, Imade some really, really
terrible, terrible decisions.
It made some really badmistakes that just kind of
(05:22):
compounded because that's whathappens when you do, you know,
make mistakes like this.
So I was embezzling money fromthe company that I worked for
and it was a huge corporation,let me just put it that way but
I hid the secret for a very,very long time and I thought I
was saying, oh, I'm going to bea big hit, I'm going to be the
only person that knew about it.
(05:42):
It turns out I wasn't theperson who I thought, who worked
in a different location, adifferent department than I did,
figured out what I was doing.
She was actually an accountingand figured out what I was doing
.
And from the very onset and Iagain was young, did not,
(06:03):
regardless of how old I was Iknew right from wrong.
And there was a fork in theroad and I chose the wrong side
of the fork.
But unfortunately that decisionled to bigger decisions and it
started to become one of thoseyou know, robbing Peter to pay
Paul situation and it lasted fora very long time and it was
very guilt-ridden.
(06:24):
But I was also working my wayup in this company, which was a
kind of a terrible thing becauseI worked really, really hard.
But I had this huge secret.
And when I say it took a longtime to get here, it took many,
many years to get here and up tothe point where I am the
associate director of this hugecorporation there's 70, 80,000
employees in all and the personthat initially found out about
(06:48):
what I was doing I had hired as,initially as my assistant, and
then she grew with me in mydepartment.
And unbeknownst to me, she wasdoing the same thing.
I don't know if we talked aboutthis in what you said no.
I didn't dive into this.
I told you there was a lot ofbits and parts, so I'm been a
sweet the plot thickens.
(07:10):
And it plot thickens, I'm beennoticing she was doing the same
exact thing To my I had no idea,but at a much bigger scale.
So she was being investigatedat the end because it was just
there, was things were justgoing, you know, wrong.
And they brought me in becauseI was her direct supervisor, I
(07:31):
was the associate director, so Iwas right about her.
So they bring me into thisoffice and I'm like okay, this
is it, like I am.
You know, when you're guilty ofsomething like this, every
phone call like the vicepresident would call, accounting
would call, and I was like thisis it?
They found out I'm dead and sothey brought me in, they bring
me into this room and there'spiles and piles of folders.
(07:51):
I'm like this is it?
And then they're like okay, wehave a situation and we need
your help.
I'm like, okay, maybe it's notabout me.
And they start to discusswhat's going on.
They've had some complaints andthey started looking into it
and it's gotten bigger andbigger.
And because I was her directsupervisor, they needed some
help and so I had to suspend herpending an investigation.
(08:15):
And this investigation went onfor a couple of weeks.
Well, I was freaking out, asyou can imagine, because I was
like, do I say something?
Do I do?
I was so scared, as you know,and I think anyone would be in
my position, and I stayed quiet.
But I figured it was just goingto be inevitable that they look
(08:36):
into one, they will look intoall.
So what I didn't realize wasthat while I was trying to get
in contact with her and shewasn't answering my phone calls,
she'd gone around me and saidyeah, I'll come in, but I have
something to share with you.
What I didn't know was she hadput all the information she had
(08:57):
from the original time, from thefirst time she started to
figure out what I had done manymoons ago, and put that in her
back pocket and brought that out.
So the investigation thenturned on me.
So they took me off, did theyjust said we're just going to
continue investigating and we'llgive you an update again.
Not me knowing that they havestarted an army.
Amber Annette (09:20):
Now they've started investigating you.
Cat Coley (09:23):
Yes.
Amber Annette (09:23):
Oh my gosh.
Cat Coley (09:24):
So a couple of weeks later they're like this is the
reason why, when you know whatthey say, don't go into HR at
four o'clock in the afternoon ona Friday.
Amber Annette (09:32):
Oh yeah, this is that reason.
Cat Coley (09:33):
That was me, so they call me and they said come on in
.
We're going to update you onwhat's happening.
I was like, okay, still, ofcourse, nervous, because at this
point, those couple of weeks,or however long it took to get
there, I was going.
Do I say something, do I not?
I'm sure they're just like Iwas, pinned the needles.
(09:54):
And so I walk into HR and Iremember this till this day and
every time I talk about it Iremember him.
There was a gentleman, when Ifirst walked in that had never
been in any of the meetings thatI had been part of and he was
just in the corner.
I thought I'd be the first onethere, but he was, and he was in
the corner and he had his headdown.
He just had a notepad and a penand he didn't even he looked up
(10:16):
.
When I first walked in and lookback down and I said hello, he
said nothing and in my head Iwas like, well, that's curious,
I've never seen him before.
And then my heart started tobeat.
From that point I was like,okay, little feels a little bit
different than everyone startedto walk in.
I'm saying hi, and no one'skind of looking me in the eye,
(10:37):
no one's making eye contact, forobvious reasons, and then they
sit down and then they saidwe'll update you on that
situation, but we've got acouple of questions for you.
And I was like okay.
And then they push a folderopen and they said, can you tell
(10:57):
us about this?
And I look and I mean I wasdone, I was done, I just knew.
And I was like, yeah, I wasthere for four hours.
I first denied it, becausethat's what you do when you're
found guilty and you're in shock.
And then, for the first andthen it was our vice president.
There was a whole thing.
(11:17):
He had to get up and speak tothe president of the company and
it just so I was suspendedpending an investigation.
So the tables had turned.
Something that was to happen acouple of weeks ago was now
happening to me, and the wholeworld just literally fell apart
that moment.
My partner at the time I had noidea, no one, and I thought I
(11:40):
was the only person that knewthis no one had any idea.
So I had to go home and tellhim bits of this, because I
couldn't even divulge all of it.
It was just too much at thetime.
So I told him as little as Icould, just to kind of get it,
to give him some information asto where I had been, because I
was gone for four hours.
They took my phone, they tookeverything, so I had no way to
(12:02):
contact anybody and then thatwas when kind of the nightmare
began.
So I was let go, obviously, andthen they told me, you know,
it'd be in my best interest tohire a lawyer.
So I went and hired a lawyerand I was recommended to one and
this is the other part thatagain the parts of my story gets
(12:23):
really, really interesting.
So I hired a lawyer, the bestlawyer that I could afford but
would still be a prettyprominent lawyer.
And then it's a very small townwhere I live.
It's a big town but it's a verysmall community with what I do
(12:45):
for work, and everyone knew,like the whole everyone knew.
So I couldn't find a job.
I was trying to find somethingto do, a different job, but I
couldn't because once the lawgot out, it got out.
So my partner and I had anopportunity to move to Southern
California.
I thought it was just the newstart while this whole thing was
pending, but it really was,just guys running away.
(13:06):
And so we moved and I, westarted a whole new life in
Southern California and we toldnobody what was happening and I
just went back and forth to docourt proceedings.
So I pled guilty and all thesethings.
Three years had gone by betweenthe time it happened.
(13:29):
So it was almost like the 11thhour and they filed the motion
to go to court to sue me and Iwent back and forth, like I said
, between that time I gotmarried, I started a new job, I
was flourishing in my new joband I was the exact time to go
to marketing for this wonderful,wonderful company.
(13:53):
I got married, I had a baby andthen I went in for sentencing.
So this part I don't share witha lot of people because it's
part of it, but it gets a littletoo deep.
But I think you should knowthat the person that I hired in
those three years was now theattorney, the district attorney
(14:20):
for the city.
So in the span of three years,from the time I hired him until
the time I was prosecuted, hebecame my lawyer, then into the
person, the office thatprosecuted me.
So it's so uncanny.
I have two letters from him,one that says I am going to be
your lawyer, I'll berepresenting you, and then, a
(14:44):
couple of years later, it's hisletter hat that says my office
is will be prosecuting you for.
Amber Annette (14:51):
How is that not a conflict of interest?
Cat Coley (14:54):
It was a huge conflict, so I was handed off to
somebody else in his office hisold office so he can no longer
practice, of course.
But there is obviously clientlawyer confidentiality and there
was a huge conflict of interestbecause I divulged everything,
of course, and so I went intosentencing.
(15:18):
But through this process, theyask, they do an investigation,
and then they say OK, well,based on your lack of criminal
history, what kind of crime thiswas?
This is considered a whitecollar crime.
We suggest probation five years, but probation nonetheless.
(15:38):
And they were like perfect,that's what will.
That's wonderful, we'll takethat suggestion.
Usually the judge listens towhatever is suggested, because
they've done their due diligence.
Amber Annette (15:52):
I know it's coming and I'm already holding
my breath for this, so I walkinto sentencing.
Cat Coley (15:57):
I was so confident.
I was feeling I was scared, butI was so confident.
The lawyer was like, this isexactly what we need.
I also remember my lawyerwalking into the courtroom with
me and I was the only personthere because I didn't want
anyone there.
My family was like, should wego?
And my sister and my brother,well, I'm like, no, I'll go,
I'll just get this over with andwe'll just, we'll just move on
(16:18):
with our lives.
And so I drove from Californiainto Nevada just so you know
that's where it was at the stateand stayed at my sister's and
woke up the next day, my courtdate.
My time was eight o'clock.
I'm in line.
Here's the funny part.
So I'm walking into the courtand I hadn't seen some of the
people that I worked with in avery long time, and so some
(16:39):
people looked familiar, but Ididn't know.
Like you know, when you seesomebody and you're like, I know
you, but I don't exactly knowwhere I know you from, and I
just couldn't picture that first, for it's been three years, so
I didn't realize that I was likebehind the people that I had
worked previously from.
They were all there to you know, come watch me and you know,
against my probation sentence.
(17:00):
And I was smiling because I waslike, I was just like, hi, you
know, I was just like, you know,friendly.
And they were probably like andthen, as I, when I walk into
court and I see them on theother side, I was like, oh okay.
I know where they I was likethat's who they are.
Okay, I'm like smiling at them,Like I have no, like no, no, no
regrets or anything.
And so so come sentencing.
(17:22):
So I walk into the courtroom, Ilook over at my lawyer and he
was like we've got this.
I know you're scared.
He's like if you don't getprobation, I will stop
practicing law tomorrow.
And I was like, well, that'spretty confident.
I love that confidence.
So we walk in my, you know, my,my case gets called and we go up
(17:44):
front and the judge is talking,and so the thing that my lawyer
was saying was okay, what wewant to hear, the words we need
to hear, is suspended sentence,which means probation.
And I was like, okay, let'sfocus in on that.
Suspended sentence, suspendedsentence.
And I'm hearing the judge andI'm, I'm, I'm.
He's asking me questions, soI'm replying to him, but I'm
like honed in on that, and sohe's going, going, going and he
(18:07):
says you know, he's reprimandingme like no other.
You know, he is giving me likethe third degree, the fourth
degree, the fifth degree, andI'm getting, I'm taking it.
I understand, I understandtaking, you know, my, my
beatings.
And he says I, I remand you,starting today, to stay present.
Amber Annette (18:30):
The state prison.
Cat Coley (18:31):
And I was like I'm sorry, did he say state prison?
And my lawyer was like justwriting.
And I was like what's happening?
And I could hear the buzz ofthe courtroom and I'm like, ok,
what's happening, what'shappening?
And I'm just like what's goingon?
And then I see I'd seen, priorto the judge, kind of
reprimanding me, the bailiff.
(18:53):
I will never forget this again,but there's moments that you
never forget.
I'd see the bailiff.
He left the judge's side andwalked all the way around, not
realizing that he was standingright behind me.
And so I'm standing there and asthe judge gives you the
sentence, and it was 19 to 48months in state prison, and the
bailiff, it was all happening.
(19:14):
There was too many thingshappening at once.
And the bailiff behind me waslike drop your purse.
And I was like I'm sorry, what?
Because I was holding my purseand he's like drop your purse.
And I said why?
And he said drop your purse.
And so I dropped my purse, hegrabbed both my hands and
handcuffed me right in court.
(19:35):
And I'm looking at my lawyergoing what is happening?
And he's like I'm sorry, I'm sosorry, I'm sorry.
And I was like what ishappening?
I'm like you're not telling me.
All you're saying is sorry,what's happening?
And he's like I'm so sorry, Ididn't think this was going to
happen.
I'm so sorry, and I was likewhat's happening?
He's like you're going toprison and I'm like I'm going to
(19:58):
prison and he's like yes, andthen at that point the judge
banged his gavel and they wenton to the next case.
The whole room exited, everyoneis staring at me, I'm led to
the back of the courtroom to sitdown and handcuff and my purse
is still up there and I'm likemy purse and my lawyer is
walking away and I'm like whatis happening?
(20:18):
I don't understand.
And so those same exact people,the same people that was on the
other side of this I wassmiling at, was smiling at me
now as they're walking out thecourtroom, knowing that I'm
going to prison, and which iswhat they had wanted from the
beginning.
So the lawyer left, my lawyerleft and I said call my husband.
And he's like what's his number?
(20:40):
And I'm like I don't know.
I don't know.
I was like at the time I waslike I don't know, just in shock
, and I was just like, yeah, Iwas just in utter shock, and so
the whole courtroom.
So after mine there was likeone or two more cases and then
the whole room is recessed andI'm the only person left in
there.
So all the other people thathad come in from the jail, who
(21:01):
were going there, who weregetting in front of the judge
for their case, they were alllit back.
Everyone on the prosecutingside of things all left, the
judge left, Everyone left.
I am the only person in thereand, I kid you not, when I
thought I'm being pumped I waslike this is a joke, they're
(21:23):
trying to teach me a lesson.
Amber Annette (21:25):
I remember just thinking they're going, it just
didn't set in it.
Cat Coley (21:28):
Just nothing had set in, because everything was just
a fog.
And I think I really thought,if I walked out the back door,
like would anyone stop me?
What would happen?
And I really considered it.
I really considered going oneto say did you all forget me?
Or two, to say this is all ajoke, and before, thank goodness
(21:51):
I could make that decision,because I really was thinking
about it.
I can't see why the bailiff cameback and he grabbed me, grabbed
my purse, and then we walkedout the side door that led to
the jail, which is funny.
It's like a whole other worldback there, like it's like
behind the cloak.
You walk into those side doorsand it's a whole other world.
(22:12):
And that started the nightmarefor me.
I was in jail and then I wentstraight to maximum prison and I
remember the bailiff saying healready knew.
I think they already know.
They know because they knowwhat the judge's decision is
going to be, so they couldprepare.
(22:33):
He's like, yeah, I'm sorry,because that's the reason why he
walked all the way aroundbehind me before the judge could
say in case I bolted orsomething.
And so he said, yeah, he's likeyou know, you know.
But the good thing is thatyou're only going to be here for
19 months.
He's like I would think 19months, I was like 19 months and
(22:54):
at the time, 19 months endedlike 19 years and he's like,
yeah, he goes.
Oh, yeah, he's like, yeah,that's the minimum you have to
stay.
And in my heart it's just I,you know.
So I went through all thethings.
Amber Annette (23:07):
So were you like crying Were you just like in
shock.
Cat Coley (23:10):
I was in complete shock.
I was in complete shock.
I was then taken to the jail.
I was booked, I was mugshot, Iwas fingerprinted, I the whole
bit.
Then I got my phone call you doget the phone call and I called
my husband and he at that pointhad somehow the lawyer had
called him I don't know how hefound his number, but I might
(23:30):
have given it to him at somepoint and reassuring me that we
were going to get another judge,we were going to get a
different trial, we were goingto get this appeal, we were
going to do everything.
And so I literally walked in tocourt and did not walk out
until 19 months later.
(23:50):
I went to jail.
I was there for a few weeks.
I was transferred to high, tomaximum security.
I was there for three monthsand then you get kind of
repositioned or they place youin different places depending on
what level of crime you have.
But because Nevada doesn't havea medium level security, you
(24:12):
have to kind of go through thesystem.
So you have to go through themaximum security, which is a
whole other story in it itself.
And then I was transferred frommaximum security to kind of at a
camp level and then to a workrelease community where I was
able to work but I had to takepublic transportation, could
(24:33):
have access to electronics ortech.
Obviously you couldn't seefamily or friends, but I lived
in a facility where they housedboth men and women, but it was
at a community level.
So that was 19 months of mylife and the whole time I was
apart from my daughter, I wasapart from my husband and I did
everything I could to get out at19 months.
(24:55):
So my sentence was 19 to 48months.
I could have been gone any timein between.
I had to go in front of theparole board, state my case,
that I was regretful and all thethings, and then they decided
if I would leave at 19 monthsand they don't tell you that
until very, very close to the 19months if you're approved or
not.
So I was like and then I leftFingers crossed, fingers crossed
(25:16):
.
To the day.
So I came home after I'd gonethrough that ordeal, came home
and wanted just to get back tomy life, get back to my family,
get back to my daughter, getback to my just what I life as I
knew it.
And unfortunately, life as Iknew it had changed completely.
So my partner, my ex-husbandnow, we got on very, very well.
(25:42):
But I had no idea, I did notrealize that he had moved on to
a different relationship while Iwas away.
And so I came home and the dayafter I came home he asked where
it was and I was still kind ofin this shock of this whole
thing.
Our friends had thrown us aparty and it was just a very
(26:06):
surreal.
It was very surreal to be therewith my daughter, who I didn't
see very often while I was away,and my husband, who might as
well been a stranger at thattime because we were just so far
apart and the vet that hewanted a divorce and so trying
to pretend that I was happy andexcited to be home while kind of
(26:27):
having to internally deal withall these things, it was a lot.
And so I came home from thisordeal.
It felt like I'd left for inprison and just kind of walked
into another, because I camehome I had nothing.
I had no.
I had no job.
I'd have a place to live.
I had no money.
I'd have husband.
What I had was a daughter andthat was all I knew.
(26:49):
And so that was the only thingthat really kept me going while
I was away, because I felt myhusband and I obviously the
distance between us.
But my light was two things mydaughter and my sister.
Those were the two things thatwere keeping me really truly
alive and going and being ableto go.
Okay, I can do one more day.
Okay, I can do one more day.
(27:10):
Because there you, just youtake it day by day.
I mean, it really is that.
So I came home and I wasfortunate enough to still have
some connections and I was ableto find a job.
But little by little, there isthis thing inside of me that
kept wondering why I'd gonethrough the things I'd gone
through just to go through it,Like I felt like I didn't go
(27:32):
through that just to go throughit.
But there was also theseoutside influences and voices
around me family and friendsthat were like just go on, get
on with your life.
Just, you know, see this underthe rug, never speak about it
again.
You've paid your debt tosociety, move on More.
So my family, because I canimagine you know the amount of
shame and embarrassment thatthis brought onto them my
parents especially and they werejust like just move on with
(27:53):
your life and if it's not gonnabe with your ex, then move on,
which is obviously much harderto do than it is to say.
So I started a new job andgoing kind of back to what I was
doing, but at a smaller scale,but there was this fire inside
of me and I felt like I neededto get this out of me, this
story, at the very least.
(28:14):
So I did start seeing atherapist, but then I kept going
okay, what else?
Now I've gone through that,like I understand all those
reasons and I understood, youknow, the importance of having
someone to speak to, but I wasjust like, but what else?
So I started speaking to a smallgroup of women that I had met
through my job, and a lot ofthem were women entrepreneurs.
(28:36):
The funny thing was and I'dnever even tapped into that
world just because I was acorporate girl for so long and
one of them, you know, asked meto share my story in her small
group, that people she met, thatshe met with regularly.
And so the first time I sharedthis story, I wasn't sharing it
like this, believe me, I was.
(28:57):
You know, I could barely getthrough it Because I was just,
you know, still unboxingeverything and you know, and
dealing with things as they cameand it took me so long to get
to, you know, even to say I wentto prison Like I would like I
would war like I.
Now I start my story with thatversus this, where I would be,
(29:17):
like you know, five hours laterto get to that part.
So I started sharing in thosesmall groups and then the
amazing thing happened wasbecause it me sharing and being
vulnerable and being open asmuch as I could at the time
really gave other womenpermission to start sharing
their stories with me.
(29:38):
And that's when this little atthe time, I didn't, I had no
idea that this was even a thing,and I just was sharing and they
were sharing with me.
And then we were findingourselves in these small, really
safe places to share and I, youknow, I got braver and braver,
as did the group of people thatI was with, and then from there
(30:00):
they asked me to bring you know,they asked me to speak to
another, and then that's kind ofhow this whole thing really
began and it started.
And then I was still doing thejob and I was kind of at this
crossroads again and I was like,okay, it feels like I'm being
pulled this way, but I don'tknow what this way is.
I don't even know what the heckthis is.
(30:20):
I have no idea what this worldwould even look like or it does
look like, or if it's even athing, but it just feels like I
am being pulled there.
But I also have a daughter andI have, you know, I need to roof
over her head, I need, you know, all the necessities in life.
I've got some, you know, I'vegot, I've had responsibilities,
and so I was like, okay, howlong could I do this for you
(30:41):
know, separately?
And then the universe answeredand I got pulled into HR on a.
Friday afternoon.
Oh gosh, on a Friday afternoonto let me know that my position
was being eliminated because thecompany wasn't doing as well
and I was last in, first out.
And so I was like, okay, I couldeither look at this and be like
(31:04):
holy crap and freak out andpart of me of course did or I
could look at this as saying,okay, like this is, this is the
answer.
I maybe didn't want to, I wouldwant to give myself, but the
universe is like you're overlytoo scared, you're too scared,
we'll do it for you.
And so this is where the birthof what I had you know where,
(31:27):
this, what I do now, started.
This is it.
So I then started to speakabout and just share my story,
but also combine that with the20 plus years that I had in
corporate world, which ismarketing and system and sales.
And so it just kind of happenedto be that I pulled from my
(31:47):
experience and my expertise, butthen started to pull from what
I have brought myself from, fromthe several layers of rock
bottom.
I always say that, but the bookthat I'm gonna write is gonna
say that.
You know, I had no idea my rockbottom had a basement and a sub
basement and a garage and astorage facility, cause that's
(32:09):
basically where I was likefinding myself each and every
time I thought I was at rockbottom and then I hit somewhere
lower, I'd hit somewhere lower,I'd hit somewhere lower, but I
found ways to bounce back andthat's where my podcast started
from, which is bounce back likea badass.
And my business came from andit's just about sharing our
(32:31):
stories and really sharing it,but owning it.
I have a lot of regret about mystories, a lot.
I am not.
I don't look at it, as you know, as I don't wear it as a badge
of honor, but I know thatwithout it I would not be here.
So it is a part of me,regardless of if you know.
Of course I regret it.
(32:51):
I'm ashamed of the things andembarrassed of the things that I
mistakes that I've made, but Iam proud of where it has taken
and that is where I help myclients do as well.
I loved you the first time.
Amber Annette (33:06):
I met you.
I love you even more now.
You've literally just becomeone of my favorite human beings.
Aw, thank you.
And I remember like I havethought of you so many times
since our first interaction.
Kat and I'm just you know, I'veheard you say a couple of times
you've used the word safe, butmy gosh, to do what you have
done has taken so much braveryand I just I'm really inspired
(33:30):
by you and it takes a lot fromme To be inspired by people.
I mean to just pick up and tobounce back like a badass is I
mean, and I'll.
I remember when you said thatto me before.
You know, rock bottom has sevenlayers and I have thought about
that a few times.
So I mean, just in all you know, for telling stories and for
(33:52):
being raw, I mean, obviously Ihave to stay in alignment here
and be vulnerable.
Today, if I'm gonna host you onmy podcast, I'm in the middle
of a divorce right now, andthere are these moments where
I'm like, okay, this is it, thisis what Kat said, this is this
has got to be the seventh layer,this has got to be it right
(34:12):
here, it can't go deeper.
And then boom, you know so,boom it just, nope, just kidding
.
There's the.
That was just layer three, youknow, or whatever, but I love it
.
I love the analogy of that andI mean I could have you probably
(34:34):
five more episodes to ask youso many questions.
I have a couple and the one thatlike really hits me the most, I
think, is, as you are tellingthe beginning of your story and
you're talking about having thesecret.
Was there ever a point that youfelt relief when it was out in
(34:57):
the open?
Were you just like I don't haveto harbor this anymore, like at
that?
At what point did you ever haveyou ever got to experience
relief from this?
Cat Coley (35:10):
The moment it happened.
I will tell you the moment thatI maybe not necessarily that
moment, sitting in HR, butshortly thereafter, and I looked
, I've always looked at this andpeople have always asked me
like, do you hate or not like?
Or the person Because sherevealed?
(35:32):
Ultimately, regardless if shedid that at that point, or it
would have been months later,when the investigation, I'm
certain, went into all of usBecause when there's one,
there's possibly many and theinvestigation wasn't going to
stop with her I always say no,hate her.
No, no, by any means I don'thate her.
(35:54):
She was doing what she probablythought she needed to do to
survive herself.
I said, but no, I said she gaveme my freedom.
Really, truly, I didn't, youknow, obviously, for 19 months I
didn't have it, but truly, shegave me the freedom because I
wasn't brave enough or didn'thave the courage to do it myself
(36:14):
.
And she did.
She did it for me, which is,you know, courageous in a
different way, just in adifferent way.
But no, she believed me.
So, absolutely, I thought aboutit, you know, maybe not in the
midst of finding lawyers and allof those things, but from the
(36:37):
get go, she really, it was a lot.
I was scared a lot and so itwas, you know, a catch 22,
because I was, I did well in myjob, I did really, really well
in my job.
But I also had such this big,big secret and it always felt
(36:59):
like for me, all of theaccolades I would get, you know,
I didn't deserve, because Iknew deep down that I was doing
something terrible behind it.
So it was just thesedouble-edged swords.
So, yeah, absolutely I, fromthe get go.
I praise her for doing what shedid.
Amber Annette (37:18):
And you know, I think that the next thing that
comes in for me is, you know, Itake, I guess, maybe pride and
not worrying about what otherpeople think about me a lot.
You know, if I have an idea, Iput it out.
If I, you know, have an opinion.
It's not like I'm like inpeople's faces or get
(37:39):
confrontational about thingslike, but I don't really concern
myself too much with whatpeople's opinions are.
I don't really have anyopinions of army, but I'm
putting myself in your shoes andthinking about how these
decisions from how long ago wasit now?
Cat Coley (38:01):
Oh gosh.
Well, from in my early 20s,when it first started, I'm in my
40s now, so 20 years ago, andI'm in my 40s now.
Amber Annette (38:11):
So how do you move through life not thinking
that this is still affecting youyou know what I mean Like or
thinking that people are makingdecisions about who you are now
based off of things you've donein your past.
How do you keep moving forwardnot caring about that?
Oh, I still care.
Cat Coley (38:32):
I am a people pleaser at heart and so it's still very
innate in me and it issomething I have to work through
and I know that about myself.
I didn't necessarily know thatabout myself going into this,
into business, until I startedto reveal more and more about me
(38:53):
and I started to really careabout the way in which I said it
with depending on who was inthe audience, and that's when I
started to realize, okay, I ammaybe trying to sugarcoat this
or maybe I'm trying to not layerit on so thick, depending on
who's here because and I kept onasking myself why I would do
that and the answer is because Icare about what they think
(39:15):
about me and so it's difficultto put you know your dirty
laundry out there and see him asif I wear as a badge of honor
and again, I remind people Idon't, but it is a part of me
but to also not care about howthey make their decisions, about
if they're going to be workingwith me, if they trust me.
(39:37):
So I am very, very upfront withmy story and I find that to be
something that maybe notnecessarily I did in the very
beginning, because the forwardfacing part of my business was
more systems and sales, and thenI would kind of layer back in
the story and this is kind ofthe competition we had when we
(39:58):
first.
That I I'm going back to theorigins of why I started my
business, because it kind of itpivoted because more and more
clients were coming from themarketing side of things, which
I was fine with, but it wasn'treally where my heart was at.
And so pivoting back from ourconversation in that way has led
me to and I've always been veryupfront with this story, but
(40:22):
even more so now if it doesn'talign with your values and all
the things, then there isprobably no reason why we need
to go on and I need to be okaywith that.
You make that decision.
That is your prerogative.
So I'm still very sensitive toanswer your question.
I still am very, very sensitiveto that but also the fact that
(40:43):
I have finally told the personin my life that's the most
important person to me about allof this, which is my daughter.
So she was barely one when Ileft and I've been wanting to
tell her the story of what I haddone and why.
There are bits and pieces andquestions that she may have and
things that I can't answer forher, like her first word when
(41:06):
she first started walking herfor all the first I missed.
I missed all of those.
And her dad was in the midst ofbeing a Zidgo parent, so it's
not like he was writing any ofthese things down.
And so I, when she's asked mein the past, I've always, you
know, just kind of skirtedaround it, or I would say data,
because I would assume that'swhat it was, because that's who
was there.
(41:26):
But I've I've finally been ableto sit down and talk to her
about this, and so that was the,the conversation that I was
looking forward to the most andthe one that I was most scared
of to have.
I was excited when she wasyoung, but as she grew older and
I started thinking she's goingto form opinions about me and
who I am and how I got here, Istarted to get really scared and
(41:47):
I started to put off theconversation more and more.
I said I would do it when shewas nine, then when she was 10,
and then now she's 11.
And so I did it just reallywhen she turned 11.
But in that sense that that heropinion is the one that matters
the most to me, and I knowshe'll.
You know, at the momenteverything is okay, but I know
(42:09):
how this works.
I know she will probably be intherapy somewhere and I'm okay
with that and I hope that that'swhere she goes, but that that's
really the opinion that mattersmost to me and everyone else
doesn't really matter.
But it's something that I haveto remind myself because I
really love it when people likeme.
I that's just, you know part ofthe, it's a part of my DNA, and
(42:32):
when they find out about mystory and you know they back
away or you know it does hit me,it does and I had to have like
have that roll off my shoulder.
Yeah, for sure it still.
It's very concerning.
Amber Annette (42:50):
So, in true the business psychic fashion, I'm
going to kind of blend a littlebit of like some ideas that are
coming to me as you're talking,some things that have come
through, and I don't know thatwe're going to call this
necessarily a business reading,but the first thing that comes
to me is post traumatic storydisorder, because I was like, oh
(43:18):
yeah, as you're talking, itmakes me know.
Of course we have verydifferent stories, right, but I
could feel the hesitancy risingup in me as I think about when I
was younger, having to explainand tell people how I was, you
know, 15 and had a two year oldbecause I had my daughter.
(43:41):
You know, when I was, I hadjust turned 14, I got pregnant
when I was 13.
And I experienced so muchembarrassment and shame and
judgment and every single time Iwould tell somebody my age and
they would be like, oh, theywould just give me this reaction
(44:03):
.
This like yes, like, oh my God.
I know that reaction Right,Right, and so I, even to this
day now my daughter is 28, isthe most amazing human being on
this planet, is one of my bestfriends.
(44:23):
We are incredibly close.
Cat Coley (44:26):
I can imagine how close you guys are.
Amber Annette (44:28):
Oh my gosh, I'm so incredibly proud of her
Business owner, successful,married, about to have, you know
, start trying to get pregnant,all the things.
And even to this day with that,when I tell people like new
people like that I haven't metbefore, I'll be like oh yeah,
this is my daughter, she's 28.
What you have, a 20.
It's just like that.
(44:48):
It causes like physicalreaction and it brings you back,
doesn't it?
It brings me back to like being,yeah, like 14 years old and
like people just like, oh, I'mso happy, oh, it was awful.
I in fact, for a long time Ilied about my age.
I would lie to be older so thatpeople wouldn't put two and two
together, or I would voidconversations completely about
(45:11):
like I didn't get to graduatehigh school because I had two
kids before I was even 18, youknow.
So as I'm listening to yourstory, I kept feeling this post
traumatic story disorder comeforward and I feel like that's
not mine to bring to the world,but that idea is for you to
bring into the world, theconcept of that.
(45:31):
I can't imagine how many womenout there like it brings tears
to my eyes, cat like how manywomen and men doesn't doesn't
even have to be.
Just how many people out therehave this like post traumatic
story disorder?
And yet it's that story that'sgoing to heal them.
It's that story that's going toheal others or inspire others
or move or motivate others.
(45:55):
So I just feel like do somethingwith that, please Like.
It's just so much power behindthat.
Cat Coley (46:02):
I think when you, when I was saying earlier I
think you nodded when I saidthat when I shared my story, as
scared as I was, is it gavepeople permission to start to
share theirs that I would getpulled off stages and I would.
You know, people would tell meabout.
You know the traumas thatthey've been through or they're
(46:24):
currently going through.
You know there's one woman whotold me that she was at the
moment, at that moment,attending this conference.
She was homeless and living ina homeless shelter with her son
and she was starting to gettrying to get her business going
.
And she has, and we work, andthey're working together and she
has and she's done amazing, butbut it's just.
(46:46):
I think it just is a safe placeto land.
Not that you're comparingtraumas by any means, like yeah
no it's not that it's like oh,your trauma is, you know, more
than mine, less than mine,greater, whatever it is, it's
just that like it just gives youtrauma.
Amber Annette (47:03):
Trumping yeah, exactly, exactly.
Is that one to trauma?
I like that.
Cat Coley (47:12):
I'm writing these down, as you can tell, but it
just gives you just a space tosay, okay, like I can share this
, it's okay to share this.
And it just takes the weight offin the same sense that when I
started to share in the spacesthat allowed me to share the
bits and pieces that I could puttogether of my story, because
(47:32):
it was so difficult to puttogether at the time that it was
just like I would walk awayfeeling just even just tiny bit
lighter that I didn't have tohold onto these stories, that I
didn't have to keep it insideand I didn't have to lie,
because people would always asklike, where did you go for a
year and a half?
And I'd be like, well, you know, just because I was so ashamed
(47:54):
of telling them all of it,because if I told one bit of
that story I had to tell it allright, I just can't say I was in
prison, okay for what?
But I was away, okay for what?
Or I was getting a divorce.
They're like, oh my God, thelast time we saw you, you guys
were like having a baby and whathappened.
And I'm just like, well, wheredo I start this?
story, and so it just felt justbits and pieces of my life just
(48:21):
needed to be shared, just sothat I could breathe.
Yeah, and the post-traumaticstory disorder speaks a lot into
that, and I know you.
Thank you for sharing whatyou're going through right now.
I remember I was going throughthis and a friend of mine who's
(48:44):
still a good friend of mine whomI met while I was in prison we
had very similar background,very similar stories, she and I,
and she and I went through theexact same thing.
We went through the sameprocess together and literally
almost at the same time, and sothere's no one I can talk to
(49:06):
about what I went through otherthan her.
We just say one word and we getit, you just know.
And so I remember looking ather one time as I was realizing
that my husband was pulling awayor that his tone had changed.
It was towards the end of mystay, while I was away and I
(49:26):
looked at her and I said youknow, I'll never be happy again.
And she says she told me to thecat.
I'm going to remind you of thismoment when you are happy, and
I will remind you of it becauseyou will.
But I understand, I understandat the moment it doesn't feel
(49:47):
like it, but I will remind you.
And so now she is happy andlives in the East Coast now and
I will post photos of myself, mydaughter or my partner, just,
or just me happy, just, and shewill just send me just, and, you
know, just text me and she'llsay remember, and I will always
(50:07):
go back.
And I always say I remember,because at the time it seemed
like I would never be happy, itseemed like literally the end of
the world, and I have hadthousands of amazing moments
between that time and where I'mat right now.
So it sucks.
Oh, I've gone to divorce twiceand it sucks, it's, there's no
(50:31):
other way to put it than itsucks, regardless if there is
still love there.
If there is no love there, ifthere is, whatever it may be, it
sucks in every sense of theword.
But there will, there will behappy moments.
Yeah, I will be.
Thank you for that absolutely I.
Amber Annette (50:52):
I Am once again like I'm speechless.
Thank you so much.
You are so much for being soopen and so real and so honest.
I just there's just somethingabout you and I Know you might
like there's just so much moreto you for you.
I really get that sense like Ifeel like your mission is just
(51:16):
kind of starting with this.
I really do.
I feel like just not enoughpeople have heard your story to
want to you know, be in yourspace and and learn from you and
grow from you.
And as much as you might begreat at marketing and sales,
your gift is storytelling and Ithink not just the way that you
(51:38):
tell the story but your abilityto get other people to feel
brave, to share their story, notto feel safe, feel brave.
So thank you so much for beinghere.
Thank you in in true, in true,like the.
I know we didn't get, we didn'thave a lot of time for a
business reading, but I Love toend all of my shows with you
(51:59):
know my signature question and Ifeel I've kind of felt
something a little bit duringthis entire call.
So I would love to connect you.
If there is somebody in spiritWhether it be a past loved one,
anybody at all that you couldconnect with and receive a
message from, who would that be?
Cat Coley (52:19):
No, I've been fortunate to not have lost
Anyone really incredibly closeto me, thank goodness.
But you know what my nephew,who I never met, my brother's
(52:40):
son Past when he was very, verylong when he was, he was quite
little, correct.
Amber Annette (52:49):
He was very little like a baby, almost, yeah
.
And what's interesting aboutthis is the message is more for.
The message is more for yourfamily, versus just for you, me
and the Question has always beenwhy, like?
(53:10):
Why did this happen?
Why did we have to lose him?
Why did our family experiencethis?
Why did like?
Has that question been likereally heavy of why?
Cat Coley (53:21):
and.
Amber Annette (53:24):
He was sick, I was gonna, I was gonna ask a few
like I don't know if it waslike a Cancer or something like
if he was in the hospital.
Cat Coley (53:33):
I see him in the hospital.
He was in hospital, yeah, a lot.
Amber Annette (53:38):
He was in the hospital a lot, or he's hard and
and it just it feels like thelevel of love that was unlocked
in your family came from him.
It feels like this Bond thatwas created.
I'm not sure if this is likeyour brother and his wife, so
(54:01):
this little boy's mom, but Ijust see like a new level of
like love come forward betweenthe two of them, even though it
was hard.
And love doesn't always meanlike Sometimes, as you probably,
as you know like sometimesLoving somebody means, you know,
(54:22):
not staying, sometimes lovingsomebody Letting go.
Yeah, and I think that that washis gift to your family was
learning that love is Love.
So he's just kind of showing methat there's lots of like Maybe
(54:43):
the word I feel like he's kindof saying like your family has a
lot of Expectations and wantsthings to look a very certain
way and be a very certain wayand and when they don't fit and
conform to those boxes man thingthat can get that can make some
people, maybe like your mom oryour dad, uncomfortable.
(55:04):
And there were certain thingsabout he's saying your story and
his story that are breakingthose boxes and I'm meant to
break those boxes for a reason,because it's just about
Unconditional love, andunconditional love doesn't look
a certain way for anybody.
Cat Coley (55:24):
Wow, thank you.
Amber Annette (55:27):
Thank you, I also feel like.
I Also feel like did they haveanother baby after that?
Cat Coley (55:39):
He has.
He has a stepson, but no, thatwas his only.
That's his only Biologicalchild.
Amber Annette (55:46):
Have there been any babies inside of your family
that have come after hispassing?
My daughter, oh, I feel thatokay.
So there are certain aspects ofhim that have come through in
your daughter.
Oh, and I Trust those tearsthat you're having in this
(56:09):
moment for a reason.
What was interesting was whenyou said you never met him.
I was like cash, that doesn't.
I was like that doesn't, that's.
The human in me was like thatdoesn't match, because I see him
and you together, but it'sthrough your daughter, trust
those tears.
Well, now I'm crying.
(56:30):
I hope our listeners are crying.
This is I dropped my Cat I'm sograteful for this episode and
For you sharing your story andto our audience.
Oh man, take this, take thisinto the world and I want you to
(56:53):
go tell your story.
I want you to be brave the waythat cat was here with us today
and I hope that this inspiresyou and drives you, and you can
find out all kinds ofinformation About cat if you go
to the show notes.
We're gonna have a way for youto actually connect with her
book a call with her and Cannotwait to hear your feedback about
(57:13):
this podcast.
So until next time, go be inyour magic.
Thanks for listening to thisepisode.
I hope it inspired and ignitedyour entrepreneurial spirit and
turned up your intuition andtrust in the universe.
Make sure to check out the shownotes section for access to my
(57:34):
transformation suite.
Oh of free resources, tools andcontent to help you grow your
business while staying true toyour soul's purpose.
Until next week, go make somebusiness magic full sister.
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