November 7, 2025 • 26 mins
I decided to record a solo episode to gather my thoughts since returning to the podcast a few months ago, and how wild it's been recording emergency episodes amid the chaos Chicago has been experiencing with ICE and CBP raids. I also talk about my reaction to content creator Nathan Ramos-Park's reel about how Asian Americans and the Asian diaspora are deciding to live in Asia, and how that impacts them. I have a lot to say on that as a former expat. I have also been thinking about the wave of grief that I will experience with the upcoming holidays and reminders about my brother's passing for this winter season.
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Episode Transcript
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(00:00):
Hey everyone, this is Randy Kim from the Money Chronicles
podcast and it is already midnight on November 7th, and
I'm here to do a solo episode and just to be able to share
with you some of my random thoughts that are going through
my head right now. And there's a couple of things I
(00:22):
want to share with you, but I want to first say thank you so
much for supporting my show since coming back to it the last
few months, mid August that is. And it's been such a rewarding,
rejuvenating experience to be back on the podcast.
(00:45):
Like about two years ago when I sunsetted my podcast, I thought,
yeah, I don't think I'm going todo this for quite a long time.
I felt pretty much bored out of my mind.
I didn't think I would, you know, I didn't.
I thought I had accomplished everything that I need to by
that point. And it wasn't until back in May
(01:10):
when I did this live audience talk with author Wynn Funkwami.
She is a wonderful author, by the way, and she is the author
of Duschild and the Mountains Sing.
So when we had talked and she actually, you know, spoke in
(01:33):
front of the audience telling them to start listening to my
podcast. And, you know, she talked about
how the interview that I did with her a few years ago was a
positive experience for her and she kept encouraging folks to
listen to it. And at the same time, she turned
(01:55):
to me and said, you know, Randy,we need your voice back.
And I told her, like, I don't know if I, I felt a little
embarrassed at the time. I, I wasn't quite ready to come
back to it. Like for the past two years, I
have been dealing with a series of, of trials and tribulations
with both my mental health and then the passing of my brother
(02:17):
earlier this year. So I was at the time, I'm sure.
And then around summertime, after I have left my job back at
the end of May, I started to rust.
I started to have more time to grieve.
I started to find ways to recalibrate myself and be in a
(02:41):
better position than I was than I was at any point the last two
years. And I decided that you know
what, maybe I am ready to get back on the mic.
I am curious again. I feel like this re emergence of
(03:01):
myself started to take hold and I was like, yeah, I want to
start connecting again. And, and that event, that Quay
my did that I did with her, it made me realize how much I miss
interacting with audiences and, and to do these one-on-one
(03:21):
interviews. And so yeah, that's what led me
to come back to it. And thank you so much, Quan Mai,
for doing this and for pushing me because I not I would say
like not long after starting thepodcast, then things started to
(03:42):
happen. Originally I thought maybe I was
going to do 10 to 12 episodes. Part of what would be solo, part
would be guest interviews. And little did I realize that
the ice raids were starting to take center in Chicago and in
(04:03):
other cities like Portland and LA.
But Chicago was at the epicenterof all of this, and ICE and CBP
agents were detaining people left and right, whether they
were undocumented or legal immigrants with legal status or
(04:27):
even U.S. citizens for that matter.
And everyone was targeted. Black and Latinx communities
were getting targeted on a constant basis.
Asian communities were not immune to this.
And even in predominantly upper class white neighborhoods in
(04:50):
Evanston to Lincoln Park, Lakeview in Chicago, they were
getting tear gassed. And also there were abductions
of immigrants there. So it's been a very chaotic time
and, and unfortunately, a lot ofwhat was happening or what is
(05:11):
currently happening is not making national news.
It's not reaching to other communities outside of Chicago.
And I felt that it was a moral duty to share these stories to
make sure that it's getting pushed out to other communities.
I, I wanted to interview community leaders and people
(05:35):
involved in this work in fighting against the Trump
administration in, in protectingvulnerable communities to make
sure that the information that they're sharing is also reaching
out to these communities, but also to folks that are unaware
of what's going on. And and this and by doing so,
(05:57):
this would give community leaders, community folks time to
prepare and how they're going toprotect their own folks and also
find ways to counter against theICE and CBP agents that are
(06:17):
invading a lot of the cities, but also even in towns and in
suburbs. So I thought that that was a
moral duty for me to do my little part in making sure that
the news has spread to these communities.
(06:38):
And that is also to say, I felt this.
I felt this need to make sure that that people understand that
Chicago is not a shrinking Violet.
(07:01):
It is a city of immense pride. It's a city that has that has
ways to find opportunities to support and protect community
members. And we're seeing this.
We're seeing it with folks giving mutual aid and, and
(07:25):
helping small vendors, outdoor vendors that are getting
targeted. They're afraid to go to work or
having volunteers walk kids to school because parents are very
scared to leave the house or to provide delivery services and,
(07:47):
and what have you. So this is the kind of Chicago
that I also want to share like that.
Like we're not a city that is going to just sit down and let
this all happen unscathed. But even though as things are
getting still difficult right now and for the foreseeable
(08:10):
future, I do think it's very important to make sure that
those stories are being told andthat their blueprints will
hopefully be be very useful for other folks that are trying to
figure out what to do. I want to say it's been, I have
(08:35):
to say, like doing these episodes.
It's been wild. Like I didn't realize I have
done 21 episodes and for blog post since mid August and I'm
still recording more episodes aswe speak.
So, but it's been, again, rejuvenating.
It's been a rewarding experience, but it's also
(08:58):
necessary. And it's also necessary for my
own sanity because I think doingthese episodes, especially the
emergency ones, have kept me away from being in this dark
rabbit hole of despair. And I'm not going to lie to you.
I mean, sometimes when I have tolike scroll, doom scroll and see
(09:23):
updates about, about abductions that have been happening and
tear gassing in different neighborhoods, it's, it's very
hard to feel hopeful in these times.
And but doing these, doing theseinterviews, it's also a relief.
(09:45):
It's also gives me that little bit of hope, and I hope that
these episodes will serve you well.
And yeah, thank you so much for being patient.
Thank you so much for being ableto withstand the constant
notifications of a new podcast episode.
(10:06):
And yeah, I really appreciate it.
It's been, it's been a very unpredictable time.
And nevertheless, I'm glad to bedoing this.
I'm glad to, you know, at least do something of from my own
sanity, but also that brings a little bit of value to folks.
(10:30):
But yeah, that is to say, that is to say it's been quite a year
and, you know, dealing with grief and dealing with the
recalibration since leaving my job.
And actually I just accepted a short term contract offer,
(10:53):
which, you know, is really nice to make sure that I keep the the
gravy train rolling, I guess, and, and enough flexibility to
still do this work that I feel very passionate for.
I, I have to say, yeah, it's, it's been wild.
(11:17):
And that we're at the end of this year and that we are a
little over halfway through thisdecade, if you can believe it.
So with that said, I hope that you've been enjoying these
episodes that I've been doing and I am looking forward to
(11:39):
releasing new episodes. So stay tuned on that and other
and other random thoughts in my head.
I recently came across a video post from Nathan Ramos Park, who
I really enjoy seeing content from.
(12:02):
And Nathan had talked about how it was very well.
He observed how many Asian diaspora, including Asian
American folks, have been livingin Asia as a way to either
reconnect with their identity, to find some sense of belonging,
(12:27):
and also to probably undo a lot of the Western capitalistic
expectations that were thrown atus.
You know, and, and I think that I think that that's something
that I relate to because he talked about how he has said
(12:50):
that for those folks living in Asia, they become more happier.
They are able to feel more confident in their own identity.
And I had to think about that for a moment because it's
something that I resonate quite heavily with because I have
(13:12):
lived in Korea for three years from 2009 to 2012.
And I was 25 at the time when I moved out.
And this was my first time living abroad and I had never
lived in Asia. I had no connections to Korea,
especially as a Vietnamese and Cambodian American.
(13:35):
So it came at a time when the the global recession was
happening. So I was kind of on my wits end
trying to find work and I neededto at least find something that
would feel motivating. It would that would feel worthy.
(13:56):
And so I got into the English teaching program at that time.
And so living in Korea for thosethree years, I realized that
this was the first time I was ina place where it was full of
Asian people. And not just Korean folks that
(14:17):
were living in Korea, obviously,but also what other fellow Asian
expats, whether they're from other parts of the US or in
Canada, Australia, England. It was great to experience that
from the diaspora, you know, to like find other community
members that not only look like me, but also have some of the
(14:38):
shared life experiences. Because up until I was 25, I had
never really hung out with any Asian folks.
There was only a very few numberthat I could probably count on
one hand that I actually did. And I was never connected with
(14:59):
the Vietnamese and Cambodian community back home.
And so my experiences with Asiancommunities have been very
minimal. And for the longest time I felt
the shame of not being able to speak my parents native tongue.
I felt the shame of not being able to know much about my
(15:21):
family history. So I felt very estranged from it
due to that shame and stigma that I was caring.
And also I felt like I was so obsessed with trying to
assimilate that I was trying to gain acceptance from my white
peers, from non Asian folks. And this was hot.
(15:42):
This was carrying me through K through 12 into college.
And when I was out job searchingand I realized that I wasn't
finding my belonging in those spaces.
I wasn't feeling like I could bethis person that I was hoping to
(16:05):
be at least, at least in a way that feels palatable.
But it it was coming at my own expense.
And I'm kind of having a little bit of a words out here.
But but hang on for a moment there because yeah, this was
something that I had to like really to really confront early
(16:27):
on. And it was something that I did
not seem to understand until I got to Korea.
It was me having to unlearn a lot of the Western expectations
or my parents expectations of this so-called American Dream
(16:47):
where I felt like I was trying to cross a lot of checklists,
you know, get good grades even though I was not really that
good of a student, to being obedient to graduating college.
And I saw how much trying to fitthose expectations or fulfill
(17:13):
those expectations was not making me happy.
It was making me feel instead more lost and more of that void
that I was trying to not confront, which was like, where
do I belong in all of this? You know, like, for a long time,
(17:36):
I was always seen as a foreignerto the eyes of many of my peers,
despite the fact that I was bornand raised in America.
And it was also very hard for meto be seen as attractive to
anyone, and especially in a predominantly white school
(17:57):
where, you know, the most popular classmates happen to be
mostly white. And for a guy like myself that
was scrawny, shy, nerdy, I wasn't seen as any of those.
You know, I wasn't seen as someone that was desirable.
And so I think going to Korea, Irealized how much my confidence
(18:19):
grew. I realized how much it was great
to, you know, be around studentsthat really look to you for
guidance. It was great to connect with my
my teaching colleagues at my school and with my new friends
and to not feel this, to not to no longer feel this tug of war
(18:45):
with my own identities. And after I came back home after
three years of Korea, I decided that I needed to find my own
community space. And so I had lived in the city.
I started connecting with queer Asian, queer Asian spaces.
(19:10):
And that was when I felt like mycuriosity and my need to connect
with other fellow Asian folks began as a result of me living
abroad. And that led me to eventually
confront and overcome my fear of, you know, being in the
(19:31):
Vietnamese and Cambodian spaces,which I have been estranged from
for a very long time. And to make Long story short,
this would also lead me to my first solo trip to Vietnam and
Cambodia. And you know, going there for a
few weeks at the end of last year was life changing for me.
It was very transformative in ways that I felt my career, my
(19:55):
career living experience for three years really did for me.
It it again, like made me curious, it made me assertive.
It made me want to explore more about my own identities and made
me want to deepen my connection with folks that I come across.
In my journey and also what do Iwant to do with that experience
(20:17):
coming back home? What do I want to be when I'm
back home? What do I want to be?
What do I want my version to look like?
What does the authenticity, Whatdoes my authenticity look like
to me? And I have to say that, you
know, coming out of those experiences, I feel like I come
(20:40):
away feeling more invigorated. I feel more at peace with
myself, that I no longer have tosearch for belonging, that I do
not need to have this validationfrom my peers of whether I'm
enough or not. You know, I think that that is
(21:02):
the power of being able to to really be in those places that
you feel you see more of yourself in.
And there's power to that. So, you know, shout out to
Nathan for really sharing that because it really sparked
(21:24):
something in me that I haven't been able to express fully for
quite some time. But yeah, in other words, in
other news, my brother just got married.
And congratulations to my brother Tony.
I'm very happy for him. And it's about time, You know,
(21:47):
he and my sister-in-law have been together for like over a
decade now. And yeah, it's about time
already. But it's also bittersweet
because it has made me think about his twin, my brother and
his twin, Andy. And him passing away earlier
(22:07):
this year has been like a reminder of what's been missing
since then. And, and you know, my brother's
wedding that happened very recently, it was a reminder of
not of his presence not being there, even though he, you know,
to me, he's there spiritually, but those are reminders that
(22:34):
they're really weigh on me. And with the holidays coming up
and then the one year anniversary of his death in mid
January, followed by their birthdays the next month, and
with the new year on top of it, I feel like this winter will be
(22:58):
a challenge with grief, you know, especially dealing with
the first of first of my brothernot being there.
I also hope to maybe counter that by, you know, can stay
connected with folks. I'm looking to go on my trip to
Columbia at the end of the year and, you know, as a way to kind
(23:20):
of break some of the, I guess, sadness that might accompany me
this holiday season along with my family that's obviously
feeling that loss. But, yeah.
And also right now, besides what's been going on with ICE, I
(23:41):
mean, I've been thinking about what's going on with the snap
cuts, you know, and, and how things are becoming economically
unsustainable for many working class families.
And yeah, it's been it's also inour area of focus of mine for
(24:05):
future episodes because I think that we still need to bring
these stories out and hopefully find ways to help solve this
ongoing crisis that just seems to not have an end insight.
But yeah, I, I think about, you know, some of my friends who
(24:28):
work in the federal government that are not getting paid and
still having to work a number ofhours Despite that.
And what it does for people thatare that are, you know, trying
to travel or do day-to-day work.I mean, what a time to be living
(24:50):
in. So that is to say, I really hope
that we find ways to to challenge what's happening and
that we continue to bravely use our voice and to step into our
action of what we need to have happened.
(25:18):
So I guess that is all I need tosay, you know, after all of
this. And yeah, I just want to say
thank you so much for being verysupportive of my return.
And I really hope that you enjoythe content I've been putting
out. I've also been having a lot of
fun on Instagram and TikTok, even though I know that Meta and
(25:43):
TikTok and social media right now is also a toxic wasteland
owned by toxic people, toxic billionaires.
But I also feel this need to like, you know, let's also
remind people of the joy that does exist, that can't happen in
our world, despite the horrible things that are happening.
(26:04):
So I hope that it serves as reminders to still make sure
that, you know, we create that joy for ourselves, to sustain,
just to keep us going, but also to sustain us for the long haul
and also for creativity in this long, long fight against this
(26:26):
administration. So in any case, I hope you are
all taking good care of yourself.
And yeah, thank you so much for listening.
Hey everyone, this is Randy Kim from the Money Chronicles
podcast and it is already midnight on November 7th, and
I'm here to do a solo episode and just to be able to share
with you some of my random thoughts that are going through
my head right now. And there's a couple of things I
(00:22):
want to share with you, but I want to first say thank you so
much for supporting my show since coming back to it the last
few months, mid August that is. And it's been such a rewarding,
rejuvenating experience to be back on the podcast.
(00:45):
Like about two years ago when I sunsetted my podcast, I thought,
yeah, I don't think I'm going todo this for quite a long time.
I felt pretty much bored out of my mind.
I didn't think I would, you know, I didn't.
I thought I had accomplished everything that I need to by
that point. And it wasn't until back in May
(01:10):
when I did this live audience talk with author Wynn Funkwami.
She is a wonderful author, by the way, and she is the author
of Duschild and the Mountains Sing.
So when we had talked and she actually, you know, spoke in
(01:33):
front of the audience telling them to start listening to my
podcast. And, you know, she talked about
how the interview that I did with her a few years ago was a
positive experience for her and she kept encouraging folks to
listen to it. And at the same time, she turned
(01:55):
to me and said, you know, Randy,we need your voice back.
And I told her, like, I don't know if I, I felt a little
embarrassed at the time. I, I wasn't quite ready to come
back to it. Like for the past two years, I
have been dealing with a series of, of trials and tribulations
with both my mental health and then the passing of my brother
(02:17):
earlier this year. So I was at the time, I'm sure.
And then around summertime, after I have left my job back at
the end of May, I started to rust.
I started to have more time to grieve.
I started to find ways to recalibrate myself and be in a
(02:41):
better position than I was than I was at any point the last two
years. And I decided that you know
what, maybe I am ready to get back on the mic.
I am curious again. I feel like this re emergence of
(03:01):
myself started to take hold and I was like, yeah, I want to
start connecting again. And, and that event, that Quay
my did that I did with her, it made me realize how much I miss
interacting with audiences and, and to do these one-on-one
(03:21):
interviews. And so yeah, that's what led me
to come back to it. And thank you so much, Quan Mai,
for doing this and for pushing me because I not I would say
like not long after starting thepodcast, then things started to
(03:42):
happen. Originally I thought maybe I was
going to do 10 to 12 episodes. Part of what would be solo, part
would be guest interviews. And little did I realize that
the ice raids were starting to take center in Chicago and in
(04:03):
other cities like Portland and LA.
But Chicago was at the epicenterof all of this, and ICE and CBP
agents were detaining people left and right, whether they
were undocumented or legal immigrants with legal status or
(04:27):
even U.S. citizens for that matter.
And everyone was targeted. Black and Latinx communities
were getting targeted on a constant basis.
Asian communities were not immune to this.
And even in predominantly upper class white neighborhoods in
(04:50):
Evanston to Lincoln Park, Lakeview in Chicago, they were
getting tear gassed. And also there were abductions
of immigrants there. So it's been a very chaotic time
and, and unfortunately, a lot ofwhat was happening or what is
(05:11):
currently happening is not making national news.
It's not reaching to other communities outside of Chicago.
And I felt that it was a moral duty to share these stories to
make sure that it's getting pushed out to other communities.
I, I wanted to interview community leaders and people
(05:35):
involved in this work in fighting against the Trump
administration in, in protectingvulnerable communities to make
sure that the information that they're sharing is also reaching
out to these communities, but also to folks that are unaware
of what's going on. And and this and by doing so,
(05:57):
this would give community leaders, community folks time to
prepare and how they're going toprotect their own folks and also
find ways to counter against theICE and CBP agents that are
(06:17):
invading a lot of the cities, but also even in towns and in
suburbs. So I thought that that was a
moral duty for me to do my little part in making sure that
the news has spread to these communities.
(06:38):
And that is also to say, I felt this.
I felt this need to make sure that that people understand that
Chicago is not a shrinking Violet.
(07:01):
It is a city of immense pride. It's a city that has that has
ways to find opportunities to support and protect community
members. And we're seeing this.
We're seeing it with folks giving mutual aid and, and
(07:25):
helping small vendors, outdoor vendors that are getting
targeted. They're afraid to go to work or
having volunteers walk kids to school because parents are very
scared to leave the house or to provide delivery services and,
(07:47):
and what have you. So this is the kind of Chicago
that I also want to share like that.
Like we're not a city that is going to just sit down and let
this all happen unscathed. But even though as things are
getting still difficult right now and for the foreseeable
(08:10):
future, I do think it's very important to make sure that
those stories are being told andthat their blueprints will
hopefully be be very useful for other folks that are trying to
figure out what to do. I want to say it's been, I have
(08:35):
to say, like doing these episodes.
It's been wild. Like I didn't realize I have
done 21 episodes and for blog post since mid August and I'm
still recording more episodes aswe speak.
So, but it's been, again, rejuvenating.
It's been a rewarding experience, but it's also
(08:58):
necessary. And it's also necessary for my
own sanity because I think doingthese episodes, especially the
emergency ones, have kept me away from being in this dark
rabbit hole of despair. And I'm not going to lie to you.
I mean, sometimes when I have tolike scroll, doom scroll and see
(09:23):
updates about, about abductions that have been happening and
tear gassing in different neighborhoods, it's, it's very
hard to feel hopeful in these times.
And but doing these, doing theseinterviews, it's also a relief.
(09:45):
It's also gives me that little bit of hope, and I hope that
these episodes will serve you well.
And yeah, thank you so much for being patient.
Thank you so much for being ableto withstand the constant
notifications of a new podcast episode.
(10:06):
And yeah, I really appreciate it.
It's been, it's been a very unpredictable time.
And nevertheless, I'm glad to bedoing this.
I'm glad to, you know, at least do something of from my own
sanity, but also that brings a little bit of value to folks.
(10:30):
But yeah, that is to say, that is to say it's been quite a year
and, you know, dealing with grief and dealing with the
recalibration since leaving my job.
And actually I just accepted a short term contract offer,
(10:53):
which, you know, is really nice to make sure that I keep the the
gravy train rolling, I guess, and, and enough flexibility to
still do this work that I feel very passionate for.
I, I have to say, yeah, it's, it's been wild.
(11:17):
And that we're at the end of this year and that we are a
little over halfway through thisdecade, if you can believe it.
So with that said, I hope that you've been enjoying these
episodes that I've been doing and I am looking forward to
(11:39):
releasing new episodes. So stay tuned on that and other
and other random thoughts in my head.
I recently came across a video post from Nathan Ramos Park, who
I really enjoy seeing content from.
(12:02):
And Nathan had talked about how it was very well.
He observed how many Asian diaspora, including Asian
American folks, have been livingin Asia as a way to either
reconnect with their identity, to find some sense of belonging,
(12:27):
and also to probably undo a lot of the Western capitalistic
expectations that were thrown atus.
You know, and, and I think that I think that that's something
that I relate to because he talked about how he has said
(12:50):
that for those folks living in Asia, they become more happier.
They are able to feel more confident in their own identity.
And I had to think about that for a moment because it's
something that I resonate quite heavily with because I have
(13:12):
lived in Korea for three years from 2009 to 2012.
And I was 25 at the time when I moved out.
And this was my first time living abroad and I had never
lived in Asia. I had no connections to Korea,
especially as a Vietnamese and Cambodian American.
(13:35):
So it came at a time when the the global recession was
happening. So I was kind of on my wits end
trying to find work and I neededto at least find something that
would feel motivating. It would that would feel worthy.
(13:56):
And so I got into the English teaching program at that time.
And so living in Korea for thosethree years, I realized that
this was the first time I was ina place where it was full of
Asian people. And not just Korean folks that
(14:17):
were living in Korea, obviously,but also what other fellow Asian
expats, whether they're from other parts of the US or in
Canada, Australia, England. It was great to experience that
from the diaspora, you know, to like find other community
members that not only look like me, but also have some of the
(14:38):
shared life experiences. Because up until I was 25, I had
never really hung out with any Asian folks.
There was only a very few numberthat I could probably count on
one hand that I actually did. And I was never connected with
(14:59):
the Vietnamese and Cambodian community back home.
And so my experiences with Asiancommunities have been very
minimal. And for the longest time I felt
the shame of not being able to speak my parents native tongue.
I felt the shame of not being able to know much about my
(15:21):
family history. So I felt very estranged from it
due to that shame and stigma that I was caring.
And also I felt like I was so obsessed with trying to
assimilate that I was trying to gain acceptance from my white
peers, from non Asian folks. And this was hot.
(15:42):
This was carrying me through K through 12 into college.
And when I was out job searchingand I realized that I wasn't
finding my belonging in those spaces.
I wasn't feeling like I could bethis person that I was hoping to
(16:05):
be at least, at least in a way that feels palatable.
But it it was coming at my own expense.
And I'm kind of having a little bit of a words out here.
But but hang on for a moment there because yeah, this was
something that I had to like really to really confront early
(16:27):
on. And it was something that I did
not seem to understand until I got to Korea.
It was me having to unlearn a lot of the Western expectations
or my parents expectations of this so-called American Dream
(16:47):
where I felt like I was trying to cross a lot of checklists,
you know, get good grades even though I was not really that
good of a student, to being obedient to graduating college.
And I saw how much trying to fitthose expectations or fulfill
(17:13):
those expectations was not making me happy.
It was making me feel instead more lost and more of that void
that I was trying to not confront, which was like, where
do I belong in all of this? You know, like, for a long time,
(17:36):
I was always seen as a foreignerto the eyes of many of my peers,
despite the fact that I was bornand raised in America.
And it was also very hard for meto be seen as attractive to
anyone, and especially in a predominantly white school
(17:57):
where, you know, the most popular classmates happen to be
mostly white. And for a guy like myself that
was scrawny, shy, nerdy, I wasn't seen as any of those.
You know, I wasn't seen as someone that was desirable.
And so I think going to Korea, Irealized how much my confidence
(18:19):
grew. I realized how much it was great
to, you know, be around studentsthat really look to you for
guidance. It was great to connect with my
my teaching colleagues at my school and with my new friends
and to not feel this, to not to no longer feel this tug of war
(18:45):
with my own identities. And after I came back home after
three years of Korea, I decided that I needed to find my own
community space. And so I had lived in the city.
I started connecting with queer Asian, queer Asian spaces.
(19:10):
And that was when I felt like mycuriosity and my need to connect
with other fellow Asian folks began as a result of me living
abroad. And that led me to eventually
confront and overcome my fear of, you know, being in the
(19:31):
Vietnamese and Cambodian spaces,which I have been estranged from
for a very long time. And to make Long story short,
this would also lead me to my first solo trip to Vietnam and
Cambodia. And you know, going there for a
few weeks at the end of last year was life changing for me.
It was very transformative in ways that I felt my career, my
(19:55):
career living experience for three years really did for me.
It it again, like made me curious, it made me assertive.
It made me want to explore more about my own identities and made
me want to deepen my connection with folks that I come across.
In my journey and also what do Iwant to do with that experience
(20:17):
coming back home? What do I want to be when I'm
back home? What do I want to be?
What do I want my version to look like?
What does the authenticity, Whatdoes my authenticity look like
to me? And I have to say that, you
know, coming out of those experiences, I feel like I come
(20:40):
away feeling more invigorated. I feel more at peace with
myself, that I no longer have tosearch for belonging, that I do
not need to have this validationfrom my peers of whether I'm
enough or not. You know, I think that that is
(21:02):
the power of being able to to really be in those places that
you feel you see more of yourself in.
And there's power to that. So, you know, shout out to
Nathan for really sharing that because it really sparked
(21:24):
something in me that I haven't been able to express fully for
quite some time. But yeah, in other words, in
other news, my brother just got married.
And congratulations to my brother Tony.
I'm very happy for him. And it's about time, You know,
(21:47):
he and my sister-in-law have been together for like over a
decade now. And yeah, it's about time
already. But it's also bittersweet
because it has made me think about his twin, my brother and
his twin, Andy. And him passing away earlier
(22:07):
this year has been like a reminder of what's been missing
since then. And, and you know, my brother's
wedding that happened very recently, it was a reminder of
not of his presence not being there, even though he, you know,
to me, he's there spiritually, but those are reminders that
(22:34):
they're really weigh on me. And with the holidays coming up
and then the one year anniversary of his death in mid
January, followed by their birthdays the next month, and
with the new year on top of it, I feel like this winter will be
(22:58):
a challenge with grief, you know, especially dealing with
the first of first of my brothernot being there.
I also hope to maybe counter that by, you know, can stay
connected with folks. I'm looking to go on my trip to
Columbia at the end of the year and, you know, as a way to kind
(23:20):
of break some of the, I guess, sadness that might accompany me
this holiday season along with my family that's obviously
feeling that loss. But, yeah.
And also right now, besides what's been going on with ICE, I
(23:41):
mean, I've been thinking about what's going on with the snap
cuts, you know, and, and how things are becoming economically
unsustainable for many working class families.
And yeah, it's been it's also inour area of focus of mine for
(24:05):
future episodes because I think that we still need to bring
these stories out and hopefully find ways to help solve this
ongoing crisis that just seems to not have an end insight.
But yeah, I, I think about, you know, some of my friends who
(24:28):
work in the federal government that are not getting paid and
still having to work a number ofhours Despite that.
And what it does for people thatare that are, you know, trying
to travel or do day-to-day work.I mean, what a time to be living
(24:50):
in. So that is to say, I really hope
that we find ways to to challenge what's happening and
that we continue to bravely use our voice and to step into our
action of what we need to have happened.
(25:18):
So I guess that is all I need tosay, you know, after all of
this. And yeah, I just want to say
thank you so much for being verysupportive of my return.
And I really hope that you enjoythe content I've been putting
out. I've also been having a lot of
fun on Instagram and TikTok, even though I know that Meta and
(25:43):
TikTok and social media right now is also a toxic wasteland
owned by toxic people, toxic billionaires.
But I also feel this need to like, you know, let's also
remind people of the joy that does exist, that can't happen in
our world, despite the horrible things that are happening.
(26:04):
So I hope that it serves as reminders to still make sure
that, you know, we create that joy for ourselves, to sustain,
just to keep us going, but also to sustain us for the long haul
and also for creativity in this long, long fight against this
(26:26):
administration. So in any case, I hope you are
all taking good care of yourself.
And yeah, thank you so much for listening.
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