October 15, 2025 • 34 mins
Pick a Page!
What if your most normal habit is quietly steering your life? In this episode, we crack open a page from The Reset Button to explore how everyday coping mechanisms—like alcohol, social media, and shopping—get normalized and how to take your power back.
In this episode:
- How “normal” habits quietly shape your time, money, and presence
- The hidden safety net of familiarity—and the real cost of staying stuck
- Why temptation feels like it’s everywhere (from grocery store samples to your feed)
- The power of asking: Is this helping or hurting?
- How shifting “I can’t” → “I don’t” changes identity, not just behavior
- The 3 Rs framework—Reflect, Reset, Reinvent—to turn awareness into action
- Practical tools: social scripts, alternative rituals, and habit audits
- The fast gains of getting intentional—clearer mornings, reclaimed hours, stronger self
If you’re craving sustainable change, curious about how to determine your coping mechanism, or just ready to stop numbing and start noticing, this episode meets you where you are and invites you one step further.
Follow, review, and share with someone who might need their own reset today.
Grab your copy of The Reset Button from Jeff Bezos on Amazon.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
SPEAKER_03 (00:29):
Hello and welcome to the Cameo Show.
I'm your host, Cameo, and we arejoined by my husband and
co-host, Greg Braun.
Hi, Greg.
SPEAKER_02 (00:37):
Hi, Cameo.
SPEAKER_03 (00:39):
You never call me Cameo.
Don't you dare.
SPEAKER_02 (00:43):
Hi, honey.
SPEAKER_03 (00:45):
You don't call me that either.
SPEAKER_02 (00:46):
Hey, babe.
SPEAKER_03 (00:47):
That's better.
That sounds normal.
SPEAKER_02 (00:51):
Babe.
SPEAKER_03 (00:52):
Greg likes to start us with a dad joke.
Hit him where it hurts, Greg.
SPEAKER_02 (00:57):
Let me give you, I got a good one here.
What has more letters than thealphabet?
SPEAKER_03 (01:03):
I don't know.
SPEAKER_02 (01:04):
The post office.
SPEAKER_03 (01:07):
Very good.
Oh, my dad will like that one.
SPEAKER_02 (01:09):
Your dad will like that one.
And let me tell you a dad jokethat he told me once that I
thought was really funny.
He said, I always want to makesure I have an extra pair of
socks with me when I go golfing.
Just in case I get a hole inone.
SPEAKER_03 (01:24):
Let me guess he told you that like it was a real
story.
SPEAKER_01 (01:27):
Yep.
SPEAKER_03 (01:27):
And you were like, oh, why?
Yeah.
Sounds sounds like my dad.
SPEAKER_01 (01:33):
Yep.
SPEAKER_03 (01:34):
Yes.
Mort dog, number one mailman inWarsaw.
Bringing mail packages and ahard time to everybody on Main
Street.
SPEAKER_02 (01:47):
And I think today we should play a fun little game
called Pick a Page.
Where you read a page from yourbook and we just riff on it.
And I get to pick the page.
SPEAKER_03 (02:02):
So Greg's coercing me into this pick a page idea.
Just kidding.
It's actually backed by populardemand.
You guys really digged that.
So we're going to do it again.
Digged it, dug it.
Whatever.
SPEAKER_01 (02:15):
Whatever.
SPEAKER_03 (02:16):
You're going to pick the page like last time, like I
roll through.
Okay, pick a page.
What we're referring to, ifyou're new here, welcome.
Is a page from my recentlyreleased book, The Reset Button,
which I conveniently had righthere and also displayed behind
me.
If you're watching, who else hasit?
SPEAKER_02 (02:34):
Jeff Bezos has it for sale at his electronic
storefront.
SPEAKER_03 (02:39):
Well done.
Thank you.
SPEAKER_02 (02:41):
Hold the book up so I can see it.
Just so everyone knows we'rebeing legit here.
All right, flip it slowly, and Iwill tell you when to stop.
Stop.
SPEAKER_03 (02:56):
Page 153.
Last time we talked about uh ascenario from the resetting how
you deal with your shit section.
The how you deal with your shitsection is about toxic coping
strategies.
Man, I just can't even get wordsout of my mouth.
The how the resetting how youdeal with your shit section is
(03:17):
about toxic coping strategies.
Ours was, among other things,self-destructive behavior, one
being alcohol and its presencein our life.
If you are new here, you mightnot know that both Greg and I
are over a decade sober, haven'thad a drop of alcohol since
(03:39):
August of 2015.
Well, I have, but Greg hasn't.
I haven't had a drop of alcoholsince like April or May of 2016.
No, 2014 for you, 2015 for me.
Time goes so fast.
SPEAKER_02 (03:55):
Anyway And let me just say that decision, while it
was scary and I had no idea whatwas gonna happen, but that
decision has been the catalystfor so much change in my life
and our life.
And I just I can't if if someonewould say, Hey, what has been
the biggest thing that you wouldsay can help change the
(04:18):
trajectory of someone's life?
I would say that's the thingthat has made the most impact on
mine is choosing not to drinkalcohol.
It seems so inconsequential, buta decade later, a decade plus
later, I can look back at thatand be like, it's totally
different from just that onething in the mix.
SPEAKER_03 (04:36):
So and my hope in using that as the example
throughout this book, andspecifically in this section, is
that it helps people not onlyevaluate alcohol in their life,
but just evaluate whatevercoping strategy they're using in
their life.
So replace my examples ofalcohol and all the dumb shit I
did, or the acceptance of it inmy life, just kind of because it
(04:56):
was always there and in my face,with whatever that is for you,
and evaluate how it fits in thedecisions that you're making,
whether that is how you spendyour time, the people you
surround yourselves with, likewhatever that is for you.
SPEAKER_01 (05:13):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_03 (05:14):
That was my hope in this section.
But this is gonna be a kind of adifferent spin from the last
time we did pick a page and landit in this section.
This one is about how alcohol isjust ever present in your life.
So page 153.
I'm gonna share a real fun,embarrassing story.
SPEAKER_01 (05:35):
Uh oh.
SPEAKER_03 (05:36):
Okay.
Finding, let's see, where shouldI begin?
SPEAKER_02 (05:46):
Are you sure you want to do this?
SPEAKER_03 (05:48):
Yeah, it's fine.
So I'm talking about how much ofan idiot I was when I would get
drunk because I just, as youknow, many people do, if I'm
being honest, you just kind ofthrow caution to the wind and
whatever happens, happens, youknow?
And I was talking aboutreflecting upon how when we
lived in Ohio, we hadfamiliarity and we had a lot of
(06:11):
people around us that could likebail us out if we did something
stupid, right?
Like help us with our kids, oryou know, I need to sleep over
tonight, or can you take mehome?
I passed out.
Anyway, all of that familiaritygave me the protection I needed
when I made terriblealcohol-fueled choices.
(06:31):
Familiarity in Ohio.
And if you're new here, we movedfrom Ohio to Florida uh 11 years
ago.
And this is what I'm talkingabout.
We decided to stop drinking whenwe moved to Florida.
So finding myself in a dangeroussituation didn't have the
shockwaves, the consequences inOhio that they would in Florida,
because there was always a crewof people to cover for me.
(06:54):
I think about the situations Igot myself into back then and
can't imagine what would havehappened had they occurred while
I was in this new place with noreal community to rely on.
I think about the time Greg wasperforming at an outdoor
festival and I got totallyloaded.
I got totally loaded sidebarevery time Greg played.
He was in a band, he playeddrums in a band, and I got
(07:15):
totally loaded every time.
But this is just one of thosetimes.
Uh, we got into a huge argumentabout who knows what, and he
left me there.
Since familiar faces surroundedme and I was too drunk to give a
damn, I didn't care that I wasstranded.
I kept partying and socializing.
Now, when I say he left methere, let me just back up a
(07:36):
second.
I'm sure I stomped my feet andwas like, I'm not going
anywhere.
SPEAKER_02 (07:41):
Yeah.
I was probably like, let's go.
And you're like, Yeah.
SPEAKER_03 (07:45):
So he, I mean, maybe you shouldn't have left me, but
yes, we were with a big group ofpeople.
So it's not like he just left methere by myself.
SPEAKER_02 (07:53):
We're speculating.
I'm I'm sure that's probablywhat happened, though.
SPEAKER_03 (07:56):
But ending up by myself is probably something I
handled on my own after youalready left.
I'm just saying.
SPEAKER_00 (08:03):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_03 (08:04):
So I kept partying and socializing.
Did I mention that my cell phonehad died too?
That I had no money, no ID.
Late into the night, I drunkenlywandered barefoot to the after
party.
My high-heel shoes slung over myshoulder.
I'd stumble into strangers onthe sidewalk, linking into their
arms so I could do si doe withthem, not a care in the world.
(08:27):
To this day, I have no idea howI got to my destination, and I
bristle when I think about whatcould have happened.
Fact.
Similar to that was when I wasat a bachelorette party in
Columbus, a place I knew likethe back of my hand.
The party, however, included anumber of women I didn't know,
even the host.
Once at the bar, I was too busygetting annihilated and mingling
(08:47):
to notice that the group wasleaving.
Eventually, I realized I wasalone and stuck.
Again, my cell phone battery wasdead.
I knew the group returned to thehost's house, but I didn't know
where that was because I didn'tknow her.
But as happens when you've livedsomewhere all your life, I ran
into an old friend and crashedat his house.
Thank God to him and his fatherfor forgiving me for all my
(09:11):
drunken nights that they'vewitnessed.
Ohio for me was like theprotective padding you wear when
you're playing sports, and Itook advantage of it.
I go on later to say, and thisis where I want to go.
First of all, I'm such an idiot,and I'm very lucky that I didn't
I'm very lucky.
The world is a crazy place and alot of crazy shit happens.
(09:33):
And when I say I bristle aboutthinking about what could have
happened, I really do.
Like if I let myself go there,oh what an idiot.
Anyway, I know we've all beenthere.
Maybe you're maybe if your toxiccoping strategy is shopping, you
can't relate to that part.
(09:55):
But shopping presents its owndangers, you know, to your
wallet and all that.
Anyway.
All right.
So I go on to say life withoutalcohol makes you realize how
often adults are confronted withit.
Samples of wine come at you inthe grocery store, and server
servers angle you to angle foryou to make your virgin cocktail
(10:16):
adult.
Even situations that are aboutkids are also about imbibing.
That's where I want to go afterpick a page.
Here's the thing specificallywith alcohol, but with other
things (10:30):
gossip, overspending, keeping up with the Joneses,
gambling, porn.
I don't care.
Whatever your toxic copingstrategy is, this applies.
Those things are kind of likeall in your face.
Everybody's doing it.
Everywhere you turn, it's easyto find a drink.
Someone who wants to talk shitabout somebody, a X-rated site
(10:53):
online, right?
Social media, Jesus.
Sometimes I pull up socialmedia, I'm like, I don't follow
this page.
What the fuck is that?
How did that get there?
And sometimes you do, and I'mlike, what's that?
And you're like, I don't followthat, I swear.
SPEAKER_02 (11:06):
I've been bamboozled.
SPEAKER_03 (11:08):
But for real, like one of the things that we
realized really quickly when westopped drinking was that it's
kind of like everywhere.
And that can be reallychallenging when you're trying
to make the choice to no longerparticipate in that said
activity.
SPEAKER_00 (11:25):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_03 (11:26):
Because what you realize is that this has been
normal to me my whole life.
This is what I learned, what Isaw, what my friends were doing,
what I see online, whatever thecase may be.
And it's because it's what we'vebeen conditioned to believe is
normal.
It's not normal to everybody.
It's just, it's very out infront.
SPEAKER_01 (11:48):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_03 (11:48):
And we're tested every day with these things that
are the easy way.
Sometimes, quote unquote easyway to deal with your shit, to
deal with the hard stuff.
It was easier to just drink thanto like dig into my insecurity
that started when I was teasedin high school.
(12:08):
I mean, like you get deep quickwhen you start removing some of
those strategies.
And so what I want you to keepin mind is that when you're
making change, you're going tobe going, you're going to be
swimming against the current.
And it's going to be fuckinghard sometimes to say no.
And it's going to be really hardto like make adjustments to what
(12:29):
your normal is because it'sgoing to be around every single
corner.
But I promise you, I promisethat if you decide that that's
what you want for you, for yourfamily, for your spouse, for
your kids, for your life, youcan decide against what's in
front of you.
You can turn the TV off.
(12:52):
Lamar, turn the TV off.
I will not, I will never everrap again on this podcast.
I promise.
SPEAKER_01 (12:59):
Okay.
SPEAKER_03 (13:00):
But you can put the drink down.
You can decide not to get thestore credit card.
Like you can make those choices,even though they're right there,
easy access for you at alltimes.
And so I think it's reallyimportant to begin with
reflecting, which is the first Rof the reset button.
There are three Rs.
(13:23):
If you heard the last pick apage episode, you know what I'm
talking about.
And if you didn't, you should goback and listen to it.
But in the reflection stage ofthe three R process of the reset
button, it's to reallyunderstand and get real with
yourself about what your copingmechanism actually is.
So all of these things are likein all of our faces all the
time.
As I mentioned, ours wasalcohol.
(13:44):
There are many others.
There are others that go on ourlist as well.
But if you don't know what itis, and you're just kind of like
letting everything come at you,you can't like decide to make a
different choice.
You're just gonna go with it,and then you're gonna land in
this spot where you are dozydoughing on the sidewalk with
people.
Do you know what I mean?
SPEAKER_02 (14:03):
Yeah, like when you talk about us and you talk about
the relationship with alcohol,the nasty, scary end result that
could have been really bad isyou dosy doing on the sidewalk
or me in some alley.
You know what I mean?
Like it's you just who knows?
That's our story.
But for somebody else, and for alot of people out there, it
might not be alcohol, it mightbe a big one that I think we're
(14:26):
all around right now, and we'vegot to be aware of it is social
media.
I'm a previous smoker, so I knowwhat it's like to be really
addicted to this, like you know,constantly wanting to smoke a
cigarette, like two packs a dayfor probably a decade, right?
I mean, like it was a long time.
I smoked a lot.
SPEAKER_03 (14:46):
A decade, I mean, maybe two decades.
SPEAKER_02 (14:49):
Yeah, I don't know.
SPEAKER_03 (14:50):
15 years, probably.
I mean, it was a long time.
SPEAKER_02 (14:52):
And that was a hard thing to quit, but I can tell
you, like, Instagram, socialmedia, they're equally as
addicting, I feel like.
That's why we always joke, like,well, I'm just gonna have a
cigarette here, and you're like,do your, you know, get on social
media.
I feel like that is something tobe aware of because you might
not be putting yourself in alife or death death situation,
(15:14):
but you're putting yourself in asituation where you're wasting a
lot of time and you might becreating this narrative because
the algorithm's getting so goodat feeding, it feeds me
everything.
And if I go Google searchsomething, and next time I get
on my Instagram, there's an adfor it, or if I go buy some new
software, there's some more adsfor add-ons.
(15:37):
It's it's literally disgusting.
Like when you're when you feelit like I feel like I'm just
part of this matrix that's justpushing products at me because I
take a step this way, and it'slike, oh, you you know, this or
that.
So I'm just I'm pointing thisout that like it's kind of like
this invisible um addictionthat's taking us all under its
(15:58):
under its ether, you know, thissocial media thing.
And it and it's it's realbecause it's it's it's
addicting, you know.
Try to go uh use the bathroom orwait on somebody for 10 minutes
and not get on your phone.
I mean, you just you or go to acoffee shop, get a coffee and
sit down and talk to somebody.
It's like it wouldn't bepossible, you know?
SPEAKER_03 (16:20):
Well, and here's the thing you said maybe it's not
life or death, but sadly it canbe.
Social media exposes people tothings that they wouldn't
normally see, that they that ourbrains are not wired to handle
so much coming at us, right?
And digest.
And it is in some cases a matterof life or death.
(16:41):
It's a matter of mental health,it's a matter of self-esteem,
it's a matter of loneliness,it's a matter of disconnection
from real people that you youfeel plugged in when you're on
social media because you're yousee what's going on in the
outside world, but you'reactually like really
disconnected and not genuinelyconnected to anything in a lot
(17:03):
of cases.
It can get that way.
So, like when you say that aboutalcohol and do see-doting in a
back alley and we joke, it'sit's funny, but it's all it also
can be true that this is asdangerous, as isolating, as
addicting, as a strategy to copewith what really needs dealt
with as alcohol or any drug forthat matter.
SPEAKER_02 (17:26):
Yes, I agree with you, and not even to even
compare it to or measure itagainst alcohol, but it's just
definitely something to be awareof.
Like I feel like that's the thefirst, you know, thing about
this is just being aware thatthis is a thing.
And because if you're not awareof it, it will take you under
(17:48):
its ether and and you will bepart of this.
SPEAKER_03 (17:51):
And that's with any coping mechanism, that's with
any way to distract yourselffrom what actually needs to be
dealt with.
And what we're talking about,about how it's normal and it's
just coming at you from allangles.
Scrolling social media when youjump in bed is like a normal
thing.
It's not even like it's a thing,it's a normalized thing.
And it's a problem for oursleep, it's a problem for our
(18:14):
presence, it's a problem for ourrelationships.
Like awareness is key torecognize and get real with
yourself about what your actualcoping mechanism is, where it's
coming at you from.
And then being able to say,Well, I need to evaluate how
this makes me feel and getreally fucking honest with
myself.
Because if you don't get honestabout what it's making you feel,
(18:36):
you convince yourself that whatit makes you feel is all of the
positive things.
Isn't that funny?
I say that out loud.
Now, here I'm just spitballing.
But when I evaluate things, alot of times I veer toward the
negative.
Because our minds work likethat, like, oh, well, I missed
this or I didn't do that, or youknow, you have this negative
(18:58):
chatter sometimes, a lot oftimes.
But in this case, when it comesto toxic coping strategies, you
find all the reasons why it'sokay, all the reasons why it's
not that big of a deal, becauseit helps you feel numb to the
things that really are the bigdeal, right?
Interesting.
I've never really thought aboutit that way.
Once you're aware of it andaware of how it makes you feel
(19:19):
and you get really honest aboutit, then you can say, well, how
is this impacting other areas ofmy life?
SPEAKER_01 (19:23):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_03 (19:24):
And so I use shopping as an example in the
book and a couple of times inthis episode already.
I like to shop too.
And I am an Amazon junkie.
Shopping as a coping mechanismis a valid thing.
I don't want to deal with thisconversation with you, Greg.
So I'm gonna go shop and I'mgonna drown myself in buying
(19:44):
things because it gives medopamine that makes me feel
better as a coping strategy tonot have to deal with the thing
that really needs dealt with.
And then that bleeds into otherareas of your life.
So not just with therelationship, but now my bank
account's drained.
Now, like these are the thingsthat have to be considered when
you are getting honest withyourself about what your coping
(20:05):
strategy is.
Because, like I mentioned, Icould easily be like, well, but
it's, I mean, I'm just gonna gobuy a few things.
Like, it's not that big of adeal.
I have the budget for it.
Like I can find all the reasonswhy it's okay if I'm trying to
justify it and make it makesense that it's keeping me from
addressing the real things,which is what a coping strategy
is.
In case you just landed on thisplanet, you didn't need me to
(20:28):
tell you that.
And then the next question thatit leads you to is well, is that
really in alignment with thelife that I want to lead?
So, what's my coping mechanism?
How does that make me feel?
What areas of my life is itimpacting that are not so
obvious as a direct result or asan indirect result rather?
(20:49):
And then is that in alignmentwith what I really want to do
and be and how I want to handlethings, you know?
SPEAKER_02 (20:57):
100%.
And that is why I look ateverything, every situation.
Is this helping or hurting?
SPEAKER_03 (21:08):
Tweet, tweet.
Is tweeting a thing?
Now it's called X.
It's not even Twitter anymore,but write that down, people.
Is this helping or hurting?
That's a huge question.
And that's that's not just withregard to coping mechanisms,
right?
That's with regard to like myopinion.
Do I need to say that right now?
Is it helping or hurting?
(21:30):
In my opinion, my opinion isalways helping.
That was a joke.
Nobody thought that was funny.
Greg didn't think that wasfunny.
SPEAKER_02 (21:40):
No, I I'm sorry, I'm I'm deep in thought here about
this because it just makes youthink about like every every
every area of your life, youknow, you can evaluate like
that.
Yeah, is it helping already?
Not just alcohol, not justsocial media, not just you know,
shopping or whatever.
Like some things are justthere's no redeeming, like
(22:00):
smoking cigarettes.
Well, it made me feel like I wasdoing something, I was doing
nothing, you know.
Yeah, and it's like once you cankind of work through that with
some brutal honesty and be like,all right, I just I'm not doing
this.
This isn't this is not helpingme, you know.
SPEAKER_03 (22:18):
Yeah.
And it's hurting you in manyways, not just the obvious ways.
SPEAKER_02 (22:22):
And then you just have to deal with the withdrawal
symptoms, and you have you know,it's not easy to quit.
I mean, it's hard to do.
SPEAKER_03 (22:29):
It's not easy to quit anything.
And you know what?
You use the word quit, andhere's the thing about that.
We always frame quitting as anegative thing when we talk
about perspective and negativeand positive and you know,
justification, but quitting canbe a positive thing.
Yeah, if you're able to answerthe question, is this helping or
hurting with real brutal honestyand agency over your own choices
(22:52):
and your own health and your ownmental health and relationships.
SPEAKER_02 (22:56):
And not bullshit yourself.
I mean, having a good bullshitmeter is very valuable in life
with when you're dealing withother human beings because you
know we're watching the show.
SPEAKER_03 (23:08):
It's called Poker Face.
SPEAKER_02 (23:10):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_03 (23:11):
It's Natasha Leon, it's on Peacock.
SPEAKER_02 (23:14):
Peacock, yeah.
SPEAKER_03 (23:16):
It's very good.
It's like just a every episodehas a caper that all leads to
like this one big theme of theshow.
She's running from trouble.
And she is a human lie detectortest.
Like, I don't even know how orwhy.
Maybe they didn't discuss ityet, but or I just didn't catch
it.
But like she has the ability totell.
(23:36):
I mean, maybe we all do really,but let's let's park that.
Uh, she has the ability to tellif somebody's lying.
Like they tell her something andshe'll be like, bullshit.
She has like a visceral reactionto what they're saying.
And it's a very good show.
So it's right in alignment withwhat we're talking about.
It's like having this bullshitmeter of like what's real and
(23:57):
what's actually not.
And that brings me back to whatI parked is like we all have
that if we listen, if we payattention and we're willing to
say, that's bullshit.
I'm bullshitting myself, thatperson's full of shit.
We just choose to ignore itbecause sometimes it's easier to
ignore it, or it's more in themoment emotionally, you know,
(24:20):
feels better.
SPEAKER_02 (24:22):
Yeah, we might want something or want to want
something to be real so badlythat we ignore our gut feeling
about it.
And if we would call bullshit onourselves, we'd be like, you
know, it's not easy stuff.
I mean, we're far from having itmastered, but like just again,
(24:45):
being aware that this is how youas a human being operate on a
daily basis, you bullshityourself all the time because
you're constantly hardwired forcomfort.
So you make excuses.
I don't want to work out, Idon't want to eat good.
You know, I mean, that's aconstant battle.
It can't just be me.
(25:05):
You know, I'm sure a lot ofpeople feel that way.
But having the ability to callyourself out, I think is step
one.
SPEAKER_03 (25:16):
Yeah, I agree.
I actually I was looking for thespot, I know it's around here
somewhere in the book where Italk about that.
We are hardwired for pleasureand try to avoid pain.
So it's it's legit science thathappens in the anatomy and
physiology of our body.
Like it's what we do as aspecies.
So, what happens next to helpyou get through those moments?
(25:40):
And in my opinion, and one ofthe things that I lay out, and
this is in the reset part of thethree Rs, the part where you
decide I'm gonna do somethingdifferent.
I I got curious, I figured thesethings out, I'm listening to
myself now.
Then you have to make a decisionthat you're gonna embrace change
and you're gonna do thingsdifferently than you always
(26:00):
have.
And in that reset moment, as itpertains to your coping
strategies or the things thatyou do to avoid pain or maximize
pleasure, it's that you have tofind an alternative approach.
Like you have to decide when youwhen we stopped drinking, we had
to decide like, okay, how are wegoing to handle certain
(26:23):
situations where alcohol was themain player in the game?
Okay, so this is such a basicexample, but it's the first one
that pops to mind is we went toa music festival.
We're huge music fans.
If you don't know, now you do.
We go to a lot of concerts.
We love live music, it's been ahuge part of our life.
Greg's a musician.
I I guess I am too.
(26:43):
We're in a band together.
For the love of God, justembrace it, cameo.
Um, sorry, tangent.
But we went to this musicfestival, uh, the first concert
we had been to since we stoppeddrinking, and we had to find
like an alternative approach tofilling that space.
And this is surface level oflike having a drink in our hand.
(27:04):
So we found something as analternative, lemon shake-ups and
conversation, and we had ablast.
But deeper than that is that wethen found what I refer to as a
face-it strategy.
Instead of like dismissing anyuncomfortableness in our life or
any, you know, uh stressassociated with the setting, we
(27:27):
connected in a different waythrough like finding new things
and new approaches to handlingdifficult people who are drunk
and acting like idiots aroundus.
Or to handling like ourtransportation, like just all
the things, like you have to beprepared.
My point is to know what you'regonna do differently.
(27:51):
Like, have be planned, beprepared, have a plan for what
that is.
Because if you're acting onautopilot as you always have
with whatever this strategy is,you have to make a conscious
decision of what to dodifferently.
It's not just gonna happen.
You're not just gonna like showup tomorrow and all of a sudden
respond differently.
(28:12):
You have it, you have to have aplan and you have to practice
and you have to be conscious ofit.
So the thing is, we get squirmyand then we're like, oh, I don't
want to face it.
Well, if you want to makemeaningful change in your life,
you have to decide that you'regoing to face it and how to.
SPEAKER_02 (28:28):
Yeah.
And stop bullshitting yourself.
SPEAKER_03 (28:31):
Yeah.
It doesn't say stop bullshittingyourself, but the page I just
turned to.
SPEAKER_02 (28:36):
Well, I'm a caveman, and that's you know, that's the
basic level.
Stop bullshitting yourself.
SPEAKER_03 (28:41):
Stop rationalizing the negative impact.
And we kind of touched on thatand thought about it kind of in
a different way, but like wedismiss how negative it is in
our life by justifying why it'sokay.
We don't do that with anythingelse.
And then um one other thing thatI'd like to touch on here, and
we talked about this also in away when I mentioned about
(29:02):
quitting always being a negativething, but how it's can be a
positive thing.
Uh, think about the potentialgain rather than the loss.
So when you stop doing thisthing, stay connected to the end
result of like, okay, well,instead of like dismissing these
negative feelings or emotionsthat I haven't dealt with uh and
(29:22):
feeling like I'm losing out onthe dopamine or the feel-good
that I normally fill that spacewith, think about the gain of
what could possibly happen inyour life when you start really
unpacking the things that keepyou stuck or keep you limited.
SPEAKER_01 (29:38):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_03 (29:38):
That's huge.
If you if you're able to flipthe perspective there and see
things as like possibility.
SPEAKER_02 (29:45):
Yeah.
I mean, and and along the linesof drinking, what you gain
immediately if you do stopdrinking just for even like 30
days is you'll notice a wholelot of extra time.
SPEAKER_03 (29:57):
God, the amount of time wasted in my 20s with
drinking and then being hungover and thinking about drinking
and planning drinking andstopping and getting.
I mean, Jesus, primany crickets.
It was a lot of time that I wishI had back.
SPEAKER_02 (30:14):
And we don't have to destroy drinking.
It's it's you know, everyone canchoose whatever they want to do.
Uh, it's your journey.
That's the point of this, youknow.
But but just again, before Istopped, I always wondered, you
know, how much I Actually, Ididn't really wonder, but I
never knew how much of thedifference it it would make and
(30:35):
and that that's all.
I just because I know it's hardwhen you make a decision in the
beginning, especially you know,your friend group has been built
around alcohol and you're like,nah, I'm not gonna, you know,
you're all of a sudden you're anoutcast.
And and we're hardwired thatthat means death to us as a
species.
If you're ex you know, not partof the tribe, then that well,
(30:57):
you go off in the woods and die,you know.
SPEAKER_03 (31:00):
Yeah, and that actually kind of circles back
and closes the loop of like it'salways in your face, and that
feeling is real and it is verydifficult.
SPEAKER_02 (31:09):
It's a fear, it's a real fear.
Yeah, so you know, just whateverthe thing is.
SPEAKER_03 (31:14):
Take your power back.
SPEAKER_02 (31:16):
Take your power back.
Take your power back.
There you go.
There you go.
SPEAKER_03 (31:19):
Uh I'll leave you with this that you can write
down and have it right in frontof you for a moment when you
need it.
Change your words instead ofsaying I can't drink or I can't,
you know, use this method ofwhatever it is, whatever your
thing is, once you'veestablished what that is, change
(31:40):
it to I don't.
I don't drink.
That's my power now.
That's not giving power to thebehavior, that's giving power to
me and my choice.
And that can be really hugebecause words are powerful.
What we tell ourselves up here,it can be really help or hurt,
right?
SPEAKER_02 (31:59):
Yeah, help or hurt.
SPEAKER_03 (32:00):
And uh, if you start taking control and changing
those words, you take your powerback.
So thank you, Greg, for uhpicking the page.
unknown (32:10):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_03 (32:10):
Picking the roulette stopping point.
And thank you all for yourfeedback and your enthusiasm for
pick your page, because thatmeans that the first time we did
it must have made an impact, andhopefully this time will too.
So uh you can pick up your copyof the reset button, like Greg
said, Jeff Bezos has it.
SPEAKER_02 (32:29):
And then you can pick your own page.
SPEAKER_03 (32:31):
Yeah.
Hey, look at that.
That's right.
And um, we're so grateful thatyou're here.
This isn't just always about mybook.
The podcast is supposed to helpyou uh feel empowered to take
charge of your life.
And those two things play welltogether from time to time.
So we do like to bring it up andbring up some ideas from it.
(32:52):
But we have great guests on thisshow.
We have new episodes everyWednesday where people share
their strengths, theirweaknesses, their triumphs,
their challenges.
And uh I hope it meets you whereyou are and helps you in some
way.
And if it did, that you'll shareit with somebody else who might
find it useful too.
So in the event that you're justjoining us for the first time,
(33:12):
thank you.
In the event that you're joiningus for the 100 and something, we
really appreciate that you'rehere.
SPEAKER_02 (33:20):
Really thank you.
Thank you, thank you.
SPEAKER_03 (33:22):
You get a lot of that's amazing, and then new
person just gets a little.
Just kidding.
Uh, but we are very grateful andwe hope to see you again until
next time.
Hello and welcome to the Cameo Show.
I'm your host, Cameo, and we arejoined by my husband and
co-host, Greg Braun.
Hi, Greg.
SPEAKER_02 (00:37):
Hi, Cameo.
SPEAKER_03 (00:39):
You never call me Cameo.
Don't you dare.
SPEAKER_02 (00:43):
Hi, honey.
SPEAKER_03 (00:45):
You don't call me that either.
SPEAKER_02 (00:46):
Hey, babe.
SPEAKER_03 (00:47):
That's better.
That sounds normal.
SPEAKER_02 (00:51):
Babe.
SPEAKER_03 (00:52):
Greg likes to start us with a dad joke.
Hit him where it hurts, Greg.
SPEAKER_02 (00:57):
Let me give you, I got a good one here.
What has more letters than thealphabet?
SPEAKER_03 (01:03):
I don't know.
SPEAKER_02 (01:04):
The post office.
SPEAKER_03 (01:07):
Very good.
Oh, my dad will like that one.
SPEAKER_02 (01:09):
Your dad will like that one.
And let me tell you a dad jokethat he told me once that I
thought was really funny.
He said, I always want to makesure I have an extra pair of
socks with me when I go golfing.
Just in case I get a hole inone.
SPEAKER_03 (01:24):
Let me guess he told you that like it was a real
story.
SPEAKER_01 (01:27):
Yep.
SPEAKER_03 (01:27):
And you were like, oh, why?
Yeah.
Sounds sounds like my dad.
SPEAKER_01 (01:33):
Yep.
SPEAKER_03 (01:34):
Yes.
Mort dog, number one mailman inWarsaw.
Bringing mail packages and ahard time to everybody on Main
Street.
SPEAKER_02 (01:47):
And I think today we should play a fun little game
called Pick a Page.
Where you read a page from yourbook and we just riff on it.
And I get to pick the page.
SPEAKER_03 (02:02):
So Greg's coercing me into this pick a page idea.
Just kidding.
It's actually backed by populardemand.
You guys really digged that.
So we're going to do it again.
Digged it, dug it.
Whatever.
SPEAKER_01 (02:15):
Whatever.
SPEAKER_03 (02:16):
You're going to pick the page like last time, like I
roll through.
Okay, pick a page.
What we're referring to, ifyou're new here, welcome.
Is a page from my recentlyreleased book, The Reset Button,
which I conveniently had righthere and also displayed behind
me.
If you're watching, who else hasit?
SPEAKER_02 (02:34):
Jeff Bezos has it for sale at his electronic
storefront.
SPEAKER_03 (02:39):
Well done.
Thank you.
SPEAKER_02 (02:41):
Hold the book up so I can see it.
Just so everyone knows we'rebeing legit here.
All right, flip it slowly, and Iwill tell you when to stop.
Stop.
SPEAKER_03 (02:56):
Page 153.
Last time we talked about uh ascenario from the resetting how
you deal with your shit section.
The how you deal with your shitsection is about toxic coping
strategies.
Man, I just can't even get wordsout of my mouth.
The how the resetting how youdeal with your shit section is
(03:17):
about toxic coping strategies.
Ours was, among other things,self-destructive behavior, one
being alcohol and its presencein our life.
If you are new here, you mightnot know that both Greg and I
are over a decade sober, haven'thad a drop of alcohol since
(03:39):
August of 2015.
Well, I have, but Greg hasn't.
I haven't had a drop of alcoholsince like April or May of 2016.
No, 2014 for you, 2015 for me.
Time goes so fast.
SPEAKER_02 (03:55):
Anyway And let me just say that decision, while it
was scary and I had no idea whatwas gonna happen, but that
decision has been the catalystfor so much change in my life
and our life.
And I just I can't if if someonewould say, Hey, what has been
the biggest thing that you wouldsay can help change the
(04:18):
trajectory of someone's life?
I would say that's the thingthat has made the most impact on
mine is choosing not to drinkalcohol.
It seems so inconsequential, buta decade later, a decade plus
later, I can look back at thatand be like, it's totally
different from just that onething in the mix.
SPEAKER_03 (04:36):
So and my hope in using that as the example
throughout this book, andspecifically in this section, is
that it helps people not onlyevaluate alcohol in their life,
but just evaluate whatevercoping strategy they're using in
their life.
So replace my examples ofalcohol and all the dumb shit I
did, or the acceptance of it inmy life, just kind of because it
(04:56):
was always there and in my face,with whatever that is for you,
and evaluate how it fits in thedecisions that you're making,
whether that is how you spendyour time, the people you
surround yourselves with, likewhatever that is for you.
SPEAKER_01 (05:13):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_03 (05:14):
That was my hope in this section.
But this is gonna be a kind of adifferent spin from the last
time we did pick a page and landit in this section.
This one is about how alcohol isjust ever present in your life.
So page 153.
I'm gonna share a real fun,embarrassing story.
SPEAKER_01 (05:35):
Uh oh.
SPEAKER_03 (05:36):
Okay.
Finding, let's see, where shouldI begin?
SPEAKER_02 (05:46):
Are you sure you want to do this?
SPEAKER_03 (05:48):
Yeah, it's fine.
So I'm talking about how much ofan idiot I was when I would get
drunk because I just, as youknow, many people do, if I'm
being honest, you just kind ofthrow caution to the wind and
whatever happens, happens, youknow?
And I was talking aboutreflecting upon how when we
lived in Ohio, we hadfamiliarity and we had a lot of
(06:11):
people around us that could likebail us out if we did something
stupid, right?
Like help us with our kids, oryou know, I need to sleep over
tonight, or can you take mehome?
I passed out.
Anyway, all of that familiaritygave me the protection I needed
when I made terriblealcohol-fueled choices.
(06:31):
Familiarity in Ohio.
And if you're new here, we movedfrom Ohio to Florida uh 11 years
ago.
And this is what I'm talkingabout.
We decided to stop drinking whenwe moved to Florida.
So finding myself in a dangeroussituation didn't have the
shockwaves, the consequences inOhio that they would in Florida,
because there was always a crewof people to cover for me.
(06:54):
I think about the situations Igot myself into back then and
can't imagine what would havehappened had they occurred while
I was in this new place with noreal community to rely on.
I think about the time Greg wasperforming at an outdoor
festival and I got totallyloaded.
I got totally loaded sidebarevery time Greg played.
He was in a band, he playeddrums in a band, and I got
(07:15):
totally loaded every time.
But this is just one of thosetimes.
Uh, we got into a huge argumentabout who knows what, and he
left me there.
Since familiar faces surroundedme and I was too drunk to give a
damn, I didn't care that I wasstranded.
I kept partying and socializing.
Now, when I say he left methere, let me just back up a
(07:36):
second.
I'm sure I stomped my feet andwas like, I'm not going
anywhere.
SPEAKER_02 (07:41):
Yeah.
I was probably like, let's go.
And you're like, Yeah.
SPEAKER_03 (07:45):
So he, I mean, maybe you shouldn't have left me, but
yes, we were with a big group ofpeople.
So it's not like he just left methere by myself.
SPEAKER_02 (07:53):
We're speculating.
I'm I'm sure that's probablywhat happened, though.
SPEAKER_03 (07:56):
But ending up by myself is probably something I
handled on my own after youalready left.
I'm just saying.
SPEAKER_00 (08:03):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_03 (08:04):
So I kept partying and socializing.
Did I mention that my cell phonehad died too?
That I had no money, no ID.
Late into the night, I drunkenlywandered barefoot to the after
party.
My high-heel shoes slung over myshoulder.
I'd stumble into strangers onthe sidewalk, linking into their
arms so I could do si doe withthem, not a care in the world.
(08:27):
To this day, I have no idea howI got to my destination, and I
bristle when I think about whatcould have happened.
Fact.
Similar to that was when I wasat a bachelorette party in
Columbus, a place I knew likethe back of my hand.
The party, however, included anumber of women I didn't know,
even the host.
Once at the bar, I was too busygetting annihilated and mingling
(08:47):
to notice that the group wasleaving.
Eventually, I realized I wasalone and stuck.
Again, my cell phone battery wasdead.
I knew the group returned to thehost's house, but I didn't know
where that was because I didn'tknow her.
But as happens when you've livedsomewhere all your life, I ran
into an old friend and crashedat his house.
Thank God to him and his fatherfor forgiving me for all my
(09:11):
drunken nights that they'vewitnessed.
Ohio for me was like theprotective padding you wear when
you're playing sports, and Itook advantage of it.
I go on later to say, and thisis where I want to go.
First of all, I'm such an idiot,and I'm very lucky that I didn't
I'm very lucky.
The world is a crazy place and alot of crazy shit happens.
(09:33):
And when I say I bristle aboutthinking about what could have
happened, I really do.
Like if I let myself go there,oh what an idiot.
Anyway, I know we've all beenthere.
Maybe you're maybe if your toxiccoping strategy is shopping, you
can't relate to that part.
(09:55):
But shopping presents its owndangers, you know, to your
wallet and all that.
Anyway.
All right.
So I go on to say life withoutalcohol makes you realize how
often adults are confronted withit.
Samples of wine come at you inthe grocery store, and server
servers angle you to angle foryou to make your virgin cocktail
(10:16):
adult.
Even situations that are aboutkids are also about imbibing.
That's where I want to go afterpick a page.
Here's the thing specificallywith alcohol, but with other
things (10:30):
gossip, overspending, keeping up with the Joneses,
gambling, porn.
I don't care.
Whatever your toxic copingstrategy is, this applies.
Those things are kind of likeall in your face.
Everybody's doing it.
Everywhere you turn, it's easyto find a drink.
Someone who wants to talk shitabout somebody, a X-rated site
(10:53):
online, right?
Social media, Jesus.
Sometimes I pull up socialmedia, I'm like, I don't follow
this page.
What the fuck is that?
How did that get there?
And sometimes you do, and I'mlike, what's that?
And you're like, I don't followthat, I swear.
SPEAKER_02 (11:06):
I've been bamboozled.
SPEAKER_03 (11:08):
But for real, like one of the things that we
realized really quickly when westopped drinking was that it's
kind of like everywhere.
And that can be reallychallenging when you're trying
to make the choice to no longerparticipate in that said
activity.
SPEAKER_00 (11:25):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_03 (11:26):
Because what you realize is that this has been
normal to me my whole life.
This is what I learned, what Isaw, what my friends were doing,
what I see online, whatever thecase may be.
And it's because it's what we'vebeen conditioned to believe is
normal.
It's not normal to everybody.
It's just, it's very out infront.
SPEAKER_01 (11:48):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_03 (11:48):
And we're tested every day with these things that
are the easy way.
Sometimes, quote unquote easyway to deal with your shit, to
deal with the hard stuff.
It was easier to just drink thanto like dig into my insecurity
that started when I was teasedin high school.
(12:08):
I mean, like you get deep quickwhen you start removing some of
those strategies.
And so what I want you to keepin mind is that when you're
making change, you're going tobe going, you're going to be
swimming against the current.
And it's going to be fuckinghard sometimes to say no.
And it's going to be really hardto like make adjustments to what
(12:29):
your normal is because it'sgoing to be around every single
corner.
But I promise you, I promisethat if you decide that that's
what you want for you, for yourfamily, for your spouse, for
your kids, for your life, youcan decide against what's in
front of you.
You can turn the TV off.
(12:52):
Lamar, turn the TV off.
I will not, I will never everrap again on this podcast.
I promise.
SPEAKER_01 (12:59):
Okay.
SPEAKER_03 (13:00):
But you can put the drink down.
You can decide not to get thestore credit card.
Like you can make those choices,even though they're right there,
easy access for you at alltimes.
And so I think it's reallyimportant to begin with
reflecting, which is the first Rof the reset button.
There are three Rs.
(13:23):
If you heard the last pick apage episode, you know what I'm
talking about.
And if you didn't, you should goback and listen to it.
But in the reflection stage ofthe three R process of the reset
button, it's to reallyunderstand and get real with
yourself about what your copingmechanism actually is.
So all of these things are likein all of our faces all the
time.
As I mentioned, ours wasalcohol.
(13:44):
There are many others.
There are others that go on ourlist as well.
But if you don't know what itis, and you're just kind of like
letting everything come at you,you can't like decide to make a
different choice.
You're just gonna go with it,and then you're gonna land in
this spot where you are dozydoughing on the sidewalk with
people.
Do you know what I mean?
SPEAKER_02 (14:03):
Yeah, like when you talk about us and you talk about
the relationship with alcohol,the nasty, scary end result that
could have been really bad isyou dosy doing on the sidewalk
or me in some alley.
You know what I mean?
Like it's you just who knows?
That's our story.
But for somebody else, and for alot of people out there, it
might not be alcohol, it mightbe a big one that I think we're
(14:26):
all around right now, and we'vegot to be aware of it is social
media.
I'm a previous smoker, so I knowwhat it's like to be really
addicted to this, like you know,constantly wanting to smoke a
cigarette, like two packs a dayfor probably a decade, right?
I mean, like it was a long time.
I smoked a lot.
SPEAKER_03 (14:46):
A decade, I mean, maybe two decades.
SPEAKER_02 (14:49):
Yeah, I don't know.
SPEAKER_03 (14:50):
15 years, probably.
I mean, it was a long time.
SPEAKER_02 (14:52):
And that was a hard thing to quit, but I can tell
you, like, Instagram, socialmedia, they're equally as
addicting, I feel like.
That's why we always joke, like,well, I'm just gonna have a
cigarette here, and you're like,do your, you know, get on social
media.
I feel like that is something tobe aware of because you might
not be putting yourself in alife or death death situation,
(15:14):
but you're putting yourself in asituation where you're wasting a
lot of time and you might becreating this narrative because
the algorithm's getting so goodat feeding, it feeds me
everything.
And if I go Google searchsomething, and next time I get
on my Instagram, there's an adfor it, or if I go buy some new
software, there's some more adsfor add-ons.
(15:37):
It's it's literally disgusting.
Like when you're when you feelit like I feel like I'm just
part of this matrix that's justpushing products at me because I
take a step this way, and it'slike, oh, you you know, this or
that.
So I'm just I'm pointing thisout that like it's kind of like
this invisible um addictionthat's taking us all under its
(15:58):
under its ether, you know, thissocial media thing.
And it and it's it's realbecause it's it's it's
addicting, you know.
Try to go uh use the bathroom orwait on somebody for 10 minutes
and not get on your phone.
I mean, you just you or go to acoffee shop, get a coffee and
sit down and talk to somebody.
It's like it wouldn't bepossible, you know?
SPEAKER_03 (16:20):
Well, and here's the thing you said maybe it's not
life or death, but sadly it canbe.
Social media exposes people tothings that they wouldn't
normally see, that they that ourbrains are not wired to handle
so much coming at us, right?
And digest.
And it is in some cases a matterof life or death.
(16:41):
It's a matter of mental health,it's a matter of self-esteem,
it's a matter of loneliness,it's a matter of disconnection
from real people that you youfeel plugged in when you're on
social media because you're yousee what's going on in the
outside world, but you'reactually like really
disconnected and not genuinelyconnected to anything in a lot
(17:03):
of cases.
It can get that way.
So, like when you say that aboutalcohol and do see-doting in a
back alley and we joke, it'sit's funny, but it's all it also
can be true that this is asdangerous, as isolating, as
addicting, as a strategy to copewith what really needs dealt
with as alcohol or any drug forthat matter.
SPEAKER_02 (17:26):
Yes, I agree with you, and not even to even
compare it to or measure itagainst alcohol, but it's just
definitely something to be awareof.
Like I feel like that's the thefirst, you know, thing about
this is just being aware thatthis is a thing.
And because if you're not awareof it, it will take you under
(17:48):
its ether and and you will bepart of this.
SPEAKER_03 (17:51):
And that's with any coping mechanism, that's with
any way to distract yourselffrom what actually needs to be
dealt with.
And what we're talking about,about how it's normal and it's
just coming at you from allangles.
Scrolling social media when youjump in bed is like a normal
thing.
It's not even like it's a thing,it's a normalized thing.
And it's a problem for oursleep, it's a problem for our
(18:14):
presence, it's a problem for ourrelationships.
Like awareness is key torecognize and get real with
yourself about what your actualcoping mechanism is, where it's
coming at you from.
And then being able to say,Well, I need to evaluate how
this makes me feel and getreally fucking honest with
myself.
Because if you don't get honestabout what it's making you feel,
(18:36):
you convince yourself that whatit makes you feel is all of the
positive things.
Isn't that funny?
I say that out loud.
Now, here I'm just spitballing.
But when I evaluate things, alot of times I veer toward the
negative.
Because our minds work likethat, like, oh, well, I missed
this or I didn't do that, or youknow, you have this negative
(18:58):
chatter sometimes, a lot oftimes.
But in this case, when it comesto toxic coping strategies, you
find all the reasons why it'sokay, all the reasons why it's
not that big of a deal, becauseit helps you feel numb to the
things that really are the bigdeal, right?
Interesting.
I've never really thought aboutit that way.
Once you're aware of it andaware of how it makes you feel
(19:19):
and you get really honest aboutit, then you can say, well, how
is this impacting other areas ofmy life?
SPEAKER_01 (19:23):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_03 (19:24):
And so I use shopping as an example in the
book and a couple of times inthis episode already.
I like to shop too.
And I am an Amazon junkie.
Shopping as a coping mechanismis a valid thing.
I don't want to deal with thisconversation with you, Greg.
So I'm gonna go shop and I'mgonna drown myself in buying
(19:44):
things because it gives medopamine that makes me feel
better as a coping strategy tonot have to deal with the thing
that really needs dealt with.
And then that bleeds into otherareas of your life.
So not just with therelationship, but now my bank
account's drained.
Now, like these are the thingsthat have to be considered when
you are getting honest withyourself about what your coping
(20:05):
strategy is.
Because, like I mentioned, Icould easily be like, well, but
it's, I mean, I'm just gonna gobuy a few things.
Like, it's not that big of adeal.
I have the budget for it.
Like I can find all the reasonswhy it's okay if I'm trying to
justify it and make it makesense that it's keeping me from
addressing the real things,which is what a coping strategy
is.
In case you just landed on thisplanet, you didn't need me to
(20:28):
tell you that.
And then the next question thatit leads you to is well, is that
really in alignment with thelife that I want to lead?
So, what's my coping mechanism?
How does that make me feel?
What areas of my life is itimpacting that are not so
obvious as a direct result or asan indirect result rather?
(20:49):
And then is that in alignmentwith what I really want to do
and be and how I want to handlethings, you know?
SPEAKER_02 (20:57):
100%.
And that is why I look ateverything, every situation.
Is this helping or hurting?
SPEAKER_03 (21:08):
Tweet, tweet.
Is tweeting a thing?
Now it's called X.
It's not even Twitter anymore,but write that down, people.
Is this helping or hurting?
That's a huge question.
And that's that's not just withregard to coping mechanisms,
right?
That's with regard to like myopinion.
Do I need to say that right now?
Is it helping or hurting?
(21:30):
In my opinion, my opinion isalways helping.
That was a joke.
Nobody thought that was funny.
Greg didn't think that wasfunny.
SPEAKER_02 (21:40):
No, I I'm sorry, I'm I'm deep in thought here about
this because it just makes youthink about like every every
every area of your life, youknow, you can evaluate like
that.
Yeah, is it helping already?
Not just alcohol, not justsocial media, not just you know,
shopping or whatever.
Like some things are justthere's no redeeming, like
(22:00):
smoking cigarettes.
Well, it made me feel like I wasdoing something, I was doing
nothing, you know.
Yeah, and it's like once you cankind of work through that with
some brutal honesty and be like,all right, I just I'm not doing
this.
This isn't this is not helpingme, you know.
SPEAKER_03 (22:18):
Yeah.
And it's hurting you in manyways, not just the obvious ways.
SPEAKER_02 (22:22):
And then you just have to deal with the withdrawal
symptoms, and you have you know,it's not easy to quit.
I mean, it's hard to do.
SPEAKER_03 (22:29):
It's not easy to quit anything.
And you know what?
You use the word quit, andhere's the thing about that.
We always frame quitting as anegative thing when we talk
about perspective and negativeand positive and you know,
justification, but quitting canbe a positive thing.
Yeah, if you're able to answerthe question, is this helping or
hurting with real brutal honestyand agency over your own choices
(22:52):
and your own health and your ownmental health and relationships.
SPEAKER_02 (22:56):
And not bullshit yourself.
I mean, having a good bullshitmeter is very valuable in life
with when you're dealing withother human beings because you
know we're watching the show.
SPEAKER_03 (23:08):
It's called Poker Face.
SPEAKER_02 (23:10):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_03 (23:11):
It's Natasha Leon, it's on Peacock.
SPEAKER_02 (23:14):
Peacock, yeah.
SPEAKER_03 (23:16):
It's very good.
It's like just a every episodehas a caper that all leads to
like this one big theme of theshow.
She's running from trouble.
And she is a human lie detectortest.
Like, I don't even know how orwhy.
Maybe they didn't discuss ityet, but or I just didn't catch
it.
But like she has the ability totell.
(23:36):
I mean, maybe we all do really,but let's let's park that.
Uh, she has the ability to tellif somebody's lying.
Like they tell her something andshe'll be like, bullshit.
She has like a visceral reactionto what they're saying.
And it's a very good show.
So it's right in alignment withwhat we're talking about.
It's like having this bullshitmeter of like what's real and
(23:57):
what's actually not.
And that brings me back to whatI parked is like we all have
that if we listen, if we payattention and we're willing to
say, that's bullshit.
I'm bullshitting myself, thatperson's full of shit.
We just choose to ignore itbecause sometimes it's easier to
ignore it, or it's more in themoment emotionally, you know,
(24:20):
feels better.
SPEAKER_02 (24:22):
Yeah, we might want something or want to want
something to be real so badlythat we ignore our gut feeling
about it.
And if we would call bullshit onourselves, we'd be like, you
know, it's not easy stuff.
I mean, we're far from having itmastered, but like just again,
(24:45):
being aware that this is how youas a human being operate on a
daily basis, you bullshityourself all the time because
you're constantly hardwired forcomfort.
So you make excuses.
I don't want to work out, Idon't want to eat good.
You know, I mean, that's aconstant battle.
It can't just be me.
(25:05):
You know, I'm sure a lot ofpeople feel that way.
But having the ability to callyourself out, I think is step
one.
SPEAKER_03 (25:16):
Yeah, I agree.
I actually I was looking for thespot, I know it's around here
somewhere in the book where Italk about that.
We are hardwired for pleasureand try to avoid pain.
So it's it's legit science thathappens in the anatomy and
physiology of our body.
Like it's what we do as aspecies.
So, what happens next to helpyou get through those moments?
(25:40):
And in my opinion, and one ofthe things that I lay out, and
this is in the reset part of thethree Rs, the part where you
decide I'm gonna do somethingdifferent.
I I got curious, I figured thesethings out, I'm listening to
myself now.
Then you have to make a decisionthat you're gonna embrace change
and you're gonna do thingsdifferently than you always
(26:00):
have.
And in that reset moment, as itpertains to your coping
strategies or the things thatyou do to avoid pain or maximize
pleasure, it's that you have tofind an alternative approach.
Like you have to decide when youwhen we stopped drinking, we had
to decide like, okay, how are wegoing to handle certain
(26:23):
situations where alcohol was themain player in the game?
Okay, so this is such a basicexample, but it's the first one
that pops to mind is we went toa music festival.
We're huge music fans.
If you don't know, now you do.
We go to a lot of concerts.
We love live music, it's been ahuge part of our life.
Greg's a musician.
I I guess I am too.
(26:43):
We're in a band together.
For the love of God, justembrace it, cameo.
Um, sorry, tangent.
But we went to this musicfestival, uh, the first concert
we had been to since we stoppeddrinking, and we had to find
like an alternative approach tofilling that space.
And this is surface level oflike having a drink in our hand.
(27:04):
So we found something as analternative, lemon shake-ups and
conversation, and we had ablast.
But deeper than that is that wethen found what I refer to as a
face-it strategy.
Instead of like dismissing anyuncomfortableness in our life or
any, you know, uh stressassociated with the setting, we
(27:27):
connected in a different waythrough like finding new things
and new approaches to handlingdifficult people who are drunk
and acting like idiots aroundus.
Or to handling like ourtransportation, like just all
the things, like you have to beprepared.
My point is to know what you'regonna do differently.
(27:51):
Like, have be planned, beprepared, have a plan for what
that is.
Because if you're acting onautopilot as you always have
with whatever this strategy is,you have to make a conscious
decision of what to dodifferently.
It's not just gonna happen.
You're not just gonna like showup tomorrow and all of a sudden
respond differently.
(28:12):
You have it, you have to have aplan and you have to practice
and you have to be conscious ofit.
So the thing is, we get squirmyand then we're like, oh, I don't
want to face it.
Well, if you want to makemeaningful change in your life,
you have to decide that you'regoing to face it and how to.
SPEAKER_02 (28:28):
Yeah.
And stop bullshitting yourself.
SPEAKER_03 (28:31):
Yeah.
It doesn't say stop bullshittingyourself, but the page I just
turned to.
SPEAKER_02 (28:36):
Well, I'm a caveman, and that's you know, that's the
basic level.
Stop bullshitting yourself.
SPEAKER_03 (28:41):
Stop rationalizing the negative impact.
And we kind of touched on thatand thought about it kind of in
a different way, but like wedismiss how negative it is in
our life by justifying why it'sokay.
We don't do that with anythingelse.
And then um one other thing thatI'd like to touch on here, and
we talked about this also in away when I mentioned about
(29:02):
quitting always being a negativething, but how it's can be a
positive thing.
Uh, think about the potentialgain rather than the loss.
So when you stop doing thisthing, stay connected to the end
result of like, okay, well,instead of like dismissing these
negative feelings or emotionsthat I haven't dealt with uh and
(29:22):
feeling like I'm losing out onthe dopamine or the feel-good
that I normally fill that spacewith, think about the gain of
what could possibly happen inyour life when you start really
unpacking the things that keepyou stuck or keep you limited.
SPEAKER_01 (29:38):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_03 (29:38):
That's huge.
If you if you're able to flipthe perspective there and see
things as like possibility.
SPEAKER_02 (29:45):
Yeah.
I mean, and and along the linesof drinking, what you gain
immediately if you do stopdrinking just for even like 30
days is you'll notice a wholelot of extra time.
SPEAKER_03 (29:57):
God, the amount of time wasted in my 20s with
drinking and then being hungover and thinking about drinking
and planning drinking andstopping and getting.
I mean, Jesus, primany crickets.
It was a lot of time that I wishI had back.
SPEAKER_02 (30:14):
And we don't have to destroy drinking.
It's it's you know, everyone canchoose whatever they want to do.
Uh, it's your journey.
That's the point of this, youknow.
But but just again, before Istopped, I always wondered, you
know, how much I Actually, Ididn't really wonder, but I
never knew how much of thedifference it it would make and
(30:35):
and that that's all.
I just because I know it's hardwhen you make a decision in the
beginning, especially you know,your friend group has been built
around alcohol and you're like,nah, I'm not gonna, you know,
you're all of a sudden you're anoutcast.
And and we're hardwired thatthat means death to us as a
species.
If you're ex you know, not partof the tribe, then that well,
(30:57):
you go off in the woods and die,you know.
SPEAKER_03 (31:00):
Yeah, and that actually kind of circles back
and closes the loop of like it'salways in your face, and that
feeling is real and it is verydifficult.
SPEAKER_02 (31:09):
It's a fear, it's a real fear.
Yeah, so you know, just whateverthe thing is.
SPEAKER_03 (31:14):
Take your power back.
SPEAKER_02 (31:16):
Take your power back.
Take your power back.
There you go.
There you go.
SPEAKER_03 (31:19):
Uh I'll leave you with this that you can write
down and have it right in frontof you for a moment when you
need it.
Change your words instead ofsaying I can't drink or I can't,
you know, use this method ofwhatever it is, whatever your
thing is, once you'veestablished what that is, change
(31:40):
it to I don't.
I don't drink.
That's my power now.
That's not giving power to thebehavior, that's giving power to
me and my choice.
And that can be really hugebecause words are powerful.
What we tell ourselves up here,it can be really help or hurt,
right?
SPEAKER_02 (31:59):
Yeah, help or hurt.
SPEAKER_03 (32:00):
And uh, if you start taking control and changing
those words, you take your powerback.
So thank you, Greg, for uhpicking the page.
unknown (32:10):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_03 (32:10):
Picking the roulette stopping point.
And thank you all for yourfeedback and your enthusiasm for
pick your page, because thatmeans that the first time we did
it must have made an impact, andhopefully this time will too.
So uh you can pick up your copyof the reset button, like Greg
said, Jeff Bezos has it.
SPEAKER_02 (32:29):
And then you can pick your own page.
SPEAKER_03 (32:31):
Yeah.
Hey, look at that.
That's right.
And um, we're so grateful thatyou're here.
This isn't just always about mybook.
The podcast is supposed to helpyou uh feel empowered to take
charge of your life.
And those two things play welltogether from time to time.
So we do like to bring it up andbring up some ideas from it.
(32:52):
But we have great guests on thisshow.
We have new episodes everyWednesday where people share
their strengths, theirweaknesses, their triumphs,
their challenges.
And uh I hope it meets you whereyou are and helps you in some
way.
And if it did, that you'll shareit with somebody else who might
find it useful too.
So in the event that you're justjoining us for the first time,
(33:12):
thank you.
In the event that you're joiningus for the 100 and something, we
really appreciate that you'rehere.
SPEAKER_02 (33:20):
Really thank you.
Thank you, thank you.
SPEAKER_03 (33:22):
You get a lot of that's amazing, and then new
person just gets a little.
Just kidding.
Uh, but we are very grateful andwe hope to see you again until
next time.
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